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  1. While we all have heard people talk about the highs of mania or hypomania, and the lows of bipolar depression, a mixed episode happens when both of these symptoms occur at the same time. Meaning that we feel impulsive, having flights of ideas, not wanting to sleep, but are also irritable, physically exhausted, and hopeless about our future. It’s diagnosed as having met the criteria for a manic or hypomanic episode while also having at least 3 depressive symptoms.
  2. Well, to start with, a lot of people from my mother's family, suffers from mental illness - nervous breakdowns, depression, etc - with a lot of suicidal attempts and things like that. Anyways, since I was a kid I felt that there must be something wrong with me. I wanted to know what the hell was my problem. First, I thought I was a depressive person, but that couldn't be, because as I could be depressed one day, and staying in bed, the other day I could wake up very happy. Well, I think I have bipolar disorder. I know, I know... We shouldn't label ourselves, but I did a lot of research on this, and everything checks. The mood swings... Depressed one day, euforic the other. It sucks sometimes. I remember when a friend of mine got dumped by his girlfriend, and all I did was laughing at him because he was such a wimp. =/ And a lot of weird episodes too. I'm *pretty sure* I have bipolar disorder. Example: Yesterday I wake in bad mood, in the afternoon I felt great, and by the evening I felt like punching my dad for telling me jokes. I tried to laugh at them, though. Well, I don't want to be like my mom, always controlled by her meds. I think it's awful to live like that. I think it would be nice to go to a psychologist and, well, talk, but I ever said to my parents I wanted to visit a psychologist they would just go 'What the hell are you saying?'. It's tough. One day I wake up, and it's like Life's great. The other day, Life sucks, with no apparent reason. I feel great for losing one of the more important person in my life in one day, and the other I feel capable of crying all day and blame myself. Well, I tried everything with Self-Help in it, and I'm quite proud to admit that I've had some results in improving my life and my overall happiness. But no matter what I do, I can't avoid this 'mood swinging' or whatever. I guess I don't have a specific question, but I guess I would like to hear from people who have some experience with this kind of things.
  3. It never leaves, it keeps visiting. I have felt extremely bipolar these last couple of days. Everything said to me is a personal insult or threat (paranoia), I'm doubting the cleanliness of personal objects, They May Give You HIV! my brain says (paranoia - I am, underneath all this, a well-informed and well-educated individual), I sit and glaze, or I sit with a tornado of thoughts between my ears. I'm thrown by frequent deja vu. I'm thrown by very many things, I feel again as though I am unravelling. I feel there is little point in describing my symptoms yet again to friends, or on Enotalone, I'm sure anyone who matters knows I have phases of feeling desperate, CONSTANTLY afraid, constantly as though I desire nothing more than to kill myself. I have emerged from other such phases, why should this be different? I usually recover from feeling a stomach-sickness at the world? From waves and waves of anger, resentment, restlessness. I can look in a mirror and cry, and this will help no one. I'm incoherant, arrogant, jealous, insecure, intelligent, mentally ill, paranoid, ugly and misplaced. As inappropriate as this sounds, I hope some day I AM forced into a hospital, from there I can only head upwards. I deserve it, I am vermin. Human vermin. So Ends The Lesson.
  4. Hi nice to be a new member here. Well here we go. I met my bf 5 months ago. I was a little apprehensive at that time because I knew he had sole custody of three little kids, but I liked him so much I decided to give things a chance. I absolutely fell in love with the kids..... yeah and him as well. Well after about 2 weeks of hanging out together, we were at my place. His ex (bi-polar)shows up at my door and throws a fit. (The kids showed her where I lived, they are little, didn't know any better) The kids were with his brother... so it was obvious to me she still has something for him. Well she left and we talked and he convinced me she would calm down within a week or two and accept things.... she should have... they have been apart 3 years now????? He was dead.. and I mean dead wrong. She has threatend me (we all live in close proximity) and even worse she has called the Children's Aid with allegations about Jack (my bf) and he has temporary lost custody to his brother and sister-in-law. Well since then things have been pretty insane. He was having horrible mood swings, but seems to be dealing with things much better in the last few weeks eg. affectionate, lots of loving etc. Just this past weekend we had a getogether with friends, and he told them all "I love this girl"...... which he says very rarely to me????? Well Sunday we had a quiet night and he went home. He comes over Monday and seems sorta hyper to go home..... He has called me every night and is talking about laying low because of the Children's Aid, but what does that have to do with me.... I'm confused. He said he's thinking of moving because his Bi-polar ex lives to close by. But so do I. He said last night he with call today to see "what I'm up to". I feel sooo lost, no affection since Monday night. If he wanted to drift me why doesn't he just say so? Talk about Dr Jekyl, Mr. Hyde. I don't know what to think............... and I feel like I've been put on hold... Any comments will be appreciated.
  5. well first off, hi, I'm new lol...I went through all the posts trying to see if anyone had a problem similar to mine. Apparently, I've fallen in love with a weirdo because no one has had this issue. Anyway, lol, on to the story: I had a relationship for 7 months with a guy that lives in Venezuela (I live in Texas). He would always tell me that he loved me and that he wanted to marry me. We started getting a little more serious about things, so we decided to talk on the phone. After that, we said we would mail something to each other. He said he had bought me a teddy bear and that he'd try to send it soon. In the meantime, I mailed him a letter. Unfortunately, a few weeks after sending the letter, we broke up. We decided to be friends though. 3 months go by and a friend of ours was trying to get us back together by trying to get us to confess our feelings. I honestly couldn't take it anymore and I burst out that I still loved him. He just left the conversation. Later that night, I received an e-mail from him saying that he only liked me as a friend. As devastated as I was, I just tried to forget about him. Then in December, we were having our usual chat and he suddenly tells asks me to marry him. Obviously confused, I asked him if he was kidding and he said no. He told me that what he had written on the e-mail wasn't true, so we got back together. Then on December 29, he told me he was scared things wouldn't work out between us because of the distance and that we should just be friends. Eventhough I still wanted to be with him, I just couldn't force him to be with me so I agreed to remain friends. Here's where my problem comes in. We chat pretty much everyday. One day we're talking and joking around as usual and the next day, it's like I don't even exist. He completely ignores me. I usually give him a week to say hi and when he doesnt, I ask him what's up. He always says he's sorry and bla bla bla, but when I ask him why does it, he finds an excuse to not answer me. One night when we weren't chatting, on his sn he put something like this: "I'm tired of telling you this, I only want to be friends and nothing more!" (he always thinks my sn's are for him) Oh and he's one of those people that RARELY change their sn. He started putting other things like "well why don't you ask me? we're in the 21st century". Trying to play with me? Eventhough we're not dating anymore, he dedicates songs to me, and he's even started calling my parents his parents-in-law. He gets jealous if I talk to other guys that he doesn't get along with, yet he talks to all the girls and eventhough I get jealous, I don't let him know it. A few weeks ago, were talking just fine, but then all of a sudden he started ignore me for like the 5th time I'm guessing. Weird thing this time is that he started talking to me on the link removed forums (which is where we met). Yet when he signed on to the messenger, he wouldn't say hi. I decided to wait one more to see if he'd say hi. He said he wouldn't talk to me until I said hi. so I was like "ok w/e, hi". And then things went smooth from then on. On Friday, he asked me to virtually marry him lol. So I did. On Sunday, I signed on to the messenger and greeted him. I began to get a gut feeling that he really didn't wanna talk to me so I asked him if he was mad and he said no. I decided to just leave him alone. I see him sign on the next day, and he doesn't say hi so of course, neither do I. Next day, same thing. But he talks to me on the forums. I couldn't take it anymore so I wrote him an e-mail asking him what was wrong. I asked him for a straight answer because he's never told me. I left him a message on the forum saying to check his e-mail, he answered saying he'd check right away. I got no response from him. what on earth is his problem?! I did absolutely nothing to him, I always treat him with respect, never ignore him. Could he possibly be bipolar? Is he scared of getting too close? This is just driving me nuts....HELP!!!
  6. I'm really worried about my ex. I have been on NC for over 4 mos. She is bi-polar and experimenting with some drugs, and possibly running around on her boyfriend. She has just been doing some bad stuff from what I've heard through the grapevine. I'm just soo scared because she is soo unstable and is getting lots of enemies. I am not over her yet, but I am just thinking about sending her an email so she thinks someone still cares about her. I loved her more than I have loved anyone ever. I am feeling so bad for her because everyone is calling her an unstable nutcase when in fact she is bi-polar and she didn't choose to be that way. Some of the things she does is by choice, but I don't think we really understand bi-polar if we don't have it. I really am not wanting anything in return from her if I send her something, but I have this sense of no closure with her. I just cut her off one day when I found out she wasn't over her last ex. We dated 3 years ago and I just finally cut her off last Oct. cause she didn't know what she wanted and I felt like her doormat. Do you think I should send her something anonymous instead? Like a card or letter, or email? I just want to tell her to not give up on life and that there are those who really still care for you, etc. What do you all think?
  7. Was wondering if anyone here is struggling any mental ailments like being bi-polar or otherwise that led to the demise of your relationship?
  8. I am curious - is there anyone out there who's been diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder? If so, what are the medicine(s) being prescribed to you and how does your partner deals with your mania / depression "switch"? Even more importantly, is there a way to recover without taking psychotic pills or tranquiliser?
  9. Does anyone know if lying for apparently no reason is a symptom of bi-polar? My recent ex would lie about the smallest things - and also quite big ones. Like lying to people online about her age, job, boyfriend (she didn't tell ppl bout that one.) Others in real life that she was no longer on dating sites where in fact all I had to do was go online to see. It seems she would fit the lies to the "person" - tell them what they would want to hear. Plain as day lies that are easy to check out are lies. Also tell other ppl (a female friend) that she had gone somewhere else for the weekend when in fact she was with me. Just stupid lies that you can easily find out are lies. Other ppl that I had talked to would tell me things that she had said to them - the EXACT same lies sometimes - word for word - but used at a different date!!! Is this a symptom of bi-polar??? It has recently been suggested that bi-polar is what she has. She does self-harm and claims to "hate" herself. But maybe that is a lie too.....She doesn't even seem too fazed to be caught in a lie......Someone??? Bi-polar??? Or something else???
  10. I've been on and off with someone and think I hit the wall. A few nights ago he told me my phone calls are no more important than anyone else's and then reiterated that the following day and told me I was no prima donna. I was having a panic attack of sorts and called his house thinking he'd be there for me. His roommate answered and all she said (like so many times) is...can he call you back, with no explanation as to why he could not take my call. I got upset and asked him to get on the phone going forward to tell me himself he'd call me back. I've known him for one year and never been to his place (he won't let me) nor met the roommate. I don't believe they have anything going on, but why can't I see where he lives? To complicate matters, I am bipolar and also just quit drinking recently after a short hospitalization for detox. I try to check myself to see if I am overreacting all the time. He tells me my issues make him act as he does and that he doesn't have my issues, which is true. Nonetheless, he has told me I am stupid on more than one occasion and calls me names like doofus and dingbat. He's stood me up (in the past) and never celebrated my birthday (and I was very nice for his) and never takes me anywhere (he's taken me to dinner twice in 10 months and I've cooked a LOT for him). The other day he told me he is high maintenance, which I take to mean a one-way street with me doing all the giving. Any opinions are welcome, but I feel he is mentally abusive so that is why this post is here.
  11. I hope this is the right place to post. Ive been having serious doubts about The man Ive been seeing the past 3 weeks. While he has his good points and moments, several things about him just dont sit right with me He has bipolar and has told me in the past he's gone off his meds and its been a big mess. He also has a child which in and of itself isnt a deal breaker, but it is an extra consideration before considering entering into something. The final, and maybe biggest thing is his careless remarks. Ya'll might remember the comment from a couple weeks ago "love that fat " which he explained didnt mean he thinks im fat. But just like any girl, the f word is hard to hear and I was hurt. The last couple times we have gotten together hes jokingly made other references. He called me Chewbaca, whatever THAT means and then laughed it off and then he called me "Big Mama" on two occasions. I am NOT big..im a size 9/10..average girl. He is 5 foot 7 and about 135 lbs, a little thin. He has made comments about being too skinny..is he making mean comments to me because of how he feels? He also has made remarks that sortof imply im stupid. He asked me for directions and when i asked what landmarks he saw because im nt good with streets and road names he said "Jesus, you only drive this way every day of your life!" and when i called him on it he said "look, stupidity gets to me" Reguardless...even though he also tells me im beautiful, sexy, etc...his mean comments leave me feeling low even though I typically have high self esteem. Should I talk to him or at this early stage in the game is it best to consider that he really doesnt take my feelings into account and probably wont. Also, he mentioned a couple days ago that his ex (the mom of the baby) had commented that he thinks all girls are fat and stupid and now im tending to agree!
  12. This is my crazy life. I'm posting this for everyone who thinks their mental or emotional problems are holding them back in relationships. I’m currently in a serious, functional relationship with Faith, a very beautiful, eccentric, outgoing, nice, mature nineteen year old who goes to my college. I’m twenty and a huge introvert. More on us later. My name is Phoenix and I have bipolar disorder. For those of you who don’t know what this is, look it up on Wikipedia or something. I can't post a link. A few statistics on bipolar disorder. It affects about 3% of the American population. About 25%-50% of the people who have this condition attempt suicide. 11% of people who have bipolar disorder complete suicide. Yes, I have attempted suicide when I was seventeen. We had a psychology class together where we had to make dating profiles. I saved mine, showing here: “I’m a long-haired rockstar/preschool teacher/writer/psych student. I live each day as my last but I live my life as if I’ll live forever. I currently sing and play guitar for my band that recently broke up. I’m writing my thirteenth novel. I take care of children and I love my job. I’m going for my PhD in clinical psychology to become a child therapist. I’m looking for someone who has a lot of imagination and humor. I’m looking for someone who does or wants to live life to the fullest knowing that each and every day may be all you have. I’m looking for someone who loves adventure, music, books, art, and trying new things. I enjoy life far too much for someone in my position. I work hard, play hard, and sleep well at night.” One person in the class asked if I was single. I hesitated, but had to say yes. She said I had a lot to bring to a relationship. Then Faith volunteered her profile, which I liked, so on a whim I asked if she was single. She didn’t reply and we didn’t talk for until the next class meeting, where she told me she was single and she wanted a date with me. I was really not looking for a relationship at that time but I had nothing to lose so I said yes. At that time I was really high on a manic episode, so I just wanted to be crazy. I planned a first date where we went on a walk around the lake to talk about life. I told her everything about my condition and she told me she had depression. Then I brought out my guitar and sang a love song I was working on. I showed her a video of Machine Head (I hope someone on this forum knows who they are) and she said she was hungry so I took her out to a late lunch or an early dinner. I figured out she liked books so I took her to a used bookstore afterwards where she found some things she liked. I just had fun. I had no motivation to make things work. I wanted to leave her breathless. I did a good job and she said she had fun. She asked me on a second date, so I said yes. We started having sex on our sixth date and things have been great ever since. Well, as great as things can be when one person who has bipolar disorder and the other has depression. We are similar in that we take care of people in our lives. We largely offer the emotional support and buffering in our families. Most of our friends look to us for support and care. As for me, I take care of about fifty different children over the course of the week, ages three to five. I work twenty hours a week and I’m taking five classes in college. She’s working fifteen hours a week and taking six classes in college. We’re both planning on getting PhD’s. I have a 4.0 college GPA and she has a 3.9, only getting one B. We are different in that our personalities are almost polar opposites. She is outgoing, intuitive, emotional, and perceptive while I’m an introvert, a thinker, judger, and I sense what’s going on rather than try to perceive it. She has so many friends I still haven’t met them all. She was able to meet all of my friends in a week. She loves spending time with people our age and I just don’t like people our age. She’s had about ten boyfriends before me and I just don’t like people. We’re also a biracial couple. I’m Chinese and she’s Caucasian. She has depressive episodes on a regular basis and I take care of her. I have manic and depressive episodes on a regular basis and she is there for me. Girls try to pick up on me on a regular basis. Guys try to pick up on her on a regular basis. We’re both cool with it. We have friends of the opposite sex but we’re never jealous. We’re both very interesting people, I guess that’s why we work so well together. So I wanted to post this to see how people react. It’s just an attempt for me to open up to the outside world. I’m going to start a website about people who live very productive lives with bipolar disorder. You're free to ask questions if you want.
  13. There are times I feel that I may be bipolar but when I look up symptoms online, I don't seem to quite fit it. I have times where I get so angry or frustrated that I get out of control- I throw things, I break things, I have even hit my fiance on the arm and chest before. These episodes do not happen without cause (in my opinion, I guess) though. My fiance has a tendency to egg me on even after I have asked (or screamed at) him to leave me alone. If he thinks we need to talk, he will not stop bothering me until we do. Last night, for example, we started arguing over something ridiculous and I just wanted to go to bed. He would not leave me alone, however. He kept asking me things and bringing up past situations where I was at fault just to get a rise out of me. I ended up trying to leave and he stopped me. I usually end up bursting in tears and crying HARD before he settles down and is nicer about things. Then, we usually end up talking. This does not happen very often but I feel it shouldn't happen at all- we are trying to work on this problem together but it's not easy to just change. Anyway, we ended up having a really good talk last night and today I am in one of the best moods I have been in for a while. I feel happy in a very manic way, I guess you could say. I am not sure if it's just because we had such a good talk and I opened up to him more than I ever have or if I am just bipolar! Anyway, my actual question is, are there varying degrees when it comes to being bipolar?
  14. I just thought I'd vent here a little since I know that psychopath doesn't visit this place. I have this ex "friend" who still a year later will not leave me alone. She's bi polar and I don't know if that has anything to do with it but I'm getting sick of it. Our friendship did not end well and she made up some stuff about me on certain blogging sites and posted a few things I didn't want people to know. Now over a year later I put a stat counter on my entries just to see who's reading and her ip address shows up everyday since I started doing it on the 24th, and she visits my page MULTIPLE times a day. Prior to this her and her mini pyscho did not want anything to do with the same blogg I'm in, and now all of a sudden they're back to posting there but I haven't seen nor to I give two rats behinds what they write about. I have totally left them alone and even told the first psycho that she's dead to me. I expected no more or less of her. So anyways thanks for letting me get this out. I wish they would just leave me the F*** alone.....
  15. I fell in love with a girl that I thought was the answer to my life. I made her the only thing I enjoyed in life. I say I "made" this happen, which is true, but she wanted it this way. I resisted for about a year and then gave in. I hated my job, ignored and resented my friends, ignored my family, ignored my co-workers, stopped enjoying my hobbies. Eventually the only thing that would cheer me up was seeing her every weekend and talking to her on the phone every night. It was like doing a hard drug...I craved our time together. Then on March 1st it all stopped. She tried to break it off- then asked for a "Break"...then no contact until I talked to her father (who told me everything was fine) and then she called to say she basically hated me and never wanted to see me again. So, after two years of falling in love and planning a future - everything stopped on a dime and I haven't seen her since (and only heard from her when I contact her first). I was never given a valid reason why any of this happened except that I was "cheap." Not exactly a fair statement since I paid for everything and drove us everywhere for two years... but she is rich so money and gifts are constantly flowing into her pockets...and I'm not rich at all. She has bipolar and anxiety disorder. She didn't work for over a year and for a time I was the only person keeping her from killing herself (literally). After talking to LOTS of people about the situation I've realized that to spend my life with this person would mean constant mental pain. However, the fallout has left me with many issues. It has also left me in an advanced state of depression and many panic attacks. I started seeing a counselor, but he isn't helping (I didn't tell him about the panic attacks - and he didn't ask). I moved into a new apartment to escape the memories of her (she was the only one to ever visit), but now I feel alone still. To make matters worse my financial situation has taken a downturn. I also have braces now so eating healthy has become a challenge as well (and what you eat affects your mind). I have a few friends, but not enough to occupy all of my time. I'm trying to do new things, but lack of funds makes it tough. Because she just cut it off rather suddenly I'm left with many many many unanswered questions that are very hard to put out of my mind. The last contact I had from her was an email telling me that she is with someone new (met at the job I helped her get...how convenient...) and that she "deserves better" than me and how terrible I am. Through therapy and others that know how bipolar works I've realized this is not true that I'm this bad person and she was only trying to demonize me because bipolar people have a hard time viewing others with any sort of middle ground - either they love you or they hate you. So now I live every moment wishing I was someone else. I would say I'm suicidal...but I don't really think killing myself would solve anything - I'd just be dead. For two years I felt happiness. I miss it so much and it seems like I'll never have it again. I've gone on dates but they never seem to work. Impossible to tell if it is me or the other person that causes this. My question is- are these panic attacks normal? When it happens (and it happens quite often) I feel like the world is a terrible place and life is pain. life is just misery and will just keep on being misery. Sometimes it becomes so bad I have to concentrate to not pass out. Is this a normal part of the break-up process? People say I should just be able to WILL myself better, that I have a "choice." When the attacks come though it feels like I have no control over anything. The worst thing is that I never felt this way before her - and when she was going through her own depressive period she would get panic attacks. It bugs me that maybe she taught me how to feel this way. Of course she's rich and was told repeatedly by her family that she would never have to work if she didn't want to... so when she felt terrible and wanted to stay in bed all day - she did. When she needed therapy she got the best care available and went on a multitude of drugs. I can't afford it. When she couldn't handle working again - she quit. If I quit my job I'll be homeless. I'm having a terrible time going through the motions of life - going to work - sleeping - finding something to eat (she lived at home so food was made for her) - etc. I'm finding myself with this intense jealousy that she was given so many tools to get through her bad times (including a partner -ME- that would have done anything to make her feel better!) while I really have none. I can't even go to a psychiatrist because I don't have the money (the counseling I referred to is some free sessions I get through work). I feel like I'm on some very shaky ground. I feel like if nothing changes soon I could be on the path to doing something very destructive. My few friends are growing tired of hearing about it. I feel like I'm running out of options. When all this started people told me "time will fix this" and I thought I just had to get through the first month or two...but now it has been 2.5 months and my mood has not changed since the first terrifying day. Is this normal?
  16. i have been in a long distance relationship for 2 years. my boyfriend was bipolar and things got really emotionally bad for me. We stopped talking on the phone, stopped communicating with each other. at first our relationship was amazing he made me feel things i have never felt before i fell so deeply in love with him and he did with me, but he stopped taking his medication for bipolar and things got so bad were we werent talking so i decided the next time i talk to him ill break it off. well it went something like this i said" hey" he didnt say anything back a couple of seconds later after asking him he says "what" then i was like "do you not want to talk to me " he said " i havent wanted to talk to you since you left that voicemail".... okay the voice mail was because i was trying to talk to him about our relationship and he hung up on me so i called him back and said what the F*** what the F*** did i do. so he goes " as a matter of fact BYE" and hangs up on me. i leave it at that and let things go and let that be my break up. well today he comes online and i im him and hes like leave me alone stop bugging me so i took that as hes breaking up with me. anyway my problem is i started dating another person 4 days ago. i really have strong feelings for this person and he really has them for me. he told me he is already falling for me and he tells me he loves me. i cant say it back because my heart is still with that other person and i cant get over it. everytime i talk to the new guy im thinking in my head why couldnt he be this why couldnt this why couldnt that. it hurts so much because i cant let him go and move on to this new guy. ive told the new guy how i felt about everything and what i was feeling and he said its okay just say it when your comfortable. he understands how i feel but i wish i could make this pain go away so i can move on. i was really in love with this guy and he just shattered my heart and now i cant let go and give it to someone else. so can someone please tell me what to do.
  17. Ok let's say you're already are engage to be marry and he/she knows about this minor infidelity, which involve making out/kissing only. Only this was 4 years ago and the only time you ever did and nope, you have no regrets for that person you did it on, the relation was rocky from a long time and you were on the verge of breaking up with that bipolar type crazy person. The fact that you dearly love your current partner you'll get marry and never plan to cheat again but never really regret wutever you did to the ex (it's irrelevant now), over 4 years ago, does that make you really a bad person?? You hear all the time "there's never an excuse", if yall gonna keep saying that, I'll ignore that.
  18. i met my boyfriend online 2 years ago in a chat room. i am from tennessee and he is from ct. things were so good for the fist couple of months. we would stay up all night talking on the phone sharing everything we wanted to do in our lives. we talked about us, what it will be like when we finally get together... everything. the first night that we talked he told me he was bipolar. i didnt know what that was, i knew it was a depressive illness but i didnt think anything of it. time went on we kept talking laughing falling deeper and deeper in love. i had never loved someone as much as i did him and i would do anything for him and i told him that. time went on he started asking for money, we started fighting because i couldnt send him money because i didnt have any to send. i got a job and was sending him my paycheck every two weeks. i didnt think anything of it i loved him and i felt like i was helping him. he started to get bad into drinking and drugs. he stopped taking his medication for his bipolar. things started to snowball from there, he would break up with me then want me back an hour later, he started calling me names making fun of me but a couple days later everything was fine again we would tell me how much he loved me and wanted me. he got busted with drugs and had to go to rehab. things still didnt changed just got more worse we started falling apart. to make this long painfull story shorter...... for about the past 6months things have went downhill fast. we dont talk and when we do he seems like he would rather be anywhere else in this world except talking to me. he starting treating me like * * * * and hanging up on me for no reason and all this. I met someone else, while still with him even though the relationship is over i just havent had a chance to tell him because he never picks up the phone for me anymore, anyway i called him the other day and he screams at me for leaving him a * * * * *y voicemail because he purposelly hung up on me for no reason while i was trying to talk to him then he goes"as a matter of fact.... bye" and hangs up i left it at that im not calling back its over this person im with now is already telling me how much he is falling for me and loves me and when he tells me all i can say is " i know" because i cant say it because i love jon i will always love him hes even though things were bad but i feel so bad because i cant say i love you to this other person. jon has my heart, its shattered but he has it and i cant let go. im always thinking what went wrong why didnt he hang on why this why that . how do i let go and give myself to this person who i care so much about and really want. hes being patient about it but i know patience only goes so far. i feel like maybe i moved on too fast maybe i need time to get over him . i think about all the things jon told me about how much he loved me and wanted me . i held on for so long because i knew it was his illness making him act that way but i cant anymore so i let go, but i havent really let go i dont know how. long distance relationships are hard, but when the person has bipolar it makes it much harder. i am a strong person, and im stronger now but i wish this pain would go away i wish i would erase everything with him im just broken and confused right now. so if there is anyone that sat through my long boring confusing story please help me i need it all my friends can say is good youve made my day by breaking it off with that * * * * * * *. so someone please give me some advice.
  19. Hey everybody. I'm back with a difficult topic. I need to talk with somebody because its really concerning me, but I can't talk about it with my parents or close friends. I'm really sorry if this is long, but I'm kind of freaked out right now. Some background....I have known my girlfriend,who is 23, for about 5 months. She has a mom with severe bi-polar, and obsessive compulsive disorder. my girlfriend has virtually no relationship with her mother, although she tries. It is a very hard thing for her to talk about with me, and she doesn't like to talk about it unless I pry it out of her, which I hate to do.... ...But here's what i know. During the latter part of Highschool, and during the first two years of college, things really got bad. She was teased pretty badly in school, and Nothing she could do was ever good enough for mom, who's verbal abuse was terrible. I'm still not clear if there was physical abuse or not, but it sounds like mom slapped her around a little bit, as well as made physical, and economical threats against her. After community college, her dad...(who split a few years before this) moved her out of mothers house while mother was working. As expected mother didn't like this. During the last two years of college, my girlfriend lived with her dad. When I learned about all of this, my girlfriend told me that at one time during community college she considered scuicide because the depression and degradation by mom was too great to overcome, and that she had no confidence or self-esteem. I don't know how close she came whether she only thought about it or actually tried it, but that really freaked me out. (she also said she's glad she didn't because she wouldn't have found me, and that I'm the only person she's ever felt extremely close to.)...(her dad is a doctor, and was frequently away for school and work for extended periods, so she has not been real close with him either, until the last few years when she was living with him. Today I was at her house, and mom was trying to call. Fearing the call would bring more threats, she did not answer like normal. Because of the obsessive compulsive, mom kept trying to call every 5-10 minutes, which is also relatively normal. After about 3 hours of the calling, mom (who lives 2.5 hours away) was knocking on the door. My girlfriend answered the door and spoke with mom outside because I have not yet met her mother, and her mother does not have desire to meet me....Anyway, the conversation sounded calm. Mom sounded upset about us not answering the phone, but did not seem to get angry. The conversation was short because my girlfriend had to leave for work. I got to speak with my girlfriend for only a few minutes after the conversation, and it sounds like mom came to say that she has heart problems and is not expected to live much longer. Today, my girlfriend acted more upset that mom hijacked our time together, than worring about her mom's health problems...but I'm sure it just hasn't sank in yet, because she has spoken before of how she'd like to establish some kind of relationship with her mom because she is not in good health, and that she'd be upset if mom passed away and they still didn't have a good relationship. Thats the background, now for my concerns: My girlfriend is on medication for depression, resulting from the dark years in college. She has not shown signs of bi-polar in front of me in the five months that I've known her. But when she gets in a bad mood, it takes her all day to cheer back up and get over what she is upset about. I don't know if bi-polar is hereditary, or if the depression medication should be warning me of a rocky future??? I also don't know when bi-polar will show up in a person. Is it linked to depression, and when does it show up in people??? I 'd like your insight on these questions please . During all of this, she earned excellent grades in all four years of college, and she still is a real go-getter. She has never been angry with me, and I've only seen her get upset with her dad once, which was not in an intense enough nature to concern me. The comment she made about the scuicide still concerns me. She seems fairly stable now, and I'm not worried about this, but I can't help but think about the future. Our relationship is going great right now, but I realize that we are relatively green as far as relationships go. I'm an extremely loyal person, and I don't plan on breaking up with her solely because of health concerns, but I'm afraid that if somewhere down the road that we did break up for some reason, if it would throw her back into depression, and look toward scuicide. I will stress again that I have no reason to believe that a break up is imminent. We are extremely close to eachother and say that we love eachother many times a day.... Your comments on the above paragraph please. Also, I'd like to talk about these concerns with her, but at the same time, I don't want to let on that her comments are still concerning me... in fear that in the future, she won't come talk with me about her other problems or concerns...if this makes sense? Any advice here? Again, I'm terribly sorry for the length of this, but I'd really appreciate some thoughts and advice here. Thank you
  20. My girlfriend, who i am uncontrollably in love with, is bipolar. She is actually more stable than most other people i know, but she recently had a brief lapse in her medication (well over the blood-life of her primary mood stabilizer, and probably long enough for the neurological effects to kick out) She seemed fine, and now that she's back on the (primary) mood stabilizer she's seeing problems in the relationship and her libido is gone. Our sex life was fine before she stopped taking her medicine, heck, it was AMAZING. Now... it's all gone, and i feel all nasty and unattractive.... I know it's not her fault, but the situation is really playing at my insecurities, and i'm worried her drive will never come back, i guess that isnt really a big issue but i liked having sex, you know?
  21. I've been reading a lot of things on this site in the past few days. I read the whole two year story from Caveat over on the "does break = breaking up?" Unfortunetly I now find myself flung into the same ordeal many of us here are facing. My story seems to be a little different though. My girlfriend has bipolar and anxiety disorder. She was up front and honest about it at the beginning of the relationship. She has sought treatment and finally seems to be turning her life around. She got a job that she likes and started in January. However, her schedule is a tough one and totally opposite of mine. We both live in Los Angeles county, but 35 miles apart. It became very hard to see each other for any significant amount of time. We still talked on the phone every day though for as long as we could. Starting in December she started taking a new drug for her disorder. She exhibited many side effects. Most prominently lack of sexual interest (and specifically sexual attraction to me). Our love life had been FANTASTIC before she started taking this drug, so I'm still convinced that the reasons for her disinterest were mainly due to the drug. However, I did not treat the situation with the understanding it and she deserved and I kept pressing her about it, eventually forcing her to go to the gynecologist to see if something "else" might be wrong with her. I was also always irritated by the fact that because of her job she really didn't have time to see me anymore. Eventually this boiled down to her deciding not to come see me on February 27th (a monday) after saying she would (she lied about having car troubles). We talked on the phone that night and everything was okay, but I was still a little irritated with her and I think it showed. She didn't call the next day. This was only the second time in our 21 months of being a "couple" that she hadn't called and I hadn't called her. There was still no contact going into the evening the next night. I had made up my mind (like an idiot) that "she's gonna have to call me if she wants to talk." She called on break at work (she usually works 2pm-10:30pm) around 7:30. The first thing she said was "you didn't call me yesterday." To which I angrily replied "yeah, YOU didn't call me..." Of course the next line out of her mouth was - "I have to tell you something...I think we should just be friends." I was devistated. In my ignorance I never saw what was happening. I assumed her love for me would be automatic and I took her for granted. I asked her to call again later if she could. She called about two hours later. It was still a short conversation but she said she had "changed" and that she loved me but wasn't IN love with me and had been dealing with these feelings for the past few months. I asked her if maybe it was the drug/s she was on. She didn't rule out the possibility since she admitted losing love for me for maybe a month one year earlier "but then it came back." I asked her if we could try to work things out and she said that maybe we should both sleep on it and perhaps take a month's break. We then agreed to get together on the following Saturday to talk about everything. Most of you on here know exactly what I went through in the next few days. I didn't sleep for about 40 hours and I couldn't eat anything either. On Thursday night I emailed her and asked if we could work it out. I included an old email she'd sent about a year ago that detailed how deeply in love with me she was at the time. I asked her if she still had any of those feelings. Friday morning before she went to work she sent me a very short reply: (copied and pasted) "You are right about how I need some space to breathe. I would prefer if we didn't see or speak to one another for now, like we are on a "break". Please don't come over on Saturday. I won't be home and I would not like to speak about anything until we've both had some time to think about things." I sort of feel bad about posting this on the internet...but if she won't talk to me I have to talk to SOMEONE about it. By closing herself off she leaves me no choice but to open it up to others. (besides there isn't anything embarrassing or personal in it) What I need to know is what you guys think she meant by this. Also, if any of you have any experience with Bipolar people. Is she just going through a phase with job stress+medication+dealing with disorder+my nagging that caused her to want to cut out the easiest problem (me)? When should I break the no contact rule? She mentioned a month when we were on the phone on Wednesday...but a month is so long. I've done a lot of deep deep thinking about everything in the past week and realized that the blame for all of this is squarely on my shoulders. I didn't abuse her or cheat on her or anything like that - but in several ways (I've actually come up with 32 at this point) I wasn't the man I should have been. I wasn't the partner I should have been to her. My problem now is that I know what I need to do to get her to fall back into love with me (if that is possible), but should I approach her about this or just still let her have her space? If she is mulling over continuing the relationship - I'd want her to know that she wouldn't be getting back together with the old me... Some people have told me "screw her, move on dude!" and others have told me personal stories of how they or their family or friends have gone on breaks only to get back together and get married. I would marry this girl...if I had the chance and we could work out our issues. I would gladly accept all the things her disorder could throw at me if I knew she'd never "leave" like this (I could give her space if she wanted but just with the precept that we'd still be together). Every day is like a bad dream. I'm stuck in this weird limbo world of the constant pain of not know what will happen. She may call tomorrow...or I may never hear from her again... Based on what I've written - what do you think she is feeling or going through, and what action/s should I take?
  22. I dont know if this would fit this forum but, I have some really awful things going on!!! Well, my b/f's mother is bipolar and shes been abuseing him all his life. When he was an infant, she beat him with horse crops till he bled. Still, to this day shes hurting him, and tonight...I cant take anymore!!! Tonight, out of no where, she randomly broke down his door, threw his CD's all over the room, got his plate of food and threw it at him, so he shoved her out of the room, and she picked at the door lock and he said eventually she stopped. He went out and nothing was left of the door knob. She tore it apart with plyers. All that was left were twisted pieses of metal strung out everywhere. I asked him if I should call the cops and he told me no cause she would have the upper hand. I asked if his dad would help and he asked me, "Has he done anything yet?" in which no he hasnt! I dont know what to do! Hes such a sweet guy and his mom is crazy! I dont know what to do!!! PLEASE HELP!!! I need to get her away from him. Shes abuseing this poor boy. Someone help me! I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
  23. I wish I'd met this guy six months down the line, then stuff would have been clear as it is, I'm less than a year away from a traumatic break up and really didn't expect to find someone I really liked that quickly (especially seen as I'm pretty choosy). As said, six months down the line, I'd have the strength to fight my inner demons and trust him, or else give him a big kick in the backside and get the hell out as it is, I'm stuck. when we're together, things are incredible. I swear I've never been in something like this before. And no, this isn't the 'non bipolar rollercoaster ride' that I've read about on various sites. when we're not together, I can trust him to spin one on me every few days. The latest is saying 'I don't want to be hemmed in, I'll call you tomorrow' when I asked if he wanted to see me tomorrow. There's been worse than this though. Thing is, a few days after an outburst, I can usually expect 50 text messages or something along the lines of 'I spent all night crying and thinking about you'. How do I deal with this (or not as the case may be) ?
  24. By chance, I came acorss an article on bipolar disorder yesterday. Ive had Depression and Aspergers given to me as diagnosises (spelling?) over the past couple of years but it only felt half-right, like ... i could identify with some of aspergers synmptoms etc, but bipolar..is completely me. Ive done things in the past that definitely constitute reckless, damaging and inexplicable behaviour (wandering the streets in pajamas...why did my parents NEVER pick up on all the crazy mad **** i did?) Ive been *UP* the past few days and now im coming down. Its been insane. When im manic, I get / feel very religious. I work like crazy. I want to out socialiozing ALL the time, I spend a lot of money , like, 80% of all my bank account in 1 day. i exercise to point of stupidity. I feel hostile, mad, very critical. i do art and admittedly mania helps sometimes with that as I tend to have a lot of ideas...but that crosses the nasty line into Racing Thouights. usualy its not this bad and Id be back into depression by now but today, this time..it feels different, like i may .. *do something*. I need to sleep physically but my eyes are ringed from insomnia. Ive lost weight through behaviours that are anorexic but i strongly suspect is linked to my *ups* or manic/hypo or moderate-manic phases. my eating is all over the place. everything is. im actually having a few visual hallucinations, mainly in forms of lights etc. thanks for listening and i am using any willpower I have to get to someplace vaguely stable I really really dont want it to get to hospital stage because itd kill my parents for a lotr of reasons i dont have time to explain now, im holding out till I leave home (in a year) but what if i cant? i really dont like this at all
  25. I'm 21, I'm a college student. I have a degree already and I'm working on a 2nd one, in computer security. I was diagnosed and medicated at 14, as being bipolar. I've been on and off many mood stabilizers, every SSRI antidepressant, a few tricyclics and many antipsychotics as well as anti anxiety. Right now I take a high dose of lithium (mood stabilizer), for my size, a really high dose of seroquel (antipsychotic), a large dose of Luvox (antidepressant, for OCD as well) and a large dose of mogadon (anti anxiety) I keep dreaming that I've killed myself. It's messed up. I've attempted suicide many times and been hospitalized long term, 5 times and I'm probably going to have to admit myself to get treatment. When I was 17, my psychiatrist fired me. When I was 19, I was kicked out of a specialized unit in a big psychiatric hospital for lack of improvement, then my psychiatrist retired, and now nobody wants to deal with me. I literally get told to shut up and deal with it. In one day, I got into a fight with the physician at school, a psychiatric nurse at the ER and the ER doctor. It took about 6 hours and I came home and cut up my wrists because I was so angry. (I can't take it out on anything else) I feel like I'm screwed for life. I'm on disability, I have been since I was 18. All of my doctors figure I'll be changing meds every couple years and in and out of hospitals. A few have told me I'm going to fail at college. I find exercising helps. I get so irritable at times.. I don't want to kill myself, but I also don't want to live. I mean, I go to a nice school, I live in a nice residence with my expensive computer, laptop and toys, I do ju jitsu, I have a few dedicated friends, but I'm just afraid of the future.
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