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About Me

  1. Do you wish you had the power to end any argument with one text message? In this video, I'll teach you that text message and exactly how and when to use it so that any argument is over in minutes. Watch the video to find out more.
  2. Hello Everyone, Been married a little over 7 years. I started noticing changes in my wife when she started a new job back in June of last year, working late, dressing different, guarding her phone. To make a long story short, my wife now spends more time with her new boss than she does with me. There have been at least 2 different incidents where I caught them doing what I consider to be flirting (she disagrees) and she even gave him a very expensive watch for Christmas. (she's never given me a watch) They text after work and at all hours of the night, I've even caught her texting him when she was supposed to be having a romantic dinner, alone with me. Every time I try to sit her down and have a calm conversation with her about all this, we just end up arguing and I end up on the couch, she thinks I'm overreacting and she even claims that maybe I'm being a little insecure about the fact that she now earns more than me. She says there is nothing going on between them, that she's only trying to make a good impression and I'm being paranoid, she says she loves me and wouldn't be with me if she wanted someone else and I really want to believe her. This weekend they are supposed to go away for a convention and she'll be gone for 2 weeks. I've already told her that I feel uncomfortable about the trip and now she says I'm controlling and she seems determined to go whether I like it or not. I don't know who this person is, but it's not the woman I married, she's turned into some sort of cold-hearted Ice Queen, our sex life is down the drain and she gets irritated easily and picks fights with me about stupid stuff. Despite all of this I still love my wife very much, but I'm beginning to think I can't compete with her new boss, he's 10 years younger than me, single and filthy rich. I'm at a loss for what to do, part of me wants to walk away and another part wants to fight for my marriage, but I don't even know where to start, I've never been in this situation before, any advice would be greatly appreciated.
  3. Hey all, I'm writing so as to get some advice. I'll try to make this as short as possible. I met my "ex" (we didn't get to call ourselves bf/gf) about two years ago. We work together and it took us a while to hook up. She was in a relationship were she was being heavily manipulated and it took her a long while and a lot of therapy to finally get herself rid from her ex. Once this relationship was over, we started going out. We dated for around 6 months and everything was going perfect. Out of the blue, she told me she wanted to talk with me and explained that she liked everything about me but that she felt that after her previous relationship she didn't have time for herself. We discussed about what the best course of action could be, she mentioned she was not feeling right to be in a relationship with me but she wasn't sure that she wanted to break up either. I offered her to take some time apart but she didn't feel that was right since she would feel guilty if she felt I was waiting for her to give me some kind of feedback, as she wasn't exactly sure about how she was feeling. I suggested we break up and that was it. It was amicable and I went straight into LC (meaning I'll only talk work with her or discuss whatever topic is at hand whenever we have lunch with the team; we do have lunch together every weekday). After the break up I was devastated but pulled the little energy I had to make it seem in our lunches as if I was OK. The first few weeks she'd try to fight with me about anything and I would just divert the talking to anything else to avoid confrontation. When we broke up, she did mention I was no regular guy and that said she was doing everything so as to take care of the relationship we had; she didn't want to ruin it because of her doubts. Her attitude these first two weeks was very contradictory. Moving forward, the relationship got better and she stopped trying to pick fights with me. At around the 4th week mark, I called her and just asked how she was feeling about the whole break up thing and did mention that it had been a rough time for me as she had given me no clear reason to break up in first place. I did ask her to break my heart if she had to and be honest, be it she didn't like me anymore, had no more feelings or anything. She denied everything and mentioned that she did have feelings for me, she did like me and would have a great time with me, but that she felt that we were ready to be bf/gf and she was not yet ready for that, as her previous experience had been too rough and was just not ready to start a new relationship. I said it was OK and thanked her for the time to talk, went straight back to the same LC I previously mentioned. That was 2 weeks ago. Everything went on fine and I've started to feel better myself, I think it might actually be showing since I'm in a better mood generally speaking and doing fine. However, what's killing me right now is that for the past 3 days she's been trying really hard to avoid me. Not just that, she's trying to make me notice that she's avoiding me. We'll be in meeting rooms where there's just 3 of us and she will just rotate her chair and make me face her back. She is now trying to contradict what I say again and it's becoming a pain. I'm trying to keep everything as professional as possible as that's the right thing to do. While I'm focused in moving on, this is also a relationship I don't want to completely discard and make moves that might push her far away. I'm not exactly sure how to proceed. Shall I ignore her bad attitude as I'm doing and show indifference? Shall I confront her about it? Why might she be behaving in this way towards me? Just in case you even think about it, I did not beg, cry, became needy or anything. I've learnt this from my past relationship and refrained from doing anything of the sort even though my brain wanted me to do so.
  4. Hi, all: Just wanted some unbiased advice on my relationship, so please don't take my side if I'm genuinely in the wrong. I've been with my boyfriend for 1 year and overall it's been an amicable relationship. He was given free rent with all bills included to live in a 4 bedroom house in London (well, Greater London) from his family. I also have my place (which I mortgaged, lots of hard work and sacrifices to get here) which I'm very proud about, rightly so. For about the first 7/8 months into the relationship, we would take it in turns to see each other on the weekend. One weekend I would visit him, the other weekend he would visit me. This worked fine for the whole 8-months, so we decided that I'll move into his house as we seemed to be getting on. Now, I must admit here, this was an interesting decision. Interesting meaning both cons and pros, though now, I'm starting to feel that the cons are slightly outweighing the pros. When I moved into his house he was still working. The job wasn't great but he was earning a semi-decent income. I was happy about that. Moving time forward about 2/3 months and he got into a severe altercation with his workplace. He is on long-term unpaid sickness now as he used his 6-month entitlement off paid sick leave last year, and the new rota has begun. So, I effectively have a boyfriend who is unemployed, but worse than that, not entitled to claim any benefits either. He says he is expecting a large payout from his workplace (settlement agreement), which I'm dubious will happen and I think is using as an excuse to not find work. Whenever I approach the topic with him, he becomes very hostile, saying things like "you know why I'm here", or 'why do you have to bring it up now!", to name a few. I've tried all approaches, talked to family, etc. I'm employed full-time in a professional job, working from home. There are two points of frustration for me: • I have no time to myself as he is around the house, and I crave some me time. I can go into a separate room after work, or on the weekend, but that's not giving me mental space as we are still in the same building. I've lived in my apartment by myself for nearly 2 years. This is too much of a change for me. I'm passionate about self-development and it's distracting when he is around, and certainly wasn't an issue when he was working as I was guaranteed this time. • I worry about our financial future together. I am very ambitious and have big life goals, and we don't seem to be sharing these values based on his past work history, current conversations we've had, and general attitude :( Moreover, is it generally possible to find someone who is both very ambitious and caring at the same time? This is the question I have been asking myself. Surely I have to sacrifice some ambition to have some more of the softer side feelings, but this is a bit of an extreme situation, no? I think these frustrations have been the cause of many arguments, more severe since moving into his house. I'd say we average about 1/2 arguments a week that are resolved in about 2 days. So the relationship is very hot and cold. For reference, I've not had arguments like this in previous relationships I've had. Any advice on this? To make this clear and give some context, I have listed some of the key pros and cons so you can make an informed judgment. My main pros are: • Kind and caring • Makes plenty of time for the relationship (also a con explained below) • Can have high-brow conversations, interesting conversations General reservations I'm having: • Is currently unemployed and has little motivation of finding a new job currently (his confidence is damaged badly from a bad experience with a previous employer) • Comes across condescending (whenever I express an opinion on something, he is very quick to foist his view on me. When I feel the conversation is heading into an argument at this point, I try to move it along but he brings up his point again argghhh) • Feels a bit suffocating (always living on top of each together, or having to do things together all the time) Will be interesting to hear your thoughts on this. Ta.
  5. I'm a college student, 23 years old. My last serious relationship ended when I was 19. I'm doing great overall; wonderful grades, lots of social contacts, many hobbies. Should anyone ask me if I'm happy, my answer is a definitive yes, and for the past few years I've genuinely been living my best life. The only thing one could argue that I 'lack' is a romantic relationship. As I've learnt, I can be perfectly happy without one. And when not confronted with it, it's not an issue. But recently, I've had friends enter into relationships left and right, seen many beautfiul (glorified, I know) relationships build up in films and series, and heard bunches of cheesy love songs on the radio. Yes, I'm fine without it -- but I can't deny it's started gnawing at me. In those past four years, I haven't met anyone I'm genuinely interested in. For a long time I was convinced I had developed a crush on one of my best male friends, but I still see him lots now and I've noticed that the feeling has completely disappeared. I recently reconnected with an old friend that I'm physically attracted to, but found out there's really nothing beyond that. I've started my master's studies this month, gone to meetups, even tried a local singles group, and met so many new people overall -- but there's just no one I feel interested in. See, to be completely fair, I feel pressured to find someone. Not just from outside influences, but internally, too; and I can't exactly pinpoint why. Maybe because I feel like I merely blinked and suddenly I'm 23, and the clock continues ticking. The idea that the pool grows smaller with every year I continue waiting. Or maybe because I've seen all these happy examples and I know I deep down want to have something like that. Because of course I do; I'm no exception. My day-to-day schedule is usually packed. University takes up all my weekdays, and the evenings and weekends I spend with friends. Different friends everyday, and already without trying to squeeze in extra evenings to meet new people I find myself frequently having to choose between one activity or the other. I could go out of my way to put some of them on hold just so I can attend an extra meetup, or visit that new association in town.. but fact of the matter is I really just don't want to. I meet plenty of new people already and all I do it for is to find someone I could perhaps, maybe, one day be interested in, with no success. I'd rather just continue enjoying my time as I do now. The three previous people I've been in relationships with I've all met while not searching actively. I just so happened to run into them while I was visiting my usual conventions, campings, you name it. I didn't need to search, I just found them. We clicked, and we went from there. Which makes what I'm trying to do now feel all the more pointless. Yes, there's certainly a few guys that I met who are handsome, but I just don't feel much for them otherwise. And while you could argue that's because I don't know them well enough yet, I find myself just not having the time or energy to go out of my way to chase them. I just don't want to. And again, from experience, I know it's very well possible to find someone you don't have to "create" a click with. Someone with who it's just naturally there. But every time I choose not to give chase, I feel guilty afterwards. Like I've just been lazy; like I've let an opportunity slip away, and this is exactly why I'm not finding anyone. Sorry for my rambling. I sound more frustrated with it than I really am, I promise, but it's certainly bothering me. Should I be trying harder? Should I be going with a different approach? Should I drop it? Quite frankly, I just don't know what to do with all this.
  6. Hey everyone. My boyfriend and I always have arguments about Instagram. He just has multiple accounts of girls in the area he’s following along with Instagram models. There are even accounts of like hottest girls on the gram amount other questionable accounts. He tells me he followed them all when he was single. It just bothers me because I don’t want to be married to someone who is going to always be looking at other girls online. I’m not sure what to do. He has unfollowed some after we talked but there is just so much on there still... he doesn’t view it the same way as me. I believe you should be loyal in all forms in a relationship but he says why isn’t it enough that I love you. This is always a stupid thing to fight about too... Please give me your input.
  7. I've always been someone who wasn't quick on their feet with learning or following directions or what have you. I don't know why but I've always been a little slow at doing things.My parents always referred to me as knucklehead or slow, they do it in a playful way but I know they're serious about. Throughout life people have always said things about how much of an idiot I am. I often make mistakes with everything I do and it's so hard for me to focus and catch on to the most simple things and tasks. At my new job a lot of people don't like working with me because they know how backwards I am with getting things done. I work at a grocery store and sometimes I just mess up a lot with following order and directions and often, people get frustrated with me because it takes me a long time to catch on to something. One old guy at my job one day just referred to me as a dummy and we got into a heated argument over that and I reported him to my manager. I don't know I've always been like that and maybe perhaps something is wrong with me but I don't know what it is. I've been idiot and dumb by so many people that I actually believe it's true now..
  8. when they give back personal gifts that were customized for them? if she believed that the relationship wasn't really genuine cause the guy was fine with the break up and didn't fight for the relationship.
  9. Met this guy through OLD. Spoken a number of times on the phone. I'm a texter..he prefers me to call. Been in and out of contact for a year. We talk and then lose momentum. Last time we spoke six months ago now. He told me he feels like he's only an option to me. Im guessing its because of the on and off contact. He tried to cut if off a while back as he said he doesnt want to be a pen pal. I think he assumed things were never going to get off the ground as according to him im not doing enough to move things along. Then we started speaking again. What happened last was six months ago he asked me to meet while i was on the phone to him. I agreed. But then nothing came of it. He wanted me to send another pic of myself before the meeting. I messaged him a couple of times about other things unrelated to the meeting...so i didnt mention it..neither did he. And that was that 🤔. In hindsight maybe i should have brought it up or something. I can be very passive sometimes 😶. Any way neither of us contacted the other after that and six months went by. I would have met him then but it was difficult due to being in and out of lockdown. And i know i really should have mentioned that. And again we are in lockdown for another few weeks minimum. So i probably wont be able to meet him now. I had genuine interest in this guy..even though he assumed i saw him as an "option". I just wondered how i could reach out to him now and what to say. As he maybe extra skeptical. ( if he wants to even talk to me again). My guy " friend"who is extra negative. Keeps saying he doesnt care about you..hes probably forgotten you. Which i find odd in itself. As its not like he knows the guy. But yeah we had a huge argument over him making silly comments and now we've both blocked one another. I just said to him out of anger i hope me and that guy do end up speaking again so your plan wouldn't have worked to separate us. ( hes made negative comments for a year since i met the guy which only made the situation worse). Going back to the topic..how do i convince him im serious and am genuinely wanting to start again? In terrible at expressing myself..just need some tips. 😭😢 P.s I've fd it up every time we spoke. He gave me chances...and even tried to get me to open up and express myself but i end up self sabotaging and then he gives up i guess. Its like a pattern. 🤔 for example he straight up asked me if i like him...if i want him..and i still couldnt give a straight answer. I think i said either maybe or sometimes. Not even a yes or no.
  10. Hello all! I’m having a bit of a debate with a friend, and it got me thinking. I’d love to hear everyone’s opinion on this. We were talking about a specific beach here in town and it’s an optional nude beach. people are clothed, but a lot of them choose to be nude. I personally haven’t taken my daughter, but it’s more of an inconvenience due to distance, than me being uncomfortable with the idea. My daughter is 3.5 for the record. I’m not trying to settle a debate or anything, since we’re aware we have differing opinions, but I’m more curious how people generally feel about this topic, since it got me thinking a bit. I grew up in Europe and people sunbathing nude in city parks isn’t unheard of and something I’ve been “confronted” with during childhood more than enough. I never thought anything of it. In actuality it became more of a norm to me to see bodies of all sizes and shapes. If I were to go to this beach here in my current city I wouldn’t be necessarily concerned to take my child. I don’t believe in demonizing or sexualizing nude bodies by default, but it seems a lot of people would find it inappropriate to have their children see naked people in a non sexual environment. I think actually that it can be beneficial to see people comfortable in the way they are, as opposed to experiencing nudity in some medium that might portray unrealistic ideals. I see it this way, our kids will see naked people at some point in life. I hate to think about it, but it will come up in ways I won’t be aware of as a mother. Do I want my daughter to have been exposed to actual nudity before that happens? Yeah, I think it’s helpful. I think it’ll not only help her own body image, but also help her become normalized to the idea that people do look different and it’s all ok. Obviously if anything inappropriate were to happen I would absolutely take my child out of there. I’m very protective of her and think about her upbringing every single day. I’ve heard the argument made, that children will look at men and they may become aroused. I’d argue that it’s a pretty messed up individual who would feel that way towards a child looking and I’d rather not apply that to the general population by default. I don’t think all men are pigs at all. I think most if not all of the dudes there just want to enjoy some sun and relax. What are people so afraid of? I’m aware bad things can happen. I’ll do my all to prevent them, but I don’t see how going to a nude beach is endangering my child’s well being or innocence. I’m very interested in opinions. I’m not set on this by any means.
  11. So this is an odd one. I'm a 25 year old male. I met Elizabeth (24 y/o female) about 4 months ago. We had known each other in the past, but never really talked. We started talking. We began seeing each other and we took off like wildfire. It almost was like we moved to fast. Up until about three weeks ago it was us together everyday when we were off work, or even it would be just me going over to her house to spend the night after I got off of work. Through the duration of the relationship Elizabeth was rather emotional. She went through a lot this year (loss of a father, and other emotional issues that she has yet to accept.) Anyhow, out of the blue a couple weeks back she just told me she wasn't ready to be in a relationship with me because she was overwhelmed. She told me her emotions weere going to be highstrung and that she didn't think it was fair. Also that we moved to fast etc. I understood that because I felt the same. I asked if she wanted to get together and talk about everything, and she told me "no, because we will end up back together." So then for the next week I would try to stop talking to her and she would message me repeatedly, at times "accidentally," sending me stuff. Every time we would get to talking it would end up turning into an argument over everything. I would get told stuff like, "I miss you," "I second guess myself everyday," etc. Then I would say lets get together and we would just argue. It got to the point where I deleted her on every form of communication, and she knew so. But then she started to text me just random stuff. Then she had me re add her back on these communication means. A few days ago we ran into each other at a bar. She invited me by her and her friends, I declined. She then bought me a drink. She then messaged me and told me she missed me, and that she was stressed and overwhelmed with life right now and did not remember much of the last few weeks. At one point she said something about wanting to be with me, but not being able to do it because she's not ready and it wouldn't be fair to me. I kind of got sick of the messages so I left. Then my phone was blown up with messages to comeback, she wanted to talk, etc. I told her to come outside. SO she came outside and we talked in her car. We ended up going back to my house and sleeping together. That night she told me she missed me multiple times. Come morning I was told that this was the best she had slept in a while (implying since we broke up) and then we also kissed before she left. Now we kind of are talking but not really. it's just kind of odd. I don't know what to do here? DO I wait? Do I leave? I have tried talking to her about everything multiple times and she just gets mad and said she doesn't want to talk about it.
  12. I just recently left a toxic situation a few days ago. Moved most of my things back to my parents house. He was at a friends place, and I've been feeling unsure about our situation for quite some time. We used to have a beautiful, loving relationship. But this year, things went to crap. He lost his job and was on unemployment. He had to spend more time with me than usual. We fought - a lot. There was a lot of name calling, things getting broken, and things getting thrown around. The thing is, we both know and understand that this is not okay and there needs to be a change. We've always said we're gonna try to make things work - but it never seemed to change. While he was at his friends, I messaged him and asked him if he'd be coming home soon, because I feel like we need to have a conversation. He said let's just have it now. So I told him I was unhappy. That I felt disrespected and unappreciated. Was tired of him choosing his friends over me. I didn't want getting drunk to be his main source of entertainment. He agreed that it wasn't right, and that maybe we should stop what we have going on before more get's broken. He apologized and said he doesn't know why our fights escalate so bad. So I moved out. My family helped me and we cleared most of my things out. I told him I don't want to do it but I think it needs to happen. I said we should spend some time apart and there is no denying that I love him and want to be with him. Which he replied with "I hope you know that I love you too." I also said that until he's ready to make changes for me, I think I should leave. He truly is a wonderful person. I worry that he's been battling depression/sense of uncertainty. Recently, he told me that he isn't sure what he wants. Now that I left, it seems like he's more hurt than ever. We had a very good conversation the night I left. I told him that I cared about him, love him, and want him to be happy. He again told me he loves me. He also made sure to let me know that he didn't go to the bar that night - as that is one thing that has been bothering me. The next day, he heads back home. He sees that I took mostly everything, and then he is angry. Says there is nothing to talk about with me and that I left him to dry. (Most of the kitchenware was mine). I told him I didn't know what to do, and maybe I shouldn't have left things like that. I told him I could bring a few things back to get him by. And he stated no I'll just make a list and go shopping. Eventually he calmed down and I apologized for leaving him that way. He told me I shouldn't be the one apologizing. I told him as far as everything that happened in the past - he is forgiven. What's said is said, what's done is done, there's nothing that can change. And that I just want to move forward and make things better. I asked him if I could come over so we could talk, but he said probably not today, I have a lot things I need to do. Which I said ok, how about next weekend? and he said "probably." I guess my question is, do you think we will be able to get through this rough patch? Does it seem like he would be willing to make changes for us? I know for a fact that I need to make some attitude changes, but I already know that I am willing, and I have made most of those changes the last few months. My family and best friends all think we will end up back together. But I would also like to hear other point of views. I don't plan on running back in a week. I plan to spend at least a few weeks away. I'm struggling really bad today as I've been leaving him alone since yesterday. We both said goodnight to each other and haven't heard from him since. I figured I would let him make the first move. On a side note, we've been together for 6 years. This issues just started this year. Can it be reversed?
  13. my boyfriend and i have been dating for almost 10 months now and we’re both second year college students. our relationship would often consists of fights because of my attitude towards him or how i act, i admit that im sometimes immature when it comes to being demanding and sometimes cant be understanding towards my partner, but i feel like im always too criticized by my boyfriend. In our friend group he is always known to be very direct and straight to the point, so its no different that he applies that too in the relationship which is no problem for me. But lately its been different for me. In relationships its normal to be open with one another when it comes to their problems, we rant or become vulnerable with each other. I would often open up about my issues to my bf, issues about my social anxiety back in high school and stuff or about my past relationships, of course after hearing those from me he would try and comfort me. But Whenever we fight he would often bring up those things i opened up to him in an insulting way, as though he found my weakness and used it against me and completely forgot the fact that he comforted me about those things. He would always do this in our arguments that it deeply hurts me, it makes me want to show him that most people would kill just to see their partner be vocal about their feelings. There are often times where i get stressed or sad about something and the first thing i think about is to tell about them to my boyfriend, but now i’d just be so frustrated with my self because I know I cant really do that anymore towards my boyfriend, it frustrates me because i know wouldnt feel great venting things to him because I know he wouldnt comfort me or maybe he’ll just use my experience against me again. I do plan on opening this up to him but I fear that it may lead to a fight or he might correct me again and again because there might be something wrong with that im adressing. Sometimes I want my boyfriend to not be too firm on me and I would want to be free enough to share my feelings to him without the fear of being judged.
  14. Today, me and my girlfriend had an argument, that is keep happening, and we couldn’t settle for what is the root for this problem, or who plays a bigger part in creating this problem in the first beginning. I am going to describe our last argument now so you can get a clearer picture regarding what I am talking about.( I emphasize that this pattern of arguments is keep happening ). So we were both sitting on the balcony watching the view, when she showed me her feet that had a small bruise on it.( that bruise was caused by us playing two days before; more specific, she sat on my back while I was on the floor, and because I moved she lost her balance and fell. I told her I am sorry at that moment and hugged her to make her feel better). When she showed it to me, I moved her ankle around to see if something got broken, she didn’t make any hurt sound while I did that so I told her: “You don’t have to worry, is just a bruise, nothing is broken, is gonna go away soon.” After this she got angry and said : “Why don’t you say you are sorry, you think I don’t know is not broken ?”. I told her that I already told her that I am sorry, and that by saying to her “not to worry” I meant to comfort her, not to tell her that I don’t care. She got more angry and said that is not true, and that I don’t care about her. I told her that she shouldn’t pick so hard on this small things all the time because they will happen from time to time and is not healthy like this. Two different people, I think, will inevitably behave, at some points, in a way that the other one doesn’t totally agree with. After I said this, she, still angry, start saying she will leave me and started swearing on me. When she did this I told her that I won’t talk to her anymore if she is talking like this to me, I told her that this is a teenage girl way of behaving( we are in our mid 20’s). At that point she got more angry and throw her hairbrush at me, hitting me with it. The hairbrush broke in half after this. I told her again that swearing and hitting is not ok and it is not how a mature woman should behave. At that point she wanted to call one of my friends to tell them what happened and for him to decide who is wrong here. I said friends or family shouldn’t get involved in this kind of things, and that we should post it on a anonymous group to see what other people say, she didn’t want to, but I still did it, and that’s how this got here. Now, to sum this up, and for you to make a better idea about me, I don’t always behave perfect( but I never swear or be violent), sometimes I forget small things, and I don’t manage everything perfectly, but I try my best to improve and to do good. I also am the type of man that wants prosperity from life, so aside from my day to day job, that is a stable, higher studies, medium income job, I also learn programming so that I can make more money so we can afford anything we want in this life. Again, I said this just so you can have a better picture about me and what kind of person I am. I think is normal for everyone to do small mistakes every day and a life partner shouldn’t point it out every time when it happens, is not healthy in my opinion. She says that this is how women are, and is normal for women to pick on this kind of things every time they happen, and that this is her way of expressing her anger, through swearing and hitting. I say this is how teenage high school girls behave, not mature women. By writing this post I am trying to maybe find the root of this problems and fix them. So what do you think about this situation?
  15. I haven’t posted here for a long time. It’s been 18 months since my breakup. My ex partner has been with someone for around 15 months. Are relationship is good. I’d say we are quite close as we share a daughter. Our interactions are good and we see each other Often during exchange of our child or her things. It’s been a rough ride, I’ve just finished therapy and I’m feeling optimistic. The reason I’m here is because I had a day and night out drinking with some friends which was brilliant. Chatted to a lot of attractive women and even scored a kiss and a grope. This is big for me because my confidence has been for a long time. It felt good to feel wanted and I’m realising I am actually a catch. I just haven’t been putting myself out there. I swipe on tinder but going in dry so to speak is not my thing and I probably lose to more attractive guys because tinder is much more visual and you select based on a photo rather than actually face to face interactions. Anyway, my ex partner turned up. No big deal I actually new she would be coming and In all honesty I wasn’t supposed to be staying all day and night but time got away with me because I had such a good time. The last part of the night I remember before things got heated was kissing this girl outside. After that I remember my ex partner saying ‘excuse me, I’m his ex girlfriend we were together for 8 years’ Obviously something was said before that, and from what she told me a few days after, one of her friends thought this girl was looking at her funny, even though the don’t know each other. Whatever... My mate started raising his voice at my ex and I flipped out saying don’t ever speak to her like that. I’m quite protective over her, even though I wasn’t during out time together, which she said a few days later how frustrating it was to see me be like that with her now. I got pulled out the bar by security. Ended up fighting outside with some random dude. Can’t remember exactly why. The interesting part is, I remember shouting at my ex calling her out for interfering in my relation with the girl, and said how I’ve had to deal with another man being there almost instantly after I moved out and it’s not fair for her to do that. Wether she actually was trying to or not I’m not sure, and she’s told me a few days after that it wasn’t like that and she had no problem with what was going on. Well I remember her shoving me and getting emotional, as we both were, and saying what about everything I did to her, stuff which she has brought up before also. I told her I was different now and I’ve changed, along with a lot of other things. I remember trying to restrain her and hold her because she was upset...we both were. Anyway my taxi came and everything was so heated. My friend screamed at me to get in the taxi. I was walking away and she shouted me, and still looked visibly upset. She said, quote .. “My name! I love you” I looked at her with the taxi door open and she said it again. Few days later we spoke about the night, and she had no recollection of us arguing outside, or me fighting, or saying she loved me’ She said, I’ll always love you you’re my child father. I felt she was trying to dress this down. I told her not to take this out of context and that she had no right saying that to me after we’ve been apart for so long. (She ended it, and I wanted her back) I said if I was you’re boyfriend and you said that to an ex I would be fuming. She just said ok and we talking about something else because she hurried the convo off onto another topic. Her denying the context in which she said it in has be questioning a lot about that night. Have I made all this up? I mean, she remembers the girl, so that must be true. She also pointed out a guy on Facebook that I described who I was fighting with, and said he was wearing the clothes I described that night and was there and that he’s always fighting when he’s out. So that’s so plausible. Honestly, it’s probably all true, but is there a chance I could be making the things she said up? And all the heated conversations we house leading up to it? It’s kore for my sanity that anything else. Chances of us bong a family again are slim to none and I’m kinda starting to enjoy my life. Of course I miss her sometimes. I regret the loss a future with her due to my actions. I’ve felt crazy enough through my healing journey and I don’t want making scenarios up to be another crazy on my list LOL
  16. Hello, im new to this forum and in need of advice. I have been with my partner for 6 years and just last year we decided to move in together. From the start we always had problems but nothing we couldn’t overcome. My partner since the first day became very good friends with my family members and everything was great. My sister and my mom started to notice how much we would argue about small things and they started to wonder if we were ok. Specially since my mom realized how my partner would go out without me every time and she thinks im not being taken serious. After that my partner became very angry at my family calling them nosey and even claiming that they didn’t want to see us together. I even stopped talking to my family for a couple months thinking it would make things better in our relationship. It only made things worse. Now we cannot go a day without a huge argument and every time i have to sit and listen to my partner bash my family and say really bad things about them. This hurts me so much since I have always been close to my family and love them so much. As of right now we both sleep in different rooms, we haven’t had any intimacy for the last 5-6 months. Not even a kiss. I feel like i live with a roommate that hates me. God knows I have tried to fix this but I cannot stand the insults towards the people I love anymore. I feel like i have to choose one side only to be happy. Im stuck and all i can do is cry.
  17. Me and my partner were together on/off for 11 years ,we knew each other previous to that but he was married and i was in a long term relationship which when both ended we got together he moved in and it was good for a few years until i found out he was cheating with someone from work (he worked nights in a hotel) at that time, so he ended it and didnt talk to me for 6 months until one day i bumped into him near where i lived and he said the feelings were still there so we got back together eventually he moved back in but the trust on my part was shattered even though he tried to gain my trust certain things triggered it and we would argue plus we hardly went out and i never met his family or friends even though he met all of mine, outside of that we had a good connection and would talk constantly about anything but last year out of no where he ended it again saying its not going anywhere but this time we remained friends and eventually he started staying over even though we both agreed it would never work as a couple again but after a while i didnt feel good with this situation as i still had feelings plus we were arguing over silly things and 4 weeks ago he said its come to an end and theres no going back this time and throw his stuff away which was at my place and 5 days later he blocked me, he sent me an email a week later saying'' the reason i cut communication was for the best and lets see where we are in a few months and maybe be friends take care'' i do miss the conversations even though hes acted terrible for no apparent reason and the worst part is the blocking as it feels so final...
  18. I have been married almost 2 years. I won't lie. I am not happy at all. He is not the same person he was when we were dating. I knew we shouldn't have gotten married but did it anyway because of pressure from him. I know I am a fool. But he has changed so much that he is not the same person at all from when we got together. He literally is Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde. He cannot hold a job down for longer than a month or two then sits on his ass for months at a time claiming he's "looking" for work. He's been at his current job for four months only because he's working with family. And right now he's wanting to quit!! I can't handle being the only bread winner again! He has had multiple jobs in the few years we've been together that I've lost count! He wants me to wear lingerie and corsets and I have no interest or desire to wear them at all. I am 40 years old (he's younger than me) and I will wear a piece of lingerie once in awhile if its tasteful but he wants me to wear stuff that is just skanky! Sorry but no. I will not do that at all. He's constantly looking at this stuff online and it grosses me out. He also has some fetishes that I cannot get on board with. He loves to wear women's underwear and clothes. Whenever he wears them its grosses me out and I've told him this but he does not care. He has stolen my own underwear and worn them. I was not happy about that. I have to count my underwear almost daily to make sure they're all there. He also wants to wear corsets himself. He also shaves all the body hair he can because he doesn't like it. I personally like the body hair and have said so. I find it unattractive that he does this. He never did any of this when we were dating! It has ruined our sex life so bad. We very rarely do it anymore because of these things. I want to be married to a man. Not a woman. He's constantly on his phone. Usually on Facebook or whatnot. He always has his phone in his hands. I've asked him to get off it and he gets off it for a few minutes then right back on Facebook!!! How can a person spend so much time on there? He watches the dumbest videos as well! I think spending time with your wife and family is more important than Facebook. He also snores so horribly loud that it interferes with my sleep almost nightly. I have asked him to go see a sleep doctor to see if there is something they can do to stop it. He has refused. He says all they'll do is give him a CPAP and he does not want that. He says how dare I ask him to do this. That I need to compromise and just let him be. That he never gets sleep. He doesnt get sleep because he snores so bad!!! All I've done in this marriage is compromise. He has done nothing to compromise. I've worked when he's sat on his ass watching TV. I've paid all the bills while he's done nothing. I've made sure his kids and himself had Christmas while I got nothing. I could go on. Even his family has told me secretly that they don't know how I've gone on this long with him. My kids do not like him anymore as he treats them badly. They stay away from him as much as possible and I don't blame them. We argue quite frequently and when it gets bad it makes my kids cry. They do not like to see us argue. And my kids are teenagers. He loves to twist my words and use them against me. He doesn't trust me at all and I've never done anything to lose that trust. I have been by his side thru a lot of stuff. Yet I have no trust from him. I do not get it at all. Are these valid reasons to leave him? He won't change anything. And asking him to starts a fight. I can't handle anymore fights. There are a lot more reasons than I am listing here as well. These are just the main ones. I am just at the end of my rope and can't handle much more!!
  19. Hello everyone, Basically I have been online dating my bf for 7month now due to covid we havnt managed to meet up. But he has a habit when hes with his friends to not message me at all or reply to any of my messages. In the past if he goes away he wont tell me and just go saying it was last minute or that he was busy and only after not messaging for a few days and me sending angry messaged only then he will reply. We argued about this then and he apologised and promised it wudnt happen again ovcourse it happened again and the same story we argued and he promised never again. He has delayed coming to see me because he says he cant get time of work. A few weeks go by talking as normal then all of a sudden over the weakened he hardly messages me and then he doesnt message me at all or reply to any of my messages although I have seen him come online multiple times for long periods of time. I then send an angry text implying if he no longer wants to be with me to just be Frank about it and just tell me. Ect.. to which he replied and told me his friend forced him on a last minute holiday for a week and that hes been so busy he hasnt had any time to message me. And that he hasnt even been on what's all even tho I have screenshots of him being online. I asked him how he manages to go on a last minute holiday when to me he says it's really hard to book time off he just said he managed. I then phoned him and we began arguing about why he didnt message to let me know hes going on holiday. I've told him so many times even if he messages to say I'm going to be busy over the next few days we might nit get much if a chance to talk that's fine with me it's the leaving me out of the loop completely and expecting me not to get angry is the annoying bit but he just doesnt seem to understand I was crying on the phone and his priority was to go out partying. He left me crying on the phone so he could go with his friends. He then promised to call me later that night but he never did nit even a simple text or anything for 2 days then I send another angry message saying I want to end it because I dont deserve to be treated the way hes treating me. And his response was just why are you creating soo much drama. Since then there has been no communication and i know he wont until hes back from holiday. He comes back on sunday I dont know if when he comes back I should ignore his messages for a few days so he can have a taste of his own medicine or just reply and fight it out. Or should I just end it with him. I do love him but I dont want him to think he can just get away with it.
  20. I left my narcissist husband last year (after years of his cheating, drinking and reckless behaviour). I zoned out of the marriage years prior and did a lot of grieving and growing during that time so I felt I was ready to move on. A few months later I met a guy and he is my problem. At first everything was ok although I could sense he was a little insecure. He was desperate to push the relationship along at breakneck speed and was pretty pissed when I said we should take our time before talking of moving in together (after like 3 or 4 months). I don’t know really what went wrong but he seemed angry a lot of the time and almost depressed. He admitted to being jealous and said I was too good for him in many different ways. He began to pick fights, he’d walk out, go silent on me, he didn’t put me down directly but he’d question some things I did, and he’d tell me this was who he was and I should accept it. He had few friends, no hobbies, and spent all his time without me alone (I think). This was all interspersed with us still getting along ok and him always telling me I was beautiful and that he loved me. I think he did. I don’t lack confidence. I think he found it difficult to handle that I had my own life and knew how to take care of my own happiness. It takes a lot to shake me but I feel like he tried over and over again. Sometimes he did. I felt that despite dating for almost a year we never had a strong connection and we never had a destination or a future. We did talk about the future but it was all so grainy and we could never agree on what it would look like. Towards the end I was walking on egg shells. He said he was walking on egg shells but that’s BS. I went out of my way to tell him and show him I loved him because I could see he was struggling with insecurity. I avoided arguments but occasionally I would lose it and fight with him, big. Just before I ended it I had planned a night out with a friend and when I told him he never said he was pissed but he was pissed. He admitted to being jealous a couple of times but we never really talked about it since I did nothing to make him feel that way. I feel bad for him. He seems more messed up that I ever imagined. I think I contributed to it somehow. We’ve been in touch and I feel like he’s having a pity party and not entirely taking responsibility. Maybe that takes time. Does it? A part of me wants to help him through it (although he is in withdrawn mode and hasn’t asked) and another part wants to just leave him to it. Has anyone experienced similar and did it end well or not?
  21. Hello. I made a post a week or so ago about my situation, but I wanted to come at it from a different angle. Basically, I've been with my wife for just over 6 years in total and married for 3. We have two children aged 4 and 2. We haven't been getting on for around 18 months or so and haven't even had sex for about 2 years. I've been sleeping on the sofa for over a year aswell. Around last Christmas, she told me that she no longer loves me and that she doesn't want to be with me anymore. I was heartbroken as no matter how hard things were, I always loved her and wanted to spend my life with her. She kept asking me to leave, but I refused as I didn't want to walk away from her or the children. Well three weeks ago, I found out through a friend that she was on multiple dating sites. I asked her about it and after a while, she admitted it. She told me it was just to make new male friends and have a bit of a flirt. It hit me like a rock. We had a few arguments and a couple of days later she left me and moved into her mum's. She also took our children and isn't letting me see them (I'm getting solicitors and courts involved which has really annoyed her) Obviously I'm missing the girls like crazy but I'm sure that I will get that part of it sorted eventually. The trouble is, I'm missing my wife for no reason at all! All we ever did was argue, we had no love life, slept in separate rooms, she was always moody and bossing me about. She was always right and everything I did was wrong and even my own friends and family disliked her. But I can't get her out of my head and want her back! She even called me this morning to moan at me and saying how the children don't want to see me etc. Why do I miss her so much? The flat is so quiet but still full of all her stuff and all our pictures including the wedding photos everywhere. Nothing I do and no matter how angry I try to get makes it any easier. She's taken my kids and stopping me from seeing them, and I still feel sad for losing her!!
  22. Hi. I need an advice about what should I do in my relationship. I have been seeing my guy since the beginning of June this year. He was intelligent, romantic and in to me and I we fall for each other easily (by the 2nd week I already told him that I love him and he replied it back). Problem is the more we spend time together the more I realize that he has an anger issue. He can snap easily and when he is angry he can say really hurtful things. He apologizes later and he did say that he has a problem with that and he might go to a Buddha center to get the hang of his anger issue but he haven't done that, yet. Another problem is he assumes alot of things instead of asking me about them, for example, we had a big fight because he assumed that I wasn't going to pay for a meal after I said that I would pay it and when I told him it might had been a misunderstanding but he did not buy it. I warned him about assuming and not trusting me but he keep finding it difficult although he had admit several time he doesn't doubt me and what I say to him. From my side, I can be stubborn most of the time and I can wear someone off with my constant care about details, including in arguments. I also can take things, literally, most of the time so this keep continue sparking clashes between us because I am very articulate and careful about what I say and he is not. He told me that because of that I can come as very annoying and he is growing tired of it. I told him if I don't match him why he is still with me and he said because he loves me and he tells me about my other good qualities that he find attractive. I am torn right now between my hurt from his words during fights and valuing myself and respect in relationship and with me loving him and him having a rough childhood and life which is the source of his anger and trust-issues. Should I break it off and tell him that we should work on ourselves separately or should I be more patient and try to work it out with him?
  23. for context, me and my boyfriend had an argument yesterday and it was never resolved but eventually got worse late at night. It was about me opening up to him how in the past he constantly kept saying that we’re broken up whenever we have a big fight, I told him how it affected me and even though he somewhat changed, I still felt like it wasnt properly discussed. Eventually it turned into a big fight and to him saying he’s done with me, then proceeds to block me everywhere. After an hour he came and apologized, mostly saying:“ im sorry mahal, im trying to be better from my past, no matter how many times I say im done i still want you“. Of course it made me feel good but I still hesitated, I didnt blast at him when he apologized but instead I stood by what I have been saying to him since morning that him constantly saying to break up with me upsets me. After saying those things he said he wanted to call me in order to talk about it, but sadly I had to go to the mall with my family, so I told him we can call later. Once I head back home I messaged him, the whole time I was still not fine with him and was still pretty upset. When I messaged him, he was trying to lighten up the mood between me and him by sending photos with silly filters, even though I was slightly mad, I couldnt help but laugh a long with him in the chat. We then continued talking in the call, he then started joking around with me with our college friends in the chat and I was not having it. I was slightly hostile towards him when that happened and he apologized but I just kept going off at him by saying that “why do you have to involve in those jokes?” “can you stop it?” “Im not having it”. He then responds to asking me if i was still mad about earlier or is it because I didnt like joking with our college friends as of the moment. I answered that Im still mad at what he did, and then I proceeded to telling him how he doesnt know how I feel when he kept breaking up with him, I just said a lot of things regarding that issue. It then again turned into an argument with him just saying: “wow” “do you really think im like that towards you?” “Just look at the things you do”. In that argument he seemed more pissed about the fact that my mood in the chat was so misleading, how i seemed fine in the chats but now in the call I was mad. It then lead to him ending the call again. We then continued fighting in text, it was him saying how I cant even tell how uncomfortable I still was even after the fight. It then continued to him saying he doesnt want this anymore, hes deleting all our pictures, he regrets apologizing to me earlier, hes throwing away the letters i gave him and many more. I have a lot in my mind right now and I dont know if I should blame myself for not telling him in the chats that Im not in the mood to joke around but instead went with the flow with him, but in call proceeded to be mad at him for the things he did. Its morning here and I really wanna approach him but im scared and dont know how. I dont know if we’re already broken up or what. Im mostly scared because I dont know how I can justify about the chats thing, I want to approach him just to settle things straight with him now if this is really it.
  24. last night me and my boyfriend were playing a game together online while we were on call, it was late at night. We werent fighting or anything but he said something that triggered me wherein he said how he loves how I keep my promises on how I dont easily give up on our relationship. It seems like a sweet thing to say to your partner but to me it seems sweet but it made me remember countless times as to how many times my boyfriend proceeded to constantly break up with me before whenever we have a fight. When I heard him say that, I said to him as how I wish he can apply that to himself too, it didnt seem like an argument so he just took it lightly while I make petty remarks about the things he did while we were still playing together. He eventually got sleepy and went to bed first, but before he slept he can really tell that something was bugging me and we had a small argument but since he was too tired he left the call due to just being sleepy and irritated. By the time he's asleep I explain was one sided of me toed to him how y I was to him that night and the things we fought about before still bother me because of how easy it was for him to leave me and that I wanted us to discuss it by the time he wakes up. By the time he woke up he said to me that we should call about this. When we were on call he started getting angry as to why i messaged him those things, and how I make it seem like it its one sided when i bring those up. Eventually our big fight led to him blocking me in all social medias again, telling me he's done with me, and him making his phone unreachable for calls. In our relationship I often question myself if I was mostly the problem in the relationship, many reasons why in the past he constantly wants to break up with me was because of the mistakes i did before wherein i was too needy and demanding of his attention. I do admit that having those traits can drain someone out but knowing my boyfriend before, he resorts everything to anger and shutting people out who "hurt" him. But he has also shown actions where its often a sign where I can just leave him in the dumps, mostly him cursing at me before and saying some things that can make a person question their capabilities. When I expressed to him last night in his messages how Im still not okay with the fact that in the past he used to breakup up with me a lot in our fights and how it scares me that he might break up with me again that easily if we ever argue again, I expected that he could at least understand as to why im bringing those things up because to me they are still unresolved. But instead he had to make it seem like the things i said to him on chat were a rebuttal to his little debate. Am I wrong for addressing an issue that still bothers me in our relationship? I just wanted him for once to be more understanding and show compassion in situations like these where I feel like I need reassurance in our relationship. This is one of many reasons why I dont share my problems with him like he would to me, I very much feel like being vulnerable towards him is a crime and can result to fights.
  25. Basically we’ve been together for two years, one year we were leaving together until she moved out to be independent. She even asked me to stay with her on the weekends. We were on a break when she officially ended it. Simply because I over stepped boundaries by showing up at her place uninvited whenever we would have an argument over the phone. I know it’s wrong. We were on a break because we argued a lot and never saw eye to eye so we thought some space could help both us think long term how to fix our problems. Obviously I ed up during the break which made her realize I’m never going to change. I have a tendency of making fights bigger than it actually is and always so desperate to talk things out even when she just wants to be left alone. I know I need to work in those things. In general we treat each other quite well, when we’re good we’re great but when we’re bad we’re horrible to each other. We bring the worst out in each other when we argue and have the ugliest fights. It reminds her of her parents and so she doesn’t want that and doesn’t see us getting back together because she believes it will continue. For 3 weeks I’ve been trying my best to listen to her and do everything right so she will see I’m making an effort in changing. I don’t want to go back to how I use to be and argue all the time. I even started therapy again to help. What can I do to help her move past the hurt I’ve caused and show her I am changing for real and not for show? I love her we both agree we’re each other’s soulmates but she’s afraid to get back together.
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