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About Me

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  1. I always put in so much effort for other people. Why doesn't anyone ever want to put the effort in for me? Why am I not worth the effort? Why am I always the second choice?
  2. Looking for advice but also needing to vent and let out some of the hurt. My bf and I are going on 3 years together, we're both 30. We haven't been truly intimate in almost a year. I'm open with him about how it hurts me and how I don't feel like he's still attracted to me even though he says he is. I try to initiate intimacy but it gets met with changing the subject, moving away from me, putting focus on something in the room like the TV or the dog, making jokes. I've lost track of how many times we've fought over it and I end up depressed, feeling worse while he makes empty promises that he'll make an effort to try more. But he never does. Then yesterday he told me he has a p**n addiction and he thinks it's easier to handle himself that way than to actually involve me in it. Ouch. I don't have an issue with him watching it, hell, I watch it, but my heart hurts that he would rather do that than to make an effort with me. And he didn't seem bothered to tell me. (I'd also like to point out that during past intimate moments I'm very involved so it's not like I'm asking for an arm or a leg). He tells me often that I'm his soul mate and he would do anything for me but this issue is still so prevalent and no action actually gets taken to work on it. It's like all the effort that gets put into avoiding it could be put into actually working on it...ugh. I hate to admit it but I consider cheating on him a lot, but I know that I just want the feeling of being wanted by someone and it wouldn't be anything of substance... but I really want that feeling again... Idk I feel like I'm losing it and wanting to throw in the towel. Intimacy isn't everything in a relationship and I understand that but it's one of the ways I enjoy connecting with my partner and I thought he did too and it wasn't an issue before. I know addiction isn't personal but I can't help but feel self conscious... is it my body? My hair? Do I smell bad? Is my conversation a turn off? Really does have me looking in the mirror different... thanks cardi. Any advice for this hurting person? Anyone been through something similar? 💔😔
  3. hey um i got dumped almost a month ago and here is a poem i wrote the other day about how i felt tell me what i should fix and what not lol enjoy!! .>!* As i sit here Alone All i think about is you I have no clue Couldn't you see i needed you I loved you I wished you were still my boo I'm differnt now My world is full of sadness I'll be full of happyness sometime But its your own miss I use to miss you so much My heart was broken But right now i just want to give you a punch You have moved on And so will I But right now I just want to eat a pie Ihope you realize what you left I'm not the best but i was the best i could ahve been And you acted like you were ten.tell me what u think of it !!!
  4. OK just one of those silly situations where I think it was the right thing at the time,but now have mixed feelings. well I really miss the girl that I like ALOT,which has been a really tough situation especially not talking to her as much nowadays because she's having a tough time with college so i'm backing off here. I know gotta stay strong and positive about the situation, yet I still want to express feelings to her in some form here. the other day I had a horrible day,one of those days where I wanted to say whatever was on my mind and didn't care haha. well when I got online,she was on and I put my away message on saying"what a horrible day.....but I know days like that happen and instead of complaining and being all down which doesn't get you anywhere. you gotta be strong and have a positive attitude with everything,if it's missing a certain special someone a lot ;-) or other situations that happen in life." well just say if she did read that,and got the hint. now i'm hoping she didn't get upset/sad like. do you think what I said was positive enough,showing that i'm trying to be strong and positive with me period and the situation with her? I don't want her think i'm all down and sad over here.
  5. I have been on both sides of the breakup fence, and I can tell you it sucks. I was broken up with last year, and went through pure hell. I met a woman after being single for quite some time, and we began to get close. She pushed for things to move faster than I did, and it kind of scared me. I realized that I didn't want to lead her on or hurt her, so I had a talk with her. It really wrecked her, and this made me so sad. We never had a conversation about being exclusive, and I was still dating occasionally (We had been on about 5 dates). I went on a date with someone else and felt that spark that seemed to be missing here- It's ironic that someone can be the greatest person in the world, but if the spark isn't there, it's not there. I care very much for this girl, and called her to make sure she was OK the next day. She was sad, as am I. She told me that if I come to feel differently, that I should call her. I would like to be friends, but I know that isn't fair to her. Any thoughts?
  6. One of the hardest things to deal with after my break up was realising that the happiest moments of my life had become meaningless, unbearably painful, even. That's probably the hardest thing to conquer... Another was that absolutely everything I did or wanted to do to get my mind off of her actually reminded me of her. I couldn't watch certain movies that used to be comforting, because I associated them with her. I couldn't read certain books. Even certain parts of the house became too painful to bear. Certain words, phrases, references... they could make me sad for seemingly no reason at all. And it's amazing how often these things do come up in the course of a day. It does get better. After more than 2 months, I still have many bad days, but there are also many days when I can happily and comfortably watch those films, read those books, even think about the most beautiful day of my life -- the day we met -- without worrying that the pain is going to kill me. It's sad, now, not painful. Sometimes the pain returns, but not as it used to be. It still gets pretty bad at times, especially when I start wondering what she's up to, and if she's found someone else. If I start waiting for her to call, I know I'm going to be miserable. So I try not to do that. Strangely, I find that I still love her as much as ever, but at the same time, the pain is fading. I was afraid that when the pain faded, the love would fade too, but that hasn't happened. Quite the opposite, even...
  7. In time I have come to realize that it's hard to live like this, Wishing you had things that are not around things you really miss. It's hard to love another when they dont show the same love to you, With all of your heart and soul you try to make things work to. It's hard to love someone who seems to always be mad, Someone that says they love you but leaves you alone and sad. In time I have come to realize that there is nothing wrong with me, That all the love I gave to you it's your problem you could not see. All of the things I have been through that have got me where I am today, You learn to not believe everyone and believe the words they say. I have thought about you day and night about how much I love you so, But when it really comes down to this it's not my problem you dont know. All this time I have wanted you back and showed to you that I cared, All the times I felt this way really I was alone and scared. Do you think about what you did have you even opened your eyes to see, That this beautiful girl in front of you was giving you everything it could be. You may regret this and may not even have cared about the end, But all I need to do is heal my broken heart and let it mend. by me tell me what you think?
  8. For a while, I was really sad, but I looked forward to college and everything beyond. I'm seeing more and more in the posts that people who are older aren't necessarily having a great time either. I also notice that lots of adults are always reminiscing and talking about their memories. Is that how it works? Do we just go through life looking forward to something, only to find that when it's right in front of us, we'll be too busy remembering times before? I guess I just want to know, in honesty, if there is anything to look forward to. If things have gone this far downhill already, who knows how much worse they could get with time? Pessimistic, I know, but thanks anyway if you actually read that babble.
  9. A poem to you all for you all: Have you ever had a person a person like you and me you know that simple person - that neither of you could see someone who belonged you never stringed along i mean this person was a pinicle of the happiest song i learnt through my experiances of all that i gained that the person you first see is never the frame! look into the heart deep in to the eyes let me assure you, there is a disguise my dreams never used to allow me to follow what i first saw but my heart and its intensions have now opened the door for all that i have lost but more so gained a place in my heart you shall all remain! Thankyou! There really is meaning behind ''dont judge a book by its cover'' as sad as it is to say i first learnt because i started off as the book! thankyou all, bye black magic
  10. 1 year since my grandfather died and he was my last one. i wasn't close to him or anything i just miss him and since he died everything is changing.He died of lung cancer i guess all those years of smoking got up with him.every minute i just feel like crying.and here at home i feel so alone.and none of my friends are on to talk to i wanna walk upstairs and look myself in my room and never come out.so i thought i would tell everyone here how i feel instead of telling people who probably would never understand.
  11. Hi all, I've lurked on here for quite some time now - and its been a real help for me. Most of the time other peoples scenarios put mine into perspective etc but I'd thought Id post my issue and share amongst all. It sa long one but I guess this helps me - therapy and all that. My girlfriend and I broke up last Sunday (week ago) after a 3.5 years relationship. Im 28 shes 30. We originally met at a xmas party - I was invited to it out the blue by my sister, and when I first saw this girl for the first time I was blown away - I remember the feeling to this day....(makes me sad even now) Anyway - I had to make her mine which I amazingly did - and we enjoyed about 2 years uninterrupted blisful existence. We had a major issue and split up at a point last year as she wanted to review our relationship as we had some differences (future, wanting kids, selling our houses to buy one together, small differences of opinion). She needed time to work out if I was really the one so we split for a month - she is a "well if we are destined to be with each other then we will" kinda person - where I, definitly a "make it happen" person. I was distraught and upset over this period and went through a process of winning her back - which I did (again). I reviewed our relationsnhip and made sure I did the things I didnt the previous 2 years - spent more time doing the things she wanted, more cooking, took her out to more restaurants etc. I look back on this now and feel foolish as it was incredibly one sided (i.e I did all the changing and adapting). Im a nice person - I know this. I also communicate well - and like talking and discussing feelings. This in retrospect has to be her major failing (and I did try to dicuss this with her!) - the lack of abaility to discuss feelings and what she really feels inside. Sure, we all said I love you now and again, but I have always felt a coldness from her. Difficult to epxlain. Anyway - the last year has been hard work - ups and downs. Last October she was offered a position to study for a certification to advance her career, which involved moving 60 miles away for 8 months. This was hard on me - we discussed it and I highlighted that this had happened to me with a previous girlfriend (we split up cos of it). We assessed the situation, and I agreed to let her do it as I didnt want to hold her back. She would come home most weekends and after the 8 months, we would sell our individual houses and buy a place together. The distance put a strain on me - I didnt like my empty house and evenings. However months passed and things seemed ok. I lost my job last december which was hard on me, and without her here I endured and worked it out for myself. I expected sympathy and at least some support and received very little - Warning lights come on and im thinking "can I marry someone like this??" Again I put it down to her being stressed at her end her style (she is quite a cold fish) Anyway - Im rambling now so I'll get to the recent stuff: Over the last 4 months all lovely qualities diminished: kissing died, holding hands, sex dried up unless I asked for it (which was horrible) and it really did seem I was wasting my time. Being the "talker" I am - I put it to her that we should split - this was truly a cr%p relationship and I needed to warn her that I was very unhappy unless she pulled her finger out. Most of the time she shrugged it off - "not now - lets talk about it tomorrow etc". I felt either a) she had other work issues on her mind b) she didnt want to recognise that things were going bad so I endured. For 4 months... She attended a conference for a week literally 10 miles away and not once did she offere to pop in and see me - I was getting more and more miffed. At the end of it (on my request) she popped in and we sat and chatted. She explained that she had "discussed us" with a mate and she had finally recognised we our incompatible and we dont have anything in common - and we must split. Inside I thought oh god not now - not after me holding on for so long. She left and Ive felt, hurt a little rejected but generally ok. Ups and downs - been here before. Im happy with the fact that I threw everything at this and did what I could. Im sad shes gone, I love her truly (all probably for the wrong reasons) and looking back I damn well hope I will find someone who will fill in the gaps that we had. I will post this now and continue my ramblings..
  12. It has been about two months since my Grandfather died. We were really really close. I used to think of him as my superman. I'm worried something is wrong with me. I haven't cried since the funeral, and even at that I didn't break down at the funeral. Yes I bawled but it wasn't the cry your heart out because it hurts so bad. I did that the night we found out he died. Is it normal to not cry and to not feel.... sadness whenever I see his pictures or he is mentioned?
  13. So whats up yall. Ive been doin better lately. No real hang ups. A woman also gave me her number! I didnt even ask Anyway, so yeah all that made me feel good. I officially said i wasnt depressed anymore and i felt good again. Last week the whole time i even forgot to check my old email adress to see if my ex emailed me! I know to some of you that seems pretty pathetic, but hey it was a huge deal to me. I just didnt think to check ya know. (My ex doesnt have my new adress, and really shed be the only one to email that adress.) Anyway so i was doin good. To make an already long story shorter, i started thinkin about my ex girlfriend today. At first it wasnt bad, and at first i was proud of not even getting sad. Hmpf. Then i guess i got too confident with it and kept thinkin about her and the good stuff i use to do with her. Then i got sad again! Duh right? I guess i shoulda known better, but so now im sitting here, not really sad but just like man i wish i could spend time with her again. Not so much to fill the whole in my heart (cause honestly that has sorta patched itself up) but just cause we use to have fun. I dunno, i guess i just gotta keep letting go.. I suck at this! Its like my courage went down a little today i think. Anyway im definitely proud that i consider sad being a little bummed out like this. Before sad was cryin like a girl baby for 2 hours striaght. Blegh. Dont respond if ya dont want, i really felt the need to just type.
  14. I can't believe we've been broken up for 10 days, this is the longest we've been broken up..and i really know that it is for real this time. The only problem i am having now is that at moments i get sad...not so sad that i feel like i have to run to him or call him, but just watch out the window to see if he drives by or drive by his house on the way to somewhere (which is on a main street) so its not like im driving out in the country completely out of my way just to see if hes outside. so i feel that looking out the window for him or just driving by his house, isn't so bad. I am just sad because i feel that these last 2 years were a waste, i have known him since i was 9. he was my best friend growing up, we "dated" when we were little, and we have so much history and our lives are a lot alike, its just so hard for me to walk away from that. Some days i wish i would have never attempted to get ahold of him again, i wonder where my life would be now if we never got together. Because now i am so scared, from every bad thing that happened between us, so every good memory i have of him...is really gone. I just feel so decieved, like for so long he was being this fake person, trying to do the right thing, but he hasn't hit rock bottom yet, and i know that he still finds something glamorous with the whole drugs and drinking. Sometimes i feel that by me leaving will cause him to finally hit rock bottom, because for so long i was his support...i was there for him more than his family, but as time went on i realized why some of his family had back away, because they tried and tried to help him and he just walked all over them repeatedly. He did the same thing to me, so many times...where i finally got to the point where it was like "it's not working anymore, i might as well just leave." This whole situation is so complicated, i am mad at myself because i didn't leave a long time ago, sometimes i think maybe if i would have left a long time ago...it wouldn't of gotten this bad, and maybe he would have changed, and i wouldn't feel this sad. Other than all of this, he did call me twice today, the first time he called i was at school, the second time i had just gotten home, but my grandfather had gotten the phone...i sat there while they exchanged words for about 5 minutes...but i just couldn't tell my grandfather to give me the phone, i just didn't have anything to say anymore...and i didn't want to hear him cry to me... I just don't understand...why it is so hard for some people to be nice, when we talked awhile ago i asked him that, and he said that for so long all he ever saw were his parents fighting, and when he was younger and even now he sometimes believes that it is normal...and i just told him that it was a cop-out...and that i could say the same thing...because my parents were abusive towards each other, but i don't feel the need to beat someone to make them listen. He tells me he's going to do everything in his power to get me back, to get me to trust him again...but in the same breath he says he doesn't know what to do...I just don't understand that it is so obvious on what he needs to do. Not saying that if he did do it i would take him back, but there always is a possibility. I don't know i guess i am just venting, Thank you for listening. any comments, advice or even words of encouragement are welcomed...you guys are what help me through the day..and give me the strenght to stay away...and move on...so again thank you...
  15. hey , its me again. and things havent improved much since the last time i posted. My ex-gf is still the same, and im still suffering from that. I try not to show it sometimes, but it gets back at me everytime. I dont get it , its like everything was gone in an instant, all those promises, all her words... it just hurts me . And the worst thing is , i cant run away from it... im just crying inside (sometimes outside too) heh,,, should have known better. Now theres my friends, when i thought they were there for me , then Boom! They are not talking to me. Its because a couple of my friends started a stupid joke to my ex-gf (another 1),we broke off last year, about me betting to be with her, which totally wasnt true. She's acting all stupid now and not talking to me. Not only that , she goes around telling other ppl of wat i supposedly done.And they are doing the same to me ! not talking to me? Yea, accused of something i didnt do.I sent a message to the 2 of my friends, and things got out of hand. Stupid, i know. But things arent gonna improve. I dunno , maybe coz teenagers at my age can be silly sometimes? I just dont understand how they could start something like this . The following day she comes to me and starts telling me all sort of bull, and watever i said doesnt get in her head. Im just sad, angry,frustrated,annoyed.... name any bad feeling, i got it . Friends and a girl got me hurt real bad. Dont have much of a life right now , dont know how to fix it. We live in a small community by the way , its like everyone knows everybody else. HARD.... i wasnt a loner, i was a cheerful guy, surrounded by friends all the time... it seems that im going the opposite direction now... Im starting to realise how silly things can happen to me , which i thought wouldnt happen. I guess thats how it goes. If it werent for my parents for being there for me , i dont know what would have happened to me. Ive got no one else. More of venting rather than seeking advice, just wondering tho anyone got ideas about this. I seriously need help... thx
  16. My love how could you forget what we had? Leave me alone in the dark so sad. You never thought about how I would feel, Just made me believe that this was real. Do you know that you are my one true love, The one that was sent from heaven above. I have tryed to show you that I still care, But one by one at my heart you tear. Do you believe that this is all the end? I cannot believe it from the messages you send. Let me make one thing clear before I go, It might not work but I love you so. Please hold out your hand and place it with me, Open back up your heart and soul and see. Dont run away from me dont put up a wall, It makes me feel worthless and makes me feel small. I love you so much even more then before, Even though it was you that walked out that door. So hopefully you still care and have me in your heart, So that on this earth we dont have to fly apart. tell me what u think???
  17. (background info) We would have been together 2 years this 8/25/04. She is 5 years younger than I. We just bought a house together about 5 months ago. Our relationship has had trouble with communication. Big Trouble! Long story short... she told me she was unhappy and had decided she needed to end our relationship to be on her own. Said she has no intentions of being with anyone right now. Its so hard for me because everything about my life has been interwined with her. I can't get past the loneliness and sadness. I love her, deeply and completely and know that if she would just give us another chance we could have something great. We had talked about dreams of having a child together... and so forth. That is why this is so difficult. I manage to see her atleast once a week and talk on the phone a bit but she acts as though she doesn't even think of me and that she doesn't miss me at all. She did say that IF we separate and can work on things about ourselves she would be willing in the future to re-examine a possible relationship. But I fear that "time" will only allow her to forget about me or find someone else more interesting and appealing. I don't know what to do about it. I want to write her a letter or take her to dinner and tell her all that I am thinking but I think she has already built a wall up to protect herself from giving in. When she sees me she will tell me how cute I look and it just kills me. Someone please give some advice... How do I win her over again? How do I break down the walls she has started to build?
  18. ok i met this guy named steven. He hurt me so much in the past, he broke up with me he cheated and so on. I finally got guts and broke up with him. He recently moved away, and I didnt talk to him in awhile. I truly wanted to be with him and i wanted him to love me, is that to much to ask for? I cry so much for this guy, im sorta happy he moved but im still sad...help me
  19. Hey guys, sorry to bug you again but just had a question. It's been nearly 5 months now of absolutely no contact and I was just wondering what you think her state of mind is? Is she over me? Is she over her own problems? Will she ever be? Basically, my story is my ex met me and wasnt really over this guy she had only a fling with. She calls him her ex bf he calls her a fling, if even that. He slept with her and went and spread rumors in high school that she was awful in bed and he messed with her mind so bad when I first met her she told me he raped her yet she was still talking to him. I should have known then that I shouldnt talk to her at all! And I did for 1 month I ignored her and confronted her and told her she wasnt over her ex and I dont want to get involved. In the meantime, I found a new girl whom I dated for 2 months then I left her and wanted to talk to my ex whom at the time was mad at me and I to her. I spoke to her, we met up then we began dating. I knew her from high school I had a crush. She was a sweet innocent girl who couldnt harm a fly or so it seemed. Slowly, she told me stories of how she was a victim. I encouraged her to fight back! At first when I didnt love her these problems did not bother me such as talking to her ex. Then problems began to occur. She has childish friends that called the cops on me and she began to tell me her distant friends were talking behind my back ALL THIS WHICH IS NOT TRUE! Eventually, I found out she was still talking to her ex behind my back and I finally told her it was over. I broke up with her and after 1 day I cried as did she and we went back with eachother. She promised me she never will talk to him again and she really hated him for doing this to her. That she was so mad at him for squeeling on her about their "friendship" behind my back and she refused to ever talk to him. Well all this worked for a few months then her grandmother passed away. She began to act funny and I softened up on her. She began to become very emotionally unstable. She took something such as a blessing in disguise ( her grandmothers passing) and turned it into such a negative thing by talking to people that are harmful to her. Then her ex emailed her and she asked if she could thank him for the email. I requested she ignore it as it was just another sucker trap to lure him into her life again. During new years eve she broke up with me ( this coming from a girl who would threaten to kill herself if we broke up ever! and said if we didnt marry shed die!) and said she needs space and after she saw I bent over backwards to stop this breakup she said OK sorry i gotta go dont worry about it. The next day I confronted her in tears begging for a reason on why we broke up and I said lets break up to her. She said so sorry I love you so much dont leave me I love you everything will be ok. After a few months she began talking to him again after I said I am ok with it considering she needs to talk to him. She clearly wasnt over him and eventually we problems occurred again. The day before we broke up she saw I was sad and she was very intensily sad holding my hand and saying dont be sad but happy etc etc. I had realized her mother had turned against me. The very next day we broke up! Since our breakup in mid march she has blocked me from online, made an online journal talking a little funny. For example one of her posts said thank God she is free after 1 1.2 years of being "locked up" basically saying I was hell. Then, a few days later she made this long post about how sad life is and that life is too short to dwell on the past or future and that she needed to leave me and my friends because she needed her own friends and totally talking out of her ass. Dont dwell on the past yet you block me and all my friends? HuH?! Finally. she posted something stating that she is "busting a Mariah" ( like the singer who had a nervous breakdown). Then, the next day after our breakup she imed some girl who had absolutley nothing to do with our breakup and blamed the entire thing on her. This girl had nothing to do with anything! It has now been nearly 5 months, I am over it as much as I can be for now but sometimes I am so tempted to just IM her and talk but I just see no reason to. I am almost intimidated of doing this because there is no point. I know your not a psychic but Im just wondering from what I stated what you think her state of mind is and how you would approach the final stage of moving on if you were in my shoes. I was so good to this girl, I'm not a victim but I find it so hard without waking up in the morning without thinking about the past and how much I miss truly being happy and Im frustrated with myself about why I have a pain in my heart that just wont go away. I try so hard to stay strong but my heart is bleeding and I just cant help it. It gets less and less but will it ever really end? It's getting weaker and weaker but something eats away at me inside. What to do? What has she gone through? Does it even matter? Do you think she'll ever atleast come back to talk? How does a girl or anybody love you to death and say dont ever leave me I'll die then go 4 and a half months without you? I have grown so much since my breakup but I find myself alone and hurt. I didnt ask for this, she knows it. Why did this turn into a war? I wish this would all finally end. I have been stressing about her since Mid December.
  20. It's been almost 2 years since my high school ex g/f and I broke up. I actually dumped her. The reason is this: When her and I met, we got into things a little too fast. After a few days of meeting on a field trip, we were already making out, and we honestly didn't even know each other all that well. Her low self esteem and depression issues caused her to constantly stall and say she wasn't ready for something so serious. I could never really tell if that was the truth, or if she just wasn't feeling as into me as she wanted to at the time. Then again, it might have been a combination of both. The main reason why it didn't work out was because we both had different desires - My mentality was "I want it right now" while she kept saying that she wanted to wait till after school ended to get serious. It seemed as if she wanted to establish something away from school, while I wanted things to happen while we were still in high school. Unfortunately, as she started to get more into me, I started to withdraw from her - it's almost as if the tables turned completely, and eventually she was the one that pursued me intently. But it was too late - I was ready to move on. Perhaps in the end my ego had the last word and I didn't want her to have the cake and eat it too. That summer, the situation was overshadowed by other stuff I had in mind, and among these was starting college. Considering how I was over her, I even looked forward to meeting new girls in school. It was just sad how everything I felt for her just diminished. I saw her later on campus after school started, and to me she felt like a stranger. I barely even paid any attention to her when she was around my other friends. In the months to come, I started to like a girl in school who already had a b/f so that went nowhere, and toward the end of the year I found a new love interest that lasted a while. In 2004, I saw her on campus a few times, and I took notice of how she had gained a lot of weight. I dated other girls throughout the year, and honestly, she didn't cross my mind at all. Soon enough I discovered that she had a new b/f, which didn't bother me, so that if there was any possibility I still cared for her, it was over now. Let me cut to the chase. A few days ago I found a CD I burned during my high school senior year and many of the songs on it were out when me and my ex were together (Some we even danced to at prom). I also saw pics in my album of us that I hadn't seen in a while, and I happened to see the website for the hotel her and I met in. I really wish I hadn't come accross these things again, because it seems like i've been reminiscing a lot. I don't really think I miss her per se, but I miss how things unfolded, and how I felt in general at that time of year when the school year was coming to a close. I miss how it felt to go to a formal event like prom with someone, having late-night convos with someone for hours, calling and waking the person up in the morning, and even just the drive home after being with her. I think what I miss is the overall satisfaction I felt with things at that time - waking up early in the morning knowing that you have someone waiting to see you in school. What I need help determining is -- Do I miss her? I don't think I do because I've seen her as recently as about 3-4 months ago and I really didn't "feel" anything. In fact, she was there hugging her b/f and I didn't get jealous. Again, I don't think I miss her, but simply the serendipitous meeting we had, the chemistry, and the overall feeling that life felt just a little more complete. On the other hand, I must acknowledge that this girl was the first "serious" relationship I've ever had with a girl. The previous ones were more like flings, but this girl I really liked until I got tired of waiting. Although I became very disillusioned and sad with the way she handled things at first (and putting it on hold), this girl was really the type of girl I wanted to be in a relationship with, despite her depression problems. We had lots in common, and she was a sweet person even though at the beginning she seemed a little insecure of herself being capable of being in a relationship (since I was her first b/f). But would that mean that I miss her too? That's what I can't figure out. It seems unlikely that after almost 2 years, now is when I would miss her and regret breaking up. Has anyone been in a similar situation? Any comments and feedback would be most appreciated.
  21. This is a bit different to my usual poetry, as mine usually tends to have some sort of rhyme to it.. but please, criticise away! Resurrection I once made a promise to myself Never to be taken away From the solitude of my singledom Forged in my stone cold heart. The bubble I created to protect me Couldn’t shield me from everything I grew cold and lonely My life became unbearable. I would cry at night Hoping I could find the one The one person I would share The rest of my life with. I found this in you. You unlocked my heart With a key of warmth and love With laughter and affection And the chains fell away. You made me feel safe In a way I have never felt You have shown me A different kind of love. And though I still cry at night It is tears of joy rather than sadness At my fortune of having found A gem so precious and rare. You resurrected me.
  22. To all of you who have lost a loved one, either by your own doing or the other party's doing, here is one universal truth: Never get back together. There are many reasons but I will not list all of them out here, because what is logic when dealing with affairs of the heart? You have had the chance to be together. You have spent happy times, good times, sad times, bad times. When two people separate, the past is all that remains. The top reason why anyone would want to get back together with the ex is because he/she cannot handle the sudden loss of companionship, and wants to relive the past. We desperately cling on to it, like a drowning man clinging on to anything that happens to float. Isn't the future worth more? Why throw away the future for a few scraps of the sorrowful past?
  23. So i've been with this girl for two months now, and i thought everthing was great until last week. Before we got together she had just recently gotten out of a two-year relationship. Now that exboyfriend is calling her all the time, making her upset, and then making her happy. She has only hung out with him once since we got together, but they talk all the time on the phone. We go to the same college, she lives one floor above mine. We do almost everything together, but this whole past week she's been completely utterly sad/depressed. And she definitely won't and doesn't want to talk with me about it. But she will talk to her ex about it for hours completely blowing me off. What do i do? I've tried almost everything.
  24. I'm in a very tough period in my life right now and the break up with my girfriend was especially difficult for me. I think its more than just being sad about losing her. Its almost as if I have lost a lot of the joy I used to have. At what point do you have to say, "I need to talk to someone to get out of this rut." Feeling down and out, Nicholas
  25. Well I am a 25 year old female. I have been married for 7 going on 8 years and have a 3 year old child. My husband is leaving me, because a year ago I had an affair with another man from work. And I have been keeping this a secret and hoping this will stay a secret that will never come back to hunt me, because it was not love at all. I stop the relationship with him and decided to come back and focus on my life with my husband and child, who I truly love more than anything in this world. For many years I have been very unhappy with my marriage because I feel my husband is not fullfilling my needs as: spending time with me, telling me he loves me, helping me with everyday life. He is also a good husband and father though. I think he just didn't know how to be a good man to me. And so all these anger that I have inside of me drove me to make the biggest mistake of my life and the worst of all he just found out about it from a friend of his. I confess to it and now he told me he is going to leave me, because he can not live with the thought that I slept with another man. I just relieze how much he loves me and how hurt he is. I have begged him on my knees and cried my eyes out for another chance, but he told me he made up his mind and he's never turning back. What can I do? I am sooo scared of loosing my husband because I also relieze how much he means to me. What can I do to change his mind????? I am going insane....
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