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About Me

  1. Hi Everyone, I am a 30 year old guy, in a relationship with a girl the same age as me. We have been together for 3 years now. Everything is great and we are currently looking at buying a house together. I'm worried that we have differing opinions about marriage. I have never wanted to get married. I have always made this clear. She has always been kind of wishy-washy about it and I didn't think it was a big deal, until a couple of times recently that she has made comments about wanting to get married. I've explained to her that I don't really understand the concept of a marriage. IMO, I don't see the point in spending tens of thousands on a wedding day, and entering a legal contract which makes things very tricky if anything was to go wrong in the relationship. And following the wedding, nothing is different about the day to day life of the relationship between married and not married, so what's the point? Perhaps I am hoping for someone to explain the concept to me. Every time I have asked people why they want to get married (including several of my friends who are married) I have only ever had meaningless answers back, like ''it's nice'', or ''I don't really know but we just wanted to''. It's not the commitment that I'm worried about... I am very happy to stay with this girl forever, and to enter into a mortgage with her which would tie us together financially for many years and put us in hundreds of thousands worth of debt together. To me, that's a far bigger commitment than the concept of a marriage. To be honest, I think I'll struggle to come around to the idea of wanting to get married. I have always felt this way about it. I feel like I want to convince her that we don't need to get married.... but equally, if that is what she wants, then I don't really want to be the guy that's ruining that for her. I know we need to iron this out before signing a mortgage.... but I feel it's a rock and a hard place, and I don't want to lose her. Any of your thoughts are appreciated. Oh, and no offence meant to anybody who is married... you do you! 🙂 Thanks!
  2. I’m a bisexual female. I’ve always been more into women than men, but I am also a Christian and know based on the religion that it’s wrong. So I stopped acting on my feelings for women and decided to date men. I fell in love with a man and we are married and have a child together. The thing is...I have never enjoyed making out with my husband and the sex I have with him has never been as enjoyable as with a woman. I’ve spoken to him about my wants and desires in the bedroom but he does not change. I’ve asked him if it would be ok if I could have an opportunity to fool around with women. He could even watch. He turned that down. Idk what to do. I am going crazy and want to sleep with a woman to satisfy these urges. I have been thinking of cheating but don’t want to. It’s wrong because of my religion and because my husband disapproves. But that leaves me feeling sexually miserable. What should I do?
  3. My husband and I have been in a relashionship for 12 years. For a while now our sex life as been unfulfilling. The problem lies in the differences in our libido and preferences. I'm much more physical than he is, even in the most mundane aspects of our daily lifes. I like longer hugs, deeper kisses and a lot more touching than he does. Luckily, we could find some compromise and live happy and generally peaceful lives. However, when it comes to sex, our needs are too discrepant. I love having sex and if it were up to me, we would have it every day. Although he likes sex, he feels it's quite tiring and doesn't want/need it as often. He feels comfortable having sex once a week (or less). I'm okay with having less sex than I need as long as there's a way to make up for it with intimacy. Unfortunately, due to the pandemic, he's the only person I can have physical contact with and it's just not enough. I try masturbating more often but it doesn't seem to help. I tried discussing it with him, but it feels like I'm walking on eggshells (I'm afraid of pressuring him and only making it worse). Another aspect that's been bothering me it's the quality of our sex life. He's very tradicional when it comes to sex and doesn't enjoy trying new things. On the other hand, I'd love to try new things, such as tantric sex, using toys, roleplaying, BDSM, etc. It's very difficult to reach an agreement and we end up doing the same thing over and over again. It pains me that I'm hardly making love anymore but just satisfying a basic need and using the one I love most in the world to do it. Could do please help me? I don't know how to improve this aspect of our lives and really need some advice. (By the way, none of us is cheating and spliting up is out of the question. I treasure our relationship and the warm, trustfull and happy home we build.)
  4. We were together 12y, married 3, and have a 8 month old. Anywho its been a heck of a saga, but she showed her hand and it was the last straw. Last tuesday I officially had filed for divorce, and im now going through the process. I wont waste time talking about her more, but am trying to figure out my path forward after this 12y saga. What sort of steps should I guy like myself do to re-invent, and re-think who i am going forward and maybe at some point get lucky and meet someone new. Im looking for thoughts and ideas. Thanks
  5. Hello Everyone, Been married a little over 7 years. I started noticing changes in my wife when she started a new job back in June of last year, working late, dressing different, guarding her phone. To make a long story short, my wife now spends more time with her new boss than she does with me. There have been at least 2 different incidents where I caught them doing what I consider to be flirting (she disagrees) and she even gave him a very expensive watch for Christmas. (she's never given me a watch) They text after work and at all hours of the night, I've even caught her texting him when she was supposed to be having a romantic dinner, alone with me. Every time I try to sit her down and have a calm conversation with her about all this, we just end up arguing and I end up on the couch, she thinks I'm overreacting and she even claims that maybe I'm being a little insecure about the fact that she now earns more than me. She says there is nothing going on between them, that she's only trying to make a good impression and I'm being paranoid, she says she loves me and wouldn't be with me if she wanted someone else and I really want to believe her. This weekend they are supposed to go away for a convention and she'll be gone for 2 weeks. I've already told her that I feel uncomfortable about the trip and now she says I'm controlling and she seems determined to go whether I like it or not. I don't know who this person is, but it's not the woman I married, she's turned into some sort of cold-hearted Ice Queen, our sex life is down the drain and she gets irritated easily and picks fights with me about stupid stuff. Despite all of this I still love my wife very much, but I'm beginning to think I can't compete with her new boss, he's 10 years younger than me, single and filthy rich. I'm at a loss for what to do, part of me wants to walk away and another part wants to fight for my marriage, but I don't even know where to start, I've never been in this situation before, any advice would be greatly appreciated.
  6. I've thought my husband has cheated before in our marriage.I knew I caught them in a compromising situation, but did not catch them in the act. They both lied about what had happened for 2 years. Then my husband contracted an STD. By lying I got my sister to tell the truth. My husband denied until he found out I had talked to my sister. He finally admitted it. His reason for lying was to save our marriage. How do you save a marriage where you know he cheated one but believes he's been cheating for years? I've been married for 13 years and can't imagine him not in my life. But I can't imagine ever trusting him again either. We're currently separated and I'm not sure what I should do. Please help.
  7. I'm really struggling right now with my husband. We're both 24, married for over a year. I feel as if he has lost interest in our marriage and myself. He says he hasn't, but I think differently. He doesn't want to talk much, he would rather play games on his phone or computer than do anything with me. He doesn't want to have sex, he just doesn't care. We have been seeing a therapist together, but that hasn't been overly helpful. These issues have been going on for months, before we got married, everything was great, we had been together for 5 years. A few weeks ago we went on vacation in hopes to help our relationship and it didn't help at all. We rented a house in different state with a private pool. He didn't want to go out and do anything, see anything, etc. He spent 95% of the time in the living area playing games on his tablet, or talking to his "gamer friends" on this chat thing. So while he was doing that, I was enjoying my time around and in the pool. He didn't once want to join me outside or in the pool. I also walked around the house completely nude and spent my time outside nude, and he didn't even blink an eye at that, no comments, no acknowledgment. NOTHING. I made a super nice dinner and ate outside nude, no compliments or anything. It was a disappointing trip. Now that has passed and I'm considering divorce, he doesn't think we have any issues, I'm just at a complete loss as to what to do. Any thoughts or suggestions would be appreciated.
  8. I am in the middle of a divorce (that my wife wanted). At first everything was my fault and I started to believe some of it until I found out there was someone else involved with her. At first she denied it and said they were just “good friends” and then I had proof of all the texting going on between the two and she couldn’t deny it anymore. She still said “he’s not the reason I’m leaving” “don’t tell anyone about this”. Typical cheater stuff. We’ve been together 11 years, married for 5. Both of us are 30 years old and we’ve known each other since elementary school. She had only known this guy for about 3 months before she moved out. (Yes never met him before in her life). I got the “I’ve been unhappy for awhile, he understands me, I’ve never felt this way before and the I love you but not in love with you”. I’m not perfect by any means but I didn’t do anything for a divorce. All of our family (mine and hers) are on my side other than her sister in law who she’s living with now and who’s a big part of the problem. I exposed her affair and now she’s mad at me of course but still denies that’s why she’s leaving. BTW she’s already thinking marriage with this guy. Anyway my question is, how often will affairs last typically? Anyone had an affair before and been through something similar and realized it wasn’t what they thought? Thanks
  9. Together for 5 years engaged for 1.5 years and no matter what happened good, great or otherwise he never set a date or would let me set a date. We did pre-engagement counseling and 6 weeks of marriage counseling classes through church (required for the pastor to officiate the ceremony) and within last year did 7 months of coupleÂ’s counseling. During this time of intently working toward marriage we worked out a lot of major and minor details to support a healthy marriage, wanting kids, how to raise the kids, religon and church to go to, living arrangement and down to small exercises about who does laundry and who folds etc. Understanding things can be flexible, but the goal was to discover the small things that can cause issues in the first years of marriage and have them worked out. So we also set who'd handle finances and who'd handle house items etc. So we took marriage seriously mostly initiated by him because of him, but in the end I appreciated it and felt it would all help us in our marriage. We worked through some of his hang ups about marriage, but what we could never get past was his ideal that literally every concern he has about possible issues in a marriage be addressed before ever getting married. It was impossible. The couple's counselor a licensed physcologist who had been married for almost 20 years after hearing all ascertained that my fiance blow smalls things up into bigger issues than they are and told my fiance that basically you can't get a 100% guarantee on everything before marriage. There will be things, before and after that may need to be worked through you need make the commitment to marriage that will make the difference. For me the physiologist pointed out that I have a stronger personality than my fiance, I had to adjust my tone and how I speak during issues, mainly loud speaking. He also pointed out to my fiance everyone has different personalities so it's not a reason not to marry unless you determine that it's a dealbreaker. I'd been single for 5 years when I met my fiance and I was pretty open about my personality from the beginning. I knew it was strong, loud and passionate, but I have worked on adjusting and made improvements. I know because others have realized it. So I was not surprised when my fiance let it be known that my personality was not dealbreaker and he understands me. Instead he takes disagreements that we have and blow them up into marriage threatening issues. When he would not propose I told him that he was doing that, after we were engaged and having a professional psychologist witness it when he helped us work through one that happened while we were in counseling I have it confirmed that my fiance makes mountains out of molehills to become barriers to marriage. After 5 years of this I am tired, but felt like we could still move forward get married and have a committed relationship. So after almost 1.5 years and not date I got discouraged and thought that I didn't want to get married and deal with this anymore. We had some very bad life events happen with close family member and some other issue not related to the relationship that put a strain and while we pulled through for the most part and worked together as a couple there was an area where I felt he was there. I expressed that to him and instead of him addressing it he used it as a reason to distance himself to the point of him telling me he was going to call me back one day and never did for 3 weeks. I admit I was dealing with some insecurities with the engagement without a wedding date and also feeling like I had to push so hard for the engagement to happen and now feeling the same way to actually get married. I needed for us to talk every day after work. I made sure, but there would be days he'd not contact me all day including after his work whereas he use to. Out of frustration when he did it that last time I did not call him either. I'd expressed to him how it bothers me especially when I am dealing with us not being married and living together at least I need to for us to be in sync as if we are engaged to be married. So just like there would be an issue with him not coming home one night if married it's an issue if he does not call. I always get something like he was going to and fell asleep or did not feel well or he was going to call but I called first. So this time I was pissed and said since he always say he was going to call I said let's see and once again I was let down, he did not call. 3 weeks passed and while I'd broken up with him in my head, I called him and had the desire to repair. To my shock this man said he was going to call when his family that was visiting him left the NEXT MONTH. He felt that telling me when they asked for me and why I had not come to see them when they arrive he told them I was busy because he wanted to protect our relationship and that was proof that he was going to call. He also claims that while he did not call me had taken some steps toward us getting married two weeks before I called him. The whole situation bothered me because he then tried to make it seem like I'd been the one that had not contacted him for three weeks because I did not want to deal with the issues outside the relationship that was going on during that time. I disputed that and once I presented the detail he admitted he had not called because he was upset about my refusal to help him with looking something up on the internet that he asked me to and he questioned marrying me since I was supposed to be someone he would share his life with. So instead of discussing it with me he once again made it something to question us marrying and at something he admitted was small. At this point we are engaged for 1.5 years and this is seeming like this is why he refuses to set a wedding date. It confirmed that for me when he bought up an items we'd addressed in couple's counseling and was settled and he bought it up as if it was something that was recent issue. I told him nothing changed with how we both addressed it during couple's counseling so I did not know why he was bringing it back up as it was not settled. So he let that go. To shorten this I told him I as always I was willing to discuss the issue we had about what happened right before he stopped calling, but I did not feel it was something that we could not talk through and don't to feel like our getting married was being held hostage of over these talks. So I wanted to set a wedding date so we'd be talking through this understanding we have a commitment instead of feeling like he was determining if we should get married or not. Well the date we set to go the park to talk about setting the wedding date and plan he decided to tell he don't think we are meant to be together because I had not helped him look up the info on the internet. To give you the contrast that same month it happened we'd had so many things outside the relationship to deal with on both sides, including death of my family member, and I did not have to time to give all my focus to wedding and marriage. At that point I guess he was not use to that being my main focus he asked me do I want to still get married I said yes and he said ok he was thinking October, but never said more details or went on to discuss more specifics. It was consistent with the year before I'd suggested October even sat with him at the wedding venue and he would not pick a date. Eventually the reason he gave was he needed to save up more money. When the money became available he used it for something else. When he told me we were not meant to be together I knew it was because he knew there was no other way to avoid setting a wedding date and he'd come back later to say and do whatever to allow up keep going as engaged without setting a date of actually getting married. This was confirmed by his actions which I won't go into detail, but eventually after talking he once again came to me and said he doesn't want to lose me and wants to get married. By this time I my defenses were up and nothing but a committed date and action from him would bring them down. So I asked him when and was quiet so I told him he was dropping breadcrumbs and that's fine he can drop his breadcrumbs, but they won't do. He left. I sent him several articles about the effects of long engagements when both people don't agree on it also about when engagements happened a wedding date should be set or it can cause resentment. That was almost 3 weeks ago and I have not heard anything from him. I keep going from just letting it go and never speaking to him to formally contacting him to confirm we are done to waiting to see if he comes around which I will pick right back up at setting a wedding date. At this point I don't think I can ever contact him again if he does not reach out because there seems to be nowhere to go, I just will not remain stalled and seeming trying to prove to him we are okay to get married. It seems he will use absolutely anything as a barrier to getting married. It seemed that way about getting engaged, but eventually he proposed, but it just lead to going through the same thing with actually trying to get married. Would it be the same thing if we got married feeling like I have to pull drag and prove everything. Does it even matter now we have not spoken in 3 weeks? Do people actually end an enagagment by never speaking? What do I do? I feel like if I contact him it's just condoning the pattern and it's pointless because even thought he said he still wants to get married instead of setting a date he is okay with not speaking to me in 3 weeks? Was I pushing him into something he did not want to do? Should it be this hard?
  10. I'm hoping someone here can offer a bit of advice. My husband and I have been married 4 years and things were going pretty well until a few months ago. We've always been quite "open" in our relationship and before we got married we occasionally saw other people for casual sex (in my case of both genders) and it was fine, it was kind of our mutual agreement that we would be honest about it rather than cheat. When we got engaged we made a vow to no longer have sex with other people, not because of any religious beliefs (we are both atheists) but because it felt right to make that promise to each other. We stuck to our resolve throughout our engagement, which lasted about a year, then for the first couple of years of marriage we were both content enough. I've always known he watched porn and masturbated but I was fine with that, I do it too. But from about two years ago, soon after we discovered we couldn't have kids and made the decision not to go down either the IVF or the adoption route, he started to spend more and more time by himself, masturbating pretty much every night (he never made any effort to cover his tracks and every morning I found the tissues at the top of the waste paper basket in his study - even without picking them up, the smell was always unmistakable - sorry about the detail!) In the end I decided to confront him about it. At first he was really defensive, but in the end he admitted that he was finding himself thinking more and more about other women. He didn't want to cheat on me, but at the same time he couldn't stop fantasising about doing things with certain women he knew. He told me one of his work colleagues had been flirting with him and he was finding it really hard not to return her attention. I should have been angry with him, but I wasn't - mainly because hearing him say these things made me realise I'd been doing the exact same thing. When I masturbated (which wasn't every day, but certainly often enough) I never thought about him, it was always about other people I knew, mainly guys but sometimes women too. It made me wonder if maybe we should try to be more like we used to be before we got married: give each other some freedom, which always seemed to make us appreciate each other more. On impulse, I asked him how he'd feel about giving each other a hall pass. "Just a one-off" I said, to spice things up a bit and bring some excitement back into our sex life. I thought he'd jump at the chance but in fact we was really reluctant. He kept saying he wasn't sure if he really wanted to see anyone else, but I thought he just didn't like the idea of me doing it with another guy. So I said "it's your birthday next month, how about we make this a present just for you? You get the pass, I don't. I don't really need it anyway". In the end he accepted and on his birthday I actually wrote him a proper pass on nice paper, giving him permission to go with anyone he wanted, just once. I was honestly fine about it, I felt a bit jealous at the thought but I pushed the feeling back and focused on the goal of having him back to his happy, caring self. In the end he went out with that tart from his office and they had a fairly disappointing one night stand, which he told me all about. He said once they were naked he felt really self-conscious, he managed to get it up but finished things in a real rush for fear of losing his erection, then just spent ages down on her to try and make up for his poor performance. I should have felt sorry for him but I was secretly delighted that he'd had such a crap time with her and that hopefully he'd never want to see her again (she certainly wouldn't want to see him!) Well, the whole arrangement worked really well because afterwards our sex life got much better. He lavished me with attention and stopped masturbating frantically, choosing instead to come to bed with me almost every night. We didn't always have sex, but we cuddled a lot and we sometimes masturbated next to each other, which we hadn't done since before marriage (it might sound weird but we both love it, we try to cum together and we kiss the whole time). Then my birthday came, and to my utter shock he wrote me a hall pass of his own. I genuinely hadn't expected it and I was even more surprised because things had been better between us and I didn't think he'd want to rock the boat. He said he hadn't felt right since he'd been with that girl from the office, he felt like things were uneven between us and the only way to make everything balanced and fair again was for me to have my own night of fun. I must confess, my mouth was saying "I really don't need it" and "Are you sure about this?" but inside I was more excited than I'd been in years. Even as I said to him "Well, I'll think about it" my mind was already racing, going "Who could I sleep with? That guy from work I've fancied for ages? My ex-girlfriend who's now single again and keeps asking me out for coffee? Maybe a complete stranger I pick up at a bar?" In the end, it just happened by itself. This was about a month after he gave me the pass. I was at a weekend retreat organised by my firm - I usually hate them but this time the place was actually gorgeous - and I ended up in that guy's room, emptying his minibar and then ordering room service. This had happened with him before, at the previous retreat, only when he'd tried to kiss me I'd pushed him away and I'd told him I wasn't "that kind of woman", whatever that means. Well, this time I had my hall pass and I very much became that kind of woman. To be brutally honest with myself, I'd known all along that this was going to happen and I'd gone away fully planning in my head to act out what had already happened countless times in my fantasies. My husband had actually reminded me of my hall pass before I left (as if I could have forgotten it!) and I told him "There won't be anyone there I fancy, but who knows?" I still don't know why I didn't just tell him I was planning on spending my pass with that guy. I guess I just wanted the excitement of doing something illicit, rather than something my husband was expecting. Anyway, the poor guy didn't know what hit him. I was a woman possessed! After returning his first kiss I threw him down, practically ripped his clothes off and proceeded to live out three years worth of sexual fantasies in about three hours. To his credit, he kept up with me, just about, but he told me afterwards (not straight afterwards, weeks later) that I'd kind of scared him with how ravenous I was. I slept in his bed and the next morning we did it again, then had to go to some stupid team-building activity. Half way through it I felt the irresistible urge to do it again, so like a naughty teenager I gave him a piece of paper with the message "meet me in my room in 5 min." and slipped out of the activity. He followed me 5 minutes later and we spend the rest of the day and most of the night in my room, having sex and ordering room service. By the end I didn't know if I was more drunk from the alcohol or from the sex, but I had the time of my life. As I drove back home to my husband the next day, I was terrified. I knew I had to tell him, but I was so scared that he would be able to tell just how much I'd enjoyed my pass. That he'd somehow smell it on me, even though I'd had the longest shower of my life before leaving the hotel. I decided the only way to make myself do it was to say something before I got there, so I stopped the car and I texted him the message "On my way home baby. I spent the pass btw. I'll tell you all about it when I get there. Love you loads x" It was so hard to press that send button, my heart was racing, but I managed to do it. From that moment on, I knew there was no going back. He was waiting for me at the door, we hugged and kissed and straight away he wanted to know all about what had happened. I must confess I didn't tell the whole story, I majorly played down how good the sex had been, also in view of the fact that his own pass had been such a disappointment. Plus I didn't want to sound like a total ... I only talked about the first night and never mentioned the morning, or the next evening. I also told him it had lasted about an hour, when in fact the first night had lasted nearly three. I didn't mention swallowing him, which I'd done both nights, nor was I honest about the intensity of the pleasure I'd felt, choosing instead to make fun of the guy's super-thin legs (which in fact aren't even that skinny). I thought I'd better mention the anal sex, in case something about my butt hole "gave it away", but I told him the guy had insisted on doing it and said I'd found it quite uncomfortable and made him stop straight away. In reality, I'd asked for it and loved every minute. Even with this heavily censored version of events, I could read the jealousy and pain in my husband's eyes, despite the fact that he kept trying to cover them up by saying things like "wow, that sounds amazing" and "good for you baby". We kissed again afterwards and he said "there you go, now we're even. And you know what? It just confirms what we already knew: that we are what's best for each other and there's no one else out there who's worth the trouble". I smiled and said "You're right" but inside my heart sank, because I didn't feel like I wanted it to end there. I wanted more passes... For weeks afterwards, I kept hoping things would settle again, that we'd go back into a normal routine. Then Covid happened, and "normal" went out of the window forever. We went into lockdown and ended up spending every hour of every day with each other, week after week. It should have been nice, but it wasn't. I kept thinking about the other guy and every other man and woman I now wanted to sleep with. I felt like I'd just rediscovered my sexuality and sex with my husband (though we still did it) just wasn't filling that void, quenching that thirst. So, when lockdown finally ended and I returned to work, I invited that guy out for coffee, then went back to his place and we had sex again. But this time I didn't tell my husband. I'd just become another cheating wife. And it hasn't stopped, I've slept with three other people since, two guys and one girl (not at the same time, I should point out!) I feel so disappointed with myself. I can't bring myself to confess because I know he'll hate me for it, not just for the sex but for hiding it from him. It's such a disgusting betrayal and he doesn't deserve it. But I'm finding myself needing these extra-marital experiences like I need air. I'm not sure what type of advice I'm looking for, but please don't tell me we need marriage counselling. The thought of sitting in front of a stranger and telling him all about our private life... it's just not for us, I know my husband would feel the same. What I'm asking myself is: do I really need to confess, or is it possible to learn to cope with the guilt and actually lead a fulfilled life as an unfaithful spouse? I know plenty of people who do, I just don't know if I can.
  11. Hey everyone! So about a month or so ago I went to a Meetup.com singles event. This guy clearly seemed into me because he kept talking to me and gave me his business card. He's originally from Asia but he came to Australia with his family when he was only ten years old. I'd mentioned to him it was my Birthday in a few days. I considered messaging him myself but around my Birthday he messaged me through Meetup and said: "Happy Birthday!" I was a bit unsure whether I'm attracted to his face but I'm not a shallow person hardly at all and the most important thing for me is who someone is on the inside. The week after we went on a date to a bar/restaurant and he was insisting he pay for everything because it's my Birthday. I was trying not to let him do that because he was trying to pay for an entree, main, a few wines and a cocktail for me, which was a lot of money. I managed to order only one round of drinks for us because he wouldn't let me pay for anything. Age wise he's 47 and I'm 36. I found that a lot of his conversation seemed to be talking about his financial successes and how he's travelled overseas a lot and things like that. He said he owns an apartment in the city, one in inner city suburbs and one interstate. He also said he used to have three cars, one a BMW. But he said during COVID he was paying too much for all the taxes on them and so on, and he sold two of his apartments and two cars. He also said he owns three businesses and he's the co- owner of one of them. And that in the past he used to be a CEO of a big company. He also was talking about how he's really ready to settle down and have kids. He said he didn't start wanting kids until he was 35 and after that he just didn't seem to have good timing with women he dated or didn't find the right women. Another thing he said was that I don't have to worry that he's just after sex or will try to get sex straight away. He said he's looking for a relationship and he's not like other guys and wouldn't have sex outside of a relationship. Anyway so we talked in the bar for about 3-4 hours and then he dropped me off home in his Uber. He didn't try to kiss me or anything. After that he was messaging me eagerly and we organised another dinner date. Due to COVID spreading in my city though we suddenly went into a very strict five day lockdown. The rules were that you could only meet someone for a walk outside who lives within 5 km of you. And the only person who could come to your place was your intimate partner. So this guy said do I want to come over to his place and just have a barbecue or take away in his backyard and watch movies? I said sorry but I can't because nobody is allowed to come over. I said let's just wait the five days and after that we can go on more dates. He said still come over and if anyone asks just say we are partners. I said sorry but I don't want to get a fine ($1600) and can't we just wait five days and then meet? He said he was worried the lockdown would last longer and wanted me to come. I said let's just wait and see what happens after five days. Anyway the lockdown did stop after five days and we went out for dinner. It was basically the same thing where his conversation centred on his financial successes and how much he wants to have kids and settle down with someone, etc. He said because his family came from a poor Asian country and were poor even in Australia at first, he couldn't have things he wanted much as a child and so on. So he wanted to be financially successful and he worked really hard and put everything into his study and his career. I did find it a little odd what he said because he said his Mum was a doctor in the past and father had some high up job too. He asked me what are my goals in life, which I knew was implying do I want kids. I actually do really want kids and marriage so I said yes I really want those things too and to have a family. He also did say again, don't worry, I don't expect sex straight away and I want a relationship and to get to know you first. So basically the conversation was all the same as the first date and I did talk about myself too, but he wasn't really asking many questions about me or my life. I ordered a main meal and 4 glasses of wine and he insisted he pay for it and didn't let me pay. He was messaging me a lot afterwards and showing photos of his dog who is absolutely adorable. Then on the third date I came over to his place and we ordered Uber Eats and watched a movie. I said this time I'm ordering the takeaway but he didn't let me do it and paid. His puppy was the sweetest and most affectionate little thing. The puppy absolutely loved me and wanted to cuddle non stop, and I adored it too. And the guy could see how much I love the dog and said: "He's yours too babe, it's our dog". The thing was we started kissing and he said, I'm so horny and began fondling me a lot and touching my breasts and stuff. I said oh sorry, I didn't think you wanted to have sex yet so I wasn't prepared and didn't clean up and shave "down there". He said he hadn't planned on it exactly but he just thought I was so hot and sexy and he was so turned on. I said sorry I'm not ready for it tonight. So he didn't make me touch him or anything and didn't take his or my clothes off. But as we watched the movie he fondled me constantly and slid his hands into my bra and touched and sucked my breasts. I actually didn't even have an issue if he wanted to have sex or do sexual stuff because we'd known each other for a month and it was the third date. I just found it weird how he'd been making a big point on the previous dates that he's not like other guys and doesn't want sex unless he's in a relationship. Then as soon as I came over he began trying to have sex. Which kind of looked like what he'd been saying wasn't true. Also, yes you guessed it, he kept talking about his financial success again and that he wants to be a Dad so much. He said he's not working as much at the moment in his businesses but he can work more and make more money if he had kids and give his kids everything they want. And he said, "I think I can be a really good Dad because I'm so caring and I love taking care of my dog". He also kept saying things like: "I think you're really amazing babe, I like you so much, I just can't believe it. I can't believe you came over and you wanna be with me." I said why can't he believe it and why am I so amazing, I'm just an average person. And he said: "I just can see you're so nice and sweet and genuine and you're beautiful and I really want to be with a kind person". The thing is, I do get this a lot, that I'm a nice and kind person. Some people literally used the term "gentle soul". Yes I am nice and I love helping people. Regarding my appearance, yes I am pretty but I'm overweight (not hugely) and I have some acne. I don't think I look like a model. This guy kept saying many times I'm so amazing and he just can't believe it. Anyway then I went home and the next day he texted me in the later evening. I went to work in the morning and didn't reply yet and at 2 p.m. the next day he double texted me again. I'm actually being harassed by my mentally unstable ex from 1.5 years ago who is a drug addict. I had to go to the police about it last night but they couldn't do anything and advised me to go to court the next day to get a restraining order. So today I'm going to court. So I told him this and he was like "I'm here for you babe, I can come with you if you want." But I said my Mum will go with me. So I'm not really sure what to think of all this to be honest. I'm finding all this behaviour too full-on because every date he has been talking about how much he wants to be a Dad and all this but we hardly knew each other. And he's saying I'm so amazing and I know I'm nice and pretty, but he hasn't been asking me much about myself so does he actually really know me as a person? Also I wasn't sure why he's boasting about his finances all the time. I also began to wonder whether he's exaggerating because he said he's quite well off, but his apartment is a tiny one bedroom apartment and very average. And he's renting that one, he doesn't own it. I also wasn't sure whether in some Asian countries it's normal for men to act like this because they have strong gender roles and a man is meant to seem very appealing to women if he's financially secure. A few months ago I went on a date with a man from India and he was acting kind of the same. He was 40 and on the first date he immediately began to say how much he and his family want him to marry and have kids. We spoke for two hours and he basically grilled me like a job interview about all this stuff, trying to see if I match to be his wife. He also did say he's got a good job, owns a nice apartment and has a BMW car. He didn't actually say anything else or ask me anything about me or my life in general. I thought he was really full-on and just wanted a place filler wife and never saw him again. What are everyone's thoughts on this?
  12. Im soo confused, i dont know what to think or do. He was a friend of mine for 8 years although i didnt know him that well, hes been married 13 years and has 2 kids, im married also with kids. One night we were out and he kissed me, things moved fast, i knew his wife hit him and also cheated on him with her ex.. we talked alot, we fell in love, this carried on a year, but the year was hard even though he said he loves me i felt i always come last, obviously i understand he has a family but certain things and times my feelings didnt matter, we decided we would leave to be together, i saved up as his wife delt with their money. He then told me he wanted to stay with his wife and kids a bit longer and he wanted to buy a house with his wife so he could leave the kids in a permanent home. I wasnt happy but i understood his kids come first.. Weeks passed he then told me he couldnt leave yet. after alot of heartache i let him go.. We didnt speak for 11 months then all of a sudden i got a message. I wanted to tell him to get lost but i knew my feelings were still so strong. I still loved him, he had bought his house and things were settled for him, i thought maybe he had come back for me and he was gonna leave, he also admitted that 8 weeks after we ended he was seeing someone else, he said he was seeing her to get me out of his head, He says hes going to leave the end of this year 21 and wants to be with me, but do i wait.. he only messages me once a week because if we message alot it gets to much, its been 10 months since we started talking again, yet again his wife comes first no matter what, i dont expect him to drop anything for me but i expect a little in return. We once had a bit of an argument, i was so upset to which he knew i was but told me i had to wait 3 days until we could talk again because both him and his wife were off work together, i felt so angry and selfish, i know its hard for him to talk but wasnt i worth the risk, even if it was just a little message to make me feel better. Im at the end of my teather
  13. Hello dear ones, Thou we don’t know each other, I’m grateful we have this very unbiased portal to share our thoughts. Here’s my story and I’ll try to make it short. I just got married to my amazing boyfriend 3 weeks ago at city hall of our country. It costed like $50 and that’s all. We went for dinner just the 2 of us that night to celebrate and that’s it. I’m glad we could blame the covid 19 situation for not being able to have the smallest get together with friends, the truth is we couldn’t afford it. I’m in my late 30’s. Have worked all my life to support my siblings and pay their university costs until they just graduated, which left me with no savings and as soon as they got out of my university, found jobs to support themselves; which we feel blessed about. My husband on the other hand has a simple job and is very underpaid thou he is such a smart guy logical educated and heart of gold. My business is struggling so he is the sole bread winner for now until I Can help him again. All this said, I always thought weddings can also mean wearing a ring but he clearly couldn’t afford it. He was married before and has a house with his ex wife (no kids) and when they divorced 2 years ago it isn’t still sure if she will pay him his share if she ever decides to sell it. They are great friends thank god. I still dream of the day I can wear a simple wedding dress, have a ring; is it wrong for me to think this way? I’ve always imagined it. I’m always very nice to my husband and he knows how I feel but poor guy isn’t able to do anything about it for the moment. How can I calm myself and stop thinking pity on myself and god forbid sabotage our wonderful relationship? Thank you in advance.
  14. Hi everyone, I'm sorry in advance if this turns out to be a long post or if it sounds overly emotional/confusing. I am in desperate need of advice and have no one to turn to. Right now, my mind is a mess..I am shocked, sad, and drowning in my own tears My story: I'm in a committed LDR for the past 4 years with my boyfriend. He lives in Texas and I'm in Canada. We have made frequent trips during that time as well as spoke on the phone (and internet) every day, multiple times a day for hours. He has already met my family and I flew to another country to meet his father. Since the beginning we have always talked about marriage, kids and spending our lives together. He was supposed to be "the one" for me. Yesterday I randomly ended up looking him up on a search engine. I had done this once when we were first dating, but it was more curiosity at that time. Last night it was for a silly reason of hearing on the news about identity theft and they recommended you should look up loved ones on a search engine to make sure no one has been using their info. And so that's what I did. I searched his email and came accross his FB profile. He had FB when we first were dating but said he rarely used it and I guess he made it difficult to search (wasn't able to find it the first time I looked).. And I'm not on FB so I wouldnt really be able to check otherwise. Anyway, there was his profile with one pic that I could see. I read the comment that someone left and it said " Nice pic! Congrats on the wedding to ****. Hope we can all go on a trip one day".....My mouth hit the floor. It hasn't left. I ended up staying up all night and found out through further googling and clicking on FB that his brother in law had posted pictures. And then I saw them.. There were 4 pictures of my boyfriend of 4 years with some other woman.. MARRIAGE PICTURES!! The date was Nov 23, 2012. I remember around that time he said he had to help his Dad with some business and also see his sister and brother in law (they all live in anther country. I haven't met his sister or brother in law btw as they live so far, but have spoken to them) and he said he was going to his cousin's wedding and he needed to go as he missed so many family weddings growing up. I stupidly believed him. I checked my old texts and he had written before he left, "I love you so much. I'll miss you and would much rather be coming to see you". He kept in touch through texts and we spoke a few times, but he said he had issues connecting his phone. Truthfully I don't even know where he got married or if he ever left, as the pics say Houston. And if he did get married how/why was he txting and calling me like nothing happened, telling me that he went to some relatives house and that he was helping with the cousins wedding etc??...I just can't understand any of this. The worst part of last night was seeing this other woman (this pretty doctor) and when I clicked on her profile she had a wedding picture of my bf, his father and her as her cover. I was able to click on the only 4 pictures I could see (because of privacy settings!) and they were all of the wedding. One was a picture of both of them at a club hugging. It was dated a few months ago, a couple weeks after my birthday. I literally collapsed on the floor after seeing all of this...shaking, crying, stunned. I pulled up old pictures of us together just to make sure this was him. I felt like I was going crazy and kept telling myself, that maybe this was some other guy who just really looked like him. But it wasn't. I feel like I'm living in a nightmare This past year has been hell on me since I have had some ongoing health issues, and I even briefly considered not being with him a few months ago as I didn't want to make his life harder because I was so sick. I stupidly have always thought of him. I have been 100% faithful to his man. I just can't understand how anyone can do this to someone. I couldn't even imagine doing this to my worst enemy. It's not like he had some arranged marriage, because he looks happy and he has always told me that he is an independent man. He had a past marriage that failed and during the first part of our relationship we spoke at length about what he went through and how she took him for a ride. (Who knows if that's true or not) I always was on his side about his role in his marriage and helped him through whatever traumas he had dealt with in his childhood (his mom and brother passed away when he was young). Our relationship has had some ups and downs like every relationship, but we were happy I thought. If there were ever times when we did fight, he always pushed for us to stay together. Ive even heard him cry on the phone about us always staying together..Were those even real tears or maybe just crocodile tears? Our last call yesterday he was telling me how excited he was to have children with me one day and he started asking me about how we should plan our future..where we wanted to live, etc. Im confused as to how can he be married to someone else and have a full relationship with me. Making me believe that we have this amazing future together when really I have nothing. Telling me each and every day that he's in love with me. Words which I really believed. I don't know if I became the other woman or was she dating him before me, and I'm the other woman. Whichever way it is, its absolutely horrible. I feel like the floor has fallen from under me. I have thought about flying to Houston so that I can find this other woman and tell her the truth about her supposed perfect husband. I know you may think it's wrong to do so, but my life has been destroyed by this so why should he be able to just continue with his with no repercussions. It's not something that I ever would like to do, as I'm sure she thinks the world of him too, but why should he just escape blame free??? Plus he's ruining her life too, by having this relationship with me. I have also thought of just showing up unannounced and seeing how he reacts and confronting him them. A part of me wants him to see the pain he has caused face to face because right now I feel disposable and like I'm toy that he's playing with and will one day just throw away. I love this man with all my heart..more than any one else I have ever loved. But this is the worst thing that someone you love can do to you. Sadly, I have been cheated on before, but never like this. And my boyfriend knew that I was cheated on previously and he always said he would take care of me so I never get hurt. All lies I guess I really don't know how I can move on from this.I feel like I can't believe in anyone anymore. I am imagining just closing myself from perpetual hurt and just living alone forever. I feel like its one bad relationship after the next. I don't even know if any of this relationship was real..was every moment we shared a lie??? I don't know why he has decided to continue to make me feel like he's my boyfriend and we have this perfect life together..I would have more respect for him if he has just broke it off with me before he decided to marry this girl. Actually I don't think I'll ever have respect for him. What should I do? Do I just confront him on the phone or should I travel there? Should I contact her? Please help!!!
  15. My fiancé and I have been together for almost 5 years and we got engaged a couple months ago before Christmas. When we first started dating, I never had any issues with his sister (I actually thought she was the coolest!). However, as time went on, I realized she really didn’t like me. She looked at me like the person taking him away from family because he was spending all his time with me (we moved in together, moved to another state together for work). She would make snide comments and just generally rude to me (to my face and behind my back). I let it roll off my shoulders because I’m not great at confrontation. When he told her he was planning to propose, she told him not to do it and basically that I’m an awful person to marry. Same thing when we got engaged- not a happy reaction AT ALL. It was tough to see someone so upset about us getting engaged when we were so excited to take this step together, but again, let it slide because it wasn’t worth the confrontation. We went to dinner with her, his mom and uncle to celebrate the holidays and at dinner they asked about wedding plans. My fiancé told them we were barely started with planning but had a guest list and were planning to have an adult only wedding (no kids). She took this incredibly personally (she has a 4 y/o daughter) and became very upset in the restaurant. LONG STORY SHORT... She got incredibly angry (honestly borderline pure rage) and blew up in the restaurant. She began screaming at me (blaming me), cussing at me, telling me I’m a terrible and manipulative person. I said nothing back because I was purely shocked by her reaction and in tears. I got up to remove myself from the situation (it was humiliating and quite a scene in the restaurant) and she then chased me out of the restaurant trying to physically assault me. My fiancé had to physically restrain her to prevent her from actually hurting me. I don’t know how to handle her and our relationship. I’m terrified of this person and the level of rage she is capable of reaching. She clearly hates me and does not support our decision to get married. Bottom line is I don’t want her at my wedding.... Am I wrong if I don’t invite her? Any thoughts?
  16. Hi All Here is me, Male, in my thirties… In a Polyamorous difficult situation. I have a girlfriend for about 5 years (will call her “A” for simplicity). We had kind of a break 3 years ago.. and I met another girl (let’s call her “B”) With “B” I basically fell in love but at the same time also went back to make peace with “A” For about a year I basically dated both of them.. until “B” got pregnant. Now I have a 1 year old child too. “A” knows everything about it.. and she accepted it.. and also accepted the child (but will never accept the mother) but she wants to get married now (after 5 years relationship) and also to make her permanence with me more valid, starting a family with me too. Even if “B” has been with me for shorter time.. I cannot stop thinking about her either. I am 100% sure I love them both, but both of them want exclusivity. “B” will find probably find another partner if I don’t commit properly to her and stop treating her as “hidden lover” - obviously she cannot cut me entirely as I’m still the father of the child “A” will probably leave me and cut all connections with me if I do not get married to her.. soon This is the most difficult decision I have been facing.. for long time now. Both women have their positive qualities, they are very different but they are both amazing. “A” is with me for long time (5 years); “B” has already an healthy and strong child with me.. “A” is the mother type; always supported me and looked after me. Been pretty much only with me in her life. “B” (slightly older than “A” but not really relevant) is the partner type; always had extreme fun together and doing everything with much more passion. She had been a playgirl in the past but she stopped it when she met me. She left everything to continue the pregnancy, and she gave up pretty much everything for our child (she had a great job that she had to leave) I have been trying to keep them both for another year now.. but I started realizing that doing this is making both of them suffer. I always find either one crying and I feel selfish to continue to do so. Obviously my dream would be to keep them both, and live happily ever after all together; having children with both of them.. but I guess this can only be a dream. Is there any hope I could try to convince them to accept each other? or how do I choose between them? This situation is draining my energies lately and even when I lean towards one of them.. eventually I pull back to the other..
  17. Hi all, I'm not sure if anyone will remember me being on here as it was a few months ago now. My title was sexless marriage. Well that is now resulted in the end of my marriage and not through my doing I believe. I can't remember where I was at the last time I posted but I have been to hell and back several times over the past months, I've been heartbroken and had that mended and broken again. I've had my feelings toyed with and been used and played which has resulted in me being in a very dark place. I'm struggling, really struggling as I can't no matter what I do get my wife out my head. Every single day I end up feeling down and become upset. It can be the smallest thing like a memory will come into my head. I shouldn't allow myself to feel like this after the way I have been treated because she has been truly horrible to me. The friends I have left and my family think I'm being an idiot after what she has done to allow her to have this hold over me. I've been to a Councillor I've been to a doctor who just gave me medication but that makes me feel muted and I don't like feeling like that. I really need to talk to people for ideas and suggestions because being honest here I don't think I can continue this path. I've moved jobs, I've now had to find a new home I'm trying to build a new career but my memories are always overwhelming me from thinking positively and moving on. I know my wife doesn't feel like this she is living her life as normal with not a care in the world about me or what she has done to me over the past months. To top it off I'm not getting to see my daughter because her head seems to turned against me which is unbelievable and sole destroying as I spent most of my daughters life with her. I was the one who took her everywhere myself, took an interest in everything she had an interest in, built all her school projects with her,,,, I'm sure your getting the picture here. I can barely get a reply to a text message from her now and haven't seen her in weeks now. Just need to talk this through if anyone is willing to
  18. He was 92. It would have been his birthday next week. He died from double pneumonia from the flu. He lived a long and fruitful life. He was born in the UK and immigrated to Canada when he was four years old. He was 17 when he married my grandmother ( she was 15)and became a soldier. He served in World War II. He was a soldier from 17 until he was 55. They had 4 children together, Five grandchildren and nine great-grandchildren. They were married for 63 years when my grandmother died 11 years ago. He was a great artist and had many friends in his retirement home community. His favorite saying was "everyday that you wake up is a blessing". He was very much the patriarch of his family. He is survived by his four children , his five grandchildren , and 9 great-grandchildren. We love you Grandpa and hope you are at peace with your loving wife.
  19. For whatever reason, I'm having real trouble adjusting to my separation, the week-on-week-off schedule with my children living with me and being single. I am seeing a woman I fancy, not sure how interested she is. I've been separated about a year and would be divorced by now if my ex (of 24 years) would just finish what she started. She's had my draft separation agreement since early April and has done nothing with it, not even responded through her attorney despite my lawyers calls to them. I enjoy the weeks that my kids are here. Its noisy, busy and fun. When they go, I go through a letdown that lasts several days. Those weeks without them, I do go out. But the woman I'm seeing is, like me, very busy with work and her own life. So I'm now missing her too when (as circumstances have it) we can't see each other or even occasionally have to change plans. To round it out, I work from my home, traveling for business a fair amount. But often, I'm just here, working and talking on the phone with my clients. Nearly all my local friends are married and have children. So its tough to see them too. Its not like I'm a shut-in though I do feel like that sometimes. Just 'getting out there' is hard. Sustaining meaningful connections to those around me is way hard since my marriage ended and my family blew up. I am in counseling. I wish I could say its helping more. I'm sure I'd be much the worse if I wasn't working on me. For over a year now, I've been taking anti-depressants (Celexa) with no ill effects. I've never been listless, depressive and unmotivated in my life. But I am there now and feel really stuck. Have others had these issues as they endured a separation, dissolution of family and divorce? I'd love to get some suggestions (beyond 'just do it') to get and stay on a more positive track. Thanks, Raoul
  20. Just an update... I'm finally starting to feel that relief I so desperately wanted to feel, that I left a marriage that was hurting me and that I did the right thing for myself and my future. I don't feel it all the time, but it comes to me in waves and I know I don't feel as despaired as I did a few weeks ago. I'm back at work, I don't feel guilty about leaving, there are good things. I'm trying not to feel mad at myself or guilty about staying so long and putting up with things... it's a hard thing to cope with. I let someone mistreat me for so long... I've started talking to my therapist about it, but an hour a week doesn't feel like enough. Then again I haven't even told her everything. I feel like I'm having extremely delayed reactions to certain incidents that are burned in my brain. They are so hard to vocalize... just certain incidents of being bullied and tormented, for some reason those are harder to talk about than the times he shoved me. Also I'm pretty sure he raped me... how come that never bothered me until now? It happened in July, I haven't even really reacted to it and it doesn't feel like a big deal, but last night I thought about it a lot as I was trying to sleep and I'm disturbed by it now. I sometimes wish I could just vent about what I went through alone but I don't know that it would help or if anyone would care. I don't even understand myself sometimes, I'm so embarrassed.
  21. Hi, I am 23 years old and my boyfriend is 20. Me and my boyfriend have been together for nearly 5 years. I have a good paying job and have completed a degree. I desire to get married soon and have a few children. But although my boyfriend has not completed any studies, he had a good paying job. He intended to propose before the end of this year and already saved the day to get married next year. However, after he lost his job a few months ago. He suddenly blamed me for all my suggestions and encouragements to move towards committment. He is now indicating that he's not ready to get married and have children and wanted to just forget about all our plans until he is established. I understand his desire to be established first, but he wants us to move in together and leave all these important events behind. I love him, but he seemed very strong to his perspective that he establishes his life first before marriage. I don't know if it's worth continuing my relationship with him. Any advice would be appreciated
  22. I’m married to a incredible man however the 1 problem I have is his ex wife. I have tried to ask her to coffee to talk she refused. When he and I were dating she did everything she could from using my kids as emmo in arguments to stalking my daughters online and myself. I tried to see things through her eyes and again extended the invite to get to know her and vise versa she strongly declined. Now I’m married just had a misscarriage a month ago. And on top of that dealing with her crap. I made my husband aware I’m not content that even when he and I have the kids theirs no constant reason she’s texting him she text him from dawn till dusk. If the kids bring anything my kids give it’s negative criticism all the way a few weeks ago we allowed her to retrieve the last items she had at our home she decided to dump all my clothes on floor. I was hurt and felt violated I told my husband to bring it up to attorney instead he said it to her and she denied it of course. This week the kids made mention she yells at them after every visit with us and that she screams at the daughter to tell her stuff about me the poor girl was so scared to tell her mom she was excited we were getting married Bc she said her mother screams and screams at her if she doesn’t agree about her opinions on me. Yesterday my husband lost his phone and I guess a emergency occurred were the daughter needed to be picked up she cussed him out said he has time for my daughters and that she wants my information to be given to school so I can get off of my u know what and play the part. I told my husband I under no circumstances will take any direction from her I’m no in a relationship with her and I don’t need to abide to her demands. I told him he needs to set his foot down and put boundaries he indicated that he can’t because she will take away kids. I’m not asking to belittle her but place boundaries were she’s limited in contacting and for him to speak up for his kids whom are clearly going through verbal abuse with her. I’ve already made police reports Bc she’s not right in the head and has followed me stalked my daughter on social media . The straw that broke me today was I came home sick as ever and I see he’s been texting all day back and forth with her. I told him he may be married to me but he’s still with her and I don’t know if I can continue this toxic relationship with her in it I said I’m married to him but dominated by her And I just don’t see how this can be salvaged I love my husband he’s an amazing person friend confidant lover but I can’t live my life in her shadow and I see he fears her I just can’t Idk what to do I went to bed depressed today didn’t spend any time with kids or him just went to bed in guest room. I don’t want to be in the same room right now with him. I want to work out I truly do but idk anymore
  23. Hi all, hoping for some outside input as I'm struggling. My partner and I have known each other almost 2 years, been together a bit less than that. He told me straight up he had a 6 year old son with his ex. He didn't mention he was still married to her, I found after we'd been together for months, I asked and he admitted they were married and said he hadn't thought to mention it and didn't plan on getting divorced as neither of them saw the point (they'd been living separately for a while at this point). He told me he didn't have a problem with them being married so neither should I. A year into my relationship with him he was still married to her, owned a house and joint bank accounts, joint health insurance and Medicare and Netflix, shared a car, talked almost every day, etc. He slept at her place occasionally, would send me pictures of them doing stuff together, endlessly talk about her including that she was attractive, interesting and intelligent. I raised multiple times that I found how close they were uncomfortable. Communication between them seemed to slow down after a while. He later admitted he had been hiding it from me as he didn't like my response and that they still talked all the time. Sometimes we'd be lying together in bed and he'd talk to her on the phone about random things, or when we were out at dinner. Recently, after us moving in together and being together well over a year, he has made some changes. He proceeded with the divorce, has his own Medicare card, Netflix and health insurance. He still owns a house with her (that they're trying to sell) and has a joint bank account for reasons I don't understand. I feel as though he's listening to my concerns but nothing is changing. She calls almost every day and texts multiple times, all of which he answers/responds to. I think it's happening secretly as well, he'll sometimes leave the room to talk to someone. She's occasionally rude to me and he defends her (I made their son a gift and she called him to laugh about it and make fun of me, which he went along with, overheard because it was on loudspeaker). She's barged into our house multiple times and just stands there and he says nothing. I fully support them having an amicable relationship and talking about their child not only when necessary but whenever would be helpful. But he's admitted most conversations aren't about the child. In the past he has admitted to prioritising her feelings over mine, but says he doesn't do that any longer (I feel as though he does). Also, his family bought her a house to live in, he said he was uncomfortable with the idea but said nothing to them. Every time she calls it makes me feel disheartened and like I'm not able to deal with being in a relationship with someone who has a child and ex wife. He knows all this and I hate the person I'm becoming- I feel like I nag him and cry about this all the time. But I don't know what to do. My relationship with him is otherwise great. Am I being unreasonable? What should I do? Any advice or thoughts would be much appreciated!
  24. Hi Everyone --- I am getting out in the dating world again and am paralyzed with fear. My ex husband abandoned my kids and me ten years ago. After two years, post divorce, I go back out there and dated. I went on a few awful dates and felt like I had nailed down being about to pick the bad guys. Then, I met a really nice guy in a coffee shop one day. He was in line behind me and we ended up talking for two hours. He asked for my email and from there we started a nice relationship. We did not rush into anything. He was always on time for our dates, did not cheat, was attentive and caring. I met his family who is lovely and they loved me. I met his friends who embraced me. He loved me and loved showing me off. After two and a half years, he proposed to me in the Caribbean and had my children with us to celebrate. We decided on a wedding date in two years and I began the plans to sell my house. He owned a home also but it is a one bedroom bungalow so there was no room for the kids and me. So we decided to rent a place to until we found the ideal house for us. We found a beautiful stone country home and set up the date to sign the lease. We talked about if for the two months prior to our move in date. My house was sold and I have packed up everything and was ready to move. The day of the lease signing he bailed on me. He said he couldn't afford to make the move, to pay rent and to still pay his mortgage. I was like ?!?!?!? I was so hurt. He called me a few days later and said he would still move in and pay half the rent but he could not sign a lease. So I agreed. I needed the rent because I could not afford it on my own. We had also agreed to split the utilities, Internet, etc. He half-assed moved in. I felt as though he was one foot in and one foot out. (No he did not have another girlfriend.) After 18 months, I asked about the wedding and he skirted around the issue. By this point we had been together for 6 years. I broke up with him and I wanted someone who could seal the deal. I learned six months later that he had promised his mother, three months after our engagement, that he would not marry me. (His mother is a widow and his three siblings have been in long marriages.) I forgot to mention that he is in his fifties. I was in my 40's. I also found out that he told all of his friends that he was not going to marry me . So, here I was around all of these people who were amazing to me, knew what was going on and said nothing to me. He had told me about four relationships in his life. Turns out he was a serial dater and had about 30 girlfriends in his life. Finally, he admitted to me that he is a commitment phobic and after he proposed he realized he could not go through with a marriage. Yet, he was able to be completely duplicitous and I never saw this coming. This experience has turned me off to dating. It's been two years and I can intellectualize that not all men are liars but I am so scared.
  25. I have been married almost 2 years. I won't lie. I am not happy at all. He is not the same person he was when we were dating. I knew we shouldn't have gotten married but did it anyway because of pressure from him. I know I am a fool. But he has changed so much that he is not the same person at all from when we got together. He literally is Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde. He cannot hold a job down for longer than a month or two then sits on his ass for months at a time claiming he's "looking" for work. He's been at his current job for four months only because he's working with family. And right now he's wanting to quit!! I can't handle being the only bread winner again! He has had multiple jobs in the few years we've been together that I've lost count! He wants me to wear lingerie and corsets and I have no interest or desire to wear them at all. I am 40 years old (he's younger than me) and I will wear a piece of lingerie once in awhile if its tasteful but he wants me to wear stuff that is just skanky! Sorry but no. I will not do that at all. He's constantly looking at this stuff online and it grosses me out. He also has some fetishes that I cannot get on board with. He loves to wear women's underwear and clothes. Whenever he wears them its grosses me out and I've told him this but he does not care. He has stolen my own underwear and worn them. I was not happy about that. I have to count my underwear almost daily to make sure they're all there. He also wants to wear corsets himself. He also shaves all the body hair he can because he doesn't like it. I personally like the body hair and have said so. I find it unattractive that he does this. He never did any of this when we were dating! It has ruined our sex life so bad. We very rarely do it anymore because of these things. I want to be married to a man. Not a woman. He's constantly on his phone. Usually on Facebook or whatnot. He always has his phone in his hands. I've asked him to get off it and he gets off it for a few minutes then right back on Facebook!!! How can a person spend so much time on there? He watches the dumbest videos as well! I think spending time with your wife and family is more important than Facebook. He also snores so horribly loud that it interferes with my sleep almost nightly. I have asked him to go see a sleep doctor to see if there is something they can do to stop it. He has refused. He says all they'll do is give him a CPAP and he does not want that. He says how dare I ask him to do this. That I need to compromise and just let him be. That he never gets sleep. He doesnt get sleep because he snores so bad!!! All I've done in this marriage is compromise. He has done nothing to compromise. I've worked when he's sat on his ass watching TV. I've paid all the bills while he's done nothing. I've made sure his kids and himself had Christmas while I got nothing. I could go on. Even his family has told me secretly that they don't know how I've gone on this long with him. My kids do not like him anymore as he treats them badly. They stay away from him as much as possible and I don't blame them. We argue quite frequently and when it gets bad it makes my kids cry. They do not like to see us argue. And my kids are teenagers. He loves to twist my words and use them against me. He doesn't trust me at all and I've never done anything to lose that trust. I have been by his side thru a lot of stuff. Yet I have no trust from him. I do not get it at all. Are these valid reasons to leave him? He won't change anything. And asking him to starts a fight. I can't handle anymore fights. There are a lot more reasons than I am listing here as well. These are just the main ones. I am just at the end of my rope and can't handle much more!!
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