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About Me

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  1. My(20f) Bf(20m) and I have been together a year and a half. It has been up and down but we do love each other a lot and genuinely have a great time in each others company. However, I'd be lying if I didn't say there were red flags. Most recently last night something came up that is making me question myself. My Bf has been on a vacation abroad for the past month and returns tomorrow. Since the beginning of December we've been planning on taking a romantic getaway to reconnect/ celebrate our anniversary. Our getaway will be the 27th-29th so really nothing huge. I footed the bill for our Airbnb and did most of the planning as he's out of the country. Before we booked our place I told him to make sure his mom was alright with him going. She said it was fine to him and even mentioned to me that it was fine. Last night while on the phone my Bf informs me that his mom and little brother are now going to come along. He says they will be staying with his relatives that live in the same city we're going to and we are just going to drop them off the first day then when we come home all ride home together. He said his mom asked and he agreed. Consulted with me about none of it. Now if I say anything I am seen as a selfish girl trying to distract him and take him away from his family. I am sick of being cast in this light. I try hard to build a bond with his family and mother particularly but I feel like this is sort of a slap in the face. I'm upset at his mother for asking. She knew this was a vacation just us yet she still asked. If we just dropped them off it wouldn't be a huge deal but I was looking forward to the drive there with him. Also I have a suspicion that what will actually end up happening is his mom calling him constantly and asking for us to all go do something or for a ride somewhere in the city. I hate being put in this position where I have to say no about his family but this was supposed to be for US. This issue has brought a bigger problem to my attention. My Bf's dynamic with his family is extremely different than mine. I am the youngest, he's the oldest. His mom is super involved with him, my parents are more hands off. His family takes vacations, my parents travel by themselves. I feel like I have a lot more independence than he does because his mom coddles him. He makes comments about how cold my family is and really makes me feel sad about it. I have always been insecure about how distant my family is but that's just how things have always been for me. I wished my family was more "fun" and did things like his but my family is small and we're all grown children now.
  2. When I was young, my dad said a lot of because of me, he stayed in the marriage with my mom. He wasn't appreciated at all by her. He was not happy with my mum... Could that be called love or is it a cheating? Of course, he was dating with a woman when I was very young and my mother was very angry and they fought a lot on that but in the end, the marriage eventually stayed. I very much stood by my mom, but after many years, my auntie revealed that my mom once brought a man that she held hands with to visit my auntie. I feel my parents are in the end staying together for me, but I feel they both are cheaters.
  3. Hello. I will try to explain myself as simply as I can. I had some relation problems in July and I asked help from here. Firstly, let me summarize that relationship: I had an online relationship, then we have seen each other several times in reel life, we had some jeaolusy problems and someday i couldn't give enough care and time to him because of my own problems. Then, on June, he decided to end our relationship, and I tried to get him back with a trick: I wanted him to be jealous of me. I wanted him to regret his decision about ending this relationship and I wanted him to try to win me back. This childish idea obviously didn't work and he left me completely, and I couldn't win him back. Until last week, I begged for 3 months to win him back, but no mather what I did, it didn't work. Finally, I got tired and gave up. I deleted him on everywhere and I didn't see him later. And I made a promise to myself; I won't see him ever in my whole life. At this point, I tried to focus on the other things in my life. Like my family and my school. But hey... there was a problem. I was so preoccupied with my relationship problems that everything else was "secondary issue" to me. Even myself and my mental health was a "secondary issue" to me... I thought that if I could get my boyfriend back, I could handle everything else. And now, I have to face and deal with that crooked idea. First of all, I explained the whole story to my mother (firstly I have to admit I had an online relationship, yes I prefer "admit" word because it is a "no-no" in her opinion). I did this to end all my feelings for him and create a point of no return... She was very angry (as always) and she threatened me with my father. She said "I will tell everything to your father and he will beat you. Because by talking to people you don't know, you put not only yourself in danger but also us." I begged her a lot and finally she changed her mind. But my father already understood the tense atmosphere at home and kept asking what was going on. So I made a deal with my mother : We told him a fabrication lie about one of my girl classmates and my mother acted like "an overprotective mother", and I acted like "a stupid girl who believes to everyone so quickly". We said "my girl classmate wanted to meet me at a very suspicious place, and my mother was damn right to not allow me to go." We never mentioned that there is a man or love in this story. My father didn't believe at first, but my mother and I kept pretending and eventually "case closed" on the very same night. I also had to deal with my school problems. Today, I went to my school and I "learned" that I would be dismissed from the school, because I could not complete my classes on time. I thought I still had a year to finish my school, but it wasn't. Problem is about my lessons, not about my thesis, actually. If I had completed all my courses in 2 years and had to submit only my thesis, I would have had 1 additional year. But I could not complete my courses and my thesis in 2 years. And because of my failed courses, they won't give that additional 1 year to me. So I had to first deregister at the school and then re-register. And it means we have to pay extra "money". Actually, I've asked my school-advisor about this topic before. But maybe I didn't ask correctly, or maybe he misunderstood me... Somehow, here is the situation. I can't do anything to fix it. I came home, trying not to throw myself in front of passing cars... Because, only 4 days ago, my mother literally told me these very sentences : "This is the second and the very last chance I'm giving to you. There won't be a next chance. So make up your mind and don't do other stupid things anymore." -- Additionally, that first chance was my first relationship in the university and she said for years that I'm so lucky for she didn't kick me out of the house. -- [I have to describe my relationship with my mother right now: It always scared me that she was so tough and angry. She had literally minimal tolerance for me, because of the problems she had with his own family and my father. I remember very-well, I was a primary school girl and my mom told me about her marital problems and wanted me to "understand" her and not tire her. She always said that, I was the only reason she was still married, and it always made me feel on edge. I had no right to make mistakes, I just had to be grateful for the opportunities my parents gave me, go to school and get a job.] Anyway. Luckily I was alone at home and had the opportunity to think about the situation. Unlike other days, today my dad came home first and I explained my school problems to him in my mother's absence. I wanted his help. I suggested keeping it a secret, but firstly we had to create "a believable lie". Thus, for the first time in my life, I shared a problem with my father. Surprisingly, he didn't react like my mother had told me for years. He didn't hit me. He didn't shout. He was even not angry. He did not humiliate -or- insult me. All I saw was disappointment, though he didn't say that, but I could tell it by the tone of his voice. He just listened to me with patience and offered me a way out when I finished my speech. I told the first part of the lie we prepared tonight, everything went well so far. I hope my mom will believe me when I say the other part and I can get away with it without she messing with it anymore. [By the way, I'm not as bad as you probably think... I feel so ashamed and regretful in my deep. I will never ever lie to both of them anymore, because all of this process is so painful and all I can feel is remorse, guilt and fear.] Now my question is... If I can get through this situation before my lie is exposed, should I tell both of them what they don't know after it's all over? Should I explain everything in the end? Or is it best to be dishonest and stay in the shadows for a lifetime? Or do you have any other ideas? Please feel free to share your thoughts with me, it would be really appreciated, because I need all different viewpoints in my situation. Thank you for your precious time. I hope you never have to lie to your parents because it really feels so guilty, especially when your last activity before sleeping is give them a good-night kiss
  4. ok. at the moment. i am overwhelmed with so many different feelings that i want to just run. run until my legs give out. if any of you have read my past postings, you would know that i am meeting my biological mother in whom i have not heard from since i was 5. (adopted) so its been really hard preparing myself for this situation. im afraid that when i see/talk to her that memories will come flooding back to me. i don't know how to react or how not to react. im actually thinking of "leaving" on that day. which is a very negative thought because i have been trying to face my problems, and not run away from them. so... already. ive got pressure. i can't talk about it with my parents because they don't know she is coming. and i don't know what they will do. so yes, its hard. but we all know life isn't easy. last night was the hardest night. i haven't cried like that in a long time. a very long time. i also have testing going on right now. every morning for 3 hours for the next 4 days. so there is pressure. i have to pass in order to graduate. no problem, but yes... im stressing over that too. and lastly... today's issue. i almost burst into tears in my biology class when i found out. i held everything back, all i wanted to do was run out of there and just curl up in a ball because it just keeps getting worse. i found out that one of my good friends is in the hospital because she slit her wrists last night. i don't know how bad it is. she doesn't even know i know. and im afraid. im so afraid. i don't know what to do anymore. she hasn't done anything like this that i know of since last year. as far as i knew, we were both doing better, for the first time in awhile. i know that yesterday she was upset over her ex. i tried to be there for her but she said she didn't want to talk about it because she would freak out again. i know this sounds selfish towards her feelings but this is not what i need right now. This makes me feel like i am not being a good enough friend, it makes me feel lower than low. its all so overwhelming. she has done this before, but not near hospitilization. and she knows that i will freak out. i am freaking out. so im meeting my mother, i have a billion tests to take and my friend wants to die. i don't know how to deal with all of this. she has been so good to me lately. listening to my problems. and i have tried to be there for her, and we do talk about her stuff, its just that i usually have to drag it out of her and i don't want to feel like im pulling teeth. this sux. im getting a headache thinking of all of this again.
  5. hey, my father is in his 50's and has diabities... he is over weight, and when he was first diganosed he lost alot of weight, eat well, stoped drinking. Now lately this has all gone down hill.... he back to drinking, he rambles alot of nonsense in front of my friends... mom is clueless... i am just sick of it, and i feel like kocking him out! So first of all b4 i tell me he drinking again and the freak at each outher and me, is there any way i can talk to my father about this? and i don't think he should be drinking alot with diabities?
  6. I don't understand ANYTHING or ANYBODY!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am really upset right now so excuse me. My mother goes and calls my ex and talks to her tonight!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And then doesn't understand why I am upset! I told her that she crossed a line and I didn't like it( i was gone out to play pool with my brother at the time) What is wrong with her?????????? I have enough STUFF to deal with to not worry that she is gonna call her.....I am doing all I can not to after she has been such a bit*h to me!!!!!!!!! Why does she not understand????????? Then she comes to me telling me that Misty still loves me(and she is already seeing someone else 2 days after we break up.... come on give me a break) what was she thinking??????I soooooooooooooo feel like I am her mother and she is my daughter!!!!!! I love my mama but WHY WOULD SHE DO THAT?????????????
  7. From The Corner of Her Eye Little woman Bright blue eyes Meeting a pair of green Beautiful man Beautiful girl Several years in between But love blinded numbers A happy seventeen and twenty-four Lost a difference of six And soon lost them quite a bit more So love, it fell Crushed—forced to die Yet still she loved From the corner of her eye A new 'love' manufactured By those far wiser than she But it wasn't the same It never would be Though quietly she succumbed Watching life pass her by Sure, she was living From the corner of her eye A beautiful wedding A teary-eyed bride A family watching A family with pride The baby, it came A beautiful girl with green eyes She didn't look like 'Daddy' An unwelcome surprise Mother didn't say sorry Quietly she left without attempting to deny She saw the anger in her family From the corner of her eye They traveled for a while—years Then happened upon a grave Mother looked defeated Which made the girl afraid After that things were different Mother didn't smile anymore Mother looked older So much older than before Soon the girl couldn't stand to watch To face her mother straight on Seeing her like that made her cry So she silently took it all in Bit by bit From the corner of her eye A girl grows to a woman A woman—she grows old And summers fade to winters Leaving warmth to fall to cold An old woman lost to sickness A young lady all alone Nothing left to hold on to And no family of her own She walks to the old gravesite A perfect place to say goodbye She knows it's time to stop living From the corner of her eye
  8. I tried to find the first post, but I forgot what I titled it A little while ago, I posted I was troubled because my best friends mom has breast cancer, and either he didn't know, or wasn't talking. Just now, on MSN he told me. I really want to say something without sounding corny, and I don't want to even mention how serious it is, it's really aukward!! What should I say, how should I take this. I really want to be there for him, I feel SICK to my stomach!!! Now I'm stressing about this, I think I'm going to throw up. News like this is just like getting kicked between the legs. It seems like so many people I know have these run-ins with cancer!!?!! What would be a good thing to say to cheer him up, or show my feelings without being...corny or sounding forced. I'm not great at communicating the sympathy emotion with other guys (actually i'm just terrible! ), maybe some of the girls can gimme a hand? .....ug i'm sooo sick of all this crap going on everywhere I turn! nothing positive has happened to me for a good 3 months
  9. I have a problem that makes me feel worse every day it seems. Whether or not it is a typical problem, I don't know, but it is a serious one in my eyes. It is about not being accepted for who I am. I am the kind of person that wears black alot. I'm not a dark, or evil person, just different from everyone else. My parents though, especially my mom, think I am just trying to get attention by making people think i'm evil. I honestly could'nt give 2 squirts of piss what anyone thinks of me, afterall, they will not influence MY life. Why anyone would think that black makes people evil, I dont know. It's just a color. I cannot talk to my parents about my problem, because they would not listen. They would only condemn my personality. My mom thinks that it is bad that i am so different from everyone else. Why though? Knowing that I cannot, and never will be able to be the person I want to be in the presense of my own family doesn't make it any better. I promise I am not a violent ot bad person, and I try to be accepting of ALL other people in everyway. Is there ANYTHING I can say to my parents that might make them change their mind about anything? That would maybe let them accept me for who I am? Right now I feel so helpless and depressed.
  10. I found out last month that my husband had a year long affair with a women in another state. I found out this information from her 21 yr old daughter, who has been seeing my husband for the last 10 months. The daughter and my husband both say there wasn't anything sexual about their realtionship. But my husband did lie to me spend everyother weekend in Dec with this child, as well as spend money on her and her 4yr old child. My husband of 14 years is an over the road truck driver. He took the mother out on the road with him at least 5 or 6 times, and as he says "had sex" with her too many times to remember. He has been talking to the daughter multiple times a day since this past May, and even had pictures of her on his cell phone. He told me that he even offered to let her sleep in his truck (the one I pay for) with him one night after they went to a bar and it was really late and she didn't want to get in trouble. She still lives with her mom. He has tried for the last several weeks not to run in the area where they live, but that hasn't been sucessful. He says he hasn't called them or texted them on his phone, but I won't know until the bill comes out. He says because I am asking for reassurance about his commitment and love to me that I am pushing him away. We have made the commitment to stay together, but how do I get the images of him touching,kissing, making love to out of my mind? This is driving me crazy, I can't sleep, I am doing my job poorly and the kids are sufferring. I am seeing a thearpist, but he isn't. Please someone give me some advice on how to get these images out of my head. I want to stay with my husband.
  11. I have read almost a million posts on here and everything that has been said has fit my sitch. we were together for 14mo. me 28 she 24. going through a rough time the arguing. she secrelty removed her belongings from my place, started talking to ex flings, began to avoid me so we had the talk. i could tell she couldn't hold it in any longer. during the talk we both cried and said our love yous. i gave her a letter I had typed up earlier in the day to take with her, but i also read it for he wheeping. Her reasons were that I said things she just can't forget, which i owned up too. She said she still loves me, felt like she was making a mistake, she was confused. I of course was supportive towards her decision, but told her I didn't want to give up on us. Told her I didn't want it to end, but if that is how she felt than that is what she needed to do. Beginnig that night I found this board and read about NC so I started NC right away. Now what I need advice on: Although I found out today that my mom sent her an email the day after we split talking about how much my parents would miss her and how much she meant to them and how devastated i was. Well I guess my ex responded and it was really high level. for instance she thanked them for the kind words they had for her. She would miss them also and would like to keep in touch. my ex said she would never erase the memoris and would miss them. she also said she is in a bad spot right now because she had tons of emotions swirling around in her head. Then my mom tells me that she emailed her back that she was like the daughter she never had and that she would always be there for her. My mom also told her about a trip I paid for to surprise my ex, which I got the deposit back for, and I know my mom didn't know it was a surprise because i didn't tell her it was. my mom thought my ex knew and wanted her to know I was a good man and would return her part of the money. Althought didn't know of the plans and my ex didn't need to know this and now she does. the ex and I would always take trips that we planned together, which I know my mom only assumesd. my mom also told her that if she moved on that was great and they were happy. She also mentioned to her how breaks can be good for relationships. My mom finally told me this today because she felt bad and wanted to let me know she would not email my ex again unless my ex contacted her. Even though it has been two weeks since my breakup, my mom wants me to move on, quickly. After that long story, I guess I want to know if my mom screwed whatever chance I have at self pride. Also let me know if relatives can break the NC rule and it be okay? I know my mom had good intentions. Let me know your thoughts and if you ever experienced this sort of situation before. I had dated exs where their ex boyfriend's parents still kept in touch. BTW I haven't heard from my ex since the night we broke up.
  12. Sorry this is sorta long... My brother is 21 years old. He hasn't graduated... he's been into drugs since he was about 16... and he's basically messed up a good portion of his life. He hasn't lived at home for about the past... year and a half maybe .... because him and my mom dont get along... ever since he's been about 17 he's been in and out of our house. He can't keep a steady job.. and is basically bumming off whatever he can get. But as of the end of next month he wont have a place to live so he wants to move home.. that's fine... both me and my dad have clearly stated to him and my mom that if things are going to go back to the way they were than we can't have him here.... him and my mom faught constantly.. like yelling screaming.. the whole 9 yards. My house wasn't a very happy place. It's been alright with just me and my parents... we get along for the most part... and my brother comes home every sunday to do laundry and have a decent meal. So fine he wants to move home.. not a big deal.... tonight... our phone rings.. it's him... he had 6 warrants out for his arrest .... adn one of his ex-employers was a cop and ran a background check on him.. and when he went to pick up his t-4 slip.. he got arrested. One of them is for assult.. and i don't know what else.... he's 21 (i'm in sask canada) so there's a good chance he could end up with jail time.... He's my brother.. i love him to death.. but i sure don't like him very much.... My parents don't know what to do.. there isn't much tehy can do.... the other day he told me that ... it's a good thing that i've watched him screw up his whole life because then i don't have to make stupid mistakes.. i've learned from him.. which i have.... but like.. what do i say to that? I guess my problem.. if you want to call it that.... is ... i'm scared for him..... i always am..... i worry about him....and there's absolutely nothing i can do.... he's been arrested before... when he was 17..he got off with some community serivce and 2 years probation.... so he was lucky... he was a minor.... that's been wiped from his criminal record.. but now there'sa chance that's all gonna come back to bite him in the ass..... I'm scared for him.. that he's gonna end up with jail time... or something's gonna happen to him..... i've always been scared that he might do something drastic... something.. like...suicide.... i do'nt think he would.. but that's always something that has terrified the hell outta me.. i know he gets depressed.... and i knwo he doesn't handle it very well.... If anyone can offer me... anything.... advice...some comfort.. anything.. it would be appreciated.... if you have any questions.. i'll answer them as well.... Thanks for anything
  13. ok i'm 24 yr old aisan male and from what one friend has said is that i have a receeding hair line. how can i tell if i am going to be bald. i still have hair on my head right now. they say its on the moms side and yes all the males on my moms side are bald except for one male cousin-not sure maybe he wears a wig or a patch. my hair is long as i hardly cut my hair, but thats the reason why.
  14. OK... heres my problem.. i met this girl, and shes really awesome, nice.. a great influence.. shes great to hang out with. But i have a dilemma.. my parents are really paranoid about me and girls.. and i have to tell my mom about her.. and she wants to meet my parents.. but i dont know how to tell my mom.. im afraid of what she might say. PLEASE give me some advice or tips.. thank you!
  15. My life seems to being going no where fast. Growing up poor, always staying at home to study, always doing what I am told and always putting all of my own interest's aside for my parents, letting my parents decide everything for me. Now I am 21, I lack a social life, I am shy, rarely going out, my grades are slipping, I never had a girlfriend nor a job, I have low self-esteem and slightly overweight. And my parents expect me to rescue them from poverty like this? At my home, everything seems to revolve around my mother's stress, her poor health and the family debt. She is the sort of person that sacrifices all of her time, her health and her sense of well-being all for the sake of the family and accuses the family of not being supportive enough of her and expecting too much from her. She expects the family to become as "selfless" as she is and that she is the only person in the house that even has the right to even be angry or depressed. My mother (and my little sister to some extent) are the sort of people that don't like to take "no" for an answer. Because of this, I have become somewhat of a pushover, never saying "no" to anyone, even taking orders from my sister who is four years younger. It feels degrading being pushed around by a little girl that has absolutely no respect for you. I get no love, respect or support from my family no matter how much I try. I am tired of being made to feel that everything I do is not good enough. I sacrifice all my personal goals, dreams and ambitions and I am still not good enough. I am tired of having low self-esteem. Such is my low self-esteem that even to smile or laugh is out of character for me. Every time I tried to build up my self-esteem it would easily crumble whenever my mother makes me feel like she is disappointed in me. My greatest regret would be that one day my mother will die still disappointed in me. To feel depressed I would be told by my mother that I might be depressed for only one day but she is depressed every day. That makes me even more depressed. *Sigh* So much pressure and expectation merely because I am the firstborn in the family. In everything I do (e.g. uni) nobody at home has faith or confidence in me. To tell them that I am trying my best no one will believe me. Its hard when I am the only one that believes in myself. If only moving out was an option, but its not, I am far too dependant on my family. Someone one told me once that I have a heck of alot of potential, why is it that I don't see this potential? I wish I had someone believe in me, particularly someone I admire and respect. Maybe this is why I like this girl I know. She is intelligent, good grades, plently of friends, strong at public speaking (unlike me), similar background as me...etc. I can't help but feel that she is the person I would have become if I wasn't so insecure and my life filled with problems. I tried writing her an email once, to tell her how much I like her, however, I never sent it and all I did was send her an e-card saying "Happy Valentines Day!". Not that I am shy or I am afraid of ruining my friendship with her, its that I have so much things in my life to deal with first (e.g. my low self-esteem). What kind of boyfriend would I make like this? Maybe all of this is just an excuse for not saying to her how much I like her. I am tired of being ashamed and embarrassed at my every failure. I want to one day look back and laugh at myself, because I have changed so much for the better. I can't just sit around waiting for my life to change on its own, I need to take charge of my own life. I need to develop goals and ambitions if I ever want to feel like I accomplished something important in my life. I need to improve myself for my own future and also for the sake of my family. I want to live a life with no regrets. I want to take a more positive outlook on life despite the negativity and pessimism that is hard to ignore at home. I want to boost up my self-esteem. I want to lose weight, not to impress a girl but to have a better self-image. I want to somehow earn the respect of my parents and my sister. Everyday might be a struggle to find faith and confidence in myself but there is a vague hope that one day I would have a successful life. Maybe then it would be much easier to attract a girlfriend.
  16. My family has just moved...while I invested a lot of time and energy in the move beforehand, afterwards I just didn't have the strength to work on the place. I went back to work, and tried to help out in the evenings. In the past couple of days, my wife just exploded: I'm nasty to her friends, my mother is an evil witch and I take no responsibility for anything. So she says. She's gotten completely hysterical, and even her sisters say she's gone totally irrational. When I asked her why she stays with me (yes - we've gotten that far), she says that she loves me, and that I have certain characteristics that she knows she can't find anywhere else. But she acts in a way that is seriously endangering her chances of enjoying those characteristics for much longer... In any case, I understand what she wants - to know that I am there for her, that I am behind her all the way...but I don't know how to convince her that I am. No matter what I do. it's just not good enough, it's "cosmetic"' I'm just doing it to avoid conflict. So - any ideas how I can convince her I am behind her?
  17. Hi, I am a 45 year old mom of 2 great teenagers. My husband was diagnosed with advanced cancer 2 years ago, but is still doing okay right now, though still undergoing treatment. My mom was also diagnosed with advanced cancer withing 4 months of him. If things are just going along fine, I do alright, but even the slightest change noe totally throws me. I sonetimes even think I do not want to be alive anymore. I think I just cannot handle it anymore because everyone needs me for something. I have nothing left to give. I don't know how I am going to get through the next few years, with my husband and mom declining at the same time, with 2 kids that also need my support. Anybody been through something similar and get through it? Please, any help appreciated.
  18. I would appreciate any replies on this post. The other day I rode by my girl's house and noticed she was on the phone, so I stopped by. I walk up the driveway and she pretends to be surprised to see me. She was just sitting there on the phone when I noticed a guy's full name written on her leg. Her ex. I knew she was on the phone with him by her body language. She continues to talk on the phone as if I wasn't standing there. Then she gets off and asks me what I want. I was never so shocked. I asked her if there was anything she wanted to tell me. She claims it was her cousin on the phone. no one talks to a cousin in that manner. At that point I was fed up. Even though it was hard, I managed to get my stuff back (bracelet, bellyring, pictures, etc.) I came back later to return her stuff and talked to her mom. I let her know that I was giving up. She wasn't happy about that at all. As I was leaving my girl followed me out her house saying she wanted to talk. I told her I don't want to deal with her. There were plenty of chances to talk in the past, so why now. It got to the point where she was blocking me from getting to my car. Then she started getting physical by pushing me repeatedly. I eventually got to my car and she still wouldn't let me leave. She grabbed my hair as I started the car, so I rolled her arms up in the window and thought about taking off. Couldn't do it. Next thing I know she tries to choke me out. She knew I wouldn't hit back. In the midst of that she took my phone. I told her to let me check her. At this point I realized she had an urge for me to touch her. I made her check herself. She showed me the phone and said she wouldn't give it back unless I gave her a hug. (I can't say what went through my mind on this post). I was shocked. I left after that and she's been calling me all last night, this morning, afternoon, and evening nonstop using different people's phones. This morning she was begging me to get the phone (voice mail). It even sounded like she was crying. Later she sent a message and apologized for the other night telling me she loves me and wants me in her life. I think she can change, but we've been through this so many times. Does she really care that much? Should I leave her? Thanks for reading.
  19. my ex and i have have gone out for about 2 years and we broke up about a month ago. she wanted to have no contact with me until we got back to school which is in a few days. she instant messaged me a week ago asking what i was up to and when she was going back to school, i responded casually. yesterday she emailed me the exact date of when she was going. i did not reply to the email. i want to know how i should act or what i should do when i talk to her. she broke up with me b/c her mom doesnt approve of me(not because of how i treat her but more or less my ethnicity) her mom tells her that she shouldnt be commited right now she should to see other guys, she is gonna transfer to another school( just a few hrs away no biggie for me i can drive to see her when i can) and she wants more guy friends. so since she broke up with me i am still confused about which one is the real reason or maybe a part of all of them is real. the breakup caught everyone by surprise even her sister was surprised. things between us have always been GREAT but her moms disapproval of me really gets to her. i am also wondering what she thinks about other guys as well. i am her first serious bf and even while we were goin out guys hit on her and emailed her for dates n stuff, i did not act jealous or let it bother me cuz i know she loves me, but does she miss all the attention a single girl gets? maybe shes bored of me? i just dont know what to say or how to act toward her once we talked in a few days. we will have not seen each other for a month. need sum advice of what to do
  20. Hi, new to the boards. So heres the story, kinda long. Ok, about 8 months ago i went to a forum and started posting. I got a private message from someone on one of the topics i posted on. It was her. She and i kept private messaging each other about stuff we had in common. Then i was like "hey, do you have instant messanger" She said yea and we exchanged msn addresses. So we started talking on msn. We talked pretty much everyday for a week. About everything. I told her after i'm out of school that i was moving to washington to get a job and live there. It turns out she lives in washington. She had almost EVERYTHING in common with me. Anyways, she wanted to see what i looked like so i sent her my pic. She said i was super cute and hot and all that stuff. I was rather flattered. She said that she now had a crush on me. I was kinda stunned. I hadn't really expected to hear that. Well, thats about when i found out she was 13. Thats a very low age. I was 19 at the time and i was thinking that that is way too young. I decided i would continue to talk to her but just as a friend. A few weeks passed and she told me she broke up with her boyfriend. I asked her why and she said its because she liked someone else. I was like who and she said me. Again i was like wow. No girl has ever said this to me before. She told me that my age didn't matter to her. And that she wanted to go have a long distance relationship. i couldn't say no and i didn't really want to say no. Well, she called me on my birthday and i was more happy than i have ever been. She got a cell phone and calls me everyday right before she goes to bed. She told me she loves me more than anything in the world and can't wait till i move to washington. Everytime i hear her voice i want to be with her in person. We've been together for about 7 months. I know she's young, she acts really mature. We exchange pics regularly to keep up with each others lives since we are apart. She told her mom that she was going out with me and i was moving to washington next year. Her mom was fine with it as long as i wasn't a 50 year old perverted man. She tells me everything that goes on in her life. She said that she wants to be with me forever. I feel the exact same. I'm a 20 year old virgin so its not like i'm just in it for sex. I think that can wait and she agrees. I don't want to get in trouble with the law or anything. I'm way more interested in being with her to talk and just have fun with. I believe that she is my soulmate and she agrees on that as well. I've just never connected with anyone so deeply in my life. She's always on my mind, and i'm always on hers. She's waited 7 months already and she says that her feelings have only gotten stronger. Does anyone have any opinions on this? i'm not doubting that it will work, i believe it will. Does anyone think that age matters?
  21. If you have read in any of my other posts, you already know many things about my life and my father. IF you dont... HE has hepatitis C. Hes very mean and doesnt give a crap about me or my mother. If he wanst sick, he wouldnt be around...trust me. But the reason for the post "FEARING for my life" I mean it because he is starting to hit us. He pushed me in to the wall last night 3 times by grabbing me by the head.... he pushes my mom around and he keeps saying "ill kill you, this is my house, this ALL MINE GET OUT" the more we ignore him the more he gets to be a jerk. We are coming to the point were we are just waiting for him to GO AWAY! Its constant. I cant even leave my house to see my boyfriend because Im afraid to leave my mom home. My mom doesnt know what to do. If we put him in a home. he could possibly die. We just...are down to our last bit. If you were hear you would understand. Right now my mom is in my room watching tv. She has been for the last 2 days, because he takes the remote and says ITS MINE. AND NO MATTER WHAT, His sickness does have a part in his mean'ness, but he is doing it himself 70% of the time. He is just a jerk. He would take money over us. He doesnt even know my birthday is in a month. MY SISTERS WAS YESTERDAY AND HE DIDNT EVE KNOW. He doesnt care. He just cares about himself. Its hard to love him. Its hard to care anymore. I need some experts. I dont want to leave him at a home, but once you start fearing for your life. ITs very hard... WHAT CAN WE DO!!!!!!!!!!! We are down to our last thoughts on what we can do. And they are not good thoughts. GIVE ME SITES...GIVE ME ANYTHING. I NEED SOMETHING. My boyfriend says "just deal with it for now"... but than id be putting my hole life on hold for a father that cares NOTHING about me... IF you read my older posts...you would know...
  22. Ok I posted a topic about acne before. I was happy for a while cause I got a tan and my acne seemed better and not as noticeable (I'm ver very white and hate it) Anyway, I've been on Retin-A for two months and stopped using it about 2-3 weeks ago..but I still have some side effects. For example, before Retin-A my forehead had a few blackheads but you couldn't even see them. Now the acne are not big but not small either. They are deep under the skin and really noticeable in the sun and in bad lighning. I also have a spot on every cheek that just always gets huge (well not huge but really big blemishes). And also my nose-I only had blackheads all over it but now in some places blackheads started turning onto small red acne. Well I have an appointment with a dermatologist on September 8 and I really want her do out me on Accutane cause if she gives me more cream treatment stuff, I'm just gonna get up and walk away. She already destroyed my skin. I've read on Kaiser Permanente (my health insurance) web site that you can get accutaine if -It's causing emotional pain and depression (I cry sometimes and today also because of it, but I always have depression and just lock myself in the house. I'd rather have depression from Accunate than from acne) -If yor family member has acne scars (now my mom doesnt have acne scars but has enlarged pores. Dunno about dad, never seen him) -If it didn;t get better over several months of medical treatment (Ok it didn't!!!) So um..how bad does acne have to be? I don't want tp try any creams cause I feel like if I do, them my skin's gonna age sooner than it's supposed to. My skin is tired of these stuff... again, sorry for posting so often but I jsut have to talk to someone but my mom hates discussing treatments and my acne
  23. It's hard for me to trust my boyfriend of one year. I don't know if any of you have had this problem, but the main reason (among other mundane issues) for my desire to break way from him is due to the way his family treats me. Brief Intro: He has a four year old son and we are in our early twenties. I go beyond the call of duty for his child. I am playful, sincere, and understanding to my boyfriend and his child. I guess it wouldn't be such a tremendous problem that his mother vividly dislikes me, except that his reaction to her actions are that of a child. His mother is rude to me, for no particular reason, and my boyfriend fails to stick up for me. For example, one time I was in the pool with his child for over an hour and my boyfriend was hanging around outside the pool; this is at his house. His mother slips into the pool and directs the child as follows, "Child Name, why don't you stop playing with Hannah (me) and spend some quality time with your Father (my boyfriend)." I was bewildered that she could be so unappreciative and rude to my face all at once. I waited for several to see if my boyfriend would stick up for me. He failed to, instead he mumbled something I could barely make out. So I took the courtesy to stand up for myself. I guess instead, I wished he had stood up from where he was sitting back, and demanded his mother to apologize to me. Or acknowledge that her comment was unnecessary and rude. That is only one example of the mom-and boyfriend dual I often deal with. I am a student, I study hard, and I am fair. In these situations I feel like my boyfriend is disrespecting me more than his rudely mannered mother, simply because he fails to demand respect for from others. When I approach my boyfriend and confront him with how I feel and that I wish to end our relationship, he says I should ignore his mother the way he does. Is he actually right!? That's certainly not the way I was raised... Any insight on this would be really appreciated. I'm really feeling lost and worthless. Thank You.
  24. Sorry for the length of this but I just need to vent and it covers the last year has been total hell. But today is the first day of the rest of my life. About a year a go I had a great social circle both at University and in my local area. Then my Godfather who I am really close to got ill. As it was the hottest summer in the UK ever and with people sweating more than normal he started sweating inwards, and it led to him putting on 70 pounds in water weight, water everywhere, head, body, legs, arms. It made so lathargic I thought he was going to die and he wouldn't do anything about it. My best friend who has a 2 year old son, my Godson, had problems posted about previously, she met a new man and we started seeing eachother less frequently, and whenever I asked for her support she made excuses to be with her new man. As my Godfathers health deteriorated, my fathers already poor health worsened, he ended up in hospital as well, he isn't a very good patient, very demanding, it put huge strain on my Mum and me. As a result my Mum turned to drink, to the point where one night she passed out in the passage, and couldn't move or respond to me. My uni work suffered my relationship with my best friend became non-exsistent as she decided she "Didn't need me anymore" and my Father and Godfather were seriously ill. I lost it, I didn't care about anything, I hated life and whatever higher power is up there. My Godfather eventually after 3 months in hospital recovered and my Dad also recovered, my Mum addressed her achohol problem although it still ain't perfect, and I lost my best friend and Godson the person who meant more to me than anyone. I loved making him laugh comforting him when he cried, helping him develop. One of my fondest memories is of being at the hospital with him and my friend when he was ill, he was getting better and was taking his bottle from me while my friend slept on my shoulder. It was all gone. 5 months later and I have quit University after failing 5 out of 7 courses, but I have renewed hope. I know what I will do with my future and I know how I am going to get there. I will do an accounts A-Level and get an A to add to the A in Law, B in Business and C in English Language. I will be doing an IT course gain some formal IT qualifications, I will get back into University and complete a Law degree and become a Lawyer specialising in Family law. I will support the people I care about I will be mentally stronger. Sorry if that sounded arrogant, but with renewed hope comes renewed confidence. By the time I am 25 I will have done all the above and I will do it all with the thought of my Godson driving me on to do it.
  25. we had to write a random autobiography in any format for honors english at school. i chose to do mine in the form of a poem that rhymes, fun i know. its kinda very mellow though cuz i didnt wanna get referred to the councilor. some of it is total BS... but yeah tell me what u think before i turn it in. I came along in early spring I was born with small and fragile wings I had hair as black as night And the doctors laughed, for I put up much of a fight They called me little witch Because I made all the doctors twitch For as much as I was crying You'd think that I was dying As I grew older And November Nights grew colder I started to find my own way And was loved more each day Even after falling and bruising my knees up I was clumsy so I always had a plastic cup I was slowly taught how to fly My parents made me think I could touch the sky When six years had passed I remember my birthday party like it was my last We were moving so the house was bare All of my friends and neighbors were there We had to move from Germany to the US My mom was full of unwanted stress I was so excited Though I was never really invited I liked living here at first But then it plunged for the worst I was made fun of in school And I was not very cool I had an accent until about grade four Then I would run out of the school door I had some friends at this time And life seemed just fine I have always really liked to write Some people say that that's not quite right I also like to read And in my heart is little greed I like to help people out I hate it when people pout I do not like to see you frown And I am deathly afraid of clowns Even though I am now fifteen My mom says sometimes I act like "the queen" I am still afraid of the dark And I'm slowly learning how to park Arachnids make me squirm This fear has been long-term I also really don't like roaches I have had many bad softball coaches And As I sit here chewing gum Looking at the short nail on my thumb I think how should probably stop biting my nails Or at least paint them if all else fails I'm talking to Gina And I'm thinking about my friend Cristina Who lives in Florida, so far away I wish I could hug my friends and tell them everything will be okay I try to always be here for them when they need me I tell them life isn't always as portrayed on TV I love to get hugs And I don't do drugs I play softball for fun I train even before the season has begun I didn't make the team last year And my life was full of tears Sometimes the world seems black Just waiting for the bad guys to attack Some days I just curl up and cry And I feel like I want to die But then I take out a pen and write About my mom and I's fight It makes me feel just enough to feel better And my stress gets out with each letter I hope to grow up And adopt my own pup I wanna go to college And stuff my brain full of knowledge I want to help others out for the rest of my life To take away other's blades and knives Just to tell them everything will be fine And there is no reason to quit life and resign Though sometimes the knife feels like it is digging deeper Plunging into my skin as I get weaker I know everything will be all right As long as I put up a good fight Goodnight I say to you one last time You don't have to cry or whine As I close up this story of my life I hope we can come to a universal strife
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