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  1. I've thought my husband has cheated before in our marriage.I knew I caught them in a compromising situation, but did not catch them in the act. They both lied about what had happened for 2 years. Then my husband contracted an STD. By lying I got my sister to tell the truth. My husband denied until he found out I had talked to my sister. He finally admitted it. His reason for lying was to save our marriage. How do you save a marriage where you know he cheated one but believes he's been cheating for years? I've been married for 13 years and can't imagine him not in my life. But I can't imagine ever trusting him again either. We're currently separated and I'm not sure what I should do. Please help.
  2. I have the most wonderful boyfriend in the world - the two of us have so much in common and are uncannilly linked in so many ways - however, we have this one nagging problem... When I first met him he told me about how he used to watch porn all the time which I figured was something all guys do from everything I've ever read on the subject. Not soon after we met and started being boyfriend/girlfriend did I notice something odd happening. First of all he lives in Canada, and I in the US, so when we aren't together we have "sex" on the webcam. Basically we masturbate for each other and it is a lot of fun and makes me feel better as I'm sure it does him. However, after we had been together for a few months, the frequency of these video escapades started to drop off. In the beginning it was every night or every other night, then it was more like every two-four nights. Now, from what he's told me time and again about the frequency of his desires, he needs to *take care of business* in some form or another every other day at least. If he's not doing this with me the only thing I can think is he's pleasuring himself to porn like the old days. He gets very upset and very defensive when I bring this up saying he never does that, that he saves himself for me. He basically turns the tables and starts blaming me for being untrusting. He says he doesn't do stuff by himself because he wouldn't want to "ruin things with us" by doing things on his own and then not being able to with me. I think this would be a very nice gesture, if it were really true. He also claims to have low testosterone levels even though he's never had them checked, and thinks he has some sort of erectile dysfunction stemming from stress or whatnot. He is perfectly healthy, and how much stress could someone like him have? He basically has no responsibilities, financial or otherwise! Please help me, I don't know what to do here. He will never admit looking at porn even if he did it all day long - I know this because I know how he is. I can't stand the fact that he may be lying to me. We want to get married someday in the not too distant future and I don't want a lying or maybe even *god forbid* cheating boyfriend grrrr. The guy I was with before him cheated on me numerous times with cyber sex relationships. If anyone has any advice or experience I'm all ears. - Frustrated in New York
  3. I am in the middle of a divorce (that my wife wanted). At first everything was my fault and I started to believe some of it until I found out there was someone else involved with her. At first she denied it and said they were just “good friends” and then I had proof of all the texting going on between the two and she couldn’t deny it anymore. She still said “he’s not the reason I’m leaving” “don’t tell anyone about this”. Typical cheater stuff. We’ve been together 11 years, married for 5. Both of us are 30 years old and we’ve known each other since elementary school. She had only known this guy for about 3 months before she moved out. (Yes never met him before in her life). I got the “I’ve been unhappy for awhile, he understands me, I’ve never felt this way before and the I love you but not in love with you”. I’m not perfect by any means but I didn’t do anything for a divorce. All of our family (mine and hers) are on my side other than her sister in law who she’s living with now and who’s a big part of the problem. I exposed her affair and now she’s mad at me of course but still denies that’s why she’s leaving. BTW she’s already thinking marriage with this guy. Anyway my question is, how often will affairs last typically? Anyone had an affair before and been through something similar and realized it wasn’t what they thought? Thanks
  4. Ok so long story short.Ive done a couple of medium length jail bids since late 2014.Specifically Nov. 2014-Feb 2015,Aug. 2015-May 2016,June 2016 July 2016-July 2016,September 2016-Feb. 2017,and Aug.2018-Oct.2018I know it seems like allot but most of them were for stupid probation violations for dirty urines and things like that. I've been with my wife since I was 12 yr old I'm now 25 she's 27 and we have 3 daughters together. Pretty much every time I left I gave her an out and told her she could leave if she wanted, especially before the Sept 2016-Feb 2017 bid. I begged her to leave me before she cheats because I just found out before that she cheated when I was away for 3 weeks during June 2016. Every time she told me no I love you I'll Never leave you I dont care if you had life your my world and all of that good stuff.I Never really found anything crazy out until I came home July 2016 after 3 weeks when I seen a guy blocked on her Facebook that I knew but didn't think she even knew he existed. I asked her. She said he wouldn't leave her alone while I was away so she blocked him out of respect for me. Well I confronted the kid for coming at my wife after beIN turned down multiple times.turne out I was wrong. 2 days after I left she started liking all his pictures,he noticed so he messaged her. 2 weeks later she's having sex with him on my couch in my living room,on the eve of Father's day also,and my kids woke up to a strange man in mommy's bed on what was supposed to be Father's day. I forgave her for it. So that's why I stressed for her to leave mre when I went back in Sept cuz I didn't want to feel that pain again. She assured me things would be fine. Fast forward I come home. Thing are great for about 6 months until I notice a number texting her phone every day multiple times and she didn't reply.long story short it was a male nurse she worked with at her hospital and according to our cell phone records. She started texting him 3 days after I left and it never stopped until the day before I got released. They both deny any physical contact outside of a few kisses before leaving work. They said their schedules jus didn't match up and never got together. So I went on her google account history and I found searches like "why are male nurses always so.horny", "best way to give a blowjob",and "something sexually dirty to say to someone". And "porn" now I had no idea that my wife would ever watch porn everytime she found porn on my browser history she called me back pervert and scum an while I was gone she was looking It up a few times a week.i jus don't understand why it feels like I don even know this girl who is Makin these searches.domt get me wrong we really do have great sex but she's never went that above and beyond to make sure that its great.Now all that is this. My wife is not what I consider an overly sexual person. She doesn't shoot me sexy texts during the day she doesn't rlly talk about sex in an excplicit manner or anything like that. She gives me head but she let's it known she dont like to do it and I almost always have to do something to her first to get her revved up to want to do it. And lastly never in our long relationship have we sexted each other. I may have gotten a handful of naked photos through the years but I've had to ask for every single one. She's never texted me saying what she wants to do to me or me to her or anything like that. Then why would she step out of her comfort zone for him. Even tho we been together since kids we both have had multiple other partners through high school and the blowjob search really hit my heart because it took a long time to get her to do that to me on a regular basis. It feels more intimate to me than sex and she doesn't jus go around blowing anybody. But the betrayal comes from how she knows I would feel if I found out she gave. Him a blowjob. That would hurt worse than sex. And mostly everyone including her and my own family say that I deserved it all and I did it to myself an all that. Is that true? Do I deserve it? Or did she cross the line after she vowed to stay faithful just weeks after being caught unfaithful before. Then the last time I went away from Aug 2018 to Oct 2018 I found out that she went to the bar drinking almost every weekend I was gone which wouldn't be a problem but she didn't tell me while I was gone. And I haven't been out to the bar with my wife in years. It seem like she only goes out when I'm not home. Like when I leave she is a whole different person.i left august 14 she was at the bar till 4 in the morning by the 18th. Am I crazy or is she taking the freedom a little too far. I'd like to go out an have fun with her. But I have no choice but to think she dont take me out because she cant do what she usually does when she out if I'm there. It just hurts. I have a drug problem I'm not just some criminal. And I've always been faithful to her and love her so much. I jus want her to do the same. But going and pretty much fishing to cheat 2-3 days after I leave is a little much. Please give me some help or advice. I have no friends or family to go to and this eats me up inside.
  5. Hello everyone, This problem has come up in my relationship in the past, but just recently, it has happened again. Back in January or December, my boyfriend would fall asleep on the couch every night. Come to find out, he was talking to girls on instant messengers and saying that I MADE him sleep on the couch, which is totally false. I have never once told him to sleep on the couch. If anything, I beg him to come and sleep with me and he always says "I'll be in there in a little bit." Every morning I wake up with no one beside me... Not last night, but the night before last, I had just laid down and heard him talking to someone (he has no cell phone so it got me really curious). I stood by the door and listened for a little bit and heard a girl's voice coming through my computer's speakers. I waited a few minutes and he came through the bedroom door and saw me standing there and just smiled. I said "Who are you talking to?" He smiles again and says someone. I've not smiled once. And I said again, "Who are you talking to?" He smiles yet again and says "Makayla, she asked me to Skype with her." This girl I do not like in particular, and he knows that. We broke up back in April because I found a bunch of messages between him and another girl with very inappropriate things in it. As a summary, she basically asked him if he would cheat on me for her and he said yes. But anyway, back to Makayla. When we got back together and he came back home with me, he got a text from her that said "Who are you in a relationship with?" And he said "Sara." She then responded and said "Have fun with her cheating on you." This girl has never even met me and she is judging me in the most offensive way possible. So when he said that's who he was talking to, I naturally got very upset and said "Well, it's nice to know that you still talk to her even though she said some bad things about me." He then proceeded to roll his eyes and walk out of the room. I went to sleep very angry and, of course, woke up with no on next to me. Yesterday morning, I checked the browsing history on the computer to see what else he possibly did after I went to bed. (Just as a sidenote, I want to state that I don't snoop and go through stuff unless I'm given a reason not to trust him). I saw where he had searched on Skype's FAQ's to find out how to erase conversations. This, of course, concerned me and I asked him about it when he woke up. He said he was doing it for his old account because he said some mean things about me when we were broken up. I reluctantly accepted his explanation and the rest of the day went fine. I went to bed and said, "Please just come to bed when you get tired." He kissed me and said "I promise I'm not far behind you." Again, I woke up alone this morning. I got on the computer and looked to see what he had been up to, because the only reason I can think of that he would prefer to sleep on the couch than in our king sized pillow top bed is because he's doing things he knows he shouldn't and doesn't want me to find out. Anyway, Skype was pulled up and Makayla's name was highlighted. I then proceeded to check his Facebook and sure enough, there was a message from her saying "Skype me." I then went to check the history again and saw that he had deleted the history from this ENTIRE WEEK. This is extremely disturbing to me. I really want things to work out with him, but I don't know if I should just give up. Does him sleeping on the couch and Skyping with girls and deleting history out of the browser indicate that he may be being unfaithful in some way? Please voice your opinions. Don't be afraid to be honest. I need all the help I can get. Thanks.
  6. Let's take a look at the other side of "the affair", the circumstances that lead up to it and the affects on the one who cheated. After many years of marriage ups and downs my husband and I find ourselves focused more on friends, family, work rather than each other. We both faced some personal struggles (death of a sibling, job demotion, empty nesting). A job demotion affected his self confidence so he spends more and more time at work, 12-14 hour days, continues to develop bad eating habits and puts on weight. Overweight leads to heavy snoring. Night after night I find myself heading to the spare bedroom so I can sleep. He refuses to leave the bed... his snoring is my problem. He has no interest in working out with me and after eating a healthy dinner I prepared (around 9:00 pm) he eats snacks until bedtime. I focus more on my job, begin earning a lot more money which only seems to threaten him. I developed a friendship with a man I contracted with on some business dealings. This involved meetings, follow up phone calls, etc. Over a couple years we began sharing more about our personal lives. After 3 years on no sex with my husband (we both just stopped initiating it) I became physically involved with this other man. He too was married no intimacy with his wife, slept in separate beds, etc. After a year into the affair my husband received an anonymous letter. He did not tell me. Instead he placed a recording device in my car and hired a PI. I didn't know about the recording device but I immediately knew about the PI (who never was able to obtain proof). Tensions are building in the house so I confront my husband about the tracking device I found in my trunk. He told me about the letter... he was confused and devastated. I admitted to a relationship but I denied any physical involvement and agreed to seek counseling. We met with a counselor together the first time. We determined very quickly that I was still holding on to resentment for an affair that my husband had very early in the marriage but never admitted to it. There's actually a name for that ... Zegiarnik affect. Then we were asked to meet individually. I was still denying any physical involvement. My friend and I had already agreed to end the relationship. It's never quite the same in broad daylight. I certainly didn't want my family, friends, colleagues to learn about and had no intentions of ending my marriage. Prior to my individual meeting my husband had retrieved the recording devices from my car and heard enough conversation that confirmed there was indeed a physical relationship but also that it was over. He shared that with the therapist unbeknownst to me. I meet with the therapist and still denied the physical affair and then we met again as a couple. It wasn't until after my third visit with the therapist that I was informed that they both knew I was lying. So during this 3 weeks period, I'm some how expected to be all in in the bedroom after 3 years of no affection and that's going to fix it all. I learn my husband and therapist were fine with humiliating me. I'm forbiddened to ever speak or engage in any more business with my friend and to avoid all situations where our paths may cross. Which basically meant I was forced to isolate myself from pretty much everyone I associated with in my field. No group business luncheons, after hour socials, office events. I even passed on a mutual friend's engagement party to comply with my husbands needs to help us through this. My husband did make changes in his work/home life balance and took control over his health and our marriage has improved over the last year. So here's the other side... no one ever asked me how I was doing with the loss of a friend and lover. How I'm coping with the isolation which has turned into loneliness. Seems the one who cheats is expected to bear the hurt and guilt for all people involved. To simply flip a switch and "poof" all feelings for the other person evaporate into thin air.
  7. Just wanted to share my story and get some insight from people here. My bf and I had to break up because of his family's disapproval. Unlike most other stories, the disapproval was not really personal to me. We had been dating many months now, and he's honestly the most compatible partner I have ever met in my life. We align in almost every single way, and in just the first few months, we had reached the sort of levels people usually reach after a year or 2. I've had several relationships in the past, but none of my other exes even come close in terms of compatibility and the love I felt for him. The family's disapproval stems from the fact that he had been cheated on in his past relationships, and they feel he isn't ready for a relationship, nor trust his judgment of character and anyone he meets. He's in his mid-20s mind you (I'm a little older), and very much an adult who should be able to make his own decisions about his life. But they objected so strongly to the fact that he's in a relationship they think he isn't ready for, that they threatened to disown him. Now his family isn't the greatest, they're stubborn and judgmental and have never been a tight nor supportive family unit. They usually don't give a crap about each other's lives, but this one time, they all decided to meddle. He doesn't live with the family btw, but very near to his bro. His bro came around when I was over one day, and he decided to tell the bro he was in a serious relationship and that's when the whole drama started and all other family members were brought in. It honestly pissed me off because they didn't even give us a chance. Not even a chance to try to get to know me before they decided. And the irony of it all is, I have a very strong stance on cheating and unfaithfulness, and I would never even think about cheating on him. He didn't have the mental strength to fight them, because the fear of getting disowned and not having family constantly got to him. Even if they were a crappy family, they were still his family. It did upset me and broke my heart that he didn't fight for even a chance with me, but at the same time, I understand how scary it can be when the threat of being disowned looms over the relationship. We've since decided to stay friends and still talk every day, just without the lovey dovey stuff, but it's been difficult when feelings are so strong. This was the only strategy we could think of to even have a chance of being together in the future. And it's only a chance since we don't know if the family will ever let him live his own life or allow us to get back together. It's only been a few days but I've been bouncing between heartache and apathy. It's not easy for him either, because he does want to be with me and if not for this, we would still be very happy together. I just hate that it's become so uncertain... will we ever be together again, and if not, will I ever meet or love another person so compatible with me? We've decided to wait it out together, as friends, and hope we can eventually be together again. But there seems to be no end in sight at the moment. If anyone has any similar stories to share, and how you coped, or any insight into this, feel free to share.
  8. I am very conflicted. My bestfriend’s boyfriend, who happens to be my very close friend, has been doing sketchy things behind her back. He doesn’t know I know. But he’s been asking many people of our friend group to have sex with him. He even asked some people if he could have treesomes with them (him, and two other friends of his gf)! He even has resorted to caress their legs and such in public while he’s with my bestfriend(his girlfriend). What do i dooooooo? Fyi, everyone he’s approached with this is close friends with his girlfriend, wayy before they knew him. Idk what to do. Because i feel like it’s cheating but its not technically cheating. Me telling would cause me to lose everyone in my life right now. Should I continue to not say anything about what he’s been doing or whaat?
  9. Just found out my ex cheated on me. We broke up 1 year ago and now the grief is back. How do I approach this.
  10. I cant stop obssesing about my partner staying in touch with an old lover. He has been secretive about it and I've snooped his phone. He knows. I feel bad about it too but proves my fears. I wake up anxious at night. Is our relationship ruined? We have been seeing eachother for more than 2 years, we had a miscarriage right at the beginning of the relationship, the pregnancy was unplanned.. ive gotten over it and we have understood we shouldn't put ourselves in that scenario if things are so shaky. He's fantasized about having 2 partners and even though I thought i could deal with at the beginning, I realized im emotionally uncapable. I told him I couldnt and wouldnt do it. I have too many insecurity issues and I distrust my partner. He's stayed with other people in touch he was involved and says he doesn't want to be told what to do. But that he wouldn't cheat on me. He says he's not fully happy about us. Ive become quite controlling and passive aggressive and I dislike myself for it. Im trying to work on it. We've said we would try it over and over again but the fact is, i don't trust him. I have never trusted anyone in my life before as I have been hurt many times already. Weve been meditating together and say we will be sincere to each other. I want to set my boundaries and Im trying but I feel like it may be too late. We've gotten to the point in which he's supposed to move to another country with me and I believe he might end up cheating me with someone who lives there from his past. I've been seeing psychologists, Ive been meditating, trying to set myself goals and always end up in a rabbit hole of self pity and anxiety about him not respecting our relationship and setting boundaries with other women. I know all the theoretical stuff about how I should be behaving..., ask myself what kind of relationship do I want and try to work towards that but sometimes it feel like its not enough. Sometimes I feel like Ive compromised too much and weve lost respect of eachother. How do you change something like that? Were both in our late 20s beginning 30s and he wouldnt want to see a therapist together. He doesnt want it. I feel that if we dont figure out our stuff itll just keep on happening in other relationships... am I lying to myself? Also, I know snooping isnt cool, but why is there distrust? its a reaction. Also at the same time I wouldnt have a problem with him going through my stuff because I simply have nothing to hide. I feel like I wanna have that kind of closeness. He absolutely KNOWS I wouldnt do that, in a way I feel that might be the problem. I even moved countries for him and I just feel like in a way I dont even know if he will actually move countries for ME next year. I just have so much distrust. I guess I just need some perspective. Im supposed to leave for 1 or 2 months back to my home country for a while. Very uneasy about what thatll mean... how to let go and just let things unfold without feeling like Im forcing so much?
  11. I’ve been with my partner for 1.5yrs and recently found out that he had an affair in his previous marriage, which ultimately ended his marriage and they are now divorced. People make mistakes, people do the wrong things when they are not happy and stressed. So I’m not judging him. He seems very remorseful and embarrassed about his actions. My only issue is that the women he had an affair with he’s still in constant contact, they text everyday. When I first found out I was a little upset and told him that I don’t feel comfortable with him communicating with her and would appreciate if he lets her know that he’s met someone and they can’t communicate anymore (I don’t want him to go completely cold on her but explain what’s going on). It’s been a month and he hasn’t said anything to me so I brought it up. He said hasn’t told her yet, he’s trying to find the words as he doesn’t like upsetting people. I don’t know how I should feel. I personally don’t think it’s healthy for him as he’s still holding onto the past. I’m really don’t know if I’m even allowed to ask him of such actions as he didn’t cheat on me. But I also feel a little sad as he seems he cares more about her feelings than mine. It’s been 4 years since the affair and I know she’s going through her divorce now. I’ve asked him if he still has feelings for her and he said absolutely none at all, he keeps texting her everyday. I would love to hear some advice on the matter. Thanks.
  12. I`ve been with her for many years and we live together. In the beginning of our story, we used to have sex almost every time we met. I was in a bliss. Everything however started turning worse month by month, year by year.. She started wanting less and less sex, while my sex drive stayed the same. I wanted her every day, just like in the beginning, and could not understand what happened within her. Slowly this started to escalate into a number of issues for us, while everything else was still great, actually even better as our love had grown to something worth staying despite of everything. I have witnessed this same horrible, unlogical and most of all sad evolution of sexual desire in the woman I`m in a long term relationship with earlier in my life, two times. Everything goes on exactly the same way, every time, no matter how good a man I try to be. I don`t understand why it happens. Some say it`s inevitable course of nature, some say it ain`t. I belong to the group who thinks it definitely should not be so, and life like that is not worth living. I can`t understand people who choose a life where joy of sex is slowly forgotten. I acknowledged this risk before I decided to move in together with her because of my experience in life, and made sure she had the same sexual appetite as I did. We discussed this many times, and I told her that the relationship I can happily live in maintains the sex drive just as it`s for us now, at this very moment. I made sure she realized, that I have gone through pain in my previous relationships because of what happened to my partners sex drives, and don`t want to waste time if she loses her drive after 1-2 years or something like that. She convinced me that it can`t happen, because I`m everything she wants, and she likes sex. She is a very intelligent woman, and I know she processed this through before moving in with me, I`m certain of it. How could she not know herself better? I know myself as a human being, and what I can maintain in long run and what I can`t. I know what in my behaviour is based on initial attraction, and what is something I want to develop in the long run. I had very high hopes in our future, I thought this time everything would be different. I made sure I treated her with respect in every situation, I did atleast 50% of the household chores every week, I never let her be a housekeeper of any sort, I took care of our closeness on other levels as well, I had long discussions with her, took her to nice dates all the time up to this day, I made sure I did nothing that I had previously learned that could cause issues. We also used to do lots of kinky stuff, and now she only wants to have sex exactly same way every time, and refuses most of the special stuff we once enjoyed. When I confront her about all of this, the only two explanations she can give me are: - She does not perceive herself beautiful. - She does not think about sex, like none. Sex or sexuality has no place in her daily thoughts. These are facts for her, because I have confronted her many times and the explanations have stayed the same throughout the years. I can`t understand either of them. She is a beautiful woman, and she looks just the same as she did when we met. Every time we go out, I can see people looking at her, and she even gets pick up attempts regularly. That is not a good thing in my mind of course, but she is loyal and I think that kind of stuff should only keep her confidence high. The fact that sex has no place in her daily thoughts is just... wow. This is not the same woman I met. Something has definitely changed, but neither of us seems to know what. I have done a thorough research about her situation by asking certain questions also while we are not discussing this issue, and I`m positive she is not attracted to anyone else. She can`t name a single thing she would be missing in her life. She wants to be with me forever. She is not hiding anything. She feels like she can be her true self with me. There is no explanation. I`m just broken by this situation. I love her way more than I love sex, if I had to choose I would stick with her and never have sex again but then again I would most likely end myself at some point because of the depression caused by it. Still, I would not leave her. I love her so much. I know she loves me also, because she would not be with me anymore if she didn`t, this issue has raised so much hell for us.. It breaks me down when I approach her as gently as I can, trying to get her into the mood and she just kisses me quickly 1-3 times then turns away. Every time hurts more than previous, even though the amount of times this has happened is enormous. We still have sex though, but 10 times less than in the beginning, which was the amount of sex I want in my life. I also need the kinky stuff, it`s the salt for me. It has been ages since the last time she wanted stuff like that.. I don`t even remember how it felt anymore. Due to the constant distress I have been put by this situation, I have made a fool out of myself a great number of times. Unfortunately infront of her friends and family as well, as we have spent many alcohol infused nights together with everyone. I have no words to describe how bad it makes me feel. I have never been a jealous type of person, but this has just gone too far for me. Everytime I participate in a discussion where some other man gets to experience the kind of sex life I`m after, I can just feel the pressure exploding inside of me shouting out loud: Why am I treated so bad in my sexlife? This makes me say all kinds of idiotic sentences, no matter who is around.. And I just can`t help it. I tried a therapist two times because of the anger and frustration I felt, but it didn`t seem to go anywhere and I felt like I wasn`t understood. I have never cheated in my life, but as time goes by I`m beginning to lose the explanation for my loyalty. Back in days I used to be proud to be loyal and honest in a world where most people seem to cheat, but now I just feel like a fool doing so. I don`t know why I`m loyal anymore. I just wish there would be an answer to all of this, a right path to walk towards the kind of relationship I dream about, but I just can`t see it any better than I can see to the other side of our planet with naked eyes. Reaching it seems as impossible as escaping gravity without an engine of some kind. I have lost my reason to live.
  13. My husband and I have been together 2 1/2 years, we have a beautiful daughter together! I recently caught him pegging himself in our bathroom, which wasn't so surprising to me as he did tell me he did that when we started dating! anyways recently we been getting into arguments because I was being the bread winner when he was making mire money than I was! found out he was doing drugs and that did not sit well with me, we have a 18 month old daughter, and I have 2 boys from my previous marriage! He started segregating himself and locking himself away in the garage/mancave! I started getting suspicious and went through his phone, there were tonnes of gay porn, tranny porns on his devices! there was also gay apps to which he was trying to get hook ups with men! he told them he was a closeted bi looking tor FWB & PNP! I confronted him and he says he has never been with any other than me and that he would never cheat on me! technically he cheated when he started putting himself out there
  14. Hi I feel in such a dark place right now about a week ago me and my boyfriend split up, we had been together for 2 years and there had been a lot of ups and downs if I'm being honest mostly downs he cheated very early on and then he lied about texting another girl so there were serious trust issues but I'd never experienced a loving relationship before and I knew he loved me so we had a fresh start put everything behind us he was honest with me but other things happened when he moved in he got lazy I did everything i mean everything paid for everything but instead of talking about it I bottled it up and then I just exploded called him every name under the sun and told him to leave and that it was over, we haven't spoken but I miss him I miss being loved by him I just cant believe it's over and I'm finding it hard to function everything feels hard and exhausting I dont understand why I know it was for the best I'm trying not to think about just the good times but I miss him so much even though I dont think he was the right person for me but I'm scared I'll never feel that way again and its just devastated me
  15. Will you trust someone after they cheat on you ? Or will you always doubt ?
  16. So here is some context, currently we are dealing with the COVID-19 situation and because of this I hadn't seen my boyfriend for over a month. Weve been together for two years and overall things have been great. I can admit I do have trust issues based on previous relationships and things from my past and that's a problem I am trying to work on. However he's never really given me a reason to 100 percent not trust him. Yes, he does have a lot of girl friends and it does kind of make me uncomfortable but at the end of the day I cant and don't want to control him. Sometimes though I do get very insecure and I hate to admit it but I have looked through his phone before, only twice in the two years we've been together because I always feel awful doing it. But sometimes a feeling of burning curiosity comes over me and i just do it, mostly as confirmation that he hasn't done anything because for the most part I don't really think he is the cheating type. Well, just this week I was able to see him again after so long (well long to us, the most we've gone without seeing each other was like a week and a half) and that was really wonderful. However during the time apart I was worried of a distance forming between us because as time went on it felt like he didn't really want to talk to me as much and i don't know he just seemed distant. and i got a little insecure because what if the physical distance made him lose interest or something? i don't know but something felt a little off for me. Yesterday he spent the night at my house and we were hanging out today just relaxing. Well he fell alseep in the livingroom, his phone was in my room charging, and due to me having such an odd feeling about what was going on when we couldn't be together i went on his phone. I wasn't expecting to find anything as always, however this time I did. It was on his snapchat, there was a girl he was messaging and no shame to any kind of sex workers but she was a girl who clearly sold pictures of herself and I'm sure you can fill in the rest. what made me notice it was that her username said "[her name] ($ for nudes)", so obviously I was like what the..? The chat was only him messeging over a span of a few weeks, she seemed to be ignoring him or something. It was just messages like "oh i found your snap through a group chat you looked amazing" and "i can see your reading my messages why arent you responding" and such. it just seemed very fishy so i confronted him about it and was like what is this, who is this, what were you trying to do. and all the while he wasn't responding, just shaking his head no. I asked him why he wouldn't explain what was going on and eventually he said I'm not going to explain something that didn't involve anything wrong. I just wanted to know what his intentions were with her and what was up. he ended up getting really mad at me and said he didn't even want to look at me. so he left to go home. I don't know if I did something wrong because he got so angry (which he never really does, i was shocked when he said he didn't want to be around me) or what going on. I just don't understand because he was the one who had sketchy stuff going on, if it wasn't sketchy or wasn't what it looked like then why couldnt he just explain it? I know he didnt cheat but a boundary was definitely crossed and it is very hurtful. Because he knows without a shadow of a doubt that doing that kind of stuff is a no-no in our relationship. I let a lot slide, but that is something I am not comfortable with. So the fact that he would do that anyway just makes me feel like he doesn't value my feelings. I don't really know what to think, so thoughts?
  17. My best friend who is married, has told me about his affairs In details.We talk about any and everything, so he is comfortable telling me these things.I don’t agree with his actions, and have told him what he does is wrong and maybe he need professional help. Recently he stopped talking to me. He went on a trip with one of his male friend and a woman that he has been having an affair with. He had only told me about going with the guy, he never mention the female. After he got back from his trip I called and text multiple times but he never respond to my text nor call me back. Few weeks later I ran into him, he acted strange and didn’t say much. He then later text asking “why did you do it?” I was Clueless, so I asked what he was talking about. He accused me of pretending not to know. About a week ago I found out he accidentally exposed a woman in his room to his wife on video call while on his trip. And that the wife then got details about his affair with the woman. And confronted him after he got home. All of this I didn’t even knew happen. But somehow now my friend thinks that I am the person who told on him. He is the type of person who sometimes don’t take accountability for things but rather look to blame others. I don’t think of him as the one who has gotten betrayed, his wife is the betrayed one. Whatever my feelings are about his actions, I did not told on him, as messed up of a person that he is for all his cheating he also have good ways and we've been friends for a very long time ,we both have been there for each other in some very tough times. It bothers me that he would think I told on him after He confided those things to me. We have a mutual acquaintance who had over heard me talking to him on phone about some of his behavior she later question me about what she heard but I didn’t give any info to her.. I sometimes wonder if it could be her that went to his wife. As well a few people also know of his affair. But I’m the only person who has spoke up to him in the past and let him know he needs to stop. He has now cut communication With me. It’s sad that our friendship is ending this way. I want him to know I did not out him. Any advice on how to go about convincing him is appreciated.
  18. I am just wondering is it cheating if I was seeing this girl for 7 weeks before my J1 in Santa Monica. I told her I wouldn't get with anyone but we weren't in a official relationship. While over there I slept with one girl towards the end.?
  19. Ive been with my husband for 12 yrs, married for 9 months and we have a 3 month old baby. I've had a traumatic birth and have been diagnosed with postnatal depression. I know I haven't been easy to deal with since I gave birth, lots of mood swings and have let myself go. Today my husband left his phone in the kitchen so I decided to just look up some stuff on it (which I always do and he doesn't mind as I only usually just use his Facebook and look at photos) I stumbled upon a note pad and saw something he wrote on it last week which caught my attention. It prettt much says he's going to be fit and healthy and will f***k other chicks and that he'll be making a hit list of girls he's going to sleep with. He's already got someone on the list and it's an old friend of his. I don't know what to do or what to make of it. I'm really upset and trying really hard not to breakdown. What should I do?
  20. Hello. I am 18 and I just had a baby in September. My boyfriend and I were very shocked but I told him multiple times after finding out about our daughter that he didn’t have to stay and i would not file for child support but he still stayed. About 5 months pregnant and he cheated on me. Now I didn’t find out until a couple weeks before giving birth, and I didn’t even find out from him I found out from a friend who kept it from me as well. I had no time for myself to deal with this emotionally or mentally so I pushed it deep down and tried to forget about it, even though that never worked. Now that our daughter is 4 months old I finally have more time for myself and I want to heal. Me and him are still together. We talked about a lot after I found out about him cheating, I found out more that he would think of having sex with other girls, and that he just wasn’t as emotionally committed as I thought he was. It’s like I was running the relationship all by myself. But now that things are better and we’re more “honest” I just can’t seem to trust his word. I need help. What do you think of the situation please give me advice how do I heal from this.
  21. This is more of rant/acceptance of my relationship situation. I been in a toxic relationship for a while, and I was kind of aware of it, but too stubborn and afraid to walk out of it. I (F, 30s) been married for 5 years, this was the first serious relationship I had and we have known each other for a long time. The mistake was I went into this marriage without really knowing what I want, I did it because of love. I have childhood trauma, a bit of low self esteem and an introvert, but I didn't want any of those to impact me. I'm generally a positive person, I guess that's what attracted my husband to me, that I was laid back and deeply care about others. My husband was an affectionate person, has a good heart when it comes to others. But he suffers from extreme low self esteem, even self hatred sometimes. And he's very vulnerable to other toxic people, alot of times he takes pity and go out of his way for them but they end up taking advantage of it. I been his support for alot of things, I wanted him to be happy. But we do have our differences, like I care about finance and planning for the future, he prioritize happiness at the moment. As the years go by, certain problems created tension in our relationship, like his financial support towards his sudden dependent family members in another county, his drinking problems, stress from his work, my lack of intimacy, etc. There were many times I wanted out, because there were abuse. I always tried to be the bigger person, hoping that whatever happens, we'll both be in the best situation in the end. When he was at the low points of his life, I couldn't abandon him, and that created many unhealthy patterns. He doesn’t really have anyone close for emotional support. I’m trying to work more on myself now, and taking care of myself. We’re both very busy, his work hours can be long and his boss can be very unreasonable, but he held onto that job anyways because it pays decent. Besides my work, I also study for the CPA, so that’s my priority. I know when it comes to intimacy, I can be lacking, because I have to feel very comfortable. I also blamed it a bit on his general lack of self care, he had put on a lot of weight, he doesn’t dress nicely anymore, he always says he doesn’t have time. He has a trip coming up to visit his family in his home country for 2 weeks and will be leaving in the next few days. Last week I stumbled across some chat logs with random strangers he forgot to close, it was in his native language, but I was able to figure out he might have intentions to cheat on me when he gets there. I didn’t confront him immediately, because I wanted to know for sure. The next day he was talking to someone in Skype very late in the night. When I asked, he said he was talking to his mom planning for the trip, my ears being sharp the person on the other did not sound like her. The next day I asked again, he said he was talking to his sister. I was able to guess his password into his Skype and started logging evidence. He was also using a webcam service, paying people for private shows, again I was able to hack it and see the activities and how much he might be spending. It really breaks my heart he’s doing this behind my back instead of really trying to address the issue. Honestly some of the chats were just sad, he was asking one of them if she wants to be his wife and that he’s thinking of leaving me because there is no intimacy, I don’t know if he was being serious or not because she was in a different country. He got shut down of course. I do plan to speak to a therapist because I know I need it, and find a temporary place to stay while he’s gone. I want to confront him when he comes back, and for us to both go to therapy. But ultimately I don’t think this marriage is salvageable, and I have to have the courage to ask for a divorce.
  22. Ok so I met this girl on kik. We started off as friends and we just clicked so well. I felt she was perfect in so many ways. She was extremely beautiful and treated me the best I’ve ever felt. I met her back in March a few months after ending my relationship of 10 years due to the fact I was cheated on. Fast forward 2 months later and I meet maya. I wasn’t looking for anything but just couldn’t control myself with her we had so much in common and she had very similar values to me with loyalty and honesty being her top things. I have to mention she is from Norway and I’m from America. I knew that and continued to talk to her as a friend at the start but then like a month later she wanted to take it further. She never pushed for it but I could tell. She would send me pics all the time on snap and give me a ton of attention so the moment I asked if she wanted to be together she said yes. Now over these last 8 months she treated me so good. She gave me a good amount of attention and she always made time for me. I was very open with her about my past relationship and told her I was verbally abuvisue and it wasn’t a good relationship I told her everything about me and she still loved me and wanted me. When I met maya I had gone through counseling and I came out back to the man I used to be. She would talk about her ex saying how she hates him and that he would physically abuse her and was verbally abuisve as well. She would always refer to him as the ex though. She told me he whole only see his kids on the weekend. She told me she hates Exs and anytime I brought up and experience with mine she would get so mad. She told me so many things about her she talked to me about our future she told me she wanted to get married to me and that no man has ever made her feel like I do and that she wants to have more kids with me. She would say things like she doesn’t know what she would do if she lost me and that she can’t wait for me to be a father figure to her girls. Now Norway is 7 hours ahead of America and we would always seem to talk at 12am my time which would be 7am her time while she was getting the girls ready and before she had to go into work at 10am. We talked basically everyday at that time on the phone and would text through the the day. As we got farther and farther into the relationship I felt something was off like maybe she was cheating on me. My ex really messed me up when she cheated on me so i was extremely worried here. No one had ever made me feel the way she did. I was the same for her. She told me how her ex treated her and all the things he did and it reminded me of my old self besides the physical abuse and cheating. We shared so much together she told me about what had been going on with her daughter because she’s in counseling right now for some issues she is having. the one thing about maya is she always had a hard time expressing her feelings. I always tried to encourage her and just be supportive of her. I always let her know it was safe to say anything with me and that I would have her back. I told her we’re a team and we can get through anything. I poured my heart in soul into this woman. We even talked about meeting up in March. I made her my number one priority giving as much time as I possibly could to her while a lot of the times she would say she was busy and things. We also FaceTimed a lot but it was also normally at my night her morning and I never really thought anything of it. I believed a lot of what she said. About getting her kids ready for school and all of it. She even let them talk to me on FaceTime. I was willing to be a father to her kids something most men can’t handle. We spent hours each day with each other and I always tried to build her confidence up. She was also so down on herself and even when we would get into a disagreement she would always say things like she messes everything up and I would tell her no not at all. So a few days ago we go into an argument because I had seen she changed her stuff on kik and was wondering why she was even on there when we were talking. Her reasoning was because she was trying to check if I was using kik so she changed her stuff to see if i would notice. There had been a time some random girl messaged me on kik and I talked with her and it was all casual conversation I even mentioned multiple times I had a gf to this girl. Anyways this “random” girl sent all the messages I sent to her to maya and she was upset and never let it go. Even though it was seriously a casual conversation she didn’t like the fact I was talking to another girl. Every single day in this relationship I did my best to make her smile and to have her happy. Anything I could do I did to see this woman smile. We got snap back in April and had been using that to chat and she was always very sexual with me. Sent me tons of things and we even were on video chat together and she let me record what she was doing. Everything seemed so perfect and I wanted to believe that even if I had my doubts as i just wanted to be happy. I sent her goodnight videos and she would always send me pics of her for when I woke up of her and the girls. I never felt so much love with her and she never felt like this with anyone else either. Now when we got into a fight a few days ago about kik we didn’t talk for 2 days. So I was on snap and I seen a name that it wanted me to add that wasn’t American and I knew her daughters last name because she told me so I decided to take this name to Facebook. Here comes the big shocker I found out this was her supposed Ex but it wasn’t her ex they are married. Like seriously married I seen pics of the girls on his profile so I knew this was him and her name was linked to it. Finding this out I was so hurt but I wasn’t going to let this change me back into the man I was before. I brought this to her attention today and got some answers. She told me the whole 8 months we were talking they lived together. She said she everything was so good between me and her she didn’t know what to do. She told me there was multiple times she wanted to tell me but just didn’t. I asked her what this was to her and she says she really did mean what she says but it’s hard to believe after what has happened. She tells me when everything you hear is bad things about yourself and you just feel worthless you are searching for something better. She says she always felt he had someone else because he was allowed to have all kinds of female friends and she wasn’t allowed to have any male friends. She told me I told her things she never hears and things she had always wanted to hear basically from him. She said another reason she did this is because she wanted the right attention whatever that means. Everything I told her she wished she could’ve heard it from him. She told me she was scared to be alone as they have also been together 10 years just like me and my ex had. She says she just wanted to feel loved and feel she mattered and I did all of this. The worst part about it all is I almost gave up my 2 year old son to try to be with her and she knew about this and didn’t say anything. The old version of myself would’ve went off on her and said so many negative things but I didn’t I just asked questions. She was quiet for long periods of time and I knew she always had a hard time expressing herself but I allowed her to call me so I can try to some closure. I told her I want to tell her husband so bad and she tells me you really want to destroy everything huh? Even though she’s the one who’s been playing us for a fool. She told me if he find out he’s going to beat the out of her now idk if she was just saying this or of this is true she had mentioned physical abuse before. I feel like he needs to know even if he was a piece of crap dude I don’t think anyone deserves to be cheated on. Now that I know what’s really been going on this whole time I’ve just tried to say my peace and leave but it seems like she’s not wanting me to and I just don’t get it. She’s adamant about explaining everything to me on the phone tomorrow but she had that chance tonight and didn’t provide a lot of answers. I did talk to her tonight on snap in chat and did find out more like she said she honestly doesn’t know what more to say. So I ask her what’s next for her? So she says she doesn’t know and what she does know is that she needs someone to talk to. So I tell her who’s that’s going to be another random guy and she says no. Then I get into the part about her girls. I’m so sad for those girls because if she’s been telling the truth about him being physically and verbally abusive to her these girls are seeing that. She is setting the example for them by allowing this to happen and I told her that. I never knew this whole time he was living with her but it makes sense why her youngest would be having issues with counseling now. I told her I really did care about her girls and I told her that I get she doesn’t want to leave him because she doesn’t want to be alone but that’s it’s unfair to those girls to have to see their dad put his hands on there mom and to verbally abuse her. I told her she needs to do what is right for those girls like it breaks my heart. If you can’t do it for you do it for them. I told her she’s setting the example of what is right for her girls and how would she feel when she finds out her daughters bfs are being physical and verbally abusive to them? Mom lets it happen so it must be ok is what they’ll think. She then says true she never seen things from the other perspective. She then tells me she understands what I mean she really understands. I hope she does but who knows. So I ask her what do you understand and she tells me that she understands she needs to figure it out what’s best for everyone. I also gave her a little advice because I was so similar to he husband and I said it won’t ever change it’s been going on for 10 years he’s not going to just change unless he wants to because I didn’t until I wanted to. I told her that even if he somehow decided he wanted to change it’s to late. I gave her the example of what happened with me. I changed but it was in year 9 and 8 months later my ex cheated on me. I told her she’s been cheating on her husband this whole time so she’s past that point. The thing about my ex when she did that she knew she couldn’t be with me anymore and it had to be over no matter what I wanted. With this woman she doesn’t seem to understand that. She then asks me will it just be good for a bit then go back to where it was before? I told her it won’t ever be better period. It was never good for me again because the damage had been done to my ex. I explained to maya it took me losing my ex to really get me on the right path to becoming the man I used to be the man my ex always knew I could be. I’ve told her stuff like this before when we had talks but all she cared about was getting upset that I mentioned my ex. This time though she tells me thank you for telling me everything, I really appreciate it. She says she never talks to anyone and that she always just hides what’s inside of her. She says she knows that it’s wrong that she does that and that the stuff I’m telling her she has so much she has to think about and says again that she really needs someone to talk to. I tell her talk to him you don’t need me anymore. I tell her maybe this is why I came into your life. I told her I would’ve did anything for her and I meant that. I told her everything I ever said I meant and it wasn’t games to me. She then says she knows and she has a lot more to think about now. She tells me I’m a really good guy who deserves to have what I want in life. She tells me I’m a good dad and that I really have my feet on the ground. I tell her that’s because I went through a lot, I wanted to be better I didn’t wanna settle. She then asks what did I do to change? I told her I got help and I leaned on my support system. I told her I wanted to be a better man for the next woman I was with. I had to acknowledge what I did and own up to it. Only way I could work on what I did was admitting I was a piece of crap but that I wanted to for myself and for my son. So then I proceed to ask her again what have you been thinking about? This time she says she has no words honestly. She says she feels empty, she says she feels nothing honestly. She says she can’t even cry normal or anything. She then says to me seriously David you have to be strong, and that I really am strong. So I tell her do what’s best for those girls and I say I’m strong because I went through hell and came out on top. I tell her I lost the only person who probably really cared about me because I couldn’t get it together. The next thing she said kinda really pissed me off. She says if I want, maybe she can find a time where she can talk to me. She then says I mean it’s easy for her to open up to me about anything. So I say why me? I can’t anymore. You’re married and I don’t want to be any part of that. I say if that’s what you want then you have to let me go. She then says because she trusts me. I then say I can’t be the one for you I mean I wish things didn’t happen the way they did. I tell her yea I don’t trust her and that trust is gone. I tell her you will stay with him and use me to help you. Then I say even as a friend I would tell you to leave and you’re crazy for staying. Then she tells me I never told her so much before and that she really appreciate that I do. She then says she understands what i just said but that she still trusts me even if I don’t trust her. I tell her don’t trust me anymore. I’m going to leave and eventually not be here. I told her that maybe if she actually ever left I could actually talk to her again. I tell her to think all the talks we had about marriage, kids and a life together it’s crazy now. I tell her I had the money to do it all and I thought we were so close. I tell her she is just settling and she could do so much better. I said my ex was settling as well for my crap when she could’ve been with someone who treated her better. Then she says ugh I understand, but that she still wants to talk to me if I let her. So then I tell her what do you want from me? I don’t want to talk to someone who’s married. I tell her she wants to keep me around with him and that’s not cool at all. She then responds with I wanna talk to you, try to open herself up to someone for the first time ever. She says she never felt that before and that she knows it’s weird. So I tell her people like me don’t come around often in this world. People aren’t loyal anymore and don’t know what love is. I told her I’ve gone through so much and I know I’m one of a kind. I say maybe you will regret it maybe you won’t. I then ask her what is the point of trying to make me the first person she opens up with and ask her what she’s hoping to get out of it. She then tells me to find out how to fix things and to help her to understand what she should do and to let her speak her mind freely because I’ve always allowed her to do that. So then I say wow you want me to help you fix things with your husband? I tell her I’m good and I don’t want any part of that. She then clarifies she wasn’t talking about helping her fix things with her husband and to please say no if I don’t want to because she doesn’t want to beg me. So then I ask her to tell me what she means by fix things and she says she will tell me tomorrow evening on the phone if I let her. So I ask her one more time what are you trying to fix? This time she says herself and her thoughts. So I tell her I can’t help her with that and ask her how does she think I can help her with that? She then says she wants me to listen to her talk. It’s like am I a therapist? So I tell her it all ends the same. It ends with you staying in a terrible marriage. I tell her I can only help people that actually want to do better. I tell her no part of me would stay in that marriage so I wouldn’t be the right person because that’s what you want to hear. She then says I want to do better, that’s her point. She says she really wants that. So the question I ask next is why haven’t you talked to your family? She then says it’s complicated and that she will let me know everything tomorow if I just give her the chance. I tell her what don’t you understand it has nothing to do with you. You can be the best to him and he won’t care. I gave her the example of I only cared once I lost my ex. So then tells me she’s to tired and she will talk to me tomorrow please? So I tell her I guess and that I honestly don’t know what she wants from me. I tell her it sounds like you just want to use me some more. She says she will tell me, please if I want of course. She says I will understand and it’s not using. I feel it is using but she doesn’t see that. She’s so adamant about talking to me tomorrow on the phone and I don’t get it. I’m seriously lost here guys. I cared for this woman so much even more than my relationship of 10 years and I know that sounds crazy but everything was so good until this bombshell. Can anyone sympathize with her? What should I do here? Should cut off all communication?
  23. I am in a very messy situation at the moment and feel very alone as well as stressed out. I am about to lose my wife of a decade and current girlfriend of a few years, both with whom I have children – I need to choose who I stay with. My wife of 10+ years is an excellent mother and has always been loyal to me, never cheated, always supported my career, and stood by me through numerous instances of infidelity. However, I left her a few years ago for my current girlfriend, who, on the surface, has all of the qualities that I desire in a woman/partner (sexy, career-oriented, clean/organized, etc.). Despite filing for divorce from my wife of 10+ years and having a child with my current girlfriend, my wife and I have been having a secret affair throughout most of the time I have been with my current girlfriend. To be candid, our sex is better now than when we were married. To be candid, I love each woman for different qualities which exist independent of each other. They are both very different women. I am now at a point where I am about to lose both of them, and I do not know who to pick. My current girlfriend has been pressuring me to get divorced for years now which I have put off because I don’t want to lose my wife and see her run off with another man meanwhile my wife is ready to pull the trigger on our divorce and be done with me once and for all unless I leave the “mistress” as she refers to her as. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know who to pick. One moment I want to be with my wife and the next I want to be with my girlfriend. Help!
  24. Me and my bf have been together for 5 years. He is a reay great guy and loves me a lot.He cheated on me once with my close friend where they exchanged texts for a few months... But he felt v.guilty came clean to me... After lots of fights and time... I forgave him... Its been 4 years now and he has always been extremely truthful and goes out of the way to make me happy... But two days ago he has a beer. He promised he will never consume alcohol and even if he did,he would tell me...He dint tell me and told mr only because he got sick. I feel so betrayed again... He said he was forced to take at his work... I m v.scared and hurt that he lied to me. He says he has been building the courage to tell me for 2 days.But it really makes me sad and i love him so much and i know he regrets it. but i m finding it hard to accept it. What to do?
  25. So I’ve been dating my boyfriend for over a year, I’m 23 and he’s 24. Before the terrible situation came about our relationship was really good. Our families love us together and we’re very involved in each our families lives. We’ve taken trips together and we’re really each others best friend. He’s the most patient man I ever met and he’s very caring and kind. So before the recent cheating I would have told you he’s a really good man, rare even. And i’ve dated some ****ty guys before. Now recently, I discovered he’s been communicating with this girl he met from twitter. Apparently the 2 have been heavily flirting and talking on the phone for months on and off. She even told me she’s speak to him while he was with his friends. However they never met before due to her living in a state 3 hours away. She claims he planned to meet her but never did. She told me she knew nothing of me and thought he was single. He claims in the midst of a rough patch we had (constantly arguing) he started talking to her as a way to talk to someone to have an escape. He claims he never intended on having sex with her nor meet her in person. He’s owned up to his mistakes however, he only has because he got caught. Its been a few days and he’s been calling and pleading every day to fix it and make it right. He claims he was stupid and says theres no excuse for what he’s done. He claims he was weak and didn't deal with his problems like he should and he cowardly went outside of our relationship to find an escape. He tells me he wants just one chance to change and fix everything. He’s offered to give me his passwords to his social media and phone. He told me he doesnt plan on going out with his friends until we’re okay. Until this incident, I never thought about him cheating. Of course we’ve had fights here and there, and recently more frequently but nothing worth being mad about for more than a day. Im struggling with this though because even though he didnt sleep with her, it still hurts me to know he even entertained another women and I cant help but wonder how long it wouldve gone on if I didnt catch him, would he have ended up meeting her? I want to take him back but I want him to struggle first. I want him to hurt and go through hell so he knows to never do this again. I’ve blocked him and rejected all his proposals of fixing this. Its been extremely hard because I really just want to give him the chance to make this right. He just sent me a long message about just wanting me to give him a chance and he’ll prove he’s worthy of it and all that jazz. I ended up blocking him and before I did, telling him how I love him and this will be the hardest thing ever. I feel like maybe I should make him feel like he’s really lost me before I give him a chance. I love him so much, I started to plan my future with him, I dont want to let him go but I don’t want less than I deserve. What should I do?? What would you do?? Leave him and move on? Or make him work hard to earn a second chance??
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