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  1. My husband was sharing with me some porn he was looking at and I was feeling flirty so I sent him a b00b pic and said “these are better” trying to start a fun convo and he replied with “those are nice, the others are videos though and they are posted 😏” this immediately made me feel bad. I explained that sometimes he says things that dig at my confidence and he doesn’t seem to understand why. I felt like he just told me why my pic wasn’t better but he says I make him walk on eggshells because he never knows what to say anymore so he prefers to let me do my own thing because I misinterpret the things he says. Help! Am I being difficult?
  2. I have just started dating this girl and I’m scared she’s using me... I have c-ptsd and you can make your own guesses for why, so I’m not super into the sexual aspect of relationships, and I haven’t had any real relationships and crap. It sucks. I really like this girl, but everytime we talk on the phone she only wants to do sexual stuff, and I’m afraid it’s the only reason she’s interested in me. I also learned she was younger then i thought, but it’s okay with her and she apparently thinks it’s “sexier” that I’m older and whatnot. I like this girl... but it’s starting to feel like she doesn’t feel the same, and she only likes me for “that” kind of stuff.
  3. So for anyone who wasn't following my original post, here it is: So I actually do really like this guy. I think he's really nice and genuine from what I know of him so far. We also do have a few things in common, even though it may not seem like it from the outset. We messaged each other every day and on our third in person date I came to his place for dinner. He cooked dinner for me and we had a few alcoholic drinks and watched a movie. I was actually feeling kinda drunk and got my confidence up and I really wanted to kiss him. I started cuddling up to him and holding his hand and stuff. He said he'd been trying to be respectful and not come on to me or anything and just spend time together. I kissed him but he seemed very inexperienced and not very good at it. Anyway we ended up fooling around a bit but really all it was I took my top off for a bit and we just kissed and cuddled. I asked him if he'd had sex before and he actually said that he hadn't. Then he said we're both drunk so let's not do anything sexual while we're drunk. Afterwards he messaged me every day again. Three days later I came over to his place again and we got Uber Eats and watched some anime. I want to point out also that both times he had a hard on literally all night and I think it was bothering him but I wasn't sure what to do about it. I mean he was right that we were drunk the first time and probably wasn't good to have that as his first time. So it was last night we were watching anime and then I stayed the night. We cuddled in bed a lot and it was really nice. We discussed about having sex and he basically said he wanted to but I'd need to take charge. The thing is I've actually developed feelings for this guy and I think about him a lot. I feel a bit silly because every time I think of him I get butterflies and just feel like my heart is going to jump out of my chest. So feel more like an infatuated teenager even though I'm 36 lol The thing was when he said he was up for having sex, I felt ridiculously nervous and kind of just froze. It's not because I'm not experienced at sex, in fact it's very much the opposite lol I lost my virginity when I was 17-18 and since then I've done a lot sexually since then. It's just that I've never actually been with anyone in their 30's who has no dating or sexual experience. He hasn't put any pressure on me actually but I think I'm putting pressure on myself to make his first time amazing, you know? I also understand he might think it's great and just be happy to have sex for the first time. And of course he'd have nothing to compare it to lol Oh yeah and we also discussed that we both want a relationship and we want to date each other. What I'm thinking though is, should I make his first time really special or should I actually try not to make a really huge deal of it? Like, should we go out for a nice dinner or something and then I can set up scented candles in the bedroom and stuff like that? Or should I not go all out like that and just do it? Or do I just ask him what he wants? I don't know why I'm feeling so nervous but this is a very big deal for me lol The only time I slept with someone who was a virgin was when I was a virgin myself too and just one other time when I was nineteen and this guy was twenty four and a virgin. But he wasn't really my boyfriend or anything and this was a very long time ago. Men, if you were (or are) a virgin would you want to make a big thing of your first time or would that make you feel more nervous?
  4. My husband and I have been in a relashionship for 12 years. For a while now our sex life as been unfulfilling. The problem lies in the differences in our libido and preferences. I'm much more physical than he is, even in the most mundane aspects of our daily lifes. I like longer hugs, deeper kisses and a lot more touching than he does. Luckily, we could find some compromise and live happy and generally peaceful lives. However, when it comes to sex, our needs are too discrepant. I love having sex and if it were up to me, we would have it every day. Although he likes sex, he feels it's quite tiring and doesn't want/need it as often. He feels comfortable having sex once a week (or less). I'm okay with having less sex than I need as long as there's a way to make up for it with intimacy. Unfortunately, due to the pandemic, he's the only person I can have physical contact with and it's just not enough. I try masturbating more often but it doesn't seem to help. I tried discussing it with him, but it feels like I'm walking on eggshells (I'm afraid of pressuring him and only making it worse). Another aspect that's been bothering me it's the quality of our sex life. He's very tradicional when it comes to sex and doesn't enjoy trying new things. On the other hand, I'd love to try new things, such as tantric sex, using toys, roleplaying, BDSM, etc. It's very difficult to reach an agreement and we end up doing the same thing over and over again. It pains me that I'm hardly making love anymore but just satisfying a basic need and using the one I love most in the world to do it. Could do please help me? I don't know how to improve this aspect of our lives and really need some advice. (By the way, none of us is cheating and spliting up is out of the question. I treasure our relationship and the warm, trustfull and happy home we build.)
  5. I was giving my partner oral sex, he was moaning as if he was into it, and then he pauses and starts talking about a female we both know, he noticed wasn’t at an occasion we were just at. he first said i don’t think it’s the right time to say this, then proceeded to say it anyway. I stopped oral and got quiet. took a while to process everything. is my partner just not into me? why is my partner stopping oral pleasure to mention this? am i in the wrong for being uncomfortable? should i just let it go?
  6. TL;DR: New girlfriend says she has high sex drive but extremely hesitant to do anything sexual, says I'm not doing anything wrong. What can I do to make her more comfortable/interested? Quick info that will probably be useful: I'm 32 and pretty huge 6'4" 320 lbs. She is 23 and pretty small 5'1" 95 lbs. I have had a lot of sexual experience. She had sex with 1 guy before and it wasn't very often. I have a vasectomy, she knows about it. Both of us do not want kids, ever. I have been dating my girlfriend for about 3 months. We met online and have a legitimately amazing connection. When we originally discussed sex, she stated she had a high sex drive. I said mine was about about normal and we both agreed sex was important to us, but she said she wanted to 'wait'. Her living situation was less then ideal and I own a house so she quickly moved in with me. She has some sensory issues and prefers sleeping in separate rooms, especially due to my snoring. I would rather she slept in my bed, but I am ok with her having her own room and bed. She made it clear at the beginning of the relationship that she wanted to "wait" to have sex, but never specified what she was waiting for exactly, other then 'until she was comfortable'. We did end up having sex within a week or so of her moving in. The sex was great, but she said she felt like she was going to pass out from over exertion and we had to stop before either of us had an orgasm (she said she can't orgasm unless masturbating). The sex lasted almost an hour and a half, that's on the average to low end of normal for me, but I understand that that can be a lot for some women. She refused ALL sexual contact after that for just over 2 months. I bought her very nice vibrator she could use on her own, to help her get in the mood, or do as she pleases but she refuses to use it (she said she has never owned or used a sex toy before). I ask for hand jobs or oral sex, etc. or if I could preform oral sex on her (which I really enjoy) instead of actual sex to try to keep the relationship strong, as well as keep interest but her answer is always "maybe later", and it never happens. I had a sit-down with her at about the 2 months mark and told her I could not continue the relationship if there wasn't going to be anything sexual going on. I explained that I was in a 'loveless relationship' before for multiple years and I refuse to go through that again. She said she understood, that I was being reasonable and that she would try to work on it. She assured me I wasn't doing anything wrong, and she just wasn't ever in the mood, and she got overwhelmed thinking about it sometimes. A week later we had sex and it was even better then the first time, I kept it to a reasonable length this time and I reached orgasm, and she was quite pleased about that. But since then, it's back to the way it was before. She has mentioned previously that her ex would never want to have sex and she pretty much had to beg him. Oddly, she considers oral sex equivalent to actual penis-in-vagina sex. I am very open sexually. She has a certain, slightly embarrassing (to her) fetish that she told me about (with great hesitation). She said she has never done anything with the fetish before. I told her I would do anything she wanted, but she has been too embarrassed/shy to try anything. If we are watching a movie in my bed and I try to initiate sex, or sexual play, she quickly gets up and leaves the room. She says she doesn't even want to make out or anything "because it could lead to other things." I feel like shes not telling me something, she swears up and down that shes just not in the mood and gets overwhelmed. Things are not adding up. How can I help her out, and save the relationship?
  7. I have the most wonderful boyfriend in the world - the two of us have so much in common and are uncannilly linked in so many ways - however, we have this one nagging problem... When I first met him he told me about how he used to watch porn all the time which I figured was something all guys do from everything I've ever read on the subject. Not soon after we met and started being boyfriend/girlfriend did I notice something odd happening. First of all he lives in Canada, and I in the US, so when we aren't together we have "sex" on the webcam. Basically we masturbate for each other and it is a lot of fun and makes me feel better as I'm sure it does him. However, after we had been together for a few months, the frequency of these video escapades started to drop off. In the beginning it was every night or every other night, then it was more like every two-four nights. Now, from what he's told me time and again about the frequency of his desires, he needs to *take care of business* in some form or another every other day at least. If he's not doing this with me the only thing I can think is he's pleasuring himself to porn like the old days. He gets very upset and very defensive when I bring this up saying he never does that, that he saves himself for me. He basically turns the tables and starts blaming me for being untrusting. He says he doesn't do stuff by himself because he wouldn't want to "ruin things with us" by doing things on his own and then not being able to with me. I think this would be a very nice gesture, if it were really true. He also claims to have low testosterone levels even though he's never had them checked, and thinks he has some sort of erectile dysfunction stemming from stress or whatnot. He is perfectly healthy, and how much stress could someone like him have? He basically has no responsibilities, financial or otherwise! Please help me, I don't know what to do here. He will never admit looking at porn even if he did it all day long - I know this because I know how he is. I can't stand the fact that he may be lying to me. We want to get married someday in the not too distant future and I don't want a lying or maybe even *god forbid* cheating boyfriend grrrr. The guy I was with before him cheated on me numerous times with cyber sex relationships. If anyone has any advice or experience I'm all ears. - Frustrated in New York
  8. We've been together for 7 years, with two children, son was 6 and daughter was 2. My wife started attending a boot camp in Irvine CA. One month later she established a password on her IPhone and notebook. She was getting and writing messages while I can't see it. Once I walked in to kitchen and saw her rapidly closing one tab on safari browser. She started spending a lots of time in the front of the mirror and wearing sexy clothes before she went to gym. Every Thursday when her trainer was having day off she would come back from "gym" not sweaty and with all her makeup in tact. Finally i ran on to her facebook messages with her personal trainer Jose: Him: "You smell so good, I still have it on me", Her: "I'm so sore this morning, I can barely move, you killed me:)))". Then later she accidentally called me through Skype, I did not answer by some reason, Long message was left with all the details while having sex in her car that I bought for her. I have posted screen shots of all facebook messages on boot camp facebook page. Owner of camp contacted me and promised to take some action. But nothing was done. Jose's popularity among female customers was too high, and he never fired him. I filed divorce withing 15 days. Jose is still employed by the boot camp, my children went through hell due to separation of parents. Can anyone advice what is the best legal action i can take against this personal trainer? Thank you.
  9. This question is based on a previous post I made about my boyfriend getting moody when I don’t want to have sex. After reading the replies to that, me and him had a conversation, and it led me to want to know how others view sex in a relationship. I’m mostly looking for a male perspective, but of course I would like to hear from anyone who has answers (whether in a relationship or not). feel free to simply answer the title with your opinion “how Important is sex in a relationship”? But below I have some related/unrelated questions that I would like to hear about as well. Main Questions: how often do you feel you should be having sex with your partner? What does it mean to you? If you’re someone who is ok with hookups, what’s the difference between a hookup and having sex with a committed partner? If your partner started to lose their sex drive, and the activities were less frequent, how long would you wait to say something? (Like how long would you guys have to go with little to no sex) If you lost sexual attraction to your partner (no desire or ability to do sexual activities) how would this affect the relationship? If your partner lost the ability (maybe became paralyzed or something) to have sex with you, would you be able to stay with them? Do you think it’s possible to maintain a healthy relationship if there is little sex? (Twice a month or longer perhaps) When your partner does not feel like having sex after you ask, how does it make you feel? How do you react? Do you think it’s healthy to have sex everyday? Or do you feel there needs to be breaks? (!Trigger Warning!) this question is a bit unrelated but still relevant to what I’m trying to understand; If your partner was r*ped, would that ruin your sexual attraction towards them? Would you be able to continue to be with them? Some people view sex as a “reward” do you agree or disagree with this? If your partner needed a prolonged break from sexual activities, how long do you feel you would be ok with? Or is this something you would not be ok with? Do you feel that the more dominant partner, should be the one initiating sex every time? Related to the previous question, if you’re in a relationship where you are the one to usually initiate sex, do you feel like your partner would try to initiate it if you stopped? If not, how long do you think you guys would go without doing anything before they say anything? Again related to previous questions, How would you feel/react if your partner explained that your initiation felt more like you were pressuring them into sex? I think that’s it for now, thank you to anyone who provides insight and answers.
  10. I have been active for about 3 1/2 years now. I have tried everything to get better in bed to please my boyfriend. I have went on web sites, bought magizine that give advice on sex, and went as far as going into a porn shop with my boyfriend and watching the pornos with him to try to get better. It seems like everything I do is just wrong. Can anyone help me? I dont want to live the rest of my life thinking about how men think I am bad in bed.
  11. I'm hoping someone here can offer a bit of advice. My husband and I have been married 4 years and things were going pretty well until a few months ago. We've always been quite "open" in our relationship and before we got married we occasionally saw other people for casual sex (in my case of both genders) and it was fine, it was kind of our mutual agreement that we would be honest about it rather than cheat. When we got engaged we made a vow to no longer have sex with other people, not because of any religious beliefs (we are both atheists) but because it felt right to make that promise to each other. We stuck to our resolve throughout our engagement, which lasted about a year, then for the first couple of years of marriage we were both content enough. I've always known he watched porn and masturbated but I was fine with that, I do it too. But from about two years ago, soon after we discovered we couldn't have kids and made the decision not to go down either the IVF or the adoption route, he started to spend more and more time by himself, masturbating pretty much every night (he never made any effort to cover his tracks and every morning I found the tissues at the top of the waste paper basket in his study - even without picking them up, the smell was always unmistakable - sorry about the detail!) In the end I decided to confront him about it. At first he was really defensive, but in the end he admitted that he was finding himself thinking more and more about other women. He didn't want to cheat on me, but at the same time he couldn't stop fantasising about doing things with certain women he knew. He told me one of his work colleagues had been flirting with him and he was finding it really hard not to return her attention. I should have been angry with him, but I wasn't - mainly because hearing him say these things made me realise I'd been doing the exact same thing. When I masturbated (which wasn't every day, but certainly often enough) I never thought about him, it was always about other people I knew, mainly guys but sometimes women too. It made me wonder if maybe we should try to be more like we used to be before we got married: give each other some freedom, which always seemed to make us appreciate each other more. On impulse, I asked him how he'd feel about giving each other a hall pass. "Just a one-off" I said, to spice things up a bit and bring some excitement back into our sex life. I thought he'd jump at the chance but in fact we was really reluctant. He kept saying he wasn't sure if he really wanted to see anyone else, but I thought he just didn't like the idea of me doing it with another guy. So I said "it's your birthday next month, how about we make this a present just for you? You get the pass, I don't. I don't really need it anyway". In the end he accepted and on his birthday I actually wrote him a proper pass on nice paper, giving him permission to go with anyone he wanted, just once. I was honestly fine about it, I felt a bit jealous at the thought but I pushed the feeling back and focused on the goal of having him back to his happy, caring self. In the end he went out with that tart from his office and they had a fairly disappointing one night stand, which he told me all about. He said once they were naked he felt really self-conscious, he managed to get it up but finished things in a real rush for fear of losing his erection, then just spent ages down on her to try and make up for his poor performance. I should have felt sorry for him but I was secretly delighted that he'd had such a crap time with her and that hopefully he'd never want to see her again (she certainly wouldn't want to see him!) Well, the whole arrangement worked really well because afterwards our sex life got much better. He lavished me with attention and stopped masturbating frantically, choosing instead to come to bed with me almost every night. We didn't always have sex, but we cuddled a lot and we sometimes masturbated next to each other, which we hadn't done since before marriage (it might sound weird but we both love it, we try to cum together and we kiss the whole time). Then my birthday came, and to my utter shock he wrote me a hall pass of his own. I genuinely hadn't expected it and I was even more surprised because things had been better between us and I didn't think he'd want to rock the boat. He said he hadn't felt right since he'd been with that girl from the office, he felt like things were uneven between us and the only way to make everything balanced and fair again was for me to have my own night of fun. I must confess, my mouth was saying "I really don't need it" and "Are you sure about this?" but inside I was more excited than I'd been in years. Even as I said to him "Well, I'll think about it" my mind was already racing, going "Who could I sleep with? That guy from work I've fancied for ages? My ex-girlfriend who's now single again and keeps asking me out for coffee? Maybe a complete stranger I pick up at a bar?" In the end, it just happened by itself. This was about a month after he gave me the pass. I was at a weekend retreat organised by my firm - I usually hate them but this time the place was actually gorgeous - and I ended up in that guy's room, emptying his minibar and then ordering room service. This had happened with him before, at the previous retreat, only when he'd tried to kiss me I'd pushed him away and I'd told him I wasn't "that kind of woman", whatever that means. Well, this time I had my hall pass and I very much became that kind of woman. To be brutally honest with myself, I'd known all along that this was going to happen and I'd gone away fully planning in my head to act out what had already happened countless times in my fantasies. My husband had actually reminded me of my hall pass before I left (as if I could have forgotten it!) and I told him "There won't be anyone there I fancy, but who knows?" I still don't know why I didn't just tell him I was planning on spending my pass with that guy. I guess I just wanted the excitement of doing something illicit, rather than something my husband was expecting. Anyway, the poor guy didn't know what hit him. I was a woman possessed! After returning his first kiss I threw him down, practically ripped his clothes off and proceeded to live out three years worth of sexual fantasies in about three hours. To his credit, he kept up with me, just about, but he told me afterwards (not straight afterwards, weeks later) that I'd kind of scared him with how ravenous I was. I slept in his bed and the next morning we did it again, then had to go to some stupid team-building activity. Half way through it I felt the irresistible urge to do it again, so like a naughty teenager I gave him a piece of paper with the message "meet me in my room in 5 min." and slipped out of the activity. He followed me 5 minutes later and we spend the rest of the day and most of the night in my room, having sex and ordering room service. By the end I didn't know if I was more drunk from the alcohol or from the sex, but I had the time of my life. As I drove back home to my husband the next day, I was terrified. I knew I had to tell him, but I was so scared that he would be able to tell just how much I'd enjoyed my pass. That he'd somehow smell it on me, even though I'd had the longest shower of my life before leaving the hotel. I decided the only way to make myself do it was to say something before I got there, so I stopped the car and I texted him the message "On my way home baby. I spent the pass btw. I'll tell you all about it when I get there. Love you loads x" It was so hard to press that send button, my heart was racing, but I managed to do it. From that moment on, I knew there was no going back. He was waiting for me at the door, we hugged and kissed and straight away he wanted to know all about what had happened. I must confess I didn't tell the whole story, I majorly played down how good the sex had been, also in view of the fact that his own pass had been such a disappointment. Plus I didn't want to sound like a total ... I only talked about the first night and never mentioned the morning, or the next evening. I also told him it had lasted about an hour, when in fact the first night had lasted nearly three. I didn't mention swallowing him, which I'd done both nights, nor was I honest about the intensity of the pleasure I'd felt, choosing instead to make fun of the guy's super-thin legs (which in fact aren't even that skinny). I thought I'd better mention the anal sex, in case something about my butt hole "gave it away", but I told him the guy had insisted on doing it and said I'd found it quite uncomfortable and made him stop straight away. In reality, I'd asked for it and loved every minute. Even with this heavily censored version of events, I could read the jealousy and pain in my husband's eyes, despite the fact that he kept trying to cover them up by saying things like "wow, that sounds amazing" and "good for you baby". We kissed again afterwards and he said "there you go, now we're even. And you know what? It just confirms what we already knew: that we are what's best for each other and there's no one else out there who's worth the trouble". I smiled and said "You're right" but inside my heart sank, because I didn't feel like I wanted it to end there. I wanted more passes... For weeks afterwards, I kept hoping things would settle again, that we'd go back into a normal routine. Then Covid happened, and "normal" went out of the window forever. We went into lockdown and ended up spending every hour of every day with each other, week after week. It should have been nice, but it wasn't. I kept thinking about the other guy and every other man and woman I now wanted to sleep with. I felt like I'd just rediscovered my sexuality and sex with my husband (though we still did it) just wasn't filling that void, quenching that thirst. So, when lockdown finally ended and I returned to work, I invited that guy out for coffee, then went back to his place and we had sex again. But this time I didn't tell my husband. I'd just become another cheating wife. And it hasn't stopped, I've slept with three other people since, two guys and one girl (not at the same time, I should point out!) I feel so disappointed with myself. I can't bring myself to confess because I know he'll hate me for it, not just for the sex but for hiding it from him. It's such a disgusting betrayal and he doesn't deserve it. But I'm finding myself needing these extra-marital experiences like I need air. I'm not sure what type of advice I'm looking for, but please don't tell me we need marriage counselling. The thought of sitting in front of a stranger and telling him all about our private life... it's just not for us, I know my husband would feel the same. What I'm asking myself is: do I really need to confess, or is it possible to learn to cope with the guilt and actually lead a fulfilled life as an unfaithful spouse? I know plenty of people who do, I just don't know if I can.
  12. Im looking for an honest opinion from women here. Do you ever compare how good your man is in bed with past sexual partners, flings, relationships, etc? My Fiance has been with more partners then myself, some of them ONS, others relationships. I guess i have an insecurity about how good her last partners or ONS' were in bed and I wonder if im as good or if she ever thinks of this. I know before we met she had a few ONS and one of the guys she saw for awhile, she had no interest in having a relationship with him, from some of the details or info I got, i get the impression that she was with him because he was good in bed and she was lonely at the time. Ive heard many women say they dont compare, but I wonder if this is really the truth. I wonder if she ever thinks: that guy was good in bed or he was better in bed then X. Does this ever cross your mind?
  13. Background: my boyfriend and I have been together for over two years now, since our freshman year of college. It's been pretty serious, his family is like mine at this point, and I've made compromises to my future plans for our relationship. This is fine. Just noting that we're serious. A little over a month ago, I got an IUD inserted, after discussing this BC method with him. We've been talking birth control for probably a year by this point. Why not? Insurance covers it, and we'll stay baby-free! We talked about my gyno appointments and the side effects of the IUD. I'm currently feeling great with it! I have a little bit of daily spotting, but hardly any cramps and no heavy bleeding at all. However. My boyfriend refuses to even think of me in a sexual way. He's disgusted? Turned off? By my very light spotting that takes up less than a pantyliner a day. It’s essentially just tinted discharge at this point. Not even red, it’s mostly brown. I'm building up lots of resentment for this issue, and it has me crying myself to sleep nightly. I can’t stand to look at him right now. Though, it could possibly be easier for me to cry now bc hormones + antidepressants. But my feelings still stand. Obviously, I wouldn't cheat or leave him over it. But he refuses to even consider it. For me. What am I supposed to do? I've compromised on my future plans for him. I consider him in everything I do. I got the BC for us. I'm good at caving on lots of things (I know, this is an issue I talk about in therapy. I'm too soft/empathetic. People pleaser to the extreme end). I know this may sound trivial or childish. I don't know why a lack of sex bothers me so much but it does. My sex drive has always been higher than his, but I also view sex as a small emotional component. Plus it feels good. It's even better after a bad day. I know he's horny, because he asks me almost daily if we're "good to smash" that night. I've been good! For weeks on weeks! I'm literally going crazy and it is so upsetting for me. What kind of compromise can be made on this? I sit and suffer, while he goes about uncaring? Or he gets trapped into something he finds totally disgusting? How is it fair to either of us? Is he just really immature? I am red hot angry, and have been for days. Masturbation only gets you so far. I love my partner, I want my partner. We used to do it at least twice a week. He still wants me to stay over at his place lots of nights, but just to sleep. No sex. This could last for the next 3-6 months. I can't do it. IUD periods are irregular after that, too. It'll forever be a concern. All advice welcome. Thank you. TL;DR ranting about my frustration because my boyfriend won't have sex with me due to breakthrough bleeding.
  14. I had sex with my male friend we were fwb for awhile then he got a gf now he is my bestfriend but later I added his brother as a facebook friend and I don't know how it happened we started sexting then we slept together that same night while my friend his brother was in the next room sleeping I don't feel guilty but should I? My friend said he would never sleep with me but he was more than happy too so was it a bad thing to do?
  15. On thursday last week I hooked up with a guy I have been flirting with for a while. I already knew he was not into a serious relationship and I was very aware of what I was doing. I have been single for over a year now, with no physical contact with anyone what so ever. I'm only 21 years old, and when I got the opportunity to sleep with him I just grabbet it, with full knowledge of what i got myself into. So when I got there, his and mine intentions was clear. We also talked about it abit before it happened. It was really nice, and I'm happy that I finally broke my over one year "break" from sex. He is also a guy I somewhat trust, that is why I did it with him. I do not want to sleep with anyone random. We have known eachother for half a year now, and will without a doubt meet eachother several times in the future. I know this because we work together (part time). And yes, I know what you think, you should NEVER sleep with someone you work with. But it's not that big of a deal, and I made a choise, so did he. And that's not a problem, in my opinion. Before we had sex we did not talk with eachother all the time, we did not have an instant connection emotionally. We had fun together and definivly had a physical attraction towards eachother. So I always knew that this is not someone I imagine forming a romantic relationship with. Yes, I do like him, but I know the differense between lust and love. And this is lust. So my point is.. I want to sleep with him again. I want to have a casual relationship with him, friends with benefits. But after we had sex I have heared almost nothing from him (I have sent a few snaps, but just casual). But then again, we did not talk all the time before either. It's only been a few days, but I don't know what to expect. I suspect he is scared that I have developed feelings for him, but I know I did not do anything wrong. I know it's typical for a guy to pull away when you have sex, and that most likely it has nothing to do with me. But I want to be with him again, I really had fun. And I know the risk - I know the feelings can develop, but then I will just end it. I'm young and I want to have fun. What should I do..? Should I just forget it and move on with my life? Should I just wait and see what happens? I really don't know because this is the first time for me. I have only been in a long serious relationship before. Sorry about the errors.
  16. I've known him 10 years (knew him before prison). We recently reconnected. He's in prison for a non violent crime (no lectures about him being a 'bad' person pls) and has five more years. For the past year we've been talking he doesn't act sexual or romantic. When he tries it sounds awkward and fake. Whenever I confront him (wudnt a prisoner be horny as h*ll?) he says hes 'scared' to seem like hes just after me for my body. It just doesn't seem normal to me. He's hinted that he got 'VERY' close with his cellmate, and is depressed this guy left, but won't elaborate. He seemed straight when we were together, although he always loved jelly jars in his butt. He says hes a 'dom'. Could he feel emasculated? He does seem depressed and has a lot of health problems (he weighs 450 pounds). Do I just ask outright are you gay? He could just not like me anymore but hes not interested in other women either. I'm slim and cute lol. One reason I ask is I don't want to get HIV when he gets out.
  17. Okay so let me begin at the beginning: About 4 years ago I reconnected with a childhood friend. I was already in a 8 years relationship that I believed was rocky but worth fixing. So, reconnecting with this friend was just that catching up with an old friend. He pushed to make it something more than what it was in the beginning. Of course like clockwork My rocky relationship was on the off again and I seemed comfort in my friend. Before diving into anything with the friend I stated boundaries that I wanted because I knew just like the off/ on again times we would be on again it was just a matter of how long this time. This time the off lasted a full year and the friend and I got pretty close sexually that is. He would come to my house often out of a month. Going into our 2nd year together my ex and I reconnected again and I decided to cut all ties with my friend also because he was a when things didn’t go his way. Well I was back with my ex for 3 months when we went off again which would be our final off/ on dance. Well, this off came in December which I again rebounded back to my friend. I was out of town for the holidays about to return to my home when the friend and I made plans for him to meet me at my door step as soon as my plane lands ( something he was used to doing even walked 3.5 miles to my house in both extreme heat and chilling winter weathers) and he was only too happy to oblige my request. Now here’s the juicy story: Whenever my friend and I would have sex he would take the protection with him to dispose of the material properly. During our year together we had unprotected sex once and we both agreed to no do again. He always knew I wanted to have kids but we both knew that our friendship and situationship also that fact that he has 3 kids by 3 different women made me not want any kids with him at all. Well during this December travels back home the friend met me on my door step and of course we had sex. We would see each 2 more times in December. By now My monthly was due to come on the 27th of December but it hadn’t appeared by December 31st. Nervously I confront my friend and ask him did we use protection? I couldn’t remember if I saw a wrapper or him dispose of the material like always. He assured me that we used protection and he even suggested that I should contact my ex whom I last slept with a month prior in November( 17). By 1/1 it was confirmed that my late period was due to the fact that I was indeed pregnant. I again returned to my friend and asked him if he was 100% sure he used protection. This would go on for a total of 9 months of him saying he did use protection and that the baby couldn’t be his. I assumed that my ex was the father even going as far as to give my son my ex name. When my baby turned 1.5 I decided to do a dna test because I couldn’t see my ex in my baby. Well low and behold the test came back positive that my son was my friend’s baby. How if you used protection? How if you assured me that you used protection? How if you assured me for 9 months that we used protection? I feel trapped in a situation that I never wanted for myself of my child. I’m now the 4th baby mother with the 4th son( he has all boys) of my friend who was a childhood friend of mine. Who’s best friend was my first love when we were kids who also took my virginity when we were younger!!! Now reading this we all messed up in this situation. Now I’m trying to co-parent with my friend but all he wants is to give me money for my son. He never physically saw my son in person at all and he only sent 90 dollars thus far. Now he’s accusing me of wanting a relationship with him. Which is a big lie.
  18. I've been together with this guy for a few months now. It has been really nice, he is always there to help me. We cuddle a lot, spend a lot of time together. We have sex quite often, sometimes twice a day. There is only one thing that threw me off quite a bit. I noticed that he wasn't fully enjoying having sex with me. he lost his boner a few times when we were having sex, and he didn't really seem into it except when he drank. He actually said it to me one time. He wasn't able to drink enough that day otherwise we would have had amazing sex. I've talked about it with him and he only said the following: it was like a motorcycle, with some you can just hop on and drive away, with me he first had to start the engine but when eventually we were having sex he was enjoying it. My question is, what does he mean by this. I have tried to ask it again if he could explain it in more detail. Ever since he said it I've been feeling really self-conscious. The answer that he gave me made me really upset. We could talk about it forever, I'll never get it anyway. so there is no point. And nothing I could willingly do about it. He compared it with someone born without sight that is asking you to explain colors. I wouldn't understand because I am a woman besides other things. I hope you guys can help me understand him.
  19. Hello, everyone. Well, as the title says, I was in a 6 year relationship with a woman I loved dearly. A couple of weeks ago, she ended things with me. Reason being, I have been unable to hold a steady job for very long and we both were still living with our families. She said she can't wait any longer for me. She said she is not going to reconsider getting back together unless I can show her, in a reasonable amount of time, that I can find steady employment and hold on to it, and also I can get a place on my own. I definitely begged and tried to convince her I know my feet are to the fire and I will do anything I can to make both of us happy but she wasn't trying to hear it. I then asked her not to kick me out of her life completely and suggested we stay in contact so I can keep her abreast of changes I'm making. She agreed. Since the breakup, we've had sex twice, and it was amazing both times. She began texting and calling regularly like normal for about a week, and I thought we were on the fast track to getting back together. A week ago, I was at her place and I tried to put my arms around her. She immediately took them off her and said "we're not together. I don't want to make you think we're working towards anything right now. I'm not changing my mind until you get your sh*t together". I noticed over the last few days the texts and calls had been drying up, so I called her and talked to her about it. She again reiterated that she is not changing her mind, and that she will still see me occasionally and she prefers to have sex with me rather than a total stranger, but again, until I can man up and move out, she will not consider getting back. So now I'm in a place where I am absolutely racing against the clock. I'm looking furiously for good paying full time work, and I am swearing to everyone in my family tree that I will bust my butt to keep that next job, no matter how much I hate it. I've lost 15 pounds over the last few weeks and I'm looking great, practically living in the gym now. But....you all know how it is..... I'm dying inside everyday. I can't text her when I want like I have been for the last 6 years. I can't call her because I don't want to pressure her. So I sit around and suffer in silence all day and night. I blame myself for being a complete loser and not giving us the life she wanted years ago. I'm terrified she will eventually lose all interest in reconciling even when I get it together, despite her being the realest, most honest woman I've ever known. If she says something, she means it. I mean, if she was 100% totally done, all lines of communication would be severed right? She wouldn't even leave the door open for a reunion like she has if she was truly willing to end it forever. I just need advice guys and girls. She's not a golddigger, but she's right. We're not getting any younger, and she needs stability. I figured because she came from a low income background, she would be okay with living average until I could find something that really made me happy. I'm stupid for thinking that. I'm just hurting really bad. She is a good woman, and she was faithful for all those years, as was I. I don't want to lose her forever.
  20. I'm 17. Five months ago just as lockdown in my country started, I initally started casually talking to this girl I knew. When I first saw her (before I started talking) I thought she was about 14, but I found out she was younger, I thought 13. When we were talking I admitted I found her attractive, I thought she was developed for her age, I said how when I first saw her I thought she was much older and she felt the same. She tells me it was the same with other boys Nothing really happened. Then out of the blue she asked me out. It messed with my head especially when she revealed she wasn't even 13 yet (a month or so off). She even wanted to know if I'd do sexual stuff with her , which is when I told her no way. But I feel so guilty about even feeling like this in the first place. It's made me feel awful. It's made me feel dirty. I don't even know why I felt like that. I don't know what to do. What is there to do? It happened a long time ago, and in the eyes of the law, I haven't actually done anything wrong as I didn't send naked pictures or ask for any , didn't have any kind of sexual contact , anything. Am I overreacting?
  21. Me and my girlfriend of over five years are on the brink. COVID hasn’t helped, but the issues were there before. I have some anxieties when I’m confronted an I lied about things in my past. I would panic and just start blurting things out when she would have questions for me. I would tell her I had sex with someone I only was in a sexual situation with. Now she doesn’t believe me when I’m trying to tell her the truth that I put myself in a dumb scenario but the sex never actually happened. We’ve had some bad fights, mutually verbally and physically harmful. I would plead for her to stop yelling so I would try to put my hand on her shoulder or try to hug her to calm the situation. This is a trigger and it would lead to a spiral of further issues. She now says “you did this to me, you can confront an ex and put your hands on them”. This mind set of having to confront an ex is terrifying and she’s saying this is the only solution cause she won’t be “the only person I’ve been this way with” I’m really confused, I feel like I’m ready to do something really stupid to try to make someone happy who can’t be. Please if you can offer any advice it’d really help. We need trust. Thanks for listening.
  22. Hi everyone, This is my first post here and I feel like I'm just reaching for answers from someone, anyone. So a bit of background first: been with my partner for 6 years and we have a 1 year old together. We have a home and both have good jobs. We were extremely physical in the beginning of our relationship and couldn't keep our hands off eachother. The last 2 years have been a massive slump. Since I got pregnant he has hardly touched me (in fact twice in 2 years which I will mention later). When we were trying to conceive I suffered a few miscarriages and the last one before our full term pregnancy ended in me being incredibly ill in hospital and nearly dying. It's been a crazy few years. But we 're out the other side with our child and I am back to full health. The last 2 times we had sex I instigated it. 1 being when I was pregnant and waaaaay overdue and wanted to try anything to get the baby out - he wasn't impressed and didn't enjoy it. Second time being when we had a long discussion about how I felt unwanted and unloved and unsexy and we ended up talking ourselves into a quickie while the baby napped. Needless to say it wasn't very romantic. Now the other issue is he watches porn almost daily (I've seen his phone history as it's linked to my laptop and comes up with the searches - I wasn't snooping) and he has watched it regularly when I'm in the house. He doesn't come to bed with me at night and often falls asleep on the sofa. He's just not interested in me at all but always has an excuse as it why and it ends up in an argument if I bring it up. The ONLY time he tried to initiate sex was when our baby was 2 months old and I was still sore from giving birth and my family were on holiday with us. The least romantic scenario I could think of!! I didn't want our first time since the baby was born as a quickie when someone could walk in so I explained why and said no. I just wish he could understand why it offends me and why I'm worried. I'm really not sure what to do and to be honest it makes me not want to bother initiating sex because I feel so hurt. What should I do? Or do I just need to accept that this is our life now? Other people seem to be having weekly sex and I'm getting it yearly. What is going on?
  23. Hi everyone. I want to start by saying I hope everyone is safe and well during the pandemic. About my relationship, I had a tricky breakup last year and I didn't intend to jump into another relationship as quickly as I did, but love happens and everything seems so perfect through those rose-tinted glasses. It's been just under a year since we've been together, our families have met and we come from strict Asian cultural backgrounds (when parents meet it means it's serious and its heading down the path of marriage) I'm so happy with him or I was happy with who he was, but during the pandemic, he's been at home and with his family. His mother is quite religious and I feel he has become religious too, more so than his mum!! He wants to meet less and less now because there will be more "blessings" for when we actually get married next year (having sex or anything before marriage is a sin, bearing in mind! I was a virgin when we met and we had sex and he happened to be my first) The whole religion spiel is not what I signed up for. I find religious people become so hypocritical and it is okay for them to pick and choose what suits their needs whenever they feel like it, and we all must accept it because it's for the sake of religion ? Also he knows about my past, my ex, what happened, the details But when I asked him about his past, he said he's been with "3 or 4 people"... its either 3 or 4, I'm sure one would remember.... I had the mindset that the past is his business and if he didn't want to talk about it then I was okay with it. But I met up with some of my friends, and they told me that even though ignorance is bliss, it can make me naive. And knowing what happened just briefly or why it broke down is important if we are to be getting married... and if I'm asking he should be respectful enough to reutrn the favour and give me something more than "3 or 4". I did ask what happened, he said "it just didn't work out", and he closed up. I dont want to go crazy on him, but I feel like I've had a few built up frustrations brewing. And I don't want to be a doormat, but I can be a complete people pleaser to the point where I won't even realise I'm miserable until its too late. I dont know what to do anymore. Also I'm going into my final year of law and I study abroad on the other side of the planet (6 hour flight), so I'll be away for the next year, up to my head in exams.... to come back to an engagement?.... I'm not sure how I feel about it He really wants a relgiious ceremony/engagement, and if i postpone it he gets really upset about it. I had planned to get a nose job this summer, which got cancelled due to COVID, so it will be happening a month before my graduation and soon after graduation (2-3 weeks) he wants an engagement. I feel like he was super clever in getting families involved so soon. Because it's frowned upon to date and both of our mothers would rather we get engaged/relgious ceremony out of the way and a massive circus wedding later on. I really despise my culture soemtimes, no, most of the time. And I was truly happy with all of it until the religion thing kept cropping up, do I cross my legs and supress my wants and needs for 8 more months? Also I'm flying out to university next week and this was supposed to be our long weekend together He caught a cold (no its not COVID, he got tested lol) because the gyms had opened up and he was going everyday sometimes twice a day I did make my concern clear that.... overdoing the gym you'll wear yourself out and get sick/catch COVID.. but he didn't listen. He did what he wanted to. and now our weekend is cancelled. No... you're right... it's not his fault he's sick or caught a cold, not entirely, but then he said "maybe everything happens for a reason and it's Gods way of keeping us apart" I mean seriously . I was on the brink of letting the cold thing go until he laced it with that ? GUYS WHAT THE FK AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE I love him, I do, he's sweet and so caring and affectionate, really handsome (which doesn't mean anything really but its a plus because I always settled for nice guys who I was never attracted to, I have a lot of insecurity issues and that would be a whole other post) and we always had fun together but I don't know whats happening anymore Speaking on insecurities.... I never had sex because I was so insecure, but he was the first person I felt so comfortable with and trusted him I broke up with my ex because culture and religion got in the way and made a point not to fall into that trap again, but I really hope I'm wrong But i feel like every guy i get involved with starts of calm, chill, normal, and then wants to marry me and become some religious person and I dont get it I'm defnitely not giving off virgin Mary vibes anymore
  24. I`ve been with her for many years and we live together. In the beginning of our story, we used to have sex almost every time we met. I was in a bliss. Everything however started turning worse month by month, year by year.. She started wanting less and less sex, while my sex drive stayed the same. I wanted her every day, just like in the beginning, and could not understand what happened within her. Slowly this started to escalate into a number of issues for us, while everything else was still great, actually even better as our love had grown to something worth staying despite of everything. I have witnessed this same horrible, unlogical and most of all sad evolution of sexual desire in the woman I`m in a long term relationship with earlier in my life, two times. Everything goes on exactly the same way, every time, no matter how good a man I try to be. I don`t understand why it happens. Some say it`s inevitable course of nature, some say it ain`t. I belong to the group who thinks it definitely should not be so, and life like that is not worth living. I can`t understand people who choose a life where joy of sex is slowly forgotten. I acknowledged this risk before I decided to move in together with her because of my experience in life, and made sure she had the same sexual appetite as I did. We discussed this many times, and I told her that the relationship I can happily live in maintains the sex drive just as it`s for us now, at this very moment. I made sure she realized, that I have gone through pain in my previous relationships because of what happened to my partners sex drives, and don`t want to waste time if she loses her drive after 1-2 years or something like that. She convinced me that it can`t happen, because I`m everything she wants, and she likes sex. She is a very intelligent woman, and I know she processed this through before moving in with me, I`m certain of it. How could she not know herself better? I know myself as a human being, and what I can maintain in long run and what I can`t. I know what in my behaviour is based on initial attraction, and what is something I want to develop in the long run. I had very high hopes in our future, I thought this time everything would be different. I made sure I treated her with respect in every situation, I did atleast 50% of the household chores every week, I never let her be a housekeeper of any sort, I took care of our closeness on other levels as well, I had long discussions with her, took her to nice dates all the time up to this day, I made sure I did nothing that I had previously learned that could cause issues. We also used to do lots of kinky stuff, and now she only wants to have sex exactly same way every time, and refuses most of the special stuff we once enjoyed. When I confront her about all of this, the only two explanations she can give me are: - She does not perceive herself beautiful. - She does not think about sex, like none. Sex or sexuality has no place in her daily thoughts. These are facts for her, because I have confronted her many times and the explanations have stayed the same throughout the years. I can`t understand either of them. She is a beautiful woman, and she looks just the same as she did when we met. Every time we go out, I can see people looking at her, and she even gets pick up attempts regularly. That is not a good thing in my mind of course, but she is loyal and I think that kind of stuff should only keep her confidence high. The fact that sex has no place in her daily thoughts is just... wow. This is not the same woman I met. Something has definitely changed, but neither of us seems to know what. I have done a thorough research about her situation by asking certain questions also while we are not discussing this issue, and I`m positive she is not attracted to anyone else. She can`t name a single thing she would be missing in her life. She wants to be with me forever. She is not hiding anything. She feels like she can be her true self with me. There is no explanation. I`m just broken by this situation. I love her way more than I love sex, if I had to choose I would stick with her and never have sex again but then again I would most likely end myself at some point because of the depression caused by it. Still, I would not leave her. I love her so much. I know she loves me also, because she would not be with me anymore if she didn`t, this issue has raised so much hell for us.. It breaks me down when I approach her as gently as I can, trying to get her into the mood and she just kisses me quickly 1-3 times then turns away. Every time hurts more than previous, even though the amount of times this has happened is enormous. We still have sex though, but 10 times less than in the beginning, which was the amount of sex I want in my life. I also need the kinky stuff, it`s the salt for me. It has been ages since the last time she wanted stuff like that.. I don`t even remember how it felt anymore. Due to the constant distress I have been put by this situation, I have made a fool out of myself a great number of times. Unfortunately infront of her friends and family as well, as we have spent many alcohol infused nights together with everyone. I have no words to describe how bad it makes me feel. I have never been a jealous type of person, but this has just gone too far for me. Everytime I participate in a discussion where some other man gets to experience the kind of sex life I`m after, I can just feel the pressure exploding inside of me shouting out loud: Why am I treated so bad in my sexlife? This makes me say all kinds of idiotic sentences, no matter who is around.. And I just can`t help it. I tried a therapist two times because of the anger and frustration I felt, but it didn`t seem to go anywhere and I felt like I wasn`t understood. I have never cheated in my life, but as time goes by I`m beginning to lose the explanation for my loyalty. Back in days I used to be proud to be loyal and honest in a world where most people seem to cheat, but now I just feel like a fool doing so. I don`t know why I`m loyal anymore. I just wish there would be an answer to all of this, a right path to walk towards the kind of relationship I dream about, but I just can`t see it any better than I can see to the other side of our planet with naked eyes. Reaching it seems as impossible as escaping gravity without an engine of some kind. I have lost my reason to live.
  25. - Background story: I was born in Germany with Chinese ethnicity and she was born in Korea. I have a long distance relationship with my girlfriend for 5 months. Before that, we talked for a year through phone and met four times as vacation. She started to like me when she was on the second holiday for 5-6 days. The next holiday was three months later, with the highlight that we had sexual intimacy, but we were not in relationship. From there, we were so emotionally attached to each other through sending gifts and letters. That she even bought me a plane ticket to her country which I couldn’t afford at the time. During that time, so many things happened positively and negatively. I’ve noticed there were times where the mood swings up and down all the time. The main factor for having so many mood swings was we grew up in a totally different environment which different values. Most of the time, I just go with the flow and it worked most of the time somehow. From there we started to have a relationship. We are now living apart and I would like to say that our relationship goes very well except for one thing: our discussions through phone. I would say we have one and two heated discussions every month. No matter how childish it might sound, we are both not competent enough to have discussions. Since both of us can’t supress our emotions and frustrations. Somehow, we are still able to improve day by day and I thought it gets better. Well not, until our discussion/ fight last Sunday. - Main story: Whenever I say something correct or incorrect. She often doesn’t argue back. And if she argue back after some pushing, the strength of the argument is weak. Or she avoids the question by saying nothing. Unlike me who always answer on all of her questions. Which frustrates me and then she use that moment to react emotionally. After that, we quit our discussion. I would say she is not open for having sensitive or heated discussions. Few days after, she opened herself up by admitting that she has avoidant personality disorder because of her past. She wrote her story from her childhood to her recent relationship in Korean and will translate to English later on. Moreover, it wasn’t easy for her because it took five years to share this story to someone. Note: I’m sure whether I’m only one or not. On the bright side, she promised that she has the will to change and I can do is showing understand and support her nothing else. I found it somewhat difficult because I’m not a person who sits back and wait. I accept that, just to show respect for her decision. Today we’ve talked more and our conversation ends up really positively. We made compromises. After that, she also talked a bit about her story she wrote. Although there’s one part about her previous four relationships that was disturbing. Because she her previous sex experiences were “not satisfying”. Since sex is important for her. She set a certain standard with people she date and have “emotional connection” before entering the relationship phase. Surprisingly, size is important otherwise she will put you in friendzone. She even talked in a humiliating way that “it was small” and “he couldn’t erect, so I didn’t feel attractive enough for him”. I tried to stay calm successfully. My D- size is on the smaller side, just below average and it bothers me after she talked like that. Even though she enjoyed back at the time. I’m unsure whether she faked it or not. Second thing that bothers me, the fact she “tested” me out before having relationship. Because of her “approval”, that’s one of the factors she decided to buy the flight ticket and I assume to “have more”. Funny thing though, she totally hate it when she felt being “tested” and “manipulated”. Hypocrisy isn’t it? She also told that she had more than four bedpartners. Those were in times when she was single. I was totally surprised because whenever I talk about sexuality and “my desires”. She tends to avoid. On the other side, she is quite open for having multiple bedpartners. And how on earth can you be with people that easily when you have APD. Overall, I’m really confused about everything. I feel I cannot trust her 100% but also can’t let her go. Can someone give me any advice how to deal with her hypocrisy, trust and APD.
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