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About Me

  1. My boyfriend's mother died very suddenly and unexpectedly 5 months ago, leaving him an orphan at age 36. His mother had raised him by herself and his father had remarried but died just a few years ago. His stepmother and half-siblings stopped talking to him after his father died, so it was as if he suddenly had no family left at all. When his mother died, I was the first and only person he turned to, and I held him all night and listened to him talk. He had to fly to another state to take care of arrangements and I offered to go with him. He tried to book a flight for me but nothing was available, so he asked me to come in the future to help him pack up his mother's house and be at his side at the memorial service instead. I tried to be as supportive as possible over the phone while he was away. We were in frequent touch and he told me everything about what he was feeling and going through. But when he came home 10 days later, he was very distant and strange. He seemed confused and said he didn't know what he wanted. He abruptly said he needed to take a break from our relationship and asked me to leave his apartment. He said I had been the most wonderful and sweetest girlfriend and that he loved me but that he just couldn't be in a relationship with anyone during this time. But he also kept saying that he didn't want to make a rash decision and to give it some time. I knew I had to set my feelings aside and allow him whatever he needed, even though I was devastated. I tried to give him space but also still be there for him, so I'd occasionally (every couple of weeks or so) send a short and kind email or text message. I did speak to him by phone for about an hour a few weeks later and he told me that he felt like a basket case and couldn't sleep. I tried to go help him with his mother's house but he turned me back home after our flight landed. Finally, 2 months later, he sent me a very terse and cold email that simply said there was not a possibility of us getting back together and that he felt there needed to be considerable time and distance before we ever talked again. No explanation or any words of kindness whatsoever. He sounded so different from the person I once knew. I'm having trouble accepting that this could really be the end. I keep wondering if there was anything I could've done to prevent or save this - whether I wasn't there for him enough in the beginning, if I gave him too much space or not enough, if it was a terrible mistake to get on that flight to try to help him, etc. Everyone tells me that doing that was an amazing selfless act of love on my part and wasn't inappropriate, but it seems like he was upset and disturbed by my gesture, perhaps due to his mental state while grieving. I only had the best of intentions and it doesn't seem like it should be a reason to push someone you care about entirely away and just completely refuse to talk. It was as if I had wronged him deeply but I don't know what I did that was wrong. Over the months I've read so much about grief and tried to understand what he is going through, but I still can't understand how his feelings could have changed so drastically when we had a great relationship before and he always seemed so deeply in love and sure of our relationship. I know he had to deal with a harrowing and traumatic experience, but why would he turn away from my support and cut me out of his life without explanation when he can still treat everyone else in his life as normal? How can he not miss the life that we had together? We were in a serious relationship and the love we felt for each other should mean something and not just evaporate into thin air. Can anyone help me with insight as to why he might have done this and whether it's likely he'll ever come around with time?
  2. My boyfriend lost his father last night, he had been I'll with cancer for a long time so he was somewhat prepared but he's still heartbroken. I don't know what to say to him or do for him, especially right now since we're seperated because of the virus. I tend to ramble when I'm sad, I'll send paragraphs and random stuff to him throughout the day most of which he doesn't respond to. He's trying his best to call me 3 or 4 times during the day for updates about the funeral and how devastated he is😭. My question is is it normal for him to not respond to texts or messages during the grieving process, or am i just overthinking all of it. Please help, what can i say to ease his pain?
  3. My beloved 14 yr old dog passed away 2 mos ago. :icon_sad For those of you who were dog owners, did you get a new dog after your previous dog passed away? If you did, when and why? If you decided against repeated dog ownership, what were your reasons? Do you have reasons from other dog owners such as your parents, in-laws, friends or acquaintances? Thank you for your opinion and stories. I appreciate it. There is sudden lonely freedom from losing "man's best friend." However, I don't miss the reality check of enormous commitment, responsibility and expense of taking care of "a toddler" for 14 years. Also, I can't experience another final good-bye and broken heart again. I am conflicted. Thank you for your input.
  4. He was 92. It would have been his birthday next week. He died from double pneumonia from the flu. He lived a long and fruitful life. He was born in the UK and immigrated to Canada when he was four years old. He was 17 when he married my grandmother ( she was 15)and became a soldier. He served in World War II. He was a soldier from 17 until he was 55. They had 4 children together, Five grandchildren and nine great-grandchildren. They were married for 63 years when my grandmother died 11 years ago. He was a great artist and had many friends in his retirement home community. His favorite saying was "everyday that you wake up is a blessing". He was very much the patriarch of his family. He is survived by his four children , his five grandchildren , and 9 great-grandchildren. We love you Grandpa and hope you are at peace with your loving wife.
  5. Hey, so my (now) ex and I are both seniors in high school - we're both 18. Her mom was fighting brain cancer for a while, and suddenly her mom's health took a rapid decline and she passed away basically a month ago. Fast forward a week and a half after her mother's death, she invites me to smoke with her and her best friend and the day after that we hang out for around an hour after not seeing each other for a month. Fast forward another week and after Christmas she calls to break up with me. From what I remember she can't give me what I want and she can't have a boyfriend right now. I told her that we could just cut the labels and she doesn't have to put any effort into the relationship, but she said she wanted to break up. I then asked if we could be friends and she said "sure" (something to that effect maybe in the future: she just said she didn't know what's gonna happen in the future and she doesn't want to set any expectations. What I'm asking is this: what advice do you guys have for me? I care about her and she said she still cares about me. I've been doing no-contact since a little more than a week ago, after I sent her a text saying "i've come to terms with the breakup, but i wanna say somethin that I think its important to know. call me when you feel like it". I was gonna say that I care about her and that i just want her to know that I'm always gonna be here for her if she needs it. I didn't get a response and honestly i dont really care but i kinda feel like ass that I'm just ignoring her, I don't want to cut her out of my life and ignore her. I want her to know that I'm gonna be here for her as a friend if she needs it. Should I text her that, or should I keep on doing no contact? BTW she doesn't talk to basically any of her friends anymore, just her best friend and one or 2 others.
  6. My name is Rob, I'm 38 years old and live in NY. I'm incredibly sad due to my fiance leaving me, which was on November 9th, one month prior, my mother passed away from lung cancer. I was her caretaker. During this time prior and and after my mothers death I was very emotionally unavailable to my fiance, and couldn't give her the love and affection she deserved. I came home to find her gone, with our pet rabbit, yet all of her belonging were still there, her jewelery, family photos, diarys, and all of her clothing, her engagement ring. Amazon packages she had ordered are still arriving. Her whole life is still in the house. I found out the next day and found out she quit her job of 10 years which she recently got a raise. I spoke to her parent both of whom loved me and they cried and said they couldn't stop her....she moved down to her sisters in north carolina. When I finally spoke to her the following day she told me I had not given her the love that she needed, and I understood apologized that I was not capable with the grief I was in from my mother's death, and that I would immediately get the help I need for my depression, which I have immediatly done and began seeing a Dr. I love her more than anything in this world and I intended to make her the number one woman in my life and have a family with her. She seemed stoic and cold while we were on the phone and told me she needed time and space. The last we spoke was Saturday and today is Tuesday. We were together for 4 years and I am heartbroken and she seems to be starting a new life in north carolina living with her sisters family
  7. He discontinued his dialysis Friday. I am going to say goodbye tomorrow. I am.... broken.
  8. Hi, First I am not here to talk about my story (I babbled enough about that in Personal Growth) But I am interested in other people's experiences in Good byes. Not so much to someone who is dying. But rather people in our lives who are leaving forever one way or the other. If you gave one someone a special goodbye, How did it make you feel? If you recieved it How did it make you feel . For reasons I do not want to get in here. I had to say goodbye forever to someone who I will always feel was a blessing in my life. (I am repeating that part of my story for the readers of this forum) I wanted to cover every aspect I could think of because I was never going to have a chance, First, She saw my eyes watering and asked me to stop. I said I needed to continue and asked her if I could (She said okay but if she said No I would have stopped) First I gave her a blank journal because she once told me she wanted to be a writer, I wrote stuff in it to inspire her like Hi I am your journal use me for anything but I think you can write great things, I told her that I thought I was supposed to be a blessing in my life but I have learned you were the blessing in mine. I then took 3 ribbons 2 Blue One pink and I said I know this is only symbolic but I am not going to be around if and when these things happen, I said the blue and pink are for if you have a baby boy and girl someday and the other blue ribbon was for is she needed something blue if she married one day. Finally I gave her a pen that I had engraved with a bunch of letters. I told her it was an acronym prayer and that each letter was the first letter in the word, I asked her if she could guess, She told me she knew the first letters which was her initials, So then I told her the rest was May Jesus Bless You Love You and Keep You, and then we hugged and that was it, ......................Now was that too much? Maybe but on the other hand I could not let this person leave my life without letting her know in my own way How much God putting her as a blessing in my life (There was a time I had decided not to do the whole goodbye but something happened that changed my mind that I will cover in my other forum at some point) 2. It helped me to let go with the exception of a little bump I went through and got over with the help of the wonderful people on this site because I forgot something in the goodbye), I also hope it helped her in some way and if nothing else maybe give her a memory that although was sad will make her smile someday if she ever thinks back on it. As I said I am not looking for advice. But please I am in your opinions and goodbye stories
  9. Hello! My husband of almost 40 years died almost a year and a half ago. Does anybody else have feelings of guilt, for just being alive???
  10. So back in the middle of October I took a trip with my Boyfriend. I ended up wetting the bed, I was also bloated, stomach cramping and gaining weight fast. I saw the Urologist when I got back who blew me off. So I got a second opinion. The second urologist did imaging and saw I had a large mass in my bladder. She just went off the Ct Scan, she didn’t order any further imaging. I had a Cystoscope in November and she saw my bladder looks really good and healthy took a sample to biopsy. The only odd thing was she told me I had a large protrusion inside the bladder. But she said to follow up with obgyn. In January I end up in ER with horrible stomach cramping feeling like I’m dying. They order another CT scan which I’m not happy about. This one shows the mass more on the pelvic side then bladder side. I see her again, she says I must have tissue from the bladder protruding into the pelvic region and orders a ct guided biopsy. I go see my Gynecologist and he says not to do the biopsy. He sends me too Urogynecologist. I just saw her today and now I’m even more confused. She is sending me to an Oncologist Gynecologist who I got in STAT to see next Thursday. She’s top in her field and books always off in advance so to get in this quick is rare. The Urogynecologist went over all my procedure notes from what the Urologist did and found then through the Ct imaging. She told me I need to have different kinds of imaging. What’s being seen is this weird annexal structure with moderate amounts of blood flow that is in the right pelvic area. She told me it must have confused the urologist thinking it was in the bladder. Because it’s large and the ct scan was unclear. She told me it’s a right ovarian mass that’s probably been there since the Urologist went looking in the wrong area. So basically I’ve had this thing since the Cystoscope back in November and even farther back. It’s just unfortunately the Urologist accidentally over looked it. So my head is spinning because this confused me even more. She said that’s why the Oncologist Gynecologist will order an ultrasound and MRI to get better imaging on this thing. Unfortunately it’s not something she does in her field. I feel like an alien, what the heck is this thing on my Right Ovary that’s confusing every doctor? I’m bloated, I have back pain, it feels like I have endometriosis back. I asked, it’s not Endometriosis. I guess it doesn’t fit the look on the ct images for it to be endometriosis. I’m still leaking to where I’ve worn depends since October. I’m getting frustrated! I’m having a hard time losing weight because I’m so bloated. So I’ve just maintained. I’m on WW. Each different doctor has a different theory of what their looking at. They all do however agree on one thing, and it scares me! They think this may be a malignant growth of some sort based on its characteristics. Also the fact Ovarian and Breast Cancer run rapid in my family history. I’m 38, I don’t smoke, I don’t drink nor do I do drugs. I’m healthy in that regard. I had a hysterectomy five years ago due to endometriosis. The doctor took out everything but my right ovary for estrogen purposes. Lucky me! 😂 I see the oncologist gynecologist and I hope she has a better idea of the next steps forward. Sorry I wrote a novel. It’s been hard going through the run around. I needed to vent.
  11. So I've been dating this guy for a few months now. He's amazing, a good listener, thoughtful, caring and always tries his best to be there for me. He's very understanding too. We're both really introverted and try to be open with each other. But sometimes I feel like he acts too...unrealistic. His ideals seem very naive and I hate how childish he can be about our relationship at times. I mean, it's hella adorable that you think we're forever and till death do us part and stuff, but I'm the practical kind who doesn't want to indulge in such thoughts without any certainty. Am I overthinking it or is he a little too carried away with what we have here?
  12. I’m a heterosexual male and I have a gf who I’m very close too. I enjoy anal stimulation and my girl friend has done it for me. It started of as just anal but now I get these crazy dreams where I am dressed as a female (sometimes) giving oral and engaging in same sex anal. I have urges to want to do more than what she can give me. does that make me gay. Even though I love her to death and want a future with kids and her. What might the dreams mean? What should I do?
  13. Hi all, it’s been about 2 weeks since me and my boyfriend broke up. Was a 6 month relationship, but I really thought this could be the one.. after a few heartbreaks and non-starters in my early-mid 30s. We broke up because of his recurrent feelings of doubt he has in relationships, and his inconsistency and inability to truly “throw himself into” it. He was in counselling for all this (and had started this counselling months before we met), and he was trying to work through it- so I was hopeful he could get past it. He had said I was the best thing that had happened to him in a long time etc. I'd met his family and friends etc. But it became too painful and unhealthy for me to stay. His inconsistency and feeling him pulling away was damaging my self esteem- which is already very fragile. He’s a kind, good man- and was never defensive with me when I tried to talk to him about “us”. So it’s hard for me to just write him off as a selfish narcissist etc. He wasn’t. The break up is hurting me so much. He didn’t fight for me. Which says it all really. But to make matters worse, it’s not a typical breakup (I guess no-ones feels typical)... two days after we split up he found out that his ex (ie the one before me, not me!) took her own life earlier the same week. Uuughh. Horrific situation for all. Messed up situation. The self centred hurting part of me can’t handle this. He has said in an email that this death is totally overwhelming him and he can’t think of anything else. He has acknowledged it’s totally overshadowing our break up. And I hate admitting it.. but I feel totally sidelined. Like this is now “what he is getting over” and that I’ve been wiped out/forgotten like I never existed. I’m ashamed to have these feelings in the circumstances.. but I feel like a complete “nothing”. Uuughh. I’m trying to get over him, meanwhile he is getting over his previous ex whose just died. She was his most significant ex before he met me, and they had broken up 18 months before we met. I got a missed call from him last Friday - which i thought was odd (was the last thing he would do really).. and it turned out to be a mistake.. a 'pocket dial'...and on the day of his ex's funeral. Ouch. Another punch in the face. I have sent him a couple of supportive messages. But i'm having to go 'no contact' now- its too painful. The craving for external validation from him that I meant something to him is so strong right now. I feel totally worthless/nothing/insignificant/invisible/forgotten. I know I need to work from within to heal, but it's f*cking hard right now.. Any advice welcome! :)
  14. My ex and I broke up 5 years ago, on terms that weren't terrible but she seemed very upset and a bit angry. We had a shared cat which shared our lives for 4 years. I had to put the cat down 2 days ago (and I am shattered about it, he was 18 years old ). I was wondering if it would be a good idea to reach out to her in a gentle way (we haven't been in touch at all since we broke up) just to say hello and inform her of the cat's passing? Or should I just let it be since we have been out of touch for so long? I know this is in part due to my rollercoaster emotions and I may be desperate to reach out to everyone since that helps me cope. But I thought she deserves to know. Should I reach out or let sleeping dogs lie? Thanks for any advice.
  15. Hey guys, as many of you know, I lost both my parents in 2014. My dad fell, and died from a blood clot in his brain and my mom from lung cancer, or so I thought. A few days ago, my brother told me that my mom's death was not actually due to cancer. Oh she was terminal, in the hospital and it was only a matter of tme, but what happenrd was she told the doctors to disconnect her feeding tube (which was her choice) and she died of starvation. She had told my brother she was in so much pain, did not want to live like that, in so much pain knowing it will only result in death anyway, so asked the doctors to disconnect the tube. She also wanted to be with her sister, my aunt, who had died five years earlier, from cancer. After they disconnected the feeding tube, my dear mum died around a week later. I'm tearing now writing this, I'm not sure how to process this. Would this be considered a form of suicide? I just feel so bad learning this now, almost five years later, my brother assumed I already knew. My mom and I had our issues, but now I just want to give her a big hug and tell her I'm sorry she was in so much pain (physical and emotional) and tell her I love her; tbh I did not do much of that while she was alive. I often feel like dying myself sometimes hoping to embrace both my mom and dad again. Any words of support would be helpful, thnx for listening. :)
  16. This is not going to be a rant as I have already had my share of ranting offline, this is more of a unanimous decision from the unbiased online audience, while this maybe subjective but I will just try to keep it short and simple I have been "seeing" this girl for a good 5 months now and in the beginning it was all very casual, I didn't have any hopes or wasn't even seeking anything but things started to develop, that's how usually things happen to me -- you don't expect it or want it but eventually it does happen and I fell for her While she stated in the beginning she is a free spirit and doesn't believe in monogamy and wants to keep our relationship open, I first didn't have a problem with that as I didn't see myself developing any sort of feelings but now after many dates and "fill in the blanks" I am able to safely say that I can no longer feel as neutral as I was in the begining I am not going to lie, I am not the person to commit to anything or anyone and I think the fact that I just feel that there is a slight chance the girl I am with might find interest in another guy or girl -- the answer is "yes" However things changed and I did develop feelings but I am now in that phase where I am acting, although I have to mention that at some point I did break up with her but decided to go back and try again but I still feel like some part of me is dead and struggling because of the fight between what I want and what I should do So the question remains shall I just pull the plug or just keep it going and I know, also I am inclined to pull the plug but if I am hopeful or think that maybe another angle/pov might give me a different perspective on how to approach this challenge
  17. Ive been in a relationship a little over 4 years now, living together for most of it. For a long time its been strait up miserable on so many levels. What I wanted to talk about specifically at the moment, is his refusal to ever spend quality time together. During the week he gets home from work and watches tv/plays on his phone until he goes to bed. When I talk to him(not just nagging etc, even if Im conversating in a fun way or something like that) most the time I get an attitude of "ugh I dont care your not interesting to me Im missing a scene in a movie Ive seen ten times".... On the weekends we go out sometimes but usually end up either shopping aimlessly(i hate shopping), driving in circles, or if we actually go do something else he acts like its the worst thing ever. Or if were hiking or something hes rushing like he just wants it over with most times leaving me in the dust. I tried to get him to play cards or something tonight, he initially blew me off completely so I went and played solitare...he came in and started building card houses and then setting up a game of speed(all while watching tv) It was a pretty good episode of Bigbangtheory so I asked if we could shut it off after the episode ended...nope, he wanted to keep the tv on and kinda play the game...the tv and game on his phone is ALWAYS priority. Unless were in public or a social event which is rare..in which case he drowns me out other ways. He doesnt understand why I ask if he doesnt want me anymore etc...Note: He wasnt always like this with the screens, he used to other stuff all the time. I guess my actual question now that you got the gist of it haha..Is this just normal and Im overreacting or? I know stuff dies down and all but even then I figure theres atleast some want for quality time now and then. Heck, we rarely even kiss...he plays on his phone at bedtime puts it down and rolls away with a halfhearted goodnight. Wont talk about problems between us, swears hes happy and doesnt have any interest in breaking up..if I try to talk about anything about it, it quickly turns into a fight and him telling me I have issues, im crazy etc.. Thanks for any input..
  18. Hey all, been a while since I've been on here, but I find myself in a new spot: I've been with my girlfriend (24) for 1 year and 3 months. When we first started dating, she had a meh job at a bookstore on a college campus. After a couple months of being together, she found herself a job at a law firm which she was really excited about. She worked there for about 4 months before quitting due to discussing the feedback she would get from her equals and boss being abusive. The way she discussed things made it seem like they were just jerks who couldn't own up to their own mistakes, and took it out on her. She left that job and worked a bar tending gig for another 4 months while finding another job at a construction place as office personnel. She loved her job there, but saw it as a dead end since it was a corporate company dissolving, and all branches becoming private. She felt the lack of a corporate ladder would be a hindrance. So while she was working, she would job search on the clock... After finding her current gig, she left her bar tending gig, and submitted her 2 weeks to the construction place. She was caught job searching at that place, so that bridge has been burnt. She opted to take another job at the mall I work at, in a different store. But quit that because she didn't want to work that much (totally understood, but wasn't a fan of her just quitting) She's been with this new job for about 3 months, and it's similar to the law firm, similar complaints. But the issue here is that we have friends who work the same company, and their perspectives of the job are WILDLY different. So her selling it as some toxic environment where she is just bullied is tough to accept. This time it's even more difficult since she is now on a PDP after making copious amounts of mistakes. So when consoling her, I do my best to hear her perspective, but am having a difficult time confronting her view/influence on the circumstances she is being handed. She has opted to be distant to anyone who has given her any form of criticism that isn't positive..... And the fact that she can't realy argue she is doing what she should sounds far too similar to what happened at the law firm. All of this info aside, my concern boils down to this: I have confronted her by stating that she should focus more on what she can do to make the circumstances she lives within better, but not just count losses due to her first real doses of feedback from her new job. Also not assuming everyone hates her just because they are paid to be in charge and give her feedback/acknowledge their mistakes. I also haven't denied any possibility of a toxic environment, but stressed that I don't work there, so I have no true objective perspective on what she is dealing with from the other side. This puts my thoughts of her stressing moving in together, and myself working on getting promoted/finding a higher paying gig after just graduating. I make enough to live minimally while paying my debts off, but when I mention the fact that we shouldn't push for moving in together just because it's sought after, but wait until we are both in a decent place; she just brings up the possibility of rough patches in the future. I don't disagree with that, but I also would rather prepare than just hope for the best, and only make the move when we both are ready and able I apologize if this isn't the clearest of statements/posts, I'm still sorting out these thoughts. Any input/discussion would be greatly appreciated!
  19. My parents divorced when I was little. And my dad eventually left the country and to in the US with our step mom. My mom stayed back home in Colombia. Sadly she passed away few years later. I was 18 when she died but I didn't start grieving until I was an adult on and off. Basically, I was informed that she wasn't doing too well prior her death. This was back when we didn't have accesses to immediate technology we have to today ie skype, facebook etc. I didn't even have my own phone and my communication was through my dad. I didn't take it seriously and i didn't make an effort to write her a letter .But her condition worsens and she died without me talking to her in her last days. She had written a letter to my dad for us call where she was hospitalized in her last day but my dad put off. I guess he didn't think it was that urgent. I wasn't aware of this until my step mom told him to go buy a long distance card to talk to my mom. But by that time it was too late. She had already gone. As a young 18 year old, I didn't realize how important my Mom was. As I matured , I started you are looking back and realized what I was too young to realize then, and the guilt and grief started to hit me now that I'm able to have real perspective now. Guilt has strucked me in my adult hood. For not making an effort to write to her. After reconnecting with her side of family back home, I was informed that she tried desparately to get in touch with me in during her last days. Her aunt even send someone to my grandfather, my dad's father to ask for his number so she could talk to me. But he couldn't provide it. I also recall at some point she wrote letter to my dad, stating she wasn't feeling well, asking for my pictures since it had been 4 years since we saw each other. I couldn't provide the pictures. I asked my dad but he never followed through. Now my stuck with with the shoulda, woulda, couldas. I could have asked other people where to buy a long distance card to talk to her since i already had my first job as a penny server. I could have wrote a letter and ask for the phone number where she was staying .I could have provided my dad's number so her Aunt who was taking care of her in her last days so she would have called instead of relying on my dad. I could have asked other people what i should do to get a photo taken. I didn't know where to go about it that time I'm now in 30's and I want to visit her resting place . will that help? I know she's gone but will seeing where she was buried help? Will telling her how sorry i am help me to alleviate my guilt. I feel like i let her down
  20. After being apart for 14 months, my ex called to let me know one of our best friends was in the last stages of death. He asked if I wanted to visit him in Hospice with him. I knew he was in a relationship and said I would like to see him, but didn’t want his girlfriend to feel uncomfortable if we went together. He assured me they had split up before Christmas. We went together and were constantly together for the next 3 weeks until our friend died. Long story short. We started dating during this time and it was so easy, so natural and so great! Complication: During the 14 months apart this couple and my ex did everything together and my ex helped take care of his friend during his illness. The wife of his dying friend (who was also my best friend), came to rely on my ex and developed a crush on him that all my friends made comments about. Since we weren’t dating at that time I stayed out of the drama. Now that her husband is dead, she texts my boyfriend all the time. One evening last week, she texted him 21 times, while we were trying to watch a movie. She calls him to pick her up when she gets her car serviced, to take her to lunch because she is lonely. She has used him to help her around the house, etc. He knows what people are saying about him & her and he keeps assuring me there is nothing between them in a romantic way. He just feels sorry for her loss and is trying to be helpful. I’m trying to be understanding but I feel this is going to be a problem. I am overjoyed that we are back together and don’t want to rock the boat but it’s hard to not feel betrayed by her since she knows how much I wanted us to get back together and was my shoulder to cry on. Am I overreacting?
  21. Hi, everyone, how have you been? Well, I am sorry if I keep bothering you with my many questions, but I truly need some help with this one. So, after many people had already suggested me (online and RL), I decided to finally make the step and rent a house to go living by my own. I've saved some money just in case and I have looked for the cheapest and yet best place I could find to finally do it. I am all ready to finally go living by my own even if it is at the same city (because I can't afford to go anywhere else). I have a stable job at the University, it gives me enough money to hang around and I also have another source of income plus some other things I am about to start in order to guarantee even more income for me. I am already 26 and I can take care of myself just fine. I once traveled to Europe for a month, all by myself, and I did well (I mean, I left for a foreign country all by myself and lived by myself, so no deal!) I feel like I have everything under control except for one thing: now my father doesn't want me to leave. He says my decision is stupid; that I should stay at his house until he dies or I get married; he even told me that he felt like I hated him and that he was going to commit suicide since he bothered me so much! He is very conservative. And I somehow understand he doesn't want me to leave because he may feel lonely. My mother died six years ago and since then, I've been the one to cook for him and serve him, even to the extent of turning away meetings with friends for him. I've tried to do the best I could to keep him happy; my aunts and grandma had also been checking on me and supervising if I've been properly taking care of him. I know I've been wrong to do that; I should have never done something like that because now he depends too much on me, but I can't keep living like this anymore. A friend once told me that I have to leave him because it is my fault he can't move on and find another person to love. I can't stop feeling guilty about it, but now he won't even let me leave so it is always wrong! I can't keep living like this; it is driving me crazy. Right now I am so stressed, my head spins and my neck hurts so bad I can barely move it. I am so confused right now; I really need to leave and start living my own life, but I don't want him to do something stupid because of my decision. It really feels like no matter what I do, no matter how hard I try to make things right, I always ended up ing up everything... I sometimes wished I was never born.
  22. Hey everyone! I was discussing with my boyfriend when he suddenly asked me in a sarcastic way if I know what’s going on in the world because he knows that normally I’m not interested in hearing the news (specifically politics) or in other words I don’t check them out. Of course sometimes I hear people talk or someone tells me about something or the news just randomly pop on my phone screen. So when he asked me that I said I don’t care about the news and I told you this many times, but recently I’ve heard this and that. Then he started saying that I’m selfish and just think of myself!!! Then he talked about the chemical attack that is happening in Syria. And he said that I don’t have a heart. I cannot understand how me being not interested in the news means that I don’t care about people’s lives or that I only think of myself? I fid not say that I don’t care about people dying snd stuff. I just meant the news in general and specially politics! I told him what have you done other than hearing those poor people’s news? What makes you more human than me? Did you change their life or situation? Why he talks like he did something big or presented a big help to them by just hearing or reading their news! At the same time, those people are coming and staying as refugees in his country, but he was saying that they are making my country sh*t blah blah. If you assume that you feel them then why are saying that you don’t want them in your country. Please I would love to hear your comments because I’m really pissed off! Thanks in advance...
  23. My girlfriend and i have been together for a year and nearly 9 months now. We have had some great times together, been skydiving, iceland, portugal, paris for valentines and lots more. She is absolutely drop dead gorgeous, i mean really beautiful. He smile is my weakness. But behind all the great times are lots of bad. It seems to me im always the one in the wrong. There have been so may times where ive made small mistakes or ive done something completely understandable and shes made me feel like the worst person and boyfriend in the world about it. The only kicker is that i can tell she doesnt mean to make me feel that way- its literally just her opinion on things. But that still gets to me. Another thing is that i am constant thinking about what she might not like or what might upset her. And conversly im always thinking if she would like to do that. This usually happens daily because i am always left to decide. But then when i decide wrong, its all my fault? I go out of my way so much for her. Always cancel seeing my friends (to the point where they are annoyed), move events, end events early. For example she went to uni an hour away but she would ring me in the night telling me how i musnt care about her if im not willing to drive there at 11pm. But i know and you know its not like that? Another example is that i was having my second day of a new job which needed me there for 5:30 am. But she still threw a fit at the thought of me not picking her up at 11pm from her friends... She just always never notices/remembers my efforts and then is really good at making me feel bad about it. And finally the major one is that she thinks im some sort of lady killer. She doesnt trust me at all. But before our relationship i had only kissed 3 people and had sex with my ex girlfriend, whereas i know in the 6 months inbetween our relationship and her last- she was talking to at least 4 and defiantly slept with 2. She makes me so happy sometimes in indescribably. But she also makes me so sad and used to make me hate myself (I say used to because ive grown out of that, by just respecting myself more). I told her this morning, because we are having a big argument, that the only thing keeping in the relationship is her, not the quality of the relationship. This is barely the surface of it all theres plenty m,ore but i need someone...
  24. I had a good friend from Jr. High and High School die in early February. He had been in bad car wreck year before. When I heard he was in hospital in our hometown again (I moved back to help out family and he had been sent to rehab facility for awhile) I went to see him and he was paralyzed and at that point a vegetable and didn't show any spark of recognition. Later that month had another trauma that wasn't loss and looked for solace in the person I trusted for that and lost my GF, who went to his funeral with me, over being "needy" on a day when she was busy and told me that is inexcusable and unforgiveable sin because it reminded her of an ex. And then went off on me when upset about that. Then found out this week good friend for 20 years colon cancer has returned and they are saying months maybe a year or more outside shot. I feel so alone and wondering why all this is happening in such a short period of time. My life hasn't been roses, but this is a serious stretch of awful in a short period. Just feel broken and can't stop crying at all. Take breaks to run off and cry. I went on low dose anti-depressant last week to try and stem it but nothing so far. No light just so much loss.
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