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About Me

  1. I think most of us could use some emotional support through the pandemic. To be clear this is SUPPORT , criticism and blaming is not needed. I know some us out here are high risk or normal risk. If you need a warm fuzzy today, I love you ❤️ Virtual hug.
  2. I know is a lot to read but please I need help solving this. If you have any questions just ask. There is this couple that started their relationship as an affair when they were both married to two different people. The marriage of her ended two months after not only because of this affair but also due to previous problems in the relationship. Everything started as just having fun but little by little, they both started falling in love for each other, feelings were very strong and they both realized they never felt anything like that for anybody. Even though he (P) had a background that everybody knew that he was always cheating and with more than one woman at the same time, she decided that she was not going to judge him because of his past and started trusting him from the moment they started the relationship. Little she knew, that she found out at some point that besides him cheating on his wife with her, he was also cheating her with other woman, while he was also saying she was the love of his life and that he loved her more than anybody else he had a relationship before. She always forgave him, over and over again for everything and continued to wait for him. Besides everything, they always wanted to be together, spending time together, traveling, going out, and having overnights, which was not that easy to get because he was still married. He even filed for divorce at some point. In order to get everything they always wanted for themselves, he had to create lies and stories and hide things from his wife. They also talked about their whole life before them, and past relationships as well. She told him that one time when she had a boyfriend, 15 years ago, she kissed another man, and this boyfriend ended up the relationship with her and got very depressed because of it. The truth is that she not only kissed this man but also had oral sex. This detail she never mentioned to him, she decided to keep it to herself, she thought she had the right to do it and to not say things from her past if she didn’t want to, she decided that she wanted to keep it simple in details and only say it was a kiss, for her it was not of anybody’s business to know more. While feelings and connection were getting stronger with the pass of time, they were always talking about how they wanted to be together by themselves, and share a life together, but he never got separated from his wife. Most of the time he said he couldn’t do it because of his kids. Even when the whole situation was very hard for her, because she had to be the one waiting for him, and accepting his married life, they had very happy moments, they were so in love, but for some reason he could never decide to get separated and start a life with her, a woman he said he loved like anybody else in his life and that had everything he wanted. He is the type of man with a very opened mind, specially sexually. She was not like that when they started but, she learned from him, or he helped her be the way she was meant to always be, because she was enjoying everything in sex the same way as him. In one of those sex conversations that they always had, they were talking about trying new things in bed, so they said they wanted to try threesomes, with another man or another woman, and they were discussing everything about it. He already had a threesome in his past but she never experienced anything like that so she was very curious about it. After talking about it for some time, they decided that the threesome was going to be with another man. She told him that she couldn’t do anything with a man from her past, and that she didn’t want to, but he was saying that maybe it was not a bad idea and she convinced herself to do it that way, and the only man from her past she could do something like that was with this guy from 15 years ago, the guy she cheated her boyfriend with with “just a kiss”, because he was the only one she didn’t fell in love with. Well, the conversation ended by her saying that she was going to contact this guy and ask him if he wanted to be part of the threesome. Before she did that, she came out with the whole truth and said it was not only a kiss that happened but more than that, oral sex too. She wanted for him to know all details from this guy before they all three were going to be sexually together and this guy was now going to be part of their lifes. When she mentioned this truth to him, everything changed from that moment. He got convinced that she lied about that detail about her past because she had some pending feelings or desires with this guy, that’s all he could think of, and kept blaming her for months saying to her that she was a liar and that if she had something pending with this guy, she needed to close any lose ends and finally have sex with him, in order to continue a life together. She said to him several times for months she didn’t have anything pending with him or anybody, that she never wanted to be with another man, or had desires for anybody else, even less for a guy she didn’t see for so many years and that she never fell for. But he kept repeating the same thing, that in order to continue a life together she needed to have sex with this guy. She begged and cried to him for so long asking him to please change his mind, and that she only loved him and wanted to be with him and nobody else. Well, after months of her begging, she found out about more cheating from him. Maybe that was the motive to decide what she was about to do. She was tired, hurt and frustrated already for her trying to stop that situation for so long, that she started thinking that doing what he was saying and get it over with was going to be the solution and the end of it. So she told him that she was going to do what he wanted and go and have sex with this guy as soon as possible, because she didn’t want to lose him, and that also she was never going to contact this guy ever again in her life. He also added that in order for him to believe her she needed to video tape her having sex with this guy, because he was going to watch the video and get his own conclusions and at least believe her that everything really happened. She contacted this guy a Sunday or Monday, and started texting with him, saying she was going to be in his city the following week and that she wanted to get together, the guy immediately answer by asking if they were going to have sex, which she answered yes. For the next 4 days most of their texting was in a sexual tone, he was always asking her the things she liked to do in bed or the things he was going to do to her, and she answered the same way, following his way of talking, she thought that that was needed in order to keep him interested. But she also did unnecessary things, that she didn’t realize until it was too late. For example, this guy asked her several times for her to send him sexy pictures, which she didn’t want to, until she got tired and without thinking on the consequences and to make him stop asking, she sent a few pictures. During all this 4 days, she found herself in the middle of all that situation she didn’t want to do, that it didn’t feel good by doing it, but she also did things and said things to this guy without thinking them through and also thinking and believing this was the only way she could have a life with her love of her life, because that was what he made her believe. During those days she also didn’t mentioned anything about her talking to this guy to P or the way that she was talking to him. She thought it was clear what was said about her decision of her contacting him, and she assumed he knew that she was already working on it and that she already contacted him and they were texting. Around Wednesday, she told him that she was going to this guy’s city on the weekend to see him, and that they were going to see each other on Friday. She once again assumed, that by her saying that he was going to realize that and know that conversation between her and this guy were already happening. She didn’t see the need of saying anything before and also didn’t want him to know the kind of conversations they were having because she knew they were wrong. During all this days she said to him that at any point if he wanted for her to stop that, he only had to mention it to her and she was going to stop it immediately no matter what because she didn’t want to do it, but he didn’t. One day before she going to this guy’s city, they had an argument again, he was giving her a hard time about everything again, where he states now, that that was the moment he started to feel that there were fishy things in the middle of all this and that he was doubting even more about everything else, and he also said now that at that moment he was about to stop the situation, but according to him he didn’t because she cut him off. All she said was that if he told her for so long for her to do that, then he needed to stop giving her a hard time about it because she was already doing it what she didn’t want to do for him. At the end he never told her to stop anything and just let her continue, when all she wanted to hear was for him to say she didn’t have to do that. The day arrived of her seeing this guy, he picked her up from where she was and they went to a hotel, before that they stopped at a store to buy some beers. They arrived at the hotel and started drinking and smoking marijuana. She put her phone in silence, she was convinced that she was not going to receive any calls of messages from P to make her stop the situation, if he let her get to that point, he was not going to do anything to stop what she was doing, so she put her phone in silence for everyone else. Her intentions were to be drunk and high because she didn’t want to be there and didn’t want to do any of that, she wanted to feel the less possible. After an hour or so, they started having sex, she asked once to start recording a video, but he didn’t agree, then later she asked for a second time and he agreed. She got a 10 minutes recording of them having sex. After having sex, and drinking and smoking some more, they just laid down in bed for a while, while he was just talking and she was just listening, she was very high at that moment she couldn’t even concentrate on what he was saying or understanding either. She only knew that she felt disgusted about everything and that he was going to take her home soon, and that the night was almost over, and that she got what she needed to continue her life with P. When she got home, she realized she had missed calls and texts from P, something she thought he was not going to do. He said he was very worried that something bad happened to her with this guy and that he needed for her to go back as soon as possible because they needed to talk. The next day this guy texted her asking for the video, which she answered that she was not going to send it and also she added that she didn’t like anything they did the day before, she was trying to send him hints that they were never going to have sex again. She thought that was the way of doing things and not just ghost the guy. But that created another problem, because she was again blamed by P that she said she was never going to contact this guy again and yet she did the next day. When she came back home, P came to see her that same day to talk. He asked for her phone, which she gave to him, and he saw conversations she was having with her girl friend, where she was talking about everything going on, and a lot in a joking tone, making fun on the way she and this guy were having sexual conversations and laughing about it. She had that conversations with her girl friend before and after, and most of the time she didn’t show her true feelings, which she has a tendency to do, she doesn’t show what she is really feeling to her friends and family because she doesn’t want them to feel pity for her. Or for her to be in the position to defend P after everything he was doing to her. She rather make it seem like nothing is a big deal for her and that she is good. When all this problem started she called this girl friend to talk about it and she cried her eyes out to her, telling her that she couldn’t believe that P was telling her to do that. But after that she didn’t want to show herself broken anymore to her friend. After P saw her phone, he tried to walk away without saying a word, but she stopped him, to try to talk. Then is when it start all the blaming from him. He started saying that what she did is what she really wanted, that she lied to him and cheated on him and that she never told him any truths. That because of that he couldn’t be with her. But she insisted that what he was saying was wrong and they could fix everything. She started saying to him that she was so sorry about everything, even though she knew he put her in that position, she begged him for so long to not do that and he kept telling her she had to do it. At some point he saw that 10 minutes video of her having sex with this guy, and P accused her that everything looked like she was enjoying it, that he was convinced she had orgasms, when she didn’t, she actually told P she faked the orgasms and that she was not enjoying it because she didn’t want to be there and because she was thinking about P all the time. He also questioned her about this guy’s penis size, saying that because of the video he could see that this guy had it bigger, and that’s why she was enjoying it more, which was something she denied as well, because according to her this guy didn’t have a bigger penis, just a different shape and maybe slightly thicker, and actually the one man that gave her the most pleasure of her life was P and no this other guy. A month passed after that, still struggling with the problem, until one day at her house, P told her he definitely couldn’t be with her, because she was a liar, and he couldn’t trust her, etc. She begged him to not leave her, but he had made a decision already and he was not going to be with her anymore, after she asked him to please not leave her. He left her house and sent her a text accusing her for faking the drama and all the crying and she did a great performance and once again telling her that he didn’t want to be with her. That day, out of spite and anger and pain, she contacted a random guy and texted with him for a couple hours, in that conversation there was nothing sexual, it was just a good conversation that made her feel better in that moment where her heart was broken by P, they even said they were going to set up a date later on. But then she realized that she didn’t want any of that, she didn’t want to stop trying with P, she didn’t want any other man in her life and that she was never giving up on P. The next day he went to her house again, and they talked, he asked her again for her phone and tablet, and he saw on the Facebook search bar the name of the guy he talked to the day before, he asked her who that was, and she answered and gave him all the truth, she didn’t want again to be blamed for being a liar, so she was honest. But after that, he said once again that he was not going to be with her, and in fact that he was going to fix things with his his wife. At that moment she couldn’t take it anymore and called the wife and told her all the truth about everything. She had being holding this for over 3 years and that moment all she could think of was that the wife needed to know everything his husband did. Right after the problem he kept asking for details about the day she and this guy had sex and the days before that when the texting happened. Which she didn’t say everything at the beginning, but he kept asking and asking about details, like sex positions, timing for each of them, what they did in between, every single detail you can imagine. And she started saying the truth little by little, because he didn’t stop pressuring her. He made her repeat the story several time, and after she was done, to repeat it again. He kept telling her, that what happened between her and this guy was what she wanted, that she enjoyed it, that she had several orgasms, and that she was lying about everything and about what she really felt, he pressured her for so long to accept all that, but up until today she keeps defending her truth and saying any of that is true because she never wanted to do that, that’s why she begged P for so long to not make her do it. It all seems that he didn’t force her, but he did brainwashed in my opinion. Even if it sounds contradicting, during the past 10 months they had being on and off, with good and bad, him treating her like the worst and still accusing her for lying, when she says she is not and also treating her very good and being very affectionate to her, and that’s when she falls again , and accepts everything wrong she thinks he is doing and hoping for him to change for good. That caused her to get mentality unstable and wanting to hurt herself, which led her to be admitted in a mental facility for 4 days to stabilize her. P also created a false WhatsApp account to text this guy like if it was her, to get information he thought she was lying about. They texted a few times under her name. He also kept cheating constantly. During all this time that she kept trying to recover what she and P had, and him knowing she was trying, P made her believe he didn’t have anything else with his wife, meaning no sex and that they were about to get a divorce. Until one day the soon to be ex wife called her to ask her what was going on between her and P, and they talked. Between both of them they found out all the lies he was telling them both. And they decided to surprise him at his house and talk with him to accept all the lies he was telling them. One of the truth is that she found out that they were still having sex all the time, while he said several times he didn’t and while she was trying everything to fix their relationship and waiting until the divorce was finalized. They got divorced a couple months ago. Up until recently that he started staying more with her in her house, since he got divorced and the wife took the kids with her and they are also selling their house. During those days of P being in the same house with her, he said many things about their future, like trips with the all the kids, because she has 2 kids as well, trips for themselves, the surprise he was working on if they were getting married, and that he said that she was going to love it, the kind of ring he would buy for her, etc. he told her many things like she was so amazing and good to him. He made me believe he was with me for good. But after all that, he ends up again with the same blaming and accusations and saying how hurt he is and all the good ends again. For P he says that in order to fix everything she must be in the same position as before but do things right, which means go and have sex again with this guy but not lie about any detail from point A to Z, so he could maybe see she is the person that he can trust and believe again. And close all lose ends that according to him she has, like the guy she texted for a couple hours out of spite, he says she needs to see this guy and have sex with him also, because he thinks that’s what she wants, when she keep repeating she doesn’t want any of that, that she doesn’t want to be with another man, only with P. And that if he says she failed before in the past with him, not saying all the truth about how things happened,that she is sorry about and that she owns it and wants to fix everything the right way. She kept insisting that being in the same position as before and being involved sexually with a person again Is not the way to fix anything, that trust will not come back like that, that there are other ways to fix a relationship but he doesn’t believe in doing anything else. He also have told her many times, that he is proud of him cheating on her and that he wishes he could’ve cheated even more and create more pain to her, because he says she deserves it. He doesn’t take any responsibility for anything he has done and he feels entitled and thinks everything wrong he does is valid because people lie and hurt him. He demands the other person to fix everything when he is the one that caused the majority of the pain, and lies. He demands honesty and loyalty when he is the one that has always lied for everything and cheated non stop. When the ex wife took his kids and was giving him a hard time for him to see them, he was so angry he said that he was so proud of cheating on her before, and that was she needed was for him to cheat even more in the past, because of what she was doing with his kids, he deserved that and more. She loves P so much and she still believes that if he changes that mentality or goes to therapy, everything will get much better. She wants to be with him forever.
  3. After 2 years & over 30 occasions of my ex-girlfriend breaking up with me I called it a day! This was 4 month ago in 2018 & I am still finding it difficult. The last time she broke up with me she said she didn’t love me any more & her life was better without me. Previous to this I managed to set some boundaries & I told her that if she broke up with me one more time then it was over. She called this manipulation but I stood my ground. After we broke up she tried getting back with me telling me she had made a mistake etc. I stood my ground. She came back a few weeks later accusing me of cheating & sayings that’s why I didn’t want to get back with her. She then came back again telling me she missed me. I ignored all texts & emails. She then tried getting my attention by insulting me on social media. She then sent me an email telling me that one of her close family members were terminally ill. I nearly replied to this but I didn’t. So, I have spent the last 4 months trying to figure out what went wrong. It has been suggested to me that she may have had some kind of personality disorder & I am probably co-dependent. I am struggling with loads of thoughts like maybe it was my fault, maybe it was her bad upbringing, maybe I should have been a bit more understanding etc etc. I thought I would post here just to get some opinion & confirmation that I am doing the right thing & that it wasn’t me with the problem. This is the kind of thing that happened during the 2 years: Constant break ups over stupid things Felt like I was walking on eggshells Would accuse me of cheating constantly She would check my phone but be protective over hers When she got mad she would start replying with "oh" "right" "whatever" If I didn’t reply to her text messaged instantly even though I explained I was busy at work I would get a text saying ?????? then calling me ignorant. She accused me of spending too much time on social media when she was on there 23 hours out of each day to my couple of hours. She commented that she was above me even though I have a good job, savings etc & she didnt work. She accused me of chatting to women on Facebook even though she checked my phone & found nothing, but she had shown me conversation where’s she had been chatting to men. She was also very secretive with her phone When we were discussing something & I asked her to repeat it or clarify it she refused & said that I should have listened. When we broke up once she insulted me badly. Calling me fat, ugly, grotesque & that she had to get drunk to sleep with me. She would call me idiot, moron, head when she got pissed over something She would drops the kisses off texts as soon as she didn’t agree with something I said I helped her with things that she should have been doing herself then complained that I was doing it wrong She purposely said stuff to see how I reacted then verbally attacked me if I reacted the way she didn’t like so I basically couldn’t win When I said that I was not happy with her behaviour she would say leave then there’s the door She told me that my gifts I bought her were rubbish She would cancel seeing me numerous times then complain we didn’t see each other as if it was my fault. When she was poorly she would cancel seeing me. Because I am understanding I would say something like awwwww ok baby you get better & look after yourself & we can see each other another time. She would then start on me saying that I didn’t sound bothered that we wasn’t seeing each other so I never knew how to reply for the best. She always said that she liked me because I never went anywhere even when the going got bad. I now know that what she actually meant was that I would stay even though she treated me like s**t. All he ex's were violent or cheats. She had certain guys on Facebook that were clearly into her. She made a new Facebook profile & added these guys who started flirting with her. I said that I didn’t appreciate this & she said she adds them to piss them off & make them jealous. I have looked on her most recent Facebook & she’s added these guys again plus added her ex who she has a child to & who she said she absolutely hated. As I said before she was paranoid about me talking to other women. She even got mad because she couldn’t find any evidence of me doing it. She said that I must talk to other women & I said no I didn’t. What I found strange was that she said she had forgotten her Facebook password that’s why she was always on line but then when she came to see me either her battery would be flat or she would be logged out. I can remember her telling me that her mom would turn her internet of when her moms boyfriend was around so that he didn’t catch her chatting to men. I really think my ex was doing this too. I think all the accusations was her projecting. Her mom was always accusing her partner of cheating & publicly on Facebook. Its really tough because after all of this I still care about her but I couldn't go on & I had to put my mental health first. I invested so much into her & I did things for her that I wouldn't do for anyone else. To put that much into a relationship & get told to drop dead & that she was only with me because she felt sorry for me really hurt. I cant even imagine been in another relationship. I find myself constantly looking for red flags in the opposite sex. I am really sorry for the long post. I just want to put this full thing to bed. There has been times when I have felt down & almost contacted her but I haven’t & I have just tried remembering all the things above.
  4. Hi, Sorry if this turns out to be a long post. So.. I'm 25 years old and thanks to the lousy economy, I'm still living with my family. Which for me would be my grandma and my aunt instead of my parents. Don't ask. Anyways, my grandmother is a sweet lady but she's also incredibly controlling and prone to bad mood swings. For an example, last summer I was working my butt off to find employment and ended up getting offered a lousy job "working in sales" AKA standing on the side walk in front of supermarkets trying to sell cellphones and other products. I considered taking it...until my grandmother found out, half lectured and half yelled at me for an hour for considering that job, and told me I wasn't allowed to use her car to go to work if I took that job. So my aunt keeps trying to step in to help me out and she's being relatively polite about it. Basically just saying "Mom...back off a bit.". BUT that leads to my aunt and my grandma bichering when I'm not home and I end up hearing two different stories about who said what. My AUNT'S side usually sounds something like this: Grandma confronted her about her butting into everything and she simply said that she's trying to keep the peace. Didn't mention any conversations my aunt and I had about her or anything. My GRANDMA'S side usually sounds like this: "Well, I confronted your aunt about her butting into everything and she said you always complain about me to her and I don't understand why you can't come to me about anything and YOUR AUNT IS MEAN TO ME WHEN YOUR NOT AROUND." My main issue: Should I tell my aunt about what my grandma is accusing her of and ask her why she's saying I complain about grandma behind her back? (I have to admit, I do, but I'm just venting. And half the time I blame her behavior on her pain pills or something.) I think if I do confront my aunt but my grandma ends up being right about her, that's just going to cause more trouble. My other issue: This is the third time this has happened in the past few years. You know, my aunt tried to help me out and depending on who you believe, either purposefully made things worse or simply had everything she said blown out of proportion. Which brings up the other issue.... Who the heck should I believe here?!?!?! My grandma is known to blow things way out of proportion (especially if it's something she doesn't want to hear) BUT my aunt has also been known to have a mood swing, say something, and then deny it later on. Help!
  5. Hi all. I have been limited/no contact with my ex since we broke up in June of 2017. My story is on here... he got married to my replacement in May of 2018. I went through hell during and after the breakup. I picked myself up and have been working hard to move on. I am still healing and choose not to talk to him or about him. One of our mutual friends is getting married and i am a bridesmaid. I did not ask her to do so, however she informed me she would not be inviting my ex and didnt want anything to possibly cause any negativity. I told her i appreciate her decision and thanked her for thinking of me. Fast forward- the ex has now found out about his lack of invite and is blaming me. He was using a mutual friend to vent to and told her that friends are picking sides with me out of 'pity' and he has been crying and miserable because "ive isolated" him from everyone. .... i am furious but refuse to let him bring me down as that was my goal of no contact. He told her he feels as if we should be able to exist in the same room now and be civil. I thought he was my soulmate, we were together 7 years. It hasnt been two full years and i will admit im still healing. Anyone have any insight on what this guy is trying to do? he has everything he ever wanted to make him "happy" but now blaming me for his issues. Ugh. Any insight is so appreciated. I plan to just remain no contact and have a fantastic time at the wedding..help!
  6. So I recently came out of hospital from a minor operation, and it got me asking a big question; what if I came out of the hospital having to adjust to the new life of not being able to control my body from waist down? I have been with my boyfriend since high school and we've grown up a lot together. We have become very serious and at times talked about marriage and kids and our future together wherever it may be. When I asked him "what if I got into a freak accident and lost my legs or became paralysed babe, what would you do?" after not much thought, he answered "I don't think you can expect me to stay in a relationship with you. I would be there for you and wouldn't just leave you, but I can't commit to stay in a relationship with you. I have my happiness to think about and the same would apply to you if the situation was the other way around. Though this would be different if we were married because of the "in sickness and in health" thing." After hearing that my heart honestly dropped. I thought it was fair for him to say that because in that situation you really cannot blame someone for leaving you because the life of taking care of someone like that would be miserable; you cannot expect someone to care and love you in that situation and you have to put yourself in their shoe too. Their days would be so heavily focused on taking care of you in almost every way and it would be exhausting both mentally and physically. This would become a form of codependency and it could potentially drag the mental wellbeing of the carer down to a toxic level. If they decided to leave because of these reasons, I can't and wouldn't blame them at all. While that is the case, at the same time, this really made me question my relationship and now I am faced with doubt and confusion. My heart dropped because it made our relationship seem superficial. I thought how can you tell me that you would be there for me but at the same time you could one day be with someone new and the only reason why and how you were able to do that was from me becoming paralysed from a freak accident? It fkn sucks and really hurts to hear that. Also, forget the "in sickness and in health" part of the marriage, how does marriage make the difference in this? If you only stay with me because of the stupid vows you made at the altar but not actually be emotionally involved with me, then what is the point? Should we even get married one day if that was the case? Should I even stay with him knowing his answer? I have always been that girl who believes if he doesn't want to be with me then I won't stop him from leaving; I would rather be alone than force a relationship no matter how serious it was. Now talking about my side, how I would feel if this was reversed, I would not know what to do. I don't want to place a definite answer that "yes, I will stay no matter what" because its easier said than done to be with someone like that. Though when the moment the question was asked my way, I told him his answer was fair and I would probably be the same, but I had a warm feeling in my heart and it whispered "yes, I want to stay with you no matter what". I didn't end up telling him how I may have truly felt because I was taken back by his answer. I'm now really torn between both sides and if anyone could give some advice that would be greatly appreciated. :smug:
  7. Hello, I met this girl I really like and she likes me. We have been seeing each other for almost for months but official bf/gf for about 2 weeks. We always have fun but we both live at home and it is difficult to find privacy. I am working on moving out but right now not an option. She has been with 15 guys and I have not been with anyone. We make out a lot and both enjoy it. I have made a good amount of advances but we havent done the deed yet. This is embarrassing for me and I don't believe she knows I have not been with anyone. Everything about the relationship feels real except that I can't find a way or time to be intimate with her. It feels like she might be playing a game with me but it is difficult to tell because I don't blame her for not having sex with me yet. It is a difficult and embarrassing situation for me but I am looking for any advice to help make this relationship more intimate or if you think I am being played, or any suggestions on how to proceed. I am afraid I will lose her if it does not happen soon and I am afraid to bring it up and say that I want more because it might mess my chance up with her, Should I keep playing it cool and when it happens it happens or should I bring it up to her and if yes, how what would you say. Thanks I hope to get good advice from this because I am freaking out about it. If you need clarification on anything ask away.
  8. In February, I came out of an eight month relationship with a girl who meant an awful lot to me. It's been six months now, and I'm still in the rut of trying to move past this and be happy while still getting dragged down (I reached my absolute lowest point yesterday). This isn't for lack of trying as I've tried numerous different things to get myself out of this mess. Writing songs and getting back into writing music, online therapy (that one turned out to be a bit of a bust since I wasn't told anything that I couldn't have been told for free by someone without a fancy certificate), and even going on a couple of dates with other people (with mixed results). No matter what I've tried, I always end up back in this state of despair. I feel that I'm becoming jaded towards the notion of love and relationships, and that it's just something I'll have to do without. I understand why the relationship had to end, and that it was for the best, but I can't help but find myself thinking 'what if things were different?'. After all, the only issues we had were on my part and I wasn't able to fix them (she felt I was holding back out of fear of upsetting/offending her, and I wasn't able to have back and forth teasing with her as I couldn't always tell if she was joking due to my Asperger's), therefore I have no one to blame for this mess other than myself. Is this just what my future will be? Forever stuck in this rut of temporary happiness followed by intense grief and lament over a past that's now long gone? Will I just be stuck trying to recreate what we had with someone else without the issues that lead to its downfall? But what if I do eventually move on, and then find someone else only for them to not stick around as well? There's only so much I can take, and right now I feel I'm at my absolute lowest when I thought I was getting better. Should I just accept that I'm better off alone? How do you even let go?
  9. This could potentially be quite long, however I would appreciate any guidance. When I was at school, aged 15, I was emotionally manipulated by one of my teachers who was a woman. I, myself, am female and it was an extremely confusing time for me as I had never had any feelings towards a woman before I had met her, aside from looking up to celebrities and other role models. The first time I met her she took me in so easily, I was mesmerised by her charm, her essence of being was something I had never seen before, so confident and bubbly. Anyway, after a month of having her teaching me, we started to 'connect' more with one another, through messaging each other in and out of school, seeing each other (me going to her classroom most days), her making jokes about me in class and treating me differently and making me feel so, so special. I had never felt so cared about before, I told her everything about me and I trusted her implicitly. I got to know her (or so I thought) over the next 10 months and we had developed such a close bond. I realised I loved her about 4 months after we got close and she knew this, though I had never explicitly said it. We had shared lots of moments between us, to which, a part of me felt she did love me too (in some way). I would do anything she wanted, be that, helping her around the school, doing extra work for/with her, she would call me such lovely things, like 'sweetheart', 'babe' and that she 'would always be there for me', 'whatever happened'. She would hug me, touch my waist, hold me, I comforted her when she was upset one time, she cried on my shoulder. I did see her outside of school and there were more instances but I a trying to be brief.Looking back now, I know she was a lonely woman at that time, however the fact she chose to use me is one which constantly confuses me. She was not always nice towards me,she was extremely unstable, one minute being lovely, the next literally shouting at me for nothing. It was extremely confusing, but we always made up in the end until one day when someone at the school decided to speak to the Headteacher regarding our 'relationship', I had to be called in to explain it, even though there was no way to explain whatever it was that we had. I loved her and wished to protect her as I was scared she would lose her job as she was completely unprofessional (I have been as brief as I can be in this post) so I said that I didn't know anything and basically refused to say anything as she meant everything to me. I was 15 and naive. The police were involved, to which, I again, repeatedly protected her, all the while, without me knowing she was bad mouthing me to everyone, saying I was 'obsessed' and 'weird' - To deflect the blame onto me. I did not know this until years later. Anyway, our 'relationship' was ruined, she was told that she wasn't allowed to speak to me at any time (She did, of course she did), that if she was a man she would have been fired and that I wouldn't be taught by her again. Even though she was told not to speak to me, she did, no wonder I was so confused. But it was never the same again, until I finished school. I have seen her in person on multiple occassions since I have left, but only I have driven past her, not actually being in the same place so I can speak with her. It has been a lengthy time period since this time in my life, however it is one which is forever engrained within me as it was such a traumatic event, and one that I have had help with, yet nothing seems to be able to stop me feeling guilty about it. I put the blame on myself because I protected her and then made myself look like the one in the wrong. If I had been 100% honest then I am sure that things would have been different. She is still in a position of trust and has climbed up the career ladder, so that makes me even more worried as I have zero evidence of anything she did. I just wanted to write it out on here the best I can. If anyone has any questions, I will be happy to answer any. I want to go to the police and state exactly what happened (there was nothing internal that happened to clarify) however I am concerned she will turn it around me and try to sue me for defamation which I have heard about in other cases. I am at a loss. Any advice would be greatly received. Thank you.
  10. Hello, i am a 24 years old Italian guy who moved 3 years ago to Belgium. I am together with my belgian girlfriend for almost a year now. I really love this girl and she is also my first girlfriend and the first who I am intimate with. The problem is this: she is really jealous, paranoid and insecure, in the way that she always accuses me of cheating or doing wrong things with other girls. The following things happened: - When i moved to Belgium i met a colleague (female, 35 years old, in a relationship) who really helped me and my family a lot with all the paperwork, learn the language etc. We were a really good team at work and we helped each other always. She is also a friend of my mom and dad, so sometimes we meet with us all to eat or drink something (i never spend alone time with her). She quit the job and after we expressed we would miss each other at work, because we could work together really good. She calls me darling or baby sometimes, but i never say these things to her. If she ends a message with 'kisses', then i send 'kisses' back, like in greetz. Recently my girlfriend sneaked in my phone and read all the messages about the above. She was going crazy saying that this is cheating, i am doing wrong things, lying to her, etc. - when I say hello to people I know (male and female) I sometimes touch the arm or side of the person, as some sign of respect, maybe because i was raised in the South of Italy. She said it is also not right and i had to promise to never do it again. - one time i made a joke about a coworker and touched her shoulder for it. My girlfriend was again sad and really angry for this. - when I text with people I use a lot of emojis to everyone: friends, family, male and female. She was also angry for an emoji that showed a kiss to end a conversation, like a goodbye. Since i have done this for all my life and it is a normal way in Italy to text, i never meant anything with this. It was just to end a conversation. - she always accuses me of flirting with other girls, even though i have never done this or given her a reason to think this. I could tell more than 10 things like this, but you get the picture i think. In short she is always accusing me of cheating, flirting, lying... while i never do those things. I really love her and i want to make her happy. It's almost every week that we have an argument about this and she starts to be angry, sad, cry... It always ends in me saying sorry and explaining over and over that it is nothing. I had to promise her so many things already, that i don't know what is allowed and what not anymore. I don't have a lot of friends, i don't go out and i am always working. Above this all, she is addicted to sleeping pills, even though she won't admit it. When she is taking those pills, she can say mean things like she would have sex with someone else for 20000 euros, etc. I would really like some advice what i can do to show her that i really love her and i have never cheated or lied. She is a really good girl, she will always help and take care of me. She has been cheated on and lied to in the past, so I can understand she is scared. But I don't know what to do anymore, because I feel I am always the one who's wrong. Thank you for reading.
  11. Hi! Everyone so a while back this girl we'll call her Amanda. So Amanda and I worked for the same company for a while we eventually became friends and with time started dating. ( Which happened only recently) so a few days ago she left to go to the companies headquarters, which is quite far away. So we have had to manage a long term relationship, we settled on things like making sure we both didn't grow far apart like skype calls whenever we can etc. But recently it's been very difficult she constantly becomes paranoid that I am cheating and accuses me of not spending time with her, when she sometimes dosen't respond to my messages and accuses me of being clingy. She has been rude and hurtful on occasion but she at times has also been nice and supportive at times, she would change from me kind and sportive of me quitting my ob at our old company to be condescending and rude. We have a long hisotry and used to be good friends so should I try and make it work or should I end it
  12. Hi, I am currently in a relationship with my boyfriend for a little over a year now. The first 7 months were great. We went out a lot and really enjoyed each others company. We also got to know each other's past during this time. Me: My status was recently divorced, have 1 child, and went out on a few dates with one other person before I met my current boyfriend. The first person was never a hookup nor did it get any further than a few dates. It was just an interest that didn't go any where. My current partner: He's had several relationships that were broken up due to infidelity. His mother also cheated on his dad. So he has insecurities that run very deep for him. So after the first 7 months with my current boyfriend, I never mentioned the first guy that I went out with after my divorce just because it never got to a point of intimacy or a committed relationship. I was just putting myself out there and testing the dating waters again as it's been a long time (12-13 yrs). At some point in a conversation, the name of the first guy came up. Immediately, I could sense the insecurities in him. He asked a lot of questions, detailed questions. He wanted specific calendar dates of when it started, when it ended, how it ended, how many dates we'd been on, if we had been intimate, things we talked about and so forth. I explained to him that nothing happend in that relationship and that it ended because I wasn't feeling it with him. He wanted to know why i wasn't upfront about this guy from the beginning. I explained that I didn't see any point in bringing it up because it never went any where and that I was just testing the waters. He didn't believe me and feels that I was just trying to cover something up. He believes I was seeing him and the other guy at the same time. He's distrusted me ever since this initial conversation. Thereafter, every thing in the relationship spiraled out of control. He put a GPS tracking device on my car (without my knowledge), he pulled a background check on myself and the other guy, he's demanded to see all the contacts on my phone, all my texts, all my messages, he always accuses me of hiding behind my electronic devices to have conversations with other guys, he goes through my Facebook friends and questions who I have friended, he monitors when I am active on Facebook and what I post and he's secretly gotten into my email accounts without my knowledge. He's also discovered in pulling the background check that the other guy, that I haven't heard from in over a year, lives just about a mile away. So he assumes that I am sneaking to this other guys house or he is sneaking into my house when my boyfriend is not around. My boyfriend lives about 30-40 minutes away from me so it's not easy for him to check up on me. I haven't done anything he is accusing me of. Sometimes I just feel so hopeless because nothing I say or do convinces him otherwise. I love him dearly because we can have a great time but I would love him even more if he would stop all the accusations. We've been fighting about this one subject for over a year now. And now he is asking for access to my Ring (doorbell with a camera on it) account so that he can see who is coming and going from my house. He also asked for access to the security cameras inside the house as well. He says that if I have nothing to hide then it shouldn't be a problem and that it is about just being in an open and honest relationship. He is also saying that this would put his mind at ease since he doesn't live very close by. In exchange, he would do the same for me. A part of me doesn't feel like I should have to do this, even though I absolutely have nothing to hide. I have been 100% faithful and committed to him but he just doesn't believe me. He's been pretty invasive in my opinion and now he wants access to all my cameras? I'm torn because, while i don't have anything to hide, I still feel like I have every right to defend my privacy just out of principle and respect. And the more I keep fighting it, the more he believes I'm hiding something. Am I over-reacting or over-thinking this? Should I just give him access even though I don't feel like I shouldn't have to? I'm almost 50 years old, I'm independent, I'm a strong woman and mother and I have done well for myself. All of the sudden I just feel so controlled by my boyfriend and I wouldn't normally let this happen. I just don't know if my judgement is being clouded by the things he says or if I am making something big out of nothing and it's eating me up inside. Thoughts?
  13. Ok, so here goes: My girlfriend and I had an argument, and as a result of her reaction I'm struggling over whether the relationship is working. It was a completely innocuous thing when isolated - we're both Uni students and her library books had ran out and she had fines. She wanted me to run down to the library to take them back for her. The thing is, I'd just got back in after going to the shops. I didn't want to run straight back out, and she's very capable of doing it herself. Her reasoning was she didn't have makeup on/hadn't washed her hair, but the library is 4-5 minutes away and a student one, nobody cares. She could have thrown on a hoody and gone on down, but she was insistent I do it because of her 'anxiety' meaning she needed to put on makeup to do it. Despite this, I know she's gone out plenty of times without makeup etc on, I feel like she just can't be bothered to do it. I told her no, I'd just got back in and she needs to do it, and that she needs to suck it up and just go down and get it done. I was a bit rude, but I was annoyed that she was getting angry at me because I wouldn't do it for her. Like I said, in isolation this is a nothing incident, but I left soon after and she was obviously in a mood. It's part of a wider problem; she's always getting me to do things (go to the shops, get her food etc) and I'm sick of feeling like a servant at times, so something just kinda snapped and I was like 'No, do it yourself'. She blames her mental health for needing me to do these things, but she's an adult and would have to do them if I wasn't around. I don't mind doing things for her at all but it's constant. That night I'd brought her back dinner/something to drink from the shops but she wanted to send me out again. It would have been so easy for her to throw on a hoody and walk to the library. She'd also been sat on her computer the entire night before and most of the day playing games and I was irritated because of that. I just kinda felt like she was only bothering with me if she needed something. Anyway, I'd appreciate some advice on how to confront this with her. I have a general idea, but I wanted to get some other opinions on whether I'm not just being a bit of an arse.
  14. So me and my girlfriend have been dating for about 5 months now. The first few months were great until stuff seemed to change. Before I go any further, I will let you know that this is only a high school relationship (we are both only 17 and 18), we go to the same school and are pretty unexperienced. So anyway, things started to change how I expected them to, not laugh as much, smile as much, and just kinda got too used to each other. So basically things just started to go downhill. I'd always be optimistic because that's just who I am, I'd prefer her to be happy than me, even as how immoral as that sounds. Well that was at first anyway. Even when she seemed down or something, I'd try to cheer her up just to get "I don't care, shut up" or things along that line in return. I shoulda taken my distance when I experienced this, but being unexperienced, I mostly just shut my mouth and waited for her to go back to "normal." I should also add in that when it's just me and her, it was always great and still has been. This is where the problem lies. At school our relationship has pretty much deteriorated with her always being annoyed, telling me she doesn't care, and always taking someone else's side over something so trivial and stupid. I have never once returned this behavior as that is not how I work and I would be seen as an imbecile. Whenever she said I would be clingy, I'd back off, and she would get mad, sad, or depressed. She's happy when I come back after her getting over "clingy" but then it just goes back to how it was. Anyway she kept doing this, and I am an understanding person and can take banter, but Im not going to allow someone to walk all over me. So I sat her down and straight up told her about her attitude and what not how she's all happy all around only me but completely horrible when there's other people. She said that she knows and started crying because she was noticing it too and whatnot and I felt pretty much like crap because of that. It made me realize that she cared (at least then) and I told her that I would giver her space and whatever she needed and she apologized and everything, and all was good for a bit. Until it just returned back to normal, as in her being annoyed with literally everything I say and telling me how she doesn't care about pretty much everything I do. (Side note: I have always listened to what she has had to say and acted interested in everything she had to do with even though it wasn't something that appealed to me). So basically I have found myself in this position: when we are together at school there's pretty much 0 chemistry a little here and there, simply because when she gets like that I have stopped trying to make her happy by me pretending to be happy and talking it out(doesn't mean I'm ignorant to her (Still have never done anything hurtful)), we only seem happy together when we are alone together, she never wants to go out to eat or really do anything, blaming it on that shes boring, and she also has blamed her attitude on just being stressed out. I basically consider us that we're hanging on by strings, and if we were to cut it off I would have 0 idea of how to go about it. Just a couple of other things to add in: she has never really had a boyfriend where they been intimate like this before I look around at all the couples I see at my school, watching them laugh and be together, and thought that "oh this is just a rough patch, we will be back like that again" but its been a while now and it hasn't changed. Deep down I still have alot of feelings for her, but I simply don't know anymore
  15. My brother and I have always had a pretty good relationship despite living in a turbulent household (parents always arguing and dad, cheating). We're both in our twenties and I'm his older sister by 5 years. In our culture, we stay with our parents until marriage, and family is everything. So despite all the turmoil between our parents, we've all always tried to work things out to keep our family together. I've always been a mega nerd, scoring high marks and basically just dedicating my life to academics. My brother's always been extremely social and has gotten into trouble over the years (getting arrested, stealing money from our parents, partying day and night, getting kicked out of university). Basically, although we've gotten along well, we're obviously different people. Everything was fine, and then he moved to Australia for a year. I cried at the airport. Despite the move, we still had a great relationship, and talked on the phone for hours at a time. He moved back a few week ago, which I was so excited about. However, he's come back a monster. He started going on rants about how he truly understands what life is about now, and that we're just doing everything wrong as a family. He said he's going to "fix" everyone. He started by screaming at dad in front of construction workers about his cheating behaviours, even though we were all embarrassed and told him to stop making this a public problem. He continued by going to dad's workplace and arguing with various workers about what their exact role is and what they accomplished that day. He grabbed dad's phone at various times mid-call and would ask questions to the person on the other end, to make sure he wasn't cheating. He then attacked mom about how she takes pain medication (recovering from shingles) because that's "poison" to her body and that she should instead do weed. My mom is conservative and very straight-edge so she'd never do that, but he continued on about how she's closed minded. He got into fights with her over some other things too and called her two-faced and a liar. He then attacked one of the twins, who broke up with his girlfriend early this year. He accused him of still talking to the girl. Twin showed his phone and everything, but our brother still went on a rampage about how he knows he's still totally talking to her. He yelled a bunch at the other twin too which resulted in the twin crying, even though the twins are 19. Then came my turn! For some background info, I tried out anxiety medication (Zoloft) at the end of 2018 and had a severe reaction. Right away I became incredibly lactose-intolerant and extremely sensitive to all kinds of foods, resulting in severe diarrhea or throwing up. My doctor disagreed that the Zoloft caused this, but the specialist I saw told me it definitely could have been a rare but severe side effect from this psychiatric drug which is known to be harsh on the stomach. He gave me a simple diet to follow and expected me to build up a tolerance against these reactions. Regardless, what was important was that either way, I was not well. I followed his instructions though and my reactions lessened, but haven't fully gone away yet. So, back to my brother. He randomly confronted me in the kitchen, asking me to tell him what's "really" going on. Honestly, I had no clue what he was talking about. He started glaring at me and telling me to tell him the truth. Turns out, he thinks I'm just pretending to have these reactions so that I have an excuse to not have to study (I'm trying to get into law, and was waitlisted twice due to a low lsat score). He even confronted the twins about how it's suspicious that I was waitlisted in a row, that he doesn't think I even wrote the lsat, which thankfully the twins saw and had the emails of. But that didn't stop my brother from continuing his rampage. He claimed I'm just pressured to go into law (untrue, it's very much so my own choice) and so I'm totally faking all this. I was pretty shocked, and told him that this is all real, that he could take a look at my previous blood test if he wanted. Unfortunately, while looking for it in my binder, I remembered that I had thrown it out as it didn't show anything substantial. This triggered my brother into a craze as he started ranting about how he's "catching the lies" and that I should fess up right now. At least my parents and the twins all know this is all real, and told him to stop acting like this, but he doesn't listen to anyone. Finally, I was discussing how upsetting this was to my mom. That's when my brother came barging in and started accusing me all over again. He said I maybe even secretly do drugs (ridiculous). I asked him why he even thinks all this nonsense, and he said, "I'm just saying that you should really tell me the truth because it's going to be so awkward for you when the truth comes out at the doctor's". He believes the doctor will let us know that this is all a fake ruse or that I'm doing drugs which cause these reactions. I got so upset that I got teary, and then he said that if I was being honest, that I wouldn't cry. That made me even more upset, and then he accused me of fake crying to garner sympathy from mom. He also accused me of lying about the anxiety medication, saying that first I called it Zoloft, and then I called it Sertraline (which is just its drug class, my god). He says everything I say is suspicious and so interesting, as he puts it. Every single day he rants about how I'm a liar. He yells, "my sister has been lying to all of us for 3 years! She's basically 30 and she's going no where!" Not only am I not at all 30, but it hasn't even been a full 2 years since I got these reactions. Further, these reactions happen about once a week to once a month, if even, when I accidentally consume dairy or something greasy/upsetting. It doesn't stop me from studying or living an otherwise normal life. My mom wants me to take him along to my next doctor's appointment, and while I can't stand him, I'll do it just so he shuts the hell up about me. However, even if he apologizes later to me, I don't think I can ever see him the same way again. My academic accomplishments define so much of my life. My wall is covered with my awards and scholarships over the years as school has always been the one thing I'm good at. It's the only thing I'm so proud of. I worked my ass off and even helped my brother to graduate from high school, which he always credits me with. And so for him to accuse me of being a fake actor, feigning an illness for 2 years just so I can avoid studies, is so insulting and hurtful to me. I have a bachelor's, double minors, and double certifications. My life has revolved around my education and my family knows that. He told my mom he'll accomplish double what I have by the time he's my age though, and that I'm wasting away my life, pretending it away and lying to everyone. My next appointment is with a stomach specialist (gastroenterologist) and so it'll be a long wait, but the time between now and then is killing me, hearing him yell out accusations day after day. I've totally had enough of this. I feel so distressed and angry when I even hear his voice. He's supposed to be my brother, acting like family and supporting me, not discouraging me, doubting me and accusing me. Our last argument happened when he burst into my room, yelling out accusations again but this time I exploded on him. My hands began to shake in anger, and once again he said if I was innocent then I wouldn't even get angry. I have NO idea why he's gone insane like this since he's gotten back from his trip, but he's completely destroyed our relationship and I want nothing to do with him. I can't even believe this is really my brother, who I loved so deeply and cared so much about ever since we were little. It's like something has come over him in the worst way. I feel very picked on and bullied. Not even my worst enemies have spoken to me in the way my brother is. He claims he's doing all this because he cares for me and wants the truth to come out. Just crazy. Obviously, this is all still happening and I'm very angry and heated still, but I really do believe I don't have love for him anymore in my heart. In fact, I can't stand him. If I never saw him again, I'm confident I'd be just fine. In my heart, he's no longer a brother of mine. I do recognize he's young/not the most mature, but I still feel this way, especially since I know I'd never do this someone at any age. Am I overreacting?
  16. Today I saw my ex for the first time in a few weeks. We had arranged a councilling appointment to help sort through our break up. Since the break up as the dumpee, I have been working hard to make myself and issues around the relationship better. I've been looking into what I did wrong, working actively to be a better person, learn from my mistakes and be open and honest about those mistakes. I see this as an important process in a break up. Admitting your faults, working on them and becoming a better person not just for yourself but for future relationships. If you don't do this then future relationships will be affected by faults from the past and in all honesty, you can't grow unless you make mistakes and acknowledge them. While I have been doing this, I knew I had to face my ex and the councillors to further progress my recovery. Today the sh*t hit the fan. My ex completely blamed me for our break up. I was open and honest about the roll I played in our break up, but not once did she admit that she played a part in it too. After this, my councillor took me away and said i was strong, honest and she could see I was actively working through my emotions. Every relationship has two people and unless cheating is involved, it's never a one sided thing. As I was leaving, I had to give my ex some things, she hugged me, apologised for how things ended and then we exchanged stuff. She hugged me again, kissed me on the cheek and asked if ill message her I didn't respond, so she said we will give it time and left. Moral of all this, don't convince yourself you're to blame, a relationship is two people, so is a break up. Be honest about what you did to contribute to the break up, but don't expect your ex to do the same. Do what you have to do for yourself, not what you think your ex wants you to do. They broke up with you, they ended things, they are no longer your responsibility. Yes, it's okay to still love them, to have feelings for them. But if you do, you can't be friends. It's only going to prolong your pain. And finally, you never, ever, really know someone. As amazing as they may seem, people change and will often take the easiest road to recovery, instead of facing their fears and doing the right thing.
  17. The other night I did that unthinkable and slept with a guy who is in a relationship. This goes against everything I believe in and I know how much it hurts as I have been on the other end of the stick before. I was extremely intoxicated and feel taken advantaged of. Is it my fault? I understand I am not the one that has been unfaithful, however I know I am partially to blame.
  18. Well not really a change in career per se I would still work in legal, but change from civil defense to criminal defense full time. For the past few months, I have been helping a solo criminal attorney set up his practice on a part time basis after work and on some Saturday's. I have been helping him market his business (advertiseing), set up his office and interviewing potential clients. He won't represent clients he knows are guilty, only the ones he senses are innocent. Although realizes some could still be guilty. This includes those charged with drug dealing, robberies, assault and battery, even some accused of rape. It's clear after interviewing, most are innocent, for some it's questionable. Anyway, he is getting very busy now and needs someone full time and has asked me to join and team up with him. I am finding that I really enjoy the work, and even feel this is sort of my calling; problem is he can't pay me nearly as much as my job now, and my lifestyle would change dramatically because of it. I'd have to move from a beautiful apt on the bay paying $1750 per month to a small studio no more than $1000 per month or even less. Less going out, less travel, less shopping, less spa days, lol. I know it sounds super shallow but I've been living this way for long time, plus I am questioning my ability to assist an attorney who may possibly get those guilty of an egregious crime off! Can I do this? While violent crime sickens me, it also sickens me how many innocent people are convicted and sentenced to long prison terms. And how corrupt our police dept and district attorney's office has become in our city, I've witnessed it! My bf said I can move in with him but if we choose to live together I don't want it to be because of financial reasons. I am really struggling with this decision! Any advice would be appreciated! Thanks in advance!!
  19. Hi, to help understand the context... 4 years ago; I met this girl and we dated for roughly 8 months and I sired a son with her; we did not last; a lot of factors -our families and their opinions on religion; I was young finding myself-typical 20 something behavior and lifestyle. Pretty toxic relationship: -on again off again - focused on flaws In the end no one is to blame. But breaking things off left me in a major depression-losing contact with her and my unborn son (at that time not thinking;I'd be able to meet or see him) After a year of excessive drinking, hating everyone - I realized: I was blaming everyone for what happened except the person truely responsible: me So after tremendous effort and emotional pain, moving one step forward and two back- I started working on my flaws- the ones she identified and the ones I found I did not like in myself and worked on them. I also worked on things that were a problem in our relationship: -finances; I am not an extremely rich man;but i do earn more than most my age that I know of - finances is now the least of my troubles if I can state it like that. -emotional strength to be supportive and be calm in all situations. -my listening and communication skills to hear what someone says or needs and express my own feelings and thoughts. Though I accomplished alot; I am continuously improving myself -an eternal endeavour I am afraid. I did not go looking for love; but last year I met up with a girl I knew from a previous relationship(we were dating siblings- she the brother and I the sister) and it just grew from there. But recently the mother of my son and I started speaking again on social media (my girlfriend is aware of this and that i have a son)about how our son is, what he is up to, if he needs anything, etc... (And I am going to see my son on my next holiday) I asked her once if i could ask her something And she replied something like: Do you want to know if I have a boyfriend? And once: That I was always a really good person When I told her I was sorry about who I was then and that she is a great mom for carrying on through it all, and that i would change certain things if I had the power to;but I will always love my son She is getting married soon I am really happy; that she is happy and someone accepts her and our son But I am torn: there is a part of me that wants her back; because I want to have a family with my son and his mother- is it that I truely want to have them or is it an ego thing? Where I want to prove that I became what she never thought I could be. And I also have strong feelings for my current girlfriend albeit I am more reserved and careful with letting people in - I feel something broke inside me that didn't quite heal right; I can see us ending up married and she is a wonderful person; part of me thinks she is way better than I ever truely deserve and I don't want to ever fail her- i am scared because I don't know what to do so my whole monologue comes down to: -do I have these reservations because I want to punish myself for the person I was in the past and the failures I had and the woman and child I failed? -How and should I let the feelings for my ex go? Why do I have them? Does she feel anything for me or has she moved on completely? -How can I come to terms with the fact that there is a woman who loves me for being who I am and accepts me with all my flaws and past decisions Any answers, input or advice would be appreciated Thanks
  20. My husband and I separated at the beginning of October last year. I had lost my job because I got drunk before work and he left me. Previously to this event, we had a rocky marriage for about a year with blame on both sides. Mostly due to alcohol related verbal abuse/confrontations. When one was good, the other was not. The good times were few and far between. But the love was and is still there. After loosing my job, he said, and I was convinced, he would not be returning. This was all confirmed when I found out that he had moved in with another woman. I was absolutely devastated and proceeded to go on an alcohol and drug induced crazy spree. In the next few months it turned into a back and forth/love and hate/stay and leave fiasco. He would beg me to come back then get pissed and leave. Or I would beg him to come back and then get pissed off and kick him out. All the while he was telling said other woman that he loved her, while I was running around all over town like a true . We both did and said a lot of awful hurtful things...but somehow come January we decided to try to make things work. In the almost 6 months since then, he has "uncovered" how many other men I was with (and yes the total is somewhere around 15). But he also is convinced that I'm still lying and "cheating" on him. He accuses me daily of doing , to the point that he records me and checks all my locations, texts, calls and so forth. I know I'm not doing anything now, but he refused to believe that. I have told him to leave if he can't trust me, but he refuses to go because he loves me. I can't be alone for a single moment without him questioning it. Furthermore, when I get angry because he won't stop being ugly and leave me alone about it, he just digs his heels in more and says I'm getting angry because I "must be lying". I love this man more than I can possibly say, and I desperately want this to work, but all that is happening is making both our lives miserable. I don't know what to think, feel, or do anymore. Any advice would be helpful, but please no negative comments. I've had enough negativity to last a lifetime.
  21. So heres my story when i was 14 years old i met a boy in school he was amazing i was with him until 18 years old but heres where it goes wrong in the last year of our relationship he torchered me lock me in his home, would hit me if his tea was not made for him coming home and after all the mental and physical abuse i found out he had been cheating with my best friend he totally destroyed my life to the point he hit me and i ended up in hospital fighting for my life so after 1 year of being on my own i met another man he was great everythink was perfect yet the minute i started to get comfortable and put on weight i started accusing him of cheati g everytime he left the house after 2 year he finally walked away from me now i have been with my current partner 5 year we have a 3 year old daughter and yet again i have put on weight tried diet after diet since having my daughter but for the past 3 year i have accused him of cheating everytime he leaves the house ect now i know he is getting fed up and ready to walk away what is wrong with me someone please help
  22. So I just recently ended a relationship and I need to know if I did the wrong thing or not.. The situation: He told me he wanted me to leave our apartment. I said that's fine as long as he gives me my rent money back (which was due that day). He told me he wasn't going to give it back. So I took his phone (I completely realize this was childish of me) and I told him I wouldn't give it back until he gavee me the rent money. So he started pushing me and pulling me, trying to grab the phone from my hands, bumping my belly in the process(I'm pregnant and he knew), which caused it to hurt quite a bit. I told him he couldn't do that because we have a child on the way and he could seriously hurt me. He's an ex footballer player, twice my size. He could easily hurt me. I told him if he did that again I would call the cops. He walked away from the situation..But told me I need to leave tomorrow. He still wouldn't give me my money so I kept his phone. He asked me for his phone back again so he could set his alarm and I didn't give it to him...so he proceeded to do the same exact thing as he did before, as well as throwing water on me. He tapped my face and I hit him back because I was tired of him being physical. So I call the cops because he was wrestling me for his phone. He blames me and told me if I just gave him the phone he wouldn't have done that. Told me it was my fault I put my child in harm's way. Am I justified for calling the cops? Or am I wrong and why? Mind you, this is not our first rodeo. I've called the cops on him before. But this time I didn't open the door when they knocked. I wasn't going to because I didn't know if I was doing the right thing by calling them. He opened the door. But he blames me for everything. And though he apologized he doesn't believe I should have called the cops. He actually called the cops on me before I did (told me he was going to call them and tell them to escort me out of the place I paid half for) but he told them it was just a butt dial. Am I wrong for calling them? I need to know.
  23. So me and my ex have been broken up for 3 months now. The first 2 months after the break up, she was in full party/ rage mode. Wouldn't respond to me, tweeting and posting stuff and so forth. During this time I was hurting really bad. I would try contacting her friends in hopes of figuring out what she was thinking or just any little bit of information just to try and talk to her. In hindsight, I realized it was wrong because I isolated her from being able to open up to people. This was my longest relationship and it was a hard concept of not talking to somebody whose been a major part of my life. I was scared I guess. Finally about 3 weeks ago she opened up to me about everything she did. What hurt me the most was the way she described how she was drinking. Just the way alcohol can make you act and feel is an eerie feeling. Then she opened up and admitted that she did make out with another guy. For 10 seconds after she told me, it hurt. But then that was it, I didn't care because I could see the regret she had in her eyes. I told her some advice I received that my mother gave me, " in one hand this is what she did, and in the other, this is who she is." I choose who she was. For the past 2 weeks we've been talking way more than we were. I'll admit things were weird but I was being as open armed as I could. I did pressure her with questions at first because I wanted to know what she was going through during that time. How she was feeling and any questions she had for me. Sometimes she would open up, others she would lock down and block me out. Last Monday, we had lunch and for some reason she felt the urge to list things she had done. Almost like she was praising herself. I simple shrugged it off. But then she brought up something that happened really early in our relationship and used it against me. This is when I became confused because not once have I thrown anything in her face. I realized by doing that, you just make the other person angry. Something that I learned from her. I simple told her that non of that should matter anymore and that right now I was here with her. She stopped right after I said that. Then after all of that, she told me if I kissed her that she wouldn't push me away, then she went on to say things she wanted to do to me (sexually). I was confused, excited for obvious reasons, but very confused. This Saturday, I called her wanting to talk about something that bothered me. Nothing about what she did, more so about how she is quick to block me out (social media, iMessage and so on) but not once have I done any of it to her. She complained that I bring up old things and says that she has changed. I go on to tell her that she can't pick parts of the relationship we had like it was a buffet. She then said she knew what she had to do. I then asked her if it was about what she did which she admitted it was. She explained that she can't forgive herself and was even more upset that people were encouraging her. Like that nobody told her to stop. I said that it felt like she was using what she did against me to push me away when I'm just trying to be supportive and there for her. Like she was doing better than she was just a month ago. I realize that the relationship we had is dead. With nobody but ourselves to blame. And that is we wanted it to work we just simply had to start over. She kept telling me to let go already which I felt was odd because deep down she knows I don't want to. And I know she doesn't have the courage to tell me. I'll be honest, I enjoy the chase, because I really do care about this girl, but now I feel like I'm pressuring her too much or that maybe I'm not doing enough. Like it's starting to feel like my fault even though I know it's not. She essentially tried to replace me but she couldn't. I'm just unsure if I'm holding onto nothing or if I'm still fighting for something.
  24. Most of my life like a great many people's has been one hard, seemingly never ending slog fest where a strong mental resolve to get through it, even if it means taking a lot of knock downs in the process. I had an examination yesterday, my first examination in nine years. I revised hard over a period of a month, I studied for an hour or two a day as when I tried to study any more, I suffered from information overload. I only did some light-hearted revision in the two days leading up to the examination. So I went into the exam, not feeling overly confident, I went in calm, collected and composed. The opening part of the examination started off very well, I felt good but after about twenty minutes, I suffered writers block, I couldn't remember a lot of the information that I was able to recite the following day. My time management which is usually very good seemed to just go out the window, I didn't panic, I just sat back for a few minutes and then continued to persist, after about forty minutes my arm was tired, it felt like the blood drained out, but still I did not panic, I carried on. I messed up question three, I chose the wrong topic, I thought I had the information on lock down and chose that question but it soon became apparent that while the information was stored I could not gain access to it, my mind instead start churning out all of the necessary information for the other question that I was considering, by then it was too late to start again, I had to move on to the other question I knew I could answer in great detail. Nearly half the examination hall did not finish their papers, they gave in and submitted to the harshness of the examination but I couldn't, Lord knows I wanted to, but I just couldn't and that's my problem. I just don't know when to quit, when I want something badly I just battle through, I'm often left dejected and fatigued as my constant battling usually results in abject failure. I have tasted nothing but abject failure, my entire life has been an abject failure. I knock on a door and each time that door is slammed in my face, I blame nobody else, just myself but I just can't quit, I move on to the next idea, the next career prospect, the next bright idea and each time I taste failure. I believe I have failed my examination, I believe it will have dragged my degree classification down by some margin and yesterday all I could think of is quitting, but I can't quit, I won't quit and while many people believe it to be a strength, I have always seen it as perhaps my biggest weakness. I have spent today assessing what went wrong, how I can improve, what can I do differently but I shouldn't have to this soul searching all the time to learn from my mistakes. I should be able to do this straight away, the first time around. I shouldn't have to fail in order to respond positively and achieve. It's just making me tired. I have four months ago now to enjoy my summer, but all I want to do is get back to studying, improving and working. I'll think I'll go for a beer now.
  25. Thank you to anyone who reads this and can help me. I started dating a guy I was friends with about 2 years ago. We moved pretty quickly as many mid twenties people do. He seemed thoughtful, nice, all around good guy. Til crap hit the fan. Pretty quickly I noticed he was really sensitive. Too sensitive. I could say hey you look great, and he'd feel offended somehow. I learned his "car in the shop" was no car at all, and also no license. It took him a full year to get the motivation to get his license after me begging him. I would pick him up and drop him off every day at work, adding 12hrs a week of driving just for him. He had no Drive, no motivation. And it put a lot of burden on me. If I asked him to pitch in for groceries, he'd get an attitude. Then everything I started to do or say would irritate him, inconvenience him, or make him angry. One time I was goofing off and touched bopped his hat and it accidentally came off in Walmart and he flipped out. I didn't mean to do it, and I don't know why he got mad. One time I asked for help to put air in my tires and he had a sore throat, so he got mad and said it was awful of me to ask him that when he had a sore throat. Hes gotten mad because I put batteries in the closet instead of the kitchen drawer. He's gotten mad when I was talking about debates during the election and said he was trying to relax and to stop bothering him. When I had no idea I was bothering him, I just thought we were having conversation. When I had to re-teach him how to drive-he was nervous and screaming at me the whole time. When I asked him to wake up 20 minutes early to get to the bank before work so I can pay our bills (they're all in my name because he has bad credit) he yelled at me because it was inconveniencing him. But I needed him to go so I could pay our bill on time. He accused me of cheating on him when I had an unexpected 14hr very stressful work day and made me cry because all I wanted to do was come home and unwind after a long and horrible day, and he treated me as if I cheated on him even when I explained I was just at work. Anytime I get hurt, cry or angry with him when he acts this way. He somehow tries to blame it on me for not dropping it if he says sorry (IF he says sorry) and if I don't drop it, he says I ruin the night. But I never started it in the first place. For the past 6 months he has gotten mad at me every single day. For something I have no idea is coming. I seem to not be able to breathe right without making him mad or offended. I have gotten very mad on a few occasions and I held off sex for a couple months. I couldn't give myself to someone who treated me like that. And no matter how hard I try to explain to him, somehow he makes me feel like it's my fault. But I can't help to get really mad sometimes when he does this out of nowhere for no reason. I feel like I'm losing my mind. I feel like he lives in another universe, that's how much he doesn't get it. We even split the cost of a king bed, and he said he paid for it all. But I saved up half the money and contributed a full 1/2. I feel like he's insane at this point. And I've tried to break up with him around 8 times or so but he never leaves. I think this time he might, because he says we "don't see eye too eye". Which I think is his lack of manlihood and unwillingness to accept he's been mean and bad to me. He is looking for a new apartment and says he'll be out by April 1st. I'm stuck paying on this apartment we have now all by myself, I'm going to barely make ends meet. And the worst part is, 5 months ago we moved 1,500 miles away because I always dreamed of living by the beach. And now my dream is ruined because he's here where I always dreamed of being. I wish I could pack up and run away. I am 28yrs old and too old for this kind of crap going on in my life. I need peace. I don't know why this hurts as much as it does. I tried so how to explain why I am so hurt to him. But he will just ignore me and say he isn't looking to argue. I just always ever wanted an apology and some understanding. I know I'm all over the place in this message, I'm so tired. I have absolutely no one here in this new state, I know no one here outside of work and have no friends or family here. I feel like I'm on the verge of a nervous breakdown. Can anyone please tell me I'm not going nuts. Because I feel like I am going insane. I've never had someone twist situations so badly into being my fault. And I will admit the worst part, about 2 months ago I snapped, I had had enough-I was so beaten down by him getting angry and upset with me every 10 minutes that I pushed him and slapped him. And he won't let me live it down. I know I shouldn't have, but it feel like I've had someone beating me down everyday for 2 years and I couldn't take another moment. that night I was trying to talk to him and he just kept ignoring me instead of talking it out and I just snapped. I'm losing my mind over this guy. I wish he would just see what he's done to me. It's so hard to get through a work day. I am really struggling. It's torture having him in the apartment waiting for him to move out. But I am dreading when he does because I know I am going to feel so alone and empty and miss the company, even if bad company. I am not seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.
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