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  1. And what really makes me angry is that she knew my dad was in the hospital five days ago and she couldn’t friggin call me ??????? Five friggin days ago you knew this Marilyn and you thought you would tell me Friday right before my holiday . You’re a . Feel like calling her right now because she’s going on holidays today and telling her what her nice fabulous brother did. Do you want to know that your other brother is a rapist and a child molester I hope you have a good holiday .
  2. I thought I would give a go at this journaling thing. My friends do not partake in online dating and I don't really get feedback from anyone that does. Mostly my friends shake their heads and ask `why?' I've been out of a relationship since May '14 and without rehashing all that has transpired I will say that online dating has changed considerably in the past 3 years. I've taken several breaks, mostly after meeting men looking for casual sex and men who are too afraid to put themselves out there and seem to put me in the drivers seat to pursue them and breath life into the situation. Neither of which I am comfortable with. I am a young (as so I am told) 50 something yr old professional with a rich social life, so I am definitely not lonely. If I sense there is no momentum in a man that I meet I am quick to let it go seeing that I don't have a lot of free time and being with my friends is often a much better option. After my last fail .. well I can't really call it a failed attempt, maybe a valuable lesson with dating someone I mentioned here in previous posts, that I had dated earlier this year and he made a return visit in Oct. He is clearly not ready for a relationship but I am very taken by him and we have amazing chemistry. With that being said he is dating others and at some point these things run their course and I opted out, not wanting to be part of the `rotation' and finding myself engaging in an intimate relationship with someone I did not have a commitment with. Mind you this is the first time in my life I tried to do this and much like I already knew I am not cut out for it. He still texts once in a while and says he misses me, but it messes with my emotions so the more distance I get the better. I wish things were different . . but it is what it is. To keep my sanity during that time I continued to date others (not intimately) and the pace was wearing on me and creating all sorts of unneeded anxiety. During the holidays I pulled my profile but continued to communicate with one person who's schedule is opposite of mine for the time being so meeting was a challenge. During my time off during the holidays we met for breakfast and as much as I really didn't want to go, I was pleasantly surprised. Now 3 dates later my current challenge is to see if this man can open up and let me in. Apparently I make him very nervous and at times he shuts down. I tried dating someone like him sometime ago and I thought in time he might let me in. After several weeks I realized it was never going to happen. What I do like about my new friend is that he has some old school values much like mine, maybe a little more conservative. He noticed I pulled my profile (only for a break) and pulled his as well saying he typically only dates on person at a time to see where it goes. It's nice to not have to interpret someone's intentions and refreshing to know I am not part of someone rotation. We haven't so much as held hands yet which builds up that anticipation part that seems to be so fun and he's a good `dater'. I have met so many men who don't know how to date. .funny as that sounds, but true. I am enjoying this. He is showing me that he does have sense of humor and enjoys giving me a hard time (playfully) I am optimistic that there is someone that I am able to connect with behind the shyness. He has assured me that he is typically not this way and has promised to open up. I still have another friend I will see tonight. T and I have been dating for about 3 months now and as much as I like and I am attracted to him I just don't think we are relationship material. He's gone most weekends to see his son 8 hours away. He's so sweet and endearing but not very active, pretty much a couch kinda guy, very Christian and not much of a social drinker. (my social circle is!) He has a very naïve almost immature quality to him but I feel safe and cared for with him. I often wish I could see him as someone more than a friend but that certain quality is lacking. I don't see him often and have opted out a couple times lately, but I am looking forward to catching up tonight. So this it. . at least for now. I see my shy friend this weekend. M has invited me for a day trip to the local mountains and I am looking forward to it. For now my profile is down . .tomorrow who knows!?
  3. Hi All, thanks for reading. I have been with my girlfriend for 4 years. We are engaged to be married next year and have just bought our dream house together. I get on ok with her mother but i am struggling to hide how much i dislike her from my partner. I love her dad though he is brilliant. Firstly, she (MIL) is rude, very abrupt, when i first met her she couldnt have been less interested in making a first impression. I have been raised to always be very polite. She treats my 26 yr old girlfriend like a baby, arranges to go to her medical appointments with her, still bought her underwear until she moved out, used to read personal valentines and birthday cards id sent her. When she moved out, made her take all her Disney stuffed teddy's and kids toys but told her she cant throw them away. She facetimes her atleast twice a day everyday and texts all day in between, and complains when we do things without her. Wants constant updates on the work we are doing in our house. We went on our first holiday overseas and because we didnt invite her she booked the exact holiday in the exact hotel a few months later and took my girlfriend with her. I took my gf to LA to propose (we live in the uk) her mum also wanted to come with us. She comments on anything we post on social media about how she didnt get an invite, how we do things without her. If we go shopping somewhere, she asks that she comes with us next time. She wants to be involved in all the wedding plan's and doesnt ask to come to our appointments, just tells us she is coming. She pressured my gf into having her cousin as bridesmaid at our wedding. She has spoke about buying a house nearer to us. She lives 30 minutes away but asked which room in our new house is for when she stays over. And then is the embarrasing stuff, she spits when she talks, so going out for a meal with her is uncomfortable, she will sit in a dress with her legs far too open because she is quite large and cant fold one over the other but will be showing everything. She belches all the time. When she invites us around for a meal, she plates the food up with her bare hands, and i once saw her do that after "adjusting" her underwear. Quite honestly, my biggest issue is that she repulses me and i am so uncomfortable around her. But i would never be rude to her, nor do i want to upset my partner in telling her how I feel. Help?
  4. I received an email from my ex boyfriend (7 years) during Thanksgiving and Christmas. He moved out when i returned from an overseas military deployment - he was supportive but grew very angry in my absence that I volunteered to deploy. His adult children, daughter especially, re-engaged with him during my absence and encouraged him to leave me. They were angry and mostly cut ties with him when he began a relationship with me (live-in). He became regretful after moving out but I was too shocked and hurt to respond to any attempts to see him and soon separated items. It was a very dignified and decent separation. I believe he has begun a new relationship with a female that lives out of the area (based on a comment made by a mutual friend a just gut feeling). It is likely a rebound relationship to fill the void - he suffered with loneliness while I was gone - more than I knew at the time. I began No Contact during thanksgiving after receiving a thanksgiving text but no respectful call. When I called him he did not answer and this was a change for me. For Christmas he sent: Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. My phone crashed, and I lost 75% of my contact information. That's why you didn't get a Merry Christmas earlier. Sorry. I hope you had a nice Christmas. How is George (my son-they were close)? Your mom? Mike My thoughts are his phone did NOT crash but rather he may have removed my number at the request of someone else. He HAD to contact me via email to be descrete. would you agree? I am in NC mainly for myself-so I can take time to assess me and move forward. I accept the breakup and have just a small hope of reconciling - if we were both better down the road.
  5. Where to start........ I started seeing my Boyfriend just over a year ago, in the beginning it was nothing serious, but eventually evolved, we spend 5 nights a week together, (he has his Children the other 2), have been away together 3 times, going on holiday next month, Ive met his friends etc etc. We are quite domesticated and "boring" the majority of nights are spent cooking dinner and watching TV in front of the fire, but this suits me. He is very affectionate towards me, and I would classify our relationship as very good, he makes me very happy, however we have never exchanged "i love you's", nor actually verbally made our relationship "official" although we do refer to each other as partners. I am quite a bad communicator, and find it hard to express myself emotionally, and he knows this, I am unsure whether he has not done so because I have not, or if he simply does not feel that way? Having said that, we do talk about absolutely everything else. Our physical relationship is also extremely good. Sometimes I feel like he adores me, other times I wonder is he just with me because he has no one else? Now, this may just be my own insecurities at play.......
  6. Another post about the same girl I have been posting about... Cliff notes: -she is 26 and a PhD student. I’m 24 female in the industry -went on 3 dates with her over a span of a month. -very minimal text conversation in between dates. I am always the one to initiate text conversations and ask her out on dates. One week she texted saying that we should do something the next week since when I asked her to do something the weekend before, she was sick. She never texted the next week so by Thursday I texted inviting her to dinner and a comedy show. She apologized and said things were crazy at work -on that 3rd date (dinner and comedy), she did her hair and dressed up nice. Invited me in when I picked her up and I met her one roommate. Invited me in after the date again, we slept together that night. Went home after because I have a dog. I texted her two days later about the snow we were having -I have paid for every date although she has always paid for drinks at every date So our last communication was this past Monday and she is now on holiday break. I don’t see her reaching out to me at all during this time and I don’t think I should again. I really think at this point, she needs to reach out to me to see me again when she gets back in January but I’m really not sure she will. I feel like she likes me though because she got dressed up for our dates and she even mentioned on the 3rd date that she did her hair and whatnot. She also initiated our first kiss on that date. A slight part of me thinks she is just using me since I have been paying for all our meals but I don’t know because she always pays for drinks afterwards. Also it seems like a lot of energy to put into going on a 3rd date with someone just to use them. Anyway, assuming she won’t reach out to me while she’s home, it’ll be about 3 weeks before she gets back into town and I’m not even sure she would reach out then. I really thought our dynamic would change after getting more intimate but it doesn’t seem like it has at all since we still rarely communicate with each other. I feel she is a bit of a workaholic though and extremely focused but at the same time, I don’t want to be asking to see her every time. I need some initiation from her now... I don’t plan on reaching out at all again. Would this be the right move?
  7. I’m sure a lot of you can remember my 47 page thread about my guy a few weeks back. We have hit the 3 month mark. Since then, a couple weeks back I finally told him that I’m sensing things just aren’t the way they were and I feel like I’ve pretty much worn out my welcome. He was taken aback and seemed confused because to him, nothing was different. And he asked me what I thought was different. I basically told him I felt like the communication just wasn’t there and sometimes I just never knew if I would even hear from him or see him again if I wasn’t the one who reached out. He blamed it on the holidays, with several birthdays during the month including his daughter’s, the stresses of working nonstop and being a single dad, etc. I get it because I’m in the same situation, but our communication styles are different apparently. Since then, he has really stepped up, reaching out every day, and of course this made me feel confident enough that I could be the one to reach out as well. So my problem now, is I feel it was short lived and he is starting to get distracted again. We both had our kids over the weekend so I get the last thing he wants to do is text. Although, if it were someone I was dating, I can certainly shoot a quick “hi, hope you’re having a great weekend...” etc. it takes 2 seconds. I heard from him Friday night about some activities he had planned with his kids, nothing Saturday, nothing yesterday until I reached out in the evening after my kids were asleep to wish him a good night. His kids were already at the moms house at this point, but I thought I would’ve at least heard from him. He did response immediately and never took more than a couple of minutes to respond. He did mention he was busy cleaning up the house, the weekend was hectic and he still had so much to do today, including some last minute shopping. I understood he was stressed so I let him know I knew he was under a lot of pressure and had a lot on his plate but wanted to say hello and wish him a good night. He responded saying he really appreciated my text and wished he could give me a kiss right now, sweet dreams... All wonderful, right? Yes, but I’m just beginning to feel insecure, wondering if he’s starting to pull back again. I feel silly because he put forth effort into seeing me during the week last week, took me out during our lunch break. As we were saying our goodbyes, we briefly mentioned seeing each other again this coming weekend but I’m anxious and hoping he won’t back out due to the stress of the holidays. He’s never canceled before so I shouldn’t worry, but this shift is giving me anxiety again. Is it normal to hear less from someone during the holidays? Even if it would take 2 seconds on their part? Perhaps for some people, the last thing on their mind after all the preparations would be to retreat? I guess I’m just hoping it will normalize after Christmas, I certainly liked the way things were going the past couple of weeks, felt like things may have finally been going in the right direction.
  8. So I don't go out much, and I have a two drink maximum rule for myself. Three at the most, and that's only if it's a long day of festivals or parades. I went to the Halloween parade this weekend, and after we went into the Quarter to see some music. I had one drink at the club, felt completely sober. I left and was walking home when some people started calling to me from a balcony, it looked like a party, and they were like "Come up! Have a cocktail!" For those of you who haven't been to New Orleans, this a pretty common occurrence in the Quarter, especially around holidays. It looked like fun, so I went up and as I was going in, some of the people were leaving. The host poured me a glass of wine and I realized that since people left I was now the only woman present. But the guys were watching a basketball game on tv and the only person really talking to me was the host. No offense to Italians, but this guy was like a caricature. Kept saying "Feggadabout it" and dropping the f bomb constantly, HEAVY Italian accent, almost seemed like it was fake. He said he was from Chicago, recently moved to New Orleans, bought this beautiful condo in the Quarter. He did have some nice art, although he tended heavily toward the nudes. It was a nice night, and it was pleasant to sit on his balcony and watch the crowds. Then he started talking about sex. A lot. Explicitly. About this time one of the guys inside handed a joint out the window. I said no, thanks, I don't do drugs, never have in my life. He kind of snickered and mumbled something like "If you're drinking that wine, now you have." I didn't process it immediately, but I noticed shortly after that I started to feel really strange. Sort of thick, and warm, and disconnected. As I was sitting there processing the sensation, the host suddenly grabbed my chin and kissed me. SHOVED his nasty tongue down my throat. It was so gross. I yanked away and said "I have to go." He started saying how rude to leave a half glass of wine when it's been poured for you. I really didn't care and got out of there as soon as I could. Fast enough that one of the guys watching tv saw me and said "You ok?". I think maybe the host had slipped something dissolveable into my drink, but it obviously wasn't a roofie, or I'd have passed out. As it was, I felt a little strange for about 24 hours. The whole thing was icky, and yes, I realize I should know better, but it really is something people do here, go to random parties. I learned a lesson, but I feel like at the age of 46, I shouldn't have had to. Thanks for listening.
  9. So I'll try and keep this short. I'm just a bit confused and unsure of a situation. Last Christmas a work colleague who I have never met before (he moved to Canada before I started in 2015) came back over for a holiday and came to our Christmas night out. We got talking and he asked for my number. We went out before he went home and told me a few times he liked me. So 5 months down the line we still talk, but he's so hot and cold. We've tried calling each other a few times but because of the time difference always seem to miss each other. Sometimes he'll message me asking if I miss him. Other times he'll say he misses me and "needs me here". A few weeks ago he asked if I was going on holiday this year and told me to go to the same place as him so he can see me and then he'll completely ignore me for days. If I message him randomly saying sweet things he'll just ignore me. Increasingly it seems he only messages me when he's drunk. Except from last Friday - I had an important work event and he randomly messaged me wishing me luck which was quite nice. He told me he was sober that night and messaged me the next morning too. On the other hand, he ignores a good few of my messages weekly and I put on Facebook that I had just passed an important qualification and he never even mentioned it to me, no well done, nothing. But an hour later he messages asking what my plans for the weekend are. I know he was on Facebook because he tagged two people in something so must have saw my post. I also tagged him in something on Facebook today that he would have liked but he never even acknowledged it, yet he replies back to everyone else. Can anyone please shed some light on what they think is going on? Does he like me or is he playing some sort of game? What should I do? I know I'm probably stressing too much over someone who lives in another country and I'm not even sure he'll move back but it's so frustrating. He's so hot and cold and I don't know why. It constantly makes me feel like I've done something wrong. Can someone give me some advice please?
  10. Hi all, Just in need of a little help I will keep it brief, 12 year relationship ended, 7 months on I'm with a lovely new girl, the problem is I'm finding it difficult to do things with this girl that I did with my Ex , for example... Watching tv shows I used to watch, The idea of going on holiday, Eating in the same restaurants, Family gatherings etc Just keeps bringing memories up! I'm not used to being out of a long term relationship so just wondering if anyone had been in a similar situation and what seemed to help you? Thanks in advance
  11. My husband and I just got married, though we've been together for 5 years. Every other part of our relationship is fine, but we have one major disagreement that we can't seem to settle ourselves. He feels that it's absolutely necessary to spend holidays together and take turns with whose parents we see each year. His parents live in Wisconsin and mine live in Oregon and we can't afford two trips. Family is more important to me than the actual holiday, I just want to be with my parents. I compromised this year and agreed to see his parents in Wisconsin and it's absolutely killing me that I missed out on my own parents. I'm lucky to have in-laws who love me, and his parents are very sweet, but that doesn't cover up the homesickness I feel for my own parents. Am I so crazy for suggesting that we spend a couple of weeks apart for the holidays so we each get to see our own parents? We are together constantly for the rest of the year. I just don't think a couple of weeks apart once a year is such a big deal.
  12. Ever since I was a kid, I knew that my parents aren't the kind that say I love you to each other, nor do they hug, or even like each other. They often fight in front of me and my siblings; in the car, in the bedroom where I slept in, in the living room, on the street when we were traveling. One time I was eating and they were fighting next to me and my mom was talking about my dad's affair. It broke my heart that they would let a children hear that. They fought a lot that sometimes when I'm in my bedroom in silence, I feel like I hear them screaming and fighting, even though there is no fighting. But now they don't fight anymore. And I don't know if it's good or bad. On the bright side, I don't have to hear the screaming that always makes me scared anymore. But, unfortunately, no fighting means they don't talk. Ever. It's been almost a year since I hear them talking more than a minute to each other. They pretend the other doesn't exist. They hate each other too much to talk and interact. It makes me sad and angry at the same time. It's even worse now that my dad has just recently retired from his job which means he's going to spend most of his time at home. I never liked weekends where both my parents are home, it's so uncomfortable, though they never even talk to each other. It just feels miserable. But now it's not only weekends, it's everyday! Especially now that it's nearing the holidays. I am not at all excited for it. I wish I could just skip it you know. I don't like my whole family gathering up because it's probably gonna be a lot of resentment and conflicts and I'm not ready for it. I can't wait to graduate from college and move on to another country. I can't wait to get out of this mess. I love my parents, they're great parents individually. But they're not great when together and that is why I need to get out. Any advice on how to deal with this? Especially with the holiday coming around soon? I'm trying out meditation and reading a lot of self-help articles, it's been really helpful. I'm not as sad as I used to be about this. I 'm taking control of my life and my own emotions but still, sometimes, I can't help but feel trapped and miserable.
  13. Hi everyone, This is my first time posting and first time visiting this community. So - i have been with someone for the past 2.5 years. In the beginning things were great, but i always noticed that i felt as though he didn't always speak to me in a respectful way. Mostly getting short with me, aggressively saying my name like a parent would and kind of telling me off almost. However apart from this the relationship was really good. We spent a lot of time together and texted frequently, always telling each-other how much we wanted to be together etc. Normal relationship stuff. Fast forward to 6 months ago, I started noticing that the remarks towards me were getting pretty frequent, the texting had slowed down a lot and we were seeing each-other less and less. He has hobbies that take up a lot of (solo) time and i spent a lot of time being fitted in around this. I know hobbies are important however so i let him get on with them and actively encouraged them. In our spare time his first thought would be how to fit in his hobbies. This became apparent when he decided to go off on a solo adventure for 2.5 months over summer (we are students and have a large summer break in-between semesters). He didn't really want to go on holiday together but i feel as though i wore him down and we decided to meet in the middle. Before we met on holiday we were apart for 6 weeks. Throughout this time we spoke over text and rang each-other maybe 3 times (he isnt a big phone call person). However the texts were nothing like they should be in a relationship and i felt just like he was checking in with a friend, no miss you, love you etc unless i did and in which case he would reciprocate. One day i messaged him asking if he could tell me something nice and that he loved me because i was going through a hard time with family stuff and wanted to hear it. He didn't message me for 5 days until i rang him and he said he "hadn't come away for me to nag at him." We meet up on holiday in a beautiful destination. But i felt so alone the whole time. He was short with me, made some quite nasty remarks and i felt as though i was a burden the whole time. I left him to go home when the holiday ended and cried for about two hours, that was when i decided enough was enough. The person i was with 2 years ago is not the same person now, and he isn't being respectful. I had some time to think and had to unfortunately message him this because we still had a month of him on his trip. I said i felt unhappy, i felt he was rude and made me so upset on holiday. He said "we can talk when i'm back". I reiterated the message about 2 weeks later and got the same reply "talk when back". I won't be seeing him until next week when we are both in the same country again. We haven't spoken apart from this. I just kind of want to know whether i am making a really silly decision by ending it with someone who when the good is good, we have great times. Or whether the way its been in the pat 6 or so months is enough to be a dealbreaker.
  14. Hi Really desperate for some advice please. I’ve been with my partner for three years. He was separated at the time, and had an amicable divorce October last year. 6 months prior to that he asked what the next step was for us as we were already living together, have decided we don’t want children and had our first holiday. He shocked me but surprised me by mentioning marriage and said it was something he absolutely wanted.....fast forward to years and nothing has happened and I don’t believe he wants to now. I’ve tried to talk to him and his response is dismissive or ‘I’ve not thought about it anymore’ I don’t know what to do? I get upset but I feel angry that he sort of put it in my head and now doesn’t seem keen
  15. Hi, I'm new to this forum but have just managed to get my boyfriend of two years to talk to me about where he sees our relationship going. He got me into the relationship when I wasn't interested in anyone and would say things like "I'll put a ring on your finger". Then he became distant. A few weeks ago he said he was going on holiday because he needed some sun (alone?). Then he announced that he wanted to go out on Friday evenings with the lads. He's not meeting my needs and we seem to have gone from him wanting us to move in together to both being free agents. I think the relationship is toxic and am about to tell him to go on as many holidays and have as many evenings out with the lads as he wants as we're not going anywhere. "We're together for the moment" is what he said tonight and when I questioned that he tried to say it's my head that's funny. He says he'll always be around and if I walk away he'll have other people keep an eye on me so he knows I'm OK. He's done a lot for me but I feel I've been used and if the relationship is going nowhere then..... Am I right to end this?
  16. Hello everyone, If you'll read my previous posts, you'll see that I (28) have been around on this forum for 4 years. In this 4 years, my now ex-ex GF (24) broke up with me 2 times. The first time in august 2018 after a relationship of 3 years. After this break up, I was devastated, couldn't eat, couldn't laugh. I went to see a psychologist to try and become better. With time, I got better, I tried to forget her because she hurt my feelings too much. But I somewhere, I couldn't stop thinking about her. I managed to live my own life without her, but I always had the feeling I was missing something (her I guess?). I never thought we would get back together, but in March 2019 it suddenly happened. We decided to communicate more and things were going well.. She insisted on going on a holiday to Italy, although I wanted to wait a little bit, because we just got back together.. In the end, we decided to go on a holiday and we got back last week. On the holiday everything seemed alright and good. She kissed me a lot, so there was no lack of affection. When we got back, she bought tickets for a concert in November, so she was planning things in the future. All our friends and family were happy because we got back together. Now when we were broken up (august 2018 - march 2019), she had sex with 3 different guys multiple times. I said I wouldn't judge her for this, but that I would appreciate it that she didn't talked to those guys again. Like she could say hello and stuff, but don't chat or text message because that would hurt my feelings. She understood this. In some sort of way, her sleeping with other guys after she dumped me, felt as cheating. Because if she didn't dumped me, and worked on our problems, she never would have slept with those guys. 3 weeks ago, one of her guys (let say X) she had sex with texted her again and was literally asking for sex. She didn't respond to the text message of X (which was good I thought) Fast forward to this weekend, there was a party in our neighborhood and I knew that X would be present. I asked my ex-GF to not talk to X out of respect for me. At the party, she did talked to him several times and when I confronted her with this, she was angry and told me she couldn't be herself and that I didn't trust her and she ended things with me. She now has ended things with me twice and i'm exhausted and heartbroken all over again. The day she broke up with me, she went partying until 8 in the morning while I was crying at home. My family warned my she would hurt me again, but I didn't listen to them and give her a second chance. She could give me the best feeling in the world and we had great sex. Right now I want to forget her, but i'm afraid no one will ever make me feel the way she made me feel. And i'm afraid i'll always be nostalgic to the times we were happy and will never be satisfied with someone else.. I know she is toxic for me, she always comes back to me after a period of time and tries to be friends or tries to have sex with me. I'm NC for 3 days and won't break it. But I want to know WHY, why did she dumped me like I meant nothing to her.. Does someone has the same feeling here or has been the same situation in the past? I need your advice, because I can't handle this anymore. I can't eat, I can't sleap, I can't stop thinking of her :(
  17. My boyfriend of 2 years and I broke up on Monday. We haven't spoken since Tuesday, when he ignored my text asking for an explanation (he broke up with me completely out of the blue, he has not been acting differently lately, and his reasons were simply not good enough for me to take, especially when he was telling me he still loves me and always will). Obviously I am completely heartbroken, we were extremely happy most of the time and everyone, my friends, my family, and especially I, are all so, so shocked. We were so good together and he genuinely was my best friend. It wasn't a bad break-up but he definitely has failed to take my feelings into consideration with the whole not replying, not very good reasons thing. Since he ignored my text, I have decided to implement the NC rule. I know he'll be expecting me to text him again at some point and I'm determined to shock him. He has to contact me at some point, because, for his birthday, I have paid for us to go on a dream holiday on the 21st of July, less than five weeks away, and I am certainly not going to be the one to contact him about it. However, I do love him with everything in me, we were extremely happy most of the time, and it was an extremely rash decision, and of course I want him back. Now, when he does reply to Tuesdays text or when he texts me at all, do I ignore it? And then go on to wishing him a Happy Birthday on his birthday, apologise for ignoring him but tell him I've needed to clear my head and then suggest a meet-up at a pub one day soon to give his things back and the presents (besides the holiday), and the card I had already bought him? That way we can sit, have a drink, chat, properly discuss what will happen with the holiday, etc. By this time, it'll be a week or so until the holiday, so I am definitely cutting it fine, but do you agree that this is the best way to go about things? What would you do? I will not completely be following the 30 day NC rule, more like my own 28 day rule, but until then, I'm going to completely focus on bettering me, for me. Please help!
  18. For the past 4 years I have worked as a home health aide. When hired I was told I would work thurs-sun. my coworker was given sat/sun off, before that she had fri-sat off. I completely understood and accepted that schedule. I was prepared to be available to work weekends. Now, I only have mon/wed off which I use to go to school. I have never had a weekend off in these 4 years unless I asked for it months in advance. I also work every holiday since I'm still technically the "new girl." I've just reached a point where I feel so burned out, I'm stressed and resentful that I never have time off to be with my family. I work 5am-2pm every weekend, I come home and just have no energy. Its like no matter how much or how little sleep I get, I am always tired. I have proven to be a very hard worker and honestly I am incredibly close to quitting as I always am given last minute shifts and incredibly micromanaged while at work. But I wanted to try to reach and agreement with my boss first. I want to ask for at least one weekend day off once a month and to rotate working holidays, but do I even have a right to do that? Or am I just wasting my time?
  19. I've been with my boyfriend for two years. The past few weeks we have been exactly the same as always, telling eachother every-day just how much we mean to eachother, we were genuinely, really, really, happy. Obviously, as every couples does, we are not perfect, and of course we have the odd disagreement, and it's usually because I didn't feel he was putting in the effort that I do. On Monday, he finished things with me. I am distraught. Clearly, it was a very rational decision. His reasons are that I'm too good for him, he wants me to find someone who will give me 100%, he just can't commit to me (I haven't asked him to be any more committed than he already has been. I'm young, I don't want marriage or children, I just want to be with him), and that if we don't break-up now we're "just delaying it". He has told me he still loves me, still cares about me but he "just can't continue" and that he thinks it's for the best, on Monday, while he was telling me how he feels, he was still kissing me back, and wanting to cuddle me, all because I quote "he still wants to be there for me", and as you can imagine, I am extremely confused. For his 21st birthday (in 4 weeks time), I have worked so, so hard to pay for an amazing trip to Italy, and now he's saying he won't go with me, instead, he wants to buy the holiday from me so he can go with somebody else. Bare in mind this holiday was only booked three weeks ago, and he came shopping with me specifically for holiday clothes LAST WEEK. I love him so much. I care about him so, so deeply. I'm so confused. Here's the thing, he's just finished University, and he is being forced-(ish) to go into teaching, a career I know he does not want to pursue. Just last week, he went and seen a counsellor. He is currently going through a massive change and he's very unhappy. I think that he's just getting rid of me because at the minute, I will be one less thing to focus on, so he can focus on himself, otherwise, this makes no sense. I did text him yesterday, after I pieced this altogether and told him to book a doctors appointment. He admitted he is currently down, and he said he probably will. However, I asked him for a phonecall and he refused, and I got frustrated and told him he owes me an explanation, and he's ignored it. Should I now just wait until he contacts me? What do you think about the whole depression thing - do you believe it's because he's currently feeling down? I just want other people's opinions. I'm extremely heartbroken, I love him and I care for him so, so much.
  20. I don't really know where to start, I chose lost as my name as that's how I feel. My boyfriend broke up with me saying his feelings had changed. He then started messaging me again and we saw each other. We are going on holiday soon but are not in contact now, he says he is definitely coming. I'm hoping this will be our chance to put things right and make another go of it but at the moment all I do is cry, I can't eat, I'm losing myself and my friends over this. Any suggestions how to stop this pain would be great, I feel like I'm falling apart X
  21. Hi guys, I had an interview with Goldman Sachs last Wednesday. I met the recruiter from their HR department same day for coffee, he told me they move really quick once they like you. Like same day offer quick. I met 5 people total, 4 rounds of interview. One session was with the hiring manager where i had to do coder-pad interview. They asked me about 6 algorithm questions all together but two of them i had to code in coder-pad. I did very well with the rest but failed to answered one coder-pad question which was conducted by hiring manager. After the interview, I send the recruiter a quick email telling him how i did it. Overall, i think i did pretty ok. Other than the fact that I wasn't able to answer one question fully. He said he will send the hiring manager email and let me know. He didn't email or call me until the next day, so i followed up because Friday was bank holiday, and we are all off on that day. He said he's still hoping to hear something end of the day and let me know. But I heard nothing. so it's Monday morning now, I texted the HR recruiter again saying that i had some free time over the weekend, so i thought of coding the question i couldn't answer, I would like to email that to the Hiring manager along with a thank you note. I don't have his email address, so I asked the recruiter if he could give it to me, if not it's fine. I told him i will send the email to him so that he could forward it to the hiring manager. He told me to send it to him and he will forward it to the hiring manager. My application status is still under review online when i checked this morning. I'm just trying to find out, if they have decided not to move forward with my candidacy or what. I would be ok either way. but They are not telling me anything, so I'm staring to get anxious. I just want to get some closure even if it was a no.
  22. Today's my birthday and for some reason the person I want to hear most from is my ex. Things didn't end well and we both made mistakes. She lied repeatedly about hooking up with someone else during a "break" when we agreed not to see other people, manipulated me constantly, took way more than she gave, took advantage of my constant willingness to apologize and be there for her, etc. She left the relationship feeling like she had been more wronged than me because of how I "mistreated" her and freaked out about her hooking up with someone else, trying to forgive it but not being able to let it go. It still frustrates me beyond belief. She told me that it's my responsibility to come to her one day when I can "make things work" again, sort of leaving the door open. I deleted her on Facebook a few days ago and she was extremely upset, texting me that she found it childish and petty and that she still loved me and hadn't moved on. I eventually responded, saying that it was just about me being able to move on, that I knew I would continue wanting to hear from her on birthdays and holidays, worry about seeing pictures of her with someone else, etc. I told her that I have to accept that things are over forever and that I can't leave the door half-open like we did because of how it resulted in something awful last time. I followed up a few minutes later, saying that part of me will always love her and that I wish her the best. Four days ago and no response. Why do I still care at all?
  23. I’ve taken great help from the variety of posts on this website, and its comforting (in a sad way) to know that people have similar problems as my own. But would really like you thoughts / opinions on what to do next. The key thing to say is I love her, and I do want her back. Brief backstory, been with my “gf” for18months, and enjoyed some amazing times together. However, the past two months she became non-responsive and distant, and would say “im ok” when I’d try to talk about the reasons why. It came to ahead whilst on holiday and the general consensus was I had become too needy, planned my life around her and basically was suffocating her. She said I had become a non-entity to her, and all my social activities / hobbies had become based around her. Sadly in most part this was true. As I saw things going wrong, I tried extra hard to make it work, of which I now know pushed her further away. She worked most evenings, and all weekends, so I had to plan to see her, otherwise I wouldn’t. I’d go round hers at ungodly hours to stay round, even if I was up early for work. My response to this chat was one desperation, the “I will change”, “what do you want me to do”, and crying in front of her asking why don’t u want me. It was pathetic, embarrassing and I’m genuinely ashamed of my response. I know now that this was completely wrong – which justified our decision to break up, for both our sakes. In most case this would be “just a break” – but you’re either with someone or not. This was all 1 week ago, and this is where it gets confusing. She made it clear that she needed “time out”, and the physical aspect our relationship had gone. However, she continued to say how “im her rock” and “I wouldn’t know what I’d do without u”. Im tried NIC – but I get messages every morning like nothings happened, acting like a couple. I try to distance my responses to not act as needy, which seems to only make her more interested (oddly empowering). We have been out for dinner and got on great, had coffee and generally acted as couple minus psychical contact, with no awkwardness or uneasiness. Its in that regard Im giving her space. She’s suggested I accompany her to an event, which I politely declined. We get on brilliantly, and neither of us wants to go non-contact (even if EVERYONE I speak to is telling me to). I understand pulling away will make her realize what she’s losing, but Im not prepared to go cold turkey. We booked a weekend away for a mutual friends birthday (2 x 2 couples) as a surprise, in which we both intend to go. Its after this trip (2 weeks away) that ive set myself a deadline to see what to do next. I've also made small changes (all be it in a week), i've got back the to the Gym and have been learning to cook. Is she leading me on? Does she want her cake and eat it? Is she talking to me out of sympathy? Is she scared that if she doesn’t text me she’ll lose that safety net? What should I do guys? The end of the day, I want to be with this girl.
  24. Dear all, I'm very confused and would appreciate honest advice... I started working for somebody at work whom I had spoken to briefly before, when I wasn't working directly with him...first time I saw him about a year ago with colleagues he said I should come to his dept " for tea " Fast forward a year and I begin to work for him and he sent a compliment on my work to my boss which was really nice, I then happened to bump into him one day in the town and confided I wasn't that happy in my job, I'd like to do the type of work his team did and he told me about an opening for a position and joked I should take him for dinner...I laughed and then I did apply and he said we should celebrate if I got it and I said yes, we should and he laughed I began to email him a bit about the job and then he said he had come to look for me at work " to see my beautiful face ", he would do anything to make me happy etc and being really nice - and he began to phone me when I was working from home, flirting, calling me " naughty girl " etc - I one day said I might be able to come to his office and he said he'd rearrange his schedule, he replies to my emails instantly I heard nothing about the job, they didn't help me so then he said he would line something else up for me in his team...I then saw him at work again and he said ( and I agreed ) that we should just see what happens, this is in God's hands and he said I would need to train as otherwise he could get into trouble as I wasn't experienced, for hiring a " pretty young lady " I then left it and didn't contact him for about four days...I wanted to see what happened and by then I had a crush and was hoping he would contact me....only to find when I logged on this morning he has gone on holiday for the rest of this week and next I feel like I have offended him? Probably nothing to do with me though I guess and we are not dating so he doesn't need to tell me when he's on holiday, but I keep thinking I wasn't appreciative enough for his help though I did email and I said thank you to him What should I do? Just wait I guess....was I under obligation to do anything? It was also awkward to email or phone him as he is in a superior position to me and I didn't want him to think I was just using him to secure a job role, I would like to see him whether I got the job or not as I like him and I told him I liked him in a jokey way, saying I liked him but he was not God lol We both agree the right person comes into your life at the right time and believe in divine timing I am looking for someone spiritual, he was pleased to hear I believed in God like him - I am now anxious that he looked at my LinkedIn profile and found out I am in my forties, though he is certainly in his forties or older and I am not that young! There are issues though a) he is senior to me at work though we don't work directly together so must tread carefully b) we are of different cultures I was just surprised he'd gone off on holiday as normally he is pretty much a workaholic! He doesn't seem like the player type as he is pretty serious and deeply religious - I think he likes me but for some reason can hardly believe it, my self esteem was shattered for a while by an emotionally abusive relationship a few years ago I wanted to email again before he went on holiday but was unable to, it felt too scary to me in case I didn't get the response I wanted back and I feared losing dignity by aggressively pursuing him - instead I have been helping him out work wise to thank him, doing my work really superbly well for him, sneaky lol, he would still see my name but on emails about business! I guess I could see this as good because it gives me time to think about what to do and focus on me, it's easy for me to lose myself in these things and to get far too attached too quickly, another reason I'm glad I held back on the pursuing him Any advice would be good - many thanks thank you XXX
  25. What is going on with this guy? Please be gentle. Me and a guy at work seem to get on well, have done since I moved over to where I am. Once I have handed over my shift to him, we end up chatting for a while in between him doing his jobs and me getting ready to go home. There have been numerous times that I have picked up his eye contact with me, he gets quite close at times when we are also talking to a fellow colleague and he seems to face towards me a lot. I end up leaving a good hour after I have clocked out. We have text each other here and there about random stuff including work but he isn't always the quickest to reply. He seemed disappointed when I said I would move if the company we're at opened up somewhere close to my home. He knew I was angry with another manager a couple of months ago and sat with me and calmed me down. (Despite me putting a guard up making out I was ok, he saw through it) Recently something strange happened... I got a text from him a few weeks ago apologising for seeming awkward in our staff room before I left and he thought I felt uncomfortable, because as I looked up from what I was doing, he was eyeing me up. I honestly didn't pick up that he was staring/ eyeing me up. I was shocked as to where this came from, didn't think he saw me as anything but a friend.Anyway I text him back and we became quite flirty, lasting right into the early hours. I did ask him where this came from and within the conversation he said that we do get on, just didn't realise. When we next saw each other it was clear he wanted to talk to me in private but our staff kept following him like a lost puppy dog. Eventually he waited with me until the staff left. We spoke about the flirting and he said 'see where this goes' within the conversation and he hugged me.He messaged me again later on that day. The next day he seemed off with me when I text him and I didn't think I would hear from him again until I saw him at work next( I've been on holiday ) How wrong I was, he asked if I was still in the UK a couple of days later and askex if I was excited. Last Friday we were texting back and forth for hours, ( even though I was a tad piddled and almost admitted how I am feeling but said I didn't want to scare him off) he even said he'd speak soon after saying night. He wanted to know who I had gone on holiday with. I asked him if he fancied going for coffee at some point and he said he wasn't sure when but possibly and would let me know when he is free. It seems that one minute he's all interested, then has a change of heart. I would tell him how I feel but it could make things awkward and I've been knocked back/ embarrassed by admitting to a guy in the past how I feel, don't want to go through that again.So what is going on here?
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