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About Me

  1. first of all thank you for your time and, my english may not be that good but im gonna try my best im a 15 year old girl and i have a 4 years older sister (19) who literally starts punching me on the face and pulling my hair whenever i ask her to, for example; move away when im sweeping the floor or when i ask her to clean the mess she made with food on MY bed... like im not even asking her to do me a favor she just refuses to act like a decent human being, she takes "dont tell me what to do" to a whoooooole new level.. she gets so easily offended by literally nothing and thats her biggest insecurity i once called her a snowflake and she almost broke my nose lmao i regret nothing. and because of what. because she pushed me away when i was sitting next to her holding the laptop, reading the news about the BTS meal, and i asked her to search for the price and she got offended thats why i called her a snowflake and she was TRIGGERED 🙂 when it comes to decent respect to family members or people in general, shes a complete a*hole. shes not participating in the chores (i always have to do her part of the chores) plus she always act like we owe her something; using my things without permission and throwing it on the floor when i want it back... and much more. our little sister is 12 and she never interacts with her cuz she knows how of a psychopath she is, and our older sister sometimes try to pick on her as usual but i often stand up for her because im the one who knows her weaknesses and i just cant let her win. this s**t didnt happen overnight, she used to abuse me physically and emotionally when we were kids and i learned how to use it all against her, shes just projecting her insecurities on others and i make sure shes always reminded of how weak she is to act like that.. sounds manipulative i know, shes one of the mostly people on earth that i have 0 empathy left for her, i would say that is my coping mechanism, i always win at argument, so her only comeback is the hitting and thats the only thing she wins at, but that doesnt affect me as much as it affects her, i dont really feel anything when she hits me it just gets old.. no f*cks left to give thats it, and i know how much words trigger her so i would never keep my mouth shut bcz i can 🙂 neither of us is mentally stable at this point, but i try as much as i can not to let people go through what ive gone through, something she does the complete opposite of, and i love making the people of her kind have a taste of their own medicine the most important part, are my parents paying attention to this? yes and no. i feel like theyre doubting themselves for her being like this, because... no need to sugar-coat this, child abuse is so normalized in our culture and my older sister was so mentally affected by which made her ego so fragile... are they doing anything to help? hear me out, when my sister and i get into a fight im "the only one who they can communicate with, safely" and i just need to ignore her because "im more mature"... like she always throws a tantrum like a f*cking 2 year old, crying and screaming whenever they try to discipline her saying that "they are the reason why she is like this" no b*tch stfu youre just a snowflake and you trying to make us feel bad while youre the one who always starts it off and tries to get away with it like a weak ass bi*ch like how can any parents expect and consider the victim who is also the youngest, to be more mature? how does that make you feel about yourself as a f*cking 19 year old? it bother me most when i see them not incharge of all of this, it makes me think: "when is she going to cmmit dead and leave us all in peace?" i even get death threats from her and i get bruises on my body and my scalp is hurting af its literally a miracle that she didnt break any bone in my body yet and MY PARENTS ARE NOT HELPING I SWEAR SOMEDAY IM GOING TO CALL THE POLICE
  2. She copies the way I speak! How is that even possible!? I'm not sure If you have read my previous posts, but if you have you would know she has never liked me. In fact, I'm sure that's why my oldest sister and her started talking bad about me. I know, this sounds extremely petty, but this behavior is getting on my nerves! I am a very good writer and most of the people in my family know that, but there was one time where I brought it up and she responded with "I didn't know you were a writer!". Keep in mind she barely knew anything about it at the time. Now, she's on to copying that! She took a writing class at her college, but I shouldn't be freaking out about that. It's probably mandatory. Anyway, i have noticed that anything I do or like, she will start to like the same. I really feel like she somehow knows this is getting on my nerves. Has anyone had the same experience? Also, why is she doing this? I know that most people say it's flattering, but it gets to me. I do know for a fact that she was jealous of the time I got on honor roll. She would always say: "I wish I was smart" in a sulky way. Then the year after that she finally started busting her butt to get good grades. Before that she always slacked off. She even started trying to sound smart by using nerdy terminology for everything. I know that in the past, she was jealous of me and sometimes I still feel like she is. It's like she tries to steal everything I like and ultimately take credit for it! It annoys the crap out of me. How should I deal with this? Thanks for reading this guys The help is appreciated I hope I don't sound too much like an A hole lol! I guess I'm just upset.
  3. I've thought my husband has cheated before in our marriage.I knew I caught them in a compromising situation, but did not catch them in the act. They both lied about what had happened for 2 years. Then my husband contracted an STD. By lying I got my sister to tell the truth. My husband denied until he found out I had talked to my sister. He finally admitted it. His reason for lying was to save our marriage. How do you save a marriage where you know he cheated one but believes he's been cheating for years? I've been married for 13 years and can't imagine him not in my life. But I can't imagine ever trusting him again either. We're currently separated and I'm not sure what I should do. Please help.
  4. Long story. We do trips on acid which are beautiful and sensual. Weve been together 6 years and its the best relationship ive ever had. She tries to work on things and have our relationship be healthy. She deals with body issues and so do I. Most of the time we are symbiotic. She asked last year if her sister could move in because she was having trouble. She moved in july of last year and was supposed to leave october then december and now its in limbo but they are looking for an apartment. I said yes because duh family first. SO we had tripped on acid quite a few times before this situation. All good and we hung out with her sister and her boyfriend. SO then comes this particular night. We are having intense sex and Im totally submersed into what were doing I feel great and loved and like we were having this deep level of connection. In the middle of sex at about the 2 or 3 hour mark she jumps out of bed and is like we have to share this im gonna go get them. Im like no and she is like I need to go get them. I immediatly go into my thoughts and head thinking she is a piece of you know what. I sit there quiet and back away while she is talking to me. She ends up telling me something like Ill never do that again I was just tripping really hard. She said she was disgusted and didnt want me to bring it up again. I have felt insane for the past 5 months give or take because I cant get this out of my head. It sucks Ive always gotten along with her sister. Now when were all hanging out and my gf gets excited while taking to her or ignores what I say to be animated about what shes saying I start to shake in jealousy and sadness. Shes having body issues for like a month which Ive been trying to help, nothing she said its just whats happening and my opinion doesnt mean the same as someone elses because im with her all of the time. She was outside talking to her sister about it. And im shaking again. I feel like ***. Not to mention when we do have sex its like she is getting jealous of me right now because of her dysphoria and it makes me feel so disgusted by my body and unwanted. I do not know what to do. I dont know what to say I need help. I want to die. Ive tried to bring it up since then and she said you know that makes me feel disgusting and horrible but like dude I feel horrible. I cant get this out of my head and Im feeling like a narcassistic crazy girl to be jealous of my gfs sibling. Please help me. Please.
  5. My fiancé and I have been together for almost 5 years and we got engaged a couple months ago before Christmas. When we first started dating, I never had any issues with his sister (I actually thought she was the coolest!). However, as time went on, I realized she really didn’t like me. She looked at me like the person taking him away from family because he was spending all his time with me (we moved in together, moved to another state together for work). She would make snide comments and just generally rude to me (to my face and behind my back). I let it roll off my shoulders because I’m not great at confrontation. When he told her he was planning to propose, she told him not to do it and basically that I’m an awful person to marry. Same thing when we got engaged- not a happy reaction AT ALL. It was tough to see someone so upset about us getting engaged when we were so excited to take this step together, but again, let it slide because it wasn’t worth the confrontation. We went to dinner with her, his mom and uncle to celebrate the holidays and at dinner they asked about wedding plans. My fiancé told them we were barely started with planning but had a guest list and were planning to have an adult only wedding (no kids). She took this incredibly personally (she has a 4 y/o daughter) and became very upset in the restaurant. LONG STORY SHORT... She got incredibly angry (honestly borderline pure rage) and blew up in the restaurant. She began screaming at me (blaming me), cussing at me, telling me I’m a terrible and manipulative person. I said nothing back because I was purely shocked by her reaction and in tears. I got up to remove myself from the situation (it was humiliating and quite a scene in the restaurant) and she then chased me out of the restaurant trying to physically assault me. My fiancé had to physically restrain her to prevent her from actually hurting me. I don’t know how to handle her and our relationship. I’m terrified of this person and the level of rage she is capable of reaching. She clearly hates me and does not support our decision to get married. Bottom line is I don’t want her at my wedding.... Am I wrong if I don’t invite her? Any thoughts?
  6. My girlfriend has been talking to an old friend of hers as she claims. The messages are very flirty and he thinks I'm just her baby daddy. She went to the bar with her sister the other day and I found out that afterthe bar, her and another friend went to a fire at his place, her and my girlfriend ended up in this guys room. He then decided to bang the one while trying to get his hands down my girlfriend's pants who then claims to have left. I feel the situation is in appropriate considering we have a child. She thinks I'm crazy for being upset. She didn't tell me any of this I was shown the messages she sent to her sister. Until I told her I seen the messages she tried to claim she was at the bar until 4am it's illegal to serve alcohol after 2am here. How should I feel ?
  7. My name is Rob, I'm 38 years old and live in NY. I'm incredibly sad due to my fiance leaving me, which was on November 9th, one month prior, my mother passed away from lung cancer. I was her caretaker. During this time prior and and after my mothers death I was very emotionally unavailable to my fiance, and couldn't give her the love and affection she deserved. I came home to find her gone, with our pet rabbit, yet all of her belonging were still there, her jewelery, family photos, diarys, and all of her clothing, her engagement ring. Amazon packages she had ordered are still arriving. Her whole life is still in the house. I found out the next day and found out she quit her job of 10 years which she recently got a raise. I spoke to her parent both of whom loved me and they cried and said they couldn't stop her....she moved down to her sisters in north carolina. When I finally spoke to her the following day she told me I had not given her the love that she needed, and I understood apologized that I was not capable with the grief I was in from my mother's death, and that I would immediately get the help I need for my depression, which I have immediatly done and began seeing a Dr. I love her more than anything in this world and I intended to make her the number one woman in my life and have a family with her. She seemed stoic and cold while we were on the phone and told me she needed time and space. The last we spoke was Saturday and today is Tuesday. We were together for 4 years and I am heartbroken and she seems to be starting a new life in north carolina living with her sisters family
  8. I thought it would be interesting if i shared my story and then my day to day efforts to be with my exgirlfriend....you can share with me your thoughts of how i may have done well or poorly on a given day. Well, my story follows: We broke up officially on October 16, 2004. She moved out of our apartment at the end of September. She told me about her plans to move out on August 1, 2004. She said the reasons for moving out were: 1. we were having issues that seemed to get out of control since May and could not take a chance of signing a new contract to live with me while she attended a one year accelerated nursing program at Rush in Chicago, because if we could not work it out, she may end up putting her education (comes with a scholarship and a job for 3 years) in jeopardy. 2. she needed to find out if I was the one 3. she wanted to live alone and gain some independence (she felt she took advantage of me and all I gave her and did not want to have to depend on me anymore for happiness). When she first told me her plans in August, I did everything I could to keep her to stay. By September, She actually told me she wanted to see if we could work it out, but this dark cloud developed over our relationship that seemed to sabotage everything we tried to do. By mid September, she decided to continue with her original plans. This attempt by her to try to work it out and comments in therapy (two sessions) that she would not be leaving if it was not for nursing school were strong enough reasons for me to swallow my pride and let her move out…and all the while, help her with her new place and continue to date her.. (Also, during a trip to Scotland in April, she said she would have married me – she thought I was going to ask). The night she decided to move, I went to live with my sister. We ended up talking and by the end of the week, I was back and she was telling me how upset she got that I was not there and how much she missed me and my support…she was still moving out however. The slide in our relationship seemed to start in May through August, she got a new job and we worked opposite hours…we started to slowly slide out of the relationship with building resentment, etc…..Nothing two people could not have worked out….things that counseling could have helped with if we ever talked about them, but when in therapy early on we were too busy trying to deal with the dark cloud. So why the protracted relationship with her after she said she wanted to move out? She just kept dangling carrots out there for me by saying things like "I still want to date you" "you are still the man in my life" "I still think about us" "who knows what the future holds"..she kept my picture in her living room….she did not want to date other men…"my sister is routing for you". " I have been thinking about a future with you"….."I love you"….But, come the holidays, she did not want me to go home with her (as we have several times). This caused me even more grief…she would no longer come to my parents and she did not want me to go to see hers?…what was I if we were still "dating?" Recently about two weeks ago when a college strike may have caused her not to get into the nursing program, she said she would have gotten back with me to work things out..Another carrot! By October 16 we broke up…..no more sexual relations…..by mid week we were talking again…I had given her a card that basically said that I will always be there for her while she is in Nursing school…..I still love her very much, and if I have a snowball's chance in hell with us getting back together, I want to know I was there for her when she needed it most… But, again as always seemed to be the case, I would drag her into conversations about us and future and frustrate her and myself. So, she said we needed to take a week and stop contact. We did and by Saturday, with the help of friends and family, I was doing great…on Sunday, she called and left a message…I did not call..trying to be strong…she called a second time and I did not answer…by Monday morning, she was calling at my work…she said she was worried about me and it was just weird I was not calling…So I shot her an email that I could not call and would not be able to have contact until maybe sometime in the new year….i informed her of the damage I was causing myself by sticking around in the relationship….she shot an email to my sister who called me and read it to me that Monday…she said in her email it was therapy to write her. She basically wrote to tell her how much she liked my family and missed them and sorry it did not work out….etc….by that evening….i got weak and decided to visit her at her new place…she let me in and told me how she was so upset with the email that she was vomiting and crying…we started talking again…still broken up though… After a series of great times together (no sex) and our monthly crap discussion about us that is set off by me due to something that triggered it, I recently had to take a stand and tell her I could not stay in her life as long as I continued to have strong feelings for her. She said fine and told me it would be easier this time…for her I am sure…. Currently, she has some of my things and visa versa….I have some things (baseballs signed) from her mom I am having authenticated and will sell on ebay…she has a rug, computer, microwave of mine…. come xmas…I hope to have a check for her mom and send Tori a gift for xmas through her sister….This will be the only form of contact until I am ready to try and have that friendship she seeks. I worry myself to death some days and others I am mostly ok……She will be done with the program in a year, should I wait until then to contact her? Do I stick with my word and help her while she is in nursing school (it will be tough in that school)..Do I call her back if she calls?….Do you think she is just using me for the things I offer her?…I really don't want to be out of her life 100% for good because I don't want to lose touch with her emotionally? What if she meets some other guy to connect with since I am not around? She is 26 and entering her first real career move with nursing school and it is very important to her to succeed with school and I more then understand that, because that is why I did my best to continue to be there with her and help her…I love her and due to all the carrots and possibilities she put out there that we may try again….One of the last things she said to me was never say never (I told her I was beginning to think we would never get back together)………and she said we are not going to get back together unless she feels it will work out…..(and with the stresses of school, she can't work on it now and I understand that)….but she does not want me to wait around for her she says…so confused!!!! There is one more issue here….we have about 99% the same friends. We will end up seeing each other out most likely….what to do and how to act. I love her so much and she has told me she is confused too…
  9. My sister dated a boy for about 2 weeks(broke up because of mutual agreement) this was a year ago and me and my sister know each others friends because we are close in age I've closely started liking him and he had told me he likes me but I never agreed due to it being my sisters ex also I didn't meet him because they were dating but also before that FYI but I dont know what to do and they still talk they are friends/enemies and she know he likes me but never said if she was cool with it
  10. So i've recently met a girl who i currently have strong feelings for. Lets call her N. She's my sister's classmate at university and i've seen her around for a little over a year but hardly ever talked etc as i had a gf then.. but since then ive become single. So anyway.. this all began about a month ago. My sister invited her to my bday party. I added her on FB and we began to hit it off. She would drive everyday to our office (where i work) every single day for 2 weeks even though she hated driving and just hung out with my sister studying or whatnot in my sisters room while i work. Messaging pretty much 24 hrs a day on FB - instant responses from her. Then day 2 of chatting, my sister told me she had a online bf (overseas) but told me that N likes me. I called her out on this and told her that i dont date girls with boyfriends and ended our conversation. She was upset and a day later, she messaged me to tell me that she had broken things off with him as it wasnt going to work out anyway due to distance. So then came out first date, dinner & movie. After the movie i asked if she wanted to go home, she declined so i took that as a sign. We went for a night walk up a mountain, i grabbed her hands and she held her arms around me. I then kissed her and she kissed me back. However she told me she wanted to takes thing slow.. real slow. We ended up going for more dates after, kissing everytime she came around and eventually met and had dinner with her grandma etc. No sex was involved although i did try to push it a little. Maybe this was my mistake. She has always asked for me to move slow and i was more than willing to but when she says things like "if you do meet someone else who has something i dont, then go for it". I asked her "so you want this to be a casual thing? and i could go out and bang another chick while still doing this with you?". She said no, if she knew, she would end this. This made me even more confused. About two weeks ago, she said " i think we should end this, everything is messed up, im sorry, you deserve someone who knows what they want. We can still talk whenever though". I told her i respected her decision and accepted it but wondered why this is. She said because we dont see things eye to eye (pace of the relationship) and therefore not suited for one another even though she previously acknowledged that we got along great and she likes spending time with me. I sent her a fb message maybe about 5 days of NC to tell her how i felt, that i was gutted how i may have ruin things by moving things to fast and also apologising that i may have made her felt uncomfortable at times. I said this because i found out previously, that she was complaining to my sister that i had "force" myself onto her in which i called her out on it and asked her if kissing her really made her feel uncomfortable. She said it didnt make her uncomfortable but "there was too much of it". She told me previously that it took her 6 months to kiss her last boyfriend (not the online bf cos shes never met him). After i've sent the final message last tuesday, she hasnt talked to me at all maybe due to exams and has not visited our office since. I do really miss hanging out with her but i know it might be all over for her. Im just really shocked from how she went from being into me (like a crush) to like nothing in such a short time. i know two weeks is short and i will continue to do NC but i know it will be inevitable we will see each other quite soon. Any advice would be appreciated.
  11. I was with my ex for 4 years, we split up 9 months ago. For the past 9 months we have been meeting and sleeping with each other. He knew I wanted him back and still loved him but he didnt want a relationship. He started to go cold on me a couple of weeks ago not taking hours to message back not really commiting to any meet ups saying he was busy. I did go round his house and found another girl there. I did lose the plot and screamed a lot. He said she was just a friend he was helping. I asked him to never contact me again and was heartbroken. I have since spoke asking if we can work things out and apologised for if I got the situation wrong, he now says my behaiour has ruined our friendship. To add to this he said I had betrayed his trust as I had confided in his sister for help in this situation. He refuses to speak to me and says he wants nothing more to do with me. Just feeling very lost and confused :(
  12. Hello peeps So there's this girl who is classmates/good friends with my older sister who i've briefly known for about 1.5 years or so, lets call her K. K comes to my office to work voluntarily and study with my sister as they do the same course at university every once in a while. K is 21 years old. We had a few chats here and there but nothing happened as i was in a relationship. I do however, find her attractive. During this time, i was in a toxic relationship which has since ended approx 2 months ago which she found out from my sister. Anyways, we all headed to dinner one night (2 months ago) for a mutual friends birthday and we were all discussing about watching a horror movie the next day. So apparently my friend's gf who is also K's classmate asked if anyone was free to watch a movie the following day. Then K decided she would like to come and begged one of her good friend (a guy but has a gf - i briefly know them both) to accompany her to watch the movie with us as a group. The reason was cos this guy did not like horror movies and im pretty sure she doesnt too lol. I wanted to sit beside her but the other guy did instead. Im sure shes 100% not into this guy as they are just good friends. After the movie, i felt she was trying to get close to me whilst walking out of the cinema but nothing was spoken. The other day, she and my sister randomly came to my office to assist her in some questions about property which i promptly helped her with. I havent seen her for about 1 month now due to the COVID lockdowns we have but im pretty sure i will soon enough. My sister also asked me yesterday whether i wanted to go with them (classmates including K) for a 4 day roadtrip. Apparently, she's a real shy person as my sister told me she had to really try talk to her and befriend her when she first met K. I'm quite confident she does have some sort of feelings towards me as for one, she wouldnt have come to the movies and begged a friend to accompany her. Anyway, my question is, should i add her on facebook and start talking to her or would that be too creepy?. We've only been out once as a group but have seen each other every now and then when she volunteers at the office and sometimes we do exchange words here and there but not very often. Or should i just wait until the next time we do go out as a group.. which could be a while away or until the roadtrip which is about 2 months away.. Thanks in advance
  13. I just found out my dad is paying my sister’s rent for her to live with my mom. My sister is 35 and a full time school teacher. She has been a moocher her whole life and will do anything to use someone else’s money. I feel so annoyed and aggravated. My sister has rarely ever lived on her own. She says she is saving for a house, but lots of people are. We are polar opposites. I have lived in a different state than my family since I went to college. I have never had my parents help to pay rent or bills. My sister has made it seem like I am a bad child because I live in another state and “do nothing for them”. My parents are getting older but my sister does very little for them and what she does do, she doesn’t do out of the goodness of her heart. She has already tried to get me written out of my dad’s will and went behind my back when my dad was sick and got him to sign a POA and other documents naming only her. I sort of just let her fail on her own, knowing my sister would not handle the things she said she would- for example she moved in with him to take care of him... it turned into him caring for her. I ended up having to call elder abuse on her because she hit him and refused to leave. She was a joint tenant on the lease. I got her to leave and that’s when she went to live with my mom. I recently learned she convinced my dad to pay her rent as “he is the reason she has to pay rent now.” I feel like she is taking advantage of him. She is already getting more in the will. She gets 55 percent and I get 45 percent. She also made me agree to not take a percent as excutor of the will. I agreed only because I don’t trust her and before under the will my sister made him sign, she was the executor. I am the attorney. My dad asked me to take over as executor of my uncle’s will when he passed away. My sister to this day- complains how I was able to get a percent from managing it and she wasn’t given a chance to do it- mind you she never even asked to do it when it came up. I feel like she is already getting more as she does a little more for him. She takes him to the grocery store, appointments, the bank... mind you she got him to sign over his car to her for $1 when he was sick and not competent. He told her since that she can keep the car provided she brings him to the appointments. He eventually signed updated documents making both of us POA. His attorney recommended removing my sister, but he won’t as I am not there- although I can do a lot and do stuff online for him or by mail. I am pissed my sister is getting my dad to pay her rent to live with my mom. She doesn’t clean for him- me calling elder abuse hooked him up with services to help him with cleaning. I don’t trust her. I have basically no relationship with her. I hate visiting because I hate dealing with her. Both my parents have enabled her forever. I want my dad to stick up for himself and tell her no- but he is scared she will not give him rides. When I am home- she vanishes and I do everything for him. She is a teacher- has summers off. I get only a few weeks and my job is a lot more stressful. I don’t want to visit if it means I am stuck working. I have offered to find someone to help clean out the house- he is a hoarder... and I can’t go on there as it smells very bad and I am very sensitive to smells. With my dad’s rent, and him paying my sister’s rent, his money is quickly draining. Hopefully eventually he will let us clear out the house and sell it. That is another sore issue as he seems to have offered to give it to my sister, and she can use his money to fix it up.. that way his stuff can stay in the basement... I don’t really care if he did that as he has made it clear that I would still get 50 percent of the house when he dies- he always says 50 percent even though I know I’ll only get 45 with the way the will is drafted. I know I could likely sue my sister and get 50-50 if I wanted but I am not looking to one up her or drain my dad’s money... I am okay with her getting a little more, since I know she has done some stuff for him, and I have a job and will still be all right... I know my sister is still fighting my dad to get a higher percent... and using threats. over his head. My dad talked about moving back into his house with her and I had to remind him that he can’t live with her. She is abusive and he really doesn’t have the money to give my sister his house and buy a condo for himself. She should be buying her own house. My mom doesn’t seem to care. She seems to think my dad is playing both of us- and he is sorta. He never told me about the money he was paying for rent until my sister wanted me to call him because he was going back on our agreement as to when we would have someone clear out the house. I like my life away from them. I can’t do the drama. Part of why I will never return is that I was emotionally abuse by my dad as a child while he physically abuse my mom. I was a lot more in involved than my sister... having even called the police once when my mom told me to during one of their incidents after he pushed me for trying to protect my mom. My family refuses to see that they are part of the reason I left where they live and I created my own life. My sister is a lot like my dad. It was ironic in the way listening to my dad say how abused he was by her and thinking... this is how you made mom and me feel. I doubt I’ll ever have a relationship with my sister. Part of me just wants to say hell with it- I am done with all of you- do whatever you want and never talk to any of them again. I know I won’t do that, but I am so tired of seeing my sister take advantage of everyone. I have offered for my dad to move to where I live... at one point he even seemed to consider it. The sad thing is I wouldn’t want more. I just want 50-50 as we are both his kids. I had offered to buy two houses next door to each other and he turned me down. Maybe I am wrong. Maybe I should be greatful my sister drives him to appoinments and take him to the store... it just seems like me any child should do those things without needing to get more for it. I asked my dad- well how long are you going to have to pay her rent for... he didn’t know the answer. He just said that she told him that he needs to pay his rent since he was living for free with my dad- and blames him for her not living there. It’s her fault. If she hadn’t left I would have been forced to call the police and get an order of protection. She takes no responsibility. She blames the victim. Idk if I should call elder abuse on her again since she is making him feel like he has no choice. I likely won’t... but I am so sick of her taking advantage. She makes enough to pay for her own rent. She makes enough to pay for her own car. She makes enough to pay for her own food. The only reason she was living with my dad rent free was because she was supposed to care for him- which she didn’t do. She never cooked or cleaned for him. I think it’s scary that a 35 year old lives in someone else bedroom and owns like nothing... she has no tv, no furniture... everything in that room except for her clothing is my mother’s.
  14. I haven't seen my boyfriend for 6 weeks (due to coronavirus lockdown) now as I live with my elderly parents and my 7 year old son. Today my sister who lives on her own came over for lunch. She was working at the office up until last week but working from home now. I asked mum about whether it's OK to visit my boyfriend since my sister is coming over now and she said no coz he's working and lives with flatmates. She said I can't maintain social distance with him. I was a bit angry as it's ok for my sister to visit and sit right next to my parents at the dinner table (she's visits supermarkets too and so are my parents once a week) , but not ok for me to visit my boyfriend. I am not sure if this is just an excuse coz they don't like him (since mum had said my relationship won't last as both myself and my boyfriend are not financially stable and he's an expat). They haven't yet met him. Wanted them to meet him at 6 months but they thought it was too early to intoduce him to my son even though his dad is out of the picture. What are your views?
  15. Few facts: I am male: 26 years from Denmark Girlfriend is female: 20 years from Kenya My mom is 54 years old First of all, TL;DR version: My girlfriend feels unseen and excluded by my mom (and I see the same as she does). My mom claims she has already tried to approach her, and she also sees me as her beloved son, and mostly my girlfriend as a stranger. My other family members are good at seeing us equally when we visit, in a way that really makes my girlfriend feel comfortable around them. But my mom is very different. Now I am in bad terms with my mom for criticizing her. At the same time, my girlfriend doesn't like my mom, and says she won't visit her again. Being in between really hurts, because I obviously want all of us to be in good terms with each other. Longer version: Imagine two people who see things completely different from each other. At the same time, they really stick to their perspective, and are unable to see things from the other persons perspective. And if you try to talk to them about it, they will get really angry and deny to even talk about it. That's the situation I am in. Background: I am a student, who lives a 2 hours drive away from my mom's place, and I am on my 2nd year out of 5 years on my current education. My girlfriend is from Kenya. I met her in March 2019 when I was on an internship in Kenya, as a part of my education. Since then 7 months passed, where we could only communicate through WhatsApp, until she finally came here on a tourist visa in November. We have now stayed together for two months in my place, out of three. She will leave on February 17th. But of course, we have plans for a future together, and I will be visiting her in Kenya in my holidays, while she will visit me in Denmark too as an au pair if possible... But for now, we have one month left together in Denmark, until she travels back. The problem: While she has been here, we have been travelling around i the country to visit my family and other close relations I have here. We have been staying five days at my dad's place, and my girlfriend really likes my dad. He is also good at approaching her, and including her in the companionship. When we visit, my dad sees both of us equally, which is something both me and her really like. We have also been visiting my dad's wife shortly, who was very welcoming, and my dad's sister, whom my girlfriend also started liking fast. Not soon after even meeting her, my dad's sister was eager to take selfies with her, and gave her hugs and stuff. Honestly, I see why she likes those people a lot. They really approach her well, and include her good. Then the problem comes when we visit my mom. Because she is different. She sees me a lot as her beloved son, and then my girlfriend is kind of like a stranger to her, that I just brought with me. It's not like my mom doesn't approach my girlfriend, but she doesn't approach her as much as the other people in my family do. This often leads to a circle of bad events. Because when my girlfriend feels uncomfortable and unwelcome somewhere, she becomes silent. And silence is my mom's biggest pet peeve. My mom expects her visitors to show gratitude and interest of being there. So when she sees a silent person who doesn't seem engaged in being a visitor, she feels as if it's too much for her to handle, and she kind of gives up trying to approach that person. Yesterday, things really went too far. We were visiting my mom during the weekend, and it seemed from both my perspective and my mom's perspective, that she didn't see my girlfriend even being there. At the dinner table, she conversated with me, while my girlfriend was sitting there also, just being silent. And yes, there are always to sides of a case. I also think my girlfriend could have done something to take part in the conversation, but I also understand how it was difficult for her to know what to say, when she already felt excluded... And then when we were about to leave, my mom asked me in Danish to give her a hug, so she received a hug from me, while my girlfriend was standing next to us, not receiving a hug from my mom. After we went, my girlfriend felt really bad. She told me she felt excluded and not welcome in my mom's home. And I really felt the same feeling as her. After the 2 hour drive home to my place, I then called my mom, and explained the issue to her. I knew it would be a tough conversation to have with her, because I would have to criticize her, and compare her to my dad and my dad's sister. So I tried as much as I could to explain these things to her in a humble way. Unfortunately it didn't end well at all. My mom denied excluding my girlfriend in anyway, and defended herself a lot saying she had really tried to approach her with questions, but getting almost no response back, feeling like she couldn't keep on trying, putting the responsibility on my girlfriend for having to pull herself together and talk to her instead. About the hug, she excused it with me being her son, and my girlfriend not being a person who had such a close relation to - and that it would be uncomfortable for her to hug my girlfriend because of that. My mom got really angry with me in that phone call, and said she felt provoked by me. Meanwhile, my girlfriend is really feeling bad. She says she doesn't like my mom, and she doesn't want to visit her again before she leaves. All of this hurts me SO much. Now I am in bad terms with my mom, and at the same time, my girlfriend feels so bad, that she doesn't even want to talk. She doesn't want me close to her. So all in all, I do understand both perspectives, and my wish is to make them both understand each other better, instead of just denying that they could be missing something. I understand how my mom finds it uncomfortable to be faced with a silent stranger in her home that does nothing to open herself up to her. I also understand my girlfriend's silence, because of how she feels unseen and excluded in my mom's home. Personally, I think it is my mom's responsibility to take the first step, and approach her well in a non-judging way. I know she would claim that she already tried, but I honestly feel like she could at least do a bigger effort than what she did already, when compared to my dad and my dad's sister. Because afterall, my girlfriend is the guest. And despite my girlfriend being the guest, I also still think that she should be trying more to make friends with my mom, and taking some initiative to open herself up to her, even if she has to start it. Sometimes, life isn't fair, and I have also been forgiving people without an apology before, in order to get the best out of the bigger picture. But as much as my mom denies to change anything, so does my girlfriend. This leaves me truly helpless Does anybody have an advice??
  16. Well technically, it's been a few days. My sister and I are very close, and despite the big age gap (she recently turned 14) we've always gotten along. Needless to say, I absolutely adore her and had never thought or suspected this so it was very unexpected. A few days ago she sent me a text message with a link to a word document and told me to watch a vid- volume turned low and alone. Which I did so, the very next day. She tells me she thinks she's gay, that she might be bi, has found some guys attractive, but has never had a crush on a guy. Also, that due to lack of interaction with guys and going to a girls school all her life, it was hard to say. Apparently all her close friends know and that she was done putting it off so she's decided to tell me. She says she's been thinking about this for nearly 3 years, and that she really didn't know how I'd react, that she always felt paranoid when I had her phone and had to mute group chats fearing I'd find out. She tells me she hopes I'd understand, that I wouldn't just dismiss this and to never tell our parents. I cried reading the message. I had no idea and was emotional that she felt hesitant to tell me. I told her it's okay, that all preteens and teens were confused. I had crushes on girls too and had kissed girls out of curiosity when I was younger. That it doesn't matter either way, because she was my sister and I loved her. It doesn't change anything and that I was so touched she felt she could tell me and that I was on her side no matter what. I got very choked up thinking that she felt the need to almost beg for my support, that when she said it was hard for her, it really must be because our parents are very homophobic. I definitely will not be saying anything to them. I haven't acted differently and our interactions have been the same as usual, but I wanted to know since she doesn't want to talk about this in person and just through texts, should I ever bring it up? I really don't care what she is, it was just extremely unexpected that's all. My parents are unfortunately homophobic and very conservative, and I really don't know how they'd react when she does ultimately tell them. She has always been a major overachiever and has made my parents very proud through the years. However, my parents have never been very supportive or understanding in general. They have a tendency to guilt trip, be somewhat emotionally abusive and I am dreading what my parents would think. I pray that my dad doesn't end up reacting in a toxic or temperamental way (as he does on a daily basis) saying things he can't take back. Any experiences with close family member or siblings coming out? Any advice would be highly appreciated.
  17. Hi! Sorry for the long title I really don't know how else to word it lol but the title pretty much says it all. We've been married for a year and I'm 24, he's 25. We live in a rough town and we'll be walking next to each other but if he sees someone scary/rough looking either behind or ahead or whatever direction, he'll suddenly start walking off very fast without warning leaving me alone with said rough person... it happened yesterday when we were in a narrow alley-type path (hard to explain) there were 2 very rough looking men and mid way through me talking he just walked off very quickly and left me alone to walk pass them. It was scary 'cos they were staring at me with their mouths open as I walked pass as if they were going to say something or thinking something. The worst is, I have anxiety and PTSD involving men and he know a this as I've been talking about it recently to him too. I also have a chronic pain condition which makes it impossible for me to walk fast (although I try my best) and he knows this too and he practically RUNS. This also happens on roads even when the car is very far away or sometimes if there's no car, he will run across the road most of the time leaving me to cross alone (which I am not good at at all which is apparently because of my aspergers/sensory overload). We're having so many other problems like that he acts extremely childish and sulks as if I've told him off when I say something basic and casual like "don't put that thing there because it will fall" (as an example) and he'll start sulking and whining. Whenever there's a problem in our relationship he will give 0 contribution to solving the problem, he will literally sit in silence and stare at me for hours while I try to figure if out myself! A lot of the time he'll just leave too. There's so many times he's been nasty to me, insults me, even name calling like a child! Sometimes saying unforgivable things that no one would tolerate and in the end I have to be the one to resolve it because he will not apologise or participate in resolving at all. I have to do everything myself, even all the "adult" stuff like shopping, finance etc he will not help, he makes it more stressful sometimes by acting "hyper" and blurring out weird stuff like "hey let's eat plastic for dinner, or curtains (and he'll just go on and on while I'm stressing out doing the food shopping alone which I've always struggled with massively). He's extremely childish and cocky and thinks he's funny making snarky remarks and calling me names while I'm trying to either help him or fix a relationship problem/argument. I honestly feel like I'm living with a child and that I'm his mum. All I do is look after him (because he asks) and carry the weight of our whole relationship and yet all he does is fight me on it in a childish way (not even in a - this is my point of view - or mature way). Sorry this is so long! I'm so close to ending it and I'm crying so much at my stupid desicion of marrying him (you'd think you would know someone after 12 years of friendship). What can I do? My mum and sister have seen how he is too and they say it's not fair on me at all, his sister also sort of warned me in the beginning of dating but I didn't really understand until now. I feel so trapped.
  18. So my girlfriend one year and six months has proven for the most part that she is loyal. Unfortunately she doesn’t tell me important things like how one of her friends just got sweet with her over text, and that has me worried. Allow me to explain. My girlfriend and I are on completely open terms with each other as far as our relationship goes. Even to the point where we know all of each other’s passcodes to everything. One day however I’m scrolling through her phone waiting for my own to charge because I’m curious as to how a conversation between her and her sister went about moving in with her sister. That’s when I notice the preview of a text with one of her friends that I already know talking about drinking together. So I click on that because it worries me. Lo and behold, there is an entire conversation about drinking one on one with each other in this guys bedroom. But even worse is the fact that he low key gets sweet on her when she tells him she gets flirty when she drinks. He responds, “flirty or y?” And she barely shuts him down by telling him “just flirty.” He continues to egg her on in the conversation and it clearly feels sexually charged, and somewhere along the lines she brings up a story about making out drunk and he tells her she should come over in that case but she closes the conversation by saying she couldn’t make out with him because she “still has” me and that he wouldn’t like it if she did that to him while he was still in a relationship. But the biggest problem I have with this conversation is that despite him getting fresh with her initially she still insists that they should drink together—not in her bedroom but his. She just insists that she “knows her limits.” On top of that I don’t know if I can fully get behind her rejection of his coming in to her because it doesn’t feel like a rejection. Just that she “still has” me like in an obligation to be loyal to. Not completely shutting down the whole idea of drinking with him, putting ideas in his head that there’s still some chance, knowing how she gets when she’s drunk, knowing how I’d feel about her throwing herself in that kind of situation. Not that, she doesn’t like him like that because she likes me, no, just because she still has me. The big problem here is this friend of hers is, first of all, freshly broken up with his girlfriend. She he’s clearly lonely and desperate. But this is a friend she’s known since before me. But this is also a friend she’s sent nudes to before she knew me as well. So I don’t know how to feel about this. I’ve told my girlfriend to tell me about situations like this in the future and she still hasn’t told me about this yet, as I wait day after day for her to be honest with me about this. Because this isn’t the first time a serious situation like this happened that she decided not to tell me about. In fact this isn’t the first time someone has said something about her that I’m uncomfortable with that she’s treated like attention.
  19. So I wrote here before about my estranged half sister, if anyone cares to read the backstory about my first contact from her: https://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=526758 Now I am in a very good place in life. I moved out of my family home soon after that post, to start at a wonderful job and move into my own place. After a few months of a scary adjustment period, I finally felt safe and became completely independent from my parents, who then permanently moved out of state eventually. My relationship with them improved greatly, after naturally becoming less involved in their lives while also actively distancing myself from becoming too close. I have not heard from my sister since. During the adjustment period I mentioned, it seemed to have gotten really ugly on all fronts. Our father threw around threats of violence, restraining orders, and police intervention against my sister, among other family members. He even tried to get me to sign an order against her (I didn't). After I felt secure enough about a year or so later on my own, I sent one message and a friend request to her via Facebook, which was never even read. It was the only contact I had of hers. Now I recently got a hold of her contact list; a couple of phone numbers and her current address. It was easier than I thought it would have been to obtain. Facebook made it easy to garner enough of her personal information to make it so. I guess it just took the resolve to take the leap of faith as time passed after the failed attempt, the recent holiday, and the courage to finally be ready for the sh**storm that will most definitely come. What do I say? I thought about calling. I figure a letter might get lost or unanswered; too many unknowns. A phone conversation is more direct. Does anyone have any experiences with contacting a family member in a similar situation? How did it go (good and bad)? When should I contact? What should I prepare for (my sister and parents-wise)? I have too many questions. I'm so nervous and my stomach hurts.
  20. So mom and sister live 8 hours away and they never come to visit. My sister was surprising me and my boyfriend was acting stressed so I asked him why and I guessed it out of him. He says he's been really stressed and now he won't be able to relax. Im thrilled about them coming to visit and I try to be positive and tell him he'll be able to relax and I'll make sure of it, he gets upset and says no and is not happy with the whole thing. I tell him that im not going to refuse them a place to stay. He says they can sleep somewhere else the first night so he can relax since he's stressed. I don't agree and I want them to sleepover. My mom calls that night and hears him yelling in the background I tell her what's wrong and she couldn't believe it. They are only coming for The weekend to see us and he wants me to tell her to not come. I can't do it she's my mom!! I refuse and tell him that I can't do it, it's wrong. He gets even more mad. We fight for 3 days and they show up and I ask them to come in. They tell him that they are dissapointed since they never come to visit and their hurt that he doesn't want them to sleepover that night. He sees it as an attack so he starts yelling at them and tells them that he has the right to it, it's his house and they should listen to.his wants and needs. Im embarrassed, can't believe this is happening! Not really saying much since they're all fighting over this, I just want to have fun and enjoy the time that they have here. If he's stressed and tired he can go lay in the room and watch movies or go in the basement and play video games we'll just stay away. Instead he wants to be mad and yell in my mom's face and be angry. I take them and leave and rent a hotel room, I want to enjoy the time I have with them as much as I can. They leave the day after and go back home, I feel awful, they drove 8 hours away to come to all this. We fight some more because im so dissapointed but he sees it as me not caring about his wants and needs... I can't believe it more yelling at me and blaming me. Now months go by and I have this gross feeling inside me, im hurt and torn inside, I want my family to get along and respect eachother so we can all have a great life and have a great future together. I asked him to apologize to my mom the other day and he finally did, it wasn't a very sincere apology but he did it which was nice. It was a "im sorry but" but atleast he tried. He won't apologize to my sister because she yelled at him. I tell him today that im so hurt and im having a hard time continuing this relationship with all this pain. He tells me that he's hurt because I've been distant. I know I've been distant, I've been distant because you yell and you're mean to me when we fight and my family is hurt by you and thinks that you're a jerk for what happened. Can you please try to make things better with my family so that we can move on? No your sister needs to apologize to me first. And what about the fact that they hurt me? So now my mom and sister are still hurt and in shock with what happened. But to this day he still sees it as our fault and our problem because he was just asking for a night off. What do I do? Everybody has different opinions. I feel like what he did was way wrong but then again we're we wrong for not giving him what he wanted? It's hard in relationships because everybody has a different belief! Thanks everyone.
  21. M25 here I'm not good in writing such posts so I will get straight to the point. I'm having doubts, more and more doubts with the time passing by. Recently we started to argue more and more about 'little' things, at least thats how she sees it and that it is completely my fault. To make it clear, I'm not saying its just her fault. For obvious reasons lets name my SO (F20) as S, her sister (F17) as O and her SO (M23) as N, and my SO girl friend (F20) as J. I will start from the very beginning. It was all fine when we started dating and finally were officially together, she wanted me despite I told her I'm not as she sees me, that I'm caring (often too much) and I have some strict boundaries/rules. Yet she wanted to be with me, she asked for us to be together (not saying I didn't want to). Our first fight was over her joining some kind of temporary army thing. She informed me that she is signing up for it, that she discussed this with her girl friend ( J ) and she wants to try it. She didn't ask for my opinion (not permission, as I have no rights to let or not let her do anything), she just stated that she will do it anyway. We had fight, she didn't really know much about that army thing, only that they will pay her about 150$ for being 'ready to be called on duty' and for spending 1 week/month in training camp. I asked her many questions about it, she didn't know the answers, so I started reading about it more, asked few my friends as they used to take part in that armythingy. She started having health issues (shortness of breath, pain in chest and dizziness), I asked her to think again about her plans and talk about it with me, see a doctor in the first place. She refused, said I'm paranoid and I can't stop her when she planned something. Fine, I accepted it, didn't want to fight over it. During recruitment she was rejected due to health issues. Fast forward 2 months ago. She still didn't go to doctor. I've asked her multiple times to go and get diagnosed, I offered that I can be there with her all the time if she will be okay with that, made it clear that I wont leave her no matter what happens. Then out of nothing she tell me that she wants to get a tattoo (big one) on her back, again no discussion, just a statement. I told her I'm not okay with it. I'm the big baddie again. She kept looking at tattoos and changed her mind over the week that she is going to make sleeve. (kind of worth noting, she is short on money, like... in debt for 250$ that I gave her so she wouldn't get in trouble - and I'm not even considering asking for that money back). I again told her I'm not okay with it, that again she ignored my opinion and didn't even talk about it with me. I brought up her health issues, she says she has no time to tall the clinic to make an appointment, I got angry and told her that if she has time to be staring at her phone and look for tattoos she has the time to call the clinic as its been 3 months since she started having problems that only gets worse. Again argument that I don't understand her and I'm overreacting. I didn't tell her she can't have that tattoo, just that I'm not okay with her not talking about it with me when she talks about it with her sister ( O ) and friends. Another fast forward 1 month ago. She told me that she is going abroad to work during holidays. That she is going with her friend ( J ), that they both have a plan already and everything is almost set up. I got upset that she again didn't include me in her plans and ignored my persona. Again I'm the bad one, not understanding one cause she needs money for studies later this year. Again I try to explain her, that I'm not prohibiting her, but I'm not okay with her AGAIN not discussing anything with me, but with her friend ( J ). Like a week after that, she calls me and tells me that in the end of may she is going on vacation with her sister ( O ) and friend ( J ). Again, plans made with friend, not including me or my opinion. I got a bit upset but said ok, I'm fine with that. Later she confessed that she didn't ask me to go with her 'cause she didn't want if I wanted. I replied with that if she asked me, she would know by my answer. Again argument with me being the ass. Plot twist and time jump back to February. Her sister ( O ) met her boyfriend ( N ) at the start of February. I've noticed that nearly every day after work/school (yes long term technicall school) my SO is going with her sister to her BF. I said I'm not okay with that, that she has exams this year and instead of spending this time with them she could be learning. blahblahblah I don't wanna be alone with my mum at home - okay. Soon it started to be irritating, she is with me and in every conversation HE ( N ) comes up. Every day she tell me something about him. I told her I'm not okay with her spending that much time with her sister when he is around. It came to the point where she would not tell me that she is with them or that she is going to his apartment (with her sister). Like 3 weeks ago she told me that she is going to ( N ) sister birthdayparty with ( N ) and ( O ) even when she didn't even know her. I again told her that I'm not okay with her spending that much time with him and its getting too much. Argument again that I don't understand her, that I'm jealous and pathetic. Some time ago she was in another city visiting friend and had troubles arranging her trip back to hometown, and came up with an idea that ( N ) could sleep her over or driver her back to home. Lately she slipped and it came out that she was washing her hair there few times, I got angry and said that I'm totally not okay with that and its over the line that she is not even telling me she is there. We again got a fight, she called my behaviour pathetic and jealous again so I told her that if she is going to call me pathetic again I will quit. She replied that if I will get upset by anything related with ( N ) she will quit. She came to my home the same day, we talked and I clearly said that I'm not okay that she is spending so much time there with him around, that she is talking so much about him, that she is jumping (literally) from happiness with HUGE smile and spark in her eyes when she sees him coming despite me standing right next to her (this happened like 2 weeks ago and I just let her hand go), that I'm not okay she is not telling me many things, that she is literally not telling me anything. Again I'm the one not undestanding jealous . She stayed for 3 days, and the 3rd day she told me she is going to get back home late as she will go to ( N ) where her sister is and she wants to get back home with her, not alone in the bus. I asked her what if her sister will stay there for the night, she said that she wouldn't stay there and just get back home alone then. Well ok, I didn't mind that, she told me at least so huge step forward. Yesterday she finished work and waited 1hour for her sister in town, so they would get back home right before midnight - again no problem from me. Just asked her to keep me in the loop. Not so long before her bus I ask her if she is ready for the go and she just tells me that she is staying there with her sister and her BF. I got upset that she clearly said she wouldn't sleep over there, that I'm not okay with what she is doing. Again I'm the , just like always. She sees nothing wrong from her side. Late night yestarday she told me that ( N ) gave a proposition that four of us can go on 3 day trip as a group of 14 ppl. I asked her who these ppl are, and it appears they are all his family and friends. I asked if she know them, and it looks like she doesn't know only 4 of them. While she knows no friends of mine... I asked her few times if she would want to meet my friends, she never seemed interested. Yet she knows friends and family of her sister's SO. Another plot twist. Whenever I call her, I ask if she is busy, not a single time she said she can't talk right now. Also most of the time when we are talking on the phone, she is also talking with her friend or sister face to face and keeps ignoring me even for few minutes straight, few times during one call. I told her I 'm not okay with that, and that if she wants to talk with her sister or friend she can just tell me and I wont mind. Similar situation when she is with me alone. She can't leave her phone. Always texting with her friend ( J ) or sister. Or talking on the phone with sister for 40 minutes. She is spending everyday with her friend and sister, only some weekends with me. Yet she doesn't give me her attention. Another thing. She is not talking to me about issues. Like... never? Last time I was helping her preparing to exams and she just got upset when I asked her if she can do few example tests before we see eachother next time. I asked few times whats wrong, what did I say wrong. No response. Full ignore mode - all is fine. 30 minutes no talking. So I got really angry and told her that I'm done, I'm done and if she is not going to start talking with me now and in general about any issues our relationship is over and I'm quitting. Then she got angry and made it all look like its my fault. Whole thing was that she 'has no time to do it at home and I should know that'. Yea... like sitting on phone makes you have no time for more important activities... At least we started talking and she stayed for 2 more days. One more thing that we had argument about. She needed new job as she lost her last one. I offered I can help her and ask some friends, search the internet etc. She refused my help. But accepted help from sister's SO. I got upset again obviously. Thank you all who made it from the top to the end. I didn't expect it to be that long. I'm not even sure if I wanted to vent or I'm looking for some sort of help. But what I would like to know is wether I should accept trip offer or no? What is your opinion ? TL;DR: My girlfriend is not discussing things with me and is spending lots of time with her sister when sister's SO is around and it is making me uncomfortable.
  22. My partner and I met in London just after we finished uni there, but we moved down to the south of England where my family is (not really either of our choices, but my parents offered to build us a self contained flat for very cheap rent which sold us on the idea!) However, her family is from the north of England, just under 400 miles away and a sometimes 7 and a half hour drive. She, obviously wants to be closer, which I have no issue with. However, agreeing on somewhere to live, has caused so many issues to our otherwise brilliant relationship. We left London due to money and also my partner hating London. I loved it, but wouldn't want her to stay somewhere that made her so unhappy. It doesn't matter where we visit or where I suggest, its never good enough. I feel like she is waiting for me to turn around and suggest moving to her families home town. I feel like she thinks I owe it to her because we've lived in my families home town, but it wasn't something I ever wanted to do and to be honest was already a compromise because she was so desperate to leave London. I don't want to live in the far North of England, as I have a brother and sister under the age of 10 and would miss them growing up. I have no issue being half way, but we just can't find a place to live. I've thought about us breaking up, but we are so good together, except for this. It's such a frustrating circumstance!
  23. So, this has bothered me for a long time and I dont know why. My younger sister is 31 and still lives in my parents basement. Doesn't pay for a damn thing, drives a brand new car, works part time (when she feels like it) and doesnt lift a finger around the house, at all. The worst part is, my parents think it's perfectly normal and okay for her to still be living in their basement because "it's harder for kids now adays to live on their own". That's their excuse.... I'm 33 and have been on my own since I was 19, I struggled yes, but it got me where I am today, which is a home owner, great job, great family, etc... I've always resented my parents for this because even when she was a kid, she was spoiled rotten, while I was the one that suffered the emotional and physical abuse. My sister and I have not spoken in 10+ years, she did not come to my wedding, etc... zero relationship. I think she is pathetic, and a leach and I honestly hate her. My parents are getting up there in age and I asked them if they have a will, and they said both of us are executors...good grief.... How do I get over this? It drives me nuts. My 75 year old father still has to work to support my lazy loser sister, and it drives me insane. They will NOT listen to anything I have to say about the matter, they get mad at me when I say anything about it. Wwyd?
  24. I’m wondering if I am making a big deal for being hurt that a trip to Vegas my sister and I were planning on taking together, my sister, instead, plans it with her boyfriend? Granted that she and I did not book anything, yet, we were just waiting for when she had the time and money. I booked a room for us to go this December, but something came up for her that she won’t be able to go. I cancelled the room. No problem. We then talked about going during spring break. Later, her boyfriend invites her to go on a cruise with him and his family during that time. She said it to me in passing that she may go with them. A little disappointed, I said, “I understand.” Then, a few weeks ago, I saw her googling trip packages to Vegas, but said it was for her and her boyfriend. I was shocked because that was supposed to be our trip. But then she said, it's not serious because she doesn’t think her bf will be able to afford it. I didn’t say anything. Just disappointed that she didn’t search these package deals for us. Then I overhear her tell my brother that her bf is looking into booking them a room there and the possible things they will do there together. So, this trip to Vegas for them looks like it will happen. So, instead of them going on the cruise with his family, she convinced him to go on the Vegas trip she and I were planning, instead. She convinced him to go to Vegas so she doesn’t have to do the cruise with his family. She didn’t want to do the cruise with them because for her, its too soon and too much to spend it with them. I told her that I heard she is going to Vegas and she right there invites me to go on their trip with them. I told her no, because A.) I hardly know him. For the year that they have been dating, I’ve seen him a total of 3 times. B.) I thought we were supposed to this sister’s trip together. I was really looking forward to it being an “us” trip because we are both very busy, and we don’t spend nearly as much time as we used to. Her life has become about her work, and her boyfriend. So, sister time now seems special. C.) I wished that she would have talked to me about this before planning the trip with him. That I was upset she didn’t take me into consideration. Another reason why I didn’t want to go with them two is because he is a recovering alcoholic. The trip there is expensive, so I was going to spend a lot of money going there, I want to relax and not having to take care of him. I want to be able to drink and not worry about him. I want to go to our favorite pub there and have a good time. He gets nervous around big crowds, so the 3 times i have hung out with them, 2 of those 3 times, my sister asks me to sit with him, so he will feel more relaxed around our friends and big crowds. Again, if I am on vacation, I want to enjoy myself and not babysit a grown man I hardly know. Besides, that, spending a year looking into package deals, saving money, and working around both of our busy schedules to find the time to go, it really saddened me that when she did take initiative for this trip, it’s for her and her boyfriend. Worse, that she didn’t think to talk to me about wanting to do this with her boyfriend, instead. And may I add, that she and her bf take a lot of vacations together. They've gone a cruise, Laughlin, amongst a few other trips. Am I making a big deal out of this?
  25. I’m having a really hard time at the moment. Just started a new job for 3 weeks at Starbucks and I keep being told I need to speed up. My situation at home is awful- I live with my sister and her children who always have problems. I never get any private time- there’s always shouting and arguing all the time and I never get my own space. I just feel all angles Of my life are really really hard 😢😢😢😢 I feel so trapped and hopeless.
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