BeStrongBeHappy

Sexual chemistry between two people has a lot more to it than just anatomy... i think i read somewhere that almost ALL guys don't like something about their penis and wish it were longer/wider/straigther this or that... Sex is about having fun so don't focus on that, focus on giving her pleasure, talk to her ask her what she likes etc. you can also buy a full range of sex toys that add girth etc. to play with if you really feel its a problem, but of course don't start with one of those... she'll probably be fine with whatever you've got as long as you use it well and take care of her!

You asked asked for our thoughts on this, and two questions, is she missing you, and what's with her friend sending emails?? My assessment would be that she wants her stuff back because she now sees you two as broken up, and hence should return each others things... and her girlfriend is reinforcing the fact that you are broken up by saying: 'just because you are not together with "ex's name", I thought that maybe WE can still talk.' I see this may be your ex softening the blow, i.e., it is ok to talk to stay in touch through her friend, but NOT ok to expect the same level of direct contact with your ex directly because you are no longer together... honestly, at this point if you are not getting much information or are confused by this contact, then email back and suggest another time, otherwise she may see your lack of response to her as an indication that you are not respecting her wishes re: the breakup, even though you have said you would... if i recall, you both had discussed making future plans to swap your stuff, so she is now following up on that... she really can't read your mind as to why you aren't responding to her, and will most likely assume the worst, that you are angry or there may be a confrontation when you do switch stuff... so if you want to end things on good terms (or show her that you are indeed respecting her and are trying to change), then you should be polite about answering her email and exchanging your things. i know this is all very hard on you and see that you have been trying very hard to do things that will ensure you have good relationships in the future, but if you both slip back into game playing and don't respect the other's rights to get back their own possessions, then you might be making a bad impression on her now... you don't have to exchange her stuff exactly on saturday, but you should respond and make plans for when you will do this... it will really help your own healing if you are able to be free and clear and not have this exchange of stuff hanging over your head. i think maybe you were pinning a lot of hopes on that, but keeping her stuff won't keep her connected to you, and it will make her upset if she thinks you are ignoring her and playing games trying to keep her stuff or put off the exchange.

it is very hard when you first break up because your whole frame of reference is that life you imagined for yourself with your ex, and your day to day life, with him at the center of it... and pull him out of the picture and it doesn't seem right... but really, all your other dreams of marriage are valid, and he just wasn't willing to go the distance, so he was NOT the right person. if you had been 16 when you met, then i could see why he might be too immature to consider engagement during those 6 years, but at 27, plenty of people get engaged and marry, and he had indeed lived with you long enough to make your request to him reasonable... you have to go thru the stages of grieving, but will one day wonder why you thought he was the only one or perfect... EVERYONE does that in a breakup, especially after a longer relationship, romanticizes the ex for a while because you wanted to marry, not break up... you may have really felt like he was 'the one', but the one doesn't keep you waiting for years on end, and would be more than happy to get engaged and marry you once you two were ready to set up housekeeping, like you did 4 years ago! people who want to marry someone usually get engaged within no more than 2 to 3 years after meeting, and if it goes longer than that, unless both want the unmarried state or are extremely young, it is usually not a good sign... i myself wish i had learned that earlier, and not wasted many years with someone who was lukewarm about marriage... i spent 10 years before i finally said, now or never, and he then he told me he just didn't want commit to anyone, his reason for not committing was that he thought he 'never loved anyone the way he should.. so don't feel bad' what??? don't feel bad after investing 10 YEARS!!!??? at first i was devastated, but when i thought about it, it just seemed like a lame excuse... i wish he had been more open with his feelings BEFORE those 10 years... LOL!! and same for you, your ex was probably just stalling all those years because living together was fine with him, but knowing he had no intention of marrying you, then came up with 'i don't love you anymore' when it was time to step up to the plate and marry you or leave... some people don't want marriage, but will happily live together til you demand it, then bail out with a lame excuse, and others are happy enough 'for now', but want to keep their options perpetually open in case their dream girl (not you) shows up, so will not commit if you demand it... really, it is better you break up now, then hang in there even longer until he finds some other woman and cheats on you and leaves you... that happens to TONS of people, so it is better that you pushed him to make up his mind before it came to that.... anyway, please don't qualify him for sainthood.. you may have really loved him, but obviously he didn't mind stringing you along for 6 years, so not THAT great a guy.... best of luck, you really deserve someone who thinks you are so great, he wouldn't think about letting you get away... anything less than that, and the marriage may be shaky even if you do it, and end in divorce, so better now than later... spend time healing, get out and busy with your friends (and make new friends), and you will meet someone who will make this guy just a distant memory! best of luck!

Stress can easily cause depression and a host of other symptoms and physical problems... taking care of elderly parents can be very stressful... i know, i have been there myself... it can be very lonely too, and demands a lot of your time, emotion, and energy. But i was very glad i did it, and when my parents died, I knew i had done the best i could, and felt no regrets about my own behavior. Pace yourself though, because elderly sick people can be quite cranky and demanding, infancy in reverse! try to work some fun activities in a schedule to give yourself a break and renew your energies. Please try some internet Job boards for your location... they frequently have the names of contracting and employment agencies listing jobs... Google for employment and contracting / consulting agencies in your area too, that should bring some up... I had a friend who had a long, exhausting battle caring for her mother and was quite concerned becuase she had no social life or men in sight, and was in her late 30s and had no successful dates... but then after her mother was gone, she joined a volleyball league, and met her future husband. She had a child and they are happy, so when it does happen, it can be quick. best of luck, and try not to take on the enormity of the ages and life's mysteries when depressed. it colors everything, and you will only make yourself worse. try to do fun activities when you can, and continue to look for a better job etc., you will find one, it does take time though.

well, how graphic are you getting? i think if someone goes into great detail about their sex life with someone other than their partner, then they may be violating the partner's privacy, regardless of whom they are talking to... ...and what is the purpose of these conversations? trying to get you to talk dirty with them, or brag about their conquests? i see your signature says you are a PROUD sex for commitment virgin, so i'm wondering why you want to have discussions about sex life with men you are not even dating? sounds a bit incongruous to me... but if you are talking general discussions or questions, it should not be a problem if the person is a true friend (male or female) and you have a good reason to need to talk about it... but you also need to respect the other person and see whether this is a topic they are confortable with... if not, don't push it upon them, doesn't matter whether they are boyfriend or girlfriend. and keep those discussions out of work or other places where people might find hearing such conversations offensive, or get the wrong idea about you.

Yes, you can get rid of him, but you have to make a PLAN and stick to it... Narcissistics are all about themselves, and he is also abusive, so please consult something like a women's shelter, not to live there, but to get help and information on how to rid yourself of someone like him. the good thing will be, once he is no longer getting gratification and contact from you, he will very quickly find someone else and drop you like a hot rock... narcissists are only interested in what's called 'narcissictic supply', not love or anything else... they just need someone (anyone) to feed their own mental disorder, and when you are not useful for that anymore, he will immeidately switch to someone else... talk to someone who is used to dealing with his type, then put your plan into place and do not vary from it. when 'playing' with you is no fun anymore, he will go somewhere else. but remember, playing for him might be fighting, testing his will against yours, getting gratification from making you angry, so you need to come up with a clear plan based on knowledgeable people's experiences on how to deprive him of whatever feeds his desire to focus on you... it's very much like starving a fire of oxygen so that it can't burn you... please consult some people who have expertise in this, and work to heal yourself and move on. you can find someone normal, and once you start getting treated well by other people and shut him out of your life, you will heal faster than you can imagine, since he is the source of your pain.

sometimes post-breakup friendship don't work for the same reason that the relationship didn't work... if there is someone being really inconsiderate, and you've already done the boyfriend/girlfriend thing and it didn't work, then there's no reason to stay friends with her... you can find much better friends, who treat you with consideration and respect... why continue to waste emotion on her, when it's obvious it is just upsetting you... just don't respond to her anymore, move on.

It is not normal for people to hang around a place of work/business drinking and guffawing on a regular basis... you are not a 7-11 or sports bar... Is there anything you can do about it with your landlord? explain the situation and maybe he can get rid of the renter who is disrupting his other tenants. If that doesn't work, then you might just have to move if it is distracting you from your work. it is just not worth it, no matter how much you like your studio... it is like having a skunk you can't evict moving under your front porch... if every day he is stinking up the place and you can't get rid of him, time to move!

Also, please don't be distracted by those on this website with religious etc. agendas like the first response post you go... everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but this website is NOT affiliated with any religion, and is not about converting you to any religion, but giving you support and caring when you need it...

I am sorry to hear that you have rough times now... it is hard of taking care of your older ill parents, but you will not be sorry you devoted yourself to them while they needed you. Job markets can be very fickle... I have had a similar problem there, where people have said i am overqualified, and i didn't get callbacks etc. then all of a sudden, the market exploded, and there were multiple offers. Have you considered contracting through an agency, where you work onsite for their client. that's a way to get you out of the house, and usually those jobs can be started very quickly, last from 3 months to years, AND you get to meet a lot of new people. you sound like you are clinically depressed so please keep seeing the doctor... when you are depressed, it colors everything, and you feel hopeless. and if you are going into dates feeling like this is hopeless, your date may pick up on a certain melancholy, and not want to get serious so soon... so i suggest you first deal with your depression, exercise makes that better too, then try to join some activities where you make friends and don't worry so much about the dating thing. people can wait years and years for someone, then one day, they meet the right person and it all changes overnight... so keep your chin up, and try to fill your life with more activities that give you pleasure while you continue your job search and finding someone who is appropriate for a relationship.

I have to say that whether you knew this or not, you signed up for a rough road when you took up with a married man, and it is to be expected that his wife would be enraged, hurt, etc. when she discovered both the affair AND that her husband had knocked up his mistress while married to her. Flip this around, and think about how you would feel right this minute, if you discoverd your boyfriend was having an affair, and his mistress is now pregnant, while you are at home struggling with a child. You say this has nothing to do with her, but it has EVERYTHING to do with her, becuase your presense and pregnancy were the catalysts that brought about the eventual destruction of HER family. they may have been fighting, but lots of couples fight, and that is very different than the husband committing adultery and impregnating another woman. Her bitterness must be monumental, and it is going to take more than a year or two for this to smooth out, so accept that you did have a role in the destruction of her family, as much as you would like to distance yourself from that... Having said that, she has no right to cross the law and try to blackmail him etc., so if she is violating the law, then report her. but if it is anything less than illegal, then you need to acknowledge that your boyfriend is the one who needs to address her anger, and that you must accept some accountability for this situation. you took up with a married man, you got pregnant while he was still married, and the wife is now alone and VERY angry about the disruption of her family. so you have to give this some time and suck it up and recognize that you chose to get involved in married man's family, and now you also have to deal with the fallout from the destruction of that family, whether you like it or not.

they sound like they are not being supervised properly... your girlfriend really can't control them if she is not their guardian, and it is sad that they are allowed to taunt anyone in their house. i can only suggest that you spend the majority of time with your girlfriend away from her house, and i hope she is approaching the age where she will move out of the house on her own or to go to school... if you really like her enough, you can just wait til she moves out... also, try to remember that they are annoying little kids and you don't have to grant anything they say with any significance... i.e., try to ignore them, don't even respond, becuase it sounds like they are trying to get a reaction out of you and prove they are more powerful than the adults around them...

Are your friends aware of this harassment? you can have them serve as witnesses when you file a complaint... also, unblock your number and just let your phone record the number of calls, and let them leave their harassing messages etc. take pictures of any damage such as the egging, and when you have enough evidence,you can go to the police. they will talk to them and tell them to back off, and if that doesn't work, then go for a restraining order.

it sounds like a bit if desperation there... she might be trying to use another child (your child) as a way to cement you to her and 'one up' your ex because you ex had a child with you and your current girlfriend doesn't... so i'd be cautious from the standpoint of what her true agenda is... is it really more children that she feels she must have, or a way of hooking you into marriage, commitment, or child support, depending on whether you stay together. and if you really don't want another child, please be careful... this is usually the point where she might 'accidentally' get pregnant if you refuse to cooperate with her plans.

She really shouldn't be 'sorting out' her old relationship on her new boyfriend's time... by that i mean, people who really want to leave, leave, and those who want to break up do so. This sorting should have happened BEFORE she took up with you, and if she has already got a new boyfriend, then the sorting should be OVER. It makes me think that she is not so sure what she wants to do, and is stringing you along until she decides. If he is bombarding her with calls, then she can block them, same with email etc. It is NOT kind to let your ex think he has a chance with you, and if he is not 'getting' that it's over, the kindest thing to do is to tell him once and for all,it's over, don't contact me, then cut him off if he does. so i think the real problem is SHE is not ready to cut that cord, and may not be telling you the whole picture. I would have another talk with her and tell her it is kinder for her to cut him off entirely, and if she refuses, then time for you to cut HER off. tell her to call you when she is done 'sorting' things, meanwhile you are going on with your life and have NC except to hear whether she is done sorting or not. btw, don't you think it odd that was willing to take a break from you for the sake of him, but she is not willing to take a break from him for the sake of your relationship? really, i think she is not telling you the whole story... maybe it is she trying to talk him into reuniting, and she is keeping you on the hook in case she can't reunite with him.

btw, here's a breakup book that might be good for you to read, a bit of humor, and common sense: It's called a Breakup Because It's Broken: link removed

well, there's routine boredom one feels,or a better word might be restlessness... tired of the same old routine etc., and wish you had a vacation or something different to spice things up. that's normal, and if he matters to you, you can work on ways to vary your routine so that you get a little excitement... vacation, try new sexy moves, take up a new hobby together etc. but then there's mind numbing, terminal boredom, where you just look at the person and just think, can i spend another 20 years like this? that usually happens when you really grow apart, have no common interests, or one person has some kind of problem (drugs, drinking, TV watching obsession) or anything the separates you and you can't be close because of it... so try to evaluate him and your interactions for their own merit, to see whether it is just that you need to find some new sparks and things to do in your life (together), or whether you need to find a new man because you really don't have much in common, or really enjoy each other anymore.

I think it is great that you have been respecting her wishes and giving her space via no contact, but it might also help you if you try to spend less time mentally and emotionally focusing on that next contact with her. She seems to be moving forward with her life, and it might be a good idea for you to establish contact with other people and go out with your friends and make new friends too. if your love is really strong, then lots of friends won't take away from that, and if it's not, then having your own friends is a good support system to help you heal and recover. i know you are hoping that she will take you back, but it would probably be healthiest for you to also get your own life going without her at the center of your life and your thoughts. that way your life will be healthy and happy, and it takes the pressure off both of you should you two ever talk again. if you're putting all your emotional eggs in one basket, then if the future contact you have planned with her doesn't go well, it will be very upsetting for both of you... so keep up with your healing, and try not to spend time on her web pages, because that probably just makes you feel worse and doesn't change anything between you.

are you lying to them about being in the film business? because what you think will start out as a fun evening, could end up with two angry women whaling on you if they find out you lied to get them to have sex with you...

yes, i am tall, and have dated both shorter and taller men, and really, it was the quality of the relationship and attraction that had more to do with the person and other factors than just height... and i imagine if this guy is 5 feet tall, he is used to all women being as tall or taller than him, so if you like him, don't let that stop you... btw, there are also lots of men who don't care if women are taller than them... plenty of rock stars who could choose anyone choose women who are a head taller than them, so if the guy has sufficient confidence and an attraction to you, it shouldn't matter. other people may comment on it, but who cares about them, it is your life and who you choose to date.

sometimes a really emotional, roller coaster relationship puts us into a case of post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)... same thing that soldiers get. when you are in the crisis of an abusive relationship, there is lots of adrenaline and you get a 'foxhole' mentality, where you start to think hiding is better than getting your head shot off, so you start to withdraw. PTSD is more common than people know, and you could be suffering from it after living with someone who is bi-polar, which is a HUGE amount of stress... Please look up PTSD on the web, and recognize that you are not being 'vicitimy', you are probably just exhausted from that relationship and have 'hunkered down' emotionally to protect yourself. there are ways to bring yourself back out of this, via counseling if you are really narrowing your world to the point you are having trouble getting back out there again, or just learning about the symptoms and recognizing that this is not some cosmic problem that is unsolvable, but very commone in people who have been abused. so please do a little research on the web, and maybe try to join a group or get out there a little bit... fight the urge to hide in your house, because you will actually only get better by finding new positive relationships with friends, rather than dwelling on your ex...

yep, Boughs, it's probably the same fungus as jock itch in men...LOL!! or could be ringworm you got from a pet... also a fungus... anyway, millaj, you can try an antifungal creme or spray powder on it, but it is probably best to go to a doctor to be sure... don't be embarrassed, that's what doctors are for! it could also be contact dermatitis that is inflamed, which you can get from allergies to soaps, perfumes, etc. and there are some stubborn bacterial infections that require antibiotics to get rid of... so worth a doctor's visit to get the correct medication/recommendation.

it sounds like you had a massive anxiety attack, i hope you are feeling a bit better... it is indeed quite a shock to think everything is fine, then be dumped on your doorstop! lots of people take the easy way out when breaking up, and they don't always give you the real reason for it either... he may have spotted someone else he wants to pursue, or already be doing it... but most people aren't courageous enough to tell the truth in a breakup when it makes them look bad... so that 'concentrating on his studies' could just be something he dreamed up that didn't blame you for the breakup, but still he's not taking responsbility for it either... how noble, he is willing to sacrifice to be a better student... LOL!! i hope you see the humor in that, how silly of him to say such a thing. Anyone, he probably wants to date around and not commit to anybody right now. that's my translation of 'concentrate on his studies...' (and not be responsible to any one girl...) chin up, there are lots of guys out there who will know it is normal to concentrate on their studies, AND their girlfriend...

i am very sorry to hear this... it is very hard after being together so long... how old are you, and how old is he? if you were very young when you met, then maybe he just didn't want to get married, but if he is older, then he should realize that after 6 years, when you have been making it clear you want to marry, what you were asking was not unreasonable nor should it have been considered 'bugging' him. it sounds like his idea of 'fun' is not being married or really committed to you. i know this is hard, but it is better to know now than to have married and gone through a divorce. someone who really loves you would at least address your concerns and have talked to you openly, so i think he is just the type who wants an endless girlfriend, and endlessly keeping his options open.

plenty of married men are philanderers who are accomplished at saying things their mistresses want to hear to get what they want from them... like promises to leave their wives, marry the mistress, protestations of undying love, etc. etc. all of which is meaningless... first, he CAN'T marry you because he is already married. and he is still living with his wife and carrying on like business as usual in the marriage. he is probably telling his wife he is working or out with the boys so he can have sex with you, and is enjoying the chasing game. most affairs are about men trying to feel powerful, get sexual variety etc., without disrupting his family life. they are NOT about the man wanting to love and marry you, regardless of what he claims. so don't be perplexed, just recognize that he is playing you and enjoying the game... i'm sure if you called his bluff and said, yep, leave your wife, marry me, etc., he would find all kinds of reasons to suddenly disappear on you, stay with his wife, and find himself another girlfriend and start all over again. so please recognize that this is not healthy for you, and the guy is a liar and a cheat. why do you want to waste your time on such a person?