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About Me

  1. I decided to start this as a place to park my hodgepodge of thoughts and what's going on in my life. Had a great Easter yesterday- I had to drive a few hours to the airport to pick my son up from his trip to France and Spain. He had a great time and it seems like he grew up over night! It was so great to have both boys home and with me. Since I had them for Easter, I asked them what kind of meal they wanted and I went and bought the groceries for a nice Easter dinner. Then I get a text from my ex, saying his mom and dad are inviting me and the boys to Easter brunch at their house. Well I didn't really want to go because my ex and his gf would be there. But the boys wanted to go and they wanted me to come. So I told them I would drop them off, pop in to say hi to friends and ex's family, then pick them up later. It took a lot of courage. But Despite that, I actually had fun! My ex and his gf sat on the other side of the room, although at one point his gf complemented a necklace I was wearing. It was fun to catch up with people I essentially have not seen in 4 years since the breakup. Oh the things I do for my sons... Well afterwards I made that nice dinner and we had it by candle light- just before I had to take them to their dad's for the week.
  2. (I got this idea from another forum I visit frequently, if one like this already exists by all means ignore / delete this one.) OK, it seems a few of us have had a rough time with the darned NC. I had fantasies today of unloading all this anger, longing, and "W-T-F" onto my ex. I am creating this thread as a place for all of us in pain to post instead of contacting Ms/Mr ex. It could actually be kind of fun, at least a release. What would you like to tell him or her? Even if it's been building up for years, post it here! Rage-fest! Longing-fest! DO NOT CONTACT that frigging ex, put it all here!!
  3. My ex and I broke up about a month ago. They gave me a reason that they cared about me and the relationship, but not as much as I did. To give a bit more context is that they were already going through a rough period in their life before they called off the relationship. I asked them what are some boundaries that they would like from me during the break up and they said to not contact them and they would be the one to contact me, I could however call them if I was in an emergency situation. For the rest of that month, I didn't really feel bad about the break up. After 30 days of no contact, I started to feel anxious like the whole break up just finally hit me. It really hurt after seeing them post pictures on their social media stories of them smiling. I was envious of that since I miss being able to see that all the time. So realizing that I unfollowed them from all my social medias (pictures from my phone). The pain was still there and with this being my first relationship ever I didn't know how to grieve during this time (like I'm already working out) and I'm still in that process. So in a moment of weakness, I sent out DM on instagram saying something positive like, "Hey I just wanted to say I hope you're doing good". They saw it and didn't respond. I didn't realize at first since I'm so emotional that I had appeared desperate and was most likely annoying them. A few days had passed, I was still in a bad spot that I had 3 similar nightmares, yet different endings. I had a panic attack, so I reached out to them again, "Hey is it possible for me to talk to my friend today? I do need help." This time they did respond back letting me know that they were sorry, but they were still in a bad spot mentally and could not be of any help. I sent back pretty much that I understood and would not have reached out if it wasn't important, but did not want to make their headspace any worse and wanted to see if we could try to talk soon or plan on talking at a more reasonable time. Later on, I saw that the message was read and CONTINUE to make the same mistake by letting them know that I was going back to leaving them alone but said if they could reach out when they can to please do so because it was important. Then yesterday, I have realize how much desperate I was coming off even if my intentions were coming from a good spot. I was still desperate, need more time to heal, and threw away any of my dignity in front of them. I don't know why this made sense to me, but that same day (yesterday) I sent out one last text and it just said, "Hey sorry for the last few days. Things have just been emotional on top of this breakup and I lashed out. Hope you're doing better." I deleted their number because in the last few days, I have been understanding more and more from their view points on how this relationship came to an end. While they needed time and space because of their personally life. I had become very anxious about their well-being, and was over-stepping in the relationship like trying to fix everything, even though they didn't ask for help or not giving them the appropriate space they needed (during and after the relationship). I've been meeting with my therapist and I have a lot of healing and maturing to do. So I'm extending my part of the no-contact from 30 days to at least a year if not indefinite. I know I'm gonna be able to get to the point where I can see my life without them again and be happy. I'm not at that stage yet, but I want to be at the point where I could be happy whether or not if they come back (friends or anything). I just want to know so I can learn for future relationship or even this one if they decided to forgive me for my overbearingness, do you guys think that while I'm focusing on myself that they could forgive me or even reach out again?
  4. I've been in my relationship for 7 years and help raised a child,(now at age 9),my girlfriends ex just recently got out of prison after 9 years,my gf is now in touch with him by means of visiting, texting and hiding this from me,I found out about it and confronted her with proof and she denied all,I'm 56 of age,to old to deal with b/s and lies, any helpful advice would be appreciated
  5. Hey all, I'm writing so as to get some advice. I'll try to make this as short as possible. I met my "ex" (we didn't get to call ourselves bf/gf) about two years ago. We work together and it took us a while to hook up. She was in a relationship were she was being heavily manipulated and it took her a long while and a lot of therapy to finally get herself rid from her ex. Once this relationship was over, we started going out. We dated for around 6 months and everything was going perfect. Out of the blue, she told me she wanted to talk with me and explained that she liked everything about me but that she felt that after her previous relationship she didn't have time for herself. We discussed about what the best course of action could be, she mentioned she was not feeling right to be in a relationship with me but she wasn't sure that she wanted to break up either. I offered her to take some time apart but she didn't feel that was right since she would feel guilty if she felt I was waiting for her to give me some kind of feedback, as she wasn't exactly sure about how she was feeling. I suggested we break up and that was it. It was amicable and I went straight into LC (meaning I'll only talk work with her or discuss whatever topic is at hand whenever we have lunch with the team; we do have lunch together every weekday). After the break up I was devastated but pulled the little energy I had to make it seem in our lunches as if I was OK. The first few weeks she'd try to fight with me about anything and I would just divert the talking to anything else to avoid confrontation. When we broke up, she did mention I was no regular guy and that said she was doing everything so as to take care of the relationship we had; she didn't want to ruin it because of her doubts. Her attitude these first two weeks was very contradictory. Moving forward, the relationship got better and she stopped trying to pick fights with me. At around the 4th week mark, I called her and just asked how she was feeling about the whole break up thing and did mention that it had been a rough time for me as she had given me no clear reason to break up in first place. I did ask her to break my heart if she had to and be honest, be it she didn't like me anymore, had no more feelings or anything. She denied everything and mentioned that she did have feelings for me, she did like me and would have a great time with me, but that she felt that we were ready to be bf/gf and she was not yet ready for that, as her previous experience had been too rough and was just not ready to start a new relationship. I said it was OK and thanked her for the time to talk, went straight back to the same LC I previously mentioned. That was 2 weeks ago. Everything went on fine and I've started to feel better myself, I think it might actually be showing since I'm in a better mood generally speaking and doing fine. However, what's killing me right now is that for the past 3 days she's been trying really hard to avoid me. Not just that, she's trying to make me notice that she's avoiding me. We'll be in meeting rooms where there's just 3 of us and she will just rotate her chair and make me face her back. She is now trying to contradict what I say again and it's becoming a pain. I'm trying to keep everything as professional as possible as that's the right thing to do. While I'm focused in moving on, this is also a relationship I don't want to completely discard and make moves that might push her far away. I'm not exactly sure how to proceed. Shall I ignore her bad attitude as I'm doing and show indifference? Shall I confront her about it? Why might she be behaving in this way towards me? Just in case you even think about it, I did not beg, cry, became needy or anything. I've learnt this from my past relationship and refrained from doing anything of the sort even though my brain wanted me to do so.
  6. Trust me, in my case I'm not expecting it, but I've wondered this. My ex said she'd 'closed the door' on me. Personally, I've never been the one to end a relationship, so I've always wondered how people can just say I'm done with you for life. My ex did eventually contact me, but in the end, I really don't know why. There was some reminising, talk of having missed me, our dinner meet - which she initiated went great, but she went ice cold the following day. I'll never know what happened. Anyway, I guess my question is just, how do some people just decide - I'm done with you.
  7. I used to date this guy, who I still have crazy feelings for. I'll give a detailed background on what our relationship was like. So I had a crush on him initially, and I confessed to him, and he accepted it, and initially, it was so sweet, we really got along, had similar life ambitions, and just in general, the relationship was really smooth, we contacted each other a lot, it was amazing, I was really happy. Then slowly, he started taking longer while responding to my texts, sometimes 2 days sometimes 3, I was tired of being the only one putting in all the effort and I had a lot on my plate as well, with regards to extra curricular activities, and everything, and so we mutually agreed to break up. Around few weeks later, after I was done with all my work, he contacted me and asked me if we could call. We called and talked for 5 hours straight, and all my old feelings came back to me. We called each other the next day, and we sang songs to each other, it was just amazing. Then a few days later he tells me, "I've been trying not to date people much, but I feel like Im falling in love with you, and you're the first girl I've decided to date in 2 years, what should I do?" I was obviously really happy at that, and I confessed back too, then he asked me out, and we started dating. This time we dated longer than we did in the past, and I swear to god, I was the happiest I've ever been till date. He'd even sacrifice his sleep for me, if I'd been busy, I'd tell him, "I'll be done at this time" he'd come at that time, and we'd talk for hours and hours. We both would sacrifice our sleep, mealtimes, etc just so we could talk, and that'd be my joy everyday. I actually have hormonal issues, so I get terrible mood swings sometimes, so I shouted at him twice for doing nothing at all. But he was still patient with me, and kept saying "sorry" even when he did nothing wrong. Once we were playing a game, and we lost consecutively 5 times, because of me, and he told me "you don't know anything about this game at all, you should do this in this situation and that in that situation" but I was mentally on a low at that time, so I didn't even accept anything he said, and told him, "you're being really mean to me" when he wasn't even being mean, and then he got mad too, and said "oh i am being mean? you told me you don't want to play this game, and you're playing just to spend time with me, but honestly it's a burden, because we are losing just because of you, you're not fun at all, you should just stop playing this game." I was really sad :(( and i told him that, then he said "im really sorry". I dont know why, but I kept trying to put in so much effort after that fight, he stopped making time for me, but I still kept sacrificing like before, so that our relationship works out, but it looked like he was already tired of me, he slowly went back to not replying for days and days, and when i told him that he just said "im sorry" when I asked him to break up with me, he just said "im sorry". I was really really sad about it and wanted the pain to end, so I left him a long message, telling him, how someone else could have treated me better, and saying stuff like, "I hope we don't talk again, you have hurt me so much" and blocked him on all socials. After three weeks, I found out that he got one of my socials from my friend, and told me, "i am sorry about what I did, please unblock me so that we can talk" he sounded really desperate and told me he was looking for me for a long time, and wanted to apologize for everything, and I apologized to him for everything I said too. Again, at the start we were talking a lot, and everything, he even told me personal things. I was kind of shocked when he told me about his sex drive, and how it being abnormally high bothered him, but I thought maybe he really trusted me as a friend and he said it, so I told him to consult a doctor, then he did, and then he took my suggestions for stuff like what he should gift his mom for her birthday, it was happy. But now again, he has gone back to not responding to me, like before, and I'm sorry, but I still have feelings for him, and I really really want to know, if it is worth investing any more time, into this. Yesterday I told him, "Please reject me so that I can move on" but he hasn't responded to that message yet, and I don't know how long he is going to take this time, maybe even a month. I just want to know if it is worth continuing to love him and wait for him to come back again, or should I just stop all contact with him for a few months and let this go. I have never felt this way about anyone before, so I am really in a mental turmoil because of this. I am so sorry this ended up being so long ╥ _ ╥
  8. My ex and I separated a few months ago after a "temporary break" in which she got physical with someone else after we agreed not to see other people and her not feeling treated well. We broke up after that and she said that it was my responsibility to let her know when I could make things work again one day, and that she still wanted a future together. She recently got in touch after I deleted her on social media and was really sweet, saying she believed things could still work and had been looking up flights to see me. A few days later, I messaged her saying I really enjoyed talking but the best thing for me would be to keep moving on. I said it wasn't about resentment or not having feelings for her anymore, but that I just needed to focus on other things in my life and learn how to be happy independently again. She responded saying she never wanted to get back together because I was a "very negative part of her life" and that she just wanted to try talking. I responded saying I was confused about what she initially said about getting back together and immaturely pointed a finger about the cheating. I asked her to never contact me again. She responded right away, apologizing for her part in us separating, saying she loved me and wanted all the best for me. A few days later, I apologized for being so harsh and explained that I was also sorry for my part in us separating. I explained that I knew I also made mistakes and that I was sorry. We went back and forth for a while and the last thing she said was to never hesitate to contact her if I ever needed anything. I think that's a kind gesture but I don't really want to leave the door open for contacting each other in the future because I think it could make moving on more difficult for both of us. I'm confused about why she said that. Should I say nothing, the same likewise, or just "thank you"? Any advice is appreciated.
  9. When we met online, we hit it off. we met in person and the connection and chemistry was undeniable. He stayed at my flat for 2 weeks.And he asked me to be exclusive but the problem is we live hours apart. But he said we will make it work. When he return to his town, he confessed to me shortly that he slept with his ex. According to him she started reaching out to him a week when he was planning to see me and she knew about me as he told her. When he returned home she asked him to hang out and he accepted with intention of just chatting. one thing led to another they ended up having sex. he called me crying all remorseful and said he will cut her off for me so i gave him a second chance. only to find out that he started talking behind my back. so i told him forget it. you can have your ex, but he begged me and said he wants me. him and his ex begged me for them to still talk because they are just friends . i finally said yes you can talk. Then a week later he tells that they made plans to hang out..i wasn't having it and at this time i said if you hangout i won't see him again. That's when he agreed and said he didn't want to lose me. but he stayed in contact with his ex behind my back until she lied to him about something, now they don't talk anymore. Going forward, the distance didn't help our relationship. He started expressing his discontent by saying that I'm everything he wants in a girl but I'm too far away and sometimes he wants to ask me to hang out after work but he can't. When he broke it off he told me that he still wanted to see me because we had made plans to meet in person prior the distance took it's toll for him So we still met and had great time. But before he left, somehow the conversation came up and he expressed his discontent with the distance and said we should see other people. so I said okay even though I was hurt.. I even started crying. Then he said to call him when I'm ready since he still cares about me. We got back in touch on a casual basis. Then we started talking on regular basis again and made plans to meet. We met then I noticed he was disinterested in sex. We used to do it twice a day whenever he visits me but then we only did it twice for the 4 days we stayed together which was initiated by me. When he got to his town, he told me that he had something to tell me. We made arrangement to talk on the phone to discuss what he wanted to say. When the time came, I called him only for him to start avoiding it as if he was nervous. Then I finally told him to text what he wanted to say. That's when he said, he doesn't feel the same way he used to. I was shocked and hurt. Then he called me 2 days later wanted to see if I was okay. We spoke and he said the last time we hung out he just wasn't feeling it anymore. I said okay. but he still wanted me in his life but told me he will give me space and to text him when I'm ready. 2 weeks later, he was already texting me telling me he misses me. I ignored these texts as I wanted space but he kept texting telling me that he realized that he misses me etc. I was happy since I missed him too. We started talking again and made plans to meet. When we met we had good time but the sex frequency had decreased and he seemed distance. Once I returned home, he was barely responding to my text. so i said what's up? you don't seem into it anymore. Then he says, 'yes, " I lost feelings " I was hurt once again and sent follow up texts to which he ignored. and that was it. I deleted him on my face book so I can move on. Then 5 months later he returned stating he misses me . He added me back on face book and I accepted but told him that we are still 5 hours apart so the same issues that pushed him away are still present so it's best we move on. He responded and said, " I just wanted to see how you're doing" I didn't initiate contact after that until he messaged me again " asking me if I found someone else which is the reason why I'm not calling him? and he left his number and said he misses me. I finally texted him and we started talking again like old times and he said he wants to see me. We met and all was well. We had great time. When he return back home, he stopped answering my texts then said the distance is too hard for him. We didn't talk again for another 5 months but this time I didn't delete him on face book. He hardly posted. Then he suddenly liked my new profile picture I had posted after 4 months. Which lead us to start talking again. We made plans to meet again and this time I visited him. All was well but he seemed distance and disinterested. When we had sex he only lasted a min the first time and he apologized which is understandable since I I know it's normal no big deal. But then every time we did which was initiated by me, it he only lasted a min and I suspect he was doing it on purpose after more than 2 times. idk. we use condoms so I couldn't tell. when I returned home, ofcourse things fizzled once again. Rinse and repeat. Last time we got back in contact, we had been planning to meet for the last 6 months but the plans kept falling through due to schedule confliction. The days he is off, I'm working and vice versa. finally we made plans to meet and set a date and everything only for him to cancel because he had to bay sit his friends dog which was followed by him losing his job so he can't come to see me. Like I said, I offered to help financially but he didn't respond. He was planning to come to see me but he any money so I told him that I can send him money through Western Union for his ticket but he didn't respond to that then he stopped responding to my texts. I started getting worried so I kept sending him numerous texts messages asking how he is and if he is okay to no avail.I then started calling him and he didn't answer.When I get no response from someone I care about I freak out so called him 11 times in row until the phone started ringing once and going to voice mail which means he was pressing the reject button. To my horror,he sent me a text message that read ``Please don't contact me anymore``Please I need space``I then apologized for bothering him and told him that I just wanted to see how he is.He didn't respond after that . We didn't talk for 2 months until i messaged him and it turned out he met someone closer to him. so went no contact after that..only for him to start reaching out twice over the course of a year telling me he missed me. I gave in, but it wasn't long until he started blowing hot and cold until he stopped initiating contact then ended it again citing the distance and said " maybe in the future when we are at a place we can move". This time I was done with him so i blocked him every where Shortly after that, like 4 months later i met another man in my city and fell head over heals with him. I hardly thought about my ex while seeing this new man and it's been 3 years. things between me and this new man didn't work out..until my ex made a fake face book profile to contact me..ofcourse i blocked the account and didn't respond. but it has re opened old wounds..now i think about what my ex put me through. I know I allowed it and shouldn't have walked away sooner now looking back but i had no experiance in dating or to spot any red flags. please don't judge me. I thought things would get better but instead i gave him more opportunity to hurt me. i definately learned from this. does this mean I haven't healed from my ex even though it's been 3 years?
  10. Okay so let me begin at the beginning: About 4 years ago I reconnected with a childhood friend. I was already in a 8 years relationship that I believed was rocky but worth fixing. So, reconnecting with this friend was just that catching up with an old friend. He pushed to make it something more than what it was in the beginning. Of course like clockwork My rocky relationship was on the off again and I seemed comfort in my friend. Before diving into anything with the friend I stated boundaries that I wanted because I knew just like the off/ on again times we would be on again it was just a matter of how long this time. This time the off lasted a full year and the friend and I got pretty close sexually that is. He would come to my house often out of a month. Going into our 2nd year together my ex and I reconnected again and I decided to cut all ties with my friend also because he was a when things didn’t go his way. Well I was back with my ex for 3 months when we went off again which would be our final off/ on dance. Well, this off came in December which I again rebounded back to my friend. I was out of town for the holidays about to return to my home when the friend and I made plans for him to meet me at my door step as soon as my plane lands ( something he was used to doing even walked 3.5 miles to my house in both extreme heat and chilling winter weathers) and he was only too happy to oblige my request. Now here’s the juicy story: Whenever my friend and I would have sex he would take the protection with him to dispose of the material properly. During our year together we had unprotected sex once and we both agreed to no do again. He always knew I wanted to have kids but we both knew that our friendship and situationship also that fact that he has 3 kids by 3 different women made me not want any kids with him at all. Well during this December travels back home the friend met me on my door step and of course we had sex. We would see each 2 more times in December. By now My monthly was due to come on the 27th of December but it hadn’t appeared by December 31st. Nervously I confront my friend and ask him did we use protection? I couldn’t remember if I saw a wrapper or him dispose of the material like always. He assured me that we used protection and he even suggested that I should contact my ex whom I last slept with a month prior in November( 17). By 1/1 it was confirmed that my late period was due to the fact that I was indeed pregnant. I again returned to my friend and asked him if he was 100% sure he used protection. This would go on for a total of 9 months of him saying he did use protection and that the baby couldn’t be his. I assumed that my ex was the father even going as far as to give my son my ex name. When my baby turned 1.5 I decided to do a dna test because I couldn’t see my ex in my baby. Well low and behold the test came back positive that my son was my friend’s baby. How if you used protection? How if you assured me that you used protection? How if you assured me for 9 months that we used protection? I feel trapped in a situation that I never wanted for myself of my child. I’m now the 4th baby mother with the 4th son( he has all boys) of my friend who was a childhood friend of mine. Who’s best friend was my first love when we were kids who also took my virginity when we were younger!!! Now reading this we all messed up in this situation. Now I’m trying to co-parent with my friend but all he wants is to give me money for my son. He never physically saw my son in person at all and he only sent 90 dollars thus far. Now he’s accusing me of wanting a relationship with him. Which is a big lie.
  11. My ex and I were together 7 years. We started drifting apart and we broke up about 3 and a half months ago. She claimed I didn't make her feel important and I didn't validate her feelings and we were on different levels in life. I've come to realize I could've done a lot differently and the future I wanted with her. I reached out a couple times within the first month and a half but went into no contact after she kept ignoring me and blocked me on social media. She recently unblocked me at the three month breakup point, I'm assuming out of curiosity but then blocked me again. I didn't say anything and acted like I didnt notice Anyways, I don't know what to do I want to talk to her but she still hasn't reached out to me. I have a swearing in ceremony in a few days for a new job and I'd like her to go but at the same time I'm like you knew I was hurting and you abandoned me and now I'm going to reach out to you and ask you to be with me at my first accomplishment in life since being without you. I just don't want to look back and say I wish I would've invited her or by not inviting her I made her feel even less important. I'm always thinking when should I reach out and try to initiate contact but I never do. I'm tired of feeling this way but scared I'll lose her if I wait too long and I don't at some point try to spark her feelings.
  12. I've been officially single over a week but in reality after not seeing my ex since September Ive been emotionally single a lot longer. To summarise breaking up came about due to covid restrictions, growing apart during the lockdowns and just not being the right fit for me. We started dating around this time last year but haven't spent tons of time together due to covid. She is heartbroken and I'm upset about that part of her being upset but personally I feel fine about breaking up, I know I made the right choice and I'm on the right path for me and excited about the new chapter in my life once this virus is in check. With all this in mind I'd like to take up online dating over next couple of months, chat to some people, hopefully make a good connection and go on a socially distanced walk or some safe activity for a date. My worry is upsetting my ex, I know she has friends who are on these apps and they would have no hesitation in telling her and stirring, I'd hate to upset her even more and think I should maybe wait a little longer, but then at the same time this year has shown life is too short for that, I should be doing what's right for me, or is that a very selfish way to look?
  13. You can find my posts about the situation with him and me. He ended things with me a few weeks ago. We caught up again recently, went to the beach with each other, he enjoyed it. I went back to his for a cup of tea and we spoke about things, he said it's the best decision for right now. Although he isn’t fully confident he’s doing the right thing. Maybe in a years time, things will feel more right with each other. I think maybe because he feels I'm still quite immature, I'm 25 and he's 34. He said that he told his mother we broke up and she got really angry. Something was quite odd, he told me his friend (who I know) broke up with his girlfriend but they’re back together. I left and he said let's catch up again next week. I don't think it's because he wants to continue having sex with me, if anything, he isn't reciprocating a lot of affection besides a hug. Still compliments me as much, however. He told me he isn't looking to date other people and hasn't been on dates. He isn't on dating apps either. Genuinely a good guy and trust his loyalty despite us not being together. I get the feeling right person, wrong time. Just seems weird to want to continue catching up with someone? Why?
  14. Just found out my ex cheated on me. We broke up 1 year ago and now the grief is back. How do I approach this.
  15. OK this is going to sound really pathetic but hear me out... I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years and in that time he has mentioned his ex twice... that’s it. I have never asked about her but obviously I have always been really intrigued about her and how I measure up etc...I have recently met one of his female friends and we get on really well and have been chatting a lot. We were sitting alone together and she was telling me about how much she likes me and how glad she is that my partner met me. She started talking about his ex and had nothing nice to say about her. She was saying she never get on with her, was never friends with her and didn’t understand my partners relationship with her. She then said ‘I never knew what he saw in her at all and you’re just so beautiful’... I was a bit taken aback and was embarrassed so I didn’t say anything else. But that line is playing on my mind... as shallow as this sounds does that mean I was more attractive that his ex?
  16. Hi, all- I met and was dating the most wonderful woman. We were totally in alignment, into each other, fully honest and loving, kind, passionate, romantic. And then she told her ex/friend about me and the friend lost it. Came to her house with flowers, crying, I want another chance with you. She told me without hesitation that she didn’t want that other person, they weren’t right together because I asked how they were able to go from dating to being friends and she said because they were not at all right for each other. The one I was dating went to her ex’s house yesterday to tell her she could only be her friend but the woman kept messaging and crying and she told me she clearly wanted to be with me. Then today, I get a text saying she is confused and then a phone call saying she is going back to the ex. To say I’m confused and heartbroken is an understatement. We had just slept together for the first time two days ago and things had been magical. Then today, done. I have never been through something like this before where we were so seemingly right for each other and she took off for someone she said isn’t her person just yesterday.... I’m just... sad!!!
  17. After what I thought was a mutual break up with my ex back in May, some things have come to light and I am realizing I was in a relationship with a man who, if not already is a narcissist, has extreme narcissitic tendencies. He's done some insane things since we've broken up, but not going to get into that. Long story short my friends, family, and therapist have all helped me see what he is. Despite it, he was still one of the healthiest relationships I have had and it wasn't even healthy. ANYWAY. I've been on 3 covid-friendly dates with someone new. He's sweet, patient, and seems to be a really great guy. When I started dating my ex, everything was kind of rushed and pushed but from the few dates I've been on with this new someone, I feel more at a comfortable pace and more myself. BUT I can also feel myself sabotaging this already. I'm almost expecting it to blow up. I can't explain it well, but I feel like I can almost hear my ex's voice in my head making me doubt everything. I don't want to ruin something before it can even start. I do plan on bringing this up at my next therapy session, but I was curious if any of y'all had advice on getting past the lingering effects of dating a narcissist.
  18. I haven’t posted here for a long time. It’s been 18 months since my breakup. My ex partner has been with someone for around 15 months. Are relationship is good. I’d say we are quite close as we share a daughter. Our interactions are good and we see each other Often during exchange of our child or her things. It’s been a rough ride, I’ve just finished therapy and I’m feeling optimistic. The reason I’m here is because I had a day and night out drinking with some friends which was brilliant. Chatted to a lot of attractive women and even scored a kiss and a grope. This is big for me because my confidence has been for a long time. It felt good to feel wanted and I’m realising I am actually a catch. I just haven’t been putting myself out there. I swipe on tinder but going in dry so to speak is not my thing and I probably lose to more attractive guys because tinder is much more visual and you select based on a photo rather than actually face to face interactions. Anyway, my ex partner turned up. No big deal I actually new she would be coming and In all honesty I wasn’t supposed to be staying all day and night but time got away with me because I had such a good time. The last part of the night I remember before things got heated was kissing this girl outside. After that I remember my ex partner saying ‘excuse me, I’m his ex girlfriend we were together for 8 years’ Obviously something was said before that, and from what she told me a few days after, one of her friends thought this girl was looking at her funny, even though the don’t know each other. Whatever... My mate started raising his voice at my ex and I flipped out saying don’t ever speak to her like that. I’m quite protective over her, even though I wasn’t during out time together, which she said a few days later how frustrating it was to see me be like that with her now. I got pulled out the bar by security. Ended up fighting outside with some random dude. Can’t remember exactly why. The interesting part is, I remember shouting at my ex calling her out for interfering in my relation with the girl, and said how I’ve had to deal with another man being there almost instantly after I moved out and it’s not fair for her to do that. Wether she actually was trying to or not I’m not sure, and she’s told me a few days after that it wasn’t like that and she had no problem with what was going on. Well I remember her shoving me and getting emotional, as we both were, and saying what about everything I did to her, stuff which she has brought up before also. I told her I was different now and I’ve changed, along with a lot of other things. I remember trying to restrain her and hold her because she was upset...we both were. Anyway my taxi came and everything was so heated. My friend screamed at me to get in the taxi. I was walking away and she shouted me, and still looked visibly upset. She said, quote .. “My name! I love you” I looked at her with the taxi door open and she said it again. Few days later we spoke about the night, and she had no recollection of us arguing outside, or me fighting, or saying she loved me’ She said, I’ll always love you you’re my child father. I felt she was trying to dress this down. I told her not to take this out of context and that she had no right saying that to me after we’ve been apart for so long. (She ended it, and I wanted her back) I said if I was you’re boyfriend and you said that to an ex I would be fuming. She just said ok and we talking about something else because she hurried the convo off onto another topic. Her denying the context in which she said it in has be questioning a lot about that night. Have I made all this up? I mean, she remembers the girl, so that must be true. She also pointed out a guy on Facebook that I described who I was fighting with, and said he was wearing the clothes I described that night and was there and that he’s always fighting when he’s out. So that’s so plausible. Honestly, it’s probably all true, but is there a chance I could be making the things she said up? And all the heated conversations we house leading up to it? It’s kore for my sanity that anything else. Chances of us bong a family again are slim to none and I’m kinda starting to enjoy my life. Of course I miss her sometimes. I regret the loss a future with her due to my actions. I’ve felt crazy enough through my healing journey and I don’t want making scenarios up to be another crazy on my list LOL
  19. My partner doesn't help with our child has maybe changed 2 nappies an given her maybe 3 bottles her whole life! tells me what I can an can't do an if I do something he doesn't like he either breaks up with me packs up his clothes an leaves or is very verbally abusive, now moving into the violent type of abusive! He has a highly secretive relationship with his ex (they have children together) I never know when he sees his kids or when he's at her house he lies to me about when they text an call, he keeps all of his belongings at her house an has all of his personal mail sent to her address as apparently my family an I are to untrustworthy (my family isn't allowed at our house an don't know where we live) he doesn't assist me around the house with cleaning or cooking (he doesn't work) he doesn't contribute to rent food or bills he's even run debt up in my name which he's refuses to pay off! He literally never has time for me he wakes up an leaves the house, an gets home late at night. Every time I ask him to spend time with me it's a problem he spends absolutely no time with our child! He breaks my personal belongings when he's mad. He tells me who I can an can't talk to. Even me hanging out at my families place is a problem(he hates my family) he hates my best friend, he's quite the jealous type also I'm not even allowed to go to a pub if he isn't there as some guy might hit on me anytime I go out if there's guys around I'm told I must leave immediately! he has literally isolated me from everyone I know but won't spend time with me himself! So I'm at home 24/7 with the kids doing literally everything on my own. An when I point out these issues I'm the one to blame for everything! I love him an our relationship hasn't always been like this but I'm so upset with everything I'm not sure if it can be fixed or if it's time to move on. I cannot handle the secretive business with his ex an he keeps doing it to me, we are supposed to be together an be a family but he's so busy keeping me seperate from his life he's almost become a stranger!
  20. I recently broke up with someone I absolutely adored. I loved him and still continue to love him. We had such a loving and supportive relationship... until... I found out he lied to me from the very beginning - including his age. More importantly, he lied about how involved his ex wife is in his life. They have a daughter together but had been separated for a year (not even sure they’re divorced because you know he’s a liar) - I helped this man find a house in the city I lived in - hoping we’d eventually move in there together. As I’m helping him move stuff in - he informs me that his ex wife will be moving in with him. Not for financial support, or to raise their daughter together but to “change the world” together through access consciousness (look it up) This obviously rattled me, he wanted me to be friends with her and support what they were doing. When he moved to my city, I thought he had an idea of what he would be doing for a job. Turns out he planned on smoking weed all day and discussing consciousness with his Ex. He justified everything she did - including being a neglectful mother to their daughter. He also defended her and deferred to her over me all the time. I obviously broke up with him - reported them to Children’s Aid and thought I wouldn’t look back. Then this man then began showing up at my parents, my apartment, my work etc. Claiming to “want me back” and that he “loved me” after everything that happened (including reporting him). I believed him, thinking that maybe he had a change of heart. We even ended up sleeping together again. But It all went south. We’re now not communicating at all after he told me that I was “to blame for everything because I couldn’t accept his relationship with his ex wife. I hurt him beyond repair. I destroyed our love” etc etc. Not ever taking accountability that he let his ex into his life and had her interfere with our relationship and that he and his ex were neglecting their child. It’s so messed up - I’m so conflicted as to why I still love this man. After everything. Why can’t I let him go?
  21. Okay so no judgment here plz I've just done a year in prison not proud of that but I made a stupid mistake and its a long story anyway its really opened my eyes and I'm ready to turn my life around. a girl who I have known a long time stood by me and supported me always sent me lovely letters and we talked on the phone a few times. I have really fallen for this girl and I feel like I'm in love with her now I'm out I want the start a new chapter of my life with her. she so sweet nice ad caring and I just feel so much for her the problem is her ex was very abusive and violent towards her and she is scared of him still this man has made many threats and its difficult because she has a son to him. I am very supportive of her and have said Il stand by her side has she has mine but he is giving her so much hassle I get why he make think bad of me but I am honestly wanting to re build a better life. he has hurt this girl so much I want to give her a good life and build a future with her my mum and family who have stood by me think she amazing we just want a chance to be happy do we give in to her bullying ex or fight to be together I love this girl and don't want to loose her.
  22. Hi all, hoping for some outside input as I'm struggling. My partner and I have known each other almost 2 years, been together a bit less than that. He told me straight up he had a 6 year old son with his ex. He didn't mention he was still married to her, I found after we'd been together for months, I asked and he admitted they were married and said he hadn't thought to mention it and didn't plan on getting divorced as neither of them saw the point (they'd been living separately for a while at this point). He told me he didn't have a problem with them being married so neither should I. A year into my relationship with him he was still married to her, owned a house and joint bank accounts, joint health insurance and Medicare and Netflix, shared a car, talked almost every day, etc. He slept at her place occasionally, would send me pictures of them doing stuff together, endlessly talk about her including that she was attractive, interesting and intelligent. I raised multiple times that I found how close they were uncomfortable. Communication between them seemed to slow down after a while. He later admitted he had been hiding it from me as he didn't like my response and that they still talked all the time. Sometimes we'd be lying together in bed and he'd talk to her on the phone about random things, or when we were out at dinner. Recently, after us moving in together and being together well over a year, he has made some changes. He proceeded with the divorce, has his own Medicare card, Netflix and health insurance. He still owns a house with her (that they're trying to sell) and has a joint bank account for reasons I don't understand. I feel as though he's listening to my concerns but nothing is changing. She calls almost every day and texts multiple times, all of which he answers/responds to. I think it's happening secretly as well, he'll sometimes leave the room to talk to someone. She's occasionally rude to me and he defends her (I made their son a gift and she called him to laugh about it and make fun of me, which he went along with, overheard because it was on loudspeaker). She's barged into our house multiple times and just stands there and he says nothing. I fully support them having an amicable relationship and talking about their child not only when necessary but whenever would be helpful. But he's admitted most conversations aren't about the child. In the past he has admitted to prioritising her feelings over mine, but says he doesn't do that any longer (I feel as though he does). Also, his family bought her a house to live in, he said he was uncomfortable with the idea but said nothing to them. Every time she calls it makes me feel disheartened and like I'm not able to deal with being in a relationship with someone who has a child and ex wife. He knows all this and I hate the person I'm becoming- I feel like I nag him and cry about this all the time. But I don't know what to do. My relationship with him is otherwise great. Am I being unreasonable? What should I do? Any advice or thoughts would be much appreciated!
  23. My ex and I split up about 6 weeks ago. I find it weird that she still follows my gyms instagram account. On top of that, she's only the pictures that my gym would post of me. She wouldn't like anything else. Same goes for the gym where I had initially met her, the posted a picture of me and she liked it. Even when my friends would post pictures on their social media, she would like the pictures of me in it but nothing else from them. Is this weird?
  24. I was with my ex for 4 years, we split up 9 months ago. For the past 9 months we have been meeting and sleeping with each other. He knew I wanted him back and still loved him but he didnt want a relationship. He started to go cold on me a couple of weeks ago not taking hours to message back not really commiting to any meet ups saying he was busy. I did go round his house and found another girl there. I did lose the plot and screamed a lot. He said she was just a friend he was helping. I asked him to never contact me again and was heartbroken. I have since spoke asking if we can work things out and apologised for if I got the situation wrong, he now says my behaiour has ruined our friendship. To add to this he said I had betrayed his trust as I had confided in his sister for help in this situation. He refuses to speak to me and says he wants nothing more to do with me. Just feeling very lost and confused :(
  25. I’ll try to be quick and I apologize in advance for any typos since I am on my cell phone typing this out. My feelings are everywhere. I don’t know where to begin. Some of you know, I met a man at work who checked off all of my boxes. Dating him at first was unreal. He’s very mature and usually calm, cool and collected regardless of whatever situation he’s in. We broke up the first time because I was very insecure in our relationship. His ex would text him consistently and at all times of night and because I didn’t feel secure, we’d constantly bicker. I’d constantly ask for reassurance. I knew he didn’t love me as much as I loved him but dang it was I willing to wait for the opportunity to be loved by the man I love more than anything. One day we talked about the many notifications on my phone and how I have too many and he offered to help clean up my phone. He looked through all of my photos and deleted many texts. I never once flinched, I had nothing to hide.. However, one night I had is iPad in my hands for not even a moment and he snatched it away. Red flag.. but at the time i was quit about it, but it added to the insecurity. We were somewhat living together for a few months and I guess we just got burnt out. We had a terrible break up. I did not leave gracefully. I wish I did, but I couldn’t handle how cold he was being towards me. We yelled for hours. I poured out liquor and dumped cologne out. I’ll admit I acted out. There’s no excuse for my actions. It’s just this is the second person that I ever fell in love with in my life and to him, I couldn’t compare to his ex... I went completely no contact when we were broken up. I cried every day. Like a nutcase, I social media stalked his ex and saw their photos together and the memories they made with one another. It hurt me even more but I couldn’t stop myself. Then I discovered, through digging, that he actually dated me and his ex in the same month. He didn’t take the time to get over her. The moment they broke up he was with me.. and to be honest we moved pretty quickly so we had sex early on. I was kind of disgusted that he claimed to have loved this girl, was with her for 3 years and he could not take the time to heal from her. But still, I ached for him.. and as the time went by, I was still hurting. I wanted to move on but I was still in love. Then he started contacting me out of the blue. I acted distant at first, but I fell right in and couldn’t resist. One night after hours of talking on the phone the conversation turned sexual. I hadn’t had sex and I was so hot because I wanted him so bad. I drove over there in the middle of the night and had one of the hottest sexual nights in my life. No exaggeration, but I won’t go into those details. Of course confusion sprung amongst us and a few days after that he told me that he didn’t want to hurt me because I am more invested than he is. I still asked for a chance.. but it wasn’t until I mentioned that if we were to see other people during this time it’s not cheating because we’re not together (I wasn’t seeing anyone else at the time. Didn’t get with anyone else after we broke up), he automatically told me we were in fact together because we’ve seen each other and we had sex a couple of times. I was stunned that we didn’t talk about it. Just like that he reclaimed me again. I was happy but confused? But of course I went along with it because I really wanted him. Getting back together felt so amazing. To kiss him and hold him again. To run errands together and hold hands. To lay on his chest again, to get cuddled and held before I had fell asleep was everything I was missing. I’m still crazy over this man even now as I type this... then I see her text again. And I wince at her name on his phone. The thoughts of all of the pictures came up in memory again. But i didn’t want to argue or bicker. I mentioned it and how it made me feel and dropped it quickly. He assured me I had nothing to worry about. Then one day, he goes out with friends. He gave me the key the next day because he wished that I was in his bed waiting for him. I thought I felt good to get a key again, but it just seems like his reasons were sexually motivated. Not because he trusted me... I tried to talk to him about that but he seemed to be irritated and told me to “just be happy” and drop it... and so I did. One morning I was laying in bed with him, and I saw him turn over and put his passcode in. I was armed with dangerous information. He has two phones and he left that morning to go hand out with friends. I’ve never done this is any relationship in my life, but I snooped and I looked through his phone. Only the text messages and nothing else. He flirted pretty heavily with one of our coworkers even while with me. No big deal. I don’t like it but whatever. Then I saw messages between him and his ex. How they have nicknames for one another and they’re silly over text. Of course he was flirty with her as well. I didn’t find any cheating and I didn’t think I would... but I did see that the moment we broke up, he’s messaging her to go on a Whole Foods run not even a month later. Asking to see her, even she was surprised because she had not seen him in over a year. Why am I surprised? That hurt so I called him and took him away from his time spent with friends. He was irritated he knew I went through his phone and told me that obviously we do not trust each other so we don’t need to continue. I panicked. I didn’t eat, I threw up. I know I messed up. I insisted on seeing him that night he returned but he didn’t want to see me. I know it was wrong, I showed up at his house anyway. He didn’t want to let me in ( I left the key in his house before I left). He didn’t want me to sit in the car with him. He didn’t want to to hug or touch him. He just didn’t want me around. He was so cold towards me. I asked him why he was so venomous towards me but he was so kind to her. And his response was “she didn’t deserve it.” Which implies that I do.. I knew I should’ve walked away and left but with this guy, unlike any other relationship I’ve been in, I have acted impulsively because he just disregards my feelings and he acts like he doesn’t have any. Of course he broke up with me again... not even two months in. I’m noticing now that he’s a person who goes from one long term relationship to the next with very little time in between. He’s a serial monogamist which explains why he was such a good boyfriend. This isn’t his first rodeo. I’m behind on dating. I have a total of 5 relationships that I can count. 2 of them being in high school... and I’m about to turn 28. After my first love broke up with me I was devastated ( I was 19 at the time) and I cried for 3 years. I didn’t want to get close to anyone else so, I opted for designated sex partners than opposed to something real. I love my most recent ex more than anyone that I have ever been with. It was my most serious relationship. I never lived with a man before. I never felt so deeply for someone before and I wish I could’ve been that girlfriend who handled things gracefully... but my feelings ran so deep that I just couldn’t control how I handled things. I always felt like second best to this ex of his. They have a lot in common. He spoke highly of her, calling her the most rational girl he has ever dated. Going from her to me was like night and day and I’ve always been nervous about that. I blew it. I didn’t handle things well and this was a man I didn’t mind spending the rest of my life with. I tried so hard. And now, I’m sure he’s with his ex that he never stopped loving. I hate being so vulnerable. Because the moment you open yourself up to loving someone, you have a lot to lose... and often times they will walk away and leave you broken. I know that I’m going to be single for a while. And I’m going to be 30 soon. I feel like he’s going to go on to the next girl and establish a solid relationship and I’m just going to be by myself... I wish we let more time pass between us before getting back together. I am really hurting.. and I’m sure there is no 3rd chances. And even if there is... he doesn’t love me and I love him with every part of me. It just hurts
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