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About Me

  1. I decided to start this as a place to park my hodgepodge of thoughts and what's going on in my life. Had a great Easter yesterday- I had to drive a few hours to the airport to pick my son up from his trip to France and Spain. He had a great time and it seems like he grew up over night! It was so great to have both boys home and with me. Since I had them for Easter, I asked them what kind of meal they wanted and I went and bought the groceries for a nice Easter dinner. Then I get a text from my ex, saying his mom and dad are inviting me and the boys to Easter brunch at their house. Well I didn't really want to go because my ex and his gf would be there. But the boys wanted to go and they wanted me to come. So I told them I would drop them off, pop in to say hi to friends and ex's family, then pick them up later. It took a lot of courage. But Despite that, I actually had fun! My ex and his gf sat on the other side of the room, although at one point his gf complemented a necklace I was wearing. It was fun to catch up with people I essentially have not seen in 4 years since the breakup. Oh the things I do for my sons... Well afterwards I made that nice dinner and we had it by candle light- just before I had to take them to their dad's for the week.
  2. So, I had a zoom conference with some old friends. I have moved out of the country and only get to see them every so often. I was a bit apprehensive about going onto the call, I don't know why, I almost ducked out of it.. But I went on anyway... It was fun, lots of laughs, had a few beers along the way... my gf was on the call with me also... she is friends with some of them also, so I was out getting a drink and interrupted her to ask her something, she said "hang on I'm chatting with my friends".. something inside me flicked and I was fuming .. after that I was micro analysing everything for the rest of the call, had an argument with her after, and she went to bed... I had this overwhelming feeling of lonliness, betrayal she was taking my friends, uselessness, nobody liking me and just a lot of disgust at myself for feeling like this.... I have thought about suicide for a number of years, almost flirting with the idea I guess... but this night I actually went to do it. I have never before, no matter how bad I was feeling. I took a TRX strap, hung it off the door, wrapped it round my neck and let my legs go limp... I was hanging there for about 40-60 seconds... the pressure building in my head was more uncomfortable than the need for a breath.... I could feel myself getting dozy, then something flicked in me again, "if you don't stand up this is it.." I thought.... so I did... took everything down and started crying... I woke my gf back up, but she thought I was going to have another go at her, so didn't want to hear anything from me... It's been 2 days since that now... I feel terrible for the fight, I feel terrible on a whole... but most of all, I've frightened myself that I was actually almost going to do it..... I don't want to die, but I'm afraid I've actually passed the point of toying with the idea to actually doing it, I'm afraid that I coud get to that point again.... The problem is me, I lack self confidence, I lack friends where we live, I lack validation, but for what I don't know... I have a good job, but was not enjoying it so much before all this lockdown happened, but it's paying the bills, I'm still learning and still saving for a house. My gf is great, although I have always had an issue with how gregarious she is, I sometimes feel less around her with friends... I know all that is 100% me.... but that usually turns into me giving out to her about something in social situations... I am keeping fit, I am working towards a degree part time and have a kid who I've been able to spend loads of time with thanks to lockdown... yet I still feel so empty at times.... I had anger issues when we first moved to where we are now, I went to get help and the health services initially diagnosed anxiety... they messed up my records though, sent my appointments to a different address, things got disjointed so I never went back... I felt a lot better then so I thought I could deal with whatever was up, but it seems to comes in waves every few months, maybe over the weekend I was feeling down but didn't recognise it.... Thanks for reading if you've gotten this far... I don't know who to speak to or even how to approach the issue, I feel so embarrassed by it all now...
  3. It's been 3 days since my ex said she lost feelings for me and I'm struggling immensely. I was dating her for 3 years & they were the best days of my life. She was the one I was going to marry and live the rest of my life with. She always said to me that I would be the one to leave her but she was the one who ended up cutting things off. But ever since the UK entered another lockdown in November, I feel like things went downhill. We would meet up once a week and sometimes she would come to stay over at mines. For the first 2 years of the relationship she would always go out of her way to call me and I won't lie, at times I wouldn't pick up the call because I get so nervous on the phone and I would run out of things to talk about. I have no problems texting and I communicate much better in person. She'd get upset at me but I did my best to improve myself in that aspect. The last time I saw her physically was in November and I had no problem with that, London entered another lockdown. We agreed that the best time to meet up would be when malls reopen, she loved browsing stores. Ever since then, the amount of times she would call dropped a lot. I'd be lucky to get a call from her once a week, sometimes she called once every 2 weeks. There was even 2 occasions where she called me just once a month. Since I let her handle the calling, she called me out for not calling her and I apologised, promising her to start calling her. Even with my lack of calling the love was still there, I feel. She would barely call me for the past 2-3 months (ever since I lost my job) and I got mad at her for not calling me anymore. The excuse would be that she got used to texting me and I accepted that, though I missed her voice a lot and I expressed my concern about the lack of calls a lot. Felt like I would argue/confront her like once a week about the lack of communication. Thing is, she would barely argue back. I was always the one doing the talking. If we argued for 30 minutes, 29 minutes of it was me doing the talking and about a minute of her just offering a few words or sentences. Throughout the past month I've tried to call her numerous times but she would never pick up. Instead she would reply to my messages an hour or 2 later. She loves playing PUBG on her phone and I would always tell her to message me when she's done with a game. But most of the time she'd start another game after ending the previous one, without messaging me back. It would upset me because I know everyone is glued to their phones and she knows that I've messaged her. She'd even play the game when we'd sit down in a park or when we'd sit down at a hookah/shisha bar. I had no problems with it and I enjoyed watching her play it. She ghosted on me 3 times when I've argued about the lack of calls and I'd always be the one running back to her after 2-3 days. Even got her flowers during the second ghosting and she wouldn't message me back, I did and she thanked me. After another argument she said she didn't have the energy to deal with me. I told her I felt the same & I asked her if we were still together, to which she replied 'idk' I kept expressing my concern about her lack of calls/messages and her reluctance to meet me. When lockdown restrictions eased up I kept asking to meet up outdoors and she would tell me 'we'll wait & see'. But ever since the easing of restrictions, she met up with her female friends on 2 occasions but not me. Obviously this drove me crazy. After another argument she said that I wanted her to make all the effort after all these years and that she didn't know what she wanted anymore. She said she'd call me on 2 occasions but she failed to. All of our arguments were one-sided and she would barely say anything. So before we broke up she said that both of should take a break and it would be the best thing for both of us. I didn't react too well to this and I wanted an explanation to why she wanted a break, followed by an unanswered call from me. After ghosting for another 2 days, she said she'd call me the day later but failed to do so. 2 days later she picked my call up and I asked her why wanted a break, to which she said she lost her feelings and didn't feel the same anymore. I expressed my disappointment and told her that we should fight for this relationship. Naturally, I asked if she was thinking of a break up and she said yes. I felt so powerless so I reluctantly agreed to it. Told her that she gave me the best days of my life and I wouldn't ever forget her, wishing her the best. Only last week were jokingly talking about having kids. She used to tell me that she was afraid that I would leave her. She wanted to marry me. The day later I broke the lack of contact between us and pleaded with her to give it another chance, that I can't imagine a life & future without her. Told her that I still have belief in her and faith that the relationship can still work, telling her I loved her. She didn't reply but I feel like a weight was lifted off of my shoulders. I seriously feel like I've lost my purpose of life.. I never once swore at her or insulted her. The only thing that might've pushed her buttons is me questioning the relationship sometimes, due to the lack of communication from her part. I don't think that carried malice and all I wanted to do was make things better. A few days later I posted a story on IG & she viewed it. She still follows me on all social media platforms & she hasn't blocked my number. Was I right in asking her about once or twice a week about her level of communication with me dropping? I feel guilty for constantly harping on about the issue and maybe I should've accepted her offer of a break. If anyone can or wants to reach out or message me, please feel free to do so and do not hesitate.
  4. TL;DR: New girlfriend says she has high sex drive but extremely hesitant to do anything sexual, says I'm not doing anything wrong. What can I do to make her more comfortable/interested? Quick info that will probably be useful: I'm 32 and pretty huge 6'4" 320 lbs. She is 23 and pretty small 5'1" 95 lbs. I have had a lot of sexual experience. She had sex with 1 guy before and it wasn't very often. I have a vasectomy, she knows about it. Both of us do not want kids, ever. I have been dating my girlfriend for about 3 months. We met online and have a legitimately amazing connection. When we originally discussed sex, she stated she had a high sex drive. I said mine was about about normal and we both agreed sex was important to us, but she said she wanted to 'wait'. Her living situation was less then ideal and I own a house so she quickly moved in with me. She has some sensory issues and prefers sleeping in separate rooms, especially due to my snoring. I would rather she slept in my bed, but I am ok with her having her own room and bed. She made it clear at the beginning of the relationship that she wanted to "wait" to have sex, but never specified what she was waiting for exactly, other then 'until she was comfortable'. We did end up having sex within a week or so of her moving in. The sex was great, but she said she felt like she was going to pass out from over exertion and we had to stop before either of us had an orgasm (she said she can't orgasm unless masturbating). The sex lasted almost an hour and a half, that's on the average to low end of normal for me, but I understand that that can be a lot for some women. She refused ALL sexual contact after that for just over 2 months. I bought her very nice vibrator she could use on her own, to help her get in the mood, or do as she pleases but she refuses to use it (she said she has never owned or used a sex toy before). I ask for hand jobs or oral sex, etc. or if I could preform oral sex on her (which I really enjoy) instead of actual sex to try to keep the relationship strong, as well as keep interest but her answer is always "maybe later", and it never happens. I had a sit-down with her at about the 2 months mark and told her I could not continue the relationship if there wasn't going to be anything sexual going on. I explained that I was in a 'loveless relationship' before for multiple years and I refuse to go through that again. She said she understood, that I was being reasonable and that she would try to work on it. She assured me I wasn't doing anything wrong, and she just wasn't ever in the mood, and she got overwhelmed thinking about it sometimes. A week later we had sex and it was even better then the first time, I kept it to a reasonable length this time and I reached orgasm, and she was quite pleased about that. But since then, it's back to the way it was before. She has mentioned previously that her ex would never want to have sex and she pretty much had to beg him. Oddly, she considers oral sex equivalent to actual penis-in-vagina sex. I am very open sexually. She has a certain, slightly embarrassing (to her) fetish that she told me about (with great hesitation). She said she has never done anything with the fetish before. I told her I would do anything she wanted, but she has been too embarrassed/shy to try anything. If we are watching a movie in my bed and I try to initiate sex, or sexual play, she quickly gets up and leaves the room. She says she doesn't even want to make out or anything "because it could lead to other things." I feel like shes not telling me something, she swears up and down that shes just not in the mood and gets overwhelmed. Things are not adding up. How can I help her out, and save the relationship?
  5. So, I (19F) started dating my boyfriend (19M) in January of this year. This is my first relationship and this is his third. He broke up with his most recent high school girlfriend due to distance and going in different directions for college, etc. (college stuff) in September 2020. Him and his girlfriend dated for a little over a year. I can’t stop thinking about his ex and I’m trying to stop. He’s even reassured me and I trust him, but it doesn’t help that they still kinda stay in contact and have the same friends lol :/. However, whenever I was stalking his Instagram (which I know we all have done before!), I noticed a picture where she was wearing his chain when they were dating. This made me uncomfortable because it made me feel like it was a hand-me-down and kind of not as special. I expressed this to him and told him I appreciated it, but it made me feel weird. Am I overreacting or is that completely rational and normal? I feel naked without it now and I liked having something to help me remind of him since we are now long distance for summer. Also, since i’m planning on giving it back to him when I go visit in a couple weeks (unless someone on here tells me i should keep it), I want to put a charm or something on it with my name on it to remind him of me, but again, the ex have him something to put on his chain when they were together... is that me just being silly? Please help!!!
  6. So, in one of my previous posts, I expressed how my boyfriend (19M) gave me (19F) his chain to wear to keep him with me and stuff while we do long distance, and then I found out his ex wore his chain, too, which made me uncomfortable. So, I am going to give it back to him, but I kind of want something else to remember him by now since I'm no longer wearing his chain- I literally feel naked now without it... I never took it off and I legit fell asleep holding the cross in my hand... I'm trying to find a way to tell to him that I want him to get me something FOR ME, more personal you know? ... NOTHING BIG!!! I literally went on ebay and saw these $15 customizable necklaces *wink* *wink* Is it bad to ask for something straight up or is hinting the way to go? Especially since I want it to be sincere... should I just wait and see if he gets me something? :) thank ya!
  7. My boyfriend (19M) and I (19F) are now long distance due to going home for summer. We are used to not texting each other pretty much all day because we know we will see each other the next day in class, but now that we’re long distance, that isn’t working for me. I expressed to him that he needs to text me more or something because I get a text from him at 5pm and then we ft for a couple hours at night. I want to hear from him more in the day, so I told him that I would like him to text me in the morning. I do text first, A LOT, and if I don’t, I get the text at 5pm. Am I overrating? I don’t think I am because we are now long distance and I can’t just say “see you tomorrow,” it’s now, “see you in a couple weeks.” Whenever I have brought this up to him, he just brushes me off kind of or says that I’m saying he’s a bad boyfriend and not trying (which I’m not! I just want him to text me more! is that too much to ask ???) and says “so you want to text all day and then facetime for 5 hours at night?” and I’m like no, I never said that. But then, he says he’ll try harder. I feel like I shouldn’t be asking him to text me, I feel like it should be a given. If he wanted to text me, he would, so? He also says he’s really giving 100%, and I believe him, but his 100% cannot be the same as it was in school, things are different now. He also kind of has this high school relationship mindset where a relationship should come with no problems and if there are problems then he gets upset or doesn’t really want to hear it. I’ve told him that i’m not close to breaking up yet, not even close, but if this continues the whole damn summer, then it’ll be too hard.... So, Help! Please! PS I don’t think he’s hiding anything from me or anything, I just wanna communicate with him more during the day. also i have some lowkey trust/abandonment issues because as a child i was abandoned then adopted so im going see someone about that lol but that is a factor i think
  8. So me (34) and my girlfriend (26) are 11 months into our relationship and things were amazing up until January when the 3rd lockdown began. To add some context to the situation I was happy with how everything was panning out and we both were extremely happy, but I had my guard up from day one, and was very careful not to let myself get carried away with her because I really didn't want to mess it up. I live with my parents (currently waiting for the keys to a house I have bought)and she lives with hers. We've talked about her moving in with me when I get the new house up and running and all was fine, we'd talked about how she would still save up for her own house to buy, to either do up and rent or sell, but essentially I wanted her to have that independence and feeling of achievement I'm having with buying your own house... obviously if things went well, we would merge our assets at some point and go from there... anyways, her parents are very strict and have been quite hard on her over lockdown, especially when it came to us seeing one another, they basically said, no, we have to stick to the rules. She's been threatened with being kicked out for minor things in the past so we carried on the relationship but only by seeing each other once or twice a week for a walk. Before lockdown she was the perfect girlfriend, caring, attentive, always putting me first, kind and most of all my family absolutely adore her! But I put up walls and said if her parents won't let her come round to mine (which I know was wrong at the time, but my parents knew how important it was to us that we carried on seeing each other privately and they were fine with it) then we should honour that to stop them giving her a hard time and making things even worse for her. We both have a history of anxiety, she reacts to it alot worse than I do but we have always helped each other, been completely honest and really just had an amazing connection together. Fast forward 5 months and we are now in a situation where we've become distant, like we've drifted apart. We still see each other for walks but she's really hesitant to spend any quiet time together where it is just me and her. I.e. not outside in public. We've discussed breaking up (which is a really hard thing to do in life, and I'm proud we can communicate that way) and told each other how we feel, and the conclusion is we still love each other and we want to work on things to see if we can get that deeper connection back, or the spark, back in our lives... My only worry is, how can we do that? With everything that is happening in the world, we are very restricted on what we can do together. We've got a date planned this weekend, and we're spending the day together on Sunday, but it's going to be no different to what it's been like for the past 5 months and I'm worried it's not going to remind her of what she wants to feel for me (I've had a sudden realisation of how important she is to me and how much I do love her, ive come clean about the walls I put up and told her I want a future together) I'm just looking for advice, from women especially, on coming back together after you've drifted apart... I apologise if this doesn't have much context but it's basically the backbone of my situation and its got to a point where I'd do anything to give us the best chance of maybe actually experiencing a relationship together where we aren't bound by lockdown rules or living with our parents. Also, I know once I get this house, things will be alot easier because we will have our own space and be able to experience day to day life together......And im aware this also could be the answer to the question I'm asking 😅 Any experiences to give me a little light in this very confusing maze we seem to be in now would be amazing. Thank you
  9. I've been in my relationship for 7 years and help raised a child,(now at age 9),my girlfriends ex just recently got out of prison after 9 years,my gf is now in touch with him by means of visiting, texting and hiding this from me,I found out about it and confronted her with proof and she denied all,I'm 56 of age,to old to deal with b/s and lies, any helpful advice would be appreciated
  10. Hey all, I'm writing so as to get some advice. I'll try to make this as short as possible. I met my "ex" (we didn't get to call ourselves bf/gf) about two years ago. We work together and it took us a while to hook up. She was in a relationship were she was being heavily manipulated and it took her a long while and a lot of therapy to finally get herself rid from her ex. Once this relationship was over, we started going out. We dated for around 6 months and everything was going perfect. Out of the blue, she told me she wanted to talk with me and explained that she liked everything about me but that she felt that after her previous relationship she didn't have time for herself. We discussed about what the best course of action could be, she mentioned she was not feeling right to be in a relationship with me but she wasn't sure that she wanted to break up either. I offered her to take some time apart but she didn't feel that was right since she would feel guilty if she felt I was waiting for her to give me some kind of feedback, as she wasn't exactly sure about how she was feeling. I suggested we break up and that was it. It was amicable and I went straight into LC (meaning I'll only talk work with her or discuss whatever topic is at hand whenever we have lunch with the team; we do have lunch together every weekday). After the break up I was devastated but pulled the little energy I had to make it seem in our lunches as if I was OK. The first few weeks she'd try to fight with me about anything and I would just divert the talking to anything else to avoid confrontation. When we broke up, she did mention I was no regular guy and that said she was doing everything so as to take care of the relationship we had; she didn't want to ruin it because of her doubts. Her attitude these first two weeks was very contradictory. Moving forward, the relationship got better and she stopped trying to pick fights with me. At around the 4th week mark, I called her and just asked how she was feeling about the whole break up thing and did mention that it had been a rough time for me as she had given me no clear reason to break up in first place. I did ask her to break my heart if she had to and be honest, be it she didn't like me anymore, had no more feelings or anything. She denied everything and mentioned that she did have feelings for me, she did like me and would have a great time with me, but that she felt that we were ready to be bf/gf and she was not yet ready for that, as her previous experience had been too rough and was just not ready to start a new relationship. I said it was OK and thanked her for the time to talk, went straight back to the same LC I previously mentioned. That was 2 weeks ago. Everything went on fine and I've started to feel better myself, I think it might actually be showing since I'm in a better mood generally speaking and doing fine. However, what's killing me right now is that for the past 3 days she's been trying really hard to avoid me. Not just that, she's trying to make me notice that she's avoiding me. We'll be in meeting rooms where there's just 3 of us and she will just rotate her chair and make me face her back. She is now trying to contradict what I say again and it's becoming a pain. I'm trying to keep everything as professional as possible as that's the right thing to do. While I'm focused in moving on, this is also a relationship I don't want to completely discard and make moves that might push her far away. I'm not exactly sure how to proceed. Shall I ignore her bad attitude as I'm doing and show indifference? Shall I confront her about it? Why might she be behaving in this way towards me? Just in case you even think about it, I did not beg, cry, became needy or anything. I've learnt this from my past relationship and refrained from doing anything of the sort even though my brain wanted me to do so.
  11. Me and my girlfriend have been going through a rough patch at the moment due to me developing health anxiety and minor depression and it has really taken a toll on us but she stuck with me through it all, I noticed a distance in her and we discussed and sorted it all out and we were on the road to being happy again. Last night I had an opportunity to read her messages as I knew she'd been texting a guy she slept with a long time ago (I know I shouldn't have gone through her phone but I was drunk and my anxiety got the better of me) there were some flirty texts there and I noticed when she wasn't replying or talking to me she had been chatting away to this guy in massive paragraphs and cheeky flirty messages such as talking about what she was wearing to an Ann summers party and saying she wished she was with him when he mentioned he wished she was there. I brought it up to her and she said it meant nothing and that was the way her and this guy had always talked to eachother, she acknowledged it was flirty and apologised saying she would cut all contact with him to which I said I don't want her to do that as I don't want to be the reason she loses a friend. Since this happened she has told me she thought nothing of what was said and she loves me and wants to do anything to make it up to me that she can and that the shady buisness stops here or our relationship does. The question is do I forgive her, I understand why she was pushed away due to our relationship troubles but I thought we were getting better, I'm just a bit confused and need someone to advise me on if I should end it now or forgive her and move on, If I trust her when she says nothing was going to come out it and she will never do it again I open myself up to being a pushover and it happening again and in my current head state I dont think I can do this again, somebody please help
  12. Hi all if you’ve read my last post a couple of months ago I was concerned about the relationship my boyfriends family has with his ex girlfriend. We are now 11 months into our relationship and I have still yet to meet the family. I’ve met all of his close friends though. Recently I brought it up to him again. He said i haven’t met them yet because I’m his last relationship, he felt his ex was too close to them and used to tell them things about their relationship. He said it bothered him that she would reach out to them even after they have broken up. I’m like ok but I’m not your ex! I asked when’s the last time he’s spoken to this ex. He said a year ago because she reached out to him for some information. He then assured me that he has no feelings at all whatsoever for this ex. He broke up with her and he believes she’s still the one who’s not over him. What should I do in this situation.
  13. MY boyfriend and I are perfect. I have never felt so strongly about and so connected to someone like him. The first few months of us "talking", I knew he was talking to and hooking up with other people, as I, stayed loyal. Ever since we became boyfriend and girlfriend, almost a year now, he has treated me like I have never imagined. He would do absolutely anything in the world for me and would never hurt me- I can tell. But, we have this little problem that I cause... When I drink, I become so incredibly mean. In the beginning of our relationship, this never happened. But over the past few months, I turn into a monster when I become intoxicated. I say the cruelest things, and even get violent towards him. He will tell me the things I say to him, and I sit back and just think that there is no possible way I could ever say or feel those ways towards him. I have never felt resentment towards him, but when I drink something happens to me and I become such a hateful person towards him. Just want to hear what people think about this, what I should do, or if you even have the same problem as me. Thanks for listening.
  14. Hey Everyone...thanks for reading my post... Haven't been on here in a few months..Some of you might remember me.. Ok..here goes.... I met this girl 2 weeks ago and we have been on 3 dates so far...Each date has been great....we got along emotionally and physically extremely well. The first date we both knew we were physically attracted to each other in the fact that we had alot of touching and such and ended up making out for a long time and chatted for hours. The second date was the same...had a few drinks, ate some good food and enjoyed each other's company and by the end of the night we ended up sleeping with each other,,,,not once but twice...Anyways we had a great time...Then tonight was the same...hung out, ate dinner, listened to music and then we ended up having sex again which was great. Afterwards we did the usual cuddling and holding of hands and givinglittle kisses and such but then in the middle of all of that she ends up tellling me out of the blue that she is "Not girlfriend" material...??? I kinda didn't know what to say at that point but ended saying..." sure if that'show you feel ?..Mind you ...prior to that there was no relationship talk whatsoever between us we were basically new with each other at dating and going with the flow and BANG she says that.. Don't get me wrong...I'm not looking for anything serious really quickly but I actually ended up really liking this girl so far and the funny thing is that she is coming over to my house Saturday night because I am making her dinner and we are going to watch a movie and stuff... So the question is...should I pursue this any further with this girl if I know now that I kinda like her more than just "Friends" and she told me what she told me tonight ?... I'm wondering if she is serious or just scared of any type of relationship at the moment ? Any insight on this would be much appreciated.. thanks !
  15. Hi, I met with a girl who broke up with a guy a few years ago while she was engaged. She was refusing to talk to other guys and saying she is not ready for a serious relationship but she accepted to speak to me to get to know each other. She had a good reference about me from her family and friends. Everything went well first week, she was engaged and writing me back long messages. However, I thought she was losing interest and I was very passionate to get to know her and I felt like she is the right person so I told her that I’m thinking serious about this relationship and would like to have a long term happy relationship. She said that this message was very heavy for her and she hasn’t thought about a relationship for a long time. We messaged each other a few more days and then she said she is not ready to commit a relationship and she doesn’t think that this will lead more than a friendship and she doesn’t want to give me hope. I really want to get to know her as I feel like she is the right person. What do you guys think I should do? Do you think she is really not ready or she doesn’t like me? Thank you in advance
  16. I am very conflicted. My bestfriend’s boyfriend, who happens to be my very close friend, has been doing sketchy things behind her back. He doesn’t know I know. But he’s been asking many people of our friend group to have sex with him. He even asked some people if he could have treesomes with them (him, and two other friends of his gf)! He even has resorted to caress their legs and such in public while he’s with my bestfriend(his girlfriend). What do i dooooooo? Fyi, everyone he’s approached with this is close friends with his girlfriend, wayy before they knew him. Idk what to do. Because i feel like it’s cheating but its not technically cheating. Me telling would cause me to lose everyone in my life right now. Should I continue to not say anything about what he’s been doing or whaat?
  17. Profile 26 yo, African American Male, 5,10, Athletic Build, interfacial Relationship. Hello Everyone, I'll keep my name anonymous incase the post goes viral. Long story short I'm having some relationship issues. These issues derived in earlier this year with the lost of a Job. I had my own place, and my significant other still lives with her parents (which bums her out from time to time). With the lost of my job I had to give up my apartment, because COVID made unemployment impossible to receive. So, I ended up moving in with her and her parents. Now, initially I thought this all through and felt like this would put a huge strain on the relationship. Therefore, I made sure on several occasions if this would be ok with my partner, because I know how she likes her space. Plus now it would be both of us under her parents roof, which could make her feel trapped. All our conversations went well, and I was reassured over and over again that this would be an opportunity to grow and build while the pressure of bills are low. I moved in all excited, and remember so vividly one special moment when my girlfriend started tearing, and saying things like "I'm so happy you're here with me right now". I'm excited to plan out lives out together. NOW for me she just hit a hot button in my love language board. Now of course things were harder, I was out of work, and she was out of work. So we couldn't do the fun things that made our relationship so passionate. Skipping ahead a few weeks and everything completely changed. AND WE ALMOST BROKE UP. But we communicated out wants enough to make it out of that dark phase. She then finally professed just how much being at home with her parents kills her sexual drive. This stirred many feelings with in me that I'm still trying to process today. At first I was understanding, and started budgeting and forming a plan to get us out from under her parents house. I found work, and started slaving away. I made a savings plan that works and I'm well towards our way of getting out. Now the reason I made this post is because I feel sexually deprived in my relationship. I know for a fact that my girlfriend has lost attraction for me and it's killing me. What makes me more sick is the fact that no matter how much I research I can't seem to comprise of a plan to address this. I know exactly what I want out of this relationship. I want someone who's going to respect me, because I'm very respectful even to people who don't deserve it. I want words of affirmation, I've grown to realize that I sometimes crave attention. I feel like I try to be the best me that I can be for the sake of being mentioned. I want to be love respected and valued. Anyway moving on, yada yada. I love this girl right. And she implies that when we get out this house. Our relationship will be in a much healthier state. I trust my girlfriend, and truly believe my self that having our place will be beneficial for the both of us. I'm not grinding 56 hours a week and studying just to have sex more with my girlfriend no. But I also don't want to get to a point where I putting fourth all this effort for someone who doesn't even see's me as a romantic partner. I mean honestly we've ed with her Dad right above us no problem. But now all of a sudden it " turns you off?" Look I just want to know if I should A. Tell my girlfriend how I feel and see if we can compromise on something sexual. Maybe a hotel get away once a month or a spa thing. Maybe rent a car, and along side a beach. You know outside the house so if feels less...restricting. Or B. Just mirror her actions, you know pretend like I don't hear her. Or maybe say no the next time she asks me to rub her feet or her back. I can stop trying to make eye contact with her, seem less interested. My only concern with that is for one I'd have to be completely faking it because I LOVE THIS WOMAN TO DEATH, and OUUUUUUUUUU I wanna her so bad. I've experienced a time when I felt like she wanted it more than me. Now, maybe we get out of this and everything goes back to the way it is but even better, because we over came a predicament. I've read several things and I feel like I can do one or the other but not both. I honestly don't want to do either. For one my girlfriend hates talking about sex, and I feel like this would just push her away even more. The second one, I feel like I can just stop being a ing YES man all the time, and make her do everything for her self. But for one that would be drastic and would probably do more harm then good. Plus, she's insecure if I lost interest in her I feel like she's question her self and I don't want her to do that. To me she's the most gorgeous thing that graces this earth. So, why not treat her like that feel me? So yah, just let a playa know what I can do to get the woman I love to understand that if we had more sex, it wouldn't negatively impact out relationship.
  18. I literally just wrote this in about ten minutes. It was inspired by a conversation I had with my girlfriend last night at around 4AM. Any feedback is good feedback. Thanks. Also I think my spell check was either off or just not working when I was typing it. I think I got any mistakes but if there still are some that's why. Into this world you came and brought the cold. All these lives together, we were young and we were old. I was waiting up above when down came the snow, I was waiting without you when the Universe let me go. Old souls thrown back into youth, Heaven lies, Hell is truth. Shocked and broken from the tauma of my birth, A lost grieivng spirit wandering alone on this Earth. Blind eyes must learn to see. The solitary one must learn to be. Longing for victory, but knowng defeat, Unable to explain feeling incomplete. Your eyes, like beacons drew me to your side. Your words, like music, left me hypnotized. All those times our paths nearly crossed, All those times we both were lost. For years, so close but so far, And then time stood still, and now here we are. Thrown into this existance from the skies above, Take my hand, no more fear, we know only love.
  19. I live in the US and I met a Brazilian girl on a dating app, and we've been talking for several months. Things are going great between us, and it took some time (Coronavirus travel concerns) to finally get myself to decide to get a ticket and take a month vacation to see her. Regarding my travel plans, I had spoken to a friend (who lives in a different country that I haven't seen in a few years) and he also happened to being going to Brazil as well. I told my girlfriend that I would meet up with my friend for 5-7 days in one state of Brazil and I would spend the remaining 3 weeks or so with her. The plan is to fly out in late early November. Unfortunately my friend has been having flight issues and the airlines changed his flight twice already and I am waiting to receive confirmation on the dates. I kept the my girlfriend in the loop. She has asked me several times about when I am going to book. I told her I'd book by Friday (yesterday). I am still waiting on some date confirmations so I have not yet booked, I thought...a few extra days won't be a disaster. Friday night she pointed out that.. she waits for me, and that I wait for my friend... I am always late and that she barely entered into the relationship and that she already feels like she's stuck with other people. Part of me feels bad for not fulfilling the booking reservation as promised/ told. But part of also felt down/ sad about her opinion of the matter. (Sad in the sense that, I feel like I am trying my best to make both work, but that's still not appreciated). Is it wrong to feel this way, because I am in the wrong (treating her like second choice)? Do I have my priorities mixed up? Is it that bad for trying to consolidate this trip experience? Am I doing something wrong here? Would any other girl or person feel as though they are unimportant or second priority because of my actions? I am not sure, what is the right thing to do? Thank you for any wisdom!
  20. Okay so me and the girl I thought I was going to marry broke up about 3 weeks ago. We were together about a year. She is 20 and I am 24. We met at church and we both have strong Christian values. We have never done anything sexual with each other and didn’t plan on doing so u til marraige. Things started off great. But this damn thing called Covid happened and I was basically out of work for 6 months. I was still getting paid but I was just bored. Long story short I basically became very needy and started for attention and validation. I didn’t have any relationship with my own family and I was living in a state with none of my family there. My ex is going to school full time, has her own t shirt business, and does little jobs on the side. Basically with my neediness I put a lot of emotional baggage on her. The relationship was still going good as I remember in June she told me her whole family thought we were going to stay together forever. We talk on the phone every night as well. In July I noticed her becoming very distant and hot/cold with her behavior. One minute she was great next minute she would show extreme frustration with me (and only me). Finally in August I asked her what was wrong. She told me that she had lost some romantic feels for me and she needed space. She told me not to worry about it though because she still saw a future between us. The Next two weeks were still kind of normal. I cut down my contact with her but she would still invite me over. She would even cook me dinner. We still went out on a date and we even went two a couple of her family functions together. Of coarse me being a dumb when she told me she lost feelings for me my anxiety kicked in and I became even more needy and clingy. I would basically tell her that I’m trying to change and begging her not to leave. Then one night she didn’t text me back and I flipped out. This added even more stress on her and she dumped me about 3 weeks later. Now I did the usual begging and pleading the day she broke up with me which made her very cold. She offered to stay as friends but I declined because my feelings are too strong. I went into no contact two days after the break up. After the first week of the breakup I wrote her an accountability letter saying that i take ownership of the things I did wrong (my neediness) I did not talk to her for 14 days I broke no contact and basically tried telling her that I’m trying to change. Which to my credit I am. I have lost 20 pounds, started therapy, begin reading the Bible to become a deacon in my church, back to work 6 days a week, and reconciled with my family. She basically said “I know you to well. You Will still be clingy if we got back together and there is no stoping that.” She then proceeded to tell me that she has moved on and wants to be alone for a while (I’m 90% positive when I say I believe she wants to stay single and not date other guys but hey I could be wrong). She said there was no chance in us getting back together. Now I think she was acting more out of anger because she is trying to drive the point for me to leave her alone Now I truly believe she still has feelings for me. I say this because: A) Three weeks before breaking up she said she saw a future B) Whenever I reach out she responds immediately(coldly) C) I believe she truly didn’t want the breakup but with my clingy and neediness, I basically forced her too. D) I had a very strong relationship with her family E) She was treating me very well even when she express her doubts Now I sincerely believe that I have a high chance of things working out. I know right now she is very stressed and I need to give her, her space. What do y’all think? Is th8/ relationship worth saving?
  21. Hello peeps So there's this girl who is classmates/good friends with my older sister who i've briefly known for about 1.5 years or so, lets call her K. K comes to my office to work voluntarily and study with my sister as they do the same course at university every once in a while. K is 21 years old. We had a few chats here and there but nothing happened as i was in a relationship. I do however, find her attractive. During this time, i was in a toxic relationship which has since ended approx 2 months ago which she found out from my sister. Anyways, we all headed to dinner one night (2 months ago) for a mutual friends birthday and we were all discussing about watching a horror movie the next day. So apparently my friend's gf who is also K's classmate asked if anyone was free to watch a movie the following day. Then K decided she would like to come and begged one of her good friend (a guy but has a gf - i briefly know them both) to accompany her to watch the movie with us as a group. The reason was cos this guy did not like horror movies and im pretty sure she doesnt too lol. I wanted to sit beside her but the other guy did instead. Im sure shes 100% not into this guy as they are just good friends. After the movie, i felt she was trying to get close to me whilst walking out of the cinema but nothing was spoken. The other day, she and my sister randomly came to my office to assist her in some questions about property which i promptly helped her with. I havent seen her for about 1 month now due to the COVID lockdowns we have but im pretty sure i will soon enough. My sister also asked me yesterday whether i wanted to go with them (classmates including K) for a 4 day roadtrip. Apparently, she's a real shy person as my sister told me she had to really try talk to her and befriend her when she first met K. I'm quite confident she does have some sort of feelings towards me as for one, she wouldnt have come to the movies and begged a friend to accompany her. Anyway, my question is, should i add her on facebook and start talking to her or would that be too creepy?. We've only been out once as a group but have seen each other every now and then when she volunteers at the office and sometimes we do exchange words here and there but not very often. Or should i just wait until the next time we do go out as a group.. which could be a while away or until the roadtrip which is about 2 months away.. Thanks in advance
  22. Never posted on a forum type thing before but my head is all over the place and need some advice. Dated my Ex for 2 years back in 2015, I was 18 and immure, it ended because of loads of small things, like I would refuse to go for a walk. Play too much football with mates. And I talked about going to university. I then when to university are we spilt up, had a great time. Met a girl there been dating for nearly 2 years now. However I'm back home and she's back home too living a 5 hour drive away. She's doing a Master's degree and is going to uni again for a year. We've talked about moving in together after university. I care for her, but it seems like we are friends and don't have that connection I had with my ex. I keep thinking of all the things I had in common with my ex, early on I had loads in common with my girlfriend but she just said it to impress me. And it's hard now as I've started to see we just don't have things in common. My ex has a boyfriend too, but it's hard for me to fully get over the connection we had. We're still friends on social media but don't chat or anything but I see her story and remember the times we had together. Do all relationship have that feeling of being deeply in love? Because I care for my girlfriend I would never want anything to happen to her, but the feeling isn't the same as what I felt for my ex. I just don't know what to do.
  23. Hi all, here's some backstory. I recently decided to start fresh with school after completing one year of college, I am now coming back home to a community college to play soccer for the school and switch majors essentially deeming myself a freshman again. with school and soccer as my main focus plus being back at home with no potential dates on my mind, I though I would end up spending the next two years working, playing, and doing school with no GF, which I was bummed about, but I figured it would be for the better as my last relationship took up the majority of my time and Money often distracting me from more important things, which in retrospect seems bad but it felt right at the time so I can't complain. Anyways... I am training at my new fast food job, handing food out the window to customers when a girl calls me by name (I wear a name tag) and asked if I have a GF, I responded no to which she asked if I wanted one. already flustered worrying about getting orders correct and having my bosses around me, I said come back at 8 (when I got off) and we'll talk. To my surprise, when I got off work and went out to my car, she pulled up. I formally introduced myself and got her name. She's a very pretty girl that I think I would like to have a relationship with, but I then asked her how old she is. She's 17, I'm 19, so she's a HS senior and I'm essentially a college freshman again, only a one year school difference. I was super nervous so I didn't have much time to think so after she said that we both kinda awkwardly smiled at each other, I told her that I'm 19 and that she should come back when she turns 18. she didn't immediately leave so I asked her if she went to school in the area, and coincidentally, she goes to HS in the same town as my Community College. With that info in mind, we ended the convo and went our separate ways. After having a day to reflect though, I am starting to wonder if I made the wrong decision. With the given info I was able to do some online snooping to find a social media account just so I could see her face again as everything was kinda a blur due to me being nervous, so I do have a form of contact if I do decide to change my mind. I have a few concerns that I would like input on though. First and most importantly, she is 17 and I am 19, according to socials, she just turned 17 and I just turned 19 so we are almost exactly two years apart, I really have no issue with this, my grandparents are like 10 yrs apart so 2 is really no big deal, but with the age gap being at such a significant time legally, me being over 18 and her under , I am wondering if this would cause issues or lead to harsh judgement from others. legally, I think I could only get into trouble if there was a sexual side to the relationship, I would being willing to wait the extra year especially b/c I feel like that stuff is much better when you know your partner better anyways, but would this still lead to assumptions from friends and family anyways. I also don't know for sure that she is okay with the age gap, she didn't immediately leave when I told her my age which is a good sign but I could risk total rejection if I were to reach out. next, I would have to reach out through social media and somehow explain that I had to do some digging to find her which might make her feel weird/ creeped out as well. I also don't even know her or anything about her which means we may be polar opposites anyways. Finally, I am not sure if I am obsessing over this because I am truly attracted to her or because its just the fact that Ive never had girl be that forward with me and then show the dedication to drive all the way back 5 hrs later that I am attracted to. I don't want to miss out on something that could turn into a really great relationship, but with all of these complicating factors, I am wondering if it is something that is really worth it. any help is appreciated. thanks.
  24. I met my girlfriend about 5 years ago, and she was doing her master’s degree. We were all over each other, always holding hands and cuddling in public. It felt so good to have found someone finally. When she finished her degree, she couldn’t find jobs related to her study. She found temporary administrative government jobs, a few good, a few where she wasn’t happy with. She started complaining that she had stayed in town to be with me, that her original plans were to move somewhere else. Gradually, this turned into blaming me, that she had sacrificed her career for me. The intimacy we had gradually dropped to zero. She was now also blaming me for ruining her life, even though I had repeatedly guaranteed her that would support her as long as she needed to find a job she would be happy with. Beginning of last year, she found a graduate government job, which a two level pay-cut from her previous temp jobs. But this was a permanent job with promotion prospects. Again, it wasn’t in her exact field. She is now blaming me for having a pay cut and having to work at a job she dislikes. When she decided get this job without even telling me, she had temp positions in her field that got renewed, but without any guarantee. In fact, lucky for her that she took this graduate job, as she would have been out of a job if she stayed in the temp position when the COVID-19 crisis hit. And now, she wants to break up with me saying that I ruined her life by keeping her in town. I didn’t even know that she wanted to move away when we met and when she finished her degree. In retrospect, she has floated the idea of leaving town together and finding new jobs. But I told her that was too old to quit my job of 25 years at the university and hope to find equally paying one anywhere else in the job climate that was already deteriorating before COVID-19. Me leaving and losing my job would have been detrimental for my aged parents who count on my support, financial and emotional. In the meantime since early on our relationship, she was critical of my relationship with my parents, because I happened to live with them. This wasn’t a choice, but a result of me not having found someone to marry earlier in my career, so, having lost hope of finding someone, I stayed with my parents and took care of each other. Last year in November, I moved out of my parents’ house and moved in with my girlfriend. I had bought over the years the two house next to my parents as investment properties and it was ideal for us to move in into one of them. She made a big fuss about living next to my parents, even though my parents are not the nosy types, they don’t visit anyone unless invited. Finally, I convinced her to move in to the house two down. If we were young, there would be no issue for me to move somewhere else, even a different town, but my parents are over 80 and they need my help, financially and emotionally, my father has a pacemaker and they need my assistance in their doctors’ visits a few times a month, and they feel safe knowing that I am next door. My girlfriend is still unappreciative if the situation and keeps saying no one lives next their parents in the West, which can’t be further from the truth. I am 54 and she is 44. We are no spring chicken anymore, we are at the ages when people living away from their parents move back in closer, or even build a granny flat in their backyard to have them nearby. Besides, if we had left town, we’d be both out of jobs in the streets following the COVID-19 crisis, and she is still blaming me for ruining her life, costing her a career and the opportunity to have baby. I am at a complete loss understanding her, as I proses to marry her many times, she rejected it as she didn’t believe in marriage. I never wavered from my commitment to her, never cheated on her, have been always kind, loving, supportive and generous to her. Respected all her family even though she kept insulting mine for being too attached to me. I opened a house for her. It may not be fancy, but it is in a good neighborhood, and within my means to support her even if she lost her job. And yet, she calls me immature and that I need to grow up. How much mature can one be having had a stable job for 25 years (unlike her), supporting aged parents, made provisions for our future, mentored my nephews, having a reputation among friends as a kind and generous person, having an equally good reputation among my colleagues at work as well as in academia. I mean, what is it that she wants from me? Where did I do wrong?
  25. I’ve been with my girlfriend for 3 years now ,I’m just so unsure if I want to spend the rest of my life with her, how do you know if you are going to be happy together for ever . We have arguments and that’s normal . We have good times too . I think she is a jealous person and I she needs to know everything I do who I speak to , she often checks my phone to see who I’ve been speaking to texting . Then it was my mom birthday I bought her a voucher for £30 for a takeaway. When I told my girlfriend the cost she went mental and told me my mom wasn’t worth that amount . I stupidly agree with her to keep her happy , and changed it to £10 and another small gift . When my mom got the present she knew something was wrong I wouldn’t get her a £10 voucher, and asked me what it was about . I told her that my girlfriend thought she wasn’t worth £30 , obviously she wasn’t happy . Now my girlfriend isn’t happy too as she knows I told her about the present too . There have been other things too that I’ve been unhappy about with my girlfriend but I just agree to keep her happy , but I’m I going to be happy if I can’t stand up to her
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