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About Me

  1. I look on this forum a lot to see if there are any new stories about people getting back together with their ex's. I do it just so that I can have some hope, and I really hope someday I can post my story on here to give others confidence that having hope pays off. In the meantime, I am going to make a list of actual stories of people I know that broke up and got back together. Please post your stories here too and we can put a little bit of cheer into this forum. 1. My friend was dumped by his girlfriend of 4 years. They were broken up for a year and a half and he tried everything to get her back. One day he was with his friend talking about her and she called him right then to talk about something trivial, and he went over to her house. They got back together and now they are engaged. 2. My friend's sister and her husband broke up for four years and now they are married with 3 kids. 3. My friend broke up with her high school sweetheart when we were 19 and they got back together a few years later and have been together ever since. 4. My other friend broke up with her high school sweetheart when she was a sophomore in college and they just got back together and now they live together. 5. A friend of my ex's was so sad about a girl forever, talked about her all the time when we were out at the clubs, couldn't believe they broke up, etc....now they have been back together for over a year. 6. My friend and her boyfriend dated for a few years, broke up for 9 months, now they are engaged. She says their relationship is better than ever now they are back together. 7. My friend was hung up on this guy forever, he would go back and forth and never commit, now they are living together and she is going to have a baby. They are really happy and in the end it worked out great. That is just some of the stories I know off the top of my head. Please post any stories of reconciliation that you know of so that we can have some cheer in this forum.
  2. Hey y'all! Just for those that don't know me yet, I'm a 36-year-old woman and I live in a big city in Australia. When I was 13 years old, I was bullied at school and I started speaking to my high school counsellor. I thought she was really nice and helpful and I decided that when I "grow up", I wanted to have her job. In the last two years of high school I decided to study psychology, which I really enjoyed. I actually had a two hour long assessment once in my late 20's with a psychiatrist specialising in ADHD. I'd shown some milder symptoms of ADHD and my other psychiatrist suggested I do the assessment. It came out of the assessment that I probably do have it. But was not advised to take dexamthetamines due to having had mental health issues which are likely to be made worse by stimulant medication. So, couldn't really do much regarding the ADHD medication wise. I also wasn't 100% sure if I really had it because the psychiatrist didn't say it was 100% certain, but likely. I struggled really badly at university with concentration and time management. I did notice even pre mobile/cell phones or any social media that I couldn't really focus on reading text books. I'd sit in a cubicle in the library and keep reading the same page but it didn't seem to be sinking in that well. I didn't have a cell phone to distract me and I was alone, so I didn't actually have anything getting in the way of the reading. I couldn't focus on doing assignments except when I did them the night before or on the day they were due. Then I felt this surge of anxiety and stress that it had to be done and very quickly I would hone in on it and do it all in literally one go. I wouldn't sleep all night and I'd get it done. I was really good at writing and I got OK marks. I could have gotten pretty high marks I think if I didn't do everything at the last minute. I'm also obsessed with shopping and shop impulsively. I also am very bad at organising my house and hoard stuff. Anyway, it took me a long time but I got my university degree, a Bachelor of Arts with psychology major. I didn't continue to study psychology because it required a huge amount of statistics and data, and I was actually really bad at it. I hardly passed the statistics. I also took some time off my degree and I got qualifications at community college (TAFE). I got a Certificate 4 in Mental Health and Drugs and Alcohol and a Diploma of Disability. I really liked community college because it suited my learning struggles. It was very hands on where most of the assignments were very directly work related. E.g. Doing a presentation about a particular mental health service, presenting a case management plan for a fake client, things like that. There were a lot of role plays, where one person was the worker and one acted as the client and you practice actual techniques. You could also submit work late and as long as the work was satisfactory, you still passed. Eight years ago I did some volunteer work with a church mental health programme and in an art programme for people with disability. From there I got references and got actual paid work. Since 2013 I've been working in not-for-profit mental health/disability services as a support worker. I've been in my current job for five years. I really enjoy helping people but I've been finding my job a bit monotonous and boring. I also don't work on a team, only one-on-one with clients in their home or out in the community. I was thinking that I wanted to get a higher and more varied role. Like counsellor or case manager. I started thinking that I'd like to do a Masters of Social Work. In the last few weeks I got this E-mail from my previous university because I'm an alumni there. They were writing that the government is actually paying for some post graduate courses because this work is in high demand. There was a Postgraduate Diploma of Counselling which is free to do. Normally courses are not free. You can borrow money from the government. You get a loan in the sense that the government pays for your course. But once you work and start earning over $50, 000 per year, the government takes 10% from each pay until all the debt was paid off. This is an automatic deduction which you can't control and the money just gets taken from your pay. So I began thinking I could do this free counselling course. But I'm a little worried because the only work you can do with those subjects is counselling. It's not a social work degree, which allows you to apply for a large variety of roles, like case manager, etc. If I finish it but I find that doing actual counselling is not for me, I might be back to square one. It's a lot of effort for me to study and do the assignments due to my concentration issues. I mean, I can do it but it's not a piece of cake. I want to try counselling but I'm also wondering if I have the right personality for it. I think I'm a very caring person and have done well in my support worker jobs. But it's not counselling in the sense that I have to mostly just listen to people. I'm actually very talkative and bubbly and in my own personal conversations with friends and family I talk a lot. I was worried that I might struggle to just be mostly silent in counselling work and only listen to others. On the other hand, the course is free and that is a big advantage. I already have a huge education debt with the government because I failed many subjects in my university degree, but I still have to pay for them because I didn't withdraw from the unit. I also put my whole Diploma of Disability on the loan, which was maybe about $6000. The university degree is probably about $20, 000+. It seems good to do something for free but of course it requires time. And I am still working at my job too, but it's an online course. Any thoughts or suggestions? How am I doing on here? Do you think I have any potential to be a counsellor?
  3. I wish I wasn’t mixed. I’m 18. I’m black/white; African dad, European mom. I currently live in the United States, but growing up, I lived all over Europe. My dad is a former professional football player and he played for a few clubs in Europe, so we moved frequently when I was younger. We settled in the States after my dad retired. Been here a few years. I’ve always been a bit insecure about my mixed heritage. And it’s always made me feel guilty cause my parents are really great, loving and supportive; I’m lucky to have them. I feel like my feelings are a betrayal to them. But I’ve just never been comfortable with my ethnicity. Due to a number of factors, really. From experiences with both sides of my parents' families to the way I have interacted with the many new environments I have been exposed to throughout my life. It’s just a culmination of things, really. I’ve lived in places where I was too black for the white kids, and too white for the black kids. So I never really fit in. I’m constantly asked questions about my ethnicity cause of the way I look – I was bullied when I was little cause I have curly blonde hair, blue eyes and brown skin. When I was in primary school, people said I looked like a freak. These days I don’t get bullied about my appearance, however, people are ALWAYS asking about my ethnicity and the reason I look the way I do. It kind of makes me feel like a circus freak. An exotic creature people ogle. As a result I am pretty withdrawn from society. I’m a loner, to be honest. My parents are always getting on my case cause I prefer to stay in my room, instead of interacting with society. I go off to college next year and I’m so afraid. A girl I had a casual relationship with said my insecurity isn’t racial, but rather, cultural. Because I have lived in so many places due to my dad's former profession, I’ve never really had a place I can call home – a place I can identify with. Maybe she’s right. I don’t know. But honestly, I do envy people who are of one “race.” I know every single person in the world has their problems, no matter the background. But I do wish I wasn’t mixed. I feel so bad feeling like this cause I love my parents but it is just how I feel. How do I grow beyond this?
  4. In this journal I will write about my daily life and some general thoughts. I like to write down my thoughts so a journal on ENA would be the ideal place. I will keep practicing my English too. Funny how easy is to forget something if you don’t practice it . I got a good job as web developer the previous week .It’s my first serious job and it will affect my whole career as I am going to be in the IT field for the rest of my life. So, a new chapter is beginning. I haven’t been placed in a team yet but this will happen next week. Probably as a front end developer but it’s inevitable to work in the back end as well . The good thing about web development compared to other parts of the IT field is that you can create something alone from scratch and you can actually “see” what you develop . A guy at work told me about grails which is a really cool “tool” for web development because it’s very easy to connect the pages with the databases . But what we actually do at work is not web development. We just use a platform called ATG (created by Oracle) to make an online store (e-commerce) . Anyway enough with the these stuff . I got accepted for a MSc in Finance at Kent and Reading universities but I don’t think I will go now that I found this job as work experience is way more important than studies plus it’s 40k-50k pounds .Pretty hefty fiscal burden for my parents. It would have been a nice experience though… I have been told Kent is really beautiful . I would have taken some cool photos haha . Ok enough for today . I am tired …
  5. Hi,new to this forum. Sry it's a long text I know. When I use to have friends (Either female or male) at the first stages, we are equally interested in the discussion, maybe they are more interested than me, but after a while this is just me sending messages, they won t start a conversation until I start. I text more than them and don t use strategy in my relationships but I feel they (especially females) do. I m an over thinker, I use strategic thinking all the day but never wanted to use them in relationships because I found relationships somewhere to get out of my "logic zone" and I say it to myself if I should use strategies in relationships too, so why shouldn t I continue being alone? Right now, I m in a relationship with one of my classmates which is a female(university) and she replies late, 1-2 days later and the problem is she never texts me until I do. Should I choose the split option now? And what about other friendships(Not sure if it is a "friendship" ???!!!) I m having right now which are exactly like my relationship with the one I described above? I'm 23, I have had girlfriends older than me(29-30 y.o) and they were a lot more interested in talking with me than my classmates. Well my appearance isn't that bad to cause me to be ignored, I'm also a valedictorian in my university and I'm not talking with proud about it but I felt my classmates(females) were curious about me, but again it happens everytime, I go into relationship and I rage quit the way I described above. IDK what's wrong with me or them? The energy distribution is like 95 % I give and 5 % I receive! 😕 it happens all the time. If it even matters, I don't live in the US. My question aside from seeking for help on this , is : What should I do with my relationshlts* I'm having right now. I have online friends but they won't text me until I send a message, and I feel my energy and commitment is not being reciprocated.
  6. I'm a college student, 23 years old. My last serious relationship ended when I was 19. I'm doing great overall; wonderful grades, lots of social contacts, many hobbies. Should anyone ask me if I'm happy, my answer is a definitive yes, and for the past few years I've genuinely been living my best life. The only thing one could argue that I 'lack' is a romantic relationship. As I've learnt, I can be perfectly happy without one. And when not confronted with it, it's not an issue. But recently, I've had friends enter into relationships left and right, seen many beautfiul (glorified, I know) relationships build up in films and series, and heard bunches of cheesy love songs on the radio. Yes, I'm fine without it -- but I can't deny it's started gnawing at me. In those past four years, I haven't met anyone I'm genuinely interested in. For a long time I was convinced I had developed a crush on one of my best male friends, but I still see him lots now and I've noticed that the feeling has completely disappeared. I recently reconnected with an old friend that I'm physically attracted to, but found out there's really nothing beyond that. I've started my master's studies this month, gone to meetups, even tried a local singles group, and met so many new people overall -- but there's just no one I feel interested in. See, to be completely fair, I feel pressured to find someone. Not just from outside influences, but internally, too; and I can't exactly pinpoint why. Maybe because I feel like I merely blinked and suddenly I'm 23, and the clock continues ticking. The idea that the pool grows smaller with every year I continue waiting. Or maybe because I've seen all these happy examples and I know I deep down want to have something like that. Because of course I do; I'm no exception. My day-to-day schedule is usually packed. University takes up all my weekdays, and the evenings and weekends I spend with friends. Different friends everyday, and already without trying to squeeze in extra evenings to meet new people I find myself frequently having to choose between one activity or the other. I could go out of my way to put some of them on hold just so I can attend an extra meetup, or visit that new association in town.. but fact of the matter is I really just don't want to. I meet plenty of new people already and all I do it for is to find someone I could perhaps, maybe, one day be interested in, with no success. I'd rather just continue enjoying my time as I do now. The three previous people I've been in relationships with I've all met while not searching actively. I just so happened to run into them while I was visiting my usual conventions, campings, you name it. I didn't need to search, I just found them. We clicked, and we went from there. Which makes what I'm trying to do now feel all the more pointless. Yes, there's certainly a few guys that I met who are handsome, but I just don't feel much for them otherwise. And while you could argue that's because I don't know them well enough yet, I find myself just not having the time or energy to go out of my way to chase them. I just don't want to. And again, from experience, I know it's very well possible to find someone you don't have to "create" a click with. Someone with who it's just naturally there. But every time I choose not to give chase, I feel guilty afterwards. Like I've just been lazy; like I've let an opportunity slip away, and this is exactly why I'm not finding anyone. Sorry for my rambling. I sound more frustrated with it than I really am, I promise, but it's certainly bothering me. Should I be trying harder? Should I be going with a different approach? Should I drop it? Quite frankly, I just don't know what to do with all this.
  7. Hello dear ones, Thou we don’t know each other, I’m grateful we have this very unbiased portal to share our thoughts. Here’s my story and I’ll try to make it short. I just got married to my amazing boyfriend 3 weeks ago at city hall of our country. It costed like $50 and that’s all. We went for dinner just the 2 of us that night to celebrate and that’s it. I’m glad we could blame the covid 19 situation for not being able to have the smallest get together with friends, the truth is we couldn’t afford it. I’m in my late 30’s. Have worked all my life to support my siblings and pay their university costs until they just graduated, which left me with no savings and as soon as they got out of my university, found jobs to support themselves; which we feel blessed about. My husband on the other hand has a simple job and is very underpaid thou he is such a smart guy logical educated and heart of gold. My business is struggling so he is the sole bread winner for now until I Can help him again. All this said, I always thought weddings can also mean wearing a ring but he clearly couldn’t afford it. He was married before and has a house with his ex wife (no kids) and when they divorced 2 years ago it isn’t still sure if she will pay him his share if she ever decides to sell it. They are great friends thank god. I still dream of the day I can wear a simple wedding dress, have a ring; is it wrong for me to think this way? I’ve always imagined it. I’m always very nice to my husband and he knows how I feel but poor guy isn’t able to do anything about it for the moment. How can I calm myself and stop thinking pity on myself and god forbid sabotage our wonderful relationship? Thank you in advance.
  8. I went to parties and did things with guys I didn't truly want to do. I transferred my sophomore year to a much better college; however even while there I still felt peer pressure to "fit in" and do typical college activities. I couldn't wait to make it through and just get that degree that was etched into my psyche as being so important. I feel horrible that I let peer pressure get the better of me at my first college. Occasionally I even have a dream that what I did with this one guy didn't really happen; that I had just dreamed it. Then I wake up and I'm hugely disappointed. I need some kind/encouraging words. Hearing similar stories would also be a great help. Thanks.
  9. I don’t meet the gpa requirements for teaching credential programs in California . I’ve been working for 5 years in medical records . I’ve been looking into early childhood special education credential, multiple subject credentials . How do I go about this route ? I very much would like to work with children .
  10. I know I spoke about my career choices many times here . I’m not very happy with my job . I’m more of a medical billing assistant or administrative assistant just to clarify . I haven’t gotten very far in medical billing . My thoughts are wanting to be an elementary school teacher . However , the issue is there aren’t too many elementary school teacher jobs in USA . Another option I looked into was SLPA. SLPA is essentially a speech therapy aide . I didn’t have the grades to get into speech therapy school. Overall , I wanted to work with children .
  11. I reentered online dating last fall and it's going nowhere. I first tried it five years ago, at age 25. Back then I averaged one date per month, so what gives? Does entering your 30s suddenly damage your appeal that much? I look the same, am trying to date women in my age group, and quite honestly am a much more mature person than I was at 25. I'm more confident with who I am, yet I can't muster a single date. Despite living in a university town and being an artist and musician, I have no real social life. I almost considered going back to college last fall but backed out. Now I'm tempted to enroll just for the social aspect. Any advice?
  12. What do you guys think about Facebook friends who rarely or never like anything that you post? I’ve had friends on my Facebook page for years, and I notice that it’s always the same 3-6 people who like my posts. I have hit 'like' on probably all of my friends’ posts at one time or another. Not every single post, but if I see something I like, I hit like. We post, and like similar content as well, so it’s not like we have completely different tastes. Often, the friends who don’t like my stuff, will share the exact same thing I shared right from my page, and not once will they leave a comment or like it. On newsfeed you can sometimes see posts that people like, so I’m able to see that they are very active on Facebook, because they’ll like many people’s posts or leave comments. I don’t want to sound immature, but I’m starting to take it personal. I don’t mind at all when people share something directly from my page, but what bothers me is that they will never hit like on it, or comment. The few things that I can think of that we don’t have in common are that most of my friends have children, and I don’t because I’m focusing on finishing school. Most of them didn’t continue their education after high school because they had children, or they dropped out of college temporarily, so that’s another thing that we don’t share. Also, I live with my mom because it’s cheaper for me since most of my focus is on school, and not work full-time. The majority of my Facebook friends moved out of their parents’ homes since very young, once they had children. The ages of most of my Facebook friends are from 20-30, and I’m in my late twenties. Most of them being around my age cause we practically grew up together from grade school until high school years. I've thought about deleting the friends who never like anything that I share, but that's almost all of them lol. What do you guys think about this? Feel free to share your experiences, thoughts, suggestions, etc.
  13. I thought it would be interesting if i shared my story and then my day to day efforts to be with my exgirlfriend....you can share with me your thoughts of how i may have done well or poorly on a given day. Well, my story follows: We broke up officially on October 16, 2004. She moved out of our apartment at the end of September. She told me about her plans to move out on August 1, 2004. She said the reasons for moving out were: 1. we were having issues that seemed to get out of control since May and could not take a chance of signing a new contract to live with me while she attended a one year accelerated nursing program at Rush in Chicago, because if we could not work it out, she may end up putting her education (comes with a scholarship and a job for 3 years) in jeopardy. 2. she needed to find out if I was the one 3. she wanted to live alone and gain some independence (she felt she took advantage of me and all I gave her and did not want to have to depend on me anymore for happiness). When she first told me her plans in August, I did everything I could to keep her to stay. By September, She actually told me she wanted to see if we could work it out, but this dark cloud developed over our relationship that seemed to sabotage everything we tried to do. By mid September, she decided to continue with her original plans. This attempt by her to try to work it out and comments in therapy (two sessions) that she would not be leaving if it was not for nursing school were strong enough reasons for me to swallow my pride and let her move out…and all the while, help her with her new place and continue to date her.. (Also, during a trip to Scotland in April, she said she would have married me – she thought I was going to ask). The night she decided to move, I went to live with my sister. We ended up talking and by the end of the week, I was back and she was telling me how upset she got that I was not there and how much she missed me and my support…she was still moving out however. The slide in our relationship seemed to start in May through August, she got a new job and we worked opposite hours…we started to slowly slide out of the relationship with building resentment, etc…..Nothing two people could not have worked out….things that counseling could have helped with if we ever talked about them, but when in therapy early on we were too busy trying to deal with the dark cloud. So why the protracted relationship with her after she said she wanted to move out? She just kept dangling carrots out there for me by saying things like "I still want to date you" "you are still the man in my life" "I still think about us" "who knows what the future holds"..she kept my picture in her living room….she did not want to date other men…"my sister is routing for you". " I have been thinking about a future with you"….."I love you"….But, come the holidays, she did not want me to go home with her (as we have several times). This caused me even more grief…she would no longer come to my parents and she did not want me to go to see hers?…what was I if we were still "dating?" Recently about two weeks ago when a college strike may have caused her not to get into the nursing program, she said she would have gotten back with me to work things out..Another carrot! By October 16 we broke up…..no more sexual relations…..by mid week we were talking again…I had given her a card that basically said that I will always be there for her while she is in Nursing school…..I still love her very much, and if I have a snowball's chance in hell with us getting back together, I want to know I was there for her when she needed it most… But, again as always seemed to be the case, I would drag her into conversations about us and future and frustrate her and myself. So, she said we needed to take a week and stop contact. We did and by Saturday, with the help of friends and family, I was doing great…on Sunday, she called and left a message…I did not call..trying to be strong…she called a second time and I did not answer…by Monday morning, she was calling at my work…she said she was worried about me and it was just weird I was not calling…So I shot her an email that I could not call and would not be able to have contact until maybe sometime in the new year….i informed her of the damage I was causing myself by sticking around in the relationship….she shot an email to my sister who called me and read it to me that Monday…she said in her email it was therapy to write her. She basically wrote to tell her how much she liked my family and missed them and sorry it did not work out….etc….by that evening….i got weak and decided to visit her at her new place…she let me in and told me how she was so upset with the email that she was vomiting and crying…we started talking again…still broken up though… After a series of great times together (no sex) and our monthly crap discussion about us that is set off by me due to something that triggered it, I recently had to take a stand and tell her I could not stay in her life as long as I continued to have strong feelings for her. She said fine and told me it would be easier this time…for her I am sure…. Currently, she has some of my things and visa versa….I have some things (baseballs signed) from her mom I am having authenticated and will sell on ebay…she has a rug, computer, microwave of mine…. come xmas…I hope to have a check for her mom and send Tori a gift for xmas through her sister….This will be the only form of contact until I am ready to try and have that friendship she seeks. I worry myself to death some days and others I am mostly ok……She will be done with the program in a year, should I wait until then to contact her? Do I stick with my word and help her while she is in nursing school (it will be tough in that school)..Do I call her back if she calls?….Do you think she is just using me for the things I offer her?…I really don't want to be out of her life 100% for good because I don't want to lose touch with her emotionally? What if she meets some other guy to connect with since I am not around? She is 26 and entering her first real career move with nursing school and it is very important to her to succeed with school and I more then understand that, because that is why I did my best to continue to be there with her and help her…I love her and due to all the carrots and possibilities she put out there that we may try again….One of the last things she said to me was never say never (I told her I was beginning to think we would never get back together)………and she said we are not going to get back together unless she feels it will work out…..(and with the stresses of school, she can't work on it now and I understand that)….but she does not want me to wait around for her she says…so confused!!!! There is one more issue here….we have about 99% the same friends. We will end up seeing each other out most likely….what to do and how to act. I love her so much and she has told me she is confused too…
  14. my boyfriend and i have been dating for almost 10 months now and we’re both second year college students. our relationship would often consists of fights because of my attitude towards him or how i act, i admit that im sometimes immature when it comes to being demanding and sometimes cant be understanding towards my partner, but i feel like im always too criticized by my boyfriend. In our friend group he is always known to be very direct and straight to the point, so its no different that he applies that too in the relationship which is no problem for me. But lately its been different for me. In relationships its normal to be open with one another when it comes to their problems, we rant or become vulnerable with each other. I would often open up about my issues to my bf, issues about my social anxiety back in high school and stuff or about my past relationships, of course after hearing those from me he would try and comfort me. But Whenever we fight he would often bring up those things i opened up to him in an insulting way, as though he found my weakness and used it against me and completely forgot the fact that he comforted me about those things. He would always do this in our arguments that it deeply hurts me, it makes me want to show him that most people would kill just to see their partner be vocal about their feelings. There are often times where i get stressed or sad about something and the first thing i think about is to tell about them to my boyfriend, but now i’d just be so frustrated with my self because I know I cant really do that anymore towards my boyfriend, it frustrates me because i know wouldnt feel great venting things to him because I know he wouldnt comfort me or maybe he’ll just use my experience against me again. I do plan on opening this up to him but I fear that it may lead to a fight or he might correct me again and again because there might be something wrong with that im adressing. Sometimes I want my boyfriend to not be too firm on me and I would want to be free enough to share my feelings to him without the fear of being judged.
  15. hi guys. i'm seriously lost on what i should do right now. my boyfriend keeps insulting me on things i'm super insecure about and he knows that it hurts me and makes me cry when he does (most notably my school and my teeth and how i don't have too many friends). i'm going to community college to save money for graduate school and transferring to a university out of state close to where he's going, while he's probably going to a university better than mine since his parents are college professors and he thinks he's immune from getting rejected from the fancy school he has a legacy in. i won't get into too much detail about what happened but he made a really condescending joke about community colleges after i told him not to at least 10 times in the past. it's always the same joke format when he insults something i'm sensitive about, where he's not being upfront/mean enough to make him take accountability because he will always deny it and lie about what he really meant. i'm sensitive about this because he knows NOTHING about community college and he thinks that because i'm going there i won't have a good job in the future, when in reality i'm just doing it so i can afford to go to college out of state to be near him and he knows this. what should i do to make him stop because me talking to him about it and expressing how much it hurts is simply not working. thanks everyone
  16. Some background about me: I'm a 21F college senior, about to graduate with a dual degree in Public Policy and Economics from a prestigious university, and looking for a life in academia. Recently I've solidified my goals of getting my Ph.D. and doing research and/or being a professor. I'm very satisfied with that, I just want to read, learn, and come up with mind-blowing theories to solve global issues. And I want to share that with others. My path won't be easy, like any college student I struggle with anxiety about my future and all of the uncertainty that comes with it. Some more background: I've always been tall, slim, and pretty. I am ethnically mixed (Native American, West African, and North African) so I have a foreign type of look that a lot of people like. All my life I've gotten suggestions to go into modeling, but I've always dismissed them because not only do my interests lie elsewhere, but I also have little respect for the modeling industry. I know how horrible and demeaning it can be behind the glamor. Recently however I supported my friend's new clothing brand launch by modeling for her website, and I got a lot of positive feedback. The photographer she hired happens to scout for an agency and asked if he could take my digitals before I was "snatched up" by another agency after the photos dropped. Also, I had much more fun than I thought I would have, and was less awkward in front of the camera than I expected. You could say it came naturally. This may seem like a non-issue but I am seriously looking for advice. I am having a hard time reconciling my (extremely) introverted and academic nature with all that can come from modeling. I'm not sure I want that for myself. I am also fiercely critical of social media (I think it's evil), but I do have an Instagram account because that's where I can keep in contact with people I know, so my account is private and I don't have more than 300 followers. If I model, I don't want to have to deal with social media. I'm not fake and materialistic and those things are useful for a life in the public eye. But if I try to maintain my privacy, it might not even be worth trying because my demand might be low being that people don't know I exist. And the people that follow me aren't very supportive either. I have some great pictures posted but I never get any positive feedback. Mostly, people just ignore me. As I said I'm sort of an introvert but I do have a solid group of friends. Maybe they got tired of telling me I should model because they will comment, like, and share for anyone but me. If you have an Instagram, you know that girls will gas each other up in the comments, and repost their friends. I've never experienced that. This is why I avoid social media because I don't want to measure my worth with those metrics. My mom says they're jealous and I need better friends. That may be true. I think modeling could be fun. I'm no longer in the impressionable stage of life that most models are in when they start (at like 13 and 14 years old!), and I already have prospects for my future because of my education and career goals, so I can drop modeling anytime I change my mind. Additionally, I'm broke and come from a poor immigrant family. If I could make some easy cash for them why wouldn't I?? I knew a girl my freshman year of college who was a model, and she would be flown out to LA for a weekend and come back in time for class with $5,000. Plus, I'm significantly taller than she is, and I have the potential to do runway modeling which pays a lot more. All this being said. I'm a quiet girl and very much a nerd. I feel like I would have to push some of my already established and healthy boundaries in order to do this when I could just continue straight into grad school and my career, and find much more fulfillment that way. Just because I'm tall and pretty does not mean I have to model. But I'm only young once, and this could be fun. I come to you for help because this photographer is waiting for me and I don't want to turn down an opportunity for no good reason.
  17. Hello, A little back story, I have been with my partner for 2 years total. First year we dated casually and we've been exclusively dating for a year now, all long distance. I am normally not a very needy person and we both usually handle time away ok with a phone call once weekly, texts throughout the day, and seeing each other once or twice monthly when we can make out schedules work. I am a single mom and he is currently finishing up his commercial pilot training (will be done in May). I am absolutely in love with him, and he says the same and I have never questioned it or him in the past, he's always been perfect for me. The last 2 months have gotten insanely busy for him at school though, sometimes 16 hour days in lessons, flights, and studying. The last month, we have barely gotten to talk other than a text or 2 a day and usually our normal phone call during the week sometime. My problem is, and im not sure honestly why it has become such an issue for me, is that he says he is so busy that he doesn't have time to really text or call as much as we normally do, but I see him active on Facebook and IG when I am ALL the time. He is busy, the training program is no joke and I know others who have done it and said they were basically living at school. But im worried maybe he's losing interest if he is actually spending all this time on social media but still can't make any for me. I dont want to bring it up because I feel like it'll make me seem crazy if I do because of noticing he's active or if its nothing then the fact that I'm doubting him so much will just add stress to him I am also a huge overhtinker and COVID restrictions with less social outings and time with friends has me deep in my thoughts lol. Like I said, im probably overthinking but its driving me crazy. How do others handle lack of time and communication with LDR?
  18. My girlfriend left me one year ago, now my best friend left me recently, my family is demanding me time with them because I barely dedicate it to them. I have 4 pets, one a little kitty and they are very demanding. A little more of context: I'm a university student and this semester I'm taking too many courses, so I have my time really strict, although I can withdraw some of them to decrease the academic load. So I'm very conflicted right now because 1. My beat friend left me because I'm not a good friend, I'm selfish and it is VERY hard for me to think about other people, and I hate it. I thought I'd be changing, nonetheless, I was thinking about not spending some hours with my family in order for me to finish my week's assignments and be able to do some sport. Indeed I'm being selfish and instead of dedicating 4 hours to them a week, I'd rather go and do my stuff. 2. I know I can do this semester with great grades but as I said, I'd have to dedicate myself to it, and my family and pets demand time. I honestly feel overwhelmed. This issue of being selfish and not-at-all empathic has being over my shoulders for some years now and I can't seem to take it off. I REALLY want to be better, to build myself a good, loving future, full of people I love and I can make happy, but it is so hard and I try and try my hardest and I fall again in the same mistakes.
  19. Never posted on a forum type thing before but my head is all over the place and need some advice. Dated my Ex for 2 years back in 2015, I was 18 and immure, it ended because of loads of small things, like I would refuse to go for a walk. Play too much football with mates. And I talked about going to university. I then when to university are we spilt up, had a great time. Met a girl there been dating for nearly 2 years now. However I'm back home and she's back home too living a 5 hour drive away. She's doing a Master's degree and is going to uni again for a year. We've talked about moving in together after university. I care for her, but it seems like we are friends and don't have that connection I had with my ex. I keep thinking of all the things I had in common with my ex, early on I had loads in common with my girlfriend but she just said it to impress me. And it's hard now as I've started to see we just don't have things in common. My ex has a boyfriend too, but it's hard for me to fully get over the connection we had. We're still friends on social media but don't chat or anything but I see her story and remember the times we had together. Do all relationship have that feeling of being deeply in love? Because I care for my girlfriend I would never want anything to happen to her, but the feeling isn't the same as what I felt for my ex. I just don't know what to do.
  20. How do you make the best use of time after finishing a semester before starting a new one?
  21. Hi all, here's some backstory. I recently decided to start fresh with school after completing one year of college, I am now coming back home to a community college to play soccer for the school and switch majors essentially deeming myself a freshman again. with school and soccer as my main focus plus being back at home with no potential dates on my mind, I though I would end up spending the next two years working, playing, and doing school with no GF, which I was bummed about, but I figured it would be for the better as my last relationship took up the majority of my time and Money often distracting me from more important things, which in retrospect seems bad but it felt right at the time so I can't complain. Anyways... I am training at my new fast food job, handing food out the window to customers when a girl calls me by name (I wear a name tag) and asked if I have a GF, I responded no to which she asked if I wanted one. already flustered worrying about getting orders correct and having my bosses around me, I said come back at 8 (when I got off) and we'll talk. To my surprise, when I got off work and went out to my car, she pulled up. I formally introduced myself and got her name. She's a very pretty girl that I think I would like to have a relationship with, but I then asked her how old she is. She's 17, I'm 19, so she's a HS senior and I'm essentially a college freshman again, only a one year school difference. I was super nervous so I didn't have much time to think so after she said that we both kinda awkwardly smiled at each other, I told her that I'm 19 and that she should come back when she turns 18. she didn't immediately leave so I asked her if she went to school in the area, and coincidentally, she goes to HS in the same town as my Community College. With that info in mind, we ended the convo and went our separate ways. After having a day to reflect though, I am starting to wonder if I made the wrong decision. With the given info I was able to do some online snooping to find a social media account just so I could see her face again as everything was kinda a blur due to me being nervous, so I do have a form of contact if I do decide to change my mind. I have a few concerns that I would like input on though. First and most importantly, she is 17 and I am 19, according to socials, she just turned 17 and I just turned 19 so we are almost exactly two years apart, I really have no issue with this, my grandparents are like 10 yrs apart so 2 is really no big deal, but with the age gap being at such a significant time legally, me being over 18 and her under , I am wondering if this would cause issues or lead to harsh judgement from others. legally, I think I could only get into trouble if there was a sexual side to the relationship, I would being willing to wait the extra year especially b/c I feel like that stuff is much better when you know your partner better anyways, but would this still lead to assumptions from friends and family anyways. I also don't know for sure that she is okay with the age gap, she didn't immediately leave when I told her my age which is a good sign but I could risk total rejection if I were to reach out. next, I would have to reach out through social media and somehow explain that I had to do some digging to find her which might make her feel weird/ creeped out as well. I also don't even know her or anything about her which means we may be polar opposites anyways. Finally, I am not sure if I am obsessing over this because I am truly attracted to her or because its just the fact that Ive never had girl be that forward with me and then show the dedication to drive all the way back 5 hrs later that I am attracted to. I don't want to miss out on something that could turn into a really great relationship, but with all of these complicating factors, I am wondering if it is something that is really worth it. any help is appreciated. thanks.
  22. I started dating someone from bumble (we are not exclusive) and we get along great and are both into one another. He’s really sweet and treats me right unlike a lot of others I have dated. He’s a masters student and is writing his thesis and should be defending this coming fall. Last time I saw him (Wednesday) we talked about doing something this Saturday. I texted him today with some ideas, thinking he’d know I was talking about the weekend and not tonight especially since I mentioned some activities that are typically done during the day. Anyway, once we decided on an activity, he wrote back saying “how about tomorrow/Sunday? I have a meeting with my advisor tonight at 8pm”. I am probably being insecure and crazy but it seemed kind of weird/fishy that he would feel the need to tell me what he was doing tonight instead of just asking if we could do tomorrow/Sunday. And I know we are not exclusive so he is free to see others but he could’ve just said he couldn’t tonight and left it at that, even though I wasn’t asking about tonight. We haven’t had the talk about if we are still dating others yet so it’s obviously still okay if he is seeing others, it just seems weird he would have an advisor meeting 8pm on a Friday night and if it’s not true, that he would lie to me about it when I didn’t even ask. I’m not in academia so I don’t know what’s the norm and what’s not.
  23. for context, me and my boyfriend had an argument yesterday and it was never resolved but eventually got worse late at night. It was about me opening up to him how in the past he constantly kept saying that we’re broken up whenever we have a big fight, I told him how it affected me and even though he somewhat changed, I still felt like it wasnt properly discussed. Eventually it turned into a big fight and to him saying he’s done with me, then proceeds to block me everywhere. After an hour he came and apologized, mostly saying:“ im sorry mahal, im trying to be better from my past, no matter how many times I say im done i still want you“. Of course it made me feel good but I still hesitated, I didnt blast at him when he apologized but instead I stood by what I have been saying to him since morning that him constantly saying to break up with me upsets me. After saying those things he said he wanted to call me in order to talk about it, but sadly I had to go to the mall with my family, so I told him we can call later. Once I head back home I messaged him, the whole time I was still not fine with him and was still pretty upset. When I messaged him, he was trying to lighten up the mood between me and him by sending photos with silly filters, even though I was slightly mad, I couldnt help but laugh a long with him in the chat. We then continued talking in the call, he then started joking around with me with our college friends in the chat and I was not having it. I was slightly hostile towards him when that happened and he apologized but I just kept going off at him by saying that “why do you have to involve in those jokes?” “can you stop it?” “Im not having it”. He then responds to asking me if i was still mad about earlier or is it because I didnt like joking with our college friends as of the moment. I answered that Im still mad at what he did, and then I proceeded to telling him how he doesnt know how I feel when he kept breaking up with him, I just said a lot of things regarding that issue. It then again turned into an argument with him just saying: “wow” “do you really think im like that towards you?” “Just look at the things you do”. In that argument he seemed more pissed about the fact that my mood in the chat was so misleading, how i seemed fine in the chats but now in the call I was mad. It then lead to him ending the call again. We then continued fighting in text, it was him saying how I cant even tell how uncomfortable I still was even after the fight. It then continued to him saying he doesnt want this anymore, hes deleting all our pictures, he regrets apologizing to me earlier, hes throwing away the letters i gave him and many more. I have a lot in my mind right now and I dont know if I should blame myself for not telling him in the chats that Im not in the mood to joke around but instead went with the flow with him, but in call proceeded to be mad at him for the things he did. Its morning here and I really wanna approach him but im scared and dont know how. I dont know if we’re already broken up or what. Im mostly scared because I dont know how I can justify about the chats thing, I want to approach him just to settle things straight with him now if this is really it.
  24. Hello, I am recently engaged and am getting married next year. When I first started talking to my fiance some time ago, I told her I had a college degree (which I was a semester away from completing but put on hold for personal reasons). She has a successful career and I was worried that not having a degree would deter her from wanting to date me so I fabricated the truth in the moment even though it was clearly a bad decision. I didn't think it would be that big of a deal because I figured it wouldn't really have an impact on our relationship because I had a good job so I kept the lie up. Now I am in a situation where her dad is trying to get me hired on at his job which is requiring me to send a copy of my diploma (which I don't have). I am currently panicking because I'm worried that me coming clean about it will ruin our relationship because we've been together for about 18 months with her and her parents being under the impression that I graduated. If I don't come clean about it though, she will find out anyway because I'm assuming this job will tell her dad that I didn't get the position because I don't have a degree. Is there a way to salvage this situation or am I about to lose everything? Any advice is appreciated. Just a side note this is the only thing I have kept from her and we don't have any trust issues whatsoever. Thanks
  25. This a long one, please bear with me. All information is relevant. So I have had a crush on this girl for a while. I first met her in college (we both study in the same field) and we never talked then. She was in a relationship and so was I (yes, i had a crush on her although I was in a relationship). Recently, she got hired at my job (partime job, we both still are attending college). When she started working, we both were getting out of our own respective relationship. We both are single since very recently (about 2-3 weeks ago). She ended her relationship and I ended mine. We both work different shifts (hers start when mine end) and I have been staying late at work to hangout with her. Sometimes even 2-3 hours after my shift ! We would have a great time, laugh, have deep and meaningul conversations. I only get to see her twice a week (i wouldn’t get to see her other days due to differences in our shifts). Also, it is important to mention that me staying late and hanging out with her does not have any negative impact in our job whatsoever,our boss is aware and absolutely okay with that. Lately, she has been behaving on what I thought was a flirtous manner : - When I would leave she’d say : “you’re leaving already ? Please stay !” - She’d sometimes bring me coffee from a nearby shop - I once told her I would order us lunch and she said “You can always charm me with food” - We only once had our shifts at the same time and during the day she’d text me “please come! I’m lonely!” Our coworkers thought we were dating and they were always asking us if me and her were in a relationship together. One day, having been thinking about all these clues, I decided I would express my feelings towards her (in person) and ask her out. When I did, she only said - “i don’t know what to say!” - “You’re catching me completely off guard!”. I later texted her that day and she told me again that i really caught her off guard and that she had too much on her plate lately with school and that she still hasn’t gotten over her previous relationship (even though she is the one who ended her previous relationship). (This was a week ago). NOTE: never did she say that I wasn’t her type nor never did she ever friendzone me. At this moment I decided I would be distant. I wouldn’t text her through the week. When saw her for the first time saturday (a week after the day when I expressed my feelings towards her), we chatted like usual, but I purposely stayed only for 30 minutes and she was seemed shoocked and surprised (even bothered) that I stayed only for that long. The following day, I stayed for 5 hours after my shift, i got us coffees and hung out and had a great time. When talking relationships she told me she’s caring less and less about her ex now (I asked) and then she later revealed that she’s the kind of girl who is hard for her to fall in love with someone (i never asked, why did she mention this) ? However, i might have stayed too long that evening because she eventually started to seem bored, and seeing that I decided i would head back home. I am curious to know the “why” behind all of this story, is she interessed but just confused ? Why was she beeing flirtous ? Did I express my feelings for her too soon ? Also, I want to know how I should proceed, because I definitely want to date her eventually. Should I text her during the week ? Should I be silent until I see her at work next week ? Should I ask her out again ? Should I wait for her to make a first move (considering that she knows how I feel, but i dont know how she does) ? Should I make another move ? Thank you!
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