BeStrongBeHappy

well, it is really hard to say, but it is obvious they at a minimum they were becoming very chummy friends, though distance obviously prevented physical adultery from occurring... if you husband has realized this was too much intimacy for him because he is married and stopped, then that is good, he is committed to you, and maybe stress and loneliness where he is now made him want to communicate with anyone who reminded him of home and a less stressful time.. and it got out of hand with all the emotional confessing going on between them... war is terrible, and he may have been craving any kind of support and emotional outlet, even if it turned out to be ill advised. but please be careful and don't stir up any trouble between this woman and her husband, i.e., labelling it 'adultery' etc. and telling her husband that.. if the husband is very jealous and thinks this is really bad, he may divorce his wife, and you will have a worse problem on your hands, because she is now single, and when your husband returns, may blame you to triggering her own divorce and want some payback and go after your husband looking for a new partner, or merely to get even for you sending email to her husband to start trouble in her own marriage... she probably emailed your husband because you emailed HER husband, so a bit of angry passive aggressive payback... so i suggest you de-escalate this battle with her now, and focus on keeping a tight bond with your own husband... if he has cut off contact with her, then there is not much more you can expect him to do at this point... this falls into a lesson learned for everyone, best never to encourage too much intimacy between someone and his former fiancee, even email correspondence that is private from each other's partners... too much temptation there...

i'm sorry, it is very hard, but she sounds like she has moved on, she had already packed your stuff... she is also re-iterating that she wants to live alone, perhaps happier NOT being in a relationship or living with anyone... it is better for you to know that, so you can go on with your own healing... best of luck, it is hard, but it is better not to be in limbo, better to know so you can move on and build a new life...

lots of people have terrible problems with MySpace and Facebook when they have breakups... they get obsessed with spying on their ex using that ability to see what is going on, or they are spyed on by their ex, or they casually drop in to check one day and are devastated to see how far their ex has moved on, when they are still hurting... it really is like kicking a drug habit in terms of having the strength to stop using technology to check up on the ex... it is so easy because one can do it anonymously, but really, one can drink alone and anonyously too, but that doesn mean it is good for you! but electronics do make it hard... i got divorced someone years ago, and was googling to look up an old adress i had lived at but had forgotten but needed for an application asking for prior addresses... and up popped my ex-husband's name in the search (associated with mine at the old address), plus new addresses for him, including his name and his present wife's name, including her maiden name! i had lost touch with him (no kids) and was the one who had broken up with him becuase i suspected he was cheating and the marriage was not fullfilling to me, but didn't have a clue that he'd remarried. but i was TOTALLY shocked to discover his new wife's name, which was the woman i had had a suspicion he had been cheating with when we were married, but no concrete proof because he had denied, denied, denied it, and i never bothered to hire a private detective, just threw in the towel because i no longer respected him for other reasons... but suddenly concrete PROOF because he had married her! and i really don't care about him and had gotten over him years ago, but it still smarted, an unwelcome blast from the past and opening an old wound... i got upset and angry for a day or two, becuase i realized how much he really had lied to me to cover up his relationship with her during the divorce, to make things better/easier for himself because he didn't really want the divorce (but wouldn't own up to his own indiscretions)... but then i had to laugh, because technology had given me the answer (innocently) that i had asked for and needed so many times years ago, but now he is caught, inadvertently, years later when i don't even care anymore! so anyway, you are right, technology can make it very hard to maintain no contact, even if you are not the least interested in contact, or care anymore at all! but definitely best to resist the temptation to use it to spy on an ex, until LONG after the breakup, and you don't care anymore... best of luck, who she is with now doesn't matter to you, though it might smart a bit, you'll get over it...

i am sorry to hear about your injury... it is very hard when you are injured and natural to want to have someone who loves you help take care of you... but please remember that he broke up with you and probably does not want that responsbility. if you have no one else at all to call and are in a desparate situation (no transportation to doctor, no money to get treatment), then you might call him, but it will only make you feel worse if he rejects you or says not his problem, or does come to help, but is cold and annoyed about it. i fell on the ice last winter when living alone and broke my wrist and went through similar feelings... it was so frustrating, because even the smallest thing took the most effort, and some things seemed impossible to do, and it was very painful... but really, you can deal with this one day at a time... first, have you been to a doctor and what does he suggest for treatment? do you have your knee wrapped and braced properly, and crutches or other things you need? keeping it elevated? pain medication if you can't sleep? also, you say you would like to trade cars with your ex, do you have a friend who can do that, or even a rental car for a while? or better, do you have sick leave or disability at work so that you can stay home to recuperate a while when you need it? if you are immobile, insurance cos. will frequently pay for at home/visiting nursing/caretaker services, so please investigate what you options are to get help. the trick is to not focus on everything at once be overwhelmed, but to look at your injury as you would any other problem to be solved, and deal with one thing at a time so you are not overwhelmed... first, do what the doctor says to do, and if you need pain medication/sleeping pills so you don't get too tired and emotionally overwrought then take them if the doctor has given them to you... i basically fogged through my first week, but each day figured out how to do more things even with a cast and basically one arm... you will be surprised what strength you can find in yourself... the injury for me was actually a blessing in disguise... i was in an LDR with a man who was not all that committed, and other than a phone call or two saying 'too bad, sorry about that', i realized that he just wasn't really there for me, emotionally or in person... we later fizzled out because i realized that i needed someone who DID want to be there for me, all the time, not just for fun when it was convenient to him... if your ex is a person who doesn't want commitment, i doubt that he would really want to take care of you either, though he might be polite and help out for a while, as soon as you are doing better, he may be gone again, so you have to experience a second breakup... so really evaluate whether calling him is a good idea, or whether you should be calling friends, or working to get other resources to deal with your situation, like an automatic rental car, or a visiting home nurse if you have insurance to pay for one, till you get a bit better able to get around... lots of single people deal with illness on their own, it is just that you are feeling bad, and probably are leveraging this into an excuse to call your ex... not meaning to be unkind about that because it is perfectly understandable, but one does look for excuses to reconnect if the other person was the one who wanted out, and you weren't ready... but if you have no other resources at all, and literally can't get around at all, then i think it would be ok to call him, but remind yourself you are calling him as a friend and an ex, not your boyfriend, so don't expect him to want to spend a lot of time caring for you. best of luck, hope you get better soon...

if you don't want to see him, text him not to come, or be out of the house when he says he will be there... he doesn't have the right to just 'pop in' anymore if it interferes with your healing... and also there should be no 'mysterious' pop ins... if he needs to talk to you about something, he can leave a message about what it is so you can decide whether you want to talk to him... if you want a reconciliation and he wants to talk about that then fine, but don't let him drift in and out of your life based on his mood of the day, that will interfere with your healing...

stress can cause a big weight loss, or weight gain, depending on how you eat when under stress... just try to keep eating healthy, and do other things to relieve stress, like working out, meeting with your friends, going out to dinner with friends and eating good things when you're out... don't focus on how you will look to him if you see him... he's out of your life, and you need to focus on what is good for YOU! best of luck, go about your healing, and your weight will stabilize again when you've gotten over the worst of it...

yeah, sometimes money does go to people's heads... your father could also be having a mid life crisis, lots of people do... but the bottom line is his behavior is hurtful to your mother and you and the family... please try to convince your mother to get some counseling to help her deal with this, and maybe from there you can go into family counseling all together. but don't take the weight of your father's problems upon your own shoulders... this is not your fault, and your parent's marriage... your father has made some bad choices, and maybe he can right himself again, but please don't try to 'fix' your parents, that is their job to do, not yours as their child...

ummm... there are dog people who are really into dogs, and then there are crazy people who happen to own dogs, and the dogs are just ways for them to act out their own craziness... guess which one he is?? (ding, ding, ding: the crazy one!!!) he is being very abusive towards you, and has been for a while, and is just using the dogs as the stick to beat you with... he's ignoring your feelings, treating you badly, and basically telling you he's top dog in that house, and everyone else just has to live by his rules (or lack of them)... i LOVE dogs and have 3 of them, but they do not sleep in my bed at night (and are happy in their own beds), nor do they get locked up in cages for hours on end. and yes i love them like children but would not treat them the way he does, like a pack of wild animals, ruthlessly caged all day, and letting them go crazy at night... so these dogs are just his way of acting out his own aggressions and need to control you and do anything he wants... he is also identifying with these wild dogs who are untrained and tear up the house... he wants to (and does) the same thing by telling you very clearly he's going to do anything he wants, tear up your life and the house, and you just have to live with it, or else... so really, this isn't a dog problem, this is an undisciplined, spoiled, self centered guy problem... he's treating those dogs like his homies and best buddies, and treating you like dirt. run away, don't look back, and don't hate dogs or other *normal* dog owners because this guy is whacked...

as long as you don't keep talking about the exact thing over and over... you should always be able to talk if it is making progress... so don't go into being jealous of this woman, tell him that the pregnancy is making your very hormonal and you are feeling insecure... don't go into blaming behavior, just tell him you are having a difficult time dealing right now, and can you please avoid sensitive topics (like him bringing up the other pregnant woman)... and whenever you have the urge to blow up about something, take a deep breath, count to 10, leave hte room and get a cup of tea, just try calming yourself down and remind yourself how the hormones are making thing harder for you right now... just apply some anger management strategies, and try not to work yourself up...

yeah, i know, it doesn't seem fair that he just jumps on to the next one like this... but people like that who lie and cheat are NOT good partners, and once you really know what they're about, you can't undo that knowledge or ever live securely with that person... it's better to spend your time looking for someone who is more committed to you and doesn't flit from girl to girl like their interchangeable parts, or toys rather than people.

wow, girl, two illegal acts that i know of there... keying someone's car, then filing a false police report because you were angry and thought he might be cheating... then a temper tantrum with more acting out inside his apt. this behavior is way out of line, and your boyfriend may be thinking you're psycho... it sounds more to me that you just worked yourself up into a frenzy of rejection, fear, jealousy etc. but the bottom line is you have to learn how to handle those feelings without acting out in self destructive ways... he's right though, he could report you to the police for several things that night, so i suggest you leave him entirely alone and get help for yourself. please attend some personal counseling or anger management courses, and work on finding a way to communicate that doesn't involve vandalism and temper tantrums.

it sounds like she is very young and immature, or she may have developed a drug/drinking problem that is impacting her life... but if you have cut her off and broken up with her, then her MySpace pictures probably have nothing to do with you, just her, living her life as she wants... re: changing for the 'better', she is who she is, and is obviously going a different direction in her life, drinking, drugging, whatever she wants to do, not what you want her to do... and in college, lots of people do experiment with lots of things, so she could grow out of it, but on her own timetable, not yours... so you have to decide whether you want in or out of the relationship, based on who she is now and how she relates to you. you can't be angry for her having other friends if you have shut her out, but if you want to try to reconcile, then you may need to address her drinking/drugging first, and see if she wants to change, or is enjoying herself too much to be committed to someone in a relationship.

i am sorry to hear of your pain... it is always hard to break up. lots of people go through a bumpy period immediately after the breakup, where feelings are mixed up and one day you want them back, and the next you're angry and want them gone... you after all were attached to each other, and those attachments never untangle easily. so you need to focus on remembering the reasons for the breakup and don't focus on what HE is doing, focus on healing yourself and moving on. I'm sure he misses you, but is obviously willing to jump into some sex with someone else, even if it is only rebound or a one night stand for him... that is not healthy either, since both people need time to think straight... No contact right after a breakup is usually recommended so that you are not jerked around day to day by this kind of thing... if he is seeing other people, then he shouldn't be using you as a security blanket and texting/calling for warm fuzzies when he wants one. i suggest you try to do things to heal yourself and move on, and don't respond to his random contacts that don't show any clear desire for reconciliation, if that is what you want... it is terrible to be in that no man's land where you have one foot in and one foot out of a relationship, so don't allow yourself to stay in limbo, force him out of contact, unless he has something new to say that shows a genuine attempt to reconcile, not just to have his cake and eat it too...

This is obviously a difficult time for you, especially when partners were living together and have lots of things to untangle... But really, she is some ways is acting a lot like a child and expecting to have her needs taken care of first and by everyone... she is an adult, and as such must learn to be financially responsible and not depend on parents and ex-boyfriend's etc. to pick up the tab... from what you've said, i really don't think that she is 'appreciating' you continuing to subsidize her, she is just doing her thing and enjoying her freedom without thinking about anybody else... she has the apt., all your stuff, the dog, and you paying for it all (or mostly you and her parents paying for it all)... yet she wants to have no responsbilities to you, seeing you, being with you, or even letting you visit the dog. the fact that she is keeping the dog away from you makes me think she does intend to end your relationship (and already has) and is intends to keep the dog and just go on her merry way as a single person dating other people. a *nice* person would want you to see a dog you are attached to, and would *not* put you into financially supporting her after a breakup, especially when she can share a place with some roommate or move out, but she is instead choosing to be selfish and wants her own place, on YOUR nickel... you were not married, and she is the one who wants her freedom, so let her take the consequences of that freedom... she gets it, but she doesn't get continued financial support while she plays around. unfortunately re: the dog, legally dogs are considered property, not children, so rarely is their legal 'joint' custody of the dog... and if she has been listed on vet records etc. as the owner, you are likely to lose rights to the dog, and would have to either sue or steal the dog to get access, neither of which is a good path... so you might have to say goodbye to this puppy, and find another puppy to love of your own (and they are all loveable, sad to say goodbye to the other one, but 10 minutes with a new puppy of your choosing and you will fall in love with it). so spending time with the dog may only make it harder to let go, since you have already been away for 6 weeks... i'd say be generous about the dog issue since that could lead to major conflict and is a legal gray area that would require a lawsuit to enforce, but be very firm on the apt. issue... get all the stuff that you want out of there, and insist she get a roommate (with the roommate's name on the lease), and pull out on March 1st. She needs to be an adult and be responsible, and if she does default on paying the rent, let the landlord to go eviction, and you can always settle with the landlord AFTER she is out if you want to preserve your credit... but if she or the landlord knows you will settle earlier, neither will have the incentive to resolve this and find another roommate for her... she needs to learn she is an adult, with adult responsbilities, and consequences for her decisions (i.e., pushing you out, refusing to get a roommate, expecting you to continue to pay). good luck, don't be a meal ticket, and question why you even want to reconcile with someone who would sponge off of you and deprive you of visits to a dog. if you stayed together and married, she would really try to soak you for alimony, child support, child custoday etc. if that marriage broke up down the road, and do you even what to be with a person who behaves this way?

Pregancy is a very hormonal time... for some women, it is like having a raging case of PMS that goes on for 9 months! Do you find that lots of things irritate you, or is you boyfriend just being unsympathetic to you during this time... You should not be jealous of anyone else's response to pregnancy, since everyone is different. some people love being pregnant, and some people are miserable the entire time. but if the real issue is that your boyfriend is being callous towards you during this time, then you need to stop and discuss the real issues, which is NOT this other pregnant women, but how he is treating you, and how you are responding with jealousy. are you insecure because he hasn't married you, and this other woman is married? by that i mean, are you afraid your boyfriend is not commited enough to you and your child, or resents your pregnancy and does not want this baby? these are all issues that you probably need to discuss, to get out into the open how you need to handle yourself as a family once your child is born... i honestly think it was wrong of him to ask a pregnant woman to leave the house after a fight, especially if you are home due to pregnancy complications... he could have left himself if he was that angry, but ordering YOU to leave shows that he feels some sense of possession over the living quarters (i.e., is it HIS house vs. YOUR house together) and a lack of concern for you and your baby's health... it really sounds like you might need a little counseling and some discussions held when you are not fighting, more sit down negotiations to try to solve the conflict between you, as well as your lingering fears/doubts about how committed he is to you and your child as a family. him making light of your pregnancy concerns may have a deeper meaning, i.e., are you sure he wants to be a family with you, and does he resent your pregnancy? all that needs to get out into the open and dealt with, so that you don't continue focusing on what is probably not the real problem, this other woman, but what is going on in your own relationship due to the pregnancy...

how rigid is your partner in terms of expectations of fidelity? for lots of people, a kiss would not be the end of the relationship, but a strong warning sign that something was going wrong that had to be fixed... you said you are in a better place now with your partner, so maybe you both heeded the warning sign. but if he is a naturally jealous person or has a standard of fidelity that prohibits a kiss or the relationship is immeidately over, then telling him might end your relationship. so you have to decide which way you want to go... if you think he will dump you immeidately, then suck up the guilt and file it under lessons learned, that you shouldn't even consider flirting for one second with anyone else or you might get into trouble. but if he is a more forgiving type, and the guilt is a wall between you, then tell him what happened, and explain everything to that you have explained to us here, that you are deeply sorry, the person means nothing, and that nothing else happened and you have learned from your mistake. good luck, glad you learned the consequences of this behavior before you married or did something worse...

I am so sorry you are in such a complicated situation, it sounds very stressful and painful... first, something jumped out at me that you said: 'He later told me he told me this to upset me, as he finds it a turn on.' That is a very cruel thing he is doing, sadistic, like he takes pleasure in knowing he is saying/doing something that upsets and hurts you deeply, and he is getting a thrill and enjoyment seeing how it hurts you. and what is worse is that that is a really twisted thing to want, to enjoy doing things that hurt your partner... So part of his thrill in pursuing these other women is that he KNOWS it upsets and hurts you, and he is ENJOYING it... a normal person does everything they can to NOT hurt their partner, let alone enjoy doing it... this situation REALLY sounds like you need to insist on couples counseling with him, and if he won't go, then go yourself to get healthy and strong and understand what you need to do with your life and kids... this is a totally unhealthy situation for you, and it sounds like he is getting more blatant and aggressive with his activities, doing things like introducing you to his mistress, and enjoying your distress when he does... if he is a chronic and pathological liar, staying with him will only teach your children how to be liars, users, manipulators. your sons will learn that they shouldn't respect women, and hurt them for fun, and your daughters will learn to be doormats and accept that men use, betray, and hurt women... and you will just be beaten down day after day because he is really getting off on hurting you, a really perverse enjoyment of it that is TOTALLY abnormal and not to be tolerated... please don't let this go on any longer, for your own sake and your childrens. start dealing with it by trying to get some counseling, any way you can, from free or church sources if you can't afford it on your own... and if you think he is sleeping with lots of women, don't sleep with him for fear of getting diseases... he may also escalate eventually from just mental gameplaying and abuse to physical abuse, since he seems to enjoy hurting you... as you say, it IS a huge deal, don't let this go on any longer without dealing with it...

no one is responsible for anyone else's happiness, though we can contribute to them being happy... couples should treat each other with respect, consideration, willingness to help, etc., but it is NOT your responsibility to be Miss Sunshine every minute of your life so that he can take his own mood off of yours. You will sometimes need more (like when sick) and he should be willing to help you and put aside any trivial needs he has for the time you are sick to help you. Your situation is a bit upsetting because the way he is acting, he is expecting you to be his Mommy, because Mommy never needs anything, and always takes care of Baby, even if she is sick! and Baby gets afraid and angry if Mommy isn't acting cheerful and not always catering to him. and terrifying if Mommy shows any weakness or actually needs anythign from Baby... in a healthy relationship, there is give and take... sometimes you need more, and sometimes he needs more, and the couple is able to trade off and negotiate to be happy... one can't give someone everything they want all the time, but it should be a healthy give and take where each partner tries to provide a situation where both people get as many of their needs met as possible... so in your case, it sounds like he does NOT ever want to be in the caretaker role, and he feels that you should always be strong and ever ready to give him what he wants, even if you are ill and in a situation where normally he should be caretaking you, i.e., bringing your soup, tissues, leaving you alone and not making demands on you until you are better. So i think this is a potentially loaded scenario for you, where he is very immature and trying to put you in the role of being the perpetually available Mommy figure to make him feel happy and better and take care of him... and he obviously does not think you should need anything from him or be 'weak' and unable to provide him with emotional noogies every time he wants them... depending on your age and the situation (length of time together, children, etc.), i would either consider couples counseling, or else tell him very openly that sometimes you will be sick and need something, and are NOT here to be his happy Mommy every minute of every day... and try to make sure you stop acting like his mommy and see if he steps up to the plate and starts helping you and treating you as an equal. if not, hit the road and don't look back, unless you want a 30, 40, 50, 60 etc. year old baby on your hands for the rest of your life. it really is disturbing that he can't even help you when you're sick, or acts like you are failing him somehow just because you are ill and can't pay constant attention to him. if this is a new relationship, or you are very young, i'd just leave...

I think it is normal for some people to be a bit less excited about sex when they get more familiar with each other... it is those raging 'new love' infatuation hormones in the beginning... BUT i think a normal couple should desire sex a least 2 to 3 times a week at your age for both partners to be happy, unless one of them is going through some major upheaval and illness... is there a chance that your boyfriend has become clinically depressed? that can cause this. or any chance he is withdrawing from the relationship (i.e., not sure he wants to be living with you)? i would definitely sit him and down and talk about it when you are not freshly rejected and feeling upset... choose a dinner table conversation perhaps and start out non-accusatory... i.e., say, you don't seem to be very interested in sex much anymore, why is that... and don't just accept the first answer, which may just be a throwoff type, busy, tired, etc. ask more questions, and point out how you used to have it every day, and haven't had sex and 3 weeks, etc. tell him the facts about the situation (frequency (or lack of it), how often he rejects you, how often you intiate vs. him), then tell him how it is affecting you and you are feeling about it... lots of time if people are too busy etc., once they actually start lovemaking, they will get into it, but if they are thinking, i should do this or that instead, then they don't start. you need to have him agree to PLAN times to be together several times a week, if he is not spontaneously initiating/participating in sex, like planning dates before you lived together. but if he blows you off and doesn't take it seriously or tells you its your problem, you have a BIG problem! you are too young to go without sex, and lack of sex in a relationship is a sign that either the one person has medical/mental issues, or there is a relaltionship problem with the couple.... and sadly, sometimes roles in a relationship can get skewed, i.e., the wife becomes the sister or parent role to the husband, then it feels weird to one or both to have sex because it has turned from a hot romantic relationship into more of a buddy/buddy or mother/son or daddy/daughter type situation, which makes sex repellent one or both people... so it could be the relationship dynamic causing problems too, where he has fallen away from the 'lover' role and is content with a more friends/family type situation, in which case you would need couples counseling to resolve this... i dated someone once like this, a really attractive and athletic man who seemed like the perfect dream man at first... but he really had some arrested development problems, stuck emotionally in an earlier stage because of a problematic childhood. So he eventually turned every girl he dated into his mother figure because he became very dependent and irresponsible because he did not want to have adult responsbilities in life... and eventually the sex declined and it got to feel too weird with him not wanting to be my equal, just me taken care of all the adult responsbilities, like worrying about mortgage, finances, doing all the housekeeping, etc., while he spent a lot of time whining about not 'finding' himself and hating his job etc. etc. we went to some counseling, but the counselor basically said he was stuck in an earlier life stage, where he didn't really want to be an adult or an equal partner, and he wanted ME to act in the parent role, take care of all of his life's responsbilities, so the sex had gotten weird (then nonexistent) because of this (i.e., you don't sleep with your mother figure)... so i knew this was a bigger problem than we could fix with couples counseling, so i left... your situation may be nowhere near that bad, and you are catching it early, and should try to get to the root of the problem right away, and see if he wants to work with you to negotiate something you are both happy with... but if you relationship is getting skewed, and he won't attend counseling or negotiate, then you might have to leave.

i see the big problem here is that he is willing to lie to get what he wants... i.e., lying about being not being with his ex the first 6 months he was with you... then many times later for various reasons... it will be hard for you to trust if you think he is doing the same thing to you now, i.e., seeing other women and pretending like he isn't in a relationship with you... people do tend to repeat patterns, unless something earth shattering snaps them out of it and they change for themselves, not you. he also sounds a bit unstable... constantly breaking up, blaming you for it, throwing you out of his house, getting too paranoid about politics etc... it just sounds like a lot of drama, and not the good kind of excitement either, sounds very stressful... you have to evaluate the relationship as it is and decide whether this is how you want to live, or whether this is some temporary stress he is under making him a bit mercurial but he'll calm down, or whether this is just who he is, and how your life will be and remain if you stay with him. so i wouldn't evaluate him on any one event, i.e., maybe he was tired at the airport, but then again, maybe he had been meeting up with his girlfriend as a side trip when he went to visit his parents... look at the total picture of your life together and decide if his prior lying is something you think he won't do again, but sadly, most people who learn to lie to get what they want continue to do it since it is part of their personality to think that they deserve to have what they want, even if they have to lie and deceive people to get it... i had a boyfriend like that once, who really turned out to be a pathological liar, lying to LOTS of women, over many years, to get himself what he wanted. he was very charming and wonderful in other ways, but you never really knew what he was doing or whom he was with because he would lie whenever it suited his convenience. he sadly seemed to have a certain lifespan with girlfriends and knew it, i.e. he could keep it going for a few years because he was very charming, and very accomplished at using lies, but eventually his girlfriend would find out about the lying/other women, and he would get dumped, then just toddle off and start again with a new set of women who didn't realize he was an accomplished liar! so if he has a history of lying to women about his availability status, that is a big red flag, and he may not be cheating now with his ex girlfriend, but that doesn't mean he won't, now or later, with her or with someone else... but for your own sake, try not to participate in the drama and avoid big blowouts because that just clouds the issues. but if you really don't trust him, even if you do love him, then that makes it a very hard row to hoe.

anti-depressants are well known for inhibiting sexual desire/ability to climax as one of their big side effect drawbacks... but there are lots of different kinds, and some not as bad as others, so talk to your doctor to see if there is another kind that doesn't have such strong side effects.

plenty of people, including busloads of old ladies and men, love to go to Vegas and gamble and watch shows full of almost naked showgirls... and lots of guys go to strip clubs with their buddies all the time, and their girlfriends/wives may or may not be offended. the point being, some people just like the spectacle of things like bike rallies, or he likes hanging out with his buddies and doing some serious partying a couple times of a year and doesn't want to make it a 'couples' event... if he wants to cheat, he will do it anywhere, even in your own bed if you're not home if he wants to... it happens all the time. and just because he sees that stuff going on, doesn't mean he cheats, though that is always a possibility. i think the real issue is that you want him to be someone who is also offended by the biker rally spectacle, and obviously it is something he really enjoys because he does it all the time, and sounds like he has no intention of stopping. so you either have to accept that this is something he wants to do, and sees nothing wrong with it, in fact enjoys it, and find something else fun to do for yourself while he is gone at these rallies. or tell him you'd like to go down and meet him sometimes, and if you're truly still disgusted with what you see, then maybe you two are not right for each other because your value systems are so different.

that is way, way too much contact with another woman when he is supposed to be your boyfriend, and you two have a child together, married or not... and if the woman is being really sexual in general with him, there is also a chance that she is indeed having a fling with him behind your back... maybe she's the type who agrees it is just for sex and hence tells him she doesn't want to break up your relationship, but it looks to me like that's exactly what she is trying to do... i'd definitely talk this out with your boyfriend and tell him you are uncomfortable with how close he is with another woman, not appropriate if he wants to be with you and your child as a family... if he doesn't agree to cut it off with this woman socially (i.e., knock off the texting and meeting and talking all the time), then i'd take that as a red flag that there is something more than friendship between the two of them...

you really need to ask yourself what making another go of it will accomplish? if you are the same people, and you are dating someone else, and she says she doesn't want to make another go, then it doesn't sound too optimistic. but you can alway try to have another talk with her and see how it goes. she may reject you outright, in which case at least you'd have closure. you are also not being fair to the girl you are dating if you are having these kinds of thoughts... so i suggest you talk to your wife to get resolution/closure, then decide whether you like the woman you are dating well enough to continue with her if you're wife won't have you back, or whether that woman is just a crutch for you to help get you through a divorce... your girlfriend deserves someone who is open with her, and doesn't string her along until he decides what he wants to do with his wife.

No way! mixing apples and oranges there... everyone NORMAL talks to their family about stuff, and just confiding in someone doesn't mean there's any kind of emotional or other affair going on... if she feels you are telling your sister too many intimate details that you should be talking about with your wife, then she should say that she wants you to respect her privacy a bit better, but that has nothing to do with emotional affairs... she's either very confused, or just trying to manipulate you because she's annoyed you're talking to your sister...