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  1. I thought I would give a go at this journaling thing. My friends do not partake in online dating and I don't really get feedback from anyone that does. Mostly my friends shake their heads and ask `why?' I've been out of a relationship since May '14 and without rehashing all that has transpired I will say that online dating has changed considerably in the past 3 years. I've taken several breaks, mostly after meeting men looking for casual sex and men who are too afraid to put themselves out there and seem to put me in the drivers seat to pursue them and breath life into the situation. Neither of which I am comfortable with. I am a young (as so I am told) 50 something yr old professional with a rich social life, so I am definitely not lonely. If I sense there is no momentum in a man that I meet I am quick to let it go seeing that I don't have a lot of free time and being with my friends is often a much better option. After my last fail .. well I can't really call it a failed attempt, maybe a valuable lesson with dating someone I mentioned here in previous posts, that I had dated earlier this year and he made a return visit in Oct. He is clearly not ready for a relationship but I am very taken by him and we have amazing chemistry. With that being said he is dating others and at some point these things run their course and I opted out, not wanting to be part of the `rotation' and finding myself engaging in an intimate relationship with someone I did not have a commitment with. Mind you this is the first time in my life I tried to do this and much like I already knew I am not cut out for it. He still texts once in a while and says he misses me, but it messes with my emotions so the more distance I get the better. I wish things were different . . but it is what it is. To keep my sanity during that time I continued to date others (not intimately) and the pace was wearing on me and creating all sorts of unneeded anxiety. During the holidays I pulled my profile but continued to communicate with one person who's schedule is opposite of mine for the time being so meeting was a challenge. During my time off during the holidays we met for breakfast and as much as I really didn't want to go, I was pleasantly surprised. Now 3 dates later my current challenge is to see if this man can open up and let me in. Apparently I make him very nervous and at times he shuts down. I tried dating someone like him sometime ago and I thought in time he might let me in. After several weeks I realized it was never going to happen. What I do like about my new friend is that he has some old school values much like mine, maybe a little more conservative. He noticed I pulled my profile (only for a break) and pulled his as well saying he typically only dates on person at a time to see where it goes. It's nice to not have to interpret someone's intentions and refreshing to know I am not part of someone rotation. We haven't so much as held hands yet which builds up that anticipation part that seems to be so fun and he's a good `dater'. I have met so many men who don't know how to date. .funny as that sounds, but true. I am enjoying this. He is showing me that he does have sense of humor and enjoys giving me a hard time (playfully) I am optimistic that there is someone that I am able to connect with behind the shyness. He has assured me that he is typically not this way and has promised to open up. I still have another friend I will see tonight. T and I have been dating for about 3 months now and as much as I like and I am attracted to him I just don't think we are relationship material. He's gone most weekends to see his son 8 hours away. He's so sweet and endearing but not very active, pretty much a couch kinda guy, very Christian and not much of a social drinker. (my social circle is!) He has a very naïve almost immature quality to him but I feel safe and cared for with him. I often wish I could see him as someone more than a friend but that certain quality is lacking. I don't see him often and have opted out a couple times lately, but I am looking forward to catching up tonight. So this it. . at least for now. I see my shy friend this weekend. M has invited me for a day trip to the local mountains and I am looking forward to it. For now my profile is down . .tomorrow who knows!?
  2. Hello guys, this is my first post ever but I just don’t know what to do. Maybe someone here can help me. I’m in my early 20s and my life has been a little messy the past years so this will be long (sorry!) My ex broke up with me almost two years ago. The relationship was very toxic and after the breakup I hit rock bottom. Until this day I’m still struggling with my mental health because the event triggered a lot of other issues too. My ex didn’t tell me why he left but he is still reaching out to me and sending me flowers. Which to me is insane and stupid. but my real problem begins here: In the current circumstances I don’t really meet new people irl. Also I don’t really want a new relationship after my last. So I distanced myself from dating. Right now I’m trying to take everything slow but I want to figure out what to do next. However a year ago I started talking to someone on Instagram I’ve met a long time ago in school on an exchange program to spain. First we texted in English since my English is better than my Spanish. But I want to better it so after a while we switched. (I’m German and live in Germany so it’s very complicated.) I really liked him but I haven’t seen him in person in 6 years and I’ve never dated someone online. Therefore, I tried not interpret too much into it (also I was happy without the pressure of a relationship). We started sending pictures to each other but we never spoke on the phone or FaceTimed (which was ok for me because Spanish is not my native language). Half a year later he ghosted me and posted pictures of a girl so I assumed he was dating someone. We weren’t excluded or anything so I didn’t care. Last Christmas he texted me again and said he was sorry for not responding but he gave the relationship with his ex another try (which failed). I told him that it’s ok because we were not together but he should have told me. I normally never give guys more than one chance but here I don’t even really know what it is. We started texting again. This time I was careful and I told myself this is his last chance. After awhile we both were really busy and we kinda ran out of things to talk. I also was a little bit annoyed because he likes to be very sexual and talks about it a lot. It was convenient for me because at that time I started talking to an old friend who likes me more than just friends. He is a nice guy. I guess he would be a very good boyfriend who visits me in Germany or treats me well. I’m still talking to this “new” guy daily and I think he would want us to be serious (sadly it’s also a long distance and he is spanish). Weirdly I started missing him a lot and I feel like I’ve fallen for him (which I tried to avoid!!!) I know that he is probably not good for me and there are a lot of red flags. Since my breakup I never had this kind of feeling for anybody. I’m very attracted to him and I can’t stop talking to him. The other “new” guy is so sweet and perfect so he would be a better fit but sometimes I feel like we are not on the same wavelength. Or I might try to manipulate the situation. Sometimes I compare the two and my heart wants something different than my head. This is only a short version which is still very complicated. I kind of already know that he’s probably only lonely or uses me for something. But otherwise he puts a lot of effort in and we understand each other. It’s not the same with someone else. I love talking to him and he says the sweetest stuff. What do you guys think? Should I talk to him about it or forget him? Should I focus on the other Guy? Is he just so sweet to me to have someone to talk to or satisfy his needs? But why does he always come back? thank you!! Mari
  3. Hello all, I am new to this board and really needing some help/advice. Let me first tell my story as briefly as I can, but well enough to understand what the situation is. I am 31 years old and was in a relationship with a woman that I love with all my heart for about 6 and a half years. She is now 34 and we have a 5 year old daughter together and she has a son from a previous marriage. We first met online when I was in California and she was in Missouri. She came into a chat room I frequented,which had alot of people I hung out with in RL to shoot pool etc.. She came into the room because her father lived in the area I did and was planning on going there to stay with him for awhile. My ex and I chatted for 6 months online before she came to California. She then was able to get enough money to come out to California becasue her husband that she was trying to leave because of abuse, sold his truck and gave her part of the money. She told him she was going to Cali for awhile, but did not know how long she would be and he accepted this. She came to Cali. with her sone, who was 1 1/2 at the time. We met and things went from there. Things were great at first, but she also didn't want to be too serious at first. She always told me she loved me, but wanted to date other people and not rush into anything. I guess I should have watched the signs of potential trouble, but I loved her and as they say, I guess love is blind. Before she came out, she let me know that she had been talking to two other guys from the chat room and the same area I was in for awhile before me, but did not tell me about them until we had been chatting for some time. This really upset me becasue we had so much in common and I was already falling for her, even though we hadn't met in person yet. When we did meet the feelings kept growing for her and she was falling for me she would say. I feel I pushed her a little too much into wanting us to be in a commited relationship and for that, I was wrong. I knew I loved her and wanted no one else. Well, things continued on and she started chatting with a guy while she was with me and I saw things she said to this guy that was supposed to be only a "friend". It really upset me and made me have feelings of distrust, even though later she came to me and admitted that she was having feelings for him and felt guilty about it. I was upset and started talking to a woman I had a fling with a couple of times before my ex and I met. I started a fight with my GF one night and went out to meet this other woman I knew, but felt guilty and never met with her. I admitted what I was feeling and that I had considered cheating and how sorry I was for even thinking about it. We went on for nearly 6 months of struggling to get her to see it never actually happened, although I thought about it because of how my feelings were hurt for what she did. She finally gave up on this guy and she needed to go back to Missouri, so I came with her. She was already pregnant with our daughter by that time and I figured we could make a fresh start together in Missouri. We stayed with her mom for a little while and I went to work and soon got a place of our own, but things didn't get better. I know she was pregnant at the time, but she would not open up to me no matter how much I begged her to talk with me. This went on until 6 months after she had our daughter and had recovered from her c section. She would be very hateful and tell me to leave her alone and always stayed online chatting with her online friends, totally ignoring how much I yearned to have her company and affection instead of her giving her online friends all of her attention. I couldn't handle her not paying any attention to me, treating me like I was just her house boy to run her errands etc.. I met a girl online and had an affair and yes, this time I did go through with it. I felt horriblle for what I did because I knew there is no excuse for it, no matter how she made me feel and I still loved my GF. I just felt like she didn't love me anymore. Well, for two years from that time, I tried to do everything or at least what I thought at the time was everything I could do to show her how sorry I was and just wanted her and only her as I always really have. After fighting with all of my heart to regain her love and trust, I gave up. She kept telling me to move on and find someone new. I never cheated on her again, even though we almost never had sex anymore and no affection etc.. I just wanted to make everything right no matter what we had to do to get there. After two years of going through this and her telling me to move on, I finally decided to do so and met a girl and started dating her. As soon as I tried moving on, my ex suddenly breaks down, crying and telling me she loves me and has been too afraid to show me how she really feels. I knew I still loved her and wanted to be with her, but wasn't sure what to think. At this point I was feeling like I may just be a guy to fall back on because all the guys she tried to start a relationship with during that time period fell through. I did stop dating the girl I met and stayed with my ex, but we still had problems and did not get back together. She started claiming I cheated on her again with the girl I had started dating, but we were not together and I was doing what she wanted me to do, move on. We continued to live together and tried off and on to get back together but went about it all wrong, jumping right back into things before workign on our friendship first and resolving the issues. Well, now it has been about 3 years since then and after going through alot of difficult financial times etc., we are staying at her moms again. This time however, she is staying with her mom long term and wants me to move out and move on. I decided about two years ago that working on the friendship first was the right way to go about it and she supposedly felt the same way. During the last couple of years, she has made a new friend online that lives in Germany and she kept telling me he is just a "friend", but she does love him as a friend. We have had alot of problems over the years and it got to a point where she would come into the living room while I was watching TV and not bothering her and start yelling at me etc., putting all the blame for all of our problems on me. I couldn't handle it anymore and didn't know what to do, so I went back to California for two weeks, but couldn't stop thinking about her and my daughter. I came back to Missouri after talking to her alot on the phone. She continued telling me that this guy in Germany is just a friend and said I had nothing to worry about anyways, he couldn't come out here. I decided it was best to concentrate on our financial situation, rather than on anything with her until we got back on our feet. Things continued getting worse financially too. We ended up moving back in with her mom in October and still working on our situation. All this time I have been feeling that there is something more to this friendship with the guy in Germany, but she kept telling me that there wasn't and to work on us being friends and then see where it goes from there. Well, I finally got her to come out with the truth and she said she is in love with this guy and he plans to come here from Germany as soon as he can, which could be in a year up to 10 years from now. I know I have done alot to her and she has done alot to me, but I still love her with all my heart and want to make things right once and for all with her. I hurt her alot with the things I would say out of anger, the lies and cheating. I hate all the things I did to her and know that I'm not that person in my heart, but she doesn't seem to feel that way. She says she still wants to be my friend, but she is very hateful to me all the time, treats me like I am stupid etc.. I feel like I am her door mat, yet still love her and want her to see how sorry I am for all I did. She does not even admit that she has done much wrong. She feels like its all my fault and says its 80/20 rather than 50/50. She tells this guy in Germany and all her friends, co-workers etc., that I am a horrible person and many other things that are not true about me. Her friends choose to believe her and don't want to believe that she has done anything wrong in our relationship. I would do anything to show her I'm sorry and get her to want to try to make things right too, but I am out of ideas. I have started going to counseling and would like for her to as well, but she feels she doesn't need it. She feels this way, despite being diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder about 4 years ago. She says she is a woman that believes in complete honesty, yet she has lied to me about many things and has even lied to her new BF in Germany and even has asked me to not tell him the truth about he fact that I have been staying here with her and her mom. She says that she would lose his friendship if he knew the truth. What does that say about her and her new relationship with this guy? He is also 22 years old and she is 34. Please, any help or advice would be appreciated. I know it sounds all messed up, but I want her and to finally make things right. I know that we could be very happy together if we got help together. She says that she is just tired of everything between us and just wants to move on and for me to do the same, but she has never really given the relationship a chance and neither have I. I am open to any suggestions.
  4. ok heres whats happened, my mate told me 2 make a profile on 1 of these online sites, so i did , and ive had tons of adds from ppl on it, and alot from my hometown, some i kno, some i dont got the msn of 1 in particular as she seemed a nice person weve talked on msn for a wile now, and i dunno, shes a year younger than me, and we met online, so i find that kinda weird. just want to know what your opinions on it are. we dont really have a 'relationship' , she knows i kind of like her, and i ko she kind of likes me, she lives about 15 mins walking from my house. should i pursue this as a potential girlfriend, or just a friend. and what would be the best way of meeting her, as ive had a problem with this once, we both went to the same gig last sunday, and i said id come say hi if i saw her, which i didnt. later on msn she said she saw me, but was 2 shy 2 come over! what does this mean? if anything thanx,
  5. Hi, this is a very confusing situation. I love this woman I met online 2 years ago. Certain things have happened during that time. She messed up things between us, but these things are from the past, I do not care about them at all. However I have recently sent her a few emails (she was on a trip at that time) where I told her I missed her and wished we could talk more often online. She felt I was accusing her of cheating on me, and that I did not trust her, and that I was putting too much pressure on her. It has been 3 weeks now that she is angry, she says she is not, but I can sense she is. She also told me she feels that I do not respect her and her opinions and that I think I have a moral superiority over her because she messed up things in the past. This is all untrue, I love her, I respect her and like her opinions. No matter what happened in the past. I have sent her several emails where I explained things and told her that she is wrong about me, that she should not be angry with me. We briefly talked last night (first time in a week) and I could sense she was still upset with me. There has also been some misunderstanding involved and I find it really sad that she is so upset with me because of some misunderstanding and because she sort of believes that I am someone (a macho, someone that "talks down to her") that I am NOT. What should I tell her when we talk to make her feel more confident about me ? Should I continue to email her or just wait and see until she calms down ? I would really need to find the good words to make her feel more confident about me and let her know that I listen to her, and trust her. She is so convinced that I am not listening to her and that I do not trust her that I feel the only way to proove her that I am not like that is to go see her, without telling her, and explain her face to face that she has been wrong to think these things about me. What should I do ? I would very much appreciate your advices and analysis of the situation. Thanks very much.
  6. Here where I work the guys normally only use the office space area, one of the two girls [both hot] who works there decides that she wanted to work with the guys today doing the same things that they do there. She has been showing me some signs of interest on her part, going out of her way to talk to me, looking me in the eyes, and generally not acting *****y with me like she does the other guys. It happens I leave some of the material from this dating website lying around work for my other co-workers to read, and since most of us are male I felt safe just to leave it in the office area for whoever wants to read it, since there are only two girls that work a ways off and hardly come to the office. It was about 1pm and we were sitting around in the office area talking. Girl comes and picks up a phone that was sitting next to me and brushes her hand acrost my leg and goes, "whoops! Didn't mean to touch you." Then sits down next to me. This sort of made me wonder what her intent for working with the guys was today. Later at break I caught her reading a printout of the "Not dating right now" tip from the main part of the website. I know it's BAD BAD BAD to leave these sort of tips where girls can read them and figure out that someone is bringing it there, so I had to make a little compromise and turn it into an opportunity to tease her. She was away when I saw that she had place the article down and when she came back I decided to have a little fun with her. *Guy sitting next to where she was when she was away* Me: Hey, who left this here? Guy: She was reading that Me: Good, I think I'll read it. *Girl comes prancing back from the office* Her: Hey, I was reading that! Me: Calm down! Are you trying to pick up other girls or something? Her: No, I like to read this material just like all other literature. Her: Besides, I don't agree with that article, I think it's way off base. Me: Is that a fact? Well, I havn't read it yet so I don't know if I agree with you or not.. Her: Give it back, I wasn't through! *grabs for it* Me: Uhh uh, I'm having a look at it to see if I agree with it. *She makes several more "give it back" commands and tries to grab paper away but couldn't, then submits.* Her: Ok, please give it back when you are done. Me: I don't see anything wrong with this so far. Her: Can I show you something in there? Me: Tell me what page Her: I'll point to it with my pinky *She shows the part that says playboy and cosmopolitan* Her: This is associated with playboy and a bunch of other magazines and must be bad. Her: Plus, I have a boyfriend. Her: It's not biblical to have a relationship unless you wanted to marry someone. Me: *ignoring what she just said* Well, you can disagree and I can agree, we have that right Me: Now, I'm trying to read this quickly before break end, then I'll give it back to you. Me: Just read through it, I think it's great *walks towards car and puts article in back seat, girl comes and gets it while getting in.* Her: Thanks Her: Ohh, look what it says ion the front page "when a girl says she is not dating right now and what you can do about it." I don't think every man should be out dating" *two other guys that were listening to this actually say yes and agree to this, bunch of chumps* Me: Actually, girls only say that to guys they don't like. I seriously doubt she would say that to the guy she likes down the street. Her: Whatever. *She then changes the pace of the conversation a little bit with the 2 other guys including me* Her: So, do you have a girlfriend george? George: No Her: Do you Mike? Mike: nope Her: do you, Hero_99? Me: *sarcastic* Actually several, got a calculator? It's a rather large number *everyone starts chuckling a little* Her: W ell, are you dating anyone? Me: Why are you asking? *Girl then goes on a rant about how she has stayed with her boyfriend for 3 ½ years and believes in a solid faithful relationship with someone she intends to marry, blah blah blah. And that she doesn't like players. George and Mike and another guy that comes in keep nodding to every thing that she says. I just start to ignore her at this point.* We go outside and work for about an hour until we have to go back. We met up together back at the truck which has both a front and back-seat. The other guys get in and she stands there and is holding the door and says, Her your pick! *while holding the car door* Me: Ohh, I see how you are.. Trying to give me the impedence… So, I get in the front, then the back, and sit just so she couldn't close the door and when she sat down in the front I jumped into the front seat… Her: Why were you sitting on top of me? Me: Because you were sitting under me! *toothy grin* Her: Uhhh, no, hmmmm *gets a smile on her face! So we are driving back to the office, and she does a common test with the radio. Her: I don't like this radio station *starts flipping channels* *I didn't say anything to this, but she turns it to another channel and says: Her: This is better *I change the channel back to the same station she says she hated* Her: Ohh, I like this channel too.. What a nut… Well, before we got out she scooted closer in next to me and was almost touching me with her face while looking at me in the mirror. This is the same Mexican chick I dated before that was so nervous around me that I could hardly understand her. The other guys can't stand her *****ing, but I can understand why, since they seem to be frustrated chumps who don't realize she is testing to see if there are any guys of value she could be interested in. Hope they learned something from today as well as I have.
  7. My friend will marry a girl met online. They met in a chat room around 4 years ago, and they maintained the romantic relationship and transfered it in the real world. It sounds like a love story for me, I was so surprised when he informed me.
  8. Hi all, Im a 26 year old. I got married 6 months ago to a man I met online. We've had a good marriage until early this week. I logged onto his yahoo chat (I know this is wrong) pretending I was him. (He's addicted to the internet and I had a feeling something was up) This girl he used to date came on and said she will wait for his call to come over so she could give him a back massage, I eventually told her I was his wife and not him, I called him and told him what I knew. He said he would talk to me about it at home. When he got there he acted as if nothing was wrong, until I started asking him why. He said he never planned to go and he only told her so she would stop asking him to come over, I do not believe this, I want to but I dont. He says it is my fault and I've caused my own pain. My husband has been married two other times, he doesnt have the greates track record. According to this woman, she said he loves me, he always told her that, he told her we were trying to have a baby (which we are) So I dont know, I love him and I really want this to work. He promised he would no longer talk to x-girlfriends on the internet, Im sure he'll stop now but not in the future. I need some advice - PLEASE
  9. Alright, I really hope someone can help me out. I have been "seeing" this guy for 3 weeks. Our first date was like 18 hours on a Saturday. Since then we have been seeing each other about 2-3 times a week. One weekend I even spent the weekend at his house! Now here is the thing...there are certain things that he is doing that would make me think we may be approaching being exclusive. However, the big thing that is bugging me is that he still pops onto the dating site (one that I met him on, and another one). I am starting to feel like he is hanging out with me until he finds something better....that feeling is based solely on his activity on the internet...not when we are hanging out together. So my question is...should I bring up the "exclusive" talk...or wait for him? I know some of you may think it is too "soon" to have that "talk"...but at the same time, I really don't want to waste my time, or anymore of it, if it is not going in the direction I would like it to. Can anyone help?
  10. Hi there, first I'll introduce myself and my situation. I'm 15 and my online boyfriend is 17. After 7 months of him going for me online, finally he succeeded in making me in like with him. (I won't describe it as love since it's much more complex). Right now we have been together for about 2 weeks. We have been friends since last summer, we have talked online once or twice before, and we both like each other. Reasons why I didn't want a bf: 1. I have communication prob. Not that I'm an absolute loner in real life, but I somehow stay away from the crowd basically because I have nothing to say and am shy. 2. I have a fear of being hated although I never admitted it to anyone nor people know it. 3. I'm often overly sensitive, I can be very depressed over the slightest thing that my loved ones do to me. Reasons why my current bf managed to get me: 1. He has proven himself sincere, although over and over I'm suspicious of his real intention and if he's really sincere. 2. His character and attitude matches mine, he's just pleasant to be with. This doesn't always come to me since I'm reserved. My bf said he's coming over to my state with his friend this upcoming March, and my fears are: 1. We most probably won't work it out well in real life although on net we go along good. 2. I consider myself as boring and not exciting, when my bf, I think he's more to partying type of guy, since his friends often come by his house, while I don't exactly hang out with my friends other than school. 3. My shyness will be such a lame thing to him, cos he will think I'm boring! Plus his friend might also think I'm even more boring! 4. I'm overweight. Although I've sent him photos of me, but those are my real good pictures, which makes the real me worse than that! While he's pretty good looking!! 5. I wear glasses, when I lied to him that I didn't. 6. He might get surprised and feel bad cos the girl he has been in like with is so much worse than he might think!! He might think its funny and humiliating. 7. Since I'm a loner, I'll feel embarrassed because he'll expect me to bring a friend with me so there're 4 of us. 8. I don't consider myself as someone whose very good looking, plus I'm overweight, and he's good looking. Why would he wants me when there're so many hot chicks at his college? I think. I've told that I'm somehow a loner and stuff, although there're still some things which I can't tell him yet. My choices: 1. Disappear from the net. Although it's so hard for me since I spend most of my time online, maybe disappearing is the best, since he will finally get over me. This way maybe we won't even be able to contact me when he comes here in March! 2. Change my appearance. Go on diet, get better clothes, go to the salon, and practice to open up more at school, so when I meet him I'm better than what I am now! But it's hard, cos MArch is less than 2 months away!! 3. Tell him every single bad thing about me. Which will turn off him kind of, it's possibly he gets turns off, and doesn't like me anymore, or he gets over it and continue liking me anyway. 4. It's been 2 days since I haven't came online, and I miss him. I'm pretty sure he misses me too. It wasn't easy for me not to come online for 2 days straight, but maybe it's a chance to move on and make him forget about me. which makes it a - Breakup. I can break up with him and tell him I hate him and that I don't want us to be together anymore.. which probably will hurt us both, but that might be best for both of us. The problem is, it's not even easy to tell him the worsts about me. We like each other very much, and he told me he loves me, although I can't really believe that since we're just online. I don't know what to do. I hope someone will listen.
  11. I've been looking through an online dating site recently, not really trying to find someone there any more (I think its better to do that in real life), but I'm interested in reading what the girls are looking for and how they describe themselves. First of all, about 80% of them say the guy they are looking MUST have a good sense of humour. Now, I would say that is reasonably true about myself, but I want to know what that really means from a girl's perspective. Another thing, so many of the girls say that they watch hockey and football and stuff like that. Are they just saying that to please the guys? Just hoping thats what the guys want to hear?? Personally, thats not something that attracts me, I'm not looking for a jocky girl. And I haven't known many girls who are like that. Another thing, I try not to be intimidated but its hard to not feel a little inadequate when reading stuff like this (taken from someone's actual profile) : Maybe this person is just really picky but I hope most girls are a little less demanding than that!! I would like to say they are but, even though I could say I meet about 75-80% of those criteria I haven't had very much success with my girlfriends.
  12. First off, I have to say this site is excellent. To know there are others like me around is very nice indeed. Anyways, I'm 21 years old, never had a girlfriend, nor very many friends. I'm not particularly unattractive, although I'm not what you'd call boyishly cute either. Average height, fit body, dark hair and dark eyes, but not a sex symbol by any stretch of the imagination. I'm frequently told I have the air of someone in their 30's, which isn't altogether surprising, because I've never really taken to the lifestyle most people my age live. I don't like clubs, I'm not the most carefree person in the world, I'm not really a conversation starter and as such, I find it extremely difficult to connect with other people around my age, especially women. Just picture a reserved, relatively well-groomed guy with a very serious face, who happens to listen to heavy metal AND classical music, watch both VERY bad (funny) and very good movies, love classic fashion, frequent cafés instead of dance floors, detest fast food, basketball, and club culture....and you'll see I'm pretty much a man without a flock. Still, I like to think that I'm quite intelligent, I'm fluent in several languages, and I do rather well for myself, considering I don't have time for more than part-time work until I complete my degree. Anyways, as I said, I've always had trouble meeting people, although I get along very well with the few friends I do have. So, seeing as I'm almost done school, I figured that I'd make a serious effort to meet more people, since it will probably be more difficult to do so once I graduate. I especially wanted to meet a girl with whom I could develop a friendship and maybe more. The girls I used to know used to look at me as some kind of novelty act - an encyclopedia with a really deep voice. And each time I talked to a girl, they had no qualms about rebuffing me, often harshly. They preferred "bad boy" type guys who "took no flak", although to me this just meant they acted like immature jackasses. Each time it happened, it took longer and longer for me to recover from it. But this time, I just decided to throw all caution to the wind. I let my guard down and, armed with my "questionable" repertoire of sarcastic jokes and 80's analogies, I began striking up conversations with girls in my classes, instead of just digesting lectures through osmosis like I used to. Of course, some girls were not nice at all, but lo and behold, many of them were and I began to feel better about myself. Some of them even asked to exchange phone numbers so that we might be able to get together sometime. I was enthralled! However, my excitement soon turned to suspicion when none of the girls ever wanted to hang out with me when I invited them out. In fact, some even concocoted excuses that were easy to see through. I never said anything, since I didn't want to be rude. Maybe I was just being paranoid. However, as the year progressed, a number of them began calling me with some frequency. Their calls would begin with polite small talk and a joke here and there, but then the conversation would suddenly switch to academic matters and I would be bombarded with questions. They even began to invite me out and I was thrilled at the prospect of just doing stuff together, never mind any romantic implications. But, these get-togethers turned out to be nothing more than thinly-veiled study sessions, as they always seemed to have their textbooks ready with them. I tried to turn the conversations away from school, but most of the time, my efforts were met with rather patronizing glares, which offended me greatly. They would even hold marathon cell-phone conversations right in front of me. By then, the picture was crystal clear to me - I was just another nice guy who happened to be intelligent and naive around women. And these women were seasoned, at least more so than me, and knew what to do to get what they wanted. I grew increasingly embittered towards these people, but my conscience wouldn't allow me to abandon them, since they were atrocious students and did need my help. And though I was nothing more than a tutor, their company was better than no company at all. Deep down inside me, I even felt that maybe they would appreciate me more if I could deliver them the results they wanted. In the end, they all passed their courses and I invited them all to join my on my birthday to celebrate together. They all enthusiastically agreed, but when the day came, not a single one of them came, nor did any of them even call me to wish me a happy birthday. I was insulted beyond reproach. I'm a rather old-fashioned person, respect between family, friends, etc. means a great deal to me, and to be treated with such disrespect was the final insult of them all. I erased all of their numbers from my mobile phone and essentially gave up my "experiment in friendliness." I did try a couple of more times to talk to girls outside of school, but it was back to the old cycle of rejection. Even online dating didn't pan out, as I likely set a world record for online rejections. I wouldn't mind so much if the women I approached weren't so callous about it, as if I were unworthy of talking to them. Who are they, after all!? I've come to accept my solitary lifestyle and I firmly believe that if people can't appreciate you for who you are or are only interested in using you, you shouldn't even give them the time of day. I know that's not "treat people as you'd like to be treated", but I tried that and look where it got me. At this point, I no longer care about trying to attract friends by being loud and outgoing, because that's not who I am and it never was. And I'm far more attentive now to whether or not someone is trying to take advantage of me. I never discuss how much I earn, my grades, nothing. If a girl, or anyone else for that matter, doesn't like me, fine. At least I like myself. It felt good to get this off my chest, once again, great site!
  13. i, i need some advice on how to start conversations and keep them going. currently i am a high school senior in california and have been in in about 15 different schools throughout my life. one thing that i am sure of now is that i don't have any social skills at all. for some reasons in high school it has been hard to make close friends. at first i thought that maybe me not having a girlfriend was because maybe i had didn't look hot so i tried to correct the problem by building lots of muscle, finding treatments that actually kill acne, and many more different stuff. what i have now learned is that it's not the looks that'll get you a girl, it's how you talk to them and that's what I am lacking. it is kind of hard to think that i am a senior in hs and still have not had a date yet. i tried online dating and had many matches and with rating sites i always come in the top 5 percent, but when i talk with them on the phone, I can't keep conversations flowing. the advice i am curius to what you guys talk about when you call or meet a girl? also, since i am new to the city that i am living in, where are good places for me to hangout and meet new people?
  14. So here's the story. Exgirlfriend and I broke up after having arguments a lot and her basically looking for other guys on the net at the very end of our relationship. We broke up and she immediately started dating other guys she met online (we live together by the way ) For the past 2 months she has been living at her parents house since she is student teaching while I am living in our apartment at college. She called me yesterday saying how her weekend was horrible because she went to her best friends wedding with her new man and her Ex (previous to me) was there and his gf was being mean to her. So she says she doesn't want that to happen between us and she wants us to be friends. I just don't understand how that is possible. She treated me like dirt at the end of our relationship. She complained all the time that I work too much (I work saturday and sunday and well someone has to pay the bills and save up money for a wedding) and she basically didn't work at all. I just don't know how I could be friends with her after all this..... oh yeah background info (we still live together because we have a lease signed until december when we both graduate and I get the heck out of here )
  15. i met this girl through a dating website back in may. we started chatting online and after a few days she asked me to come out so we could meet up. we had a great time together and just chatted all night, and saw each other a few more times within the space of a couple of weeks. she went off on holiday about a month after we met and i was very wary of jumping into anything knowing that she would be apart for so long... i figured the passionate friendship we had would only grow stronger over the summer, as we were still chatting for at least a couple of hours every day even while she was away. then a couple of months in things kinda changed... i guess we found out enough about each other that the honeymoon part of our friendship was over, and we kinda settled into a quite affectionate friendship, sharing bits of each others lives from thousands of miles away! about 3 months after we first met i noticed she was becoming a little distant. i think she was going through some problems at home, but she never spoke about any of it. then one morning i gave her a gift of some music and a diary i'd been keeping sporadically over the summer, and her reaction was not what i was expecting. she told me she felt uncomfortable because 'even friends aren't that nice to each other', and that she felt we had become good friends but that she couldn't commit to anything more than that. and that she was worried about the direction things were going and decided to say something because she didn't want to be misleading by her inaction. the next time we spoke was 3 days later, and we chatted for 3 hours the same way we used to, and things seemed really great. at one point she said she wanted to know everything about me, and i guess the way things were kinda made me wonder exactly what she meant the last time we spoke. i went to pick her up from the airport when she got back and it was cool to see her again, and we spent a few hours together. then the following day she asked me out for the afternoon for lunch, and we ended up coming back to my place and listening to music and chatting for hours. on the bus on the way home she took some photos of us, together looking very much like a couple. but when she left she refused to even hug, and the next time i saw her we spent barely 10 minutes actually talking to each other. That was 3 weeks ago now, and we've spoken maybe a couple of times since. She's very busy with work right now having just started back after the summer, and i appreciate that she has very little time, but i send emails and get one line answers (if i'm lucky!) and my text messages invariably seem to go unanswered. we're going out next week with some friends, but time's valuable for her and i guess it feels like she's not interested in making time for us any more. so the dilemma is. i really like this girl. i like her so much it hurts, and i'm not sure how we've changed from talking and chatting and having fun whenever possible to speaking only when it's absolutely necessary, or when she has a problem or needs some help. with 20/20 hindsight i realise now i should have kissed her and told her how i felt before the summer, when our feelings were stronger. all i want to do now is hold her hand when we're walking down the street and know that she's feeling whatever it is i'm feeling too, but it feels like the time for that might have passed now, and it even feels like the time for talking about this might have passed weeks ago after i gave her that present. she's even taken to telling me about the way her friends are trying to set her up with guys now, and i can't help wondering if i might have unsuspectingly fallen into the role of gay best friend.. the friendship we have now doesn't satisfy me in any way. sure, friendships and relationships shouldn't be about getting what you want, but they are about sharing time and emotion with a person, and right now we're not sharing either. i realise that the best solution in these cases is to walk away. 'plenty more fish in the sea' blablabla i've said it myself a thousand times! but i feel as though this is very much still unfinished business, and until i hear her say in very precise words that we could never be together i still carry on wondering... we've never been just friends, and whenever we go out it's always just the two of us. she has dozens of pet names for me and she says i always make her laugh. i'm a flirty person and whenever i say or do something flirty she never throws it back in my face, so i guess it can't be entirely unwelcome. i'm just confused. i love being friends with her, and i don't want to stop. i do think of her as more than a friend, and i want to be express that physically and emotionally with her, but i'm afraid that if i try to do either right now it could ruin our friendship as she's so busy and either she's going to have an easy excuse not to talk to me, or simply because we're not going to have enough time to see each other to get over this, and things will just feel different until we get bored and part our separate ways. this is probably the most complicated situation i've ever gotten myself into. we spent 3 months apart and when instant chat/email are your only means of communication it's easy to miss a lot of signs that might have helped. i still feel like things have changed, although from what i'm not sure. and i'm feeling very frustrated and regretful about not having sorted this 4 months ago... basically, if anyone's read this far and has any comments i'd love to hear them. i don't want a quick fix or even a solution to my problems, but it might help to hear someone else's take/input because i feel like i'm lacking the perspective i need to find my solution. thanks
  16. I started talking with a guy through an online dating service.We really liked each other,in fact it seemed like we were on the way to falling in love.Then,I made the mistake of telling him about a fantasy I had about him,which wasn`t even that wild a fantasy.He was shocked,and ever since then his attitude toward me completely changed.He now thinks I`m a "bad girl",is disrespectful of me,and even wants me to participate in gang-bangs!It`s hurtful,because I keep remembering that wonderful guy he was at first...I went out with him a couple of times because I thought I could make him fall back in love with me,but it did`nt work,in fact now he tells me he could never be serious about me,but wants to be "sex buddies".That`s not enough for me...apparently he draws a line between "good girls" and "bad girls",and considers me a bad girl,which is ridiculous because I`ve only been with one other guy in my life!Has anyone else ever made a similar mistake with a guy?It`s hard to know what to say or not to say,because you don`t want a guy to think you`re uptight...but when you mention anything sexual they lose respect for you...
  17. What is an approximate success ratio for you in online dating: number of emails you sent to women in order to get one reply from a woman? For example: you usually had to send 10 emails to 10 different women in order to receive a reply from one of them and 9 didn't reply. So the ratio is 1 to 10.
  18. I met this girl thru a yahoo chat room last october. ive been friends with her and i still am. The thing is i didnt think i'd have feelings for someone i meet online and thought it was crazy, but here i am now having feelings for her..We talk everyday for hours and hours. Two months back she told me she got a boyfriend who was in NY..she introduced me to him and we all talked in conferences...Soon i became jealous and i told her how i felt about her and i still do, but she keeps on telling me that she's only seen me as a friend and if its destiny we'll end up together..well i was glad i told her how i felt about her coz it was like a weight that was lifted off of me. But yesterday she told me that she had cybered with her bf a few times, and i got angry, upset, just had a lot of mixed feelings.Thats when i realized that i still had feelings for her. And right now i feel so depressed, i tried to stop talking to her but i always go back..One time she told me that she was more open to me than to her bf, ( then why the hell is she with him?). Is she just leading me on...She is an awesome person and really fun to talk to but i really feel fed up and tired of what has been happening to me.. I dunno what to do, ive tried quitting yahoo, but that didnt work..lol..
  19. Heya all, I'm a 33-year-old guy who's been divorced for about 6 years. I know my divorce was hard, but I've been through denial, bargaining, and finally acceptance. A year ago, I met a wonderful woman who was separated (but not divorced) from her husband. We hit it off, and fell in love. She eventually moved in with me, and when the divorce was final, we got the kids from her previous marriage. As time has gone on, I've begun to get a little nervous about some behavior I've witnessed. Her ex-husband isn't particularly smart, and is not computer-savvy at all to boot. As a result, he's never changed passwords on their formerly joint bills and bank accounts, or apparently has chosen such easy-to-guess passwords that my girlfriend was able to figure them out. I started noticing little things at first. Her ex-husband signed up for an online dating service, and my girlfriend made fun of him for doing so. I did happen to catch her trying to figure out how to get into his dating service account once, though, and when I checked the browser history after work one day, I saw she'd been trying to get in for several consecutive days. She'd also sent him an email containing nothing but the text he'd used to describe himself on the singles website, prompting a surprised "huh?" from him. Well, one night she let me know that he had met someone on the dating service, and she was angry at him because he had the kids until the school year was out, and he was introducing a strange woman into the house without informing her. I could tell it went deeper than that, though. I knew she was either hurt or jealous that he'd already apparently moved on. She could see the subject was making me uncomfortable, so she stopped talking about it, but I think this is when her fascination with her ex-husband's life really began to bother me. She has three children by this man, and an 8 year marriage that failed. She left him, and claims she is happy to have done so, but whenever she talks to the kids, she spends as much time on the phone talking to him as she does to them. Sometimes there's awkward pauses like she's trying to think of things to say to extend the conversation more. I've also noticed a tendency to try to make her phone calls to the kids when I'm in the shower, or otherwise occupied. She claims I'm always welcome to be around when she makes phone calls, but I can't shake the feeling she prefers privacy for these. It wasn't long before I noticed she was comparing the new woman in her ex-husband's life to herself, and looking for flaws in her. I wrote this off as normal female competitiveness, but I could see she was building herself up to hate this other woman, and got especially angry if her kids mentioned her in an approving manner. Well, things came to a head when she found out he was lying to her about a supposed business trip. A mutual friend of her ex's and hers let slip that it wasn't a business trip, but he was actually flying out to meet a girl he'd been chatting with on the internet. My girlfriend couldn't stop talking about this, usually couching her anger in terms of him being able to afford a "$1600 booty call, but not have enough to help buy school clothes for his kids." When he got back, she kept rationalizing that the trip must have gone bad, because he's not said anything about it, and the kids had yet to talk to this new woman. By now I'm getting really concerned about her constant discussion of her ex-husband's personal life. We had a fight about it, at which point she insisted she was totally over him, that she was happily with me, and that's the way she wanted things to stay. I didn't quite feel like her perspective adequately explained what I was observing, but I kept that to myself, despite my misgivings. Just last week, she finally figured out his email password. Now there are no secrets. She found out that her ex-husband is not just sleeping with two women, but is working actively on a third - None of whom know about one another. She's read detailed accounts of their sexual experiences and lurid fiction her ex and these women are sending one another in email. She spent that night off someplace else in her head, breaking down and crying from time to time. I love her, but at that point I nearly broke up with her...She does not know this. I feel like she's holding on to the past. I did put my foot down and told her that we needed to agree that the past is the past, and we need to focus on the future to move forward. I told her that I didn't want her going into his email or other stuff anymore, and I would not discuss her ex's personal life unless it was absolutely necessary or affected the welfare of the kids. She reluctantly agreed she'd stop snooping, but seemed indignant that I thought she was still hung up on him. She clung to the claim that she just checks up to ensure the kids aren't being put in a bad situation, and was being a responsible parent. I told her she was illegally spying on a man she has no legal right to, obsessing on the results, and that there was no gray area here...That she was wrong. Even if it wasn't morally wrong, it was wrong for our relationship - Since it's focusing disproportionately on issues that don't directly affect it. She says she's stopped checking up on him, but I know she still is. Every day when I come home from work, the broswer cache is cleared as well as cookies and temporary internet files. I came in the door yesterday quietly, and peeked around the corner and saw she had his email up. When we're out shopping, she makes snide comments about some of the sexual things she apparently read about her husband doing with these other women. For instance, he apparently enjoyed spanking one of his "bad girls" with a hair brush. So, my girlfriend and I will be walking through a store, and she'll grab a hairbrush off the shelf and say, "So, you want to spank my butt until it's crimson-red? I've been a bad girl." This is apparently a verbatim statement from one of those emails she read that she's simultaneously mocking and obsessing over. I don't want to end this relationship. I feel horrible since I'm not just sending her from my home, but also her three kids, whom I'm really attached to. At the same time, I may eventually have to since I won't compete with the shadow of a man no longer in her life. Does anyone have advice or experiences they can relate that may impact my decision?
  20. About two years ago I had found out that my wife (who I had been with almost 20yrs, I am 38 ) not only was having an affair, but she had depleted all of our savings, stocks, bonds, insurance policies etc for the sake of putting it up her nose with the guy she was having an affair with. Long story short, we ended up getting divorced and I have custody of our children. Ended up moving in with my mother since our home had to be sold. This was all pretty devestating but I moved on. I dated a bit after, and in the beginning was tough since i hadnt dated in 20 years. Having a great job and having my two boys left little time for a social life or even the time to get out and meet people. I have a small group of friends I relied on for moral and emotional support but they have thier family and lives as well. So I turned to online dating. Met a few people, dated a few, but really no sparks. Then one day I received a message from one of the online services from a woman. Not sure what it was about her email, but it caught my interest almost immediately. Emails then Im's went on for about a month. Then phone calls. This was all new to me but I was falling in love with this woman site unseen. I could tell that she was as well. So we met for dinner. When we first met, we just starred in each others eyes. It was like I had known this woman all my life. Later she revealed to me that she felt the same. After dinner we spent hours walking in a park allong the river front for hours talking. I never wanted the night to end. Nor did she. The two of us fell madly in love. We both had tough pasts. The way my marriage ended plus kids and she had 4 teenagers and an ex of almost 20 years who realized he was gay. We talked about our insecurities and help one another. We were both there for one another for the actuall divorces. We both did things that we had never done before, with each other. This was the greatest time of my life. I have never been loved or loved someone like this. She had told me the same. She had become my whole life. And I hers. I was never happier in my life. Then a series of events occurred in her life that really caused a strain on our relationship(her mother had a heart attack and bypas, then moved in with her for 4 months to recover, a car accident coming home from my house late one night, her children acting out and getting into trouble).She started to pull away. Telling me that a mother of four shouldnt be acting in this way. So I started spending more time at her house half an hour away. I became a big part of her family, helping with her kids, around the house etc. She had alot on her hands, as she was a stay at home mom for most of her marriage. And now she was back in the work force to support her kids, house etc. It was a big strain for her. So I helped as much as I could. The christmas before her divorce was final I had given her an unbelievable watch. With the watch I gave her some words from the heart. Words of commitment, love and what she means to me and that the watch represents the time we spent not knowing each other, the time we have spent with one another and the time we will spend with each other. The watch meant the world to the two of us. She very rarely took it off. After her divorce was final she started to become increasingly distant and cruel with words and actions. The frequency became more and more. When I told her how those things felt, she would laugh and say I was being overly sensitive. Or that I was losing faith in our love tothink such things. Finally she had done and said some things that really put me over the fence, and I confronted her on those things. It ended with her telling me that I should come get my things and furniture. So I did. I was devistated. And this devistation was bigger than even my own turmoil from my divorce. I had felt that she was a soulmate for life and I still feel that way. The things we shared, the love I felt for her. The love she had given me. It was all beyond what I had ever felt for someone. A few weeks later, late one night she dropped off the watch and letter on my porch. This only added to the devistation. Because of what the watch represented. This just absoluetly broke my heart that she would return it. I couldnt bear to have the watch in my possession, so I decided to put it on ebay and donate any proceeds I may receive to a charity in hopes of some good to come from the watch. But when push came to shove, I just could not part with it. So it sits in my drawer. I have since returned to her some of the things that she had given me along with a note that I had decided to let her go and only wish that I could erase her from my mind as the pain is too great. But since I cant that I would love her til the day I die. Its been a few months now, and a day doesnt go by that she isnt in my mind. Good memories bad memories. I really think my love for her is still growing. I have had zero contact with her. Blocked emails from her, IM's etc. Even had to block her children. It just hurts too much. Ive tried dating again, but dont think its fair to anyone else while I still have these feelings. I still have days where I hear a song, or see something that just brings on a flood of emotions. Nights almost crying myself to sleep. This woman had become my life and now it is all gone. It seems that dealing with this is becomig harder. And I am not sure what else I can do to continue dealing with this. I am contemplating seeking professional help, but not sure what good this will do for a broken heart. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Sorry for the book, I kept it as short as possible, but there is much much more......
  21. I know that women are raving about how great this new book is, but I believe that it works both ways. I'm in the middle of a somewhat difficult situation, and I'm not sure what to make of it. I met someone through online dating, we went out twice and seemingly had a good time. She even called the next day to say so. Then, I went away on business, and we talked a bit on New Year's Eve (She was trashed, and it hardly qualified as a conversation). She told me that she did not feel well the next day. My point is, New Year's was Friday, and this is Tuesday morning. The only contact we had was a brief IM conversation which I initiated Sat. night. I have called twice since this all happened, but haven't heard back from her. I finally e-mailed her today, and she seems to want to minimize things and act as though I am unreasonable in my expectations. I REALLY dislike games, and as soon as I sense it, I want to know whether to stay or go. Could I be over reacting, or is it common decency if you're interested to call someone within a few days? Help!
  22. I've made a new acquaintance through an online dating site. She and I have been exchanging emails for the last week. We have not gone out yet. I'd say we're hitting it off pretty well. However - our conversations tend to be more intellectual than emotional. I'm a bit frustrated and worried that we might end up "just friends" like every other girl I meet. I wonder what is the best way to avoid this.
  23. My friend/Ex Girlfriend... Has been on Hi5, if any of you have heard of it. It's a place to meet people that live in the same area of you. link removed Its not a dating service. Anyways, my friend met this guy off of there and has been talking to him for a week. This guy has no job, hasn't done very well in school and his profile picture really isn't all the pleasing. I know some people may look untrusting but still are very nice people but there just seems like there's a problem here. He suggest that they meet up. My friend, is seriously considering it and I talked to her about it a little bit and she gave me heck because I've met girls off the internet. The girls I have met, I have been talking to for 5-7 years on e-mail, on phone and with letters... People that I know who they are and I've got to even know their friends... I dont just meet someone a week after meeting them online. There are so many stories about girls being raped, abducted and hurt when they decide to meet up with a guy on the internet... The majority is when a girl meets a guy... usually its when someone is meeting a guy. So my friend freaks on me for telling her not to, and having concerns... Its very frustrating. Especially when I know people who have been raped and threatened by meeting guys they dont know. My friend isn't a very smart person, she doesn't think things through anda lways ends up screwing something up. I'm not sure how I can approach her any furthur on this or tell her its a bad idea. This guy sends up alot of red flags and she doesn't see it... All she sees are the happy little conversations they've havef or like the past 5 days. Has anyone been in this situation or had an experience with this? Please let me know or give me some ideas/advice. Thanks
  24. My Ex (35) and I broke up officially back around Christmas and since then he has been using the Online dating services to meet new women. His first date was with a 21 year old with two children (he loves children but wasn't ready for them with me so what the heck was that all about?). Anyway, he went out with numerous girls after that, but they always wound up being one date kind of things. He was starting to get really down on himself, asking me what was wrong with his appereance, when we finally were able to split and move into separate places. (I still love him and want him back by the way). At the end of Feb., he called me on a Monday night to tell me that he had met someone and that they were getting serious. I have since learned that he met her online on a Wednesday, met in person for the first time on Friday, spent the weekend with her and then called me that Monday night. I'm not stupid, I know what they did and I also know that she was the first person since me to give him that kind of attention. I've also learned that she is just barely 22 (turned last week), works part time at a Starbucks (and whines about how it's really distracting her from her studies - I mean good god! He and I went to school full time while working REAL full time jobs!), her Mom and Dad pay for her school and apartment that she shares. She skinny and blonde (I am neither) and sounds completely immature on the phone. When I took the Ex out for his birthday, he kept asking me if he could pass for mid to late 20's in looks. He's buying younger style clothing (places that she goes to) and is interested in "younger" things now. Things that he wouldn't even do with me when we met and were in our early twenties. (We were together almost 9 years). I guess my question is this.....Is he going through an early mid-life crisis? If so, how long do these things last? Any men with advice on this? PS: I also found out the the 21 year old recently dumped him. I feel bad for saying this, because don't want him to be hurt but.....YEAH!!!!!!
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