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About Me

  1. Dear Catherine Angelina Marie, You were a miracle to have been conceived at all and I am so blessed to have been your mother. I know it maybe be silly to some that you have been named and that I would make a journal for you. I may have only known about your existence for about a week but you were still every bit my child and I love you. I have no idea if you were a son or a daughter but I have named you a girl. I am happy you have the company of your other siblings in heaven. You can be sure mommy thinks of you and loves you.
  2. I am SO depressed. I know I am constantly repeating myself on ena, but I like to catch up new readers. It has been three months since he broke up with me, and I do not miss him any less. I just REALLY REALLY want him back. I miss my friend, I miss my escape, I miss my love, I miss him so much. I have begged, pleaded, put my dignity on the line for this man so he could possibly come back. I have had my friends to talk to him, I have had his friends to talk to him. I have called his mom and asked for advice, I have wrote him letters, I have gave him gifts with a card containing more "I'm sorry" letters in it. I have stalked him on a fake account on facebook. Every time I saw him I broke down in tears and begged him to take me back...EVERY TIME. Anytime I needed a ride to work it was always depressing, because I couldn't hold on to his arm like I wanted to. I couldn't kiss him like I wanted to, I couldn't get a response back when I said "I love you" and it killed me, it still does. I called over 100 times one night, and that is not exaggerating. He picked up infuriated at me. I told him that I have been fighting for him for two months, can't he see that I am miserable? He responded back to me that that should be a big enough hint to leave him alone. I cried so hard that night. Every day I would call him anyway hoping he would pick up, some days I would call and text more than others, and I would never get a response. It was torture! I gave up, and tried no contact and I was somewhat healing. It was hard but I felt better every day, but I still wanted him. He started contacting me first, and that was very rare after the break up. It sucked to ignore his calls and texts, and if I did answer I pretended like I was not interested "What do you want?" One night he called me more that 7 times over, I ignored it, he asked me to pick up on a voicemail. I sent him a simple text saying "text" to let him know to text me. I wasn't so clingy. One day he arrived at my house unexpectedly. I answered the door "What are you doing here?" He told me he was going to call be he was afraid I would reject him. I invited him in. He told me he missed me, and missed our times together. I told him that that was his fault and he made us like this. He was quiet and I had this hard attitude on and I asked him "Do you need anything else or are you just going to stand there?" He told me he would leave, and he did. I did not chase after him like I usually would. He came back 5 minutes later ( I left the door unlocked). I asked him "What do you want, you must really miss me or something" He responded "What if I said I do?" I immediately caved and told him how I felt. I told him I missed him and I thought of him everyday. I told him that I wanted us more than anything. We had sex, and the next day we went out he seemed miserable to be with me. Later that day he told me that maybe we should stop talking. I was shocked! I asked him why did he come over, he told me that he did not want us to have any problems. I do not get that, if we aren't talking we would practically strangers right? How would there possibly be any problems if I am not talking to him or about him and vice versa. I asked him why did he have sex with me? He told me it just happened, sex is just sex and I should get over it. I itched a scratch for him. I degraded myself once again and showed him that I did not have any respect for myself, and to make it worse. I begged for another chance. I told him I have learned my lesson, that I will never hurt him that way ever again. He said that I have BEEN saying that, what make this time any different. I told him that I have had months to think about my actions, that it is totally different because he actually broke up with me, that I know what is on the line now. I never thought he would leave but now I know. He agreed to give me a chance. I felt somewhat better. I went on my fake account and snooped again. I saw that he had just got off of work, and he was wondering if anyone wanted to hang out because he claimed to be bored. I called him and asked him what he was up to, I acted surprised to hear him say that he was off work. I asked if he wanted to hang out or something. He told me that he was tired and that he was going to stay in that night. On his facebook, an hour or two later, he was tagged at some place downtown, and took pictures with his friends. So basically he lied to me, but I can not confront him because that fake facebook account is not me, to him it is someone else. I blocked him from calling me and texting me out of frustration. I could not call or text either. I let a day go by before curiosity got the best of me. I snooped again, I really wish I never created this fake page in the first place. I saw that his mother was in the hospital. I was very close to his mother, so I unblocked him and called. He answered, my heart started beating hard, I love the sound of his voice when he answers the phone. I asked if everything was okay? I asked if he was alright and his mom as well. He told me everything was fine, but then asked how I knew his mother was in the hospital. I lied and said that a specific mutual friend told me. I knew he would cover for me if my ex had asked him. He then asked if I blocked him, and that he was frustrated because he tried to reach me. He wanted to tell me about some UFO in the sky (because we were into that type of thing) that he think he might've saw, and he told me no one would believe him but me. He asked me "Why talk about getting comfortable just to block me the next day? That's not cool." We had casual convo, I was happy. He asked to stop by, I said sure. He didn't come in, I got in the car with him. Another round of casual convo. He left, and I was content with things. The next day, I woke up early, cooked him some cinnamon rolls because he is crazy over them, went outside and picked a flower from the garden and made a home made card for him and told him to come over. He stopped by for literally a few minutes and received the card and the baked goods. Before he left, he told me that I could call his mom, check on how she is doing (when before he told me to don't even think about calling his mother again because I am no longer family anymore). I was overjoyed to hear him say that. He left, and another day I was happy. The next day I did not contact him first, around 2pm he did. He told me the cinnamon rolls were delicious and he thanked me. We text back and forth and we joked around. I thought that maybe I did it! Maybe I fixed things and I could finally start showing him how I have changed. The next two days we did not speak at all. I started reading relationship advice and blogs, forums etc.. Some of them told me that NC DOES NOT WORK! That what makes you think that a partner would keep interest in you if you are not in the picture, especially if I am the one at fault. I panicked and called the next day. I explained to him that I want to try to get more comfortable with each other, and that I wish to try a relationship with him only with time. He seemed okay to what I had to say. Every day I started the contact. We would talk, normally or so I thought. I always had this weird feeling going on that he didn't want to. But why respond if he did not want to? We texted, occasional talk every now and then. I rushed out and bought his mom a Mother's Day gift, I asked him first though. Then I posted this thread on ENA, and it discouraged me to no end It is titled I am tired of being an ex. I refuse to follow no contact. I thought that I had the right idea by trying to prove to him that I am a positive person and that I am not as negative as I used to be in our relationship. EVERYONE SHOT MY IDEAS DOWN. I was scared. So for the past 3 days it have been no contact, and that is where I am right now... on the third day of no contact, desperately typing out my feelings here. I snooped just about an hour ago on his page, it turns out he is going on vacation out of state. Do you not think that that is something that he should have told me if we were working on getting comfortable. Why agree to work on us if he doesn't even want to talk to me. If he wanted to, I wouldn't be the one initiating first contact all the time. Here is what I have learned, and here is also what scares me. Despite how negative the poster are on ENA, if 88 out of 90 posts are telling me to leave him alone, then I guess I should get the hint. As you said pushing him for responses, and texting him again when he does not text back is only pushing him away. I also found out that I am filling a void for him. I am helping him move on because he have the familiarity of texting me, getting my responses and it somewhat (for lack of a better word) "soothing" to him. I am somewhat in the friend zone. He has the comfort of texting me, while he has no strings attached to me what so ever. So basically he can text me, and the proceed to see another woman if he wanted to. He has the ball completely in his court. He can see another woman if I was talking to him or not, regardless of what I do. Now I understand that no contact is to heal and improve myself. It is not to get him back. I understand that. But the goal is to improve myself and possibly get him back. I just want him back to the point I will do any and everything. I think I messed up too much though. Maybe if I stuck to no contact in the beginning hope would be there. I seriously doubt that he would knock on my door again, or even say the things he did before. I am so freaking depressed over this whole thing please. Someone snap me out of this depressed stage please!! For some reason, I find it hard to picture him contacting me
  3. My boyfriend's mother died very suddenly and unexpectedly 5 months ago, leaving him an orphan at age 36. His mother had raised him by herself and his father had remarried but died just a few years ago. His stepmother and half-siblings stopped talking to him after his father died, so it was as if he suddenly had no family left at all. When his mother died, I was the first and only person he turned to, and I held him all night and listened to him talk. He had to fly to another state to take care of arrangements and I offered to go with him. He tried to book a flight for me but nothing was available, so he asked me to come in the future to help him pack up his mother's house and be at his side at the memorial service instead. I tried to be as supportive as possible over the phone while he was away. We were in frequent touch and he told me everything about what he was feeling and going through. But when he came home 10 days later, he was very distant and strange. He seemed confused and said he didn't know what he wanted. He abruptly said he needed to take a break from our relationship and asked me to leave his apartment. He said I had been the most wonderful and sweetest girlfriend and that he loved me but that he just couldn't be in a relationship with anyone during this time. But he also kept saying that he didn't want to make a rash decision and to give it some time. I knew I had to set my feelings aside and allow him whatever he needed, even though I was devastated. I tried to give him space but also still be there for him, so I'd occasionally (every couple of weeks or so) send a short and kind email or text message. I did speak to him by phone for about an hour a few weeks later and he told me that he felt like a basket case and couldn't sleep. I tried to go help him with his mother's house but he turned me back home after our flight landed. Finally, 2 months later, he sent me a very terse and cold email that simply said there was not a possibility of us getting back together and that he felt there needed to be considerable time and distance before we ever talked again. No explanation or any words of kindness whatsoever. He sounded so different from the person I once knew. I'm having trouble accepting that this could really be the end. I keep wondering if there was anything I could've done to prevent or save this - whether I wasn't there for him enough in the beginning, if I gave him too much space or not enough, if it was a terrible mistake to get on that flight to try to help him, etc. Everyone tells me that doing that was an amazing selfless act of love on my part and wasn't inappropriate, but it seems like he was upset and disturbed by my gesture, perhaps due to his mental state while grieving. I only had the best of intentions and it doesn't seem like it should be a reason to push someone you care about entirely away and just completely refuse to talk. It was as if I had wronged him deeply but I don't know what I did that was wrong. Over the months I've read so much about grief and tried to understand what he is going through, but I still can't understand how his feelings could have changed so drastically when we had a great relationship before and he always seemed so deeply in love and sure of our relationship. I know he had to deal with a harrowing and traumatic experience, but why would he turn away from my support and cut me out of his life without explanation when he can still treat everyone else in his life as normal? How can he not miss the life that we had together? We were in a serious relationship and the love we felt for each other should mean something and not just evaporate into thin air. Can anyone help me with insight as to why he might have done this and whether it's likely he'll ever come around with time?
  4. me and my ex were together for 6 yrs on and off and 3 months ago we broke up but kept in contact, everytime we start trying everything will be fine then she will say we need to go our separate ways then a few days later she will end up texting and hanging out then bam say it again . well this past weekend she slept over 4 nights in a row everything finally seemed we were heading in the right direction had a great time together and the next day she texts me saying i just dont wanna do this anymore your my comfort zone and thats isnt ok... i dont nderstand how we could have such a great weekend and her sleeping over all weekend then the next day say that too me and that we need to go our separate ways and that shes sorry... im very hurt and confused... can someone please give me so advice or opppions... p.s. we had very long talks before she said this before started staying over those 4 nights we talked ofr 2 hrs and discussed us , i asked the big important questions in my eyes .. if she loved me? if shes attracted to me??? she said yes i said please be honest even if it hurts me, she said said she was being on honest and would tell me even if it would hurt me, she said she was scared for it to fail again and wishes she had a guarentee.... i know her mom disappoves of us and thats where shes living since she moved out 3 months ago, and her father told me who doesnt live in the household that her mother is the one putting things in her head.....
  5. Hi All Here is me, Male, in my thirties… In a Polyamorous difficult situation. I have a girlfriend for about 5 years (will call her “A” for simplicity). We had kind of a break 3 years ago.. and I met another girl (let’s call her “B”) With “B” I basically fell in love but at the same time also went back to make peace with “A” For about a year I basically dated both of them.. until “B” got pregnant. Now I have a 1 year old child too. “A” knows everything about it.. and she accepted it.. and also accepted the child (but will never accept the mother) but she wants to get married now (after 5 years relationship) and also to make her permanence with me more valid, starting a family with me too. Even if “B” has been with me for shorter time.. I cannot stop thinking about her either. I am 100% sure I love them both, but both of them want exclusivity. “B” will find probably find another partner if I don’t commit properly to her and stop treating her as “hidden lover” - obviously she cannot cut me entirely as I’m still the father of the child “A” will probably leave me and cut all connections with me if I do not get married to her.. soon This is the most difficult decision I have been facing.. for long time now. Both women have their positive qualities, they are very different but they are both amazing. “A” is with me for long time (5 years); “B” has already an healthy and strong child with me.. “A” is the mother type; always supported me and looked after me. Been pretty much only with me in her life. “B” (slightly older than “A” but not really relevant) is the partner type; always had extreme fun together and doing everything with much more passion. She had been a playgirl in the past but she stopped it when she met me. She left everything to continue the pregnancy, and she gave up pretty much everything for our child (she had a great job that she had to leave) I have been trying to keep them both for another year now.. but I started realizing that doing this is making both of them suffer. I always find either one crying and I feel selfish to continue to do so. Obviously my dream would be to keep them both, and live happily ever after all together; having children with both of them.. but I guess this can only be a dream. Is there any hope I could try to convince them to accept each other? or how do I choose between them? This situation is draining my energies lately and even when I lean towards one of them.. eventually I pull back to the other..
  6. Hi there, i was with woman for a five, or eight years... Do not remember exactly how long, i am a drinker and drug addicted in the past. Now we speak with each other, and i feel like... she's listen to me. She living with her mother, we have some "dates". It hearts. I drink some for the first time after rehab last friday... kinda i am only bring her pain, and we have no sexual relationship, but im try ask her for that. and like abuser... she goes from me second time with her things, half of things for a year was with her mother. that time... i dont even have idea what should i do. i have some deals with her, kinda buiseness-on-two. Now its ruined. Go for some usual job. Waiting for anwser. Have one friend, that donet care bout it. Parants says that it all on my hands. Im in charge... thanks for some attention. Im tired of porno and have no speaking. Thinks of suicide, but hay, probably i can bring her back, or at least, do not do that harm to her&me... P.S.: Wish you good with that virus epidemia, hard times.
  7. So next month I would have been with my bf for 1 year. So I’m very nosey so I decided to look for his ex girlfriend/baby mum online. He is a very private person and has never shown me her nor told me her name lol. So me being intrigued I found her Facebook then followed her on a fake Instagram [emoji23]♂️. She accepted it today and I see she posted a pic of my boyfriend mum saying ‘celebrating my mother in laws 60th’..... mother in law?? You don’t refer to your exs mother that way even if it is your child’s grandma. Most annoying part is I can’t even mention it to him cos he will be mad about me snooping and following her on a fake insta. Any advice ladies [emoji24]. Do you think they’ve been in a relationship this whole time ? He told me they broke up just before she found out she was pregnant. There child is 4 years old now.
  8. I can't stand my life anymore and I have to talk to somebody. The thing is, I don't want any attention from my family or friends so I can't talk to them but they're part of the problem anyway so this is the only place I can turn to. I am so withdrawn that I can barely talk to my family anyway so that is not an option. Here's my life in a nutshell. I am 38 years old but I have to live with my mom. My parents divorced when I was a teenager but my dad has gotten increasingly controlling and smothering and judgemental and negative, etc. so that's a constant source of stress for me. I got laid off from my good paying job 2 years ago and all I've been able to get are part time jobs, hence why I am stuck living here now. I haven't been on a date in 3 years and I have only had one real boyfriend in my life which was 10 years ago. I am so lonely for somebody to hold me, I dont even need sex, I just need someone to love who loves me back! I have been deprived of this for most of my life and the longer it becomes, the worse I feel. I have no interest in any jobs out there, I only take whatever I can get cuz I have to and then it makes me miserable. I am interested in a lot of subjects but I lose interest once I try to do it for a living. I have just lost the interest to work, period. I hate getting up in the morning, I have stopped exercising, I have shut myself down in almost every way possible. I hate talking to and being around my family, and I'm forced to live with my mom and my dad is always making things worse so every day is almost unbearable. I dont want to turn 40 and be alone, living with my mother, with a part time job I can't even survive off of. But that seems to be the way my life is heading and I can't stop it. I spend all my time fantasizing about how I want my life to be, but I know it isn't healthy to live in a fantasy world all day long, yet my life is so sucky I have to do it just to stay sane. I don't want to kill myself, but I dont see how my life can improve. I have tried everything I can think of, I just can't seem to fix it. Last week I had the happiest moment of my life, and I was sleeping. I was having a dream where I stole millions of dollars and escaped to my own island far out in the middle of the ocean, and it had a mansion on it and a secluded lagoon with crystal blue water, and I had a boyfriend, and I didn't have to work ever again, then I woke up and pretty much burst into tears right then and there. In the past I have posted about my problems on this and other sites but obviously I can't be helped or something, otherwise I wouldn't be in a worse situation now wishing I was dead! I am a spiritual person, believe it or not, and I believe what comes after this is perfect, and I just don't see the point in suffering with this crap.
  9. Hey, so my (now) ex and I are both seniors in high school - we're both 18. Her mom was fighting brain cancer for a while, and suddenly her mom's health took a rapid decline and she passed away basically a month ago. Fast forward a week and a half after her mother's death, she invites me to smoke with her and her best friend and the day after that we hang out for around an hour after not seeing each other for a month. Fast forward another week and after Christmas she calls to break up with me. From what I remember she can't give me what I want and she can't have a boyfriend right now. I told her that we could just cut the labels and she doesn't have to put any effort into the relationship, but she said she wanted to break up. I then asked if we could be friends and she said "sure" (something to that effect maybe in the future: she just said she didn't know what's gonna happen in the future and she doesn't want to set any expectations. What I'm asking is this: what advice do you guys have for me? I care about her and she said she still cares about me. I've been doing no-contact since a little more than a week ago, after I sent her a text saying "i've come to terms with the breakup, but i wanna say somethin that I think its important to know. call me when you feel like it". I was gonna say that I care about her and that i just want her to know that I'm always gonna be here for her if she needs it. I didn't get a response and honestly i dont really care but i kinda feel like ass that I'm just ignoring her, I don't want to cut her out of my life and ignore her. I want her to know that I'm gonna be here for her as a friend if she needs it. Should I text her that, or should I keep on doing no contact? BTW she doesn't talk to basically any of her friends anymore, just her best friend and one or 2 others.
  10. hi decided to start a new thread, hope that's OK? Basically it has now been over a year and we still go for daily runs etc . Even occasional sleep overs (share a bed but nothing like that). We were together 20 years, ex girlfriend and I are in a wierd place, she said yesterday that she wishes we could go back in time and was crying. Having said that she does occasionally blow hot and cold, but if I say I'm going out always asks where I'm going etc. I do, do alot of the chasing and know i shouldn't its just so hard not too. Yes she is like a drug and feel good when I have seen her (16 Yr old daughter lives with me and 21 yr old with mum). We both keep calling it a mess so why does she not just say lets try again? Or should I say this? I just don't know. All I know is it hurts. Many thanks for any advice
  11. I'm talking about a "child" who's 30 years and moved out since the age of 18. Is it normal for the mother of a 30 year old to still say things like: -Eat all your fruits and vegetables -I hope you’ve gained some weight (What the heck at this, why would I want to gain weight? FYI, I LIKE being slim, I don't WANT to gain weight, why would a mother wish something on me that I wouldn't want to begin with!) What kind of a thing to say is this?? I don't care if it's out of love, I want to scream to her face that "I don't want to gain weight" and to leave me alone! She said this in 4 e-mails! Same crap every time she writes even though I repeatedly told her it irritates me every time she writes this. -Don't forget to forget to wear warm sweaters and pants I think I'm old enough at 30 now to wear whatever I want and if she doesn't like it too bad. -Eat well to get energy for the day -Remember to take calcium , it’s good for your bones. Take 2 tablets a day (about 1000 mg), choose the one with vitamine D added. Chew them if they are too big to swallow. What, am I a 3 year old now? I am quite capable and competent thank you very much. I'm 30 and my mother thinks she can tell me take vitamins and chew if they are too big to swallow.. ?? lol Does anyone else have a mother like this? She patronized me via e-mail btw, not in person. If your mother still patronizes you and you are an adult who lives on his/her own please name specifics. It would make me feel a lot better knowing that I'm not the only one having to suffer/deal with being patronized like this. My mother is dense btw, she doesn't understand when I ask her not to patronize me, it really goes through one ear and out the other. I think she's not capable of understanding. Telling her in a mature and adult way to stop patronizing etc will not work because she is obsessive compulsive and next time will probably say the same thing because she just can't help herself. Sometimes I wonder if I was a guy if she would still patronize me like this? Or is it that she's just so obsessive and compulsive that she will patronize me either way? It's annoying and does nothing but push me away and resent her even more. I don't care if it's done out of love. It still bothers me a lot.
  12. To everyone around us, my mother and I have the best mother-daughter relationship possible. Everyone says I'm lucky to have a mother who is like a friend to me. After my parents' divorce fourteen years ago, my mother brought me up alone. I have an immense amount of respect for her for that. Since we were two women living alone without any third person with us, and since my mother is pretty progressive, we always had a friendly relationship. I've been there to witness all her relationships and breakups and everything in between. I've been the friend who had always been there when she needed to get back up after another relationship went down the drain. But it's not all fun and games like it seems. What this relationship meant that my mother remained like a friend. She never became a mother to me. I was very young when I realized I didn't have a mother. I had a friend of a different age. I had to learn to become the caring figure in my life. But that's not the main reason I resent her. Even the friendship with her is not balanced. It's always about her. Her relationships, her breakups, her friends. She didn't even notice me going through two breakups, coping with my best friend's suicide or struggling with my sexual orientation. She never bothered to ask how my day was. When I found out my best friend killed herself, we were in the dinner table and I couldn't eat. She bluntly said that girl was not important enough to be so sad over her. So only her friends are important. Maybe I'm being unfair. Maybe she had my best interests in my mind. But she never tried to understand me as a person. I know she loves me. But she doesn't value me as a person. That brings me to the next topic. She doesn't understand boundaries. She doesn't understand where she ends and I start. When I buy something for myself, she either wants to take it or wants me to buy her the same thing. She wants to participate in my every activity. She says it's my duty to make her happy since she brought me up alone. I guess it is, but I just want something for myself, and myself only. I want to be my own person, not her shadow. She's suffocating me. It's even worse in this pandemic because I have to spend every waking minute with her. I really do love her. I don't want to hurt her. How do I successfully enforce boundaries without hurting her?
  13. My name is Rob, I'm 38 years old and live in NY. I'm incredibly sad due to my fiance leaving me, which was on November 9th, one month prior, my mother passed away from lung cancer. I was her caretaker. During this time prior and and after my mothers death I was very emotionally unavailable to my fiance, and couldn't give her the love and affection she deserved. I came home to find her gone, with our pet rabbit, yet all of her belonging were still there, her jewelery, family photos, diarys, and all of her clothing, her engagement ring. Amazon packages she had ordered are still arriving. Her whole life is still in the house. I found out the next day and found out she quit her job of 10 years which she recently got a raise. I spoke to her parent both of whom loved me and they cried and said they couldn't stop her....she moved down to her sisters in north carolina. When I finally spoke to her the following day she told me I had not given her the love that she needed, and I understood apologized that I was not capable with the grief I was in from my mother's death, and that I would immediately get the help I need for my depression, which I have immediatly done and began seeing a Dr. I love her more than anything in this world and I intended to make her the number one woman in my life and have a family with her. She seemed stoic and cold while we were on the phone and told me she needed time and space. The last we spoke was Saturday and today is Tuesday. We were together for 4 years and I am heartbroken and she seems to be starting a new life in north carolina living with her sisters family
  14. Hi All, thanks for reading. I have been with my girlfriend for 4 years. We are engaged to be married next year and have just bought our dream house together. I get on ok with her mother but i am struggling to hide how much i dislike her from my partner. I love her dad though he is brilliant. Firstly, she (MIL) is rude, very abrupt, when i first met her she couldnt have been less interested in making a first impression. I have been raised to always be very polite. She treats my 26 yr old girlfriend like a baby, arranges to go to her medical appointments with her, still bought her underwear until she moved out, used to read personal valentines and birthday cards id sent her. When she moved out, made her take all her Disney stuffed teddy's and kids toys but told her she cant throw them away. She facetimes her atleast twice a day everyday and texts all day in between, and complains when we do things without her. Wants constant updates on the work we are doing in our house. We went on our first holiday overseas and because we didnt invite her she booked the exact holiday in the exact hotel a few months later and took my girlfriend with her. I took my gf to LA to propose (we live in the uk) her mum also wanted to come with us. She comments on anything we post on social media about how she didnt get an invite, how we do things without her. If we go shopping somewhere, she asks that she comes with us next time. She wants to be involved in all the wedding plan's and doesnt ask to come to our appointments, just tells us she is coming. She pressured my gf into having her cousin as bridesmaid at our wedding. She has spoke about buying a house nearer to us. She lives 30 minutes away but asked which room in our new house is for when she stays over. And then is the embarrasing stuff, she spits when she talks, so going out for a meal with her is uncomfortable, she will sit in a dress with her legs far too open because she is quite large and cant fold one over the other but will be showing everything. She belches all the time. When she invites us around for a meal, she plates the food up with her bare hands, and i once saw her do that after "adjusting" her underwear. Quite honestly, my biggest issue is that she repulses me and i am so uncomfortable around her. But i would never be rude to her, nor do i want to upset my partner in telling her how I feel. Help?
  15. Im in a new 1 year relationship. Is it ok to ask my son's mom if he has said what he wants for Christmas? He lives with his mom. I get him every other weekend. I asked my son what he wanted. He said he didn't know. I asked my girlfriend for ideas. She gave me 1 idea. My son's mom and I split up 6 years ago. She's been married for 2 years.
  16. I am 22, and I need advice on how to sort out this situation with my family. I feel very guilty about the whole thing I live and work about 300 miles away from home with my boyfriend. My family do not know I live with my boyfriend, they are highly against it - not because of him, but because my mother doesn't agree with me living alone and seeking employment rather than further education. This is because I left medical school with a degree, but did not carry on to medical training to become a qualified doctor. I basically studied for 3 years to achieve an undergraduate degree and left. I never wanted to be a doctor and largely did it to please my mother. Understandably, she was very upset at my decision. This lead to her and my father saying I couldn't come home. 3 months later and that is largely water under the bridge - they want me to come home for Christmas. I am reluctant, as largely they are not wonderful people. I am due to work Christmas day (I work in healthcare in a role I enjoy much much more than being a Dr) and visit my boyfriend's family the day after so I've largely managed to avoid it. I am feeling extremely guilty about avoiding them. When I first left home for medical school, I was leaving a very abusive father and a mother who would stay with him no matter what. When I came back for Summer, my father had been very ill (largely concealed by my mother), suffered a brain injury and the roles had completely reversed - my mother called the shots, my father was largely harmless if as lecherous as ever. Some friends have suggested that this is a much sought-after second chance with my father, now his temperament has changed, but I feel there are some things I cannot forgive. I largely just want a relationship (with healthy boundaries) with my mother and sisters. My mother is insistent she cares for me deeply, my sisters who live at home want me to return too and rebuild a relationship. The problem is they want me to rebuild a relationship too with my father, and return to medical school or university. Any dissidence meets a lot of upset from their sides. I am trying to go the 'long-distance' route but it is still leaving me deeply guilty. I don't know if I am being cruel for not going home and concealing my living situation or if I am being reasonable. Any help?
  17. I (27, nb) have gone through a lot of big changes this past year. Ive found something I am extremely passionate about, good at and has helped grow my confidence immensely as a person. I also ended up meeting someone (27, m) a little over a year ago and fell madly in love with them. They currently live halfway across the country from me. I have struggled a LOT with being able to balance my passion and having an LDR but when we would visit eachother it felt so perfect. Ive been through a string of awful abusive relationships ever since I started dating and have a lot of familial trauma. I for the first time not only was with someone who made me feel safe, treated me well and felt like they genuinely loved and cared about me, I also felt for the first time in my life a desire to have a family and potential child. I cant imagine having that with anyone else. He has 1 child currently and we started dating while he was still going through a rough breakup with the mother of his child who was extremely manipulative and abusive toward him. I helped him heal from that relationship and he told me time and time again how much he has learned to trust and communicate and be happy again, how he has also never been treated so well and wants a family and to spend the rest of his life with me. He came up with the idea of wanting to take his daughter and move out here and we talked about it for months. He is the primary caregiver of his daughter who is 3, and helped raise a child the mother had from a different man who is 5. The mother takes care of the 5 year old. It became increasingly difficult to balance my extremely busy and draining schedule with an LDR and I got frustrated with how it didnt really seem he was making any steps to come out here despite saying he wanted to. He talked about it with the mother a couple times with varying responses and then talked to her a third time and she said no she is not comfortable so he asked me if I would be willing to move with him. I said no and was frustrated because I have a lot going on here and a lot of ties and responsibilities regarding my passion we ended up talking less and less until finally I said I dont think I could do it anymore and didnt want to put him through anymore stress and not getting the attention he deserves. He agreed and we "broke up" but still clearly had feelings for eachother and would go between not talking and talking again and feeling like nothing had changed. Eventually, about a couple weeks ago, he talked to me about how he had started having feelings for his childs mother again that he thought might be reciprocated (she just dumped the guy she left him for) and that hit me hard. I ended up crying and we talked on the phone for hours about how we still love eachother and it felt like we might work things out. A week or so goes by and I get extremely busy again and dont talk much. He messaged me a few times and I didnt respond due to mental and physical exhaustion (he knows what I do is a lot) and finally while im out in the middle of something he texts me again about his confused feelings. I end up saying "I dont want to hold you back go be with her" essentially being very emotionally overwhelmed. I regret that and later ask if we can talk on the phone. He says hell try to call me later but it doesnt happen. Fast forward to this saturday, we hadn't talked since then and I go through something incredibly ed up and traumatizing. I witnessed a shooting and man dying out on the street and it sent me over the edge. I spent a day completely numb and then the next night I let it all out. I have a breakdown and cry for hours thinking about how that could have been me and the trauma of the past year and what ive been doing catches up to me and I realize I cant keep going like this. I want a family. I NEED a family. And I still love him. I text him I miss you while extremely upset. I need to talk to my best friend and my love and get comfort and tell him my outpouring of emotions. He responds with "I miss you too... But I should let you know I talked with childsmother and we both agreed to try things out again slowly and see where it goes." That sent me over the edge and I asked him to call me because I was hyperventilating at some point. He did and didnt really know what to say and just made sure I could calm down a little and not have an asthma attack. He said "I know youre going through a lot recently" and I said "I dont want it anymore I just watched someone die!" He I guess had unfollowed me on FB to get over me and had no idea that had happened till I said that... He had to take care of his daughter and I felt like so I let him go. We ended up texting more and I explained to him how much that ed me up especially him not telling me until I am in a LOT of pain even though he didnt know at the time. We ended up talking more and I basically told him that when I texted him "I miss you" I was going to tell him I want to be with him and Id be willing to sacrifice my life here to do that. I dont have a lot tying me here and I can continue my passion where he is. He had no idea of course and now its this ed up situation where I feel like a homewrecking piece of and he's confused again. I asked to talk on the phone one more time because I NEED to get this off my chest. If he is done with this I will respect that but I need to tell him how im feeling and why. I need to know if theres a chance. I want a family with him. In afraid now because of my own dumb inaction and inability to process my emotions due to constant stress and mental illness that chance is gone. What would you do? How would you approach this? How wrong am I for pursuing this? TLDR my LDR partner and I broke up due to unfortunate circumstances despite still loving eachother very deeply and I recently had an intense moment of clarity and am willing to sacrifice moving to him and make it work but he has now initiated a relationship with his ex who is the mother of his child
  18. My boyfriend of 5 years told me he had an amazing idea for a birthday present but that it was 'risky'. He messaged my best friend and she told him it seemed like a good idea, so he did it. Come my birthday, he handed me an envelope that contained a voucher for a tattoo shop. Now, for context, he recently got some new tattoos and I've been saying I'm jealous, and that I would like more too and have floated some ideas around. With that said, I haven't settled on any ideas, they've all just been purely brain storming (and I thought he was aware I had not settled on any, and the voucher only lasts 1 year). I have one tattoo that I got on a whim and I regret it so much so am scared to make the same mistake, however he is very spontaneous and I think he would like me to be more spontaneous too. Overall I know the gift came from a good place. However, I was so shocked to get the voucher as a gift that I panicked a little and blurted out "but I don't have any actual ideas for a tattoo" - I got really anxious about it for some reason, and I also don't love the idea of having a tattoo that he partially funded in the event we ever split up... My mum was there and kept trying to give advice and ideas, which I would turn down as my mum has a very different style to me. In all of that I forgot to actually thank my boyfriend for the gift, and over the next 2 or so hours my mum kept bringing it up, dragging out the awkward conversation. I think my boyfriend was hurt - he got really angry and he told me he would never forgive or forget my ungrateful attitude, and that he will never give a gift again (though that's okay if he feels that way, I'm not dating him for gifts). I feel absolutely terrible as I should have been more thankful and thought about the logistics after the fact in my own time, and just let him see me be excited for his gift he put a lot of thought into. He almost broke up with me over this, and left the house for a couple of hours. In this time I tried my best to explain that I am really grateful, appreciate the gift and his generosity, however he has told me my words mean nothing and there is no way I can convince him otherwise. I'm being truthful when I say that I am grateful, and I'm sure I will use it to get a tattoo that I love, but now I feel it will be tainted with negativity (which is my own fault, I know). My initial reaction was just pure shock, a result of the current environment and my anxieties around such a commitment. I do understand I should have shielded him from those feelings at least until I could articulate it better and not offend him or come off as ungrateful. I am looking for advice on how to fix this and show him that I am actually grateful for his gift. He keeps making remarks about how I am ungrateful and a bad partner and I'm worried my relationship will not survive this. Again, I know I am in the wrong 100% and common gift etiquette is to act as if you love it no matter what (even though I do love the idea/gift, I'm just also a very anxious, detail-oriented person). I just had a severe lapse in judgement this day for some reason, usually I'm grateful for anything he does for me and show it, so this isn't a frequent issue.
  19. Hello, im new to this forum and in need of advice. I have been with my partner for 6 years and just last year we decided to move in together. From the start we always had problems but nothing we couldn’t overcome. My partner since the first day became very good friends with my family members and everything was great. My sister and my mom started to notice how much we would argue about small things and they started to wonder if we were ok. Specially since my mom realized how my partner would go out without me every time and she thinks im not being taken serious. After that my partner became very angry at my family calling them nosey and even claiming that they didn’t want to see us together. I even stopped talking to my family for a couple months thinking it would make things better in our relationship. It only made things worse. Now we cannot go a day without a huge argument and every time i have to sit and listen to my partner bash my family and say really bad things about them. This hurts me so much since I have always been close to my family and love them so much. As of right now we both sleep in different rooms, we haven’t had any intimacy for the last 5-6 months. Not even a kiss. I feel like i live with a roommate that hates me. God knows I have tried to fix this but I cannot stand the insults towards the people I love anymore. I feel like i have to choose one side only to be happy. Im stuck and all i can do is cry.
  20. I was in a relationship with a woman for 3 years and I really believed I would spend the rest of my life with her. She is renting a house and living with her adult daughter and her boyfriend plus her 17 year old son. I have a pretty unconventional lifestyle (vegan, minimalist, organic, no car, etc.) and she expressed a desire to become more environmentally conscious as well. However, her kids were raised pretty standard American and to avoid me feeling too judgemental about the wastefulness, or the kids becoming resentful of me when I am pushing for less wastefulness, we decided to wait to live together on my own property in my own tiny house until her son turns 18 and she will be an empty nester. After having some difficult conversations about this it felt like we were in a good place about it. In the fall of 2019 my partner, let's call her Ruth, who is a trauma therapist, told me that I should meet her client, let's call her Lisa. Lisa had been Ruth's client for more than a decade and Ruth told me that Lisa was the most traumatized person she ever met! Even though Ruth was still Lisa's therapist, they started to hang out together. Ruth and I love going on outdoor adventures and Lisa started to join us on a lot of those trips. At the beginning of covid Lisa was invited to be part of Ruth's family pod, because Lisa didn't have anyone else in town to be close with. Lisa is a therapist herself as well for traumatized kids and Lisa started to hang out at Ruth's house more and more, while I was working my seasonal job with a conflicting work schedule with Ruth's, so Ruth and I didn't have much time together during the work week. I brought up several times that I needed some alone time with Ruth as well and she kept on reassuring me that I was her person and her priority. Ruth also acknowledged that Lisa was too dependent on her and that the dynamic between them wasn't particularly healthy (Lisa has Ruth saved as "mom" in her contacts). I believe that Lisa is completely in love with Ruth and wants to use Ruth as an example of a good human being to model her life after, after all the traumatic experiences she has had. In the meantime Ruth was a bit freaked out at the beginning of covid and decided to buy a handgun for protection. She talked about that with Lisa, but didn't bring it up with me until she had bought the gun already. This was an indication that Lisa was becoming more of a partner to Ruth than me. Because Ruth realized that the situation with Lisa was becoming unethical, she decided to officially stop being Lisa's therapist, although she still counseled Lisa unofficially for at least a couple of hours every week. Ruth was compensated for that by Lisa helping out in the household and buying groceries for the family. Sometime last June Lisa started renting a room in the house, although she still kept her own place too (only because she had a dog there). I slowly became more and more frustrated with feeling like a third wheel in this situation. In July we went with the 3 of us on a backpacking trip. On the drive down small things kept on happening that made me feel more and more excluded, which made me somewhat irritable. This irritability caused an argument on this trip twice, during which I blamed Ruth for something pretty minor. This made her feel attacked and unsafe, mostly because of her own trauma background (she was in an abusive relationship with her ex for 20 years). At night, Ruth checked in with Lisa and they talked privately for a while, after which Ruth came into my tent. We processed the whole night and made some progress, even though I was shocked at some of the things she said to me. For example, she told me that she started drinking more after I once mentioned carefully that she might consider drinking a little less, but she just kept it hidden from me instead. It sounded like she was already not feeling safe with me for quite a while, even though less than a week before the fateful incident she told me that she was very happy to be with somebody who communicates well and is safe. After a night of processing she said she wasn't ready to break up with me yet. However, we had to invite Lisa into the tent and tell her what happened. As soon as Lisa came in she started calling me names right away (shamer, blamer, abuser, domestic violence perpetrator, narcissist and somebody who doesn't care one iota about other people's feelings). When I tried to respond I got shut down with remarks like "you can't claim ignorance as an excuse" and "you don't get to defend yourself, that is what all abusers do to deflect". Even though Ruth had just expressed to me that she wasn't ready to break up with me, she immediately fell in line with Lisa's way of thinking. It felt like an abusive ganging up on me (and that by 2 professional trauma therapists!): I was completely prevented from saying anything in my defense, while I was told in no uncertain terms that I am an incorrigible abuser who is doomed to a life of intense therapy to even have a chance to become a better human being. The conclusion was drawn and there was no space to create any other perspective on the situation than through the lens of trauma prevention and abuse, which means getting rid of me as soon as possible and not uttering another word to me on the long drive home, because suddenly I am not a safe person anymore. I suddenly had become Ruth's abusive ex. The next day I received an email from Ruth stating that I can't contact her in any form, ever. If I do, they would file a restraining order against me. I do believe that this is mostly Lisa's sentiment. Ruth and I seriously never had an argument before this happened and I felt completely solid in the relationship. In June of 2019, Ruth came with me to The Netherlands for a 2.5 week visit at my parent's expense to say goodbye to my dying mother. I felt so supported by her and everybody loved her. She said goodbye to my mother with tears in her eyes and promised my mother she would take care of me. This break up happened in the second half of July. I still can't wrap my head around the fact that 2 such minor incidents caused such a severe punishment. I am still in denial and completely heartbroken. Ruth's brother and his girlfriend did reach out to me about a week after the incident via text and told me they didn't believe that I am an abuser and asked me what happened. I sent them a long email with my explanation of what happened and expressed my concern about Lisa's influence on Ruth. Ruth's mother read that email as well. About a week later I was going to meet in a park with the 3 of them (mother, brother and brother's girlfriend) to talk more about what happened and the dynamic at play between Ruth and Lisa. However, somehow Ruth must have heard about that plan and decided to cut them out of her life as well, after which the family decided to stop communicating with me. Even after all this, I am still completely in love with Ruth and keep on hoping that she will come to realize that she treated me poorly and will want me back. Is this unreasonable, especially given the fact that Lisa and Ruth might now not just be emotional partners, but sexual partners as well? Given the fact that Ruth and Lisa are professional therapists, did they step completely out of line with allowing their relationship to develop like this? If so, do I have an obligation to bring them to the therapists ethics board, even though I have no desire to create more problems in Ruth's life (and I do believe she actually is a good therapist) and I firmly believe that Lisa is not malicious, but just acting from her damage? I feel like I want to force a family intervention, but I guess it is really not my place to do that.
  21. Basically since 2019 my mother and father has been divorced. My father moved out in April 2020 because they would argue constantly everyday at home for many reasons. My mom feels as if he walked out on my family as their was a pandemic that just started and she wanted to move out at the same time. My father apologized and acknowledged he was wrong for leaving at such a bad time and not sitting the family down before making that decision and making a plan. He lives still in the town in a small apartment. Whenever I even bring up his name her whole attitude will change after would yell at me for just saying his name. She wants me to let him know that what he did was wrong and not speak to him. In april/may me and him barely spoke because I thought it was wrong of him leaving and spoke to him minimal. He would apologize to me many times and to the whole family & I realized that not speaking to him would only make things worse and I wanted them to at least be able to communicate so they could co-parent. Still in september I get yelled at by her for even just trying to help the situation and in the house I live in it's very uncomfortable because nobody wants to speak to one another. I don't know how to treat the situation or what to do because im only 17 and can't move out or stay anywhere .
  22. My brother and I have always had a pretty good relationship despite living in a turbulent household (parents always arguing and dad, cheating). We're both in our twenties and I'm his older sister by 5 years. In our culture, we stay with our parents until marriage, and family is everything. So despite all the turmoil between our parents, we've all always tried to work things out to keep our family together. I've always been a mega nerd, scoring high marks and basically just dedicating my life to academics. My brother's always been extremely social and has gotten into trouble over the years (getting arrested, stealing money from our parents, partying day and night, getting kicked out of university). Basically, although we've gotten along well, we're obviously different people. Everything was fine, and then he moved to Australia for a year. I cried at the airport. Despite the move, we still had a great relationship, and talked on the phone for hours at a time. He moved back a few week ago, which I was so excited about. However, he's come back a monster. He started going on rants about how he truly understands what life is about now, and that we're just doing everything wrong as a family. He said he's going to "fix" everyone. He started by screaming at dad in front of construction workers about his cheating behaviours, even though we were all embarrassed and told him to stop making this a public problem. He continued by going to dad's workplace and arguing with various workers about what their exact role is and what they accomplished that day. He grabbed dad's phone at various times mid-call and would ask questions to the person on the other end, to make sure he wasn't cheating. He then attacked mom about how she takes pain medication (recovering from shingles) because that's "poison" to her body and that she should instead do weed. My mom is conservative and very straight-edge so she'd never do that, but he continued on about how she's closed minded. He got into fights with her over some other things too and called her two-faced and a liar. He then attacked one of the twins, who broke up with his girlfriend early this year. He accused him of still talking to the girl. Twin showed his phone and everything, but our brother still went on a rampage about how he knows he's still totally talking to her. He yelled a bunch at the other twin too which resulted in the twin crying, even though the twins are 19. Then came my turn! For some background info, I tried out anxiety medication (Zoloft) at the end of 2018 and had a severe reaction. Right away I became incredibly lactose-intolerant and extremely sensitive to all kinds of foods, resulting in severe diarrhea or throwing up. My doctor disagreed that the Zoloft caused this, but the specialist I saw told me it definitely could have been a rare but severe side effect from this psychiatric drug which is known to be harsh on the stomach. He gave me a simple diet to follow and expected me to build up a tolerance against these reactions. Regardless, what was important was that either way, I was not well. I followed his instructions though and my reactions lessened, but haven't fully gone away yet. So, back to my brother. He randomly confronted me in the kitchen, asking me to tell him what's "really" going on. Honestly, I had no clue what he was talking about. He started glaring at me and telling me to tell him the truth. Turns out, he thinks I'm just pretending to have these reactions so that I have an excuse to not have to study (I'm trying to get into law, and was waitlisted twice due to a low lsat score). He even confronted the twins about how it's suspicious that I was waitlisted in a row, that he doesn't think I even wrote the lsat, which thankfully the twins saw and had the emails of. But that didn't stop my brother from continuing his rampage. He claimed I'm just pressured to go into law (untrue, it's very much so my own choice) and so I'm totally faking all this. I was pretty shocked, and told him that this is all real, that he could take a look at my previous blood test if he wanted. Unfortunately, while looking for it in my binder, I remembered that I had thrown it out as it didn't show anything substantial. This triggered my brother into a craze as he started ranting about how he's "catching the lies" and that I should fess up right now. At least my parents and the twins all know this is all real, and told him to stop acting like this, but he doesn't listen to anyone. Finally, I was discussing how upsetting this was to my mom. That's when my brother came barging in and started accusing me all over again. He said I maybe even secretly do drugs (ridiculous). I asked him why he even thinks all this nonsense, and he said, "I'm just saying that you should really tell me the truth because it's going to be so awkward for you when the truth comes out at the doctor's". He believes the doctor will let us know that this is all a fake ruse or that I'm doing drugs which cause these reactions. I got so upset that I got teary, and then he said that if I was being honest, that I wouldn't cry. That made me even more upset, and then he accused me of fake crying to garner sympathy from mom. He also accused me of lying about the anxiety medication, saying that first I called it Zoloft, and then I called it Sertraline (which is just its drug class, my god). He says everything I say is suspicious and so interesting, as he puts it. Every single day he rants about how I'm a liar. He yells, "my sister has been lying to all of us for 3 years! She's basically 30 and she's going no where!" Not only am I not at all 30, but it hasn't even been a full 2 years since I got these reactions. Further, these reactions happen about once a week to once a month, if even, when I accidentally consume dairy or something greasy/upsetting. It doesn't stop me from studying or living an otherwise normal life. My mom wants me to take him along to my next doctor's appointment, and while I can't stand him, I'll do it just so he shuts the hell up about me. However, even if he apologizes later to me, I don't think I can ever see him the same way again. My academic accomplishments define so much of my life. My wall is covered with my awards and scholarships over the years as school has always been the one thing I'm good at. It's the only thing I'm so proud of. I worked my ass off and even helped my brother to graduate from high school, which he always credits me with. And so for him to accuse me of being a fake actor, feigning an illness for 2 years just so I can avoid studies, is so insulting and hurtful to me. I have a bachelor's, double minors, and double certifications. My life has revolved around my education and my family knows that. He told my mom he'll accomplish double what I have by the time he's my age though, and that I'm wasting away my life, pretending it away and lying to everyone. My next appointment is with a stomach specialist (gastroenterologist) and so it'll be a long wait, but the time between now and then is killing me, hearing him yell out accusations day after day. I've totally had enough of this. I feel so distressed and angry when I even hear his voice. He's supposed to be my brother, acting like family and supporting me, not discouraging me, doubting me and accusing me. Our last argument happened when he burst into my room, yelling out accusations again but this time I exploded on him. My hands began to shake in anger, and once again he said if I was innocent then I wouldn't even get angry. I have NO idea why he's gone insane like this since he's gotten back from his trip, but he's completely destroyed our relationship and I want nothing to do with him. I can't even believe this is really my brother, who I loved so deeply and cared so much about ever since we were little. It's like something has come over him in the worst way. I feel very picked on and bullied. Not even my worst enemies have spoken to me in the way my brother is. He claims he's doing all this because he cares for me and wants the truth to come out. Just crazy. Obviously, this is all still happening and I'm very angry and heated still, but I really do believe I don't have love for him anymore in my heart. In fact, I can't stand him. If I never saw him again, I'm confident I'd be just fine. In my heart, he's no longer a brother of mine. I do recognize he's young/not the most mature, but I still feel this way, especially since I know I'd never do this someone at any age. Am I overreacting?
  23. Hi all, For once I'm not actually posting about myself. I'm posting about concerns and advice for my mother who has been dating someone for the last few years. A little bit of a back story, my Mum was single for about 25 years, after my abusive father was kicked out of the house (never saw him again, and he died in 2013). She focused on raising me and her career. She is now in a quite highly paid job role, and has just gone from strength to strength. A few years ago, so started dating a work colleague (they were initially peers, but she's since become his superior albeit on different teams). He's a bit younger than her, but the age gap isn't really the issue. The main problem is he's separated from his wife, but still living with her - just on the top floor of the house. There is no love there, and it's basically a long drawn out divorce. Last year he broke it off with my Mum, citing needing to get his head sorted and finally out of the house. It broke my Mum's heart but they eventually kind of got back together again, despite nothing changing in his home life. He's been going hot and cold since really. Obviously with the lock-down, they've not seen each other and everything has been on hold. However my Mum has been getting paranoid about his friendship with another female colleague during this time. At the moment, he's not speaking to her outside of work, and my Mum has found evidence that he has been at the colleagues house a few times in the last couple of weeks. There is no evidence that he's having an affair, as to be honest, he's essentially cheating on his separated wife with my Mum, so you wouldn't do the same again with another colleague right? I've stated that because he feels guilt about being around my Mum whilst he's dealing with his difficult home life (work is also a massive stress factor), maybe he's going to this colleague's house as a bit of respite - away from the home and away from the kids. They all work from home by the way. She's convinced there's something else going on, and that they are just lying to her. Now the female colleague could be innocent in all this, supporting her friend by offering a place to chill out for a few hours and get some work done. But not mention it to anyone else in work, as that's how rumours and gossip starts. I've told my Mum this but she's just not listening. I have to see her cry and be depressed constantly and I don't know what to do to help her. Affair or not, he's clearly been messing her about too much and I know she should break it off completely. But she just wants the whole truth and almost a definitive answer that he's sleeping around with another colleague. What's everyone's opinion? Is there anything I can do? She's even talking about getting a tracking device on his car or something as she wants to know for sure, but I'm worried she will throw everything away over him. She's worked incredibly hard over the last 25 years, and I couldn't bare to watch her destroy over this man who doesn't deserve her in the first place.
  24. I’ve been with my girlfriend for 3 years now ,I’m just so unsure if I want to spend the rest of my life with her, how do you know if you are going to be happy together for ever . We have arguments and that’s normal . We have good times too . I think she is a jealous person and I she needs to know everything I do who I speak to , she often checks my phone to see who I’ve been speaking to texting . Then it was my mom birthday I bought her a voucher for £30 for a takeaway. When I told my girlfriend the cost she went mental and told me my mom wasn’t worth that amount . I stupidly agree with her to keep her happy , and changed it to £10 and another small gift . When my mom got the present she knew something was wrong I wouldn’t get her a £10 voucher, and asked me what it was about . I told her that my girlfriend thought she wasn’t worth £30 , obviously she wasn’t happy . Now my girlfriend isn’t happy too as she knows I told her about the present too . There have been other things too that I’ve been unhappy about with my girlfriend but I just agree to keep her happy , but I’m I going to be happy if I can’t stand up to her
  25. She scolds even for little things. I understand she's going through menopause phase but that doesn't mean she will get angry at her children. And how on earth is it my fault if she has mood swings? It is very rare that i have speak back and stand up for myself. Most of the times she keeps on scoffing, scolding. I don't take her words seriously because she doesn't mean it but still i get upset at the anger and scolds. And then suddenly she changes. She speaks softly and politely and treats me as her favourite kid. But how do i cope with the scolds and anger??
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