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About Me

  1. It's time to actually make a journal and stick to it. Even if no one but me reads this, it's the cathartic properties of actually expressing my emotions that I aim for. Well, here we go. Day one. Today I had no real plans other than to do some gardening. After my morning routine of rolling out of bed, I got a call from my sister to ask if i could pick up my niece as she was unwell at school and my sister couldn't make it there to get her. I dropped her off at my mums house, had a chat with her and then headed home to get started on my front yard. I moved into a rental about 6 months ago, and it was a mess. The previous renter left junk everywhere, the front garden is an overgrown mess. I have been making my way through every room in the house, cleaning walls, carpets, everything. Making progress, but the last thing I have to complete is the front garden. Thankfully, it didn't take long. Nothing some headphones, gloves and hedge trimmers can't fix. Lately I have been pondering what it would be like to just fly off of the radar. Sell most of my big belongings, sell my car, buy a van, and just travel from town to town picking up jobs and seeing the country. It's obviously not gonna happen, but it's something I can't seem to shake. I think I am overwhelmed with everything that is going on currently and I just wanna escape it all. However, I'm staying strong and trying to find my place in this world. I have been in a really healthy relationship for the past 6 months. We met through a mutual friend, neither of us expecting a relationship. As time passed we became closer and closer, learning more about each other and realising how compatible we are. We were housemates together for a while when I moved away for 6 months, which helped me determine and learn a lot about her. We adopted a cat together and recently decided to take the plunge and get a dog. We both live active lifestyles and play sports, love camping and fishing, don't really like the night life. She is the kindest, gentlest, wonderful person I have ever met. I am blessed to have her in my life. My mental health has been very up and down lately, but I have been working hard to get back to stability. It was recommended to me to ween off of my antidepressants as they have been making my mental health worse. Since I have been cutting down on them, I am actually more stable. I can feel happiness again and not just a constant white noise. I have so much motivation and actually get things done. Still waiting to be seen by a psychiatrist for ADHD medication, but I have dealt with that for my entire life so I will be okay. The depression and anxiety is still there, but I am dealing with it much better now that i can actually feel emotions again. I think I will finish this for today, can't think of anything else currently,
  2. My older sister (34 f) went through a divorce earlier this year. The divorce happened because of her cheating with a coworker. Last summer (2020) she confided in me that she was seeing this other man. I told her she was wrong and needed to end it. I said if she wanted to see other people her and her husband needed to divorce. It was the first of a lot of arguments she and I would have over the course of the next year. The more I found out about this guy the leas I thought the was a good person. He was married, had two kids and was 47. I tried to stay as uninvolved in my sister’s drama as I could but she would often ask me to watch me two nieces (ages 7 and 4). She’d try to talk to me about this wonderful man she was seeing but I had no interest in him at all. I thought a married guy thirteen years older than her was not the Prince Charming she thought he was. I understood that her marriage to her ex bust was often times rough but I thought her choice of a new person wasn’t the best. As much as I could I avoided talking about him with her. We had one huge argument about him back around the Fourth of July when she wanted to bring him to my parents for a party. My dad and mom are a pretty socially conservative Puerto Rican couple and they don’t like the fact that my sister and her new guy were both married when they got together. They told her the guy wasn’t welcome over there. I tried to tell my sister that it’s their house and their rules. She knew how they felt and I thought she was instigating by trying to take him over there. So she and I had a pretty bad fight over it. She accused our whole family of not supporting her and being judgmental of her. I have tried not to judge. I think her and this guy are both wrong for what they did but I have kept that to myself and haven’t thrown it in her face. We haven’t talked a lot for the last few months. When we do it’s almost formal and very awkward. I still take my nieces from time to time because I love them and want to see them. But she and I no longer have long talks like we used to. I went through my own breakup recently and boy could I have ever used her shoulder to cry on. She used to confide in me when her marriage was going badly and we used to talk about everything. I miss my sister so badly at times. I really want to talk to her again. I have so many things going on right now that I need a sister to talk them over with. I need to have her in my life and I hope she feels the same way about me. I’m hoping there’s some way we can work things out. At this point she’s with this other guy. I don’t particularly like it but I guess I have to deal with it. I’m thinking of just calling her and asking if she wants to get my nieces and we can go to this place we used to go every year to buy pumpkins for Halloween. I would love to just be able to sit and talk to her for a while and let her know no matter what I’m still here for her.
  3. And it's not the first time. He was never once faithful to her. That's how me and my sister have grown up. Watching a broken family act as though we are alright and happy. My mum says she's fine with it as long as we are grown up and keeps reassuring that it doesn't affect her now, but I can tell it does. She just doesn't want to bring in the matter of divorce due to various reasons. But I'm tired of pretending. I feel like this is going to be my whole life. A home that has no real emotions to express. We can't even say it to him that we know since he becomes more careful and just hides it better. I feel like I'm carrying this huge burden on my shoulders. I can't even tell any of my friends, cause guess what? I haven't made any friendships close or strong or long enough to share such thoughts. I don't have friends who would care if I did share. They'd probably just throw some pity and move on. I have an exam in two days. And I can't even focus that well. I must be crazy, right?
  4. Hello. I will try to explain myself as simply as I can. I had some relation problems in July and I asked help from here. Firstly, let me summarize that relationship: I had an online relationship, then we have seen each other several times in reel life, we had some jeaolusy problems and someday i couldn't give enough care and time to him because of my own problems. Then, on June, he decided to end our relationship, and I tried to get him back with a trick: I wanted him to be jealous of me. I wanted him to regret his decision about ending this relationship and I wanted him to try to win me back. This childish idea obviously didn't work and he left me completely, and I couldn't win him back. Until last week, I begged for 3 months to win him back, but no mather what I did, it didn't work. Finally, I got tired and gave up. I deleted him on everywhere and I didn't see him later. And I made a promise to myself; I won't see him ever in my whole life. At this point, I tried to focus on the other things in my life. Like my family and my school. But hey... there was a problem. I was so preoccupied with my relationship problems that everything else was "secondary issue" to me. Even myself and my mental health was a "secondary issue" to me... I thought that if I could get my boyfriend back, I could handle everything else. And now, I have to face and deal with that crooked idea. First of all, I explained the whole story to my mother (firstly I have to admit I had an online relationship, yes I prefer "admit" word because it is a "no-no" in her opinion). I did this to end all my feelings for him and create a point of no return... She was very angry (as always) and she threatened me with my father. She said "I will tell everything to your father and he will beat you. Because by talking to people you don't know, you put not only yourself in danger but also us." I begged her a lot and finally she changed her mind. But my father already understood the tense atmosphere at home and kept asking what was going on. So I made a deal with my mother : We told him a fabrication lie about one of my girl classmates and my mother acted like "an overprotective mother", and I acted like "a stupid girl who believes to everyone so quickly". We said "my girl classmate wanted to meet me at a very suspicious place, and my mother was damn right to not allow me to go." We never mentioned that there is a man or love in this story. My father didn't believe at first, but my mother and I kept pretending and eventually "case closed" on the very same night. I also had to deal with my school problems. Today, I went to my school and I "learned" that I would be dismissed from the school, because I could not complete my classes on time. I thought I still had a year to finish my school, but it wasn't. Problem is about my lessons, not about my thesis, actually. If I had completed all my courses in 2 years and had to submit only my thesis, I would have had 1 additional year. But I could not complete my courses and my thesis in 2 years. And because of my failed courses, they won't give that additional 1 year to me. So I had to first deregister at the school and then re-register. And it means we have to pay extra "money". Actually, I've asked my school-advisor about this topic before. But maybe I didn't ask correctly, or maybe he misunderstood me... Somehow, here is the situation. I can't do anything to fix it. I came home, trying not to throw myself in front of passing cars... Because, only 4 days ago, my mother literally told me these very sentences : "This is the second and the very last chance I'm giving to you. There won't be a next chance. So make up your mind and don't do other stupid things anymore." -- Additionally, that first chance was my first relationship in the university and she said for years that I'm so lucky for she didn't kick me out of the house. -- [I have to describe my relationship with my mother right now: It always scared me that she was so tough and angry. She had literally minimal tolerance for me, because of the problems she had with his own family and my father. I remember very-well, I was a primary school girl and my mom told me about her marital problems and wanted me to "understand" her and not tire her. She always said that, I was the only reason she was still married, and it always made me feel on edge. I had no right to make mistakes, I just had to be grateful for the opportunities my parents gave me, go to school and get a job.] Anyway. Luckily I was alone at home and had the opportunity to think about the situation. Unlike other days, today my dad came home first and I explained my school problems to him in my mother's absence. I wanted his help. I suggested keeping it a secret, but firstly we had to create "a believable lie". Thus, for the first time in my life, I shared a problem with my father. Surprisingly, he didn't react like my mother had told me for years. He didn't hit me. He didn't shout. He was even not angry. He did not humiliate -or- insult me. All I saw was disappointment, though he didn't say that, but I could tell it by the tone of his voice. He just listened to me with patience and offered me a way out when I finished my speech. I told the first part of the lie we prepared tonight, everything went well so far. I hope my mom will believe me when I say the other part and I can get away with it without she messing with it anymore. [By the way, I'm not as bad as you probably think... I feel so ashamed and regretful in my deep. I will never ever lie to both of them anymore, because all of this process is so painful and all I can feel is remorse, guilt and fear.] Now my question is... If I can get through this situation before my lie is exposed, should I tell both of them what they don't know after it's all over? Should I explain everything in the end? Or is it best to be dishonest and stay in the shadows for a lifetime? Or do you have any other ideas? Please feel free to share your thoughts with me, it would be really appreciated, because I need all different viewpoints in my situation. Thank you for your precious time. I hope you never have to lie to your parents because it really feels so guilty, especially when your last activity before sleeping is give them a good-night kiss
  5. Hello everyone. First of all, I hope I don't sound too crazy, I really need to at least write this somewhere as it has been a bit of a problem for me lately. I'm a 22 years old guy, and I have never been very social, I do enjoy my personal time a lot as I have enough hobbies and responsibilities to stay busy. However it has been around 4 years that I've Had someone I constantly socialize with, my aunt. I moved here a few Years back and the only family is my aunt (35) she's also busy a lot, and I've been living with her since I was around 18, we Basically Share expenses and stuff like that and live in the same apartment, this is so we have an easier time with life. My problem isn't really financial or anything, in fact we have a very friendly relationship and we often have long talks which are super fun. She's like my only friend and likes me for what I am, the problem is either she is too affectionate and nice and I'm Confusing this as something else, or she actually likes me. You see, she's very affectionate with me, she treats me like a very close person, I'm very introverted, so I almost never initiate anything, she's always Trying to initiate things then. She Calls me cute names or gives me hugs and compliments, obviously As a family member right? But I'm so confused, I analyze her and it seems she does it out of that character, she's very touchy feely, Way more than me. She writes me long texts and is very supportive towards me, I'd be lying If some of her texts aren't a bit too cute for our relationship. From some time now, I think I have developed feelings for her, like, I'm attracted to her in a boyfriend / girlfriend way but I haven't said anything, and to be honest, I may also be attracted in a sexual way, but I feel so bad for this, it's Kinda disgusting. We have a comfortable zone but sometimes she's a bit too comfy, I'm the complete opposite of her regarding That, for example she often uses very light clothing (hot weather) or even walks by in underwear, where as I'm ashamed to even show some skin like arms or even being seen without shirt makes me feel uncomfortable. I've accidentally seen her body because she's literally so careless, me walking to do something and stumbling across her, and I just say I'm sorry and rush to somewhere Else, she just shrugs It off as something "That just happens". I'm very sorry for this, but she even leaves used underwear around, probably from when she's in a rush. And I once had thoughts About sniffing that, but I wasn't able to bring myself to do that. I love her as a lovely friend, but sometimes my body or bad side if my brain tells me otherwise. If anyone has any ideas on how to deal with this it would Be hugely appreciated, as I do not like any of this, I want to remain a sane person. Thank you in advance.
  6. Hi So ya, to start with my mom found out that that my dad has an affair with another woman and they always meet. Almost every day actually. To be honest I am torn with respect toward my father and hatred. Now my father wanted to take that woman as a second wife ( my country allows polygamous relationship ). Of course, I hate that woman and to make it worst, she went to my house and bang on the door this morning because my mom won't let my dad take his phone or take a step outside without her this last few days. I mean how shameless can she be. My maternal grandma said that mom should go back to her house if dad decided to take that woman. Jokes on you, I hate that woman so much. You see my father was one of the biggest shareholder in a company and that mean he has this tons of authorities in this company. My mom found out that my dad is trying to take that woman as one of the staff there. So my mom went to see the company CEO and well at that time she could not control her anger. You know what my dad did? She scold my mom. That woman also blame my mother's friend for telling her about their affair. I mean she goes around with my dad calling her honey and stuff. They even met each respective family to get blessings and she goes around telling everyone my dad is her boyfriend and they are waiting for my mother approval. Are my mom a jokes to you? It broke my heart to see my dad acting like nothing ever happen and mom keep on crying. You see my mom is a housewife. She said that she become a housewife when my dad coaxed her to take care of the children. If not for dad, she will have a brighter life. After she married my dad she got an offer in one of the biggest company in my country, but she turned it down because she said that she does not want a long distance relationship, later she fell into depression then she got better, then she got a job somewhere closer and later she quit to become a housewife. I am the eldest out of 5 siblings and I am a first year in college with full parents support. So I could not do anything except for the mental support to mum. I am still living with her. Mom said that she is trying to hold herself and ask me to study and get good job, so she can be at ease. My mom is well she is crying almost every day and she only slept for a few hours last night. I am thinking of getting a job, but I know mom and dad will object. I just cant focus and my younger siblings does not know anything. It pain me seeing them and mom. Well I am venting here since I'll stay anonymous here. My mom only told me, her parents and some of the close friends. I will take any advice on what can I do now. Thank you.,
  7. I've been going through a really tough time for a while... I'm about 6 hours away from home staying with my sister and I've been here for months. This is a result of my relationship with my ex if you've read my past posts. A lot has happened since that situation, but for times sake I'll try to keep this on the topic I'm talking about. But maybe I will make another post concerning those things. Ever since that occurrence I've been staying with my sister and her family. I am 22 just for reference. Since I've been up here I started going from feeling okay to just wanting to go home. But I'm not allowed to. My mother wants me to be more independent yet she won't allow me to make the decisions I want to. She doesn't like the idea of me applying for my old job. She wants me to prove to her that I am better and then we can talk about me returning home. I understand that I needed time away but now it's starting to make me feel controlled. She disconnected my phone for a while to try to stop me from talking to my ex but to tell you the truth it didn't do anything except create and inconvenience for me when ever I have to talk to my therapist (we have phone call sessions). I understand that my family wants to protect me, I'm also scared of making more mistakes. I can only hope that they'll still continue to be there for me if anything happens. But I don't like being told I won't survive by myself, that I'm lazy, that I act like a kid, etc. At this point I'm thinking that I'm the problem, like there's something wrong with me. And I feel like I was only born to experience bad occurrences just to amuse whatever powerful entity is in the universe. This whole thing is starting make me believe that I won't do good living by myself and I'm way to dependent on my mom or family. I don't know what to do, and my paragraphs might seem a bit incoherent because I'm just word vomiting at this point. I just don't know how to prove myself to my mother. What else should I do to make em see. My mental started to decline because of this and it's ironic because the reason why I'm up here was supposed to be so I could calm down. But it's been getting stretched out longer than I wanted but my mouth is sewn shut metaphorically speaking.
  8. Hello everyone and thank you for visiting this topic. My family is facing some problems right now related to my father behavior. Currently I am 24 years old and I am working remotely from home, living with my father and my mother. My older sister is married and my middle brother works abroad and I am the little son. The problem I am going to talk about does not involve bullying or anything of that kind, it's just something that is becoming annoying and I wish I could find a solution. My father is a retired man, taking good care of all of us. He has a little brother, who is the CEO of the company where my brother is employed. Of course he got him this job and it's been nearly 5 years. Since then, I am feeling like my father is becoming so needy, pleaser and clingy to my uncle. All of us noticed it. He wants to involve him in any kind of subject : If I am looking for an internship, he insists that we should take his advice. If I got an offer from some company or whatever, he wants me to share it with him. That's the case for all of the family members and not only me : For example, lately my brother came back for some vacations with us and he noticed that my uncle bought a new car, so he casually said that the car is good, but he didn't even take a good look at it. Later in the same day, my uncle called my father and guess what my old man told him ? He said that my brother was overwhelmed by the car and he wanted to wash it and drive it so much that he went crazy ... I hope you see my point here. Things are escalating and it's becoming ass kissing. He also treats my uncle's son, my cousin way better than he ever treated us. He is so friendly towards him and always jokes with him. He barely does that with me or my brother. My uncle never treats me, or my brother in that way, I respect him so much and we get along, but not in a friendly way. the same thing goes with my uncle's wife, which annoys my mother so much. I just can't stand it anymore. He makes us feel like lackeys. He just abandons all self worth and confidence and makes us look pathetic. I am 100% sure that if he had to choose between his family and his brother, he would go for his brother. He wants me to join my uncle's company so much too, which I never intend to do if this keeps up, because the ass kissing will evolve and that's the last thing I want. Even when I mentioned that I want to work in Japan, where my brother works, but in a different company, he tried to convince me not to because there is a possibility that my uncle will get mad because I went there without his approval and not in his company ... What the hell was that ? Believe me, it's driving me crazy even though I am a calm person. That is my decision to make and my uncle is not my father ! He did not help me in any way throughout my studies and I don't owe him anything, why the hell should I give up on something I want to experience or try, just to satisfy him ? You see ? I want to let out my anger at my father for his behavior. I want to yell at him so much to the point I am sure that It will end up with a serious argument and fight. Believe me it's affecting even my mental health. I will be graduating soon but my thoughts are concentrated on this instead of my graduation project. Finally, thank you so much for reading this towards the end. What do you suggest I do ? What do you think of my situation ? Thank you in advance
  9. My brother has been dating this girl that I went on two dates with...the farthest things got physically between us were getting very handsy, her straddling me on my bed and making out intensely but nothing more than that. I met her on a dating app and so did my brother (unaware of my history with her). WHAT ARE THE ODDS!! The moment I found out he was seeing her I told him what happened between her and I because I would want my brother/friend to tell me immediately if the situation was reversed. He really appreciated me letting him know and being upfront about things and I thought this would bother him enough to stop seeing her BUT IT DIDN'T and he doesn't seem to mind...nor does she and she knows he's my brother!! weird right? I understand they really get along and he has been trying to find a girlfriend for years but why did it have to be her of all people? I told him I didn't care but I only said that because I feel it's not my place to decide who my brother dates (at the end of the day it's his life) and I thought he would cut things off with her because it was too weird but he did the exact opposite. The only people that know about what happened is my girlfriend, my sister, and my parents. Anyway, I'm extremely uncomfortable about the whole thing and don't know what to do. When he brings her to a family get together it's going to be super awkward and my family is going to wonder why I'm weird around her and I'm going to tell them why (same with my brother's friends if they ask). The situation is some twisted bad luck and I just need advice on how to best navigate this.
  10. I don't know if I should bring it up to my family doctor or my therapist... I brought it up to my therapist in passing and we didn't expand on that, but I feel like I'm having physical effects from the memories of the past year in particular. I believe my husband is narcissistic and was emotionally abusive to me... I feel like I should feel relief during the divorce process, but I continue to have disturbed sleep, feeling like I'm back in the moments of being bullied, and extreme fear at even seeing his family members texting to check on me. Also, I lost about thirty pounds before leaving my husband. The last several days with him, and the first few days away from him, I couldn't keep food down. I have since put on some weight again, and I'm eating well again, but I lose my appetite at times when I get too deep into the thoughts. I also feel of two minds... one mind is thinking typical victim stuff, like guilt about my fear and confusion over how my husband could also have a good side. But the other side is on autopilot and is thankfully winning. It's strongly pushing me through the steps of getting a divorce and moving on, it's telling me that there are other people outside of him and a whole world to enjoy whenever I'm ready for it. My main concern is the possible PTSD. Is it even possible that I have it, and if so, should I be seeking any treatment? I speak to a therapist once a week, and my family doctor calls me once a week. I take an antidepressant which should start helping me soon, as it has helped me in the past. I also have a sleeping pill that I take as needed- I'm doing my best not to take it daily but I definitely struggle to sleep the nights I don't take it. What else can I be doing?
  11. first of all thank you for your time and, my english may not be that good but im gonna try my best im a 15 year old girl and i have a 4 years older sister (19) who literally starts punching me on the face and pulling my hair whenever i ask her to, for example; move away when im sweeping the floor or when i ask her to clean the mess she made with food on MY bed... like im not even asking her to do me a favor she just refuses to act like a decent human being, she takes "dont tell me what to do" to a whoooooole new level.. she gets so easily offended by literally nothing and thats her biggest insecurity i once called her a snowflake and she almost broke my nose lmao i regret nothing. and because of what. because she pushed me away when i was sitting next to her holding the laptop, reading the news about the BTS meal, and i asked her to search for the price and she got offended thats why i called her a snowflake and she was TRIGGERED 🙂 when it comes to decent respect to family members or people in general, shes a complete a*hole. shes not participating in the chores (i always have to do her part of the chores) plus she always act like we owe her something; using my things without permission and throwing it on the floor when i want it back... and much more. our little sister is 12 and she never interacts with her cuz she knows how of a psychopath she is, and our older sister sometimes try to pick on her as usual but i often stand up for her because im the one who knows her weaknesses and i just cant let her win. this s**t didnt happen overnight, she used to abuse me physically and emotionally when we were kids and i learned how to use it all against her, shes just projecting her insecurities on others and i make sure shes always reminded of how weak she is to act like that.. sounds manipulative i know, shes one of the mostly people on earth that i have 0 empathy left for her, i would say that is my coping mechanism, i always win at argument, so her only comeback is the hitting and thats the only thing she wins at, but that doesnt affect me as much as it affects her, i dont really feel anything when she hits me it just gets old.. no f*cks left to give thats it, and i know how much words trigger her so i would never keep my mouth shut bcz i can 🙂 neither of us is mentally stable at this point, but i try as much as i can not to let people go through what ive gone through, something she does the complete opposite of, and i love making the people of her kind have a taste of their own medicine the most important part, are my parents paying attention to this? yes and no. i feel like theyre doubting themselves for her being like this, because... no need to sugar-coat this, child abuse is so normalized in our culture and my older sister was so mentally affected by which made her ego so fragile... are they doing anything to help? hear me out, when my sister and i get into a fight im "the only one who they can communicate with, safely" and i just need to ignore her because "im more mature"... like she always throws a tantrum like a f*cking 2 year old, crying and screaming whenever they try to discipline her saying that "they are the reason why she is like this" no b*tch stfu youre just a snowflake and you trying to make us feel bad while youre the one who always starts it off and tries to get away with it like a weak ass bi*ch like how can any parents expect and consider the victim who is also the youngest, to be more mature? how does that make you feel about yourself as a f*cking 19 year old? it bother me most when i see them not incharge of all of this, it makes me think: "when is she going to cmmit dead and leave us all in peace?" i even get death threats from her and i get bruises on my body and my scalp is hurting af its literally a miracle that she didnt break any bone in my body yet and MY PARENTS ARE NOT HELPING I SWEAR SOMEDAY IM GOING TO CALL THE POLICE
  12. Me and my fiancé have been together for almost 4yrs. We have a child together and both of us have a child/children from a previous marriage. I have full custody of my oldest, she doesn’t see her dad. My fiancé has joint custody of his two kids, which I find to be very disruptive to every day life. At this point, his custody situation is really causing a lot of problems. His children refuse to come to our house - say they are uncomfortable here. They stay at his parents during his visitation. Typical grandparents. No responsibilities, waited in hand and foot, no consequences, no rules really. Might I add, I have never been mean, never disciplined, never even raised my voice towards them. To give you an idea, the 11yr old girl and 13yr old boy baby talk. Yes!! Baby talk!! They whine and manipulate, cry and pout to get their way, no matter the situation. My oldest daughter, has pretty much been given no choice but to embrace the blended family life and I feel she has adjusted well. She went from being an only child to having a sibling and step siblings. his on the other hand are catered to and coddled. We even take separate family vacations at this point which I think is absolutely ridiculous. I think if his kids aren’t “comfortable”going on a family vacation, then they shouldn't be getting one of their own. I think them saying they are not comfortable is yet another manipulation tactic, but I could be wrong. Anyways. My biggest issue, I feel that his joint custody arrangement is really interfering with every day living. I work night shift, he works days. We barely have time for each other, hardly see each other during the week. Every other weekend consists of him being at his parents, on top of 2-3 days out of the week. I have tried to tell him that I don’t think it’s fair they are causing such a divide, I also don’t think it’s fair he is constantly gone and I am stuck taking care of the house by myself. It is very difficult to keep up with yard work, house work, a toddler and a 14yr old. I feel I have a part time relationship because of all of this. I feel like if he is going to see them at his parents, he should limit his evening time to 1hr max, so he can spend time with our daughter - how fair is it she only gets part time visitation too, but also to help me with yard work, house work and everything in between. He thinks I am trying to keep him away from his kids - but that’s what his ex wife says. Might I add, she doesn’t have them often. Usually every other weekend, they are pretty much dumped at his parents or hers during the week. I am getting to the point, I’m ready to make him move in with his parents. Life would be so much easier if I would suck it up and ignore it. Just continue to handle everything on my own, but it’s exhausting! I feel so overwhelmed.
  13. My husband has an older brother and a younger sister. The brother and his wife do not get along with sisters boyfriend. Due to disagreements over covid/restrictions/politics, the brother and wife refuse to be around the boyfriend. Now that covid restrictions are easing, brother and wife want to host a dinner at their house - inviting grandparents, parents, us, and sister. Boyfriend is specifically not invited. So sister is also not going. I think it's their house, they are allowed to invite/not invite who they want but shouldn't be surprised if sister doesn't go. Husband wants to also not go because he thinks no one should be excluded, that by going shows we are okay with excluding boyfriend. I think this would make the tension between brother/wife and boyfriend worse. Husband and I have previously talked with brother and wife that they need to try to get along with boyfriend, especially since he is planning to propose soon. They don't have to be friends with boyfriend but need to be civil during family dinners and events. Should husband and I not attend to show not okay with exclusion? Should we go but share our disappointment about the exclusion? Any advice would be welcome.
  14. In the early 1990’s I became a 5th generation soldier and joined my younger brother and my fiancé ( now husband) in the military. It was a bad time to join the military it was really reviled in the popular cultural of that decade . Slurs would be shouted against you ,you could be spit on ....it was .... but I was determined to follow a family tradition . And I would be the first female family member in the military and still to this day the only female member of my family to have been in the military. While I was at home yesterday to visit my mom I had time to reminisce briefly with my brother . He mentioned, those were “ hard times, not easy for sure “. It is something my sibling and I can have comradery on that nobody else understands really. This will just be a disjointed collection of military memories. And it kind of gives insight into a bit of my personality as military training never leaves you. I remember attending my husband’s medal ceremony recently and they called the room to attention and I immediately shot to attention in my seat automatically. I left the military 16 years ago .
  15. Just wanted to share my story and get some insight from people here. My bf and I had to break up because of his family's disapproval. Unlike most other stories, the disapproval was not really personal to me. We had been dating many months now, and he's honestly the most compatible partner I have ever met in my life. We align in almost every single way, and in just the first few months, we had reached the sort of levels people usually reach after a year or 2. I've had several relationships in the past, but none of my other exes even come close in terms of compatibility and the love I felt for him. The family's disapproval stems from the fact that he had been cheated on in his past relationships, and they feel he isn't ready for a relationship, nor trust his judgment of character and anyone he meets. He's in his mid-20s mind you (I'm a little older), and very much an adult who should be able to make his own decisions about his life. But they objected so strongly to the fact that he's in a relationship they think he isn't ready for, that they threatened to disown him. Now his family isn't the greatest, they're stubborn and judgmental and have never been a tight nor supportive family unit. They usually don't give a crap about each other's lives, but this one time, they all decided to meddle. He doesn't live with the family btw, but very near to his bro. His bro came around when I was over one day, and he decided to tell the bro he was in a serious relationship and that's when the whole drama started and all other family members were brought in. It honestly pissed me off because they didn't even give us a chance. Not even a chance to try to get to know me before they decided. And the irony of it all is, I have a very strong stance on cheating and unfaithfulness, and I would never even think about cheating on him. He didn't have the mental strength to fight them, because the fear of getting disowned and not having family constantly got to him. Even if they were a crappy family, they were still his family. It did upset me and broke my heart that he didn't fight for even a chance with me, but at the same time, I understand how scary it can be when the threat of being disowned looms over the relationship. We've since decided to stay friends and still talk every day, just without the lovey dovey stuff, but it's been difficult when feelings are so strong. This was the only strategy we could think of to even have a chance of being together in the future. And it's only a chance since we don't know if the family will ever let him live his own life or allow us to get back together. It's only been a few days but I've been bouncing between heartache and apathy. It's not easy for him either, because he does want to be with me and if not for this, we would still be very happy together. I just hate that it's become so uncertain... will we ever be together again, and if not, will I ever meet or love another person so compatible with me? We've decided to wait it out together, as friends, and hope we can eventually be together again. But there seems to be no end in sight at the moment. If anyone has any similar stories to share, and how you coped, or any insight into this, feel free to share.
  16. My name is Rob, I'm 38 years old and live in NY. I'm incredibly sad due to my fiance leaving me, which was on November 9th, one month prior, my mother passed away from lung cancer. I was her caretaker. During this time prior and and after my mothers death I was very emotionally unavailable to my fiance, and couldn't give her the love and affection she deserved. I came home to find her gone, with our pet rabbit, yet all of her belonging were still there, her jewelery, family photos, diarys, and all of her clothing, her engagement ring. Amazon packages she had ordered are still arriving. Her whole life is still in the house. I found out the next day and found out she quit her job of 10 years which she recently got a raise. I spoke to her parent both of whom loved me and they cried and said they couldn't stop her....she moved down to her sisters in north carolina. When I finally spoke to her the following day she told me I had not given her the love that she needed, and I understood apologized that I was not capable with the grief I was in from my mother's death, and that I would immediately get the help I need for my depression, which I have immediatly done and began seeing a Dr. I love her more than anything in this world and I intended to make her the number one woman in my life and have a family with her. She seemed stoic and cold while we were on the phone and told me she needed time and space. The last we spoke was Saturday and today is Tuesday. We were together for 4 years and I am heartbroken and she seems to be starting a new life in north carolina living with her sisters family
  17. Hi folks. I'm a newbie - here because I need some outside perspectives with something I'm finding really hard. I was married a few years ago.. no kids or anything, so when we split it was a very clean cut. He's out of my life permanently, and I stepped away from his family and some mutual friends in order to achieve this (which hurt, but it was the right thing for me). I'm free as a bird and although I had to make a few difficult choices along the way, I'm happy with my choices and the space it gives me to pursue something new. I've now met a really lovely man who I adore - but his circumstances are pretty much the exact opposite of mine. This man still lives with his ex - not for financial reasons, or because they can't get out of a lease, or anything like that... it's because they're close, enjoy living together, and have no plans to make any changes to their living arrangement ever. They broke up earlier this year, and his ex started seeing someone new (a female) straight after the split. There's no chance of them getting back together and he keeps reassuring me that I have nothing to worry about and he has no feelings for her... I believe him, but holy hell I'm finding his living arrangements hard to cope with. It's not just the living arrangements either... their lives are intertwined, so they still act like a couple. They'll go out shopping for the day together, looking for new clothes. When they go grocery shopping they do it together. They holiday together and share a tent. They'll meet other couple friends for dinner and sit there as a cozy foursome. She'll visit him at work and bring him a coffee. They still have the same social circle and everyone adores this girl, so there's no aspect of his life that she's not a part of. Half of their friends/family don't even know they've broken up. He gets weird about answering questions given the sensitivity around her now being with a woman - he feels like it's not his news to share, which I do on some level understand. It's just awkward AF when we bump into someone he knows who still thinks he's in a relationship and doesn't understand why he's alone with a different girl. He doesn't correct them, and I've received some pretty dirty looks as a result, which has been zero fun. On one hand I feel like I'm being immature and needy that this bothers me so much, given his assurance that they're never getting back together... but on the other hand this whole thing makes me feel sad and insecure, and like I don't fit anywhere. I feel like I'm his dirty side piece, even though I'm the one he's dating. I feel like there's zero chance of me being able to integrate into his life while things are like this, but I'd never ask him to make changes - it's the kind of decision he needs to make for himself, not for me. I can't challenge their dynamic, because he considers this girl family, when all of his other family are overseas. It makes me feel like a jerk for being so insecure about things. How can I stop feeling like this girl is sitting in my seat? He thinks it would help both her and me if we met, but honestly I think that will just make me feel so much worse. How would you guys feel? Am I being childish and petty and held back by my own insecurities, or is it fair to feel really really uncomfortable with these circumstances? I feel like I can't even ask him 'what did you get up to today?' without feeling hurt by the answer. He's the first person I've had feelings for in years and when it's just us things are really so wonderful... it's just everything outside of the 'us' that sucks. Would you stick with it, or would you run for the hills? Help. Please :(
  18. My partner doesn't help with our child has maybe changed 2 nappies an given her maybe 3 bottles her whole life! tells me what I can an can't do an if I do something he doesn't like he either breaks up with me packs up his clothes an leaves or is very verbally abusive, now moving into the violent type of abusive! He has a highly secretive relationship with his ex (they have children together) I never know when he sees his kids or when he's at her house he lies to me about when they text an call, he keeps all of his belongings at her house an has all of his personal mail sent to her address as apparently my family an I are to untrustworthy (my family isn't allowed at our house an don't know where we live) he doesn't assist me around the house with cleaning or cooking (he doesn't work) he doesn't contribute to rent food or bills he's even run debt up in my name which he's refuses to pay off! He literally never has time for me he wakes up an leaves the house, an gets home late at night. Every time I ask him to spend time with me it's a problem he spends absolutely no time with our child! He breaks my personal belongings when he's mad. He tells me who I can an can't talk to. Even me hanging out at my families place is a problem(he hates my family) he hates my best friend, he's quite the jealous type also I'm not even allowed to go to a pub if he isn't there as some guy might hit on me anytime I go out if there's guys around I'm told I must leave immediately! he has literally isolated me from everyone I know but won't spend time with me himself! So I'm at home 24/7 with the kids doing literally everything on my own. An when I point out these issues I'm the one to blame for everything! I love him an our relationship hasn't always been like this but I'm so upset with everything I'm not sure if it can be fixed or if it's time to move on. I cannot handle the secretive business with his ex an he keeps doing it to me, we are supposed to be together an be a family but he's so busy keeping me seperate from his life he's almost become a stranger!
  19. Hello, im new to this forum and in need of advice. I have been with my partner for 6 years and just last year we decided to move in together. From the start we always had problems but nothing we couldn’t overcome. My partner since the first day became very good friends with my family members and everything was great. My sister and my mom started to notice how much we would argue about small things and they started to wonder if we were ok. Specially since my mom realized how my partner would go out without me every time and she thinks im not being taken serious. After that my partner became very angry at my family calling them nosey and even claiming that they didn’t want to see us together. I even stopped talking to my family for a couple months thinking it would make things better in our relationship. It only made things worse. Now we cannot go a day without a huge argument and every time i have to sit and listen to my partner bash my family and say really bad things about them. This hurts me so much since I have always been close to my family and love them so much. As of right now we both sleep in different rooms, we haven’t had any intimacy for the last 5-6 months. Not even a kiss. I feel like i live with a roommate that hates me. God knows I have tried to fix this but I cannot stand the insults towards the people I love anymore. I feel like i have to choose one side only to be happy. Im stuck and all i can do is cry.
  20. I was in a relationship with a woman for 3 years and I really believed I would spend the rest of my life with her. She is renting a house and living with her adult daughter and her boyfriend plus her 17 year old son. I have a pretty unconventional lifestyle (vegan, minimalist, organic, no car, etc.) and she expressed a desire to become more environmentally conscious as well. However, her kids were raised pretty standard American and to avoid me feeling too judgemental about the wastefulness, or the kids becoming resentful of me when I am pushing for less wastefulness, we decided to wait to live together on my own property in my own tiny house until her son turns 18 and she will be an empty nester. After having some difficult conversations about this it felt like we were in a good place about it. In the fall of 2019 my partner, let's call her Ruth, who is a trauma therapist, told me that I should meet her client, let's call her Lisa. Lisa had been Ruth's client for more than a decade and Ruth told me that Lisa was the most traumatized person she ever met! Even though Ruth was still Lisa's therapist, they started to hang out together. Ruth and I love going on outdoor adventures and Lisa started to join us on a lot of those trips. At the beginning of covid Lisa was invited to be part of Ruth's family pod, because Lisa didn't have anyone else in town to be close with. Lisa is a therapist herself as well for traumatized kids and Lisa started to hang out at Ruth's house more and more, while I was working my seasonal job with a conflicting work schedule with Ruth's, so Ruth and I didn't have much time together during the work week. I brought up several times that I needed some alone time with Ruth as well and she kept on reassuring me that I was her person and her priority. Ruth also acknowledged that Lisa was too dependent on her and that the dynamic between them wasn't particularly healthy (Lisa has Ruth saved as "mom" in her contacts). I believe that Lisa is completely in love with Ruth and wants to use Ruth as an example of a good human being to model her life after, after all the traumatic experiences she has had. In the meantime Ruth was a bit freaked out at the beginning of covid and decided to buy a handgun for protection. She talked about that with Lisa, but didn't bring it up with me until she had bought the gun already. This was an indication that Lisa was becoming more of a partner to Ruth than me. Because Ruth realized that the situation with Lisa was becoming unethical, she decided to officially stop being Lisa's therapist, although she still counseled Lisa unofficially for at least a couple of hours every week. Ruth was compensated for that by Lisa helping out in the household and buying groceries for the family. Sometime last June Lisa started renting a room in the house, although she still kept her own place too (only because she had a dog there). I slowly became more and more frustrated with feeling like a third wheel in this situation. In July we went with the 3 of us on a backpacking trip. On the drive down small things kept on happening that made me feel more and more excluded, which made me somewhat irritable. This irritability caused an argument on this trip twice, during which I blamed Ruth for something pretty minor. This made her feel attacked and unsafe, mostly because of her own trauma background (she was in an abusive relationship with her ex for 20 years). At night, Ruth checked in with Lisa and they talked privately for a while, after which Ruth came into my tent. We processed the whole night and made some progress, even though I was shocked at some of the things she said to me. For example, she told me that she started drinking more after I once mentioned carefully that she might consider drinking a little less, but she just kept it hidden from me instead. It sounded like she was already not feeling safe with me for quite a while, even though less than a week before the fateful incident she told me that she was very happy to be with somebody who communicates well and is safe. After a night of processing she said she wasn't ready to break up with me yet. However, we had to invite Lisa into the tent and tell her what happened. As soon as Lisa came in she started calling me names right away (shamer, blamer, abuser, domestic violence perpetrator, narcissist and somebody who doesn't care one iota about other people's feelings). When I tried to respond I got shut down with remarks like "you can't claim ignorance as an excuse" and "you don't get to defend yourself, that is what all abusers do to deflect". Even though Ruth had just expressed to me that she wasn't ready to break up with me, she immediately fell in line with Lisa's way of thinking. It felt like an abusive ganging up on me (and that by 2 professional trauma therapists!): I was completely prevented from saying anything in my defense, while I was told in no uncertain terms that I am an incorrigible abuser who is doomed to a life of intense therapy to even have a chance to become a better human being. The conclusion was drawn and there was no space to create any other perspective on the situation than through the lens of trauma prevention and abuse, which means getting rid of me as soon as possible and not uttering another word to me on the long drive home, because suddenly I am not a safe person anymore. I suddenly had become Ruth's abusive ex. The next day I received an email from Ruth stating that I can't contact her in any form, ever. If I do, they would file a restraining order against me. I do believe that this is mostly Lisa's sentiment. Ruth and I seriously never had an argument before this happened and I felt completely solid in the relationship. In June of 2019, Ruth came with me to The Netherlands for a 2.5 week visit at my parent's expense to say goodbye to my dying mother. I felt so supported by her and everybody loved her. She said goodbye to my mother with tears in her eyes and promised my mother she would take care of me. This break up happened in the second half of July. I still can't wrap my head around the fact that 2 such minor incidents caused such a severe punishment. I am still in denial and completely heartbroken. Ruth's brother and his girlfriend did reach out to me about a week after the incident via text and told me they didn't believe that I am an abuser and asked me what happened. I sent them a long email with my explanation of what happened and expressed my concern about Lisa's influence on Ruth. Ruth's mother read that email as well. About a week later I was going to meet in a park with the 3 of them (mother, brother and brother's girlfriend) to talk more about what happened and the dynamic at play between Ruth and Lisa. However, somehow Ruth must have heard about that plan and decided to cut them out of her life as well, after which the family decided to stop communicating with me. Even after all this, I am still completely in love with Ruth and keep on hoping that she will come to realize that she treated me poorly and will want me back. Is this unreasonable, especially given the fact that Lisa and Ruth might now not just be emotional partners, but sexual partners as well? Given the fact that Ruth and Lisa are professional therapists, did they step completely out of line with allowing their relationship to develop like this? If so, do I have an obligation to bring them to the therapists ethics board, even though I have no desire to create more problems in Ruth's life (and I do believe she actually is a good therapist) and I firmly believe that Lisa is not malicious, but just acting from her damage? I feel like I want to force a family intervention, but I guess it is really not my place to do that.
  21. Okay so me and the girl I thought I was going to marry broke up about 3 weeks ago. We were together about a year. She is 20 and I am 24. We met at church and we both have strong Christian values. We have never done anything sexual with each other and didn’t plan on doing so u til marraige. Things started off great. But this damn thing called Covid happened and I was basically out of work for 6 months. I was still getting paid but I was just bored. Long story short I basically became very needy and started for attention and validation. I didn’t have any relationship with my own family and I was living in a state with none of my family there. My ex is going to school full time, has her own t shirt business, and does little jobs on the side. Basically with my neediness I put a lot of emotional baggage on her. The relationship was still going good as I remember in June she told me her whole family thought we were going to stay together forever. We talk on the phone every night as well. In July I noticed her becoming very distant and hot/cold with her behavior. One minute she was great next minute she would show extreme frustration with me (and only me). Finally in August I asked her what was wrong. She told me that she had lost some romantic feels for me and she needed space. She told me not to worry about it though because she still saw a future between us. The Next two weeks were still kind of normal. I cut down my contact with her but she would still invite me over. She would even cook me dinner. We still went out on a date and we even went two a couple of her family functions together. Of coarse me being a dumb when she told me she lost feelings for me my anxiety kicked in and I became even more needy and clingy. I would basically tell her that I’m trying to change and begging her not to leave. Then one night she didn’t text me back and I flipped out. This added even more stress on her and she dumped me about 3 weeks later. Now I did the usual begging and pleading the day she broke up with me which made her very cold. She offered to stay as friends but I declined because my feelings are too strong. I went into no contact two days after the break up. After the first week of the breakup I wrote her an accountability letter saying that i take ownership of the things I did wrong (my neediness) I did not talk to her for 14 days I broke no contact and basically tried telling her that I’m trying to change. Which to my credit I am. I have lost 20 pounds, started therapy, begin reading the Bible to become a deacon in my church, back to work 6 days a week, and reconciled with my family. She basically said “I know you to well. You Will still be clingy if we got back together and there is no stoping that.” She then proceeded to tell me that she has moved on and wants to be alone for a while (I’m 90% positive when I say I believe she wants to stay single and not date other guys but hey I could be wrong). She said there was no chance in us getting back together. Now I think she was acting more out of anger because she is trying to drive the point for me to leave her alone Now I truly believe she still has feelings for me. I say this because: A) Three weeks before breaking up she said she saw a future B) Whenever I reach out she responds immediately(coldly) C) I believe she truly didn’t want the breakup but with my clingy and neediness, I basically forced her too. D) I had a very strong relationship with her family E) She was treating me very well even when she express her doubts Now I sincerely believe that I have a high chance of things working out. I know right now she is very stressed and I need to give her, her space. What do y’all think? Is th8/ relationship worth saving?
  22. Basically since 2019 my mother and father has been divorced. My father moved out in April 2020 because they would argue constantly everyday at home for many reasons. My mom feels as if he walked out on my family as their was a pandemic that just started and she wanted to move out at the same time. My father apologized and acknowledged he was wrong for leaving at such a bad time and not sitting the family down before making that decision and making a plan. He lives still in the town in a small apartment. Whenever I even bring up his name her whole attitude will change after would yell at me for just saying his name. She wants me to let him know that what he did was wrong and not speak to him. In april/may me and him barely spoke because I thought it was wrong of him leaving and spoke to him minimal. He would apologize to me many times and to the whole family & I realized that not speaking to him would only make things worse and I wanted them to at least be able to communicate so they could co-parent. Still in september I get yelled at by her for even just trying to help the situation and in the house I live in it's very uncomfortable because nobody wants to speak to one another. I don't know how to treat the situation or what to do because im only 17 and can't move out or stay anywhere .
  23. My brother and I have always had a pretty good relationship despite living in a turbulent household (parents always arguing and dad, cheating). We're both in our twenties and I'm his older sister by 5 years. In our culture, we stay with our parents until marriage, and family is everything. So despite all the turmoil between our parents, we've all always tried to work things out to keep our family together. I've always been a mega nerd, scoring high marks and basically just dedicating my life to academics. My brother's always been extremely social and has gotten into trouble over the years (getting arrested, stealing money from our parents, partying day and night, getting kicked out of university). Basically, although we've gotten along well, we're obviously different people. Everything was fine, and then he moved to Australia for a year. I cried at the airport. Despite the move, we still had a great relationship, and talked on the phone for hours at a time. He moved back a few week ago, which I was so excited about. However, he's come back a monster. He started going on rants about how he truly understands what life is about now, and that we're just doing everything wrong as a family. He said he's going to "fix" everyone. He started by screaming at dad in front of construction workers about his cheating behaviours, even though we were all embarrassed and told him to stop making this a public problem. He continued by going to dad's workplace and arguing with various workers about what their exact role is and what they accomplished that day. He grabbed dad's phone at various times mid-call and would ask questions to the person on the other end, to make sure he wasn't cheating. He then attacked mom about how she takes pain medication (recovering from shingles) because that's "poison" to her body and that she should instead do weed. My mom is conservative and very straight-edge so she'd never do that, but he continued on about how she's closed minded. He got into fights with her over some other things too and called her two-faced and a liar. He then attacked one of the twins, who broke up with his girlfriend early this year. He accused him of still talking to the girl. Twin showed his phone and everything, but our brother still went on a rampage about how he knows he's still totally talking to her. He yelled a bunch at the other twin too which resulted in the twin crying, even though the twins are 19. Then came my turn! For some background info, I tried out anxiety medication (Zoloft) at the end of 2018 and had a severe reaction. Right away I became incredibly lactose-intolerant and extremely sensitive to all kinds of foods, resulting in severe diarrhea or throwing up. My doctor disagreed that the Zoloft caused this, but the specialist I saw told me it definitely could have been a rare but severe side effect from this psychiatric drug which is known to be harsh on the stomach. He gave me a simple diet to follow and expected me to build up a tolerance against these reactions. Regardless, what was important was that either way, I was not well. I followed his instructions though and my reactions lessened, but haven't fully gone away yet. So, back to my brother. He randomly confronted me in the kitchen, asking me to tell him what's "really" going on. Honestly, I had no clue what he was talking about. He started glaring at me and telling me to tell him the truth. Turns out, he thinks I'm just pretending to have these reactions so that I have an excuse to not have to study (I'm trying to get into law, and was waitlisted twice due to a low lsat score). He even confronted the twins about how it's suspicious that I was waitlisted in a row, that he doesn't think I even wrote the lsat, which thankfully the twins saw and had the emails of. But that didn't stop my brother from continuing his rampage. He claimed I'm just pressured to go into law (untrue, it's very much so my own choice) and so I'm totally faking all this. I was pretty shocked, and told him that this is all real, that he could take a look at my previous blood test if he wanted. Unfortunately, while looking for it in my binder, I remembered that I had thrown it out as it didn't show anything substantial. This triggered my brother into a craze as he started ranting about how he's "catching the lies" and that I should fess up right now. At least my parents and the twins all know this is all real, and told him to stop acting like this, but he doesn't listen to anyone. Finally, I was discussing how upsetting this was to my mom. That's when my brother came barging in and started accusing me all over again. He said I maybe even secretly do drugs (ridiculous). I asked him why he even thinks all this nonsense, and he said, "I'm just saying that you should really tell me the truth because it's going to be so awkward for you when the truth comes out at the doctor's". He believes the doctor will let us know that this is all a fake ruse or that I'm doing drugs which cause these reactions. I got so upset that I got teary, and then he said that if I was being honest, that I wouldn't cry. That made me even more upset, and then he accused me of fake crying to garner sympathy from mom. He also accused me of lying about the anxiety medication, saying that first I called it Zoloft, and then I called it Sertraline (which is just its drug class, my god). He says everything I say is suspicious and so interesting, as he puts it. Every single day he rants about how I'm a liar. He yells, "my sister has been lying to all of us for 3 years! She's basically 30 and she's going no where!" Not only am I not at all 30, but it hasn't even been a full 2 years since I got these reactions. Further, these reactions happen about once a week to once a month, if even, when I accidentally consume dairy or something greasy/upsetting. It doesn't stop me from studying or living an otherwise normal life. My mom wants me to take him along to my next doctor's appointment, and while I can't stand him, I'll do it just so he shuts the hell up about me. However, even if he apologizes later to me, I don't think I can ever see him the same way again. My academic accomplishments define so much of my life. My wall is covered with my awards and scholarships over the years as school has always been the one thing I'm good at. It's the only thing I'm so proud of. I worked my ass off and even helped my brother to graduate from high school, which he always credits me with. And so for him to accuse me of being a fake actor, feigning an illness for 2 years just so I can avoid studies, is so insulting and hurtful to me. I have a bachelor's, double minors, and double certifications. My life has revolved around my education and my family knows that. He told my mom he'll accomplish double what I have by the time he's my age though, and that I'm wasting away my life, pretending it away and lying to everyone. My next appointment is with a stomach specialist (gastroenterologist) and so it'll be a long wait, but the time between now and then is killing me, hearing him yell out accusations day after day. I've totally had enough of this. I feel so distressed and angry when I even hear his voice. He's supposed to be my brother, acting like family and supporting me, not discouraging me, doubting me and accusing me. Our last argument happened when he burst into my room, yelling out accusations again but this time I exploded on him. My hands began to shake in anger, and once again he said if I was innocent then I wouldn't even get angry. I have NO idea why he's gone insane like this since he's gotten back from his trip, but he's completely destroyed our relationship and I want nothing to do with him. I can't even believe this is really my brother, who I loved so deeply and cared so much about ever since we were little. It's like something has come over him in the worst way. I feel very picked on and bullied. Not even my worst enemies have spoken to me in the way my brother is. He claims he's doing all this because he cares for me and wants the truth to come out. Just crazy. Obviously, this is all still happening and I'm very angry and heated still, but I really do believe I don't have love for him anymore in my heart. In fact, I can't stand him. If I never saw him again, I'm confident I'd be just fine. In my heart, he's no longer a brother of mine. I do recognize he's young/not the most mature, but I still feel this way, especially since I know I'd never do this someone at any age. Am I overreacting?
  24. Hello, everyone. Well, as the title says, I was in a 6 year relationship with a woman I loved dearly. A couple of weeks ago, she ended things with me. Reason being, I have been unable to hold a steady job for very long and we both were still living with our families. She said she can't wait any longer for me. She said she is not going to reconsider getting back together unless I can show her, in a reasonable amount of time, that I can find steady employment and hold on to it, and also I can get a place on my own. I definitely begged and tried to convince her I know my feet are to the fire and I will do anything I can to make both of us happy but she wasn't trying to hear it. I then asked her not to kick me out of her life completely and suggested we stay in contact so I can keep her abreast of changes I'm making. She agreed. Since the breakup, we've had sex twice, and it was amazing both times. She began texting and calling regularly like normal for about a week, and I thought we were on the fast track to getting back together. A week ago, I was at her place and I tried to put my arms around her. She immediately took them off her and said "we're not together. I don't want to make you think we're working towards anything right now. I'm not changing my mind until you get your sh*t together". I noticed over the last few days the texts and calls had been drying up, so I called her and talked to her about it. She again reiterated that she is not changing her mind, and that she will still see me occasionally and she prefers to have sex with me rather than a total stranger, but again, until I can man up and move out, she will not consider getting back. So now I'm in a place where I am absolutely racing against the clock. I'm looking furiously for good paying full time work, and I am swearing to everyone in my family tree that I will bust my butt to keep that next job, no matter how much I hate it. I've lost 15 pounds over the last few weeks and I'm looking great, practically living in the gym now. But....you all know how it is..... I'm dying inside everyday. I can't text her when I want like I have been for the last 6 years. I can't call her because I don't want to pressure her. So I sit around and suffer in silence all day and night. I blame myself for being a complete loser and not giving us the life she wanted years ago. I'm terrified she will eventually lose all interest in reconciling even when I get it together, despite her being the realest, most honest woman I've ever known. If she says something, she means it. I mean, if she was 100% totally done, all lines of communication would be severed right? She wouldn't even leave the door open for a reunion like she has if she was truly willing to end it forever. I just need advice guys and girls. She's not a golddigger, but she's right. We're not getting any younger, and she needs stability. I figured because she came from a low income background, she would be okay with living average until I could find something that really made me happy. I'm stupid for thinking that. I'm just hurting really bad. She is a good woman, and she was faithful for all those years, as was I. I don't want to lose her forever.
  25. My girlfriend left me one year ago, now my best friend left me recently, my family is demanding me time with them because I barely dedicate it to them. I have 4 pets, one a little kitty and they are very demanding. A little more of context: I'm a university student and this semester I'm taking too many courses, so I have my time really strict, although I can withdraw some of them to decrease the academic load. So I'm very conflicted right now because 1. My beat friend left me because I'm not a good friend, I'm selfish and it is VERY hard for me to think about other people, and I hate it. I thought I'd be changing, nonetheless, I was thinking about not spending some hours with my family in order for me to finish my week's assignments and be able to do some sport. Indeed I'm being selfish and instead of dedicating 4 hours to them a week, I'd rather go and do my stuff. 2. I know I can do this semester with great grades but as I said, I'd have to dedicate myself to it, and my family and pets demand time. I honestly feel overwhelmed. This issue of being selfish and not-at-all empathic has being over my shoulders for some years now and I can't seem to take it off. I REALLY want to be better, to build myself a good, loving future, full of people I love and I can make happy, but it is so hard and I try and try my hardest and I fall again in the same mistakes.
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