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About Me

  1. My ex and I broke up about a month ago. They gave me a reason that they cared about me and the relationship, but not as much as I did. To give a bit more context is that they were already going through a rough period in their life before they called off the relationship. I asked them what are some boundaries that they would like from me during the break up and they said to not contact them and they would be the one to contact me, I could however call them if I was in an emergency situation. For the rest of that month, I didn't really feel bad about the break up. After 30 days of no contact, I started to feel anxious like the whole break up just finally hit me. It really hurt after seeing them post pictures on their social media stories of them smiling. I was envious of that since I miss being able to see that all the time. So realizing that I unfollowed them from all my social medias (pictures from my phone). The pain was still there and with this being my first relationship ever I didn't know how to grieve during this time (like I'm already working out) and I'm still in that process. So in a moment of weakness, I sent out DM on instagram saying something positive like, "Hey I just wanted to say I hope you're doing good". They saw it and didn't respond. I didn't realize at first since I'm so emotional that I had appeared desperate and was most likely annoying them. A few days had passed, I was still in a bad spot that I had 3 similar nightmares, yet different endings. I had a panic attack, so I reached out to them again, "Hey is it possible for me to talk to my friend today? I do need help." This time they did respond back letting me know that they were sorry, but they were still in a bad spot mentally and could not be of any help. I sent back pretty much that I understood and would not have reached out if it wasn't important, but did not want to make their headspace any worse and wanted to see if we could try to talk soon or plan on talking at a more reasonable time. Later on, I saw that the message was read and CONTINUE to make the same mistake by letting them know that I was going back to leaving them alone but said if they could reach out when they can to please do so because it was important. Then yesterday, I have realize how much desperate I was coming off even if my intentions were coming from a good spot. I was still desperate, need more time to heal, and threw away any of my dignity in front of them. I don't know why this made sense to me, but that same day (yesterday) I sent out one last text and it just said, "Hey sorry for the last few days. Things have just been emotional on top of this breakup and I lashed out. Hope you're doing better." I deleted their number because in the last few days, I have been understanding more and more from their view points on how this relationship came to an end. While they needed time and space because of their personally life. I had become very anxious about their well-being, and was over-stepping in the relationship like trying to fix everything, even though they didn't ask for help or not giving them the appropriate space they needed (during and after the relationship). I've been meeting with my therapist and I have a lot of healing and maturing to do. So I'm extending my part of the no-contact from 30 days to at least a year if not indefinite. I know I'm gonna be able to get to the point where I can see my life without them again and be happy. I'm not at that stage yet, but I want to be at the point where I could be happy whether or not if they come back (friends or anything). I just want to know so I can learn for future relationship or even this one if they decided to forgive me for my overbearingness, do you guys think that while I'm focusing on myself that they could forgive me or even reach out again?
  2. Hello everyone 🙂 I am Kriyah and I'm from India. I'm seeking some advice regarding healing, being content and not giving an F about somebody who has hurt me. Here is a short back story. For those of you who don't know, arranged marriages are quite the thing here in India. So my parents found a suitable guy for me last year and we talked for a month. We talked every day and things were quite good. We vibed really well and conversations were great. Then one month later we decided to meet up. Post that date, he got busy with some work for about 3 days and on the 4th day he told me that he thinks we won't be compatible in the long run, he wished me luck and said we couldn't continue any longer. It hurt. I didn't expect it to hurt but it did. I always considered myself as an emotionally strong person. Prior to this connection I met other guys too but none of those rejections ever hurt me coz I could never picture a future with other guys before. He was the first guy in a very long time with whom I dreamt of having a future. And he REJECTED me. That sucked. I didn't really react much at the time when he sent his last message. I sent a "👍 " and instantly removed him from all my social media circles. But for the next 2 days I sort of begged him to meet up one last time coz I honestly wanted him to have a good time (as he was super busy) and wanted him to remember me on god terms. But he kept giving excuses so I eventually gave up on the 2nd day and left him a message saying that everything we had was super nice and I really wanted him to have a good life. This was around 26th Jan 2021. Since then I tried keeping a strict no contact. But occasionally I'd visit his fb profile and view his pictures. Then sometime in mid Feb I saw that he put up a new profile picture in whatsapp and I ended up texting him saying "Someone's got a new picture!". He said "yeah...probably changing my profile picture after decades". I told him he looked like a kid in that picture to which he didn't even reply. That hurt again. Also in the meantime I got sucked into law of attraction. I was desperate to have him back. I would try scripting, meditating, journaling, SATS to get him back and was constantly thinking that he'll be back one day begging me to reconsider. That really made it hard for me to move on coz I was clinging too much on hope. One day I realized that enough was enough and I needed to move on for my own sanity. Also, initially he'd view all my stories but never replied. But he stopped viewing my stories too. I was kinda getting addicted to see if he viewed my updates or not so decided to take a total break from social media. It's going to be a around 3 weeks of strict no contact.....I don't have his number saved in my contact book, I don't check his social media and I'm determined to move on. But there is this hope still there in me that says that one day he'll be back and I don't want that. I just want to completely forget him. I want him to just be a distant memory. I don't want to wake up thinking about him, wishing he was there. I try to think of other things when he crosses my mind but nothing helps. I keep going back to his memories.....I keep thinking what could have and would have. I do not want to think about him. I wish there was a button that you could press and forget stuff. Also I see videos about the no contact and stuff. I know it's supposed to be used for us but somehow they all give a hope that our ex would be back. How so I stop this feeling of hoping that he's be back????? Has anyone of you ever successfully moved on and how long did it take? I just want to reach to a point where I don't want to hope that he's gonna come back or even if he does, I want to say "NO" to him. Help me guys.....I really want to heal. XOXO love ❤️
  3. Trust me, in my case I'm not expecting it, but I've wondered this. My ex said she'd 'closed the door' on me. Personally, I've never been the one to end a relationship, so I've always wondered how people can just say I'm done with you for life. My ex did eventually contact me, but in the end, I really don't know why. There was some reminising, talk of having missed me, our dinner meet - which she initiated went great, but she went ice cold the following day. I'll never know what happened. Anyway, I guess my question is just, how do some people just decide - I'm done with you.
  4. My ex and I separated a few months ago after a "temporary break" in which she got physical with someone else after we agreed not to see other people and her not feeling treated well. We broke up after that and she said that it was my responsibility to let her know when I could make things work again one day, and that she still wanted a future together. She recently got in touch after I deleted her on social media and was really sweet, saying she believed things could still work and had been looking up flights to see me. A few days later, I messaged her saying I really enjoyed talking but the best thing for me would be to keep moving on. I said it wasn't about resentment or not having feelings for her anymore, but that I just needed to focus on other things in my life and learn how to be happy independently again. She responded saying she never wanted to get back together because I was a "very negative part of her life" and that she just wanted to try talking. I responded saying I was confused about what she initially said about getting back together and immaturely pointed a finger about the cheating. I asked her to never contact me again. She responded right away, apologizing for her part in us separating, saying she loved me and wanted all the best for me. A few days later, I apologized for being so harsh and explained that I was also sorry for my part in us separating. I explained that I knew I also made mistakes and that I was sorry. We went back and forth for a while and the last thing she said was to never hesitate to contact her if I ever needed anything. I think that's a kind gesture but I don't really want to leave the door open for contacting each other in the future because I think it could make moving on more difficult for both of us. I'm confused about why she said that. Should I say nothing, the same likewise, or just "thank you"? Any advice is appreciated.
  5. I've been officially single over a week but in reality after not seeing my ex since September Ive been emotionally single a lot longer. To summarise breaking up came about due to covid restrictions, growing apart during the lockdowns and just not being the right fit for me. We started dating around this time last year but haven't spent tons of time together due to covid. She is heartbroken and I'm upset about that part of her being upset but personally I feel fine about breaking up, I know I made the right choice and I'm on the right path for me and excited about the new chapter in my life once this virus is in check. With all this in mind I'd like to take up online dating over next couple of months, chat to some people, hopefully make a good connection and go on a socially distanced walk or some safe activity for a date. My worry is upsetting my ex, I know she has friends who are on these apps and they would have no hesitation in telling her and stirring, I'd hate to upset her even more and think I should maybe wait a little longer, but then at the same time this year has shown life is too short for that, I should be doing what's right for me, or is that a very selfish way to look?
  6. Today is a bad day. It's raw, and i feel like I'm back at square one. I'm struggling to cope with how i feel right now. I know it's normal to feel hurt after a break up, this isn't the first time for me. However, I have never felt a love like the one I had for her/still have for her. So it makes sense that it hurts more than past break ups, but I feel like I lost more than just her when she broke up with me, I feel like I lost myself too. I cope okay most days, but days like this make me want to give up. I push myself to make it through these days, but I feel like with each bad day I end up getting pushed back to square one and i don't know how much longer I can keep pushing myself. I try to focus on the good things in my life, my family, my friends, my future. I tell myself that I did all I could do, and that it was a bad situation for me to be in. I tell myself that I don't deserve the way I was treated, that she wasn't right for me, good for me. I struggle though. I am struggling. How do I move through these days? How do you move on from someone you truly believed you would spend the rest of your life with? Is time the only answer?
  7. He initiated the breakup citing he felt we wanted different things (him wanting a lighter more easy going relationship, me pushing to settle down - this is after almost 4 years together and we are in our late 30’s!) started fighting everyday about anything and everything. The way he handled it was so messy, one day it’s what he wants and the next day he’s unsure getting mad at me for removing my things from the apartment. Finally we go no contact for months until the quarantine hits and I reach out with a message for his safety telling him explicitly not to contact me if he doesn’t wish to discuss what happened as I felt the decision to breakup was so wishy washy without proper conversation to which HOURS LATER he replies back ignoring my instruction, filling me in on his life but not addressing the breakup either. I get pissed and confront him essentially we go back and forth where he tells me he has been avoiding processing the breakup feelings throwing himself into work and he knows how unhealthy that is but that it is too painful to process(too painful to process? It had been 6 months at this point!) that he will always love me and he also adds that he doesn’t want to “Get my hopes up” but that he hopes we can talk without hurt feelings at some point (I interpret this to mean he wants to talk but doesn’t want to deal with my emotions as I’m a very fiery personality, he’s told me several times my intense emotions make him want to run). He begs me not to get into it ‘right now’ I tell him that I am sorry for intruding on his life as it seems he wants us to move on from one another and that it won’t happen again. It has been more weeks of radio silence and I’m not sure what to do. Not wanting to get into it “right now” does that mean one day you plan on it? Or is that just BS to fend me off? I’ve been looking into attachment styles and he is definitely “dismissive avoidant” who runs from highly emotional conversations and I am “anxious preoccupied” who craves reassurance (these two types often end up together albeit their opposite characteristics). The advice is to let them come to you on their comfort terms to talk but where the hell does that leave me in the meantime? When I reached out he answered and is happy to hear from me but does not take action by his own accord to talk to me. And for those who say “just forget him and move on” I wish I could just turn this off and do that! I am not ready to let go for whatever reason just yet and am looking to connect with others who have had similar experiences...
  8. Hello, Me and my ex broke up 4 months ago after a 2 year relationship and I'm having a bit of trouble. Honestly it's strange because we argued on a daily basis and at times I didn't even look forward to seeing her. I'm 24 years old and this wasn't my first serious relationship but I'd still like some advice. So when we broke up we spoke a bit at the start, tried to be friends, didn't work and then stopped talking for a while. We started talking again about a month ago giving the whole friends thing a shot. We both came to the same conclusion that it wasn't going to work but we don't want to completely remove each other from our lives so let say we're being civil, not talking on a daily basis. My problem is that it's been 4 months and I still spend about 80% of my day thinking about her. This has been going on since the start of the break up. Everything and I genuinely mean every stupid little thing reminds me of her. For example like drinking coffee because she loved it, cold weather reminds me of times we got up early for holiday flights and the weirdest one is even some of my family members because she got on so well with them. I recently started a new job working from home and I can't concentrate on work. I'm quiet when I'm out with my friends and I've tried talking to new girls but I compare them all to my ex and I lose interest in talking to them. Sometimes I think I'm ready to move on and sometimes I'm not. Honestly I just want it to stop because it's torture. I'm sad every day and can't concentrate on things that are meant to take my mind off it. Neither me or my ex want to fix things but I'm finding it so difficult to move on. I understand being like this for the first few weeks but it's been 4 months and I haven't seen her. Even when I text her it reminds me why I wanted to break up in the first place. Does anyone have any advice that could help?
  9. I'm 28 and after my 4 year relationship ended, I've felt lost. I was inattentive, but she was needy and had trust issues (whole story in my other post). Now she's pregnant to another man 4 months after we broke up. I know there are a lot of things I need to change, things that I want to change to better myself and for myself. I want to become fit and agile, I want to stop playing so many video games, I want to stop watching porn, I want to watch less TV, I want to become a better communicator, I want to be less frustrated and irritable, I want to learn new things, and I want to learn how to balance my time to include those I love and care for. Yes, this all stems from my previous relationship, but I am not doing it for my ex seeing that she has moved on and now has an unplanned pregnancy. I want to be a better, more well-rounded person for myself and the next relationship I go into. I don't know what i need to change exactly, i just know that I've never been the dumper and want to change something, if not many things about myself to be successful. However, I don't know where to start. I'm just tired of feeling like I'm missing out on a lot of things due to the way I decide to spend my time...
  10. Relationship ended with the woman I thought I was going to marry about 2 years ago. She moved on with someone else quick, I have dated here and there but nothing has stuck. I started going back to the gym a few months ago, and at 4am in the morning....my ex and the guy walked in. She turned away from me, acting as though she didn't know me. Thoughts on this? She doesn't seem to be able to look me in the face. A couple of weeks ago, I was outside my house and she drove by. Nothing creepy, I live on a major traffic road.....and her brother lives near me. She made a motion with her arm, wasn't a wave. Perhaps out of frustration that I saw her. Does any of this mean anything? Sorry for the length, trying to be as descriptive as I can.
  11. Hey everyone. It's been a few months since I last posted. Last time, I talked of a break up that happened back in November 2019. Well, here's what's happened since then: I'm afraid I did not take the advice of cutting contact with her back in November. For a while, I was doing well about just talking with her has friends. But over time, it became clear that we could not handle that sort of thing. In December we went back to talking like boyfriend and girlfriend again, and it wasn't long before we were talking about how we could be a better couple in the future. After having not seen her since the end of September, I finally saw her again during a New Years event. While we were super anxious about seeing each other, it was honestly very nice. We got to catch up and remind ourselves of why we had feelings for each other. Honestly one of the most romantic events of my life. That being said, when I returned home after those few days out of town, I remembered all the reasons we originally broke up, and I knew that those reasons were still there. I felt like we were about to jump into the exact same situation, and once again I felt a horrible gut feeling about moving forward. So on January 10th, I once again let her go. For some reason, the break up this time was so much harder on me than in November. Within the month, I learned that she was already talking to a new guy. I was shocked at this, for she was always expressing that no one in her life compared to me, and that she wanted to spend the rest of her life with me. I thought, for these reasons, it would at least take her as long to heal as it would me. I have been distraught since then. I have been wrestling with depression and grief. I've questioned how she could move on so quickly from me, and I questioned whether I really ever meant anything to her or not. I've wondered if she even thinks about me anymore, and wondered how I can be so easily forgettable. Even tonight, I noticed on a certain social media platform (Pinterest) that she and this new guy are sharing things about houses, suggesting to me that they are already talking about living together or maybe even spending life together. I am shocked and devastated. I have to say, all the free time that has come with the coronavirus quarantine has made the healing and moving on process 100x harder to deal with. I even feel more broken than I did in January. I have shed more tears in the past 3 months than I have in all my life. While I'm taking baby steps about working on myself during this time, it has been hard to motivate myself to do anything substantial. Life has not felt worth living. I have lost all hope. I'd love to believe her being with this new guy so soon is a red flag and shows I made the right choice. Do you guys think that? I don't know what to think or do anymore. I am a heartbroken fool. I feel betrayed, even though obviously I know she has not wronged me. I realize I brought this all on myself; I know I must take responsibility. But I could use some advice and encouragement right now. Thank you.
  12. My fiance dumped me. He stated that to him we are still together and he isn't looking for anyone else and that he love me. We hang out and still communicate. Sometimes we have really good days and forget that we aren't "offical". But that don't sit right with me. I get angry and i feel like if we are going to act like we are together than why can't we be together. He said he is at a mental standstill in his life and need to work on bettering himself and i should do the same. That's cool and all but it don't make sense to me. How are we supposed to better ourselves apart but still be involved in each others lives? Its frustrating. I just want to move on. Not move on and sleep around, but move on and heal. I want us to grow together, not apart and he won't change his mind and i hurt him constantly by being ok with it one moment and hurt the next. He keep saying stuff like "I don't know what I'm doing" or "I'm lost and confused" "I'm sorry, i don't want you to hurt".... Can somebody explain what im supposed to do. Why is he doing this. I need to make a very big decision and i dont want to feel selfish or regret from it. And please no bashing. I'm not ok the last thing i need is some to tell me to get over it. My mind is fragile and sometimes i don't even want to be alive.
  13. We split 10 month ago officially after 8 long years and a 4 year old baby girl. She ended it because I was unfaithful. To many lies from me, I needed to grow up tbh. I hit rock bottom, and built myself back up. I feel like I’m a man after that experience. We just got back from a day out with the daughter. We don’t do this often but when Our days off during the week merge, I’ll always see if she would like to take our girl out. Well, it was fantastic. Everything felt natural, and that’s because I’m over the breakup for the most of it. I made her belly laugh, and snort. Not seen that for a long time. And also some physical contact. I carried her over obstacles, we collided into each other down slides and ended up on top of each other a few times. I’d call this flirting, at least from my side. And it felt good. Like, she wanted me to chase her sometimes. Felt like being kids again it was so refreshing. Trouble is...she’s in a committed relationship. Has been for around 8 month now. She loves him, and I believe her. And I know they talk marriage and kids and moving on together, all that normal stuff. The guy is cool, and is very involved with my daughter now. Which I’m happy about now. She made a joke on the way home. He walked to her house (doesn’t drive) and it’s like at 30 minute walk at least in pouring rain and snow. Very committed I said. She said it’s a little excessive of him. First time I’ve ever really heard her mock him even if it was gentle. I joked back about how he’s storming to her house now, knowing we’ve all been together for the day and thinking frantically about how he can get one up on me when he’s got time with her tonight. She laughed, like real hard. I feel like attraction is building between us, that’s what I believe this is. Possibly because I’ve let go now. And it took so long to get over the breakup. I will add...I do love this girl. She’s important to me and I will always take care of her. Seeing us together having fun brings back fond memories, we haven’t laughed together like that for years. It was nice to be apart of it. For the record. I’m moving on with my life, as is she. I actually am enjoying my life now. I’ve changed so much. What do people think is going on here?
  14. Hi all, I used this website around September last year seeking advice on whether breaking up with my ex was objectively a good idea for me and now i wanted to hit you all with a further conundrum. (See my previous post if you want more of an insight). Anyway - i ended up breaking things off with him shortly after this. But i still go to university with him and we study the same degree, live down the same road etc so i thought it would be best to take the high road and to try to remain somewhat civil. He messaged me quite frequently, about random stuff, to which i would either ignore or be blunt to and i had some inappropriate texts from him/requests in person about having a causal relationship (no?) to which i obviously declined. Over time, I kind of almost started to enjoy being friends though, it was nice and we hung out without all the relationship upset. Fast forward to around mid-november when he tells me that he "can't be too close with me because he doesn't want to upset me if he starts to move on" and that he can "easily detach himself from emotional situations" (?). So i'm like okay, yeah sure and went home for Christmas. Over Christmas he messages me quite frequently, especially on Christmas day thanking me and my family for lovely past christmasses and that he will miss it dearly. Then he sent me a couple of memes in the days between Xmas and NY. Fast forward to New Years Eve and i find out through a friend that he is seeing someone and took her to a party a lot of my friends/our friends were at/hosted. I just wanted some advice because although i dont want to be with him, knowing he is with someone else like a month after he was asking to sleep with me/only a few months after we broke up is really hurting me inside and i dont want to hurt anymore. Plus some of our friends are mutual and i saw a photo of him and new 'girl' laughing and looking really happy and its playing on my mind lol. I feel as though if i wasn't at uni with him it would be so much easier but its now like i have to have constant reminder of this AND he treated me so badly in the relationship, during the breakup and after? Can i catch a break? How comes he gets to be so happy and moving on while i'm recovering from all of this. Please do offer some advice - muchos appreciation.
  15. So basically me n this guy have been going out but we both have been going through some stuff personal n within our family. We decided to break up. We still love each other. We decided to remain close friends until we become better n then maybe try n work things out. He has a condition but I’m willing to still be w him. he recently lost his close cousin. Idk if I should move on or still be by his side cuz he still wants to work things out
  16. Hello, all :) I guess I’m just looking for validation to hold onto the relationship I had that I know was true, but was broken by my ex out of the blue almost 2 months ago. I’m 24M, he’s 21M, and we were dating for almost 6 months. In fact, our anniversary always took place during a full moon phase, which had unidentified significance to me... The night he broke up with me, he seemed depressed. He said he needed time to himself and to figure out what he wanted. I knew then and know now that I want the relationship to continue, though. He’s in his junior year of college and I know he’s young, so I assume school is taking much of his time and attention. A week later, we meet for drinks, and when I see him and look into his eyes, I see someone different than the guy I met. This new guy seems moved on from me... it hurt to see that. After drinks, we go to my car in the parking lot and I tell him that I still have feelings for him. He says that he believes we’re different people... I cry, and ask him if there is someone else he’s intimate with. He doesn’t say anything, but his body language implies that there is someone else. The energy in my car is intense, and he calls himself a “piece of ”. We continue talking about the relationship and I prove how honest I was with never cheating on him (because I love him so much) by showing him messages from guys who would be flirty with me while I was in a relationship. I never pursued those other guys because I am sure of my love for my ex. We make out in my car, and it feels real and nice. But when we take a break from kissing, he says he ‘doesn’t want to lead me on’. He leaves and we say ‘I love you’ to each other. Within the next month and a half, I message him only on Thanksgiving and Christmas. Our conversations are friendly and quick. Just recently, though, a friend from work has been aware of how down I am about this loss in my life. So, he suggests that he message my ex saying how awful I feel without him, and I believe it to be something of a last resort. So, my work-friend messages him in a mature way, saying something along the lines of ‘I can see how hurt he is without you. He cherishes the time you guys spent together and really loves/misses you. Maybe give him a call to catch up on things together.’ My ex responds to him with something like, ‘I have moved on, to be honest. I am on a different path.’ There really are no words to convey how hard of a loss this is... I immerse myself in dreams about this person who doesn’t seem to be in this world or universe anymore. Honestly, it’s like he has died in some way, and I deny that the person who still has the body and most of the personal attributes of my ex is really my ex. It seems like a demon or some other entity has taken control of his body. In complete shock and despair, I called my grandmother after reading what he said. I trust and love her so much, so it only made sense to turn to her for advice. She gave me two, very different solutions: one went something like ‘If he moved on, so should you. You can’t create a person the way you want them to be.’, and the other was ‘Well, he’s young. Maybe he’ll change his mind. Also, he messaged your friend, not you. Maybe he was upset/nervous to talk to someone he doesn’t really know, so he lied to him.’ I’m here for further healing. This truly is the worst feeling and I still have some hope that I can get what I want. I don’t know if it’s dumb to have hope, but it still feels nice to have. Thank you so much for reading my story. Love, AJ
  17. Me and my ex broke up 8 month ago. Together 8 years and a beautiful 4 yo girl. I abused her trust during the relationship. Lies and betrayal. Worse mistake of my life. She moved on quickly. Met a guy, he seemed cool. We talk often, me and her. and hang out as a broken family on occasions. We have a good bond, I still make her smile and laugh. I’ve been there for her this year, she’s reached out regarding personal problems and been really upset. I’ve supported her a lot, and offer my help wherever. She initiates 9/10 of our convos, and I never reach out about my issues with her. I’ve been thinking a lot lately. I can’t picture myself with anyone else it makes me feel sick! This is because I’m not over her. She seems to be, but then again she’s been infatuated by this guy who she says she loves. Anyway I thought enough is enough, I must move on. I’ve reached out a lot at the beginning of our breakup to no avail. I planned to tell her I just can’t be friends with her anymore. meaning no more family days together and unnecessary phone conversations. Only ones about our daughter. That morning we went to our daughters play at nursery and when I picked her up she’s bawling her eyes out. I squeezed her tight , and she told me basically he’s cheated on her. I kept my distance that day, my behaviour didn’t match that of the way I’ve been acting towards her since our breakup. I must stick to my guns here. I’ve showed her who I am now and how I can treat her/ how much I’ve changed. It’s up to her to see that or not right? Am I doing this right? Is my timing off for this no contact period whilst I get over her fully and start dating again. or could I have a chance here if I comfort her during this time? Changing my plans now seem snakey. I’m trying to be a better person. I’m not sure if they will get back together. Kinda think we will reconcile anyway one day, I learned my lesson and I think it may take her a few heartbreaks to look towards me again. Just some advice please ??
  18. Hi, I posted about me and my other half broke up a couple of months ago. I guess I’m back here really because I’m struggling to move forward. He was (and is) a genuinely lovely person and the break up was as amicable as it could be, albeit very difficult. Not my decision, not what I wanted, but a case of bad timing in his life. It left me heartbroken though. I know I have to move on. I have been doing everything I can. I have a wonderfully busy career which I absolutely love and can be all consuming. It’s easy to let this take over though which I am becoming guilty of. I have wonderful friends. Literally the best. I play music. I go to the gym. I have started running more. I have even signed up to a race as I thought it would give me something to focus on! But...In between the distractions, I cry almost every day. I miss him being a part of my life. Its tough. I still love him. I feel stuck in a place where I’m not ready to move on but I know I have to. Truth be told, I know deep down that I’m still holding out hope that he may realise what he’s lost/change his mind once he sorts the other stuff in his life. But I’m also fully aware that this may not happen too. But I don't know how to let go completely. My friends have told me to try to redirect my focus rather than worry about ‘moving on’. Which is what I’m trying to do. But I still miss him!
  19. I recently got out of an emotionally abusive relationship and was moving on nicely until a month later a saw that my ex was in a relationship on facebook. I suddenly felt obligated to warn her. He blocked me on facebook shortly after (probably to keep me quiet), and I blocked his number. I feel that I should message his girlfriend and warn her of the abuse I experienced and to look for signs. Should I go forward with the message or leave it be?
  20. I just still don’t understand how someone can tell you they truly and really love you like no one before, then be able orbit you and not ever talk to you or even check up on you after breaking up with you. My ex broke up with me in February because she feels she’s not ready to be in a relationship due to her self esteem and her not being good with her emotions. She doesn’t know how to fully express herself because she was never taught to. I truly believe this is why because she was completely honest throughout our relationship and through the breakup. There wasn’t someone else, or anything I did. I didn’t start NC until a month later because I did try to beg and convince her that we could fix it, but she wants to stick to her decision to learn to love herself before loving another. I broke it last month to ask if I should move on and she said yes because she wants me to be happy. She said there was no other reason for our breakup besides her not being ready or able to make someone happy. I’m still in denial after not hearing from her since and i’m feeling like an idiot even if I have hope that she’ll come back when she’s ready. I only think this because if someone told you how lucky they are to have you and they tell you how truly in love you are then why wouldn’t she. I’m pretty sure she’s moved on. Not because she didn’t really love me and lied, but because it doesn’t matter how she feels and she needs to fix herself first. I know NC is more for me to move on and everybody has been telling me to move on, but I can’t help but feel that if it’s real love, that she’ll come back when she’s ready. I just wish either things would start to show us getting together again, or I wish that I could just stop clinging on.
  21. I broke up with my ex a few weeks ago after months of considering it. He loved me deeply but he kept doing things that hurt me as he wouldnt reflect or consider my feelings. He was never abusive (emotionally or physically), but overtime, after seeing that he lied to me about some things, said the wrong things, and realizing we were both in different waves in life, i couldnt see a future with him anymore. We broke up but he kept trying to get me back. I was always very communicative with him during the relationship, he knew everything that bothered me, but only after we broke up did he realize that my feelings were valid. He realized he wasnt truly considering them during our relationship, and told me he can be better this time around. We finally cut contact for a week, but he reached out again during a vulnerable moment i was going through. We had a long talk about all the things he did that hurt me, and he said he understood and can work on that ,and we kissed, and i thought about getting back together with him. But, after trying it for a day, i felt a heavy anxiety attack and guilty and realized it wasn't what i wanted. I keep reading poems and writen thoughts about how "i should move on" because he never chose me,but he did keep choosing me. And i feel like an awful human being who couldnt love a person who loved me with all his heart. I guess i still miss him a lot, i loved his company, but i just stopped feeling in love with him, or compeltely wanting to be with him for the rest of my life. How do you move on from a break up where no one was the bad guy, a break up where you just were not totally in the relationship anymore even though you loved the person?
  22. A few days ago my ex boyfriend and I got into an argument (except he was kinda just talking at me while I was quite) and he ended up calling me a . I told him to get out of my car and I drove off. Initially he seemed sorry, and I guess he still does. It’s not that he doesn’t care about me either, he just has a really bad temper and can’t handle himself. I miss him a lot, and I love him a lot. But today he called me and told me that although he loved me, he was not going to change for me and that for me was just a clear sign that I have to move on. I so badly just want to call him and tell him that I miss him, asking to working it out. Please just remind me that I am better off :’(
  23. I (28F) am really conflicted as I have been struggling to move on from a guy (29M) I was seeing for only 2 months (!!!), 1 year ago. Things were going reallllllly really well. e chemistry and connection was like nothing I'd experienced in my life and he felt the exact same way, so our time together, when it was good was extra nice. He was a very cold person with a big front, but when we were together all those walls came down and I'd see a completely different person who could be so loving and kind. Unfortunately the following occured during this time- He would blow hot and cold and it was hard to deal with. He'd also get into moods where he would put me down jokingly. His ex girlfriend was still a good friend of his, which was fine with me as I am good friends with my exes, however she could be very possessive of him and put me down to him a lot (i.e., when we were spending time together she wanted to visit to borrow something and he told her he was with me and he responded saying 'your tinder date can wait'). He made no effort to defend me and constantly excused her behaviour. I tried to discuss this with him and he didn't seem interested in talking about it or offering any reassurance. Considering we were only in the early stages of dating and not his actual girlfriend, I didn't push it further. He had a previous history of heavy drinking and a benzo addiction, which he expressed he had moved on from. I felt that he wasn't being honest considering previous behaviours of his before we dated seriously which were only a year prior, indicating little time for full recovery (on our first date a year before we started seeing each other, he showed up wasted and took me to a bar where his ex hung out, she was there and sabotaged our date by constantly chatting to him with her friends, he reached out a year later blaming this on his alcoholism and benzo use) One day he was in a mood and I got fed up and I told him that I didn’t appreciate him speaking to me the way he did and in response he said that he’s a jerk and is going to get 100 x jerkier the more I know him (especially when he drinks) so it probably isn’t going to work out, but he will most likely regret breaking it off because he liked me heaps and didn't think he was capable of having an interest in someone like he did with me. He then went on to tell me that I am quite a sensitive person and he needs to be with a girl who will put him back in his place when he acts up. We agreed to stay friends and he'd sometimes indicate that he wanted to give it another shot, saying he probably will never be able to lose his attraction to me, but then would back out and pull away. Things got pretty sour fast, mainly with him getting irritable with me and eventually he told me he is done talking to me and doesn't want anything to do with me and he cut me off from there. Two months after this, he messaged me telling me he was truly sorry for everything and that even though it is no excuse, he was in a bad place and that he was a ‘pig’. At that point I felt I had well and truly moved on, especially considering how unpleasant he was with me during our last interaction, so I politely told him that I appreciate his apology and wished him all the best. Unfortunately with his last message, I experienced all these feelings return and I tried to wait it out. This didn't last long and I reached out a couple of months later. He seemed keen to know what I was up to and wanted to be friends, but when I told him I still had feelings for him he pulled back entirely said that we should block all contact so we can give each other some peace and that he 'hopes we cross paths again one day', from there he stopped talking to me altogether and blocked me. I'm ashamed to say that nearly a whole year passed with a lot of struggle trying to move on, mainly with this intense shame for pushing him away to the point where he felt the need to block me. I felt repulsive and felt that he held very low opinion of me after thinking highly of before it got so ugly (before all of this, he'd tell me that he'd never been so attracted to anyone before, that he thought I was amazing, that he couldn't hold any interest in other women for a year after meeting me because I was always at the back of his mind) . I tried to distract myself anyway possible and took on a whole new career, made many new friendships, developed new hobbies, dated heaps and gone through lots of therapy, but he still didn't really escape my mind. About two months ago I noticed on my messenger that he had unblocked me entirely, after a few weeks trying to put it out of my mind, I got in touch to tell him that If he doesn’t want to speak to me, to tell me upfront – but I miss knowing him and still feel confused about everything that happened. He responded saying ‘I woke up to my friend dead and am dealing with that at the moment. I’m getting lots of messages and I think I might delete messenger x’. I told him that I am very sorry to hear of his situation, that I hope he’s coping ok and told him that he’s welcome to reach out to me if he feels the same way I do and wants to talk about it further. He responded saying ‘thank you x’. I added that the timing is obviously off, but to know that I'd rather be told if he isn't interested, rather for it to be left open and he left me on read. In that time I saw him show up on my tinder and he didn't like me back. A month has passed since this last interaction and pretty much everyone I know has told me that that was just him letting me down and it was a clear rejection, however I somehow feel like he was just leaving things open until it is a better time? I wrote in on another forum and was berated for harassing this guy and that he needs a restraining order against me, so I am feeling pretty awful about that. Would anyone have some supportive insights into this to share?
  24. I would appreciate a lot your opinions and advices about what should I do, thanks in advance, every answer is appreciated. Summary: Girlfriend (23 y.o.)broke up with me (23 y.o.), but I and everybody of our friends thinks that was because her stress, should I move on, or give her some space so she can think about it? First of all, I have to say that this was our first serious relationship for both of us, so we don't have experience. It all began in New year's night of 2017, that night Tracy (not her real name) and I met, and after an all night long conversation I really felt something special for her, two days after I asked Tracy if she would like to go to take a beer, and she said yes. So we had planned to met only for a few hours, but ended chatting like 6 hours about all kind of stuff. After this I knew for sure that this girl could be someone very special for me. The thing is that after a few weeks talking with Tracy, her best friend Lily (again, not a real name) told me that even when at the beginning Tracy felt something romantic for me, she doesn't felt it anymore, but Tracy really wanted us to be friends. This was hard, but things like this happens. So the next 7 months we started to hang out in the same group of friends, and everything was right, I have moved on and there was no expectation from me to be something more than just friends, anyway in those months we never stop chatting daily, and we become good friends. Then, in the last month of summer, she proposed me a couple of times to met her alone to do things like go to the cinema or go get a drink, but the reality is that I never suspected that she would have any interest about be something more than just friends. Later, at a party in the last week of summer, Tracy kissed me and said that she was sorry for rejecting me months ago because she was not sure about her feelings and didn't want to hurt me. The next week we met again and I told her that if she was looking for something serious we could continue seeing each other and see how it goes, she agreed and confessed me that she and her best friend Lily had feelings for me, so the relationship didn't gonna be something easy for her. Weeks passed and Tracy and her best friend Lily stopped talking to each other and Tracy opted to stop hanging with our group of friends, and thinking about that now I suppose that didn't should be easy for her. This month we were like 6 months dating, 6 really great months, we have never argued about anything nor had any problem, the only thing strange is that in this time we didn't have had sex, anytime I talked about this she said that she was kinda embarrassed about doing it, but well nothing serious I thought, also I preferred to wait until we can make it special and don't do it in a car or something like that. Three weeks ago we talked about it, and agreed to book a hotel room, so we can be alone and calm. A few days later I asked again if everything about us was going well because, I wanted to be sure that she really wanted to do it, so I asked Tracy this saying that I really like her, and she said that all was great and then kissed me (yes, she didn't say that she likes me, but I didn't give that too much attention at that moment). So the thing is that after that night, she almost stopped chatting with me with no apparent reason and five days later we met up, and she said that in the last week she realized that she doesn't feel the same that she felt for me, and then she broke up. In the broke up she seemed very affected and I have to say that she was kinda stressed with her collage exams and finding a job, so she could be independent of her parents. Also she said that she wanted to us to stay being friends. So, my question is, should I give her more time and space to reconsider it or should I gave up on her and move on?
  25. Hello, I was dumped a few months ago after a 10+ year thing. I've been trying to get back out there & meet people, but I've had a few dates say it's been "so soon." For at least one it was too soon (i.e., a dealbreaker). Adding to my uncertainty is that the past relationship was actually my first, and wasn't the result of the usual dating rigmarole, so now I'm pretty much dating for the first time ever, and apparently have the cloud of a past relationship hanging over me. So to anyone willing to answer, I'm curious: how long would you want someone you're dating to have been out of a relationship for? A 10 year one, if that makes a difference. Assuming things are otherwise going well of course. And, secondarily: what criteria do you use to figure out whether you've moved on enough after a breakup to fairly date someone again? I know, "it depends" and "it's different for everyone." But I'd love to know what these answers depend on for you personally.
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