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About Me

  1. If you could have any one super power, what would it be? Mine would be the ability to stop time. Isn't that the one thing I always hear myself saying, thinking, feeling? If only I had more time. Isn't that the wish on everyone's tongue tip? So okay, new found power, say you happen, I know the moral of the day is that I'll end up wasting you on trivial s**t, but sometimes I just need to gather my thoughts and collect myself. Life is fast and it only seems to be getting faster. One day I was 16 and all I could think about was the endless currency of precious time I had to spend. It was so undervalued. I'd do nothing with it. Spend it in bed, spend it online, spend it daydreaming. The only thing that's changed is the first part - hello new early riser - goodbye I've got forever so let's just chill and things will happen next year. Now I wake up 24 having to think if I'm actually well into my twenties or just getting started so I still have the excuse of 'but I'm young!' I'm getting married in two and a bit weeks time, things are changing but I feel the same. I need more time! More time to plan, more time to get myself sorted, more time to figure out what I want and need to do before it's too late, before I say I went to sleep 24, newly wed and woke up 36 and aching with the feeling - I could of done so much more, if only I had more time. If I could use my magic power only once, it would be for the most selfish reason. I would pause time whilst D holds me. Those moments where you wake up on Sunday morning to cool sheets, drizzly weather, grey sky peeking through the blinds and his arm around you. I would want that feeling forever, his chest moving up and down, his mouth open in deep sleep, like my own personal statue of beauty and everything I've ever wanted and more. When I wake up in his arms nothing else matters. Okay, now this daydreamer has to walk herself to the office and put the dreams and the day on hold. Daydream in your own time, the world will not stop for me and time waits for no man. I just want to get through this week of dreary work, I just want to have the courage to not wimp out and run from my problems. I'm starting this diary because I guess I start a lot of things that I feel like, but I really badly want to keep this one up. I don't even think it's made me feel better. More last minute planning tomorrow. I have a day out to a bohemian cocktail bar with my fiancé and best friend at the weekend - we're choosing wedding rings. I can't wait to be his wife, that's all I keep thinking, through all the drudge and ridiculous planning - I can't wait to be his wife. Write you later, Lo x
  2. I don't know if I should bring it up to my family doctor or my therapist... I brought it up to my therapist in passing and we didn't expand on that, but I feel like I'm having physical effects from the memories of the past year in particular. I believe my husband is narcissistic and was emotionally abusive to me... I feel like I should feel relief during the divorce process, but I continue to have disturbed sleep, feeling like I'm back in the moments of being bullied, and extreme fear at even seeing his family members texting to check on me. Also, I lost about thirty pounds before leaving my husband. The last several days with him, and the first few days away from him, I couldn't keep food down. I have since put on some weight again, and I'm eating well again, but I lose my appetite at times when I get too deep into the thoughts. I also feel of two minds... one mind is thinking typical victim stuff, like guilt about my fear and confusion over how my husband could also have a good side. But the other side is on autopilot and is thankfully winning. It's strongly pushing me through the steps of getting a divorce and moving on, it's telling me that there are other people outside of him and a whole world to enjoy whenever I'm ready for it. My main concern is the possible PTSD. Is it even possible that I have it, and if so, should I be seeking any treatment? I speak to a therapist once a week, and my family doctor calls me once a week. I take an antidepressant which should start helping me soon, as it has helped me in the past. I also have a sleeping pill that I take as needed- I'm doing my best not to take it daily but I definitely struggle to sleep the nights I don't take it. What else can I be doing?
  3. So my husband I have been married for over 13 yrs, and we just finally finished growing our family (had the amount of kids we wanted), and now I think (?) it's finally time for me to think about the future, not that I haven't been, it's just that I've been so incredibly sleep deprived or wrapped up in parenting that it's kind of been on the back burner... literally the last thing on my mind. I just had our 4th baby almost 8 months ago, and with all the COVID stuff, it's been hard, but not undoable. I don't have any help with the baby or managing my kids, outside of my husband (and he does help!), but he also works and sometimes is required to work overtime... so there were literally days with 15 hours of me being with the kids all alone, not having any break. The sleep deprivation was unlike anything I've experienced before. It's been insanely hard, but thank God we've gotten through it ok. Baby still isn't sleeping through the night, sometimes will wake up as much as 5 times (!!) but it *should* get better, I mean he's our 4th so I know how this goes... it eventually gets a little easier. It's so hilarious to us that we wanted 4 so badly, and now that we've added that 4th baby, it actually feels like we suddenly have 10 kids! LOL We have moments where we look at each other and laugh and are like, "What the HELL were we thinking?!?!" It always seems like multiple kids are needing something done - ALL at the same time! And there's only two of us, so even when he IS here, it's just insane! I used to have an anxiety problem, and unfortunately even though it was gone for years due to just managing it well, it's come back full force with the post partum hormones plus trying to stay on top of everyone's needs. I don't really take care of myself as well, but it's kind of necessisary right now because kids' needs sometimes need to be met immediately (food/potty issues, diapers). I don't want to be put on meds for anxiety ... So it's kind of awful trying to see if I can self-manage again, and yet not having any help with the baby due to the COVID restrictions (even my parents are terrified because my husband is constantly potentially exposed). Self-managing anxiety when you're doing everything constantly is hard. It's hard to even write this journal and I've been interrupted several times LOL!!! If anyone has any ideas on trying to find a life balance with kids, after you've maybe lost yourself some (or a lot probably lol) that would be so appreciated. I do feel like I've lost myself a bit. But I barely even have time to go to the restroom (and showers are even harder to come by LOL). How can you find time for hobbies again, when I can barely even use the restroom Maybe I need to accept now just isnt the time?
  4. On thursday last week I hooked up with a guy I have been flirting with for a while. I already knew he was not into a serious relationship and I was very aware of what I was doing. I have been single for over a year now, with no physical contact with anyone what so ever. I'm only 21 years old, and when I got the opportunity to sleep with him I just grabbet it, with full knowledge of what i got myself into. So when I got there, his and mine intentions was clear. We also talked about it abit before it happened. It was really nice, and I'm happy that I finally broke my over one year "break" from sex. He is also a guy I somewhat trust, that is why I did it with him. I do not want to sleep with anyone random. We have known eachother for half a year now, and will without a doubt meet eachother several times in the future. I know this because we work together (part time). And yes, I know what you think, you should NEVER sleep with someone you work with. But it's not that big of a deal, and I made a choise, so did he. And that's not a problem, in my opinion. Before we had sex we did not talk with eachother all the time, we did not have an instant connection emotionally. We had fun together and definivly had a physical attraction towards eachother. So I always knew that this is not someone I imagine forming a romantic relationship with. Yes, I do like him, but I know the differense between lust and love. And this is lust. So my point is.. I want to sleep with him again. I want to have a casual relationship with him, friends with benefits. But after we had sex I have heared almost nothing from him (I have sent a few snaps, but just casual). But then again, we did not talk all the time before either. It's only been a few days, but I don't know what to expect. I suspect he is scared that I have developed feelings for him, but I know I did not do anything wrong. I know it's typical for a guy to pull away when you have sex, and that most likely it has nothing to do with me. But I want to be with him again, I really had fun. And I know the risk - I know the feelings can develop, but then I will just end it. I'm young and I want to have fun. What should I do..? Should I just forget it and move on with my life? Should I just wait and see what happens? I really don't know because this is the first time for me. I have only been in a long serious relationship before. Sorry about the errors.
  5. me and my ex were together for 6 yrs on and off and 3 months ago we broke up but kept in contact, everytime we start trying everything will be fine then she will say we need to go our separate ways then a few days later she will end up texting and hanging out then bam say it again . well this past weekend she slept over 4 nights in a row everything finally seemed we were heading in the right direction had a great time together and the next day she texts me saying i just dont wanna do this anymore your my comfort zone and thats isnt ok... i dont nderstand how we could have such a great weekend and her sleeping over all weekend then the next day say that too me and that we need to go our separate ways and that shes sorry... im very hurt and confused... can someone please give me so advice or opppions... p.s. we had very long talks before she said this before started staying over those 4 nights we talked ofr 2 hrs and discussed us , i asked the big important questions in my eyes .. if she loved me? if shes attracted to me??? she said yes i said please be honest even if it hurts me, she said said she was being on honest and would tell me even if it would hurt me, she said she was scared for it to fail again and wishes she had a guarentee.... i know her mom disappoves of us and thats where shes living since she moved out 3 months ago, and her father told me who doesnt live in the household that her mother is the one putting things in her head.....
  6. Hello everyone, This problem has come up in my relationship in the past, but just recently, it has happened again. Back in January or December, my boyfriend would fall asleep on the couch every night. Come to find out, he was talking to girls on instant messengers and saying that I MADE him sleep on the couch, which is totally false. I have never once told him to sleep on the couch. If anything, I beg him to come and sleep with me and he always says "I'll be in there in a little bit." Every morning I wake up with no one beside me... Not last night, but the night before last, I had just laid down and heard him talking to someone (he has no cell phone so it got me really curious). I stood by the door and listened for a little bit and heard a girl's voice coming through my computer's speakers. I waited a few minutes and he came through the bedroom door and saw me standing there and just smiled. I said "Who are you talking to?" He smiles again and says someone. I've not smiled once. And I said again, "Who are you talking to?" He smiles yet again and says "Makayla, she asked me to Skype with her." This girl I do not like in particular, and he knows that. We broke up back in April because I found a bunch of messages between him and another girl with very inappropriate things in it. As a summary, she basically asked him if he would cheat on me for her and he said yes. But anyway, back to Makayla. When we got back together and he came back home with me, he got a text from her that said "Who are you in a relationship with?" And he said "Sara." She then responded and said "Have fun with her cheating on you." This girl has never even met me and she is judging me in the most offensive way possible. So when he said that's who he was talking to, I naturally got very upset and said "Well, it's nice to know that you still talk to her even though she said some bad things about me." He then proceeded to roll his eyes and walk out of the room. I went to sleep very angry and, of course, woke up with no on next to me. Yesterday morning, I checked the browsing history on the computer to see what else he possibly did after I went to bed. (Just as a sidenote, I want to state that I don't snoop and go through stuff unless I'm given a reason not to trust him). I saw where he had searched on Skype's FAQ's to find out how to erase conversations. This, of course, concerned me and I asked him about it when he woke up. He said he was doing it for his old account because he said some mean things about me when we were broken up. I reluctantly accepted his explanation and the rest of the day went fine. I went to bed and said, "Please just come to bed when you get tired." He kissed me and said "I promise I'm not far behind you." Again, I woke up alone this morning. I got on the computer and looked to see what he had been up to, because the only reason I can think of that he would prefer to sleep on the couch than in our king sized pillow top bed is because he's doing things he knows he shouldn't and doesn't want me to find out. Anyway, Skype was pulled up and Makayla's name was highlighted. I then proceeded to check his Facebook and sure enough, there was a message from her saying "Skype me." I then went to check the history again and saw that he had deleted the history from this ENTIRE WEEK. This is extremely disturbing to me. I really want things to work out with him, but I don't know if I should just give up. Does him sleeping on the couch and Skyping with girls and deleting history out of the browser indicate that he may be being unfaithful in some way? Please voice your opinions. Don't be afraid to be honest. I need all the help I can get. Thanks.
  7. Hi all, I will try and keep this short as possible. As some of you may have read before I’ve been having some issues with my marriage, mainly intimacy issues. Through one thing or another we are both giving it time but there is still zero intimacy between us, nothing at all. No kissing, cuddling, not even holding hands as this is my wife’s request and I’m trying to respect her wishes. Me on the other hand, I’m trying my best and being patient although I am still very attracted to my wife in every way but I’m finding other ways to channel my urges and it works some of the time other times I just walk it off so to speak. Anyway it was discussed that we should sleep in the same bed at the very least which I am happy with now as at least I’m near her in some way but this is where things got weird. Over the past couple of weeks on three separate occasions I have been woken by my wife in what I would say has been an erotic dreams she has been having. Now last night was horrendous to say the least. I can’t even describe how this is making me feel because on one occasion a name was said during her dream and it wasn’t mine. Last night I had to wake her up and I left the bed and slept on the sofa because I’m not sure how I’m feeling about this at all. In a way I think I’m jealous which sounds crazy I know. I feel like I’m being told she doesn’t want intimacy right now and then she is having erotic dreams which she has never ever done in the past 20 odd years I’ve been with her. Strange one this, I have mentioned it today because she asked why I woke her up last night and I told her what she was doing to which she replied she can’t remember and never has those kinds of dreams. Now I don’t know how I should be feeling about this as I do understand she was obviously dreaming but for someone who doesn’t want this between us yet dreams about it when she never has I’m very confused.
  8. I have been going through a motivational slump off-late, and it hit me a few days ago when I saw how I had wasted the weekend. I text my Mom to share this with her, and my Dad chimes in and gives me a long sermon about what would help my mental woes. While it was all good, healthy stuff he was telling me, I was really not in the head space to listen to any of it and I was kind of worn out by the call. I video call my fiance and joke about how Dads are always the ones to give us the "Dad talk" when we go to them with problems. His Dad is kind of similar, and we share a couple of jokes. My fiance has always been a very humorous, laid-back, loving personality. Although we live around 1000 miles apart, we talk so much throughout the day and he always greets me so lovingly that the distance isn't as palpable. Now during this phone call, he asks me what my Dad said. I start to tell him about how my Dad suggests waking up early in the morning. He starts to make a joke alluding to how I am a late-riser, which I am. He makes a couple more jokes which I do not even remember, but by now I start to get a little miffed and I tell him "It's late, go to sleep if you are feeling sleepy." I know that's a very passive aggressive way of saying I did not want to talk. A little while later, my phone starts acting up and I explain to him what's going on how this is a recurring phenomenon. My history with poor-quality phones is kind of a running joke with him and my family, so he starts laughing and joking about this one. By now, I am really annoyed and I repeat the same line as before, and I am sure my face looks pissed, too. After that, I have basically checked out of the conversation, telling him to go to sleep. He senses this, then abruptly says good night and cuts the call and I go to bed.The whole of the next day, I decide to not text him as I am still a little angry from our previous conversation. Finally, the day after, thinking this is a silly conflict to be mad about, I message him. He says he had wanted to give me space and just let me be the previous day. I ask him if he is mad. He says he isn't, just realized he needs to be more serious about a lot of things. I notice a tonal shift later in the day when we talk. Not wanting to push this under the carpet, I open up the conversation again, admitting that while I was definitely annoyed and some of my rage may have been spawned from a bad mood, I would never want to hurt him this way. He says it's nothing to do with me and he's just reflecting on how he needs to be more serious in life in general. I do not know if this is a permanent change or a phase. I do not want to tell him how to behave, but I miss his old self. Any advice? Edit: A couple of details I forgot to mention: I apologized to him during the last conversation. I told him I fully remembered how I reacted, and I am sorry I caused this hurt and this reflection. I also told him I am not going to dictate his behavior, but humor is part of who he is, and that I do not want to be the person who caused it to wane. I repeatedly said sorry and that I should not have behaved that way. Also, in the past, I always tell him that I am either not in the mood for a joke, or that he is taking it too far. I prefer to be tactful in communication. This time, I was having a low moment and was not in the most rational frame of mind. While I was at fault, it's not a behavioral pattern.
  9. I'm not really sure where to even begin, but I think I'm starting to get a drinking problem. I don't drink every day and I don't crave it, but I do go out for drinks at least once a week. See the thing is, I don't just have a few drinks. I drink so much that I am not in control of my actions and I do really stupid . It's like I just don't know when to stop and the amount of alcohol that I actually consume is ridiculously high and whenever I'm really drunk I always intentionally make bad decisions, especially with boys. I sleep around and I have gotten with people that I'm not even into at all which I would NEVER do if I was sober. It's like I turn into a completely different person and intentionally sabotage my own life. It's a lot for my friends to put up with too, I have almost ruined friendships in the past for the stupid things that I do when I am drunk. It's like I don't even consider their feelings which is nothing like how I actually am because my friends mean the world to me and I would do anything for them and would NEVER want to hurt or make anyone upset. Then I feel horrible the next day, not only with a hangover but with crippling anxiety because of the things that I did the night before. Even if I have a good night and didn't do anything stupid I still have anxiety the next day and don't even want to leave my bed.. I don't know what to do, I feel like I'm not in control of myself because no matter how much I try to talk myself out of it I still go. And I can't go and not drink at all because then I feel like I can't have fun because I feel anxious in social situations and don't know what to talk about with people when I'm sober unless I'm really close with them.... If I don't stop soon I'm going to ruin my life. Problem number 2; a lot of the time I drink, I sleep around and/or kiss different boys. Sometimes even with guys that I'm not into at all and don't really want to but do it anyway. I've been single for about 4 years now and my last relationship was definitely not ideal and I was in a really really bad place when we were together. Now I struggle to connect with boys on an emotional level, but I still can get lonely and crave affection. It's like I get the affection that I need from these boys, it's literally like I do it just because I know I'm going to get kisses and cuddled all night... It's kind of pathetic. And even if I see these guys a few times and spend the entire day with them and hang out with them on other occasions, I never open up about myself. It's like I'm unintentionally holding back my personality to prevent becoming emotionally connected to them and them to me. I honestly feel like no matter how much time I spend with a guy in that way, they never actually end up getting to know me. And then I feel really ty about it afterwards when I get home, sometimes weeks because I feel cheap. This also gives me really bad anxiety and sometimes even panic attacks because I know that everyone would talk about me and let's be honest it's probably why so many of them are interested. Even when I KNOW I'm being sweet talked and it's all bull, it still makes me feel good. It's like I feed off it and I HATE it because I think so logically and I KNOW it's wrong. And even if I ever did learn to open up to a boy and let my guard down, they would probably never want me in that way because of my promiscuity. And the fact that I have sex with them straight away (I've heard that people have called me easy in the past) would also probably rule me out as girlfriend material 100%. Idk what to do
  10. hi decided to start a new thread, hope that's OK? Basically it has now been over a year and we still go for daily runs etc . Even occasional sleep overs (share a bed but nothing like that). We were together 20 years, ex girlfriend and I are in a wierd place, she said yesterday that she wishes we could go back in time and was crying. Having said that she does occasionally blow hot and cold, but if I say I'm going out always asks where I'm going etc. I do, do alot of the chasing and know i shouldn't its just so hard not too. Yes she is like a drug and feel good when I have seen her (16 Yr old daughter lives with me and 21 yr old with mum). We both keep calling it a mess so why does she not just say lets try again? Or should I say this? I just don't know. All I know is it hurts. Many thanks for any advice
  11. So this is an odd one. I'm a 25 year old male. I met Elizabeth (24 y/o female) about 4 months ago. We had known each other in the past, but never really talked. We started talking. We began seeing each other and we took off like wildfire. It almost was like we moved to fast. Up until about three weeks ago it was us together everyday when we were off work, or even it would be just me going over to her house to spend the night after I got off of work. Through the duration of the relationship Elizabeth was rather emotional. She went through a lot this year (loss of a father, and other emotional issues that she has yet to accept.) Anyhow, out of the blue a couple weeks back she just told me she wasn't ready to be in a relationship with me because she was overwhelmed. She told me her emotions weere going to be highstrung and that she didn't think it was fair. Also that we moved to fast etc. I understood that because I felt the same. I asked if she wanted to get together and talk about everything, and she told me "no, because we will end up back together." So then for the next week I would try to stop talking to her and she would message me repeatedly, at times "accidentally," sending me stuff. Every time we would get to talking it would end up turning into an argument over everything. I would get told stuff like, "I miss you," "I second guess myself everyday," etc. Then I would say lets get together and we would just argue. It got to the point where I deleted her on every form of communication, and she knew so. But then she started to text me just random stuff. Then she had me re add her back on these communication means. A few days ago we ran into each other at a bar. She invited me by her and her friends, I declined. She then bought me a drink. She then messaged me and told me she missed me, and that she was stressed and overwhelmed with life right now and did not remember much of the last few weeks. At one point she said something about wanting to be with me, but not being able to do it because she's not ready and it wouldn't be fair to me. I kind of got sick of the messages so I left. Then my phone was blown up with messages to comeback, she wanted to talk, etc. I told her to come outside. SO she came outside and we talked in her car. We ended up going back to my house and sleeping together. That night she told me she missed me multiple times. Come morning I was told that this was the best she had slept in a while (implying since we broke up) and then we also kissed before she left. Now we kind of are talking but not really. it's just kind of odd. I don't know what to do here? DO I wait? Do I leave? I have tried talking to her about everything multiple times and she just gets mad and said she doesn't want to talk about it.
  12. Just an update... I'm finally starting to feel that relief I so desperately wanted to feel, that I left a marriage that was hurting me and that I did the right thing for myself and my future. I don't feel it all the time, but it comes to me in waves and I know I don't feel as despaired as I did a few weeks ago. I'm back at work, I don't feel guilty about leaving, there are good things. I'm trying not to feel mad at myself or guilty about staying so long and putting up with things... it's a hard thing to cope with. I let someone mistreat me for so long... I've started talking to my therapist about it, but an hour a week doesn't feel like enough. Then again I haven't even told her everything. I feel like I'm having extremely delayed reactions to certain incidents that are burned in my brain. They are so hard to vocalize... just certain incidents of being bullied and tormented, for some reason those are harder to talk about than the times he shoved me. Also I'm pretty sure he raped me... how come that never bothered me until now? It happened in July, I haven't even really reacted to it and it doesn't feel like a big deal, but last night I thought about it a lot as I was trying to sleep and I'm disturbed by it now. I sometimes wish I could just vent about what I went through alone but I don't know that it would help or if anyone would care. I don't even understand myself sometimes, I'm so embarrassed.
  13. My ex broke up with me nearly 4 months ago. The history between us is complicated. He pursued me then went cold, we then were friends but got back together but he told me he wasnt sure he could ever love again after a painful divorce but he kept coming back to me so I thought something was there and worth trying for but shortly after he went travelling to Asia for 3 months and when he came back he was cold and distant. He stayed over but didnt want sex which I thought was odd as after 3 months he should be gagging for it. In the morning he said he couldn't give me what I want and broke it off saying he was no good for anyone and that he didnt want to be in a relationship but 6 weeks later he was flirting with me again so we decided to be fwb and a year later we got more serious and I asked him if I can now be his gf. He said yes and for 2 years we had a good relationship apart from the odd thing now and again that would upset me but i let it go coz I loved him and just put it down to his relationship issues. However he suddenly ended it very cowardly by text and was quite horrible as to why and just switched out of the blue like he had just gone off me. I was blindsided so found it hard to understand so I text him a few times to just ask why he could so this to me but he ignored most of my texts. I have now just found out that he slept with a girl in Vietnam and I guess that's why he was odd when he came home. I also found out that he slept with a friend of his who he always told me he would never but that she loved him but they were just friends. She hated me and I always said to him that it would make sense if he had slept with her for her to behave like that but he was so convincing that he was never interested in her and couldn't as she was not his type and she smoked. I know it changes nothing and its another reason to be glad he is out of my life but I feel so foolish and want to confront him about it but not sure how to. We were such good mates and had so much fun together but I guess he didnt see it how i did. But the 3 years we had is now ruined in my head as I loved him not knowing he cheated on me when he was travelling and also lied about sleeping with his friend just around the time we was starting out. How do I deal with this, it's going mad in my head just when I was getting stronger about the break up and how he did that, I feel like I'm back to square one crying all the time. Shall I confront him or see if I calm down and maybe mention it in the future if i ever do see him again but he is avoiding me and keeping away. How do I let this not bother me?
  14. So my ex gf has been playing a specific game for a long time. After getting to know some people through that game, they formed a group. After that I noticed that she suffered from sleep deprivation (she spend all night chatting and playing) didn't eat properly and pretty much neglected her studies for the degree. When she used to be fully concentrated on it. Those were no assumptions, she talked to me about it and complained that in order to be part of the group she needed to do this and that. So extra responsibilities. It was hurting me seeing her like that, with dark circles ready to collapse. So I reached out to one of the members of the group, explaining that maybe they should encourage her to sleep more and don't weight her shoulders with extra work. Therefore to go easy on her. I just wanted to help... She is 26 My ex, was upset I reached out and I got mixed up to her life... I mean partners share their lifes anyway. She told me that I shouldn't have interfered to her business and some other harsh stuff like "I shouldn't have trusted you with my problems"... I felt like trash literally, I cared so much for her I wanted to see her smiley eyes again.
  15. So first things first, we’ve been broken up for over a week now and it’s been the worst. She recently got back in contact explaining why she wanted to go on a break. She said she still loved me and that she needs more time but would like to get back together in the future.. If I was to find out she had slept with someone on the break I don’t know if I could bring myself to taking her back... can she really say that she still loves me and sleep with someone else? I’m not assuming it’s going to happen but she’s said she’s going to do whatever she wants (have sex with whoever). I’m just thinking about all possible outcomes. I just don’t know if I could get back with her if she had done it.. I really do love her but it’s already crushing me not being together. For me I don’t think I could bring myself to have sex with someone else, simply because I still have such strong feelings for her. Just feels wrong.
  16. It’s been almost three weeks since we broke up. Being so overwhelmed with all the emotions, I decided to take a break and spend a week of rest in my hometown. I left the city on Saturday. It was a 3-hour drive to my hometown. I called up my high school girlfriends to meet me Sunday. I picked the time, I asked them to pick the place. I arrived at the place an hour earlier than the agreed time. I thought, why not enjoy a little me time. About noon time, my friends arrived. In the middle of our conversation I spotted a familiar across the garden. I saw my ex. With his new girl. And her mom and brother and a little kid with them. (Btw he was wearing that shirt I bought him for his birthday.) I didn’t know what to feel or how to react then. I stared at him. His face, I don’t know how to put it in words but he looked stressed out. His eyes looked tired from days of not have enough sleep, his skin not glowing like it used to be. Something was off, my guts told me. I know he would see me with my friends. I just stared at him from where we were seated. He glanced our way and that’s when I knew he saw me. How? He took a second look, this time, longer. He stared at me. Then looked down, and his face suddenly had a change of expression. Was he happy to see me? Was he bothered to see me? Was he annoyed? I couldn’t help but observe. Body language told me he’s not happy. His face tells me he’s stressed out. My friends and I stayed there for about half an hour more and then we left the place to have coffee somewhere else. I went home, and that night I got a text message from a familiar number. “Fancy seeing you there. Of all the places.” I replied: “Well it’s my hometown I’d definitely be here occasionally.” I couldn’t help it, I told him: “We needed closure, you know?” But he said, “No we don’t.” I could never have been more disappointed at him. To cut our conversation short, I told him: “Be happy then. I am happy now. Just be happy.” Then deleted the thread. A few minutes later messages started flooding my phone. One explanation after another. How they ended up going there. Why they decided to visit my city. Who were with them. How they met. Things like that. I was surprised because I wasn’t asking him to explain. And then it occurred to me, he felt guilty. He wasn’t ready to see me that’s why he has been ignoring my texts and calls and chats. He didn’t want confrontation. He doesn’t want to face our reality. Instead he jumped right into dating at the time I was feeling miserable and broken. But he saw me that Sunday afternoon. He saw me happy with my friends. And I saw him while he was looking miserable. That was his karma. Seeing me in a place he least expected. And no, he couldn’t run away from it. It just happened. And he was guilty. Because I saw him with his new girl, and it became clear that all the accusations he threw at me were all his own doings. I didn’t reply to any of his messages. Instead, I blocked his number from my phone. Deleted him from my social media accounts and blocked him. I slept soundly that night.
  17. Hello I been married for about a year and me and my husband been together for about 3 years. We have some bumps but he loves me and I love him the same. Here is my question. When we started dating we had sex a lot. Like every day or night whenever we could. And it’s been slowing down which i understand. He is a huge gamer and I go to sleep before him. And sometimes he wakes me up and we have sex. About twice a week. Well I miss the old him but I understand when I asked him that why you don’t want me like you used to? And he said my testosterone went down or I go to sleep before him. Of course we have kids so I needs to go to sleep can’t stay up til 2 am... or later. But I know for a fact he watches porn almost everyday. He takes long shower and I even cought him couple of times... and I do know that’s guys thing. And I don’t like it but some stuff I need to let go.right? As long as we are sexually active( even tho I want old him back) . Recently he took me out so we could have me and his time alone. He booked a hotel and took me out to nice restaurant. Went to comedy show. Like I really had a good time. And of course we had good sex. Next day we woke up and return to home. He went to shower for a long time I was wondering if he is ok. And I was gonna check on him and I hear the porn. I was kinda shocked. Like we had good sex last night like couple of hours ago now he needs porn? I feel like I don’t satisfy him sexually. I’m willing to try whatever.and another thing he love bbw porn. ( seen from his history) and I’m not skinny I’m curvy but not size 18. At all. All he watches is big women’s porn. So maybe he isn’t attracted to me? Or idk. How can I get over with this? Or what do I need to do? Because other than that I’m satisfied. He is a good husband and father. But this just bothers me. Thank you
  18. I decided to end things with my husband because of multiple reasons: We have never once kissed with any passion. Our sex life has never been good, Does not show interest in pleasing me (has never performed oral, doesn’t touch me for more than 2 seconds, etc) He calls himself a workaholic. Says he’d work 100% of time if left to his own devices and chose me to force balance into his life. This translates into him calling me “needy” for wanting to spend normal amounts of time together on weekends because he doesn’t need nearly as much interaction with me. Says he “sacrifices to make me happy” by spending weekend time on me instead of projects, whereas I wish it were mutual but he says he simply doesn’t need nearly as much time with me. Is going to a 5 year training program for what will eventually be a high paying career, but has delayed it by years due to his dozen startup ventures - he only half develops any of them before trying to sell them off; has made $0. If I ever gently suggest he focus his efforts he gets oddly angry and tells me I’m not allowed to suggest he limit his work. Once told me he wanted a divorce after I asked some critical questions about a project that he chose to spend our entire vacation morning talking about. So I really resent these ventures bc I feel he half-asses them, and they just take time away from us with zero profit ever. I moved for him once, to our current city, even though far from my family. Now wants me to move again because the other city has a slightly better training program even though I (the breadwinner by far) am now very settled with a difficult to find job in terms of both time off and matching my exact career interests. I’m also pregnant and not interested in starting to work twice as hard elsewhere (which will result in much higher childcare costs) and undergoing stress of new job and move at that time. He says he would have stayed here if I “respected and supported him,” yet the only reason I don’t is because he’s willing to ignore all this and see his baby only on weekends for 5 years! (He blames me for “breaking up the family” by not moving.) He is kind and gentle and generally agreeable. I just don't feel any attraction or respect, because to me he seems like an immature child. MEANWHILE... It’s been 2 months of a married man friend texting me all day, every day, wanting to see me like 4 times/week even “getting nothing out of it” (ie I would only meet him in public places for long meetups). Texts a good amount about sexual things but knows I would not sleep with him until he is officially separated (once in a sexual convo he was like ‘I really need to go see that lawyer!’). Only this past week did we get physical at all but again, did not sleep with him and he’s reinforced the waiting “until it is right,” “why come so far and then ruin it by doing it at the wrong time,” etc. He lives on opposite coasts from his wife and son, sees them like once every 2 months, says he and wife haven’t slept in same room in a year and it’s inevitable they’re going to get separated. On Instagram (the only social media he has) he posts an old picture of all 3 of them once in a blue moon but it definitely isn’t w him right next to his wife or any nice caption about her. My question is how long is it reasonable to “wait" for him to get separated, given I’ve only known him for 2 months and have barely done anything physically? I feel it’s a huge decision for me to push him with, but he seems SO serious with the communication night & day including phone calls, wanting to see me constantly etc even without sex, telling me that he feels he was meant to find me and “who knows maybe you’re my 1 greatest love”... that I don’t know it’s right to assume that it’ll “never go anywhere.” But the in between phase is super awkward... other than knowing my boundary line of not sleeping with him, I don’t really know what else to do if anything. With either man. Am I just a person who is destined to forever be alone and/or unhappy?
  19. Before I go on, I'm totally aware that I have problems. I am in therapy and have been for along time, I constantly try to get better in this area and DO get better, but it's a very slow process. So here's my story. I met my girlfriend a year ago and we fell in love pretty hard. The first 4 months we weren't "together" we were in that stage of "Oh i don't want anything serious". Basically we were both being super insecure and pushing each other away. During that time we both slept with other people. When we finally got together things were perfect, a dream. About a month in we bumped into her ex and i asked the question "when was the last time you saw him" she replied "ages maybe a year". A few months later we finally decided to have the conversation "so, did you sleep with anyone while we weren't "official"". I was immediately honest and told her everything, she didn't like it but understood that I had done nothing wrong. She then told me that she'd slept with her ex once. See a few sentences before. She'd lied originally. She admitted she had panicked and lied before, but this really set me off and basically ruined our relationship. I got super paranoid and jealous and insecure I couldn't get a handle on it. We had both done nothing wrong in our act of having causal sex whilst single, but the lie sent me crazy. We ended up slitting up 3 months ago, she broke it off with me saying she couldn't handle it anymore, we had totally spiralled out of control. I understood and respected her decision. I was devastated - I'd been through a lot of break ups but never one like this, boo hoo etc. Anyway. We remained in contact and carried on sleeping together. I'd asked for her back a few times during this period but she said no each time. Eventually I gave up and got on with my life. She eventually came back to me. "I never stopped loving you, I'm an idiot, I was scared, I'm so sorry, lets get back together" and back together we got. Things are great again. But I'm struggling again. Who did she sleep with the 2 months while we were broken up? She promised she didn't, but she also said in conversation that she wouldn't tell me if anything meaningless happened with anyone because it would make me spiral into jealousy and paranoia. Which makes total sense, but also kills me. I know a lot of people will say, "just leave it then, she loves you that's all that matters, ignorance is bliss" but this isn't that simple. I'm sick with paranoia, jealousy and curiosity. I've raised it with my therapist and I'm doing the same CBT techniques I've been doing for years. Is this as much of a mess as I think it is? We're super happy together, and I hide these thoughts as best I can because they're my problem, not hers. I trust that she isn't cheating and hasn't cheated (which is a first for me, this is how I ruined all my other relationships, constant paranoia - which shows THERAPY WORKS, YAY!) but the question of "what did she do when we were split up?!?!" I just CANNOT seem to kill. I can't ask her over and over again, that's not fair. Any two cents would be hugely appreciated. Lots of love and thanks.
  20. My boyfriend and I just got back together 2 months ago. I broke up with him 5 months ago because he was moving away and gave me an ultimatum because of long distance. I was for it but he wasn’t. Three weeks goes by and he dropped off candy and a card apologizing for the ultimatum and said he wanted to try the LDR cause he would rather have me 2200 miles away than not at all. I didn’t take him back immediately because I had found out he was on a dating site so I said we just needed to take time and fix ourselves first. However, I was still sleeping with him up until he moved away. We stayed in contact for the most part and even when I stopped talking to him, he was still trying to talk to me. Well, I finally caved and decided to work things out with him only to find out that he was sleeping with another girl the whole time he was sleeping with me during our break up. I had to find out through the girl too. I know we weren’t together anymore but really? How can you do that if you truly love someone who is still around? He said that he kept her around cause I wasn’t certain about getting back together and that he wanted to soak up as much time with me as possible before moving and possibly saying our final goodbyes. He admitted he was completely wrong for using her to get over me but she bought a plane ticket to go see him and he was even making plans with her like they were already together then he waited until the day before she was supposed to leave to tell her we were working things out again. I freaked out on him and he flew across the nation the very next weekend to apologize and ask for forgiveness so I decided to give him another shot. He seems to have been more open since we got back together but I’m still struggling with how to get past the fact that their physical relationship turned into something more. How do I move on from this? Should I have walked away?
  21. Ok here we go. Im looking for some advice really and what nuteral people think. Me and my ex have been apart for 3 years now we have a young daughter together. Our relationship broke up becuase she was bassically unfaithful. During our time apart we've always been texting, her more. We have slept together quite a few times 7/10 she would put it on me if that make sense. She was seeing someone recently for about 6 months but she had been doing the same to him as she did me. Bassically with me. She said she wasnt happy with him. She says she gets a kick out of it and doesnt know how to control it. She has finally said that she wants to talk about us during the relationship, after and now. I tried to talk but she doesnt really respond to my questions so I wrote a letter for her. (Id share the letter but have to talk some bits out first). I have forgiven her for it. We constantly have people saying by dont get back together but more people so do it. What do people think?
  22. Sorry it's long just need to explain it properly. I left my ex of about a year and a half about 3 months ago, due to him having a drug problem and all the heartache that comes with it, I loved him but I went through lies and heartbreak for months until I finally had enough. He was a very loving boyfriend however which made it harder. Well he had been messaging me nearly every day saying he loved missed me etc and would always initiate contact. I felt ok because I knew he still cared, I thought we would get back together one day when he sorted himself out and things would be ok. I agreed to see him a few times but it didn't happen I felt like I didn't want to feel the way I did before and allow it to happen so I kept putting it off i was scared. Recently nearly about 2 weeks ago he messaged me after 3 days (we had an argument about money he owes me for a loan I took out to get him out of debt and he hasn't given me any) he said I hope your ok. I ended up saying I miss him and he said why only now and things went pear shaped from then. Hes been distant not messaging me back and acting weird. I confronted him and asked if there was someone else and he said no. I just said I'll leave you to it as I think there is and left it. He messaged 2 days later saying sorry theres no one else I'm not interested in anyone I only acted how you were with me (short and cold) I didn't reply and then he messaged me this next day asking why I was ignoring him 3 times, i said i was trying to move on as I thought he had and he said well I haven't I wanted you (notice wanted) I messaged back and he didn't reply, cut a long story short I got upset and asked if I could go round to which he eventually said yes. I went over and it felt weird like he wasnt the same with me but said there was no one else when I asked him, he asked me to stay and we got into bed and slept together, he was very cuddly afterwards and said I do love you and we talked about stuff. The morning I kissed him goodbye and he said have a nice day etc. I didn't hear off him all day so in he evening I said is that it then? To which he said no why and i asked to see him and he said i cant tonight and he would never have said no before. He said what about tomorrow? I said I still love and miss you and he said and I love and miss you too. Basically there was this girl I had an inkling he was seeing so I tried to add her on Instagram and I asked who she was and he was like why have you tried to add her? So immediately I knew they were talking but he denied it came from her and a mutual friend of hers told him. I lost my **** and accused him of sleeping with her which he obviously denied and said it was all in my head, and kept saying this is silly. I said I dont want you anywhere near me you've broken my heart f*** o** and he said if that was the case I should message her and tell her we slept together but she wouldn't care because it's not true and I would look silly and I didn't respond. 2 days later he text me saying "I haven't done anything" I didn't reply, the next day he text me "so your sticking to your crazy theory", I didn't reply, he then sent "?" I didn't reply and then he sent "back to ignoring me then" 2 hours later and I didnt respond because i dont want him to know I'm hurt. This was 2 days ago and he hasnt said anything else since. I dont know what happened or how he could go from messaging me saying he loves me so much and misses me to barely anything and then this happens it's like he doesnt care anymore and If he is seeing someone why wont he just admit it? I said if your not interested in me anymore just say and he was like look I am. But his actions dont match and I just have a sick feeling in my stomach and think hes seeing someone which hurts as I thought he loved me. I was relieved when we broke up initially because he was a drug addict and owed me money and recently been on a holiday which he ruined from being drunk and aggressive etc. And felt better but I guess him pining over me made me feel better. It hurts to think hes found someone who he thinks is better, she is older than him and has 2 kids, (he has 4 kids and is 33, I am 25) he just loved me so much before and i dont know what's happened. Why wouldn't he admit hes seeing someone? Some advice would be helpful. Thank you
  23. My boyfriend and I were having some issues for a few weeks. I cheated on him with an ex because I thought he was sleeping with someone else. He wasn’t. I felt horrible so cut everything off with my ex. He started sleeping with another girl. I forgave him because I cheated first so I understood. The problem is he didn’t just do it once or twice. He was staying overnight at her house, and every time we fight or he suspects that I’m cheating which I’m not, he uses it as an excuse to go have sex with her. I confronted him directly and asked if he was in a relationship with her but he insists that he doesn’t know her although she informed me of their relationship as described above. Once I could understand but from what she told me he was practically her part time live in boyfriend. I feel with him constantly using our fights as an excuse to go see her, he has developed feelings for her. We ultimately got back together but I don’t know if I should stay being that he neglects knowing her, and she insists that they had a relationship. Finding out those details really hurt me. Why would he do all that stuff with her then choose me? I don’t really trust that he won’t ever contact her again. Should I continue the relationship?
  24. My bf works from 8pm-6am sometimes until 10am and he comes home and goes to sleep and literally wakes up around 2 or 3. He gets his son every other week and I was the one watching him. He’s 3 ..along with our 12 month old, & my 4 yr old & my7 year old. It was too much for me and I told my bf to only get his son on weekends. He has off Friday-Monday afternoon. He wouldnt do that cuz he wanted to work overtime on the weekends. I’ve told him it would be easier for the both of us. He doesn’t think it’s hard but he’s never watched all of them for a long period of time and when he does have only his son. He will sleep and forget to feed him or feed him really late. This shift that he’s working is the reaso we were arguing all the time and the reason he’s not helping me And he always telling me he needs to sleep and Tired . I understand that but he was putting so much responsibility on me. I went from 2 kids to 4 kids under a year and it’s a bit much. He doesn’t think a mom’s job is hard or stressful compared to his. It’s annoying and making me have c attitude constantly because I’m so stressed out. He thinks I just don’t want to watch his son but it’s not even that, it’s jus 4 children are hard period especially if I’m doing it alone. Before this I live two hours away and he wanted me to move closer to him. ever Since I moved closer to him( I lived with him temporarily for 2 months) until I got my place. He was nothing but miserable, I Cleaned & Cooked. He thinks I just sat around and didn’t contribute to bills. But I was watching his son for him while he worked. Anyways I know have my own place and I broke up with him I I told him he can focus on sleeping better and save up his $ to do stuff on his car and get a break without having kids around and he can work all the overtime he want without having any other priorities. He has done just that. He comes over to help me unpack or bring stuff I left over his house and spend time with our 12 month old for maybe one or two hours and then that’s when he leaves, because he has other stuff to do. He was neglecting me the whole time I was at his house just complaining about everything, meanwhile I’m the one that’s stressed out. Should we stay broken up because obviously we cannot live in a place together. That’s basically the main goal that a boyfriend and girlfriend usually tries to accomplish
  25. Hi all And I can understand why you are thinking “YES PHONE SEX IS CHEATING” But hear me out I have been in a long distance relationship for 7 years, I have been loyal to the core to my boyfriend now fiancé. I don’t club, or go to bars or even have many guys friends I never put myself in situations where I flirt or do anything to harm the sanctity of our relationship However my fiancé has never been emotionally or physically present, or available to my needs. Not once in our 7 years has he given me any physical pleasure in the bedroom and I haven’t complained once about it- yet he knows how much intimacy in the bedroom means to me If we have sex or when ive done my bit and made him... you know what... at night sometimes I go off to the living room, and have an orgasm and fall asleep on the couch by myself Sometimes I get so frustrated I resent him I’m afraid too that because I shut down on him so much like this he may give up wanting to be with me eventually and the break up in our relationship may be inevitable I’ve come to a point now that I can’t even sexually fantasise about him, last time I saw him and got intimate with him.... I felt nothing and I felt disgusted in myself But he’s so lovely in orther ways and I do love him so much which confuses me. He supports my education even though I am miles away, he is always encouraging me and motivating me to be the best I can be and always has my best interest in mind. He gives me advice and comforts me through his words or texts. We used to skype so often in the first two or three years now I don’t even know where Skype is on my laptop - it’s been YEARS I don’t even get as much as a phone call anymore. Whenever we do meet up after months of being away, I look out to other couples around us and long to be having as much fun as they are. I ask him if he’s okay and like routine he says he is tired every single time we have met up, after months of not seeing each other. He is tired. When I’ve been waiting for this moment to see him and be held for months but I get a brief peck and we move on with our date. I wish his hand would be on the small of my back, that he would hold my hand in a restaurant. I always take initiative and reach out for him and hold him but he shrugs me off. I just wish... That we would hug me and kiss me because HE himself wanted to So coming back to phone sex.... I was on a forum and I became acquainted with someone online we exchanged numbers -making it very clear that we are just friends and have the same interests in gaming And just on our third phone call and adding each other on social media He said he would love to date me and the conversation turned very sexual leading to phone sex He wanted to meet in person and he was very much from the sounds of it a giver in the bedroom, and he had figured out that in the past no one had ever pleased me and he was sorry for it. Yet I closed it down after the FIRST, and LAST “phone sex” encounter because my guilt didn’t even let me sleep that night and for some strange reason I hated myself and felt sick to my core. I cried myself to sleep at 5 am. I told the other guy that I’m sorry and we couldn’t continue like this and it’s best we just stop speaking because I am in a relationship. And I truly do love my fiancé We know each other like nobody else And I can’t picture being with another man in real life physically, I just could never do it in real life Another man touching me kinda creeps me out and I can only feel comfortable around my lovely fiancé. But I don’t know why or how I did it over the phone..? Do I tell him about what has happened? What do I do next? And how do I address my problems with intimacy without hurting his feelings or making him feel less than I really don’t think he will understand my point of view and I’m aftaid many of you will not either. But as a woman I believe intimacy is just as important to us and should be reciprocated even though I’ve been letting it go for so long...
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