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About Me

Mod Notes

  1. I always put in so much effort for other people. Why doesn't anyone ever want to put the effort in for me? Why am I not worth the effort? Why am I always the second choice?
  2. Hi ENA, I found a very nice and positive poem and would like to share with you. Also I would love to read your nice, positive, heartfelt poems. Let's share some smiles. “This is my wish for you: Comfort on difficult days, smiles when sadness intrudes, rainbows to follow the clouds, laughter to kiss your lips, sunsets to warm your heart, hugs when spirits sag, beauty for your eyes to see, friendships to brighten your being, faith so that you can believe, confidence for when you doubt, courage to know yourself, patience to accept the truth, Love to complete your life.”
  3. Its what you do best. Your words shrink to nothing as I drift away. I wont tell you not to reach for me because I know you don’t want to. The truth is in plain sight but my eyes avert its location. I don’t need you’re “tough love,” as you like to call it. I need a hug, a shoulder for my tears to land on, the feeling that I’m not a bother. I need my emotions recognized, not dismissed. “There’s nothing to be sad about.” There’s so much to be sad about. I wish you knew me as much as you say you do, but you don’t. If you did, you’d know I’m A b**** because I’m sad, distant because I feel pain, detached because the one person who has spent 3 years with me still doesn’t know how I feel, how I act or how to comfort me. I wish you knew how often I hide my emotions. You’d be surprised how many times I go to the bathroom to let out a few tears. How many time I bite my tongue to suppress my sadness. But you don’t know me so I know it’s not hard to Forget me.
  4. It hurt to the soul when she said we'd never have a relationship It makes me sick to think that she never actually gave a * * * * Towards the end it probably seemed I was compacted with crazyness I am remorseful, No excuse for acting the way I did It felt like she took my heart and started hacking away at it I've never been that low, was tempted to slash away at wrists I try not the think what life would be like with her by my side I try to hide these feelings but they just collide inside my mind What happened to us? She was cold hearted. Did she grasp a tear? Cloudy eyes... with no emotion in her atmosphere She was my world... and I never needed an atlas near Fork in the road, now i question, is the passage clear? Although a metaphor, she's never been a beast at flesh I lost the key to her heart that lies beneath her chest Now I've got so much bottled up emotion That it'll leave you under more pressure than the bottom of the ocean So sadness elevates, as I see a decline in us And love hestitates shape and redifines as lust If we could fund our thoughts, maybe build our minds to trust Sharpen metal feelings just to silverline the rust But the time is up, I understand the reason, my remorse is true It's like water to my body, but the source is you
  5. In the corner of the dance floor exists someone who watches simply slunk, standing still In the corner of every classroom is someone who watches the world around simply slunk, sitting still In the corner of every heart is a piece that hesitates, always watching simply slunk, simply still In the corner of every love is a heart that hesitates, always waiting simply slunk, simply sad In the corner of every heartbreak is a piece that wishes it could have last simply slunk, sitting sullen In the corner of the mind exists a fragment where memories attach simply slunk, simply still Slunk in my chair, slunk on the stair, slunk in my room, slunk, slunk, slunk Get up! Raise yourself Make a stand Be a man. But I can't Fate's too great I've slunk too long Now it's too late.
  6. Looking for advice but also needing to vent and let out some of the hurt. My bf and I are going on 3 years together, we're both 30. We haven't been truly intimate in almost a year. I'm open with him about how it hurts me and how I don't feel like he's still attracted to me even though he says he is. I try to initiate intimacy but it gets met with changing the subject, moving away from me, putting focus on something in the room like the TV or the dog, making jokes. I've lost track of how many times we've fought over it and I end up depressed, feeling worse while he makes empty promises that he'll make an effort to try more. But he never does. Then yesterday he told me he has a p**n addiction and he thinks it's easier to handle himself that way than to actually involve me in it. Ouch. I don't have an issue with him watching it, hell, I watch it, but my heart hurts that he would rather do that than to make an effort with me. And he didn't seem bothered to tell me. (I'd also like to point out that during past intimate moments I'm very involved so it's not like I'm asking for an arm or a leg). He tells me often that I'm his soul mate and he would do anything for me but this issue is still so prevalent and no action actually gets taken to work on it. It's like all the effort that gets put into avoiding it could be put into actually working on it...ugh. I hate to admit it but I consider cheating on him a lot, but I know that I just want the feeling of being wanted by someone and it wouldn't be anything of substance... but I really want that feeling again... Idk I feel like I'm losing it and wanting to throw in the towel. Intimacy isn't everything in a relationship and I understand that but it's one of the ways I enjoy connecting with my partner and I thought he did too and it wasn't an issue before. I know addiction isn't personal but I can't help but feel self conscious... is it my body? My hair? Do I smell bad? Is my conversation a turn off? Really does have me looking in the mirror different... thanks cardi. Any advice for this hurting person? Anyone been through something similar? 💔😔
  7. So I've written a few poems on here before, but not in a few years... Upon reading through some of the other poetry on this site I was inspired to write again, so here it goes. Oh, an all feedback is appreciated This mask has cracked. A character of false joy, a smile that hid my sadness and pain. This mask has cracked. Eyes full of hope peeking out from those which held nothing but fear and suffering. A piece falls from the mask. My head rises slowly, the weight lifting from my body and my heart. A piece falls from the mask. The same hands which put on this mask now pull and claw desperately to remove it. The face behind the mask. It bears a smile which hides nothing, the sadness and pain crumbling with the mask. The face behind the mask. The man I wish I never hid away, afraid of the world and afraid to be hurt, but no more. No more hidden by the mask. I show myself finally, a heart ready to love and no more afraid of falling. No more hidden by the mask. I show my true tears and my true laughter and my true smile, no more afraid of anything. No more trapped by the mask. Able to trust and believe and enjoy. No more trapped by the mask. Able to love and live and laugh. I am finally free; Of these chains Of this fear Of this sadness Of this mask This mask has cracked. A piece falls from the mask. The face behind the mask. No more hidden by the mask. No more trapped by the mask.
  8. Continuing on with the sad stuff, just feeling it at the moment. WHERE HAVE YOU GONE Where have you gone, I miss you so, The midnight calls and early morning chats, It's starting to feel so long ago, Now it seems that time has passed, Another day, another life, Your welcoming voice alone, Made me feel true and alive. Where have you gone, The closeness of what we had I miss so much, Whatever it was is all academic now, But still I long for the feel of your touch, Whether or not my feelings were wrong, I was never ashamed to admit or confess, That no matter how hard I tried, My thoughts of you would never digress. Where have you gone, The long drives that I wished would never end, Lengthy heart to hearts about all of life's tribulations, The hallmark of a lifelong friend, Now I see you've had a change of heart, It's hard to work out where we really are, Perhaps I am asleep in a dream that won't come true, Or perhaps we are now simply worlds apart. Where have you gone, Yet still I await your return one day, I know you haven't forgotten the moments we shared, From dinner and a movie followed by an enchanted evening stay, Even if now these memories mean little to you, And the events of recent times have drifted us towards pastures new, I still proclaim to any soul who questions why, That you were one of the best I ever knew.
  9. I wrote this poem and it basically describes how i feel right now... This is the first time i've put any of my work out to rhe public. I appreciate any feedback and any advice or help as to my mental "situation"... SHATTERED Scream. There is a yell, of pain, of sadness, of misery... Cry. The darkness is everywhere, i feel it within me... Dream. Dream of a better place, where i can finally be free... Lie. I tell the people around me i'm content and happy... Stake. Put my heart on the line, because i always do... Again. Stabbed in the back, by someone i thought i knew... Break. Reach that point where my soul gets snapped in two... Pain. Always left behind, left alone, so sad, so blue... Pray. Just keep trying, hoping for something, but what? Spoken. Words that rip my heart, while my soul gets cut... Stay. Here waiting where you told me to go... Broken. I guess you were lying, was it all a show? Useless. Me, that's how i feel now i'm just part one of two... Run. From my problems, from the world, it's true... Heartless. What other word can i use to describe you? Done. With all the pain and crap you put me through. Wait. With a knife pressed against my wrist. Debate. Whether my life is really worth all this. God. Can somebody out there hear me? God? Is there anybody up there really? Someone? I'm sick and tired of all those people who degrade me... Anyone. I've been shattered apart, and i need someone to save me...
  10. There was a time when I could have said It feels like we’ve known each other forever. Now, I might say It feels like we’ve never met. Friendships That feel like dreams— Did we really Once flop over in the yard, sitting cross-legged, sharing different shades of pink nail polish? Was it real when we Played hide and seek and hid in strangers’ back yards, feeling clever and triumphant and mischievous and hoping we weren’t still waiting to be found when the sun went down? Can you remember when we Argued over who got to be the pink Power Ranger? Isn’t it funny how we Wrote notes to each other in sparkly gold ink and folded them into cute little origami shapes? Wasn’t it weird when most of our conversations Were about boys and kissing and wanting to be all grown up? Wasn’t it strange when we Started getting into trouble?—not the kind of trouble where our parents grounded us, but when the police caught us and the judge sentenced us? Wasn’t it surprising When we realized they were all just memories, buried, fading, the way dreams begin to fade upon waking? Isn’t it sad how we Share these memories but It feels like we’ve never met?
  11. It's a short tale i wrote back in November. I got inspired to write it while walking through my town.. English is not my native language , so i hope what i wrote is all right! ^_^ Do you know what autumn really is? It is not a sad tale of aging's curse... It is not the harbinger of feeble farewells and the last dance of happiness rose! On the contrary, it is a message of love from natures womb, wrapped in a present of a beggars soul...When i walk the streets in the twilight dusk of this autumn days, everything i see smells like love, and everything i feel, echoes for passions presence. Even the trees have put on their tender lips a shade of redness grove, and what are the falling leafs, if not the kisses of natures bliss, sent to us travelers, as solace, while we look for warmth of a November hug? And the puddles on the brilliant sea of pavements floor... In their eyes baths the sky covered in the softest clouds. So the puddles, like a flying carpet out of 1001 Night, have been putted there so that we could easier get to the clouds and stars! To give the might to dance on the clouds, their only purpose is! Isn't that wonderful ? Autumn days yearn for love from the very depths of their soul! There is nothing sad in that tale! It has been just told wrong from ever since...
  12. I've been dating and looking, for what seems like far too long. I want to take a break, to heal and move on. But I feel a sense of urgency, to keep going while I'm in the zone. Like I'm being pushed to keep dating, when I want to leave it alone. Maybe, no most likely, the push is because of you. I thought I found what I was looking for, I think you did too. So now you've left, and while I try not to admit it, I'm sad that you're gone. I need to keep dating, keep pushing on. I'm sure in time, the thought of us will nearly be gone. But I really wish you'd call, and say you were wrong. ... Damn I wish you'd call, and say you were wrong.
  13. I'm extremely tired Of being wired With all this **** When I get bit, Want to be rid of it To soon, not yet Years of waiting left Those years have great heft, I just want to die Tell them all goodbye Goto heaven or nothing Dammit just do something, Im tired and sore This lifes a bore I want more for myself Ended up by myself All alone Got damn boned, im so ****ed This ear got shucked I cant cry I cant lie I cant die Music is my only friend Itll be with me till the end, God im glad theres music Makes some stuff less useless. Though sad it may be This is all me, Will somebody ever love me Will somebody ever care My guess is no I need to go, Go where There There There Nope here is where I must stay Im trapped; kept at bay I feel so hopeless The hole has no bottom I always feel lonely and rotten, I feel like a run away train Everythings a drain My life is ****ed; put on hold Think my balls are growing mold This world had no true gold No matter what, no matter how bold I just feel old And worn out To tired to shout, So here I lay me down to take it Maybe ill luck out Maybe I wont make it, I really do want to live But my souls run out of me like a sieve I have lots of holes Searching for a lonely shoal, Theres none to be found Problems compound Things get worse With every verse Why do I keep typing Why do I keep thinking Cuz I keep smelling the world Stinking, It burns my soul Hurts my heart Damages my self confidence Puts me on defense Pain makes me wince, Trying to dull the pain Trying to calm my brain Going down the drain Crashing like a plane Wish I never came My soul hurts, got a band-aid ma'am?
  14. WHO YOU REALLY ARE Struggling to find the words to describe you, Wishing you would open up a little, Sometimes you make me feel so distant, so far, When all I want is to know who you really are. The close friendship we formed, You've not always been able to find the words, But I know you can do it, you can raise the bar, You can tell me who you really are. A beautiful girl shrouded with so much beauty and intrigue, I've stood by you when you've been mocked and ridiculed, I've told you how I've felt, I've admired you from afar, Wishing I could see who you really are. Where others have lied, I've been true, Where others have given you empathy, I've given you sympathy, Where others would cast judgment, I would consider you a star, Searching far and wide to find out who you really are. It's been nearly a year since you came into my life, Rarely before had I known a person with whom I could share, So many of life's up and downs, all the while keeping that door ajar, That one day I may find out who you really are. There are moments when you make life seem complicated and confusing, Yet moments when you make life feel enriching and enchanting, Your zest for life conquering past pains and scars, As you continue to show the world who you really are. Each day I'm grateful for your presence alone, Whether it's happiness, heartbreak, sadness or serenity, Wherever you may be, be it near or far, I will forever be proud of you for who you really are.
  15. When you smoke when you drink, and you drink too much, and you live undercover, under blanket, under pillow With no direction with your life; A plan's here you're sure Some emergency escape, some hidden plot hole Somebody to guide you in a certain direction Holding your hand, smiling with affection Some love to rely on, lean and confide in Until you decide to curb stomp again. But there's nothing there, no happy ending No horse ridden sunset, no great epic conclusion All the life lessons that served as your tools, crashing down in front of you,unused, The gates breached, the soldiers slain, the warmth of the battle, no time to dig graves Stretches to a courtyard, you're reluctant to cross, the silence of death, pain and of loss. You crawl through the courtyard, and fall into mud, sinking deeper and deeper, mistakes piling up over your stupid, ignorant head. Until you drown in your guilt, sadness and shame You've hit rock bottom, and you need to take blame You've hit rock bottom, and you need to take my hand I'm angry, because you keep falling, again, and again, and again.
  16. Sunrise over the hill The day takes its slow time To mount to me its richness To bring to me its light Sometimes I still stay waiting In the moonlight, the light of pain From what suffering can be seen But not the light of day The trees do speak of a soft sadness They are the reaching stillness, like my madness In me, struggling for what's free The sunlight which watches over me Its in human touch, warmth and want The type of love that knows fault not Instead of The type of haunting in the soul That governs your body, makes you feel old It's the pain that makes me cry But it also keeps me reminded of the depth of life Sunrise bring your might Help my tired eyes to open To the hearts around me I am done choking on my own blood My own disastors To my dreams. The falling leaves chant to me As I stand here alone Instead of sun, rain comes And I am still alone.
  17. Upon closer inspection The image is just a little Disconcerting The reflection seems Jaundiced Gaunt Just a trace of sadness In those uneasy cheeks There is a silent honesty In mirrors That betrays the many truths We so desperately strive To conceal With clothes And gadgets With accessories And makeup An honesty Tucked away like old photographs Behind the pupils
  18. Standing at the corner waiting to see. Lost for the moment, what can I be? Tortured inside without a father to love me. A lonely child is all I will ever be. I have remained alone, my innosense gone. Untouched by love, what did I do so wrong? Where am I going and for how long. All I have for me is my sad song. Take me for today, take me for a while. Dry my cries, make me smile. It may get better but I am in denial. I look up. One more mile.
  19. here are a bunch of poems i have written and ide like to share them with you guys, please tell me what you think. On a beach never forgotten On a beach never forgotten, You lay there soaking up the sun, Watching the 3 of us at play, Looking dumb as it takes 3 of us to wrestle with a single fish, Then only to be showed up at the Island by out-digging all of us in the search for littlenecks, Loading up the boat, was never a hassle with you to remind us where to put certain things, On the way home, stopping at our 3 lonely lobster pots, Waiting with anticipation for that first lobster we’ve ever caught, Only to see an endless supply of spider crabs. Coming home later that day, with a boat full of fish, and other billingsgate treasures We remember how great the day was, and no day will ever be exactly the same. A last sunset night On a last sunset night, With the last wisps of light, All the colors of the setting sun, Be reflected upon your warm face, Remembering all the years that have gone past, Taking it all in at your own pace, Wishing for it all to never end, Waving to a set of impatient fisherman, and walking back with the other few Saying the final goodbye and going on the short walk home, The sand seeping through your toes and the loved ones by your side, We watch you disappear down the beach, the warm wind blowing around you, Not knowing that this would be your, Last sunset night. May 12, 2007 A Hearts Story Ever heart has a story to tell, Although every one can spill their words, The heart can never say it all, From a hearts first love, To its last heart break, Someone can try to explain it all, But trying to find the time is just to hard, The heart will always change, It has a mind of its own, A thousand words can not tell one sentence, The only way to explain, Is through this lone tear in my eye, If only it could fall, That would say it all, That alone can tell a hearts story. Loving Memory In loving memory of you is all it says, But the whole story is only told through those who loved, Wanting you is our way of thinking, Thinking of the good times, And the hard times ahead, Wishing for that day to have never come, Seeing your face in that picture frame, Upon that wooden stand, Waiting for that day to be with you again, It’s all I can think, But with your blood flowing through my veins, And guessing your last wishes, I will carry on knowing I have your strength within, But all I can read, In loving memory. A lonely Night It is another lonely night, Sitting here, thinking of you, Wishing you were still here so I would not have to be this way, Trying to think I’m still wanted, By those who said they did, Only to be forgotten but one day later, Waiting for that call, and having it never come, It seems as though, I am remembered only for this tragic time, But all I feel is another night alone, With only me, myself and I Years have passed The years have passed, And now that you are not here, they seem to drag on forever, Remembering all those times, Where we talked and spoke to one another, Trying to forget those who have forgotten me, Thinking of who really cares, And who really doesn’t Sifting through those who say one thing and mean another, But it doesn’t matter for now, because I know, That you will always be with me in my heart, And even though my heart aches for you to be here, I can only think, What if I had been better? In the years that have passed. One week later It’s only been one week later, Life seems to drag on forever, Why is this feeling sustaining, Just waiting for this first tear to fall, I sit here thinking, As each hour goes by, Waiting as time creeps to a slower pace, But I am still sitting here, With a lone tear in my eye, It will still be there, But one week later. A lasting memory It had been such a long time, But since these last few weeks, Our old memories have been restored, To what they were once before, Before life became such a hassle, Now we remember how it used to be, The laughs and the tears together, But soon life will separate us once again, This time we have more times to keep, In our lasting memories. An early summer night A fire is blazing, The sky is clear, But one cloud streaks, accross the bright midnight moon, Looking out on the moonlit and fire burnt waters, I see nothing but your face, reflecting back at me, Thinking of you all the time, Everything is different, But knowing you are at peace, Leaves me with a full filled empty heart, Seeing the pictures of you, leaving a tear on my page. A feeling gone away Tis a feeling gone away, Gone by the loss of so much, Thinking how dumb I am, to think such a way, When being granted so much, All I can do, is be saddened by the loss, Only wanting to be done, Sitting here now, Thoughts running through my mind, Thinking how life could be, If only I hadn’t of lost you. A dream A dream of you, Sticks in my head, One night thinking of you, Sits in my mind like lead, It starts with us all, sitting side by side, Only moments later, Seeing you up front with my father, Standing there, as if it was your wedding day, To only be reunited by our sides, in the pew, Singing joyful songs, at that time, But the only think I could do as I woke, Was to have tears stream down my face, As I remember the words, In loving memory A simple little poem Its only poems that I can write, That expresses what I say, But I can only be a fool, Because I can ever duplicate the thought I have of you, So many thoughts, they can never be told, Not in a little poem, Nor a thousands pages, But the words of your lips, and wishes of your heart, Will always be remembered, When we think of you. Another night alone 6/3/07 It’s another night alone, I sit here pondering, Why it’s always like this, I try to be together with others, But im always held back for reasons that are too numerous to count. It seems like im so far from those I love, Even if they are down the hall, or down the street, Sitting here in the dark, Makes one realize, How life is so worthless, After trying and always having to give up. A reason to be forgotten 6/3/07 I am a reason to be forgotten, Why I am here I have no idea, I will never be as good, And have no reason to be, Wishing these feeling in my heart would leave, But the pain is always brought up, as soon as it starts to disperse, Reasons to forget me are so true, I have nothing to offer or give, My poems mean nothing, They are as empty as my heart wants to be, And as I sit here, I find myself thinking, why I have not left already, And this reason could be my last, Just wanting everything to be different, A time without me, A spot where I will be filled, By something better than I So I will end up being, A reason to be forgotten. A feeling gone away 6/3/07 My heart has been replaced, By a feeling gone away, Everything I once wanted has been torn from me, Can never be seen again, I see no reason, To keep going, I have no strength to care, Life is a task now that will lead me nowhere, Ide rather my life be spared to those who care, Than to myself, With a heart gone away. A nightmare realized 6/3/07 Continuously feeling lost, I don’t think I will ever be found, Nightmares run through my head, Of losing my all, I am so scared, of losing everyone, I wish for everything to be different, I want everything to be normal, I feel as though everything is wrong, Things just aren’t right, Work and death, running through my head, Thoughts of every kind, Losing everyone and everything is a constant threat, I don’t know why, but I can’t lose the thought, Because it’s all so true, I’m going to be alone one day, Going to be crazy forever And my nightmare will come true. A Heart of nothing 6/4/2007 I offered you my heart, But all I got in return, Was the same lonely heart? That I had to offer, Sitting here now, Wondering the worth of my love, Feeling as though, It’s a value of none, Been turned down, so many times before You were the one, who opened up to me, But no that I have lost, I having nothing else to give, But my heart of nothing What my eyes have seen June 6, 2007 What my eyes have seen, Is that of what no one wants to? I wish I could get rid of these memories, Seeing everything again in my head Just reminds me of the pain, From that night till now. I still imagine the pain, My eyes have seen so much, I wish to never relive it But my sadness brings it all back To what I’ve seen, again and again. Re-living those last hours Wondering how it will end I could only imagine a nightmare, But I wish my love could have saved you Even though that nightmare came true, And even if I do wake every day. Awaking to a nightmare, That never should have come true, But it all comes back to what I have seen In the sadness of my heart. Drifting June 5, 2007 I am drifting from you Like a raft on water My thoughts drag me away As if I’m tied down I can’t get back Trying to go home To the way it was But I am drifting from you And I have no power left To come and see you So this is a final chapter To a lost way As if it was all drifting away. I Don’t Know Why June 5, 2007 I don’t know why I have lost Lost this feeling, gone so far from me Wishing I could have it back But knowing it has slipped through my fingers I don’t know what to say But goodbye. Every Strength is a Weakness 6/9/07 Because everyone has a strength, It is also their weakness, From boldness to crowdedness, From sport to brains, A combination of any which, Can cause many pains, It is a power that one may keep, Or also kill, Its writing that you say is mine, But it is a weakness, A weakness that I don’t want looked upon, Something that means nothing, My dear words are useless, In this desperate time of needs, Because ever strength does have a weakness. Change 6/21/07 What is this feeling of change? Everything was once just so, Now it is all screwed up, with one big blow, Many events have lead to this, But one final impact, Just tore me apart, My insides are gone, ripped away, What I once had has been changed. thanx of those who read them all god bless
  20. This is a poem a friend in one of my classes wrote in a short period of time. Feed back? -Ash flowers it bloom and blossoms in the mist of the spring air give me just one chance to dare ive been to the end and around that windey bend i coud always send the love for you like the stem for its petals but nodobys could dwell the thoughts i had when i was sad but till the petals fall till the ground i will not have a frown because my voice is my sound
  21. I thought it was a good idea to post this because its lovely and very true. I hope you enjoy it. I got this poem when i was doing some training at work (weird place to get one) and i thought i would share it with you. The Value Of A Smile It costs nothing but creates much. It enriches those who receive without impoverishing those who give. It happens in a flash and the memory of it sometimes lasts forever. None are so rich they can get along without it. And none are so poor, but are richer for its benefits. It creates happiness in the home, fosters goodwill in business and is the countersign of friends. It is rest for the weary, daylight for the discouraged, sunshine to the sad, and natures best antidote for trouble. Yet it cannot be bought, begged, borrowed or stolen, for it is something that is no earthly good to anybody, until it is given away. So if i should be too tired to give you a smile, will you please leave one of yours. For nobody needs a smile so much, as those who have none left to give.
  22. Sweetie, I miss you I miss your arms around me I want to be there for you every day I want to love you the way you deserve You are so far away from me I can't bear to think of it sometimes I dream of you each night and when I wake, feel sad that you're not there arms around kisses on my forehead. for you, i'd do most anything for I am your sweetie.
  23. Firsts, then Seconds The first time, I loved a boy I knew he was no good. he was just a tomcat looking for a mouse. Oh how I fell, ensnared, by the meaningless words he calmly reassured. But oh how lonely, how sad, he wasn’t very fair. He liked to play with his food and several other morsels before he chose his meal, But I escaped that mess, Narrowly it seems. Ah yes, the second time was even better, so sweet. With the pleasant mask of someone As beautiful as Adonis. As pure as a lamb. Harping upon me like a maiden Promising me the sea Declaring love unending, we all know how that goes. Then, the late night drinking, the self-degrading talk The lazy half-hearted recitations revealed behind the mask, the demons That made this boy, As common as the clay I walk upon Think he was a man To take his left rib back this way.
  24. This is the story of a girl who makes a mistake. The girl meets a boy who she deeply loves, and the boy loves her just the same. But she is new to the world of love and does not know how to keep it. The boy knows this, for he is nearly a man, and has been through the mistakes it takes to learn how to keep that love. He knows that this knowledge is not something that can be told and learned, but must be felt and learned. So he sits back and he waits. This boy enjoys his time with the girl, doing everything he can to build the relationship. He is successful as the girl feels better than she ever has. But one day the girl has a doubt, she starts to build a picture in her head that things could be better, that she can find someone better, or do whatever she wants with whoever she wants and have no consequence. She feels like there is no limit to the high so she plays with temptation. She soon cheats on the boy, and as the boy had been prepared to do he leaves her. The girl feels fine at first, but as the days pass she realizes how bad it really is. She remembers the joy she felt, and decides to try and get back the boy with the promise that she will never hurt that boy again. She goes to the boy and pleads with him to take her back, she tells him that her days of hurting him will never happen again. The boy still loves her, and he believes that she is sincere in her words. But the boy knows that there is a difference between believing what you say and meaning what you say. The boy does not take the girl back, for he is certain that the girl does not know the truth behind her words. The boy leaves, and never again does she hurt him, never again does she try to hurt anyone for that matter. So the story goes of the boy and the girl who fell in love, but never made it. The years go by and the girl after being true and honest for many years finally finds someone who makes her feel as good, if not a little better than the boy did. The boy does the same, as he was sure he would. One day the boy and the girl meet each other at random in a coffee shop. They talk for a moment, and give each other a look of sadness, for they know that something good was broken, and can never be gotten back. The days and the nights fill their life with joy, and although the girl is saddened by what she went through, she knew that the boy had acted in the most loving way possible, and made her become the woman she is today. END: Because you Because these things in life are so important. Sometimes learning is so important. Because you decide why you do it. Others do not decide for you. So the story goes
  25. I've been feeling better lately. I feel well. I feel healthy. I feel balanced. I feel more centered. I feel more okay. I feel able to forget and let go. I feel more able to take care of myself. I feel better about not letting hurtful people bother me. I feel better about rebuilding my life. I feel more possibilities. I feel I can enjoy myself. I feel I can heal. I feel I can forgive myself more. I feel more of a right to take care of myself. I feel I may be able to move on from this abuse. I feel I will be able to trust and take care of myself. It's scary......because I actually do feel a lot more relief, healing, and freedom. I feel a heavy stone lifting from my heart, those heavy knots untangling. I think I will be alright....more healing to do. Does this mean those abusers who purposely hurt me and wanted to harm me and break me.....does this mean they don't win? Because I know some of them purposely sought control over me or to make my life miserable. Purposely wanted to burn and break me.....out of jealousy and most likely because they were just so miserable with themselves and their lives and how they live. Does this mean I will be better?.....This is new to me....I hope this mood will last..... This good feeling actually scares me because it's new.....these new thoughts are a little bit different from my previous doomed, depressed thoughts. I had this mental belief that...once they harmed me....I was permanently damaged, permanently worthless, permanently maimed, permanently harmed. With a key emphasis on permanence, I felt permanently......hurt, lost, destroyed, humiliated, embarrassed, angry, sad, despised and torn. It's still really hard to think myself out of this one.....because I can't change the past. So if anyone has some advice about this particular belief...I would like to hear.
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