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About Me

  1. I look on this forum a lot to see if there are any new stories about people getting back together with their ex's. I do it just so that I can have some hope, and I really hope someday I can post my story on here to give others confidence that having hope pays off. In the meantime, I am going to make a list of actual stories of people I know that broke up and got back together. Please post your stories here too and we can put a little bit of cheer into this forum. 1. My friend was dumped by his girlfriend of 4 years. They were broken up for a year and a half and he tried everything to get her back. One day he was with his friend talking about her and she called him right then to talk about something trivial, and he went over to her house. They got back together and now they are engaged. 2. My friend's sister and her husband broke up for four years and now they are married with 3 kids. 3. My friend broke up with her high school sweetheart when we were 19 and they got back together a few years later and have been together ever since. 4. My other friend broke up with her high school sweetheart when she was a sophomore in college and they just got back together and now they live together. 5. A friend of my ex's was so sad about a girl forever, talked about her all the time when we were out at the clubs, couldn't believe they broke up, etc....now they have been back together for over a year. 6. My friend and her boyfriend dated for a few years, broke up for 9 months, now they are engaged. She says their relationship is better than ever now they are back together. 7. My friend was hung up on this guy forever, he would go back and forth and never commit, now they are living together and she is going to have a baby. They are really happy and in the end it worked out great. That is just some of the stories I know off the top of my head. Please post any stories of reconciliation that you know of so that we can have some cheer in this forum.
  2. I hope in this journal people learn to understand people with autism. " In a box, not a bottle" is a private joke between me and my son. It is how we describe his experience with Asperger's . link removed
  3. Hey everyone, I'm really happy I found this community. Recently there's a lot happening in my life which leaves me full of confusion and heartbreak. I had the feeling that I need to tell anyone, maybe finding someone who can relate to my situation. I really could use some guidance… I'm sorry that this got so long, it just came over me and I thought I try to draw a full picture here. So… my boyfriend and I met half a year ago when we both started the same studies. It was only three weeks from when we first met to the point when I stayed with him over night and we became a couple. We fell fast for each other. It was this kind of relationship that just feels right from the start and in every fiber of your body, heart and soul. I never felt more loved in my life and he was and is the first person from whom the words "I love you" really mean something and to whom I really feel like they are true and real when I say them. He was honest with me right from the beginning and told me about the psychosis he went through 1 1/2 to 2 years ago which was followed by a severe depression. He told it in a humorous, kind of shy way – I guess he was afraid I could run away as soon as he did. But I was fine. I told him that it's okay, that he's no "crazy person" as he described himself when he told me about it. That I like him for who he is and that I won't go away. Because I had met him when he was in a very good phase – the last months before the beginning of the semester he had recovered from a bad episode and the new beginning and new impressions gave him more perspective – I thought that the disease he told me about would be part of his past. Something he had overcome or learnt to deal with in a good way. At this time I had no idea what "depression" really, REALLY means. I was so naive. Or relationship went on, beautifully, deeply. Times came when he seemed… darker than usual, more distant. Well, can't be a happy person all the time, right? I didn't really think about that these could be symptoms of the depression and thought about other reasons. Maybe our relationship…? Around Christmas he became more distant and I started to worry. Before New Year's Eve he told me that he got some of the psychosis' symptoms again which worried him a lot. So he decided to take his meds again which made him kind of uneasy and tired. We talked about it and I listened to him and his worries, honestly telling him that I'm not sure what I could do or say to help him. He said it's okay – I don't need to say anything, it feels good when I just listen to him. He also has a therapist since the depression first broke out with whom he talks about those new developments and he also has a psychiatrist who supports him on the medical way. So, that's the good thing – he HAS professional help and KNOWS that he is not healthy and he really wants to get better. The next months were tough – our studies required a lot from us which put a lot of stress on both of us. I myself deal with heavy self-doubts and anxiety issues about never being enough or good enough and from time to time slip into very dark, hopeless phases (which are, lucky me, more temporary, but still a problem I have to deal with myself. But in those phases he was always there for me, helping me getting back on my feet – even if it was difficult for him because of the depression. But he did.). So the study's requirements were a lot for me, too. At the same time as we had to finish our final works his life got kind of "bombed" by bad news. Because of his illness he couldn't work for the last years why he got money from the employment office. But because he did not update his new status (being a student) early enough he now had to pay back around 2,000€ – which he does not have as he struggles financially. On top of that, as a student with no income or financial support by his family he now gets financial support from the state to study, but which is not enough to pay for the flat he's living in with his flatmate, paying the health care insurance and not starving every month. So the two of them decided to search for a new apartment both of them can afford. He loves the apartment they're living in and I guess he blames himself as being the only reason why they have to leave… So, many things went wrong and put a lot of stress on him in just a couple of weeks. As I said his mood went darker since the winter months – I guess the lockdown did it's best to make everything even worse. It had a deep impact on me, too, my own issues became more dark and I had problems with it more often. But he really began to struggle a lot. He got more and more distant, wouldn't speak or text me anymore or "colder" as he used to. He got tired early in the evenings, his motivation got less and less. He did not want to do things anymore, watch movies, ride the bike, hang out (lockdown confirmed) with others, didn't want to do anything for his study. I knew he wasn't/isn't a mentally healthy person, but at that time his change often hit me personally and I thought maybe I could be the problem. I only knew those changes in behavior from earlier relationships – when they drop you slowly – and had my problems to handle it. I was hurt and afraid he would start leaving me, that I again wasn't enough to be with me. He was annoyed by this and said he found my self-consciousness exhausting. We argued, but found back together. During our relationship he often explained to me how he felt: It put a lot of stress on him having the feeling to be the one making my day worse. To not be able to give to me what I need or what would make me happy. He felt that I was too focused on him, that I wanted to do things with him all the time, planning my day and my/our activities "around" him. He said he would like it if I could do "my thing" more often when we spent time together – just like a couple living together (which he would like to do someday for real). He also said he likes it when I just do "my thing" even when he is struggling with his emotions and can't do anything, because his own darkness or emptiness gets over him. That this would feel good and would take pressure off of him. He did not want to hurt me with that, I know that. At first I felt hurt, but I started to understand what he was trying to tell me – and yes, of course it is absolutely fine and normal not to spent every minute together even if you hang out, I was just still so full of butterflies that I wanted to be around like 24/7 … I started to inform myself intensively about depression and psychosis, I wanted to understand what was going on inside him. And I wanted to be able to be the best support I could be. I even contacted a psychologic counselor online to get some more professional advice on how to help him and deal with the disease. I tried to give him his space when he needed it, to do "my thing" even when he struggled. He often told me that he likes when I just do something I like for myself when I'm around him. That it feels like I feel at home and he can be more relaxed. When he distanced himself I accepted it. I told him I am there for him, that I believe in him and his strength and that I won't go away just because he suffers from a depression. That he is not the disease, but the person I fell in love with and never stopped doing anything else. Not all the time, but when I felt he needed those words the most. I noticed that his condition got worse and worse. Sometimes he would not go out of bed or would go back in it straight away, starring at the wall, not talking, not eating. He often said things like "I want that everything is over. I don't want to live anymore." When I asked him about those thoughts directly he always said he doesn't want to be anymore, but does not want to do anything for it to happen. According to his therapist this is called a passive suicidality. Sentences like this worried me a lot, but he kept saying he had no intention doing anything to himself. He said he had thoughts like this before, in his previous bad episode before we met. That time he'd isolated himself, couldn't talk to anyone anymore and just wanted to be over. During that time they had emphasized the dose of his antidepressants and he had gone back to the day hospital and the occupational therapy in the gardens of the hospital. That helped him a lot. Don't get me wrong. This all sounds like our relationship went all dark and sad and heavy. But it didn't. He was still there. The person I love and that loves me so much was still there and showed himself so often. He was still there for me, wanted me close, wanted to spent time together. He was full of love, missed me and told me when he did, there was laughing and trusting and passion. We still did things together, went for walks, did long rides with the bikes, enjoyed good weather together, … It still was more that I ever thought I would ever get, it felt like everything. I wasn't exhausted from the disease. Yes, it took energy, can't deny, but I was ready to go though this with him all the way, up and down. One day we walked along the river. He was very silent and I tried to entertain both of us a bit, but due to lockdown and my own inner struggling with the situation (can't deny tho, even if I just was very euphoric. But yeah, two sides of the medal, right?) and myself my topics were kind of limited. We sat on a bench and he told me how exhausted he was, how less hope he had. Nothing was fun anymore, just pain and exhaustion. No motivation. No perspective. No hope. No sense. He was so empty. And he said that it would feel like with his last girlfriend in the last year: That the relationship would make everything worse. I asked if that's because he feels under pressure because of being around someone else. He confirmed. It would feel like he's a burden to me, weighing me down – which burdens him retroactively. He broke up with his ex because of this. We did not break up on this day. I was very worried – because of what he said about the relationship, but also about the condition he was in. It really was the worst so far. I told him all the things again, tried to tell him that he is not alone, that I go this way with him. That he does not have to worry about me – that I can deal with the disease and that I want to deal with it, because I love him and it's okay, if he can't give anything right now. That I am fine with giving. Well, we did not break up that day. The next weeks became tough, I cried many tears alone at home, talked to friends and the counselor I mentioned earlier. I was afraid he would leave me, but kept this for me, stayed supportive and loved. And yeah, he still loved back. The last weeks were, after a long period of darkness, beautiful again. Full of love, it felt like in the beginning. We spent a lot time together. He hold me in his arms, not letting me go, initiated contact – and sex – himself, made plans for activities. We were tender, loving, passionate, supportive – we were like we were never to end, even if there still was distance or darkness from time to time. I knew that that's the disease speaking – not him. I really felt like our relationship gave him something after all and that he felt good being with me. Then last week. On monday he asked if I want to come over, cook something together. His texting was very communicative and he asked if I would like to meet his brother the next day. He would be very happy if I liked to. When I arrived at his apartment he was distant again. We ate something and watched a movie, but we did not really speak. I was in a mood, too. I was stressed by my own issues and felt my own heavy self-doubts and anxiety rumbling under my surface and was a bit insecure/tentative about his mood. But regardless of that he searched for me at night and held my hand in his. The next day already started with me knowing that it wouldn't be a good day. My own issues kept crawling to the surface. He helped me with some things for our studies, but I couldn't hold my own struggle anymore, started crying and feeling empty and anxious at the same time. We had a fight. To keep it short: I was struggling with my issues and his reaction hurt me. He said right and true words, but also words that hurt me. He wanted to help me, but couldn't deal with it at this moment. What I wished for that moment was just a hug, a sign that I am not alone. Not even words, just empathy. Instead he became ignoring and I became mad, because I didn't feel respected and as if my problems would be too less to be important. It got loud, it got ugly, everybody said things that hurt. At the end he talked calmly (but "shaken" from the fight) for a while and his words, well, hurt, because they were true, but helped. But the day was gone and full of bad emotions. I just wanted to visit his brother with him, get something good out of this messed up day. But he said he wanted to visit his brother alone, without me, the mood would be too bad. I panicked, I was so afraid that when I leave his place a distance would start and he would go away from me. I hated myself for what happened, for how hard I snapped that day. I could not stand myself – how could he? I was so sad and frustrated and angry and in shock that I questioned our relationship – and regretted what I said while the words came through my mouth. He froze, did not say a word. I tried to take the words back, tried to explain what was happening in my head. I wanted him to say something. But he did not answer or react, just said he would go to his brother now, didn't want to say anything and left. I could not hold him back or get an answer or a relief. I was so shocked. What had I done. In the evening he texted me: He was still like frozen, didn't know what was happening and going on now and asked for some time to think. I guess I knew what would happen in that moment, but I apologized for everything, told him that I did not mean anything I said. That I don't want us to end, that I want to be with him and that I love him. And I gave him some days time to get his head clear. Last Friday, three days after we had the fight, he broke up with me. He said, I did nothing wrong, it's okay to explode and feel bad from time to time, it's understandable and he wouldn't be mad at all. In fact he believes he would be the one who messed up the most, during the fight and in general. He said he thinks he can't be in a relationship right now. He couldn't give me what I need, he could just take energy and be a burden. He would be unable to be a good partner. He said he just feels really really bad and miserable and he just doesn't want to live anymore. He does not feel like being able to connect or talk with anybody. All he wants is to be dead or alone. He does not see a future for him in which he is healthy, he does not see a perspective or better times. Everything is just taking energy from him and everything will just stay the same, dark, hopeless, senseless, miserable. This would have nothing to do with me, but with the/a relationship in general and he thinks he might be better without it, alone. I knew this would happen. I knew it from the point when we both left after the fight. But I was shocked. Again I tried to give him all my support, my love. Tried to make clear how much I understand and want to understand and that I understand more and more everyday. How much I believe in him and us, that I believe he is stronger than this disease. I tried to remind him of the good moments and good things that still were there and came to him, even if everything was at it's darkest. I told him that getting better IS a possibility for him, that there really CAN BE a way, something better. But all this is not enough. I told him I believe in our love, that I KNOW that it is true and real and there. He can't deny that he did – and does – feel the same way I feel for him. I don't believe him that all our time together would have been just painful, I believe that it was something good and precious. He said it is good that it felt good for me, but for him it was just costing energy and causing exhaustion. Every small thing he did, every kiss, every word, every small touch would have just demanded a lot from him… I believe him. I really do. I saw how much he is struggling. I felt how much he is struggling. And I understand how hard it must be to love and try to be there for someone if you have to fight your own demons every god damn dark day. I know all of this and I really do understand. But I believe so much in us, I love this person so much. He means the world to me. Just one week ago he hold me in his arms, wanted to be with me, wouldn't let me go, made plans for us. Told me how much he loves me. On friday this same person gave me a last, mechanical cold hug and left me. We didn't speak or text since then. Everything inside me feels hurt. The day after the break up I left and went to my family home – I can't be alone or in the same town right now. I cried a lot, sometimes it's getting better and I can think clearer and of something else and laugh with others, but I feel so empty most of the time. I still can't believe what happened. This person was home from me, despite all the dark, depressive times, and it hurts so much to know that I may not come home anymore. I had much time to think, too. As I said, I do understand why he made this decision and somehow I always knew how fragile our relationship was in the core because of his disease. But I believed in it anyway and I know that we were real. That we were different than he and his ex (his flatmate told me the same – the way we were together was different, more loving, and in the end of his and his ex' relationship there were also other things for him that caused the breakup, too, and made him stop believing in it. But well, who knows…) and that we could've go on. I guess this last fight was like a huuge momentum of stress knocking down on him at once – and pushing him to the edge of breaking up. I blame myself so much. I want to believe that there is still hope for us and there are moments when I really feel this hope, when I kind of SEE our future together again. I can't lie – I want him back. I know we are good together and that he felt the same and WAS happy. I am totally aware of what being back together would mean. Yes, being with someone with depression hurts. It is dark and hard and takes so much of yourself and yes, maybe it is better to take it how it is and just go my own way. I have my problems myself which are heavy. I need to heal myself, too – for my sake. But also to really be a support. How can I be there if I weigh myself down and with this him, too? I can image how bad it must have felt for him to see me struggle and not being able to be there for me or not being there ENOUGH. I was fine – I understand that you can't be there all the time. People struggle, have their days when nothing is possible – whether you're healthy or not. It's okay if you can't give everything everyday and I never demanded it. What he could give was always enough. But not for him, he can't see that and I do not blame him for it, for anything. He is ill. His view is blurred. I will give him the time he needs. When he says he's not able to be with someone I believe him and I accept it. I just can't let him go. I mean, I can't even make a clear cut – we study together, have projects together. Everyday I have to see him in our online courses, have to hear his voice which used to be "mine", but is not anymore and it hurts. I update Instagram like every 15mins to see if there's anything new from him. I am so confused and don't know what to do, how to stay close or, more than that, get close(r) again. I want him to know that I am still there for him. I know that love, that I, can't heal him. Only he can. I am happy that he already has professionell support and does not deny his situation. He wants to get better, but has lost his hope and all his energy right now. Life is too dark at the moment. I hope that if some of the "side problems" – like finding a new, nice and more affordable flat – can lift the weight on his shoulders a bit. It won't change everything for good, but maybe it would take some insecurity and pressure from him. I am just so afraid that maybe he really is over us, that we are dead for him, that I am just somebody he used to know. That maybe he really feels better without me now, that I really was a burden he is happy to got rid of… What can I do? I don't want to force myself on him. If he wants time and space to deal with things himself, I respect that. But I can't give us up just now… I am searching for psychological help myself at the moment and try to get my things together, too. I want to find my own strength again I lost years ago and I feel how much I could reflect and learn and understand during our relationship and in the last days. I believe that when we see each other again, I can be a more cleared up version of myself. And yeah, maybe there will still be a chance. I don't know… I love this person so much, I want to go with him all his and our way, through the darkest and the lightest. Thank you for sticking with me till this point. I know it was a lot of text, but it means a lot to me. Thank you so much. Much much love Leonie
  4. Hello everybody. I hope you are well! I have a pretty simple question, I guess. But I believe it will be better if I talk to you about it ... I've been in NC for almost a month, and I'm feeling good, focusing on my stuff, like gym and college. Well, I've been living my life normally. And, I believe that the most important thing of all, I feel good about myself, you know? But, my question is this: if in a while (I will not determine a specific time, I believe it depends on numerous personal variables), I feel a genuine desire to contact my ex girlfriend (not being motivated by the feelings we all carry right after the BU, like despair and fear) to try to get closer. What better way to do this without scaring them or anything like that? I hope everyone has a great weekend! : D
  5. Hi all, Hope all is well. I need some direction as I keep going back and forth on my decision. To give you some background: I have been living in my current shared apartment for the last 4 years. The first three years were fine as all 3 of us moved in at the same time and had pretty compatible lifestyles. One of the tenants decided to move in December of last year and it has since been a bit of a mess. We had a first replacement who proved to be completely reckless (unpaid bills, alcohol abuse, guests over during lockdown for a nights of drinking & smoking etc..). This person moved out in June and we got a rent decrease which was quite generous. Another tenant moved in and I'm feeling uncomfortable around her and she also doesn't have any issues inviting her boyfriend over during lockdown. She's also a coworker, which is not to my liking (we found her through an ad). The other tenant who has been living there for 4 years as well spends his Friday nights and Saturday afternoons on the couch drinking copious amounts of alcohol and never ever pays bills on time. We were advised there would be a change in landlord as well which may have no implications, but we never know. This lifestyle doesn't suit my anymore. I'm 30 and studying on top of work. I don't want to have the stress of coming home and not knowing what's waiting for me there. Plus, people doing God knows what in the bedroom next door makes me feel uncomfortable. I'm not in college anymore. Anyway. I found a nice one bedroom, brand new furniture, secure and very central for a decent price point. Along with the deposit and first month of rent, it will set me back by about 2.5k. I have about 6 months worth of rent aside. If I don't overspend, I hope to recuperate this amount. There is only 1 bill (electricity) which I know is generally quite cheap. My disposable income post-rent will still remain quite decent and I should be able to still same money. However, I'm scared of taking this risk of increasing my rent during a pandemic even though I know moving out will more than likely improve my mental health, job performance and overall well being. I'm really tired of seeing one person getting drunk on the couch and the other bringing her boyfriend over for the night. They kicked me out of the living room last week when I was having dinner. I've never seen this before. I've been living here 4 years an d contributed more than this new tenant, yet they had no shame in basically kicking me out to have some time (despite not giving a heads up about the guest). I don't have any family who can help me out in case something goes wrong, so I'm petrified of increasing my rent (about 50%), but again, this apartment's price point is reasonable in comparison to what I've seen around (city is quite expensive and there is a housing crisis). Plus, I can't live with roommates forever. What should I do?
  6. I thought I used to be loving and emotionally available. But lately I feel like I changed so much I don't even resemble the person I used to be. I don't know what happened to me. I've been through trauma but I moved on. I find that I don't feel much for the world or people. I try to be a good person, but I don't care emotionally. I don't feel connected and I don't want to be. Is it possible to become emotionally unavailable later in adult life due to life's circumstances? I'm just so disappointed that nothing in my life turned out the way I hoped. I almost became cynical in a way. I see people who have what I wanted and I'm glad for them, I guess they had more luck. Can I fix my current state of mind? Does emotionally unavailability comes from childhood only?
  7. I've been together with this guy for a few months now. It has been really nice, he is always there to help me. We cuddle a lot, spend a lot of time together. We have sex quite often, sometimes twice a day. There is only one thing that threw me off quite a bit. I noticed that he wasn't fully enjoying having sex with me. he lost his boner a few times when we were having sex, and he didn't really seem into it except when he drank. He actually said it to me one time. He wasn't able to drink enough that day otherwise we would have had amazing sex. I've talked about it with him and he only said the following: it was like a motorcycle, with some you can just hop on and drive away, with me he first had to start the engine but when eventually we were having sex he was enjoying it. My question is, what does he mean by this. I have tried to ask it again if he could explain it in more detail. Ever since he said it I've been feeling really self-conscious. The answer that he gave me made me really upset. We could talk about it forever, I'll never get it anyway. so there is no point. And nothing I could willingly do about it. He compared it with someone born without sight that is asking you to explain colors. I wouldn't understand because I am a woman besides other things. I hope you guys can help me understand him.
  8. Hi, First I am not here to talk about my story (I babbled enough about that in Personal Growth) But I am interested in other people's experiences in Good byes. Not so much to someone who is dying. But rather people in our lives who are leaving forever one way or the other. If you gave one someone a special goodbye, How did it make you feel? If you recieved it How did it make you feel . For reasons I do not want to get in here. I had to say goodbye forever to someone who I will always feel was a blessing in my life. (I am repeating that part of my story for the readers of this forum) I wanted to cover every aspect I could think of because I was never going to have a chance, First, She saw my eyes watering and asked me to stop. I said I needed to continue and asked her if I could (She said okay but if she said No I would have stopped) First I gave her a blank journal because she once told me she wanted to be a writer, I wrote stuff in it to inspire her like Hi I am your journal use me for anything but I think you can write great things, I told her that I thought I was supposed to be a blessing in my life but I have learned you were the blessing in mine. I then took 3 ribbons 2 Blue One pink and I said I know this is only symbolic but I am not going to be around if and when these things happen, I said the blue and pink are for if you have a baby boy and girl someday and the other blue ribbon was for is she needed something blue if she married one day. Finally I gave her a pen that I had engraved with a bunch of letters. I told her it was an acronym prayer and that each letter was the first letter in the word, I asked her if she could guess, She told me she knew the first letters which was her initials, So then I told her the rest was May Jesus Bless You Love You and Keep You, and then we hugged and that was it, ......................Now was that too much? Maybe but on the other hand I could not let this person leave my life without letting her know in my own way How much God putting her as a blessing in my life (There was a time I had decided not to do the whole goodbye but something happened that changed my mind that I will cover in my other forum at some point) 2. It helped me to let go with the exception of a little bump I went through and got over with the help of the wonderful people on this site because I forgot something in the goodbye), I also hope it helped her in some way and if nothing else maybe give her a memory that although was sad will make her smile someday if she ever thinks back on it. As I said I am not looking for advice. But please I am in your opinions and goodbye stories
  9. He initiated the breakup citing he felt we wanted different things (him wanting a lighter more easy going relationship, me pushing to settle down - this is after almost 4 years together and we are in our late 30’s!) started fighting everyday about anything and everything. The way he handled it was so messy, one day it’s what he wants and the next day he’s unsure getting mad at me for removing my things from the apartment. Finally we go no contact for months until the quarantine hits and I reach out with a message for his safety telling him explicitly not to contact me if he doesn’t wish to discuss what happened as I felt the decision to breakup was so wishy washy without proper conversation to which HOURS LATER he replies back ignoring my instruction, filling me in on his life but not addressing the breakup either. I get pissed and confront him essentially we go back and forth where he tells me he has been avoiding processing the breakup feelings throwing himself into work and he knows how unhealthy that is but that it is too painful to process(too painful to process? It had been 6 months at this point!) that he will always love me and he also adds that he doesn’t want to “Get my hopes up” but that he hopes we can talk without hurt feelings at some point (I interpret this to mean he wants to talk but doesn’t want to deal with my emotions as I’m a very fiery personality, he’s told me several times my intense emotions make him want to run). He begs me not to get into it ‘right now’ I tell him that I am sorry for intruding on his life as it seems he wants us to move on from one another and that it won’t happen again. It has been more weeks of radio silence and I’m not sure what to do. Not wanting to get into it “right now” does that mean one day you plan on it? Or is that just BS to fend me off? I’ve been looking into attachment styles and he is definitely “dismissive avoidant” who runs from highly emotional conversations and I am “anxious preoccupied” who craves reassurance (these two types often end up together albeit their opposite characteristics). The advice is to let them come to you on their comfort terms to talk but where the hell does that leave me in the meantime? When I reached out he answered and is happy to hear from me but does not take action by his own accord to talk to me. And for those who say “just forget him and move on” I wish I could just turn this off and do that! I am not ready to let go for whatever reason just yet and am looking to connect with others who have had similar experiences...
  10. Hey ya’ll! Hope everyone is well with what’s going on with, y’know, THE VIRUS! I don’t mean to be sarcastic or disrespectful, but I am officially through with being so depressingly serious for so long I must release some cheeky humour into my life again! Bit of background to my trivial debate! I want your opinion on this, fellow readers, book lovers, fans of the written word! I adore books - always have done and always will! Always wanted to be part of a book club. I imagined a group of kindered weirdos like myself, from all different walks of life, like this secret societal underground meeting (kinda gonna be underground when the lockdown lifts because I am hosting our first meet up in the basement sub garden room, oh yes, with tipples)! I went ahead and gathered a few new Mum friends, by a few I mean two - it’s bleak, because apparently no one has time anymore to read or no one wants too. I was already feeling a bit depressed by this point but grateful for my two little bookies and on we go. First girl picks, we all order the thing and they just drop in casually yes, kindle this and yes, audio book that. Now I am really depressed. So here we go guys, another thing that doesn’t matter to anyone else but is practically do or die to me - am I crazy, or are Kindles the devil? And am I crazy, but isn’t it a bit insane that no one is gonna be reading a book when we are in a book club?! I know, I hear you, the irony of me writing and reading on here, virtual, blog like - I have an online journal, I get it, I get it!!! But I also keep a diary, a physical one, and, my book shelves are brimming. It’s not a snob thing, but I love the physical object of a book like an old friend and I need it there, sitting there as a reminder of the time and future times we will have. It’s like music to me - I remember exactly when and where I was when I first read a book I love and I link a good book to a certain time in my life. I’m not even going to get started on the experience of holding a book, of snuggling down with one under the covers, of propping one up, half damp, in a steam filled bath. The weird intimacy of holding a second hand book and seeing where someone has chosen to fold over the corner of a page or even annotate. The smell. The delicate yet sharp sound of a thin page turning. And then there’s... swallow... the EBOOK. I can’t even type everything I feel is wrong with them. Okay ja, they have their merits in some small ways I’m sure and YES, if you were an author and 80% of your sales were going to come from ebooks surely you would have too... no, you would not, by the way. I‘m an old romantic. I deal with technology when I have too, it doesn’t mean I want it or I like it. A book club full of kindles has got my back up. We need a dictatorship here, a dictatorship that says book club is for books people, not screens! By the way, these people aren’t blind or disabled, they can hold and understand a book. My question is why, WHY!? Why would you chose fake plastic flowers when you could have a bouquet of real ones?! I get further and further into modern life and I don’t want it. I’m 30 now with two children and becoming a real crank. I saw an interview with Elon Musk and I don’t want any of it. He started talking about plugging into the virtual reality or something and I just freaked out and checked out at that point. I am inside my Georgian house here holing myself up against this horrible, inevitable, freaking bionic future or whatever the fig. But now! For my request!!!! Let the anger begin! If anyone wants to reply - what’s your opinion? Do you love a Kindle? Do you hate them? Indifferent? Am I the savage here? Maybe I need to be more politically correct and inclusive? A bit of vomit has just risen up my throat. Hope you’re all well and still own a few books or I am gonna die. Lo x
  11. My girlfriend and I (F/F) have been broken up till the end of March (both 21 years and in a stable and happy relationship for 2 years). The relationship has always been great, we were made for eachother and everything seemed to go perfectly until the last two months. In September 2019 I spent a six-month internship, until February 2020, in which we saw only one week in November and for the Christmas holidays and everything was wonderful like always (she told me that). I came back from this experience at the beginning of February and she tells me that she loves me but that it’s not like the start of the relationship. I panic and we spend all February to see few times and March to fight, until the beginning of quarantine because of the Coronavirus (we should have left together for a trip at the beginning of March, her idea to celebrate the two years anniversary, we were really looking for this trip to spend some time togheter after the six months apart. Until February everything was going well, we were going out like normally, she was fine with me and she said/demonstrated it continuously (she asked me to plan our holidays in the summer, talking about all the stuff that we wanted to do after the exams). In March we did nothing but fight, the quarantine (that started for my country at the very beginning of March) has led us to move even further and eventually to leave without even being able to see us. Throughout the month she had been cold (always telling me that she loved me, but only as a response to my “I love you” but always chatting and facetiming eachother) and I did not help the situation, coming back from the six-month journey very sad and confused about my life and clinging to her to seek confirmation and seeing her as the only positive thing in my life. The last day of the relationship (27th of March, the day before we had made a two hours videocall talking about light subjects) we talk normally and in the evening comes out the subject, she says that she loves me but it is no longer like before, that I deserve to be happy and she can not make me happy (it wasn’t unexpected as we talked about breaking up and never found the courage to do it because she loved me). We call each other on the phone and we cry all the time, she apologizes for hurting me, she says that I’m a wonderful person and that I deserve the best but even if she tried so hard she couldn’t pretend to love me like before, that she wants to keep up with my life if and when I want, that she wanted to be there next to me to make me feel good even though she was the cause of my pain. All through February and March we met about ten times (after five months apart) and we constantly talked about these problems, I couldn’t understand what she said to me (because I was afraid of losing her) and she didn’t understand why she felt this way towards me, accusing herself and crying all the time while I was trying to pretend that was all like before. She also added that it would be more correct to see and talk about it in person (she added this during the breakup, but even in the days before, adding that we were trying to resolve issues but the quarantine had blocked us) but because of Coronavirus could not continue to make me feel bad (I was constantly on the phone hoping she would write to me, ask me to call us and I was no longer finding the strength to do anything) for at least another two months and resolve this situation at the end of the quarantine. She never explicitly told me that she no longer loved me, only that the love she felt was no longer the same as before and that she preferred to leave and break up with a good memory rather than continue something that would make us hate in the end. Immediately after the breakup I started no contact because I needed some time apart (I told her to not write me for some time), working on myself to feel good, solving the problems that I had, still working on it. She didn't write me for my birthday at the start of May and I wrote to her a text 10 days after, asking how she was and she immediately responded, apologizing for not contacting me on my birthday because she didn’t want to intrude or ruin my day (I didn't even mention my birthday in the first text). We talked a little bit about college, and I told her I wanted to see her and talk about what I realized in this two months apart. She told me that she didn’t expecting this, asked me what I thought, and that she didn’t think it was a good idea to see eachother. I explained that I had been thinking a lot about what had happened and I would like to tell her and listen to her thoughts (because when we broke up we were both crying and upset), she told me that seeing us would not be a good idea. She added that she didn’t want to hurt me by refusing to met, but neither did she want to start the process of getting better again, adding that she has only positive memories about me, but that she couldn’t see me now. She said she’d want to hear from me in the future about how I’m doing and what’s new in my life because she care about me and she loves me, but seeing me now would be hurting herself. I asked her why she thought I wrote to her and she said that she thought I wanted to know how she was doing, that she was glad to hear from me and that she would write to me in the future too. She added that even this conversation upset her, that it’s too soon for her to write me and she can’t handle the emotions she caused her; that she can’t go back to how she was two months ago because she’s trying to get better slowly and see me would make her panic (she told me that just chatting with me had her struggle) I asked her how to behave to respect her spaces, she told me that in the future we will write to know how we are doing and how it’s going, but it’s too soon now. She wished me luck and the conversation was over. This was not an abusive relationship on either side, either physically or mentally. It was a healthy, respectful relationship. (I feel the urge to add this because I was shocked by such a sudden reaction, she seemed afraid of confrontation, afraid of me.) I care about her, I don’t want to do anything to hurt her and a month is passed, so how should I behave? I also care for my mental health and this situation feels to me like it doesn't have a proper end, with her not being clear for the reasons in the breakup and expressing the will to talk to me again in the future. Why did she react like that? (it seems that I dumped her and then write to her again when it was her decision that I accepted, she made all by herself). Should I give up hope of starting a relationship with her again? Why did her feel the need to tell me that in the future we will talk to eachother and see how it goes? I already heard to "give up, move on, forget her" and I'm doing it (I'm not crying everyday in my room, I take care of myself and all that inspirational stuff). I'm looking for a serious opinion on this situation. She still see all my stories and my friends's stories on Instagram and she had put a "like" in my Instagram post yesterday (it was a picture of me). I should mention that in September she will move away from our city due to study and I still don’t know if I’m gonna go in the same city as her (for study reasons) or I’m gonna stay in our current city. (I’m adressing this thing because at the end of the relationship she was very concerned about it and didn’t see a future for us as a couple in a distance relationship, after that we spent five months apart). Thanks for your time :)
  12. So, I’ve known this guy for awhile, we’ve been on 3 dates, all were at his place. The last date I had with him we were making out, and I gave him a handjob. He decided on standing up instead. So I did, I stopped. Then he looked down at himself and said oh no! and he ran to the bathroom. I hate to be graphic with all of this, but it was something in his pubic hair, he came out of the bathroom and asked if I had gum. Which I did. But I didn’t give him a bj, not ready for that. Do you think he has crabs and wasn’t telling me? I don’t really no what to think, if I remember correctly he said he thought he had a hernia. Thanks hope this isn’t confusing. I think we might see each other again, once I’m out of qaurentine. What are your thoughts? Thanks
  13. So back in the middle of October I took a trip with my Boyfriend. I ended up wetting the bed, I was also bloated, stomach cramping and gaining weight fast. I saw the Urologist when I got back who blew me off. So I got a second opinion. The second urologist did imaging and saw I had a large mass in my bladder. She just went off the Ct Scan, she didn’t order any further imaging. I had a Cystoscope in November and she saw my bladder looks really good and healthy took a sample to biopsy. The only odd thing was she told me I had a large protrusion inside the bladder. But she said to follow up with obgyn. In January I end up in ER with horrible stomach cramping feeling like I’m dying. They order another CT scan which I’m not happy about. This one shows the mass more on the pelvic side then bladder side. I see her again, she says I must have tissue from the bladder protruding into the pelvic region and orders a ct guided biopsy. I go see my Gynecologist and he says not to do the biopsy. He sends me too Urogynecologist. I just saw her today and now I’m even more confused. She is sending me to an Oncologist Gynecologist who I got in STAT to see next Thursday. She’s top in her field and books always off in advance so to get in this quick is rare. The Urogynecologist went over all my procedure notes from what the Urologist did and found then through the Ct imaging. She told me I need to have different kinds of imaging. What’s being seen is this weird annexal structure with moderate amounts of blood flow that is in the right pelvic area. She told me it must have confused the urologist thinking it was in the bladder. Because it’s large and the ct scan was unclear. She told me it’s a right ovarian mass that’s probably been there since the Urologist went looking in the wrong area. So basically I’ve had this thing since the Cystoscope back in November and even farther back. It’s just unfortunately the Urologist accidentally over looked it. So my head is spinning because this confused me even more. She said that’s why the Oncologist Gynecologist will order an ultrasound and MRI to get better imaging on this thing. Unfortunately it’s not something she does in her field. I feel like an alien, what the heck is this thing on my Right Ovary that’s confusing every doctor? I’m bloated, I have back pain, it feels like I have endometriosis back. I asked, it’s not Endometriosis. I guess it doesn’t fit the look on the ct images for it to be endometriosis. I’m still leaking to where I’ve worn depends since October. I’m getting frustrated! I’m having a hard time losing weight because I’m so bloated. So I’ve just maintained. I’m on WW. Each different doctor has a different theory of what their looking at. They all do however agree on one thing, and it scares me! They think this may be a malignant growth of some sort based on its characteristics. Also the fact Ovarian and Breast Cancer run rapid in my family history. I’m 38, I don’t smoke, I don’t drink nor do I do drugs. I’m healthy in that regard. I had a hysterectomy five years ago due to endometriosis. The doctor took out everything but my right ovary for estrogen purposes. Lucky me! 😂 I see the oncologist gynecologist and I hope she has a better idea of the next steps forward. Sorry I wrote a novel. It’s been hard going through the run around. I needed to vent.
  14. So I met this boy at a summer camp in 2018 and liked him basically straight away. We had quite a lot in common, and he was funny and sweet and we got along well. On the last night of camp at the party, we dance together and I thought that he liked me. I got his number and we texted pretty much everyday for about 3 weeks. He then came to my town with a lot of other people from camp for the weekend, and we still talked in person but not as much and I got the sense that maybe he didn’t like me anymore - but it was so hard to tell. I felt guilty after the weekend as everyone else knew but him and I thought he should know, so I told him that I liked him. His response was very confusing, he never said whether he liked me or not, so I hung onto the hope that he would for the next few months until we saw each other again. It was awkward for the first couple of days at camp the next summer (2019) but then we were just friends again, hanging out and I enjoyed spending time with him, even though it was mostly in a group. At the final party, once again I thought that there might be something there between us. We saw each other again in September for a weekend and haven’t seen each other since, just messaged briefly a couple of times. Should I just give up on this? I’ve really tried to before but always end up hanging onto the hope that he does like me, or he did like me and I can rekindle the spark. Thank you for reading all of this (it was definitely lengthy) and I’d love advice from anybody! ❤️
  15. I was with my Ex for almost 5 years. I had posted a thread on here explaining it. We split up around July of last year, and have not spoken a single word to each other after November 1st. We remained Facebook friends, up until a week ago when she posted a new cover-photo with her rebound boyfriend (They've been together since we last had contact) and quickly unfriended me. Out of the blue, completely unexpected. I was kind of upset she unfriended me, as we had kept in touch just by liking each other's posts occasionally. Which wasn't ideal, but not contacting her first-hand made it easier to move on with my life and helped me cope. I'm still coping, I am. Even 96 days after our last conversation. But, it has indeed gotten easier. My birthday was 2 days ago. I was casually just sitting at home on my day off alone, and I get a text. The very last person I expected to wish me a happy birthday, did exactly that. It caught me completely off guard, and I spent over an hour debating on whether or not to reply. A sudden rush of emotions flooded me. Her: "Just wanted to wish you a happy 24th birthday, I hope it's a good one, and I hope you're doing good." Me: "Thanks young lady. I'm doing good. I wish you the same." That was it, she didn't reply (I ended it with a closing style statement just to avoid a converstation). 3 months ago, I would've killed to recieve a text from her. Now, I just feel confused, and lost. It brought back many demons I shut out. Many glimmers of hope still cross my mind like a pest that I try to rid away. What if she was thinking about me? What if she misses me, but is too-stubborn to reach out? Or what if she is just seeing if I would reply? Maybe to see if I am holding a grudge? I still talk to her family monthy, her parents and I were and still are very close, we just keep things about "her" distant/not talked about. I don't know. All I know is that no-contact has helped me cope and let me spread my wings. I guess now, the counter is reset. But I feel, indifferent. Most days, I find myself thinking about her many times, it does get easier, but her texting me set me back a few steps. But I chose to be indifferent, and reply to her. Part of me hopes this is a foreshadow of what is to come, perhaps she will reach out again much later in the future, but the damaged-part of me knows not to give my hopes up because she cannot be trusted, nor be a partner, ever again, after what she did to me. I like to consider myself a strong and independant man, but thinking of all the stuff I went through because of her, left part of me in pieces. And I am unsure of whether or not they can be pieced back together, ever again.
  16. Hey everyone, I hope this won't sound too superficial but it has been bugging me for a while now. So I've been told a few times I look innocent. I didn't pay too much attention to it, but today a friend of mine told me I look 'so virginal', and I didn't like it to be honest. I don't know how you can tell that someone looks innocent or not, or maybe I just don't think about it, but I'm just tired of people being shocked when they learn I did something (remotely) sexual. My friend reacted that way when I told her about my recent night out, and that I made out with a guy in a club. I think I just need to vent, I don't know why I give these innocent vibes. I'm not saying it's a bad thing, it's just annoying.
  17. I'm not exactly sure what to do. I've been dating a girl now for a few months. Things went well at first but then she grew to be distant. Long story short at first we both wanted something serious but later on she told me she just wanted things to be casual. I asked her if she is still interested in me romantically and she said yes but that she wants no commitment or expectations right now and potentially in the future things could be different. She just wants things to play out as they will. She has been acting nice but distant, the vibe is totally off from where it was before. I'm really into this girl and it's been very hard on me. I'm wondering if I should just drop this girl or hang on and keep hoping things will potentially change. I know what I wrote is quite vague but I didn't want to bother anyone with a long essay. Any insight would be appreciated. Thank you very much.
  18. Hi guys! I would like to ask for your opinion on the following: First, let me say that I have had such amazing support from my ex MIL and my ex SIL throughout my hardship since last year. We get along beautifully and talk to each other often. That said, my ex SIL's daughter will be graduating from college this month. I am going to send my niece a check for $200 which, to me, is a nice gift. Obviously, her grandmother will be sending her a gift as well. Here is my dilemma: I don't intend for my ex MIL to tell me how much she is sending but, at the same time, I do not want to outshine her (which I might not). So, should I tell my ex MIL that I will be sending my niece this amount, or just send it with the hope that I won't overshadow her gift? Thank you so much!
  19. Hello, all :) I guess I’m just looking for validation to hold onto the relationship I had that I know was true, but was broken by my ex out of the blue almost 2 months ago. I’m 24M, he’s 21M, and we were dating for almost 6 months. In fact, our anniversary always took place during a full moon phase, which had unidentified significance to me... The night he broke up with me, he seemed depressed. He said he needed time to himself and to figure out what he wanted. I knew then and know now that I want the relationship to continue, though. He’s in his junior year of college and I know he’s young, so I assume school is taking much of his time and attention. A week later, we meet for drinks, and when I see him and look into his eyes, I see someone different than the guy I met. This new guy seems moved on from me... it hurt to see that. After drinks, we go to my car in the parking lot and I tell him that I still have feelings for him. He says that he believes we’re different people... I cry, and ask him if there is someone else he’s intimate with. He doesn’t say anything, but his body language implies that there is someone else. The energy in my car is intense, and he calls himself a “piece of ”. We continue talking about the relationship and I prove how honest I was with never cheating on him (because I love him so much) by showing him messages from guys who would be flirty with me while I was in a relationship. I never pursued those other guys because I am sure of my love for my ex. We make out in my car, and it feels real and nice. But when we take a break from kissing, he says he ‘doesn’t want to lead me on’. He leaves and we say ‘I love you’ to each other. Within the next month and a half, I message him only on Thanksgiving and Christmas. Our conversations are friendly and quick. Just recently, though, a friend from work has been aware of how down I am about this loss in my life. So, he suggests that he message my ex saying how awful I feel without him, and I believe it to be something of a last resort. So, my work-friend messages him in a mature way, saying something along the lines of ‘I can see how hurt he is without you. He cherishes the time you guys spent together and really loves/misses you. Maybe give him a call to catch up on things together.’ My ex responds to him with something like, ‘I have moved on, to be honest. I am on a different path.’ There really are no words to convey how hard of a loss this is... I immerse myself in dreams about this person who doesn’t seem to be in this world or universe anymore. Honestly, it’s like he has died in some way, and I deny that the person who still has the body and most of the personal attributes of my ex is really my ex. It seems like a demon or some other entity has taken control of his body. In complete shock and despair, I called my grandmother after reading what he said. I trust and love her so much, so it only made sense to turn to her for advice. She gave me two, very different solutions: one went something like ‘If he moved on, so should you. You can’t create a person the way you want them to be.’, and the other was ‘Well, he’s young. Maybe he’ll change his mind. Also, he messaged your friend, not you. Maybe he was upset/nervous to talk to someone he doesn’t really know, so he lied to him.’ I’m here for further healing. This truly is the worst feeling and I still have some hope that I can get what I want. I don’t know if it’s dumb to have hope, but it still feels nice to have. Thank you so much for reading my story. Love, AJ
  20. I met a guy, the most amazing, kind, fun, like minded person I have ever met. He gave me everything, made me feel like the most important person in the world.....and I ed it. I deceived him by messaging someone else. I told him the truth, but this one lie has ruined everything, he can't even look at me anymore. He thinks I've lied about everything, he thinks I'm lying when I apologise, and no matter what I try to do to fix it, it only makes things worse. Is there any way he will ever forgive me or am I just clutching at straws in hope.
  21. I'm still dealing with my own issues right now, but I'm curious about the feedback from the folks on ENA regarding monkey branching relationships. I was listening to Dating Guy recently and he was talking about how most ex's who move on via monkey branching don't come back. I am still holding onto the hope that in about one year or two maybe my ex might reach out to me again if I've improved on myself enough to become the superhuman person I want to me. So, ENAers - many say that rebound relationships don't last - but what about monkey branching ones? Of course, I'm hoping it's the same as a rebound, but I know that's not the case. Please post your thoughts/experiences down below. Maybe some of you can give me some hope - and maybe some of you might give me a dose of reality
  22. I've been with him for 6 years, and we've lived together for 3. We are both in the entertainment industry. This year he's been doing cocaine, mdma, g, and speed, because he has been working insane hours, but it's because he's making the choice to take on extra work on top of his job. He got a high paying gig at an after hours club doing tech work, and his actual job is weekends mostly in the summer with all the festivals. So basically he doesn't come home for 2-3 days without sleeping. This summer has been so rough for me because of this, as I can't stand seeing him so messed up and tired, and I felt lonely myself. I kept telling myself it will be over once busy season is done. Well busy season is done, and now I'm afraid he has become addicted to cocaine. It started with him just not coming home until 11am not because he is working, but because he's with the friends he made who got him into cocaine. I felt like he was choosing drugs over me. Anyways we fought and talked about it a lot, and ever since these two girls in his drug group of friends told him he should go home to me, now he is coming home. It took someone else to tell him he's in the wrong. But now he's coming home high, and now he's getting high on weekdays. I told him I really appreciate him coming home, but he's taking cocaine to the next level and I can't deal with that. I've noticed he is starting to have angry mood swings, and he says hurtful things he doesn't mean when he's on it. The only time he makes an effort to have sex with me is when he's high. The other night I had a full blown anxiety attack, which never happens to me, because he was yelling at me after I asked if he was high. And he yelled at me while I was having the attack because he was upset that the attack was due to him being high and angry. I'm hoping that night opened his eyes.. because we had another talk and he said he's going to stop completely, and he's sorry he makes me feel the way he does. I want to believe him, but I don't anymore. I'm scared because my cousin died from cocaine this past February. I need to know, at what point do you start to see the signs when cocaine has taken over? Would you say it already has? What things do I need to look out for? He started lying about things to cover his cocaine use up. What sort of things should I look out for to know if he's lying besides dilated pupils? I feel like there is still hope right now and I want try to encourage him to stop before it gets harder to stop. I feel like I don't completely trust that he will stop, because I know he has it in his head that he's in control and says things like I'll do it once a month. I never ever thought I'd be in this situation...
  23. Hey! New to the site and wanted to share a bit about myself and my recent experiences. I’m in my early to mid-30s and really only started dating in the last year. I dove right in, and have been able to maintain a positive attitude giving the guys I’ve dated a lot of grace perhaps out of my own desire for compassion. Honestly, they’ve all treated me less than great and I’ve stayed in “situationships” far too long, taking (excusing??) every phase as a much-needed learning lesson. After a year of dating, I am actually grateful I have yet to be in a relationship although I still want a relationship. I’m not one of those women with a long list of traits who is holding out for Mr. Right. I’m more interested in developing better communication skills and learning how to navigate relationships (romantic and otherwise) while seeking something that is in alignment with my values and standards. I desire someone who supports my self-growth and development, someone who treats me right, someone who is committed to building a healthy relationship. Anyways, that’s what brings me to this forum. Because dating is hard and I’m feeling discouraged. I’m hurting and wishing sometimes things played out differently... not necessarily resulting in a relationship, but simply handled with more respect and care. And I’m feeling a bit lonely in all of this... it hasn’t been easy discovering my patterns, pitfalls, and imperfections all while hoping you come across someone who celebrates you for you... when that’s something you’ve never even experienced!! All the while learning to let go... especially when you’re testing out vulnerability, learning to communicate boundaries, and having to constantly reset your practice of self care, self love, self worth, self acceptance... all the “selves”. Yeah, I could really use some encouragement! Relationships are not easy! And support isn’t always readily available. I know I am on the right track, but this is no cake walk!
  24. I decided to go no contact with my ex to ease myself, try to get my emotions under control, and to hopefully get him to miss me. However, my friend messed it up and told him that I was doing no contact to make him worry and to make him want to date me again. He’s very unhappy with me and hurt. He says he feels lied to. He’s hurt that I ignored him and made him worried sick just for that. Is there no way to do no contact again without him thinking I’m trying to make him miss me again? Is there no way to do no contact without hurting his feelings and making things worse? Did my friend ruin everything for good?
  25. Hello all, I posted here in the Getting Back Together forum, because I want some open minded feedback. Female dumper here. I broke up with my ex of 10 months about 22 days ago. I have been in NIC (Not initiating contact)/Low Contact with him because he wanted to stay friends and I think he was heart broken from me dumping him. But so was I from his neglect. Reasons for breaking up: Neglect on his part, he kept disappearing on me, and I felt lonely in the relationship. I felt like he prioritized his hobbies over spending time with me. One day I couldn't take it anymore and I said I didn't want to be with him anymore because I felt alone in the relationship. So far for the last 22 days, its just been small talk initiated by him "hope you are well" "how are you doing" in which I reply with "I'm good, hope you are well too". Honestly though, I do not want to be friends with him. During the relationship, I felt neglected, and this small talk type of deal is driving me insane. If he wants to fix things I would be willing to be open to it. But I can't do this small talk LC anymore. What should I do? But if I should just disappear into the void, I will do that too. He initiated a conversation today with "how are you?"
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