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About Me

  1. I decided to start this as a place to park my hodgepodge of thoughts and what's going on in my life. Had a great Easter yesterday- I had to drive a few hours to the airport to pick my son up from his trip to France and Spain. He had a great time and it seems like he grew up over night! It was so great to have both boys home and with me. Since I had them for Easter, I asked them what kind of meal they wanted and I went and bought the groceries for a nice Easter dinner. Then I get a text from my ex, saying his mom and dad are inviting me and the boys to Easter brunch at their house. Well I didn't really want to go because my ex and his gf would be there. But the boys wanted to go and they wanted me to come. So I told them I would drop them off, pop in to say hi to friends and ex's family, then pick them up later. It took a lot of courage. But Despite that, I actually had fun! My ex and his gf sat on the other side of the room, although at one point his gf complemented a necklace I was wearing. It was fun to catch up with people I essentially have not seen in 4 years since the breakup. Oh the things I do for my sons... Well afterwards I made that nice dinner and we had it by candle light- just before I had to take them to their dad's for the week.
  2. I’ve not been very good at journaling this year! I’ve been dating someone for almost a year - we met last December. I do wonder if we’ll make it into the new year due to a few issues. He’s a single dad, first one I’ve ever dated, and I’ve spent a bit of time with his son but he has behavioural issues at home so not sure how I would handle this if I become step-mum. There’s also the topic of if I want my own child - I’m still not made up and honestly I don’t think he wants another one. He (my boyfriend) is currently living with his dad saving money and helping out (dad is registered disabled but mobile for short periods). The dad is also going deaf and I don’t click with his sense of humour so I find any time visiting really testing trying to hold a normal conversation with him. I also have been living with my parents while I look for a full time job and now appreciate how much space they give me and boyf when he visits! I have one close friend in this town who I have known since school - and she’s been driving me nuts lately. I think we’ve grown apart and don’t relate on the same level anymore. I even hate texting her to organise anything - all I get are “ok” as responses and that on it’s own does my head in! And on the subject of work - I had two part time jobs in this town but one has now finished due to being a fixed term contract on a small team. The idea was to use that as a CV filler to move onto something else but I’ve been lazy of late applying to jobs. On the plus side I have noticed more ‘interesting’ roles being advertised which gets my hopes up. In the meantime I have a part time job in retail. Half of my department is off sick so there’s a lot of overtime going but it’s been frustrating with a rubbish new manager who isn’t on top of anything. I’m supposed to get a weeks notice of shifts with 24 hrs notice being the exception but lately every week my shifts have only been confirmed the day before or I get a message begging me to work the next day. This doesn’t seem like a very positive opening post, want it all off my chest before the year end haha!
  3. Well ,it looks like my hand may be pushed faster then I think . I heard a rumour ,yes ,you have to love the rumour mill that our new building is going to be condemned . I had to talk to my boss today and yesterday she told me we plan to re-start in 2 weeks and today she tells me we don’t know what we’re doing yet . So obviously the rumour mill is true . Thank Jesus I applied for unemployment ! A friend added me to all the Facebook child care sites and buy and sells. Unfortunately, my boss is on all the childcare sites . She’s going to know my plan eventually .
  4. I hope in this journal people learn to understand people with autism. " In a box, not a bottle" is a private joke between me and my son. It is how we describe his experience with Asperger's . link removed
  5. Dear Catherine Angelina Marie, You were a miracle to have been conceived at all and I am so blessed to have been your mother. I know it maybe be silly to some that you have been named and that I would make a journal for you. I may have only known about your existence for about a week but you were still every bit my child and I love you. I have no idea if you were a son or a daughter but I have named you a girl. I am happy you have the company of your other siblings in heaven. You can be sure mommy thinks of you and loves you.
  6. So my husband I have been married for over 13 yrs, and we just finally finished growing our family (had the amount of kids we wanted), and now I think (?) it's finally time for me to think about the future, not that I haven't been, it's just that I've been so incredibly sleep deprived or wrapped up in parenting that it's kind of been on the back burner... literally the last thing on my mind. I just had our 4th baby almost 8 months ago, and with all the COVID stuff, it's been hard, but not undoable. I don't have any help with the baby or managing my kids, outside of my husband (and he does help!), but he also works and sometimes is required to work overtime... so there were literally days with 15 hours of me being with the kids all alone, not having any break. The sleep deprivation was unlike anything I've experienced before. It's been insanely hard, but thank God we've gotten through it ok. Baby still isn't sleeping through the night, sometimes will wake up as much as 5 times (!!) but it *should* get better, I mean he's our 4th so I know how this goes... it eventually gets a little easier. It's so hilarious to us that we wanted 4 so badly, and now that we've added that 4th baby, it actually feels like we suddenly have 10 kids! LOL We have moments where we look at each other and laugh and are like, "What the HELL were we thinking?!?!" It always seems like multiple kids are needing something done - ALL at the same time! And there's only two of us, so even when he IS here, it's just insane! I used to have an anxiety problem, and unfortunately even though it was gone for years due to just managing it well, it's come back full force with the post partum hormones plus trying to stay on top of everyone's needs. I don't really take care of myself as well, but it's kind of necessisary right now because kids' needs sometimes need to be met immediately (food/potty issues, diapers). I don't want to be put on meds for anxiety ... So it's kind of awful trying to see if I can self-manage again, and yet not having any help with the baby due to the COVID restrictions (even my parents are terrified because my husband is constantly potentially exposed). Self-managing anxiety when you're doing everything constantly is hard. It's hard to even write this journal and I've been interrupted several times LOL!!! If anyone has any ideas on trying to find a life balance with kids, after you've maybe lost yourself some (or a lot probably lol) that would be so appreciated. I do feel like I've lost myself a bit. But I barely even have time to go to the restroom (and showers are even harder to come by LOL). How can you find time for hobbies again, when I can barely even use the restroom Maybe I need to accept now just isnt the time?
  7. Hi, this is my first attempt to seek advice so I hope for the best. I am a 55 year old father of a 21 year old autistic daughter and I raised her on my own since she was five till she was sixteen when I remarried to my second wife. Her biological mother was from the Philippines (and became a U.S. citizen) decided not to be much in her life since she moved to far away to make seeing her a regular thing. My daughter's autism is both intellectual and emotional disabilities so she still has temper tantrums when things don't go her way. After getting divorced, I did try to meet American women but it was quite difficult as a single man, overweight/on the shorter side, with a wonderful but difficult-at-times autistic daughter. Try as I did, no American women wanted to accept us a package. I accepted that and understood it as I wasn't a Hallmark Channel romance male lead with a special needs kid. Eventually, after many years, I decided to try the Philippines again as now online it was much easier to meet them and many women from there are much more accepting of men with children. But, of course, I was guarded but eventually met one who had a degree in Psychology and had been around those who were autistic in her work at a college. After a year of video chats online, I went there and, after two weeks, proposed and she accepted. That was five years ago. At the time, she did ask if I was open to having children and, at the time, I did the wrong thing. I said yes. But it was because I did, in fact, want to have another child at that time. But what I didn't say was that I was afraid that it could be another autistic child and I didn't want to go through the struggles of that again. But I said yes as, of course, I didn't want to lose her. But after she came to the U.S., we basically stopped being intimate as I discovered that she really doesn't have much interest in sex. but she still wanted to have a baby. But I was still reticent about having one as I was 51 then and she was 38. I had begun to realize that having a baby meant that I would be raising that child well into my 60s and 70s and there was no guarantee that the child wouldn't be autistic (we don't know where my daughter's autism came from -- whether from my background or that of her mother's as both don't have anyone autistic). And there was the financial consideration as well. Raising a child is expensive and my wife, who had had a good job in the Philippines, had now decided that she didn't want to work in America and just wanted to be a stay-at-home housewife and try online selling of some health-related products (but hasn't been successful). So it's up to me to provide for us which I can do and accept of course. I didn't marry her for a second income, I married her because I loved her. And I still do. And I believe she loves me as she had put up with a lot over five years. So put to rest any thoughts that she came her just for a visa. She left her family and a good job in the Philippines to come here and live here. Yes, the quality of life has gone up for her and yes, when I die someday, she'll be a lot more well off than in the Philippines, but she wouldn't have gone through the struggles we've gone through. But she feels that she has no purpose in her life since she doesn't have a baby of her own. Her two sisters have their own children and she's the oldest so she feels as though I've deprived her of what she truly desires -- a son or daughter of her own. While that is true in a sense - I did say yes prior to getting married about having children and I have to own up to misleading her then. The fact that I ask myself is why didn't she get married and have a child much earlier in life. We didn't get married till she was thirty-eight. So she had a lot of years before that to have a baby when it would've been safer for her than in her forties now. She could've married a younger/same aged man (although harder to do for older Filipinas) but it seems she feels that I lied to her and that she will never truly be happy unless she has a child of her own as she wants someone to care for her when she's old as, she presumes, I'll pass on before her since I'm 13 years older and then she'll be all alone. In the Philippines, it's normal for older parents to be taken care of by their oldest children but she doesn't fully get it that in America that doesn't always happen. I don't expect my autistic daughter to take care of me as it will always be the other way around. I've brought up the idea of adopting a child but to her that is no different than her having accepted my daughter as her stepdaughter. It's not her child by blood. For me, I'm entirely open to it as at least you adopt a child knowing something about his or her needs and it does give that child parents he or she may not otherwise ever have. And we could adopt an older child and so bypass the baby/toddler years. I don't want to be mistaken as the grandparent if I was to go out with a baby/toddler. So I don't know what to really do. She doesn't want to do marriage counseling as she feels two people should be able to work out problems without talking it out with someone else. I'm more of someone who needs to get advice from others. So she doesn't like it if I talk about things with my male best friend of many years. I've even thought we should go to a gynecologist to see if it's even possible for her to have a baby anymore. But then I still think she'll be upset with me if she can't. I feel bad for her as do want for her to be a mother but I cannot see myself going through being a father all over again. I love kids but the baby and toddler years are very stressful and it would also be hard with a possibly rebellious teenager while I'm in my early 70s. But, if she really wants to have a baby, why does she not want intimacy and for us to have sex? I don't know whether she doesn't feel close to me anymore and so doesn't want the intimacy or that she has a very low sex drive compared to me. I've accepted that so I don't try for intimacy anymore. She complains that her breasts tickle easily, that's she on a very long period (two weeks), and recently, she has a keloid (like a scar) that hurts that is right on her chest. Unfortunately, the keloid won't go away and so it makes intimacy that much more unlikely. I've brought up the Five Love Languages and it's true we see love differently. She sees it as Acts of Service, when I do things for her/home. And also Receiving Gifts. Whereas those are the two lowest for me. I value Words of Affirmation and Physical Intimacy as my first two. So it's no wonder that we aren't feeling love for each other like other couples. I do try to do things for her and the home to make her life easier and that she has things she wants (she's not a material person so it's not expensive things - just that I remember some small things and surprise her with them). So it seems we just have a marriage of convenience. Yes, we sometimes have good times together and she dutifully does the things in the house but I don't feel anymore that she loves me. Too much of her feels lost in the sense of never being able to be a mother of her own child. If this was so important to her, why did she marry me and not someone else who was more likely to want children? Hoping someone out there has some good words of advice. Not sure what advice there can be but I just want to hear from anyone who has good thoughts. Thank you.
  8. Okay so let me begin at the beginning: About 4 years ago I reconnected with a childhood friend. I was already in a 8 years relationship that I believed was rocky but worth fixing. So, reconnecting with this friend was just that catching up with an old friend. He pushed to make it something more than what it was in the beginning. Of course like clockwork My rocky relationship was on the off again and I seemed comfort in my friend. Before diving into anything with the friend I stated boundaries that I wanted because I knew just like the off/ on again times we would be on again it was just a matter of how long this time. This time the off lasted a full year and the friend and I got pretty close sexually that is. He would come to my house often out of a month. Going into our 2nd year together my ex and I reconnected again and I decided to cut all ties with my friend also because he was a when things didn’t go his way. Well I was back with my ex for 3 months when we went off again which would be our final off/ on dance. Well, this off came in December which I again rebounded back to my friend. I was out of town for the holidays about to return to my home when the friend and I made plans for him to meet me at my door step as soon as my plane lands ( something he was used to doing even walked 3.5 miles to my house in both extreme heat and chilling winter weathers) and he was only too happy to oblige my request. Now here’s the juicy story: Whenever my friend and I would have sex he would take the protection with him to dispose of the material properly. During our year together we had unprotected sex once and we both agreed to no do again. He always knew I wanted to have kids but we both knew that our friendship and situationship also that fact that he has 3 kids by 3 different women made me not want any kids with him at all. Well during this December travels back home the friend met me on my door step and of course we had sex. We would see each 2 more times in December. By now My monthly was due to come on the 27th of December but it hadn’t appeared by December 31st. Nervously I confront my friend and ask him did we use protection? I couldn’t remember if I saw a wrapper or him dispose of the material like always. He assured me that we used protection and he even suggested that I should contact my ex whom I last slept with a month prior in November( 17). By 1/1 it was confirmed that my late period was due to the fact that I was indeed pregnant. I again returned to my friend and asked him if he was 100% sure he used protection. This would go on for a total of 9 months of him saying he did use protection and that the baby couldn’t be his. I assumed that my ex was the father even going as far as to give my son my ex name. When my baby turned 1.5 I decided to do a dna test because I couldn’t see my ex in my baby. Well low and behold the test came back positive that my son was my friend’s baby. How if you used protection? How if you assured me that you used protection? How if you assured me for 9 months that we used protection? I feel trapped in a situation that I never wanted for myself of my child. I’m now the 4th baby mother with the 4th son( he has all boys) of my friend who was a childhood friend of mine. Who’s best friend was my first love when we were kids who also took my virginity when we were younger!!! Now reading this we all messed up in this situation. Now I’m trying to co-parent with my friend but all he wants is to give me money for my son. He never physically saw my son in person at all and he only sent 90 dollars thus far. Now he’s accusing me of wanting a relationship with him. Which is a big lie.
  9. So I have been in a relationship for the past 3 years now and it has always been hit or miss and our main issues come down to my boyfriend he has no communication skills what so ever ,no time management, listening skills aren't super great either, in the past 2 years since the birth of our child things have been getting worse he doesn't seem to prioritise me or his child, he doesn't help us financially, doesn't work , very rarely helps with house work and will only do any childcare related things when told to (just to name a few) I know he loves us both and is the funniest guy and when he actually tries and bothers is so great So a few weeks ago it got to the point I told him that he is on final chance and if he doesn't sort it out then as much as I don't want to it will be the end of our relationship So I would like to mention that I have a body positivity Instagram account as a plus size woman (this will be relevant) and pictures of boobs(censored) and belly are on it he knows and gave his full blessing for this I also have a only fans but this is only belly again and uncensored boobs nothing else again he knows and is fully aware of this Now he is bisexual and when we first got told I said if he wants to sleep with a man he could but he had to tell me if he was talking to a man and keep all lines of communication open about what is happening so tonight we were talking and I mentioned about my boobs and the fact he mentioned about doing a onlyfans for himself as a joke it was during this that I have found out that he has sent pictures of his penis to this Internet group chat that he is on I asked if they were old one (meaning those from before we were together) he said some were, I asked if any are from the last 3 years during the time that we have been together he said that there is. I asked if he was serious and he said that the chat he is in is mostly made up of males (like that makes any difference) I told him that its the fact he didn't tell me or communicate any of this to me I have always been open with anything I post as I never wanted and issues to arise from this He said its not like it was one person in particular and its not like he cheated and he claims he hasn't done this in a year Which I understand but its the fact he never told me and i feel like its a completely different scenario I have told him I want him to stay at his mums house tonight whist I decide if this is the final straw in this relationship
  10. I (27, nb) have gone through a lot of big changes this past year. Ive found something I am extremely passionate about, good at and has helped grow my confidence immensely as a person. I also ended up meeting someone (27, m) a little over a year ago and fell madly in love with them. They currently live halfway across the country from me. I have struggled a LOT with being able to balance my passion and having an LDR but when we would visit eachother it felt so perfect. Ive been through a string of awful abusive relationships ever since I started dating and have a lot of familial trauma. I for the first time not only was with someone who made me feel safe, treated me well and felt like they genuinely loved and cared about me, I also felt for the first time in my life a desire to have a family and potential child. I cant imagine having that with anyone else. He has 1 child currently and we started dating while he was still going through a rough breakup with the mother of his child who was extremely manipulative and abusive toward him. I helped him heal from that relationship and he told me time and time again how much he has learned to trust and communicate and be happy again, how he has also never been treated so well and wants a family and to spend the rest of his life with me. He came up with the idea of wanting to take his daughter and move out here and we talked about it for months. He is the primary caregiver of his daughter who is 3, and helped raise a child the mother had from a different man who is 5. The mother takes care of the 5 year old. It became increasingly difficult to balance my extremely busy and draining schedule with an LDR and I got frustrated with how it didnt really seem he was making any steps to come out here despite saying he wanted to. He talked about it with the mother a couple times with varying responses and then talked to her a third time and she said no she is not comfortable so he asked me if I would be willing to move with him. I said no and was frustrated because I have a lot going on here and a lot of ties and responsibilities regarding my passion we ended up talking less and less until finally I said I dont think I could do it anymore and didnt want to put him through anymore stress and not getting the attention he deserves. He agreed and we "broke up" but still clearly had feelings for eachother and would go between not talking and talking again and feeling like nothing had changed. Eventually, about a couple weeks ago, he talked to me about how he had started having feelings for his childs mother again that he thought might be reciprocated (she just dumped the guy she left him for) and that hit me hard. I ended up crying and we talked on the phone for hours about how we still love eachother and it felt like we might work things out. A week or so goes by and I get extremely busy again and dont talk much. He messaged me a few times and I didnt respond due to mental and physical exhaustion (he knows what I do is a lot) and finally while im out in the middle of something he texts me again about his confused feelings. I end up saying "I dont want to hold you back go be with her" essentially being very emotionally overwhelmed. I regret that and later ask if we can talk on the phone. He says hell try to call me later but it doesnt happen. Fast forward to this saturday, we hadn't talked since then and I go through something incredibly ed up and traumatizing. I witnessed a shooting and man dying out on the street and it sent me over the edge. I spent a day completely numb and then the next night I let it all out. I have a breakdown and cry for hours thinking about how that could have been me and the trauma of the past year and what ive been doing catches up to me and I realize I cant keep going like this. I want a family. I NEED a family. And I still love him. I text him I miss you while extremely upset. I need to talk to my best friend and my love and get comfort and tell him my outpouring of emotions. He responds with "I miss you too... But I should let you know I talked with childsmother and we both agreed to try things out again slowly and see where it goes." That sent me over the edge and I asked him to call me because I was hyperventilating at some point. He did and didnt really know what to say and just made sure I could calm down a little and not have an asthma attack. He said "I know youre going through a lot recently" and I said "I dont want it anymore I just watched someone die!" He I guess had unfollowed me on FB to get over me and had no idea that had happened till I said that... He had to take care of his daughter and I felt like so I let him go. We ended up texting more and I explained to him how much that ed me up especially him not telling me until I am in a LOT of pain even though he didnt know at the time. We ended up talking more and I basically told him that when I texted him "I miss you" I was going to tell him I want to be with him and Id be willing to sacrifice my life here to do that. I dont have a lot tying me here and I can continue my passion where he is. He had no idea of course and now its this ed up situation where I feel like a homewrecking piece of and he's confused again. I asked to talk on the phone one more time because I NEED to get this off my chest. If he is done with this I will respect that but I need to tell him how im feeling and why. I need to know if theres a chance. I want a family with him. In afraid now because of my own dumb inaction and inability to process my emotions due to constant stress and mental illness that chance is gone. What would you do? How would you approach this? How wrong am I for pursuing this? TLDR my LDR partner and I broke up due to unfortunate circumstances despite still loving eachother very deeply and I recently had an intense moment of clarity and am willing to sacrifice moving to him and make it work but he has now initiated a relationship with his ex who is the mother of his child
  11. Hi, I am 23 years old and my boyfriend is 20. Me and my boyfriend have been together for nearly 5 years. I have a good paying job and have completed a degree. I desire to get married soon and have a few children. But although my boyfriend has not completed any studies, he had a good paying job. He intended to propose before the end of this year and already saved the day to get married next year. However, after he lost his job a few months ago. He suddenly blamed me for all my suggestions and encouragements to move towards committment. He is now indicating that he's not ready to get married and have children and wanted to just forget about all our plans until he is established. I understand his desire to be established first, but he wants us to move in together and leave all these important events behind. I love him, but he seemed very strong to his perspective that he establishes his life first before marriage. I don't know if it's worth continuing my relationship with him. Any advice would be appreciated
  12. Hello I haven't been on here in a while. First of all I have previously been in relationships where I have not been respected and I am growing more aware. Few months ago, I took up exercising in the local park- its so beautiful and I like going to clear my head and think things through and be in nature. During my jogs, I met a lady who struck up conversation, she lives locally and we struck up a friendship, she seemed lovely- I used to go 4 x a week, but I said we could jog together on the weekends when I'm a little more relaxed about time as weekdays I'm on a routine. Since we met, we have jogged nearly every weekend since summer. Now my life is quite busy as I typically have 50-60 , hour weeks , I work from home and study full time. My weekends are not free as that's when I do the bulk of my studying as I work in the week. I was lucky to be accepted on a program that I never thought I would be accepted on so I am really careful to keep my grades up. here's the issue , I have mentioned that its not typical that I am free every weekend- In the summer I was, now I'm at school and juggling my work and deadlines Im not always available on the weekends. she's married /kids and would prefer later run, 10-11am, we compromised at 8.30am. She has given the option to work out at her place, we tried, there isn't enough space plus she had kids and she keeps going off to attend to them. Im time conscious so I told her I prefer we stick to running. I felt like I want to protect my intention to run- I didn't make the intention to work out at someone else place. I can do this at home. I have thanked her for the invite every time she has opened her home to workouts. Recently, I've had back to back deadlines and some personal issues arise which I need mental space to clear. I have met her every other week, not every week and usual and this has caused a lot of friction between us, through snarky comments and "jokes" about me being away for over a "year" . I sense suppressed anger behind these jokes and I am unsure why such anger should arise. When we do run, she brings up a strong a heavy topic towards the end of our run, so its hard to cut off when she starts talking about something deeply personal.this extends the run by 10-20 minutes. I once got woken at 5am and I had 10 missed calls every few minutes from 5am! This was when I sensed the shift. She then proceeded to tell me she would come and knock if I didn't answer. I called and it was just to confirm the time of our meeting. I have started to feel her "pull" on me, e.g wanting to text back and forth during the week, her texts "feel" angry , one word answers if I don't constantly update. When its not an emergency, I end messages with "enjoy the rest of your day" to signal the end of conversation , especially after we've just been together for almost an hour. I genuinely do work and study 10-12 hour days! I make time to catch up with my friends every other month, im ok without daily contact from my friends. I take time to let people in, I am happy to let friendship slow burn but Im feeling an anger from her- because I keep pumping the breaks. I don't want her to introduce me to her single friends- she had hinted at a singles evening and I said I'm not ready to date so I won't attend but I hope she and her single friends have fun. The event didn't happen, which makes me think it was targeted at me. Lastly, I don't feel like I should rush anyone's energy into my life. I take my time and I don't feel entitled to anyone else time or energy. I have felt a massive knot in my stomach and nausea when I think of her and this wasn't there before Im intuitive and Im feeling something off- I find myself explaining why I cant do this or that or why I don't want to go to this event or dinner. I hate that I feel the need to explain myself. I feel pulled on. I feel a knot and a sinking feeling in my stomach when I think of her. Somethings shifted with her and I can feel it. I cancelled our run for the next couple weeks as I have started working out in my own space- alone- with time to think and clear my head and reset my energy. Energetically, I feel invaded. Im thinking of fading away. Perspective please?
  13. I’m married to a incredible man however the 1 problem I have is his ex wife. I have tried to ask her to coffee to talk she refused. When he and I were dating she did everything she could from using my kids as emmo in arguments to stalking my daughters online and myself. I tried to see things through her eyes and again extended the invite to get to know her and vise versa she strongly declined. Now I’m married just had a misscarriage a month ago. And on top of that dealing with her crap. I made my husband aware I’m not content that even when he and I have the kids theirs no constant reason she’s texting him she text him from dawn till dusk. If the kids bring anything my kids give it’s negative criticism all the way a few weeks ago we allowed her to retrieve the last items she had at our home she decided to dump all my clothes on floor. I was hurt and felt violated I told my husband to bring it up to attorney instead he said it to her and she denied it of course. This week the kids made mention she yells at them after every visit with us and that she screams at the daughter to tell her stuff about me the poor girl was so scared to tell her mom she was excited we were getting married Bc she said her mother screams and screams at her if she doesn’t agree about her opinions on me. Yesterday my husband lost his phone and I guess a emergency occurred were the daughter needed to be picked up she cussed him out said he has time for my daughters and that she wants my information to be given to school so I can get off of my u know what and play the part. I told my husband I under no circumstances will take any direction from her I’m no in a relationship with her and I don’t need to abide to her demands. I told him he needs to set his foot down and put boundaries he indicated that he can’t because she will take away kids. I’m not asking to belittle her but place boundaries were she’s limited in contacting and for him to speak up for his kids whom are clearly going through verbal abuse with her. I’ve already made police reports Bc she’s not right in the head and has followed me stalked my daughter on social media . The straw that broke me today was I came home sick as ever and I see he’s been texting all day back and forth with her. I told him he may be married to me but he’s still with her and I don’t know if I can continue this toxic relationship with her in it I said I’m married to him but dominated by her And I just don’t see how this can be salvaged I love my husband he’s an amazing person friend confidant lover but I can’t live my life in her shadow and I see he fears her I just can’t Idk what to do I went to bed depressed today didn’t spend any time with kids or him just went to bed in guest room. I don’t want to be in the same room right now with him. I want to work out I truly do but idk anymore
  14. I haven’t posted here for a long time. It’s been 18 months since my breakup. My ex partner has been with someone for around 15 months. Are relationship is good. I’d say we are quite close as we share a daughter. Our interactions are good and we see each other Often during exchange of our child or her things. It’s been a rough ride, I’ve just finished therapy and I’m feeling optimistic. The reason I’m here is because I had a day and night out drinking with some friends which was brilliant. Chatted to a lot of attractive women and even scored a kiss and a grope. This is big for me because my confidence has been for a long time. It felt good to feel wanted and I’m realising I am actually a catch. I just haven’t been putting myself out there. I swipe on tinder but going in dry so to speak is not my thing and I probably lose to more attractive guys because tinder is much more visual and you select based on a photo rather than actually face to face interactions. Anyway, my ex partner turned up. No big deal I actually new she would be coming and In all honesty I wasn’t supposed to be staying all day and night but time got away with me because I had such a good time. The last part of the night I remember before things got heated was kissing this girl outside. After that I remember my ex partner saying ‘excuse me, I’m his ex girlfriend we were together for 8 years’ Obviously something was said before that, and from what she told me a few days after, one of her friends thought this girl was looking at her funny, even though the don’t know each other. Whatever... My mate started raising his voice at my ex and I flipped out saying don’t ever speak to her like that. I’m quite protective over her, even though I wasn’t during out time together, which she said a few days later how frustrating it was to see me be like that with her now. I got pulled out the bar by security. Ended up fighting outside with some random dude. Can’t remember exactly why. The interesting part is, I remember shouting at my ex calling her out for interfering in my relation with the girl, and said how I’ve had to deal with another man being there almost instantly after I moved out and it’s not fair for her to do that. Wether she actually was trying to or not I’m not sure, and she’s told me a few days after that it wasn’t like that and she had no problem with what was going on. Well I remember her shoving me and getting emotional, as we both were, and saying what about everything I did to her, stuff which she has brought up before also. I told her I was different now and I’ve changed, along with a lot of other things. I remember trying to restrain her and hold her because she was upset...we both were. Anyway my taxi came and everything was so heated. My friend screamed at me to get in the taxi. I was walking away and she shouted me, and still looked visibly upset. She said, quote .. “My name! I love you” I looked at her with the taxi door open and she said it again. Few days later we spoke about the night, and she had no recollection of us arguing outside, or me fighting, or saying she loved me’ She said, I’ll always love you you’re my child father. I felt she was trying to dress this down. I told her not to take this out of context and that she had no right saying that to me after we’ve been apart for so long. (She ended it, and I wanted her back) I said if I was you’re boyfriend and you said that to an ex I would be fuming. She just said ok and we talking about something else because she hurried the convo off onto another topic. Her denying the context in which she said it in has be questioning a lot about that night. Have I made all this up? I mean, she remembers the girl, so that must be true. She also pointed out a guy on Facebook that I described who I was fighting with, and said he was wearing the clothes I described that night and was there and that he’s always fighting when he’s out. So that’s so plausible. Honestly, it’s probably all true, but is there a chance I could be making the things she said up? And all the heated conversations we house leading up to it? It’s kore for my sanity that anything else. Chances of us bong a family again are slim to none and I’m kinda starting to enjoy my life. Of course I miss her sometimes. I regret the loss a future with her due to my actions. I’ve felt crazy enough through my healing journey and I don’t want making scenarios up to be another crazy on my list LOL
  15. My partner doesn't help with our child has maybe changed 2 nappies an given her maybe 3 bottles her whole life! tells me what I can an can't do an if I do something he doesn't like he either breaks up with me packs up his clothes an leaves or is very verbally abusive, now moving into the violent type of abusive! He has a highly secretive relationship with his ex (they have children together) I never know when he sees his kids or when he's at her house he lies to me about when they text an call, he keeps all of his belongings at her house an has all of his personal mail sent to her address as apparently my family an I are to untrustworthy (my family isn't allowed at our house an don't know where we live) he doesn't assist me around the house with cleaning or cooking (he doesn't work) he doesn't contribute to rent food or bills he's even run debt up in my name which he's refuses to pay off! He literally never has time for me he wakes up an leaves the house, an gets home late at night. Every time I ask him to spend time with me it's a problem he spends absolutely no time with our child! He breaks my personal belongings when he's mad. He tells me who I can an can't talk to. Even me hanging out at my families place is a problem(he hates my family) he hates my best friend, he's quite the jealous type also I'm not even allowed to go to a pub if he isn't there as some guy might hit on me anytime I go out if there's guys around I'm told I must leave immediately! he has literally isolated me from everyone I know but won't spend time with me himself! So I'm at home 24/7 with the kids doing literally everything on my own. An when I point out these issues I'm the one to blame for everything! I love him an our relationship hasn't always been like this but I'm so upset with everything I'm not sure if it can be fixed or if it's time to move on. I cannot handle the secretive business with his ex an he keeps doing it to me, we are supposed to be together an be a family but he's so busy keeping me seperate from his life he's almost become a stranger!
  16. I recently broke up with someone I absolutely adored. I loved him and still continue to love him. We had such a loving and supportive relationship... until... I found out he lied to me from the very beginning - including his age. More importantly, he lied about how involved his ex wife is in his life. They have a daughter together but had been separated for a year (not even sure they’re divorced because you know he’s a liar) - I helped this man find a house in the city I lived in - hoping we’d eventually move in there together. As I’m helping him move stuff in - he informs me that his ex wife will be moving in with him. Not for financial support, or to raise their daughter together but to “change the world” together through access consciousness (look it up) This obviously rattled me, he wanted me to be friends with her and support what they were doing. When he moved to my city, I thought he had an idea of what he would be doing for a job. Turns out he planned on smoking weed all day and discussing consciousness with his Ex. He justified everything she did - including being a neglectful mother to their daughter. He also defended her and deferred to her over me all the time. I obviously broke up with him - reported them to Children’s Aid and thought I wouldn’t look back. Then this man then began showing up at my parents, my apartment, my work etc. Claiming to “want me back” and that he “loved me” after everything that happened (including reporting him). I believed him, thinking that maybe he had a change of heart. We even ended up sleeping together again. But It all went south. We’re now not communicating at all after he told me that I was “to blame for everything because I couldn’t accept his relationship with his ex wife. I hurt him beyond repair. I destroyed our love” etc etc. Not ever taking accountability that he let his ex into his life and had her interfere with our relationship and that he and his ex were neglecting their child. It’s so messed up - I’m so conflicted as to why I still love this man. After everything. Why can’t I let him go?
  17. Hi all, hoping for some outside input as I'm struggling. My partner and I have known each other almost 2 years, been together a bit less than that. He told me straight up he had a 6 year old son with his ex. He didn't mention he was still married to her, I found after we'd been together for months, I asked and he admitted they were married and said he hadn't thought to mention it and didn't plan on getting divorced as neither of them saw the point (they'd been living separately for a while at this point). He told me he didn't have a problem with them being married so neither should I. A year into my relationship with him he was still married to her, owned a house and joint bank accounts, joint health insurance and Medicare and Netflix, shared a car, talked almost every day, etc. He slept at her place occasionally, would send me pictures of them doing stuff together, endlessly talk about her including that she was attractive, interesting and intelligent. I raised multiple times that I found how close they were uncomfortable. Communication between them seemed to slow down after a while. He later admitted he had been hiding it from me as he didn't like my response and that they still talked all the time. Sometimes we'd be lying together in bed and he'd talk to her on the phone about random things, or when we were out at dinner. Recently, after us moving in together and being together well over a year, he has made some changes. He proceeded with the divorce, has his own Medicare card, Netflix and health insurance. He still owns a house with her (that they're trying to sell) and has a joint bank account for reasons I don't understand. I feel as though he's listening to my concerns but nothing is changing. She calls almost every day and texts multiple times, all of which he answers/responds to. I think it's happening secretly as well, he'll sometimes leave the room to talk to someone. She's occasionally rude to me and he defends her (I made their son a gift and she called him to laugh about it and make fun of me, which he went along with, overheard because it was on loudspeaker). She's barged into our house multiple times and just stands there and he says nothing. I fully support them having an amicable relationship and talking about their child not only when necessary but whenever would be helpful. But he's admitted most conversations aren't about the child. In the past he has admitted to prioritising her feelings over mine, but says he doesn't do that any longer (I feel as though he does). Also, his family bought her a house to live in, he said he was uncomfortable with the idea but said nothing to them. Every time she calls it makes me feel disheartened and like I'm not able to deal with being in a relationship with someone who has a child and ex wife. He knows all this and I hate the person I'm becoming- I feel like I nag him and cry about this all the time. But I don't know what to do. My relationship with him is otherwise great. Am I being unreasonable? What should I do? Any advice or thoughts would be much appreciated!
  18. I was in a relationship with a woman for 3 years and I really believed I would spend the rest of my life with her. She is renting a house and living with her adult daughter and her boyfriend plus her 17 year old son. I have a pretty unconventional lifestyle (vegan, minimalist, organic, no car, etc.) and she expressed a desire to become more environmentally conscious as well. However, her kids were raised pretty standard American and to avoid me feeling too judgemental about the wastefulness, or the kids becoming resentful of me when I am pushing for less wastefulness, we decided to wait to live together on my own property in my own tiny house until her son turns 18 and she will be an empty nester. After having some difficult conversations about this it felt like we were in a good place about it. In the fall of 2019 my partner, let's call her Ruth, who is a trauma therapist, told me that I should meet her client, let's call her Lisa. Lisa had been Ruth's client for more than a decade and Ruth told me that Lisa was the most traumatized person she ever met! Even though Ruth was still Lisa's therapist, they started to hang out together. Ruth and I love going on outdoor adventures and Lisa started to join us on a lot of those trips. At the beginning of covid Lisa was invited to be part of Ruth's family pod, because Lisa didn't have anyone else in town to be close with. Lisa is a therapist herself as well for traumatized kids and Lisa started to hang out at Ruth's house more and more, while I was working my seasonal job with a conflicting work schedule with Ruth's, so Ruth and I didn't have much time together during the work week. I brought up several times that I needed some alone time with Ruth as well and she kept on reassuring me that I was her person and her priority. Ruth also acknowledged that Lisa was too dependent on her and that the dynamic between them wasn't particularly healthy (Lisa has Ruth saved as "mom" in her contacts). I believe that Lisa is completely in love with Ruth and wants to use Ruth as an example of a good human being to model her life after, after all the traumatic experiences she has had. In the meantime Ruth was a bit freaked out at the beginning of covid and decided to buy a handgun for protection. She talked about that with Lisa, but didn't bring it up with me until she had bought the gun already. This was an indication that Lisa was becoming more of a partner to Ruth than me. Because Ruth realized that the situation with Lisa was becoming unethical, she decided to officially stop being Lisa's therapist, although she still counseled Lisa unofficially for at least a couple of hours every week. Ruth was compensated for that by Lisa helping out in the household and buying groceries for the family. Sometime last June Lisa started renting a room in the house, although she still kept her own place too (only because she had a dog there). I slowly became more and more frustrated with feeling like a third wheel in this situation. In July we went with the 3 of us on a backpacking trip. On the drive down small things kept on happening that made me feel more and more excluded, which made me somewhat irritable. This irritability caused an argument on this trip twice, during which I blamed Ruth for something pretty minor. This made her feel attacked and unsafe, mostly because of her own trauma background (she was in an abusive relationship with her ex for 20 years). At night, Ruth checked in with Lisa and they talked privately for a while, after which Ruth came into my tent. We processed the whole night and made some progress, even though I was shocked at some of the things she said to me. For example, she told me that she started drinking more after I once mentioned carefully that she might consider drinking a little less, but she just kept it hidden from me instead. It sounded like she was already not feeling safe with me for quite a while, even though less than a week before the fateful incident she told me that she was very happy to be with somebody who communicates well and is safe. After a night of processing she said she wasn't ready to break up with me yet. However, we had to invite Lisa into the tent and tell her what happened. As soon as Lisa came in she started calling me names right away (shamer, blamer, abuser, domestic violence perpetrator, narcissist and somebody who doesn't care one iota about other people's feelings). When I tried to respond I got shut down with remarks like "you can't claim ignorance as an excuse" and "you don't get to defend yourself, that is what all abusers do to deflect". Even though Ruth had just expressed to me that she wasn't ready to break up with me, she immediately fell in line with Lisa's way of thinking. It felt like an abusive ganging up on me (and that by 2 professional trauma therapists!): I was completely prevented from saying anything in my defense, while I was told in no uncertain terms that I am an incorrigible abuser who is doomed to a life of intense therapy to even have a chance to become a better human being. The conclusion was drawn and there was no space to create any other perspective on the situation than through the lens of trauma prevention and abuse, which means getting rid of me as soon as possible and not uttering another word to me on the long drive home, because suddenly I am not a safe person anymore. I suddenly had become Ruth's abusive ex. The next day I received an email from Ruth stating that I can't contact her in any form, ever. If I do, they would file a restraining order against me. I do believe that this is mostly Lisa's sentiment. Ruth and I seriously never had an argument before this happened and I felt completely solid in the relationship. In June of 2019, Ruth came with me to The Netherlands for a 2.5 week visit at my parent's expense to say goodbye to my dying mother. I felt so supported by her and everybody loved her. She said goodbye to my mother with tears in her eyes and promised my mother she would take care of me. This break up happened in the second half of July. I still can't wrap my head around the fact that 2 such minor incidents caused such a severe punishment. I am still in denial and completely heartbroken. Ruth's brother and his girlfriend did reach out to me about a week after the incident via text and told me they didn't believe that I am an abuser and asked me what happened. I sent them a long email with my explanation of what happened and expressed my concern about Lisa's influence on Ruth. Ruth's mother read that email as well. About a week later I was going to meet in a park with the 3 of them (mother, brother and brother's girlfriend) to talk more about what happened and the dynamic at play between Ruth and Lisa. However, somehow Ruth must have heard about that plan and decided to cut them out of her life as well, after which the family decided to stop communicating with me. Even after all this, I am still completely in love with Ruth and keep on hoping that she will come to realize that she treated me poorly and will want me back. Is this unreasonable, especially given the fact that Lisa and Ruth might now not just be emotional partners, but sexual partners as well? Given the fact that Ruth and Lisa are professional therapists, did they step completely out of line with allowing their relationship to develop like this? If so, do I have an obligation to bring them to the therapists ethics board, even though I have no desire to create more problems in Ruth's life (and I do believe she actually is a good therapist) and I firmly believe that Lisa is not malicious, but just acting from her damage? I feel like I want to force a family intervention, but I guess it is really not my place to do that.
  19. I I was with my fiance for 8 months, we were going to be married on December 22, 2020. So I thought. Then my fiance all of a sudden said he needed space, we did have a few issues but they were not that bad it turns out while we were on this break he slept with his kids mom. Which they were together for 9 years off and on. He vowed to me that he would never be with her. That she cheated on him a lot of times she was abusive to him and his other kids. Why would he do this to me? He said it was a big mistake that he would never do it to me again. So I took him back. A week later he tells me over the phone that he's done with me again. That was not the same with us anymore. Then I kept texting him why I didn't understand why he wanted to end things again. He texted me that he didn't love me anymore, that I was bugging him to stop texting him, leave him alone. Now he's just gone haven't heard from him for a week now. How can someone that says they love you and want to marry you lie straight to your face? I thought he really loved me, I am so hurt and heartbroken .I heard today that he went back to his kids mom, that's why he left me. And because I was showing him too much attention and that I annoyed him ...But that is so hurtful after everything she has done for him. Why would he leave me someone that would never cheat on him, someone that truly loved him, he used to tell me how happy and in love he was with me. I don't understand all this.
  20. I have been married almost 2 years. I won't lie. I am not happy at all. He is not the same person he was when we were dating. I knew we shouldn't have gotten married but did it anyway because of pressure from him. I know I am a fool. But he has changed so much that he is not the same person at all from when we got together. He literally is Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde. He cannot hold a job down for longer than a month or two then sits on his ass for months at a time claiming he's "looking" for work. He's been at his current job for four months only because he's working with family. And right now he's wanting to quit!! I can't handle being the only bread winner again! He has had multiple jobs in the few years we've been together that I've lost count! He wants me to wear lingerie and corsets and I have no interest or desire to wear them at all. I am 40 years old (he's younger than me) and I will wear a piece of lingerie once in awhile if its tasteful but he wants me to wear stuff that is just skanky! Sorry but no. I will not do that at all. He's constantly looking at this stuff online and it grosses me out. He also has some fetishes that I cannot get on board with. He loves to wear women's underwear and clothes. Whenever he wears them its grosses me out and I've told him this but he does not care. He has stolen my own underwear and worn them. I was not happy about that. I have to count my underwear almost daily to make sure they're all there. He also wants to wear corsets himself. He also shaves all the body hair he can because he doesn't like it. I personally like the body hair and have said so. I find it unattractive that he does this. He never did any of this when we were dating! It has ruined our sex life so bad. We very rarely do it anymore because of these things. I want to be married to a man. Not a woman. He's constantly on his phone. Usually on Facebook or whatnot. He always has his phone in his hands. I've asked him to get off it and he gets off it for a few minutes then right back on Facebook!!! How can a person spend so much time on there? He watches the dumbest videos as well! I think spending time with your wife and family is more important than Facebook. He also snores so horribly loud that it interferes with my sleep almost nightly. I have asked him to go see a sleep doctor to see if there is something they can do to stop it. He has refused. He says all they'll do is give him a CPAP and he does not want that. He says how dare I ask him to do this. That I need to compromise and just let him be. That he never gets sleep. He doesnt get sleep because he snores so bad!!! All I've done in this marriage is compromise. He has done nothing to compromise. I've worked when he's sat on his ass watching TV. I've paid all the bills while he's done nothing. I've made sure his kids and himself had Christmas while I got nothing. I could go on. Even his family has told me secretly that they don't know how I've gone on this long with him. My kids do not like him anymore as he treats them badly. They stay away from him as much as possible and I don't blame them. We argue quite frequently and when it gets bad it makes my kids cry. They do not like to see us argue. And my kids are teenagers. He loves to twist my words and use them against me. He doesn't trust me at all and I've never done anything to lose that trust. I have been by his side thru a lot of stuff. Yet I have no trust from him. I do not get it at all. Are these valid reasons to leave him? He won't change anything. And asking him to starts a fight. I can't handle anymore fights. There are a lot more reasons than I am listing here as well. These are just the main ones. I am just at the end of my rope and can't handle much more!!
  21. I am asking for peoples opinion about what happened to my relationship to help me heal. Sorry for the grammar and its sorta a long story. I met a lovely lady on a dating app called plenty of fish in February. At the time i was living with my baby mamma because my name was on the lease and i knew she couldn't pay it herself, but there was no feelings there. so we met up hit it off on the first date like i knew her for a long time. since this was the time covid was going on we met at a park and within the same week we met again at her house. i knew she wanted to sleep with me but i am not the type of guy to want to do it right away i like to build something not sleep with strangers or one night stands. and it was weird i would have to go after 6pm after her dad was a sleep so she could sneak me off to the side. after a couple times seeing her we slept together and after that it was great we would spend every minute together and as time went on i would eventually sleep over and met her dad and she met my family. all was great till my lease was about to be up with the baby mamma and i decided to leave early and pay for the last month. and i got depressed as i didn't know what was gonna happen between me and my daughter. i was gonna go from seeing her everyday to every other week and didn't know what the future was gonna bring. and this lady amy i was seeing knew this i talked to her about it. i started getting distant not really sleeping over anymore and telling her because of my kid. I had the most idiotic idea in my life. i thought if i go back to my baby mamma i could see my kid everyday and i know what the future would bring as far as my kid goes. so i left amy told her we weren't compatible because wasn't man enough to tell her the truth. and got with my ex only for my kid but after 3 days i couldn't do it i couldn't string this women along not knowing if one day ill have feelings again. we split and left amy and my ex alone for a week and i started missing amy and all the memories we had and how well we got along. sure we had fights but who doesn't. so i contact amy and ask her to meet up with me and she agrees. we make plans to go eat sushi few days later and she asks me why i wanted to meet up and tell her i wanted to get back with her and told her why i left in the first place and she said she was mad at me and she had to do something that day and we went our ways at met up later and talked more and she told me she was seeing someone after we broke up. and that the guy knew a family friend who died recently. so she told me she needs to decide if she wants to be with me or not. so like 3 days go by and we meet up again to talk more about getting back together and it seemed like no matter what i said she would say something to make it seem like it was best for us not to get back together. I told her i would take it slowly as she wants. so we hug and make out and she leaves to her house and i go to mine and i send her a text like 20 mins later and she doesn't reply and i got a gut feeling that i knew from once before and could not shake. i decide to drive by her house and i see a truck that doesn't belong there. i know because i would sleep over and hang out with her during all my free time i knew what cars belong. it was parked where i would park.and a couple days before hand she told me she wanted to send me a text late at night saying to come over and cuddle with her but she didn't. so i decide to knock on her window because i didn't want to wake her dad up. and she comes out and i ask her if she wants to cuddle and she says no. and i ask her even for like 30 mins and she says no. no matter what i said she said no and told me to leave and she would text me the next day. so i let it be and she didn't contact me in this time she had me blocked on messenger for like 3 days then unblocked me and i couldn't stand seeing her icon on my messenger saying when she was on so i deleted my facebook. I didn't really use it anyway. so she sends me a long text saying that i scared her by knocking on the window and now she has nightmares of someone going through the window. i apologized and i her told her i knew she was with someone that night and she admitted it and told me it was a yes on getting back together and then after showing up to her house and catching her with someone else it was a no on getting back together. so i asked her what was the point on texting me and said there wasn't one and i asked her to leave me alone and she told me to leave her alone which i did she texted me. last message said " i wish things were different. i'd love to keep you in my life but i can't" and i wonder why not? She texted me all this in one day while still seeing the other guy. My problem is i can't just get over her. it was dumb for to think of going back to baby momma for my daughter even though there was no feelings there. i was just in a tough time going through change and thinking of what will happen in the future with my kid. doesn't help either that she moved on way to quick. i am not sure if it matters but before be she said she slept around a lot to help get over her first ex. It doesn't matter to me what she did when we split but when we started talking about getting back together and it was a yes and 10 mins later she sleeping with someone. confuses me and wont let me heal. its been about 3 weeks and i just can't seem to get any better some days i want to reach out to her. but i think of what happened and think i should let it be. I just want to hear your guys opinion as it helps me heal even if its the harsh truth.
  22. [F 45] In messy entanglement with boss [M 42]; job, finances all intertwined and hanging by a thread. I’m a single mom, formerly a stay-at-home mom, who re-entered the workforce after my divorce. My decade long work gap is proving to be a large hurdle. (I’m lucky I look younger than I am, or I’d be dealing with the age hurdle, too.) I’ve found only very low paying jobs without benefits. Even with my income, child support and spousal support combined, I am still poor enough to qualify for state health insurance and food assistance. I’m currently in graduate school (using student loans) hoping a master’s will improve my employment prospects and financial situation. A year ago, the father of my son’s best friend asked me if I would be interested in the office manager position at his small company. I politely declined because the work is not in my field, but also because I thought it would be awkward to work for a “friend.” He continued to bring it up whenever I ran into him and offered me things he knew I needed: a flexible schedule, the ability to work from home, use of a company car, plus the possibility of paying me in cash. Eventually, but with reservations, I accepted the job. I found out quickly that my role is company workhorse. I work 7 days a week, regularly doing the work of two people, and sometimes three people, since my boss takes frequent vacations lasting 4 to 8 weeks at a time. For all of this, I am paid $35,000 a year without any benefits. He pays himself 10 times this amount. I assumed he, like most small business owners, would be a hard worker. He’s not. He lucked into a niche market. The service he provides practically sells itself. A few of his investors have made comments to me about his laziness. I found out his last office manager quit after a year because she was sick of doing all the work for very little pay. She was at least getting monthly bonuses. I’m not. The company car he promised never really materialized and the ability to work from home vanished (unless you count bringing home paper work on nights and weekends). I even use my personal cell phone for all business calls. He did agree to give me a $2.00 an hour raise, but he sneakily switched me from hourly to salary, so I didn’t get a raise at all. I asked him about it, but he told me it would all balance out. When my ex-husband (who also earns a six-figure income) threatened to take me back to court to lower child and spousal support, my boss began paying me partially in cash, but he’s taxing it at his tax rate. This means I’m paid even less than before, just for trying to hang onto enough support money to help keep a roof over my kids’ heads. The office itself has become unsanitary. Although he knows I have an autoimmune condition, and that COVID still exists, he canceled the cleaning service. He now expects me to sweep the wood floors, ignoring that the carpet and restrooms, especially, require far more than a broom. I won’t even use the restrooms. I have a dust allergy and there is a thick layer of dust throughout the office, along with cobwebs and dead bugs. When I asked him to resume the cleaning service he said he’d wait until the next time they call him to ask if we want services. (!?!) I was infuriated the day he sent his kids to wait at the office while the cleaning service finished cleaning HIS HOUSE. All this stuff is bad, but there is also a decidedly darker aspect to his behavior, as I’ve come to realize he has been pretending to care about me in order keep me on board as the low paid workhorse he can take advantage of. He knows I haven’t dated much since my divorce. I am actually very pretty, but also 40 pounds overweight, thus deeply insecure and reluctant to put myself out there until I lose weight. He is flirtatious with me and I think I’ve appreciated the attention because I’m lonely. He’s not handsome, and his personal hygiene isn’t the best, but he can be charming and humorous, so there are times I’ve found myself attracted to him. More confusing, is that for the past year, we’ve been having the kind of deep and intimate conversations people in romantic relationships have. (I realize now he has been faking this, trying to quickly manufacture a closeness so I’d keep doing all the work.) I’ve never brought up the subject, but he has repeatedly made a point of telling me he is single and not dating anyone. I’ve always suspected this is a lie, though, because he puts all of his expenses on the company credit card and I can see numerous charges to dating sites, lingerie stores, florists, jewelers, restaurants and hotels. I just could never fathom (until now) why he was even bothering to lie to me about this. More than once, he led me to believe he was vacationing alone, but when he called me, I could hear a woman whispering in the background. This makes me think others are aware of the trick he has been playing on me. He probably gets a kick out of telling people that all he has to do is ply me with Starbucks and pretend to be attracted to me and I’ll work my ass off for him. Yesterday, I asked him to come into the office because I needed some help before deadline. He acted like this was a big hardship for him, and made excuses about probably getting tied up in traffic, then he abruptly cut me off when he got another call (probably his date for the night). Much to my surprise, he actually showed up at the office 10 minutes later (his date must have been running late,) but I was annoyed the second I looked at him. He was dressed up, in obviously new clothes. He had a new haircut and was freshly shaved. He smelled like cologne. He was distracted, hurrying through the work, making errors and texting someone the entire time, with his phone screen purposely angled away so I couldn’t see it. He left after 20 minutes. On his way out, he told me to have a good weekend. I replied, “You, too.” He got a strange look on his face, possibly a brief flash of guilt, then mumbled something and left. A few minutes later, he called me to apologize for a mistake he made on a contract. In my best nonchalant, excusing voice I said, “Well, you’re preoccupied...” Stunned silence and a long pause on his end, then an awkward laugh. About 15 minutes after that, he texted me to have a good weekend. I didn’t answer and blocked him from my phone. How should I handle this situation? I am insulted and hurt. While I could never truly picture myself in a romantic relationship with him, I cared about him and foolishly believed he cared about me. I don’t think I can stand to see his lying liar face again, but I desperately need the income. The job market is very poor where I live and I can’t imagine another employer willing to pay me in cash. Do I even bother to confront him about any of this?
  23. Hi Married 22 years She’s 44 I’m 51. Two teenage sons. She ended the relationship last month as she didn’t love me anymore and loved another married man. She has Clearly said she doesn’t want to reconcile. I moved out to a nearby suburb where I’m quite happy. But I’m miss her and want to reconcile. I Initially suggested coming Back for late night cuddles but she rejected that. I respect her rights but I want to create the best impression I can to change her stance on her+me =NO! Recently I was around there and she’d said she’d told other guy to ‘**** off‘ but She didn’t want to elaborate and I don’t if they’ve Fixed it up but I could tell she was hurting. A few days later I helped out with picking up the kids and I was there and she wasn’t and I left her flowers. She texted me thanking me and then said, it was a lovely surprise. Since then I have put her on a ‘dont contact’ so I haven’t texted her at all. She’s initiated the last texts but it’s neutral stuff about bills and her weekend plans but at least it’s something. If I keep leaving flowers it will lose its impact. Does anyone have any ideas about how I should behave or respond to get her Positive attention back, Regarding starting Over? Many thanks
  24. Hi, First I am not here to talk about my story (I babbled enough about that in Personal Growth) But I am interested in other people's experiences in Good byes. Not so much to someone who is dying. But rather people in our lives who are leaving forever one way or the other. If you gave one someone a special goodbye, How did it make you feel? If you recieved it How did it make you feel . For reasons I do not want to get in here. I had to say goodbye forever to someone who I will always feel was a blessing in my life. (I am repeating that part of my story for the readers of this forum) I wanted to cover every aspect I could think of because I was never going to have a chance, First, She saw my eyes watering and asked me to stop. I said I needed to continue and asked her if I could (She said okay but if she said No I would have stopped) First I gave her a blank journal because she once told me she wanted to be a writer, I wrote stuff in it to inspire her like Hi I am your journal use me for anything but I think you can write great things, I told her that I thought I was supposed to be a blessing in my life but I have learned you were the blessing in mine. I then took 3 ribbons 2 Blue One pink and I said I know this is only symbolic but I am not going to be around if and when these things happen, I said the blue and pink are for if you have a baby boy and girl someday and the other blue ribbon was for is she needed something blue if she married one day. Finally I gave her a pen that I had engraved with a bunch of letters. I told her it was an acronym prayer and that each letter was the first letter in the word, I asked her if she could guess, She told me she knew the first letters which was her initials, So then I told her the rest was May Jesus Bless You Love You and Keep You, and then we hugged and that was it, ......................Now was that too much? Maybe but on the other hand I could not let this person leave my life without letting her know in my own way How much God putting her as a blessing in my life (There was a time I had decided not to do the whole goodbye but something happened that changed my mind that I will cover in my other forum at some point) 2. It helped me to let go with the exception of a little bump I went through and got over with the help of the wonderful people on this site because I forgot something in the goodbye), I also hope it helped her in some way and if nothing else maybe give her a memory that although was sad will make her smile someday if she ever thinks back on it. As I said I am not looking for advice. But please I am in your opinions and goodbye stories
  25. Hi. My daughter is 21. Just finished uni with a good degree. Shes seeing this lad who is 26 and a complete waste of space. Works very little is absolutely bone idle. He was learning to drive. Why cant I even put up with him? I cant stand him.
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