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  2. OP, if I may be blunt, this all comes back to you. YOU only have yourself to blame in all this. YOU keep asking "Please help!!". You get tons and tons of really good, constructive advice, yet you simply carry on. Members have given a lot of their time to respond to your calls of "Please help!!!", but you don't really "listen" or take any of it on board. YOU make excuse, after excuse, after excuse. YOU choose to stay in this toxic and dysfunctional environment. It has become obvious you really have no intention at all of dumping this guy. You won't dump him because you simply don't want to. You are both toxic to each other. Totally incompatible. Maybe it's time to really focus on what this toxic/dysfunctional environment is doing to your child. He seems to be an after-thought in all of this. How about making your son your main focus right now and doing what is right for your child. ?? YOU are responsible for his welfare, his wellbeing, his safe environment away from abusive toxic behaviour in the home etc. Right now what he is learning from YOU is that all of what he sees and hears and witnesses, is perfectly normal behaviour. Please, put your child before this loser. He deserves more from you and you owe it to him. Sorry if this comes across as harsh - it is not my intention, but choosing to remain with this loser clown, well that's on YOU. Your child deserves better.
  3. Yes I find her very attractive if that's what you mean. It's just my penis only goes for a certain personality type. But as far as people telling me to go out and get a gf of a different type, here is what I do not understand. If because of the madonna/w#$%e complex, and I am only attracted to women that are promiscuous, why would I want a promiscuous non-faithful woman as a gf though? Should I really go out and seek a woman who is like that just because my shallow penis says so?
  4. Hi Blue.. and Welcome 🙂 . Yes, sounds like you have had some wild things going on in your life at the moment. And it happens. It's a transition, which can be a challenge. 😕 . Break ups alone are hard, as one becomes emotionally invested, so then you have to work on accepting and healing from that - which takes some time. (so be easy on yourself, don't over do anything and focus on you for a bit - self care ❤️ ). As for your future, is maybe a good idea to look for F/T like you mentioned - better away from the issue's with the place you are at now and more hrs, etc. As for your terms/ goals. Is great you have something set, but you are still young, see how the next year goes, then years to follow.. We have no idea what can happen in that time...right? Yes, ablilty to travel can very well happen soon enough.. and yes, it may be a success with you and your dad's plans of a B&B. I feel you are handling everything quite well, considering the circumstances. (the BU, work issues/ your future). So, one day at a time . as I said, be easy on yourself. Give it all time to work through your emotions and get yourself back to good ❤️ . I often Journal, as a means to 'get it out'... almost same as voicing things. It's a vent. And it has helped me work through some things many times.. All I want to say to someone, I will journal it all, lol. So... take it easy for a bit.. give yourself time. In time, things will feel okay again.. Believe. 🙂
  5. Bolt, I had the smallest amount of Ativan and bit of vodka. Advice taken, I won’t do it again. I was with someone (for almost 7 years) who uprooted me from my country and I ended up away from my family with a job I can really only do in the USA. I don’t want to get into the details of my failed LTR, but basically I am of the school of thought that many people don’t need up with whom they thought. Most relationships don’t end up permanent, as I sorely discovered, so I choose to live in the moment. If they person makes me happy, albeit nervous, I am good. I try not to analyze what may happen in the future.
  6. So are you attracted to her out of the bedroom -do you desire her, find her attractive?
  7. You clearly haven't read all the past threads about their toxic history.
  8. You're clearly incompatible when it comes to the bedroom. And because of this, it won't work in the long run. This girl is not a match for you. Go with what does work for you. Find some wild woman who's on your same wavelength.
  9. Look, you are still young, but you will have to learn something about people. Lots of people will "sell" you BS that you will have to learn to see through. She is a good person and isnt unloyal, yet she wants to cheat her boyfriend with you. Her boyfriend is a bum, and yet she is still with him and continues to do so. What does that tell you about her? What she sold you is a classic "I am in an unhappy relationship and will just about to leave him" story. Where she is the victim and you will be the one to offer her love and protect her from big bad boyfriend and her troubles. In reality none of that may be true. In reality she maybe just wanted to cheat her boyfriend without ever leaving him. And her relationship may not even be that bad. Your initial instics, no matter how much you hate them, were 100% right in this case. You shouldnt trust that girl at all. So just move away from her.
  10. Today
  11. I'm thinking about what kind of person I used to be, and I get a clear picture of who I was, before that time. Clearly more open, more extroverted, more emotional, very much more unique with my dress and manner, more creative, more able to put myself out there. Didn't mind standing out, letting people see me, willing to play harmonica for my friends. More socially adjusted, less self conscious, although still lacking in self esteem and confidence, with a certain vulnerability. I may even have been a virgin and a bit of a square and now I'm like a worldly cynic in comparison. It makes me feel sad, for what I lost, and what I missed out on for forgetting to be that guy. I wonder how he would have faced his 30s. What my current friends, those who never knew him would have made. There's a nostalgia too, a desire to feel that way again. But also more optimistic that even though I feel now like I never discovered myself, I actually did. I had it for maybe 6 or 7 years, in my 20s in Liverpool but why not also in my 40s in Carlisle? Not every time I cast my mind back is nostalgia about when this bar was open and that band were new, there is plenty I can learn from. Being the person I want to be seems attainable now I know its a person I used to be
  12. Trust, unless proven otherwise. He sounds like a keeper. Think positive.
  13. Realize and know that your boyfriend is NOT the same as men from your previous relationships. Everyone is an individual. Give him that respect. After a year and a half, everything is going great so don't jeopardize nor create unnecessary drama for yourself in your mind or otherwise. If he's earned your trust, yes, trust him. Since your boyfriend is an amazing person as you say, don't let a good one get away otherwise you'll sorely regret it. Be grateful for your kind, caring, very loving boyfriend because finding a man like him is like winning the lottery. Enjoy not having troubles with a man because what you have is priceless.
  14. Okay then. Well so far that is what I have been doing but during sex, I can't help but picturing promiscuous women in order to get aroused and jolted so I can perform. Unless that's a bad way to go. But so far I have been loving her sexually otherwise.
  15. Are you hoping she cheats on her boyfriend with you? It's puzzling why you're so enthralled with a young woman you only met once. What's going on in your life that you're trying to escape from or distract yourself?
  16. Perhaps it's not meant to be fixed. You're trying too hard and I think this might also have something to do with killing the vibe. There's nothing more unsexy than trying so hard to be turned on. Relax and keep loving your gf or end it if it's not working for you or you're not turned on.
  17. I get what you’re trying to say but after meeting her I just can’t look at other girls, they all don’t look good enough. I wouldn’t call myself outgoing but I’m usually pretty succesful at these things. Imagen having your brains try to forget her and ignore her, but your heart lives with hope on seeing her again. Also we still chat from time to time about random things which is killing me BUT simply blocking her doesnt seem right. Maybe if I look and act even better at this next party she will come to me again. It might sound weak but it is what it is. What I found out about her when we met up after is that she isn’t unloyal, just lost. She is 19, I’m 22 and basically what I think is that she is confussed. Her current boyfriend is 25 and at least for me looks like a bum. BUT they’ve been together for almost 2 years and its her first real boyfriend. I think that she simply can’t leave her comfort zone. By all means she is a good person but with problems like all of us.
  18. Well I feel that it's my problem of course, but what can I do to fix it?
  19. You don't sound sexually compatible, sadly. This would be a dealbreaker.
  20. To start off this long explanation, I feel it's ideal to provide a bit of background context. Hi, I'm a 25 year old female. A week ago I broke up with my (now ex) boyfriend whom I was with for an entire 4 years. I have to make it clear that we were long distance all that time, but we had a fantastic run. I learnt a lot from him, but most importantly I discovered a lot about myself and how to be intimate with someone, since being close to someone sexually was a deep seated issue of mine. I can confidently say I am a completely different person to who I was 4 years when I got together with him. But even though "doing the deed" was hard for me to even do (and we never ended up having sex in the end) I was slowly getting used to the possibility of losing my virginity to my ex-boyfriend and he had been there supporting me throughout my journey. During the same time, I even seeked out therapy to help work through my abandonment issues from the past to help with the issue of intimacy (granted, it was expensive to the point where I couldn't afford it long term, so I was forced to cut my time with my therapist short). When I first got together with my ex boyfriend, I made it clear from day one that I didn't want children, and he did, but I could tell he wasn't serious about children at the time and was fine with not even thinking about that possibility, especially since we had only just got together. After 2 years, we had a conversation where he sat me down and said that he had changed his mind on children and said he wasn't sure if that was what he wanted yet. He also said he was happy to not have them if we ever decided that. You can imagine I was relieved at this news, and it felt a weight had been lifting off my shoulders a little bit as I felt at the time, a little bit of pressure was on me too even have sex with him, let alone have children. He never pressured me into doing things in the bedroom I didn't want too do, he always respected my boundaries and wants. But I always felt that I was keeping something from him and he would one day leave me (notice how that thought pattern is apart of the abandonment issues I was working on in therapy). Once again we go about our business to present day. The last time I saw him in person was 2 weeks ago, and that's when another conversation happened. Except, he had changed his mind again and told me that he 100% wanted children and wanted to know if my feelings had swayed on the matter. Too which they have not. He was making some big positive changes too his life which were changing jobs and moving into a better household for his mental health, I'm still proud of him even to this day. But it was over as soon as he changed his mind about the children. I felt like he had stabbed me in the heart and I felt my entire world come crashing down at the thought of losing him. The sad thing is, we had always known that if we were to ever split it wouldn't be over any deception or finance issues, but it would be over children and that was the biggest deal breaker. I also felt a bit betrayed because he didn't give traveling a chance. I love traveling, it's what I want to do for a lot of my life, and so did he except he wanted to settle down by the end of it and I didn't want to settle down at all. 4 days after that I went home and did a lot of thinking and came to the conclusion that it was best to let him go as this was something none-negotiable. We left on good terms like we always knew we would, but I could never be friends like he wanted after we've both healed and have cut him out completely. I've always been the type of person to solider on, and I have been through a lot worse and come out on top. But this week I've been struggling with the aftermath of it all and had a talk with my dad. He said that I needed to make goals for my future in order to move on and don't look back on what happened. He's right.. but I feel so lost, stuck, empty, unmotivated - you get the picture. I'm just trying to get up each day, let alone think about who I want to be in 3 years time. Most of my friends live far away and I don't have any local friends to help me through this. I live in a small town and there is no opportunity here for me. I do have a job, but when I got that job a couple months ago, I took a leap of fate on it because it suited the hours I wanted to see my ex-boyfriend since we were distant. Also it's turning really toxic and I strongly don't want to remain there any longer. I've been thinking about my goals like my dad advised me too, but my mind comes up blank and I get struck with this fear that I can't achieve them alone because I've always had my ex-boyfriend by my side supporting me. I want to stop feeling so scared. Here are a few of the goals I had in mind: Move out locally within 2 years. Although my dad and I are doing up a house to turn into a Bed & Breakfast business for me in the future, so is it even worth moving out? Go to Japan when covid is better (I've already got plenty of savings for the trip ready to be used. But it's the case of waiting for covid to be better in order to go as Japan's borders are shut). I want to change my current part time job. Like previously stated, I took a leap of faith on this job because it suited me and my ex-boyfriend in terms of seeing one another regularly. But now he's not apart of the picture anymore, I don't see the point anymore. I feel burying myself in a full time job will give me a good distraction and earn me more money. And that's all I have for now in terms of goals. I don't know what type of answers I'm expecting from this but I'm curious to know how others have made personal goals after a breakup. Specifically what goals have you set, and what have you accomplished? How have you coped after a breakup of many years? I'd like some guidance at the end of the day because I feel I've lost my purpose in life. Thank you for reading this far if you have!
  21. I totally agree Bolt. Mical. This individual is living off her, is a freeloader, occupying her property. He doesn't care for her, never did and never will. He's got a real sweet deal, living off a woman! You are not the YMCA OP, and less so an NGO.
  22. I'm not sure how you can ask yourself that question as if it's a choice. You either trust someone or you don't and it won't be fair to your partner not to trust him if he's shown you everything pointing to being trustworthy. Did you rush into this relationship or move in quickly? What is the timeline or history? Is your boyfriend a rebound from your past two relationships? Take stock of your own actions.
  23. This is actually really easy to accept in my heart and my mind since I am in love with her. Easy thing to accept. But it's the penis that is being stubborn about it. So in that case, who should win. The heart and brain, or the penis? If my heart and brain have decided that they love this current gf and want to be with her, what do you do if the penis says no?
  24. She's paying all the bills and he's living there for free. He's not interested in contributing other than a chore or two. I don't think there's anything to "work out". Except the exact day he's moving out.
  25. This is a good question. I guess you have to accept the fact that something will always be missing whatever kind of girl you choose. Hopefully not but again realistically speaking....
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