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About Me

  1. Me and my boyfriend have been dating for over a year and a half now. He’s a really sweet guy, and he’s never done anything wrong. But over the course of our relationship he’s seemed to stop being as verbally and physically affectionate to the point where I don’t think he’s ever complimented me or initiated a hug/kiss in 1 year. He also is extremely busy with work and his education so we talk a lot less now. I’ve been giving him a lot of space as he’s someone who likes his alone times. But It’s getting to a point where I am not as satisfied with my relationship. I’ve brought this up with him and he took it well the first couple of times. However he doesn’t really do anything to change. I ask him to initiate a hug or kiss - even plan a date night once in a while (since I plan everything) but he’s never. After bringing it up again he’s started to get more irritated and now we don’t see eye to eye. All I want is increased intimacy and some more romance in our relationship. I don’t think I’m asking for much. But he doesn’t think he needs to tell me I look beautiful or that he likes me because I should just know. Is it normal for me to be feeling frustrated over this? I’ve been going back and forth with him for over a year now and it’s draining me. I love him to bits and I know he’s a good guy but these things are important to me and even with a compromise he still doesn’t meet my needs.
  2. Hi everyone! I am reaching out to get some outside advice about a problem I'm having with a friend of mine. I have a small group of friends and one of them I have known for almost 10 years. All the years I have known her, she has dated men who do not stick around for long. She gives them something that they want/need for the moment (in many more ways than what we are all thinking!) and then they leave her in the dust. Despite us warning her of red flags we might see, she always pins us as the bad guys and then something happens and we are stuck in a "We told you so." position. She has been with a new guy for maybe 6 months. We met him a few times and he seemed nice! Then he began making her late for our gatherings, he came to one with her after causing an argument. He didn't converse with any of us at the gathering despite us trying to include him in conversation, ask questions, etc., he then got really rude with one of our friends when we decided on a place to go that he didn't particularly like, continued to not talk to us and then left abruptly from the event, leaving her with us to go home-one hour away. (He took her car.) Without dragging this on too much, we were told at the beginning of their "journey" that he had an apartment that he allowed his sister to stay in because she needed a place to stay after returning from serving with the Marines, but then she developed COVID-19 and had to quarantine, so he stayed with my friend for the time being. But he left the sister his car to use, while he also owns another place in the same area, where he could have stayed. My friend then allowed (and still allows) him to use her car to go to his job (over an hour away from where we live), out with his friends, various personal appointments. It began inconveniencing me because she then relied on ME to get her to work (we are also coworkers, we carpool regularly) more days than normal. I began turning down or rescheduling dates because I didn't want to leave her high and dry. It has been 6 months and we haven't seen him attempt to get a new car, take back his apartment, and every time they went to stay closer to where he worked, they stayed in a hotel. My friends and I see these red flags and have tried in our different ways to make it apparent to her that there is something wrong. It has come to the point that none of us want to be with her, everyone avoids being where he is and turns down invitations if he is at all included. The other 4 of us have made plans without her because of this and we don't know what to do in order to tell her. We are all stuck because we know that she will not like it, and pin us all either against each other (she has lied to us all about some details of this) or we will be the bad guy. How should we approach this? Should we all tell her at once, should someone tell her individually? Should we wait until something happens and then express concern? Sorry for the long write up-and thank you for taking the time to read and help!
  3. Hi everyone! I'm in major need of advice. So. on June 10-17 I was out of town for work purposes. When I got back later that week I grabbed my boyfriends laptop to play a movie and his e-mail was on the screen. There was one particulare email that stood out to me so I opened it. It was a back and forth email with a prostitute/escort. I confronted him about this and he felt very ashamed and swears nthing happed that he was just curious and extremly horny and desperate while I was away since we hadnt had sex for a 1 1/2 weeks. Let me also add that the reason we hadnt been sexual was becasue we were going thru issues. He had missed my brothers wedding in order to go hang with friends in NY. So obviousl y I was mad. I immediatly ended this with him because it was very hurtful to see this! especially since after my trip we had been very intimate and loving so I didnt undertsand where the needs were coming from? despite this we worked thru things and everything had been going great. Until today. 7.17.19. I happened to go on his computer and saw he had 11 unread texts. So i opened Imessages and saw that during the days i was away not only did he e-mail, but was texting! multiple conversations. again he swears he didnt meet up with anyone and i believe him, but im just so torn!!! I love him so much and I know he loves me as well! i see it. its very confusing to see the man i Love do this. I feel like thats not MY guy. we've been together for 3 years and live together. What should I do?
  4. So, I (19F) started dating my boyfriend (19M) in January of this year. This is my first relationship and this is his third. He broke up with his most recent high school girlfriend due to distance and going in different directions for college, etc. (college stuff) in September 2020. Him and his girlfriend dated for a little over a year. I can’t stop thinking about his ex and I’m trying to stop. He’s even reassured me and I trust him, but it doesn’t help that they still kinda stay in contact and have the same friends lol :/. However, whenever I was stalking his Instagram (which I know we all have done before!), I noticed a picture where she was wearing his chain when they were dating. This made me uncomfortable because it made me feel like it was a hand-me-down and kind of not as special. I expressed this to him and told him I appreciated it, but it made me feel weird. Am I overreacting or is that completely rational and normal? I feel naked without it now and I liked having something to help me remind of him since we are now long distance for summer. Also, since i’m planning on giving it back to him when I go visit in a couple weeks (unless someone on here tells me i should keep it), I want to put a charm or something on it with my name on it to remind him of me, but again, the ex have him something to put on his chain when they were together... is that me just being silly? Please help!!!
  5. So, in one of my previous posts, I expressed how my boyfriend (19M) gave me (19F) his chain to wear to keep him with me and stuff while we do long distance, and then I found out his ex wore his chain, too, which made me uncomfortable. So, I am going to give it back to him, but I kind of want something else to remember him by now since I'm no longer wearing his chain- I literally feel naked now without it... I never took it off and I legit fell asleep holding the cross in my hand... I'm trying to find a way to tell to him that I want him to get me something FOR ME, more personal you know? ... NOTHING BIG!!! I literally went on ebay and saw these $15 customizable necklaces *wink* *wink* Is it bad to ask for something straight up or is hinting the way to go? Especially since I want it to be sincere... should I just wait and see if he gets me something? :) thank ya!
  6. My boyfriend (19M) and I (19F) are now long distance due to going home for summer. We are used to not texting each other pretty much all day because we know we will see each other the next day in class, but now that we’re long distance, that isn’t working for me. I expressed to him that he needs to text me more or something because I get a text from him at 5pm and then we ft for a couple hours at night. I want to hear from him more in the day, so I told him that I would like him to text me in the morning. I do text first, A LOT, and if I don’t, I get the text at 5pm. Am I overrating? I don’t think I am because we are now long distance and I can’t just say “see you tomorrow,” it’s now, “see you in a couple weeks.” Whenever I have brought this up to him, he just brushes me off kind of or says that I’m saying he’s a bad boyfriend and not trying (which I’m not! I just want him to text me more! is that too much to ask ???) and says “so you want to text all day and then facetime for 5 hours at night?” and I’m like no, I never said that. But then, he says he’ll try harder. I feel like I shouldn’t be asking him to text me, I feel like it should be a given. If he wanted to text me, he would, so? He also says he’s really giving 100%, and I believe him, but his 100% cannot be the same as it was in school, things are different now. He also kind of has this high school relationship mindset where a relationship should come with no problems and if there are problems then he gets upset or doesn’t really want to hear it. I’ve told him that i’m not close to breaking up yet, not even close, but if this continues the whole damn summer, then it’ll be too hard.... So, Help! Please! PS I don’t think he’s hiding anything from me or anything, I just wanna communicate with him more during the day. also i have some lowkey trust/abandonment issues because as a child i was abandoned then adopted so im going see someone about that lol but that is a factor i think
  7. Hello, I have been dating a guy (28 years old) for 3 months, he asked me to be his gf recently. He is treating me very well but he constantly follows new naked insta models. These girls are people that he cant meet obviously but the problem is I find the fact that he is following and constantly seeking out naked woman very disrespectful. Also, the fact that he told me he will only have eyes for me and I will see with time that I can trust him, but despite saying these, him following these accounts doesnt look good to me at all. I am conflicted. On one side: - I know that guys and girls can look at other people and find otehrs attractive while in relationship too. I follows celebrities and footballers that I find attractive. But I wouldnt follow D... pictures on social media especially when I was in a relationship. It would be disrespectful to my bf and I am sure he would be worried if he saw my social media activity following bunch of accounts with d... pics. I find him following naked insta models on insta totally disrespectful. And He appears as a thirsty guy in my eyes now, who is constantly seeking out naked woman (but again I dont know if this is normal for men). - Indeed, before meeting him i've always wondered how my friends or other girls put up with such disrespectful treatment. I always told myself I would never be with someone who disrespects me like that. (Plz correct me if I am being so harsh). - So, since it has been only 3 months, I am considering to end the relationship by saying something like "we are not compatible" and continue dating and choose to be with someone who wont do that. Because I think that if I try to talk to him about his social media activity, I might appear as a controling person. Also, I dont want to tell him what to do. If he is happy following these women, he should. I shouldnt be preventing him. It shouldnt be a forced decison, it should come naturally from him. Perhaps he is not done exploring? On the other hand: - I am thinking about keeping it very simple and telling him: "I know its normal for both man and woman to look at other man and woman and find others attractive but following these accounts and constantly seeking out naked woman is disrespectful." I will also tell him that I always told myself I would never put up with such activity in a relationship and see what he will say and take it from there. -- I dont know which option is better. I feel that this relationship has a potential if we could get past the insta issue. Also, the reason why I posted here is, I want to get more opinions. Perhaps, I am overreacting and being overly jealous? Perhaps I should change the way I think about the whole thing? For instance, some people might say he is a men and men are visual, so if he is loving and caring and making me feel beautiful, loved etc, I shouldnt worry about social media. But on the other hand, his social media activity is not making me feel respected. Also is it really healthy to lust over others when in a relationship with someone you claim you care about? I would appreciate your opinions, what should I do?
  8. I have the most wonderful boyfriend in the world - the two of us have so much in common and are uncannilly linked in so many ways - however, we have this one nagging problem... When I first met him he told me about how he used to watch porn all the time which I figured was something all guys do from everything I've ever read on the subject. Not soon after we met and started being boyfriend/girlfriend did I notice something odd happening. First of all he lives in Canada, and I in the US, so when we aren't together we have "sex" on the webcam. Basically we masturbate for each other and it is a lot of fun and makes me feel better as I'm sure it does him. However, after we had been together for a few months, the frequency of these video escapades started to drop off. In the beginning it was every night or every other night, then it was more like every two-four nights. Now, from what he's told me time and again about the frequency of his desires, he needs to *take care of business* in some form or another every other day at least. If he's not doing this with me the only thing I can think is he's pleasuring himself to porn like the old days. He gets very upset and very defensive when I bring this up saying he never does that, that he saves himself for me. He basically turns the tables and starts blaming me for being untrusting. He says he doesn't do stuff by himself because he wouldn't want to "ruin things with us" by doing things on his own and then not being able to with me. I think this would be a very nice gesture, if it were really true. He also claims to have low testosterone levels even though he's never had them checked, and thinks he has some sort of erectile dysfunction stemming from stress or whatnot. He is perfectly healthy, and how much stress could someone like him have? He basically has no responsibilities, financial or otherwise! Please help me, I don't know what to do here. He will never admit looking at porn even if he did it all day long - I know this because I know how he is. I can't stand the fact that he may be lying to me. We want to get married someday in the not too distant future and I don't want a lying or maybe even *god forbid* cheating boyfriend grrrr. The guy I was with before him cheated on me numerous times with cyber sex relationships. If anyone has any advice or experience I'm all ears. - Frustrated in New York
  9. Hi, I am 24 years old and my boyfriend is 26 years old. I worked as a digital marketing salary is only 462$ per month. And he worked as a sea farer 1000$ salary per month., Last year 2019, he have spent all his money and he borrowed to me a total of 625$ to buy his ticket plane and allowance for him to work again. And I ddnt even think twice, I lend him immediately. And he paid me just this month and year 2021,. Rightnow, I'm the one in need. My family and I is only renting a home to stay (and the owner of the land wanted us to move) and so, I want to help finish the construction of the house to new lot (me and my brother currently paying for installment of the lot.) So we can have a place to move. I only have 1,485$ in my savings, and I asked him if I could borrow 400$ just to add up. And will pay him 20% everymonth coz I'm also the one paying all the bills in my family home while my brother is paying the food.. :( and He said that he will not lend me even a small penny because it's not his problem and it's my family's problem. I blocked him in facebook after an argument and planning a break up for he was being selfish. Am I wrong ?
  10. Hi everyone. Yesterday I was about to check my emails when I realised that my boyfriend was still logged into gmail on my laptop from when he was using it at the weekend. I was about to log out so I could sign in and as my eyes glanced across the screen I noticed an email notification from only fans. For those of u who are unfamiliar with it, it is an an online website where people can sell nude images and videos of themselves. I wasn’t planning on looking through his emails but this surprised me and I was curious to see if there were many more emails from the site. I find out that he has been on the site since the start of this month. He has subscribed to two girls on it and has spent 23 dollars so far. The emails he gets are informing him that he has just received a message from these girls. Most of them seem like spam messages. I don’t think he really communicates with him much. I am okay with him watching porn and I know this is going to sound like I am contradicting myself but I feel like this isn’t right. He is individually choosing these girls and spending money on them. The fact that he has done this is quite upsetting and makes me feel really insecure when I can already give him what these girls have for free?! I plan on bringing it up with him when I see him at the weekend. I don’t know if I should be annoyed about this or not. I kind of wanted other opinions on the situation. I love him and I know he loves me but I find this a bit disrespectful. How would you react? Thanks for any opinions/ advice :)
  11. I’ve always been worried about people cheating on me and doing things that will hurt me. I’ve been with my partner for 5 years and we have 2 children. I’ve always had bad relationships and always picked the wrong person where I get hurt in the end. When I met him I finally felt like I had met the right person and everything felt right. In my head I do think about is he doing things or talking to people just because I have trouble trusting people from experience. The relationship hasn’t been perfect we have had our issues but nothing major to give off any red flags until recently I had a feeling something was wrong because he’s weird on his phone and stops using his phone when I’m in the room he knows my phone password and can use it to do stuff on there whenever he likes but he’s never told me his. He isn’t really a social media person he doesn’t have Facebook or anything just an Instagram which I don’t know the name of because he says it’s just for posting pictures of his art. I decided I was probably just thinking too much into things and I went on to his email account which I had found the password to. I saw a Snapchat email and he doesn’t have Snapchat... but this Snapchat wasn’t his name it was a fake name. I decided to email a reset the password so I could get into the account. I never thought I would find anything but it was just full of males and I think he added gay snap chat user names off another page. After thinking about it and getting upset about it I just thought it’s best to ask him about it.. he did say he doesn’t have an account what am I on about until I said the name of the account and he admitted it. I asked him does he have an interest in men and he said he was confused because of an incident that happened when he was younger and I told him I want him to be happy and I would support him and he had admitted he’s watched gay things online but he says he made the account and then added some names and then thought what am I doing and deleted the app. I think it is true because there was nothing on there no messages with people and no snap score. This could of happened before he makes accounts and deletes them but it’s all for the same website called Reddit I have a feeling he’s just saying he hasn’t ever gone through with talking to men because why all these accounts with different user names that have now been deleted. I’m worried he’s lying about his actual feelings and I’m worried he’s not really that interested I don’t want to be a cover up relationship because he’s too scared to admit who he likes. I’m supporting him I said we would get though it together. I’m trying to carry on like normal and I’m trying my best to make him feel like I’m okay but I’m not okay. I feel exhausted and I’m making myself sick with just thinking about this 24/7 I don’t know what to think anymore I’m just really hurt I would be just as hurt if it was with females but now I feel like I have to worry about everyone. We spoke the next day about it and he said he wants to be with me and he loves me and he isn’t gay or interested in men he just said he doesn’t know why he did it. I’m really struggling to trust him and I’m struggling even more to understand the situation as I’ve never been confused about my sexuality so I can’t understand his actions. I just want to cry all the time but I don’t want him to feel bad even though he should because he’s hurt me a lot. I just don’t know what to do anymore as I’m losing my mind thinking about it all. I love him so much it hurts.
  12. Alright sorry for the novel but here’s the situation: I’ve been with my bf since high school, almost 10 years. We’ve had our ups and downs, our relationship isn’t perfect, and we’ve almost broken up a few times, but I love him very much and I’ve always pictured him in my future. Last week I was invited on a trip with my best friend and her husband and her husband’s best friend. We met only a couple of times before, but the best friend and I vibed pretty well, a little too well. He ended up pouring his heart out, confessing how much he likes me, and trying to kiss me. Now usually I would tell my boyfriend about an incident like that, but here’s the problem: I really ***in like this guy too. He’s all I’ve been able to think about since we got back. His words were so affectionate and genuine to me when he was telling me how he felt, which is one of the issues I’ve always had with my boyfriend. I had to lay my head down on his shoulder to sleep on the plane, and it felt so right. i feel like *** because I can’t stop thinking about him, and my boyfriend is so happy to have me back and has no idea. He’s been working on a lot of issues and we have a good relationship, he doesn’t hit me or put me down. I think about all his good qualities, we have so much in common, and the fact that I could put almost 10 years of my life into someone and still break up scares the hell out of me. But every so often I worry that I’m settling. I feel like we’ve plateaued and i think about all the things about him that I’m not a fan of. I think about this other guy and my heart starts to pound. Being around him just felt so right and I could really picture us together and our future. i asked my friend and her husband for insight and they basically said he’s a great guy but has a lot of baggage (I have no idea what that entails), and drama (baby mama issues) and it could be tough, but he’s a great guy and would be good to me. But I’m so scared. I don’t want to risk a 10 year relationship just to be ***ed around or regret it in the long run. My boyfriend is really my best friend, I don’t want to lose that for nothing. Does anyone have any insight on leaving a long term relationship for someone else? How should I go forward from here, or make a decision? this could be the best decision or worst mistake of my life.
  13. I have been active for about 3 1/2 years now. I have tried everything to get better in bed to please my boyfriend. I have went on web sites, bought magizine that give advice on sex, and went as far as going into a porn shop with my boyfriend and watching the pornos with him to try to get better. It seems like everything I do is just wrong. Can anyone help me? I dont want to live the rest of my life thinking about how men think I am bad in bed.
  14. Okay so a little bit of background…. My boyfriend and I have been together just over a year – let’s call him ‘Brian’. We clicked straight away and we have just exchanged contracts to buy a house together. We get on so so well, he makes me laugh constantly and I trust him with my life. He’s helped me through some really difficult times and is always there for me. He’s my best friend. There’s just one issue that keeps being brought up and really causes tension between us... the way we first met. I had a one night stand with his friend, in what I found out afterwards was Brian’s house. I was really drunk, immature and going through a hard time - I’ve never had a one night stand before or since. In my right mind, I’d have never even looked twice at his friend. I think back and wish I hadn’t gone out that night/ hadn’t drunk as much/ had thought more about what I was doing. I met Brian later that night – we really really got on and I found him so sweet and endearing. About a week later, Brian started to pursue me… he got my number off one of my friends and started texting/ direct messaging me on twitter. At first I ignored his messages. A few weeks later he then started snapchatting me, to which I started to reply. We instantly clicked. I’ve never spoke to a more charming and funny person. The next day he invited me on a date, to which I accepted. We hit it off from the get go, we had so much in common and really enjoyed each other’s company. We been basically inseparable since. At first how we met didn’t seem like an issue…. However, as the relationship began to progress, it started being brought up… especially when Brian gets drunk/ anything about my past comes up. We can go months without speaking about it, and then all of a sudden it will come up, in a (usually entirely unrelated) argument. He tells me he thinks the relationship is tainted by how we met, and that if it wasn’t for that it would be a fairy tale relationship. He feels like he’s drifted away from that group of friends as a consequence. He thinks it’s a very ty thing for me to have done (although I think this is just the jealousy speaking as he has had numerous one night stands himself going through University). He says its embarrassing when people ask how we met and if we were to have kids, he wonders what we will tell them. I carry so much guilt with me for that night that I can’t seem to shake off. Knowing that something I have done has caused him this much hurt really upsets me, especially how I can’t do anything about it. I feel the guilt like I imagine people who have cheated on their partner feel, except I didn’t know my partner I’m writing this for advice as a few days ago we very nearly broke up. Brian had spent a night out with his friends. Being around the friend seems to remind him of what happened, and so in both of our drunken states, we had a blazing row. He said he can’t get over it and he thinks about it all the time. That he feels like he’s going to continue to really hurt if we stay together… but he doesn’t know what he’d do without me. The next day, he seemed really cold and said he needed to have a think about the situation, but he didn’t want to break up with me. He said he realizes that I haven’t actually done anything wrong as we didn’t know each other at the time, but he can’t help that it affects him. I don’t know what to do…. I feel like I’m waiting for him to turn around one day and say it’s too much and he doesn’t want to be with me anymore. I feel like I can’t talk to him about it as every time it’s brought up it turns into a huge argument. I think because I’m the one that has done it, he thinks more about his own feelings and not mine, as he sees me as being at fault. He doesn’t seem to realize how badly it affects me. I worry about it all the time and get intense anxiety. It’s difficult as 99.9% of our relationship is perfect – he treats me like a princess and makes me feel so loved. He spends a lot of time with me and I have been fully welcomed by him and his family, but I can tell he’s hurting and I don’t know how to help him. When we talk about it he reads into everything I say and I find that everything that comes out of my mouth is wrong and seems to upset him more. We both want to move past the issue, and don’t want to break up. How can I help him come to terms with what has happened, and to help him realize it doesn’t have any effect on our relationship? And how do I stop feeling the intense guilt that I feel over hurting my boyfriend before I’d ever even met him, and stop the past from ruining our future? I’m really struggling
  15. Im looking for an honest opinion from women here. Do you ever compare how good your man is in bed with past sexual partners, flings, relationships, etc? My Fiance has been with more partners then myself, some of them ONS, others relationships. I guess i have an insecurity about how good her last partners or ONS' were in bed and I wonder if im as good or if she ever thinks of this. I know before we met she had a few ONS and one of the guys she saw for awhile, she had no interest in having a relationship with him, from some of the details or info I got, i get the impression that she was with him because he was good in bed and she was lonely at the time. Ive heard many women say they dont compare, but I wonder if this is really the truth. I wonder if she ever thinks: that guy was good in bed or he was better in bed then X. Does this ever cross your mind?
  16. Hey all, I'm writing so as to get some advice. I'll try to make this as short as possible. I met my "ex" (we didn't get to call ourselves bf/gf) about two years ago. We work together and it took us a while to hook up. She was in a relationship were she was being heavily manipulated and it took her a long while and a lot of therapy to finally get herself rid from her ex. Once this relationship was over, we started going out. We dated for around 6 months and everything was going perfect. Out of the blue, she told me she wanted to talk with me and explained that she liked everything about me but that she felt that after her previous relationship she didn't have time for herself. We discussed about what the best course of action could be, she mentioned she was not feeling right to be in a relationship with me but she wasn't sure that she wanted to break up either. I offered her to take some time apart but she didn't feel that was right since she would feel guilty if she felt I was waiting for her to give me some kind of feedback, as she wasn't exactly sure about how she was feeling. I suggested we break up and that was it. It was amicable and I went straight into LC (meaning I'll only talk work with her or discuss whatever topic is at hand whenever we have lunch with the team; we do have lunch together every weekday). After the break up I was devastated but pulled the little energy I had to make it seem in our lunches as if I was OK. The first few weeks she'd try to fight with me about anything and I would just divert the talking to anything else to avoid confrontation. When we broke up, she did mention I was no regular guy and that said she was doing everything so as to take care of the relationship we had; she didn't want to ruin it because of her doubts. Her attitude these first two weeks was very contradictory. Moving forward, the relationship got better and she stopped trying to pick fights with me. At around the 4th week mark, I called her and just asked how she was feeling about the whole break up thing and did mention that it had been a rough time for me as she had given me no clear reason to break up in first place. I did ask her to break my heart if she had to and be honest, be it she didn't like me anymore, had no more feelings or anything. She denied everything and mentioned that she did have feelings for me, she did like me and would have a great time with me, but that she felt that we were ready to be bf/gf and she was not yet ready for that, as her previous experience had been too rough and was just not ready to start a new relationship. I said it was OK and thanked her for the time to talk, went straight back to the same LC I previously mentioned. That was 2 weeks ago. Everything went on fine and I've started to feel better myself, I think it might actually be showing since I'm in a better mood generally speaking and doing fine. However, what's killing me right now is that for the past 3 days she's been trying really hard to avoid me. Not just that, she's trying to make me notice that she's avoiding me. We'll be in meeting rooms where there's just 3 of us and she will just rotate her chair and make me face her back. She is now trying to contradict what I say again and it's becoming a pain. I'm trying to keep everything as professional as possible as that's the right thing to do. While I'm focused in moving on, this is also a relationship I don't want to completely discard and make moves that might push her far away. I'm not exactly sure how to proceed. Shall I ignore her bad attitude as I'm doing and show indifference? Shall I confront her about it? Why might she be behaving in this way towards me? Just in case you even think about it, I did not beg, cry, became needy or anything. I've learnt this from my past relationship and refrained from doing anything of the sort even though my brain wanted me to do so.
  17. Hi, all: Just wanted some unbiased advice on my relationship, so please don't take my side if I'm genuinely in the wrong. I've been with my boyfriend for 1 year and overall it's been an amicable relationship. He was given free rent with all bills included to live in a 4 bedroom house in London (well, Greater London) from his family. I also have my place (which I mortgaged, lots of hard work and sacrifices to get here) which I'm very proud about, rightly so. For about the first 7/8 months into the relationship, we would take it in turns to see each other on the weekend. One weekend I would visit him, the other weekend he would visit me. This worked fine for the whole 8-months, so we decided that I'll move into his house as we seemed to be getting on. Now, I must admit here, this was an interesting decision. Interesting meaning both cons and pros, though now, I'm starting to feel that the cons are slightly outweighing the pros. When I moved into his house he was still working. The job wasn't great but he was earning a semi-decent income. I was happy about that. Moving time forward about 2/3 months and he got into a severe altercation with his workplace. He is on long-term unpaid sickness now as he used his 6-month entitlement off paid sick leave last year, and the new rota has begun. So, I effectively have a boyfriend who is unemployed, but worse than that, not entitled to claim any benefits either. He says he is expecting a large payout from his workplace (settlement agreement), which I'm dubious will happen and I think is using as an excuse to not find work. Whenever I approach the topic with him, he becomes very hostile, saying things like "you know why I'm here", or 'why do you have to bring it up now!", to name a few. I've tried all approaches, talked to family, etc. I'm employed full-time in a professional job, working from home. There are two points of frustration for me: • I have no time to myself as he is around the house, and I crave some me time. I can go into a separate room after work, or on the weekend, but that's not giving me mental space as we are still in the same building. I've lived in my apartment by myself for nearly 2 years. This is too much of a change for me. I'm passionate about self-development and it's distracting when he is around, and certainly wasn't an issue when he was working as I was guaranteed this time. • I worry about our financial future together. I am very ambitious and have big life goals, and we don't seem to be sharing these values based on his past work history, current conversations we've had, and general attitude :( Moreover, is it generally possible to find someone who is both very ambitious and caring at the same time? This is the question I have been asking myself. Surely I have to sacrifice some ambition to have some more of the softer side feelings, but this is a bit of an extreme situation, no? I think these frustrations have been the cause of many arguments, more severe since moving into his house. I'd say we average about 1/2 arguments a week that are resolved in about 2 days. So the relationship is very hot and cold. For reference, I've not had arguments like this in previous relationships I've had. Any advice on this? To make this clear and give some context, I have listed some of the key pros and cons so you can make an informed judgment. My main pros are: • Kind and caring • Makes plenty of time for the relationship (also a con explained below) • Can have high-brow conversations, interesting conversations General reservations I'm having: • Is currently unemployed and has little motivation of finding a new job currently (his confidence is damaged badly from a bad experience with a previous employer) • Comes across condescending (whenever I express an opinion on something, he is very quick to foist his view on me. When I feel the conversation is heading into an argument at this point, I try to move it along but he brings up his point again argghhh) • Feels a bit suffocating (always living on top of each together, or having to do things together all the time) Will be interesting to hear your thoughts on this. Ta.
  18. Hi all if you’ve read my last post a couple of months ago I was concerned about the relationship my boyfriends family has with his ex girlfriend. We are now 11 months into our relationship and I have still yet to meet the family. I’ve met all of his close friends though. Recently I brought it up to him again. He said i haven’t met them yet because I’m his last relationship, he felt his ex was too close to them and used to tell them things about their relationship. He said it bothered him that she would reach out to them even after they have broken up. I’m like ok but I’m not your ex! I asked when’s the last time he’s spoken to this ex. He said a year ago because she reached out to him for some information. He then assured me that he has no feelings at all whatsoever for this ex. He broke up with her and he believes she’s still the one who’s not over him. What should I do in this situation.
  19. Ok so it's been almost 9 years since I came on here, it just popped in my head.. enotalone! SO I've been with my bf for a year now, and we are still getting to know eachother's quirks and feeling each other out since we were doing long distance for most of our relationship. The issue I'm having is that, he is a great, warm, loving boyfriend, sweet and sings to me and is silly. He is such a genuinely good person, and I feel like the lucky one. But he is also a super laid back football player type that will kiss me in public but I have to initiate it usually. I always seem to interpret his laidbackness as rejection of me. What can I do to be able to receive his love the way he is showing it to me rather than always feeling let down if he's not all over me every second? I usually end up pouting and saying something like "you don't care about me" blah blah blah, I cringe at myself after lol. I need advice! I just love him so much. Like the undeniable, forever type of love, like I just want to be with him all the time and take a bite out of him love. help
  20. MY boyfriend and I are perfect. I have never felt so strongly about and so connected to someone like him. The first few months of us "talking", I knew he was talking to and hooking up with other people, as I, stayed loyal. Ever since we became boyfriend and girlfriend, almost a year now, he has treated me like I have never imagined. He would do absolutely anything in the world for me and would never hurt me- I can tell. But, we have this little problem that I cause... When I drink, I become so incredibly mean. In the beginning of our relationship, this never happened. But over the past few months, I turn into a monster when I become intoxicated. I say the cruelest things, and even get violent towards him. He will tell me the things I say to him, and I sit back and just think that there is no possible way I could ever say or feel those ways towards him. I have never felt resentment towards him, but when I drink something happens to me and I become such a hateful person towards him. Just want to hear what people think about this, what I should do, or if you even have the same problem as me. Thanks for listening.
  21. So I’m seeing two boys. They both know of each other. After just turning 22, I realised I want to get out there and meet lots of new people. After a year of Qurantine and the year before being stuck in an extremely toxic relationship, fun is what I need. The first boy I met through my house mate. I told him straight away for the foreseeable future, I can’t find room in my life for anything serious. He vehemently agreed that he was in the same place, in fact encouraging we see other people. The second boy was an old friend from years ago that I always had a big crush on. He randomly reached out. I told him after he asked to see me that I was seeing someone else casually and he said that was fine he just wanted to see me as a friend. Things got a bit complicated after this second boy gave me a quick kiss after our great catch up. I need advice on where to go from here. I’ve been seeing both of them for about a 2ish months. Again they both know about each other and where I am with them. The first boy and I have had sex and have been quite intimate. He recently just confessed that he has fallen for me, and is feeling that this might be becoming “unrequited” (he is a really good person but also the sensitive artist type). It was very confusing for me as even tho I like him I can see some incompatibilities that aren’t just the fact that I’m completely not ready for anything serious. The second boy I really like and he has been as causal as I need. We haven’t had sex yet because he hasn’t made any direct moves on me in terms of sex or bought up anything about relationships. In fact he doesn’t really talk about how he is feeling at all! Except for casually saying things like “when I’m with you I’m so happy” referring to me as “the girl he likes”. The last time I saw him, we went back to his place where we had so much fun watching videos and giggling and laughing for hours. Nothing physical except flirty touching and cuddling. It got quite late so I told him I should leave. He got kinda awkward and kinda seemed like he backed off. Each time I stop us when we get physical he seems to get quite awkward. He kissed me before I left and said he had lots of fun. I messaged him later saying, I appreciate you never trying to make a move and respecting I want to take this slow and casually. He replied back saying “anything you want! You can set the pace for this” I sent him a joke in reply and he just liked my message and he has not replied since! It’s been quite a few days since he has messaged me. I feel the way I described the second guy makes him seem extremely shy but his exterior is not like that. Which confuses me. He is has a big, beautiful personality. So I can’t tell if he is shy around me or just annoyed with the boundaries I’ve set. I want to stay true to what I’ve said to both of them and not change how I act or what I want because I might have flutters of feelings for them. Should I follow up with the second guy even though he has clearly left me on seen and run the risk of seeming a bit desperate for his attention? Should I end things with the first even though he is so lovely yet perhaps a little incompatible? He wants to discuss how we could keep seeing each other but after changing things around for what he needs? If any of you can see, my attempt of keep things causal have not worked at all (this is my first casual experience too!!)
  22. I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years as of January and I moved in with him as of December. Our emotional bond is very strong however our sex life has been horrible making me very distant from him. I've been out with family more, and even with friends I otherwise wouldn't give so much time to. I find it hard to be home or around him at all lately because it just feels like a job. He's very lazy so I find it's easier to clean and fix things on my own. Despite all the laziness, at the end of the day I just want to feel loved and appreciated but am left feeling like a bitter husk of the person I know I can be. We have had many many conversations about the sex problems and he usually will just give me an excuse or tell me he's gonna work on it. I've taken many approaches to fix this and even turned on myself in the process. Talking to my father only gets so far when I can't truly express the full scope of the situation. I can't help but feel as though the hole I've dug myself gets deeper everyday and I just want it all to work out but I can't stand the frustration anymore. I've asked him how he feels and what the problem is but he says he's not depressed and he's going to fix this. I've been threatening to leave because my own mental health is suffering. I feel trapped and I don't know what to do anymore. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
  23. I used to date this guy, who I still have crazy feelings for. I'll give a detailed background on what our relationship was like. So I had a crush on him initially, and I confessed to him, and he accepted it, and initially, it was so sweet, we really got along, had similar life ambitions, and just in general, the relationship was really smooth, we contacted each other a lot, it was amazing, I was really happy. Then slowly, he started taking longer while responding to my texts, sometimes 2 days sometimes 3, I was tired of being the only one putting in all the effort and I had a lot on my plate as well, with regards to extra curricular activities, and everything, and so we mutually agreed to break up. Around few weeks later, after I was done with all my work, he contacted me and asked me if we could call. We called and talked for 5 hours straight, and all my old feelings came back to me. We called each other the next day, and we sang songs to each other, it was just amazing. Then a few days later he tells me, "I've been trying not to date people much, but I feel like Im falling in love with you, and you're the first girl I've decided to date in 2 years, what should I do?" I was obviously really happy at that, and I confessed back too, then he asked me out, and we started dating. This time we dated longer than we did in the past, and I swear to god, I was the happiest I've ever been till date. He'd even sacrifice his sleep for me, if I'd been busy, I'd tell him, "I'll be done at this time" he'd come at that time, and we'd talk for hours and hours. We both would sacrifice our sleep, mealtimes, etc just so we could talk, and that'd be my joy everyday. I actually have hormonal issues, so I get terrible mood swings sometimes, so I shouted at him twice for doing nothing at all. But he was still patient with me, and kept saying "sorry" even when he did nothing wrong. Once we were playing a game, and we lost consecutively 5 times, because of me, and he told me "you don't know anything about this game at all, you should do this in this situation and that in that situation" but I was mentally on a low at that time, so I didn't even accept anything he said, and told him, "you're being really mean to me" when he wasn't even being mean, and then he got mad too, and said "oh i am being mean? you told me you don't want to play this game, and you're playing just to spend time with me, but honestly it's a burden, because we are losing just because of you, you're not fun at all, you should just stop playing this game." I was really sad :(( and i told him that, then he said "im really sorry". I dont know why, but I kept trying to put in so much effort after that fight, he stopped making time for me, but I still kept sacrificing like before, so that our relationship works out, but it looked like he was already tired of me, he slowly went back to not replying for days and days, and when i told him that he just said "im sorry" when I asked him to break up with me, he just said "im sorry". I was really really sad about it and wanted the pain to end, so I left him a long message, telling him, how someone else could have treated me better, and saying stuff like, "I hope we don't talk again, you have hurt me so much" and blocked him on all socials. After three weeks, I found out that he got one of my socials from my friend, and told me, "i am sorry about what I did, please unblock me so that we can talk" he sounded really desperate and told me he was looking for me for a long time, and wanted to apologize for everything, and I apologized to him for everything I said too. Again, at the start we were talking a lot, and everything, he even told me personal things. I was kind of shocked when he told me about his sex drive, and how it being abnormally high bothered him, but I thought maybe he really trusted me as a friend and he said it, so I told him to consult a doctor, then he did, and then he took my suggestions for stuff like what he should gift his mom for her birthday, it was happy. But now again, he has gone back to not responding to me, like before, and I'm sorry, but I still have feelings for him, and I really really want to know, if it is worth investing any more time, into this. Yesterday I told him, "Please reject me so that I can move on" but he hasn't responded to that message yet, and I don't know how long he is going to take this time, maybe even a month. I just want to know if it is worth continuing to love him and wait for him to come back again, or should I just stop all contact with him for a few months and let this go. I have never felt this way about anyone before, so I am really in a mental turmoil because of this. I am so sorry this ended up being so long ╥ _ ╥
  24. I just need an opinion. Should I be concerned if my boyfriend has been downloading a private browsing app? Not for saving space on the phone or anything like that. Wouldn't it make sense just to use incognito tabs? I know some guys like to keep porn private from their girlfriends. And I do have a problem snooping through his phone once in a while (like I'm talking.. every couple months) for non-porn related things. But he knows I wouldn't care if he was watching porn. But he tells me he never watches porn even though I told him many times it wouldn't bother me. It's not just that he downloaded the app, it's that he installs it and uninstalls it every time. I won't even explain how I realized that because it just makes me sound even crazier than I already seem. We've had a problem with craigslist before so I'm more concerned about that and other things he knows I'm not okay with. If he downloaded the app and kept it on there and explained to me (if I confronted him) that it's there because he feels uncomfrtable with his porn habits in his browser history then I'd understand. Idk I feel like I'm being ridiculous. But when you have little trust and issues because of secrets (involving craigslist) it's hard not to jump to conclusions. I know he can't be meeting up with people because we spend most of our time together. We are about to move into an apt in a couple weeks and we've been together for (on/off) 7 years. Idk HOW to confront him. He never gets that mad if I ever confront him about anything I found cause he knows that he is in the wrong. And we haven't had an issue like this in about a year. Idk if I should let it go or give it time or what. I know there's a way I can find out if/around when he installs it again. But I feel like he's going a little far using an app (it's called Mirmay) just to browse privately.
  25. Hi! I have the exact same thing happening, except my friend used to say all the time that he fancied her, even telling me he’s a dead end when I fancied him because she knew he liked her. We have been together for 6 months now too and I can’t help but feel like he still hasn’t found closure. Both of us skate so we saw her a lot and he would play around with her and not me. Again I know he loves me more than life and I do him but I get upset too, I don’t really know what to do either
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