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  1. I look on this forum a lot to see if there are any new stories about people getting back together with their ex's. I do it just so that I can have some hope, and I really hope someday I can post my story on here to give others confidence that having hope pays off. In the meantime, I am going to make a list of actual stories of people I know that broke up and got back together. Please post your stories here too and we can put a little bit of cheer into this forum. 1. My friend was dumped by his girlfriend of 4 years. They were broken up for a year and a half and he tried everything to get her back. One day he was with his friend talking about her and she called him right then to talk about something trivial, and he went over to her house. They got back together and now they are engaged. 2. My friend's sister and her husband broke up for four years and now they are married with 3 kids. 3. My friend broke up with her high school sweetheart when we were 19 and they got back together a few years later and have been together ever since. 4. My other friend broke up with her high school sweetheart when she was a sophomore in college and they just got back together and now they live together. 5. A friend of my ex's was so sad about a girl forever, talked about her all the time when we were out at the clubs, couldn't believe they broke up, etc....now they have been back together for over a year. 6. My friend and her boyfriend dated for a few years, broke up for 9 months, now they are engaged. She says their relationship is better than ever now they are back together. 7. My friend was hung up on this guy forever, he would go back and forth and never commit, now they are living together and she is going to have a baby. They are really happy and in the end it worked out great. That is just some of the stories I know off the top of my head. Please post any stories of reconciliation that you know of so that we can have some cheer in this forum.
  2. I have gone through this before. Im on my 4th breakup with my ex. But the worst feeling in the world is having feelings for someone who no longer wants to be with you, hang out with you, see you or call you. It happened suddenly, I was not expecting it. I feel lots of pain, and though I wont do anything stupid the impotence is so much that I just wish I was dead in order not to feel this. Help me cope please. I miss him and want to move to his city and do anything posible to make it work again, but I know he has blocked me out and that there is absoultely nothing I can do to change it. I think of him every day, all the time. Pleople are getting sick of me, and there is nothing I can do to change his mind and make him love me. Help me please
  3. I don't exactly get affected by it so much anymore, as I just see that I still have a hold of him. However, we broke up almost a year ago. Was a hard break-up, we admitted that we still like each other and that we miss each other all the time, and we both have mentioned to each other that if we ever did talk about our relationship again - it's once we've moved on from the hurt, so I don't think it's a 100% final break up where you never want anything to do with them again. I think because I still to this day felt like we broke up over very odd things and he thought the grass was going to be greener. Sometimes the texts will stop and he'll find a way to contact me weeks or even months later and it's always about how he's sorry about how things ended and just our relationship in general. He'll never directly ask me how things are unless we speak on the phone. But his texts will be wrapped in 'I hope you are truly happy and things are good' Or for example, recently I replied to one of his messages saying that I miss our intimacy and laughs. He hasn't responded but it's almost for certain he'll try to find a way to respond back to that. Because I know at this moment, he tries to play it cool or even just compartmentalize it. Any input?
  4. So I broke up with the guy I was dating for 2.5 months. I have a previous recent post about him if anyone hasn't been following my story. Unfortunately we didn't really end on a good note 😞 He sent me a message which I know was probably sent out of anger and hurt but some things he said really annoyed me. This is what he sent me: "So I've been doing a lot of thinking since last night. And I have come to realise that all this was really just because I wasn't good enough for you, you we're good enough for me but I guess I'm just not good enough. I'm also not sure why you couldn't just be happy with what you had, you literally had a nice guy, someone who not once in his lifetime touched drugs, hardly ever drinks, you'd know where I'd be as I'd never ever be out with some other women. I don't believe the person you are looking for exists you want way to much from someone, their existence should be enough for you. I genuinely don't understand why you would do this to someone like me, some would say you'd struck gold! but I guess you didn't see it that way. It also makes no sense that you can go from being mad about me and loving me to not in 2 weeks how the *** does that happen. Out of all the people I would of thought you would understand mental health and would of been careful with how you treated mine but maybe you thought I'd be able to handle something like this without caring, well that would of been wrong, just so you know I literally cried myself to sleep last night I haven't done that since I was a child you really screwed me up with this one. 😔 It's very disappointing that you think you have someone that in their mind you are their whole world but I guess I wasn't part of that in your mind. I also suspect you have lied to me more than just the last 2 weeks which is really not cool I trusted you so much! I would of loved to have kids with you in the future but I guess that's not happening and with your age it's going to become increasingly difficult for you, however for me as I am a male we make sperm until we are dead so I'll have no issues as long as my partner is able, on the note of kids I hope you realise with kids your life stops all that going out and whatnot can't continue if you have children. I will finish this message with this, please don't do this to anyone else in the future it really messes with them I would hate to see someone else in my position as it really hurts and is really bad for someone's mental health which you should know about." The thing is I did feel really strongly for him but I also had this niggling feeling for a while that something is wrong. We actually had nothing in common and he kept trying to get me to play video games and watch Twitch but I'm actually not really interested I'm that. He didn't have any interest in things I like which are all things like going out and doing things. He had a point that once you have kids you don't go out but that means you don't go out on your own. You would still need to go out with the kids a lot such as take them to a playground, kids parties, dance lessons, sport game, etc, etc. This guy had lived the life of a hermit and never really went anywhere and only likes staying home and playing video games. He had never been in a relationship or had sex before me at 30 years old. I understand he's really hurting but I got very annoyed at his message. Basically saying I should have just been grateful to have him because he's a "nice" guy and doesn't drink, do drugs or sleaze on other women. These are only just very basic things someone might want in a person. It doesn't make him any more special that anyone else. And having a dig at my age and basically implying it's my last chance to have kids. Saying he's got all this sperm and he's going to use it on other women lol He's the one that's never found anyone before me so obviously it's not that easy for him. He said I was the only woman that replied to him on online dating. I actually have options because I have a male friend who really wants kids and even before that I was engaged and was going to get married, had the wedding booked. And another guy I went on dates with before him was really interested in me and was very forward about how he wanted marriage and kids. But unfortunately I really wasn't feeling the attraction or spark with that guy. I'm feeling sad because I guess I'm second guessing if I made the right decision. I had genuine feelings for this guy but we really just had nothing in common. I tried talking to him about that and he said having nothing in common is not a problem and "opposites" attract and that we can just do our own things with our own friends and it's fine. The thing is that it is actually important to me to share at least some common interests with a partner and for them to be a part of my life. I wouldn't expect someone to force themselves to do things they don't want and it just seemed like we both weren't actually interested in what the other person likes. The problem is that on some level he's right about my age and that it's hard to find someone. I'm feeling sad because I know he really liked me and I liked him too. I know we both wanted kids and marriage but it needs to be with the right person. If I'm going to spend the rest of my life with someone then they need to be my "best friend" and the "yin to my yang". Being with them should feel easy and like you have fun together. I just feel so bad because I know he's really hurt and I was annoyed at his message so we didn't end on a good note.
  5. Hi all, First time poster here to this great website, it has helped me through some tough times. My (ex?) girlfriend and I had some rough times recently and kind of drifted apart. We've been together 4 years and living together that long too. As things became bad there before and after Christmas she decided it was best she moved out to take some time out and get her head straight on us. I fully agreed and helped her move out, all very amicable. She insisted that it wasn't a break-up and that we should just spend some time apart. We both agreed on this. I told her that I thought it would be best that we weren't in contact for the two months so we could really see what it would be like without being in each other's lives. She wasn't overly keen on this but once I explained this to her she understood and accepted. During the first week I got a few texts from her regarding stuff she needed and I would give a single reply. If any post arrived I'd just forward it to her new address. A few weeks into the break I posted her something and she sent a 'thank you' text to which I didn't reply. A few days after that she sent me an angry text that I hadn't replied and that she hoped that nothing else arrived in the post that I would have to forward to her. I replied to this basically stating that I was only doing what we had agreed before she moved out and that if any more post came for her I'd gladly forward it to her, never a problem. That was our last communication, 5 weeks ago and this weekend marks 8 weekends since she moved out. I do miss her. And I think we could make it work again. I'm just wondering if this NC thing was a bad idea as we hadn't actually broken up and were just taking a break. I have no idea what she is up to these days at all. I imagine that she will contact me to meet up next week when the two months have passed. I just wonder if anyone has advice or experience of something like this. Thanks for reading my post. Regards, JimDandy
  6. I'm in my late 30's and just got dumped by my girlfriend of 6 years. I love her and it's also clear she still loves me. Her reasons for breaking up is I've been lazy , taken her for granted and kinda have lost all ambition. I previously made a lot of money as an engineer but sadly got made redundant when I was 28. I got a a really big pay out that coupled with the money I saved, I took some time to develop property (which I own out right). Fast forward some time and I met my girlfriend and I move 400 miles to be together. I got a job but it didn't last, in that time we got a dog, which I got obsessed with and spent all my time on. I'm not living of rent money that's coming in from my property. I am looking for a job but I'm really struggling to find anything. So basically in just coasting along , not good I know. Pandemic hit and my hopes of finding something was crushed. Nobody recruiting and the huge gap of unemployment makes me really unattractive to recruiter's. So I kinda give up. My plan was/is to set up my own business. Start with dog walking and slowly overtime become a dog training that's something I will be good at. Back to the relationship my girlfriend is really frustrated with me. She's super busy and psychically and emotionally unavailable. This goes on for a while. I've fallen into a bit of a rut. I'm have the world away from my own life and it feels like I'm alone. I don't feel secure in the relationship. So I'm zoning out and going into my own little world. You know it kinda becomes like we are just living together. Don't get me wrong the sex is there, and we do have our moments. It's just we are not in the right head space. I do need time to sort myself out. I'm not exactly the person I want to me and this break up I'm going to use to drive me into action. I really need time to work on myself and get my head our if the clouds. It's been going on a while . She's been frustrated for ages. She's the type of person who threatens to break up over any little argument. It's been a pattern of gets through all her past relationships and ours. I know she's only been voicing things that I've let slip and needed to work on. The thing is it's only been making me more insecure about the relationship and because I've been insecure about the relationship I've had trouble settling here and putting my roots down. Which is a another problem. I know I should have went all in on the relationship. * I forgot to add. Things started to change when I had an episode in work. I was really dizzy, and had blurry vision. I want to hospital but they couldn't find the cause. I found I couldn't do my job after that. I used to be a very fit guy and extremely strong. But his that episode I've lost all my strength and get tired so easily. Like some days I have no energy at all!
  7. I've posted a few times: Ex and I dated for a year and we broke up almost 6 months ago. When he did, he expressed a lot of doubt and still does to this day. He cried too when we broke up. He was initiating a lot of contact recently, wanting to see me and clear the air but I declined. I ended up responding to one of his messages once and for all about 2 months later. He replied to what I said and then said it has 'been very difficult from his end. He felt it was the most appropriate thing was to break up, which has been really hard and he misses me all the time. But what's the alternative? He then went on to say that it's really difficult but he tries to leave me alone as he doesn't quite know what to do as he doesn't want to mess with me. I replied and said I hope one day we can be on friendlier terms but I understand if we don’t keep in touch. 2 weeks later he texted me saying he would definitely like to know how I am/how life is but he’s conscious of not lingering around and making things more difficult and he hopes everything is good and I’m happier now. That he of course feels the same but it’s just the nature of break ups. I responded, in a kind way that we should probably not keep in contact as I still like him. He responded, apologised for how long it took him to get back to me and said he still likes me and cares about me but thinks probably not talking at the moment is the right thing. I responded and said that I didn’t want to seem sarcastic previously but wouldn’t the alternative be to work through our issues like an adult, I went onto say that we meshed well so maybe that’s why it’s been so hard and wished him well. He replied days later, apologising again. Said he would rather not get into this discussion over text and would much prefer in person, agreed that we meshed really well and we had a similar sense of humour. Said he hoped I had a good trip and then he hopes my university has been going well lately. I said that maybe we can revisit it soon and talk in person and I felt the same regarding talking about this over text. We laughed about a few things like we used to and he then went onto ask when my exams are and a few other things. Do I catch up with him? Do I ask what his intentions are explicitly and even say myself that I only want to catch up if we are talking about dating again?
  8. It's been 3 days since my ex said she lost feelings for me and I'm struggling immensely. I was dating her for 3 years & they were the best days of my life. She was the one I was going to marry and live the rest of my life with. She always said to me that I would be the one to leave her but she was the one who ended up cutting things off. But ever since the UK entered another lockdown in November, I feel like things went downhill. We would meet up once a week and sometimes she would come to stay over at mines. For the first 2 years of the relationship she would always go out of her way to call me and I won't lie, at times I wouldn't pick up the call because I get so nervous on the phone and I would run out of things to talk about. I have no problems texting and I communicate much better in person. She'd get upset at me but I did my best to improve myself in that aspect. The last time I saw her physically was in November and I had no problem with that, London entered another lockdown. We agreed that the best time to meet up would be when malls reopen, she loved browsing stores. Ever since then, the amount of times she would call dropped a lot. I'd be lucky to get a call from her once a week, sometimes she called once every 2 weeks. There was even 2 occasions where she called me just once a month. Since I let her handle the calling, she called me out for not calling her and I apologised, promising her to start calling her. Even with my lack of calling the love was still there, I feel. She would barely call me for the past 2-3 months (ever since I lost my job) and I got mad at her for not calling me anymore. The excuse would be that she got used to texting me and I accepted that, though I missed her voice a lot and I expressed my concern about the lack of calls a lot. Felt like I would argue/confront her like once a week about the lack of communication. Thing is, she would barely argue back. I was always the one doing the talking. If we argued for 30 minutes, 29 minutes of it was me doing the talking and about a minute of her just offering a few words or sentences. Throughout the past month I've tried to call her numerous times but she would never pick up. Instead she would reply to my messages an hour or 2 later. She loves playing PUBG on her phone and I would always tell her to message me when she's done with a game. But most of the time she'd start another game after ending the previous one, without messaging me back. It would upset me because I know everyone is glued to their phones and she knows that I've messaged her. She'd even play the game when we'd sit down in a park or when we'd sit down at a hookah/shisha bar. I had no problems with it and I enjoyed watching her play it. She ghosted on me 3 times when I've argued about the lack of calls and I'd always be the one running back to her after 2-3 days. Even got her flowers during the second ghosting and she wouldn't message me back, I did and she thanked me. After another argument she said she didn't have the energy to deal with me. I told her I felt the same & I asked her if we were still together, to which she replied 'idk' I kept expressing my concern about her lack of calls/messages and her reluctance to meet me. When lockdown restrictions eased up I kept asking to meet up outdoors and she would tell me 'we'll wait & see'. But ever since the easing of restrictions, she met up with her female friends on 2 occasions but not me. Obviously this drove me crazy. After another argument she said that I wanted her to make all the effort after all these years and that she didn't know what she wanted anymore. She said she'd call me on 2 occasions but she failed to. All of our arguments were one-sided and she would barely say anything. So before we broke up she said that both of should take a break and it would be the best thing for both of us. I didn't react too well to this and I wanted an explanation to why she wanted a break, followed by an unanswered call from me. After ghosting for another 2 days, she said she'd call me the day later but failed to do so. 2 days later she picked my call up and I asked her why wanted a break, to which she said she lost her feelings and didn't feel the same anymore. I expressed my disappointment and told her that we should fight for this relationship. Naturally, I asked if she was thinking of a break up and she said yes. I felt so powerless so I reluctantly agreed to it. Told her that she gave me the best days of my life and I wouldn't ever forget her, wishing her the best. Only last week were jokingly talking about having kids. She used to tell me that she was afraid that I would leave her. She wanted to marry me. The day later I broke the lack of contact between us and pleaded with her to give it another chance, that I can't imagine a life & future without her. Told her that I still have belief in her and faith that the relationship can still work, telling her I loved her. She didn't reply but I feel like a weight was lifted off of my shoulders. I seriously feel like I've lost my purpose of life.. I never once swore at her or insulted her. The only thing that might've pushed her buttons is me questioning the relationship sometimes, due to the lack of communication from her part. I don't think that carried malice and all I wanted to do was make things better. A few days later I posted a story on IG & she viewed it. She still follows me on all social media platforms & she hasn't blocked my number. Was I right in asking her about once or twice a week about her level of communication with me dropping? I feel guilty for constantly harping on about the issue and maybe I should've accepted her offer of a break. If anyone can or wants to reach out or message me, please feel free to do so and do not hesitate.
  9. I've posted a few times and recently about my boyfriend missing me. Ex and I dated for a year and we broke up almost 6 months ago. When he did, he expressed a lot of doubt and still does to this day. He cried too when we broke up. He was initiating a lot of contact recently, wanting to see me and clear the air but I declined. I ended up responding to one of his messages once and for all about 2 months later. He replied to what I said and then said it has 'been very difficult from his end. He felt it was the most appropriate thing was to break up, which has been really hard and he misses me all the time. But what's the alternative? He then went on to say that it's really difficult but he tries to leave me alone as he doesn't quite know what to do as he doesn't want to mess with me. I replied and said I hope one day we can be on friendlier terms but I understand if we don’t keep in touch. 2 weeks later he texted me saying he would definitely like to know how I am/how life is but he’s conscious of not lingering around and making things more difficult and he hopes everything is good and I’m happier now. That he of course feels the same but it’s just the nature of break ups. I responded, in a kind way that we should probably not keep in contact as I still like him. He responded, apologised for how long it took him to get back to me and said he still likes me and cares about me but thinks probably not talking at the moment is the right thing. I responded and said that I didn’t want to seem sarcastic previously but wouldn’t the alternative be to work through our issues like an adult, I went onto say that we meshed well so maybe that’s why it’s been so hard and wished him well. He replied days later, apologising again. Said he would rather not get into this discussion over text and would much prefer in person, agreed that we meshed really well and we had a similar sense of humour. Said he hoped I had a good trip and then he hopes my university has been going well lately. I said that maybe we can revisit it soon and talk in person and I felt the same regarding talking about this over text. He then went onto ask when my exams are and a few other things. Thing is.. it's his birthday soon and unsure whether I should acknowledge it especially if we were ever to get back together. Mainly because after we broke up, one of the messages I sent him was that he forgot my birthday (at that stage, we had been broken up - fair enough) even when I had mentioned it numerous times together. I told him that I still remember his. Would I be hypocritical/jeopardising anything if I don't acknowledge it?
  10. I've posted a few times and recently about my boyfriend missing me. Ex and I dated for a year and we broke up almost 6 months ago. When he did, he expressed a lot of doubt and still does to this day. He cried too when we broke up. He was initiating a lot of contact recently, wanting to see me and clear the air but I declined. I ended up responding to one of his messages once and for all about 2 months later. He replied to what I said and then said it has 'been very difficult from his end. He felt it was the most appropriate thing was to break up, which has been really hard and he misses me all the time. But what's the alternative?' Advice? What do you make of this situation with my ex? He then went on to say that it's really difficult but he tries to leave me alone as he doesn't quite know what to do as he doesn't want to mess with me. I replied and said I hope one day we can be on friendlier terms but I understand if we don’t keep in touch. 2 weeks later he texted me saying he would definitely like to know how I am/how life is but he’s conscious of not lingering around and making things more difficult and he hopes everything is good and I’m happier now. That he of course feels the same but it’s just the nature of break ups.
  11. I haven't spoken to my ex in almost 3 months since he broke up with me late last year. He wanted to catch up and free the air but I declined. I'm in NC now. Any stories of being in NC for long periods of time and getting back together?
  12. Ex and I dated for a year and we broke up almost 6 months ago. When he did, he expressed a lot of doubt and still does to this day. He cried too when we broke up. He was initiating a lot of contact recently, wanting to see me and clear the air but I declined. I ended up responding to one of his messages once and for all about 2 months later. He replied to what I said and then said it has 'been very difficult from his end. He felt it was the most appropriate thing was to break up, which has been really hard and he misses me all the time. But what's the alternative?'
  13. Once again I will apologize because this might potentially become another long post It might help to read my first post if you'd like, just have some context. But if you don't that's okay. I still don't know how this site works btw This is kind of an update for my first post. Since breaking up with my boyfriend we've been trying to talk things out and working through our issues with the goal of getting back together. As I've mentioned before I broke up with him in February just a week shy of our 2 year anniversary. And since then we've been trying to work things out. Well, last week things weren't going well, he hung up our phone call and usually I would call back, but sadly I knew he wouldn't answer or even worse, turn off his phone, because it's happened many many times. This time, I didn't call or text him back, I just admittedly left the phone alone and cried. I went to my mother because I really needed comfort and support and tried to get some sleep. The next day, we didn't speak at all. I was pretty much prepared to never hear from him again even though it would hurt. But then that night, he sent me a goodbye text. It was a paragraph thanking me for everything and for the good times and laughs and all. He stated that he wanted to make things work but unfortunate it isn't. We talked for a while before supposedly saying our final goodbye. I say supposedly, because he ended up messaging me early the next morning. I was already preparing myself to endure the journey of letting him go, and his goodbye text didn't help, neither did him texting me the next morning. I was admittedly kind of glad he texted but at the same time I was just not able to endure more pain. Basically, he said he couldn't get me out of his system. He couldn't stand not texting me at all. He said he wanted to come see me but isn't sure if it was a good idea. Well... he ended up coming over. We had sex, and then talked about things. And once again, we decided to try again. Fast forward to right now, he got upset because I have my guard up and that I "keep talking about the same thing over and over again." I was trying to explain why it's hard for me me to let my guard down (again my very first post will definitely explain a lot) He told me that I don't have to constantly remind him of how he ***ed up and that it would be easier for me to see how much he's willing to make things right if I wasn't so guarded or judging everything he does or says (I personally didn't feel like that's what I was doing but I'm sure I can't be upset if that's how he feels, and I've reassured him that wasn't what I intentionally wanted to do) I have anxiety and depression, our whole situation has definitely made things worse for me. He has stated that my "condition" shouldn't give me a free pass to overreact over the smallest things, and that I shield myself with it and it causes limitations within myself. I told him it wasn't something I can easily control, and he said exactly this "So then it's easier to just not do it and let it keep hurting us got it" I never said I didn't want to do it, I told him I'm trying my best and that our situation isn't making things any easier. He was upset, and I didn't understand why. I asked him and he said he was conditioned to do so, and I'm thinking he meant because we keep talking about things and he states that it goes on for a long time and he gets burnt out easily. But I'm confused, because he asked if I wanted to talk about things and I said that I wasn't sure if he also wanted to do so, to which he told me that he wants me to be myself, so I went ahead and talked. And then he just ends up getting upset? He said that it's not that I talk about it, it's that I start by assuming he forgot about what happened or what's been said, and also that I tend to keep talking about the same thing. He told me to try something differently, and I'm not exactly sure how to voice out my concerns differently. I thought I have but apparently not. The conversation ended with him saying he needs to go, that he's not understanding anything right now and we'll talk later. I'm really confused... it doesn't feel good that he got upset when I was trying to explain to him why I'm so "guarded." He says that I assume he forgot what happened but I think that's because I've been feeling like he is demanding I let my guard down or showing him affection as if he didn't lose my trust. I don't really know what I should do... I don't know how else I can communicate with him effectively and explain that I was prepared to try to let him go but then we're back again, and I just can't endure more pain so I want to make sure this won't end badly again. But am I making things difficult? Should I just dial back on talking things out constantly and go with the flow? Should I try harder to let my guard down and do my best to keep an optimistic mindset? To anyone who read through this whole thing, thank you. And I really hope you are doing way better than me right now.
  14. Alright sorry for the novel but here’s the situation: I’ve been with my bf since high school, almost 10 years. We’ve had our ups and downs, our relationship isn’t perfect, and we’ve almost broken up a few times, but I love him very much and I’ve always pictured him in my future. Last week I was invited on a trip with my best friend and her husband and her husband’s best friend. We met only a couple of times before, but the best friend and I vibed pretty well, a little too well. He ended up pouring his heart out, confessing how much he likes me, and trying to kiss me. Now usually I would tell my boyfriend about an incident like that, but here’s the problem: I really ***in like this guy too. He’s all I’ve been able to think about since we got back. His words were so affectionate and genuine to me when he was telling me how he felt, which is one of the issues I’ve always had with my boyfriend. I had to lay my head down on his shoulder to sleep on the plane, and it felt so right. i feel like *** because I can’t stop thinking about him, and my boyfriend is so happy to have me back and has no idea. He’s been working on a lot of issues and we have a good relationship, he doesn’t hit me or put me down. I think about all his good qualities, we have so much in common, and the fact that I could put almost 10 years of my life into someone and still break up scares the hell out of me. But every so often I worry that I’m settling. I feel like we’ve plateaued and i think about all the things about him that I’m not a fan of. I think about this other guy and my heart starts to pound. Being around him just felt so right and I could really picture us together and our future. i asked my friend and her husband for insight and they basically said he’s a great guy but has a lot of baggage (I have no idea what that entails), and drama (baby mama issues) and it could be tough, but he’s a great guy and would be good to me. But I’m so scared. I don’t want to risk a 10 year relationship just to be ***ed around or regret it in the long run. My boyfriend is really my best friend, I don’t want to lose that for nothing. Does anyone have any insight on leaving a long term relationship for someone else? How should I go forward from here, or make a decision? this could be the best decision or worst mistake of my life.
  15. Okay so a little bit of background…. My boyfriend and I have been together just over a year – let’s call him ‘Brian’. We clicked straight away and we have just exchanged contracts to buy a house together. We get on so so well, he makes me laugh constantly and I trust him with my life. He’s helped me through some really difficult times and is always there for me. He’s my best friend. There’s just one issue that keeps being brought up and really causes tension between us... the way we first met. I had a one night stand with his friend, in what I found out afterwards was Brian’s house. I was really drunk, immature and going through a hard time - I’ve never had a one night stand before or since. In my right mind, I’d have never even looked twice at his friend. I think back and wish I hadn’t gone out that night/ hadn’t drunk as much/ had thought more about what I was doing. I met Brian later that night – we really really got on and I found him so sweet and endearing. About a week later, Brian started to pursue me… he got my number off one of my friends and started texting/ direct messaging me on twitter. At first I ignored his messages. A few weeks later he then started snapchatting me, to which I started to reply. We instantly clicked. I’ve never spoke to a more charming and funny person. The next day he invited me on a date, to which I accepted. We hit it off from the get go, we had so much in common and really enjoyed each other’s company. We been basically inseparable since. At first how we met didn’t seem like an issue…. However, as the relationship began to progress, it started being brought up… especially when Brian gets drunk/ anything about my past comes up. We can go months without speaking about it, and then all of a sudden it will come up, in a (usually entirely unrelated) argument. He tells me he thinks the relationship is tainted by how we met, and that if it wasn’t for that it would be a fairy tale relationship. He feels like he’s drifted away from that group of friends as a consequence. He thinks it’s a very ty thing for me to have done (although I think this is just the jealousy speaking as he has had numerous one night stands himself going through University). He says its embarrassing when people ask how we met and if we were to have kids, he wonders what we will tell them. I carry so much guilt with me for that night that I can’t seem to shake off. Knowing that something I have done has caused him this much hurt really upsets me, especially how I can’t do anything about it. I feel the guilt like I imagine people who have cheated on their partner feel, except I didn’t know my partner I’m writing this for advice as a few days ago we very nearly broke up. Brian had spent a night out with his friends. Being around the friend seems to remind him of what happened, and so in both of our drunken states, we had a blazing row. He said he can’t get over it and he thinks about it all the time. That he feels like he’s going to continue to really hurt if we stay together… but he doesn’t know what he’d do without me. The next day, he seemed really cold and said he needed to have a think about the situation, but he didn’t want to break up with me. He said he realizes that I haven’t actually done anything wrong as we didn’t know each other at the time, but he can’t help that it affects him. I don’t know what to do…. I feel like I’m waiting for him to turn around one day and say it’s too much and he doesn’t want to be with me anymore. I feel like I can’t talk to him about it as every time it’s brought up it turns into a huge argument. I think because I’m the one that has done it, he thinks more about his own feelings and not mine, as he sees me as being at fault. He doesn’t seem to realize how badly it affects me. I worry about it all the time and get intense anxiety. It’s difficult as 99.9% of our relationship is perfect – he treats me like a princess and makes me feel so loved. He spends a lot of time with me and I have been fully welcomed by him and his family, but I can tell he’s hurting and I don’t know how to help him. When we talk about it he reads into everything I say and I find that everything that comes out of my mouth is wrong and seems to upset him more. We both want to move past the issue, and don’t want to break up. How can I help him come to terms with what has happened, and to help him realize it doesn’t have any effect on our relationship? And how do I stop feeling the intense guilt that I feel over hurting my boyfriend before I’d ever even met him, and stop the past from ruining our future? I’m really struggling
  16. Hey all, I'm writing so as to get some advice. I'll try to make this as short as possible. I met my "ex" (we didn't get to call ourselves bf/gf) about two years ago. We work together and it took us a while to hook up. She was in a relationship were she was being heavily manipulated and it took her a long while and a lot of therapy to finally get herself rid from her ex. Once this relationship was over, we started going out. We dated for around 6 months and everything was going perfect. Out of the blue, she told me she wanted to talk with me and explained that she liked everything about me but that she felt that after her previous relationship she didn't have time for herself. We discussed about what the best course of action could be, she mentioned she was not feeling right to be in a relationship with me but she wasn't sure that she wanted to break up either. I offered her to take some time apart but she didn't feel that was right since she would feel guilty if she felt I was waiting for her to give me some kind of feedback, as she wasn't exactly sure about how she was feeling. I suggested we break up and that was it. It was amicable and I went straight into LC (meaning I'll only talk work with her or discuss whatever topic is at hand whenever we have lunch with the team; we do have lunch together every weekday). After the break up I was devastated but pulled the little energy I had to make it seem in our lunches as if I was OK. The first few weeks she'd try to fight with me about anything and I would just divert the talking to anything else to avoid confrontation. When we broke up, she did mention I was no regular guy and that said she was doing everything so as to take care of the relationship we had; she didn't want to ruin it because of her doubts. Her attitude these first two weeks was very contradictory. Moving forward, the relationship got better and she stopped trying to pick fights with me. At around the 4th week mark, I called her and just asked how she was feeling about the whole break up thing and did mention that it had been a rough time for me as she had given me no clear reason to break up in first place. I did ask her to break my heart if she had to and be honest, be it she didn't like me anymore, had no more feelings or anything. She denied everything and mentioned that she did have feelings for me, she did like me and would have a great time with me, but that she felt that we were ready to be bf/gf and she was not yet ready for that, as her previous experience had been too rough and was just not ready to start a new relationship. I said it was OK and thanked her for the time to talk, went straight back to the same LC I previously mentioned. That was 2 weeks ago. Everything went on fine and I've started to feel better myself, I think it might actually be showing since I'm in a better mood generally speaking and doing fine. However, what's killing me right now is that for the past 3 days she's been trying really hard to avoid me. Not just that, she's trying to make me notice that she's avoiding me. We'll be in meeting rooms where there's just 3 of us and she will just rotate her chair and make me face her back. She is now trying to contradict what I say again and it's becoming a pain. I'm trying to keep everything as professional as possible as that's the right thing to do. While I'm focused in moving on, this is also a relationship I don't want to completely discard and make moves that might push her far away. I'm not exactly sure how to proceed. Shall I ignore her bad attitude as I'm doing and show indifference? Shall I confront her about it? Why might she be behaving in this way towards me? Just in case you even think about it, I did not beg, cry, became needy or anything. I've learnt this from my past relationship and refrained from doing anything of the sort even though my brain wanted me to do so.
  17. My ex and I were together 7 years. We started drifting apart and we broke up about 3 and a half months ago. She claimed I didn't make her feel important and I didn't validate her feelings and we were on different levels in life. I've come to realize I could've done a lot differently and the future I wanted with her. I reached out a couple times within the first month and a half but went into no contact after she kept ignoring me and blocked me on social media. She recently unblocked me at the three month breakup point, I'm assuming out of curiosity but then blocked me again. I didn't say anything and acted like I didnt notice Anyways, I don't know what to do I want to talk to her but she still hasn't reached out to me. I have a swearing in ceremony in a few days for a new job and I'd like her to go but at the same time I'm like you knew I was hurting and you abandoned me and now I'm going to reach out to you and ask you to be with me at my first accomplishment in life since being without you. I just don't want to look back and say I wish I would've invited her or by not inviting her I made her feel even less important. I'm always thinking when should I reach out and try to initiate contact but I never do. I'm tired of feeling this way but scared I'll lose her if I wait too long and I don't at some point try to spark her feelings.
  18. Just wanted to share my story and get some insight from people here. My bf and I had to break up because of his family's disapproval. Unlike most other stories, the disapproval was not really personal to me. We had been dating many months now, and he's honestly the most compatible partner I have ever met in my life. We align in almost every single way, and in just the first few months, we had reached the sort of levels people usually reach after a year or 2. I've had several relationships in the past, but none of my other exes even come close in terms of compatibility and the love I felt for him. The family's disapproval stems from the fact that he had been cheated on in his past relationships, and they feel he isn't ready for a relationship, nor trust his judgment of character and anyone he meets. He's in his mid-20s mind you (I'm a little older), and very much an adult who should be able to make his own decisions about his life. But they objected so strongly to the fact that he's in a relationship they think he isn't ready for, that they threatened to disown him. Now his family isn't the greatest, they're stubborn and judgmental and have never been a tight nor supportive family unit. They usually don't give a crap about each other's lives, but this one time, they all decided to meddle. He doesn't live with the family btw, but very near to his bro. His bro came around when I was over one day, and he decided to tell the bro he was in a serious relationship and that's when the whole drama started and all other family members were brought in. It honestly pissed me off because they didn't even give us a chance. Not even a chance to try to get to know me before they decided. And the irony of it all is, I have a very strong stance on cheating and unfaithfulness, and I would never even think about cheating on him. He didn't have the mental strength to fight them, because the fear of getting disowned and not having family constantly got to him. Even if they were a crappy family, they were still his family. It did upset me and broke my heart that he didn't fight for even a chance with me, but at the same time, I understand how scary it can be when the threat of being disowned looms over the relationship. We've since decided to stay friends and still talk every day, just without the lovey dovey stuff, but it's been difficult when feelings are so strong. This was the only strategy we could think of to even have a chance of being together in the future. And it's only a chance since we don't know if the family will ever let him live his own life or allow us to get back together. It's only been a few days but I've been bouncing between heartache and apathy. It's not easy for him either, because he does want to be with me and if not for this, we would still be very happy together. I just hate that it's become so uncertain... will we ever be together again, and if not, will I ever meet or love another person so compatible with me? We've decided to wait it out together, as friends, and hope we can eventually be together again. But there seems to be no end in sight at the moment. If anyone has any similar stories to share, and how you coped, or any insight into this, feel free to share.
  19. I've been officially single over a week but in reality after not seeing my ex since September Ive been emotionally single a lot longer. To summarise breaking up came about due to covid restrictions, growing apart during the lockdowns and just not being the right fit for me. We started dating around this time last year but haven't spent tons of time together due to covid. She is heartbroken and I'm upset about that part of her being upset but personally I feel fine about breaking up, I know I made the right choice and I'm on the right path for me and excited about the new chapter in my life once this virus is in check. With all this in mind I'd like to take up online dating over next couple of months, chat to some people, hopefully make a good connection and go on a socially distanced walk or some safe activity for a date. My worry is upsetting my ex, I know she has friends who are on these apps and they would have no hesitation in telling her and stirring, I'd hate to upset her even more and think I should maybe wait a little longer, but then at the same time this year has shown life is too short for that, I should be doing what's right for me, or is that a very selfish way to look?
  20. You can find my posts about the situation with him and me. He ended things with me a few weeks ago. We caught up again recently, went to the beach with each other, he enjoyed it. I went back to his for a cup of tea and we spoke about things, he said it's the best decision for right now. Although he isn’t fully confident he’s doing the right thing. Maybe in a years time, things will feel more right with each other. I think maybe because he feels I'm still quite immature, I'm 25 and he's 34. He said that he told his mother we broke up and she got really angry. Something was quite odd, he told me his friend (who I know) broke up with his girlfriend but they’re back together. I left and he said let's catch up again next week. I don't think it's because he wants to continue having sex with me, if anything, he isn't reciprocating a lot of affection besides a hug. Still compliments me as much, however. He told me he isn't looking to date other people and hasn't been on dates. He isn't on dating apps either. Genuinely a good guy and trust his loyalty despite us not being together. I get the feeling right person, wrong time. Just seems weird to want to continue catching up with someone? Why?
  21. I'm after some advice, but guess I need to tell my story first. Thank you for anyone who makes it to the end. My ex and I met each other travelling around New Zealand, she's from Germany, I'm from the UK. It was such a magical time, this incredibly kind and special person falling in love with me, as we were both falling in love with our surroundings. I've never met someone so honest and pure, she cannot not lie and see's things so positively. She changed my whole perspective on the world, from eating chicken hearts because it was the cheapest meat at the supermarket, to going vegan over night. I changed her perspective on the world too, on what's important, to not listen to other people's instructions on life, but to do what you love and what you want to do so you have no regrets, hence why she stayed in New Zealand instead of going home 4 weeks after we met to study as her family expected/wanted, then to get a job, house etc. etc. We grew so much together for the year and half we were together, eventually going to Australia for 7 weeks before Covid ruined everything. We ended up flying back to my family home in the UK (on extremely over-priced plane tickets I'm still trying to pay back) to tide ourselves over until Covid disappeared so we could continue travelling.. obviously this didn't happen. Instead she went back to Germany for a while, then came back to the UK to visit, I then visited her for a few weeks too. But when I returned, she broke up with me. This wasn't completely unexpected though.. Sometimes it felt like we were on complete different pages, no matter how similar our morals or ways of life were. It was sometimes down to communication, which I blamed on the language barrier, but I don't think this is 100% true. She speaks incredible English, but naturally sometimes things translate differently so we can get our wires crossed. Neither of us are angry, selfish or unfair people, we had an incredibly deep relationship, we always said nobody else understood us the way we understood each other. She was my best friend. We broke up in Australia at the beginning of the year, about a year into our relationship, it was mutual but the most painful experience I've ever gone through. After the break up she went to meet up with her best friend who came over from Germany a few weeks prior. I felt abandoned, alone, I stayed in an outhouse for four days not eating a thing that whole time. I cried uncontrollably every 10/15 minutes for four days, the only thing that could stop was looking deep into my eyes in the mirror (I feel like it connects you to a human that way). I had many anxiety attacks which I had never experienced or ever thought I'd get as I always considered myself quite a mentally strong person. I've never properly over a breakup before. I used a forum similar to this but more about preventing suicide which didn't help too much, I was in pieces. Everything I looked at reminded me of her, we'd been through so much together and I didn't know where to turn. Speaking to family eventually on day 4 got me to eat, breathe and understand what I had to do. I had to fly to another part of Australia and start again. I told my ex that I needed my external hardrive she had before I could leave. She then had an emotional meltdown as she didn't think I'd actually leave, she thought we would eventually get back together she just wanted some time apart. She was truly hurt and her friend told me privately that she is totally in love with me and wants to get back together, but after everything I went through I was so confused. But of course, I was in love with this girl, so we got back together and things were back to normal soon enough. When I was visiting her in Germany after we came back to Europe we connected deeply on many topics, childhood, friend circles, understanding culture, exploring childhood towns, meeting family, it was great. But at the same time we had a couple of really bad times emotionally, nearly breaking up. We never shouted, it's more pain & feeling hurt. At the end of the trip to Germany, I felt like although we had some bad times, I felt a lot closer to her as I understood her motives and reasons behind some things I used to blame on other things. Unfortunately, she waited for a good time when I got back to the UK, and then called me to let me know we could no longer be together. She wanted me to get therapy, and to find myself again. She had recently started to go to therapy too, not just because of us, but other childhood things too. Of course, I was hurt, and memories of the four days in Australia came back, I reached those extreme points many times, but was in the comfort of my home and could meet friends so did not need any forums. She was also distraught, but she had a goal, and it was to find herself again, which I respected. After this, we decided a no contact rule to help us move on, which definitely helps! But of course, things happen, a show comes on, a bird sings, a song plays, a memory pops up, a phrase is said, an empty bed, the broken dreams we had together... etc etc. Over the next few weeks we both had weak points where we needed each other's voice to calm ourselves down. This really was a messy ending, because we wanted our relationship to work more than anything, it just wasn't. Eventually some weeks past, and I felt a lot more alive than before, I felt like I could see the light at the end of the tunnel. But then she contacted me again, but this time I told her that contacting isn't helping either of us. She told me she loved me, she told me she hears my voice, smells me, wants me etc. This is the girl that I still wanted grow old with, that I loved dearly, but I really tried listening to my head instead of my heart and did not say anything like that back to her, I knew it would help her in the long run if I stuck to my guns. Eventually she said "I could never imagine you with anyone else", to which I said "I can". This broke her heart, I felt it over the phone, gone, blocked, no contact. I felt bad after a day and emailed her saying I'm sorry for what I said, and that I didn't believe it, but I told her I couldn't agree to those things or it will make things worse. She never replied, still hasn't. Two months pass and I was looking at the blocked people I had on my Instagram. I saw her and got too tempted so pressed on her page and saw that she's moved to a town in the UK in her Instagram description?!? (I wish I never looked). She always said she loved the UK and hated Germany, so I'm not surprised she moved here just to be happy, but it's really screwed me up. Is she trying to be close to me again? Surely not? I no longer suppressed my emotions for her, and everything flooded back to the top. It's been two weeks since I looked at her Instagram bio, and I've written, rewritten and edited an email to her about 40 times. I finish work at 5pm, and sometimes end up sitting there still thinking about pressing send until 8/9pm. I've spent so many evenings thinking what to do. I'm ruining my evenings, my weekends, my free time. I've shed many tears these last two weeks, sometimes when I'm putting food in the oven, sometimes just after laughing at a funny video, sometimes going for a walk, I can't control it. I've been close to pressing send twice, but always think that it could completely destroy her, like it's doing to me. I wasn't meant to see that she's in the UK remember, I'm blocked from everything (although you can't block emails), so feel bad. I'm also not sure that it's the right thing to do, do I potentially start up a relationship that has already proven not to work? But it DID work, for so long, we have such a strong deep connection? I feel like I understand a lot more than I did before, but am I the right person for her? Is she the right person for me? I'm definitely still in love with her, but are we meant to be with each other? It's such a huge decision to make, but I want to decide now so I don't waste any more time. It's been 2 horrendous weeks. Christmas is coming up and I don't want to ruin it for either of us, so sending the email now will let things calm down well before then. I can't feel like this until the new year, so waiting until 2021 is not an option. I don't know what to do. Does anyone know some simple questions I can ask myself to make this easier? I do feel like no matter what, I will end up sending something to her :( If she was in Germany this would be so much easier, but she's on my Island! I could drive to her :( Everything i've read online basically says if you get broken up with, don't break the no contact rule. But our story isn't as simple as that, she was the last to confess her love for me. Gah this is so hard. Any advice? Or further things I could say that could help someone give me advice? Thanks for making it to the end if you did. I know people have a lot bigger problems to worry about, and a lot tougher relationships and breakups, so feel kind of guilty with my story, but I don't know where else to turn
  22. Just a bit confused about a friendship with an ex...We were friends with benefits for a year ,we had a row this was August this year and he was so angry he blocked me, then 3 weeks ago he unblocked me and we had a few chats and cleared the air, he did say during our split since August he did meet someone but there was red flags so he ended it but they still talk...Anyway since last week hes been calling everyday about 3/4 times just like how it used to be, but hes clearly stated theres no going back and I agree, but I'm confused and not sure I believe hes suddenly ended things with this other person, I have told him if there is someone I cant be his friend yet...So what's his motive if any...?
  23. Hi All - keen to get some advice from you wise people. Like everyone else, there is a bit of a story so strap in. Background I am 38 years old and started dating X in August 2018, four months after I ended a four year emotionally abusive relationship. She is an amazing girl and while I knew it at the time, I wasn't ready for what she wanted. Over the next seven months, I broke up with her and got back together three times. I always saw potential with her and with us that I didn't want to let go of, which is why I kept coming back but I just felt emotionally blunt every time I went back and I couldn't give her what she wanted, needed and deserved. Ultimately, I hadn't yet completely processed my previous relationship enough to be ready for her. After that last break up I thought to myself that I just needed a bit more time and then I would be ready for her emotionally. I saw her 2 months later (May, 2019) at a friend's birthday and felt ready to open up to her and tell her I wanted to be 'all in' with her but she told me that she had just started dating someone a few weeks before. This of course made me want her even more - I had realised that I was on the verge of losing the most amazing woman I had ever met and was ready to fight for her. She was not over me either but she saw potential in the new guy too and didn't know what to do, especially as I had continuously let her down for the previous 9 months. There has always been incredible chemistry between us and over the next few months we hooked up a number of times (no sex) while she was still dating the other guy. I am not proud of my role in this and she is not the type of girl who would typically do anything like this to someone else either, but the chemistry was just too hard to ignore - we have always been drawn to each other. During this time, she also sent me intense letters and texts which told of her strong feelings for me and her confusion about how things had played out but she continued to date the other guy. While she was constantly on my mind and I had never wanted anything more, for the most part there was no contact between us between September 2019 and January 1, 2020 when she sent me a Happy New Year text message. Her boyfriend had turned out to be abusive and horrible and upon arriving back from a holiday with him in February 2020, she broke up with him. She said she couldn't stop thinking about me and on February 13 2020, she came to me and said she wanted to give us another shot. All the pain and sleepless nights of the previous nine months seemed to be worth it. Everything was incredible for two months and then out of the blue, she said that she wasn't sure about us. But she wasn't certain if the problem was because of where she was at in her life or if it was a problem between her and I. She broke up with me to try sort it out. Then two weeks later she dropped off a present for my birthday and didn't leave my apartment for four days. It was a truly incredible time and I was the happiest I have ever been. I told her though that I wouldn't take her back unless she was 'all in'. Still unsure, she left my apartment and things were again uncertain. A week later she organised a courier to drop off a massive box with all of my favourite things inside, with a note that expressed everything I had been wanting to hear from her - the most beautiful note about how much she loves me, with the heading "I'M ALL IN." Again, I was on top of the world and things were amazing for two months. I then asked her if she would meet my parents. This turned into a very unexpected, heated conversation which led to her saying that she wasn't ready to meet them and that "she loves me but she is not in love with me". That old chestnut. I was completely blindsided. She said that she thought her feelings should be stronger for me at this stage in her life - she is 31 and very concerned about her body clock. A bit hysterical about it actually. While she said that she didn't know "if we could come back from this conversation" I said to her that given what we had been through and that it had only been a few weeks since we got back together, she needed to give herself more time to explore this. And she agreed. At this point I decided to back off completely and not put any pressure on her. I did not want to be demanding because I thought that perhaps I had been too intense and that with time, she would eventually realise the incredible relationship we have and I wanted her to realise this organically. She was right though - in a self fulfilling prophecy way - we couldn't come back from that earlier conversation and two and half months later (August 31, 2020), she woke up on a Sunday and said again that she thinks her feelings should be stronger than what they are (more below) and she ended it again. I do not believe I was needy at all during these months. I feel that because of her body clock, she has put huge amounts of pressure on herself to "feel what she is supposed to feel" that she pressured herself out of the relationship and never let herself organically grow into the relationship. She went from the bells and whistles of saying she was "ALL IN" to not being sure in a matter of weeks. It's just very confusing to me. Meanwhile, I have never been more certain about anything in my life. What was said during the breakup She said to me that I was her best friend, that I tick all of the boxes and that I was the best boyfriend that she had ever had. But she said that it often felt platonic and at times she felt there was no chemistry. No chemistry!? This was truly alarming to hear because of the chemistry that we had always had and because I have always thought that we have had the best sex I have ever had with anyone (the sex never stopped up until the end). And we get along like a house on fire! We don't fight, provide support for each other and are incredibly compatible. To me everything makes sense and just falls into place. They say "when you know, you know" and after decades of dating the wrong women, I KNOW! We're on the same page about everything (except being together..), have similar interests and we have the same values. I just don't get it! I had noticed that she was not very affectionate in that last two and a half months nor was she vulnerable or open with her feelings but she has always had trouble opening up and I thought that she was just not as affectionate as me and that everything would come in time so I accepted it (and also didn't want to bring it up to rock the boat after our last chat....). On the day that we broke up, she couldn't keep her hands off me. She was crying hysterically, something that is also very out of character for her. And the eyes she looked at me with for that entire day - it was long break up - were definitely not platonic eyes. They were eyes that were full of pain and doubt. She said that she would like to keep in touch but I said very firmly that I didn't want contact if we weren't together and that I needed to move on. What has happened since. There has been no contact since this happened on 31 August. I am hopelessly in love with her and want to spend the rest of my life with her but I know what I am worth and I am not going to beg her to come back. I know of course that that begging wouldn't work anyway. I just feel that with time away from me without any contact, she will realise what she has lost. Given our history I just don't feel like this is over. It almost feels like this is the last leg in our journey. Am I delusional? I just don't understand what has happened and how she could have lost attraction for me. I wasn't needy, she agrees that I am the best boyfriend she has ever had and that I am her best friend. What is she looking for? Any advice and thought on if this is going to work out or not, would be really appreciated.
  24. Hey guys! This is actually the first time I'm writing on some forum or asking for this type of advice but sometimes it's nice to hear the opinion of people who are completely objective. I really hope that someone will have a patience to read this long text. Okay, I'm going to try to write as much as it can so you can get a clearer understanding of the situation. I've been in a long-distance relationship for about 1,5 years. My bf is one of the most amazing people I've ever met as it was our relationship to some point. It happened totally spontaneously but we got so caught up and liked each other that we decided to give it a try even though we knew that relationships like this could be stressful. I was confident, positive, and easy-going which would be completely different then I am at the moment. He told me that he had never met a better person in his life and therefore not a girl like me and it really looked like that. On the other hand, he's really the most special guy I've ever had a chance to meet. He is really intelligent, different, "deeper" than anyone I know, with a broader and different view of the world. I really don't want to offend anyone, but he is just not "basic", so to say, and that's how we probably found each other because I think I'm also specific in some way. Our relation was very healthy, full of love and understanding until one moment when the problems started. What started to bother me was that my bf after some 5 months of the relationship started to be different, after the first such "honeymoon" phase. At that point, when we met and during this first phase, he was going through a tough period of looking for a job after college and self-reflecting, and of course I was always by his side and it worked great. Then we saw each other and spent two weeks together and it didn't go that well because I didn't organize some things which I was supposed to which led to negative energy between us and after his departure it all starts (I have to mention that we were seeing each other each month and a half approximately and spending more or fewer days together depending on our schedules). After that meeting we had, we started arguing and blaming each other for why the time we spent together was bad when every previous time was wonderful. I accepted my part of being guilty, apologized, and tried to make it up. He became a little different and colder but when I started the breakup story at that point, he didn’t want to accept it but thought we should stay together. Sure, we stayed together because we were already in love but I wasn't truly completely happy after that. I think I was happy to have him but I was missing something because he was never as he used to be. I know I can't expect the same excitement as in the beginning but the relationship needs to grow into something deeper and more meaningful over time. The next thing that happens is that he got the job and what he was striving for all the time while I was in the same phase of looking for a new job and phase of self-reflection. In the meantime, we kept seeing each other but it wasn’t as great for me as it was in the beginning. He was now busy with a new job as I was going through a difficult period where I didn’t feel like I had his support like he had mine. In addition, he criticized me and pressured me to find out what I wanted out of life and he said that he did it for my sake even it didn't feel good. This led to my frustration and dissatisfaction which I started to express by constantly arguing with him, about anything because I felt I deserved better treatment. Of course, I tried to resist it but it was really hard. During that period, we were occasionally fighting but we eventually "fixed things" (Again, I felt as something was missing for me all the time). I decided to stay because I started loving him and I wanted it to work out as well as he did. These were some initial problems that grew over time. Let's say that our relationship was fine, until a couple of months ago. One of the biggest issues is that we haven't been able to see each other for months because of COVID. I have to point out that external factors were really bad for our relationship, nothing went our way because we didn't choose to be separated, we just couldn't travel to each other. Every time we think that it will be possible to do it soon and then we get one more slap and disappointment. In the meantime, we both had some personal issues and instead of finding support in each other, we were fighting. Then we always say we won't do it anymore, we'll be sorry, but we continue again and so on for months. In addition, we could not meet up that it was even harder. I’ve been thinking of course earlier if it’s better to break up but I just couldn’t because I really love him and somehow I was hoping things would get better, I mean we both were. After our last fight which was not so serious but more like accumulated over time, we decided to stay away from each other for a few days since we are talking every day since we meet. After some days, I called him because someone definitely has to do it and thought we would smooth things over as usual but our conversation was different this time. He told me that he hadn't called me earlier because these days were really peaceful for him and a kind of relief (so it was for me) and that he was thinking whether it was smarter to break up or stay together. So, these few days we talked and he practically told me that he needs to spend some time alone to decide what he wants, on what I told him that he had enough days to figure that out. I said that my opinion is that whether we break up and completely stop communicating or we move in together (I know it sounds crazy but I think it would be easier to work on it in real life but I also have to mention that he has always procrastinated with this decision). Basically, he says that he loves me a lot and that is the only thing which keeps him from breaking up. He says that he wants to be with me but that our relationship in the last time was nothing but suffering for both of us and that maybe is better for our own sake to stay away from each other. I know he does love me, I can see that else I would leave a long time ago. As you can see our relationship became really toxic and painful because we want it to work but it just doesn't somehow. After a couple of days of "trying to figure out" what we should do, he said that I'm not helping him by talking with him because he has to stay away from the problem (me) so he can eventually solve the problem. He is a bit melancholic by nature but I have never seen him so depressed, sad, and dark. He says he hasn't done anything these days, that he can't eat, do anything useful, or even take a shower. I tried to cheer him up but it didn't work. It seems to me that he has completely lost faith in our relationship but he still can’t break up and says he is completely unable to make a decision. I already know that this relation has been lately toxic for both of us but I feel lost and I don't know what am I supposed to do? I don't feel like waiting like a little puppy on him until he figures out what does he want to do ( I have to mention that he mostly blames me for our fights, by saying how he was never enough for me and he even said that I was emotionally abusing him and that I should at least give me some space back now) but from the other side I still have faith and I don't have the heart to break up. How can I do it if I love him? I can't imagine that I won't be able to see him ever again or that he would be seeing someone else. I literally saw him as someone I could spend my life with and I don't want anyone else. I know I wrote a lot of negativity even though there were really nice things but I wanted to focus on the problems. Tell me what you would do, is it possible to do anything? Has anyone had a similar situation and if you did, how did you handle it? What is your objective reasoning from the side? Is it better to break up or wait for him to say what he wants and if I decide to wait, how long should I then? I can't be in this state for long. I appreciate every answer. ❤️
  25. keshi

    Help!

    Hello! Need advice, and dont know who to turn to. I dated my ex for almost two years. During the relationship, we broke up a few times, and had frequent fights. These fights 99% of the time pertained to one thing- other girls. He never cheated on me in the sense that he physically got intimate with other girls, but he would talk and hangout with them behind my back, and would tell his friends how hot they were and how much he wanted to f**ck them. When I saw this, I broke up with him last fall, but we got back together about a month later. Other than these fights, we had a really good relationship. We were best friends, did everything together, and we were genuinely inlove. He was always known as a guy with not much emotion, but everyone said he changed a lot after he started dating me, and I saw it too. I also think it might be important to share we are both sophomores in college (and 20-something guys are stupid). He goes to college in my hometown and I am here because of Covid. We were best friends since freshman year of highschool and started dating senior year of high school. I got very close with his family, and him with mine. When we broke up last fall, there was one girl that he was "friends" with who he spoke and hung-out with a lot. When we got back together, he had posted a picture for thanksgiving of us together. I commented "I love you" and this girl liked the comment. So....weird. This girl was working at a job he just got, and he hid that from me. When I found out, I obviously was very upset which turned into a huge argument. He then broke up with me, and said he knew he would never hear the end of it, and that he wasn't ready for a committed relationship anymore. He kept saying that he, "wasn't ready for marriage". This was around mid august. He blocked me on social media and my number. Eventually after a few weeks, he unblocked my number and my snapchat, but kept my instagram blocked. Since then, there have been a few text exchanges. The night he unblocked me, he drunk texted me and told me he missed me. A few days after that, I lost my cool and yelled at him and used very strong language over text after I saw all the girls (and some of my old friends) that he followed on instagram (I used a different account that he didn't block to look). A week or two after that, I sent a long message asking for an explanation as to why our relationship ended up the way it did, and he said he was happier now, and didn't want to commit to a relationship anymore. This is where the mixed signals come in. I still have him on spotify, and he has a new playlist thats filled with songs that are obviously about us breaking up, they're about heartbreak, losing the one you love, etc. Some of them, are a few of the songs we use to listen to together. I mean, it's OBVIOUSLY an "I miss my ex" kinda playlist. Along with this, he ALWAYS watches my snapchat stories 5-15 minutes after I post them. So, this has me confused. Why is he keeping tabs and being sad if he said he was happier without me?And what was with the drunk text a month ago? I work a few doors down from him, and he walks by atleast 3 times a day (he has to for work, its not voluntary to see me). Everytime he walks past, we make eye contact and he gives me a strange look. A look that says "I love you" but also not. I cant read his face, and I just have given up by now. If he missed me and wanted me back, I know he would text or do something about it. But he can be stubborn and maybe doesn't want to say anything at all in hopes he can move on. I dont want to text him first, because I want him to know Im not a puppy dog at his feet. I haven't said anything for a few weeks now, and I'v been posting me doing fun stuff on my snapchat, but that hasn't made him want me back yet. Or text me. Or try to talk to me. Its so frustrating! Why wont he text me? It's beginning to be a long time since our breakup, and I'm afraid he wont come back or want me again soon. I want him to text me, and tell me that he loves me and that he misses me. What should I do? Best, Keshi
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