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About Me

  1. While we all have heard people talk about the highs of mania or hypomania, and the lows of bipolar depression, a mixed episode happens when both of these symptoms occur at the same time. Meaning that we feel impulsive, having flights of ideas, not wanting to sleep, but are also irritable, physically exhausted, and hopeless about our future. It’s diagnosed as having met the criteria for a manic or hypomanic episode while also having at least 3 depressive symptoms.
  2. My fiance and I have been together for 5 years. Although he is a loving, attentive and caring partner, he is also a bit controlling and had a few problems with my independence. In the last couple years our relationship was not going so great. But we still had many good moments that made everything worth it, and we were making efforts to adjust to each other’s needs, which was not so easy: I am the independent type, more career-oriented, while he is more romantic and focused on family and relationship. Also, he has bipolar disorder and refuses to treat it, letting it spill into our relationship in the form of anger and manipulative behavior. It has always been very confusing and hurtful and it got to a point that I didn’t know anymore if I wanted to spend my life with him, even though he was the most wonderful of men when he was in a “good day”. Also, I have always believed that I should be there for him no matter what and didn’t want him to see me as unsupportive or absent. I have a 12 year-old daughter that he used to treat as his. She was 7 when we met, and since then he decided to assume a paternal role (that i never asked for, by the way - her bio dad is not at all absent and I never was the lonely, overworked single mom figure; I am actually very resourceful and self-sufficient). In the beginning I thought his caring treatment of her was very sweet. But after a while we started arguing because he thought he had to have “rights” over her - to have a say in her hours, schoolwork, food choices, etc. To an extent that he started questioning even what his bio dad does for her, from medical opinions to Christmas presents. Whenever I disagreed with him, he played the outcast card - he said he didn’t feel wanted in my house or in my family dynamics. And that was not only in what concerned my kid, but in everything else. He never accepted the fact that I didn’t really need him to help care for my business or other things in my life - in his mind a relationship consists of two partners sharing all aspects of life and he used to get really resented when I didn’t want or need his inputs. He was always trying to push boundaries to get to a place where he could feel more in control. Thus, sometimes I would allow him to have his way so peace could be maintained and he wouldn’t feel “rejected”. My girl used to trust him entirely and we had a lot of fun together. Sometimes she would ask to share the bed with us, especially when she felt sick. Then one day, when she was 11, he started to bring her to our bed on the weekend mornings himself. That started bothering me and I would ask him to leave her alone in her own bedroom. But he wouldn’t listen. I got afraid to offend him and make him feel bad and “unwanted” - he was a good person, right? I thought, “well, he just wants to feel like we are a family”, and ended up allowing it a few times. Until the day my girl told me that he had touched her breasts while we were together in bed, and I was asleep. My world crumbled. I couldn’t believe I was living one of the worst mother’s nightmares. I confronted him. He said he was absolutely not aware of what had happened. We discussed the issue and, considering he had bipolar disorder, and that he had acted the same with me before (sexual touching while asleep), I suggested that he could have an underlying condition. It was hard to believe he was “that” type of guy. We talked, the three of us. He apologized, she took his apologies; life resumed. But she never treated him the same, getting very upset every time he came to spend the weekends with us. And honestly, I could never feel comfortable again when he was around. Then one day she told her school counselor. She was understandably not being able to get over the situation. And I got a call from Child Protection Services. A social worker visited my house, interviewed me, and talked to him on the phone. In the end the allegations of child neglect and abuse were deemed unfounded, but now I have to live with that stigma, and it is a very hard pill to swallow. I have been through so much to be with my child and raise her on my own, it was definitely unfair that allegations of neglect had fallen on me. With the quarantine, I had to suddenly stop seeing my fiance, and it was a wonderful opportunity to be on my own to evaluate our relationship, as well as heal my relationship with my daughter. The truth is that we are much better off without him in our lives. I felt responsible for what happened, for not being strong enough to go against his whims. I am facing a lot of guilt, thinking about what I could have done so she didn’t have to go through that, if I had been firmer and didn’t have the habit to ignore my discomforts so others could feel comfortable. But I also feel guilty for his feelings. He is miserable. He’s been writing to me and trying to get together, and rebuild our relationship. In our last chat I noticed that he is in a certain denial (or ignorance) of what it means for a woman, especially at my daughter’s age, to be inappropriately touched by a man. As much as I feel sorry for him, there’s no way I am going to put my child through having him involved with us again. Also, how to trust? How could I be sure that his behavior was triggered by a condition and not deliberate? I don’t know what kind of person I would be if I kept seeing the man that hurt my child. Unintentionally or not, the consequences of what he did are here and cannot be erased. He is expecting me to do something, and I know he is angry and feeling misunderstood. He probably thinks I don’t care. I feel really terrible for the whole situation and would appreciate any inputs.
  3. Hello all. Sorry this will all sound a bit gibberish but I'm not coping very well with everything. I've been speaking to my ex since December 2017 and we got together in Febuary 2018 which may have been a bit quick but it seemed right. A month later he had blocked me on all social media and we had a rough patch. He got back in touch a couple of weeks later and we started talking again but we agreed to just have hook ups with other people. We eventually got jealous and hit another rough patch. We started fixing it in April 2018 and officially got back together in the June. We had no blips then for 10 months, we didn't argue or fall out or have any reason really to worry about our relationship. He had bought me a holiday for in September and I didn't have any reason to doubt it would happen even with the Bipolar. Late March he admitted to me he would have to go back into recovery to help his mental health. He was living in Sheffield for Uni but he got home sick and also had come off his meds and was waiting for new ones which he went on going back into recovery. He asked at the time what it meant for us and he was worried If I'd get bored or horny and want to meet other people and I said no. I didn't see him until the following Sunday (mothers day) due to him settling in and when we met up everything felt normal. We laughed and cuddled and he messaged me going home saying how great it was to see me and we planned to meet the following weekend. However, the next day everything still seemed fine. He told me he had paid off our holiday and was so excited. We continued talking like normal but on the Friday morning he split with me saying he needed to focus on recovery and he wouldn't be ready for a relationship for a long while (last year he had told me we would never sort things out and did so you never know how true this is). He was instantly back on Grindr and as far as I'm aware it's just for hook ups but even then it seems so quick. We haven't really spoken since the split. He messages every few days but only a couple of times and leaves me on unread. He is following what I'm up to though whenever I put up a Snapchat story. I don't know if this is meaningless though or if there is a bigger picture. I'm just lost without him. I miss his presence. It's the not knowing if he's just lost his head and is having an episode and will want to try and fix things or if he's completely finished with this relationship and I'm not sure how to move on. I have him on such a pedastool. I'm sorry this is really long for strangers to read. I expect one response at most. But thanks for reading anybody who does.
  4. Started dating a girl 1.5 years ago with Bi-polar and PTSD. It was very slow in the beginning with her not even wanting to kiss me on the first couple dates, then quickly transitioned into bouts of sex every time we hung out and constant conversations about it. She was happy for the first few months, then the drops happened and boy did they happen. Constantly telling me I will leave her because of her issues pushing me away then apologizing and thanking me for being understanding Being happy through text, then meeting in person she is just a husk of a person unmotivated and doesn't want to do any plans we made rejected physical or ignored physical gestures (Hugs never reciprocated, kisses were half assed 90% of the time, never showed me any affection) extreme lack of emotional support for me, while I poured hours into asking her to explain herself so I could help or be there for her manically cleaned apartment then depressingly destroyed it days later, didn't feed the cats for 2 days or more out of depression constantly degraded herself and out make small digs at me when I didn't understand something or questioned something she would say "You really think you are going to be good at X career with that thought process?" isolated to the point of being scared to go out and refused to go out half the time we would go to the grocery store excited then get there and she would just want to immediately leave kept pushing marriage on me even 6 months into the relationship and telling me how she wants to be married in 3 years and kids soon (Her own dad told her she should probably stop asking so much) she would judge my progress in school as "I am farther than you and I think you are just going to resent me or get lazy because I am farther." (Which I don't get at all, I didn't care I started later than her) would constantly tell me "you can't deal with me, I am not worth it, you will leave me, you don't understand me, you can't understand me." (I tried my damnedest to be there and hear her out) when we would talk she would zone out from our conversation and just start talking about what she wanted to talk about or ignore me lived in a fantasy world of TV shows and Disney concept of relationships (The man is the one in charge and he needs to do most of the work) when we discussed marriage a bit after I said I would like an option with the marriage things she said (This is my wedding I am the woman, if you don't like it then we aren't getting married) refused to let me move in unless we were engaged or married completely out of the blue when that wasn't our initial plan would shut me out frequently and not talk would give up on almost everything, even last week she "gave up" on school and failed 3 quizzes in a row because she didn't care anymore she talked about suicide multiple time as glorifying the idea of being dead she took frequently more Xanax than she should have and laughed about it, took more sedatives than she should and alcohol together and just said "If I woke up, I wake up oh well," constantly degraded everyone around her calling them stupid, idiots, ect, after her medication dose up and her PTSD flair up we didn't engage in any sexual activity for 3 or 4 months and she wouldn't even let me touch her as she said "I don't want any guy touching me, even you right now," (which hurt) impulsively buy underwear and things she really didn't need, maxed her credit card and has ruined her score and is paying high interest she complained about "zero romance" but every time I would ask to do something she would refuse it, no plans, no physical bonding, but then complained about we don't do anything... would starve herself for days because of didn't want to get fat while I was by her side trying to make her food or dinner and trying to get her to eat and she just refused a lot of the time Christmas we got a tree and started to set it up (A small one) halfway through she got frustrated, gave up and just laid on the couch for hours no wanting to talk or deal with anything never really seemed excited for me when I achieved anything at the gym, school or just dealing with my own issues would CONSTANTLY talk about her trauma and say she is good and fine but then almost immediately fall back into her pattern of self destruction, lack of awareness and spiraled backwards even when she did I was still there tell her she did a good job and trying to motivate her, but then would follow that with, Her personality just seemed to be her PTSD and Bi-Polar. Would look on pintrest 24/7 and equate quotes and motivational tags to our relationship and see if they added up to them to compare if we were doing ok or not. After all this, I still cared and tried to support her through everything and it still hurts... We had good moments of conversation we had and sometimes we cuddled at night and talked, we enjoyed the gym she more or less enjoyed running more though. We were eating properly together through myfitnesspal for a bit and we talked about school a lot since we are the same major and at times she did have some awareness of herself and it made me feel so happy she was doing good and was noticing her cycles. But then, she at times didn't tell her therapist all of her issues, didn't take her medication all the time, sometimes refused. I had to put my foot down at one point and tell her, "either you go to your therapist and get back on medication or I am leaving," and she did, but then she slowly started falling off again. She broke up with me because she said, "You won't ever understand what it is like to have bi-polar and or PTSD and you don't help me properly (after that I tried to get her to voice exactly how she wanted me to help and she really couldn't) and she said she just wants to move from our state and get away from her triggers (Which I think she is just running from her issues which will do nothing) She tried to take a break before, but I told her we either break up for we work through it, we worked through some stuff, but now she has officially ended things as she says "We are not on the same life path) with her wanting to move by the end of the year with no prospect of a job or even schooling lined up or anything. She told me I have been the best boyfriend she has ever had, I always listened to her and never degraded or held her illness against her and worked with her always. I feel terrible, I liked her a lot, but to be honest I think our "I love you's" might have been hollow, I worked on myself for a long time before the relationship and still have things I need to get better about (Some codependency), but I put everything into being there for her and helping her and I got really nothing in return but rare moments of a relationship and happiness followed by extreme irritant with feeling like an unpaid therapist and being around an individual that was miserable to the point of making me depressed and I started distancing myself because being around her was dragging me down. Thank you guys for listening, it just hurts... I put a lot of myself into this and I don't think she understand how much of myself I tore out of my comfort zone for her to just kind of leave. I was a bit bad yesterday, went to my therapist and talked a bit today, I am just coasting right now, I am not in despair, but I do feel a bit of heartbreak. I wanted to give it everything even if we were always on the same page and try to work on things with her, but one day she wanted to work on things the others were just stonewalling and whatnot. I know I shouldn't, but I feel like the one that lost here. I am kinda scared that if she does come around, I won't really have the strength to say no. If you guys have any questions I would love to answer them or can discuss some thing with you guys, I am still trying to organize everything in my head as well, thank you guys so much for putting up with the long ramble of thought.
  5. Hey everyone, I have been with my Fiancé for almost 2 years now, things happened very fast for us and we have a 6 month old baby boy who absolutely adores him. The problem is, he does not trust me and it hurts. I don’t have anything to hide I am not doing anything and he has access to anthing he wants, me computer, phone whatever. He has accused me of the maintenance man, says I’m looking at men when we are out and about, one time there was a food stain in my car and he said it was a sex stain, he checks the sheets for things, he had my phone hacked and paid somebody well obviously this person was a scam artist that literally just pulled a random contact off of my facebook and said I had been talking to this person, this person is the father of one of my friends! So what happened after that I was accused of messing with a married man and when I plead with him its not true i just get called a liar. I am currently being evicted because he has harrassed the maintenance man but the landlord said she wouldn’t put it on blast and would say I left on good terms. I would be so DONE if evertime he didn’t come to me crying begging for my forgiveness and saying he thinks he has a sickness and needs help. I have to literally get to the point where I tell him I’m done throw all his stuff out and cut ties before he realizes he’s wrong and starts to panic and cry saying he believes me. I have tried the gentle approach to this also in the beginning I would say, I have not done anything baby why do you think you are feeling this way its ok to be scared but I’m not cheating on you, this never worked with him, he would just keep calling me a liar. It has happened so many times now that I literally just tell him to get out anytime he starts accusing me. We have tried counseling, do you think he may be bipolar and maybe needs meds? He goes through cycles of paranoia, anger, accusing and regret and panic. My last day in the apartment is next week should I go to CA where my mom and sister are and get away from him or is there a chance he can really stop doing this to me?
  6. I've been hit with depression today. I tried every coping skill I had. I rested and I also got out of the house.I just feel like things are a mess and I'm not going to make it. I've become overwhelmed with small things. Everything overwhelms. I haven't felt this way for months. I am bipolar and on meds for this but moreso for mania/delusions -- I'm usually a very positive person. I need a pep talk. I cant seem to shake it or give myself a pep talk. (Believe me, I tried) Thanks
  7. i met my boyfriend online 2 years ago in a chat room. i am from tennessee and he is from ct. things were so good for the fist couple of months. we would stay up all night talking on the phone sharing everything we wanted to do in our lives. we talked about us, what it will be like when we finally get together... everything. the first night that we talked he told me he was bipolar. i didnt know what that was, i knew it was a depressive illness but i didnt think anything of it. time went on we kept talking laughing falling deeper and deeper in love. i had never loved someone as much as i did him and i would do anything for him and i told him that. time went on he started asking for money, we started fighting because i couldnt send him money because i didnt have any to send. i got a job and was sending him my paycheck every two weeks. i didnt think anything of it i loved him and i felt like i was helping him. he started to get bad into drinking and drugs. he stopped taking his medication for his bipolar. things started to snowball from there, he would break up with me then want me back an hour later, he started calling me names making fun of me but a couple days later everything was fine again we would tell me how much he loved me and wanted me. he got busted with drugs and had to go to rehab. things still didnt changed just got more worse we started falling apart. to make this long painfull story shorter...... for about the past 6months things have went downhill fast. we dont talk and when we do he seems like he would rather be anywhere else in this world except talking to me. he starting treating me like * * * * and hanging up on me for no reason and all this. I met someone else, while still with him even though the relationship is over i just havent had a chance to tell him because he never picks up the phone for me anymore, anyway i called him the other day and he screams at me for leaving him a * * * * *y voicemail because he purposelly hung up on me for no reason while i was trying to talk to him then he goes"as a matter of fact.... bye" and hangs up i left it at that im not calling back its over this person im with now is already telling me how much he is falling for me and loves me and when he tells me all i can say is " i know" because i cant say it because i love jon i will always love him hes even though things were bad but i feel so bad because i cant say i love you to this other person. jon has my heart, its shattered but he has it and i cant let go. im always thinking what went wrong why didnt he hang on why this why that . how do i let go and give myself to this person who i care so much about and really want. hes being patient about it but i know patience only goes so far. i feel like maybe i moved on too fast maybe i need time to get over him . i think about all the things jon told me about how much he loved me and wanted me . i held on for so long because i knew it was his illness making him act that way but i cant anymore so i let go, but i havent really let go i dont know how. long distance relationships are hard, but when the person has bipolar it makes it much harder. i am a strong person, and im stronger now but i wish this pain would go away i wish i would erase everything with him im just broken and confused right now. so if there is anyone that sat through my long boring confusing story please help me i need it all my friends can say is good youve made my day by breaking it off with that * * * * * * *. so someone please give me some advice.
  8. Ok let's say you're already are engage to be marry and he/she knows about this minor infidelity, which involve making out/kissing only. Only this was 4 years ago and the only time you ever did and nope, you have no regrets for that person you did it on, the relation was rocky from a long time and you were on the verge of breaking up with that bipolar type crazy person. The fact that you dearly love your current partner you'll get marry and never plan to cheat again but never really regret wutever you did to the ex (it's irrelevant now), over 4 years ago, does that make you really a bad person?? You hear all the time "there's never an excuse", if yall gonna keep saying that, I'll ignore that.
  9. By chance, I came acorss an article on bipolar disorder yesterday. Ive had Depression and Aspergers given to me as diagnosises (spelling?) over the past couple of years but it only felt half-right, like ... i could identify with some of aspergers synmptoms etc, but bipolar..is completely me. Ive done things in the past that definitely constitute reckless, damaging and inexplicable behaviour (wandering the streets in pajamas...why did my parents NEVER pick up on all the crazy mad **** i did?) Ive been *UP* the past few days and now im coming down. Its been insane. When im manic, I get / feel very religious. I work like crazy. I want to out socialiozing ALL the time, I spend a lot of money , like, 80% of all my bank account in 1 day. i exercise to point of stupidity. I feel hostile, mad, very critical. i do art and admittedly mania helps sometimes with that as I tend to have a lot of ideas...but that crosses the nasty line into Racing Thouights. usualy its not this bad and Id be back into depression by now but today, this time..it feels different, like i may .. *do something*. I need to sleep physically but my eyes are ringed from insomnia. Ive lost weight through behaviours that are anorexic but i strongly suspect is linked to my *ups* or manic/hypo or moderate-manic phases. my eating is all over the place. everything is. im actually having a few visual hallucinations, mainly in forms of lights etc. thanks for listening and i am using any willpower I have to get to someplace vaguely stable I really really dont want it to get to hospital stage because itd kill my parents for a lotr of reasons i dont have time to explain now, im holding out till I leave home (in a year) but what if i cant? i really dont like this at all
  10. I dont know if this would fit this forum but, I have some really awful things going on!!! Well, my b/f's mother is bipolar and shes been abuseing him all his life. When he was an infant, she beat him with horse crops till he bled. Still, to this day shes hurting him, and tonight...I cant take anymore!!! Tonight, out of no where, she randomly broke down his door, threw his CD's all over the room, got his plate of food and threw it at him, so he shoved her out of the room, and she picked at the door lock and he said eventually she stopped. He went out and nothing was left of the door knob. She tore it apart with plyers. All that was left were twisted pieses of metal strung out everywhere. I asked him if I should call the cops and he told me no cause she would have the upper hand. I asked if his dad would help and he asked me, "Has he done anything yet?" in which no he hasnt! I dont know what to do! Hes such a sweet guy and his mom is crazy! I dont know what to do!!! PLEASE HELP!!! I need to get her away from him. Shes abuseing this poor boy. Someone help me! I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
  11. I don't know what is happening to me and why? Lately I have had plenty of problems come up in my life. OK Here are things that are bothering me right now I get so depressed over not having enough money, I get angry when I go a little over the budget, I get confused when I have no work or that my partner is saying something that makes me think about either money, parents, freedom, cancer, going overseas again or unemployment. ](*,) I get extremely lost and bored about my life right now because I have no work again and yet I want to study, and then I want to work, but I want to study.. Sometimes I wanna do both, and yet sometimes I don't feel like I need to be in a hurry to do anything because I have lost motivation and yet at other times I feel like I need to do it now!! now!! and then there are just Empty spaces in my thoughts AND!! I don't know what I should do! with my life!! I get so sad when I think about my partner who has cancer, I get so frustrated when we tend to argue all the time now and it hurts alot. I get annoyed by everything and anything around me; noise, people, car fumes, not being able to hear what my partner said because of all the noise, I hate crowds, I hate the sun because it burns my precious skin, gives me a headache and makes me mad at everything because I can't see anything without my sunglasses. I hate the roads because there are too many cars and not enough traffic lights, I hate those bumpers on the road when my car sometimes goes flipping about because of it. I hate Cancer because it is not curable and it keeps coming back and it just DESTROYS everything that You love!! and it makes you break down and cry. I hate sales people who annoy the sh** out of you when you are too busy doing important things. I hate not having enough money, I hate spending money and yet I love spending money but I hate it afterwards and it gives me a nervous breakdown!! I get even more frustrated when I want to have my own place soon, but I am saving up like a mad chicken, But when I go out and have fun with my partner and I end up spending a little bit more than I usually do for example: My budget for the day is $40. But then I go abit out of controll and happy that I spend $120!! instead. And that figure makes me sooo MAD!! Most of the time I question myself "Why did I spend this much?" after I have already spent it. And then I feel so guilty and bad for about 2 hours to 24 hours. But the thing that confuses me is that When I am Spending More money, I feel happy and free. But after I spend that money my feelings change? into guilt, anger, hopelessness and frustration?? I feel like I am paranoid about money, I feel like I need to save it all and if it disappears I go a little crazy! and then all depressed and get anxiety from it. Has anyone felt this way about money? Does anyone want to share their similar experiences, anger and frustration. You can tell me everything that annoys you on this thread. I feel like I have some Mental disorder or something about MONEY? or even Everything in life! Last night I went into this Website and I found out that I might have - Bipolar disorder.?? Help I am so lost and worried!! I don't know what to do?? Does anyone have any ideas??!!!!!
  12. I was reading about it, and... I think I match most of the symptoms!!! I was diagnosed as a "maniac-depressive" or bipolar, but most of the symptoms match me, and also those of a bipolar disorder. Are those related? Wow, I think I'm even more looney than I thought. Psychiatrists are going to make a lot of money from me...
  13. OK, so here's the story: I was home for the holiday season and was calling around to friends. I tried to contact one of my oldest frieds but she didn't return that calls. No problem with that, I didn't know if she was in town or not so I just left a couple of messages and figured she would gt back to me. She finally did e-mail me back telling me that she'd been dignosed with bi-polar disorder. She has dropped out of school and spends the entire day in bed. I want to do something to help her, but I don't know what to do. I'm away at school, but there should be somthing that I can contribute. Does anyone have any any suggestions? Thanks
  14. Does anyone know if there is a correlation between IBS, Hyperactive thyroid, and Bipolar Disorder?
  15. Can you guys explain something to me... Why is it that when I'm dating someone and the girl goes hot and cold? One day or a few days, she's all warm and attentive to me and everythings' great. But the next day, she goes cold and it seems that she doesn't want to talk and wants to be alone and not with me at that time. This is confusing to me. I do understand that women have moods and they go up and down, depending on their circumstances. Logically, I cannot think of anything that *I* did or said that made them go cold... so it could be outside circumstances. But still, I feel left out and I start to fear and dread a scenario: she lost interest in me, or got bored with me, and doesn't want to see me anymore like she did before. What should I do? This girl I've been seeing the past month and a half, and we see each other a couple times a week except for thanksgiving break. I was hoping to find a girl who is more emotionally CONSISTENT because I don't like the whole hot and cold thing, because it is hard for me to handle. This girl I'm seeing isn't bipolar or anything, but even the slightest hot-cold swing is enough to make me wonder and dread the worst case. Any thoughts?
  16. Man ive been taking these new zyprexa pills for people who are bi polar are great!Ive been happy for like the last 4 weeks pretty often and they seem to have been working.Unless this a manic stage of being bi-polar i feel great right now and im so happy and cant stop thinking about only good things.What medications are u guys taking anybody else that is bi-polar.How do u guys cope with it?And how much do u guys love ur new found happiness? Im currently enjoying it
  17. Me and my girlfriend of one year used to have an awesome sex life. But about 4 monthes ago she lost her sex drive. There were few moments here and there during the last 4 monthes where shed be in the mood but it only lasted for a day. The thing is, she says it has nothing to do with me and shes still attracted to me. I still treat her just as good as i always have. One reason I though might be causing this is that shes bi-polar, and shes going through a depresion cycle right now, so maybe thats doing it. But it's been 4 monthes with no sex drive. I didn't think it was humanly possible to go that long with no desire for sex. She also said that this never happened to her before, and also that this is the longest relationship shes ever been in. She says that she doesnt find anybody sexually attractive, so it's not just me. What can we do?
  18. Hi well ive known this girl for almost over a year now...we have had our fights..liturally we got in a slap box fight . But for some reason we always ended up makeing up and it just seems to bring the relationship closer..but there is always those days that she skips her pill or highers her amont of pills or something n she turns into a total mean chick! like roooor!hiss Scratch lol..but yea she went out with my bro n they broke up n it all got real messy..like she lied and said she got an std from my bro and then it ended up being something less like it was an infesction but not serious one.. we took my bro to the docs..And so my bro doesnt allow her over my house unless hes not there..he hates her n she still always wonders about him... neways just recently she started being over barring like she acts like im her girlfriend or boyfriend or something..she told me that she doesnt want to be hurt so she wants to end our friendship because i smoked at my girls house..but i mean i am tryin to quit..ppl get tempted ya know? Neways her fam is like my 2nd fam they are so supportive and always have me over for dinner i always was over there n it felt weird being there when my bestfriend could only be at my house when no one was there ya know?? it kind of put a dent on our relationship..but yea neways can neone gimie sugestions..shoul di try fixing this or go on with this n get a new bestfriend
  19. There is this lady who I fell in love with but the problem she is bipolar...read up on it and she has it bad. Her personality can change on the second and there is nothing I can do. She can go from caring for me to bitch in 2.5 seconds. Is there any medication...yes but her body cannot take it because she was belimic(SP?)and its hard on her fragile system. The doctors pretty much given up on her, and they are soooo incompetent around here its almost dangerous everyone around here knows that. I don't know what to do....I can't get her off my mind. She just has to smile and my heart leaps When she is normal (RARE) there is nowewhere in the world I would rather be than in her arms. She broke up with me but I am still there for her because she needs me. She destroys her apartment in fits of rage almost every few days...I wish I could find her help but I can't afford to
  20. I had asked for advice about my boyfriend, who is bipolar and talking about how he couldn't wait to move in together. He told me recently that he's inconsistent and it's his bipolar that causes it. When I tried talking to him about my feelings, he blew up and I waited a couple hours before I texted him, feeling confused about what in fact he truly wanted. He texted back that it was true love we were in and he was sure of it, reminding me he loves and is in love with me. He came over for a while, left and hasn't been back since Sunday night. We've been talking and texting everyday, like normal. Yesterday, I called him on lunch and said I was having a bad day. He's been depressed a lot lately too, but I feel depressed, because he's been giving me mixed signals. Inconsistency makes me feel off balance and confused. I don't know where I stand with him and he knows I'm a very routine person. He mentioned the couple things we have had disagreements about, with me feeling insecure and feeling like he was testing my insecurities and causing feelings of jealousy. That seemed to be his reasoning for being unhappy in general. He also said we should've just stayed best friends, which hurt me and I told him I had to go and hung up. Him saying that made me feel like he wishes we never were in a relationship. Nothing from him the rest of the day, so I texted him this morning and said, since it seems he's unable to move past & move forward with me, I guess I will come get my things at his house, because I thought it was over. He said he didn't know how to respond to that and he was just letting things calm down some. I explained my feelings and he started talking about a break. I asked what he meant. He said he wants to take a break for a few days and regroup. I've never experienced this before. I'm not sure what to think right now. It doesn't feel like it's good.
  21. I just watched this video about bipolar and this guy's experience with his ex and 90% of his story is basically mine. It's scary how I relate to this. I've gotten arrested and abused. Games played and was called boring. Always flip flopping on every decision. She was bad with money and flirted with guys often during the end of our relationship.
  22. Hello All. I'm a 33 year old woman with bipolar disorder, unmedicated and feeling so alone. I feel like everyone can tell so have depression and no one wants to be around me. It's to the point where I don't want to live anymore. I try to talk to therapists but there's so many facets of my life that has issues. After recently loosing a friendship because I depleted her energy, I am left alone again. Last week, I had what so thought was a hopeful date but they felt something wasn't right. So I feel sad that no one wants to be with me, I'm not special or likeable...and I've been single for a long time. My last exes have broken up with me cause they can't handle the bipolar illness. I feel as though no one can therefore I don't want to be here anymore. I just feel incredibly alone and wish there were people that understand these feelings.
  23. In late 2014 for the first time in my life I became sick. Diagnosed with breast cancer, I fought however to get through it with the help of a supportive employer, I got through. That's the good side of this story. Never could I have imagined what would happen next. My reward at the end of the cancer treatment, after being given the medical all clear again, I went through a stringent interview process, and having passed I was offered a prestigious promotion, something we all dreamed of, and for the first time in a long time I felt I was on the verge of the best most exciting oppourtunity ever. I had a key position with one of the best employers in the industry, at a great salary. We had a good Nanny and for the new position found a great driver for the commute and shift work it was all perfect in my life. I was starting work April 2016, around 9 months after completing chemo and major surgery (bilateral mastectomy). In a short space of a few months, a series of unfortunate events had me from on top of the world to a complete mental breakdown, and I was hospitalised for psychiatric reasons, where I was locked up, refused counselling, drugged with drugs that made me feel very sick, and they insisted I take the drugs no one listens as I was "sick", and insisted that I was bipolar. The treatment was the worst experience ever. The drugs made me feel like I did on chemo. This is incredibly hard for me to say, as I refused to believe it for some time, and now I still am convinced that the completely out of character behaviour had been a result of post-chemo, hormones (early menopause), and excessive stress/workload too soon after recovery from the cancer, rather than bipolar. However, whatever the cause, I had lost control, and subsequently gone from on top of the world literally, to loosing everything, and my own reactions to events were a big part of the cause, no denying. To make matters worse, the diagnosis and the fall out meant I will likely never work in my chosen profession again. I had loved my job so much, and I had worked very hard to get where I was, I was respected, and I had even written many books in my field of expertise, it was my life. Now it was all gone. Here now in early 2018 I am still struggling to get over the loss of my life. I need to be strong again for my family, but I do not know how. I have been in a spiral since the events of April-June 2016, a situation I never thought I would never be in, since I planned carefully, worked hard, and managed my life well. Since then everything I've tried has failed. The investment plans I had set up for us, are also mostly in tatters adding financial stress to the workload and it all seems too much to cope with, and I have no idea what to do, I can't even write my mind is too cluttered. I feel like a failure of a parent, as I am not the role model I used to be for my kids, nor am I giving them the life I planned to give them. I feel like I can't even help them with the simple lessons in life. I am desparately reaching out to those of you out there that may have experienced similar things to try to find the light at the end of the tunnel. I don't know what I am hoping to hear but perhaps someone has that critical peice of advice that allows me to see things straight again. Am I really sick (bipolar) or was it the result of life circumstances/drugs/hormones causing a temporary psychosis? If I am really sick what should I do? All the professionals I have seen to date have not helped, just made matters worse. drugs also made things worse, I personally don't believe in pschotic drugs. How does one deal with such catastropic failure? How does one pick yourself up, after dealing with a loss of something one loved so much? How can I focus on hope and recovery? How do I rebuild my life and make things better for my kids, they've already sufered so much, how can I help make it better now?
  24. I've been on and off with someone and think I hit the wall. A few nights ago he told me my phone calls are no more important than anyone else's and then reiterated that the following day and told me I was no prima donna. I was having a panic attack of sorts and called his house thinking he'd be there for me. His roommate answered and all she said (like so many times) is...can he call you back, with no explanation as to why he could not take my call. I got upset and asked him to get on the phone going forward to tell me himself he'd call me back. I've known him for one year and never been to his place (he won't let me) nor met the roommate. I don't believe they have anything going on, but why can't I see where he lives? To complicate matters, I am bipolar and also just quit drinking recently after a short hospitalization for detox. I try to check myself to see if I am overreacting all the time. He tells me my issues make him act as he does and that he doesn't have my issues, which is true. Nonetheless, he has told me I am stupid on more than one occasion and calls me names like doofus and dingbat. He's stood me up (in the past) and never celebrated my birthday (and I was very nice for his) and never takes me anywhere (he's taken me to dinner twice in 10 months and I've cooked a LOT for him). The other day he told me he is high maintenance, which I take to mean a one-way street with me doing all the giving. Any opinions are welcome, but I feel he is mentally abusive so that is why this post is here.
  25. This is my crazy life. I'm posting this for everyone who thinks their mental or emotional problems are holding them back in relationships. I’m currently in a serious, functional relationship with Faith, a very beautiful, eccentric, outgoing, nice, mature nineteen year old who goes to my college. I’m twenty and a huge introvert. More on us later. My name is Phoenix and I have bipolar disorder. For those of you who don’t know what this is, look it up on Wikipedia or something. I can't post a link. A few statistics on bipolar disorder. It affects about 3% of the American population. About 25%-50% of the people who have this condition attempt suicide. 11% of people who have bipolar disorder complete suicide. Yes, I have attempted suicide when I was seventeen. We had a psychology class together where we had to make dating profiles. I saved mine, showing here: “I’m a long-haired rockstar/preschool teacher/writer/psych student. I live each day as my last but I live my life as if I’ll live forever. I currently sing and play guitar for my band that recently broke up. I’m writing my thirteenth novel. I take care of children and I love my job. I’m going for my PhD in clinical psychology to become a child therapist. I’m looking for someone who has a lot of imagination and humor. I’m looking for someone who does or wants to live life to the fullest knowing that each and every day may be all you have. I’m looking for someone who loves adventure, music, books, art, and trying new things. I enjoy life far too much for someone in my position. I work hard, play hard, and sleep well at night.” One person in the class asked if I was single. I hesitated, but had to say yes. She said I had a lot to bring to a relationship. Then Faith volunteered her profile, which I liked, so on a whim I asked if she was single. She didn’t reply and we didn’t talk for until the next class meeting, where she told me she was single and she wanted a date with me. I was really not looking for a relationship at that time but I had nothing to lose so I said yes. At that time I was really high on a manic episode, so I just wanted to be crazy. I planned a first date where we went on a walk around the lake to talk about life. I told her everything about my condition and she told me she had depression. Then I brought out my guitar and sang a love song I was working on. I showed her a video of Machine Head (I hope someone on this forum knows who they are) and she said she was hungry so I took her out to a late lunch or an early dinner. I figured out she liked books so I took her to a used bookstore afterwards where she found some things she liked. I just had fun. I had no motivation to make things work. I wanted to leave her breathless. I did a good job and she said she had fun. She asked me on a second date, so I said yes. We started having sex on our sixth date and things have been great ever since. Well, as great as things can be when one person who has bipolar disorder and the other has depression. We are similar in that we take care of people in our lives. We largely offer the emotional support and buffering in our families. Most of our friends look to us for support and care. As for me, I take care of about fifty different children over the course of the week, ages three to five. I work twenty hours a week and I’m taking five classes in college. She’s working fifteen hours a week and taking six classes in college. We’re both planning on getting PhD’s. I have a 4.0 college GPA and she has a 3.9, only getting one B. We are different in that our personalities are almost polar opposites. She is outgoing, intuitive, emotional, and perceptive while I’m an introvert, a thinker, judger, and I sense what’s going on rather than try to perceive it. She has so many friends I still haven’t met them all. She was able to meet all of my friends in a week. She loves spending time with people our age and I just don’t like people our age. She’s had about ten boyfriends before me and I just don’t like people. We’re also a biracial couple. I’m Chinese and she’s Caucasian. She has depressive episodes on a regular basis and I take care of her. I have manic and depressive episodes on a regular basis and she is there for me. Girls try to pick up on me on a regular basis. Guys try to pick up on her on a regular basis. We’re both cool with it. We have friends of the opposite sex but we’re never jealous. We’re both very interesting people, I guess that’s why we work so well together. So I wanted to post this to see how people react. It’s just an attempt for me to open up to the outside world. I’m going to start a website about people who live very productive lives with bipolar disorder. You're free to ask questions if you want.
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