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About Me

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  1. Hello, Recently I have noticed patterns of irritability and anger. I try to control it, but each time I fail. Yesterday, I lashed out at a woman at the Drivers License center because she was very rude to me. I was so upset afterwards and cried in my car because I’ve never stuck up for myself like that. Although I did that, I let it get to me the rest of the day. There’s other situations where I feel angry and I want to blow up, so I go into a quiet place to cool down and take deep breaths. I do consider myself to be communicative, but sometimes I feel like I am not heard when I express myself, which is probably why I feel angry. I have noticed that some situations in the past have made me an angry person. I didn’t always use to be this way. I was always the nice person, but I’m now the complete opposite and have a zero tolerance/patience level. My anxiety has worsen and I let the small things get to me. I want to know if anyone is going through this and if you can give me any helpful tips to control my anger? Thank you.
  2. I've become heartless, cold and angry, yet i don't know why, I got over a tough relationship with my ex girl and found myself angry. I was seeing other women after that but I could'nt care less about them. Lately at work i've been somewhat of an a..hole to my co-workers, I don't talk to the family much and don't really care much about my close friends problems. I know it's not because of the break up, I got over that, but I still feel like I failed as a man or a person in general, I'm unhappy with my life, I don't wanna be where I am, but i'm stuck, I support my sick parents financially, there are so many things I want and can't have, I feel alone but don't really want anyone in my life right now cause I don't wanna bring them down with me it's a dilemma I can't figure out, I know theres gotta be something I could do. I know i'm not depressed or in need of a shrink, I'm sure it's something simple...I hope
  3. I wanted to throw a recent experience of mine out there for discussion. Last spring I met a woman that seemed like a great match for me. We were initially attracted to each other, but we were long distance so we could only see each other every few weeks. Things seemed to go well for about a month. I then made a mistake in not showing enough passion for her (not that I didn't feel it, I just wanted to take it slowly). She concluded that I was uncomfortable with my sexuality and decided she couldn't "take the next step" in the relationship. I strongly feel she's made a lot of judgements about me on very little knowledge, but of course she's convinced that she is correct in her assessments. She wanted to remain friends and went so far as to tell me that "I can't say that you wouldn't be right for me at some point". I've never remained friends with anyone that broke up with me; I always felt that I'd be fooling myself and hoping that they'd come to their senses. I expressed that to her and I thought that was that. An hour later she calls back and said she was sad about the whole thing. I played hardball and told her she'd made a mistake with me. She said she was still planning on coming to my location (we'd had plans for the weekend and she was to visit other friends). I told her to have a good time, and she became frustrated and we ended the conversation. 24 hours later she calls again. We talk for about 10 minutes but I don't give her much in terms of conversation. I reiterate that she made a mistake. She defends her position but again says she can't be sure I'm wouldn't be the right guy at some time. Two days later she calls again on my birthday. The conversation starts off the same but quickly turns sour. I start feeling insulted at some of the things she is saying (she had also been out with girlfriends and had a couple of drinks). I got angry and expressed that fact that I didn't appreciate some of things she was saying. She giggled (due to the alcohol, maybe?) and it went downhill fast. It ended when I said "You can call back when you sober up" and slammed the phone down. A few days later a left a message apologizing for hanging up on her but defended my reasons for my anger. I meant to leave the door open for future conversation but may not have made that clear to her. There has been no reply (it has been four weeks), and I haven't initiated any contact either. Part of me would like to remain friends (which she clearly wanted to do); I do think she's worth keeping in my life in some way. On the other hand, I can't deny I want her to change her mind about me. I've come close to calling and saying "Look, I'd like to have things such that we could communicate if we'd like to", but haven't done so yet. For what it is worth, she is 34 years old and I'm a few years older. Thanks in advance for your advice.
  4. hello me and my room mate's foud one of are other room mate's poems we think he would like to se this posted so here go's feel my anger and my hate feel the depth of my hate. as it makes me burn . take head they who speek to my face . for you to will feel my hate. as i burn you down. as i feel you turn you will. knell befor me in this time as i reush into your bestilled haert . with thy knife. feel it burn deep in as it perices you haert aging . this is my love this is my song to you. as you fall to the floor you will be no more . as i give you one last breath befor i still our haert aging . i wisper in you ear feel my love for this world . my friend wrote this one and its the way i feel rigth now . about someone hope you all like his work he is far better then i
  5. I posted a while ago about having issues with a friend of mine who wanted me to break up with my boyfriend and date a mutual friend of both of us after she discovered he liked me. A -lot- has happened since then, but the whole story is really long(I know because I typed it out and then decided to summarize Basically, neither me nor this guy handled the situation right and now, neither of us even want to be friends anymore. I told him I didn't want to be with him, he insisted I would "someday," I finally confronted him that I had meant my decision to stay with my boyfriend and we decided not to see each other for a while. I realized that just not seeing each other was not enough. You guys know the whole "no contact" thing, so I figured you'd understand where I'm coming from. Yesterday I asked him for space, I wish I had done it sooner, but I was uncertain of whether or not I could control the anger I was having towards this guy and just continue dealing with him, or if I needed to get away from him to deal with my anger. Earlier events of this week proved to me that I needed to just not talk to him for a while. I said as much in email yesterday and he said it was "too late" to ask for space... The thing is...I'm not really that upset. I actually feel...relieved. I was in a situation like this a few months ago where I did a lot of stupid things and ended up hurting a few people, one in particular. Looking back now, I realize all I did wrong, and those mistakes helped me from making the same ones this time. But that time I was really upset and a wreck for weeks if not months. This time...I ranted a bit in my online journal about the whole email "war" but after that, I felt free, like a huge burden was lifted from me. My boyfriend said it was because the guy was not only causing negative feelings in me, but was a very negative person in general. I'm just wondering if it's normal to feel this much relief after you lose a friend? Cause, while I'm reveling in the relief I feel...it seems like I shouldn't be so happy/relieved with what happened....
  6. hi im in love with a girl i used to date she says she think she loves me too she syas shes angry with me most of the time hwne shes not tlkaing to me or with me we always end up doing stuff when we are together and she wants me and says she cant stop seeing me but i dont want to love her because it hurts to much to love her when she wont have me back im crying alot and well it just hurts when shes not in my arms or talking with me
  7. Hello, not really asking for advice as much as want to just moan to someone about my life right now. I am in the mood for writing a lot so go elsewhere now unless you want to die of boredom. I met my girlfriend in October last year while she was working in England (where i live), she is from poland and went back in December sop we had a great couple of months together, when she went home she wasnt to keen on keeping things going saying she need to be free, I talked her I would be at a certain place at a certain date and time in poland and I wanted to see her there, but I said it was up to her. I went to the place in february and she showed up, we spent a great couple of days together, but again she didnt want to continue, again I talked her round to just seeing how we go. Then I went to see her again in April, I surprised her this time, I just went to poland and told her i was there, she came to see me and we had a good time. But she still wasnt sure about keeping it going (a pattern eh) Around this time she was also saying how she was bored at home and needed to do something, that something turned out to be going to work on a cruise ship in miami for 6 or 7 months from June. So I went to see her just before she left for miami and we had a good time again, but the same old story, she wasnt sure about keeping it going. And so she left, I told her I would go see her on the ship for a week in early august (2 weeks ago), and she spent all the time she wasnt working with me and we had a great week together. But again she wanted to break up, but couldnt quite do it. Just for the record she always tells me she loves me and I make her so happy, despite the fact she wants to break up all the time, the reason she says she wants to break up is cos she is scared of her feelings and not being in control of them, i try to understand but it is hard, i wonder if she just wants to be free more than she loves me. I came back from seeing her a week ago and am missing her like mad, also I am worried now she will find someone else on the ship and get into a relationship (even if only a brief one), she told me lots of stories about crew members having partners on board as well as at home having partners or wives. And she is very friendly and very attractive and it was clear all the guys on the ship were after her to be thier "on board" girl friend. Since I got back this has been worrying me a lot as she is friends with many guys on there and it is obvious many of them want her for themselves even though they are playing as friends. They have crew parties and go clubbing all together and things, i just feel some guy will work her aorund and get close to her and she will just go with it. So now i am back in england again, alone and missing her like mad, i am meant to be going to see her on the ship again in 6 weeks time, but i am so worried about losing her and her doing something with someone on the ship, its drin=ving me nuts, i hardly sleep or eat and think about it ALL the time. I dont know what to do, if you have read this far maybe you can give me something, but i really dont want to lose her so I dont think i can break up with her, maybe i just need to know how to cope, I know i should keep busy but I cant, i just sit and think about it, even if I try to do something else it dosent last. I hate this situation, i just want her with me. Thanks for listening.
  8. I know it's been over a month since I last posted. I was in a very "angry" headspace then, having finally exploded and said all the things to my "ex" I felt he needed to hear. I heard nothing in response to my email, which left me more angry. His "father-knows-best" condescending attitude always got to me, and this was one occasion where I would never know if what I said FINALLY got through to him, or he just felt I was ranting and didn't know what I was talking about. I was very careful when I sent the email to stick to commenting on his behaviour and how it could potentially have a negative affect him and his children in the future, and I avoided attacking or critisizing him personally. So, 6 weeks later, I am finally seeing the light. I realize that I can't be with someone so unwilling to help himself and so closed off as to choose avoidence over dealing with difficult situations. We loved each other, but we were never partners in the true sense. He was never 100% commited to me, no matter what he said or did. I am no longer angry, just a little sad, but regardless, for the first time in 7 months, I can actually see myself dating again, and being with someone else and not getting upset or feeling guilty about it. Even a month ago, the idea of dating again just upset me. So, a lot has changed in a month. I guess time does heal most things, and in my case, I know time and distance (and N/C) are what did it for me. I have done all I could do, and no longer beat myself up about it. I have posted my profile back on Lavalife and given all my friend's the "green light" to set me up, as they have all been dying to do for months. Wish me luck.
  9. I'm actually very happy to have found this forum...I have such a large weight on my chest that I have no idea where to turn. My 5 year old son returned from school only to share with me that an older kid on the school bus was making him do "nasty" with his friend....I almost stroked out when he went on to tell me the slang words for female parts, and then demonstrated the very acts he was instructed to do of sexual & oral intercourse. (he said he didn't want to do these things, and the boy started hurting his arm and threatened to slap him, but he still didn't). I as a concerned parent contacted the principal at Parks Primary in Parks, La. and arranged a meeting ... from then on I was pressured to leave the room for the purpose of an investigation, which I refused (I had an audio recorder on me)...then the principal told me "If you don't believe in me, well then you don't believe in god" I found that to be totally insulting (I trust in god alone)...This is a public school with supposedly zero tolerance for "sexual harassment" as stated in the handbooks given and signed by all parents of the school. Well, after refusing to leave my sons side, I was asked to leave the premises of the school (I took my son with me)....My son was the victim & b/c my son did not perform the acts, the school was not concerned at all. I got so angry I went to our local TV station to do an investigation, filed a police report, and an app. w/ our attorney. I need any advice I could get on healing my child of this incident that destroyed his innocence, I'm so concerned he might act them out on other children or worse think that what happened to him was his fault. I'm so confused and the way we were treated at the school makes me so angry...I was doing the right thing...and it was treated like nothing! Please help with any advice...
  10. I'd stopped self harming for about a month or something. I can't really remember how long but it was ages. I've been going threw a lot of emotional stress right now with work, college, home and friends. I'd been trying to keep it all in which I was doing a good job of. I still go to see my counciler every week. Today I found a confruntion with someone at college a little too much to handle. She was acusing me of steeling her lighter or something that I hadn't done. She raised her voice at me and said I was full of crap, put me down, made me feel really annoyed. Then later in class she asked me what was wrong. I said 'I was already in a 'crap' mood and you just had to go and make it worse didn't you?' then she was trying to be nice to me like what she had said was perfectly normal. Justifying it even. But it had allready got too much by that time and I'd already self harmed. It doesn't hurt anymore. No mater what I do. I'd never done it outside home and I think it might turn into a problem if I do. I don't need knifes or sharp objects to make myself bleed. It just seems to be getting worse and I feel so angry with everyone around me. I don't know how to deal with it anymore. I tried really hard not to self harm, it was working! But in the end it just tore into me so much I was shaking so bad because I wanted to do it. I'm atually really beggining to scare myself. I know I wouldn't do anything to another person because I've always been lacking in self confidence and took my anger out on myself. Thats why I self harm I think. Because I'm scared to talk to people about what they have done wrong, so I get angry with myself, I hurt myself, they do it even more. My grandparents are just making things worse for me. I've tried telling them how I feel and they just won't listen to me. They know I 'used to cut' but don't know I still ocationally do. But it's just getting to the point where I'm atually begginging to enjoy the pain because it's something that calms me. I don't know what to do anymore and I'm scared. I'm scared of finishing college and I'm scared of being alone and having to move out. I'm so angry that I can't think streight. I don't know is there anything I can do to change the way I'm thinking? Thanks, ~S.
  11. Like many of you know i just ended a year and a half relationship with my ex-boyfriend. And although it was hard for me to do, i know it will only help me in my future. He was abusive emotionally and physically, and now that has left me angry. Angry at him for being so mean towards me, someone he supposedly love and angry at myself for thinking that he loved me. I have been reading a lot of posts on here, about how healing comes with time and Patients, which is obvious, but what am i supposed to do about the anger i feel? I just don't understand how someone could treat someone with such disrespect, yet be with them for this amount of time. My ex did a lot of hurtful things to me, that hurt me at the time, and still hurt but i wanted to be with him so bad, that i looked past the abuse and the name calling so i wouldn't be alone, and when he said he was sorry the first time he hit me, i really believed it. i always thought that the next time would be different. Even though i came from a family where my father beat my mother and apologized and promised he would never do it again, he always would. I just never thought that my ex would hit me. and that has now left me and my self-confidence and self-esteem so shattered, that i don't even know where to start on picking up the pieces. When my father had his accident, and almost killed himself, i was angry..i was very angry and instead of being there and just listening and supporting me, he yelled at me. Right after i found out that my dad was in the trauma unit of the hospital with serious brain damage, i didn't want someone to yell at me at that point, i wanted someone to just listen, and he couldn't even do that. I don't know why, but some part of me just tells me that he couldn't do it because he doesn't know how, he doesn't know how to be reliable and help people. That really hurt, and i dont even think he realizes how much that hurt me, that i just needed to vent, and get out my emotions and he just told me to stop. Then says mean things about my grandparents who have been wonderful towards me because my grandmother felt the same way i did, she was hurt and angry with my father also. I look back on that day and eventhough i was in such an emotional state and he treated me like crap i still wanted him in my life...i always thought that if something big happened in my life his true colors would show and he would be the boyfriend i really needed, when in reality his true colors did show, but they weren't what i wanted, so i just changed them to fit my fantasy. He was never there for me throughout my fathers accident, taking someone to the hospital is one thing, but when i was scared my dad was going to lose his house, and i just needed to cry he told me to "Just stop, and get over it, it was my reality" That made me cry more, and i didn't know if it is because i am a very senitive person, or if he was really that cruel to not just be there. It doesn't help the fact that he hates my grandparents. They brought me up since i was 12 years old. I couldn't live with my mother or my father who divorced when i was 8. So i came to live with them, and in my eyes they were very open-minded and they weren't over protective at all, but in the eyes of my ex they were horrible towards me. and i just couldnt see it. of course my grandmother and i would have our moments, but she was no longer my grandmother...after all this time she is more like a mother, and that is normal, but it doesn't make me want to leave and move out...and thats what my ex wanted me to do. He always said that they baby me, and i am going to turn just as screw up as my mother. every private thing i have ever told him about my life, he has throw in my face somehow, and that really hurts me. I really thought i could trust him, to just listen and not take every bad thing that i have done, or my family has done and throw it in my face...just to hurt me. I feel very foolish, I can't believe i let it go on this long, i am so mad at myself for believing him, for trusting him with secrets and really thinking i could possibly make a life with him. I didn't want to lead him on in any way...i really did want to make it work, but no matter what i did, i was always wrong. I should have known better, i saw the way he treated other people, i just never thougth in the beginning that he would treat me that way...the one he loved "more than anything or anyone else in the world". I have stories that many would think i made up, but everyday was an adventure with him, and usually not a good one. I got to the point where all i would want to do was sleep, because i knew thats how i could get away from him for awhile, But that wouldn't stop him from calling my house repeated times to make sure my family wasn't lying to him... One situation i will share with you is the day of my friends birthday, i had to ask permission from him if i could go. We didn't have any plans made for that day so i didn't think it would be that big of a deal. He had his own apartment at the time, so it was just the two of us there, which scared me because i didn't always like being alone with him. I told him that it was my friends birthday and that she and another friend invited me to go out to dinner than back to her house to watch a movie and just have a girls night, he didn't understand or like it. Started yelling at me saying that we had plans and all of this stuff. Then it truned physical, he wouldn't let me leave and when i tried he grabbed me by the arm and pulled me back inside. He live in an upper apartment, so it was difficult for me to run down the stairs so fast. then he locked the door and started freaking out. Telling me that i could only go to dinner then come back and spend the night wit him. I never had the chance to hang out with my friends because he would always pull this, i just figured this day would be different because it was her birthday. He got in my face and pushed his head onto mine and held me down on the couch, at this point i felt like i was losing my mind, and i was just crying hysterically, then he hit me, and i felt like i lost it and i just went to choke him...Im not a violent person but i just couldnt handle him in my face and he wouldn't let me go..and he would push my face so i would look at him...then he started in on how i made him want to go and use drugs, and how we were going to go for a ride...i was going to go w/ him, and watch him smoke crack. that freaked me out, i didnt know what to do. i just kept praying, then all of a sudden his mom knocked on the door. I know it was God at that moment answering my prayers, because he let her in and calmed down, and i got to leave. I thought it was over, when i got home i was still upset but i tried not to let on but my grandparents knew something was up, i told her what happened...minus the physically stuff, and she said just to get ready and try to go out and have fun. While i was getting ready i heard my neighbors and my grandparents talking outside...(it was summer the window was open) and then i saw him, he just kept driving by my house, and then i got scared again...i called my friend and told her i couldn't drive to her house because i didn't want him to follow me, and that i didn't know if i wanted to go anymore. He just kept driving by, then he came to my door, my grandparents told him i was already gone, and that he should leave me alone, i was listening at the top of the stairs and he started yelling and screaming at them, that they were A**holes and that they treat me like a child. He finally left. I was scared that he was going to do something with my car, so my neighbor was going to park it in his driveway to hide it, and when he was backing my car out my Ex pulled up, becuse he was watching from up the street and parked infront of my neighbors driveway so he couldn't pull in...then he pulled away. I still continued to get ready, and my friend called back and said that they wanted me to go and she would come and pick me up. I went outside with my family and neighbors to look and see if he was around, and when i saw him parked down the street, i knew that my friend was coming and i didn't want him to follow her or hurt her so i had her park on another street and call me when she got there so i would just meet her at her car. I know this sounds so crazy, and my family really wanted to call the cops, but i wouldn't let them...don't ask me why..i think it was just because i was so scared of him, that i thought calling the cops would only anger him more. It is just really hard for me not to get angry when i think about all the things he has done, and i get so angry at myself for letting him hurt me in such ways...i thank you all who have read this all the way thru...i know it is really long, but i really needed to get it out...
  12. I ended a 3yr relationship a week ago. This was a huge and heavy decision on my part. It took guts to do it for my heart screamed for me to stop and reconsider. What brought on my change of heart was I began to sit and observe that he could only do things for me that dovetailed with his own needs or desires. He was incapable of doing even the most simplest thing simply because he loved me. He has kept me on eggshells demanding I change to accommodate his expectations and if I failed he'd end the relationship. Like a carrot dangled in front of a mule he'd taunt me. I found I made all the compromises and sacrafices while his greatest sensitivity was to him self. Im intelligent and bright so this made me angry that I have put up with this for so long. I have felt great shame that I have settled for such a partner who has neglectrd me. His emotional blackmail has been cleverly disguised behind critism, threats of rejection, with holding affection, and no intimacy. Perhaps my own desire for marriage and love blinded me so that would explain why its taken me 3yrs to finally end this relationship. For months now its been on life support and going no where. I simply just pulled the plug. How do you move on with life when your mind tells you he never loved you to begin with and your heart weeps for your loss and wants him. I failed to take notice that the one thing I was most quilty of doing was seeing him as the man he could become, but failed to see the man he had became.
  13. I need help. Major. I know that I get incredibly and irrationally anxious when in a relationship. My perspective is whacked (so I've been told). For example, if the guy I'm seeing isn't home when I call and I leave a message and I don't get a call back that night. I freak. My mind starts automatically thinking that he doesn't like me anymore, he's avoiding my calls, he'll never call back, this is it...so this starts the cycle. I get angry at what I preceived as his neglect so he'll eventually sense my irritability...and so on. I am so afraid of being left or rejected that I basically CAUSE it! Does anyone go through this and how do you stop? The example that I gave is what I'm going through right now and I know it's my warped perspective. I feel crazy!
  14. hey , its me again. and things havent improved much since the last time i posted. My ex-gf is still the same, and im still suffering from that. I try not to show it sometimes, but it gets back at me everytime. I dont get it , its like everything was gone in an instant, all those promises, all her words... it just hurts me . And the worst thing is , i cant run away from it... im just crying inside (sometimes outside too) heh,,, should have known better. Now theres my friends, when i thought they were there for me , then Boom! They are not talking to me. Its because a couple of my friends started a stupid joke to my ex-gf (another 1),we broke off last year, about me betting to be with her, which totally wasnt true. She's acting all stupid now and not talking to me. Not only that , she goes around telling other ppl of wat i supposedly done.And they are doing the same to me ! not talking to me? Yea, accused of something i didnt do.I sent a message to the 2 of my friends, and things got out of hand. Stupid, i know. But things arent gonna improve. I dunno , maybe coz teenagers at my age can be silly sometimes? I just dont understand how they could start something like this . The following day she comes to me and starts telling me all sort of bull, and watever i said doesnt get in her head. Im just sad, angry,frustrated,annoyed.... name any bad feeling, i got it . Friends and a girl got me hurt real bad. Dont have much of a life right now , dont know how to fix it. We live in a small community by the way , its like everyone knows everybody else. HARD.... i wasnt a loner, i was a cheerful guy, surrounded by friends all the time... it seems that im going the opposite direction now... Im starting to realise how silly things can happen to me , which i thought wouldnt happen. I guess thats how it goes. If it werent for my parents for being there for me , i dont know what would have happened to me. Ive got no one else. More of venting rather than seeking advice, just wondering tho anyone got ideas about this. I seriously need help... thx
  15. okay, i might sound like a crazy person, but i don't know what to do. I keep getting really angry at boyfriend and i can't pinpoint why? He has'nt done anything wrong in particular. I think the problem is that he has not done anything. He acts so non chalant about everything. it makes me mad. am i crazy?
  16. Hi, A brief recap of my situation. Met my ex nearly 4 years ago during first month of uni. During the last year we have lived 100 miles apart since we graduated. Last few months she's been really distant with me on the phone and when we were together. I confronted her about this just 3 weeks ago and she admitted she needed "time and space" and to "be single for a while" and "answering to nobody." For a few days after this I did a bit of the old begging, pleading etc which I now completely regret. She is adamant she wants us to be "best friends" which I went along with for a short while. But I changed my attitude as it was killing me trying to stay friends...impossible. So i rang her and told her we should have a week of no contact then we'd speak. So we did that and we talked, she cried saying "ive misssed you" but still not changed. I ended it saying i needed more time to get my head round this. Anyway, that was 7 days ago. Still no contact. But the last couple of days reality has started to sink in and i am getting increasingly annoyed and angry at the stuff that happened during the last few months of our relationship. How could she be so distant and cold with me? When would she have told me about this "time and space" rubbish if i hadn't confronted her about it? Had she been seeing someone behind my back? All these questions and thoughts are flooding back to me now. What should i do? Right now i want to ring her and tell her how unfair she has treated me over the last few months. I am really worked up i don't know what to do. Do i break no contact to tell her how im feeling? Tell her that it's best if we don't speak to eachother again ever? The 2 weeks after the split i was devastated but i was still nice when we spoke and stuff. But now it is turning to resentment about how she treated me. Im confused, i dont know if i want her back anymore, or whether to draw a line underneath her. i just dont know. What does everyone else think? Thanks, Rich
  17. I've posted 2 other things on here about how my bf and I had gotten in a huge fight last weekend and how I broke up with him while drunk (huge stupid mistake) and he wouldn't talk to me, return my calls or answer my emails. Well on Friday he finally signed back onto instant messenger and I was able to talk to him for awhile. He said he doesn't see me the same way anymore. He doesn't know if he wants to be with me. after I talked to him for awhile about that he was pretty much not talking to me much I asked him about regular stuff and he seemed to warm up to me a little but yesterday I talked to him online he told me not to call he doesn't want to talk to me on the phone or see me right now and yesterday he wasn't really willing to talk to me. He kept saying maybe I'm not ready to forgive you right now. and he keeps saying how it doesn't matter how much apologizing I do he doesn't care. I know if I saw him or talked to him on the phone he wouldn't be so angry with me but he's unwilling to do that it's like he wants to stay mad at me. and he wont answer me and let me know if we're together or if he wants to be with me anymore he just says I can't answer that or I dont know. I dont know what to do. I miss him so much and I tell him how I feel and he's like I don't care how you feel right now. It's frustrating What would you do?
  18. My father was never there. I dont think he even knows my middle name. He was diagnosed with Hepatitis C 4 years ago. Come to find out that he had it for 25 years. And hes like a little child now. He goes to the bathroom on the television, he cant dial the phone, he cant even eat right without shaking. Hes like a 4 year old boy. Its ashame when I see him this way, but also I just cant seem to care as much as I use to. He use to cheat on my mother all of the time. Come home drunk, and his obsession over money is rediculous. We are stuggling with bying him the pills for his disease, and he goes out and buys a $16,000.00 harley motorcycle, that he cant even drive. It just sits there, just like his new truck. My mother said something to me the other day... that would change my feelings for my father forever. She told me "jessica, I have to tell you this now because, when your father dies (she said WHEN, not IF) you might be confused at his funeral"... and i said "ok tell me" and she said "your father also has 2 other children from 2 different women, he had cheated on me and ...." blah blah blah. I didnt even think about anything else besides "where are these kids" and my mom told me "he doesnt want nothing to do with them, I try telling him that he should talk to them, but he ignores them, Those calls that we get and we answer and the person hangs up... its his kids. He acts like he has no kids besides you" I am ANGRY, I AM FURIOUS... the worste thing is when he gets mad he says "WHen i get this liver transplant I cant wait to leave this house" Hes only still with us because hes sick. And my moms only with him because If she leaves HE WILL DIE because he cant take care of himself. And she thinks her vowels are important in there marrage (sickness and health)... I dont know.... I just dont KNOW ANYMORE! I HATE HIM. I HATE THIS FAMILY. I CANT DO ANYTHING TO GET MY MOM TO HAVE A GOOD LIFE, shes always HAD a bad life since childhood, WHY DOES it have to be US!
  19. Alright, I should explain this as thoroughly as possible. What I want is all different sorts of advice on the subject as well. This is a little deep, so only respond if you can pay attention. There was this girl I worked with, who was a social leper. Always angry, pissy responses, typical immaturity. Typical teenage angst. Angst because she couldn't socialize very well, Im thinking? But I had music interests in common with her. She had a stuttering problem, so as usual with everyone, I was friendly. I wasn't interested in this girl except as to wanting to be a friend, there was no attraction. Well I was nice to this girl until she decided to leave somewhere, military. Bootcamp. I asked her recruiter if I could write her a letter, my intent was to ask about bootcamp experience. She knew I was going to the same place. I have since told the military to go to hell & filed my DEP seperation form. Now Im in college. Anyway.. Well after I told them that, she came back in her 5th week (there are 8 weeks), dropping out or was kicked out, of bootcamp. When she came back, she told everyone at work that I am STALKING her. This social leper seems to be very serious? I had really thought I wasn't on this girl's nerves; I was always friendly, and everyone at work (I've settled the matter) knows I have a girlfriend. I don't mean to be arrogant, but Im on a higher level than that. Everyone now knows I only wanted to ask about bootcamp experience too. As usual, nobody at work likes the girl because of her attitude. But this nutty girl still doesn't know, Im thinking word will get to her? But what Im asking is: Should I settle the matter with this closed person myself, and if so, how exactly should I word it? How can I settle this matter to a person who tends to ignore everything I say & immaturely hides behind things & knocks things over almost LEAPING out of the way when Im walking by as if I had a disease. LoL. I don't mean to have the girl act so scared either. I didn't think she was retarded, only had the stuttering problem, but? hmm Aye, people can be nuts.. Advice anyone? I need ADVICE.
  20. Ladies or gentleman. I am completely dumbfounded with my wifes fantasy. We have been married for 13 years and we have had our ups and downs but for the most part we are very, very comunicative. She surprised me today with a request for a threesome... with another male. What gets me is that I was NOT offended. (Is that possible?) She later confessed to me that she has always wanted to try this. I became somewhat defensive and asked her if she ever did this kind of thing before. She said absolutely NOT. But, nonetheless... She wants to be with someone she can take home from a nightclub with me. She further stated that she wants me to be there with her. I thought I would be angry but after a week thinking about this... I'm not. I think it would be erotic to let her be "her"! Should I go through this? Apart from this... (It continues)... She has a desire to be with a younger man that is uncircumsized. Woah! We are both 35 years old. I totally trust her and I have been faithfull all these years and she has been also. Any female perspectives on this?
  21. Here is my question. Do you know those dark months of despair, wishing and hoping they would remember what a treasure you are but resenting the fact that they are blissfully happy going on without you while every day is blighted by their memory. Then one day you get angry and you get some revenge. You know its wrong and its petty but jstt for one moment to have some impact on thier lives you do it. Its out of character but you have been in pain so long. Do you know that feeling? And what did you do? I did something like that and now I feel a bit of a bunnyboiler.
  22. Omg I cannot deal with this,I just recently put up a post about me and my ex once again,Since then things are not going how I thought they would be and we are hardly talking again because we did not meet up that day,I have so many things going through my mind right now and im so sick of it all,I am currently having trouble with my car which means I might have to give it up and I just spent all my money in the bank 8 months ago to fix it up and get it on the road,I have friends who say they are my friends and act like it from time to time but only a few I am talking about here are starting to pluck me because I feel that they are not true friends for some reason and I was just thinking about that tonight I feel as if though everyone that gets a chance walks all over me,Not because I let them do it I am just so nice and very genuine when it comes to others,I am having my depression come back because all I want to do is cry right now and bust a hole in the wall because I am so angry at myself for letting me get back to this situation again,If I dont have a car I dont get out as much as I have been which makes things worse,I know people might say that I have done this to myself but they dont understand that I did not purposley do it I dont know what is going on with me all I know is that right now I am stressed and very very very stressed so I need some opinions on what I can do to get out of this cycle?I find myself getting like this after talking to my ex thinking things get better and everytime it fails for some reason,I am so mad right now.I also dont want to go out again because I my as well stop it now before I have to give up my car,I have not felt this bad in awhile I was doing so good I was going out going out and having a great time but now I dont want to go out I just want to give up on everything,I feel that I have tryed with everything the best that I could and nothing works for me so I am giving up,Sometimes I wonder why I am even here on this earth because nothing ever goes right for me and I just dont get it,My ex,My car,Bills,Depression and I dont want ppl to feel sorry for me that is the last thing I want,I am just looking for opinions on how to get out of this mess,I did not think that it would come back and at that come back this bad,No I just want to let this all out because I think I need to.My ex tells me one thing and acts a whole diff way until the next time we talk and things happen all over.I dont know does anyone have any advice or opinions for me because I am really angry and upset and I just cannot handle anymore of this or I am going to seriously have a break down
  23. Hey all, Well as some of you know, I have been having quite a lot of problems with my boyfriend of two years recently. He is in a very stressful job, where he is going through hell at the moment and has a tendency to take it out on me when he phones, if he phones. We have been going a lot recently. As you know, he felt like I was always annoyed with him for never calling or being there, when he just didn`t have the time. Well, a few nights ago I was out with my friends and ended up getting very very drunk. I`m not proud of it, but let`s just say the paramedics got involved. I can honestly say that I rarely get drunk and that was a one-off and will not happen again. In the end I didn`t have to go to hospital or anything but my boyfriend was called and he came to take me back to his flat to sleep it off. The next day he was very very angry with me. I apologised etc but he still seemed very cold and unaffectionate. That night I spoke to him on the phone. He was behavng strangely. He says that he feels he isn`t making progress anywhere in his life just now, but wouldn`t clarify what exactly he meant. He said he wasn`t angry about the drinking, but that he still feels that I am always angry with him just now. I told him that I wasn`t angry. He said I haven`t done anything to make him feel like that, it is just a tone he always senses. Well, and we haven`t spoken since. It is Valentine` Day, and I haven`t heard anything from him. It is now seven o clock so I can`t see us doing anything tonight. I really feel that this is the end of the road. I want this to end but I love him .I really need to know I`m doing the right thing. Or do I just give him more time? I know he is so stressed still..
  24. This was not the happiest weekend for me, since I decided on Friday that I could not continue seeing a girl who I've been dating for 4 months. We had our first fight over the phone on Friday. I was angry enough to call it off with her right then and there, but I didn't want to do it over the phone. I just see that as cowardly. The funny thing was, I tried calling her the next day to meet up on Sunday... just so I could see her and break up face-to-face. I get the feeling she thought I was being needy and getting ready to fold... I dunno. Anyway, she said she had plans and didn't suggest a different day we could meet. Just curious as to what your thoughts are on the method of breaking up? Phone, e-mail, in person, through a friend?? hehe (BTW, in case you may wonder why I am running at the first sign of trouble, our tiff was actually not the first sign... and the things she said during our phone conversation were confirmed my worst fears of where the relationship was going)
  25. For those who don't know you can check my previous post, but I'll write a quick summary for you- 1. friends w/ guy for 4 years 2. turns into a relationship w/ him for 8 yrs. 3. stress and taking him for granted leads up to me seperating w/ him 4. realize it was a mistake try to get back together and he says no, i hurt him 5. find out he is seeing someone 6. he starts calling again and we start seeing one another Ok, that is it minutely summed up. Anyway, while he was with this girl it was the hardest time I have ever had. She was the EXACT opposite of me. She was everything he said he never wanted in a relationship. SHE contacted me (wouldn't you think if anyone was to do that it would be the girl who had gone out with him for 8 years?) and she talked major s#!t about me. It was pretty dramatic stuff that I tried to stay out of and that really surprised me my ex was involved in. Needless to say, when my ex called me to start talking I didn't trust him. But I have been working on that. And just starting to let my anger go and not let it affect us working on getting back together. BUT, here is the thing. I am going to a show tonight that my ex is in and I am scared she will be there. He says she probably won't, but ughh what if she is. I cannot just not go b/c I have been doing that for awhile. I have been avoiding places I want to go just b/c she might be there, and I don't think I should have to do that anymore. But all three of us at the same place, at the same time, that is just gonna be weird. And they didn't end it on a bad note, so they'll probably talk for awhile. I am really going to have to let my anger go towards her too, which is probably my biggest test b/c she has been really disrespectful towards me. Any advice on how I should act if she is there? Help!?
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