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About Me

  1. Hi all, First time poster here to this great website, it has helped me through some tough times. My (ex?) girlfriend and I had some rough times recently and kind of drifted apart. We've been together 4 years and living together that long too. As things became bad there before and after Christmas she decided it was best she moved out to take some time out and get her head straight on us. I fully agreed and helped her move out, all very amicable. She insisted that it wasn't a break-up and that we should just spend some time apart. We both agreed on this. I told her that I thought it would be best that we weren't in contact for the two months so we could really see what it would be like without being in each other's lives. She wasn't overly keen on this but once I explained this to her she understood and accepted. During the first week I got a few texts from her regarding stuff she needed and I would give a single reply. If any post arrived I'd just forward it to her new address. A few weeks into the break I posted her something and she sent a 'thank you' text to which I didn't reply. A few days after that she sent me an angry text that I hadn't replied and that she hoped that nothing else arrived in the post that I would have to forward to her. I replied to this basically stating that I was only doing what we had agreed before she moved out and that if any more post came for her I'd gladly forward it to her, never a problem. That was our last communication, 5 weeks ago and this weekend marks 8 weekends since she moved out. I do miss her. And I think we could make it work again. I'm just wondering if this NC thing was a bad idea as we hadn't actually broken up and were just taking a break. I have no idea what she is up to these days at all. I imagine that she will contact me to meet up next week when the two months have passed. I just wonder if anyone has advice or experience of something like this. Thanks for reading my post. Regards, JimDandy
  2. I look on this forum a lot to see if there are any new stories about people getting back together with their ex's. I do it just so that I can have some hope, and I really hope someday I can post my story on here to give others confidence that having hope pays off. In the meantime, I am going to make a list of actual stories of people I know that broke up and got back together. Please post your stories here too and we can put a little bit of cheer into this forum. 1. My friend was dumped by his girlfriend of 4 years. They were broken up for a year and a half and he tried everything to get her back. One day he was with his friend talking about her and she called him right then to talk about something trivial, and he went over to her house. They got back together and now they are engaged. 2. My friend's sister and her husband broke up for four years and now they are married with 3 kids. 3. My friend broke up with her high school sweetheart when we were 19 and they got back together a few years later and have been together ever since. 4. My other friend broke up with her high school sweetheart when she was a sophomore in college and they just got back together and now they live together. 5. A friend of my ex's was so sad about a girl forever, talked about her all the time when we were out at the clubs, couldn't believe they broke up, etc....now they have been back together for over a year. 6. My friend and her boyfriend dated for a few years, broke up for 9 months, now they are engaged. She says their relationship is better than ever now they are back together. 7. My friend was hung up on this guy forever, he would go back and forth and never commit, now they are living together and she is going to have a baby. They are really happy and in the end it worked out great. That is just some of the stories I know off the top of my head. Please post any stories of reconciliation that you know of so that we can have some cheer in this forum.
  3. I'm in my late 30's and just got dumped by my girlfriend of 6 years. I love her and it's also clear she still loves me. Her reasons for breaking up is I've been lazy , taken her for granted and kinda have lost all ambition. I previously made a lot of money as an engineer but sadly got made redundant when I was 28. I got a a really big pay out that coupled with the money I saved, I took some time to develop property (which I own out right). Fast forward some time and I met my girlfriend and I move 400 miles to be together. I got a job but it didn't last, in that time we got a dog, which I got obsessed with and spent all my time on. I'm not living of rent money that's coming in from my property. I am looking for a job but I'm really struggling to find anything. So basically in just coasting along , not good I know. Pandemic hit and my hopes of finding something was crushed. Nobody recruiting and the huge gap of unemployment makes me really unattractive to recruiter's. So I kinda give up. My plan was/is to set up my own business. Start with dog walking and slowly overtime become a dog training that's something I will be good at. Back to the relationship my girlfriend is really frustrated with me. She's super busy and psychically and emotionally unavailable. This goes on for a while. I've fallen into a bit of a rut. I'm have the world away from my own life and it feels like I'm alone. I don't feel secure in the relationship. So I'm zoning out and going into my own little world. You know it kinda becomes like we are just living together. Don't get me wrong the sex is there, and we do have our moments. It's just we are not in the right head space. I do need time to sort myself out. I'm not exactly the person I want to me and this break up I'm going to use to drive me into action. I really need time to work on myself and get my head our if the clouds. It's been going on a while . She's been frustrated for ages. She's the type of person who threatens to break up over any little argument. It's been a pattern of gets through all her past relationships and ours. I know she's only been voicing things that I've let slip and needed to work on. The thing is it's only been making me more insecure about the relationship and because I've been insecure about the relationship I've had trouble settling here and putting my roots down. Which is a another problem. I know I should have went all in on the relationship. * I forgot to add. Things started to change when I had an episode in work. I was really dizzy, and had blurry vision. I want to hospital but they couldn't find the cause. I found I couldn't do my job after that. I used to be a very fit guy and extremely strong. But his that episode I've lost all my strength and get tired so easily. Like some days I have no energy at all!
  4. I've posted a few times: Ex and I dated for a year and we broke up almost 6 months ago. When he did, he expressed a lot of doubt and still does to this day. He cried too when we broke up. He was initiating a lot of contact recently, wanting to see me and clear the air but I declined. I ended up responding to one of his messages once and for all about 2 months later. He replied to what I said and then said it has 'been very difficult from his end. He felt it was the most appropriate thing was to break up, which has been really hard and he misses me all the time. But what's the alternative? He then went on to say that it's really difficult but he tries to leave me alone as he doesn't quite know what to do as he doesn't want to mess with me. I replied and said I hope one day we can be on friendlier terms but I understand if we don’t keep in touch. 2 weeks later he texted me saying he would definitely like to know how I am/how life is but he’s conscious of not lingering around and making things more difficult and he hopes everything is good and I’m happier now. That he of course feels the same but it’s just the nature of break ups. I responded, in a kind way that we should probably not keep in contact as I still like him. He responded, apologised for how long it took him to get back to me and said he still likes me and cares about me but thinks probably not talking at the moment is the right thing. I responded and said that I didn’t want to seem sarcastic previously but wouldn’t the alternative be to work through our issues like an adult, I went onto say that we meshed well so maybe that’s why it’s been so hard and wished him well. He replied days later, apologising again. Said he would rather not get into this discussion over text and would much prefer in person, agreed that we meshed really well and we had a similar sense of humour. Said he hoped I had a good trip and then he hopes my university has been going well lately. I said that maybe we can revisit it soon and talk in person and I felt the same regarding talking about this over text. We laughed about a few things like we used to and he then went onto ask when my exams are and a few other things. Do I catch up with him? Do I ask what his intentions are explicitly and even say myself that I only want to catch up if we are talking about dating again?
  5. It's been 3 days since my ex said she lost feelings for me and I'm struggling immensely. I was dating her for 3 years & they were the best days of my life. She was the one I was going to marry and live the rest of my life with. She always said to me that I would be the one to leave her but she was the one who ended up cutting things off. But ever since the UK entered another lockdown in November, I feel like things went downhill. We would meet up once a week and sometimes she would come to stay over at mines. For the first 2 years of the relationship she would always go out of her way to call me and I won't lie, at times I wouldn't pick up the call because I get so nervous on the phone and I would run out of things to talk about. I have no problems texting and I communicate much better in person. She'd get upset at me but I did my best to improve myself in that aspect. The last time I saw her physically was in November and I had no problem with that, London entered another lockdown. We agreed that the best time to meet up would be when malls reopen, she loved browsing stores. Ever since then, the amount of times she would call dropped a lot. I'd be lucky to get a call from her once a week, sometimes she called once every 2 weeks. There was even 2 occasions where she called me just once a month. Since I let her handle the calling, she called me out for not calling her and I apologised, promising her to start calling her. Even with my lack of calling the love was still there, I feel. She would barely call me for the past 2-3 months (ever since I lost my job) and I got mad at her for not calling me anymore. The excuse would be that she got used to texting me and I accepted that, though I missed her voice a lot and I expressed my concern about the lack of calls a lot. Felt like I would argue/confront her like once a week about the lack of communication. Thing is, she would barely argue back. I was always the one doing the talking. If we argued for 30 minutes, 29 minutes of it was me doing the talking and about a minute of her just offering a few words or sentences. Throughout the past month I've tried to call her numerous times but she would never pick up. Instead she would reply to my messages an hour or 2 later. She loves playing PUBG on her phone and I would always tell her to message me when she's done with a game. But most of the time she'd start another game after ending the previous one, without messaging me back. It would upset me because I know everyone is glued to their phones and she knows that I've messaged her. She'd even play the game when we'd sit down in a park or when we'd sit down at a hookah/shisha bar. I had no problems with it and I enjoyed watching her play it. She ghosted on me 3 times when I've argued about the lack of calls and I'd always be the one running back to her after 2-3 days. Even got her flowers during the second ghosting and she wouldn't message me back, I did and she thanked me. After another argument she said she didn't have the energy to deal with me. I told her I felt the same & I asked her if we were still together, to which she replied 'idk' I kept expressing my concern about her lack of calls/messages and her reluctance to meet me. When lockdown restrictions eased up I kept asking to meet up outdoors and she would tell me 'we'll wait & see'. But ever since the easing of restrictions, she met up with her female friends on 2 occasions but not me. Obviously this drove me crazy. After another argument she said that I wanted her to make all the effort after all these years and that she didn't know what she wanted anymore. She said she'd call me on 2 occasions but she failed to. All of our arguments were one-sided and she would barely say anything. So before we broke up she said that both of should take a break and it would be the best thing for both of us. I didn't react too well to this and I wanted an explanation to why she wanted a break, followed by an unanswered call from me. After ghosting for another 2 days, she said she'd call me the day later but failed to do so. 2 days later she picked my call up and I asked her why wanted a break, to which she said she lost her feelings and didn't feel the same anymore. I expressed my disappointment and told her that we should fight for this relationship. Naturally, I asked if she was thinking of a break up and she said yes. I felt so powerless so I reluctantly agreed to it. Told her that she gave me the best days of my life and I wouldn't ever forget her, wishing her the best. Only last week were jokingly talking about having kids. She used to tell me that she was afraid that I would leave her. She wanted to marry me. The day later I broke the lack of contact between us and pleaded with her to give it another chance, that I can't imagine a life & future without her. Told her that I still have belief in her and faith that the relationship can still work, telling her I loved her. She didn't reply but I feel like a weight was lifted off of my shoulders. I seriously feel like I've lost my purpose of life.. I never once swore at her or insulted her. The only thing that might've pushed her buttons is me questioning the relationship sometimes, due to the lack of communication from her part. I don't think that carried malice and all I wanted to do was make things better. A few days later I posted a story on IG & she viewed it. She still follows me on all social media platforms & she hasn't blocked my number. Was I right in asking her about once or twice a week about her level of communication with me dropping? I feel guilty for constantly harping on about the issue and maybe I should've accepted her offer of a break. If anyone can or wants to reach out or message me, please feel free to do so and do not hesitate.
  6. I've posted a few times and recently about my boyfriend missing me. Ex and I dated for a year and we broke up almost 6 months ago. When he did, he expressed a lot of doubt and still does to this day. He cried too when we broke up. He was initiating a lot of contact recently, wanting to see me and clear the air but I declined. I ended up responding to one of his messages once and for all about 2 months later. He replied to what I said and then said it has 'been very difficult from his end. He felt it was the most appropriate thing was to break up, which has been really hard and he misses me all the time. But what's the alternative? He then went on to say that it's really difficult but he tries to leave me alone as he doesn't quite know what to do as he doesn't want to mess with me. I replied and said I hope one day we can be on friendlier terms but I understand if we don’t keep in touch. 2 weeks later he texted me saying he would definitely like to know how I am/how life is but he’s conscious of not lingering around and making things more difficult and he hopes everything is good and I’m happier now. That he of course feels the same but it’s just the nature of break ups. I responded, in a kind way that we should probably not keep in contact as I still like him. He responded, apologised for how long it took him to get back to me and said he still likes me and cares about me but thinks probably not talking at the moment is the right thing. I responded and said that I didn’t want to seem sarcastic previously but wouldn’t the alternative be to work through our issues like an adult, I went onto say that we meshed well so maybe that’s why it’s been so hard and wished him well. He replied days later, apologising again. Said he would rather not get into this discussion over text and would much prefer in person, agreed that we meshed really well and we had a similar sense of humour. Said he hoped I had a good trip and then he hopes my university has been going well lately. I said that maybe we can revisit it soon and talk in person and I felt the same regarding talking about this over text. He then went onto ask when my exams are and a few other things. Thing is.. it's his birthday soon and unsure whether I should acknowledge it especially if we were ever to get back together. Mainly because after we broke up, one of the messages I sent him was that he forgot my birthday (at that stage, we had been broken up - fair enough) even when I had mentioned it numerous times together. I told him that I still remember his. Would I be hypocritical/jeopardising anything if I don't acknowledge it?
  7. I've posted a few times and recently about my boyfriend missing me. Ex and I dated for a year and we broke up almost 6 months ago. When he did, he expressed a lot of doubt and still does to this day. He cried too when we broke up. He was initiating a lot of contact recently, wanting to see me and clear the air but I declined. I ended up responding to one of his messages once and for all about 2 months later. He replied to what I said and then said it has 'been very difficult from his end. He felt it was the most appropriate thing was to break up, which has been really hard and he misses me all the time. But what's the alternative?' Advice? What do you make of this situation with my ex? He then went on to say that it's really difficult but he tries to leave me alone as he doesn't quite know what to do as he doesn't want to mess with me. I replied and said I hope one day we can be on friendlier terms but I understand if we don’t keep in touch. 2 weeks later he texted me saying he would definitely like to know how I am/how life is but he’s conscious of not lingering around and making things more difficult and he hopes everything is good and I’m happier now. That he of course feels the same but it’s just the nature of break ups.
  8. I haven't spoken to my ex in almost 3 months since he broke up with me late last year. He wanted to catch up and free the air but I declined. I'm in NC now. Any stories of being in NC for long periods of time and getting back together?
  9. Ex and I dated for a year and we broke up almost 6 months ago. When he did, he expressed a lot of doubt and still does to this day. He cried too when we broke up. He was initiating a lot of contact recently, wanting to see me and clear the air but I declined. I ended up responding to one of his messages once and for all about 2 months later. He replied to what I said and then said it has 'been very difficult from his end. He felt it was the most appropriate thing was to break up, which has been really hard and he misses me all the time. But what's the alternative?'
  10. Once again I will apologize because this might potentially become another long post It might help to read my first post if you'd like, just have some context. But if you don't that's okay. I still don't know how this site works btw This is kind of an update for my first post. Since breaking up with my boyfriend we've been trying to talk things out and working through our issues with the goal of getting back together. As I've mentioned before I broke up with him in February just a week shy of our 2 year anniversary. And since then we've been trying to work things out. Well, last week things weren't going well, he hung up our phone call and usually I would call back, but sadly I knew he wouldn't answer or even worse, turn off his phone, because it's happened many many times. This time, I didn't call or text him back, I just admittedly left the phone alone and cried. I went to my mother because I really needed comfort and support and tried to get some sleep. The next day, we didn't speak at all. I was pretty much prepared to never hear from him again even though it would hurt. But then that night, he sent me a goodbye text. It was a paragraph thanking me for everything and for the good times and laughs and all. He stated that he wanted to make things work but unfortunate it isn't. We talked for a while before supposedly saying our final goodbye. I say supposedly, because he ended up messaging me early the next morning. I was already preparing myself to endure the journey of letting him go, and his goodbye text didn't help, neither did him texting me the next morning. I was admittedly kind of glad he texted but at the same time I was just not able to endure more pain. Basically, he said he couldn't get me out of his system. He couldn't stand not texting me at all. He said he wanted to come see me but isn't sure if it was a good idea. Well... he ended up coming over. We had sex, and then talked about things. And once again, we decided to try again. Fast forward to right now, he got upset because I have my guard up and that I "keep talking about the same thing over and over again." I was trying to explain why it's hard for me me to let my guard down (again my very first post will definitely explain a lot) He told me that I don't have to constantly remind him of how he ***ed up and that it would be easier for me to see how much he's willing to make things right if I wasn't so guarded or judging everything he does or says (I personally didn't feel like that's what I was doing but I'm sure I can't be upset if that's how he feels, and I've reassured him that wasn't what I intentionally wanted to do) I have anxiety and depression, our whole situation has definitely made things worse for me. He has stated that my "condition" shouldn't give me a free pass to overreact over the smallest things, and that I shield myself with it and it causes limitations within myself. I told him it wasn't something I can easily control, and he said exactly this "So then it's easier to just not do it and let it keep hurting us got it" I never said I didn't want to do it, I told him I'm trying my best and that our situation isn't making things any easier. He was upset, and I didn't understand why. I asked him and he said he was conditioned to do so, and I'm thinking he meant because we keep talking about things and he states that it goes on for a long time and he gets burnt out easily. But I'm confused, because he asked if I wanted to talk about things and I said that I wasn't sure if he also wanted to do so, to which he told me that he wants me to be myself, so I went ahead and talked. And then he just ends up getting upset? He said that it's not that I talk about it, it's that I start by assuming he forgot about what happened or what's been said, and also that I tend to keep talking about the same thing. He told me to try something differently, and I'm not exactly sure how to voice out my concerns differently. I thought I have but apparently not. The conversation ended with him saying he needs to go, that he's not understanding anything right now and we'll talk later. I'm really confused... it doesn't feel good that he got upset when I was trying to explain to him why I'm so "guarded." He says that I assume he forgot what happened but I think that's because I've been feeling like he is demanding I let my guard down or showing him affection as if he didn't lose my trust. I don't really know what I should do... I don't know how else I can communicate with him effectively and explain that I was prepared to try to let him go but then we're back again, and I just can't endure more pain so I want to make sure this won't end badly again. But am I making things difficult? Should I just dial back on talking things out constantly and go with the flow? Should I try harder to let my guard down and do my best to keep an optimistic mindset? To anyone who read through this whole thing, thank you. And I really hope you are doing way better than me right now.
  11. Alright sorry for the novel but here’s the situation: I’ve been with my bf since high school, almost 10 years. We’ve had our ups and downs, our relationship isn’t perfect, and we’ve almost broken up a few times, but I love him very much and I’ve always pictured him in my future. Last week I was invited on a trip with my best friend and her husband and her husband’s best friend. We met only a couple of times before, but the best friend and I vibed pretty well, a little too well. He ended up pouring his heart out, confessing how much he likes me, and trying to kiss me. Now usually I would tell my boyfriend about an incident like that, but here’s the problem: I really ***in like this guy too. He’s all I’ve been able to think about since we got back. His words were so affectionate and genuine to me when he was telling me how he felt, which is one of the issues I’ve always had with my boyfriend. I had to lay my head down on his shoulder to sleep on the plane, and it felt so right. i feel like *** because I can’t stop thinking about him, and my boyfriend is so happy to have me back and has no idea. He’s been working on a lot of issues and we have a good relationship, he doesn’t hit me or put me down. I think about all his good qualities, we have so much in common, and the fact that I could put almost 10 years of my life into someone and still break up scares the hell out of me. But every so often I worry that I’m settling. I feel like we’ve plateaued and i think about all the things about him that I’m not a fan of. I think about this other guy and my heart starts to pound. Being around him just felt so right and I could really picture us together and our future. i asked my friend and her husband for insight and they basically said he’s a great guy but has a lot of baggage (I have no idea what that entails), and drama (baby mama issues) and it could be tough, but he’s a great guy and would be good to me. But I’m so scared. I don’t want to risk a 10 year relationship just to be ***ed around or regret it in the long run. My boyfriend is really my best friend, I don’t want to lose that for nothing. Does anyone have any insight on leaving a long term relationship for someone else? How should I go forward from here, or make a decision? this could be the best decision or worst mistake of my life.
  12. Okay so a little bit of background…. My boyfriend and I have been together just over a year – let’s call him ‘Brian’. We clicked straight away and we have just exchanged contracts to buy a house together. We get on so so well, he makes me laugh constantly and I trust him with my life. He’s helped me through some really difficult times and is always there for me. He’s my best friend. There’s just one issue that keeps being brought up and really causes tension between us... the way we first met. I had a one night stand with his friend, in what I found out afterwards was Brian’s house. I was really drunk, immature and going through a hard time - I’ve never had a one night stand before or since. In my right mind, I’d have never even looked twice at his friend. I think back and wish I hadn’t gone out that night/ hadn’t drunk as much/ had thought more about what I was doing. I met Brian later that night – we really really got on and I found him so sweet and endearing. About a week later, Brian started to pursue me… he got my number off one of my friends and started texting/ direct messaging me on twitter. At first I ignored his messages. A few weeks later he then started snapchatting me, to which I started to reply. We instantly clicked. I’ve never spoke to a more charming and funny person. The next day he invited me on a date, to which I accepted. We hit it off from the get go, we had so much in common and really enjoyed each other’s company. We been basically inseparable since. At first how we met didn’t seem like an issue…. However, as the relationship began to progress, it started being brought up… especially when Brian gets drunk/ anything about my past comes up. We can go months without speaking about it, and then all of a sudden it will come up, in a (usually entirely unrelated) argument. He tells me he thinks the relationship is tainted by how we met, and that if it wasn’t for that it would be a fairy tale relationship. He feels like he’s drifted away from that group of friends as a consequence. He thinks it’s a very ty thing for me to have done (although I think this is just the jealousy speaking as he has had numerous one night stands himself going through University). He says its embarrassing when people ask how we met and if we were to have kids, he wonders what we will tell them. I carry so much guilt with me for that night that I can’t seem to shake off. Knowing that something I have done has caused him this much hurt really upsets me, especially how I can’t do anything about it. I feel the guilt like I imagine people who have cheated on their partner feel, except I didn’t know my partner I’m writing this for advice as a few days ago we very nearly broke up. Brian had spent a night out with his friends. Being around the friend seems to remind him of what happened, and so in both of our drunken states, we had a blazing row. He said he can’t get over it and he thinks about it all the time. That he feels like he’s going to continue to really hurt if we stay together… but he doesn’t know what he’d do without me. The next day, he seemed really cold and said he needed to have a think about the situation, but he didn’t want to break up with me. He said he realizes that I haven’t actually done anything wrong as we didn’t know each other at the time, but he can’t help that it affects him. I don’t know what to do…. I feel like I’m waiting for him to turn around one day and say it’s too much and he doesn’t want to be with me anymore. I feel like I can’t talk to him about it as every time it’s brought up it turns into a huge argument. I think because I’m the one that has done it, he thinks more about his own feelings and not mine, as he sees me as being at fault. He doesn’t seem to realize how badly it affects me. I worry about it all the time and get intense anxiety. It’s difficult as 99.9% of our relationship is perfect – he treats me like a princess and makes me feel so loved. He spends a lot of time with me and I have been fully welcomed by him and his family, but I can tell he’s hurting and I don’t know how to help him. When we talk about it he reads into everything I say and I find that everything that comes out of my mouth is wrong and seems to upset him more. We both want to move past the issue, and don’t want to break up. How can I help him come to terms with what has happened, and to help him realize it doesn’t have any effect on our relationship? And how do I stop feeling the intense guilt that I feel over hurting my boyfriend before I’d ever even met him, and stop the past from ruining our future? I’m really struggling
  13. Hey all, I'm writing so as to get some advice. I'll try to make this as short as possible. I met my "ex" (we didn't get to call ourselves bf/gf) about two years ago. We work together and it took us a while to hook up. She was in a relationship were she was being heavily manipulated and it took her a long while and a lot of therapy to finally get herself rid from her ex. Once this relationship was over, we started going out. We dated for around 6 months and everything was going perfect. Out of the blue, she told me she wanted to talk with me and explained that she liked everything about me but that she felt that after her previous relationship she didn't have time for herself. We discussed about what the best course of action could be, she mentioned she was not feeling right to be in a relationship with me but she wasn't sure that she wanted to break up either. I offered her to take some time apart but she didn't feel that was right since she would feel guilty if she felt I was waiting for her to give me some kind of feedback, as she wasn't exactly sure about how she was feeling. I suggested we break up and that was it. It was amicable and I went straight into LC (meaning I'll only talk work with her or discuss whatever topic is at hand whenever we have lunch with the team; we do have lunch together every weekday). After the break up I was devastated but pulled the little energy I had to make it seem in our lunches as if I was OK. The first few weeks she'd try to fight with me about anything and I would just divert the talking to anything else to avoid confrontation. When we broke up, she did mention I was no regular guy and that said she was doing everything so as to take care of the relationship we had; she didn't want to ruin it because of her doubts. Her attitude these first two weeks was very contradictory. Moving forward, the relationship got better and she stopped trying to pick fights with me. At around the 4th week mark, I called her and just asked how she was feeling about the whole break up thing and did mention that it had been a rough time for me as she had given me no clear reason to break up in first place. I did ask her to break my heart if she had to and be honest, be it she didn't like me anymore, had no more feelings or anything. She denied everything and mentioned that she did have feelings for me, she did like me and would have a great time with me, but that she felt that we were ready to be bf/gf and she was not yet ready for that, as her previous experience had been too rough and was just not ready to start a new relationship. I said it was OK and thanked her for the time to talk, went straight back to the same LC I previously mentioned. That was 2 weeks ago. Everything went on fine and I've started to feel better myself, I think it might actually be showing since I'm in a better mood generally speaking and doing fine. However, what's killing me right now is that for the past 3 days she's been trying really hard to avoid me. Not just that, she's trying to make me notice that she's avoiding me. We'll be in meeting rooms where there's just 3 of us and she will just rotate her chair and make me face her back. She is now trying to contradict what I say again and it's becoming a pain. I'm trying to keep everything as professional as possible as that's the right thing to do. While I'm focused in moving on, this is also a relationship I don't want to completely discard and make moves that might push her far away. I'm not exactly sure how to proceed. Shall I ignore her bad attitude as I'm doing and show indifference? Shall I confront her about it? Why might she be behaving in this way towards me? Just in case you even think about it, I did not beg, cry, became needy or anything. I've learnt this from my past relationship and refrained from doing anything of the sort even though my brain wanted me to do so.
  14. Ex-boyfriend broke up with me in November 2020. I stupidly kept in contact with him afterwards and we caught up a week or so later. Been getting mixed signals from him ever since. I asked if we could catch up recently and he was sort of interested but half not. I told him today that I think our reasons for catching up seem different (as I obviously still like him) and he's probably doing it for friendly reasons. He agreed and said it's sensible to not catch up for now but we can revisit it anytime. Does this sort of sound like he just wants to wait till his feelings possibly change?
  15. My ex and I were together for 8 years. 2 beautiful children under 5. Last couple years with stress of children, owning a home etc has been rough. We used to have a strong bond and thousands of great memories. We nearly broke up 3 months ago, when she was distant, and I discovered apartments rental applications in her browser history. We never had trust issues in the past. I told her she gave me no choice but to end things, and we argued for an hour and then went to bed separately. Next day I had change of heart, sent her flowers, and she came home crying and we hugged and we discussed an action plan for fixing things. her list wassimple. do dishes, make dinner once a week, let her go out 1 night a month and counseling if necessary. for the next 4-6 weeks we were in love again. Long walks, holding jhands, chasing her around the house, slapping her on the ass, making love etc. then the fighting started up again. All over trivial roommate type pet peeves and annoying loud house from children. She became distant again. I was reviewing our cell bill and noticed hundreds of text messages in last couple weeks alone to a familiar number. Her gay best friend Greg. I always supported their friendship, but hundreds of texts in a week seemed odd. Our daughter was playing games on her phone and asked for my help. I then go to texts and all but a few are deleted. I confornt her, explain she gives me no choice but to break up because of the deceit. She explains she has wanted to move out for awhile, and texts were aboutmaking the plans to leave, and advice. and I wont let her. She is no longer in love with me and its not fair to the kids... I then ask if she is willing to go to counseling. she says no. I then ask her to pack her things and leave. Keep in mind we lived together for 8 years. That was a month ago. she has since got a new apartment and all new life. She did not ask for her bed, TV, computer and many belongings. I continue to pick up Kids at daycare friday evening and drop off monday morning. I was on defensive claiming to be done and moving on with my life. I am a proud family man, and cherish my family and love her dearly. But I cannot allow her behavior. I was not about to ask her to come home, nor seem weak. But my heart hurts terribly. She has essentially been doing no contact for the entire month. COLD SHOULDER, no responses to pics of kids, nothing. This past weekend was first time I saw her in a month. She shows up all dolled up. I asked her to speak to me and she wouldnt look at me and keeps walking. I send a couple texts and she explains if we talk about kids only she will talk. I cant help it but to speak about feelings anyways. she sends pics of the kids back. no speak of feelings whatsoever. She acts as if she is hurt and trying to hurt me back. I kicked her out for wanting to break up with no counseling!!! She later texts, that " Ido not know what you want me to say, you have made it loud and clear how you feel and what you want" putting it back on me. 4 days later... I had flowers and her favorite pizza delivered to her work. She sends me a simple text.. "Thanks for the flowers and lunch" I know its a step in right direction. for an entire month she has acted like she is DONE! This is one stubborn nut to crack. I dont expect to run back into each others arms, and expect to take things slow. but damn I need more from her than she is giving. If she was done, would she be saying thanks?
  16. I had a very close, very deep connection with a friend for 15 years. I've never felt any other connection like it, I felt like he was my soulmate, or that we were kindred spirits. I believed in him and in the connection between us, and because I met him when I was barely 21, my belief in this formed a foundational part of my adult identity. It formed the basis for my sense of hope about myself and my life (I came from a difficult and unsupported home. He 'saw' me and 'knew' me, or at least, did things to make it seem that way). A couple of years ago, things shifted between us. There was always an element of romance to our friendship, but it was not something at the forefront, and I often responded to suggestions of that with fear (it is very difficult for me to trust and be intimate with people and I think the depth of the connection I felt made me feel vulnerable). I suppose, for me, it was something deep within me that just 'knew' that one day we would, or should, be together, but that it would be in the future. Anyway, a couple of years ago, things shifted between us and it felt like something was going to happen. He treated me really badly during this stage. I felt loved by him, I felt like he loved me by the way that he looked at me, by the things that he said, and by the way that we were together. But - consistently - just when it felt like things were definitely moving in that direction, he'd start dating someone. He was a serial dater, constantly meeting women online, and breaking things off after a couple of months. And in between, there was this confusing, charged, 'stuff' between us. I went a bit crazy during this time, I hardly knew which way was up. Looking back, I realise how damaging and harmful his behaviour was, and how it was driven by denial, low self-esteem and an addiction to dating. He was a womaniser and he used and threw away so many women. I knew this about him, I felt him to be wounded, I saw the person underneath who had so much love and goodness, and who I felt so connected to, and I felt that he knew it, and felt it too. Eventually we kissed one night, but it did no go well. It produced further mixed messages and confusion, and dishonesty on his part. He told me he didn't want to be involved with me, but then treated me like he did, and made me feel, again, like he loved me, and that there was hope. Only to drop me or ignore me for weeks, and serial date. It made me question my sanity and my grasp on reality. This situation culminated in our spending the night together, when very drunk. Afterwards, he blamed me, shamed me, and broke contact with me, ostracising me from the social group we shared. (A group in which he has more power and influence than me). He told me some terrible, cruel things that I am still trying to recover from, 18 months on. After 6 months, we resumed contact and I told him how the whole situation had made me feel. I apologised for the actions on my part that had led to the breakdown in our friendship, (mainly, that I just wanted to know what the *&£& was going on and was unable to accept his treatment of me - which was basically to just erase me so that he could continue enjoying his life without having to deal with what had happened between us). I didn't get a real apology from him, although I could see just how sorry and guilty he felt. He struggles to apologise, although at a later date, he did partially do this (and it was a very emotional, authentic moment between us). We agreed to stay friends and to rebuild trust between us. He very much wanted this. But weeks in to that, he started letting me down again, dropping me and forgetting about me - not following up on things when he said he would. He has made me feel so worthless and forgettable, like I just don't matter. But he frequently has told me I do (without my prompting). When the pandemic happened, which was very soon after our initial reconciliation (curtailing our ability to reconnect properly as I no longer live nearby, although we have have talked online over this period). He totally crumbled. Complete manchild. He continued dating (meeting people in person, via online dating sites) all throughout lockdown and eventually met a girl who a few weeks in broke things off with him. This seemed to catalyse him into a period of growth. His extreme vulnerability due to lockdown allowed him to emotionally connect with this woman, and as a result, he continued to pursue her and they are now back together. He talks about her like she's the 'one', he told me, in great detail, about the great connection he has with her. How he imagined a future with her. It feels to me that the situation of the pandemic forced his wounded nature to grow and heal, and that this woman is now the beneficiary of that. He's reformed his womanising ways and is free to love and give - he's happy, in love, and going to have a future with her. Being forced in one place, and having fewer distractions and options to run, is deepening their bond and giving him the time and space to actually settle in to a real relationship. I want to be happy for him. But I am so desperately hurt and angry. He wounded so many women, for years, and he wounded me, and he's still so oblivious to it. My life, and my sense of self and identity was destroyed because of the careless and cruel way he treated me. But he gets to be happy. He gets to benefit from the pain he caused me by knowing not to treat someone else like that. These are all things he has basically said to me, in one way or another. And even though I know he feels guilt and sorrow at what happened between us, he hasn't really made real amends It's been me giving him all the opportunities, and every time it's mattered, he has let me down. He drops me or just entirely forgets about me and any communication we have had. He just forgets, like he has forgotten everything else he's done and said. Like it's nothing. I can't trust him or rely on him, but it is so hard to let go, to something I believed in for so long, and someone I cared for so deeply. I don't think there is a way forward for this friendship anymore. And I don't think there is any point in me telling him about how I feel. But I am struggling so much with the idea that he gets to be happy now, when I am still in so much pain. It doesn't seem fair, and I feel so helpless. I wasted so many years of hope and trust in someone who I still believe felt deeply for me, but who could only treat me cruelly. And then, to make it even worse, is now giving someone else everything I thought we would have - everything he made me believe was there between him and me. I didn't project...he either manipulated me (because of his desire to be loved by everyone) or really did feel something, but I know I didn't imagine it. I know I have to give up on salvaging anything; relegate him to the past and block him from my mind. But I don't know how to cope with the anguish that I feel that he is now reformed! That everything he did to me was a waste, that my love was a waste, and that there are no consequences for him. How do I do it?
  17. Recently a close person cheated on his girlfriend, she forgave, they are back, and he’s been complaining that she’s acting “too” forgiving and “too” understanding, on top of that, a casual love showcase with words such as “I am crazy for you”, I told him that people can actually forgive truly inside their hearts and not to worry about, but on the other hand, I also have my doubts. Is this one of those “too good to be true” cases?
  18. My original story can be found in my other posts. Anyway, a bit over a month ago - my ex said he wanted to catch up to clear the air. He also wouldn’t directly answer the question when I asked if he just sees me as a friend. I’ve decided to pull back, but it seems like he wants to catch up. At the start of this month, he offered to call about something but I said it wasn't necessary, I think he was sort of surprised by that as I usually am jumping at any chance for us to speak on the phone. He sent me a message about the date/time tba (which I didn't respond to) and then he sent me a follow up message about a week later saying “Morning, when works this week for you?” with a smiley face. He hasn't sent me a morning text in a while. He then said whenever is fine, to choose a day/evening and let him know. He then said he hopes my mother is doing okay. This was 2 weeks ago and I didn't respond. He sent me another message yesterday saying he hadn’t heard from me in a while, was wondering how I am and asked if my mother is okay. His follow up messages show something but I'm not sure exactly what. Thoughts?
  19. Hello everyone I hope you're doing well, I'm currently a month into a breakup with a man who used to talk about our future and wanted to marry me. We met in high school and dated on and off up to college. The breakups before were initiated by me--most being from my insecurities and depression; the usual "he can do better than me". The last breakup I initiated I had felt unhappy in the relationship and broke up with him and dated a mutual friend of ours for one day before I didn't feel right. Within the week I had gone back to check up on him and he was doing awful. He was having self-identity issues and thinking about dying (though not trying to actively commit suicide or anything.) The dude I had left him for manipulated me and guilt tripped me for months along with other terrible things and I had a hard time cutting him out but I eventually did as my ex-boyfriend wanted. We got back together after a while of that and fast-forward two years to now. He ended it saying he didn't feel like he loved me anymore and that what had happened two years ago made him lose everything. I know I hurt him deeply and for the past two years I'd done all I can to help heal his hurt and trust. He said after a while that he did trust me and he believes me. During the breakup, he said I did nothing wrong and I did everything I could, but I disagree. Looking back on the last few months after the breakup I can say we definitely fell into complacency and negativity. The day before the breakup he sent me encouraging messages and told me how proud of me he was for getting over my past insecurities, how much he appreciated all the things I've done, and how I always tried my best in everything I put my mind to. We initially kept low contact for the first few weeks and met up twice to discuss the relationship (which was a no from him) and giving him his birthday presents I had gotten him before the breakup. When we discussed the relationship and breakup he said he felt unhappy that he couldn't feel anything for me anymore and it got to the point where he was drinking to try to feel anything. I agreed with him that it was unhealthy and I wished he had told me what was going on. I asked him if there would be a chance in the future, after he feels better with himself, for us to try again and gave me an "I don't know". He doesn't want a relationship right now and I understand and respect that. Currently, I'm trying to give him space and not contact him. He told me while he does not mind talking to me, he has no interest in doing so. Yet a few days ago he initiated contact by sending me a couple messages and pictures but the conversation wouldn't last too long and I left him alone after he stopped responding. As much as I hate the breakup, I understand why he did it--he was unhappy and that's all he really needs to make this decision. He's improving and finding hobbies to do and reaching out to old friends again (this was something I suggested while we were in the relationship, but he said he couldn't do it while in the relationship). He told me he would always put me first in the relationship and he did that to himself. That was never what I wanted and I told him that, that I wanted a relationship where we both focus on ourselves and each other. There's not much I can do other than focus on myself and my happiness and it's coming along. I'm finding the parts of me that I lost in the relationship: my self-confidence and independence. He told me in the end I was being really dependent on him and he's right. I'm sure that made it much more difficult for him during the relationship. I still think of him all the time and miss him dearly, but I know I can be happy with myself. I was happy with myself before but he filled my heart and after that left I felt so lost. I still have hope that there is a chance for us, as we've been through so much already and always came back together. However, I don't want to bank on that. Instead, I'm hopeful in the time we spend apart becoming better versions of ourselves. Anyways, this is terribly long but I was wondering if anyone has experienced a similar situation and how it turned out for you? What is the possibility that his unresolved issues from two years ago affected his feelings? Maybe he put up an emotional wall from it all? Advice would be greatly appreciated too. Thank you.
  20. On Wednesday I got sad/upset because he found out last minute that he had to leave for a mission right before Valentine’s Day so our plans got cancelled. Before I could explain to him on the phone that I wasn’t upset with him, I was just upset with the situation, he hung up. He texts me that he’s done. So my initial reaction was to cry and tell him I’m sorry and that whatever the issue is, we’ll fix it. He’s very very very stubborn so he’s like no no I’m done. This is Wednesday. We still had plans Thursday to see each other, which didn’t happen. All of Thursday were going back and forth through texts, which I know didn’t make it better. His flight was Saturday (his unit is in NOLA) so we have a routine of me always dropping him off at the airport. Anyway, I asked if he still wanted me to take him since we’re broken up. He says yeah. So Saturday is my first time seeing him since he broke up with me Wednesday. I go there and my emotions are kinda high so I asked him if he’s genuinely done with me or just frustrated? He kept saying “idk” which was frustrating me and I told him when he says idk that leaves me in a confused and hopeful spot... I kept asking so he got annoyed and he’s like “no your answer is no. I’m done since you keep asking” So I got upset and went and sat in the car. He comes to the car, puts his bags up and then comes around the drivers seat and he’s like I forgot to give you a kiss... (so now I’m even more confused) I don’t say anything during the drive and he tries to put his hand on my leg. So I’m sitting there quiet more confused. We get to the airport and he leaves his vape in my car and then I got out to help with his bags, and he kisses me and is like I’ll see you when I get back... I’m more confused. Typically before he leaves, I’ll text him like have a safe flight, and before he lands I’ll be like hey did you land? Are you ok, blah blah. I didn’t ask if he boarded his flight, he texted me saying bye. I didn’t ask if he landed either, he texts me and says he landed. So I’m more confused. He typically texts me good morning but hasn’t since yesterday, I have. And the weather is bad so I’ve checked up on him. I asked him again today through texts if he will think about it and his response was “yea.” So I asked when and his response was “I don’t know when I get to it.” It’s like he reaches out and wants to talk but then when I talk or ask about the relationship part, he doesn’t. Am I being too forceful? Should I just completely not talk to him and give him space or what should I do? I’m racking my brain and don’t know what all this even means. Does it sound like he’s genuinely done or being impulsive?
  21. Hey all, Im new to this forum (Hey!) found the link via google search. Looking for some advice on a recent break up i went through that is eating me up a little. Totally realise im a stranger and that this is my side of a 2 sided story, but thank you in advance. I met my EX 4 years ago, we took things slow to begin with as we both had children from prior relationships - but it went well. We have always done fun things together, going out, travelling etc and have always had a good level of intimacy. Last year, around June - she had a break down - largely driven by not fully addressing the divorce she went through after 17 years (they got married at 16, he cheated on her a left is the gist of it). She went to therapy but had to take a period of leave from her job to focus on her energy levels etc. Things had certainly changed, but we go through it with support and love. In January this year she tells me she loves me but wants to figure some things out in her head and she asked for a brief break. We agree to a no contact but she would occasionally reach out to have some intimacy. I realise i should have walked away and kept away, but i loved her and wanted things to work out. Fast forward to March and we get back together and its amazing and full of love. The passion came back instantly and we had healthy conversations about the future. 3 weeks ago she asked me if i wanted to buy an house together with her, we saw some and even put in a few bids. We also brought up babies and marriage as a thing to start thinking about. She started work again but quickly got tired again and distant. On monday this week, after a fun weekend together, we go for a meal together (ribs! yes!) and as we finish ordering the food - she says to me (obviously paraphrasing a little): I love you alot; your an amazing person, great with my kids and i love being around you and what we do.. but i think there is someone better out there for me and im wiling to roll that dice. Now, obviously im startled by it (and yes i may have missed signs, but last Wednesday she told me the day we spent together was "perfect"). I ask if there is someone else; she assures me there isnt and its just that she got back with me due to the corona lockdown and she doesn't think she can spend the rest of her life with me. She hugs me, kisses me and leaves. Im doing my best to not contact her and sort my own head out during this but the sudden change from love to goodbye is driving me crazy. ive been in break ups before, and broken up with people before but this just makes no sense to me. I should just leave it right? Has anyone experienced anything similar? Thanks for taking the time to read this.
  22. Hi. I'm new to this forum I want to ask for some insight or actually I'm hoping to get a little encouragement that all isn't lost. My ex boyfriend left me 3 months ago after a couple of weeks of fighting. There was a big fight a week before our break up that changed the dynamic between us (he wasn't as sweet or affectionate after that big fight) He got stressed out by the fights that he said was aggravating his stress from work and time with his family. I've only started NC last week as I've repeatedly been trying to get him back in December, and in January, there was a weird phase that he kept sharing things with me that had nothing to do with our relationship. I love him so so much and I've been so destroyed by our break up but he's never said I miss you or he still had feelings for me since we broke up. Because of all this resentment and anger I had in how he treated me after the break up (cold and nonchalant), I sent him a hate email last week telling him friendship is never going to happen and i hate him. I couldn't control it but i felt good after. I guess some lingering feelings remain and what I'm asking for advice is, is there anyway we couls even work out given we ended in such an ugly way? Are there people out there who have been able to reconcile when there was bad blood?
  23. So that you understand what is going on, I need to explain the story behind my situation. I met a girl on a platform we used to write. We wrote short stories together, and it was quite fun. After a few months, we began to speak more outside of the story itself and somehow we developed feelings for each other. We are in different countries so, even though I had never been in a LDR before, our relationship was doomed to stay that way for a long while. I'm a very physical person and most of my relationships were heavily based on appearances, and physical bond. Though, with her it was different. I didn't feel that attracted to her looks, she was probably the least attractive person I had ever been with, yet somehow I enjoyed her company a lot and we couldn't help but text all day and sometimes call each other to watch series, movies etc. It went on for a couple of months, yet something was missing. Probably the lack of touch, and the fact that our schedules were quite hard manage and match. Two days ago I talked to her about it and she said she felt the same way. We decided to get back to where we were before since it wasn't really working out, and I thought we were doing the right thing. The next morning she sent me a good morning text, saying that it had became part of her morning routine hence we she still did it. We talked for a while that day trying to get back to the "friends" stage, but something feels off. I feel like I miss her even though we keep talking (just in a different way). I can't help but feel sad and sometimes regret being upfront about it with her. Should I try to get her back? Should I try to explain how I am feeling to her? Should I suck it up and wait for covid to disappear and go get some rebound sex? I would appreciate any income on the matter, Thank you for reading.
  24. Hello everyone, This problem has come up in my relationship in the past, but just recently, it has happened again. Back in January or December, my boyfriend would fall asleep on the couch every night. Come to find out, he was talking to girls on instant messengers and saying that I MADE him sleep on the couch, which is totally false. I have never once told him to sleep on the couch. If anything, I beg him to come and sleep with me and he always says "I'll be in there in a little bit." Every morning I wake up with no one beside me... Not last night, but the night before last, I had just laid down and heard him talking to someone (he has no cell phone so it got me really curious). I stood by the door and listened for a little bit and heard a girl's voice coming through my computer's speakers. I waited a few minutes and he came through the bedroom door and saw me standing there and just smiled. I said "Who are you talking to?" He smiles again and says someone. I've not smiled once. And I said again, "Who are you talking to?" He smiles yet again and says "Makayla, she asked me to Skype with her." This girl I do not like in particular, and he knows that. We broke up back in April because I found a bunch of messages between him and another girl with very inappropriate things in it. As a summary, she basically asked him if he would cheat on me for her and he said yes. But anyway, back to Makayla. When we got back together and he came back home with me, he got a text from her that said "Who are you in a relationship with?" And he said "Sara." She then responded and said "Have fun with her cheating on you." This girl has never even met me and she is judging me in the most offensive way possible. So when he said that's who he was talking to, I naturally got very upset and said "Well, it's nice to know that you still talk to her even though she said some bad things about me." He then proceeded to roll his eyes and walk out of the room. I went to sleep very angry and, of course, woke up with no on next to me. Yesterday morning, I checked the browsing history on the computer to see what else he possibly did after I went to bed. (Just as a sidenote, I want to state that I don't snoop and go through stuff unless I'm given a reason not to trust him). I saw where he had searched on Skype's FAQ's to find out how to erase conversations. This, of course, concerned me and I asked him about it when he woke up. He said he was doing it for his old account because he said some mean things about me when we were broken up. I reluctantly accepted his explanation and the rest of the day went fine. I went to bed and said, "Please just come to bed when you get tired." He kissed me and said "I promise I'm not far behind you." Again, I woke up alone this morning. I got on the computer and looked to see what he had been up to, because the only reason I can think of that he would prefer to sleep on the couch than in our king sized pillow top bed is because he's doing things he knows he shouldn't and doesn't want me to find out. Anyway, Skype was pulled up and Makayla's name was highlighted. I then proceeded to check his Facebook and sure enough, there was a message from her saying "Skype me." I then went to check the history again and saw that he had deleted the history from this ENTIRE WEEK. This is extremely disturbing to me. I really want things to work out with him, but I don't know if I should just give up. Does him sleeping on the couch and Skyping with girls and deleting history out of the browser indicate that he may be being unfaithful in some way? Please voice your opinions. Don't be afraid to be honest. I need all the help I can get. Thanks.
  25. Ex-boyfriend broke up with me and lately, I feel like I've been the one who has been pushing for us meeting up. There have been some slightly positive signs of either friendliness or reconciling, we've been speaking on the phone for an hour (something we never used to do) a few times, checking in with each other over Christmas/nye and a few texts here and there. But he's happy to catch up but doesn't want to talk about us as he feels it'll drag things out/rehash things. "I was reluctant before because as I've said a few times it just feels like we'll be rehasing things again and drawing things out" We caught up over a month ago now and he wanted to see me again but I texted him afterwards saying that it was probably too painful for me to continue doing this and he agreed, implied that it was as painful for him as well. What's your take on this?
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