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About Me

  1. i find it difficult to believe that those that have never walked in these shoes could ever fully understand what this is like. but really...i think it would be impossible for you to not understand certain aspects. it's still strange for me to talk about this. there are very few people that seem to get it. a choice in itself. to get it...is to open one's being to that same vulnerability. perhaps i've been conditioned by the general reaction. there are ALWAYS undertones that this whole process was a choice. alas, to choose misery would be a madness. in some respects...it was a choice. the initial choice. the first time. but at that point...it would've been difficult to imagine the way things played out. yes...i was told a thousand times...by a thousand different people...this is wrong. there's no good that can come of it. but the full appreciation...the knowledge, wisdom...there is just no way to know that...until it's happened. i have been surrounded by people my entire life that refuse to see the person as anything other than the label. as in mental illness...the actual person is not seen. the label trumps all else. yes...it's a generalization...but the consistency of the sentiments is overwhelming. it's a choice. snap out of it. unfortunately...these people do not understand. this...thing...has robbed six years of my life from me. it's reduced me to tears on numerous occasions. it's added a neverending cycle of stress and anxiety to my life. it's robbed me of that youthful sense of vigor...my energy...my motivation to do many things that i once enjoyed. paralyzing. it is...and has been...the last thing i think about before i go to sleep. not in the sense that i need to indulge...but that i've been systematically destroying something i consider precious...and become very adept at driving the full implications of that away. life becomes a lesson in deceit. myself. my friends. decpetion is a friend...because it's the one thing that allows me to cling to a dissipating sense of self-respect. there is no control. the addiction fuels habits. life becomes a means to satisfy that hunger. and the sad truth...is that the 'help' that exists is horrendously out of touch with what has actually happened. if it were truly 'in touch'...the numbers would provide a staggering solution. yes...some people give it up...and lead genuinely happy existences...but they are by far the minority. there are many that have come and gone through my social radar...and there has only been one that has successfully ended this cycle...permanently. one. it's shocking. can you imagine the misery of still possessing the desire...but refraining. one's life would become consumed by that desire. the entire existence becomes about that moment when the need can finally be satiated. this is not a solution. it's misery. and it's real. i reflect on how well we mask our true feelings. i can't help but assume that these 'happy' ex-abusers are skilled in the same art. there are definitely exceptions...i realize. one could ask...why didn't you just stop. it's not a question of weakness. i possess a certain strengh that permeates ALL other aspects of my life. it's a lack of tools. i'm amazed that this conclusion didn't dawn on me sooner. it's really a question of perspective. it's a shift in the reality. that old familiar mental filter...the cognitive trick that keeps so many trapped in a prison of twisted expectations...it's the same. there is no difference. so...just stop. amazingly...that IS the solution. but there is no way for that to happen until the roadblocks have been removed. there has to be some kind of comprehension. there has to be acceptance and acknowledgement. and it's not just one or two little beliefs. it's all of them. one misguided belief...and sadly...the hook remains set...waiting to take hold again. i feel a genuine sense of profound sadness when i've been witness to this. it somehow reinforces the idea that the trap has no exit. it exists to keep one trapped...that is it's nature. so many times...i've been witness to the crushing, demoralizing, dehumanizing trauma that is addiction. it's not a vice. it's not a habit. it's an addiction. and the cumulative lives ruined by this disease far exceed every other killer. strong, intelligent, decent human beings. all walks of life. we do not choose. by all accounts...if we were to go back with the knowledge we have now...surely the temptation would never lead us down it's perilous road. but the knowledge...when it becomes belief...it IS the way out. there is a solution. there really is nothing to give up. there is a choice...because it's the choice we were originally faced with...free of the taints of the mind. free of the trap that has kept us so thoroughly enthralled. there is liberation to be had. we've all been trapped. we all know that feeling. as with all other things...the broken records have never helped. if they had...we'd never have come to this point. so thoroughly dejected. so completely broken by something so simple. left to walk in the shadows of our own inner turmoil. it's a hellish kind of misery that we would not wish upon even our closest enemy. we ask for your understanding. your respect. because sadly...our own is desperately lacking. we're stuck. we have no idea how to get out. if we didn't find it morally objectionable...we would implore those of you that doubt our conviction to stumble down this path. walk a day in our tired old shoes and know it for yourself. it doesn't matter what this 'thing' is. it's the same story. wherever you come from...whatever roads you've been down...we understand. we know your misery. we know your pain. we know the ways in which you habitually stumble. we know your 'weakness'...and we know your strength. this is why we are here. so come forth...step out of the shadows. reclaim that which you feel has been taken. find joy in the simple elation of life. there is nothing else. without it you have nothing. and with it...you have everything.
  2. so my ex boyfriend which whom we i was trying to get back together a few weeks back, but because i was being stubborn and taking baby steps and being a little unconsiderate at the moment he decided i was being toxic and not giving him peace, so he told me to give him some space and not call him back till he got over how i treated him. Now he has a new girlfriend and i texted him asked him is he was happy and he told me "i am in peace which is the most important to him" my respose was the next: i am not going to lie to you it hurts a lot and i dont know when its gonna stop hurting since i was the one that pushed him away, but if that is what he wants i am going to try my best to be happy for him. He than just thanked me and said " same for you" Was it wrong of me to text him when he knew i already knew he had a new girlfriend? like did i pushed him further away showing how hurt i was?
  3. My boyfriend and I spent the weekend with each other last week and we had a really good time. He dropped me off, kissed me goodbye and that's the last I heard from him. He usually goes a couple days without messaging me because he gets caught up in work but when I would call it would go straight to voicemail. I had my friends try and call him to which he would decline the call but he texted one of my friends asking who it was so this is the only way I knew he was still alive. We hadn’t gotten into any arguments before he left but when I try to communicate with him on different social media’s he blocks me instantly. Any advice ?
  4. so me and mf have been together for almost a year , we met off of tinder and obviously it was physical at first , he always told me i had an amazing body but never really said anything abt my face , which was kind of a let down ( my bf is a model also lol) , ive noticed that he rarely compliments me and i mean rarely , but yet i compliment him all the time , he works out a lot so he often asks me how he looks pretty much like 10x a day NO JOKE , i take pictures of him , i hype him up , i make sure he feels very good abt himself psychically because he can get insecure but he never does that for me ? he never takes pictures of me , rarely tells me im pretty and when i bring it up to him he always like " you know i think youre attractive " but it never feels like it , it just makes me so sad , im not even on his social media at all he always posts his friends my never me , never on my birthday or valentines day or when we spent a weekend together or anything , i had to literally beg him to posts picture of us .im starting to feel, so sad , i dont even feel attractive anymore i used to feel so confident abt myself , and ive started posting pictures of myself online like fb and snap chat and just to feel better abt myself , never anything risque or anything , but is it too much to ask to feel beautiful ?
  5. I live in the US and I met a Brazilian girl on a dating app, and we've been talking for several months. Things are going great between us, and it took some time (Coronavirus travel concerns) to finally get myself to decide to get a ticket and take a month vacation to see her. Regarding my travel plans, I had spoken to a friend (who lives in a different country that I haven't seen in a few years) and he also happened to being going to Brazil as well. I told my girlfriend that I would meet up with my friend for 5-7 days in one state of Brazil and I would spend the remaining 3 weeks or so with her. The plan is to fly out in late early November. Unfortunately my friend has been having flight issues and the airlines changed his flight twice already and I am waiting to receive confirmation on the dates. I kept the my girlfriend in the loop. She has asked me several times about when I am going to book. I told her I'd book by Friday (yesterday). I am still waiting on some date confirmations so I have not yet booked, I thought...a few extra days won't be a disaster. Friday night she pointed out that.. she waits for me, and that I wait for my friend... I am always late and that she barely entered into the relationship and that she already feels like she's stuck with other people. Part of me feels bad for not fulfilling the booking reservation as promised/ told. But part of also felt down/ sad about her opinion of the matter. (Sad in the sense that, I feel like I am trying my best to make both work, but that's still not appreciated). Is it wrong to feel this way, because I am in the wrong (treating her like second choice)? Do I have my priorities mixed up? Is it that bad for trying to consolidate this trip experience? Am I doing something wrong here? Would any other girl or person feel as though they are unimportant or second priority because of my actions? I am not sure, what is the right thing to do? Thank you for any wisdom!
  6. Hey y’all, i’m a female and i’m currently deployed out in the desert for the next 7 months. With COVID going around, I am restricted to base and they discontinued social gatherings or alcohol consumption. The food sucks, it’s hot outside, i’m missing my family, and every day is like ground hogs day. I feel like i’m getting really sad/angry and it’s only been 6 weeks. My bf is also deployed but he’s in Europe and he’s able to go off base to pubs, explore Europe, and have fun with his friends. With my situation, I feel like it’s causing strain on our relationship a little bit. I get annoyed easily when we’re on the phone and recently when he asked what was wrong, I told him my current situation and he tries to understand but he has no idea the level of suck i’m experiencing and I still have 6 months to go. He says i’m comparing myself too much to his deployment experience. How can I explain to him my feelings? And if anyone has been deployed, is there any advice on staying mentally healthy?
  7. Hi, First I am not here to talk about my story (I babbled enough about that in Personal Growth) But I am interested in other people's experiences in Good byes. Not so much to someone who is dying. But rather people in our lives who are leaving forever one way or the other. If you gave one someone a special goodbye, How did it make you feel? If you recieved it How did it make you feel . For reasons I do not want to get in here. I had to say goodbye forever to someone who I will always feel was a blessing in my life. (I am repeating that part of my story for the readers of this forum) I wanted to cover every aspect I could think of because I was never going to have a chance, First, She saw my eyes watering and asked me to stop. I said I needed to continue and asked her if I could (She said okay but if she said No I would have stopped) First I gave her a blank journal because she once told me she wanted to be a writer, I wrote stuff in it to inspire her like Hi I am your journal use me for anything but I think you can write great things, I told her that I thought I was supposed to be a blessing in my life but I have learned you were the blessing in mine. I then took 3 ribbons 2 Blue One pink and I said I know this is only symbolic but I am not going to be around if and when these things happen, I said the blue and pink are for if you have a baby boy and girl someday and the other blue ribbon was for is she needed something blue if she married one day. Finally I gave her a pen that I had engraved with a bunch of letters. I told her it was an acronym prayer and that each letter was the first letter in the word, I asked her if she could guess, She told me she knew the first letters which was her initials, So then I told her the rest was May Jesus Bless You Love You and Keep You, and then we hugged and that was it, ......................Now was that too much? Maybe but on the other hand I could not let this person leave my life without letting her know in my own way How much God putting her as a blessing in my life (There was a time I had decided not to do the whole goodbye but something happened that changed my mind that I will cover in my other forum at some point) 2. It helped me to let go with the exception of a little bump I went through and got over with the help of the wonderful people on this site because I forgot something in the goodbye), I also hope it helped her in some way and if nothing else maybe give her a memory that although was sad will make her smile someday if she ever thinks back on it. As I said I am not looking for advice. But please I am in your opinions and goodbye stories
  8. My now ex and I broke up a week ago after 2.5 years of dating (not our first break up btw)-the day he broke up with me I was numb, blinded by anger more than sadness. The day after the break up I was miserable I was crying almost all day-an emotional wreck pretty much. The days that followed have been ok-I don't feel sad or depressed I haven't shed a tear since that day, I do think about him all the time though and I've dreamt about my ex everyday since our breakup. Could it be that I'm still in denial about the breakup? Is that why I'm not feeling anything? Or was I over the relationship and he had to pull the plug for me to realize it?? I mean he and I haven't spoken since then, but I still find myself secretly hoping its him when I get a text message. Has anyone had this happen to them? Thank you!
  9. Hi everyone, I've not posted here before, so I hope I do this right. I've got no idea where to turn to for advice - it feels guilty turning to friends and family - so I've turned to you guys. Sorry if this turns out long. Me and my boyfriend both have issues. I have depression (which is currently severe) and anxiety. He has nothing diagnosed, but certainly has issues, and tends to worry a lot. He can also get sad out of the blue. Our relationship has gone okay for the first year. We're good at communicating, we deal with problems. But this - this isn't the same. The more we've been together, the more attached he's grown, understandably. But to the point where his mood is dependent on mine. This wouldn't matter, except that I'm incredibly depressed, and so it makes him incredibly depressed. I force myself to be "okay", and he brightens up again. I've brought this up with him, and he agrees. He doesn't have much in his life - he has a few friends, but they're distant as he put little effort into those friendships once we started going out. He's tried contacting a few to give himself something other than me in his life, but even when spending time with them, he's messaging me, asking if I'm okay, etc. He can't be away from me. I wouldn't mind, but it means when he is, he's sad, and his attachment to me means he's so sensitive to how I'm feeling, meaning his feelings, thoughts, needs are all focused on me. The relationship is incredibly unbalanced as it stands, as he focuses so much on me despite it making him sad, and I don't like it at all. I suggested we needed a week to focus on ourselves and boost our mental health and see how we are, but even then he can't stop himself from messaging. It upsets me, not because he's clingy - I don't mind clingy at all - but because his life revolves around me. And at the current moment, I'm an unstable mess. Which makes him an unstable mess. Losing him would kill me - he is the kindest and most understanding person I know. But the only thing worse than losing him is making him depressed. I've been advised that he's staying in this relationship - he's not left, and if it was too much for him, he would have. But I doubt he would have at all - he is the kind of person who would stay even if it killed him, and I think at this point he is staying despite the damage it's doing to his own mental health. He does not have enough self-worth to be able to step back and say "this is too much for me". Because all of the pain he experiences is for me, and so it makes it okay. But it doesn't in my eyes. I'd appreciate any advice on the best way to move forward. If there's a way to fix these issues, I'd love to hear them - I don't want to lose him. But I worry it's too much for him.
  10. Some background : I moved to a new team within my firm itself 2 years back and she had recently joined the company. I was attracted to her the moment I laid my eyes on her (She's beautiful inside out). She complimented me on how quickly I understood things and got work done. We spoke about all topics under the sun and I sensed that she definitely found me interesting too. Our boss is a workaholic so he kept pushing us to get more work done from us than possible in a typical work day. I was the senior most person in the team after my boss. He often pressurized me to get work done from other teammates. (including her). After giving it a lot of thought, I decided that I have to chose between work and my attraction towards her. (I chose the former for obvious reasons). This meant that I had to cascade some of the pressure being put on me onto her. No one likes being pressurized to do more work than can be done in a day. This damaged any chance of us being friends or getting to know each other better. She knew that the pressure was coming from above but nevertheless, this damaged our work relationship to a great extent. We worked together for the first 5-6 months of joining the team and then moved onto different projects. Because of the initial hiccups, she chose to hang out with other coworkers. Being in the same team, we did speak and connect a lot in office and at office parties, lunches etc. This year, we were made to work together on another project by our boss. I decided that I am not going to make the same mistake and if my boss pressurizes me, I will tell him that it may not be feasible to do the work in the allotted time; however, this did not work out well for me and I had to give in to the pressure yet again. But this time around, I was kinder to her and made sure I don't be rude to her under pressure. I gave her the benefit of the doubt and was able to repair some of the damage that was done in the past. A couple of months back, it was only me and her in office and everyone else decided to work from home. This is the first time I got to hangout with her without anyone else from the team. That day, we went for lunch together. I apologized to her for pushing her through so much at work. It was a really heartfelt conversation that we had and at the end of the conversation, we decided that we both need to be a solid team, understand each other and bond in a way that our boss cannot pressurize the way he has been for the last few years. The present I have always been attracted to her but never told her because things would get awkward at work, specially if she did not reciprocate; however, there are moments during our work day when we are working on something together. There are times when we are sitting so close (mutually) that if we both move any closer, we might just end up kissing accidentally ;). During these times, I can't stop myself from turning my face, resting it on my palm and staring at her while she is explaining/talking to me. I am absolutely sure she has noticed me looking at her from so close but she has never moved away or stopped talking. With the slightest hint of discomfort, I would have stopped staring but I have not seen any discomfort from her whatsoever. She just quit the firm some days back and my boss told me about it immediately. I was really sad hearing this but at the same time, a bit relieved because it was very difficult to deal with this conflict of interest on a day to day basis. Being the senior member in the team, I was copied in her resignation email by my boss after she sent it out. I replied to her alone with just a few sad faces. She did not reply to that though. For the next few conversations, I did not bring up anything about her leaving because I know she is a very private kind of person and does not like discussing personal matters; however, one of the days, I decided to just ping her saying "I can't believe you are leaving. We started this team together :(". Ever since that day, we have had some really good, retrospective conversations over the phone and chat. (All friendly). I am thinking of speaking to her at the end of her last working day and telling her that I have always had a crush on her. But I am worried that if she took up a job next door (I haven't asked her where she is going to work next), things might get really awkward. I am also worried that she might tell some of the coworkers who are still with the firm and that could become even more embarrassing for me if she does not reciprocate the feelings. (I work in a big corporate with lots of policies so things like these don't happen much). We never really hung out outside of work or spoke outside of work so that is another factor stopping me from telling her that I have a crush on her. Of-course, another option is to just tell her that I would like to hangout sometime and maybe take it from there. Problem is, I am a shy guy so I may not be able to say any of the above! How do I go about this? :( PS : I am also putting together a small surprise video compilation for her where all the coworkers will say a few words about her. I'll also be adding photos from office events and parties to this video. Given the lockdown, we will not be able to have a farewell dinner for her so I thought of making it special for her by getting everyone to send short video clips to add to the farewell video. I mean, this is the best way I can let her know she is special ;) (Provided she knows it was my idea and not a collective idea)
  11. It’s time to share as it may help with my precarious state of mind and emotions. Background: my son left for the US Navy in Feb 2019, my ex-husband left our home in October 2019, we are now sheltering in place, and my beloved Boss announced he is resigning, last day May 25. 2 weeks ago, my Dad called me saying the ex-husband called him from out of the blue, just to ask how he is doing. Prior to this, they never communicated like that. No text, no phone calls. To me it was odd, but I left it alone. It was, I think, no longer my business. I have decided to cut communications with him completely because we have nothing “conjugal”. I felt like I can heal better that way. We had a history of on and off relationship for 4 years and always, we go back to each other and the cycle repeats. This time I am just so done and ready to move on. Being told “I don’t love you and will never love you” was a repeated language I heard through the years of being with him, I am convinced nothing I can do will ever change that. The only challenge I have right now is his desire to remain in my family’s circle. My family respectfully try not mention in conversations with me, but there are times they do. On Mother’s Day, he personally delivered food that my daughter in Manila requested be ordered for me. Thank you for being nice. That’s it. A week ago, my Boss announced he was leaving which triggered extreme sadness and again, hopelessness. I work in the public sector where it is hard for projects to come by without much politics. I am losing a Boss that I learned a lot from and considered my friend. A sadness that is so unfamiliar swept all over me and now random tears throughout the day. I am struggling. I am not sure how to cope with the many changes anymore.
  12. A friend of mine has been behaving a little weird lately, I feel like she doesn't want to hang out with me anymore. I know this might seem like we're back at high school but we've been friends for almost 3 years so I'm a little confused and sad. So we would meet on a regular basis and were pretty close but lately it seems she hangs out with everyone else except for me. We both have our own group of friends and I'm definitely not someone who needs their friends 24/7 but we'd always find time to meet up. The last time we met she was a little weird/annoyed but she's going through stuff so I didn't think too much about it. We were supposed to attend this event last weekend, she said she couldn't go because she was afraid of the coronavirus. Yesterday we were randomly texting when she just told me she cant meet up this weekend because she's busy. I didn't even ask her about the weekend plans, so I thought it was a bit weird. The thing is she hangs out with other people, goes to concerts and stuff, so I have the impression she doesn't want to find time to meet up with me. I know I can't do much about it, and I don't want to force people to spend time with me if they don't want to, I just needed to vent. I feel a little disappointed, like she knows I am going through some stuff too and I don't feel I could talk to her right now. Thank you for reading this!
  13. hello all Me and my ex (me 34 and him 31) ended things a couple of months ago due to very busy lifes (traveling alot for work) after 1,5 years together - wasn't always traveling- just the last 6 months- things were very good before all the travels here is my original post here https://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=562283&p=7173318#post7173318 I had to leave the city for a couple of months -We behaved like couple until the day i left- had such an amazing last weekend together...didnt speak much while i was away....We had agreed to take the time to focus on ourselves.. Now I am back (only for one month before leaving again for 6 weeks- full time traveling will stop for me the end of 2020) and i messaged him to meet to get the rest of my things this weekend.. He suggested we go for a coffee or something as well.. I want to..but I am still in love with him..and i think he still loves me in some way..I know we both missed eachother because we said so in a phonecall we had after Christmas... I feel like I don't know how to be his friend.. This coffee scares me.. I don't want to get emotional or talk about the past - and I can't imagine myself not wanting to kiss him or hold his hand and see him again after..like it was before.. Should i go have a coffee with him or just get my things and leave.. I just feel like a coffee will be painful and hard.. yet at the same time I want to see him very badly longer than the 5 minutes it will take to collect my things If i went to this coffee i wouldn't talk about us- i would try not to and try to make it happy- but again it would be hard for me to leave just after a coffee and not want to take a walk etc... i would for sure be sad after i think- and be sad if i didn't go... i don't know what to do Coffee or no?
  14. There's this woman I've gone out a few times with, although there's nothing official between us as we now live far away from each other. We've had several phone/video calls and texted back and forth, and I've definitely received many positive signs from her, especially whenever we met in person. And I think I've made my feeling clear to her, through all my actions, although I haven't said it to her yet. I'm 90% sure she's interested in me too, although the distance makes it complicated. However, one thing that has been bothering me is her texting habit, which she has admitted in the past. There would be times when she would suddenly stopped replying or taking days to reply back. It's always significantly better when we're in the same city. This is making me confused and sad. Should I speak with her about this and how should I put it?
  15. Hello, im new here and I really need advice from some outsiders that are completely non bias to me, my partner and our situation, this is long, and sounds crazy but please let me know your honest opinions.TIA. My partner and I have been seeing each other since July of 2016, at the time we were working the same place, saw each other every day but we only hung out here and there outside of work, we got a little closer later on in 2016 and in the beginning of 2017 until about may when we just completely stopped talking to each other until around October. I was aware that he had been dealing with another woman since pretty much the time I started talking to him, however they were not in a relationship, even she had admitted that to me, although she claimed to have been in love with him. I assume during the time we stopped talking he was dealing with her much closer than before and I respected it, I wasnt in love with him at that point anyway. Anyways we started talking again in October of 2017 and from that point on we just got closer and closer, by the time January of 2018 he was pretty much at my house, day and night for weeks on end, he'd go home to his own place for a couple nights then come back and be with me for another long stretch of time. We were never technically in a relationship as a couple and we both knew this, however, we acted as though we were a couple, you wouldnt have been able to tell any different. Hes a great guy, he is wonderful to my kids he treats them as his own, he takes on responsibilities that do not belong to him when it comes to them, and anything else in my life, helps out financially without being asked, he really is a good guy, not perfect by any means but a good person. So in July of 2018 I noticed this same female from before putting hearts on his Facebook and I questioned him about it just wanting to know if he was still dealing with her, of course he denied so I reached out to her, long story short he had still been seeing her on occasion but I guess from what she had said he had pretty much almost stopped dealing with her altogether but was still feeding her crumbs every now and then just to keep her around, after I confronted him about it he stopped talking to her altogether(according to her) and was solely dealing with me and we continued our usual,him being with me everyday and night and this continued all the way until I would say August of this year. Of course during that time we became extremely close, we had a bond and a connection, I fell in love with him, he said he loved me as well, he was my best friend. We did everything together. O and this female he was dealing with had gotten pregnant in August of 2018 and was claiming it was his baby up until this September when they took a DNA test and it was determined not to be his. Also in September of this year we had woken up one morning I had noticed that I had 17 missed calls on my FB messenger from this female, I told him, I called her back myself on my way to work she told me he had recently started contacting her again, wanting to hang out etc. Blah blah blah so fast forward to that same day when I came home from work he had decided that he wanted me, the other girl and him to all be in a relationship together and basically if either of us didnt want to then we could just take a hike. I was completely and utterly devastated. Eventually after a lot of tears and talk I reluctantly agreed because I do love this man. Now it's been a struggle, jealousy of course. She feels jealous because she says I'm the woman he had chosen over her and I completely understand that and I could see why she could be hurt. However on my end, and I try to get the both of them to see my point, is that I was the one who was getting all his time, attention, efforts, we used to just talk and talk for hours about everything, our future, I woke up with this man day in and day out, the sex was absolutely amazing simply because of the passion and love that we had.now everything is changed, I've got to share him so now I never get any alone time with him, we barely talk and when we do its arguing because im so hurt deep inside that I feel like he just ripped away everything I had with him to bring this female into our situation which makes me feel like he must be in love with her since he was willing to lose my for this. We dont vibe the way we used to, we constantly bicker and fight, he talks to me in ways he never did before and idk if it's because I'm always so angry and sad because I've lost what I myself had with him, now we all spend time together, sleep together, I feel as tho he is closer to her, they talk and laugh, and she doesn't seem hurt at all about anything which why would she now? Shes got him back and he basically decided to bring her into this and was willing to let me go for it...but they both always tell me I have no reason to be sad, im the one he gave his everything to for the last 2 years so now I'm just being spoiled and selfish because I just want him to myself, which ultimately of course I would like that, but truthfully I dont even mind being in this type of relationship its just that I dont feel like me and him are connected the way we were and that's what hurts the most, I feel like if him and me could put that back together then I could do this with no problem, but he says he doesnt feel like.anything has changed between him and I. Idk what to do I really don't, I dont want to let go but I can't watch the man I love be in love with another woman. Any advice? Please, it doesnt matter what it is I just really need someone else's opinion on this situation, thank you.
  16. Ever since I was a kid, I knew that my parents aren't the kind that say I love you to each other, nor do they hug, or even like each other. They often fight in front of me and my siblings; in the car, in the bedroom where I slept in, in the living room, on the street when we were traveling. One time I was eating and they were fighting next to me and my mom was talking about my dad's affair. It broke my heart that they would let a children hear that. They fought a lot that sometimes when I'm in my bedroom in silence, I feel like I hear them screaming and fighting, even though there is no fighting. But now they don't fight anymore. And I don't know if it's good or bad. On the bright side, I don't have to hear the screaming that always makes me scared anymore. But, unfortunately, no fighting means they don't talk. Ever. It's been almost a year since I hear them talking more than a minute to each other. They pretend the other doesn't exist. They hate each other too much to talk and interact. It makes me sad and angry at the same time. It's even worse now that my dad has just recently retired from his job which means he's going to spend most of his time at home. I never liked weekends where both my parents are home, it's so uncomfortable, though they never even talk to each other. It just feels miserable. But now it's not only weekends, it's everyday! Especially now that it's nearing the holidays. I am not at all excited for it. I wish I could just skip it you know. I don't like my whole family gathering up because it's probably gonna be a lot of resentment and conflicts and I'm not ready for it. I can't wait to graduate from college and move on to another country. I can't wait to get out of this mess. I love my parents, they're great parents individually. But they're not great when together and that is why I need to get out. Any advice on how to deal with this? Especially with the holiday coming around soon? I'm trying out meditation and reading a lot of self-help articles, it's been really helpful. I'm not as sad as I used to be about this. I 'm taking control of my life and my own emotions but still, sometimes, I can't help but feel trapped and miserable.
  17. Me and my bf have been together for 5 years. He is a reay great guy and loves me a lot.He cheated on me once with my close friend where they exchanged texts for a few months... But he felt v.guilty came clean to me... After lots of fights and time... I forgave him... Its been 4 years now and he has always been extremely truthful and goes out of the way to make me happy... But two days ago he has a beer. He promised he will never consume alcohol and even if he did,he would tell me...He dint tell me and told mr only because he got sick. I feel so betrayed again... He said he was forced to take at his work... I m v.scared and hurt that he lied to me. He says he has been building the courage to tell me for 2 days.But it really makes me sad and i love him so much and i know he regrets it. but i m finding it hard to accept it. What to do?
  18. i really have everything in life. i have really nice parents, two brothers who love me, the best and funniest friends in the world, i draw quite well for someone my age (15), and (used to) have good grades, but due to anxiety issues my grades dropped a little, from A to B- or C. I don't know why my mental health is so debilitated, i don't have any major trauma or anything like that. I started being anxious/depressed one year an a half ago, maybe because of stress from school, but there aren't many people who have the same problems as me at my class. I take lots of medicine, but those don't seem to work as well as i wanted to, it just prevents me from suiciding instantly, wich i've tried two times. i really wanted to take this out of my chest, thanks if you read it till here.
  19. Dear all, I am seeing a guy for over 2,5 years. We had a relationship label for about 6 months but it made him so anxious that we officially broke up but kept seeing each other and were exclusive still. I know, very strange. We finally really broke up a few months ago, we haven’t seen each other for a month until he came back again. We are not exclusive now but we do see each other a lot, we hang out with mutual friends etc. He had a really rough youth, his father was murdered and he has contact with his mother even though it’s not a normal mom-son bond. It is clear he has a lot of unresolved issues and I see that most of the time he cannot help him self, his system is just as it is because he literally doesn’t know how to do different. He treats me really bad a lot of the times, he starts fights with me easily, yells at me about nothing in front of his friends, even though I am the sweetest and most loyal person he has even known. Sometimes he sits down with me and tells me how much he loves me, that I have every reason to leave him forever and how it is possible that I am still here for him after all he has done. I am too understanding, I see so much trauma in him and I don’t take the way he is treating me personal but that is wrong. I am not being sweet to myself by allowing him to cross my boundaries every time. We fight like we are in a relationship even though we are officially not because he is too scared. I had an abortion last week. He came with me to the procedure and I counted on him being there for me that day. He told me he wanted to go to a festival afterwards, I became upset and told him that I needed him afterwards. He started yelling at me that everything always has to go my way, that I cannot force him to stay with me and that I always make so much drama. I started crying, I was about to have an abortion and here he was yelling at me that he wanted to go to a festival. I never did this ever before and I scared myself, but I was felt so misunderstood and so lonely that I slapped him in his face. How dare he talk about wanting to go to a festival and yelling at me before having an abortion. Slapping him is not okay, I know that. It did make him calm down though and he stayed, he sold his ticked. After the procedure I was in pain and felt incredibly sad and all I wanted was a hug from him. I came out the clinic and he was waiting for me. He asked how I was doing and a few minutes later he said if it was possible I would go to my mom because he felt forced to stay with me for the rest of the day. At that point, I was still feeling a bit dizzy from the anesthesia and I was still in pain from the procedure. I felt so overwhelmed by everything, I was still processing the abortion and him telling me he felt forced to take care of me trying to ship me off to my mom broke me. I was extremely upset, I couldn’t even stand anymore and I sat down crying hysterically in the middle of the side walk because I felt so incredibly sad, hurt and lonely. He said I needed to act normal and pulled me up. We did go to his house but I still needed to go to the pharmacy on my scooter to get antibiotics. I did not feel well to drive my scooter but I had to, to get my medication. He took the subway. I got the medication and when I came back to his place he did not say a word to me. He did not ask how I was feeling, he did not ask if he could get me something to drink. I told him if it was possible for him to show me some affection but he got very angry. He said that I should be happy that I could stay with him, that he was being way too sweet to me, that I forced him into staying with me and that I was exaggerating about my physical and emotional pain about the abortion. We got into a huge fight again but it became so much, I just couldn’t fight anymore so at one point I became quit until he started hugging me again. We spend a few hours together which were nice. In the evening he suddenly became angry again without no apparent reason, he just suddenly told me that he felt really unhappy today about how everything went and that I treated him poorly and unfairly. He basically kicked me out of his apartment and slammed the door in my face and afterword’s we shortly spoke on the phone that he needed me to back off, that this was too much for him and that he doesn’t want any contact for a while. I told him how sorry I was for slapping him, I sent him flowers with a card and an apology but he said that it was too much and that I need to distance myself from him. (Apparantly he feels suffocated? I was only trying to show him my regret for slapping him – I felt like an apology with flowers was the right thing to do). I am completely at loss, I just had an abortion which I still need to process and he suddenly doesn't want to speak to me anymore. Did I really act horrible? What do you think I should do?
  20. Hi, I`m going through a really hard phase in my relationship of about 3 years. Or actually, I have been in two 3-4 year long relationships before this one, making this my 3rd long term relationship where I have moved in together with someone and shared my whole life with. This hard phase though is something i`m drastically familiar with, and I can`t even really call it a phase anymore. It`s something else, it`s like an universal rule in my life it seems. It seems to be that for many others too, from what I read and hear from time to time. So what is this, and does it really have to be this way every time? At first all of the relationships have been like fire for the first year, making me sexually very happy. Then the women I`ve lived with at that point in all the cases have just slowly started shutting down in their sex drive, while there has been no changes in mine, resulting in unbalance. I have been wanting about 1000 times more sex on daily basis than they around 2 years in the relationship, facing constant rejections which have started to slowly shatter everything. Since it happened the first time, I thought I tried everything I know to make things better. Nothing helped though, and this was the sole reason I ended the relationship after suffering for about 2 years in sexually too limited relationship. I did some mistakes in the way also, and tried to learn from them. However I never realized what I should had done differently. In my second long term relationship the big picture was quite similar, however this time I got my ass dumped after everything had broken down the same way. Lack of her sexual desire started to be a problem after about 1,5 years and since that it was one major downfall. I had tried to learn from my past mistakes though, and gave my all this time. I tried to communicate with her, I tried to reason, I tried to figure out the solutions. She didn`t communicate back, the passion she had for me just faded away killing me inside. She seemed like a loving person to me at the same time she didn`t want sex during 1,5-3 years. I blamed her, because I had told her many times before we moved in together that I`m not looking for a relationship where sex drive decreases, as I know it would not make me happy. She was sure at that point that it would last. It didn`t. I wanted her till the very end just the same way I did when we had just met, but her desire faded away. After the break up I got really depressed, and started to live a life of unhealthy ways, being sad every day. Nothing really mattered to me anymore for the longest time. I started dating many women at the same time, without being in a relationship with anyone. At some point I had different date for every night of the week. I tried to kill my loneliness and depression for random sex. (Cheers tinder..) I swore to myself I would never start a relationship again during this time. Then the unexpected happened. I met someone who penetrated all of my defences. I just fell in love instantly, I felt like she was my soulmate. This was something I had never felt earlier in my life. She seemed to feel the same way too. Just thinking about her made me forget everything that made me sad in my earlier life. It started to feel great that the 2nd relationship had actually ended, because I had met her. Before moving in with her, I really made her think about my sexual needs. I was so scared to start a life again with someone, because I didn`t trust that I could be happy in a long term relationship. I discussed it with her thoroughly, I told her my history, and asked to think about this in long run. She believed that her sex-drive would never decrease. I decided that this time, I would try not to make any mistakes. I wanted her to have everything she needs, I really gave my all just to make her happy. I did this every day up to this point. I wanted her never to be unhappy about anything, this was my goal to appreciate having her in my life. I felt like maybe this was why I had failed in my previous relationships, as I had ultimately blamed myself for losing the spark in them. How come.. it didn`t go the way it was supposed to. Things developed just the same way as in my previous relationships. Somewhere during 1-2 years we started having the first fights because she kept on rejecting me. She tried though, I could sense that, and I tried to be good for her just the same way I had decided. The downfall had been written in the stars though, as she just didn`t want sex as much as she did initially. It kept on going, and now around 3 years into our relationship it`s even worse and it was an year ago. Everytime I try to talk with her, it just ends to her saying "I don`t know why". She doesn`t know why. She never does, no matter from what angle I try to approach the subject. This issue has spread on all the places of our relationship. Yet she claims she wants to spend the rest of her life with me, like this all would not matter to her. Yesterday we had a big fight about this subject, and now as I`m writing this I feel unwanted, alone, sexually deprived, worthless and depressed. I have put everything I have on the line, literally everything and still my soulmate has been constantly losing her interest in sex. I have read a lot about this subject, and I know I`m not alone. I have also talked with some people face to face who share the situation, but it seems that everyone has just the same lowly solution: Cheat. All the people who I have talked with, who have been with their partners for years, just occasionally cheat their way out of that loneliness keeping themselves sane, because they accept the fact that the sex-drive of their partner has been lowered for good and there is nothing to do about it, as they can still seemingly love their partners while doing it. It just makes me angry, if this is the world we live in. I have never cheated my partner, even though I have been cheated on back in days (No, I don`t see dating many people at the same time cheating if you make it clear for them that you are not looking for a relationship as I did). It just makes you low af. Kind of sad people see that as a solution. To admit that it`s just human after you accept such a thing, is even sadder. I can see that for people who accept such a thing, it might be an answer to those feelings that are left unsatisfied in their lives. I don`t know if this thread helps me or not. I quess this is my attempt to reach out if someone else is going through the same, or if someone has lost their desire towards their partner and has insight. I just feel so damn alone here. Why would you be in a relationship where you don`t crave your partner sexually? Where is the happiness in that kind of relationship? Why let the spark die with someone you had the greatest spark ever with, whats the point? Am I just living in a fantasy world, trying to carve a relationship of sexual heaven?
  21. I just started my last year of highschool, and I am already starting to think and worry about the end. I've always been independent, and I dont think that I will be sad to never see some of my friends again, but there is one person that I am really scared to say goodbye to. I had a recent situation while I was on a small vacation where I met a girl, developed feelings for her, then the vacation ended and I didnt get her social media or anything. I was so angry with myself, and learned that I should always take my chances. I dont want the same thing happening to this girl, because I have really developed a great friendship with her. Shes the only person that has truly made me happy when I was with her, and I want her to stay in my life. I don't know what to do to keep her around after highschool without giving off the wrong idea that I want to be her "boyfriend". So far I have no classes with her this year, so i likely wont run into her unless I approach her. Do I just have to accept that I am nutz and most friends dont really keep in touch after highschool?
  22. hey um i got dumped almost a month ago and here is a poem i wrote the other day about how i felt tell me what i should fix and what not lol enjoy!! .>!* As i sit here Alone All i think about is you I have no clue Couldn't you see i needed you I loved you I wished you were still my boo I'm differnt now My world is full of sadness I'll be full of happyness sometime But its your own miss I use to miss you so much My heart was broken But right now i just want to give you a punch You have moved on And so will I But right now I just want to eat a pie Ihope you realize what you left I'm not the best but i was the best i could ahve been And you acted like you were ten.tell me what u think of it !!!
  23. OK just one of those silly situations where I think it was the right thing at the time,but now have mixed feelings. well I really miss the girl that I like ALOT,which has been a really tough situation especially not talking to her as much nowadays because she's having a tough time with college so i'm backing off here. I know gotta stay strong and positive about the situation, yet I still want to express feelings to her in some form here. the other day I had a horrible day,one of those days where I wanted to say whatever was on my mind and didn't care haha. well when I got online,she was on and I put my away message on saying"what a horrible day.....but I know days like that happen and instead of complaining and being all down which doesn't get you anywhere. you gotta be strong and have a positive attitude with everything,if it's missing a certain special someone a lot ;-) or other situations that happen in life." well just say if she did read that,and got the hint. now i'm hoping she didn't get upset/sad like. do you think what I said was positive enough,showing that i'm trying to be strong and positive with me period and the situation with her? I don't want her think i'm all down and sad over here.
  24. I have been on both sides of the breakup fence, and I can tell you it sucks. I was broken up with last year, and went through pure hell. I met a woman after being single for quite some time, and we began to get close. She pushed for things to move faster than I did, and it kind of scared me. I realized that I didn't want to lead her on or hurt her, so I had a talk with her. It really wrecked her, and this made me so sad. We never had a conversation about being exclusive, and I was still dating occasionally (We had been on about 5 dates). I went on a date with someone else and felt that spark that seemed to be missing here- It's ironic that someone can be the greatest person in the world, but if the spark isn't there, it's not there. I care very much for this girl, and called her to make sure she was OK the next day. She was sad, as am I. She told me that if I come to feel differently, that I should call her. I would like to be friends, but I know that isn't fair to her. Any thoughts?
  25. One of the hardest things to deal with after my break up was realising that the happiest moments of my life had become meaningless, unbearably painful, even. That's probably the hardest thing to conquer... Another was that absolutely everything I did or wanted to do to get my mind off of her actually reminded me of her. I couldn't watch certain movies that used to be comforting, because I associated them with her. I couldn't read certain books. Even certain parts of the house became too painful to bear. Certain words, phrases, references... they could make me sad for seemingly no reason at all. And it's amazing how often these things do come up in the course of a day. It does get better. After more than 2 months, I still have many bad days, but there are also many days when I can happily and comfortably watch those films, read those books, even think about the most beautiful day of my life -- the day we met -- without worrying that the pain is going to kill me. It's sad, now, not painful. Sometimes the pain returns, but not as it used to be. It still gets pretty bad at times, especially when I start wondering what she's up to, and if she's found someone else. If I start waiting for her to call, I know I'm going to be miserable. So I try not to do that. Strangely, I find that I still love her as much as ever, but at the same time, the pain is fading. I was afraid that when the pain faded, the love would fade too, but that hasn't happened. Quite the opposite, even...
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