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BeStrongBeHappy last won the day on March 30 2009

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About BeStrongBeHappy

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  1. You're talking about him the way someone talks about a drug... you're happy when you get your 'fix'.... Be careful because if he really liked the sex, but you had other problems that were the reason for the breakup, he will be perfectly happy to come back and pick up some of that sex (skim the cream so to speak), while leaving the rest. Meanwhile he'll be looking around for someone he likes better than you (more compatible with) AND who likes the sex with, and that's when he'll disappear. Unless he's a cheater in which case he'll do both of you at the same time. You're in the first fl
  2. Better now than later! My experience with people who lie for 'convenience' is that they can and will lie about bigger and more important things later. He's showing how selfish he is (i.e., rather than take a couple bad moments because you might be upset he is cancelling, he just blows you off and doesn't care if you're waiting around for him). then when confronted, he lies to make it easier on himself rather than take responsbility for his behavior. so that is an adding insult to injury scenario, with TWO problems, the first being he blows you off and doesn't care if you're waiting aroun
  3. depends on what your goals are. if you just want to pick up some easy sex, mission accomplished. but if you want to heal and move on, this kind of thing keeps you stuck. and if you want him back and are giving him free FWB sex with no strings, that can lead to a lot of misunderstandings. you may be thinking, this will make him want me back, but he may have a date scheduled with someone else the next day for all you know, and have no intention of getting back with you. so this kind of situation can lead you to delude yourself into thinking you're making progress towards getting back
  4. He is causing his own sleep problems by sleeping erratically. Everyone is most healthy when sleeping on a normal schedule, going to sleep and getting up at the same time. Alcohol is also notoriously for interfering with sleep and keeping one from getting restful sleep. I would try to talk him into understanding this kind of sleep schedule is not healthy for him, and if you do proceed further and marry and have children, he can't carry on this way and be an active part of the family. It also is hard of your relationship, and there really is no reason he couldn't switch to a more norma
  5. If you have bi-polar instances in your family, then there is a high possibility you have inherited it. But bi-polar is a biochemical illness that requires medication to alleviate, and a 'talk' counselor is not sufficient to treat it. You need to insist on a referral to a psychiatrist, as they are specialists in diagnosing and treating all forms of mental illness, and knowing which drugs are appropriate for which conditions. They can also prescribe drugs, which a counselor cannot. A 'talk' counselor works very well for support and treating certain situations, but if you have a biochemica
  6. that's just another term for bi-polar. if she was, you really might do yourself a huge disservice by not getting evaluated. have you told your counselor your mother was manic depressive?
  7. plenty go and are told they just have an 'adjustment reaction' (i.e., need to see a counselor but not take medication). the pyschiatrist's job is to distinguish between trauma and non-biochemical issues and biochemical ones, and to do diagnoses and referrals when necessary. if you have a parent who has a bi-polar illness, and you yourself have incidents with your mind racing, followed by depression and/or anxiety and paranoia, inability to focus on one thing for too long, then there's a good chance you might have some biochemical issues that might be greatly alleviated by medication.
  8. well that's great then... i thought maybe you were excited at the thought of alimony! many people are disappointed when it doesn't happen, but if you are making plans that don't depend on that money, then good for you, you will do fine!
  9. the other problem you fall into with the constant scheduled activities is that kids don't learn how to structure their own time and activities. and they think they have to attend a group activity to be 'OK'. Kids need some private time not scheduled with others to learn how to manage themselves and their own time/activities. they need to learn how to be self-directed, not just 'other' directed.
  10. you've in the past been afraid you might have a bi-polar issue (and didn't you say it ran in your family)? biochemical issues can influence thinking and ramp up fear and anxiety... my suggestion would be that if you have bi-polar illness in your family, consider talking to a psychiatrist to get evaluated to make sure you aren't suffering issues related to that. a counselor can help with adjustment issues, but if you are bi-polar or have an anxiety problem that is biochemically stimulated, you'll need medication for that.
  11. i am very optimistic that if you don't let yourself shut down and quit trying, you'll find your way and be able to find love and happiness. right now it is hard, but you have to go thru this to learn what you need to know to get to the good stuff, the ability to love and let go, but still keep your wits about you and protect yourself when necessary. it's the difference between constantly walking around with a gun shooting at anything that moves because you're afraid, or knowing when you don't need to even wear the gun. And not giving up entirely and shooting yourself because you figur
  12. >>you almost need to be naive in order to be in a relationship and be in love... as far as i can tell... No you don't have to be naive at all. saying that assumes a pessimistic attitude, i.e., that a relationship is only good worthwhile if you are with a perfect person and nothing bad ever happens. but that is not the way life works... the best relationships are when you see things with an open mind, see the good and the bad, and are then able to make good decisions about whether to continue with relationship or whether it is not giving you what you want and need. the less naive
  13. >>..so... thats why i predict all possible outcomes. the only thing i cant predict is how i react to them. but that assumes you are all powerful and are able to predict all possible outcomes, which you can't, nobody can. trying to predict all outcomes and control them is what is bringing you anxiety. how about perhaps learning to trust yourself enough to know that you don't have to predict all outcomes (or be all powerful), rather better to learn skills to deal with ambiguities and problems as they arise, rather than trying to control all outcomes.
  14. but my point is that there ARE shades of grey... that is the accurate intepretation of the world, and if you are constantly trying to shove things into boxes when they don't fit there, you world will be full of anxiety. even the best scientistists in the world recognize that the a 'fact' may be relative to how much information you have and whether you are intepreting it correctly in relation to other variables and reality. so there is no fact you can be certain about, unless you are allknowing and know every fact in the universe. what i'm saying is you need to learn to fight that impu
  15. and one thing i do notice, and this is not a criticism but an observation, is that you get very frustrated if you don't get immediate gratification or understanding or whatever your goal is. some goals in life can't be reached via instant awareness or satisfaction. they're a series of incremental steps, and all or nothing type thinking is your worst enemy there. learn to tolerate some shades of gray. it's not the end of the world if something/someone is not perfect or if you make a mistake or whatever. learn to go with the flow a little rather than expecting everything to go according to pl
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