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About Me

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  1. Ill try to make this as short as possible. been dating 3+yrs. Bf is a lot younger but we have had a great relationship and it has not affected us at all. He is 24 Im in my late 30s. I have 2 18 year old sons that live at home. My bf has gotten along with them up until last year when we got into a fight and my one son developed a grudge since than. My son was extremely disrespectful last summer by talking "crap" to my bf but that was as far as it went and nothing else was said. My bf continued to come to my home and spend the night . We never had another interaction with anyone. Fast forward to the end of October when my bf had surgery and hasn't worked and I haven't seen n him much since, compared to every single day almost all last year till the surgery. We just got back from a short vacation and talked about our relationship and he told me he loves me and has been depressed about not working due to another surgery. End of discussion we had a blast on our vaca and when I got home I explained that I need us to start getting back to us and start spending more time together and get back to us. He told me he is not comfortable coming to my home ever again because of my son. he stated he is extremely uncomfortable and refuses to give in. I talked to him and explained that my son has let things go and wants me to be happy . My son even offered to leave a couple times a week so that i have privacy. My bf absolutely said no he will not come here. Even tho he was here in the month of Dec,Jan,Feb with no issues and he didn't seem to be bothered. I have told him we need to figure something out or as much as I love him I wont be in a relationship where I don't ever see him. Also going to his house is not an option. He keeps saying he is sorry he is letting me down and sorry he is disappointing me but still refuses to come over. I have asked if its something else but he just says no one likes him in my house and he is uncomfortable. I believe there is more to this. Any advice or thoughts? I dont want to throw away 3 years but I need someone in my everyday life
  2. Hi there, Nice to meet everybody! 😊 I'm new to the forum. I'm actually on another forum for mental health, but I came here because I wanted to focus more on relationships. A little about me: I live at home and work a part-time job tutoring English and reading. I'm a big movie buff. I'm also a Pokemon fan. For many years I've struggled with OCD and depression. But I'm most insecure about the fact that I'm 27 and I've never had a romantic relationship. I've never even gone on a date. For online dating sites, I've only ever tried Bumble and while that did give me some hope that I could be attractive, nothing panned out. See I was born with a birthmark on my nose and lip called a hemangioma. While I've had 11 surgeries to correct it, I still have some scars. I would say that they're not that noticeable anymore, but they must be to some degree because guys don't show much interest in me. Has anybody here struggled after getting reconstructive surgery with finding a partner? After my last surgery, I haven't been happy with the way I look. But it would cost too much money and stress to have another one. What do you do when you know you're not content with your appearance, but there's not a lot you can do to change it? And have you found success in love?
  3. I will try to keep this as short as I can. My (ex)boyfriend broke up with me about four weeks ago after a six months relationship. The break up came out of a sudden and hit me hard. I have to mention: He suffers depression (but is in therapy and gets medical treatment and knows & accepts that he is not healthy mentally and wants to get better) and has a dismissive avoidant-attachment style. During the relationship I could really handle his disease and tried my best to be there for him and support him without smothering him and I told him that I am okay and that I love him and that I won't leave him because of this disease. I tried to give him the space he needs and as much space as I could offer. I knew how much he suffers, but it seemed like our relationship gave him much more than the disease demanded from him. That it was something really good for him. It was a beautiful relationship, it felt deep and I know that these feelings have been on both sides. The weeks before he broke up had been full of love and connection, he wanted to have me around, made plans, wanted me to meet his family, he was caring and loving. One week before he broke up he told me how much he loves me. We had a fight three days before the break up and after some days of silence ended our relationship. We do not have contact since then. We met each other at university when we started the same studies at the same time. Due to this we now share the same group of friends and fellow students and even have to work on the same projects together. As I said we do not speak to or text each other privately, but because of the group-project we work on together with two other fellow students/friends we have to maintain a certain kind of communication (via WhatsApp-/ Discord-groups and in online courses). During those courses and in online meetings with our group he even answers to me, speaks normally as if nothing happened and even laughs when I say something funny. Everything beside these situations is pure silence (except that he‘s still looking at my instagram stories, but well…). I am in a circle of being incredibly sad, missing him, feeling pure anger, wanting him back and at the same time working on myself and careing for my own needs – and enjoying it. I feel really good discovering a new me – or the me I really am and want to be. But still there is this me that does not want to give up on him and on us. I understand that he needs his space and I want to respect that – for him as well as for myself and my own healing and his healing. But I do believe that we could do better at a second turn. I reflected a lot, looked into myself and I know so much more now than months, even weeks ago and I really believe that it could be different. I am seeing a therapist myself now. I know now that while I tried to be there for him I forgot to be there for myself, too, and to work on my own issues. I know my boundaries now, what I want and need in a relationship and I am willing to find a way together to meet everyone‘s needs in the middle. I love him and feel deeply connected to him. I just want to talk to him to reconcile and get back together – or to get a final closure. But I also want to give him the space he needs. So far no contact worked well – he didn‘t contact me or anything, but I am working so much on myself and feel how I finally beginn to see my own value (don‘t get me wrong: This is an issue I am dealing with for a long long time now, nothing our relationship took from me). But now here‘s the problem: As I mentioned we share some same friends and projects. After four weeks of successful no contact our project group has decided to meet next week to discuss our project in person and have some drinks together. Well, I could just leave after we discussed the „professional“, project related part and skip the socializing, but I want to be honest: I am new in this city, I came here six months ago. I don‘t know many people and due to the lockdown meeting new peolpe or the few I met and got friends with wasn‘t really an option. My ex and his flatmate were like nearly the only people I saw during this time. I want to be around people, I want to meet my friends and get to know my fellow students. I want to have fun and I deserve to have fun and feel good. I do not see why I should be the one to step back now while my ex doesn‘t? Why should I always be the one to step back? Yes, I want to be with him, try again. (Or at least this one last conversation to get final closure). I want to keep no contact, I guess it is the best I can do now for me, him – and a maybe-second-try-relationship. But I want to enjoy life, too. I feel so good in my own self right now and I don‘t want to miss the joy life can have. So my question: Is it a bad idea to attend (small) social events (with mutual friends/fellow students) if I know my ex will be there, too, when I actually want to reconcile and get back together with him? Or at least get the chance of a last conversation (when he's ready) to get final closure?
  4. I've become heartless, cold and angry, yet i don't know why, I got over a tough relationship with my ex girl and found myself angry. I was seeing other women after that but I could'nt care less about them. Lately at work i've been somewhat of an a..hole to my co-workers, I don't talk to the family much and don't really care much about my close friends problems. I know it's not because of the break up, I got over that, but I still feel like I failed as a man or a person in general, I'm unhappy with my life, I don't wanna be where I am, but i'm stuck, I support my sick parents financially, there are so many things I want and can't have, I feel alone but don't really want anyone in my life right now cause I don't wanna bring them down with me it's a dilemma I can't figure out, I know theres gotta be something I could do. I know i'm not depressed or in need of a shrink, I'm sure it's something simple...I hope
  5. e weirdest thing happened. a poem i wrote and sent to link removed almost a year and a half ago, came in the mail today...askin for publishing...im thinkin...hmm great timing cuz this poem means a lot to whats going on in my life right now. It feels horrible not to be able to tell my best friend about this... A lie can hurt, It can sting, I could lie to someone, And really not care. I could hear a lie from someone, And really not care. But when I lie to you, My stomach turns and I squirm, I wish I could tell you, But the time is not right. When the time is right, I shall speak, And all shall be clear, You shall smile that smile, That smile that parts the dark clouds, The sun shall shine yet again; And the world will be a better place, Not for all, But at least for me and you i look back on the optimism i once had....and now realise that i may simply be spiraling into depression....*sigh*
  6. Hello I am new here and have thought about going to see a counseller for my problems, but have decided to try online first and see other peoples point of view. My problems started last year when I became pregnant. I had been with my partner for 18 years and we never thought we could conceive, so were very excited about it. That was, until I had a miscarriage. This was the start of my problems. My partner had never really had a very big sex drive (once a year if I was lucky since he started his own business) and I put it down to stress of work. After the loss of the baby, I became very depressed and hormonal and he didn't know how to deal with, so confided in another woman (I only found this out later - the cause of a huge row). He had been texting her two or three times a day and I thought there was something going on. I confronted him about it and he said that she had relationship problems and was asking him about them. He said there was nothing going on and I should trust him. So I did. Their relationship seemed to fizzle out, but his business started going downhill and sometimes he works at the same building as her part time to bring some extra money in and I am eaten up inside thinking he is there with her. She has a boyfriend who (so he tells me) she is happy with and there is no relationship between them except for being friends. Now that would seem enough of a problem in itself (to me anyway - I felt betrayed that he was confiding in another woman about our relationship). He threatened to leave me about six weeks ago as he said I didn't trust him (and it had got to the point that I didn't feel that I could), but the shock of the potential break-up brought me to my senses and I battle with my feelings every day when he is working there, thinking they are laughing at me behind my back. Next thing I know, I find out that he has been looking at porn and downloading porn videos from the internet. I found this out quite by accident, but ever since, have been watching his activity online to see if it was a one-off (which it seemed to be). This was eight months ago. More recently I found a link to a porno site that he had accessed and then several more to other sites which he seems to look at on a regular basis after I have gone to work (I leave early and he doesn't start work until later, so has time at home on his own). I have confronted him about it and he seems to think I see him as some kind of deviant. I told him I feel that I am not enough for him (he is still not interested in a sexual relationship with me, although when I lost our baby, he had said we would try for another) and I feel that he is getting his gratification for looking at these graphic images on the internet. I don't know what to do or where to turn as I don't know if this is normal, but then why am I not enough for him? I feel like I want to break up the relationship over this as whenever I ask about it, he goes silent and moody and will not talk about it, full stop!! Sorry to burden people with so many problems, but I don't know where to turn or what to do and have felt suicidal over this as he has been such a huge part of my life for the past two decades. Confused, depressed and in need of help fast ...
  7. hey everyone well about halfway through last year i wanted 2 live with one of my 3 sisters because i wasnt happy with the area i was living in and i was really depressed. anway so they all gave me false hope and led me to believe it was ok to move with them then changed their mind. i never really opened up to them until i was led to believe i was getting out of here and then i started to. the funny thing is not one of them apologised for doing that. im not hurt at the fact i couldnt go but the fact they led me to believe i could and then burst my bubble. ive tried to tell them how much it hurt but they just said your only 16 and i dont want you 2 be my responsibility. the funny thing is if the situations were reversed id still take them in even after the pain they caused me. so basically i forgave them i dint 4get wat they did and accepted i got 2 more years in this hole. but now its 4th week of school and i get depressed for no reason sometimes but other times i feel fine all i want to know is does anyone know a way i can stop these random depressions. and how can i stop it
  8. Lastnight I got really upset and I need advice, comfort and suggestions regarding my situation. First some background...my bf broke his leg about four weeks ago. He's very athletic and usually is always moving and full of energy. He had surgery about three weeks ago and ever since has been stuck at home most of the time bored out of his mind with not much to do. At first I started to realize he was cranky more often and not very cheerful like he usually is. It's lately and especially yesterday that are really starting to concern and hurt me. I went to his place yesterday evening and he wasn't overly affectionate. Didn't think too much of it but by that night everything just went downhill. He didn't want me near him (he's not in pain anymore but depressed) at night, told me he doesn't feel like having sex anymore, doesn't want me close to him, and was all around totally aloof with me. I asked him why he never tells me he loves me anymore and he said, "Why should I say it if I don't feel it." That was the most HURTFUL thing that came out by that point and I unfortunately began to cry. I don't know what to do! I feel like I'm not even dating him. He has no desire to call me anymore, and said he doesn't even really care if I come over not. I feel SO rejected all the while he tells me that I'm making too big a deal over this, that it's because he's focused on his leg and that I'm not his number one priority right now-his injury is. I could understand if it was because he's in a lot of pain but he isn't-just depressed from having no motivation after being stuck at home for the last month. If someone could please tell me what to do with this situation and how I can best handle it PLEASE let me know-my heart feel so heavy right now.
  9. I'm 31 and dating. I've done most of my dating through the internet - which has proved not to work too well for me. First off - i post a profile and explain exactly who I am and exactly what I'm looking for. I post a variety of pictures, so the woman knows exactly who she's going to meet. For the first couple days - after we start talking - everythign is great. She usually starts flirting and showing a lot of interest - then we make a date to meet. We sit, talk, have so many laughs - it would be an overall nice night. Then we say goodbye - i don't usually go in for a kiss on a first date - it's more a first meeting really, just a hug and if there is a second date then take it from there. The next day - things all change - she'll be friendly, but the interest level has changed for sure. I'm left every time wondering WHAT JUST HAPPENED? I mean sure - she didn't BLOW ME AWAY - but i still want to see her again, it's dating - getting to know someone. I can only think it's something physical to do with me - however I have no clue what that could be. My pictures say it all - there are no surprises - it's not as if someone completely different is showing up. From a female perspective - if ur reading this - and have done the internet dating thing - when/if you do this sort of thing - why do you do it? Just simply no physical attraction? I just don't get it - because I get a lot of dates, get a lot of interest shown - then we meet and even though it's a great time, full of laughs, talks, everythign is great...it ends there - GOODNIGHT AND GOODBYE. I just don't get it...i'm real confused and a bit depressed about all this.... thanks
  10. My life seems to being going no where fast. Growing up poor, always staying at home to study, always doing what I am told and always putting all of my own interest's aside for my parents, letting my parents decide everything for me. Now I am 21, I lack a social life, I am shy, rarely going out, my grades are slipping, I never had a girlfriend nor a job, I have low self-esteem and slightly overweight. And my parents expect me to rescue them from poverty like this? At my home, everything seems to revolve around my mother's stress, her poor health and the family debt. She is the sort of person that sacrifices all of her time, her health and her sense of well-being all for the sake of the family and accuses the family of not being supportive enough of her and expecting too much from her. She expects the family to become as "selfless" as she is and that she is the only person in the house that even has the right to even be angry or depressed. My mother (and my little sister to some extent) are the sort of people that don't like to take "no" for an answer. Because of this, I have become somewhat of a pushover, never saying "no" to anyone, even taking orders from my sister who is four years younger. It feels degrading being pushed around by a little girl that has absolutely no respect for you. I get no love, respect or support from my family no matter how much I try. I am tired of being made to feel that everything I do is not good enough. I sacrifice all my personal goals, dreams and ambitions and I am still not good enough. I am tired of having low self-esteem. Such is my low self-esteem that even to smile or laugh is out of character for me. Every time I tried to build up my self-esteem it would easily crumble whenever my mother makes me feel like she is disappointed in me. My greatest regret would be that one day my mother will die still disappointed in me. To feel depressed I would be told by my mother that I might be depressed for only one day but she is depressed every day. That makes me even more depressed. *Sigh* So much pressure and expectation merely because I am the firstborn in the family. In everything I do (e.g. uni) nobody at home has faith or confidence in me. To tell them that I am trying my best no one will believe me. Its hard when I am the only one that believes in myself. If only moving out was an option, but its not, I am far too dependant on my family. Someone one told me once that I have a heck of alot of potential, why is it that I don't see this potential? I wish I had someone believe in me, particularly someone I admire and respect. Maybe this is why I like this girl I know. She is intelligent, good grades, plently of friends, strong at public speaking (unlike me), similar background as me...etc. I can't help but feel that she is the person I would have become if I wasn't so insecure and my life filled with problems. I tried writing her an email once, to tell her how much I like her, however, I never sent it and all I did was send her an e-card saying "Happy Valentines Day!". Not that I am shy or I am afraid of ruining my friendship with her, its that I have so much things in my life to deal with first (e.g. my low self-esteem). What kind of boyfriend would I make like this? Maybe all of this is just an excuse for not saying to her how much I like her. I am tired of being ashamed and embarrassed at my every failure. I want to one day look back and laugh at myself, because I have changed so much for the better. I can't just sit around waiting for my life to change on its own, I need to take charge of my own life. I need to develop goals and ambitions if I ever want to feel like I accomplished something important in my life. I need to improve myself for my own future and also for the sake of my family. I want to live a life with no regrets. I want to take a more positive outlook on life despite the negativity and pessimism that is hard to ignore at home. I want to boost up my self-esteem. I want to lose weight, not to impress a girl but to have a better self-image. I want to somehow earn the respect of my parents and my sister. Everyday might be a struggle to find faith and confidence in myself but there is a vague hope that one day I would have a successful life. Maybe then it would be much easier to attract a girlfriend.
  11. Im already dead I cant breathe within My lungs collapse, and I fall out I promise you But I could never hold without You said it would never end Life within is a matter of betrayal Its when you figure out that your soul has die That your depression fades from the lie You don't care You don't mind When you fail Its just another damn day So let me die on my own terms I don't care its just for fun Let the blood run.. Im already dead
  12. Right, nice and short, no details except basically she knows I like her alot, shes told me she likes me a hell of alot but said mates is how we shud be... Now, I have fallen head over heals for her, I think about her 24/7, dream about her every night, infact i'm obcessed by her (she doesnt know that tho and I wont let that show, no one wants that lol) Im having a real bad time at the mo, depressed about everything, including wanting to be with her but not being with her. The only time Im actually happy is when Im with her. I want to tell her how much she means to me, how she is everything I want and more, how she is everything I could ever wish for in a person, how Im falling madly in love with her BUT if I do that I will probably 1) scare her off completely and 2) get very hurt. So I dont have the guts to say it to her. But I have to cus it is getting me down. So, any idea how I could tell her that, how I could get talking to her about it? I can easily talk about it on MSN but I want to avoid that cus that cant show how I truly feel, I need to do it in person but how? Where? What to say?
  13. Hey people. I recently started taking antidepressants... they keep me up all hours of the night. I will sleep and sleep and sleep during the day - which when its light out is the time i am more productive and get stuff done. So, I stay up all night, feeling lonely, I hardly ever get any phone calls/emails and its kinda depressing. I know I should just "BE the one to call people" but I'm waiting for awhile to see if people will call me. Kind of as a test. Its not happening. I'm sure after a few days people will wonder about me and wonder if somethings wrong, in which case, I'll just pretend I'm not home and let my voice mail fill up until its full and then people can really worry. I try to think of ways to keep myself busy but by the time i'm home from work and all its 10:30, I won't get to bed until 3 am, and i'll sleep in. By 10:30 I just figure its too late to get any stuff done. By the time I get up, theres only an hour left before i have to get to work so still no time to get any stuff done. (By the way if anyone needs a good laugh - i discovered this tonight, link removed, funny website and passes the time just nicely) So... I'm missing this guy right now... I had a big crush on him, we dated a bit, it never went anywhere, we were friends, and now he doesnt' contact me anymore.. I'm really sad about that. I know i have to give up now but I really miss him... theres tons of guys that are trying to pick me up or ask me out for dates, but i can't get over my feelings for him, i know its stupid but i thought he was perfect and then i realized he wasn't and i just can't get over that... I'm so scared, I find myself thinking "well maybe I should date my good friend, cuz he is trying to pick me up" but I think the only reason i would have for dating him would be cuz he has a lot of $$ and would take care of me.. I know this is the wrong reasons and its getting in the way of my feelings. Sometimes I feel like everything would be better if I just ended my life, I wonder how long it would take them to find me..
  14. Ok I posted a topic about acne before. I was happy for a while cause I got a tan and my acne seemed better and not as noticeable (I'm ver very white and hate it) Anyway, I've been on Retin-A for two months and stopped using it about 2-3 weeks ago..but I still have some side effects. For example, before Retin-A my forehead had a few blackheads but you couldn't even see them. Now the acne are not big but not small either. They are deep under the skin and really noticeable in the sun and in bad lighning. I also have a spot on every cheek that just always gets huge (well not huge but really big blemishes). And also my nose-I only had blackheads all over it but now in some places blackheads started turning onto small red acne. Well I have an appointment with a dermatologist on September 8 and I really want her do out me on Accutane cause if she gives me more cream treatment stuff, I'm just gonna get up and walk away. She already destroyed my skin. I've read on Kaiser Permanente (my health insurance) web site that you can get accutaine if -It's causing emotional pain and depression (I cry sometimes and today also because of it, but I always have depression and just lock myself in the house. I'd rather have depression from Accunate than from acne) -If yor family member has acne scars (now my mom doesnt have acne scars but has enlarged pores. Dunno about dad, never seen him) -If it didn;t get better over several months of medical treatment (Ok it didn't!!!) So um..how bad does acne have to be? I don't want tp try any creams cause I feel like if I do, them my skin's gonna age sooner than it's supposed to. My skin is tired of these stuff... again, sorry for posting so often but I jsut have to talk to someone but my mom hates discussing treatments and my acne
  15. argh... this is really mind boggling... i need help guys. If u read my previous posts abt my ex-gf ... well, this is wats been happening to me these few days : I decided that i was wasting my time trying to be friends with her, since she seems so happy with her life now (and that annoying guy ive mentioned in my previous post) . I couldnt take it . I was too hurt to try. Last monday , i got a text message from her.. she mistakenly sent it to me. It was like this : A,A.. Im having a big problem here... Y he keeps appearing in my head? EVery morning i wake up i would surely think of him first ,before i sleep,think of him again! Sometimes i wanna talk to him but i dare not even step close to him... U asked me to forget him , i cant do that, what am i supposed to do? I still dont know y i left him? A, help me... A is her best friend. So i called her that night , we talked on the phone for a couple of hours... she cried at a certain point. I did too... We talked about what used to happen, what is it that we dislike..and so on. I couldnt sleep that night, and i called her again(around 2.30 am). There was a point in the conversation where i said that i really liked her. She cried and said that that was wat she wanted to hear from the beginning. So we met today . We talked again. It ended up well.. she said that she would do anything to see me happy (we were talking about a friendship). THEN, i held her hand and asked her if that was wat she really wanted. Tears filled up her eyes.. Bottom line is , we both said we wanted each other. We made up. It felt really good... Now to the prob : 1) Im not sure if this will work out because i dunno if the same probs are gonna happen. I cant accept another heartbreak, as i was already real depressed coz of her. 2) My parents knew abt our fights, and so does hers... I dun think they would agree to us being together again (especially since my parents saw me being so down and depressed..they even suggested me changing schools) 3) Im really confused because she's always giving me mixed signals..i do admit that i like her so much, but she's the kind of person who would make u angry(most probably deliberately) at one time, happy at one time and so on... I dont know if she's genuine. Even if all turns out well, we would have a hard time just being together. We both agreed that we will discuss abt our r.ship tomorrow in school. Maybe i could get my mind cleared by then... I just need other ppl's opinion on this. Thx .
  16. well today i went to the fair an annual event held for 2 wks in vancouver called the PNE. i got one free ticket so decided to go. siince i have no one to go with i went by myself since i haven't been to the fair since the age of 15. what i noticed was nobody but myself went by himself except for me. i looked around saw one guy waiting outside near the food court ,,but low and behold he was waiting for his gf. yea gets pretty depressing going by urself. and even if i had a friend to go with my folks be like u sure they aren't gangster right and this and that and say no to drugs and the big lecture on what is right and wrong at age 23. they wanted me to go to the fair early in the morning so i can come home early i did at 5 pm was there at 9am. next yr if i get a free ticket to the fair i not going to go unless i have a gf , date or friends to go with-thats with everything now, unless for movie since at least i can hide at the back and nobody can see u since its all dark and ppl are paying attention to the movie and not u. seeing all these couples around my age and even younger holding hands and being togther just depressing the shame out of me. i wish i could go back time like back to the future-only with easier going parents. man i miss out on so many things-prom, dating, kissing a girl for the first time,keg parties.....
  17. It's been a year and 3 months, and I still can't get over this girl. I've tried dating other girls, she's all I can think about, and i "dream" about her and I back together quite often, however I don't think there is any chance of us getting back together, nor even being friends. We've talked a few times since, but haven't talked for at least 6 or 8 months now. This is getting very depressing, and quite hard on me Any advice on what I can do?
  18. for about five years i've been suffering from depression and bizarre mood swings. my doctor eventually put me on antidepressants about six months ago. then i changed to beta-blockers for anxiety; then to antipsychotics to stop me from doing irresponsible things when i feel high; then to another kind of antidepressant. i didn't find any of the drugs i've taken very helpful in making me feel better; in fact i felt like my personality, my spirit was gradually being eroded away. i didn't want that to happen so i stopped taking my medication a couple of weeks ago; when my supply ran out, i just didn't renew it. now i am feeling quite low and tearful most of the time. can anyone with experience of this sort of thing give me any advice? i haven't told any of my friends or family that i've stopped taking the drugs because i know they'd think it was a bad idea. but ultimately, how is it better for me to suppress real, honest feelings just to act more normal? i want to do it myself. will i be able to beat this without medication?
  19. Hi all, as some of you know my husband finally moved out after a long history of not coming home, many other types of serious drama and repeated emotional abuse. I have not filed for divorce yet. He keeps calling me and begging me to give him another chance, I've given him so many chances with crystal clear guidelines that I have lost count. He has blown it every time. I have no proof that he ever cheated on me but he has lied to me many times about everything else. He swears he hasn't cheated on me and I somewhat believe him or I wouldn't care so much. He has truly hit rock bottom and says he cannot live without me, he cries on the phone and literally called me 50+ times one day cause I would not answer the phone. He is very, very depressed and does not care if he lives anymore. He is a ticking time bomb and has a very bad temper. I am the only person he has ever felt love for, and he has lost me so he sees no reason to care about anything. I am very, very torn. I still am very much in love with him but I know this divorce is inevitable because I had to remove myself and my son from the drama. I cannot reach him mentally, I've tried talking to him to help ease the pain but I have come to the conclusion that there is nothing I can do to help him and I feel I am leading him on and making things worse for him. We've tried no contact but one of us, usually he, keeps calling and it doesn't last long at all. When I call it's because I'm so afraid he's dead somewhere. I know it's making it worse when I do this. How can I feel less guilty and what can I say to him/do that will help him through this? I am very, very depressed and I cry all the time over him. Please help!
  20. Hello, I have a quick question. A few months back, I was dating the best girl I have ever met. We had similar senses of humor, we could talk about anything, and we showed a genuine care for the other when they were feeling down, worried, etc... However, at the time I was drinking a lot and had depression (which would make me constantly worry about her and other guys. Eventualy we decided that although we could be a good couple, the relationship is unhealthy & she advised me to seek help w/ drinking. It ended nicely, with us hugging and wishing each other the best. That was 1 and a half months ago. Since then I have used the "12 step program", have not had one sip of alcohol (with the exception of Communion wine in church), have gotten help from my doctor with the depression, and have spent a lot of "me" time. While thinking about relationships, I thought of how hard it would be to find another good girl. The I asked myself a question "Since I know my ex cares for me, and we have remained friends, could we try again now that I am sober and sane?" (Note: I thought this towards the end, I quit drinking for ME not someone else) Any thoughts?
  21. Hi guys, I dunno how to approach this b/c Ive never had to deal with this situation. I recently came out to one of my friends who moved back to DHS. She immediately told me she was bi, etc. Anyways, she's always just popping up and hanging around me which i figured was b/c she doesnt have many friends here anymore. Today she wrote me a letter and I may be over reacting but i duno. It talked about how much guys were dicks and she wanted to be with a girl but she didnt know of anyone. She knows that I'm with someone. If Im overreacting GREAT. i just dont want her to think she has a chance b/c shes kinda depressed and everything so I dunno how to handle it???
  22. WOW. everything has happened so fast and now im without her and i miss her. My gf of 10 months and i broke up a week ago, this has been very hard on me and her also. She has another "bf" but pretty much they r just best friends yet it still hurts me not to be with her. Since we broke up ive gone into depression and i am on meds. Crazy i know. She tells me she wants to be with me but cant due to the fact that" she isent ready to be with me yet" so i dunno what to do i cant live without her and i miss her
  23. My girlfriend broke up with me 3 weeks ago because I had been acting like a major jerk.. I ended up having a panic attack at work as we work together. Turns out I had been in a slowly escalating depression for about a month. I'm getting myself together but she's already moving on. I'm now haunted by thoughts of her sexual encounters with new men. It really makes me sick and i'm not sure how to deal with this. How do I a)get over her considering that the reason we broke up was because of my behavior in the midst of a depression that i was unaware of. And I'm getting counseling so I'm back to normal.. b) HOW DO I get these thoughts of her new sex life out of my head. They are vivid visions and they really mess me up.. It makes it harder for me to get over her.. next.. she decided to get in touch with me after we agreed not to speak for a few weeks.. she told me i'm the only one who really 'knows' her and she needed to share personal things with me regarding family stuff. it only made my progress go backwards.. i don't know what to feel..
  24. hey people.i have been a little troubled today and im looking for a few opinions. yesterday,i went to a BBQ with some friends and had a good time,especially with the water fight.anyway,one of my friends said she had a little get-together at her house a few days previous but i wasnt even told about it.i felt a bit left out but she did admit that she hadnt told many people so im not sure if she didnt tell many or she just forgot me. also,these mates are mostly girls.its a problem as they do not go to my school(we have separate girls and boys schools)she i dnt get to hang out with them very much.i hadnnt seen many of them in over a month although i do speak to them online. as a result,i often go a little silent when i do hang out with them. also,i went to another party that night.i didnt know many people at the party but i think that i did well and spoke to many of them quite confidently.but i still feel a bit depressed this morning.there was a lot of kissing at the party and i feel left out again as i dont have a gf.to be honest,im getting very frustrated at the lack of any girls my type coming along. so as i said,im feeling down today.could that be the alcohol(i did drink a lot over the course of the day)and hangover?or maybe some of the reasons above? any help thanks.
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