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  1. So for anyone who wasn't following my original post, here it is: So I actually do really like this guy. I think he's really nice and genuine from what I know of him so far. We also do have a few things in common, even though it may not seem like it from the outset. We messaged each other every day and on our third in person date I came to his place for dinner. He cooked dinner for me and we had a few alcoholic drinks and watched a movie. I was actually feeling kinda drunk and got my confidence up and I really wanted to kiss him. I started cuddling up to him and holding his hand and stuff. He said he'd been trying to be respectful and not come on to me or anything and just spend time together. I kissed him but he seemed very inexperienced and not very good at it. Anyway we ended up fooling around a bit but really all it was I took my top off for a bit and we just kissed and cuddled. I asked him if he'd had sex before and he actually said that he hadn't. Then he said we're both drunk so let's not do anything sexual while we're drunk. Afterwards he messaged me every day again. Three days later I came over to his place again and we got Uber Eats and watched some anime. I want to point out also that both times he had a hard on literally all night and I think it was bothering him but I wasn't sure what to do about it. I mean he was right that we were drunk the first time and probably wasn't good to have that as his first time. So it was last night we were watching anime and then I stayed the night. We cuddled in bed a lot and it was really nice. We discussed about having sex and he basically said he wanted to but I'd need to take charge. The thing is I've actually developed feelings for this guy and I think about him a lot. I feel a bit silly because every time I think of him I get butterflies and just feel like my heart is going to jump out of my chest. So feel more like an infatuated teenager even though I'm 36 lol The thing was when he said he was up for having sex, I felt ridiculously nervous and kind of just froze. It's not because I'm not experienced at sex, in fact it's very much the opposite lol I lost my virginity when I was 17-18 and since then I've done a lot sexually since then. It's just that I've never actually been with anyone in their 30's who has no dating or sexual experience. He hasn't put any pressure on me actually but I think I'm putting pressure on myself to make his first time amazing, you know? I also understand he might think it's great and just be happy to have sex for the first time. And of course he'd have nothing to compare it to lol Oh yeah and we also discussed that we both want a relationship and we want to date each other. What I'm thinking though is, should I make his first time really special or should I actually try not to make a really huge deal of it? Like, should we go out for a nice dinner or something and then I can set up scented candles in the bedroom and stuff like that? Or should I not go all out like that and just do it? Or do I just ask him what he wants? I don't know why I'm feeling so nervous but this is a very big deal for me lol The only time I slept with someone who was a virgin was when I was a virgin myself too and just one other time when I was nineteen and this guy was twenty four and a virgin. But he wasn't really my boyfriend or anything and this was a very long time ago. Men, if you were (or are) a virgin would you want to make a big thing of your first time or would that make you feel more nervous?
  2. My husband and I have been in a relashionship for 12 years. For a while now our sex life as been unfulfilling. The problem lies in the differences in our libido and preferences. I'm much more physical than he is, even in the most mundane aspects of our daily lifes. I like longer hugs, deeper kisses and a lot more touching than he does. Luckily, we could find some compromise and live happy and generally peaceful lives. However, when it comes to sex, our needs are too discrepant. I love having sex and if it were up to me, we would have it every day. Although he likes sex, he feels it's quite tiring and doesn't want/need it as often. He feels comfortable having sex once a week (or less). I'm okay with having less sex than I need as long as there's a way to make up for it with intimacy. Unfortunately, due to the pandemic, he's the only person I can have physical contact with and it's just not enough. I try masturbating more often but it doesn't seem to help. I tried discussing it with him, but it feels like I'm walking on eggshells (I'm afraid of pressuring him and only making it worse). Another aspect that's been bothering me it's the quality of our sex life. He's very tradicional when it comes to sex and doesn't enjoy trying new things. On the other hand, I'd love to try new things, such as tantric sex, using toys, roleplaying, BDSM, etc. It's very difficult to reach an agreement and we end up doing the same thing over and over again. It pains me that I'm hardly making love anymore but just satisfying a basic need and using the one I love most in the world to do it. Could do please help me? I don't know how to improve this aspect of our lives and really need some advice. (By the way, none of us is cheating and spliting up is out of the question. I treasure our relationship and the warm, trustfull and happy home we build.)
  3. I was giving my partner oral sex, he was moaning as if he was into it, and then he pauses and starts talking about a female we both know, he noticed wasn’t at an occasion we were just at. he first said i don’t think it’s the right time to say this, then proceeded to say it anyway. I stopped oral and got quiet. took a while to process everything. is my partner just not into me? why is my partner stopping oral pleasure to mention this? am i in the wrong for being uncomfortable? should i just let it go?
  4. TL;DR: New girlfriend says she has high sex drive but extremely hesitant to do anything sexual, says I'm not doing anything wrong. What can I do to make her more comfortable/interested? Quick info that will probably be useful: I'm 32 and pretty huge 6'4" 320 lbs. She is 23 and pretty small 5'1" 95 lbs. I have had a lot of sexual experience. She had sex with 1 guy before and it wasn't very often. I have a vasectomy, she knows about it. Both of us do not want kids, ever. I have been dating my girlfriend for about 3 months. We met online and have a legitimately amazing connection. When we originally discussed sex, she stated she had a high sex drive. I said mine was about about normal and we both agreed sex was important to us, but she said she wanted to 'wait'. Her living situation was less then ideal and I own a house so she quickly moved in with me. She has some sensory issues and prefers sleeping in separate rooms, especially due to my snoring. I would rather she slept in my bed, but I am ok with her having her own room and bed. She made it clear at the beginning of the relationship that she wanted to "wait" to have sex, but never specified what she was waiting for exactly, other then 'until she was comfortable'. We did end up having sex within a week or so of her moving in. The sex was great, but she said she felt like she was going to pass out from over exertion and we had to stop before either of us had an orgasm (she said she can't orgasm unless masturbating). The sex lasted almost an hour and a half, that's on the average to low end of normal for me, but I understand that that can be a lot for some women. She refused ALL sexual contact after that for just over 2 months. I bought her very nice vibrator she could use on her own, to help her get in the mood, or do as she pleases but she refuses to use it (she said she has never owned or used a sex toy before). I ask for hand jobs or oral sex, etc. or if I could preform oral sex on her (which I really enjoy) instead of actual sex to try to keep the relationship strong, as well as keep interest but her answer is always "maybe later", and it never happens. I had a sit-down with her at about the 2 months mark and told her I could not continue the relationship if there wasn't going to be anything sexual going on. I explained that I was in a 'loveless relationship' before for multiple years and I refuse to go through that again. She said she understood, that I was being reasonable and that she would try to work on it. She assured me I wasn't doing anything wrong, and she just wasn't ever in the mood, and she got overwhelmed thinking about it sometimes. A week later we had sex and it was even better then the first time, I kept it to a reasonable length this time and I reached orgasm, and she was quite pleased about that. But since then, it's back to the way it was before. She has mentioned previously that her ex would never want to have sex and she pretty much had to beg him. Oddly, she considers oral sex equivalent to actual penis-in-vagina sex. I am very open sexually. She has a certain, slightly embarrassing (to her) fetish that she told me about (with great hesitation). She said she has never done anything with the fetish before. I told her I would do anything she wanted, but she has been too embarrassed/shy to try anything. If we are watching a movie in my bed and I try to initiate sex, or sexual play, she quickly gets up and leaves the room. She says she doesn't even want to make out or anything "because it could lead to other things." I feel like shes not telling me something, she swears up and down that shes just not in the mood and gets overwhelmed. Things are not adding up. How can I help her out, and save the relationship?
  5. I have the most wonderful boyfriend in the world - the two of us have so much in common and are uncannilly linked in so many ways - however, we have this one nagging problem... When I first met him he told me about how he used to watch porn all the time which I figured was something all guys do from everything I've ever read on the subject. Not soon after we met and started being boyfriend/girlfriend did I notice something odd happening. First of all he lives in Canada, and I in the US, so when we aren't together we have "sex" on the webcam. Basically we masturbate for each other and it is a lot of fun and makes me feel better as I'm sure it does him. However, after we had been together for a few months, the frequency of these video escapades started to drop off. In the beginning it was every night or every other night, then it was more like every two-four nights. Now, from what he's told me time and again about the frequency of his desires, he needs to *take care of business* in some form or another every other day at least. If he's not doing this with me the only thing I can think is he's pleasuring himself to porn like the old days. He gets very upset and very defensive when I bring this up saying he never does that, that he saves himself for me. He basically turns the tables and starts blaming me for being untrusting. He says he doesn't do stuff by himself because he wouldn't want to "ruin things with us" by doing things on his own and then not being able to with me. I think this would be a very nice gesture, if it were really true. He also claims to have low testosterone levels even though he's never had them checked, and thinks he has some sort of erectile dysfunction stemming from stress or whatnot. He is perfectly healthy, and how much stress could someone like him have? He basically has no responsibilities, financial or otherwise! Please help me, I don't know what to do here. He will never admit looking at porn even if he did it all day long - I know this because I know how he is. I can't stand the fact that he may be lying to me. We want to get married someday in the not too distant future and I don't want a lying or maybe even *god forbid* cheating boyfriend grrrr. The guy I was with before him cheated on me numerous times with cyber sex relationships. If anyone has any advice or experience I'm all ears. - Frustrated in New York
  6. We've been together for 7 years, with two children, son was 6 and daughter was 2. My wife started attending a boot camp in Irvine CA. One month later she established a password on her IPhone and notebook. She was getting and writing messages while I can't see it. Once I walked in to kitchen and saw her rapidly closing one tab on safari browser. She started spending a lots of time in the front of the mirror and wearing sexy clothes before she went to gym. Every Thursday when her trainer was having day off she would come back from "gym" not sweaty and with all her makeup in tact. Finally i ran on to her facebook messages with her personal trainer Jose: Him: "You smell so good, I still have it on me", Her: "I'm so sore this morning, I can barely move, you killed me:)))". Then later she accidentally called me through Skype, I did not answer by some reason, Long message was left with all the details while having sex in her car that I bought for her. I have posted screen shots of all facebook messages on boot camp facebook page. Owner of camp contacted me and promised to take some action. But nothing was done. Jose's popularity among female customers was too high, and he never fired him. I filed divorce withing 15 days. Jose is still employed by the boot camp, my children went through hell due to separation of parents. Can anyone advice what is the best legal action i can take against this personal trainer? Thank you.
  7. This question is based on a previous post I made about my boyfriend getting moody when I don’t want to have sex. After reading the replies to that, me and him had a conversation, and it led me to want to know how others view sex in a relationship. I’m mostly looking for a male perspective, but of course I would like to hear from anyone who has answers (whether in a relationship or not). feel free to simply answer the title with your opinion “how Important is sex in a relationship”? But below I have some related/unrelated questions that I would like to hear about as well. Main Questions: how often do you feel you should be having sex with your partner? What does it mean to you? If you’re someone who is ok with hookups, what’s the difference between a hookup and having sex with a committed partner? If your partner started to lose their sex drive, and the activities were less frequent, how long would you wait to say something? (Like how long would you guys have to go with little to no sex) If you lost sexual attraction to your partner (no desire or ability to do sexual activities) how would this affect the relationship? If your partner lost the ability (maybe became paralyzed or something) to have sex with you, would you be able to stay with them? Do you think it’s possible to maintain a healthy relationship if there is little sex? (Twice a month or longer perhaps) When your partner does not feel like having sex after you ask, how does it make you feel? How do you react? Do you think it’s healthy to have sex everyday? Or do you feel there needs to be breaks? (!Trigger Warning!) this question is a bit unrelated but still relevant to what I’m trying to understand; If your partner was r*ped, would that ruin your sexual attraction towards them? Would you be able to continue to be with them? Some people view sex as a “reward” do you agree or disagree with this? If your partner needed a prolonged break from sexual activities, how long do you feel you would be ok with? Or is this something you would not be ok with? Do you feel that the more dominant partner, should be the one initiating sex every time? Related to the previous question, if you’re in a relationship where you are the one to usually initiate sex, do you feel like your partner would try to initiate it if you stopped? If not, how long do you think you guys would go without doing anything before they say anything? Again related to previous questions, How would you feel/react if your partner explained that your initiation felt more like you were pressuring them into sex? I think that’s it for now, thank you to anyone who provides insight and answers.
  8. So I just got into a new relationship, and we met about 2 months ago. We get on really well and he’s honestly the kindest person. He pays me compliments, he’s honest, he’s very affectionate and always cuddles and kisses me and doesn’t mind PDA. It’s just that he seems to decline sex whenever I mention it. I have asked him why, and he said he wants to make sure it doesn’t mess the relationship up because he wants us to last. So it’s a case of me being ready before him? We have done other little bits and fondled but even then I’m the one who initiates it first and when I perform sexual acts he doesn’t even seem he’s enjoying it, like i’ll Be in the middle of doing it and he’ll be laying there still looking at the ceiling and then he’ll just tell me he’s going to cum and that’s it.. no expression or groaning (sorry too much info). It makes me feel a bit deflated. I love being intimate and it makes me feel like maybe I’m doing something wrong or that he has issues he’s not telling me about. It’s just sexual intimacy that’s an issue like I say he has no problem kissing me and stuff. He’s only ever had 1 other girl who broke his heart and he was single for 7 years. He doesn’t get much sleep (about 3 hours a day) so maybe they are both factors that have something to do with it. I just don’t know what to do to resolve this
  9. I have been active for about 3 1/2 years now. I have tried everything to get better in bed to please my boyfriend. I have went on web sites, bought magizine that give advice on sex, and went as far as going into a porn shop with my boyfriend and watching the pornos with him to try to get better. It seems like everything I do is just wrong. Can anyone help me? I dont want to live the rest of my life thinking about how men think I am bad in bed.
  10. I'm hoping someone here can offer a bit of advice. My husband and I have been married 4 years and things were going pretty well until a few months ago. We've always been quite "open" in our relationship and before we got married we occasionally saw other people for casual sex (in my case of both genders) and it was fine, it was kind of our mutual agreement that we would be honest about it rather than cheat. When we got engaged we made a vow to no longer have sex with other people, not because of any religious beliefs (we are both atheists) but because it felt right to make that promise to each other. We stuck to our resolve throughout our engagement, which lasted about a year, then for the first couple of years of marriage we were both content enough. I've always known he watched porn and masturbated but I was fine with that, I do it too. But from about two years ago, soon after we discovered we couldn't have kids and made the decision not to go down either the IVF or the adoption route, he started to spend more and more time by himself, masturbating pretty much every night (he never made any effort to cover his tracks and every morning I found the tissues at the top of the waste paper basket in his study - even without picking them up, the smell was always unmistakable - sorry about the detail!) In the end I decided to confront him about it. At first he was really defensive, but in the end he admitted that he was finding himself thinking more and more about other women. He didn't want to cheat on me, but at the same time he couldn't stop fantasising about doing things with certain women he knew. He told me one of his work colleagues had been flirting with him and he was finding it really hard not to return her attention. I should have been angry with him, but I wasn't - mainly because hearing him say these things made me realise I'd been doing the exact same thing. When I masturbated (which wasn't every day, but certainly often enough) I never thought about him, it was always about other people I knew, mainly guys but sometimes women too. It made me wonder if maybe we should try to be more like we used to be before we got married: give each other some freedom, which always seemed to make us appreciate each other more. On impulse, I asked him how he'd feel about giving each other a hall pass. "Just a one-off" I said, to spice things up a bit and bring some excitement back into our sex life. I thought he'd jump at the chance but in fact we was really reluctant. He kept saying he wasn't sure if he really wanted to see anyone else, but I thought he just didn't like the idea of me doing it with another guy. So I said "it's your birthday next month, how about we make this a present just for you? You get the pass, I don't. I don't really need it anyway". In the end he accepted and on his birthday I actually wrote him a proper pass on nice paper, giving him permission to go with anyone he wanted, just once. I was honestly fine about it, I felt a bit jealous at the thought but I pushed the feeling back and focused on the goal of having him back to his happy, caring self. In the end he went out with that tart from his office and they had a fairly disappointing one night stand, which he told me all about. He said once they were naked he felt really self-conscious, he managed to get it up but finished things in a real rush for fear of losing his erection, then just spent ages down on her to try and make up for his poor performance. I should have felt sorry for him but I was secretly delighted that he'd had such a crap time with her and that hopefully he'd never want to see her again (she certainly wouldn't want to see him!) Well, the whole arrangement worked really well because afterwards our sex life got much better. He lavished me with attention and stopped masturbating frantically, choosing instead to come to bed with me almost every night. We didn't always have sex, but we cuddled a lot and we sometimes masturbated next to each other, which we hadn't done since before marriage (it might sound weird but we both love it, we try to cum together and we kiss the whole time). Then my birthday came, and to my utter shock he wrote me a hall pass of his own. I genuinely hadn't expected it and I was even more surprised because things had been better between us and I didn't think he'd want to rock the boat. He said he hadn't felt right since he'd been with that girl from the office, he felt like things were uneven between us and the only way to make everything balanced and fair again was for me to have my own night of fun. I must confess, my mouth was saying "I really don't need it" and "Are you sure about this?" but inside I was more excited than I'd been in years. Even as I said to him "Well, I'll think about it" my mind was already racing, going "Who could I sleep with? That guy from work I've fancied for ages? My ex-girlfriend who's now single again and keeps asking me out for coffee? Maybe a complete stranger I pick up at a bar?" In the end, it just happened by itself. This was about a month after he gave me the pass. I was at a weekend retreat organised by my firm - I usually hate them but this time the place was actually gorgeous - and I ended up in that guy's room, emptying his minibar and then ordering room service. This had happened with him before, at the previous retreat, only when he'd tried to kiss me I'd pushed him away and I'd told him I wasn't "that kind of woman", whatever that means. Well, this time I had my hall pass and I very much became that kind of woman. To be brutally honest with myself, I'd known all along that this was going to happen and I'd gone away fully planning in my head to act out what had already happened countless times in my fantasies. My husband had actually reminded me of my hall pass before I left (as if I could have forgotten it!) and I told him "There won't be anyone there I fancy, but who knows?" I still don't know why I didn't just tell him I was planning on spending my pass with that guy. I guess I just wanted the excitement of doing something illicit, rather than something my husband was expecting. Anyway, the poor guy didn't know what hit him. I was a woman possessed! After returning his first kiss I threw him down, practically ripped his clothes off and proceeded to live out three years worth of sexual fantasies in about three hours. To his credit, he kept up with me, just about, but he told me afterwards (not straight afterwards, weeks later) that I'd kind of scared him with how ravenous I was. I slept in his bed and the next morning we did it again, then had to go to some stupid team-building activity. Half way through it I felt the irresistible urge to do it again, so like a naughty teenager I gave him a piece of paper with the message "meet me in my room in 5 min." and slipped out of the activity. He followed me 5 minutes later and we spend the rest of the day and most of the night in my room, having sex and ordering room service. By the end I didn't know if I was more drunk from the alcohol or from the sex, but I had the time of my life. As I drove back home to my husband the next day, I was terrified. I knew I had to tell him, but I was so scared that he would be able to tell just how much I'd enjoyed my pass. That he'd somehow smell it on me, even though I'd had the longest shower of my life before leaving the hotel. I decided the only way to make myself do it was to say something before I got there, so I stopped the car and I texted him the message "On my way home baby. I spent the pass btw. I'll tell you all about it when I get there. Love you loads x" It was so hard to press that send button, my heart was racing, but I managed to do it. From that moment on, I knew there was no going back. He was waiting for me at the door, we hugged and kissed and straight away he wanted to know all about what had happened. I must confess I didn't tell the whole story, I majorly played down how good the sex had been, also in view of the fact that his own pass had been such a disappointment. Plus I didn't want to sound like a total ... I only talked about the first night and never mentioned the morning, or the next evening. I also told him it had lasted about an hour, when in fact the first night had lasted nearly three. I didn't mention swallowing him, which I'd done both nights, nor was I honest about the intensity of the pleasure I'd felt, choosing instead to make fun of the guy's super-thin legs (which in fact aren't even that skinny). I thought I'd better mention the anal sex, in case something about my butt hole "gave it away", but I told him the guy had insisted on doing it and said I'd found it quite uncomfortable and made him stop straight away. In reality, I'd asked for it and loved every minute. Even with this heavily censored version of events, I could read the jealousy and pain in my husband's eyes, despite the fact that he kept trying to cover them up by saying things like "wow, that sounds amazing" and "good for you baby". We kissed again afterwards and he said "there you go, now we're even. And you know what? It just confirms what we already knew: that we are what's best for each other and there's no one else out there who's worth the trouble". I smiled and said "You're right" but inside my heart sank, because I didn't feel like I wanted it to end there. I wanted more passes... For weeks afterwards, I kept hoping things would settle again, that we'd go back into a normal routine. Then Covid happened, and "normal" went out of the window forever. We went into lockdown and ended up spending every hour of every day with each other, week after week. It should have been nice, but it wasn't. I kept thinking about the other guy and every other man and woman I now wanted to sleep with. I felt like I'd just rediscovered my sexuality and sex with my husband (though we still did it) just wasn't filling that void, quenching that thirst. So, when lockdown finally ended and I returned to work, I invited that guy out for coffee, then went back to his place and we had sex again. But this time I didn't tell my husband. I'd just become another cheating wife. And it hasn't stopped, I've slept with three other people since, two guys and one girl (not at the same time, I should point out!) I feel so disappointed with myself. I can't bring myself to confess because I know he'll hate me for it, not just for the sex but for hiding it from him. It's such a disgusting betrayal and he doesn't deserve it. But I'm finding myself needing these extra-marital experiences like I need air. I'm not sure what type of advice I'm looking for, but please don't tell me we need marriage counselling. The thought of sitting in front of a stranger and telling him all about our private life... it's just not for us, I know my husband would feel the same. What I'm asking myself is: do I really need to confess, or is it possible to learn to cope with the guilt and actually lead a fulfilled life as an unfaithful spouse? I know plenty of people who do, I just don't know if I can.
  11. Im looking for an honest opinion from women here. Do you ever compare how good your man is in bed with past sexual partners, flings, relationships, etc? My Fiance has been with more partners then myself, some of them ONS, others relationships. I guess i have an insecurity about how good her last partners or ONS' were in bed and I wonder if im as good or if she ever thinks of this. I know before we met she had a few ONS and one of the guys she saw for awhile, she had no interest in having a relationship with him, from some of the details or info I got, i get the impression that she was with him because he was good in bed and she was lonely at the time. Ive heard many women say they dont compare, but I wonder if this is really the truth. I wonder if she ever thinks: that guy was good in bed or he was better in bed then X. Does this ever cross your mind?
  12. Background: my boyfriend and I have been together for over two years now, since our freshman year of college. It's been pretty serious, his family is like mine at this point, and I've made compromises to my future plans for our relationship. This is fine. Just noting that we're serious. A little over a month ago, I got an IUD inserted, after discussing this BC method with him. We've been talking birth control for probably a year by this point. Why not? Insurance covers it, and we'll stay baby-free! We talked about my gyno appointments and the side effects of the IUD. I'm currently feeling great with it! I have a little bit of daily spotting, but hardly any cramps and no heavy bleeding at all. However. My boyfriend refuses to even think of me in a sexual way. He's disgusted? Turned off? By my very light spotting that takes up less than a pantyliner a day. It’s essentially just tinted discharge at this point. Not even red, it’s mostly brown. I'm building up lots of resentment for this issue, and it has me crying myself to sleep nightly. I can’t stand to look at him right now. Though, it could possibly be easier for me to cry now bc hormones + antidepressants. But my feelings still stand. Obviously, I wouldn't cheat or leave him over it. But he refuses to even consider it. For me. What am I supposed to do? I've compromised on my future plans for him. I consider him in everything I do. I got the BC for us. I'm good at caving on lots of things (I know, this is an issue I talk about in therapy. I'm too soft/empathetic. People pleaser to the extreme end). I know this may sound trivial or childish. I don't know why a lack of sex bothers me so much but it does. My sex drive has always been higher than his, but I also view sex as a small emotional component. Plus it feels good. It's even better after a bad day. I know he's horny, because he asks me almost daily if we're "good to smash" that night. I've been good! For weeks on weeks! I'm literally going crazy and it is so upsetting for me. What kind of compromise can be made on this? I sit and suffer, while he goes about uncaring? Or he gets trapped into something he finds totally disgusting? How is it fair to either of us? Is he just really immature? I am red hot angry, and have been for days. Masturbation only gets you so far. I love my partner, I want my partner. We used to do it at least twice a week. He still wants me to stay over at his place lots of nights, but just to sleep. No sex. This could last for the next 3-6 months. I can't do it. IUD periods are irregular after that, too. It'll forever be a concern. All advice welcome. Thank you. TL;DR ranting about my frustration because my boyfriend won't have sex with me due to breakthrough bleeding.
  13. Ok...I need some help. I had sex with my best friend's brother last night. She is really upset with me and I am not sure why. He had been coming on to me all night and when I said something to her about it...she pretty much gave me the green light to go ahead. I wonder if I took what she said wrong...I don't want to go into the whole long drawn out story, but I may have to...lol Anyway, is there some unwritten rule about best friend's sleeping with brothers that I dont know about???
  14. I had sex with my male friend we were fwb for awhile then he got a gf now he is my bestfriend but later I added his brother as a facebook friend and I don't know how it happened we started sexting then we slept together that same night while my friend his brother was in the next room sleeping I don't feel guilty but should I? My friend said he would never sleep with me but he was more than happy too so was it a bad thing to do?
  15. On thursday last week I hooked up with a guy I have been flirting with for a while. I already knew he was not into a serious relationship and I was very aware of what I was doing. I have been single for over a year now, with no physical contact with anyone what so ever. I'm only 21 years old, and when I got the opportunity to sleep with him I just grabbet it, with full knowledge of what i got myself into. So when I got there, his and mine intentions was clear. We also talked about it abit before it happened. It was really nice, and I'm happy that I finally broke my over one year "break" from sex. He is also a guy I somewhat trust, that is why I did it with him. I do not want to sleep with anyone random. We have known eachother for half a year now, and will without a doubt meet eachother several times in the future. I know this because we work together (part time). And yes, I know what you think, you should NEVER sleep with someone you work with. But it's not that big of a deal, and I made a choise, so did he. And that's not a problem, in my opinion. Before we had sex we did not talk with eachother all the time, we did not have an instant connection emotionally. We had fun together and definivly had a physical attraction towards eachother. So I always knew that this is not someone I imagine forming a romantic relationship with. Yes, I do like him, but I know the differense between lust and love. And this is lust. So my point is.. I want to sleep with him again. I want to have a casual relationship with him, friends with benefits. But after we had sex I have heared almost nothing from him (I have sent a few snaps, but just casual). But then again, we did not talk all the time before either. It's only been a few days, but I don't know what to expect. I suspect he is scared that I have developed feelings for him, but I know I did not do anything wrong. I know it's typical for a guy to pull away when you have sex, and that most likely it has nothing to do with me. But I want to be with him again, I really had fun. And I know the risk - I know the feelings can develop, but then I will just end it. I'm young and I want to have fun. What should I do..? Should I just forget it and move on with my life? Should I just wait and see what happens? I really don't know because this is the first time for me. I have only been in a long serious relationship before. Sorry about the errors.
  16. I've known him 10 years (knew him before prison). We recently reconnected. He's in prison for a non violent crime (no lectures about him being a 'bad' person pls) and has five more years. For the past year we've been talking he doesn't act sexual or romantic. When he tries it sounds awkward and fake. Whenever I confront him (wudnt a prisoner be horny as h*ll?) he says hes 'scared' to seem like hes just after me for my body. It just doesn't seem normal to me. He's hinted that he got 'VERY' close with his cellmate, and is depressed this guy left, but won't elaborate. He seemed straight when we were together, although he always loved jelly jars in his butt. He says hes a 'dom'. Could he feel emasculated? He does seem depressed and has a lot of health problems (he weighs 450 pounds). Do I just ask outright are you gay? He could just not like me anymore but hes not interested in other women either. I'm slim and cute lol. One reason I ask is I don't want to get HIV when he gets out.
  17. I started this to write down my dreams... which lately have been pretty interesting. A few weeks ago I dreamed that an ex of mine died. I figured that was maybe my way of symbolically being over him, even in the subconscious realm. But then the other night I dreamed that he was engaged to someone. Then we come to last night... I was alone in the house I grew up in. I don't live there now, so it was strange that I even was there. But I was there all by myself, and he stopped over. It was raining really hard outside so I let him in to get out of that. There was a 12 pack in the fridge and him and I was sitting in the kitchen drinking and talking. I remember thinking maybe the two of us alone together and drinking isn't a good idea. But my dream self didn't seem to care much. I was telling him about how my first grade teacher was really mean to me and she used to pull my hair. (and this is true, my first grade teacher actually use to do that.) She used to grab the really sensitive hair at the nape of my neck and just pull really hard. I reached over and grabbed his hair the way she used to grab mine, but I didn't pull it, I was just trying to show him. And he turned his face toward me and we kissed. It was just a short kiss at first but then we started kissing pretty passionately. I let this go on pretty long before I stopped. When I stopped kissing him he asked if I wanted to go upstairs. I told him no, we can't be doing this, and I think he probably should leave. He apologized and left. And then I remember sitting there with my laptop really upset and feeling really guilty. I was trying to get ahold of my boyfriend to tell him what I just did. But the computer wasn't working right. I was also debating with myself about if I even should tell him at all. It was just kissing, it's not like we had sex or anything... But I figured I should fess up and tell him and I was really scared to. Then, when I was waking up and realizing this was just a dream, I remember thinking "Man... if I would have realized this earlier on in the dream I would have just let him take me upstairs." I know that's probably not healthy, lol. But I won't deny still feeling sexual attraction for this man. So... that was pretty interesting.
  18. I ve just got a vibrator form my boyfriend (we have been dating for 6 months) I felt strange, since I wished for a more romantic gift... I ve never even used a vibrator before.... I am curious why the hell would a guy buy a vibrator for his girlfriend??? I always had the feeling that he is just after sex in this relationship, but now this present somehow "insulted" me... I don t know what to think... Plus this is his first present for me... What do you think guys? Would you buy such thing to someone you real care about??? As a first gift? Thanks!
  19. My girlfriend and I have been having sex for about 5 months now and it seems like we can't have sex the next day after we've already had sex. It's simply too painful for her. If we wait about a week before we have sex then she's usually pain-free on the first round. We usually go at least 2-3 rounds in one night (within 1-4 hours). On the second round she begins to feel sore and depending on the severity of her soreness we can go one more round or not. The next day, if we attempt to have sex, it hurts her from the get-go. We use Astroglide, but it still hurts her. She says it feels like she has a cut inside, but she's been checked and had test run by her gynecologist and her doctor told her that there is nothing wrong with my gf. Her doctor even suggested that the pain may be a result of me being uncircumcised, but after conducting more research and consulting with my own doctor, we ruled that THAT was not the reason. Could it be possible that this is simply a result of her being sore and not being able to have sex more than 1 consecutive day? I'm curious whether there are any women out there who are unable to have sex the next day after having had rough sex the day before. It seems like if we wait one day in between, she's able to recover and have sex without pain. I feel like my gf and I are the only couple experiencing this at the moment. Any input is greatly appreciated. Thanks
  20. Hey y'all. I need some advice on how to deal with my current "relationship" with my boss. I've known him since December of last year, where I started working at my current job, which is probably the best job I've had so far. He's not the head manager, but he's right below that position, along with four other people. He's been with the company since it first started, and everyone who works there likes him because he has such a friendly, funny, and laidback personality, but is still professional at the same time. I've always liked him more so than the other managers, but only until recently had we started to joke around more and become friendlier with each other. There's a 17 year age gap between us (he’s 38, I’m 21), and I've known for a while that he has a girlfriend whom he's been going out with for about three years (I asked him about her casually on Valentine's Day this year, and he said that this year they would be celebrating their third anniversary). Anyways, just a few weeks ago, we had been texting each other, and then one night, while he was giving me a ride home, we went out for drinks at this really nice restaurant (which I didn't know at the time), all of which he suggested. We had a great time, although I felt kinda “off” about it since I wasn't entirely sure if this was work-appropriate, and the server was giving us strange looks as well (probably trying to figure out if we were bf/gf or father/daughter, etc., haha). While on the way home, I was already a bit tipsy, and leaned on his shoulder as he drove. He then rubbed my shoulders with his free hand, and then later on, when we were at my front door, we hugged each other really tight for a long time. After that night, we were texting each other throughout the work day, and then eventually, we started sending suggestive text messages. I soon responded with an *extremely* racy text. That caused him to say that he wanted to see me that night, which he did, driving all the way from his house to mine. We then proceeded to have sex in his car that night, which was an intensely pleasurable experience for both of us, probably heightened by the fact that he's my superior at work, is taken, and is a bit older than me. Ever since then, we've been meeting up either after work to have sex with each other, or even during work, when we have to run upstairs to a separate room to get more merchandise, we sneak into areas where there's no cameras and make out or touch each other, all short of actual sex. I'm not sure how to deal with this, as this is the first time I've engaged in this sort of "forbidden" relationship (I thought this only existed in t.v., books, movies, etc.). None of my close friends have ever been in this situation, and since I'm the most experienced out of them all (I've had one other boyfriend, who I'm not with anymore, and was sexually active with), I can't really ask any of them for help with this. We're both striving to keep this a secret between us two from anyone else at work, as we could both get instantly fired. I think that some of my co-workers suspect that there's something going on between us two, but they can't prove anything and just joke about us. The issues that bother me a lot are (1) he *currently* has a girlfriend, which makes me question how he could be having this type of relationship with me at the same time that he's dating her, and (2) I'm afraid of developing feelings for him, as we both know that we don't want to go out with each other or even if a stable, long-term relationship could form from this. He's very reluctant to talk about his girlfriend when I ask him, so I've stopped asking him about her. How should I proceed from here on out? I *do* enjoy the sex quite a bit, and I've been anxious for some sexual release for a while, but I know deep down that my current dalliance with my boss won't last forever, nor is it healthy (for both me, and for him and his gf's relationship). At the moment I’m single, but I would like to have a stable, long-term relationship eventually...
  21. Ok so long story short.Ive done a couple of medium length jail bids since late 2014.Specifically Nov. 2014-Feb 2015,Aug. 2015-May 2016,June 2016 July 2016-July 2016,September 2016-Feb. 2017,and Aug.2018-Oct.2018I know it seems like allot but most of them were for stupid probation violations for dirty urines and things like that. I've been with my wife since I was 12 yr old I'm now 25 she's 27 and we have 3 daughters together. Pretty much every time I left I gave her an out and told her she could leave if she wanted, especially before the Sept 2016-Feb 2017 bid. I begged her to leave me before she cheats because I just found out before that she cheated when I was away for 3 weeks during June 2016. Every time she told me no I love you I'll Never leave you I dont care if you had life your my world and all of that good stuff.I Never really found anything crazy out until I came home July 2016 after 3 weeks when I seen a guy blocked on her Facebook that I knew but didn't think she even knew he existed. I asked her. She said he wouldn't leave her alone while I was away so she blocked him out of respect for me. Well I confronted the kid for coming at my wife after beIN turned down multiple times.turne out I was wrong. 2 days after I left she started liking all his pictures,he noticed so he messaged her. 2 weeks later she's having sex with him on my couch in my living room,on the eve of Father's day also,and my kids woke up to a strange man in mommy's bed on what was supposed to be Father's day. I forgave her for it. So that's why I stressed for her to leave mre when I went back in Sept cuz I didn't want to feel that pain again. She assured me things would be fine. Fast forward I come home. Thing are great for about 6 months until I notice a number texting her phone every day multiple times and she didn't reply.long story short it was a male nurse she worked with at her hospital and according to our cell phone records. She started texting him 3 days after I left and it never stopped until the day before I got released. They both deny any physical contact outside of a few kisses before leaving work. They said their schedules jus didn't match up and never got together. So I went on her google account history and I found searches like "why are male nurses always so.horny", "best way to give a blowjob",and "something sexually dirty to say to someone". And "porn" now I had no idea that my wife would ever watch porn everytime she found porn on my browser history she called me back pervert and scum an while I was gone she was looking It up a few times a week.i jus don't understand why it feels like I don even know this girl who is Makin these searches.domt get me wrong we really do have great sex but she's never went that above and beyond to make sure that its great.Now all that is this. My wife is not what I consider an overly sexual person. She doesn't shoot me sexy texts during the day she doesn't rlly talk about sex in an excplicit manner or anything like that. She gives me head but she let's it known she dont like to do it and I almost always have to do something to her first to get her revved up to want to do it. And lastly never in our long relationship have we sexted each other. I may have gotten a handful of naked photos through the years but I've had to ask for every single one. She's never texted me saying what she wants to do to me or me to her or anything like that. Then why would she step out of her comfort zone for him. Even tho we been together since kids we both have had multiple other partners through high school and the blowjob search really hit my heart because it took a long time to get her to do that to me on a regular basis. It feels more intimate to me than sex and she doesn't jus go around blowing anybody. But the betrayal comes from how she knows I would feel if I found out she gave. Him a blowjob. That would hurt worse than sex. And mostly everyone including her and my own family say that I deserved it all and I did it to myself an all that. Is that true? Do I deserve it? Or did she cross the line after she vowed to stay faithful just weeks after being caught unfaithful before. Then the last time I went away from Aug 2018 to Oct 2018 I found out that she went to the bar drinking almost every weekend I was gone which wouldn't be a problem but she didn't tell me while I was gone. And I haven't been out to the bar with my wife in years. It seem like she only goes out when I'm not home. Like when I leave she is a whole different person.i left august 14 she was at the bar till 4 in the morning by the 18th. Am I crazy or is she taking the freedom a little too far. I'd like to go out an have fun with her. But I have no choice but to think she dont take me out because she cant do what she usually does when she out if I'm there. It just hurts. I have a drug problem I'm not just some criminal. And I've always been faithful to her and love her so much. I jus want her to do the same. But going and pretty much fishing to cheat 2-3 days after I leave is a little much. Please give me some help or advice. I have no friends or family to go to and this eats me up inside.
  22. Hi All, This is my first post, I haven't done this before, I'm a 37 year old man and feel a little embarrassed about sharing this but struggling to come to terms with a few things my girlfriend has told me.... We've been together 6 months, everything was great, lots of sex, love and everything else that you'd ever want from a relationship. One night for some reason she told me that she couldn't orgasm through penetration (unless she's on top) with me but has been able to with other guys (just to note this has nothing to do with penis size, I'm not small). This led me to asking questions that I wish I hadn't asked... So she told me that she had been pretty promiscuous in the past and due to a very bad sexual experience at 16 she had separated sex and love. She said that she orgasms more easily if she's not as involved (no love) with the person, this has led her to have relationships purely for sex, although she has had other loving relationships before me. My issues are, firstly I have judged her on her past which is completely hypercritical as I've had numerous sexual partners and girlfriends but I have always tried to stay away from girls which I perceive as promiscuous (I think this is common with men), now there is less desire from my side. Secondly, I feel insecure about her previous sex life in comparison and although she clearly loves me I worry she'll want no strings orgasmic sex with someone else in the future. I know these are my issues, not hers, but I'm going around in mental negative circles. My ego has been seriously dented but I'm not sure any guy would handle what was mentioned well, it's really starting to affect our relationship and our sex life has been reduced to serious emotional sex only and not much of it. Should I be concerned about her pattern of sexual behaviour that she's had all her adult life? And how do I move on/deal with the fact my girlfriends likes no strings sex? Please help
  23. Hello all, So, I am suffering from retroactive jealousy, and i feel like it's messing up my head really bad right now. To give you some background, I am 24 years old and have been dating this girl for about 9 months. She's two years older than me, 26. I had never experienced sex or romantic relationships, or dating of any kind before I met her. Our relationship has been very great, as in almost all RJ stories I have read.. And i really hope i could be happy with her. So, now to the RJ part. In short, the things my girlfriend has told me she has done when she was younger disgust me and i do not know if i can get over it. I never asked about her past when we started dating. However, as we started talking about sex after a few weeks of dating, some things came up. She told me that she has had her "wild times" and if had known what she was like when she was younger, i wouldnt want to be with her (i never asked specifically, but i think she referred to about ages 15-22). She told me that she experienced her first time at 17. She told me she was once pregnant (while in a relationship and despite using protection), but didnt end up having the baby due to various reasons (thats another stroy). I basically said that i can accept all this, which is how i actually felt at that time. Later, I have also got the impression, based some things which she has "slipped" in our regular conversations, that she was a kind of cheap and easy girl to put it straight. She has also told me that she didn't have much dignity and was very prone to pleasing the person she was with and let herself be treated badly. My impression is that she has had many short relationships, one-night stands and that sort of things. I haven't asked how many persons she has been with, and I dont even want to know that. It's bothering me enough already. These are the things that bother me the most. I havent actually asked any details about her sexual past except once. I asked how the relationship between her and the father of the baby ended. She told me that it was actually not a relationship, more like a friends with benefits sort of thing, where she wasn't respected. It was also revealed to me that she was 16 at the time, a year younger than when she first told me she had lost her virginity. So maybe it was just a small lie to not make me feel bad having been a virgin at 24, i dont know. I havent asked. However, the fact that she lied about that just makes me think she has done so many things she is ashamed of. Actually she has said that she wouldnt have done half the things she has if she could now decide. She has said she was a different person before. I believe her (her "wild" times are gone and she was in a relationship of 4 years before meeting me). But that kind of statement just makes me feel even more disgusted. I know that a should view a person as they are now, but i also believe that we are all a sum of the things we have done in our lives. Her past cannot be changed, but i dont know can i change the way i feel either. I personally didnt have much of a "normal" social life let alone dating life until i met her because i was focusing 100 % on my studies and playing sports. I have been very succesfull in those areas so my "sacrifices" have paid off and i was very happy with my life and the choices i made even though i experienced loneliness sometimes. However, right now i have so many regrets that i havent been socially or sexually active earlier. I feel like i have missed out on a lot, which is how i would feel even without all this RJ thing. However, i regocnize that i feel the regret partly because i dont have anything to "compensate" for the things she has done and experienced. I feel like the regret and RJ are feeding each other and i feel really bad right now. The pain is like nothing i have ever experienced. Im soon turning 25 and there is still time to gain some more sexual experience. I know this idea doesnt make any sense because i would like to be with her and im not the kind of person who would go on to have one night stands etc just for the sake of having them. She loves me in way i think no one else ever could. I just dont know if i can genuinly love her. However, i fear that if i cant get over my RJ or our relationship fails for some other reason, i would regret not going for something else when i still had the chance. Is there some advice anyone could give me regarding any of the things i have written? I would deeply appreciate any help, thoughts and comments. I would like to hear anyones honest opinion on how i should view all this and what i should do. I have already set up a meeting to begin some sort of therapy. Im also wondering should i tell my gf about my condition. She has told me i can tall to her about anything and maybe she could help me. I just dont want to make her feel bad about anything. Im also thinking should i just ask her straight about her bodycount. I know i maybe wouldnt like the answer but what her real number was something i could accept. What do you think is an acceptable number? Thank you everyone in advance!
  24. Hi all, I will try and keep this short as possible. As some of you may have read before I’ve been having some issues with my marriage, mainly intimacy issues. Through one thing or another we are both giving it time but there is still zero intimacy between us, nothing at all. No kissing, cuddling, not even holding hands as this is my wife’s request and I’m trying to respect her wishes. Me on the other hand, I’m trying my best and being patient although I am still very attracted to my wife in every way but I’m finding other ways to channel my urges and it works some of the time other times I just walk it off so to speak. Anyway it was discussed that we should sleep in the same bed at the very least which I am happy with now as at least I’m near her in some way but this is where things got weird. Over the past couple of weeks on three separate occasions I have been woken by my wife in what I would say has been an erotic dreams she has been having. Now last night was horrendous to say the least. I can’t even describe how this is making me feel because on one occasion a name was said during her dream and it wasn’t mine. Last night I had to wake her up and I left the bed and slept on the sofa because I’m not sure how I’m feeling about this at all. In a way I think I’m jealous which sounds crazy I know. I feel like I’m being told she doesn’t want intimacy right now and then she is having erotic dreams which she has never ever done in the past 20 odd years I’ve been with her. Strange one this, I have mentioned it today because she asked why I woke her up last night and I told her what she was doing to which she replied she can’t remember and never has those kinds of dreams. Now I don’t know how I should be feeling about this as I do understand she was obviously dreaming but for someone who doesn’t want this between us yet dreams about it when she never has I’m very confused.
  25. We are almost three years into our relationship. She was my first sexual partner whilst she had had multiple (but none long-term). The first 1.5 years or so were great sex-wise. After that her appetite gradually deteriorated to now being at a point where she has absolutely no appetite for sex in any form. When we have had sex, it’s very clear she’s not into it. And when we don’t, I get frustrated (and she can tell). I’d say my sex drive is pretty average, whatever that means (I masturbate maybe 3 times a week, and would be happy with sex once a week). Every other aspect of our relationship is basically perfect, but this is increasingly becoming a big issue. At first we tried making things a little more interesting in the bedroom which helped a bit in the short term. We talk about the issue, but it’s becoming hard to have a productive conversation when we are now so far apart in how we feel. And she is definitely fed up of the conversation (no doubt that talking about it is one thing that’s contributed to her lower libido). She insists it’s not about how attracted she is to me - she just doesn’t have any sexual desire anymore. She’s been to the doctors and there isn’t anything physical that’s likely to be the issue. And there’s nothing suggesting that she’s depressed. She’s been referred to a psycho-sexual therapist, but the waiting list for that is a few months - and as it stands it’s very possible we’ll have no sex at all for that time. I’m obviously willing to wait, but am worried about putting a lot of pressure on that process to fix things. We moved in together a few months ago, and her sexual appetite seemed to diminish more quickly after that. She’s recently started a busy new job, which I’m sure also hasn’t helped. But this was an issue before that as well, and even when we have a few days where she isn’t working, things aren’t any different. I’m all out of ideas and feeling pretty down about it all, and she’s sick of talking about it anyway. What can I/we/she do?
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