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  2. I know it has been rough and despite the lousy things he has done to you, we understand that it isn’t simply a matter of turning your feelings off just like that. There are going to be challenging days where you may feel confused about everything or unsure, angry, relieved, scared, doubting, etc. But, you are doing the right thing and you just have to keep moving forward. Abraham Lincoln once said, “I may walk slowly, but I never walk backwards.” So, just keep putting one foot in front of the other and soon the direction will become natural. You children will also thank you for giving your relationship with them a fighting chance. It may not be today or tomorrow, or even a year from now; you still have a lot of damage to repair, trust to regain, and burned bridges to rebuild, but just keep working on it. Keep putting them first and even when they are angry and lash out, if they do, don’t give up on your relationship. They may not show it, but they will have experienced trauma, so be mindful and understanding of that. And learn from this experience; make it a part of your history that ultimately makes you a better person and mother. Don’t turn back!
  3. That is a done thing, I dont plan to do anything ever with her. I could always make up some excuse, just asking if I should still go given the situation.
  4. And this is the man who was going to "ruin" your life. What a pathetic little man. I hope he leaves you alone and you can get your divorce quickly.
  5. She doesnt like to owe anything. For example second time we gone out she insisted on paying because I payed first time. And she also gave me present for my birthday and fridge magnet after vacation. As Ive said, she is generally pretty nice. But yes, more I dwell, I think its more of an attention thing. Even the birthday stuff, she shouldnt care if I come after all it happened but she is adamant that I still do. Her exact words were "Oh youll get over it in time but in the meantime come to birthday". That is a done thing. Got final answer and all, I dont plan on contacting her ever again even if I see her over same group of friends we are both civil and that is it. Just wondering if I should still be going to the birthday thing after everything. Kendo. Basically Samurai in armor with bamboo sticks as katanas. Its interesting. 😃
  6. If you're going into this expecting or hoping she will "change", that is an exercise in futility. If you want a daily texter you will probably do better with someone else.
  7. I'm a newbie, apparently. But that doesn't bother me. I can't tell you how many times I got accused of being "bitter" based on my post count lol!
  8. Totally possible. I hope she is. I will just be much more calm if she show it to me somehow (not in an explicit way, like I’ve already said).
  9. I get it. But if that person asks you for a date after some time, would you still accept it? Wouldn’t you be not interested if the monentum is lost and you don’t feel it anymore?
  10. Our last contact was on Sunday when I sent her a photo of one of the stray dogs I feed and care for (she is a dog lover and a volunteer at the dog shelter here) and we exchanged couple of messages about it. We don’t have a date planned at all, all I know is that she’s supposed to get back in town on Thursday or Friday.
  11. Can you help me understand this? I am having hard time trying to remember what are the updates that reset anything let alone everything.
  12. We get to choose. The 3 I listed are the ones we adopted.
  13. My question too, it looks like every improvement resets everything.
  14. I just saw the changes, looks like I am ranked a newbie, long way to go to reach Grand Master 🙂 Do you pick which "improvements/updates" get implemented or are they pushed out to all forums on this service? Just curious... Lost
  15. The last few days of work are dragging . I have learned some stuff though if you and the parents don’t have the same parenting methods don’t keep the kids forever.
  16. Playing house is way different than actually living together. Money/financial reasons/convenience should NOT be the motivator to move in together. It should be with the prospect of hopefully marriage, planning a life together and it's a little too soon for that. But that's just my opinion. Obviously you are itching to do it, but hesitant because what his reaction would be. I guess a suggestion in a conversation wouldn't hurt.
  17. No, he's not. Plus he got 10 days in jail for contacting me but the judge suspended it unless he contacts me again.
  18. Today
  19. Her Tattoobunnie, did you go to high school in Chicago? Sounds just like the program my daughter did.
  20. I second @Wiseman2 @Pennypanj please consider seriously the advice you get here. It's time for you to put yourself and the kids' happiness first. You don't care how he'll react; he's a grown adult, a manipulator, and he'll surely guilt-trip you and make you feel horrible. But, you'll need to be firm and stand your ground, and understand that his abuse has affected your thinking and it needs to come to end so that you can live a healthy life. Take back control slowly. You're on the right track.
  21. For what it's worth I think you have to make a decision about how you are going to handle this and go with the consequences. I also have a messed up family dynamic... mostly being controlled by guilt, obligation and not wanting to hurt anyones feelings. So I get it. But here are your choices: 1. be miserable leading up to and during this visit to keep them all comfortable or 2. deal with the guilt etc of telling them flat out no. I know for me, I've decided next time I'm in a similar situation I'm doing my own thing and everyone will just have to deal with it. It's going to start with statements like- I will let you know my plans. Then - I'm available at this time and can be at this place. And if anyone calls me on it, I'm going to say sorry youre offended. but this works best for me. I just can't take it anymore and I'm tired of feeling like their little puppet that just goes along because it works for them. I've made a decision and it is what it is. They know why it is. They know what they do. Will feelings be hurt? Yes. But I'm feeling like if I set the precedent, it will make things better in the long run. I'm willing to bear this. And until you are, you will be controlled. That's how they do it. They act as they always do and they count on you to do as you've always done.
  22. That's good news. So is he not allowed to come to the house?
  23. Annd now you realize the "connection" you had with her was special. Well, it's too late. You missed your train. You should've realized it before saying whatever nasty stuff you've said to her before. You need to move on and let go. Work on yourself and make sure to treat the next lady well. Totally agree with @Lambert
  24. Just wanted to give an update. We went to court this morning and judge granted me an extension on the protective order for 90 days. I have also contacted an attorney for the divorce.
  25. Don't worry about it. I'll figure out how to help myself. No, my mom never gossips about things that happen within our family unit because she wants everything to look perfect from the outside. As for my other family members, what 'should' happen and what actually does happen have nothing to do with each other. I have no idea how they will respond if things blow up between my mother, my sister, and me. But I don't want them getting involved.
  26. You only missed it because I didn't fully explain the scenario. Even thinking about it brings me aggravation. Although, when I type it out, it may not seem that bad. I haven't used the time share in a couple of years because: the last time I used it, my mom (and her friends!!) drove up and spent the whole week in the other time share (which is in the same building). So it became a family vacation plus, instead of just me and Arnold spending some relaxation time together. we had to drive an hour to meet my sister for lunch. She didn't want to drive the full 2 hours to see us because she was pregnant. Even though she could stay the night in either timeshare, she didn't want to. So, we met her halfway. Probably more than halfway. So, in 2019 we had a secret staycation during the summer. I also dodged going down there for Christmas in 2019, by lying and saying that I had no vacation time. In 2020 we had a forced staycation over the summer due to Covid. And we were also saved from travelling down there for Christmas in 2020 because of Covid. So, now I haven't seen my mom for 2 years. And I actually did want to see her last summer because she had a milestone birthday. So, if she showed up at the timeshare this summer, it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world. And that's what she said she'd do. I thought, Great. We'll see them, and my sister will probably come up with my nephew (who I haven't seen since he was born). But, no. Instead--and I guess maybe I should have known--I get the text from my mom trying to rearrange our vacation time for my sister's convenience. I didn't even bother to ask if my sister refused to come, and I don't know if my mom is still coming. But I'm not going to ask that either. I am not in the loop with these things, and I am not going to beg to be in the loop.
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