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About Me

  1. Do you have book passages, quotes, poems that left their mark on you, speak to you, do you perhaps even use them as a mantra or orientation in life? Perhaps you just..like them? Well, I have tons and tons and I never seem to get enough and have the same curiosity drive me in the inquiry about yours as some women have for "what's in your handbag" pins. It's an obsession of mine almost. If you have bits of literature you'd like to share I bet some of us bookworms would love to read them. If possible, try to add the authors name or a book title for those who might be interested in reading more. Happy posting- and reading
  2. i find it difficult to believe that those that have never walked in these shoes could ever fully understand what this is like. but really...i think it would be impossible for you to not understand certain aspects. it's still strange for me to talk about this. there are very few people that seem to get it. a choice in itself. to get it...is to open one's being to that same vulnerability. perhaps i've been conditioned by the general reaction. there are ALWAYS undertones that this whole process was a choice. alas, to choose misery would be a madness. in some respects...it was a choice. the initial choice. the first time. but at that point...it would've been difficult to imagine the way things played out. yes...i was told a thousand times...by a thousand different people...this is wrong. there's no good that can come of it. but the full appreciation...the knowledge, wisdom...there is just no way to know that...until it's happened. i have been surrounded by people my entire life that refuse to see the person as anything other than the label. as in mental illness...the actual person is not seen. the label trumps all else. yes...it's a generalization...but the consistency of the sentiments is overwhelming. it's a choice. snap out of it. unfortunately...these people do not understand. this...thing...has robbed six years of my life from me. it's reduced me to tears on numerous occasions. it's added a neverending cycle of stress and anxiety to my life. it's robbed me of that youthful sense of vigor...my energy...my motivation to do many things that i once enjoyed. paralyzing. it is...and has been...the last thing i think about before i go to sleep. not in the sense that i need to indulge...but that i've been systematically destroying something i consider precious...and become very adept at driving the full implications of that away. life becomes a lesson in deceit. myself. my friends. decpetion is a friend...because it's the one thing that allows me to cling to a dissipating sense of self-respect. there is no control. the addiction fuels habits. life becomes a means to satisfy that hunger. and the sad truth...is that the 'help' that exists is horrendously out of touch with what has actually happened. if it were truly 'in touch'...the numbers would provide a staggering solution. yes...some people give it up...and lead genuinely happy existences...but they are by far the minority. there are many that have come and gone through my social radar...and there has only been one that has successfully ended this cycle...permanently. one. it's shocking. can you imagine the misery of still possessing the desire...but refraining. one's life would become consumed by that desire. the entire existence becomes about that moment when the need can finally be satiated. this is not a solution. it's misery. and it's real. i reflect on how well we mask our true feelings. i can't help but assume that these 'happy' ex-abusers are skilled in the same art. there are definitely exceptions...i realize. one could ask...why didn't you just stop. it's not a question of weakness. i possess a certain strengh that permeates ALL other aspects of my life. it's a lack of tools. i'm amazed that this conclusion didn't dawn on me sooner. it's really a question of perspective. it's a shift in the reality. that old familiar mental filter...the cognitive trick that keeps so many trapped in a prison of twisted expectations...it's the same. there is no difference. so...just stop. amazingly...that IS the solution. but there is no way for that to happen until the roadblocks have been removed. there has to be some kind of comprehension. there has to be acceptance and acknowledgement. and it's not just one or two little beliefs. it's all of them. one misguided belief...and sadly...the hook remains set...waiting to take hold again. i feel a genuine sense of profound sadness when i've been witness to this. it somehow reinforces the idea that the trap has no exit. it exists to keep one trapped...that is it's nature. so many times...i've been witness to the crushing, demoralizing, dehumanizing trauma that is addiction. it's not a vice. it's not a habit. it's an addiction. and the cumulative lives ruined by this disease far exceed every other killer. strong, intelligent, decent human beings. all walks of life. we do not choose. by all accounts...if we were to go back with the knowledge we have now...surely the temptation would never lead us down it's perilous road. but the knowledge...when it becomes belief...it IS the way out. there is a solution. there really is nothing to give up. there is a choice...because it's the choice we were originally faced with...free of the taints of the mind. free of the trap that has kept us so thoroughly enthralled. there is liberation to be had. we've all been trapped. we all know that feeling. as with all other things...the broken records have never helped. if they had...we'd never have come to this point. so thoroughly dejected. so completely broken by something so simple. left to walk in the shadows of our own inner turmoil. it's a hellish kind of misery that we would not wish upon even our closest enemy. we ask for your understanding. your respect. because sadly...our own is desperately lacking. we're stuck. we have no idea how to get out. if we didn't find it morally objectionable...we would implore those of you that doubt our conviction to stumble down this path. walk a day in our tired old shoes and know it for yourself. it doesn't matter what this 'thing' is. it's the same story. wherever you come from...whatever roads you've been down...we understand. we know your misery. we know your pain. we know the ways in which you habitually stumble. we know your 'weakness'...and we know your strength. this is why we are here. so come forth...step out of the shadows. reclaim that which you feel has been taken. find joy in the simple elation of life. there is nothing else. without it you have nothing. and with it...you have everything.
  3. I want to chronicle my journey, post-breakup so that hopefully ENAers current and in the future can use my story as a point of reference. I'll do my best to post here each day with how I'm feeling, doing, interactions, etc. My story? Senior in college. Mutually broke up with my girlfriend of 2.5 years six weeks ago. Neither of us were happy in the relationship anymore. We basically spent most of our free time together and over-time, that led to a toxic dynamic. We neglected our friends to be together. We just agreed that we loved and cared about each other and didn't want to totally ruin our dynamic by continuing at our current pace. We wanted time to work on ourselves and find happiness alone again before ever having a healty relationship again. Don't get me wrong. Our relationship was based off of a lot of love. She has still told me that she knows that she's going to marry me one day and that no one will ever treat her better than I did. Do I believe her? Well, I did and still somewhat do. No such thing as false hope because hope doesn't mean success. We've been through everything together from swine flu, to pregnancy scares, deaths in the family, mental breakdowns, hospital visits, going grocery shopping on a Friday night. We've pretty much experienced much more than you should in a 2.5 year time frame. The last six weeks? Hellish. I've asked for her back on four different occasions to only be rejected each time (Three of them were alcohol-enduced). After a few days passed by, I felt like we could handle the problems while in the relationship. Well, she didn't agree. She kept saying that she needed 'space'. So I've been in and out of NC. My longest period was for three weeks and I felt so much better. However, after I saw her at a bar and I was really drunk, I started to text her and ask for her back. This didn't go over well and I called and apologized to her today. Basically, my fear of loss has compelled me to do a lot of stupid things. I've out of character on more than one occasion. I can't cook, either. So that has sucked, a lottttt. Is there a rebound? Nope. She's not interested in dating anyone else. She has spent a ton of time with her friends, who are all single. Most were very envious of our relationship because it was so damn comfortable. Definitely could be a phase. Has she contacted me? Yep. The most recent time was last Wednesday. She texts me late at night. Like 12:30 am. And mind you, she is not a drinker. So these aren't drunk texts. These are 'I put my head on the pillow and think about you' texts. She's just a better actor than I am when disguising her feelings. I know she still cares about me. One of her last texts to me? 'I'm starting to feel like a normal person again'. Just goes to show that they hurt just as much as we do, post-breakup. Misc I removed her on Facebook awhile back. I don't take my cell phone when I go out to avoid drunk texting (bit me twice in the past). Her family absolutely loves me. Her brother still talks to me and often asks for my advice. Her mom came to visit two weeks ago and wanted to come over to see me. However, I was at work. She has 'checked in' on me a few times. I didn't really give her much information, but I didn't exactly blow her off. I feel like that is not productive if you want someone back who doesn't have a current boyfriend/fling. What Have I Done? Re-connect with old friends. Met lots of new friends. Go out, a lot. Meet new girls. Exercise like crazy. I've dropped 15 pounds over this six week period. I've really worked hard at my job and with my college work. Tried to do everything in my power to not think about her. Final Thoughts I miss this girl like crazy, but I'm slowly letting go. That's the only way you can get yourself back. I'd like to have her back someday, but not until I'm 100% happy again and she gets this whole phase out of her system. Hopefully this gave you an intro to my situation and feel free to chime in whenever. Just remember, when you love someone, you never give up. That doesn't mean you'll get them back, but if you truly love someone, you'll want them to always be happy. Your happiness, however, is always the top priority. Don't forget the push-pull dynamic. The more you push, the worse things will become. You can never 'pull' too much. The best gift you can give an ex? The gift of missing you. Go away. If you envision positive things, they'll happen for you.
  4. Hi everyone, I need help with my current situation in life. I need to change my personal life. I love my family very much but I’m feeling held back and it’s stifling. I would like to start learning web development to work on a new platform idea. My problem is I live at home and I’m already 51 years old. I don’t have savings but will find a way to pay for the classes. I don’t even know where to begin explaining. I have many questions but most importantly is do you think it’s too late to start over at my age? I don’t feel confident but I will start over somehow. Please ask me questions and give me your ideas. I would greatly appreciate any of your views. Thank you, Starflowers
  5. Hello everyone I hope you're doing well, I'm currently a month into a breakup with a man who used to talk about our future and wanted to marry me. We met in high school and dated on and off up to college. The breakups before were initiated by me--most being from my insecurities and depression; the usual "he can do better than me". The last breakup I initiated I had felt unhappy in the relationship and broke up with him and dated a mutual friend of ours for one day before I didn't feel right. Within the week I had gone back to check up on him and he was doing awful. He was having self-identity issues and thinking about dying (though not trying to actively commit suicide or anything.) The dude I had left him for manipulated me and guilt tripped me for months along with other terrible things and I had a hard time cutting him out but I eventually did as my ex-boyfriend wanted. We got back together after a while of that and fast-forward two years to now. He ended it saying he didn't feel like he loved me anymore and that what had happened two years ago made him lose everything. I know I hurt him deeply and for the past two years I'd done all I can to help heal his hurt and trust. He said after a while that he did trust me and he believes me. During the breakup, he said I did nothing wrong and I did everything I could, but I disagree. Looking back on the last few months after the breakup I can say we definitely fell into complacency and negativity. The day before the breakup he sent me encouraging messages and told me how proud of me he was for getting over my past insecurities, how much he appreciated all the things I've done, and how I always tried my best in everything I put my mind to. We initially kept low contact for the first few weeks and met up twice to discuss the relationship (which was a no from him) and giving him his birthday presents I had gotten him before the breakup. When we discussed the relationship and breakup he said he felt unhappy that he couldn't feel anything for me anymore and it got to the point where he was drinking to try to feel anything. I agreed with him that it was unhealthy and I wished he had told me what was going on. I asked him if there would be a chance in the future, after he feels better with himself, for us to try again and gave me an "I don't know". He doesn't want a relationship right now and I understand and respect that. Currently, I'm trying to give him space and not contact him. He told me while he does not mind talking to me, he has no interest in doing so. Yet a few days ago he initiated contact by sending me a couple messages and pictures but the conversation wouldn't last too long and I left him alone after he stopped responding. As much as I hate the breakup, I understand why he did it--he was unhappy and that's all he really needs to make this decision. He's improving and finding hobbies to do and reaching out to old friends again (this was something I suggested while we were in the relationship, but he said he couldn't do it while in the relationship). He told me he would always put me first in the relationship and he did that to himself. That was never what I wanted and I told him that, that I wanted a relationship where we both focus on ourselves and each other. There's not much I can do other than focus on myself and my happiness and it's coming along. I'm finding the parts of me that I lost in the relationship: my self-confidence and independence. He told me in the end I was being really dependent on him and he's right. I'm sure that made it much more difficult for him during the relationship. I still think of him all the time and miss him dearly, but I know I can be happy with myself. I was happy with myself before but he filled my heart and after that left I felt so lost. I still have hope that there is a chance for us, as we've been through so much already and always came back together. However, I don't want to bank on that. Instead, I'm hopeful in the time we spend apart becoming better versions of ourselves. Anyways, this is terribly long but I was wondering if anyone has experienced a similar situation and how it turned out for you? What is the possibility that his unresolved issues from two years ago affected his feelings? Maybe he put up an emotional wall from it all? Advice would be greatly appreciated too. Thank you.
  6. So I've found out that my boyfriend watches porn and it made me feel really upset and angry and hurt. It makes me feel like I'm not enough to make him happy, it makes me feel like he fantasizes about these other women and he would rather be with them than me. It makes me feel like I can't live up to it... ultimately slashing my self esteem and making me feel really down and rubbish about myself. I've talked to him about it and he tried explaining that it's not like that, he doesn't know or care about these people it's just visual stuff and it's no big deal and he was only watching it because he's away working in London 5 days a week and he gets frustrated. In which I replied that just because he's not around at home doesn't mean I go off looking at other guys... why can't he just be happy with what he's got. And he said he is it's just what all guys do and testosterone etc etc. Even though he's sat down and explained it to me I still just don't get it and I can't help feeling this way. If I put 200% into a relationship I want 200% back. That includes no wandering eyes... I don't feel the need to look at other men because I'm perfectly happy. Anyway this chat went on for a while and ended up as I'm over-reacting and that I need to get over it fast. That's what he said... I tried explaining that I know some women are fine for their boyfriends and husbands to watch stuff and look at other girls as long as they don't take it too far like you know the whole "look but don't touch" thing. But then I also know a lot of women aren't comfortable with it... I spoke to a few of my friends about it yesterday and they all said they wouldn't feel comfortable and it would make them a little insecure too... so I can't just be making this up. I don't know what to do. I love him, he says he loves me. I know he would never cheat on me... I just can't shift these negative feelings I'm having about it. I've got confidence and self esteem issues as it is, he knows this. It's really difficult for me to not compare myself to others and get out of this way of thinking. Any advice would be highly appreciated because I do just want to get over it and make it work...
  7. I'm a college student, 23 years old. My last serious relationship ended when I was 19. I'm doing great overall; wonderful grades, lots of social contacts, many hobbies. Should anyone ask me if I'm happy, my answer is a definitive yes, and for the past few years I've genuinely been living my best life. The only thing one could argue that I 'lack' is a romantic relationship. As I've learnt, I can be perfectly happy without one. And when not confronted with it, it's not an issue. But recently, I've had friends enter into relationships left and right, seen many beautfiul (glorified, I know) relationships build up in films and series, and heard bunches of cheesy love songs on the radio. Yes, I'm fine without it -- but I can't deny it's started gnawing at me. In those past four years, I haven't met anyone I'm genuinely interested in. For a long time I was convinced I had developed a crush on one of my best male friends, but I still see him lots now and I've noticed that the feeling has completely disappeared. I recently reconnected with an old friend that I'm physically attracted to, but found out there's really nothing beyond that. I've started my master's studies this month, gone to meetups, even tried a local singles group, and met so many new people overall -- but there's just no one I feel interested in. See, to be completely fair, I feel pressured to find someone. Not just from outside influences, but internally, too; and I can't exactly pinpoint why. Maybe because I feel like I merely blinked and suddenly I'm 23, and the clock continues ticking. The idea that the pool grows smaller with every year I continue waiting. Or maybe because I've seen all these happy examples and I know I deep down want to have something like that. Because of course I do; I'm no exception. My day-to-day schedule is usually packed. University takes up all my weekdays, and the evenings and weekends I spend with friends. Different friends everyday, and already without trying to squeeze in extra evenings to meet new people I find myself frequently having to choose between one activity or the other. I could go out of my way to put some of them on hold just so I can attend an extra meetup, or visit that new association in town.. but fact of the matter is I really just don't want to. I meet plenty of new people already and all I do it for is to find someone I could perhaps, maybe, one day be interested in, with no success. I'd rather just continue enjoying my time as I do now. The three previous people I've been in relationships with I've all met while not searching actively. I just so happened to run into them while I was visiting my usual conventions, campings, you name it. I didn't need to search, I just found them. We clicked, and we went from there. Which makes what I'm trying to do now feel all the more pointless. Yes, there's certainly a few guys that I met who are handsome, but I just don't feel much for them otherwise. And while you could argue that's because I don't know them well enough yet, I find myself just not having the time or energy to go out of my way to chase them. I just don't want to. And again, from experience, I know it's very well possible to find someone you don't have to "create" a click with. Someone with who it's just naturally there. But every time I choose not to give chase, I feel guilty afterwards. Like I've just been lazy; like I've let an opportunity slip away, and this is exactly why I'm not finding anyone. Sorry for my rambling. I sound more frustrated with it than I really am, I promise, but it's certainly bothering me. Should I be trying harder? Should I be going with a different approach? Should I drop it? Quite frankly, I just don't know what to do with all this.
  8. So my boyfriend proposed this past Thanksgiving and we started planning the wedding about two months ago. We have picked the venue and I have started dress shopping. I am very excited and I truly believe he is my soul mate, but part of me is still a little worried about how his proposal went down. Background info: We started dating 3 years ago, and moved to Chicago together a year ago (we live together in Chicago now). About 2-3 months after living together I started to uncontrollably nag him about when he wanted to get engaged. For some reason I just couldn't stop myself. I had this enormous amount of fear that because we now lived together he would just put off proposing. I don't know where this came from. He told me after the first few months of dating that I was the one for him and he wanted to marry me one day. But then after we moved in together, when I would ask him about it he would say that he wanted to save money for a ring and adjust to moving to a new city. He also said he wanted it to be a surprise that I had no idea was coming. Even after he said all of that - I couldn't stop myself from asking about it every so often. Then he asked me to go look at rings with him. I was so excited! So I picked one out that I really loved, but I didn't know when he was going to buy it. Three months went by and no proposal. So then here came the nagging again! I don't know why I couldn't stop myself, but I just kept asking "when, when when..." So then he took me out to this really romantic dinner, told me how much he loved me, and proposed on Michigan Ave. in Chicago by all the new Christmas lights. It was really romantic. But still part of my thinks that my nagging totally ruined the proposal (I even picked a fight with him the day before he proposed, because he hadn't done it yet). I know he loves me, but I fear that since I kept nagging him I will never know if he proposed on his own terms or if this is truly what he wants. (I think if I wouldn't have kept nagging he would have waited until the summer to propose so that it could be a surprise). So since being engaged I have told him how sorry I am that I nagged like that, and how guilty I feel that I ruined our engagement. He always says "you did annoy me and nag me to death, but that's not why I did it. I wouldn't have done it if I didn't want to." But I can also tell sometimes that he is bitter toward the fact that I wouldn't leave him alone. He even said once in front of his parents, "You just couldn't wait for me to give you that ring." (in a snotty tone). It made me feel stupid and desperate. I am soooo mad at myself. When I talk to my friends about our wedding plans, I am so upset on the inside knowing that I feel like I forced him to propose. Do you think I should be happy that I found someone who will still propose even though I have a serious problem with nagging people? (A part of me is happy that he loves me enough to propose even though I have this problem). Or should I feel that I forced him into this? I know a lot of you are going to say that I need to figure out why I nag so much and why I wanted so badly to get engaged. And I realize this is a problem. But I was just so happy to finally find the one after all the failed relationships, that I couldn't help being scared that if he didn't propose it would fail as well. Please, any help at all would be greatly appreciated. I am so scared that I forced him and it will cause heartache in the end. Is there anything I can do to ease my mind or make sure he is ready? I apologize for the long winded post.
  9. Hey I kinda feel like I need someone to help me stop feeling so desperate and hopeless. I feel like my life is just a total mess. I feel like I’ve made so many bad choices and like I’ve screwed everything up and nothing is ever gonna get better. I’m 33, I’m dirt poor, living in a tiny flat that I can barely afford rent for, I work massively long hours on minimum wage to try to pay the bills, and I’m trying to bring up three kids as a single mum. I just feel tired and ground down by it all so bad. I feel like i've screwed up so much and there's no way out for me. I had a really rough childhood, my mum was an alcoholic, I never knew my dad and I was kinda neglected. But it is no excuse for the mess I’ve made of like literally everything. I got pregnant with my elder daughter when I was 17 and i moved in with someone who used to beat me up and treat me like shit. Ive kinda gone from relationship to relationship and most of them have treated me like dirt. God I’m such a wreck, I feel so ashamed of it all. Before covid I kicked my drunk ex boyfriend out cos my kids deserve better than having to deal with that mess. It was the right thing to do but now im alone and theres no one else to help pay the bills. Covid made it worse obviusly. I’ve got kids who i can barely afford to take care of and ive no time or money to invest in getting out of this hole cos im behind on rent anyway and struggling so bad, and anyway i feel so depressed and hopeless most of the time I feel like I struggle to get through the day. Seriously my life feels like a nightmare i cant get out of. I have no family except my sister who I love loads but she has her own stuff she is dealing with and I already dump on her too much atm. i feel so tired and desperate. I smoke too much, i know it wastes money and it’s a shit choice but I feel like cigarettes help give me energy to drag me through the day. My eldest daughter is struggling in school and I feel like i have no chance to help her cos i don’t understand the work. My self care is shit, I hate myself just for writing it but like a lot of the time I just feel so exhausted and depressed that I get home from work, do a meal for the kids and then like just crawl into bed. I love my kids and I wanna do better for them, they don’t deserve a mum who is like on the edge of falling apart in front of them, but there are so many things messed up in my life that I don’t know how to put it right. I’m 33 but I look 20 years older than that, I used to actually be pretty but now I just look at myself in the mirror and I look like an old tired sweaty mess with really bad skin and messed up teeth that I can’t afford to fix. Like I could just look at myself and cry sometimes. The rest of my life is no better. I wake up feeling rough and look round at my messy flat and know I have to do another really long day when I’m on my feet all the time just to try to pay the bills. I just feel so worn down by struggling all my life and like I’m trapped and it’s all my fault.
  10. So I have been whining a lot about my anxiety, depression and fear. I would like to try to turn it around. So I am going to drop some happy/cheerful/funny thoughts here. My first one...I think it's a hoot that Martha Stewart and Snoop Dogg are friends. It's so awesome that two people who come from completely different walks of life can get along so well. I also am a fan of Fred Chang who was a contestant on Master Chef US. Just adore him. Anyone have anything to add?
  11. I just recently left a toxic situation a few days ago. Moved most of my things back to my parents house. He was at a friends place, and I've been feeling unsure about our situation for quite some time. We used to have a beautiful, loving relationship. But this year, things went to crap. He lost his job and was on unemployment. He had to spend more time with me than usual. We fought - a lot. There was a lot of name calling, things getting broken, and things getting thrown around. The thing is, we both know and understand that this is not okay and there needs to be a change. We've always said we're gonna try to make things work - but it never seemed to change. While he was at his friends, I messaged him and asked him if he'd be coming home soon, because I feel like we need to have a conversation. He said let's just have it now. So I told him I was unhappy. That I felt disrespected and unappreciated. Was tired of him choosing his friends over me. I didn't want getting drunk to be his main source of entertainment. He agreed that it wasn't right, and that maybe we should stop what we have going on before more get's broken. He apologized and said he doesn't know why our fights escalate so bad. So I moved out. My family helped me and we cleared most of my things out. I told him I don't want to do it but I think it needs to happen. I said we should spend some time apart and there is no denying that I love him and want to be with him. Which he replied with "I hope you know that I love you too." I also said that until he's ready to make changes for me, I think I should leave. He truly is a wonderful person. I worry that he's been battling depression/sense of uncertainty. Recently, he told me that he isn't sure what he wants. Now that I left, it seems like he's more hurt than ever. We had a very good conversation the night I left. I told him that I cared about him, love him, and want him to be happy. He again told me he loves me. He also made sure to let me know that he didn't go to the bar that night - as that is one thing that has been bothering me. The next day, he heads back home. He sees that I took mostly everything, and then he is angry. Says there is nothing to talk about with me and that I left him to dry. (Most of the kitchenware was mine). I told him I didn't know what to do, and maybe I shouldn't have left things like that. I told him I could bring a few things back to get him by. And he stated no I'll just make a list and go shopping. Eventually he calmed down and I apologized for leaving him that way. He told me I shouldn't be the one apologizing. I told him as far as everything that happened in the past - he is forgiven. What's said is said, what's done is done, there's nothing that can change. And that I just want to move forward and make things better. I asked him if I could come over so we could talk, but he said probably not today, I have a lot things I need to do. Which I said ok, how about next weekend? and he said "probably." I guess my question is, do you think we will be able to get through this rough patch? Does it seem like he would be willing to make changes for us? I know for a fact that I need to make some attitude changes, but I already know that I am willing, and I have made most of those changes the last few months. My family and best friends all think we will end up back together. But I would also like to hear other point of views. I don't plan on running back in a week. I plan to spend at least a few weeks away. I'm struggling really bad today as I've been leaving him alone since yesterday. We both said goodnight to each other and haven't heard from him since. I figured I would let him make the first move. On a side note, we've been together for 6 years. This issues just started this year. Can it be reversed?
  12. Happy Birthday my lovely friend ...10 years have gone by in a blink love ( and we were only early 40's sob ) I wish you a happy day and much love and kindness and happy blessings on this ...the strangest birthday I hope you ever have xxxxx I LOVE YOU XXXXX
  13. I don't understand. I am hurt, yes. Why do they do that? I don't understand men. I went and got involved emotionally. I have crushed on a man for awhile. It is a coworker. I know I sound like I'm 17. I'm not talking about overt flirting or anything. When we were in the office, I did catch a vibe, but I also got mixed signals...there seemed to be attraction, then not...I think all of us can relate to that. Things advanced. We started texting outside work. It turns out this "vibe" was accurate. I was pretty excited and happy about it. Yes, I know, work relationships are not the best idea. I have posted as much on many occasions on the board. I understand the risks. I think that given we are coworkers, I allowed myself to believe that this situation would not be a "player" situation and that crossing over that professional line meant this would be something that was more serious. It turned out to be about the same as many of my online dating experiences...lots of talk, not a lot of action. No meet, no text....I failed my own advice. I guess because I thought this situation was different. Why? Why do they do this? I am just so lost on this! Why do men pursue, make it seem like they want something serious, but they never have the time to actually meet? They talk a lot about meeting..."I can't wait until..." and the day never comes. Umm, a little hint, you actually have to meet in person if you want the kissing, touching, etc. He seemed interested in me genuinely. He seemed to want to pursue something serious, long-term. As we were texting, I couldn't nail him down on meeting. He accelerated to intimate discussion (nothing raunchy), and let's circle back to the above sentence -- we actually have to meet in person if we're going to kiss, touch, sex. The thing is, why pursue talking with me, pursue dating me, move into intimate discussions with me if you don't have the time and you are not available? WHY? Why?? What is going on? When I am interested in someone, I make the time. Maybe to a fault. I don't want to lose that momentum. These guys? They talk the talk and make it seem like they really like you, want to be with you, get to know you more...but they don't have the time. Too busy. Not available until "later", and when is "later?" "Later" never comes. Why do they do this? WHY?? Why do they actively pursue a relationship if they do not have time to actually pursue a relationship? Why aren't they more excited about getting together in person, like I am? So I'm hurt. I don't understand why this man actively pursued me, but he had no time. I don't understand why he moved into more intimate discussions when he didn't have the time to actually meet with me in person. I just don't get it. This post is a vent and not so much seeking advice, though I am happy hear your responses. I'm mostly kicking myself right now for not following my own advice and getting lost in the idea of a good relationship, thinking because we know each other in person, he wouldn't be a jerk. Maybe some men could chime in and tell me why you do this. Why do you pursue someone when you do not have the time?
  14. I've been officially single over a week but in reality after not seeing my ex since September Ive been emotionally single a lot longer. To summarise breaking up came about due to covid restrictions, growing apart during the lockdowns and just not being the right fit for me. We started dating around this time last year but haven't spent tons of time together due to covid. She is heartbroken and I'm upset about that part of her being upset but personally I feel fine about breaking up, I know I made the right choice and I'm on the right path for me and excited about the new chapter in my life once this virus is in check. With all this in mind I'd like to take up online dating over next couple of months, chat to some people, hopefully make a good connection and go on a socially distanced walk or some safe activity for a date. My worry is upsetting my ex, I know she has friends who are on these apps and they would have no hesitation in telling her and stirring, I'd hate to upset her even more and think I should maybe wait a little longer, but then at the same time this year has shown life is too short for that, I should be doing what's right for me, or is that a very selfish way to look?
  15. She reached out, she didn't want to get back together, she married the other guy pretty soon after. So how the heck is this a happy ending??? Just thought you guys want to know what's it like on the other end of the tunnel, since not many who have moved on really come back to tell their stories. Now this is my experience, mind you, take what is useful, discard what's not. Soon after the faithful "reach out" that we all wait for, I was crushed. I thought I had done everything right from the No-Contact rule book. I didn't call her, text her, contact her, cyberstalk her whatsoever for about a half a year. Only to get the "I miss you, but I love the other guy, shpeal." It sucked, It sucked hard, (and not in a good way.) I think I spent the next couple months just bawling to be honest. Just self-indulging myself. I ate, slept, worked. I hung out with friends, tried to spruce up the style. Tried to date, but it's sort of hard when you're an empty shell. So what happened? One day working my job that I hated (albeit it was well paying) I was like it, I'm joining the Army. Now mind you I was over 30 at this point so this has gotta be the world's worse mid-life crisis 10 years too early. I went to my recruiter's office and tried to enlist. NOW, before you think I'm going to tell you to join the military (albeit, we need people right now) that is NOT what I'm suggesting. Especially if you think being in uniform will get your mate back. It won't. Furthermore if you go to basic training with that type of baggage, there's a good chance you'll probably wash out (We had one wash out because of her ex as well). For me, the military was always something I thought about and admired throughout my 20s, So I already had an interest, I just never acted on it. Buuuuuuut... My recruiter said I was too fat to join, especially if I was trying to be an officer. So after 4 cheeseburgers and a milk shake I hobbled down to a crossfit gym and started working out. Let's just say, it's not pretty going from a couch potato to a gym nut overnight. And the result were slow (I love food too much). Then my recruiter said I was too slow, so I ran 2 miles every day too to get my time down. For about one year I would hit the gym right after work, followed by a 2 mile run every night. I was motivated, I had a goal. For once, I was thinking about something else other than women, and my general loneliness. I still socialized on the weekend, partied, but not as hard, since alcohol and gains don't mix, not just in calories but also just how ty I'd feel on mondays. I also noted the ladies were getting friendlier, but at this point, I didn't care. All I wanted to do was enlist, and all my time was either spent working, or working out. Finally about a year of hard work, and about 20 pounds lost. My recruiter finally gave me a go to go to Fort Benning. He proudly shook my hand and said, "I honestly didn't think you'd do it, but if there's anyone I'd want as an officer, I'm glad you're going." I had a going away party before I left, and it was bittersweet. Then, about 10 weeks of Basic Training followed by 12 weeks of OCS. It sucked, I started realizing how good on the civilian side. Suddenly all that ing about being single and alone, and missing my ex felt stupid. You have a lot of come to Jesus moments when people are yelling at you and you're sleeping in dirt Fortunately I enlisted as a reservist so after 5 long months, I got to return home as a brand spanking new 2nd Lieutenant. My friends couldn't be happier. We had a celebration for my return. Now I didn't feel any different mind you, despite what everyone said, I will say I was more indifferent to a lot of BS. About two weeks from my return home, I made out with one of crushes. She was hesitant, for anything afterwards considering our age difference (I was in my 30s, she had just turned 21.) And just like in all those no-contact courses, I was like, "look, it's cool if you don't want to, just lemme know if you change your mind." Now at this point I meant it. The way I looked at it, I knew I was an amazing catch being financially well off, with a little warrior streak (hooah!) And gosh darn it people like me! Fast-forward, we've currently been dating for over a year at this point. I've never seen a girl so madly in love before. Sometimes I think I need to teach her about Craig Kenneth's attachment theory, cause she definitely is an anxious type. So in Summary what is this story trying to convey? Do the work, learn about relationships, your insecurities, and your triggers, learn how to cope, and self-soothe, it comes in handy. Seeing a counselor helps tremendously. But please oh please don't throw out too much cash for those breakup coaches. Find your purpose in your life, what gets you excited to get out of bed. If it's a career change do that. If it's a new hobby or traveling do that. Find something that defines your life that isn't romance. Romance comes as a reward to character, but like a bonus check it comes when you least expect it. Socialize. One of the biggest advantages I had, was I already had a decent community around me being a dancer for over 10 years. If you don't have something like that, now's the time to find something like that. Hobbies, do something new to fill in the space you feel like you're missing. Be the best version you can be, because ultimately that's the only way to really win in "no-contact." No I didn't get back together with my ex. She seems happily married from when I checked her Facebook a year ago. I'm honestly happy she's found what she wanted, just like I'm very happy with my current sweetie. And isn't that what it's all about? If you truly love someone, shouldn't they just be happy, regardless of whether they're with you or not? I hope this helps, feel free to PM if you have any questions. I don't spend too much time here nowadays, but I do visit time to time.
  16. I know this is a long post. I’ll put a TLDR at the end for anyone who doesn’t want to read the whole thing (TLDR=Too long, didn’t read.) I have OCD, clinically diagnosed. I was in therapy for about 5 years until very recently when my therapist retired. A lot of people don't understand this disorder. People think it's all about cleanliness, even numbers, etc. I suppose it is that for some people but not for me. Intrusive thoughts are more my thing. So anyway, back in 2006 I had the worst episode of anxiety/depression of my life. I was married at the time and I kept having dreams about my husband getting killed in car accidents and stuff. And it didn't help that his car had a gas leak and he was driving around smoking in the car knowing this. His attitude about it was "Well if I die I die." Last night I was sitting outside with my girlfriend and she was telling me about the time someone pulled a gun on her. Her job is a job that requires going to people's houses. She's a martial artist. She can take care of herself. And she used to teach a women's self-defense class. She’s kind of a badass. So hearing that story didn't really get to me as much as it would some people. Then last night I had this dream where her and I were at this large shopping center kind of place and we ran into some people she knows. She didn't introduce me and acted like I wasn't even standing there. (This is not like her at all. She would never just ignore me in that situation.) And then there was this explosion on the other side of the building and everyone was panicking. In all the chaos we got separated. As I was running out of the building another explosion went off a little closer this time. And then outside the fire department is there, there are people who are injured being treated, etc, and I couldn't find her anywhere. My phone wasn't working so I couldn't call her. I just walked away from all this and started walking home. And I ran into someone I know who had a laptop with him. I asked him if I could use his laptop thinking maybe I could try to call her on Facebook. I tried doing this but for some reason I couldn't get to her profile to call her. And then somehow my phone works again and I'm talking to my Mom. And my Mom was asking if I was alright, but I was panicking at this time and crying because I didn't know if she got out ok, etc. And then suddenly I realized this isn't really happening. I had that moment of relief that we all do when waking up from a bad dream. But then I just couldn't shake it. I kept thinking about this and I couldn't go back to sleep. So by the time my alarm went off I was pretty much having a panic attack. I decided I couldn't go to work like this. I was shaking. I felt like I was going to throw up, etc. And in the middle of all this, I am sitting at the table downstairs trying to collect myself and she came down to use the bathroom. I told her not to worry about me and to just go back to sleep. I kept trying to tell myself the universe is not that cruel. After everything I've been through in my life, she won't be taken away from me so soon, etc. But then I remembered the last time I told myself the universe isn't that cruel, the exact thing I said wouldn't happen happened. I also keep reminding myself that she didn't actually die in the dream that I'm aware of. Honestly, though, I am more worried about having another depressive episode like I had in 2006 than I am about anything happening to her. Of course, I would be devastated if something happened to her. But I know that's the less likely of the two. I am more likely to get really depressed and have a bad time for a while over this than she is likely to have something bad happen to her. I watched a movie and forced myself to go back to sleep. When I woke up she had already left for work. She sent me a text telling me to feel better. I told her I would and I said don’t worry about my crazy ass while you’re at work. She told me she would try not to and told me to be lazy and rest today. I’m kind of glad she was gone when I woke up because I just didn’t want her to see me this way. I still haven’t decided if I will even tell her about what triggered this. She could help me feel better or she might realize how nuts I really am and want to run for the hills. I warned her when she first started pursuing me that I have some serious mental problems. She has always said it’s not anything she can’t handle. But she has also never seen me during a really bad time either. I just hope I can bounce back easily from this one and it doesn’t take over my life for weeks like these incidents have in the past. This always seems to happen at a happy time in my life too. When I was a kid if something made me happy it was taken away from me. My parents were miserable people and wanted me to be just as miserable. So as an adult I think subconsciously I am hardwired to not get too happy. Anyway, I know this is a long post, I am just looking for some support. I’m here alone trying to process all this. And do you guys think I should tell her? Thanks for reading. TLDR; I had a dream about something bad happening to my SO. Woke up and had a panic attack. I am clinically diagnosed with OCD and I am really worried this will be something I fixate on for a while.
  17. Hello, everyone. Well, as the title says, I was in a 6 year relationship with a woman I loved dearly. A couple of weeks ago, she ended things with me. Reason being, I have been unable to hold a steady job for very long and we both were still living with our families. She said she can't wait any longer for me. She said she is not going to reconsider getting back together unless I can show her, in a reasonable amount of time, that I can find steady employment and hold on to it, and also I can get a place on my own. I definitely begged and tried to convince her I know my feet are to the fire and I will do anything I can to make both of us happy but she wasn't trying to hear it. I then asked her not to kick me out of her life completely and suggested we stay in contact so I can keep her abreast of changes I'm making. She agreed. Since the breakup, we've had sex twice, and it was amazing both times. She began texting and calling regularly like normal for about a week, and I thought we were on the fast track to getting back together. A week ago, I was at her place and I tried to put my arms around her. She immediately took them off her and said "we're not together. I don't want to make you think we're working towards anything right now. I'm not changing my mind until you get your sh*t together". I noticed over the last few days the texts and calls had been drying up, so I called her and talked to her about it. She again reiterated that she is not changing her mind, and that she will still see me occasionally and she prefers to have sex with me rather than a total stranger, but again, until I can man up and move out, she will not consider getting back. So now I'm in a place where I am absolutely racing against the clock. I'm looking furiously for good paying full time work, and I am swearing to everyone in my family tree that I will bust my butt to keep that next job, no matter how much I hate it. I've lost 15 pounds over the last few weeks and I'm looking great, practically living in the gym now. But....you all know how it is..... I'm dying inside everyday. I can't text her when I want like I have been for the last 6 years. I can't call her because I don't want to pressure her. So I sit around and suffer in silence all day and night. I blame myself for being a complete loser and not giving us the life she wanted years ago. I'm terrified she will eventually lose all interest in reconciling even when I get it together, despite her being the realest, most honest woman I've ever known. If she says something, she means it. I mean, if she was 100% totally done, all lines of communication would be severed right? She wouldn't even leave the door open for a reunion like she has if she was truly willing to end it forever. I just need advice guys and girls. She's not a golddigger, but she's right. We're not getting any younger, and she needs stability. I figured because she came from a low income background, she would be okay with living average until I could find something that really made me happy. I'm stupid for thinking that. I'm just hurting really bad. She is a good woman, and she was faithful for all those years, as was I. I don't want to lose her forever.
  18. Hi everyone. I want to start by saying I hope everyone is safe and well during the pandemic. About my relationship, I had a tricky breakup last year and I didn't intend to jump into another relationship as quickly as I did, but love happens and everything seems so perfect through those rose-tinted glasses. It's been just under a year since we've been together, our families have met and we come from strict Asian cultural backgrounds (when parents meet it means it's serious and its heading down the path of marriage) I'm so happy with him or I was happy with who he was, but during the pandemic, he's been at home and with his family. His mother is quite religious and I feel he has become religious too, more so than his mum!! He wants to meet less and less now because there will be more "blessings" for when we actually get married next year (having sex or anything before marriage is a sin, bearing in mind! I was a virgin when we met and we had sex and he happened to be my first) The whole religion spiel is not what I signed up for. I find religious people become so hypocritical and it is okay for them to pick and choose what suits their needs whenever they feel like it, and we all must accept it because it's for the sake of religion ? Also he knows about my past, my ex, what happened, the details But when I asked him about his past, he said he's been with "3 or 4 people"... its either 3 or 4, I'm sure one would remember.... I had the mindset that the past is his business and if he didn't want to talk about it then I was okay with it. But I met up with some of my friends, and they told me that even though ignorance is bliss, it can make me naive. And knowing what happened just briefly or why it broke down is important if we are to be getting married... and if I'm asking he should be respectful enough to reutrn the favour and give me something more than "3 or 4". I did ask what happened, he said "it just didn't work out", and he closed up. I dont want to go crazy on him, but I feel like I've had a few built up frustrations brewing. And I don't want to be a doormat, but I can be a complete people pleaser to the point where I won't even realise I'm miserable until its too late. I dont know what to do anymore. Also I'm going into my final year of law and I study abroad on the other side of the planet (6 hour flight), so I'll be away for the next year, up to my head in exams.... to come back to an engagement?.... I'm not sure how I feel about it He really wants a relgiious ceremony/engagement, and if i postpone it he gets really upset about it. I had planned to get a nose job this summer, which got cancelled due to COVID, so it will be happening a month before my graduation and soon after graduation (2-3 weeks) he wants an engagement. I feel like he was super clever in getting families involved so soon. Because it's frowned upon to date and both of our mothers would rather we get engaged/relgious ceremony out of the way and a massive circus wedding later on. I really despise my culture soemtimes, no, most of the time. And I was truly happy with all of it until the religion thing kept cropping up, do I cross my legs and supress my wants and needs for 8 more months? Also I'm flying out to university next week and this was supposed to be our long weekend together He caught a cold (no its not COVID, he got tested lol) because the gyms had opened up and he was going everyday sometimes twice a day I did make my concern clear that.... overdoing the gym you'll wear yourself out and get sick/catch COVID.. but he didn't listen. He did what he wanted to. and now our weekend is cancelled. No... you're right... it's not his fault he's sick or caught a cold, not entirely, but then he said "maybe everything happens for a reason and it's Gods way of keeping us apart" I mean seriously . I was on the brink of letting the cold thing go until he laced it with that ? GUYS WHAT THE FK AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE I love him, I do, he's sweet and so caring and affectionate, really handsome (which doesn't mean anything really but its a plus because I always settled for nice guys who I was never attracted to, I have a lot of insecurity issues and that would be a whole other post) and we always had fun together but I don't know whats happening anymore Speaking on insecurities.... I never had sex because I was so insecure, but he was the first person I felt so comfortable with and trusted him I broke up with my ex because culture and religion got in the way and made a point not to fall into that trap again, but I really hope I'm wrong But i feel like every guy i get involved with starts of calm, chill, normal, and then wants to marry me and become some religious person and I dont get it I'm defnitely not giving off virgin Mary vibes anymore
  19. I found the You Tube Channel of a friend who I no longer have contact with on any level. I worked with her, We were good friends, I was toxic our friendship ended but we still worked together I got help left her alone (Unless something work related happened which was rarely) I don't know why maybe she saw me grow as a person and she told a mutual friend that she wanted to be friends with me again. I was both happy and scared. Happy that she saw me grow as a person but scared if we became friends again I would fall back again. I told the mutual friend that I have nothing but love for this person because by God putting her in my life I felt so blessed that I grew as a person, So anyway a few months later I got a transfer and I knew I was never going to see or hear from this person ever again (unless God has other plans) I thought about saying nothing but then I though no, This person was special to me and God blessed me by putting her in my life. So I gave her a little good bye ceremony. She had told me she wanted to be writer so I gave her a blank journal and wrote some inspirational things, I told her she was a blessing in her life. I gave her three ribbons two blue one pink, I said it was symbolic since I was not going to be around The pink was if she ever had a baby girl. The blue was for a baby blue and the last blue was if she ever got married and needed something blue. The final thing I gave her a pen which I had engraved with an acronym starting with her initials and the letters MJBYLYAKY GB which I told her was acronym for MAY JESUS BLESS YOU LOVE YOU AND KEEP YOU GOD BLESS. Saying goodbye like this made it so much easier to let go and I hope it did the same for her too, I am not saying I never think of her or I never miss her or that I never reflect back on my mistakes sometimes. But I just want her to be happy in her life, Anyway for some unknown reason I looked at her You Tube channel and I noticed she changed her profile pic (She had not posted in many years so I just assumed it was doormat) So an idea came into my head to wish her a happy birthday but how do I do this on a public forum and not embarass her (One of my toxic traits was that I did not respect social media boundaries to say the least. So how do I do this,My you tube channel does not have my name but she might be able to guess it was me For example I might wright something like For all those out there who like Michael Jackson and don't want to BEAT IT (The song) I would like to wish you all a very Happy birthday and for a special friend who because God put that person in my life I grew as a person May Your Silver (she turns 25) year and every year after bring you closer to your golden dreams. The end, My meaning is for it to be an eternal birthday wish,Kind of to let her know in a way that although our season in life is over, She is not forgotten. BUT I am torn about whether this is a good idea or not. Part of me says It is a great idea and might make her birthday a little bit special. and ANOTHER part of me says Leave it alone. The way you said goodbye was more than enough Thank You all in advance for taking the time and any opinions that will help me decide one way or the other,\
  20. Me and my girlfriend broke up a few months ago when all this covid stuff jumped off. Everything was great Before and we were both happy and shared all kinds of new feelings we both had from each other and shared lots of experiences that we didn’t have in past relationships. But we both had a tendency to get in our Own heads From time to time and being in quarantine away from eachother wasn’t helping. On top of that she would worry about her bi sexuality being an issue and it was on her mind around that time as well. She was attracted to girls but as far as guys go she would tell me I was the only guy she wanted. I would reassure her I was fine with her being attracted to girls and long story short would even tell her during talks if she wanted to go explore that side of her then she could But she told me she wanted to be with only me and she was happy. Then Next day after a talk about it we got into a bit of an argument over some stuff we were in our heads about and I’ll admit I did start it but I didn’t think it would go down like it did. She then said maybe we need to rethink our relationship and I was legitimately shocked. However the day went on and we were ok kind of. The next couple days she was short with me still and and then on the third day she tells me she’s not sure what she wants anymore, the relationship still means something to her but that we should go back to being just friends and we both agreed. She told me we could still talk of course and everything would be normal but it wasn’t and she would send me stuff on social media off and on for a bit and then stopped and then two weeks went by and I heard nothing. Suddenly I get a drunk text at 2 in the morning that she’s in town near my house and as I ask why she just says never mind and leaves me on read. While all this is going on I still have her xbox which I told her 4 times between now and then that she could get it or I could drop it off whenever but she either ignores it or talks about something else so I just gave up. Then I notice she starts taking to this girl on social media, that she brought up to me before, and she is acting a bit different as well on everything like posting more and all that. Eventually they got together and she starts talking about how happy she is now. I am happy for her, really, but it does sting a bit and that’s natural right? A bit more time goes by and nothing. All of a sudden she texts me asking about my order from a food place and what I got. However she should know because she would tease me about getting it every time but i tell her and I think that’s that....but then she asks me if there are certain sizes....ITS A BURRITO THEYRE ALL ONE SIZE...but I tell her anyway and that’s that. Fast forward to now... She texts me a week ago and tells me she notices I’m not on social media and I haven’t been either for many personal reasons. Then she goes on and tells me her heads in a better place and asks if I want to be friends again because she misses me as a person. So I agree and tell her I miss her too and she tells me we should hang out and catch up. I agree but all I really think it is is so she can get her Xbox and that’s it or am I thinking too “harshly”? It’s the reality of it I think. But I tell her I’m down for it and let her know to let me know when SHE wants to. I haven’t heard from her yet. And yes right now she’s still with that same girl. She still follows all of my friends AND family and vice versa on social media. My brother tells me that my ex posted a really personal story on snapchat saying she feels depressed, lonely, lost and all these other negative things. She used to post things like that venting in public because she doesn’t have many people in her life she can trust but once I came into the picture I would always be there to help calm her down and make her feel better and she hasn’t posted any of that kind of stuff for a while and especially never when we were together. But shouldn’t her girlfriend be making her feel good to where she’s not posting that kind of depressed stuff? And she’s been posting like everything is great for her so where did that come from? I did text her but didn’t bring up the story. I just made it casual and we talked for a bit and that was that. (This was a couple days ago) So my questions are (please answer in this format if possible)) 1.is the relationship shes in now a “rebound relationship” and is she really as happy as she claims on posts? 2. Does she really miss me or think about me? If she really wanted to hang she would have given me a day to right? 3. Why does she text me at random hours or when she’s drunk? (Mind you I’m Not too quick to reply either) 4.is there a chance, in similar experiences, that she may still like me and still thinks about our relationship? Why is she texting me while seeing someone? Thank you for your time Also yeah I get it, it’s a long post but please don’t comment “yOu NeEd To MaKE iT siMpLe” that’s just a waste of time. Come on. I Understand but at the same time I don’t want to miss details I think may be important. I just want help or insight from other people who may have experienced the same thing also
  21. I’ve been with my girlfriend for 3 years now ,I’m just so unsure if I want to spend the rest of my life with her, how do you know if you are going to be happy together for ever . We have arguments and that’s normal . We have good times too . I think she is a jealous person and I she needs to know everything I do who I speak to , she often checks my phone to see who I’ve been speaking to texting . Then it was my mom birthday I bought her a voucher for £30 for a takeaway. When I told my girlfriend the cost she went mental and told me my mom wasn’t worth that amount . I stupidly agree with her to keep her happy , and changed it to £10 and another small gift . When my mom got the present she knew something was wrong I wouldn’t get her a £10 voucher, and asked me what it was about . I told her that my girlfriend thought she wasn’t worth £30 , obviously she wasn’t happy . Now my girlfriend isn’t happy too as she knows I told her about the present too . There have been other things too that I’ve been unhappy about with my girlfriend but I just agree to keep her happy , but I’m I going to be happy if I can’t stand up to her
  22. Things have been more tense than ever lately. It was never really a problem before a few months ago, but with the arrival of covid-19, me losing my job, changes at his that make him hate it, and me having a lot more free time.. is causing a lot of friction in our relationship. My question is for those of you who have a significant other that is a neat or clean freak. Or maybe you are the one. How do you deal? He is really going through it mentally lately, and the smallest things will get on his nerves. Me not breaking down the cardboard boxes for recycling. Me stepping over dirty clothes at the bottom of the basement stairs. Me not putting away the dishes after I've cleaned them. I wish I could change these traits. When we talk about it and it's on my mind, I'm really good at being mindful of those small things, but when I'm not thinking.. I can't seem to change my ways. Any advice on how to change habits? Is it possible for us to be happy together or is tidyness going to be our demise?
  23. Hi all, Me and my girlfriend of 3 years have bought a house and are moving in together. We have never lived together before and im now realising we have completely different tastes. She wants absolutely everything in the house to be matching. From the plates, lamps, curtains, door knobs, etc all have to be completely matching/same color. I have a large blue picture which I want to bring into our house and she says it wont match anything because there is no blue in the house. So she doesn't really want it in the house, unless its somewhere where no one can really see it. My mom bought be a red mug which my girlfriend says wont match anything so she doesnt think it should come with us to the house (the other mugs/plates etc all have decor/furniture and everything she likes is different to what i like. We were given a really nice coffee machine as a moving in gift which i love, but nope we cant use it, apparently it doesn't match the kitchen! It makes me think im not going to be very happy living with her, but i dont know maybe im being dramatic. I was wondering if anyone else have been in similar situations and have any advice? thankyou
  24. Happy Canada Day fellow Canucks!! 🇨🇦🇨🇦🇨🇦🇨🇦🇨🇦🇨🇦🇨🇦🇨🇦🇨🇦
  25. Hello everyone, I post already about this but the situation has changed. So basically I saw my ex of 2 years ago the other day and he waited 30 days to reach out to me again to plan a "secon date/meeting" (was it supposed to be a non-contact period that I wasn't aware of?) Second meeting (Ill call it like that since it is not defined if it's a date or not) We went in a park an drink a little bit. We discuss (not a lot of stuff about the relationship) and out of the blue he says he is happy that he can share moment like this with me. That I am the only ex he can do that with and he is not sure why? He also told me that he was sure I hated him and that he use to fear contacting me because according to him, he did make me suffer in the relationship.(In my head I am like so you want a friendship?) We continue the "date/meeting" we talk a lot and there is moment when I turn my face and I see that he was already staring at me and smiling. When asked why he is looking at me like that he says nothing I am just happy to see you, I missed you and we see each other so rarely. (In my head I am like we broke up, do you want a friendship or more???) They were also moments where we would stare at eachothers withoit talking and smiling and other moment when he couldn't stop saying I am a smart and beautiful woman, blablabla. We then go to my place. NOTHING HAPPENED and It’s perfect like that (just how I wanted it). We stayed together for 6 hours in total and we talked a lot (a tiny bit about the relationship but nothing major. Thing like I have memory,etc.) Before leaving my place, he told me that I can also text him and that he would like us to exchange news and he also mention twice that he is the who broke the ice twice to set up the "date/meeting" and that I can do it too. He insisted on that. He wants me to plan the next "meeting/date". (In my head I am like maybe he wants more) When he got home he texted me he had a blast. 2 days later he text me out of the blue to be careful if I go to the BLM protest in Canada. So do y’all think he wants to get back with me on me on just want to be friend? I do not want to ask him since I don't want to make it a weird thing. I do want him back but to afraid to tell him and since he is not clearly saying I want you back I am confused. I also have a lot of pride and I think if he wants me back he should be telling me and if not stop leading me on. If you need more details I will be glad to give it to y'all. The previous post has further details.
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