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About Me

  1. When I was young, my dad said a lot of because of me, he stayed in the marriage with my mom. He wasn't appreciated at all by her. He was not happy with my mum... Could that be called love or is it a cheating? Of course, he was dating with a woman when I was very young and my mother was very angry and they fought a lot on that but in the end, the marriage eventually stayed. I very much stood by my mom, but after many years, my auntie revealed that my mom once brought a man that she held hands with to visit my auntie. I feel my parents are in the end staying together for me, but I feel they both are cheaters.
  2. Hello. I will try to explain myself as simply as I can. I had some relation problems in July and I asked help from here. Firstly, let me summarize that relationship: I had an online relationship, then we have seen each other several times in reel life, we had some jeaolusy problems and someday i couldn't give enough care and time to him because of my own problems. Then, on June, he decided to end our relationship, and I tried to get him back with a trick: I wanted him to be jealous of me. I wanted him to regret his decision about ending this relationship and I wanted him to try to win me back. This childish idea obviously didn't work and he left me completely, and I couldn't win him back. Until last week, I begged for 3 months to win him back, but no mather what I did, it didn't work. Finally, I got tired and gave up. I deleted him on everywhere and I didn't see him later. And I made a promise to myself; I won't see him ever in my whole life. At this point, I tried to focus on the other things in my life. Like my family and my school. But hey... there was a problem. I was so preoccupied with my relationship problems that everything else was "secondary issue" to me. Even myself and my mental health was a "secondary issue" to me... I thought that if I could get my boyfriend back, I could handle everything else. And now, I have to face and deal with that crooked idea. First of all, I explained the whole story to my mother (firstly I have to admit I had an online relationship, yes I prefer "admit" word because it is a "no-no" in her opinion). I did this to end all my feelings for him and create a point of no return... She was very angry (as always) and she threatened me with my father. She said "I will tell everything to your father and he will beat you. Because by talking to people you don't know, you put not only yourself in danger but also us." I begged her a lot and finally she changed her mind. But my father already understood the tense atmosphere at home and kept asking what was going on. So I made a deal with my mother : We told him a fabrication lie about one of my girl classmates and my mother acted like "an overprotective mother", and I acted like "a stupid girl who believes to everyone so quickly". We said "my girl classmate wanted to meet me at a very suspicious place, and my mother was damn right to not allow me to go." We never mentioned that there is a man or love in this story. My father didn't believe at first, but my mother and I kept pretending and eventually "case closed" on the very same night. I also had to deal with my school problems. Today, I went to my school and I "learned" that I would be dismissed from the school, because I could not complete my classes on time. I thought I still had a year to finish my school, but it wasn't. Problem is about my lessons, not about my thesis, actually. If I had completed all my courses in 2 years and had to submit only my thesis, I would have had 1 additional year. But I could not complete my courses and my thesis in 2 years. And because of my failed courses, they won't give that additional 1 year to me. So I had to first deregister at the school and then re-register. And it means we have to pay extra "money". Actually, I've asked my school-advisor about this topic before. But maybe I didn't ask correctly, or maybe he misunderstood me... Somehow, here is the situation. I can't do anything to fix it. I came home, trying not to throw myself in front of passing cars... Because, only 4 days ago, my mother literally told me these very sentences : "This is the second and the very last chance I'm giving to you. There won't be a next chance. So make up your mind and don't do other stupid things anymore." -- Additionally, that first chance was my first relationship in the university and she said for years that I'm so lucky for she didn't kick me out of the house. -- [I have to describe my relationship with my mother right now: It always scared me that she was so tough and angry. She had literally minimal tolerance for me, because of the problems she had with his own family and my father. I remember very-well, I was a primary school girl and my mom told me about her marital problems and wanted me to "understand" her and not tire her. She always said that, I was the only reason she was still married, and it always made me feel on edge. I had no right to make mistakes, I just had to be grateful for the opportunities my parents gave me, go to school and get a job.] Anyway. Luckily I was alone at home and had the opportunity to think about the situation. Unlike other days, today my dad came home first and I explained my school problems to him in my mother's absence. I wanted his help. I suggested keeping it a secret, but firstly we had to create "a believable lie". Thus, for the first time in my life, I shared a problem with my father. Surprisingly, he didn't react like my mother had told me for years. He didn't hit me. He didn't shout. He was even not angry. He did not humiliate -or- insult me. All I saw was disappointment, though he didn't say that, but I could tell it by the tone of his voice. He just listened to me with patience and offered me a way out when I finished my speech. I told the first part of the lie we prepared tonight, everything went well so far. I hope my mom will believe me when I say the other part and I can get away with it without she messing with it anymore. [By the way, I'm not as bad as you probably think... I feel so ashamed and regretful in my deep. I will never ever lie to both of them anymore, because all of this process is so painful and all I can feel is remorse, guilt and fear.] Now my question is... If I can get through this situation before my lie is exposed, should I tell both of them what they don't know after it's all over? Should I explain everything in the end? Or is it best to be dishonest and stay in the shadows for a lifetime? Or do you have any other ideas? Please feel free to share your thoughts with me, it would be really appreciated, because I need all different viewpoints in my situation. Thank you for your precious time. I hope you never have to lie to your parents because it really feels so guilty, especially when your last activity before sleeping is give them a good-night kiss
  3. My boyfriend's mother died very suddenly and unexpectedly 5 months ago, leaving him an orphan at age 36. His mother had raised him by herself and his father had remarried but died just a few years ago. His stepmother and half-siblings stopped talking to him after his father died, so it was as if he suddenly had no family left at all. When his mother died, I was the first and only person he turned to, and I held him all night and listened to him talk. He had to fly to another state to take care of arrangements and I offered to go with him. He tried to book a flight for me but nothing was available, so he asked me to come in the future to help him pack up his mother's house and be at his side at the memorial service instead. I tried to be as supportive as possible over the phone while he was away. We were in frequent touch and he told me everything about what he was feeling and going through. But when he came home 10 days later, he was very distant and strange. He seemed confused and said he didn't know what he wanted. He abruptly said he needed to take a break from our relationship and asked me to leave his apartment. He said I had been the most wonderful and sweetest girlfriend and that he loved me but that he just couldn't be in a relationship with anyone during this time. But he also kept saying that he didn't want to make a rash decision and to give it some time. I knew I had to set my feelings aside and allow him whatever he needed, even though I was devastated. I tried to give him space but also still be there for him, so I'd occasionally (every couple of weeks or so) send a short and kind email or text message. I did speak to him by phone for about an hour a few weeks later and he told me that he felt like a basket case and couldn't sleep. I tried to go help him with his mother's house but he turned me back home after our flight landed. Finally, 2 months later, he sent me a very terse and cold email that simply said there was not a possibility of us getting back together and that he felt there needed to be considerable time and distance before we ever talked again. No explanation or any words of kindness whatsoever. He sounded so different from the person I once knew. I'm having trouble accepting that this could really be the end. I keep wondering if there was anything I could've done to prevent or save this - whether I wasn't there for him enough in the beginning, if I gave him too much space or not enough, if it was a terrible mistake to get on that flight to try to help him, etc. Everyone tells me that doing that was an amazing selfless act of love on my part and wasn't inappropriate, but it seems like he was upset and disturbed by my gesture, perhaps due to his mental state while grieving. I only had the best of intentions and it doesn't seem like it should be a reason to push someone you care about entirely away and just completely refuse to talk. It was as if I had wronged him deeply but I don't know what I did that was wrong. Over the months I've read so much about grief and tried to understand what he is going through, but I still can't understand how his feelings could have changed so drastically when we had a great relationship before and he always seemed so deeply in love and sure of our relationship. I know he had to deal with a harrowing and traumatic experience, but why would he turn away from my support and cut me out of his life without explanation when he can still treat everyone else in his life as normal? How can he not miss the life that we had together? We were in a serious relationship and the love we felt for each other should mean something and not just evaporate into thin air. Can anyone help me with insight as to why he might have done this and whether it's likely he'll ever come around with time?
  4. Dear Catherine Angelina Marie, You were a miracle to have been conceived at all and I am so blessed to have been your mother. I know it maybe be silly to some that you have been named and that I would make a journal for you. I may have only known about your existence for about a week but you were still every bit my child and I love you. I have no idea if you were a son or a daughter but I have named you a girl. I am happy you have the company of your other siblings in heaven. You can be sure mommy thinks of you and loves you.
  5. I am SO depressed. I know I am constantly repeating myself on ena, but I like to catch up new readers. It has been three months since he broke up with me, and I do not miss him any less. I just REALLY REALLY want him back. I miss my friend, I miss my escape, I miss my love, I miss him so much. I have begged, pleaded, put my dignity on the line for this man so he could possibly come back. I have had my friends to talk to him, I have had his friends to talk to him. I have called his mom and asked for advice, I have wrote him letters, I have gave him gifts with a card containing more "I'm sorry" letters in it. I have stalked him on a fake account on facebook. Every time I saw him I broke down in tears and begged him to take me back...EVERY TIME. Anytime I needed a ride to work it was always depressing, because I couldn't hold on to his arm like I wanted to. I couldn't kiss him like I wanted to, I couldn't get a response back when I said "I love you" and it killed me, it still does. I called over 100 times one night, and that is not exaggerating. He picked up infuriated at me. I told him that I have been fighting for him for two months, can't he see that I am miserable? He responded back to me that that should be a big enough hint to leave him alone. I cried so hard that night. Every day I would call him anyway hoping he would pick up, some days I would call and text more than others, and I would never get a response. It was torture! I gave up, and tried no contact and I was somewhat healing. It was hard but I felt better every day, but I still wanted him. He started contacting me first, and that was very rare after the break up. It sucked to ignore his calls and texts, and if I did answer I pretended like I was not interested "What do you want?" One night he called me more that 7 times over, I ignored it, he asked me to pick up on a voicemail. I sent him a simple text saying "text" to let him know to text me. I wasn't so clingy. One day he arrived at my house unexpectedly. I answered the door "What are you doing here?" He told me he was going to call be he was afraid I would reject him. I invited him in. He told me he missed me, and missed our times together. I told him that that was his fault and he made us like this. He was quiet and I had this hard attitude on and I asked him "Do you need anything else or are you just going to stand there?" He told me he would leave, and he did. I did not chase after him like I usually would. He came back 5 minutes later ( I left the door unlocked). I asked him "What do you want, you must really miss me or something" He responded "What if I said I do?" I immediately caved and told him how I felt. I told him I missed him and I thought of him everyday. I told him that I wanted us more than anything. We had sex, and the next day we went out he seemed miserable to be with me. Later that day he told me that maybe we should stop talking. I was shocked! I asked him why did he come over, he told me that he did not want us to have any problems. I do not get that, if we aren't talking we would practically strangers right? How would there possibly be any problems if I am not talking to him or about him and vice versa. I asked him why did he have sex with me? He told me it just happened, sex is just sex and I should get over it. I itched a scratch for him. I degraded myself once again and showed him that I did not have any respect for myself, and to make it worse. I begged for another chance. I told him I have learned my lesson, that I will never hurt him that way ever again. He said that I have BEEN saying that, what make this time any different. I told him that I have had months to think about my actions, that it is totally different because he actually broke up with me, that I know what is on the line now. I never thought he would leave but now I know. He agreed to give me a chance. I felt somewhat better. I went on my fake account and snooped again. I saw that he had just got off of work, and he was wondering if anyone wanted to hang out because he claimed to be bored. I called him and asked him what he was up to, I acted surprised to hear him say that he was off work. I asked if he wanted to hang out or something. He told me that he was tired and that he was going to stay in that night. On his facebook, an hour or two later, he was tagged at some place downtown, and took pictures with his friends. So basically he lied to me, but I can not confront him because that fake facebook account is not me, to him it is someone else. I blocked him from calling me and texting me out of frustration. I could not call or text either. I let a day go by before curiosity got the best of me. I snooped again, I really wish I never created this fake page in the first place. I saw that his mother was in the hospital. I was very close to his mother, so I unblocked him and called. He answered, my heart started beating hard, I love the sound of his voice when he answers the phone. I asked if everything was okay? I asked if he was alright and his mom as well. He told me everything was fine, but then asked how I knew his mother was in the hospital. I lied and said that a specific mutual friend told me. I knew he would cover for me if my ex had asked him. He then asked if I blocked him, and that he was frustrated because he tried to reach me. He wanted to tell me about some UFO in the sky (because we were into that type of thing) that he think he might've saw, and he told me no one would believe him but me. He asked me "Why talk about getting comfortable just to block me the next day? That's not cool." We had casual convo, I was happy. He asked to stop by, I said sure. He didn't come in, I got in the car with him. Another round of casual convo. He left, and I was content with things. The next day, I woke up early, cooked him some cinnamon rolls because he is crazy over them, went outside and picked a flower from the garden and made a home made card for him and told him to come over. He stopped by for literally a few minutes and received the card and the baked goods. Before he left, he told me that I could call his mom, check on how she is doing (when before he told me to don't even think about calling his mother again because I am no longer family anymore). I was overjoyed to hear him say that. He left, and another day I was happy. The next day I did not contact him first, around 2pm he did. He told me the cinnamon rolls were delicious and he thanked me. We text back and forth and we joked around. I thought that maybe I did it! Maybe I fixed things and I could finally start showing him how I have changed. The next two days we did not speak at all. I started reading relationship advice and blogs, forums etc.. Some of them told me that NC DOES NOT WORK! That what makes you think that a partner would keep interest in you if you are not in the picture, especially if I am the one at fault. I panicked and called the next day. I explained to him that I want to try to get more comfortable with each other, and that I wish to try a relationship with him only with time. He seemed okay to what I had to say. Every day I started the contact. We would talk, normally or so I thought. I always had this weird feeling going on that he didn't want to. But why respond if he did not want to? We texted, occasional talk every now and then. I rushed out and bought his mom a Mother's Day gift, I asked him first though. Then I posted this thread on ENA, and it discouraged me to no end It is titled I am tired of being an ex. I refuse to follow no contact. I thought that I had the right idea by trying to prove to him that I am a positive person and that I am not as negative as I used to be in our relationship. EVERYONE SHOT MY IDEAS DOWN. I was scared. So for the past 3 days it have been no contact, and that is where I am right now... on the third day of no contact, desperately typing out my feelings here. I snooped just about an hour ago on his page, it turns out he is going on vacation out of state. Do you not think that that is something that he should have told me if we were working on getting comfortable. Why agree to work on us if he doesn't even want to talk to me. If he wanted to, I wouldn't be the one initiating first contact all the time. Here is what I have learned, and here is also what scares me. Despite how negative the poster are on ENA, if 88 out of 90 posts are telling me to leave him alone, then I guess I should get the hint. As you said pushing him for responses, and texting him again when he does not text back is only pushing him away. I also found out that I am filling a void for him. I am helping him move on because he have the familiarity of texting me, getting my responses and it somewhat (for lack of a better word) "soothing" to him. I am somewhat in the friend zone. He has the comfort of texting me, while he has no strings attached to me what so ever. So basically he can text me, and the proceed to see another woman if he wanted to. He has the ball completely in his court. He can see another woman if I was talking to him or not, regardless of what I do. Now I understand that no contact is to heal and improve myself. It is not to get him back. I understand that. But the goal is to improve myself and possibly get him back. I just want him back to the point I will do any and everything. I think I messed up too much though. Maybe if I stuck to no contact in the beginning hope would be there. I seriously doubt that he would knock on my door again, or even say the things he did before. I am so freaking depressed over this whole thing please. Someone snap me out of this depressed stage please!! For some reason, I find it hard to picture him contacting me
  6. I (27, nb) have gone through a lot of big changes this past year. Ive found something I am extremely passionate about, good at and has helped grow my confidence immensely as a person. I also ended up meeting someone (27, m) a little over a year ago and fell madly in love with them. They currently live halfway across the country from me. I have struggled a LOT with being able to balance my passion and having an LDR but when we would visit eachother it felt so perfect. Ive been through a string of awful abusive relationships ever since I started dating and have a lot of familial trauma. I for the first time not only was with someone who made me feel safe, treated me well and felt like they genuinely loved and cared about me, I also felt for the first time in my life a desire to have a family and potential child. I cant imagine having that with anyone else. He has 1 child currently and we started dating while he was still going through a rough breakup with the mother of his child who was extremely manipulative and abusive toward him. I helped him heal from that relationship and he told me time and time again how much he has learned to trust and communicate and be happy again, how he has also never been treated so well and wants a family and to spend the rest of his life with me. He came up with the idea of wanting to take his daughter and move out here and we talked about it for months. He is the primary caregiver of his daughter who is 3, and helped raise a child the mother had from a different man who is 5. The mother takes care of the 5 year old. It became increasingly difficult to balance my extremely busy and draining schedule with an LDR and I got frustrated with how it didnt really seem he was making any steps to come out here despite saying he wanted to. He talked about it with the mother a couple times with varying responses and then talked to her a third time and she said no she is not comfortable so he asked me if I would be willing to move with him. I said no and was frustrated because I have a lot going on here and a lot of ties and responsibilities regarding my passion we ended up talking less and less until finally I said I dont think I could do it anymore and didnt want to put him through anymore stress and not getting the attention he deserves. He agreed and we "broke up" but still clearly had feelings for eachother and would go between not talking and talking again and feeling like nothing had changed. Eventually, about a couple weeks ago, he talked to me about how he had started having feelings for his childs mother again that he thought might be reciprocated (she just dumped the guy she left him for) and that hit me hard. I ended up crying and we talked on the phone for hours about how we still love eachother and it felt like we might work things out. A week or so goes by and I get extremely busy again and dont talk much. He messaged me a few times and I didnt respond due to mental and physical exhaustion (he knows what I do is a lot) and finally while im out in the middle of something he texts me again about his confused feelings. I end up saying "I dont want to hold you back go be with her" essentially being very emotionally overwhelmed. I regret that and later ask if we can talk on the phone. He says hell try to call me later but it doesnt happen. Fast forward to this saturday, we hadn't talked since then and I go through something incredibly ed up and traumatizing. I witnessed a shooting and man dying out on the street and it sent me over the edge. I spent a day completely numb and then the next night I let it all out. I have a breakdown and cry for hours thinking about how that could have been me and the trauma of the past year and what ive been doing catches up to me and I realize I cant keep going like this. I want a family. I NEED a family. And I still love him. I text him I miss you while extremely upset. I need to talk to my best friend and my love and get comfort and tell him my outpouring of emotions. He responds with "I miss you too... But I should let you know I talked with childsmother and we both agreed to try things out again slowly and see where it goes." That sent me over the edge and I asked him to call me because I was hyperventilating at some point. He did and didnt really know what to say and just made sure I could calm down a little and not have an asthma attack. He said "I know youre going through a lot recently" and I said "I dont want it anymore I just watched someone die!" He I guess had unfollowed me on FB to get over me and had no idea that had happened till I said that... He had to take care of his daughter and I felt like so I let him go. We ended up texting more and I explained to him how much that ed me up especially him not telling me until I am in a LOT of pain even though he didnt know at the time. We ended up talking more and I basically told him that when I texted him "I miss you" I was going to tell him I want to be with him and Id be willing to sacrifice my life here to do that. I dont have a lot tying me here and I can continue my passion where he is. He had no idea of course and now its this ed up situation where I feel like a homewrecking piece of and he's confused again. I asked to talk on the phone one more time because I NEED to get this off my chest. If he is done with this I will respect that but I need to tell him how im feeling and why. I need to know if theres a chance. I want a family with him. In afraid now because of my own dumb inaction and inability to process my emotions due to constant stress and mental illness that chance is gone. What would you do? How would you approach this? How wrong am I for pursuing this? TLDR my LDR partner and I broke up due to unfortunate circumstances despite still loving eachother very deeply and I recently had an intense moment of clarity and am willing to sacrifice moving to him and make it work but he has now initiated a relationship with his ex who is the mother of his child
  7. My name is Rob, I'm 38 years old and live in NY. I'm incredibly sad due to my fiance leaving me, which was on November 9th, one month prior, my mother passed away from lung cancer. I was her caretaker. During this time prior and and after my mothers death I was very emotionally unavailable to my fiance, and couldn't give her the love and affection she deserved. I came home to find her gone, with our pet rabbit, yet all of her belonging were still there, her jewelery, family photos, diarys, and all of her clothing, her engagement ring. Amazon packages she had ordered are still arriving. Her whole life is still in the house. I found out the next day and found out she quit her job of 10 years which she recently got a raise. I spoke to her parent both of whom loved me and they cried and said they couldn't stop her....she moved down to her sisters in north carolina. When I finally spoke to her the following day she told me I had not given her the love that she needed, and I understood apologized that I was not capable with the grief I was in from my mother's death, and that I would immediately get the help I need for my depression, which I have immediatly done and began seeing a Dr. I love her more than anything in this world and I intended to make her the number one woman in my life and have a family with her. She seemed stoic and cold while we were on the phone and told me she needed time and space. The last we spoke was Saturday and today is Tuesday. We were together for 4 years and I am heartbroken and she seems to be starting a new life in north carolina living with her sisters family
  8. My boyfriend of 5 years told me he had an amazing idea for a birthday present but that it was 'risky'. He messaged my best friend and she told him it seemed like a good idea, so he did it. Come my birthday, he handed me an envelope that contained a voucher for a tattoo shop. Now, for context, he recently got some new tattoos and I've been saying I'm jealous, and that I would like more too and have floated some ideas around. With that said, I haven't settled on any ideas, they've all just been purely brain storming (and I thought he was aware I had not settled on any, and the voucher only lasts 1 year). I have one tattoo that I got on a whim and I regret it so much so am scared to make the same mistake, however he is very spontaneous and I think he would like me to be more spontaneous too. Overall I know the gift came from a good place. However, I was so shocked to get the voucher as a gift that I panicked a little and blurted out "but I don't have any actual ideas for a tattoo" - I got really anxious about it for some reason, and I also don't love the idea of having a tattoo that he partially funded in the event we ever split up... My mum was there and kept trying to give advice and ideas, which I would turn down as my mum has a very different style to me. In all of that I forgot to actually thank my boyfriend for the gift, and over the next 2 or so hours my mum kept bringing it up, dragging out the awkward conversation. I think my boyfriend was hurt - he got really angry and he told me he would never forgive or forget my ungrateful attitude, and that he will never give a gift again (though that's okay if he feels that way, I'm not dating him for gifts). I feel absolutely terrible as I should have been more thankful and thought about the logistics after the fact in my own time, and just let him see me be excited for his gift he put a lot of thought into. He almost broke up with me over this, and left the house for a couple of hours. In this time I tried my best to explain that I am really grateful, appreciate the gift and his generosity, however he has told me my words mean nothing and there is no way I can convince him otherwise. I'm being truthful when I say that I am grateful, and I'm sure I will use it to get a tattoo that I love, but now I feel it will be tainted with negativity (which is my own fault, I know). My initial reaction was just pure shock, a result of the current environment and my anxieties around such a commitment. I do understand I should have shielded him from those feelings at least until I could articulate it better and not offend him or come off as ungrateful. I am looking for advice on how to fix this and show him that I am actually grateful for his gift. He keeps making remarks about how I am ungrateful and a bad partner and I'm worried my relationship will not survive this. Again, I know I am in the wrong 100% and common gift etiquette is to act as if you love it no matter what (even though I do love the idea/gift, I'm just also a very anxious, detail-oriented person). I just had a severe lapse in judgement this day for some reason, usually I'm grateful for anything he does for me and show it, so this isn't a frequent issue.
  9. Hello, im new to this forum and in need of advice. I have been with my partner for 6 years and just last year we decided to move in together. From the start we always had problems but nothing we couldn’t overcome. My partner since the first day became very good friends with my family members and everything was great. My sister and my mom started to notice how much we would argue about small things and they started to wonder if we were ok. Specially since my mom realized how my partner would go out without me every time and she thinks im not being taken serious. After that my partner became very angry at my family calling them nosey and even claiming that they didn’t want to see us together. I even stopped talking to my family for a couple months thinking it would make things better in our relationship. It only made things worse. Now we cannot go a day without a huge argument and every time i have to sit and listen to my partner bash my family and say really bad things about them. This hurts me so much since I have always been close to my family and love them so much. As of right now we both sleep in different rooms, we haven’t had any intimacy for the last 5-6 months. Not even a kiss. I feel like i live with a roommate that hates me. God knows I have tried to fix this but I cannot stand the insults towards the people I love anymore. I feel like i have to choose one side only to be happy. Im stuck and all i can do is cry.
  10. I was in a relationship with a woman for 3 years and I really believed I would spend the rest of my life with her. She is renting a house and living with her adult daughter and her boyfriend plus her 17 year old son. I have a pretty unconventional lifestyle (vegan, minimalist, organic, no car, etc.) and she expressed a desire to become more environmentally conscious as well. However, her kids were raised pretty standard American and to avoid me feeling too judgemental about the wastefulness, or the kids becoming resentful of me when I am pushing for less wastefulness, we decided to wait to live together on my own property in my own tiny house until her son turns 18 and she will be an empty nester. After having some difficult conversations about this it felt like we were in a good place about it. In the fall of 2019 my partner, let's call her Ruth, who is a trauma therapist, told me that I should meet her client, let's call her Lisa. Lisa had been Ruth's client for more than a decade and Ruth told me that Lisa was the most traumatized person she ever met! Even though Ruth was still Lisa's therapist, they started to hang out together. Ruth and I love going on outdoor adventures and Lisa started to join us on a lot of those trips. At the beginning of covid Lisa was invited to be part of Ruth's family pod, because Lisa didn't have anyone else in town to be close with. Lisa is a therapist herself as well for traumatized kids and Lisa started to hang out at Ruth's house more and more, while I was working my seasonal job with a conflicting work schedule with Ruth's, so Ruth and I didn't have much time together during the work week. I brought up several times that I needed some alone time with Ruth as well and she kept on reassuring me that I was her person and her priority. Ruth also acknowledged that Lisa was too dependent on her and that the dynamic between them wasn't particularly healthy (Lisa has Ruth saved as "mom" in her contacts). I believe that Lisa is completely in love with Ruth and wants to use Ruth as an example of a good human being to model her life after, after all the traumatic experiences she has had. In the meantime Ruth was a bit freaked out at the beginning of covid and decided to buy a handgun for protection. She talked about that with Lisa, but didn't bring it up with me until she had bought the gun already. This was an indication that Lisa was becoming more of a partner to Ruth than me. Because Ruth realized that the situation with Lisa was becoming unethical, she decided to officially stop being Lisa's therapist, although she still counseled Lisa unofficially for at least a couple of hours every week. Ruth was compensated for that by Lisa helping out in the household and buying groceries for the family. Sometime last June Lisa started renting a room in the house, although she still kept her own place too (only because she had a dog there). I slowly became more and more frustrated with feeling like a third wheel in this situation. In July we went with the 3 of us on a backpacking trip. On the drive down small things kept on happening that made me feel more and more excluded, which made me somewhat irritable. This irritability caused an argument on this trip twice, during which I blamed Ruth for something pretty minor. This made her feel attacked and unsafe, mostly because of her own trauma background (she was in an abusive relationship with her ex for 20 years). At night, Ruth checked in with Lisa and they talked privately for a while, after which Ruth came into my tent. We processed the whole night and made some progress, even though I was shocked at some of the things she said to me. For example, she told me that she started drinking more after I once mentioned carefully that she might consider drinking a little less, but she just kept it hidden from me instead. It sounded like she was already not feeling safe with me for quite a while, even though less than a week before the fateful incident she told me that she was very happy to be with somebody who communicates well and is safe. After a night of processing she said she wasn't ready to break up with me yet. However, we had to invite Lisa into the tent and tell her what happened. As soon as Lisa came in she started calling me names right away (shamer, blamer, abuser, domestic violence perpetrator, narcissist and somebody who doesn't care one iota about other people's feelings). When I tried to respond I got shut down with remarks like "you can't claim ignorance as an excuse" and "you don't get to defend yourself, that is what all abusers do to deflect". Even though Ruth had just expressed to me that she wasn't ready to break up with me, she immediately fell in line with Lisa's way of thinking. It felt like an abusive ganging up on me (and that by 2 professional trauma therapists!): I was completely prevented from saying anything in my defense, while I was told in no uncertain terms that I am an incorrigible abuser who is doomed to a life of intense therapy to even have a chance to become a better human being. The conclusion was drawn and there was no space to create any other perspective on the situation than through the lens of trauma prevention and abuse, which means getting rid of me as soon as possible and not uttering another word to me on the long drive home, because suddenly I am not a safe person anymore. I suddenly had become Ruth's abusive ex. The next day I received an email from Ruth stating that I can't contact her in any form, ever. If I do, they would file a restraining order against me. I do believe that this is mostly Lisa's sentiment. Ruth and I seriously never had an argument before this happened and I felt completely solid in the relationship. In June of 2019, Ruth came with me to The Netherlands for a 2.5 week visit at my parent's expense to say goodbye to my dying mother. I felt so supported by her and everybody loved her. She said goodbye to my mother with tears in her eyes and promised my mother she would take care of me. This break up happened in the second half of July. I still can't wrap my head around the fact that 2 such minor incidents caused such a severe punishment. I am still in denial and completely heartbroken. Ruth's brother and his girlfriend did reach out to me about a week after the incident via text and told me they didn't believe that I am an abuser and asked me what happened. I sent them a long email with my explanation of what happened and expressed my concern about Lisa's influence on Ruth. Ruth's mother read that email as well. About a week later I was going to meet in a park with the 3 of them (mother, brother and brother's girlfriend) to talk more about what happened and the dynamic at play between Ruth and Lisa. However, somehow Ruth must have heard about that plan and decided to cut them out of her life as well, after which the family decided to stop communicating with me. Even after all this, I am still completely in love with Ruth and keep on hoping that she will come to realize that she treated me poorly and will want me back. Is this unreasonable, especially given the fact that Lisa and Ruth might now not just be emotional partners, but sexual partners as well? Given the fact that Ruth and Lisa are professional therapists, did they step completely out of line with allowing their relationship to develop like this? If so, do I have an obligation to bring them to the therapists ethics board, even though I have no desire to create more problems in Ruth's life (and I do believe she actually is a good therapist) and I firmly believe that Lisa is not malicious, but just acting from her damage? I feel like I want to force a family intervention, but I guess it is really not my place to do that.
  11. Basically since 2019 my mother and father has been divorced. My father moved out in April 2020 because they would argue constantly everyday at home for many reasons. My mom feels as if he walked out on my family as their was a pandemic that just started and she wanted to move out at the same time. My father apologized and acknowledged he was wrong for leaving at such a bad time and not sitting the family down before making that decision and making a plan. He lives still in the town in a small apartment. Whenever I even bring up his name her whole attitude will change after would yell at me for just saying his name. She wants me to let him know that what he did was wrong and not speak to him. In april/may me and him barely spoke because I thought it was wrong of him leaving and spoke to him minimal. He would apologize to me many times and to the whole family & I realized that not speaking to him would only make things worse and I wanted them to at least be able to communicate so they could co-parent. Still in september I get yelled at by her for even just trying to help the situation and in the house I live in it's very uncomfortable because nobody wants to speak to one another. I don't know how to treat the situation or what to do because im only 17 and can't move out or stay anywhere .
  12. My brother and I have always had a pretty good relationship despite living in a turbulent household (parents always arguing and dad, cheating). We're both in our twenties and I'm his older sister by 5 years. In our culture, we stay with our parents until marriage, and family is everything. So despite all the turmoil between our parents, we've all always tried to work things out to keep our family together. I've always been a mega nerd, scoring high marks and basically just dedicating my life to academics. My brother's always been extremely social and has gotten into trouble over the years (getting arrested, stealing money from our parents, partying day and night, getting kicked out of university). Basically, although we've gotten along well, we're obviously different people. Everything was fine, and then he moved to Australia for a year. I cried at the airport. Despite the move, we still had a great relationship, and talked on the phone for hours at a time. He moved back a few week ago, which I was so excited about. However, he's come back a monster. He started going on rants about how he truly understands what life is about now, and that we're just doing everything wrong as a family. He said he's going to "fix" everyone. He started by screaming at dad in front of construction workers about his cheating behaviours, even though we were all embarrassed and told him to stop making this a public problem. He continued by going to dad's workplace and arguing with various workers about what their exact role is and what they accomplished that day. He grabbed dad's phone at various times mid-call and would ask questions to the person on the other end, to make sure he wasn't cheating. He then attacked mom about how she takes pain medication (recovering from shingles) because that's "poison" to her body and that she should instead do weed. My mom is conservative and very straight-edge so she'd never do that, but he continued on about how she's closed minded. He got into fights with her over some other things too and called her two-faced and a liar. He then attacked one of the twins, who broke up with his girlfriend early this year. He accused him of still talking to the girl. Twin showed his phone and everything, but our brother still went on a rampage about how he knows he's still totally talking to her. He yelled a bunch at the other twin too which resulted in the twin crying, even though the twins are 19. Then came my turn! For some background info, I tried out anxiety medication (Zoloft) at the end of 2018 and had a severe reaction. Right away I became incredibly lactose-intolerant and extremely sensitive to all kinds of foods, resulting in severe diarrhea or throwing up. My doctor disagreed that the Zoloft caused this, but the specialist I saw told me it definitely could have been a rare but severe side effect from this psychiatric drug which is known to be harsh on the stomach. He gave me a simple diet to follow and expected me to build up a tolerance against these reactions. Regardless, what was important was that either way, I was not well. I followed his instructions though and my reactions lessened, but haven't fully gone away yet. So, back to my brother. He randomly confronted me in the kitchen, asking me to tell him what's "really" going on. Honestly, I had no clue what he was talking about. He started glaring at me and telling me to tell him the truth. Turns out, he thinks I'm just pretending to have these reactions so that I have an excuse to not have to study (I'm trying to get into law, and was waitlisted twice due to a low lsat score). He even confronted the twins about how it's suspicious that I was waitlisted in a row, that he doesn't think I even wrote the lsat, which thankfully the twins saw and had the emails of. But that didn't stop my brother from continuing his rampage. He claimed I'm just pressured to go into law (untrue, it's very much so my own choice) and so I'm totally faking all this. I was pretty shocked, and told him that this is all real, that he could take a look at my previous blood test if he wanted. Unfortunately, while looking for it in my binder, I remembered that I had thrown it out as it didn't show anything substantial. This triggered my brother into a craze as he started ranting about how he's "catching the lies" and that I should fess up right now. At least my parents and the twins all know this is all real, and told him to stop acting like this, but he doesn't listen to anyone. Finally, I was discussing how upsetting this was to my mom. That's when my brother came barging in and started accusing me all over again. He said I maybe even secretly do drugs (ridiculous). I asked him why he even thinks all this nonsense, and he said, "I'm just saying that you should really tell me the truth because it's going to be so awkward for you when the truth comes out at the doctor's". He believes the doctor will let us know that this is all a fake ruse or that I'm doing drugs which cause these reactions. I got so upset that I got teary, and then he said that if I was being honest, that I wouldn't cry. That made me even more upset, and then he accused me of fake crying to garner sympathy from mom. He also accused me of lying about the anxiety medication, saying that first I called it Zoloft, and then I called it Sertraline (which is just its drug class, my god). He says everything I say is suspicious and so interesting, as he puts it. Every single day he rants about how I'm a liar. He yells, "my sister has been lying to all of us for 3 years! She's basically 30 and she's going no where!" Not only am I not at all 30, but it hasn't even been a full 2 years since I got these reactions. Further, these reactions happen about once a week to once a month, if even, when I accidentally consume dairy or something greasy/upsetting. It doesn't stop me from studying or living an otherwise normal life. My mom wants me to take him along to my next doctor's appointment, and while I can't stand him, I'll do it just so he shuts the hell up about me. However, even if he apologizes later to me, I don't think I can ever see him the same way again. My academic accomplishments define so much of my life. My wall is covered with my awards and scholarships over the years as school has always been the one thing I'm good at. It's the only thing I'm so proud of. I worked my ass off and even helped my brother to graduate from high school, which he always credits me with. And so for him to accuse me of being a fake actor, feigning an illness for 2 years just so I can avoid studies, is so insulting and hurtful to me. I have a bachelor's, double minors, and double certifications. My life has revolved around my education and my family knows that. He told my mom he'll accomplish double what I have by the time he's my age though, and that I'm wasting away my life, pretending it away and lying to everyone. My next appointment is with a stomach specialist (gastroenterologist) and so it'll be a long wait, but the time between now and then is killing me, hearing him yell out accusations day after day. I've totally had enough of this. I feel so distressed and angry when I even hear his voice. He's supposed to be my brother, acting like family and supporting me, not discouraging me, doubting me and accusing me. Our last argument happened when he burst into my room, yelling out accusations again but this time I exploded on him. My hands began to shake in anger, and once again he said if I was innocent then I wouldn't even get angry. I have NO idea why he's gone insane like this since he's gotten back from his trip, but he's completely destroyed our relationship and I want nothing to do with him. I can't even believe this is really my brother, who I loved so deeply and cared so much about ever since we were little. It's like something has come over him in the worst way. I feel very picked on and bullied. Not even my worst enemies have spoken to me in the way my brother is. He claims he's doing all this because he cares for me and wants the truth to come out. Just crazy. Obviously, this is all still happening and I'm very angry and heated still, but I really do believe I don't have love for him anymore in my heart. In fact, I can't stand him. If I never saw him again, I'm confident I'd be just fine. In my heart, he's no longer a brother of mine. I do recognize he's young/not the most mature, but I still feel this way, especially since I know I'd never do this someone at any age. Am I overreacting?
  13. Hi all, For once I'm not actually posting about myself. I'm posting about concerns and advice for my mother who has been dating someone for the last few years. A little bit of a back story, my Mum was single for about 25 years, after my abusive father was kicked out of the house (never saw him again, and he died in 2013). She focused on raising me and her career. She is now in a quite highly paid job role, and has just gone from strength to strength. A few years ago, so started dating a work colleague (they were initially peers, but she's since become his superior albeit on different teams). He's a bit younger than her, but the age gap isn't really the issue. The main problem is he's separated from his wife, but still living with her - just on the top floor of the house. There is no love there, and it's basically a long drawn out divorce. Last year he broke it off with my Mum, citing needing to get his head sorted and finally out of the house. It broke my Mum's heart but they eventually kind of got back together again, despite nothing changing in his home life. He's been going hot and cold since really. Obviously with the lock-down, they've not seen each other and everything has been on hold. However my Mum has been getting paranoid about his friendship with another female colleague during this time. At the moment, he's not speaking to her outside of work, and my Mum has found evidence that he has been at the colleagues house a few times in the last couple of weeks. There is no evidence that he's having an affair, as to be honest, he's essentially cheating on his separated wife with my Mum, so you wouldn't do the same again with another colleague right? I've stated that because he feels guilt about being around my Mum whilst he's dealing with his difficult home life (work is also a massive stress factor), maybe he's going to this colleague's house as a bit of respite - away from the home and away from the kids. They all work from home by the way. She's convinced there's something else going on, and that they are just lying to her. Now the female colleague could be innocent in all this, supporting her friend by offering a place to chill out for a few hours and get some work done. But not mention it to anyone else in work, as that's how rumours and gossip starts. I've told my Mum this but she's just not listening. I have to see her cry and be depressed constantly and I don't know what to do to help her. Affair or not, he's clearly been messing her about too much and I know she should break it off completely. But she just wants the whole truth and almost a definitive answer that he's sleeping around with another colleague. What's everyone's opinion? Is there anything I can do? She's even talking about getting a tracking device on his car or something as she wants to know for sure, but I'm worried she will throw everything away over him. She's worked incredibly hard over the last 25 years, and I couldn't bare to watch her destroy over this man who doesn't deserve her in the first place.
  14. I’ve been with my girlfriend for 3 years now ,I’m just so unsure if I want to spend the rest of my life with her, how do you know if you are going to be happy together for ever . We have arguments and that’s normal . We have good times too . I think she is a jealous person and I she needs to know everything I do who I speak to , she often checks my phone to see who I’ve been speaking to texting . Then it was my mom birthday I bought her a voucher for £30 for a takeaway. When I told my girlfriend the cost she went mental and told me my mom wasn’t worth that amount . I stupidly agree with her to keep her happy , and changed it to £10 and another small gift . When my mom got the present she knew something was wrong I wouldn’t get her a £10 voucher, and asked me what it was about . I told her that my girlfriend thought she wasn’t worth £30 , obviously she wasn’t happy . Now my girlfriend isn’t happy too as she knows I told her about the present too . There have been other things too that I’ve been unhappy about with my girlfriend but I just agree to keep her happy , but I’m I going to be happy if I can’t stand up to her
  15. She scolds even for little things. I understand she's going through menopause phase but that doesn't mean she will get angry at her children. And how on earth is it my fault if she has mood swings? It is very rare that i have speak back and stand up for myself. Most of the times she keeps on scoffing, scolding. I don't take her words seriously because she doesn't mean it but still i get upset at the anger and scolds. And then suddenly she changes. She speaks softly and politely and treats me as her favourite kid. But how do i cope with the scolds and anger??
  16. A few months ago my mom basically left my dad, sister, and myself. Although I am an adult it really messed me up. My depression and anxiety got so bad I had to quit my job because I was having brake downs on a weekly basis and couldn't handle the stress of work on top of what she did. I admit I became a little distant from my boyfriend who I had just moved in with. I am starting to come to terms with what she did, but my relationship with my boyfriend has completely changed. I don't know if it is because he became frustrated or what but he has become pretty mean. Add that to the fact that he was kind of controlling before and that also got worse...I am not sure it is a good idea to stay with him. Before the only thing he would do was threaten our relationship when things weren't his way, now he gets mad about almost everything. I want to sleep over at my families house and he tells me I have a responsibility to be home with him at night. I got very upset with that and he said he didn't mind if I spent time with my family, just not at night. Turns out that is not true because he gets mad when I go hang out with them in the day time too. There is always an excuse as to why he is mad about it. He also says and does mean things to me now and when I try to talk to him about it he just gets mad. The last time he even got meaner. He says he is just joking around but the things he does isn't right. He jokingly pretended he was going to hit me with a baking sheet, changing the look on his face to very p... off look. He jokingly said for me to shut up or he was going to punch me in the gut when I was trying to tell him I don't like when he is mean to me. How is that joking around? In what world is that supposed to be funny? And then today on my birthday he is trying to be nice and tell me how much he loves me. I don't know what to think...maybe it is my fault for pulling away that he is acting like this...maybe he is just young and that's how he is with his friends so he is trying to joke that way with me...although if that was the case why not stop when I say to stop...He did comfort me when I was upset about what happened with my mom. Am I over reacting...is it my fault...or are these warning signs. I keep telling myself he wont hurt me, but I don't know if I truly believe that...
  17. On the weekend of mother's day, we went shopping for his mom's gift for when we would see her on Mother's day. We had a great time at her place. As we were leaving, she hugged each of us and told us she loved us. She told him he looked like he was doing better than ever. I had the same thought, about our relationship, that in this point in time we were doing better than we ever had. Didn't know it'd all change in a few short days. Spent Monday telling each other happy we were. Tuesday was spent talking about our goals and plans for the future, all involving bettering ourselves. We were seemingly on the same page with everything. And then Wednesday morning.. We both work from home for the same company. Some days are slow for him, and he spent that day cleaning...doing things outside in the yard...and I was working when he walked in the room looking worried, like he had something to say but couldn't. I joked with him and told him to spit it out, he could tell me anything. He almost looked like he wanted to cry and then he told me he'd been talking to his ex girlfriend from 7 years ago. They dated a little over a year. When they broke up, we spent 3 years casually seeing each other (while he healed himself from the fallout of that relationship) and then we made things official. Would have been 4 years living together this October. I looked at him with tears in my eyes and asked if he told her about us. No. So I said I have to focus on work, let's talk about it later. Later comes and he shows me his phone history logs. I notice only one number he was texting at odd hours of the night and ask if that was her. He said yes. Later found out, it was not, it's his mom's number. Then he says he maybe didn't even msg her and was just tripping and read her name. So with his blessing, I messaged her directly..she's in a happy relationship and hasn't spoken to him in years according to her. I try to brush it off and we enjoy the rest of our afternoon and evening alright. We talk about starting a garden and go look at supplies. He's extra lovey and passionate. I think to myself we can maybe work past this.. But as the night comes on, things get really weird.. We spend most the night laying in bed together. He's holding me, kissing me, saying everything about how much he loves me and doesn't want to lose me. We talk about our plans to marry in the next couple years. And then I have a moment of hesitation (thinking about earlier) and pull away. He notices. And things shift. He says how can I act like I love him and then act so cold. I explain I'm just in my head and hurt. He walks away and I follow. He tells me I need to leave and asks how can I do that? I asked what? What did I do? And he insists that I know. I explain that I do not. And he says that I put a hit out on him. WHAT? I grab my phone and walk down the street. Call my mom. Concerned, not sure where this is coming from or what to do about it. Also unsure of his state of mind at this point. I finally come back, still talking to her and my step dad. My ex comes in the room I'm in and I end the convo. They call back and he answers. My stepdad tells him to give me my phone. Things calm back down...we go back into the bedroom and he's back to being loving for a while. Then he switches again and tells me he loves his ex 50 and me 50. He says her body is perfect but my mind is WOW. I apologize for not being good enough. He tells me I am pretty and says he maybe he needs to just learn that he doesn't need to everything that looks good. I ask if he things we are meant to be together and he says he knows we are. Then he tells me how we are experiencing two different realities. Not really sure what he's thinking but this is the point I really start to think he's on something. He starts talking about he's trying to save my dad and boss. Next minute, he's offering me an edible and when I decline, he begins accusing me of trying to poison him. Next, he's in the hallway, laying on the floor with his unloaded gun. Bullets laying all around him..building snot and spitting everywhere. Comes back to the room, and spits at me. Tells me he his pants. I leave the room...and he follows, Then says he is an A.I. that I (Elon Musk) has created. That's it, before he grabs his car keys and our ferret and leaves the house. He comes back a few minutes later and as I hear him pull up, I go outside to hopefully stop him from leaving again, or at least grab the ferret. He sees me and flies into reverse, leaving again. I'm scared for them both at this point. I start walking down the road, hoping to see them. I see his car parked and walk over. They're both gone. I search around the area and nowhere to be seen. I go back to the car and to my surprise it's unlocked, keys inside. I get in and drive around town searching. Nothing. I pull over and call his sister and explain what's happened before driving home, hoping to see them there. Instead, a cop car. I pull into my driveway and two cops come up to me. Ask me if I live there and my relation to him. Explain that he's claiming to be on shrooms, that he also claimed to give the ferret shrooms. Claimed he was saying the government was out for him and he threw the ferret like a rag doll at them. They asked me whether I knew if he was under the influence of any drugs. I said I suspected it but had not seen him take anything. They then tell me the ferret was with animal control and my ex was sent to the hospital for evaluation. He also told them the car was stolen and he was supposed to meet someone there...not sure who that person would have been. One of his sisters stop by and we go get the ferret first and then go to the hospital. Due to covid, we were not allowed in to see him but answered their questions. He was there for a day or two before being transferred to have his heart evaluated. During his time at the hospital, I tried many times to speak with him but any time I tried, he would either hang up or tell them he didn't want to talk to me. I couldn't get any updates from the hospital so I was pretty much at his family's mercy. His mom was awesome...let me know all going on, and even let me come over once. We were all a wreck. When he was finally released, I expected to see him or at least hear from him. It didn't happen, and his mom told me he wanted to be with her for a week and wanted to be left alone. I said I respected that and gave him his space. Couple days later he called. Conversation went terrible..he spent 30 minutes accusing me of everything under the sun...asking why I didn't sound like myself, asking why I was breathing heavy, what had I been doing, had I been cleaning? How much had I been driving his car? Had I been doing drugs? Where was his phone and how could I leave him stranded at the hospital without it? I explained I didn't know where it was but offered to look if he wanted. I found it and he asked me to leave it with his wallet, which he had also left behind. Couple days later, he messaged me from a texting app and asked if we could chat. I said sure. Conversation went much better, mostly positive but not relationship talk at all. He said hearing from me was the highlight of his week and reminded me I am amazing and he's lucky I'm in his life. I again thought maybe we could get past all this. Two days later, Friday, I'm hoping he'll be back for the weekend and I get a call asking.me to leave the door unlocked so he can come get some stuff. Devastated me..when he walker through the door, sick of waiting around, I demanded some sort of answer. He doesn't want to talk. I say just answer me three questions...did you ever love me? Yes. Do you love me? No. Are we done? Yes. I tell him that I need to leave then, he has his family supporting him but I have no one there. He doesn't like that and tells me I should stay, to use his car and move my sister out there (she lives in Arkansae, with a daughter and a job). I explain that's just not logical and not going to work and I'd be calling my mom. His only response is he has a doctor's appt Tuesday and maybe we can talk then and he'd maybe text me before then. He does not text me over the weekend and Sunday morning, I leave with my mom. I let him know where the spare key is to the house and lock everything up. Never hear from him til I'm over halfway into the drive. His question then is if I actually left. I said yes. And he states that I need to help him with my half of everything. I am open to it, but we get into it a bit. Things calm down and he tells me he will call me Tuesday when things are calmer and we can talk about it then. Tuesday comes and goes and I never hear from him. Wednesday morning, I shoot him a text and he responds that he doesn't want my help and he'd handle it himself. I reach out a few times after that, offering to help.. Never hear anything back. And to date, now over a month later, that's the last I've heard from him. Well, last Monday after work, I hear from his sister on fb. She's asking me for our landlords number. I give her what info I have. Little bit later, she's asking me if I have any idea who he's continued to talk to or where he might be. He's missing again. Long story shortened, hes found a couple days later about 4 hours from home. Mental break down and possible drugs. He's sent to the hospital and held there again. Been out a few days now, and I've not heard anything from him despite my numerous (pathetic) attempts. I've literally never experienced anything like this in my life. I remember it so vividly and I've replayed it hundreds of times since then and can't make any sense of it. I don't know what happened. How do things go from so good to totally lost? How does he love me and then totally ghost me without a second thought? How can he put his family through this too? I don't know how to even being to heal without closure, but none of it makes sense and I'm starting to feel like I'll never get the answers to my questions...
  18. The mother of my 5 children and I had been together for 8 years before I was sentenced to 7 years in prison for things I did when I was younger(before I met her). She remained strong for the first 3 years, coming to see me every weekend and talking on the phone as much as possible. Then I was moved to a prison far from home and I eventually stopped recieving visits. After 2 years of only phone calls and letters she left me. But I remained in contact with my children by calling once a week.We had been broke up for 7 months when I was finally put in a workrelease program/ halfway house a month ago. After only a week of being here and being able to contact her on the phone she left her boyfriend of 2 months to get back with me. Everything was great for a couple of days. We facetimed and talked day and night. But then she called one day to say she couldn't do it.... Well she got back with the other guy for like 3 weeks and now they broke up again. We still talk but as friends. I get released in mid-september. And I just want my family back. She says there is no chance of us getting back together, so when we talk I try not to mention it. I do occasionally flirt with her but she has her guard up. She is beginning to lighten up but she is convinced that we will never get back together. The fact that she was with another man after me being her one and only does bother me. But I understand that she has also been thru alot while I've been in prison. And she did wait 5 years before deciding to leave.... What can I do and say to get the love of my life and mother of my 5 children back? .... I know that you might be curious as to why I was sentenced to 7 years in prison. Well before I met the mother of my children I was involved with gangs. I got into the gang life at a real young age (14 yrs old). I moved to a different state to get away from the gang and that's when I met the mother of my children. Tho I still had gang tattoos, I was no longer living the gang life. Years later my name comes up in a Rico investigation and I was arrested. After 10 months in the county jail the mother of my children managed to get my bond reduced from 500,000. to 30,000. And she bonded me out. I fought the case for 2 years and took it to trial. The mother of my children stood by my side thru the whole process. We felt like I was innocent, I had changed my life and I was now a father of 5 and a family man. Well I was found NOT guilty for count 1 Rico, but found guilty for count 2 conspiracy to commit Rico. My attorney said i was basically guilty by association because my family are involved with the gang. My younger brother was also convicted then later killed in prison.... Now I just want to put this all behind me and live a normal life. I want my life back. And am willing to change and do whatever is necessary to get my family back. Your advice and help concerning my situation will be greatly appreciated.
  19. Hi All, My mom passed away unexpectedly 2 years ago this past June. I feel like some days I have found some peace with it but other days I feel like it is all fresh and new and I just can't ease the pain. I am not in denial and yet some days I just can't seem to accept that she is gone. I grieve for myself and for my children. She was a huge part of their lives. I grieve all the important moments in their lives that she won't share. I was not at all prepared for her passing. It was sudden and she was fairly young. I was with her in the end and it wan't peaceful. I watched as the medical team performed CPR several times over the course of the night and I had to finally make the decision to let her go. I have looked for grief counseling groups in my area and haven't yet found any. I also am in therapy and it helps some. I know there are many others who have lost loved ones and have worse situations that I do. I feel like I need to handle this better but some days all I can do is cry. I guess I just feel lost with this grief.
  20. Hi all, Me and my girlfriend of 3 years have bought a house and are moving in together. We have never lived together before and im now realising we have completely different tastes. She wants absolutely everything in the house to be matching. From the plates, lamps, curtains, door knobs, etc all have to be completely matching/same color. I have a large blue picture which I want to bring into our house and she says it wont match anything because there is no blue in the house. So she doesn't really want it in the house, unless its somewhere where no one can really see it. My mom bought be a red mug which my girlfriend says wont match anything so she doesnt think it should come with us to the house (the other mugs/plates etc all have decor/furniture and everything she likes is different to what i like. We were given a really nice coffee machine as a moving in gift which i love, but nope we cant use it, apparently it doesn't match the kitchen! It makes me think im not going to be very happy living with her, but i dont know maybe im being dramatic. I was wondering if anyone else have been in similar situations and have any advice? thankyou
  21. Please help me! I had successfull career which I build for 13 years and partnership businesses as well. I was running few companies worth millions. I met my current partner as he was a customer in one of the companies (always customers were a big no no for me but..). He was amazing , successful doctor.. single (nowadays decent people are usually taken). We fall in love and after a month together I had to make the choice of my life. He had to move to another city and I had the choice to follow him. Leaving behind my career , my businesses and my friends. I loved him so much , I could picture him as my future husband and I can picture having kids from him. I have never ever felt like that in my life , this is why I decided to leave money , power and career behind and follow the love of my life. Once we start living together , I got to know about his family. He is foreign so I am but from different countries. His mother out of the blue will start calling him and advising him that he is at marriage age, he has to chose his partner wisely (she didn’t have any idea about me, I was a secret), she said he must bring a virgin girl and she must be a doctor, plus she repeated that mothers know what is best for their sons. Imagine 2-3 hours conversation with his mum every day , what do you think will follow ? His mind and heart got poisoned by his own mum . He start hating me.. saying he hates me for my past (that I had previous boyfriends), I am 32 years old ?!?!? Does it matter people’s past , we live in the present and in the future. He started devaluating me every day , I start crying and crying,to be honest I don’t think I cried as much through out my whole lifetime. I felt helpless. My business partners got angry at me that I just left and they took everything from me. I knew one day may be I can take something back but it has to be done by court proceedings. So where were I.. I was alone , away from everything I knew and the love of my life emotionally devaluating me day by day.. if he doesn’t talk with his mother , he will be the same cute guy I fall in love with .. his mood start changing so drastically, from I love you to I hate you mood in minutes ... I couldn’t take it .. I couldn’t understand what I was doing wrong.. I become a proper housewife .. cleaning , ironing .. cooking ... before I never ever done that for myself. I learned how to cook his favourite meals , I lived for him ... but his moods swings start changing more more rapidly to the point I start thinking that dying is the best way out ... Six months into the relationship , through out a lot of horrible time, he decided that he hates me because I took his freedom away ?!? I couldn’t understand what exactly he meant because I didn’t stop him to go anywhere but with the time he explained that he had a few relationships with virgin girls and because he was their first they still wait for him.. so he wants to go and make sex with them occasionally, because he said he loved to feel in control over people .. that totally broke my heart , could you imagine, I deleted all my life for someone who not only treated me bad for no reason but now he wants to sleep with other women and this is okey if I want to be with him.. he said it is my choice , he knows it is unfair but that it is... I was devastated, the only reason I haven’t killed myself is because of my parents ... so then I decided to take things in my hands. Secretly I called my business partners and asked them that I want to come back , the only problem is that I did had past relations with one of my business partner and I knew he will come after me.. they promised I can have everything back and even more because at the end of the day they are grateful because I made them millionaires... My current partner is chasing me away from his flat every single day .. basically my baggage is packed and stays behind the front door.. when I cry cry and decide I have enough and want to go , he says sorry and stops me. Then I though that is not a normal behaviour and I start researching ... his symptoms describe like a proper text book the BPD even NBPD , because he thinks he is the best of all human beings ... his mum used to beat him really badly when he was little child and she used to abounded him in the middle of the night away from his home for couple of hours to teach him a lesson.. he was only 6 years old child .. so I think that she damaged him and screw his future . He is really dependent on her and follows her instructions perfectly. But I think because of her he has a temptation to treat women bad and be in control over them .. Last offer I have from him , is for me to have a child from him , but no one should know about it.. I should move out and leave alone and he will come and visit . He will play with the child and support it... so I asked what if he falls in love with someone else , because he will be living alone therefore he will be going out and stuff. He said that I shouldn’t control his feelings ! I really don’t know what to do.. I have never loved and cared anyone in my life like that ? If I go back home I have a chance to get my career back on track be successful again ... Before I had to chose career or love ... I chose love and see where I am .. jobless , away from everything I knew and treated like a junk, which I waiting to be thrown away every day ... Now choice is again career ... or love with no future .. ?! I am so confused and so scared. I feel like if I leave him I will die or something bad will happen ... please help me ! Many thanks
  22. I just found out my dad is paying my sister’s rent for her to live with my mom. My sister is 35 and a full time school teacher. She has been a moocher her whole life and will do anything to use someone else’s money. I feel so annoyed and aggravated. My sister has rarely ever lived on her own. She says she is saving for a house, but lots of people are. We are polar opposites. I have lived in a different state than my family since I went to college. I have never had my parents help to pay rent or bills. My sister has made it seem like I am a bad child because I live in another state and “do nothing for them”. My parents are getting older but my sister does very little for them and what she does do, she doesn’t do out of the goodness of her heart. She has already tried to get me written out of my dad’s will and went behind my back when my dad was sick and got him to sign a POA and other documents naming only her. I sort of just let her fail on her own, knowing my sister would not handle the things she said she would- for example she moved in with him to take care of him... it turned into him caring for her. I ended up having to call elder abuse on her because she hit him and refused to leave. She was a joint tenant on the lease. I got her to leave and that’s when she went to live with my mom. I recently learned she convinced my dad to pay her rent as “he is the reason she has to pay rent now.” I feel like she is taking advantage of him. She is already getting more in the will. She gets 55 percent and I get 45 percent. She also made me agree to not take a percent as excutor of the will. I agreed only because I don’t trust her and before under the will my sister made him sign, she was the executor. I am the attorney. My dad asked me to take over as executor of my uncle’s will when he passed away. My sister to this day- complains how I was able to get a percent from managing it and she wasn’t given a chance to do it- mind you she never even asked to do it when it came up. I feel like she is already getting more as she does a little more for him. She takes him to the grocery store, appointments, the bank... mind you she got him to sign over his car to her for $1 when he was sick and not competent. He told her since that she can keep the car provided she brings him to the appointments. He eventually signed updated documents making both of us POA. His attorney recommended removing my sister, but he won’t as I am not there- although I can do a lot and do stuff online for him or by mail. I am pissed my sister is getting my dad to pay her rent to live with my mom. She doesn’t clean for him- me calling elder abuse hooked him up with services to help him with cleaning. I don’t trust her. I have basically no relationship with her. I hate visiting because I hate dealing with her. Both my parents have enabled her forever. I want my dad to stick up for himself and tell her no- but he is scared she will not give him rides. When I am home- she vanishes and I do everything for him. She is a teacher- has summers off. I get only a few weeks and my job is a lot more stressful. I don’t want to visit if it means I am stuck working. I have offered to find someone to help clean out the house- he is a hoarder... and I can’t go on there as it smells very bad and I am very sensitive to smells. With my dad’s rent, and him paying my sister’s rent, his money is quickly draining. Hopefully eventually he will let us clear out the house and sell it. That is another sore issue as he seems to have offered to give it to my sister, and she can use his money to fix it up.. that way his stuff can stay in the basement... I don’t really care if he did that as he has made it clear that I would still get 50 percent of the house when he dies- he always says 50 percent even though I know I’ll only get 45 with the way the will is drafted. I know I could likely sue my sister and get 50-50 if I wanted but I am not looking to one up her or drain my dad’s money... I am okay with her getting a little more, since I know she has done some stuff for him, and I have a job and will still be all right... I know my sister is still fighting my dad to get a higher percent... and using threats. over his head. My dad talked about moving back into his house with her and I had to remind him that he can’t live with her. She is abusive and he really doesn’t have the money to give my sister his house and buy a condo for himself. She should be buying her own house. My mom doesn’t seem to care. She seems to think my dad is playing both of us- and he is sorta. He never told me about the money he was paying for rent until my sister wanted me to call him because he was going back on our agreement as to when we would have someone clear out the house. I like my life away from them. I can’t do the drama. Part of why I will never return is that I was emotionally abuse by my dad as a child while he physically abuse my mom. I was a lot more in involved than my sister... having even called the police once when my mom told me to during one of their incidents after he pushed me for trying to protect my mom. My family refuses to see that they are part of the reason I left where they live and I created my own life. My sister is a lot like my dad. It was ironic in the way listening to my dad say how abused he was by her and thinking... this is how you made mom and me feel. I doubt I’ll ever have a relationship with my sister. Part of me just wants to say hell with it- I am done with all of you- do whatever you want and never talk to any of them again. I know I won’t do that, but I am so tired of seeing my sister take advantage of everyone. I have offered for my dad to move to where I live... at one point he even seemed to consider it. The sad thing is I wouldn’t want more. I just want 50-50 as we are both his kids. I had offered to buy two houses next door to each other and he turned me down. Maybe I am wrong. Maybe I should be greatful my sister drives him to appoinments and take him to the store... it just seems like me any child should do those things without needing to get more for it. I asked my dad- well how long are you going to have to pay her rent for... he didn’t know the answer. He just said that she told him that he needs to pay his rent since he was living for free with my dad- and blames him for her not living there. It’s her fault. If she hadn’t left I would have been forced to call the police and get an order of protection. She takes no responsibility. She blames the victim. Idk if I should call elder abuse on her again since she is making him feel like he has no choice. I likely won’t... but I am so sick of her taking advantage. She makes enough to pay for her own rent. She makes enough to pay for her own car. She makes enough to pay for her own food. The only reason she was living with my dad rent free was because she was supposed to care for him- which she didn’t do. She never cooked or cleaned for him. I think it’s scary that a 35 year old lives in someone else bedroom and owns like nothing... she has no tv, no furniture... everything in that room except for her clothing is my mother’s.
  23. I'm not sure if this is the correct forum to put this in, but here it goes. I visited my boyfriend yesterday at his place. He and I watched a movie and then spent the rest of the day having sex. When I got home, my mom asked how my visit was and "So, what did you guys do?" Obviously, I can't exactly say, "We had great sex. How about you and dad?" Thing is, I feel that I'm lying to her, which I don't want to do. (Before one visit last month she said, "Don't get pregnant." I said. "Mom!" My dad overheard and even told her not to say that. I'm an adult so I shouldn't feel guilty about having sex with my bf.) I guess what I'm asking here is, what should I say when she asks what we did without feeling like I'm lying? (I live at home and I'm autistic, if that explains anything.) All opinions/feedback/welcome. Thanks for reading. :)
  24. Hello all, I have 2 kids that don't live with me, they live with their Mum. It isn't local to me and I don't drive so we agreed that during lockdown it would be safer for them to stay with her. This has been fine as I have had regular video calls with them and they are having great fun with their Mum. Since the announcement on Sunday she has been urging me to have them come stay with me but doesn't want me to come and collect them via train. I don't drive. I only live in a small apartment so have no garden and when the kids stay I give my son my bed and my daughter has her own little bed in my room. I stay on the sofa. Where they live now they have a garden plus their own rooms so always have something they can do. At this present stage I think it is unreasonable for me to have them due to the logistics of travel and the lack of things we can do as well as any potential risk of exposure to coronavirus. The town is pretty much shut down and all the play parks are locked up. Does this sound unreasonable to anybody?
  25. Hello all, i am new to this site and the first time i have asked for help regarding my relationship. If anyone can help me with advice and pure honestly i would really appreciate it. I have been with my now fianće for 8 years. We got engaged 6 months ago. When we first meet it was amazing apart from a few things that bothered me. My partner was overly jealous. She didn't like me walking to the shops, going out anywhere without her, talking to friends on the phone for to long. Even going to a restaurant had its difficulties as she would constantly accuse me of looking at other woman, even if they were sitting behind me. If im honest i accepted it because i love her so much. The real problems started two years into the relationship when families got involved. I come from a large very close family. I love and adore my parents and my siblings. At first my partner showed alot of effort with them and it meant the world to me. After a short while my mother, younger brother and younger sister would visit a couple of times a week and my partner would show less effort with them and basically start to show her discomfort by acting moody. Of course my mother and brother noticed this. I have made many excuses for my partner as i wouldnt want to upset my family. I have spoken to my partner 100s of times about this but nothing has changed. In her defence, she comes from a family that are not very close. She speaks to her mother once a week if that. She has no true friends which i find odd also. Another important note to make which is most shocking is that i am not welcome to her mothers house. We dont have any problems. We get on very well but for some reason they do not have visitors to there home. My mother on the other hand invites us as a family for dinner regularly but my partner makes excuses and does not attend 99% of the time. After several arguments about this situation she has now started coming up with the most ridiculous reasons for not liking my mother and my younger sister who is 5 years old by the way. Here are a few of her reasons Your younger brother kept asking for chrisps when they visited. Your sister is makes a mess and your mother does not clean up her mess before she leaves (the mess being a few toys) Your mother asked your older brother to cut her grass. You speak to your mother to many times a week I dont know if the problem here is that my siblings and i help our mother as much as we can and it makes her jealous or is it something else. Yes we are close as a family and yes we help our mother when ever she needs us. Our father died a few years back and it has been hard on us all. Is it so bad that we are helpful. Is it so bad that we all love each other and would do anything to make each other happy. Would this get better. Do i just hope she will realise she has a good man by her side. I have dedicated myself to her. I show her and her family love and respect. I do everything and anything to make her happy. Why am i not getting the same. Am i doing something wrong. Do i leave her.
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