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About Me

  1. I think most of us could use some emotional support through the pandemic. To be clear this is SUPPORT , criticism and blaming is not needed. I know some us out here are high risk or normal risk. If you need a warm fuzzy today, I love you ❤️ Virtual hug.
  2. My ex and I had been together for 10 months now. Early, he used to spend time with me, we used to talk often, laugh, have fun. He made me his world. After 4 months or so he started getting distant and stopped spending time with me. When I confronted him, he said that he thought I was using him and that his sister said I was using my past as a way to gain sympathy and love ( I had been through an abusive relationship a couple of years ago) He added he didn't fall for all that but due to cultural and religious differences he thought this was the best excuse to push me away. Drama happened we cried, talked things out and every thing went back to normal for a while. Again he started pulling back, being indifferent, preferring his friends over me. I had no idea why. But he said he was depressed and that I wasn't being supportive by complaining all the time that he wasn't as talkative and loving as before. I often felt hurt and started to get insecure about our relationship and I would get emotional over little things. He explicitly stated that his female friends held precedence over me especially one friend who he says he like a sister because he knows them longer than me. I felt upset and said that I was not his priority. He got all defensive that he didn't mean it like that. "Just because I prefer pizza over pancakes. Doesn't mean I hate pancakes." His blame shifted to me, that I am the reason he was getting indifferent because I wouldn't stop creating drama. His opinion was that I was making a mountain of a mole hill over petty issues. I don't think cancelling our date three times..or not being there for me when I have a bad day was too trivial. However considering that he was feeling overwhelmed and hurt by all the pressure I was seemingly putting on him. I promised I will try to change that. Later he asked for a break, but insisted he wanted to keep talking and hanging out with me. It was really strange that he was more at ease when on a break than otherwise. He stated that my expectations were high in this relationship and he can't keep up with them so he needs space to figure it out. He felt he was becoming numb. But we will be going on date on my birthday and that I was important to him. He still cares for me. My birthday came, he texted me a happy birthday. I asked if he would call. He simply said..no because I will get the wrong idea. I got a bit upset. I asked if the date was still on and he says "Its unlikely that will happen". I panicked and asked I wanted to talk what was going on. But he kept ignoring me the entire evening and went off to play video games. I got furious, I had held resentment from the past few months and I left a voicemail crying that I am tired of his indifference and lack of empathy. I felt unimportant and didn't hold much value in his life. And he doesn't message or talk to me again". At night he responds saying that I am only hurting myself in all this and making him responsible for hurting me. He broke up with me. After a few days we talked over the phone. He said he didn't know whether he wanted me in his life anymore. I created too much drama. I should have accepted the fact that he remembered my birthday and texted me. About the date, he said he "became " and forgot about it completely and that he was sorry, he doesn't us spending good time together. "You are not good enough"...that's what he exactly said. He was in fact paranoid and scared of meeting me. We decided to give each other space for a couple of weeks. His friend told how he had taken off a week from work since he was so upset. Later when I talked with my ex again, he stated he doesn't have feelings for me anymore. I proposed maybe we should talk things through and spend some time together and see how it goes. He repeated the same thing that he was sorry but he thinks he will never have feelings for me again. Then he said he wasn't good enough for me. Some things in the past turned him off. His reasons were that it was both his and my fault for him losing his feelings. He sarcastically added that I could have a second shot at the relationship if I could reverse time. He wants to be friends though. I told I had still feelings and can't be friends right now. And have gone NC since then. I just don't understand what did I do wrong? All I ever asked was to be treated with love and respect and suddenly that is "high expectations". I wanted us back together and work things out. But I guess I hurt him too much and he doesn't love me anymore. How can he just lose feelings, in a couple of weeks and say he can never have them again? I feel guilty and sad. I can't seem to concentrate on anything anymore. Any advice on this situation?
  3. Hi all. This is my dating journal! So by way of quick introductions, I'm male, mid 30's and (obviously) single! My relationship history is fairly limited – I had a 3 year relationship in my early 20's with a girl who I liked but, with hindsight, I was never in love with. It was simply my first relationship and I knew no better at the time. Since then, the longest I've seen anyone for is 5-6 months, which has happened twice – the first when I was 25 and the second when I was 33. Both these girls, I had crazy strong feelings for that unfortunately weren't fully reciprocated and both ended with me totally heartbroken. But other than that, it's just been 1 month / 2 month things. But anyway, I am keen to meet someone. Ultimately I'd like to meet the love of my life but I feel in the short term, I just want to enjoy dating and see where things go. A big weakness of mine that I've discussed in this thread here https://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=560989 is that if I like someone, I can get much too emotionally invested too early rather than just being in the moment. I can also get too disheartened by flakiness / lack of responses / unsuccessful dates. One of my big focuses in writing this journal will be to keep reminding myself that most people are not our match. That conversations fizzling out / no 2nd date / no connection will be what happens with most people and just to accept this as par for the course rather than becoming too frustrated and disheartened. Finally, what are my motivations for writing this journal rather than keep it all to myself? Firstly, to hopefully get advice and encouragement from others. Secondly, for others to read and maybe take something from, both good and bad Thirdly, to read back in 5 or 10 years and hopefully have a really good laugh at! I'll chronicle this weekend's dating adventures in the next post.........
  4. Hi. This is a slightly unusual post in that I'm not asking for advice on a particular dating situation but more on my general mindset. In more than one dating situation in the last couple of years, I've begun dating a woman (I'm male, straight, 35 by the way), I've become attached before she's then displayed really unpleasant behaviour (i.e. obvious dealbreakers). But I really struggle to emotionally let go. I struggle to let the reality of her behaviour and actions take precedence over the emotional connection I've built up, and even after they've behaved in such a way, I still yearn for them and want nothing more than for their face to pop up on my phone saying I've got a message from them. Let me give a couple of examples: Girl 1 (who I dated for about 5 months, late 2017 having met on Tinder) On Date 4, she mentioned in chatting that she had a date with someone else the following day. This leads to a conversation in which we both agree to stop using Tinder. The following week, I see she's still on it and has updated her photos. Blows very hot and cold throughout the time we date, at times totally love bombing me, at others not replying to messages for over a day. After about 2 months, I see 'arrange date with Ant' on a to do list on her laptop. She brushes it off as 'Ant's the guy who's doing my van conversion, it's just a date for him to do the work'. After 4 months, I see Tinder on her phone again (we'd both deleted it a couple of months earlier). She brushes it off with 'I just put it back on my phone to show my friend how it all works' Eventually, after numerous cancellations on her part, I summoned up the strength to end things. But because of my huge emotional attachment to her, I continued to contact her for months after and after about 3 months, almost begged for her to give it another try. Girl 2 (who I dated for only 1 and a half months very recently, having met through Meetup) After a month and a half of dating (with no relationship talk), she drunkenly kisses a guy who I'd thought of as one of my closest friends. She messages me the following morning to confess. In the ensuing argument (which takes place first on the phone and then by text), she says some truly horrible despicable things to me (that I won't repeat on here). We stop seeing each other and I don't see her again for 6 weeks until yesterday when we're both at the same social event as part of the same social group. We get talking again a bit as part of the group and I buy her a drink when buying a round for several people. She admits 'I don't deserve this from you. I've been a tw*t'. 10 minutes later, she vanishes, no bye to anyone. I drop her an 'everything ok?' message, and get back 'ah sorry, had to go meet a friend'. Again, inspite of her earlier behaviour and her rudeness yesterday in disappearing without a goodbye, I still yearn for contact from her. So as I said, I struggle emotionally to let go anyone I get attached to regardless of how badly they treat me. The daft thing is that if anybody else on here posted the above stories, I'd say without a second thought “get rid. Go and find someone who deserves you”. Can anybody relate? Any advice on how I can stop my heart from ruling my head in these situations?
  5. This is going to be a long post so thank you in advance for reading it. My wifes ex has always been somewhere in the shadows. They did talk, I was always afraid this would happen. I was looking at old photos to make look nice for valentine's day, i saw that around 6 years ago, she started liking her exs posts. At the time she told me the truth, she had seen him, she said she felt i was distant. I was not in my right mind as it happened while I was having a mental break down. I was hurt, i felt that at the moment i needed her the most, she went to him, but a year later she told me it was just a lie to hurt my feelings and i gladly embraced that than accepting the pain. But going through the old photos, it brought everything back, so rather than give her her valentines day card, I confronted her. At first it was denial and I don't remembers, but then it came out, one or twice perhaps 3 times, I'm not sure. I left and went for a walk, when i got back she asked if i wanted to talk in the car, she asked if i could ever forgive her, in tears, promised it would never happen again, that the last time she saw him it was to tell him it was over. I needed to talk more with her as we didn't have much time, and i was freaking out. So we dropped the kids off at grans, she didn't want to talk, just kept saying "i cant deal with this, just get a divorce, stay with your mom, ill end up in hospital" ect ect... But this is only half the story. I can't tell this story just one-sided or my wife will seem like the villain so you need to know all this below to understand. See ive had severe mental health issues my whole life, the first few years were hard, she had to cope with my mental health on a daily basis and sometimes it was too much, other times i went to my mother for comfort rather than her. People say i was the perfect father and most loving husband when we had our first child, mabey i was nice but far from perfect and it wasnt long before my mental health got in the way again. The affair happened during one very hard mental break down, and it was a huge emotional toll as i had to get put into a mental health facility. The affair happened just before it got so bad, she felt i didn't love her because i couldn't even touch her. But even after all of this, she came back with me. And as i said she told me. I went out with her for drinks, and then more and more, see turned out, i enjoyed the alcohol because it numbed the pain and my mental health was better. It got to the stage i was drunk every day and even in college, i got arrested several times and ended up homeless, when i got somewhere to live i just drank, i would busk for money for alcohol, I'd sell anything in my wife's house for the drink, i got drunk the day my second child was born, i was hanging around the wrong people, id left her all alone with two children so i could selfishly drink everything away. The drink almost took my life, I i put her through hell with my drunkenness, i was to stupid to see what i was throwing away, i regret every missed second. After stealing time and time again, coming to see her and hiding alcohol, or only playing with the kids a little then back to alcohol. I almost lost my ability to see my kids due to not being sober yet she defended me, and for years i drunk myself into oblivion. This entire time she could have left and went home, she could have met another man, but she didn't, she did talk with her ex about it, but only once. She basically had to raise the kids alone. Last year about a year from today i finally did it, i gave up the alcohol before it took everything from me. And she gave me a final chance, when everyone in my world had given up on me she gave me that last chance. This brings me to now. Yes I'm hurt she cheated, I'm hurt she spoke with him even briefly. But what breaks my heart more than anything ever could, is that i caused her so much pain, i abandoned her and my kids, i sometimes break down and cry when i think of all the pain i caused, and yet she never gave up hope id come back. See you needed to know all this because this can't be one-sided in the circumstances, and if any of you feel angry at the things i did reading this, just know i feel exactly the same. This is the conflict, she cheated once, went out with him a second time and spoke with him a third time. But she could have left me because of all i did, and yet she didn't, she was at her last straw, and I returned. At first i didn't want to deal with it, it was just "daddy's back woo he is sober" but I didn't want to think on the pain i caused them. I could only hold on so long so all of this came out in the open on valentine's day. Yes, its painful to think on her affair. But its painful to think i caused the person i loved so much, all this pain. I find it really hard to forgive myself as i should have been there, helping, taking her pain not causing it. And when the whole world turned its back on me, she was there, still waiting still loving. I really don't deserve her love, I didn't deserve her final chance, i despise my past actions, i cry when i think on the pain i caused her. Yet i was hurt by her affair, scared ill not be good enough and that it could happen again. This is why my grief is a double-sided sword. I grievee her affair, but i also grievee all the pain i caused and all the time i wasted when i should have been with my family. I'm one year sober, we want to renew our vows, get some counseling, not just for her actions but also and importantly for mine. She cried in the car, told me how much i had hurt her, and she was right. I did. So i come to all of you for advice. I don't want to cause my family any more pain, but i feel so selfish when my heart breaks due to the affair, especially after everything she has done and went through. Do you have any advice?
  6. I need help. I have a strange, deep, nonsexual connection to a friend I recently met. I’m trying to stop these feelings, but it’s so hard because I love him. It's such a weird, unexplainable feeling I have for him I know that sounds gay, but I’m not gay. It’s making me so confused. Here’s my story: About a year ago I moved into a new condo and met a guy who I instantly knew was just like me. We are both married with kids. We are loud and funny, enjoy the same type of inappropriate humor, and we think the same type of way. When I first met him, we didn’t connect, but I knew we would. After a few months of the casual “hello”, we met up for lunch, but I had no idea that my life was about to change. Eventually we found ourselves hanging out ALL of the time, texting each other all day, meeting up several nights out of the week to drink, and workout. We went to basketball games, concerts, and bars together, and occasionally met up for lunch. I met his close friends and he’s met mines. When we see each other, we would get so excited and hug each other. We have so many similarities that it’s crazy. Sometimes it feels like he’s much more than just a friend. It’s like he’s my other half. People might think we have a homosexual relationship, I know his wife did at one point, but it was nothing like that at all. I never had a sexual thought about him. It was just a pure, instant bizarre connection that developed. To say the least, I’m in love with that guy. It’s weird, confusing and driving me crazy. The feelings I have for him are strange, and I’m trying to process it but I just don’t know how. We were becoming inseparable. He told me before that if I moved he would cry. And he told me several times that he loved me. When we were hanging out with other people, he even told them that he loved me. It’s like saying I love you is becoming normal for us and hugging is becoming normal. NEVER have I done this with a friend or even my brother. I can tell that his wife doesn’t approve of how close we are. One time, in a moment of comfort, he told his young daughter to start calling me Uncle. I mentioned it in front of his wife. She had the biggest look of disgust and I could tell she did not approve of it. She doesn’t get or like the closeness we have. She even said that the way he talks to me is strange; apparently he doesn’t talk to his other friends in the same manner. However, it doesn’t bother my wife at all. She knows him and I are close, but she is more secure than his wife. But she tells me all the time that when she’s outside, she sees him looking down at our house looking for me. I know he does that because I do the same exact thing. My life changed when I fell in love with him and I’m scared and confused. Having this close relationship with him is a blessing and a curse. A blessing to have experienced another form of love that I know is so rare and intense, yet a curse because it makes me vulnerable and confused, so I want it to end. I search online how to fall out of love with someone. lol. I also search how to stop having an emotional attachment with someone. I want to just be his normal friend and not have this bizarre connection. Let me explain further: I find myself missing him when he’s not around, thinking about him ALL of the time, getting jealous when he’s hanging with other friends. This is not normal behavior. I just want to be his friend, but it feels like he’s something more that I can’t explain. I want to be okay when he hangs with other people. He tells me that he doesn’t want to go hang out with his other friends if I don’t go. And he’s known his other friends a couple years before he met me. I want us to be okay with being separated for a long period of time. When I’m away on business trips or family vacations, he text me telling me how much he misses me. I want to text him telling him I miss him when he’s away, but I always decide not to, I don’t want our connection to intensify so I keep it to myself. But when we get back we both light up because we missed each other so much. I can’t help but to feel that way. I just control these feelings. So, I do my best to stay away, but he keeps coming around me, and I to him because we are just drawn to each other. It feels comforting being around him and it’s really hard for me to fight it. I don’t understand why my bond with him so intense and deep, much more deep than with my siblings. I don’t want it to be that way. I’ve noticed that it helps when he’s away on vacation or business trips and it helps when I hang with other people without him, I’m better able to suppress my feelings. I go hang out and workout with different buddies. It makes him jealous but I have to do it because it helps me get over whatever thing I have for this guy. But when we meet up and hang out, it’s like the world stops, like there’s no care or worry in the world. And it only makes me love him stronger than before. He lives too close for me to cut him out completely, but if we didn’t live so close, I think I would be better able to end it. I’m tired of looking out my window wondering when he’s coming home, or thinking about him all day, or getting excited when he text me. I live so close to him, why do we even text when we are at work? Why do I want to talk to him or hear from him EVERY day? He’s making me crazy in the head, because sometimes I get jealous when we’re hanging with other people. I know I shouldn’t be and that’s part of the reason I need to end these feelings. He makes me question whether or not he’s my friend or if he acts this way to everyone else. I over analyze every situation. Like when other people are around talking, it seems like he forgets about me and talks more to the other person, but that could be my emotions playing tricks on my mind. So I’m like, okay, he’s just a friendly guy and he treats everyone the same way, so there’s nothing special between us. But then I wonder, does he text other people so much? Did he ask them to go to this game before he asked me? He’s making me CRAZY. Again, I’m not gay. We never even came close to having sex, nor will we EVER do that, and that’s part of the confusion. It would be easier to comprehend if I were sexually attracted to him, but I’m just not. I read online that there is a rare type of friendship that can be very intense and filled with deep love, but can anyone give advice on how to handle it? I could REALLY use some help!
  7. I'm not really sure where to even begin, but I think I'm starting to get a drinking problem. I don't drink every day and I don't crave it, but I do go out for drinks at least once a week. See the thing is, I don't just have a few drinks. I drink so much that I am not in control of my actions and I do really stupid . It's like I just don't know when to stop and the amount of alcohol that I actually consume is ridiculously high and whenever I'm really drunk I always intentionally make bad decisions, especially with boys. I sleep around and I have gotten with people that I'm not even into at all which I would NEVER do if I was sober. It's like I turn into a completely different person and intentionally sabotage my own life. It's a lot for my friends to put up with too, I have almost ruined friendships in the past for the stupid things that I do when I am drunk. It's like I don't even consider their feelings which is nothing like how I actually am because my friends mean the world to me and I would do anything for them and would NEVER want to hurt or make anyone upset. Then I feel horrible the next day, not only with a hangover but with crippling anxiety because of the things that I did the night before. Even if I have a good night and didn't do anything stupid I still have anxiety the next day and don't even want to leave my bed.. I don't know what to do, I feel like I'm not in control of myself because no matter how much I try to talk myself out of it I still go. And I can't go and not drink at all because then I feel like I can't have fun because I feel anxious in social situations and don't know what to talk about with people when I'm sober unless I'm really close with them.... If I don't stop soon I'm going to ruin my life. Problem number 2; a lot of the time I drink, I sleep around and/or kiss different boys. Sometimes even with guys that I'm not into at all and don't really want to but do it anyway. I've been single for about 4 years now and my last relationship was definitely not ideal and I was in a really really bad place when we were together. Now I struggle to connect with boys on an emotional level, but I still can get lonely and crave affection. It's like I get the affection that I need from these boys, it's literally like I do it just because I know I'm going to get kisses and cuddled all night... It's kind of pathetic. And even if I see these guys a few times and spend the entire day with them and hang out with them on other occasions, I never open up about myself. It's like I'm unintentionally holding back my personality to prevent becoming emotionally connected to them and them to me. I honestly feel like no matter how much time I spend with a guy in that way, they never actually end up getting to know me. And then I feel really ty about it afterwards when I get home, sometimes weeks because I feel cheap. This also gives me really bad anxiety and sometimes even panic attacks because I know that everyone would talk about me and let's be honest it's probably why so many of them are interested. Even when I KNOW I'm being sweet talked and it's all bull, it still makes me feel good. It's like I feed off it and I HATE it because I think so logically and I KNOW it's wrong. And even if I ever did learn to open up to a boy and let my guard down, they would probably never want me in that way because of my promiscuity. And the fact that I have sex with them straight away (I've heard that people have called me easy in the past) would also probably rule me out as girlfriend material 100%. Idk what to do
  8. Alrighty. Heres my deal ...Ive felt like something has been going on with my boyfriend and his one girlfriend for awhile now. Well my "feelings" are always right . So I read some messages written between the two of them . And they were planning on hanging out ..without me knowing about it . It wasnt for him to cheat . She told him to tell me ..and he said no because I would flip out . Well he ended up hanging out with her behind my back . So finally I couldnt take it anymore . And I asked him what was going on . I asked him if he liked her and he said yes . My boyfriend "loves " me and likes another woman . Well that just broke my heart because I have done nothing to deserve something like this . So I asked him if he wanted to be with her and he said no . And I Said well do you love her . and he said no . But he clearly has a crush on her . It just kills me because I know that the more you talk to somebody the more you get to like them . So I told him either he doesnt talk to her or its over . I know it probaly wasnt the right thing to do but I dont want to lose him . And I Know that if they didnt talk then theres no way he could like her more and more . Well I told him to tell her how he feels about her and why I am so upset about them hanging out . He ended up telling her . So then they were not talking . And then I ended up getting into a pretty bad car accident on the 3rd of febuary , and I had to go stay with my father for a few weeks while my boyfriend was here alone at our apartment . Well while i was gone ..they started talking agian . After I told him how much it hurt me What I want to know is..Is it possible to love me fully but have crushy feelings towards somebody else ? I typed this in a hurry if you want to know more about the situation just let me know Please help me out ..Im stressing out so much im making myself sick
  9. Taking a page from the Healing after breakup and divorce forum, where we can post to our exes to keep us from contacting them. That is where I first posted this. I should have posted it here. I just read a list 20 Tips to do when you are grieving, and one is to write a letter to the deceased. Well, that is when it finally struck me that I am avoiding the grief of a loss. I need to face that loss directly. I need to talk to my long deceased ex. Maybe this thread can help you too. I encourage you to post here as a place to speak freely about our deceased friends, lovers, and family members. This is a safe place to say things that maybe we don't want to say to others so as not to hurt them, or to appear mean, or to reveal information that we have been keeping private. Here, we can yell at the deceased if we need to, or we can admit that we didn't treat them well, or we can yearn for them yet again. There will be no one to shush us with an Its okay or Its time to move on. This is a safe place to say what we want to say, without reproach. __________ The 20 Tips are pasted below, for an added reference. ___________ Talk about your loss with friends, family or a professional. Grief is a process, not an event. Grief is work, requiring time and energy. The memories, meanings and fulfilled needs provided by the lost loved one take time to work through. Let yourself enter the emotions of grief. Grievers tend naturally to avoid the painful emotions. Losing someone close to you means you deserve to allow yourself to feel all your emotions - sadness, anger, intense longing, guilt and others. Consider writing your loved one a letter. Say what you would tell them as if it were your last chance. Even if you never share the letter with anyone, writing it may help you work through your grief. Resume your life but leave time and space for grieving. Life marches on for the living. But try to resist the temptation to “throw yourself” into work or other diversions. This leaves too little time for the grief work you need to do for yourself. Take care of yourself. You have been wounded. Something very valuable and dear has been taken away from you. Give yourself time and space to begin healing. Get enough rest. Eat nourishing food. Give yourself a break. Resist the temptation to use alcohol or drugs to numb your pain. These can interfere with the grieving process by delaying it or covering it up. If you have any religious inclination, consider contacting your place of worship. All religions recognize that grievers need special help. Consider taking advantage of these services even if you have not been attending regularly. You will not be turned away. Consider seeking out other grievers. Someone who has also been through grief can empathize with you, and vice versa. Organizations like Compassionate Friends or THEOS recognize the value of sharing in a group setting. Don’t feel obligated to join groups if they are not for you. The grief process is highly individual. Some people prefer solitude or reflection rather than group work. Do what feels right for you. Don’t neglect your own health. Grieving puts a heavy burden of stress on your body. It can disturb sleep patterns, lead to depression, weaken your immune system, and worsen medical problems that had been stable, such as high blood pressure. Take prescribed medications and get regular check-ups. If you suffer from disabling insomnia or anxiety, see your doctor. Sometimes short-term medication can be very helpful. Get help for severe or persistent depression. Someone once said: “grief is not a disease but it can become one.” Grief can lead to serious depression. Consider getting professional help if you feel overwhelmed, hopeless, or helpless. Other signs of depression can include sleep impairment (too little or too much), appetite or weight change, low energy, difficulty concentrating, and feeling listless or agitated. By all means, seek professional help if you have suicidal thoughts. Grief work can become complicated. Mixed emotions (positive and negative feelings), unresolved emotional turmoil and losing someone after an argument can complicate the grieving process. Sharing these feelings with a professional therapist can help. Grief therapy need not be a long-term commitment. Even if you don't see yourself as the kind of person who seeks therapy, this may be beneficial. Anger is common in normal grieving and certainly justified when a loved one dies due to the malevolence of others. Try venting your anger in a letter. Consider channeling your anger into constructive action. Volunteer to work for causes that seek justice and prevention. Spending your energy helping someone else can help you in the process. Allow time to grieve. One to two years is not a long time to allow yourself to work through grief. We need to remind ourselves that the healing process cannot be rushed; it will proceed at its own rate. Be patient. The grieving process often includes setbacks. Don’t expect to set an “I’ll be over it” deadline and succeed. Often, grieving resumes after a time, sometimes even months or years. Reminders can trigger a flood of emotions. Don’t be surprised if this happens, and don't consider it a sign of weakness. Instead, your psyche is telling you more grief work needs to be done. At some point those who have lost a partner or love companion will face the decision of whether to be open to a new relationship. Consider imagining the situation reversed. That is, if you died and your lover or spouse survived, what would you want them to do? It may help you to see your situation from this angle. If you feel stuck in your grief, try a new approach. We are creatures of habit who learn very quickly how to avoid painful situations. However, this may hinder working through the entirety of your grief. To “jump start” the process, consider reviewing memorabilia, photos, home movies, or videos. Talk about your loved one at holidays when his or her absence is most obvious. Don’t avoid it so as not to spoil the festivities. This is the perfect time to check in with other family members about how they're doing with grief work, and share mutual support. Create your own memorial service. Celebrate their lifetime accomplishments, values, and principles. Consider carrying the torch of a cause they believed in as a memorial. Start a scholarship, plant a garden, or make a donation in their name. The grieving process has run its course when you feel weary of rehashing events and memories and finally accept the fact the your loved one can remain with you only in spirit. For some, the process never really ends; it just gets easier over time. You will know you are ready to move forward when you feel you can reinvest the energy once invested in your loved one in a new place. This takes time. Good grief means being good to yourself during the process.
  10. So this is an odd one. I'm a 25 year old male. I met Elizabeth (24 y/o female) about 4 months ago. We had known each other in the past, but never really talked. We started talking. We began seeing each other and we took off like wildfire. It almost was like we moved to fast. Up until about three weeks ago it was us together everyday when we were off work, or even it would be just me going over to her house to spend the night after I got off of work. Through the duration of the relationship Elizabeth was rather emotional. She went through a lot this year (loss of a father, and other emotional issues that she has yet to accept.) Anyhow, out of the blue a couple weeks back she just told me she wasn't ready to be in a relationship with me because she was overwhelmed. She told me her emotions weere going to be highstrung and that she didn't think it was fair. Also that we moved to fast etc. I understood that because I felt the same. I asked if she wanted to get together and talk about everything, and she told me "no, because we will end up back together." So then for the next week I would try to stop talking to her and she would message me repeatedly, at times "accidentally," sending me stuff. Every time we would get to talking it would end up turning into an argument over everything. I would get told stuff like, "I miss you," "I second guess myself everyday," etc. Then I would say lets get together and we would just argue. It got to the point where I deleted her on every form of communication, and she knew so. But then she started to text me just random stuff. Then she had me re add her back on these communication means. A few days ago we ran into each other at a bar. She invited me by her and her friends, I declined. She then bought me a drink. She then messaged me and told me she missed me, and that she was stressed and overwhelmed with life right now and did not remember much of the last few weeks. At one point she said something about wanting to be with me, but not being able to do it because she's not ready and it wouldn't be fair to me. I kind of got sick of the messages so I left. Then my phone was blown up with messages to comeback, she wanted to talk, etc. I told her to come outside. SO she came outside and we talked in her car. We ended up going back to my house and sleeping together. That night she told me she missed me multiple times. Come morning I was told that this was the best she had slept in a while (implying since we broke up) and then we also kissed before she left. Now we kind of are talking but not really. it's just kind of odd. I don't know what to do here? DO I wait? Do I leave? I have tried talking to her about everything multiple times and she just gets mad and said she doesn't want to talk about it.
  11. My ex and I had just broken up 4 weeks ago. This is not the only time i have mentioned to break up. But this is pretty much like the final so im still trying to get over it. We have been good friends for the past 6 years since [emoji310] time. I i was the one who confessed and suggested dating. It took him close to 3 months to gave me a Yes. Right at the beginning when i knew him, he wasnt one to share his emotions or personal matter; family etc. After we were in the relationship, somehow i got greedy and expected more.. Its been almost a year since we were together, and never had he once initiated any physical interactions - not even my holding hands. I was always the one holding his.. I did asked him once but he brushed it off as its not something hes used to doing. For the entire year the activities we had been doing is hanging out, eating, movie etc. I did suggested to go for other outdoor activities but he didnt like most of them. when asked for his opinion, he said that theres nothing much to do in our area. And we had only one couple picture so far- taken during his birthday. Everytime when i suggested to take pics, he would responded with a "next time".. I dont feel that i am connected with him emotionally too. Apart from daily happenings and teasing each other, we havent really had deep conversations before. He was never the lovey dovey type to begin with, no romantic words or actions but sarcasm and teases. I had knew him to be like this all along. Yet at times i wish he could be a little normal or sweet to me. While he has never send me home or to my train station since we leave in different directions and he has no car. When asked to do a face time or phone call, he rejected too - said hes not used doing that. So all along he has never asked me over to his house - dont know why. But i did hinted to him that i will like to pop by to see his dogs - no response. These were all the insecurities and uncertainties im getting from this relationship. We are in our early thirties and i expected a more matured and fulfilling relationship.. Looking back, i did brought up breakups a couple of times in spite of anger or sudden meltdown. Each time he did probe further but not this time. Through text, i told him i am bored of this relationship and he replied with "i dont give a damn, good riddance". Anger got the better of us but i am disappointed and hurt by his response. The next day i responded with the red flags i felt in this r/s and he said to remain as friends. I too feel that its better to stay friends with him since he doesnt seem to reciprocate my feelings.. P. S: im meeting him next week for our good friends birthday. Do you think i should find time to talk to him privately on our breakup? To unload my feelings of our, relationship to him or would that be redundant since we have broken up... Just finding a space in this forum to relieve my heartbreak and sort out my thoughts. Appreciate your encouragement and opinion while i tide through this period.. :)
  12. For some background information, my partner and I have been together for a year and two months. We are both 18 years old. They live around a 5 hour's drive away from me, but I cannot see them often at all. We are both very depressed, have ADHD, and have/likely have autism. We had an honest talk tonight over the phone about where we are headed. They've been extra stressed recently because of college, and haven't been able to express as much affection as they would like in addition to venting to me a Lot. I've been left feeling exhausted and having my emotional needs go unmet. This has been going on for a couple months now, I think. We believe that if this pattern continues we might have to part ways. I'm very in love with this person and I would like to stay with them as long as is healthy. Any advice on how to handle this situation?
  13. Hello, all. This isn't really a plea for advice, but more just checking in with everyone to see how you are handling one of the worst years in recent memory. How are you? How are you handling everything emotionally? How do you cope? Mostly, I just want people to know they aren't alone and that we're all in this together.
  14. I just got out of a toxic relationship and a failed toxic friendship with my ex. He was extremely emotionally abusive, always snapped at me, always made me feel like I should feel privileged he's still talking to me, even after our breakup (he broke up with me) he still played with my emotions by keeping me constantly in his back pocket/radar. I wasn't innocent either but I feel like my negative qualities rooted from the mind games. We had a strong emotional connection where I could say anything on my mind, he is the first person I've let inside my head like that and it feels like I won't find someone better. Although I was unhappy in the relationship, I'm terrified that I'm letting my soulmate walk away. Logically I know we weren't compatible sometimes but I'm scared I wont find anyone else. I don't have friends or anyone else in my life to support me. When my relationship started getting difficult, I distanced myself from friends and family because I felt embarassed that I was being abused and ashamed that I actively wanted to him to stay and even begged at some point. I can't afford therapy but I feel worn out, damaged and alone.
  15. Hi, would like some advice on what I should do from people who don't know me. Anyways, my girlfriend broke up with me 3 days ago out of the blue after 1.5 years. She broke down in tears saying her feelings have changed, not ready to settle down and lets break but don't wait for me, and there isn't anyone else. We never argued/fell out, I treated her like no one else ever did, not sure what I did wrong. I'm I right in thinking she still cares about me with her bursting into tears? Currently doing the no contact rule, should I reach out to her in future or wait and hope she contacts me
  16. I had a complex situation that brought me here. I had a female fried who wanted me to date her. At that time, were not in the same state and she said she doesnt wana do distance. I did one effort and sacrifice and got a job in her city. After i told her about the offer, she got excited and we had intimate conversation over the phone. Its been five months since i moved to her town but she is continuously ignoring my texts and keeps cancelling the hangout. When i asked her whats going on, she said she doesnt know if she is attracted to me and want to decide after we hangout. But she keeps cancelling since past 5 months. She also says that she doesnt wana lose me but as I am being super crazy with my emotions (Just because of her behavior) that is pushing her away. I am too puzzled and confused and dont really know what to do in this situation. I am getting all the signs that she doesnt even wana meet me now.
  17. Hi everyone I wonder if I could have your opinions please on my dilemma. I’ve just come out of a short term relationship of 2.5 months. She was very into me at the beginning, and things were going really well for the first month we were together. We spent several nights together, talked about everything. I felt though she wasn’t a very intimate person. It was always me who instigated a kiss or sex, but she always responded passionately. She told me she had been emotionally and physically abused in her 2 previous relationships, and I was shocked but thought I would be ok with that. She said she wasn’t very open with her feelings and it would take time for her to open up more. I felt a bit cautious about this, but I was so into her I carried on seeing her. She became ill, and couldn’t see me for a week, but after, we dated again for a week until her son was ill the week after. She then kept cancelling dates due to her, or her son being ill. Not seeing her and only communicating by text started to make me anxious. My mind went into overdrive, so I told her how I felt about her. She said she liked all the things I said to her but she couldn’t right now reciprocate them. I started to think at this point she was probably emotionally unavailable due to all her pain in the past. I’m still not sure if I’m right or wrong about that. We carried on texting daily, but she was always late to respond and not as she used to be. I decided that the best thing for me to do would be to walk away. I really didn’t want to, as I had strong feelings for her, but the anxiety from all of this was really starting to affect me. We arranged for me to go down and see her, and I was going to tell her that evening. She cancelled again the morning before. I’d had enough by this point, so wrote a text to her saying I think it’s best if we end things and sent it to her. I know, not the best way but she didn’t seem to want to meet me. She called straight away, upset and angry. After a long call we sort of sorted things out, but the following day we both sent messages to each other breaking it off. She said she didn’t want a relationship right now as she was broken, said she didn’t know what she really wanted. Said she really liked me a lot and wanted to stay in contact. I understood all of this and we mutually agreed to end it. This was Monday this week. Now, she is texting me like the first month we were together! Very flirty and suggestive, even hinting that she’d like to meet up and do something together. Saying she’d really like to. Generally behaving as if nothing went wrong! I’ve left the ball in her court to arrange something on that one, going by her previous date cancelling. So I am very confused. I want to walk away, but I do like this woman. She doesn’t have many friends where she lives and I would like to stay friends with her. Any advice would be gratefully appreciated 😊
  18. This girl has had a crush on me ever since I met her 3 years ago. Last December I reluctantly said no to becoming boyfriend and girlfriend because I knew we have a difference in values, and it likely wouldn't work out in the long run. It wasn't long after that she found a new boyfriend, and they are still dating now. She has even committed the next year to living with him. This last Saturday, the girl was at my apartment and was very loving and touchy-feely with me. It is possible we might have gotten intimate if there had not been another person there (and she's still got a boyfriend). Ever since then, I've been so allured to her, and I'm wanting to be with her. I've been trying to resist the temptation because my friends are advising me against involving myself with this girl. I've been told it's lust and emotions that are clouding my judgment, and I think they're probably right. Thoughts?
  19. So this is a longgg one so I’m going to try and sum up the important details! Some background... -We are both mid 20s -We met eachother the last week before we moved from our college town - We Have been on and off for two years -We have moved from our different home towns to the same city So haven’t used the official term “boyfriend, Girlfriend” but we are exclusive etc. ... This whole time our realationship has been very unstable. It’s a hybrid of a boyfriend girlfriend relationship combined with hook up buddies. He goes back and forth with how he treats me. At times we are starting to become more like a couple but then we get too close for him I guess and he starts to treat it like we are just hook up buddies. He will tell me he doesn’t want a realationship.... but to me being exclusive and having feelings for eachother is the same thing so I don’t really care about labels just exclusiveness and emotions. He will do this thing where he wants to be “alone” and will straight up ignore me for days. I will confront him and he will go on to say... “maybe we should just stop”. So one time I took his word and he saw me getting real cozy with this guy we both know at a bar. He literally flipped out and when I said “why do you care? You told me you didn’t want to be in a relationship and we should stop, so it’s none of your business”. He goes on to say it is his business.... and then he says he DOES want us to be exclusive. So I’m confused bc at times he says that he just wants to hook up and that’s it but still be exclusive and get all mad if I’m with another guy. He says he has feelings for me and likes me but is just going through a lot and can’t do a realationship. I know he broke up with his old girlfriend of 5 years a year before he met me and apparently it was awful. It bothers me though bc I’ve looked on Facebook and he was very affectionate to her and completely different. This though was his highschool girlfriend that went into college.... we are 25 now... I still am trying to be compassionate and to be honest I don’t care about titles as long as we are exclusive and both have feelings for each other. What I don’t like is when he will ignore me for days out of nowhere and pretend he doesn’t care. His friends have all separatly come up to me and talked about how he has major anxiety and can be really moody and isolate himself from everyone. That’s why I try to be understanding..... One night he drank a lot and came over, right after we hooked up he started crying and basically told me this needs to stop and he feels so guilty for the way he treats me and he can’t have feelings or emotions for anyone. He told me he doesn’t even love his family and that his parents are divorced (I knew that) and his mom is addicted to drugs and his dad is abusive. So I get why he is the way he is but he has started to get even meaner to me and now has gone days ignoring me and will randomly just want to have sex with me...I love him but I can’t tell if I’m being too nice and even though he is going through a lot doesn’t give him an excuse. I guess I don’t know if I should hate him or not. I know I should just not talk to him and when he reaches out just tell him that I can’t continue to be treated like this and I still want to continue but I need consistency so I can trust him. I know I can be crazy and flip out but I am trying to work on that as well
  20. Hi All, Long-time user, first time poster under 'Divorce Advice'. Today, I hired an attorney to serve divorce papers for my 5-year marriage. I'm 30 and she's 29. I've given all of the necessary information and asked them to move forward with filing the divorce. I think she will be served by early next week. Needless to say, I don't want to do this, but I don't feel like I have a choice at this point. We don't have any kids, don't own a home, etc., so it should be a fairly smooth process. More on this below. Long-story short, my wife and I haven't been getting along for the last 6 months. Right now, I'm in 'job limbo' and have shut down emotionally in some ways. I've been to counselling, been working on my issues, but haven't been able to 'get right' yet. There's never been any abuse, cheating, money issues in our relationship; just we haven't been getting along/I've been questioning what's next for me, career wise. I'm the type of person who likes to have a plan (very male of me) and right now, I'm in limbo with my job, so I don't have a plan, which has led to some indecisiveness on my part. She moved out of our apartment about 2 weeks ago--and contact has been very sparse. I've wanted her to come back home to work on things, but she refuses. She says that I'm being indecisive and she doesn't know what to trust right now. She's blown off my emails about joint bills, blown off my attempts at finding someone to mediate our seperation/divroce, etc. She only wants to use her 'hand picked' person to handle the seperation/divorce mediation. When I looked her person up, I didn't have a good feeling at all. My gut told me that this was bad and I need to proactive. Luckily, I have attorneys in my family, I showed them some of the texts--and my family is convinced that she's working with an attorney of her own. She also asked me questions about my retirement package and possible job severance. Asking about the job severance, which I haven't been offered yet, is a huge red flag. The severance package itself is in the 6-figure range, plus I don't know when I'd receive it. Therefore, I had to instruct my attorney to work as quickly as possible to file the paperwork. Once filed, my potential severance is safe. The severance is my gateway to moving forward, whether it's to a new state or new opportunity, so I have to protect it all costs, especially since I don't trust her intentions at this point. This whole situation just stinks. At this point, I don't trust anything she does or says. I don't think she trusts anything I do or say. This situation is just a disaster all around. My gut tells she wanted to 'ambush me' with her handpicked person---and that's just wrong. I felt like she used my emotions against me because I don't want to be divorced. We've been together for 10 years, married for 5. It sucks. It hurts. I had to tell my boss and co-workers what the deal is because I need time to work my attorney, gather belongings, etc. I work with all women in an office job. They were all so sad for me and told me they're here for me. I've walked around with the pain at work for at least 6 months. I couldn't do it anymore and needed to tell them. I felt a big sigh of relief afterwards. Overall, I haven't been eating. I've had a headache for about 5 straight days now. I feel like total garbage. I know I'll come out of this okay, but I feel crappy now. Also, we've made a lot of great financial decisions during our marriage. Watching all of that come burning down in attorney fees, settlements, etc. is going to be hard. I appreciate any comments or feedback from those on how to deal.
  21. Hi, I’m a female in her late twenties and I’m hoping to get some advice and opinions on a feeling thats been bugging me for like a year or two. I spoke to a close friend about this who did admit that it sounded a little silly and embarrassing, but could possibly be something more serious and I should seek advice from others on the matter. I regularly play an online game with another person that I met in the game and have done consistently for about 2-3 years now. We basically do everything together in a sense of improvement and helping each other to get the most of the game (like if one of us is running low on in game currency, we can rely on each other for help). I consider us like a tag team in a basic sense as our play styles compliment each other very well. We are good friends who confide in each other, but are not in an intimate relationship or anything like that. The game we play together has become somewhat stagnant over the course of this last year with fewer major updates, which has made me question a few of things. Lots of my friends have stopped playing the game because of this leaving just my friend in my friends list. Our enthusiasm certainly isn’t the same as it was in the beginning, however we both love playing this game together and I personally don’t think I will stop playing (I cant speak for him though as he plays a lot more games than I do right now). For a while, we spoke about making new friends in the game and perhaps joining some guilds together. We tried this however the people we played with were too casual to form any synergy with and disappeared after about a month or two (possibly sooner). After much thought, I’ve decided not to make an effort in getting to meet new people, at least not unless the game becomes less casual and more deep than its current state to warrant needing to know more people. I just don’t think its worth my time. My friend however has begun making new friends and has started inviting them into our parties. They are nice people, so I personally don’t have anything against his friends, but I don’t want to feel like I’m now obligated to play with new people or make an effort to get to know people all of a sudden. To me, it feels rather rude when we have arranged to play together only to have another person join us either at random or after being invited by him at the last minute. I have expressed my feelings to my friend that I don’t want to feel like I’m starting over again making new friends who may be gone after a few months, but I don’t think he entirely understands. I’m quite a reasonable person though and explained that he can do or play with whoever he wants, but not to feel upset if I don’t want to play with anyone else other than him. My real life circumstances have also changed since we first started playing together, which also makes it increasingly difficult to dedicate time to making new friends in the game when I am busy enough keeping up with real life business. I’m just not sure where to go from here. I sometimes think that the easy answer is to push my friend away as he clearly wants something different than I do now. Then again, I don’t want to break our friendship or stop playing with him because of how I'm feeling. I also don't want his friends to feel like I'm the one being rude if I don't want to join them. Can anyone offer me any advice on what I should do?
  22. Hello guys, So I am currently 30 year old and taking a break from relationships to truly improve myself before attempting to get into another relationship. Regarding my relationship background I had a 6 year serious relationship during and after college until I was 27 three years old about 3 year ago and after that relationship, it has been a string of 4 short term relationships where I either got hurt, heartbroken or it was simply one-sided(mostly due to settling for less and not knowing what I truly wanted out of a relationship and at times to "not feel lonely". I will have to say that a big reason why those relationships failed was due to many reasons but a big part was on my fault due to unresolved attachment trauma, abandonment issues, and even suffering from PTSD-like symptoms when getting into relationships where I am almost afraid to get into another relationship as I fear it will be just another dead-end or meaningless relationship. (Some of the external factors such as dating people who were either going through a divorce, dating some that were emotionally unavailable, or settling with emotional vampires, etc). I have been working on being the best version of myself by working out, losing weight, currently going to therapy sessions to help manage and soothe my own anxiety, and currently reading a lot regarding attachment trauma, abandonment issues and my fear of getting into another relationship in order to just have the same thing happen. My question for you guys is, for those who were truly wanting to better yourself and manage your attachment trauma, abandonment issues, and fears of getting into another relationship, what did you guys do to finally feel free of that "mental prison" that you'll never find a truly satisfying relationship? What did you do to help you overcome abandonment and attachment issues that seemed to really help you overcome them? I am finally doing the most to take control of my life and put these issues to rest and to improve my quality of life in relationships.
  23. Please help me. I feel so lost right now. I'm 24 and I broke up with my 22 year old girlfriend on Friday. Our two-year anniversary would have been this month. On Thursday night I suddenly "knew" I had to break up with her on Friday, and I told myself to just go through with it and not think about it. So on Friday I broke up with her, and of course it was difficult. Now I'm sitting here missing her, wondering why I would break up with her. She was incredible. She was my best friend in every way. I can't stop thinking about her smile, her laugh, our inside jokes, how it felt to see her face at my front door. I can't stop thinking about our trip to Europe last year, and another trip we took together earlier. I can't stop thinking about how much I love her. I can't stop crying and I feel so hopeless. Admittedly I thought it was sort of a long time coming, as I'd been having my doubts about whether I wanted to be in the relationship anymore. Did I still love her the same? Was I still attracted to her the same? I'll admit I had wanted to break up for a little while, but never did because I loved her too much. Suddenly I decided to break up and went through with it, but now I'm thinking what a mistake it was. Now I'm thinking there was a reason I didn't break up with her, because maybe deep down I knew I wanted to try and make it work. But I read all this stuff online about how relationships shouldn't be forced or shouldn't be too difficult. Now I'm thinking it was my own stupid insecurities about how I look, about my (lack of a) career, and that I've been so immaturely thinking "I'd like to have sex with other girls". Now that we've broken up I can't stop thinking about her, and the thought of other girls disgusts me, i don't even want to bother pursuing anybody else. This isn't my first relationship. I've been in "love" before but this is the one where I fell head over heels because she was exactly who I'd been waiting for. How could I give that up over some stupid feelings of lust or insecurity or being a bit less turned on by her than at the start? I'm realizing that I've been super immature - sure the "honeymoon" phase is over, but this girl is the love of my life. She's my best friend. She's been there for me no matter what, through thick and thin, loving me unconditionally. I love her a ton and care for her a ton as well. We're alike in so many ways, I've never met another person who "got me" quite like her. I've been stressed out because of unemployment, feeling like a loser, my confidence dwindles more each day. I've felt this sadness and self-hate building up more and more, something I tried pushing deeper inside of myself to be with her. Our sex life died down a bit (still had regular sex, just not 2-3 times a night anymore), but now I'm thinking... Isn't that normal after the honeymoon phase ends? Isn't it about the emotional connection, the way you feel about who this person is, not their physical features? I'll admit that I masturbate a lot and I feel like that had something to do with the way I felt regarding this too. It was so easy looking at models and other girls online, getting to pick and choose whoever I wanted - it made me think maybe I want something else - but now I realize how completely hollow that feels. Life is about so much more than sex, especially when you love somebody and they love you. I'll admit I was less sexually attracted to her than when we first started dating. But we had an amazing bond, all these inside jokes and memories, I miss talking to her and kissing her and holding her tight even though it's only been three days. I also joined as part of a successful backing band which will be touring a bit, and I'm starting a web-design course in another city which will both take up a lot more of my time and I knew that might cause issues in our relationship. I'll be honest and say that I didn't bring it up with her though, I don't really know why. Lately I've been feeling sort of dull and numb, like I can't talk about my emotions or my fears. She's so supportive of me in everything I do so I feel like something is wrong with me. Now I'm feeling like I shouldn't have jumped into a breakup, I should have brought everything up and talked to her and figured out what she thought. Normally we do discuss things, we've had very emotional discussions so I know I can share anything. I don't know why I didn't bring it up. I'm kicking myself in the head. I honestly can't tell is the way I feel is just normal after breaking up with someone, or if I've made a huge mistake and let go of someone who means the world to me. Is this a sign I need to man up and be her man, accept that life is more than sex? Or is this a sign that I'm just a pathetic loser who is so insecure that he felt scared to be "trapped" with one person? I don't know what to do. I'm sorry for all the text.
  24. I am in my second marriage and we have a 3 yr old together and I have 2 teenagers from my first marriage. My husband has a big job and travels every week and is home on the weekends. In the past, I would always make reservations somewhere fun and we would get a babysitter so we can go out and have time alone about 1 - 2 times a week. After the holidays, he complained that we spend too much and said he doesn't want to do this anymore. I was very disappointed, but told him that I will just go out with my friends once in a while and he can stay home with the baby to save on the babysitter. He seemed fine with this, especially since he goes fishing, goes out twice during the month to play poker, goes hunting and running every Saturday and leaves me, as usual, with the kids. I see my husband as cheap and selfish. Due to the lack of spending any time alone together, I have lost feelings for my husband. He isn't that attractive to me anymore. He expects sex, but when I give in, I am just going through the motions, so now I say no. He resents me for this. We are drifting apart and I am afraid we may eventually split up. I also met someone else who wants to see me, but for now, I keep it as friends because I have never been unfaithful. Should I just look for a job and then my own place? Another thing that is very hard for me is that my 14 yr old son had to live with his Dad because he doesn't respect my husband and it was getting bad. My ex-husband tried to take sole custody of my kids (unsuccessfully) last summer because of the custody change. Then, after he lost in court, my crazy ex asked me to take my son back. I feel like if I were to be on my own, my 3 kids could live with me and life would be happier. But then I am twice divorced which is my worst fear for my little one. Ugh. Help.
  25. I was in this relationship few months, it was a distance one, but we saw eachother in every month. Last weekend I went to him in his city and that day was a disaster at the end. I am a person who doesn't show their feelings, like with no one... I am sensitive and I have feelings but I don't show them, or I show them, but not enough. I am the kind of person that is ok and happy if I am next to the person I love, but I am not asking myself if I should do something to also make that person feel like me. Yeah, I exist. I can be truly in love with someone and wanting so bad to see him, but at the time I meet that person I am normal, I enjoy the cute things that the other one does to me, but I don't have the feeling to be clingy as them. And he knew that this is how I am, but told me that I wasn't like this at the start of our relationship. I think that if I know that the other person already loves me, I don't have to show something, or this is how I am, not excited everytime, but in the same time I go crazy to meet with him. How is this possible ? So... this was my first relationship and he told me that a girl like me, at my first realtionship shouldn't be like this, she should die of being happy and super excited and jump on him and do stuff like this, not being boring, serious, and passive. Last weekend we made love for the first time and after that, a shower together. And here comes the mistake. We finished that shower ( or just me finished it ) and then I told him that I will go to put my clothes on and he should do the same to go to eat something and see the city, because my train was coming in few hours. The problem was I didn't realized that that was such an important moment for our relationship, our first shower together, and I was in a hurry and get out of the shower. I wasn't thinking, and this thing costed me. He was disappointed and confused about me, but I didn't realized, I was happy, I was with the mind somewhere else after what we did at his home and I can't explain, I didn't know that it was that special for him. After that, we were ok, we ate, we went in a park, we drank something at a bar, we felt good. But on our way to trainstation he told me that this day was the worst telling me that he does not understand what is happening to me, and why I am like this. I told him that I don't know, but my feelings for him are the same, or even stronger, and that I was sorry for making such mistakes, explaining that this is how I am, and I am gonna try to be a better person. It was the worst day in my life knowing that after a day that I thought that was such special for me, this happened. Hearing all that stuff made me cry and he told me to look at myself for answer. I took the train and we sent the photos with us and the next morning I told him cute things to forget about what happend. After few hours he threw the bomb about breaking up, telling me that he does not want to be alone in a relationship and also, the worst was that the day after meeting him I was like nothing happened. But I explained him that I just wanted to send cute things to bring a good vibe. But, the truth was that I wasn't ok. He blocked me, and called me the next day that he wants to talk about some money and some plans that we had for summer. Of course I also talked to change his mind. All I've done was to cry and begg him to stay, I explained him more things but it was getting worse. The next few days I tryed the same, but without results. I finally told him to remain friends and to talk with me to feel better, because I felt very bad that I ruined a relationship just by doing that. He accepted, than we fought again. Then while we were talking, I mentioned the place were we first kissed, the place we were going at our every date, and he told me that that was our only truly special thing. Then he told me to come in his city to go there again one more time ( he told me a few days before that this was how he wanted to break up, not on internet ). And then I thanked him and I was very happy that he accepted such a thing, I wrote few more things about our first date, and he wrote them too which surprised me. That happened 2 days ago. Yesterday he sent me some stuff related to bras, telling me to buy such a thing because he likes not to feel any bra and blabla, weird thing anyway, like everything was ok. I don't know if he did that for me, to feel better, or there is other reason. After few hours I also sent him a funny image to see if he responds, and nope, just seen. The main questions comes now. So, I have the occasion to go to him in 2 weeks ( for personal things ), but after, I can also go and meet him ( and try to bring some tricks to remember him about good times and make him forgetting my mistakes ). What should I do ? Why did he send me that weird few messages in the last two days speaking normal ? Should I wait for another message and let him breath ? Should I send him a message telling him again how sorry I am, how much I am suffering or how better I was in the last few days because he unblocked me sending me those things ? Should I be straight forward telling him that I will come in his city in 2 weeks ( to not make any plans ) ? And also... Is there a problem with me and he is right, or I am ok and normal ?
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