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  1. I’ve not been very good at journaling this year! I’ve been dating someone for almost a year - we met last December. I do wonder if we’ll make it into the new year due to a few issues. He’s a single dad, first one I’ve ever dated, and I’ve spent a bit of time with his son but he has behavioural issues at home so not sure how I would handle this if I become step-mum. There’s also the topic of if I want my own child - I’m still not made up and honestly I don’t think he wants another one. He (my boyfriend) is currently living with his dad saving money and helping out (dad is registered disabled but mobile for short periods). The dad is also going deaf and I don’t click with his sense of humour so I find any time visiting really testing trying to hold a normal conversation with him. I also have been living with my parents while I look for a full time job and now appreciate how much space they give me and boyf when he visits! I have one close friend in this town who I have known since school - and she’s been driving me nuts lately. I think we’ve grown apart and don’t relate on the same level anymore. I even hate texting her to organise anything - all I get are “ok” as responses and that on it’s own does my head in! And on the subject of work - I had two part time jobs in this town but one has now finished due to being a fixed term contract on a small team. The idea was to use that as a CV filler to move onto something else but I’ve been lazy of late applying to jobs. On the plus side I have noticed more ‘interesting’ roles being advertised which gets my hopes up. In the meantime I have a part time job in retail. Half of my department is off sick so there’s a lot of overtime going but it’s been frustrating with a rubbish new manager who isn’t on top of anything. I’m supposed to get a weeks notice of shifts with 24 hrs notice being the exception but lately every week my shifts have only been confirmed the day before or I get a message begging me to work the next day. This doesn’t seem like a very positive opening post, want it all off my chest before the year end haha!
  2. I found that If I use a selfie on dating apps, I get little to no likes... However If I use full body photo, or one which shows my torso... and especially If use a bright colored background, will give more likes, raising the likelyhood of matches. Also found that most girls on my region pay little to no attention to the bio. They only care about the first picture.
  3. It's my first time posting something like this but I feel like I need some advice. He and I just both got out of long term relationships recently and we met during a work event about 2 months ago. We hit it off right away and get along really well. We have a lot in common and are very compatible (both physically and emotionally) and we have both admitted that we like eachother. We text everyday and when we are together we always hold hands, kiss, etc and he always says how much he misses me. We have been on a few dates and he mentioned there's many places he wants to take me still - plus neither of us are seeing other people at the moment. He always gives me compliments and I've met his mom and some of his friends (he's not shy about holding my hand or cuddling around our mutual friends either). When I saw him two days ago he said he can't believe how lucky he is to have me and he can't believe he got me - but then he brought up that he's not ready for a relationship and that at some point this will have to end when we are both ready to start dating because he doesn't want to risk the friendship we have between us and our mutual friends. It's making me a bit confused because majority of his actions point towards him being interested in me but then he says this? I'm not sure what to think or if I'm wasting my time. Part of me thinks that he is not over his ex as she texts and calls him often (despite her being in a new relationship). He does tend to ignore her when she texts him and we are together, but I feel like maybe that's the reason? Any advice is appreciated!! I haven't been in a situation like this before so I'm not sure what to do.
  4. I've been seeing this girl for about 3 weeks now. I've seen her 5 times now. Every time we are together it is amazing chemistry, easy flowing conversation, intimate, etc. She has told me personal things about her life and so on and so forth. So when you see that part, you'd think "yeah, she's definitely interested". But when it comes to texting, she takes a decent amount of time to reply but at least the messages are substantial and keep the conversation going. And then she will say she wants to do so and so with me and then it doesn't end up happening. I saw her yesterday. We went to a movie and she was cuddling all up on me and everything. We got a drink afterwards and she was talking about coming over to my place and having a lazy day with me tomorrow (which was today). Then today comes and she doesn't even bring it up and I ask if she still planned on coming over and she said as long as she finished her paper. Then she texts me a few hours later talking about her wrist hurting and then asked me how my day was. I don't know if she is worried about getting attached to quick or what. I just feel like the way we are when we are in person that it seems like a no brainer she is into me. What do you guys think?
  5. Why does this happen? LOL. I've gone from being super into somebody to feeling completely repulsed to them out of nowhere. Don't ask me why coz I haven't the foggiest 💁‍♀️ Actually it's pretty upsetting to go from one extreme to another where you see a future with them and then you have to reject them somewhat abruptly. Our first date was pretty middle of the road, but our second date was fantastic, I left feeling completely overcome with excitement and we had so much fun together. We waited a week for the third date? Perhaps it was just too soon for him to visit my house. In any case pretty much as soon as we started our hangout, something changed in my mentality, my perception of him became increasingly more negative throughout the evening even while nothing stood out as a turn off. I'm seeing a pattern because this has happened a few times with several different guys and I cant understand why my attraction switches on and off so much.
  6. So I went on 2 dates with this girl. Things went extremely well both times. Instant chemistry. We had a date scheduled for Saturday but she asked me yesterday if she minded if we rescheduled because she needs to a paper done for a school before Easter. I told her of course that’s fine. She didn’t offer up another time that she could but we still texted the rest of the night with good, legit conversation. Based on how our first 2 dates went, it really doesn’t seem like she would have lost interest but with her not offering another time makes me leery. Should I just wait a couple days to see if she will offer another time and if she doesn’t do I try to ask her or just chalk it up that she legitimately isn’t interested anymore?
  7. A girl joined one of my friend groups around 6 months ago, but it wasn’t until a month or two ago that we really started to connect and get closer with one another as friends. Recently, I found myself growing more and more attracted to this person until it came to the point where I confessed that I liked her and asked her out on a date. She was surprised and said she had never really seen me like that before but that she would think about it. A few days later she said she still wasn’t sure if she saw me as anything more than a friend but that she was willing to go on a date and see where things went. We went on a date later that week and I thought it went really well. We both agreed that we had a really nice time but when I asked her if she would like to go on another date sometime, she again told me she would need some time to think about it. Eventually, she told me that while she had a great time and really tried to picture the two of us together since we share a lot of interests, goals, and get along well, the spark just wasn’t there for her and she doesn’t think she sees us as being anything more than friends. My question is. Was this outcome inevitable? Or could there have been a chance for a different one if I had escalated things physically during the date? For example kissing her at the end. (Upon reflection i feel like if I had tried there’s a chance she may have let me, we had a really nice date). I’m just thinking, because I got to know this girl in the context of friends and initially portrayed myself off as that, did I mess up by not escalating things during our date so that she could potentially view me in a different light? Or am I just reading into this and she was never really going to see me as more than a friend anyways because I already friend zoned my self? just wanna know whether I should beat myself up or not for not “kissing the girl” 😅
  8. Hi all, I’m in desperate need of others opinions before I go too deep with this. A month ago I messaged this girl who I’ve never spoken to before because I thought she was cute and she was from my hometown (basically). I slid in the DM’s and hit it off and we’ve been talking for the most part. Well she initially started responding decently for the first week and then it’s gotten worse, to the point where it’s now hours on end until I get a response back. I’ve called her out on it saying basically if you don’t see anything happening here then just let me know and I’ll be on my way. At first she said she has a lot going on in her life blah blah blah just give me some time here. So I said okay sure, that’s only fair. She said she will NOT be responding immediately because of what she has going on. So another week goes by and her responses haven’t gotten any better, and they actually got a little worse. At this point I brought it up again and said look.. what’s going on here because this isn’t sustainable and isn’t leading anywhere. This is where she dropped an absolute bombshell on me saying she was actually engaged just DAYS before I messaged her and they split up because he cheated on her. So obviously she’s in a dark place from that, and that’s about as bad as it gets so I immediately understood why she was being the way she is. Idk why but I really like talking to this girl and she’s so nice and sweet, so I told her that I would love to be there for her while giving her all the space and time she needs before she would ever be ready to move forward. She loved that and explained more about how bad of a place she’s in right now. So, another week goes by and I let my thoughts consume me so I brought it up again with the lack of talking. She mentioned in the beginning that she’s trying to avoid her phone and focus on herself, which would definitely explain the lack of talking. She deleted her socials too. So, I bring up one more time yesterday saying look I know you’re going through a lot and the timing of this is horrendous, but you clearly have no interest in talking to me. I told her what I wanted with her long term (relationship) but that definitely wouldn’t be anytime soon bc of her broken engagement. I told her I loved talking to her but if she doesn’t see anything in the future then we need to just stop talking right now and go our separate ways. I basically told her how I feel, what I want, and if she doesn’t want what I want then we need to stop talking. Pretty black and white. Well, she told me she doesn’t want to quit talking to me because she really likes in and just reiterated how dark of a place she’s in and needs to focus on herself first. I said okay, I’m understanding and I’ll be here for you until you start to pick your pieces up. My question here is this: how long do I go along with this? This is very mentally taxing on me because I like this girl and we never speak. Also, is this a legit reason for lack of talking? I would normally say if they truly cared they would make time for you but this situation is just… different. Like I don’t blame her at all for what she’s doing because I bet she’s super depressed. Any thoughts on what I should do or if I do nothing, what should I expect? I want to reiterate that I was crystal clear with my intentions and if she didn’t want anything with me then we should stop talking and she said no, I want to keep talking, I love talking to you. It’s not you it’s me and I’m hardly taking to anybody because I’m focusing on myself. Help plz
  9. I (26M) have been on a string of first dates, with the clear purpose of getting to know the girl and beginning a Long-Term-Relationship, then marriage and kids. I specifically want to meet a girl that has those same goals and who thinks about the future. However, for whatever reason, I can't seem to keep them interested in me beyond the first date. It usually goes like this: - I meet her online, we text, schedule the first date; - First date happens, there is great chemistry with lots of hugging and kissing, we both laugh a lot... everything seems great... - At the end or shortly after... I ask her if she wants to meet again... she says an enthusiastic yes... - Girl then either ghosts or blocks me after a few hours or days... Then I have no choice other than to move on to the next... I mean dating is always cool and exhilarating... but I just want ONE girl. And want to build a future with this one girl. What can I do to fix this?! Pulling my hair out 😞 - I do consider myself attractive enough (the fact I get dates at all is proof of that...), I'm 5'11'' tall, brown eyes, and Am growing out my beard and my hair...
  10. My ex and I broke up about 3/4 weeks ago. It wasn't the best break up he cheated on me. So I ended things. I had planned a trip months before I met him to travel with my friends to Rome for my birthday. When we became a couple I invited him along too. We broke up, and then pretty much didnt really speak I removed myself from his social media etc although he began to follow me again after I removed him. So I had to discuss the holiday with him to which he explained he wanted to go at first then changed his mind and said he didnt want to go because he didnt want to ruin my birthday. So he didnt go... on the flight that was. 2 days later who shows up in Rome with his friend. I didnt know he was coming until his friend messaged me. So we met for dinner he brought his friend and I brought mine. He pretty much ignored me the entire evening. His friend told me he came because of me to see me then didnt say a word. His friend also made the dinner plans not him. I think that was because he was afraid I would say no. I cant wrap my head around it. Why come all the way to Rome, send me texts will kisses on them, refollow me on social media and then not even try to rekindle. I dont think I would get back with him but if he tried I might have been open to the idea given he came all the way to Rome for me or so I was told. Even including xxx at the end of messages made me think maybe he was testing the waters. I just dont know what to say. I was hoping to get a moment to talk to him in private but no, it was like he was avoiding me. one of my friends thinks he was trying to toy with me but I dont think someone would travel hours on a plane to toy with someone's feelings. Any Advice on what to do or what could cause someone to do that? I know some will say just move on and you are right but I am an over thinker and I just need to hear what others think. Thanks x
  11. Ok so let me start from the beginning. I hate online dating but decided to give it a shot and met this guy. We hit it off and went on multiple dates after and eventually became “official” We continued to go out on a few more dates and I eventually sent the weekend at his house. Everything seemed normal and he seemed really into me as I am him. During the weekend I was over there he would talk about next time we went to x city we could go to xyz place and do whatever. he had previously told me his job would pick up. He’s an engineer and is working on a solar panel project. Everything was good until a couple days after I left his place he only started texting around 1-2 times a day and showed little interest in going to do anything with me. Thought the whole thing he is telling me about everything that is having to be done at work and apologised once for not texting as much but it still feels weird. When he does text he’ll ask me questions about stuff that’s going on in my life or simply how my day was. i understand his job can get to be a lot but it was just such a sharp contrast from the way he was damn near begging to go out with me several times a week after he got off work and on the weekends. that contrast is why I need to know if I’m just in my head and overreacting or not
  12. Hello all, I am new here so sorry if this is too long or if I mess up on something. I’m hoping I can get what I’m saying across lol. So I have been in a casual relationship with a man for just over a year, about 13 months. I met him initially 6 years ago when I was 19 and I was instantly attracted to him but he was my boss so I didn’t say or do anything the entire time I worked for him. The day he quit that company, he confessed that he liked me and he took me out for dinner that night and we slept together. On his end, it seemed like I was just a one, maybe two time thing, and I honestly didn’t care because I liked him so much, it was worth it… but we ended up continuing our causal relationship for the next year and half. Although it was causal, and mostly sexual, he eventually referred to me as his girlfriend and he always made me feel special and important, which is why I stayed with him for so long. But since it wasn’t going anywhere, I eventually got a real serious boyfriend and he completely respected that and we went out separate ways, but ended on good terms. This was in 2016-2018. So fast forward to Summer of 2020 and we’ve reconnected (my bf and I split). Initially it’s friendly on my end but he quickly regains attraction to me and eventually I do as well. We hit some road bumps at first because he wanted to jump into sex and I felt I needed to get to know him again (he’s the only casual relationship I’ve ever had). Because of this we ended up not talking for 2 months but in February 2021 we finally had sex again for the first time since we split years ago. And again, this seems mostly sexual for him which I wasn’t necessarily into but I was ok with us being casual again, but he’s the ONLY casual relationship I’ve ever had and despite it being casual, I’ve always had feelings for him. I’ve always known that but I never expressed it too much to him and I always kept in my mind that it would only go so far, so I accepted that and handled it well.. but since I had gone though this with him before, I figured although it’s casual, it would hopefully be like it was before. Like he would make me feel special and important and cared for like he did before. But since we’ve gotten back together, it just doesn’t have the same feeling anymore. Our relationship has evolved since we first had sex again.. like we talk more, we express more to each other than before, I feel like we both can trust each other but I just don’t feel special. Before, he would call me his girlfriend. He never calls me his girlfriend now. Before, he would kiss me hello or goodbye or both. But we haven’t kissed ONCE since getting back together. We lay together, we cuddle/snuggle, we have the most wild sex… We do all these other intimate things yet it’s lacking intimacy. Because of the lack of intimacy, I feel like I can’t be completely comfortable with him physically because I’m not comfortable with him emotionally. A lot of times I feel like just a friend or just an employee.. We’ve talked about this a bit before. I told him once that I don’t believe in “friends with benefits” relationships because To me if your having sex with a friend, they most likely aren’t just a “friend”. And There was a time where he would always refer to me as “friend” and it really bothered me. I didn’t tell him how I was feeling but one day he was a bit worried about my “friends with benefits” comment and he asked me how I saw him and I told him I saw him as more than a friend but that I had limited expectations of him (meaning, I’m not expecting him to marry me, have a baby with me, etc). He was relieved to know I was getting all crazy obsessed on him… and When I asked him the same question, “How do you see me?” he agreed he saw me as more than a friend as well. This made me feel better and I took this as a good sign but that was back in October or November. It’s now March and I still haven’t gotten that feeling from him that I got before.. and he STILL hasn’t kissed me. I don’t know why I’m so intimidated to talk to him about this.. I guess im worried about behind vulnerable and making him aware I have some deeper feelings towards him. I think im worried he doesn’t feel the same way, or that I’ll scared him off. If he doesn’t feel the same way as me, I couldn’t continue this with him. As much as I like him, I just can’t have sex with someone that doesn’t feel for me what I feel towards them. It’s a deal breaker… part of why I’ve been scared and hoping he’ll just do all this on his own like he did before. And it’s unattractive to me that he doesnt kiss me at all. I don’t want to come off desperate but not sure if I should say something or just let it go.
  13. Hey, I hope everyone is doing well. Let me get straight to the point. My ex and I broke up last January, 16th January 2022 to be exact (what a way to start 2022 right) we’ve dated for 9 months and during that period of time, we were happy, I was happy. But everything turned down hill all of sudden. It’s been almost 2 months and it still stings. There’s a void in my heart every time I think about him. Everything reminds me of him and I keep looking for ‘him’ in someone else. The pain isn’t as bad as before but I still feel empty. I have never been like this before. It usually takes a short time for me to forget someone and I don’t know how to deal with this one. I’m scared it’ll take me a very long time to move on while he lives his life peacefully. Any advice on how should I completely let go of him and our past memories? Thank you, x.
  14. After a second date with a girl we went back to my place. I was drunk and she agreed to kiss. It got pretty confusing not too long after, though, because as we were making out, she seemed to be enjoying it. So I (happily) continued, and she quietly said "no." I got really confused, but continued making out. We then paused but I talked her into making out again. She then kissed me and we started kissing again but also quietly said "no" every now and again, which continued to confuse me immensely. She then stopped again, mentioned she had a boyfriend and left my place. We went for a walk after but did not talk about the situation, and when talking along the way she seemed happy to be with me and there was no tension whatsoever, but when saying goodbye she offered me a handshake but I hugged her instead. In hindsight I should have apologized during our conversation but since there was no tension and she didn't seem upset with me or bring up the situation and my intentions, I thought everything was okay. I followed up the next morning by sending her a good morning text with a couple of love heart emoji's maybe as a way of letting her know I wasn't just looking for sex, she read it but didn't respond. I didn't get the chance to apologize and I didn't want to leave the situation up in the air, of course, so some days after, I sent her two messages days apart saying along the lines of "Are you okay?", she didn't respond. I'd never been in a situation like this before, and in the past when I'm with a girl, she either gave me clear signals to proceed or else clear signals to stop. I really wasn't sure how to handle it, and I think I made my first mistake there. I continued kissing her and talked her into kissing again after she stopped. I think that if I had a chance to do this again, I'd just stop and ask outright for clarity on the situation before I either proceeded or stopped, but I suppose hindsight is 20/20. Instead, I continued making out with her. Eventually I asked if she wanted to just make out (implying no sex) and she very emphatically said "NO!" After she didn't read or respond to my texts, I sent a text apologizing that I didn't mean to make her feel uncomfortable but she never read it. I felt (and continue to feel) terrible about how badly I misread the situation. The conversation remained light the whole way before saying "good night." I started writing this post to ask the community if they feel there is any way to salvage the situation? I know I blew it since she ghosted me, but after a few months has past, maybe the unfavorable impression of how the night ended has subsided and she would be willing to hear or read my apology. Would it be better if I pick up the phone and call her to see whether she's interested in getting back to the way things were? In the meantime, I suppose I learned some lessons about making sure I'm reading the signals correctly, and asking for clarification when I get mixed messages. I suppose now the real reason I'm writing this up is just to get it off my chest, so that I can (hopefully) stop replaying my misstep in my head and just learn from my mistakes and move on. And if you're still reading at this point, I sincerely thank you for sticking with it! Now I just have to trust that things will work out however they're meant to, whether that means a reunion or that I'll never see this woman ever again.
  15. This guy messaged me first quite a few times before I had responded on Instagram. I then realised it was a few months and I hadn’t responded so I messaged him. We spoke for probably a whole month before the meeting. He has offered breakfast/study dates before too. We ended up going out for dinner. Had very good chats, seems like a really lovely guy and nothing sexual. Some cute messages to each other, like him sending me photos of what he does for work and him telling me that he often thinks about me. He told me he was a bit nervous before picking me up. He picked me up from my house and before he got to mine, he texted me saying would I like him to meet my parents or just pick me up. He paid for dinner and it went really well in terms of chats, felt like a really caring and respectful guy, talked about family and all those nice things. One thing is that he takes great interest in my life and wants to make things easier for me (or so it feels at times), for example wanting to help me out with studying etc. He dropped me home and did not indicate anything about going back to his which was good. He asked if I would like to do this again and I said yes. When we got back to my house to drop me home, my mother was just coming home and he waited and said hello to her. He then said she was lovely. I could tell he wanted to kiss as he sort of just kept looking at me, I said something and then we kissed. He messaged me a few hours later thanking me, kept in on and off-contact for the week, he told me he was tired but good. He asked about my plans for the weekend and I did the same, he is very busy and works in the medical field. He hasn’t mentioned anything about catching up again. He asked about a job interview over the weekend and I didn’t respond till about 5 days later. In one of our messages, I sort of implied that I wasn’t sure when I would be seeing him next and he sent a sweet message saying he hopes to get to know me better and see where things go. That he was busy but should have more time once exams are finished and that he does want to see me again. I told him I supported him and that I don’t expect him to keep in contact. He initiates a lot and has initiated predominately. He’ll message, we’ll talk for a bit and then maybe I won’t respond if it doesn’t require a response and then he’ll send a follow-up message asking about something. He asked about studying together. I suggested we should go to the beach/study together. He asked me a few other questions, asking where the apartment is etc as I’m probably buying one soon. He’s currently in quarantine and we’ve been messaging a fair bit, him following up if I don’t respond etc. He told me about some job offers he took, asking what we want to do when we catch up. Today, he asked me about what I’m looking for (to clarify) as he has to move away which is about 2 hours away with a sad face. Told him I want to see where things go and that I do like him, he agreed to talk in person. Then asked if I’m looking for someone casual at all, perhaps asked me this as a while back when we were talking, I said I probably didn’t have the capacity for anything serious but would be open to it. He questioned at the time and said ‘I thought you were looking for something serious?’ I said not pursuing something casual but the same for a relationship. He agreed to see how things go. Advice?
  16. E.g new jobs he has applied for and got, exams he has recently passed etc. He goes out of his way to tell me. Along with other signs for example, meeting my parents and general signs of showing commitment etc.
  17. Sometimes it gets the best of me and I find it very hard to not compare. Advice? I'm seeing a really lovely guy atm and can't complain. However, whenever he follows someone mildly attractive I do get a bit jealous and find myself comparing. Any tips?
  18. Had been talking to a guy for a few months on Instagram and we slowly built up the courage to meet. He had messaged me first quite a few times before I had responded. I then realised it was a few months and I hadn't responded so I messaged him. We spoke for probably a whole month before the meeting. He has offered breakfast/study dates before too. We ended up going out for dinner. Had very good chats, seems like a really lovely guy and nothing sexual. The odd compliment, but in good taste. Some cute messages to each other, like him sending me photos of what he does for work and him telling me that he often thinks about me. He told me he was a bit nervous before picking me up. He picked me up from my house and before he got to mine, he texted me saying would I like him to meet my parents or just pick me up. He paid for dinner and it went really well in terms of chats, felt like a really caring and respectful guy, talked about family and all those nice things. One thing is that he takes great interest in my life and wants to make things easier for me (or so it feels at times), for example wanting to help me out with studying etc. He dropped me home and did not indicate anything about going back to his which was good. He asked if I would like to do this again and I said yes. When we got back to my house to drop me home, my mother was just coming home and he waited and said hello to her. He then said she was lovely. I could tell he wanted to kiss as he sort of just kept looking at me, I said something and then we kissed. He messaged me a few hours later thanking me, kept in on and off-contact for the week, he told me he was tired but good. He asked about my plans for the weekend and I did the same, he is very busy and works in the medical field. He hasn't mentioned anything about catching up again. He asked about a job interview over the weekend and I didn't respond till about 5 days later. In one of our messages, I sort of implied that I wasn’t sure when I would be seeing him next and he sent a sweet message saying he hopes to get to know me better and see where things go. That he was busy but should have more time once exams are finished and that he does want to see me again. I told him I supported him and that I don’t expect him to keep in contact. Then almost 4 days later, I sent a message saying that it appears this is all too difficult and that I’m sure he can find other willing participants but it’s not going to be me. Exam is in 2 weeks and I would have loved to have hung out with you after. I realise I have been hot and cold. In about 2 weeks I’ll have a lot more time but I’m going to ask you to wait” and then asked me if I want to study with him (this was September I believe) we wanted to study this weekend. I said after his exams is fine and he said that’s very gracious of me. I didn’t respond. I left it and gave him the space to Then about 2/3 weeks later; he asked how I am, I didn’t respond and he sent a follow up message. Anyway I don’t have much to complain about and things feel good but we’ve been extremely busy with exams and he told me he has to resit; he initiates a lot and has initiated predominately. He'll message, we'll talk for a bit and then maybe I won't respond if it doesn't require a response and then he'll send a follow up message asking about something. He asked about studying together and some other question. I responded saying after my exams which were end of last week. He didn’t respond till about 2 weeks later asking how my exam study was going. Unsure if he did this because I had done this to him when he had exams. We chatted about a week ago now about something, few laughs but nothing concrete. He hasn’t asked to see me since exams. Growing frustrated because yes I could ask him to catch up but I already indicated after my exams and they finished not this Friday but the Friday before. Find it strange too how he’ll leave the conversation for a week or so but if he messages me and I don’t respond, he would send another message. We laughed about something and that was last on the 10th, I was the last one to respond and haven’t heard anything since. Advice? Do I just give this guy up or? **TL;DR** concerned that I don’t want our momentum to be lost due to that we’ve both had stressful exams. I haven’t seen him since late August despite him offering to study with me a few times. He’s in the medical industry so obviously busy.
  19. I thought I would give a go at this journaling thing. My friends do not partake in online dating and I don't really get feedback from anyone that does. Mostly my friends shake their heads and ask `why?' I've been out of a relationship since May '14 and without rehashing all that has transpired I will say that online dating has changed considerably in the past 3 years. I've taken several breaks, mostly after meeting men looking for casual sex and men who are too afraid to put themselves out there and seem to put me in the drivers seat to pursue them and breath life into the situation. Neither of which I am comfortable with. I am a young (as so I am told) 50 something yr old professional with a rich social life, so I am definitely not lonely. If I sense there is no momentum in a man that I meet I am quick to let it go seeing that I don't have a lot of free time and being with my friends is often a much better option. After my last fail .. well I can't really call it a failed attempt, maybe a valuable lesson with dating someone I mentioned here in previous posts, that I had dated earlier this year and he made a return visit in Oct. He is clearly not ready for a relationship but I am very taken by him and we have amazing chemistry. With that being said he is dating others and at some point these things run their course and I opted out, not wanting to be part of the `rotation' and finding myself engaging in an intimate relationship with someone I did not have a commitment with. Mind you this is the first time in my life I tried to do this and much like I already knew I am not cut out for it. He still texts once in a while and says he misses me, but it messes with my emotions so the more distance I get the better. I wish things were different . . but it is what it is. To keep my sanity during that time I continued to date others (not intimately) and the pace was wearing on me and creating all sorts of unneeded anxiety. During the holidays I pulled my profile but continued to communicate with one person who's schedule is opposite of mine for the time being so meeting was a challenge. During my time off during the holidays we met for breakfast and as much as I really didn't want to go, I was pleasantly surprised. Now 3 dates later my current challenge is to see if this man can open up and let me in. Apparently I make him very nervous and at times he shuts down. I tried dating someone like him sometime ago and I thought in time he might let me in. After several weeks I realized it was never going to happen. What I do like about my new friend is that he has some old school values much like mine, maybe a little more conservative. He noticed I pulled my profile (only for a break) and pulled his as well saying he typically only dates on person at a time to see where it goes. It's nice to not have to interpret someone's intentions and refreshing to know I am not part of someone rotation. We haven't so much as held hands yet which builds up that anticipation part that seems to be so fun and he's a good `dater'. I have met so many men who don't know how to date. .funny as that sounds, but true. I am enjoying this. He is showing me that he does have sense of humor and enjoys giving me a hard time (playfully) I am optimistic that there is someone that I am able to connect with behind the shyness. He has assured me that he is typically not this way and has promised to open up. I still have another friend I will see tonight. T and I have been dating for about 3 months now and as much as I like and I am attracted to him I just don't think we are relationship material. He's gone most weekends to see his son 8 hours away. He's so sweet and endearing but not very active, pretty much a couch kinda guy, very Christian and not much of a social drinker. (my social circle is!) He has a very naïve almost immature quality to him but I feel safe and cared for with him. I often wish I could see him as someone more than a friend but that certain quality is lacking. I don't see him often and have opted out a couple times lately, but I am looking forward to catching up tonight. So this it. . at least for now. I see my shy friend this weekend. M has invited me for a day trip to the local mountains and I am looking forward to it. For now my profile is down . .tomorrow who knows!?
  20. So, I've been friends with this girl for 8 years, strictly that, and within those 8 years, we were dating other people, and that never bothered our friendship or affected it in anyway. But in late 2020, I noticed that she started to show more interest and sexual tension towards me for the first time in the 8 years in friendship. I went along with it and we ended up going on dates and eventually, we hooked up for the first time, after that she was really submissive, always calling me, texting me, etc. We liked each other, but we agreed that we shouldn't date exclusively and take things slow, but around April 2021, she was becoming distant and I backed off, didn't talk to her for almost 2 months because I didn't want to over pursue/chase. I would seek advice about it to friends, some who knew her, and the ones who knew her said that they felt she's always liked me (within the 8 years of friendship) but to be honest, I never noticed.. So She calls me for the first time in a while only to tell me she was moving to a city 6 hours away from me. And so she moved. So after her being in her new city for a few months, her and I were dating someone else (helped me with her leaving), then things went south with the person I was hooking up with and then my friend that moved tells me she broke up with her new bf after dating 2 months. And the cycle started again, by that I mean her pursuing me, texting me, calling, etc but of course a lot of this was done over facetime since she lived pretty far. So now to the current events, she visited the city where I live, which she also moved from, And we planned to hangout. So we met up one night and we hooked up, stayed the night and hooked up again in the morning, we then spent that whole day together. It was her idea to do so. So while hanging all day long it was as if we were dating, cuddling, kissing, going out, etc but one thing that threw me off was that she always texting a guy and it wasn't her ex she recently broke up with, it was someone else, but I didn't do or say anything about because 1. its non of my business 2. she's not my girlfriend, so i kinda kept shaking it off all day, she then suggested ending the night by going to an expensive bar and she'd pay for everything.(yes I tried to offer to pay but she wouldn't budge) So we got to the bar and the vibe was strange, it was like she was forced to be there even though she suggested it, it was weird.. And as we drank, I kept seeing her texting the same dude from through out the day, and when I drink, it's harder for me to hold in my emotions/feelings, so I started being quiet and she noticed that and i kept telling her I was fine to avoid any problems, she then randomly asked me, "do you think it's okay to get back with an ex?" At that point, I felt shes been texting some other ex all day, and that's who the guy was. I got even more quiet, upset, jealous and being intoxicated didn't help, so as I'm sitting there quietly she continues to text the guy and she finally finishes her drink and she pays the bill, and while she's doing that, I just left to my car without her, stupid, I know, I wouldn't have done that if I were sober. She gets to car and tells me how she didn't appreciate me leaving her like that and asked me why I'm upset, and being kinda drunk, i kinda snapped and told her that I didn't appreciate her texting on her phone all day while shes with me and that I took that as disrespect. I couldn't bring myself to tell her that I was jealous of who shes been texting all day because, again, she's single, she can do whatever she wants and i felt it would be dumb to do so assuming shes interested in the guy. I would feel she knows I like her at this point. So she then says shes sorry and that she'll take a mental note to put her phone on do not disturb or airplane mode next time we hangout again. After that, its silence for about 5 minutes and I kid you not, she calls the guy shes been texting all day and she told him "I'm just calling to see how you're doing" and told him she'll text him when she gets home to her parents house. I was thinking 1. you've been texting him all day and 2. of all times, you call him now?? (why would she do that) I drop her off at parents and we just gave each other a hug and said bye. Next morning, texted her saying sorry about the night before and she didn't reply until the next day saying "I appreciate you apologizing. I'm just glad we got to spend time together." I told her to have a great day and no response after that. So how should I handle the situation? Just back off completely right? I was also thinking if she wanted to talk to this guy all day, why spend the whole day with me and not go see him instead?? Is she using me?? If she ever calls me again, how should I carry the conversation, I know not to bring up that night at the bar.
  21. I was working with this girl for some weeks. I flirted with her and though at the beginning, she didn't show much interest, then I passed some tests, but I made a mistake walking away when I misinterpreted that she had lost interest and she was really chasing me. I can't get over because I like her and I really want to get to know her Now she's in her home country finishing her studies, planning to maybe come back to where I live. She's got some friends in the company. I'm not sure who they are, but I can find them if I want. There are people who speak her language and I can find these other girls to ask for her number if she's agreed to talk to me on the phone. I'm not sure whether I should do it or not, since some friend told me, I'd be showing neediness and that may look creepy and make her freak out. I know she's busy back home at the time. There's a good chance that she's coming back. I want to make up for walking away because I like her, and I don't want to run after her like crazy in case she comes back to my company. I can't forget her and I want to know if I still have a chance. I'm probably not staying working there forever and she may not come back directly to my workplace. Like I said I don't want to go running after her deseperately if I see her, so I don't look dumb, creepy or weak. So I'm wondering if I should try to get her number to talk to her and take my last chance. I like her and I feel bad at not noticing that she was "following" me the last day I saw her. I feel like I lost a great chance of getting a gf and I want to take the last chance. Now... about what I'm saying: is it that creepy/needy/weak in any way or proper? Should I still do these inquiries or is it better to follow my friend's advice to let her go? I don't want to get humilliated or look like a creep at my workplace, so I'd appreciate any advice.
  22. Hello everyone, I’ve recently reconnected with my ex girlfriend after 15 years. I broke up with her when I was 17, because it was really hard to see her due to her overbearing father. I really want to be with her and start a family. She still looks at me differently than any other woman on earth. She turns into a little girl when we are together. I can truly tell she loves me, but she won’t admit it or deny it. and I believe that it’s because she hasn’t been with a man in 10 years. She told me today that me asking her to be with me was adding a lot of pressure in her life, and that I don’t know her anymore because she has changed. I told her that the pressure was because she has to step out of her comfort zone in order to be with me, and it wasn’t completely biological. All she said was “ Wow” after that, and stopped texting. I know it’s a lot of stress when dealing with her identity, but I believe that there should be more relief that we’ve reconnected, than pressure. I would give anything to be with her, even after all these years. I’m just not sure what to do…
  23. Hello there! Please I really need some other perspective thoughts and advice on the topic, cause it seems I am stuck in my own thoughts and I am starting to feel very sad about the situation, maybe overthinking it. A couple of years ago I met someone, nothing important happened between us, but we really clicked. Because of the conditions we decided to not make any advance, to call it quit, cause we started living very far away from each other, but kept the contact, like two times per year, just for important occasions. The think is that I did not like that guy when I met him as much as I like him right now, I have developed feelings during this time we have not seen each other. Anyways it has been difficult to meet during these years, but we have discussed it once, like maybe we could just meet, but to my opinion I am falling for him more, maybe he has changed his mind since when he said we could meet, and it has passed a long time since then (it was not possible because of covid). I feel like he is the type of guy I want to be with in the future. Now the part of the story is that, during covid, I met someone else right here where I live, I just wanted a distraction, I didn't want anything serious with this guy I met, actually I have said this since on the first date. Anyways it has been 3 months we are seeing each other, we are spending almost every weekend together, creating a good connection, but not getting in contact during week, cause this is the way I wanted to keep things with him, and it seems he was ok with this. I did not want to have a stronger bond with him, cause it is going to be difficult to call it over at the end. I have it clear in my mind he is not the guy I see the future with, but he is so good, so empathetic, so understanding, It breaks my heart I may hurt him, cause I have reached this point, where I have a great weekend with him, and feel destroyed after each weekend because I dont know how to end this. I have told him I am in love with someone else, and he has said I am free to do whatever I want, but the fact that I am with him now is for a reason according to him, and that the other guy I am in love with is not in love with me according to the guy I am dating. The problem is I cannot stop crying cause I talked to him about this and he seems to be attached to me. I cannot help myself, cause I didnt want the thing to reach till this point. I feel like I have used him just to make myself feel better for a short time and now that we are till here, I cannot say to him I do not want to continue. Actually I like being around him, we have a lot of fun, but I cannot compare him with smn I am in love with. I feel so bad cause I feel I may hurt him. And also he has had such a difficult life, and he tries alwas to make me happy and to be happy apart from what he has passed during life. He tries to adapt to my needs and necessities so much. I feel guilty and also I dont know if I could be able to enjoy now a new relationship if it comes with the guy I have loved, cause I will be thinking about how I hurt this guy. It is my fault for bringing the thing this far, I dont know how to escape from this without hurting him. But I also want to see him, I want to hug him like a friend so much and tell him I am sorry. OMG he seems like he really loves spending time with me, how am I going to do this.\ I dont know what to do, but whatever thing I may do now will hurt me. If I say to him this is over I am going to hurt him and myself because I didnt want things to go this way. I prefer him doing smth bad, like cheating on me or something, so that I can feel free of this guilt. Is there any advice on what would be the right thing to do? As per the guy I have meet some years ago I am not sure is he is still into me but I still have feeling for him. Thanks.
  24. My girlfriend and I have been together now for a little over 2 years. I can honestly say we have only really argued like 3 times in the past 2 years. Lately her best friend broke up with her b/f whom she had dated for about the same length as us. Well her friend started talking about how much fun it is being single again and my g/f wants to take a brek because of this. This is not the first time either, she also has another friend that cannot do much more than mess around with guys that has also tried persuaying her to "take a break" from me. How can I convince my g/f that its not a great idea? Also she seems to have a problem not knowing if other guys find her attractive, why this matters, i dont know, but I tell her all the time she is beautiful.
  25. This is my first post, but I've been reading the forum for a while, and I'd love to get some feedback. Background info- my b/f and I are both 29 and have been dating for 6 months. We met through a mutual friend, and slowly built up a friendship over 4-5 months, and then both admitted there was something more there and have been dating exclusively ever since. We have a lot of common interests- we both ski, run, camp, and just generally love the outdoors. We both have pretty demanding jobs but still manage to spend a lot of time together. I love this guy to death, but lately I have been at the end of my rope, because of one issue- his constant criticism and nitpicking. On big issues, he is awesome. He's faithful, loving, and a good guy. But he is constantly picking at me for little things. If I make dinner, he is appreciative, but also sure to offer some criticism of the meal. If I happen to be the one driving, he is constantly nitpicking (you should have gotten over sooner, you should have taken that other exit, it's faster, etc.) He even nitpicks about things that have NO effect on him- (why did you buy XXX brand of running shoes? They suck. Or, you talk to your mom 4 times a week? That's nuts.) Last night he came over (we don't live together) and I got a mini lecture because my ice cube trays were all empty!! I have tried, a few times, to talk to him about it, but he laughs it off. I have tried to tell him that it bothers me when he is picking at me, but he tells me that it isn't criticism, it's "support". The only time it really seems to sink in for him is when I said "What if when I came over to your house, I started making little comments about how you could do X and Y and Z better. Wouldn't that bother you?" He admitted that it would, but he does not seem to be able to stop. Some more background info- I was raised in a very loving household with parents that I am very close to. His dad, ironically, is a super critical person and my b/f has very limited contact with him as a result of this. I seriously don't know what to do about this- thank God I am a confidant person, or all this criticism would have made me loony! As it is, I am questioning the relationship. My family and friends are great and supportive about me and my life, and this is my first experience dealing with a situation like this. Can he stop? And what can I do to make him realize how much this is damaging our relationship?
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