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About Me

  1. I have been living in a different country to my home country for the past 3 years with my boyfriend. Was only meant to be for short amount of time with his job, ended up going permanent and we stayed. I have always been homesick and wanted to move back and he doesn’t. We have a toddler and I am currently 6 months pregnant. Our relationship is not good, can’t agree on anything, he is not very supportive. I had postnatal depression with my first, and scared I will get it again with this baby. I want to move back and have baby in home country where I have more support as have none here, but he feels I am taking our kids away from him and making him miss out on the birth. I need some advice!
  2. Hello, I'm a student and I came here for advice about a sensible situation, thank you in advance for the answers, sorry for the lenght, this is quite complex but I just want to have an external opinion on the feelings I go through, the whole story is just to set the context. Trigger warning : abortion/ abandonment. 8 months ago (October) I met a man on a dating app, at first he seems to be open to discover each other around a coffee, and I was more into having fun. Our conversations were the simple/quite boring kind, but I give it a try as he seemed cute and I felt good and confident in my life. So we spent a first night together not planned but on an impulsive need to see each other late. Then wow I discovered a funny, smart and cuddly man. I’ve been hurt in the past due to relationships where I forgot myself in unrequited love so I decided to act “cool” and “casual” for once, thinking I could keep an hand on this He asked me two days after to see each other again but again I try to make myself mysterious, we saw each other a few days after, on a night too. Then I started to get attached and I felt he started to be distant. As I tried to get some news a few days after the last encounter, he never answered so things didn’t go on and I erased him from Instagram, only media we had to chat. I know this was immature but at that time I didn’t know him enough to trust him as we met twice in a month, at night, I thought it was just another ghosting from a dating app hook-up. Life went on, I rarely thought of him but some nights after a glass of wine when I felt lonely and I regretted my impulsive act. In January I saw him on another dating app, I matched, he had matched me so we talked again, and I asked him to see each other again, he seemed unsure which I understood. However due to serious personal issues I had to erase my account on this site and as I had erased him from Instagram we had no way to talk, but I was too mentally/emotionally busy to care. He finally found my Instagram account a few days later, dm me and insisted on us seeing each other again, seemed really implicated. I felt surprised in a happy way, it was the sunshine in a dark week and we saw each other on the following weekend. It was a great moment, he spent the whole weekend with me and we found back this complicity we had a few months before, talked his about silence and my reaction, it was a qui pro quo as he was living hard stuff he said. Then a week passed and no news, I started to feel angry… then he texted me on the weekend on a funny thing, I took time to answer but we chatted a bit and then no news. I tried to speak to him but he wasn’t really implicated in talking to me. I started to feel frustrated that’s when I realized I might want more than casual meetings and a few texts. I told him these feelings on a Friday night by text, he told me he didn’t want more than fun and it was never the case, telling me he thought it was obvious, I got hurt but accepted it. I told him that I could go above this and still fit into the casual stuff. after two times asking him for a night where he “couldn’t” then a month of no messages had passed. I tried to forget him, blaming myself for acting this needy and trying to identify my feelings. Then he texted me again to see each other, which made me happy but I was busy and it took a few days til I could even if I was thinking of him the whole time. It was great seeing him again, just to tell, he’s until now the best sexual partner I had and the fact that he’s cuddly and funny was so comfortable. He left, two texts about food on the same week-end and silence again. I tried to see him before quarantine hit the country, he couldn’t so I took time for me. Then the problem arrived, as I was thinking about not seeing him again because of this disastrous feeling of loneliness each time he left my house, I discovered I was pregnant. we made sure to be checked for STD, but due to hormonal reason I had to stop my pill while waiting to get an IUD, and this last time we saw each other, I checked my menstrual cycle. I thought of the morning-after pill but I trusted my cycle and dumbly thought that for the one time in my life w/o protection, I was safe. As you guessed, I found out I was pregnant, after a week of nausea and breast aching. I told him by text, Instagram was still the only way to chat, directly told him about my intention not to keep the child and he told me he was sorry, he wished me the best and that’s all. I got mad and after days of no news and thinking, hurting, I told him I wanted to talk face to face. He was okay and came and we had a long chat about my opinion, my feelings about this pregnancy, my anger, and he told me about his feelings toward this, for the first time I finally heard of what he could felt. It was moving, really sad, but he seemed concerned, encouraging and supportive, told me he’d be there. I felt better but when he left I felt even more alone, nothing was left to say, he even told me he’d be more careful with his next relationship which oddly hurt me. His choice was not to have a baby now, and with me, mine was that I couldn’t financially raise a baby, but I didn’t tell him that I was scared to abort due to the fact that it was the last thing that bonded me to him and that I was so mad that things ended up without my control, without my dignity, without my choice. Seeing him was so hurtful, I wanted to hug him so badly, we couldn’t help but smile to each other through the pain cause we still had this bond, I’m aware it was mostly pity in his case tho. However I felt in his eyes that he cared for me, in a way I couldn’t see when it was all that I was waiting. So I felt rubbish. Now you know, 8 months after what the situation is(April) and I feel so selfish to feel this way but I don’t know what I suffer most from the idea of losing him forever, as a I don’t really know him, than this idea of having to go through this traumatic event which abortion could be. I must mention that I have been abandoned as a child, because I think that it left me patterns, but I want to understand how could I be in such an emotional situation? I don’t think it’s love but it’s hurting me so much just to imagine him with another girl, while I know I while never open myself again, not after this experience. My only thought is that I wish I had took this morning-after pill just to have a chance to see him again, does that make me cruel and insane? What do you see in this experience? Sorry for the long long post...Feel free to tell me, try to not judge me and thanks for reading me, if you want further information feel free to ask. I I really need your help. (maybe this is in the wrong tag?)
  3. So me and my boyfriend were kissing yesterday. I gave him a blowjob. Then he wiped his dick with a tissue paper. After a few minutes he rubbed my outer vaginal area with one of his fingers . According to my period tracker app, I am going to be ovulating within a day. Now my question is, can I get pregnant? I'm scared as hell and feeling paranoid as well.
  4. Hi All Here is me, Male, in my thirties… In a Polyamorous difficult situation. I have a girlfriend for about 5 years (will call her “A” for simplicity). We had kind of a break 3 years ago.. and I met another girl (let’s call her “B”) With “B” I basically fell in love but at the same time also went back to make peace with “A” For about a year I basically dated both of them.. until “B” got pregnant. Now I have a 1 year old child too. “A” knows everything about it.. and she accepted it.. and also accepted the child (but will never accept the mother) but she wants to get married now (after 5 years relationship) and also to make her permanence with me more valid, starting a family with me too. Even if “B” has been with me for shorter time.. I cannot stop thinking about her either. I am 100% sure I love them both, but both of them want exclusivity. “B” will find probably find another partner if I don’t commit properly to her and stop treating her as “hidden lover” - obviously she cannot cut me entirely as I’m still the father of the child “A” will probably leave me and cut all connections with me if I do not get married to her.. soon This is the most difficult decision I have been facing.. for long time now. Both women have their positive qualities, they are very different but they are both amazing. “A” is with me for long time (5 years); “B” has already an healthy and strong child with me.. “A” is the mother type; always supported me and looked after me. Been pretty much only with me in her life. “B” (slightly older than “A” but not really relevant) is the partner type; always had extreme fun together and doing everything with much more passion. She had been a playgirl in the past but she stopped it when she met me. She left everything to continue the pregnancy, and she gave up pretty much everything for our child (she had a great job that she had to leave) I have been trying to keep them both for another year now.. but I started realizing that doing this is making both of them suffer. I always find either one crying and I feel selfish to continue to do so. Obviously my dream would be to keep them both, and live happily ever after all together; having children with both of them.. but I guess this can only be a dream. Is there any hope I could try to convince them to accept each other? or how do I choose between them? This situation is draining my energies lately and even when I lean towards one of them.. eventually I pull back to the other..
  5. My girlfriend and I have been dating for three years now. We'd consider ourselves to be in a committed relationship with hopes to someday get married and start a family of our very own. I am a 34 year old professional and she is 26 year old full time student. There have been challenges in communication between the two of us and we're currently seeking professional couples counseling as a result of recent events. I had been contacted by a lesbian couple interested in having me become their sperm donor. I have known this couple for six years and would consider them to be wonderful women who exemplify the stability one would look for in a committed relationship. I enjoy spending time with them but we don't regularly make plans to meet up or stay in contact. They don't know my girlfriend very well but have been aware of out three year relationship. I had received an email about four weeks ago asking if I had time to meet up with them for coffee. I imagined it would be for a business proposal and honestly didn't see this coming. When we finally met up, my girlfriend went shopping in town and I sat with the ladies and heard their proposal. They informed me that they were looking to start a family in the next six months and both of them agreed that I was someone they had in mind as a possible donor. All three of us discussed the weight of a decision like this and that nothing would be decided until I sought council with my girlfriend, family and any other people I'd usually count on for an objective view. I lost track of time in all this discussion. That's not something I'm use to doing and as I walked accross the street with this heavy topic I worked on how I would deliver the simple suggestion of discussing their proposal. To be honest, I envisioned my girlfriend listing the reasons why my involvement in this proposal was a bad idea and that we didn't need something like this to consider while going through a fragile stage in our relationship. What I got was a visceral response that suggested I was completely out of my mind. She stated if this was something I was even considering that there was no future for us as tears poured down her face. Usually I have a real soft spot for tears but the volume of her voice and her inability to see this as a means for us to have an adult discussion felt like I was being attacked for something I hadn't even done. This never made it to the conversation stage I hoped it would. She clearly stated that the fact I ever considered it was her reason for a now untouchable topic. She insists that I need to be someone who can come to my own conclusion regarding topics like this. Have I done anything wrong? Is this something I can't understand because I'm a man? Am I unable to empathize with her pain and frustration because of my ego? I reflect on this relationship as one that we've both grown a great deal from and feel this is a deal breaker on both of our radars. She wants someone who would know her well enough to turn this down right on the spot and I want someone who I could take anything to and weigh out the pros and cons in a way that speaks to why having a companion is a wonderful and supportive experience. As I mentioned earlier, we are now going to relationship counseling that I suggested we consider a couple of times in the past. She was not open to it before but this has made her willing to try. We agreed to take this issue off the burner completely by me contacting the couple and telling them that while I appreciate the consideration this is not something that I can be a part of. I really need some clarity from objective men and women from all walks of life. Along with your responses please suggest some other forums where this would be appropriate.
  6. Hi everyone, This is my first post here and I feel like I'm just reaching for answers from someone, anyone. So a bit of background first: been with my partner for 6 years and we have a 1 year old together. We have a home and both have good jobs. We were extremely physical in the beginning of our relationship and couldn't keep our hands off eachother. The last 2 years have been a massive slump. Since I got pregnant he has hardly touched me (in fact twice in 2 years which I will mention later). When we were trying to conceive I suffered a few miscarriages and the last one before our full term pregnancy ended in me being incredibly ill in hospital and nearly dying. It's been a crazy few years. But we 're out the other side with our child and I am back to full health. The last 2 times we had sex I instigated it. 1 being when I was pregnant and waaaaay overdue and wanted to try anything to get the baby out - he wasn't impressed and didn't enjoy it. Second time being when we had a long discussion about how I felt unwanted and unloved and unsexy and we ended up talking ourselves into a quickie while the baby napped. Needless to say it wasn't very romantic. Now the other issue is he watches porn almost daily (I've seen his phone history as it's linked to my laptop and comes up with the searches - I wasn't snooping) and he has watched it regularly when I'm in the house. He doesn't come to bed with me at night and often falls asleep on the sofa. He's just not interested in me at all but always has an excuse as it why and it ends up in an argument if I bring it up. The ONLY time he tried to initiate sex was when our baby was 2 months old and I was still sore from giving birth and my family were on holiday with us. The least romantic scenario I could think of!! I didn't want our first time since the baby was born as a quickie when someone could walk in so I explained why and said no. I just wish he could understand why it offends me and why I'm worried. I'm really not sure what to do and to be honest it makes me not want to bother initiating sex because I feel so hurt. What should I do? Or do I just need to accept that this is our life now? Other people seem to be having weekly sex and I'm getting it yearly. What is going on?
  7. I'm 28 and after my 4 year relationship ended, I've felt lost. I was inattentive, but she was needy and had trust issues (whole story in my other post). Now she's pregnant to another man 4 months after we broke up. I know there are a lot of things I need to change, things that I want to change to better myself and for myself. I want to become fit and agile, I want to stop playing so many video games, I want to stop watching porn, I want to watch less TV, I want to become a better communicator, I want to be less frustrated and irritable, I want to learn new things, and I want to learn how to balance my time to include those I love and care for. Yes, this all stems from my previous relationship, but I am not doing it for my ex seeing that she has moved on and now has an unplanned pregnancy. I want to be a better, more well-rounded person for myself and the next relationship I go into. I don't know what i need to change exactly, i just know that I've never been the dumper and want to change something, if not many things about myself to be successful. However, I don't know where to start. I'm just tired of feeling like I'm missing out on a lot of things due to the way I decide to spend my time...
  8. I'm in a relationship with my boyfriend only since last March. I got bad relationship before and I was taking my time to NOT going into something wrong again. He's bipolar but he got good medication and he's state is alright since 3 years. His last relationship end this January, and last Friday his ex text him that she was pregnant and that she will give birth this month. But, she only knew that she was pregnant since March and she decided to tell him last Friday. She tell him that she didn't asking something from him but he must know that he could be the dad of that child (she was supposed to used birth control but well that news isn't nice to hear). My biggest boyfriends fear was to become a dad with a woman he don't love and that he will never want to be the dad of (the child, sorry English isn't my first language...). And after what happen, he don't want to be part of the life a this child because he wouldn't want kids anyway and he didn't have the choice in this situation to give his opinion because his ex will give birth soon ! I never tough of if I would like having babies with my boyfriend because you know, for me it was too early to think about such things, but with circonstances, we had no choice to talk seriously about it. He told me that he wouldn't want to have kids even before that, but with that situation, he wouldn't even less to have one. He don't know if his thinking will change but for now for sure, he don't want babies. For me, I know that I sound like I'm a dependent affective, but I don't want to end this relation because, for me, it's hard to have feelings for someone and damn I finally found someone who I was happy before all of this situation and now everything is going so akward. Like, for now we still love each other and everything is «fine», but I want someday to have te chance to have a baby. And with this situation, I don't know if I must end this relationship or let time passed. Because we never know want could happen and I feel so lost about all of this. I'm not that old, but I'm not that young too (i'm 27 and his 28...), so my age is also what makes all it worse for me. Should I keep this relation with the fact that I will always regret to never have children ? Do I end it without knowing if he will change his mind after few years ? What should I do ? How can I deal with this ? Thanks for reading and I hope someone can help me...
  9. Hello. I am 18 and I just had a baby in September. My boyfriend and I were very shocked but I told him multiple times after finding out about our daughter that he didn’t have to stay and i would not file for child support but he still stayed. About 5 months pregnant and he cheated on me. Now I didn’t find out until a couple weeks before giving birth, and I didn’t even find out from him I found out from a friend who kept it from me as well. I had no time for myself to deal with this emotionally or mentally so I pushed it deep down and tried to forget about it, even though that never worked. Now that our daughter is 4 months old I finally have more time for myself and I want to heal. Me and him are still together. We talked about a lot after I found out about him cheating, I found out more that he would think of having sex with other girls, and that he just wasn’t as emotionally committed as I thought he was. It’s like I was running the relationship all by myself. But now that things are better and we’re more “honest” I just can’t seem to trust his word. I need help. What do you think of the situation please give me advice how do I heal from this.
  10. I posted the other day about some issues my boyfriend and I were having. My boyfriend and I have been together for about 8 months. It's been a rocky relationship to say the least. We met when he was married...he moved in with me after 2 months and we got pregnant (currently 6 months pregnant). He filed for divorce, as hes said hes been wanting to get a divorce for years now. We have been living together all this time and his 16 year old daughter recently stressed to him how she misses him home, crys herself to sleep everynight etc...and he is now considering moving back in to his house and leaving me. I am beyond betrayed and don't know what to say or do at this point. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
  11. I'm 36 m & i have this friend who's 28 f & 8 months pregnant. We have known each other for about 3 years now & the whole time we have both been single, about 12 months ago i realised that i was catching feelings for her so we started to hang out a bit more than usual but then she fell pregnant to a bloke who wants nothing to do with the kid at all & i got a bit jealous so i didnt go there as often for a few weeks. Lately i have been helping her out quite alot more than usual but she still only ever contacts me when she wants/needs something & this does my head in because i think that she only wants me around so i can help her & it makes me feel a little bit used. Neither of us have ever made a move on the other but she definately knows that i have feelings for her but i'm worried that if i make the first move that it might wreck our friendship so i decided to wait for her to make the first move. its been ages now & my feelings just get stronger each day that passes but i dont know what to do? Iv been single for around 4 years now & i'm so sick of being lonely & i really need to find someone for that human touch, I'm so confused & dont know what to do? Everytime i say to myself that "today i am going to tell her exactly how i feel" I end up getting cold feet & backing out for some reason & keep it all to myself. Iv never been good at picking up women, the feeling of being rejected absolutely sucks & hurts like hell so i think thats what stops me from openimng up to her. Any advice would be greatly appreciated
  12. I am hoping some advice will be given here without judgment on the situation. Please believe me when I say I have been grieving terribly and not coping very well the past month or so in general due to the circumstance. However, the situation I am questioning about has lead to further grief, making it an extremely rough time at the moment. I am unsure who else to turn to, so I believe this may be a good place to start. I had been dating a wonderful man for almost a year, I must point out here that he was reliable, considerate, caring and very understanding. We shared a good bond with many great moments and we were physically involved. Then everything took an unexpected turn. I had become unwell temporarily, which lead to my contraception failing without my knowledge at the time. I had fallen pregnant, I discovered this very early stages with a home pregnancy test, as I knew something was just not right. I felt afraid, mixed emotions and perhaps numb to an extent. I wasn’t fearful of telling him, I never doubted for a moment that he wouldn’t be there, and he was. He stepped up like any decent man would and we communicated and worked together weighing up the pros and cons. I am a very career driven woman and we both agreed due to many circumstances, it was best not to proceed. We both made this decision. This did not make the decision any easier for the both of us, it was a terrible time and we were definitely very emotional on the final decision but we knew for the sake of ourselves and for the baby, it would have been unfair to go ahead with it. Until the final decision, we were in it together. We knew it would be a hard time but we would get through it together, I had no doubts. A week after the termination, I had an extremely emotional day. I was an emotional mess and not thinking rationally or calmly, I still do not know why I said what I did, but I sent him an extremely long message expressing myself of wanting to cut ties. There was a lot more to that message, but that is probably the most important part. He did respond with a heartfelt response, which was basically giving me what I want and that he just wanted me to be happy. Within an hour I responded with an apology and expressed that I was in a very low mind at the present time and I take it all back. That I still needed and wanted him in my life. Since that day, I have not received anything back. He became uncontactable within just a week and a few short days after the termination. I have sent a number of messages over the past few weeks (definitely probably not the wisest choice) I have expressed to him how I am feeling, how I am not coping and worrying if he is coping okay too, that I wish he would speak to me again because I have no understanding of why he is doing this. I am still connected to him through all social networking applications too, have not been removed or blocked, although he is not posting anything. It has been a month, since he has not made contact. I had said everything I could. I am grieving in more ways than one, I am grieving for two losses currently and I cannot think of any logical reason why he would continue to cut me out so coldly when he genuinely cared to begin with and has been informed I did not mean any of it. If I am barely coping, maybe he is not coping so well either. I do not know, but any advice would be very appreciated. As I mentioned, please no judgement on this situation as I am very fragile at the moment. I am just looking for some thoughts on this from different perspectives.
  13. Firstly, some background, me and my boyfriend are studying in university and we have been together for around 2 years and 3 months. In our first year, we’ve were sexually active, but because of a few pregnancy scares, I gradually became more wary against sex and I came to a point where I could not take the worry from it and hence I wanted to stop having sex. The mistake i made was that i was not able to tell my boyfriend as i was afraid that i would disappoint him. So i usually told him that i was tired or not in the mood 1.5 years into our relationship, my boyfriend asked me what happened and why i seemed very sexually distant. I raised that i was really worried of getting pregnant and that i felt guilty for doing it (pre-marital sex is not allowed in my religion, and also because i have been brought up that i should not have pre-marital sex). And that i think we should do it less so that i feel less worried about getting pregnant and that i don’t feel so guilty. this was my second mistake, not telling him directly that i don’t think i want to have pre-marital sex anymore. 2 years into the relationship, he one day got angry and told me that he could not stand how i was still being so sexually distant, and that he does not get what is the definition of doing it less (less meaning once a year? once a month or what) and that he is feeling disappointed because i keep rejecting his advances. To be fair, for the past 5 months when he said this, i was so busy that i didn’t have time to even eat or sleep, and was constantly pulling all nighters and being stressed out. I told him honestly this time that i don’t think i want to have sex anymore, because of all the guilt and worry i was feeling, that it took away the enjoyment i had. and because i am usually very busy every semester in school, having the guilt and worry on my mind only added to the stress that i was feeling. he said he could not understand how all these while when we had sex i never said anything but then suddenly i started feeling guilty. he said if religion was so important to me in the first place, i wouldn’t have done it. I admitted it was my fault, that i didn’t know how guilty i would’ve felt after that and it was my fault for continuing and leading him on. He also said that i seemed like i did not even have any wants of sexual intimacy. and i said it’s not that i don’t, but for the semester i was really packed and i really couldn’t afford time for it (trust me, i slept an average of 2-3hours each night for 5 months). although he was disappointed, we agreed to not having sex, but will still carry out other intimate acts such as blowjobs etc, just not sex. now it is 3 months after we agreed on this and there were a few times how he would tell me that he was upset that I did not want sex and that he misses it. I did arrange my schedule better such that i had more intimate time to spend with him and made more effort into initiating as well. there are times when he tries to persuade me into doing it, saying that it is safe and that he will take extra precaution. The reason why i am writing this is because, today he exploded on me and said that he really cannot take it how we don’t have sex anymore and he really really wants to have sex. I told him again firmly about my stand and he again tried to persuade me that it is safe. He says he is stuck and does not know what to do, on one hand he does not want to make me feel forced, but on the other he really wants to have sex. At this point, i don’t know what to do. should i compromise and give in to him or should i have a clear stand? i honestly do not like the idea of doing what i do not want to do. and i am disappointed that he is trying to persuade me into doing something i don’t want to do as well. help me, i really don’t know what to do. I understand that there is incompatibility here, but is there anyway to work around the incompatibility? I have already tried initiating other sexual activities but to me it seems that he only wants sex. please advice thank you!
  14. I'm dating someone casually, and this is what I need right now. We've started dating this summer. He's a very wise and self-aware person but God help me his cold logic attitude can be hard to bear. We agreed to date without expectations. We've also talked about getting pregnant scenario - he said multiple times he's against having children now and would support me only in decision of abortion. We've jokingly called him "a fan of abortion". I'm not "a fan" myself and I'm 31 (but not in hurry to have a family if I ever want that), so in case of unwanted pregnancy I would strongly think about keeping it, because I don't know when I will my future husband anyway (if I will). So we've talked about this and I told him it would be only my decision but I assured him I wouldn't want anything from him including money. I'm a very sincere person, heart on the sleeve, and he never had reason to doubt my words in any matter. This month I started taking pills as they're a statistically more safe contraception method than condoms (and would give us more fun). I'm ok with him using condoms as an additional method if that makes him feel more safe. But this week we had first "normal" sex without condoms and with a normal finish. The whole evening we were emotionally close and it all made me very happy. The sex was amazing too. The next day I had a visit with my gynecologist, took a new prescription and asked some questions about pills. I've been taking them every day after breakfast, so on weekends it's about 2-3 hours later. My doctor told me I should be taking them at the same hour for better efficiency. So I decided to take them at the same hour for the future. I had a tough day at work and while he was on his way to me, I told my bf that on text about the visit, and I jokingly wrote that "I hope your dreams about abortion won't come true", to lighten up the subject, which I realize now sounded a bit insensitive though we've joked in this exact manner before. We've also both read before that no additional method is needed if the pill is taken within 6 hours. He came to my place and got angry at me for writing that, that I shouldn't be joking about this. That maybe he didn't make himself clear about where he stands with the topic of unwanted pregnancy. That he's going to remind me more strongly and more often about it (he does that too often already..) and maybe it will make me discourage him from coming inside me rather than encourage him. And he said that I'm being childish with all of it. It pissed me off cause I've been approaching it all in responsible manner, taking pills every morning, clearing out my questions with the doctor on the first occasion and I didn't feel I deserved to be called "childish". But, having a tough day, I didn't have energy to tell him that, I just started crying. Like most guys, he said something mean when I started crying. So I couldn't talk for some time or react to his words, I just lied on bed and calmed myself down. He said to me if I act this way after what he said, I must have been lying to him before that I acknowledge his position on the matters of pregnancy/abortion. He asked again if I've been taking pills every day (I told him a few times this month already that I have), thinking I have some reason like that to cry. So when I calmed down we discussed things in constructive manner. I told him I won't stand being called a liar, that I've been doing everything right, and that I gave him no reason not to trust me. That I won't be called childish as well. But I'm sorry for the joke of course, since I didn't know this time it will go wrong. He said it's not that he doesn't trust me, he doesn't trust anyone. But I don't see a point in meeting someone you don't trust 100% with telling the truth... He thinks he's been only saying his cold truth, but I told him he's been just showering me with accusations made up in his head before just asking if they're true. That yes, I'm ok with his position as I said, but he was being an a*hole to me, with how he talked to me. He didn't apologize but acknowledge that. We've calmed down and while we need some space before being intimate again (with double protection for now I guess?), he's been assuring me we're ok, hugging me and being sweet to me as always. I feel frozen and depressed all day. I like him just as before, but I don't know how I will have sex to him again after he's been so mean to me about it. How to let him in emotionally again. I don't know if his fear of closeness or something makes him sabotage things just after we get emotionally intimate like a couple... or maybe I psychoanalyze too much out of it for now. I'm ok whatever way it will work out with us, if we will fall for each other at some point or find somebody else, but I want to enjoy things for now. I can normally enjoy sex only if it's emotionally intimate, not the physical act itself. I don't know how to emotionally "let him in" again during intimate situations, for fear of being punished later for that... I feel I should talk to him about how I feel, not to guilt trip him since generally I respect his views, but to tell him my needs, so I wouldn't cry after sex or something. Unfortunately I don't know what I feel now. And why I feel this way. Can you help me to understand myself better here?
  15. Its a long one so here goes..... My ex and i had been together for 2 years. Engaged for 8 months of that. We have known each other for 5 years. The first 3 years we were FWB. Ive always had feelings for him. I ended up pregnant and we had limited contact during the pregnancy. Once the baby was born he was always there for us. When she was a few months old he decided he wanted us to give things a proper go, and that he had been thinking about it for a while, that DD put everything into perspective for him. We had an amazing relationship. Very few disagreements and next to no arguements. I fell pregnant again when DD was 10 months old. Everything was great. We were looking to move in together and at christmas he proposed. We would take the children out on day trips and weeks away and just have family trips to the park and things like that. We went away at the end of june and i became quite ill. When we returned home i had my illness to deal with along with helping out with my mum who had become sick following complications of an extensive operation. This meant that i got caught up in family problems and didnt make as much time for him as i should of. We didnt see eachother for almost 2 months despite him asking every week if we were going to stay at his. He was always telling me how in love with me he was and that he missed me and couldnt wait for our future together and that he wanted us to have another baby once we we're living together. Then out of nowhere he suddenly ended things. He said that his head was a mess and he didnt want to lose me but thought that not being in a relationship might be good for him. He said he needed a break to work out of he still loved me or not because he thinks he had fallen out of love. I asked if there was anyone else and he said no. He said he still cared for me and always would and that we never know what the future will hold. He said that it was best we didnt see eachother for a little while as he didnt think seeing me would help him right now. 2 weeks later (last week) we met up for him to see the children. It was the first time we had seen eachother since returning from holiday in june. Things were great. Like nothing had changed. We laughed and played with the children in the park before taking then for a pub lunch. We talked, not about the relationship or the break up but just about general things. He kept the conversation flowing, asking questions. There was no awkwardness at all. I noticed he was still wearing his ring but half way through meeting had taken it off. A couple of times he seemed abit down, bleary eyed but when i asked if he was ok he just said yes and shrugged it off. I text him later that evening to say it was good to see him and that the children had had a great time. He never replied I have since heard through a mutual friend that that night he got into a relationship with a girl he had slept with at work after our break up. He suffers with anxiety and depression and can be very insecure. I think this played a big part in him ending things as he probably wouldve felt like i wasnt interested anymore because we hadnt seen eachother. Plus obviously not seeing eachother also means not having sex. He hasn't taken down anything on social media apart from his relationship status so the last fee photos on instagram are of me with quotes like my world and things like that so anyone looking would assume we were still together. And he posts things on facebook about over thinking and hoping for better times, and how bad times show you whos always been there for you. Along with quite a few quotes about depression. Could seeing and spending time with me like old times have made him think maybe he had made a mistake and thats why hes suddenly jumped into a new relationship?
  16. One of my really good friends just told me she's pregnant and I'm beyond excited for her. She's only 6 weeks and told me not many people know yet, and that she wants to tell only her closest friends and family for now. We are going to brunch this weekend and my question is, do I bring her a little gift or is that just not appropriate, given how fragile an early pregnancy can be? Should I wait until she makes an official announcement? I want to show my joy and support, but don't want to be too much either. Thanks!
  17. This is going to be a long post, sorry... And pardon my mistakes, English is not my native language. I have really no-one to talk about this so I'm also using this forum to empty myself and I hope I feel a bit better after that... Anyway, about 2 months ago I met a really nice, intelligent and attractive man. I'm 34 and he is 37-years-old. I have been single for several years now, divorced and have been leading a quite happy and active life. He is also divorced, has 2 teenage kids and quite recently broke up with his girlfriend. From the start we had a very intense connection. It was not only physical - we had so much to talk about, we share similar passions in life, work in quite similar fields, know a lot of the same people etc. But the sex was also extremely good. He was really romantic and affirmed me all the time of how interested he is and how special I am. But then he suddenly told me that he doesn't want a committed relationship and he is happy with the way things are. When I made clear that it's not ok with me and I wanted to end the things he became very sad and told that he is right now in his life in a situation where a new relationship would be very difficult but he doesn't want to lose me. He told that it's because he has to share himself between two cities - he lives in one (where I also live), his children and parents live in other and after every 4 weeks he actually works in Iceland for 2 or 3 weeks. So he travels a lot. He's a very good father and tries to make a lot of time for his kids, spends all the week-ends with them and in summer they are also in his place often during weekdays. He also told me that he has commitment issues because his marriage of over 10 years broke up because his wife cheated on him and his last relationship (the only other real long-term relationship he has had) ended for the same reason. But he told me he still didn't want to end things with me like that and as he was going away soon for 3 weeks we made a promise that we will think during this time if we want to be serious or not. Well, it was he who needed the thinking, not me... I was sure he was not going to contact me but a day before leaving for Iceland he came to my place and told me that he couldn't leave without seeing me. We took a long walk and everything was very nice again but at the end he said that he shouldn't have come because he can't promise me anything and his life is too complicated right now. I started crying and asked him not to contact me again. Since that he has sent me actually 2 messages where he tells me how special and beautiful I am. That he felt peace, delight and magic with me. That I saved him from big depression that was hitting him and he was almost falling but isn't anymore thanks to me. But he doesn't want to be my mistake but a worthy experience. And that we shouldn't talk about the rest right now. Today I found out that I'm pregnant. Yes, there was this one time when we didn't use other protection than the withdrawal method (not smart) and it looks like it did it. I don't know what to do now. I don't want to have an abortion. I've had one in the past and it was a very depressing experience that is still haunting me. But I'm very afraid of raising a child alone. How should I tell him? Should I tell him at all? I don't even know for sure when he does come back. And I can't call him either right now. And what to think of his behavior?
  18. So I have this friend, I've posted about her before, we have not been friends that long but we've become super close - she is the girl who is dating a much older man, there was tons of drama at first, and they broke up, but they got back together and are VERY happy and in love now. So now to my issue and I myself feel I am being very judgmental but I DON'T want to be!! Some of you know my issues with weight in the past, and my obsessive quest to remain thin. I had an eating disorder many years ago, it goes back to my mom (not blaming her, but my issues are related to her obsessive need to be thin and to keep ME thin)! Anyway, I still struggle with it, although not as bad, but I still probably have a rather unhealthy attitude about weight if I'm honest. So, back to my friend. Within the past few weeks, she has gained a TON of weight. I would say around 25 pounds on a 5'3" frame. Which would not be so bad except she has not bought new clothes so her clothes are way too tight, she literally busts out of her blouses (buttons look like they're gonna pop), she has broken zippers, her belly spills out way over her pants and she literally looks like she's eight months pregnant! I kid you not. She is definitely not pregnant we just had a discussion about birth control and she has admitted she wants no more kids, she has one already. At first I was super worried cause gaining so much weight, especially in her tummy, I just didn't think was normal OR healthy. I addressed it very sensitively and she assured me when she gains weight, most of it goes to her tummy so she assured me she was fine. So that's all good, whew! But to the eating, extremely unhealthy foods and LOTS of it, literally all day long. I spent a day with her last week and I was shocked at how much she ate in one day -- ALL unhealthy, burritos, fast food, chips, cookies, pizza, Mexican, you name it! She is always telling me how fat she is (she uses that word) but it doesn't appear she wants to do anything about it, she says her bf loves her body as is (which is fabulous, truly!) but at the rate she's going, the way she eats and with most of her weight going to her tummy, I don't know how to make her understand how serious an issue it is, health wise! I also want to tell her how bad it looks appearance wise, but never would. As for her busting out of all her clothes, she got super pissed off at her employer cause they called her in last week and told her she needs to dress more professionally and wear outfits that fit the image of the company. She has worked there for years and this is the first time addressing it so my guess it it does have something to do with her weight gain and how she busts out of all her clothes. Guys, am I being too harsh and judgmental here? As background, I had a another friend who gained about 30 pounds a few years back but she still looked beautiful, wore tasteful clothes and ate healthy, just more than usual (her now-husband and she like to dine out a lot) which is why she gained. But this situation is different, I don't know I think I need a good kick in the butt to get me out of this overly-judgmental state, which I am OWNING, and I don't like feeling this way!!
  19. By how much has the protection decreased? When I was up to the middle of the last week of my combined pill pack, I missed a pill. I took two pills at the same time the next day to "make up for it". A few days into the sugar pill week, I got withdrawal bleeding as normal. In retrospect, I really should have just skipped the placebo pills completely and started a new pack, but I seldom have sex (like I then had protected sex (with a condom) 2 days into a new pack. At the time I thought a condom would be enough, but now I'm freaking out. I really cannot risk getting pregnant at this stage in my life, which is why I like to use 2 forms of BC at the same time. Considering that I missed a pill and then went on to the sugar pill week soon after, had protected sex at the beginning of a new pack, was I not protected at all by the BC? Was I only protected by the condom this time? And I am aware that it may be a little paranoid of me to be worried so much about this. I get really anxious about pregnancy each time I have sex. It's mentally draining. I'm still in college, and I have huge dreams for my career. I don't think I ever want to have children. My parents would probably disown me too as they believe in "no sex until marriage". They haven't even given me the sex talk and I'm in my early 20s. At this point I don't think having sex is worth the anxiety I get over it, but I also don't want to disappoint my boyfriend and make him think I'm not attracted to him. Anyone have any advice please?
  20. I am 24 next month and been with my boyfriend for a year and half, I became pregnant in October, but unfortunately I had a miscarriage at 8 weeks :( My parents weren’t thrilled about the pregnancy, so after I had the miscarriage my mum said to me ‘no more babies and to go on the pill’ But I don’t want to go on the pill and I want to try for a baby again, So I haven’t been taking the pill and been buying ovulation tests to help time it right for a baby, My boyfriend and I both want a baby, both responsible adults, both work with both of us having university degrees and earning enough money etc.. and moving into a flat together next month, Just now my mum come to me say ‘you taking your pill?? Why you have those tests in your cupboard??’ Is it right at the age of nearly 24 that my mum look in my cupboards at my personal things? It’s not just the pregnancy thing... it is all aspects of my life, she needs to know everything and what I am doing, at the point where I feel I am 8 years old or something.. It makes me so upset when she does this, the feeling I get inside me is like a tunnel craving in, my heart drops and I feel I can never be who I truly am because I have to be the way my mum wants me to be.... which is to be an athlete all my life, she makes me feel guilty for wanting my own life and always when she start at me like this I am too scared to answer her back - I don’t want that life anymore, I want to make nice family with my boyfriend, ... the happiness and joy that I had when I found out I was pregnant was amazing! I want that again and to make a life with the man I love, Is it right that my mum do this or no? Is she allowing me to be what I want? Or keeping me in her ‘control’
  21. Hi, I met this guy online a couple of weeks ago, and he’s amazing, he’s 19, and I’m 18 but he lives 2/3 hours away. I feel so comfortable with him, I’ve met him and we tell each other everything, we are very similar and we get on better than Anyone I’ve ever dated before. But before he met me he messed around with a women who was 37....... she called him whil he was on FaceTime to me yesterday and said that she was pregnant. She has no reason to lie and hasn’t slept with anyone else so she knows it’s his. He hasn’t got any other children, and she’s gunna keep it. As soon as he knew he told me and I said that I will try and help but I don’t knkw if I’m making the right decision. My parents are Muslim so it’s gunna be hard for them to except him now this has happened... I don’t know what to do as I’m scared that he will grow to have feelings for her, cus she lives closer to him, or if he will think it’s too much and leave me... I really need advice, thanks in advance 😊
  22. I am in a real bind hoping you all are able to ask the right questions to help me find the right path. I dated my ex for 2 years and we broke up in March and had no contact until September. I was seeing a new woman shortly after who I've known for a while and since having a child with. My ex came back into the picture in which there are strong emotions and hope that there is a second chance. Since then, I left the new woman I was seeing and I'm stuck in between them now. Before any judgments are passed, I'm fully involved in the pregnancy and supportive of her through the process. How can I decide who is right to be with? Who will challenge me and make me a better person? There are so many factors it's really difficult to determine which relationship I should pursue. To reply to the prior message: We broke up for several reasons: I was controlling, she wasnt independent (no job or car), lack of trust for both, working too much to support them thus lack of time. She is completely wanting to pursue us, she's just upset that someone else is pregnant when she wanted her and I to have another child. She came back into my life asking for court documents to file child support for the father of her child.
  23. I’m really not one for forums. This situation for me is a delicate and confusing one. Ok so I met my significant other and immediately got her pregnant. We’ve been together since then. We have a 5 year old daughter. I’ve always felt a missed connection. We split up briefly whenever I relapsed on drugs. I’ve since gotten sober and we wound up together. I have lost interest. We have a house together, and a child. I’ve been hoping she just gets sick of me for years. I’m pretty sure it would be crushing if I told her how I feel. She can barely wake up in the morning without a panic attack as is. We have no common interests. We have sex occasionally and when we do it’s nothing like what it used to be. I think every day what life could be like outside of this relationship. I just don’t want to hurt her. She is a suitable mate nothing she’s doing is technically wrong. I’m just not in love or happy while being in a relationship with her. Does this make me a trash person? Haha
  24. Hey all, so I've got some thoughts swimming around in my head and I'm not sure where they really leave me in the end. I'm 32 and will turn 33 in September this year. For a number of reasons I faced a lot of obstacles and challenging situations getting to where I am now. I'm studying my MPhil in Egyptology at the University of Cambridge and it's a very intensive 1 year degree. As I'm an international student studying at Masters level, the tuition fees were exceptionally high and, despite working solidly (as a university lecturer in Japan) for the last 3 years (before starting my degree in October last year) to earn tuition money, I still fell short $30,000 AUD for the program. I contributed to tuition about $40,000 AUD and my step-father lent me the remainder, which was the equity of his and my mother's house. My mother, sadly, passed away in May last year, so the beginning of my degree and moving from Japan was a bit rough on me, but I've managed to push through as I've wanted to study in my chosen field since I was 8 years old. Everything I have ever done in my life has been in order to bring me closer to this goal. However, due to the set-backs I've faced, I'm now in a situation I didn't ever want to be in; this all fell together at a much later stage in my life than I'd hoped. As I said above, I'm 32 years old. I desperately want a family. In Japan, I didn't really have the opportunity to meet a man and form a committed partnership. I also was not in an environment that made that very possible prior to moving to Japan. Now, I'm in England, but I'm not British and I'm only here for such a short time. I plan to do my PhD, but my supervisor and other academics in my department have very much insisted that I take a year off between my Masters and PhD, which means I have time that I find I will be in limbo with. I also made an agreement with my step-father to work after I complete my degree so that I can pay the loan off. Returning to Australia for that one year is not very feasible due to the fact that Australia is very, very expensive to live in, and has a very low dollar value when exchanging to the stronger pound and other currencies. And, I might not even find employment straight away (the last time I lived there it took me 3 months). Going back to Australia would not put me in a financial position to take up my studies in Europe when the time comes, which means I must seek employment either here in England (which I already have the visa for), or elsewhere. Unfortunately, getting a job in my field without a PhD is not to likely, which means I will have to take up a non-academic position without the chance to save much. I have considered applying for lecturing positions in South Korea etc, but again, I'm not sure how viable that is. All of this wouldn't be such an issue for me, if I wasn't going on 33 and wasn't only taking a year off. I want to have children, so much so that it's even making me re-evalutate my decision to do a PhD in the very near future. What I really want is to just take some time off working and studying and have a family. But, without a partner, without a significant amount of savings behind me, and without a country that I am settled in, this also isn't feasible. Not only that, I also have the obligation and commitment to reimburse my step-father as mentioned. I feel like the timing of everything happening in the way it has means that I now have to sacrifice one or more very important things to me. I either decide against further study (which I've spent my ENTIRE life working towards) for the foreseeable future in order to re-save money and pay my step-father back immediately (which means also not being in a position to take time off to have children should I meet someone), or I decide against being available to having children in order to complete my education or to work, or I sacrifice financial stability in order to pursue meeting someone and having a family - which I can't do without money anyways. I can't even say that I'll end up meeting anyone as I've already been single for 5.5 years and not through lack of being open and out there, it just hasn't happened for me. I am not in a position to fly back to Australia and pay the astronomical price it costs to freeze my eggs, nor pay for potentially countless rounds of IVF and sperm donation. I also can't go straight into a PhD, especially if I'm not awarded funding. I feel so stuck. I don't want to not have children but I feel like that's what I'm going to end up being forced to sacrifice because, more than the other two elements, having children involves other things outside my control - a partner, chances of falling pregnant, etc. Advice?
  25. Hi everybody . I'm new on here and just looking to give and get advice! My current dilemma without getting into everyyyyything. My SO and I have a one year old and one due this Feb. After having our first for awhile our bond was amazing . It was truly like a honeymoon period. Well that's how I ended up pregnant again right. The last few months have been tense. All the years we were together I was madly in love and felt like he could do no wrong . Now it's like everything he does is wrong . Part of me thinks it's hormones because some of its irrational like him breathing or chewing too loud . But another part is bigger...its things he's always done that I've looked past but now annoy the he'll out of me . Hello... I'm heavily pregnant. Don't get much sleep as our first child is still a huge handful. And he is a great dad but not very romantic or anything . I could write a long list of things he does. Thing is we talked everything out and we both want to work on things . I say I will pick my battles and be more patient ..but then something arises that annoys me and it's sooo hard not to turn into a nagging witch. I know in my heart the only way our relationship will happily survive is if I learn to let the small things go. And I do still love him and want to make things work . I can't fathom walking away over petty problems and my inability to pick my battles and let the small things go . Does any body have any tips I can use to help when I am feeling frustrated or irrationally annoyed ??? Actually I went away for over a week with our 1yo to visit family thinking the space would help. I don't know if I can say it has. I miss him but am expecting things will go sour again as I just can't stop picking fights and he does not back down when I do . Thanks for reading this . And I will provide examples of things that set me off. He stays up all night and then is cranky and won't get out of bed in the morning. He doesn't take care of himself than complains he has a headache ..is sluggish etc . It drives me to insanity y'all . ...
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