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About Me

  1. I look on this forum a lot to see if there are any new stories about people getting back together with their ex's. I do it just so that I can have some hope, and I really hope someday I can post my story on here to give others confidence that having hope pays off. In the meantime, I am going to make a list of actual stories of people I know that broke up and got back together. Please post your stories here too and we can put a little bit of cheer into this forum. 1. My friend was dumped by his girlfriend of 4 years. They were broken up for a year and a half and he tried everything to get her back. One day he was with his friend talking about her and she called him right then to talk about something trivial, and he went over to her house. They got back together and now they are engaged. 2. My friend's sister and her husband broke up for four years and now they are married with 3 kids. 3. My friend broke up with her high school sweetheart when we were 19 and they got back together a few years later and have been together ever since. 4. My other friend broke up with her high school sweetheart when she was a sophomore in college and they just got back together and now they live together. 5. A friend of my ex's was so sad about a girl forever, talked about her all the time when we were out at the clubs, couldn't believe they broke up, etc....now they have been back together for over a year. 6. My friend and her boyfriend dated for a few years, broke up for 9 months, now they are engaged. She says their relationship is better than ever now they are back together. 7. My friend was hung up on this guy forever, he would go back and forth and never commit, now they are living together and she is going to have a baby. They are really happy and in the end it worked out great. That is just some of the stories I know off the top of my head. Please post any stories of reconciliation that you know of so that we can have some cheer in this forum.
  2. Hey everyone, I'm really happy I found this community. Recently there's a lot happening in my life which leaves me full of confusion and heartbreak. I had the feeling that I need to tell anyone, maybe finding someone who can relate to my situation. I really could use some guidance… I'm sorry that this got so long, it just came over me and I thought I try to draw a full picture here. So… my boyfriend and I met half a year ago when we both started the same studies. It was only three weeks from when we first met to the point when I stayed with him over night and we became a couple. We fell fast for each other. It was this kind of relationship that just feels right from the start and in every fiber of your body, heart and soul. I never felt more loved in my life and he was and is the first person from whom the words "I love you" really mean something and to whom I really feel like they are true and real when I say them. He was honest with me right from the beginning and told me about the psychosis he went through 1 1/2 to 2 years ago which was followed by a severe depression. He told it in a humorous, kind of shy way – I guess he was afraid I could run away as soon as he did. But I was fine. I told him that it's okay, that he's no "crazy person" as he described himself when he told me about it. That I like him for who he is and that I won't go away. Because I had met him when he was in a very good phase – the last months before the beginning of the semester he had recovered from a bad episode and the new beginning and new impressions gave him more perspective – I thought that the disease he told me about would be part of his past. Something he had overcome or learnt to deal with in a good way. At this time I had no idea what "depression" really, REALLY means. I was so naive. Or relationship went on, beautifully, deeply. Times came when he seemed… darker than usual, more distant. Well, can't be a happy person all the time, right? I didn't really think about that these could be symptoms of the depression and thought about other reasons. Maybe our relationship…? Around Christmas he became more distant and I started to worry. Before New Year's Eve he told me that he got some of the psychosis' symptoms again which worried him a lot. So he decided to take his meds again which made him kind of uneasy and tired. We talked about it and I listened to him and his worries, honestly telling him that I'm not sure what I could do or say to help him. He said it's okay – I don't need to say anything, it feels good when I just listen to him. He also has a therapist since the depression first broke out with whom he talks about those new developments and he also has a psychiatrist who supports him on the medical way. So, that's the good thing – he HAS professional help and KNOWS that he is not healthy and he really wants to get better. The next months were tough – our studies required a lot from us which put a lot of stress on both of us. I myself deal with heavy self-doubts and anxiety issues about never being enough or good enough and from time to time slip into very dark, hopeless phases (which are, lucky me, more temporary, but still a problem I have to deal with myself. But in those phases he was always there for me, helping me getting back on my feet – even if it was difficult for him because of the depression. But he did.). So the study's requirements were a lot for me, too. At the same time as we had to finish our final works his life got kind of "bombed" by bad news. Because of his illness he couldn't work for the last years why he got money from the employment office. But because he did not update his new status (being a student) early enough he now had to pay back around 2,000€ – which he does not have as he struggles financially. On top of that, as a student with no income or financial support by his family he now gets financial support from the state to study, but which is not enough to pay for the flat he's living in with his flatmate, paying the health care insurance and not starving every month. So the two of them decided to search for a new apartment both of them can afford. He loves the apartment they're living in and I guess he blames himself as being the only reason why they have to leave… So, many things went wrong and put a lot of stress on him in just a couple of weeks. As I said his mood went darker since the winter months – I guess the lockdown did it's best to make everything even worse. It had a deep impact on me, too, my own issues became more dark and I had problems with it more often. But he really began to struggle a lot. He got more and more distant, wouldn't speak or text me anymore or "colder" as he used to. He got tired early in the evenings, his motivation got less and less. He did not want to do things anymore, watch movies, ride the bike, hang out (lockdown confirmed) with others, didn't want to do anything for his study. I knew he wasn't/isn't a mentally healthy person, but at that time his change often hit me personally and I thought maybe I could be the problem. I only knew those changes in behavior from earlier relationships – when they drop you slowly – and had my problems to handle it. I was hurt and afraid he would start leaving me, that I again wasn't enough to be with me. He was annoyed by this and said he found my self-consciousness exhausting. We argued, but found back together. During our relationship he often explained to me how he felt: It put a lot of stress on him having the feeling to be the one making my day worse. To not be able to give to me what I need or what would make me happy. He felt that I was too focused on him, that I wanted to do things with him all the time, planning my day and my/our activities "around" him. He said he would like it if I could do "my thing" more often when we spent time together – just like a couple living together (which he would like to do someday for real). He also said he likes it when I just do "my thing" even when he is struggling with his emotions and can't do anything, because his own darkness or emptiness gets over him. That this would feel good and would take pressure off of him. He did not want to hurt me with that, I know that. At first I felt hurt, but I started to understand what he was trying to tell me – and yes, of course it is absolutely fine and normal not to spent every minute together even if you hang out, I was just still so full of butterflies that I wanted to be around like 24/7 … I started to inform myself intensively about depression and psychosis, I wanted to understand what was going on inside him. And I wanted to be able to be the best support I could be. I even contacted a psychologic counselor online to get some more professional advice on how to help him and deal with the disease. I tried to give him his space when he needed it, to do "my thing" even when he struggled. He often told me that he likes when I just do something I like for myself when I'm around him. That it feels like I feel at home and he can be more relaxed. When he distanced himself I accepted it. I told him I am there for him, that I believe in him and his strength and that I won't go away just because he suffers from a depression. That he is not the disease, but the person I fell in love with and never stopped doing anything else. Not all the time, but when I felt he needed those words the most. I noticed that his condition got worse and worse. Sometimes he would not go out of bed or would go back in it straight away, starring at the wall, not talking, not eating. He often said things like "I want that everything is over. I don't want to live anymore." When I asked him about those thoughts directly he always said he doesn't want to be anymore, but does not want to do anything for it to happen. According to his therapist this is called a passive suicidality. Sentences like this worried me a lot, but he kept saying he had no intention doing anything to himself. He said he had thoughts like this before, in his previous bad episode before we met. That time he'd isolated himself, couldn't talk to anyone anymore and just wanted to be over. During that time they had emphasized the dose of his antidepressants and he had gone back to the day hospital and the occupational therapy in the gardens of the hospital. That helped him a lot. Don't get me wrong. This all sounds like our relationship went all dark and sad and heavy. But it didn't. He was still there. The person I love and that loves me so much was still there and showed himself so often. He was still there for me, wanted me close, wanted to spent time together. He was full of love, missed me and told me when he did, there was laughing and trusting and passion. We still did things together, went for walks, did long rides with the bikes, enjoyed good weather together, … It still was more that I ever thought I would ever get, it felt like everything. I wasn't exhausted from the disease. Yes, it took energy, can't deny, but I was ready to go though this with him all the way, up and down. One day we walked along the river. He was very silent and I tried to entertain both of us a bit, but due to lockdown and my own inner struggling with the situation (can't deny tho, even if I just was very euphoric. But yeah, two sides of the medal, right?) and myself my topics were kind of limited. We sat on a bench and he told me how exhausted he was, how less hope he had. Nothing was fun anymore, just pain and exhaustion. No motivation. No perspective. No hope. No sense. He was so empty. And he said that it would feel like with his last girlfriend in the last year: That the relationship would make everything worse. I asked if that's because he feels under pressure because of being around someone else. He confirmed. It would feel like he's a burden to me, weighing me down – which burdens him retroactively. He broke up with his ex because of this. We did not break up on this day. I was very worried – because of what he said about the relationship, but also about the condition he was in. It really was the worst so far. I told him all the things again, tried to tell him that he is not alone, that I go this way with him. That he does not have to worry about me – that I can deal with the disease and that I want to deal with it, because I love him and it's okay, if he can't give anything right now. That I am fine with giving. Well, we did not break up that day. The next weeks became tough, I cried many tears alone at home, talked to friends and the counselor I mentioned earlier. I was afraid he would leave me, but kept this for me, stayed supportive and loved. And yeah, he still loved back. The last weeks were, after a long period of darkness, beautiful again. Full of love, it felt like in the beginning. We spent a lot time together. He hold me in his arms, not letting me go, initiated contact – and sex – himself, made plans for activities. We were tender, loving, passionate, supportive – we were like we were never to end, even if there still was distance or darkness from time to time. I knew that that's the disease speaking – not him. I really felt like our relationship gave him something after all and that he felt good being with me. Then last week. On monday he asked if I want to come over, cook something together. His texting was very communicative and he asked if I would like to meet his brother the next day. He would be very happy if I liked to. When I arrived at his apartment he was distant again. We ate something and watched a movie, but we did not really speak. I was in a mood, too. I was stressed by my own issues and felt my own heavy self-doubts and anxiety rumbling under my surface and was a bit insecure/tentative about his mood. But regardless of that he searched for me at night and held my hand in his. The next day already started with me knowing that it wouldn't be a good day. My own issues kept crawling to the surface. He helped me with some things for our studies, but I couldn't hold my own struggle anymore, started crying and feeling empty and anxious at the same time. We had a fight. To keep it short: I was struggling with my issues and his reaction hurt me. He said right and true words, but also words that hurt me. He wanted to help me, but couldn't deal with it at this moment. What I wished for that moment was just a hug, a sign that I am not alone. Not even words, just empathy. Instead he became ignoring and I became mad, because I didn't feel respected and as if my problems would be too less to be important. It got loud, it got ugly, everybody said things that hurt. At the end he talked calmly (but "shaken" from the fight) for a while and his words, well, hurt, because they were true, but helped. But the day was gone and full of bad emotions. I just wanted to visit his brother with him, get something good out of this messed up day. But he said he wanted to visit his brother alone, without me, the mood would be too bad. I panicked, I was so afraid that when I leave his place a distance would start and he would go away from me. I hated myself for what happened, for how hard I snapped that day. I could not stand myself – how could he? I was so sad and frustrated and angry and in shock that I questioned our relationship – and regretted what I said while the words came through my mouth. He froze, did not say a word. I tried to take the words back, tried to explain what was happening in my head. I wanted him to say something. But he did not answer or react, just said he would go to his brother now, didn't want to say anything and left. I could not hold him back or get an answer or a relief. I was so shocked. What had I done. In the evening he texted me: He was still like frozen, didn't know what was happening and going on now and asked for some time to think. I guess I knew what would happen in that moment, but I apologized for everything, told him that I did not mean anything I said. That I don't want us to end, that I want to be with him and that I love him. And I gave him some days time to get his head clear. Last Friday, three days after we had the fight, he broke up with me. He said, I did nothing wrong, it's okay to explode and feel bad from time to time, it's understandable and he wouldn't be mad at all. In fact he believes he would be the one who messed up the most, during the fight and in general. He said he thinks he can't be in a relationship right now. He couldn't give me what I need, he could just take energy and be a burden. He would be unable to be a good partner. He said he just feels really really bad and miserable and he just doesn't want to live anymore. He does not feel like being able to connect or talk with anybody. All he wants is to be dead or alone. He does not see a future for him in which he is healthy, he does not see a perspective or better times. Everything is just taking energy from him and everything will just stay the same, dark, hopeless, senseless, miserable. This would have nothing to do with me, but with the/a relationship in general and he thinks he might be better without it, alone. I knew this would happen. I knew it from the point when we both left after the fight. But I was shocked. Again I tried to give him all my support, my love. Tried to make clear how much I understand and want to understand and that I understand more and more everyday. How much I believe in him and us, that I believe he is stronger than this disease. I tried to remind him of the good moments and good things that still were there and came to him, even if everything was at it's darkest. I told him that getting better IS a possibility for him, that there really CAN BE a way, something better. But all this is not enough. I told him I believe in our love, that I KNOW that it is true and real and there. He can't deny that he did – and does – feel the same way I feel for him. I don't believe him that all our time together would have been just painful, I believe that it was something good and precious. He said it is good that it felt good for me, but for him it was just costing energy and causing exhaustion. Every small thing he did, every kiss, every word, every small touch would have just demanded a lot from him… I believe him. I really do. I saw how much he is struggling. I felt how much he is struggling. And I understand how hard it must be to love and try to be there for someone if you have to fight your own demons every god damn dark day. I know all of this and I really do understand. But I believe so much in us, I love this person so much. He means the world to me. Just one week ago he hold me in his arms, wanted to be with me, wouldn't let me go, made plans for us. Told me how much he loves me. On friday this same person gave me a last, mechanical cold hug and left me. We didn't speak or text since then. Everything inside me feels hurt. The day after the break up I left and went to my family home – I can't be alone or in the same town right now. I cried a lot, sometimes it's getting better and I can think clearer and of something else and laugh with others, but I feel so empty most of the time. I still can't believe what happened. This person was home from me, despite all the dark, depressive times, and it hurts so much to know that I may not come home anymore. I had much time to think, too. As I said, I do understand why he made this decision and somehow I always knew how fragile our relationship was in the core because of his disease. But I believed in it anyway and I know that we were real. That we were different than he and his ex (his flatmate told me the same – the way we were together was different, more loving, and in the end of his and his ex' relationship there were also other things for him that caused the breakup, too, and made him stop believing in it. But well, who knows…) and that we could've go on. I guess this last fight was like a huuge momentum of stress knocking down on him at once – and pushing him to the edge of breaking up. I blame myself so much. I want to believe that there is still hope for us and there are moments when I really feel this hope, when I kind of SEE our future together again. I can't lie – I want him back. I know we are good together and that he felt the same and WAS happy. I am totally aware of what being back together would mean. Yes, being with someone with depression hurts. It is dark and hard and takes so much of yourself and yes, maybe it is better to take it how it is and just go my own way. I have my problems myself which are heavy. I need to heal myself, too – for my sake. But also to really be a support. How can I be there if I weigh myself down and with this him, too? I can image how bad it must have felt for him to see me struggle and not being able to be there for me or not being there ENOUGH. I was fine – I understand that you can't be there all the time. People struggle, have their days when nothing is possible – whether you're healthy or not. It's okay if you can't give everything everyday and I never demanded it. What he could give was always enough. But not for him, he can't see that and I do not blame him for it, for anything. He is ill. His view is blurred. I will give him the time he needs. When he says he's not able to be with someone I believe him and I accept it. I just can't let him go. I mean, I can't even make a clear cut – we study together, have projects together. Everyday I have to see him in our online courses, have to hear his voice which used to be "mine", but is not anymore and it hurts. I update Instagram like every 15mins to see if there's anything new from him. I am so confused and don't know what to do, how to stay close or, more than that, get close(r) again. I want him to know that I am still there for him. I know that love, that I, can't heal him. Only he can. I am happy that he already has professionell support and does not deny his situation. He wants to get better, but has lost his hope and all his energy right now. Life is too dark at the moment. I hope that if some of the "side problems" – like finding a new, nice and more affordable flat – can lift the weight on his shoulders a bit. It won't change everything for good, but maybe it would take some insecurity and pressure from him. I am just so afraid that maybe he really is over us, that we are dead for him, that I am just somebody he used to know. That maybe he really feels better without me now, that I really was a burden he is happy to got rid of… What can I do? I don't want to force myself on him. If he wants time and space to deal with things himself, I respect that. But I can't give us up just now… I am searching for psychological help myself at the moment and try to get my things together, too. I want to find my own strength again I lost years ago and I feel how much I could reflect and learn and understand during our relationship and in the last days. I believe that when we see each other again, I can be a more cleared up version of myself. And yeah, maybe there will still be a chance. I don't know… I love this person so much, I want to go with him all his and our way, through the darkest and the lightest. Thank you for sticking with me till this point. I know it was a lot of text, but it means a lot to me. Thank you so much. Much much love Leonie
  3. I hope in this journal people learn to understand people with autism. " In a box, not a bottle" is a private joke between me and my son. It is how we describe his experience with Asperger's . link removed
  4. Hi. I'm new to this forum I want to ask for some insight or actually I'm hoping to get a little encouragement that all isn't lost. My ex boyfriend left me 3 months ago after a couple of weeks of fighting. There was a big fight a week before our break up that changed the dynamic between us (he wasn't as sweet or affectionate after that big fight) He got stressed out by the fights that he said was aggravating his stress from work and time with his family. I've only started NC last week as I've repeatedly been trying to get him back in December, and in January, there was a weird phase that he kept sharing things with me that had nothing to do with our relationship. I love him so so much and I've been so destroyed by our break up but he's never said I miss you or he still had feelings for me since we broke up. Because of all this resentment and anger I had in how he treated me after the break up (cold and nonchalant), I sent him a hate email last week telling him friendship is never going to happen and i hate him. I couldn't control it but i felt good after. I guess some lingering feelings remain and what I'm asking for advice is, is there anyway we couls even work out given we ended in such an ugly way? Are there people out there who have been able to reconcile when there was bad blood?
  5. Part of my healing at this point is not even hoping that we will get back together, but instead hoping that one day he will realize how he hurt me and feel badly about it. I hope he regrets how he acted. I hope he sees how he hurt me. I hope he understands how he hurt me. Right now he just blames me for everything and points out everything I did wrong. It hurts. It hurts that he never appreciated me and that he took the beautiful that I gave him and threw it in the trash. Will he ever realize all of this? When I am long gone, will he ever regret it and see my point of view of things on how he hurt me and what he did? I wanted to be good with him and wanted to have something beautiful with him...will he ever regret losing that and not cherishing it when he had the opportunity?
  6. Please tell me your experience and advice. I've been with my partner for 3 years. We live together and love each other very much. We've been arguing about this point forever though: His indecision to want children. It's the one major stumbling point to our relationship and I am at least grateful that he is a very honest and has been straight with me about this. He has been saying yes, then no, then yes, then no again. I gave him 6 months to think about it whilst I promised not to bring the subject up again. At the end of the 6 months he still hadn't made up his mind so I moved out and have been seeing him for the past 2 months as a live-out girlfriend. After 1 month apart he said that even though he didn't want children, he'd be willing to have them to keep me and keep me happy. I took this as relatively good news so was hoping to move back in with him but recently he again said that he was unsure and that maybe he doesn't want them again! I was so sad as I'd built up my hopes again! I've finally decided to break up with him about this as the ambivalence is driving me insane but he continues to say that he wants to be with me but doesn't want children. I'm 70% sure by leaving him I am doing the right thing but I wonder if i'll ever meet anyone as kind, sweet and caring as him. Have you been in a similar situation in the past? What did you decide to do? Am i doing the right thing leaving him? Help please!
  7. Met this guy through OLD. Spoken a number of times on the phone. I'm a texter..he prefers me to call. Been in and out of contact for a year. We talk and then lose momentum. Last time we spoke six months ago now. He told me he feels like he's only an option to me. Im guessing its because of the on and off contact. He tried to cut if off a while back as he said he doesnt want to be a pen pal. I think he assumed things were never going to get off the ground as according to him im not doing enough to move things along. Then we started speaking again. What happened last was six months ago he asked me to meet while i was on the phone to him. I agreed. But then nothing came of it. He wanted me to send another pic of myself before the meeting. I messaged him a couple of times about other things unrelated to the meeting...so i didnt mention it..neither did he. And that was that 🤔. In hindsight maybe i should have brought it up or something. I can be very passive sometimes 😶. Any way neither of us contacted the other after that and six months went by. I would have met him then but it was difficult due to being in and out of lockdown. And i know i really should have mentioned that. And again we are in lockdown for another few weeks minimum. So i probably wont be able to meet him now. I had genuine interest in this guy..even though he assumed i saw him as an "option". I just wondered how i could reach out to him now and what to say. As he maybe extra skeptical. ( if he wants to even talk to me again). My guy " friend"who is extra negative. Keeps saying he doesnt care about you..hes probably forgotten you. Which i find odd in itself. As its not like he knows the guy. But yeah we had a huge argument over him making silly comments and now we've both blocked one another. I just said to him out of anger i hope me and that guy do end up speaking again so your plan wouldn't have worked to separate us. ( hes made negative comments for a year since i met the guy which only made the situation worse). Going back to the topic..how do i convince him im serious and am genuinely wanting to start again? In terrible at expressing myself..just need some tips. 😭😢 P.s I've fd it up every time we spoke. He gave me chances...and even tried to get me to open up and express myself but i end up self sabotaging and then he gives up i guess. Its like a pattern. 🤔 for example he straight up asked me if i like him...if i want him..and i still couldnt give a straight answer. I think i said either maybe or sometimes. Not even a yes or no.
  8. hi decided to start a new thread, hope that's OK? Basically it has now been over a year and we still go for daily runs etc . Even occasional sleep overs (share a bed but nothing like that). We were together 20 years, ex girlfriend and I are in a wierd place, she said yesterday that she wishes we could go back in time and was crying. Having said that she does occasionally blow hot and cold, but if I say I'm going out always asks where I'm going etc. I do, do alot of the chasing and know i shouldn't its just so hard not too. Yes she is like a drug and feel good when I have seen her (16 Yr old daughter lives with me and 21 yr old with mum). We both keep calling it a mess so why does she not just say lets try again? Or should I say this? I just don't know. All I know is it hurts. Many thanks for any advice
  9. Hey I kinda feel like I need someone to help me stop feeling so desperate and hopeless. I feel like my life is just a total mess. I feel like I’ve made so many bad choices and like I’ve screwed everything up and nothing is ever gonna get better. I’m 33, I’m dirt poor, living in a tiny flat that I can barely afford rent for, I work massively long hours on minimum wage to try to pay the bills, and I’m trying to bring up three kids as a single mum. I just feel tired and ground down by it all so bad. I feel like i've screwed up so much and there's no way out for me. I had a really rough childhood, my mum was an alcoholic, I never knew my dad and I was kinda neglected. But it is no excuse for the mess I’ve made of like literally everything. I got pregnant with my elder daughter when I was 17 and i moved in with someone who used to beat me up and treat me like shit. Ive kinda gone from relationship to relationship and most of them have treated me like dirt. God I’m such a wreck, I feel so ashamed of it all. Before covid I kicked my drunk ex boyfriend out cos my kids deserve better than having to deal with that mess. It was the right thing to do but now im alone and theres no one else to help pay the bills. Covid made it worse obviusly. I’ve got kids who i can barely afford to take care of and ive no time or money to invest in getting out of this hole cos im behind on rent anyway and struggling so bad, and anyway i feel so depressed and hopeless most of the time I feel like I struggle to get through the day. Seriously my life feels like a nightmare i cant get out of. I have no family except my sister who I love loads but she has her own stuff she is dealing with and I already dump on her too much atm. i feel so tired and desperate. I smoke too much, i know it wastes money and it’s a shit choice but I feel like cigarettes help give me energy to drag me through the day. My eldest daughter is struggling in school and I feel like i have no chance to help her cos i don’t understand the work. My self care is shit, I hate myself just for writing it but like a lot of the time I just feel so exhausted and depressed that I get home from work, do a meal for the kids and then like just crawl into bed. I love my kids and I wanna do better for them, they don’t deserve a mum who is like on the edge of falling apart in front of them, but there are so many things messed up in my life that I don’t know how to put it right. I’m 33 but I look 20 years older than that, I used to actually be pretty but now I just look at myself in the mirror and I look like an old tired sweaty mess with really bad skin and messed up teeth that I can’t afford to fix. Like I could just look at myself and cry sometimes. The rest of my life is no better. I wake up feeling rough and look round at my messy flat and know I have to do another really long day when I’m on my feet all the time just to try to pay the bills. I just feel so worn down by struggling all my life and like I’m trapped and it’s all my fault.
  10. I had a long-running thread about it, and I don't care to recount the entire background, so honestly, if you're not familiar, it's probably best to look up that old thread. Anyway, we finally had that talk, and thankfully, it wasn't the least bit awkward or weird at all, and we're still all good. For one, it turns out I wasn't crazy, as per that mutual acquaintance (the whole "Be more open" thing); apparently, said acquaintance suggested to my friend in private that we'd be really nice together. What I found more shocking, though, is what my friend dropped on me next... Apparently, when she and her ex were finishing their split, he told her that it would be "okay" if she dated me. That totally threw me for a loop. I... did not see that coming at all. Unfortunately, though, my friend felt frustrated by both of these instances of people trying to steer her on how to date. She also said that it still felt weird to her, since I was friends with both her and her ex, even if I was friends with her longer/ more. But, she did say that, thinking about it, she does think that we'd be good together on some level. But that she's lost track of what she wants in the long term, and that she doesn't feel like she's at all in the right place for something serious right now. She's more content chasing fleeting "fun" for the moment, and she said I "wouldn't want to date her right now". She seemed to kinda leave it open to the idea that things could change after some more time passes, I guess? I don't feel "bad" after this interaction at all. I mean, all things considered, it definitely could've gone a lot worse, so I'm grateful that didn't happen. Still, I've spent so long driving myself crazy wondering "What if?", and I guess I was hoping for more "closure", so that I'd have a very strong, clear case to shut those thoughts down completely. Now, I still feel like I'm going to keep holding out hope. Plus, her admitting that she thinks we could be good together (not to mention, two other people, one of which being her ex, also tried to nudge her towards me) makes my heart ache, thinking about "What could have been" if things were different. I dunno. I just can't really figure out what to make of any of this, and how to feel.
  11. Hi all, Hope all is well. I need some direction as I keep going back and forth on my decision. To give you some background: I have been living in my current shared apartment for the last 4 years. The first three years were fine as all 3 of us moved in at the same time and had pretty compatible lifestyles. One of the tenants decided to move in December of last year and it has since been a bit of a mess. We had a first replacement who proved to be completely reckless (unpaid bills, alcohol abuse, guests over during lockdown for a nights of drinking & smoking etc..). This person moved out in June and we got a rent decrease which was quite generous. Another tenant moved in and I'm feeling uncomfortable around her and she also doesn't have any issues inviting her boyfriend over during lockdown. She's also a coworker, which is not to my liking (we found her through an ad). The other tenant who has been living there for 4 years as well spends his Friday nights and Saturday afternoons on the couch drinking copious amounts of alcohol and never ever pays bills on time. We were advised there would be a change in landlord as well which may have no implications, but we never know. This lifestyle doesn't suit my anymore. I'm 30 and studying on top of work. I don't want to have the stress of coming home and not knowing what's waiting for me there. Plus, people doing God knows what in the bedroom next door makes me feel uncomfortable. I'm not in college anymore. Anyway. I found a nice one bedroom, brand new furniture, secure and very central for a decent price point. Along with the deposit and first month of rent, it will set me back by about 2.5k. I have about 6 months worth of rent aside. If I don't overspend, I hope to recuperate this amount. There is only 1 bill (electricity) which I know is generally quite cheap. My disposable income post-rent will still remain quite decent and I should be able to still same money. However, I'm scared of taking this risk of increasing my rent during a pandemic even though I know moving out will more than likely improve my mental health, job performance and overall well being. I'm really tired of seeing one person getting drunk on the couch and the other bringing her boyfriend over for the night. They kicked me out of the living room last week when I was having dinner. I've never seen this before. I've been living here 4 years an d contributed more than this new tenant, yet they had no shame in basically kicking me out to have some time (despite not giving a heads up about the guest). I don't have any family who can help me out in case something goes wrong, so I'm petrified of increasing my rent (about 50%), but again, this apartment's price point is reasonable in comparison to what I've seen around (city is quite expensive and there is a housing crisis). Plus, I can't live with roommates forever. What should I do?
  12. I'm madly in love with my gf, but things got really bad, and here is how: 1. I accused her of being flirty with another guy during a thanksgiving party 2. She got mad, I physically tried to stop her from leaving by using my body (but not hitting her) - some outsider guy came running thinking i was hitting her but I was preventing her from driving drunk and might have been too physical and trying to prevent her from drunk driving 3. She decided to grab some things the next day and stay elsewhere for the week 4. I became extremely distraught and went on a drinking and xanax bender for the entire weekend and proceeded to act erratic and not my self. called her 10 times, texted her probably 20 times, and in general came across as mentally unstable. And she had to do a 911 call to have an ambulance do a wellness check on me, which they did and concluded I was fine and they left. the drugs were still in my body so i continued to act unstable for about half a day after 5. Because of the above drug/alcohol bender, I literally remember 10% of the 3 days. Its really embarrassing and sad that nearly the entire weekend is blacked out. Please before you judge me, know I don't normally do any of these things. I have never had a drug bender like this in our year and a half of dating. I have broken down and cried so many times wondering if I ed everything up. It just happened. It started with one shot and a xanax pill, and before i knew it, i lost complete control :( Right now she wants space, rightfully so and has asked me to give her that space. I just hope we have enough love to salvage this. We are generally a happy couple. I just hope she doesn't think im straight insane which I feel like I kind of am right now :/ Can anyone relate? Has anyone recovered from anything even remotely similar
  13. Hello all! Hope you are all keeping well and safe during these crazy covid19 times. I am looking for recommendations for somewhere i can buy thats not insanely priced in the USA. I am basically buying the property to spend 6 months of the year in the US and 6 months in the UK as thats what my passport allows. I am looking to buy/move October 2021. My budget is $350k as i have to buy cash as not a US citizen. I am looking for something that has 3 bedrooms at least and is in a decent neighbourhood. I am going to live in the USA home from October 1st till March 31st so needs to be a state where it's warm that time of year, does not need to be roasting hot just warm, i want to avoid the UK winter! I guess that keeps me to the coastal states? I've been to California and Florida a lot, i really like both but Cali seems very expensive. Anyone have any recommedations for these areas or anywhere else please? I love Hawaii but that seemed too expensive too. Thanks in advance.
  14. Hi, would like some advice on what I should do from people who don't know me. Anyways, my girlfriend broke up with me 3 days ago out of the blue after 1.5 years. She broke down in tears saying her feelings have changed, not ready to settle down and lets break but don't wait for me, and there isn't anyone else. We never argued/fell out, I treated her like no one else ever did, not sure what I did wrong. I'm I right in thinking she still cares about me with her bursting into tears? Currently doing the no contact rule, should I reach out to her in future or wait and hope she contacts me
  15. Long story short- My ex and I been together for 5 years and last Saturday we got in a fight about something so stupid. After talking she said she's done. She doesn't see herself marrying me and she needed to be single to find and love herself. This is such a big shocker for me. Today after work, she will be packing her stuff and leaving out apt that we have a lease together. I accepted and didn't begged her or ask her to stay. I love her to death and hoping we can reconcile down the road if we cross path again. It'll be hard coming to an apt we shared for 3 years and her not being there. Time to go NC and better myself. I hope she can do the same and if we do end up together. It'll be much better. It's just funny that she wanted this break up yet she still want a relationship and not leaving/losing me for good. Reality is slowly kicking in :(
  16. Has anyone been a dental hygienist ? I want to know about dental hygiene school. I’m keeping it as a back up career . I was hoping to be a dental hygienist for children . Is dental hygienist career worth it ?
  17. So from the outside I look like I have lots of close friends. I'm 31 and am in a wonderful relationship and my boyfriend is my best friend. I occasionally like to throw parties, invite people to do escape rooms and almost always accept invites to events. I do a lot for my friends as well. Last year I planned a friend's bachelorette party, threw a friend a surprise party, offered to help with another friend's 30th, plan outings with friends and so on. People generally open up to me and I keep whatever they say as private. But I'm known as the party planner in my circle and I feel like nobody knows me, not really. I do have a couple of friends who know the real me but they are living on other continents and I'd really like to have people to be close with that are local that I can spent time with in person. About a year ago I started noticing that many of my friends never wanted to hang out one on one. I'd say let's catch up with some friends but they'd always have excuses or invite other people along which makes it harder for me to connect with people. It seems like we mostly just hang out in a group setting. I do know I generally am not vulnerable right away. It takes a little bit of time for me to open up and share my struggles but I have tried catching up one on one with people but it usually turns into a girl's night or excuses about being busy and just not having the time. I've tried messaging people and saying hey are you free next week but it's always met with some excuse, and I don't really want to chase someone to hang out with me one on one. I've recently started jiu jitsu and a new job, so I'm hoping to meet new people through this somehow. Any other tips? I seem to not have any problem meeting people and making superficial friendships, but I'm not sure how to turn this into a close friendship or how to have more one on one catch ups, or do I just need to start fresh and meet new people who I might click with better? Any advice or tips?
  18. Hi, I’m a female in her late twenties and I’m hoping to get some advice and opinions on a feeling thats been bugging me for like a year or two. I spoke to a close friend about this who did admit that it sounded a little silly and embarrassing, but could possibly be something more serious and I should seek advice from others on the matter. I regularly play an online game with another person that I met in the game and have done consistently for about 2-3 years now. We basically do everything together in a sense of improvement and helping each other to get the most of the game (like if one of us is running low on in game currency, we can rely on each other for help). I consider us like a tag team in a basic sense as our play styles compliment each other very well. We are good friends who confide in each other, but are not in an intimate relationship or anything like that. The game we play together has become somewhat stagnant over the course of this last year with fewer major updates, which has made me question a few of things. Lots of my friends have stopped playing the game because of this leaving just my friend in my friends list. Our enthusiasm certainly isn’t the same as it was in the beginning, however we both love playing this game together and I personally don’t think I will stop playing (I cant speak for him though as he plays a lot more games than I do right now). For a while, we spoke about making new friends in the game and perhaps joining some guilds together. We tried this however the people we played with were too casual to form any synergy with and disappeared after about a month or two (possibly sooner). After much thought, I’ve decided not to make an effort in getting to meet new people, at least not unless the game becomes less casual and more deep than its current state to warrant needing to know more people. I just don’t think its worth my time. My friend however has begun making new friends and has started inviting them into our parties. They are nice people, so I personally don’t have anything against his friends, but I don’t want to feel like I’m now obligated to play with new people or make an effort to get to know people all of a sudden. To me, it feels rather rude when we have arranged to play together only to have another person join us either at random or after being invited by him at the last minute. I have expressed my feelings to my friend that I don’t want to feel like I’m starting over again making new friends who may be gone after a few months, but I don’t think he entirely understands. I’m quite a reasonable person though and explained that he can do or play with whoever he wants, but not to feel upset if I don’t want to play with anyone else other than him. My real life circumstances have also changed since we first started playing together, which also makes it increasingly difficult to dedicate time to making new friends in the game when I am busy enough keeping up with real life business. I’m just not sure where to go from here. I sometimes think that the easy answer is to push my friend away as he clearly wants something different than I do now. Then again, I don’t want to break our friendship or stop playing with him because of how I'm feeling. I also don't want his friends to feel like I'm the one being rude if I don't want to join them. Can anyone offer me any advice on what I should do?
  19. I posted the other day at probably the lowest point for me since the very abrupt end of my relationship with my fiancé. He has ghosted me since the split which was driving me insane as all I wanted was some answers. Well today I got what I wanted but not in the way of hoped. He still had no answers but did not struggle to attempt to make me feel bad for him. It was all about him. How he feels (without even telling me how he feels), how I'm being unreasonable when expressing my sadness over the situation and how I have no understanding of who he is as a result. He was simultaneously trying to make me feel for him whilst he attacked me for feeling anything. A side I'd never seen on him before. I've got my closure. He's a manipulative, childish liar. Bullet dodged and I thank all the kind words of advice in my last post. I still love him and miss him and wish things could have gone differently but I am finding myself lucky not to have to go through that again as it would only have come out at a later date and destroy me.
  20. A dear long time friend backstabbed me terribly and there’s no going back (wasn’t a one time mistake, it’s been slowly going on for years). I don’t ever want to see that person again but we share many close friends and sooner than later we will end up at the same party or even a weekend getaway. I can’t imagine seeing that person and not acting hostile. People definitely noticed already that something is off between us, but the details will not be discussed with the group as that would be embarrassing for all. How do I act? I don’t want to be a downer and ruin the atmosphere for everyone but I can’t just resign to wear a fake face in front of my closest friends. My best hope is that the backstabber gets intimidated I’ll talk and avoids me. What are my moves?
  21. I initiated the break up of my 7 month relationship as he was ogling other women. I felt exhausted and worthless. It was a bad breakup that I didn't intend on doing. He made an insensitive comment and I exploded. He wouldn't reply to my messages afterwards. He started a new relationship about 10 days after we broke up. He hates me now. I kept seeing them around near where I live and I felt my heart ripped out each time. I was convinced it was a rebound and assumed they split up a few weeks ago as I haven't seen them around. I unfriended him on Facebook when we broke up but they both set their posts to public. I know its hurting me but I cant stop checking. I've just seen a new post today of another trip they went on together. Its breaking my heart over and over and I'm thinking of how that should have been me. They've been together 2 and a half months now. They seem like they're having a great time. She gets to have the best of him and I was just a practise run. The only thing that's kept me going is the hope we'll get back together - which makes me feel pathetic and desperate. I moved to this county alone 2 years ago and I have no family and I still don't have any friends. I don't have anyone to talk to and I'm sure my family think I should be over it by now. I can't move on. I've felt suicidal many times. I've taken up a new sport which I love but I'm losing all hope and don't know how to carry on.
  22. I received an email from my ex boyfriend (7 years) during Thanksgiving and Christmas. He moved out when i returned from an overseas military deployment - he was supportive but grew very angry in my absence that I volunteered to deploy. His adult children, daughter especially, re-engaged with him during my absence and encouraged him to leave me. They were angry and mostly cut ties with him when he began a relationship with me (live-in). He became regretful after moving out but I was too shocked and hurt to respond to any attempts to see him and soon separated items. It was a very dignified and decent separation. I believe he has begun a new relationship with a female that lives out of the area (based on a comment made by a mutual friend a just gut feeling). It is likely a rebound relationship to fill the void - he suffered with loneliness while I was gone - more than I knew at the time. I began No Contact during thanksgiving after receiving a thanksgiving text but no respectful call. When I called him he did not answer and this was a change for me. For Christmas he sent: Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. My phone crashed, and I lost 75% of my contact information. That's why you didn't get a Merry Christmas earlier. Sorry. I hope you had a nice Christmas. How is George (my son-they were close)? Your mom? Mike My thoughts are his phone did NOT crash but rather he may have removed my number at the request of someone else. He HAD to contact me via email to be descrete. would you agree? I am in NC mainly for myself-so I can take time to assess me and move forward. I accept the breakup and have just a small hope of reconciling - if we were both better down the road.
  23. Hi all, Some of you know about my relationship issue but in a nutshell, my girlfriend of about 7 months left me out of the blue; said "I did nothing wrong", "we just aren't compatible", things like that. She at first wanted to take a break for a month, which I waited out. Then when the end of the month hit, she ended up leaving me. I was devastated, and I still am dealing with depression since then. We met about a week ago at a coffee shop; she actually proposed us meeting. I went there dressed nice, even bought her a rose before we went inside. She told me that she met me to bring me some "closure", but didn't hint at the idea of us getting back together. She told me she still wanted to see me and hang out with me, but I don't know if I want to do that if it's just going to be a friendzone kind of thing; I will only hang out with her if it means the possibility of us reconciling. So now I'm on the fence. I have a video messaged saved that I haven't sent to her, pretty much giving her two choices: 1) we have a hope at reconciling and I remain in contact with her, or 2) if there is no hope, she's never going to hear from me again. I can't see us being anything less than a couple, and I can't accept a friendship, because my feelings are too strong for her. So therefore, if she doesn't want a relationship with me, I'm going to completely cut contact with her and never talk to her again. I have to move on for my own well being because this is killing me. I am torn up by this whole thing. If she truly didn't want to reconcile, am I making the right decision to completely cut contact with her? Would any of you all do the same thing? Thank you all.
  24. I need help. I delegated a particular task to another staff member, the details aren't relevant besides the fact that I hadn't looked into what the task involved before delegating it. It related to something highly emotive and intensely personal, causing the staff member to leave the office in tears. This never happens in our line of work, this was an anomaly. I was obviously kicking myself for not checking what I'd given her first (which I always do but was busy on this occasion). She returned to the office apologetic, but it was me who was more affected the rest of the day, and I apologised of course. I really hit a nerve and feel awful. I know she has personal issues a lot, presumably not related to what the work entailed, but nonetheless I may have opened some wounds. My question is pretty simple: I *need* to make it clear how sorry I am and how bad I feel. It was reckless on my part not to hand that work out without a warning to its recipient and truth be told she could probably make a formal complaint. But I also don't want to bring it up again if she's tried hard to forget it and will become (at best) embarrassed if I do. At worst she'll break down or quit. I could make it worse by mentioning it. But I don't know that my apology was enough, it didnt feel like it was at the time (I was shell-shocked and probably seemed a bit emotionless) and to be honest for some reason it's still hanging over me and isn't going anywhere. It'll be 5 days after the event if I do bring it up again, or should I let it go and hope to hell she forgets the whole thing and knows how sorry I am?
  25. I just still don’t understand how someone can tell you they truly and really love you like no one before, then be able orbit you and not ever talk to you or even check up on you after breaking up with you. My ex broke up with me in February because she feels she’s not ready to be in a relationship due to her self esteem and her not being good with her emotions. She doesn’t know how to fully express herself because she was never taught to. I truly believe this is why because she was completely honest throughout our relationship and through the breakup. There wasn’t someone else, or anything I did. I didn’t start NC until a month later because I did try to beg and convince her that we could fix it, but she wants to stick to her decision to learn to love herself before loving another. I broke it last month to ask if I should move on and she said yes because she wants me to be happy. She said there was no other reason for our breakup besides her not being ready or able to make someone happy. I’m still in denial after not hearing from her since and i’m feeling like an idiot even if I have hope that she’ll come back when she’s ready. I only think this because if someone told you how lucky they are to have you and they tell you how truly in love you are then why wouldn’t she. I’m pretty sure she’s moved on. Not because she didn’t really love me and lied, but because it doesn’t matter how she feels and she needs to fix herself first. I know NC is more for me to move on and everybody has been telling me to move on, but I can’t help but feel that if it’s real love, that she’ll come back when she’s ready. I just wish either things would start to show us getting together again, or I wish that I could just stop clinging on.
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