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About Me

  1. If you could have any one super power, what would it be? Mine would be the ability to stop time. Isn't that the one thing I always hear myself saying, thinking, feeling? If only I had more time. Isn't that the wish on everyone's tongue tip? So okay, new found power, say you happen, I know the moral of the day is that I'll end up wasting you on trivial s**t, but sometimes I just need to gather my thoughts and collect myself. Life is fast and it only seems to be getting faster. One day I was 16 and all I could think about was the endless currency of precious time I had to spend. It was so undervalued. I'd do nothing with it. Spend it in bed, spend it online, spend it daydreaming. The only thing that's changed is the first part - hello new early riser - goodbye I've got forever so let's just chill and things will happen next year. Now I wake up 24 having to think if I'm actually well into my twenties or just getting started so I still have the excuse of 'but I'm young!' I'm getting married in two and a bit weeks time, things are changing but I feel the same. I need more time! More time to plan, more time to get myself sorted, more time to figure out what I want and need to do before it's too late, before I say I went to sleep 24, newly wed and woke up 36 and aching with the feeling - I could of done so much more, if only I had more time. If I could use my magic power only once, it would be for the most selfish reason. I would pause time whilst D holds me. Those moments where you wake up on Sunday morning to cool sheets, drizzly weather, grey sky peeking through the blinds and his arm around you. I would want that feeling forever, his chest moving up and down, his mouth open in deep sleep, like my own personal statue of beauty and everything I've ever wanted and more. When I wake up in his arms nothing else matters. Okay, now this daydreamer has to walk herself to the office and put the dreams and the day on hold. Daydream in your own time, the world will not stop for me and time waits for no man. I just want to get through this week of dreary work, I just want to have the courage to not wimp out and run from my problems. I'm starting this diary because I guess I start a lot of things that I feel like, but I really badly want to keep this one up. I don't even think it's made me feel better. More last minute planning tomorrow. I have a day out to a bohemian cocktail bar with my fiancé and best friend at the weekend - we're choosing wedding rings. I can't wait to be his wife, that's all I keep thinking, through all the drudge and ridiculous planning - I can't wait to be his wife. Write you later, Lo x
  2. We've been together for 7 years, with two children, son was 6 and daughter was 2. My wife started attending a boot camp in Irvine CA. One month later she established a password on her IPhone and notebook. She was getting and writing messages while I can't see it. Once I walked in to kitchen and saw her rapidly closing one tab on safari browser. She started spending a lots of time in the front of the mirror and wearing sexy clothes before she went to gym. Every Thursday when her trainer was having day off she would come back from "gym" not sweaty and with all her makeup in tact. Finally i ran on to her facebook messages with her personal trainer Jose: Him: "You smell so good, I still have it on me", Her: "I'm so sore this morning, I can barely move, you killed me:)))". Then later she accidentally called me through Skype, I did not answer by some reason, Long message was left with all the details while having sex in her car that I bought for her. I have posted screen shots of all facebook messages on boot camp facebook page. Owner of camp contacted me and promised to take some action. But nothing was done. Jose's popularity among female customers was too high, and he never fired him. I filed divorce withing 15 days. Jose is still employed by the boot camp, my children went through hell due to separation of parents. Can anyone advice what is the best legal action i can take against this personal trainer? Thank you.
  3. Hello Everyone, Been married a little over 7 years. I started noticing changes in my wife when she started a new job back in June of last year, working late, dressing different, guarding her phone. To make a long story short, my wife now spends more time with her new boss than she does with me. There have been at least 2 different incidents where I caught them doing what I consider to be flirting (she disagrees) and she even gave him a very expensive watch for Christmas. (she's never given me a watch) They text after work and at all hours of the night, I've even caught her texting him when she was supposed to be having a romantic dinner, alone with me. Every time I try to sit her down and have a calm conversation with her about all this, we just end up arguing and I end up on the couch, she thinks I'm overreacting and she even claims that maybe I'm being a little insecure about the fact that she now earns more than me. She says there is nothing going on between them, that she's only trying to make a good impression and I'm being paranoid, she says she loves me and wouldn't be with me if she wanted someone else and I really want to believe her. This weekend they are supposed to go away for a convention and she'll be gone for 2 weeks. I've already told her that I feel uncomfortable about the trip and now she says I'm controlling and she seems determined to go whether I like it or not. I don't know who this person is, but it's not the woman I married, she's turned into some sort of cold-hearted Ice Queen, our sex life is down the drain and she gets irritated easily and picks fights with me about stupid stuff. Despite all of this I still love my wife very much, but I'm beginning to think I can't compete with her new boss, he's 10 years younger than me, single and filthy rich. I'm at a loss for what to do, part of me wants to walk away and another part wants to fight for my marriage, but I don't even know where to start, I've never been in this situation before, any advice would be greatly appreciated.
  4. I am in the middle of a divorce (that my wife wanted). At first everything was my fault and I started to believe some of it until I found out there was someone else involved with her. At first she denied it and said they were just “good friends” and then I had proof of all the texting going on between the two and she couldn’t deny it anymore. She still said “he’s not the reason I’m leaving” “don’t tell anyone about this”. Typical cheater stuff. We’ve been together 11 years, married for 5. Both of us are 30 years old and we’ve known each other since elementary school. She had only known this guy for about 3 months before she moved out. (Yes never met him before in her life). I got the “I’ve been unhappy for awhile, he understands me, I’ve never felt this way before and the I love you but not in love with you”. I’m not perfect by any means but I didn’t do anything for a divorce. All of our family (mine and hers) are on my side other than her sister in law who she’s living with now and who’s a big part of the problem. I exposed her affair and now she’s mad at me of course but still denies that’s why she’s leaving. BTW she’s already thinking marriage with this guy. Anyway my question is, how often will affairs last typically? Anyone had an affair before and been through something similar and realized it wasn’t what they thought? Thanks
  5. Im soo confused, i dont know what to think or do. He was a friend of mine for 8 years although i didnt know him that well, hes been married 13 years and has 2 kids, im married also with kids. One night we were out and he kissed me, things moved fast, i knew his wife hit him and also cheated on him with her ex.. we talked alot, we fell in love, this carried on a year, but the year was hard even though he said he loves me i felt i always come last, obviously i understand he has a family but certain things and times my feelings didnt matter, we decided we would leave to be together, i saved up as his wife delt with their money. He then told me he wanted to stay with his wife and kids a bit longer and he wanted to buy a house with his wife so he could leave the kids in a permanent home. I wasnt happy but i understood his kids come first.. Weeks passed he then told me he couldnt leave yet. after alot of heartache i let him go.. We didnt speak for 11 months then all of a sudden i got a message. I wanted to tell him to get lost but i knew my feelings were still so strong. I still loved him, he had bought his house and things were settled for him, i thought maybe he had come back for me and he was gonna leave, he also admitted that 8 weeks after we ended he was seeing someone else, he said he was seeing her to get me out of his head, He says hes going to leave the end of this year 21 and wants to be with me, but do i wait.. he only messages me once a week because if we message alot it gets to much, its been 10 months since we started talking again, yet again his wife comes first no matter what, i dont expect him to drop anything for me but i expect a little in return. We once had a bit of an argument, i was so upset to which he knew i was but told me i had to wait 3 days until we could talk again because both him and his wife were off work together, i felt so angry and selfish, i know its hard for him to talk but wasnt i worth the risk, even if it was just a little message to make me feel better. Im at the end of my teather
  6. My wife recently admitted to me about her kissing another man. The guy she kissed they knew each other growing up. They started talking through Facebook and turned into a every day thing checking up on one another. She went out with some friends girls night out. They were at a bar and happened to see him there. Her fiend left and she stuck around and hung out with him. As they were saying good bye he kissed her and she didn’t stop him. She explained it was a quick peck on the lips. The next day she change her number and deactivated her Facebook and never spoke to him again. What should I make of this situation?
  7. I had first met this guy when I was 16, during my summer vacation. We used to meet every summer, there was always flirting going on between us but it never became much more. We had just kissed once. He was one year younger and quite shy and so was I at the time. At some point I stopped going to that place and we lost touch. Fast forward 30 years. 3 years ago I started vacationing there again. Met many old friends...and him. I was single, he was married with 2 grown-up kids. He told me that for years he would drive by my (summer) house and always wondered about me. It was great catching up with him but I didn't expect anything (naturally). I never got to meet his wife, she never came with him to the beach or to outings with other friends. During the winter we just kept in touch here and there. His cousin who's like a sister to him and I have become close friends and she would talk about him sometimes. Then, the unexpected happened. Last summer, his wife died suddenly. Of course, I called to give him my condolences and we started communicating some more. From his cousin I've learned that he and his wife had been separated for the last 4 years, that all the family knew about it and that they stayed together for their kids. This past winter I met him 4-5 times, always in social gatherings. And this brings me to today. I'm at my summer house, his cousin and he are at the same town and we're all together every day. There's always chemistry between us, we talk all the time, he buys me coffee, drinks, lunch, no matter how much I protest and it seems like he's interested in more. Do you think there's a chance for us?
  8. Hello. I made a post a week or so ago about my situation, but I wanted to come at it from a different angle. Basically, I've been with my wife for just over 6 years in total and married for 3. We have two children aged 4 and 2. We haven't been getting on for around 18 months or so and haven't even had sex for about 2 years. I've been sleeping on the sofa for over a year aswell. Around last Christmas, she told me that she no longer loves me and that she doesn't want to be with me anymore. I was heartbroken as no matter how hard things were, I always loved her and wanted to spend my life with her. She kept asking me to leave, but I refused as I didn't want to walk away from her or the children. Well three weeks ago, I found out through a friend that she was on multiple dating sites. I asked her about it and after a while, she admitted it. She told me it was just to make new male friends and have a bit of a flirt. It hit me like a rock. We had a few arguments and a couple of days later she left me and moved into her mum's. She also took our children and isn't letting me see them (I'm getting solicitors and courts involved which has really annoyed her) Obviously I'm missing the girls like crazy but I'm sure that I will get that part of it sorted eventually. The trouble is, I'm missing my wife for no reason at all! All we ever did was argue, we had no love life, slept in separate rooms, she was always moody and bossing me about. She was always right and everything I did was wrong and even my own friends and family disliked her. But I can't get her out of my head and want her back! She even called me this morning to moan at me and saying how the children don't want to see me etc. Why do I miss her so much? The flat is so quiet but still full of all her stuff and all our pictures including the wedding photos everywhere. Nothing I do and no matter how angry I try to get makes it any easier. She's taken my kids and stopping me from seeing them, and I still feel sad for losing her!!
  9. My wife of 9 years, dating for 12 told me she needs space to work through her past grief or she feels like she's going to explode. I resisted the 'space' at first because in my mind that's a separation and seems marriages often don't come back from separations. I realized I defined the space this way and apologized to her. I told her I support her and she has been staying at her friend’s house for the past week. We have 2 daughters, 7 & 4. My wife has been FaceTiming them a few times this week and my daughters can FaceTime her as well. My wife has come to the house on Thursday to tuck them in (she left the Monday morning before) so she is attempting to see them while she grieves. Her back story - My wife's grief stems from the loss of her mother when she was an early teenager (cancer), the loss of her grandma shortly after, and then her father moving the 2 youngest siblings (12 & 14) several thousand miles away while the 2 oldest siblings (17 & 19) choose to stay in their hometown. The moved happened because he met a woman online shortly after his wife's passing. As you can imagine, this devastated my wife as an early teenager. Moving to a new country without any emotional support of her lifelong friends, huge family, or simply being able to visit her mother’s grave and her dad being checked out on top of it allowed her not to grieve - she just internalized it all. This, of course, led to some destructive behaviors as a teenager that she still regrets to this day. My wife has had a couple of good length relationships and just came out of one when we met. She was 22 and I was 27. My back story - My grief stems from abandonment issues of my childhood/adolescence/life... I'm a military brat which was part of the reason i attended a different school from Kindergarten until 10th grade. I could always make good friendships, but they were always short lived because we would move again. My parents divorced when I was 7, my mom remarried shortly after when I was 8/9-ish, divorced again when I was 14/15 and then my mom remarried with I was 16/17, but I was in a serious relationship with my gf and spent most of my time with her, some friends, at church, or playing football. I attended college in a different city but maintained a long term relationship with my gf and we married in 2003 when I was 22. Our marriage lasted 5 years before her infidelity ended it. We were together 12 years 2 months. And then I met my Current wife, 2 months after my high school sweetheart left (2008) Our back story - My wife and I began talking and had a good connection immediately (2008). We broke up a few times because I was struggling with filing for divorce (abandonment issues much...) despite there was no relationship or communication with my HS sweetheart/spouse. We attempted to reconcile, but it didn’t last a week.. I filed for divorce about a year after I met my wife and it allowed us to get back together. In 2011 my wife and I married. We've moved around a few times having our 2 daughters along the way, but found our way back to the area where we met. This is the longest we've been in one place at 3.5 years. We have an amazing home that we've put some sweat equity in, beautiful yard that's like a park, just installed a pool and got a dog. Our relationship has been great! We have made fantastic memories and really do have a beautiful life. EVERYTHING anyone could ever ask for in life, and not in a material way. I don't say this out of ego, but I am a really good husband and father and she is a great wife and mother. Things are great, or so I thought. My wife started back to school to become a nurse and accomplish a goal of picking up her bachelor’s degree. She met some great friends and they have been spending lots of time together, which I support. She has always had great friendships and when we moved away and had babies, it was difficult for either of us to find friends so it's great she has made great friendships. Her new best friend confided in her as they commuted to school together that she wasn’t happy. That she was thinking about leaving her husband. My wife was a good listener and would attempt to intervene when her friend would think about doing something that could devastate the marriage before she decided to divorce or not. My wife told me everything her friend was going through bc we have a great relationship that we share/discuss/not judgement zone. Her friend filed for divorce last summer. My wifes sister has been dealing with some similar grief issues herself and her spouse doesn’t support her much. She doesn’t have friends and doesn’t have support other that my wife. So my wife has been hearing from 2 of her closest people about bad relationships and divorce and has even commented that she has it great and wishes they had what we have. Last May when school was out for summer, Sarah said she's having issues with her past grief/anxiety and that she's not happy, but her not happy wasn't with our relationship. I encouraged her to seek counseling like she had done a few years previously and she wanted to get back on the meds she was on when she had post-pardom depression with our first daughter so she got back on them and definitely helped with the anxiety, especially with the heavy load of nursing school. Things were good (or seemed so). We went on 3 awesome vacations to make up for the time that we didn't get to spend as a family while she was in school. She would study every night and I practically did everything (until she fired me from doing laundry, lol). I put my high stress & great job track on the back burner and focused on taking care of everything at home. Sarah even thought that moving to Boston would be where she wanted to be. I interviewed for jobs and attempted to move us, but ultimately, she said shes developed great friendships and has a job coming up so she wants to stay here now. We have a modern relationship as we firmly believe in contributing to equally to household duties. We have our 'division of responsibilities' which definitely helps know who does what and we def equally contribute. I promise you, if our life were on Instagram, it would be one of those that everybody wants. It is fantastic for both of us. I’m not making this up. Sure we have our arguments, but we have great relationship. Our summer was a great time of connecting and we would discuss her meds/grief/happiness/seeking counseling. All was good. School started back up again before she started counseling. We made it through the last year of school and of course, the Corona hit... This definitely put a damper on my wife's attitude. We followed social distancing protocols (of course, she's about to be a new nurse! lol) but you could see she was getting stir crazy and of course i was working from home. Crazy time for everybody. As soon as she could, she was seeing friends again, making plans to hike with friends, etc, but never making time/plans for us to do anything. It's almost like as her friendship grew, as her relationship with her sister grew, as she finished school which is such a confidence boost that she began having less time for me. I brought this up to her several times, but she just dismissed it as she needs to get out of the house bc of the Corona. We still never planned anything. Everything was about her friends/sister/hiking/tubing saying it was all for therapy. She definitely wasn't out partying or anything, but she also wasn't making time for me. No infidelity on anybody's part, but the distancing is difficult for me to deal with, especially since she's doing things i would love to do with her. I was an avid hiker back in the day and would love to spend that time/experience with her. Now to the Recent stuff - a little over a week ago she told me she wasn't happy again. That she's never dealt with her grief and NEEDS to do that. She asked about getting away for a few days and, in hindsight, I should have agreed because it seems like that would have been good and might have 'return date'. Instead i defined it as a separation and that 87% of marriages don't get back together after a separation (damn you Google! haha). Over the course of a day or so, we discussed it more and i kept pushing back, but eventually agreed to support and trust her, just like i always do, but i was definitely having issues with my abandonment issues and it was bringing up stuff from my past that was hard to ignore. There are soo many similarities in how my ex left to what my spouse is doing/has done, except for the infidelity. The hiking/new friends/distancing/etc. I recognize all of these are healthy things especially to clear your head, but because they are exactly the same from previous, it puts me in a bad place. When my ex left there was absolutely no hope. She cheated multiple times and wanted a separation. She kept cheating during the separation and was not in communication with me. It's similar but completely different this time. My wife needs some space to work on her self, is in counseling, we go to marriage counseling, and we talk/text multiple times daily. She left on Monday morning to stay with a friend. She went to her first counseling session and called me afterword and told me in an upbeat good mood saying all of this is about her unresolved grief and it has nothing to do with our marriage and we're going to be great in the end! Fantastic news! Awesome! It was day 1. Night 1 was a totally different scenario, because i'm an idiot and insecure and reliving my past grief. as my wife said to me, the body recognized trauma. My body definitely started recognizing trauma and my insecurities came out in the middle of the night. I saw that she had facetimed the girls but never bother to call/text me that evening. Granted we talked/text during the day, but what's common sense have to do with grief! lol. Definitely don't have a few bourbons when your wife leaves - it only makes it worse. So of course i self-sabotaged. I happened to come across an old ipad of hers earlier in the day and thought nothing of it. In the wee hours of the morning when i could sleep (literally got no sleep that night) i cracked it open and attempted to login into stuff. i only did it for a little bit and realized how wrong i was and insecure i was being. This is not what she needed and definitely doesn't come across as supporting/trusting her. Of course, this caused her get notifications that someone was trying to hack her accounts. That made day 2 a bit uncomfortable and probably caused some damage... We discussed my actions and she shared that night 1 was rough for her too.. At her friends house, she had a few glasses of wine and cried all night to her 2 friends that were there. We discussed how this sucks for both of us but it's what's best for Her. Definitely not what seems like best for Me. And that's the biggest problem. I keep making this about me! We've talked/texted everyday this week. We attended our first marriage counseling session on Thursday (first time i saw here since she left) and that was a disaster bc i made it about me again. I thought maybe we could ride together, but instead of asking her, i waited for a text that never came. so approx an hour before the session i told her i'd see her there and to drive safe. I was trying to protect myself from her declining my inquiry, but i did more damage. She said she would have wanted to ride together, just wasn't something she thought of yet. (how do you not think of it - oh yeah, you're dealing with grief and this isn't about me...) We ended up riding together, but i was in a foul mood bc it seemed she didn't want to be with me. me and the counselor argued a bit because i felt she was shutting my feelings down, but i was wrong and in a bad place. damn it. I dropped my wife off at her car and she said she'll pick the girls up from daycare if i'll pick up the food. so she came over and we ate but then the dog got attacked by a deer... yep, a deer. so we had to rush to vet and get checked out. of course, my wife feels guilty about this because she let the dog out but its not her fault. another thing for her to grieve and be distant about... ugh. she stayed to put the kids to bed and then we chatted for a bit. again i made it about me and cried that i want her in my life and that this process sucks too much. I told her i'm afraid she's doing this as a trial divorce. i'm stupid and grieving myself. I told her i don't understand how you're going to work thru your stuff and become better at your friends house, away from your family. She says she needs the independence and not being here helps her focus on herself. not having to worry about the kids or me, but all she's done is worry about me and the kids. completely my fault for continuing to make it about me. The next day, she came over in the morning to drop off the Jeep that she has so that i could tow some equipment - we installed a pool and now there's crazy yard work to do and somebody's got to do it. She came over after her work orientation and of course, i unloaded and cried like a baby. telling her all the same ol stuff again and again, blabbering like a fool. a fool madly in love with her. she cried a bunch too but said she doesnt know about us because she doesn't know about anything. she has no answers and just needs time. I completely get it, but don't like it. We cried (a lot), we laughed (some), we embraced, we hugged, we kissed (just on the lips). I asked her if we could go hiking next friday, i'd take the day off and could go do a hike she's been wanting to do, but nobody else will go with her. her response floored me. She said she needs to ask her therapist... Soooo she wants to come spend time with me on Father's Day (her choice) but has to ask the therapist if she can spend time with me to hike? not the response i thought i'd get. I'm trying to work on our relationship to keep our bond, but maybe it's too early for that. but then, whens the right time before it's too late... this sucks. Then i had to go to get my hair cut and she was going with her friend that she's staying with to tube down the river. She said as a form of therapy. I truly do get it. definitely therapeutic and a great way to get away from all the grief and thoughts swirling around in ones head. If you've never been tubing, you should try it. This isn't whitewater rafting. it's simply slowly floating down a river seeing nature from a raw perspective. I was ok with it. my issue with any of her hiking/tubing/etc has been more the jealously/enviousness as i'd love to spend that time with her or doing those things. instead i'm at home watching the kids 24/7 and working from home in a high stress position. It just all sucks and i keep making it about myself. I'm grieving and dealing with the past grief/trauma of my life all at the same time. ouch. I am starting counseling on Wednesday (first appt i could get, even telehealth). I don't want to keep making the same mistakes and pushing her away or making her define what going on. I keep putting myself into my work, then the yard, then cleaning the house (and laundry!), but of course, I wasn't dealing with the grief of losing my wife. I realize that now and trying to deal. That's why i'm on this board. to vent, to seek a safe space to share, to talk, to open up like i've never opened up before and it's therapeutic (for the moment). I was sad all day yesterday after seeing my wife. i cried all day. unfortunately, i even cried in front of the kids several times after picking them up from daycare, but they were rockstars and told me it going to be ok. they gave me hugs/kisses/snuggles and helped take the edge off. My wife text me on the way to tubing/while on the river/on the way back. we even talked per my text request. she called when she got service again and we chatted for a few min. i wanted to tell her how great the kids did amongst me not keeping it together. The kids had told her via facetime that i cried a few times. I partly wanted to talk about the kids, but i really just wanted to hear her voice again. I didn't unload, but did tell her i was sad and missed her. She said the same, but with less emotion than me. I did ask about the river and looked forward to seeing the pics. Shes been planning to come over on Saturday to spend time with the kids and then again on Sunday for Father's day, if i'm ok with it. Of course i am, but i don't want to be a mess. I just want things to go smooth and be great like usual. I asked her on friday to set my expectations straight about this weekend. I put myself out there and elaborated - i have hopes she'll be either stay Saturday night to be here in the morning for breakfast (we're a big breakfast at the table family) and then spend the day Sunday, and maybe things will go well and she'll stay again... of course, that's not what she thinks will be good for her. She wants to come over on Saturday for just a couple of hours (no clue when but i didn't push for a time - door is open anytime) and then she'll come over Sunday/Father's Day and we're all going to go for a Jeep ride because that's what i'd like to do as a family. She didn't define how long she'll be here on Father's day, and again, i didn't seek to clarify. door is open. I'm trying to make progress and our communication is great via text/phone, but i break down in person. part of me thinks it's not a good idea for her to come over, but the other part longs to see her and spend the day as a family because it may be the last time ever, even if it's not the same as before - which it won't be... But i'll be glad to spend time with her. I got some sleep last night but woke at 3am - so instead of internalizing or cleaning, i journaled. it was good and got some thoughts on paper. i got back in bed and slept for another couple of hours getting up at 7am to journal some more and re-read my journal entries from this week. what a roller coaster. i'm definitely internalizing too much and making this all about me when its all about her and her grief, i just don't want to lose US, our family, our relationship, our dreams, our life, goals, etc. it just sucks. I can comprehend that life goes on, i know this from previous experience. I know there's 'other fish in the sea' and all that crap, but i don't want another fish. I want this one and this life and everything we've built together! I keep telling myself i'm not in control of her actions or anything that’s happening really, but i can have an influence slightly with my behavior and so far i'm doing a horrible job. I can only control MY actions even though its really difficult when grieving. "if i just tell her how much i miss her, she’ll understand and come back". Nope. not gonna happen. All i can do is focus on me, but that soo hard to do when i'm thinking about her and having to handle everything at the house with the kids, you know, feeding them, swim lessons, daycare 3 days a week, etc. I completely understand why she had to get out to work on herself. Its really difficult to do with soo many distractions. I just pray she gets through it and comes back, soon. Looking forward - My wife starts her new job on 6/29 and she probably won't be back home for that. I can't help but feel like she's starting a new chapter without me/us/family. How can people return to their family when they've started a new chapter? She's supposed to be working on herself, but now she'll be working 3, 12 hour shifts while staying at her friends. It feels like she's starting a new life. The following week is July 4th. That was the night we met 12 years ago. Coincidentally, its approx the same amount of time of my first marriage. My HS sweetheart left/separated at 12 years, 2 months. My wife left to work on herself at 11 years, 11 months. Ugh. All these similarities. I try not to think about them bc my wife is not my ex, but why is everything lining up similarly? I get that i'm making it about me and i'm finding these similarities - and i shouldn't bc that just makes it worse. double ugh... Is my 'Relationship Shelf Life' 12 years? lol. I get that she probably won't be back for July 4th/12 years, but i pray that she'll get to a point that she says "its time to go home and continue working on things WITH my family" or something to that effect. One of my fears i'm having is that she starts her job (hasn't worked since mid 2010 due to high risk pregnancy, stay at home mom, nursing school) and when she gets her first pay check, she either deposits it in a new bank account or withdrawals it all. Why am i even thinking this far out about it?? None of this on her part is premeditated. I'm just in my own head waayyy too much and trying to protect myself from the circumstances or what may become... I love my wife and will do anything for her. What i should be doing is letting her be and grieve and not make this about me. I have that clarity/objectivity to know that so why can't i just do it. Stop over thinking everything like i always do and just take it day by day. text by text. and whatever happens, happens... ugh. I know i'll be alright in the end, its just the journey to get there i'm afraid of. What if, what if, what if, pain, pain, pain, sorrow, loss, grief, suckfest, children hurting, all of it. damn it. All i can do is day by day, focus on myself while handling everything because i have no one to help. I big piece i forgot to mention in this novel is that i don't have any close friendships - i lost those in the first divorce (he's married to my ex's sister...) and it's difficult to make friends outside of work. on top of that, the relationship with my mom is non-existent as she was/is horrible to my wife and she no-showed my daughters birthday and then lied about it. lots of drama around her for another post... haha ; but point being i don't have anyone or any help so its difficult to focus on myself. daycare 3 days a week and iPads are the best thing i have. granted iPads are the best option for the kids, but i have to have time to grieve and move on with my life - let the cards fall where they may. I look forward to our marriage counseling even though we both agree we don't like her, but its a time/date circled on the calendar that i get to see my wife. I look forward to my individual counseling session as well. I pray for the best outcome possible and i do have hope our relationship will work. there are lots of little things that say it can and will. our communication was always pretty good, but now its great. despite her being away, she's still contacting me. I hope it's not out of guilt and just to see that im ok so she can not feel guilty... This week's probably going to tell us a lot about what may come. Does she keep communicating with me or does she start putting distance between us? Does the children visitation become more formal (she’ll see them on XYZ dates) or does it stay how it is and comes over randomly to see them? I pray her counseling session on Monday goes really well and that she makes progress on her grief. I know counselors don't necessarily tell you what to do, but i hope my wife gets some clarity that spending time with the family/me is good for her and can give her hope. My wife hasn't said she doesn't want to be in this relationship, that shes just confused/not sure about anything in her life including herself. On top of all this, this Tuesday is the anniversary of her mothers passing. Tuesday is going to be VERY difficult for her and it physical pains me not to be there for her. Every year I have taken the day off to be with her, or around, or not – whatever she wants me to do to support her, and this is the first time I’m not allowed to be there for her. I usually get her flowers and a card so I’m going to do just that. I have a card and plan to get flowers on Tuesday and then drop them off. Give her a hug, say I understand and I Love you. I just want her to be ok and know that I’m still there for her. I won’t make it about me anymore. It’s about her. Everything I’ve done is about and for her, so I’m not going to make it about me other than seeking counseling and working on myself.  I write all this really to be therapeutic for myself, to get it out there instead of just a journal. Like i said, i don't have ANYBODY in my life that i can talk with other than my wife and a counselor. I'm making baby steps to meet some people/go to support group, etc. So if you've read all of this, i apologize for putting ALL of my thoughts on paper and the internet. yikes! If you respond, i ask that you be respectful of what i'm going through and your responses. i understand plenty of others have went through similar situations and survived. Hell, i myself have before! :) I know everything will be ok eventually, regardless of the outcome. We're both finally seeking healthy ways of dealing with our stuffs, i just wish my wife would attempt to do it from the house again... Thanks for listening. Thanks for not judging, Thanks for allowing this to be a therapeutic session for me. Thanks for giving me somebody to talk to.
  10. Hi there, My wife and I have been together for just over 10 years, married for 4 years and have a 1 year old daughter, we're early 30s. We get along great, love each other, do lots of nice things for each other and are very supportive of one another. But recently my wife has revealed that she is not really attracted to me currently, and isn't really "in love" with me currently. There's also someone else that she's had a crush on for a while - not something that she intends to act on, but it is distracting and detracting from her feelings for me. Neither of us want to break up, we both want to fight to make it work. We have a lot of great times together and both love our daughter to bits. My question is: is this fixable? Is this something that's possible to work on to get back closer together and attracted to each other again? The sex life definitely fell off with the baby, but lockdown and time to think has made all things worse... Would love to hear any experiences from people that have got through something like this.
  11. I am very frustrated. I have been with my wife for 12 years, and in that time she refuses to eat healthy. She will reluctantly eat a little healthier, but not healthy. As a result, I end up eating lots of bad foods. My weight went up to higher then it has ever been. I have gone on diets and done well for while, but ultimately fall off because she brings bad foods into the house, cooks bad food (I cook also and cook healthy options). She will barely eat what I cook, even though a normal person would find it delicious (grilled chicken with sauteed onions, for example). I am foodie and always have been, so having bad foods around is like bringing alcohol into an alcoholics house. I may be able to resist for a while, but in the end, the food wins out. Currently, I have lost 30 lbs on my way to a 80 lbs weight loss goal and have flattened out on the diet, no longer losing. Every meal she makes is breaded, fried, pasta, lots of starches and so forth. I have tried to discuss this with her and she just gets mad, and says that "she is so tired of everyone getting on her about her eating". She will not eat any vegetables, ever. We are not young, her having just turned 40 and we had our first child 5 months ago. She is classified as obese, and I have never gotten on her about that, only my own weight. However, we are older first time parents and I want to ensure we are both here as long as possible for our son and hopefully future children. Her diet aided in a very difficult time in getting pregnant which ended up taking years. She simply will not change and I am beyond frustrated as I want to be healthy. I am tired of feeling like crap, and realize a part of this is on myself, as I have to refrain from eating the crap she brings in, but its difficult when there are few healthy options in the house when she does the shopping, or my own will power waning when she brings in unhealthy stuff after I do the shopping. I thought with our son here now, she would jump on board and be all about getting as healthy as possible, but unfortunately she has not altered her eating in any way. I just don't know what to do anymore as I find myself feeling angry a lot, whenever she prepares a meal or comes home with groceries.
  12. My best friend who is married, has told me about his affairs In details.We talk about any and everything, so he is comfortable telling me these things.I don’t agree with his actions, and have told him what he does is wrong and maybe he need professional help. Recently he stopped talking to me. He went on a trip with one of his male friend and a woman that he has been having an affair with. He had only told me about going with the guy, he never mention the female. After he got back from his trip I called and text multiple times but he never respond to my text nor call me back. Few weeks later I ran into him, he acted strange and didn’t say much. He then later text asking “why did you do it?” I was Clueless, so I asked what he was talking about. He accused me of pretending not to know. About a week ago I found out he accidentally exposed a woman in his room to his wife on video call while on his trip. And that the wife then got details about his affair with the woman. And confronted him after he got home. All of this I didn’t even knew happen. But somehow now my friend thinks that I am the person who told on him. He is the type of person who sometimes don’t take accountability for things but rather look to blame others. I don’t think of him as the one who has gotten betrayed, his wife is the betrayed one. Whatever my feelings are about his actions, I did not told on him, as messed up of a person that he is for all his cheating he also have good ways and we've been friends for a very long time ,we both have been there for each other in some very tough times. It bothers me that he would think I told on him after He confided those things to me. We have a mutual acquaintance who had over heard me talking to him on phone about some of his behavior she later question me about what she heard but I didn’t give any info to her.. I sometimes wonder if it could be her that went to his wife. As well a few people also know of his affair. But I’m the only person who has spoke up to him in the past and let him know he needs to stop. He has now cut communication With me. It’s sad that our friendship is ending this way. I want him to know I did not out him. Any advice on how to go about convincing him is appreciated.
  13. Questions For Woman - 1. I tend to joke around about sex a lot with my wife.. its a way maybe I see how she is feeling at that moment with me and if she is in the mood possibly and it could be at the most randomst times, however although she entertains it at the moment she hates it and says I do it a lot and feels as if that's all I want from her … - im very confused on this, and im not sure why im so confused, what does she mean ? What is she looking for instead? …. 2. What do you mean when you say i want to feel wanted is that the same as loved.... ?
  14. I'm 39, male, married with two young kids and I'm stuck, lost, searching and cluelesss. I've been married twice, my first marriage was 18 years ago, she was incredible, hot, seductive, she had me, I was captivated by her. We were engaged after a few short months and married a few months after that. After another year down the road I found she was having an affair with our boss (we worked together). This completely destroyed me, I moved in with my mum for a few weeks and then picked myself up and got on with life. A few months later and several disaster first dates I met an amazing, beautiful woman, we connected on every level and became lovers and best friends. Two years down the road we were engaged and four years after that we were married. Then came kids, mortgage, careers etc etc. Fast forward to now. I've now been with my wife for 16 years and married for 10. The problem is I feel like there is zero passion in my marriage anymore, for the past 5-6 years I've had more heart to heart conversions with my wife about this than I care to count. Our sex is down to about 3-4 times a year and every time it's me starting it. She doesn't show any affection to me at all. For the past two years I've role played in my head about asking for a divorce but I can't bare the thought of not seeing my kids every day, plus my parents split when I was a kid and it completely ruined me and my siblings mentally. We still are great friends and confide in one another but there's no romance at all. AND now just to complicate things further I can't stop thinking about my first wife! I saw a picture of her for the first time in over 15 years last week and it brought me to tears, all those memories came flooding back, my god I miss her. I really don't want a life without passion or a relationship without romance so what should I do? I'd welcome any advice at this point.
  15. I've been a caregiver my whole life. Both my parents suffer from mental illnesses and I helped look after both of them from an early age. I also took care of my grandfather (who had both legs amputated) for quite sometime. I helped my mother raise my younger sister who never had her father around. I sacrificed my life for many years and so happen to marry (my soon to be ex wife) someone who is disabled. We've been together for five years. She had a life expectancy of up to 26, we met at 28, and we're both 33 years old now.. She suffers from friedrichs ataxia, a type of muscular dystrophy that is a rare genetic disease that causes difficulty walking, a loss of sensation in the arms and legs, and impaired speech. It's also known as spinocerebellar degeneration. The disease causes damage to parts of your brain and spinal cord and can also affect your heart. She's very dedicated to living and I admire her willingness to do so. She's a very dedicated vegan and I honestly believe that it's the sole reason why she has lived this long. Anyway we decided that it's best we separate as we are both very unhappy with each other and probably better serve one another as friends. We did numerous things like book readings and couples counseling and she is now looking for a new home. A few months after we started dating, she proposed to me. I didn't like the way she was living as she was living in a nursing home in which all other residents were way older than her. I feel as though I married her through more of compassion and empathy rather than romantic love.. I work full time in logistics and (for now) she stays at home with homecare providers until I get home. I then cook and clean and help her with eating, toileting, showering and I put her to bed. It's extremely exhausting but nothing can compare to what she goes through.. My family and friend were very accepting of her and fully supported us in being together. I never much have cared for what others think of me as cliche as that sounds, it's very genuine. Everywhere we've gone together people looked at us with some type of curiosity in their eyes and well it never once bothered me. I say this because I want to add context to who I am, not that I think I'm anything special btw. Anyway last year was the year we decided to separate and now hence my new dilemma. For the first time in my whole life I honestly truly feel like I have found love!!! And it's the greatest ing thing I have ever experienced!!! My only problem is that the girl of my dreams, doesn't feel the same about me.. To top it off she is a dancer at an adult club, not that I'm judging but yeah.. I'm sure I'm not the first to fall for someone as such and if there's anyone still reading this I'm sure this is probably laughable now. Not that I think anything poorly of someone in the profession of dancing, but to be a cliche ( probably) guy who has fallen in love for someone considered a sex worker.. We met back in July of last year when my wife and I were fresh on the outs with one another. I have been to many clubs of the sort in my lifetime, and used to make fun of friends who I felt were suckas for spending ridiculous amounts of money on girls who were obviously working them over. She (the dancer) has the same effect on me and probably sees me as easy money to which I feel compelled to always give her.. I am not the most attractive looking man, but I'm reasonably confident. I've never been desperate for unattainable love or anything of the sort. I don't feel vulnerable because of what happened between my wife and I.. I just can't explain the pure joy and happiness this women gives me.. It literally feels like the best feeling in the world.. I've been in relationships before my wife, and never really felt joy or anything for whom the person I was with. To which probably gave reason to why my previous relationships only lasted up to a few months if that. I'm 33 like I said, and I have never felt this way for any other woman in my life! I've expressed my feelings to the dancer and well they are not reciprocated the way I'd like them to be. She's a very beautiful woman, the most beautiful I have seen in my life, and yeah.. The reason I'm writing all this is because not one person in my life knows she exists. For reasons I feel may be obvious I have decided to keep this part of my life in secret. I had to get this out somewhere and I feel like maybe this would be the appropriate place. I live a very unconventional / eccentric life and always have. I feel as though I could (like many songs have said) spend the rest of my life loving this girl even if we never do get together. Unrequited love I believe it's what it's called.. Idk there's many different types of relationships out there these days such as polyamorous and triads or whatever. I think this works for me.. I always envisioned love to be like it is in movies and books of where the man sees the woman and falls for her and only her.. Man life would be great if it were so.. I don't think anyone will ever read all this nonsense but it feels great to put it out there! Thanks
  16. Hello, I need advice on how to handle a delicate situation without causing more stress in my life. Background: My mother was financial destitute and was nearing defaulting on everything. She had been unemployed for a number of years and had nearly completely emptied her 401k at age 55. Her mother/my grandmother passes away and sends her into a deep depression. Myself, my wife and 2 year old son were having minor trouble making ends meet, often living paycheck to paycheck. In order to help alleviate both of our problems and ensure my mother was not alone my wife and I offered up our unfinished basement to my mother. She sold her home and received nearly 200k in equity and finished our basement with a little over a 1/4 of her proceeds. She paid off a fraction of her 100k debt rather than pay it all off. Fast forward 6 months and she has lost most of the remaining proceeds to interest payments on that debt. Which has caused her to need a full time job just to keep up with the payments. The problem: When my mother moved in she brought with her a severely obese Australian shepherd and an oversized yellow lab, also 3 cats. During the 5 months of construction it became apparent that my wife has grown a more severe allergy to dogs. She's always been allergic to their spilt but now being inundated with hair and dander she can barely spend 5 minutes on our main level before succumbing to hives and itchy red eyes. Add on to that we are now expecting our second child. Assuming this was temporary she pushed through. After construction was completed the dogs were unable to make the climb down the stairs. I would have to carry them both up and down. Having hurt my back this stopped or some time, and thus the dogs began to live on the main level again. My mother agreed to maintain the dogs grooming and assist with the cleaning to keep the dog hair at bay. Fast forward to last week, so about 5 months. She had only groomed dogs twice, despite the weekly recommendation to keep the pet dander at bay. She has only vacuumed once. Seeing this as a something that could not continue my wife demanded that the dogs be relegated to the basement except when outside. My wife and I spend several days deep cleaning the main level including the couches. My mother protested saying she is unable to get them to the basement at 4am when she takes them outside. I told her I would leave my phone on loud, she would just need to call me. She refuses and just leaves the dogs on the main level where they cover the floor in dog hair and dander. My wife is nearly 9 months pregnant and extremely uncomfortable even before dealing with the allergy. What do I do?
  17. I am in a very messy situation at the moment and feel very alone as well as stressed out. I am about to lose my wife of a decade and current girlfriend of a few years, both with whom I have children – I need to choose who I stay with. My wife of 10+ years is an excellent mother and has always been loyal to me, never cheated, always supported my career, and stood by me through numerous instances of infidelity. However, I left her a few years ago for my current girlfriend, who, on the surface, has all of the qualities that I desire in a woman/partner (sexy, career-oriented, clean/organized, etc.). Despite filing for divorce from my wife of 10+ years and having a child with my current girlfriend, my wife and I have been having a secret affair throughout most of the time I have been with my current girlfriend. To be candid, our sex is better now than when we were married. To be candid, I love each woman for different qualities which exist independent of each other. They are both very different women. I am now at a point where I am about to lose both of them, and I do not know who to pick. My current girlfriend has been pressuring me to get divorced for years now which I have put off because I don’t want to lose my wife and see her run off with another man meanwhile my wife is ready to pull the trigger on our divorce and be done with me once and for all unless I leave the “mistress” as she refers to her as. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know who to pick. One moment I want to be with my wife and the next I want to be with my girlfriend. Help!
  18. I am married man (37 years old) with 2 kids and a lovely wife who love wife to her best. Both of us assist each other to achieve financial freedom. In 2015, I found out that the girl (woman) I love very deeply with 3 kids was divorced and been struggling to gather herself up. Initially, first 3 years of her divorce, I started off short texting to ask she alright or not (to show care and concern). Deeply inside me, I feel guilty as I can actually be the one to be beside her and she will not be in the state of divorce. Reason I got over of her in the past, is because, I am shy and timid result she didn't even got chance to be my girlfriend although she had hinted me at the last year of our college. Once I heard, she was attached and going to marry, I let go my 5 years being single and decide to move on and I found my wife during my first job. Together we decide to start a family as we had our first baby within first 2 months knowing each other. Now back to the girl I love deeply when I was young, as mention she was divorce and need to take care of 3 kids as well as working as a full time. I approached her on the 5th year of communicate to mention we need to meet up as we are getting old and might not have another chance. Initially, I thought will be a normal friend meet up, but somehow when we meet up, we seem back to young time and have a lot of chat and laughter. Is like we are couple. Nothing happen as I respect her and also I know I cannot betray my wife and my kids. I thought I can get over it but after knowing where she work, I decided to drive down to pick her up and sent her home as she work till quite late daily which her place and work place were quite far away. In the car, we chit chat and polite and becoming awkward sometimes. Deeply in me, I want to have her with me and take care of her, but I also don't want to betray my wife and kids. I understand I should just let go. I afraid she might face trouble or met wrong guys which may again destroy her happiness. I want to give her happiness and also maintain my existing one. Is tough, and I also understand, I am just hurting 2 person or 2 family at a time if really going in depth to consider to having an real affair. To be frank, I did hint but I did not get any answer from the girl I deeply love. Just want to lack out the stress in this forum as I not able to tell anyone I known. Just feel that I am a jerk.
  19. As people may have read from my other posts I was having a tough time in my marriage. That marriage has now separated and I’m on my own. My wife is currently still in the family home with our daughter and pets. The decision was made by me to leave as from my previous posts I felt I could no longer stay at home as it was getting me really down among other emotions. Unfortunately my wife seems to be totally fine with all this happening because she has it the way she wants it. The first coupe of days I was not to bad but still upset but as the days come I’m finding it really hard to get through my days. I haven’t slept for days, I haven’t eaten and I’m smoking very heavily. I’m still having to work to pay bills but even that’s a struggle because I work permanently nightshift. I’m sitting in work at the moment unable to function fully and my eyes are nipping because I’m so knackered. I wish I could just accept it and move on but the day I left my wife said it was a trial separation but her actions over the past days says otherwise. I spoke to her today about our daughter and I couldn’t help but ask how she was as I still adore her. Her response was, I’m doing ok and the conversation ended with her saying maybe in a few months I will feel differently. That is just confusing the heck out of me when she says this. If she wants it to end why can’t she just say that because it seems clear to me that is what she wants. I just want to move on and try and get settled but with her saying this to me I’m so confused with what I should be doing.
  20. So I’ve been married for quite a few years and I’m in my late 30s my wife and I have an open relationship. About two years ago I met a young lady in her late 20s that was going through a tough time. She and her husband got divorced and she has a couple of small children and we hit it off. I was helping her out With some of her needs and we were seeing each other regularly in a sexual relationship. This went on for a few months but she started dating a guy and they got serious and she moved in with him. She stopped seeing me and I understood even though I missed her. Fast forward a few months later to last fall and she got in touch with me again. She wasn’t happy with him she moved in to fast with the BF and we started seeing each other again. We have been seeing each other regularly until late June of this year. Then suddenly she basically ghosted me. Not completely as she didn’t block me or anything on social media but she wouldn’t talk to me and she started posting things more and more with her kids and the boyfriend it appeared she was trying to be loyal to him. I sent her a message letting her know that I missed her a couple of weeks ago and she replied with a crying face saying she hasn’t forgot about me. She called me the other day just to talk and we did for about an hour I haven’t heard from her since. To be clear I love my wife and again we are completely open. But I have strong feelings for this girl. At this point should I just leave it alone? I don’t know where it’s ever going to go. I just miss seeing her.
  21. My family has just moved...while I invested a lot of time and energy in the move beforehand, afterwards I just didn't have the strength to work on the place. I went back to work, and tried to help out in the evenings. In the past couple of days, my wife just exploded: I'm nasty to her friends, my mother is an evil witch and I take no responsibility for anything. So she says. She's gotten completely hysterical, and even her sisters say she's gone totally irrational. When I asked her why she stays with me (yes - we've gotten that far), she says that she loves me, and that I have certain characteristics that she knows she can't find anywhere else. But she acts in a way that is seriously endangering her chances of enjoying those characteristics for much longer... In any case, I understand what she wants - to know that I am there for her, that I am behind her all the way...but I don't know how to convince her that I am. No matter what I do. it's just not good enough, it's "cosmetic"' I'm just doing it to avoid conflict. So - any ideas how I can convince her I am behind her?
  22. My wife was a victim of a emotional manipulator over Internet last year, someone who could make you feel guilty about breathing! He has a sixth sense for knowing what buttons to press to get you to do what he wants and has little or no reguard for others' feelings. The consequences of his attentions on my wife led to an adultery which seriously threatened our marriage. What are your experiences of this sort of person? What tricks do they use and what sorts of alarm signals should be looked for? Guilt and implicit blackmail seemed to play big time in his tactics, but what else do they use to manipulate more innocent and naiive people?
  23. A friend of mine has 2 children, 1 of his own and 1 from a previous relationship that his wife had. His wife has been unfaithful to him multiple times with multiple partners. He was playing the house-husband when all of this was going on and she was out sewing her oats. They have been married for 3 years. The question I have.. Is there a limit to trying to work it out.. IMO 1 act of infidelity is hard enough to patch it up.. but numerous acts.. how can it survive.. how could counseling fix that many lapse of judgments? I think the "staying together for the children" is played out and crap. It doesn't excuse what people do. comments?
  24. My wife and I have recently separated after 18 years. She was upset when a counselor, who told her after she had called him to talk about me once again, said that she needed to begin to work on her stuff (he suggested sexual counseling with another counselor) as he gave me several books to read and I have done everything he has suggested. She was so mad that she felt that I had persuaded him to be on "my side" (I have always been on OUR side). I know this sounds confusing but let me say where we are now. When we first separated (4 months ago) I became so upset that I couldn't sleep. I began to have a couple of drinks at bedtime. This turned into 4-5. I have since stopped drinking. At first she said that was one of the reasons she wanted to separate. Now that I am not drinking that isn't the reason anymore. BTW, there have been no affairs. She just finished her degree after going back to school. We have had some problems in the sexual area; she saying her sex drive was low. (I am trying to cover a lot of info here). Anyway, I think that I may have been too clingy (she has told me this) and she is VERY independent. I truly want to win her back but the more I tell her I love her the more she seems to pull back. For now I am not calling her or emailing her. I hope all of this makes sense! Thanks for any advice
  25. I have been married for 2 years and together for 7 before that. About 4 months ago I cheated on my wife with a girl who was nothing more than a drunk. I have been an alcoholic for about the past seven years. When I have gotten drunk I said mean and nasty things to my wife. Never name calling but derogatory and harmfull comments. Since the break up after the cheating episode I have been sober for 4 1/2 months, spent over $1000.00 on therapy and have been completley honest in any conversations that I've had with her and anyone concerning my life with her. We never spoke for about 2 months and then started speaking everyday for about a month , about having children, what happened how to deal and get over it etc. I moved back In for about 10 days and everything was fine and then I came home from work one day and she said she wanted me out and was not happy and couldn't do "this" anymore. The days before this she was telling me she loves me and talking about babbies and having sex with me.I have had no contact with her except for a few conversations about legal seperation. When I ask her about filing for legal seperation as far as dates and things go she just say's "what do you think"? She knows I don't want to get a divorce and she's never come right out and asked for one. It's as if she is pushing me to do all the serious stuff against my will. She and my sister were very close and she was a faboulous aunt to my 3 nieces and nephews and I asked her not to "write them off" over my foolish horrible mistake and she said that she's not but no one has heard from her for 4 weeks. Her friends and father hate me now (not that I blame them) and are a great influence on her decision making. I told my wife that there would come the time where I would have to face her parents and other loved ones whom i've hurt and disappointed and try to make things right again, but her father just said "not a f*&$%ing chance!!" HE has constantly been sticking his nose in our lives the whole length of our relationship. He has cheated on his own wife numerous times also and my wife knows this., but she still seems to value his opinion more than anything. I have this constant feeling that there is more to this whole episode than meets the eye. I figure if you want to try and see if you can get over the infedelity, lets try marriage councilling. She wont. I guess she just may want out and has the excuse now that she doesn't look like the bad girl. Thats important to her because she constantly cares what people think. After I sobered up I truly have seen the value of my wife and want so many things with her to put the smile on her face everyday. I have so much regret and shame for what I did and the way that I acted I don't know that I can ever get over it, I am soo sorry for what I did to her. People say I am beating myself up about it too much. She has been out every night since and seems not to be taking it very hard. I am devestated!!! I can't help but feel that I have this new outlook and perspective on the thing that should have been done in our relationship but fear it's simply too late. I have committed 100% to living for our marriage, I only wish I could have been sober enough before this all happened. I've always said I would never cheat on her and truly believed I wouldn't until I got drunk one night and it happened. She's kicked me out before years ago because of the drinking and the whole scenario kinda fells the same. No contact and then 3 months later we're back together fo 2 weeks, everything is good and then BOOM.....out the door again. Please lend me some insight , I feel that no man has enough rope to climb that mountain when the friends and father are against you. I just don't know how honest she's being with herself. She's very vague, and never gives the difinitive YES or NO answers. She has never went to councilling throughout this whole thing and will not consider it. I also would like to know how you deal with the fact that someone else will soon be doing the day-to-day things and sleeping with your wife. I just can't seem to deal with it. I guess I got exactly what I deserved
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