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About Me

  1. Hi everyone! I'm in major need of advice. So. on June 10-17 I was out of town for work purposes. When I got back later that week I grabbed my boyfriends laptop to play a movie and his e-mail was on the screen. There was one particulare email that stood out to me so I opened it. It was a back and forth email with a prostitute/escort. I confronted him about this and he felt very ashamed and swears nthing happed that he was just curious and extremly horny and desperate while I was away since we hadnt had sex for a 1 1/2 weeks. Let me also add that the reason we hadnt been sexual was becasue we were going thru issues. He had missed my brothers wedding in order to go hang with friends in NY. So obviousl y I was mad. I immediatly ended this with him because it was very hurtful to see this! especially since after my trip we had been very intimate and loving so I didnt undertsand where the needs were coming from? despite this we worked thru things and everything had been going great. Until today. 7.17.19. I happened to go on his computer and saw he had 11 unread texts. So i opened Imessages and saw that during the days i was away not only did he e-mail, but was texting! multiple conversations. again he swears he didnt meet up with anyone and i believe him, but im just so torn!!! I love him so much and I know he loves me as well! i see it. its very confusing to see the man i Love do this. I feel like thats not MY guy. we've been together for 3 years and live together. What should I do?
  2. Hi everyone. Yesterday I was about to check my emails when I realised that my boyfriend was still logged into gmail on my laptop from when he was using it at the weekend. I was about to log out so I could sign in and as my eyes glanced across the screen I noticed an email notification from only fans. For those of u who are unfamiliar with it, it is an an online website where people can sell nude images and videos of themselves. I wasn’t planning on looking through his emails but this surprised me and I was curious to see if there were many more emails from the site. I find out that he has been on the site since the start of this month. He has subscribed to two girls on it and has spent 23 dollars so far. The emails he gets are informing him that he has just received a message from these girls. Most of them seem like spam messages. I don’t think he really communicates with him much. I am okay with him watching porn and I know this is going to sound like I am contradicting myself but I feel like this isn’t right. He is individually choosing these girls and spending money on them. The fact that he has done this is quite upsetting and makes me feel really insecure when I can already give him what these girls have for free?! I plan on bringing it up with him when I see him at the weekend. I don’t know if I should be annoyed about this or not. I kind of wanted other opinions on the situation. I love him and I know he loves me but I find this a bit disrespectful. How would you react? Thanks for any opinions/ advice :)
  3. Greetings! I have read several articles and seen YouTube videos advising to NOT reach out to an ex on Christmas or the Holiday Season. However, my goal is not to get my ex-wife back, but simply to re-establish a bridge of communication for a potential friendship in the long-term. I absolutely have no intentions in a long-term reconciliation. A bit of history: my ex-wife left me 5.5 years ago to ''find herself'' after a 6-year marriage (she has been single since then). We have been divorced now for 3.5 years and have been in No Contact for nearly 2 years. She is still single, bitter, and her heart is full of anger towards me and life in general. Our mutual friends and myself, including therapists I spoke with in the past, suspect either bipolar disorder or narcissist (cops showing up in restaurants asking her to leave because she is yelling and lashing out at the server or a waitress, etc.). Our last conversation, nearly two years ago, was not a very pleasant one. I simply called her to tell her the good news that I finished university, and instead of congratulating me, she was raging, rehashing the past, and slammed the phone on me. She checks out my Instagram from time to time but never writes, which is odd. I have never seen this level of anger or animosity before. I sometimes reflect and look back with some level of sadness and nostalgia, and I sometimes ask myself, ''how did we get to this point?'' Sine I have decided to write her on December 25, I would like to have advice from female dumpers: if you ex was to reach out to you on Christmas Day, after a long period of no contact and years after an ugly divorce, how would you feel? Happy? Upset? Sad? What kind of e-mail would make you smile and prompt you to respond? A short note? A longer e-mail to update her on my life and the highlights of the year? Asking her about her goals for the next year? All I'm asking is for a positive and healthy, respectful interaction or communication. Thank you in advance for the advice and kind regards!
  4. I'm talking about a "child" who's 30 years and moved out since the age of 18. Is it normal for the mother of a 30 year old to still say things like: -Eat all your fruits and vegetables -I hope you’ve gained some weight (What the heck at this, why would I want to gain weight? FYI, I LIKE being slim, I don't WANT to gain weight, why would a mother wish something on me that I wouldn't want to begin with!) What kind of a thing to say is this?? I don't care if it's out of love, I want to scream to her face that "I don't want to gain weight" and to leave me alone! She said this in 4 e-mails! Same crap every time she writes even though I repeatedly told her it irritates me every time she writes this. -Don't forget to forget to wear warm sweaters and pants I think I'm old enough at 30 now to wear whatever I want and if she doesn't like it too bad. -Eat well to get energy for the day -Remember to take calcium , it’s good for your bones. Take 2 tablets a day (about 1000 mg), choose the one with vitamine D added. Chew them if they are too big to swallow. What, am I a 3 year old now? I am quite capable and competent thank you very much. I'm 30 and my mother thinks she can tell me take vitamins and chew if they are too big to swallow.. ?? lol Does anyone else have a mother like this? She patronized me via e-mail btw, not in person. If your mother still patronizes you and you are an adult who lives on his/her own please name specifics. It would make me feel a lot better knowing that I'm not the only one having to suffer/deal with being patronized like this. My mother is dense btw, she doesn't understand when I ask her not to patronize me, it really goes through one ear and out the other. I think she's not capable of understanding. Telling her in a mature and adult way to stop patronizing etc will not work because she is obsessive compulsive and next time will probably say the same thing because she just can't help herself. Sometimes I wonder if I was a guy if she would still patronize me like this? Or is it that she's just so obsessive and compulsive that she will patronize me either way? It's annoying and does nothing but push me away and resent her even more. I don't care if it's done out of love. It still bothers me a lot.
  5. I thought it would be interesting if i shared my story and then my day to day efforts to be with my exgirlfriend....you can share with me your thoughts of how i may have done well or poorly on a given day. Well, my story follows: We broke up officially on October 16, 2004. She moved out of our apartment at the end of September. She told me about her plans to move out on August 1, 2004. She said the reasons for moving out were: 1. we were having issues that seemed to get out of control since May and could not take a chance of signing a new contract to live with me while she attended a one year accelerated nursing program at Rush in Chicago, because if we could not work it out, she may end up putting her education (comes with a scholarship and a job for 3 years) in jeopardy. 2. she needed to find out if I was the one 3. she wanted to live alone and gain some independence (she felt she took advantage of me and all I gave her and did not want to have to depend on me anymore for happiness). When she first told me her plans in August, I did everything I could to keep her to stay. By September, She actually told me she wanted to see if we could work it out, but this dark cloud developed over our relationship that seemed to sabotage everything we tried to do. By mid September, she decided to continue with her original plans. This attempt by her to try to work it out and comments in therapy (two sessions) that she would not be leaving if it was not for nursing school were strong enough reasons for me to swallow my pride and let her move out…and all the while, help her with her new place and continue to date her.. (Also, during a trip to Scotland in April, she said she would have married me – she thought I was going to ask). The night she decided to move, I went to live with my sister. We ended up talking and by the end of the week, I was back and she was telling me how upset she got that I was not there and how much she missed me and my support…she was still moving out however. The slide in our relationship seemed to start in May through August, she got a new job and we worked opposite hours…we started to slowly slide out of the relationship with building resentment, etc…..Nothing two people could not have worked out….things that counseling could have helped with if we ever talked about them, but when in therapy early on we were too busy trying to deal with the dark cloud. So why the protracted relationship with her after she said she wanted to move out? She just kept dangling carrots out there for me by saying things like "I still want to date you" "you are still the man in my life" "I still think about us" "who knows what the future holds"..she kept my picture in her living room….she did not want to date other men…"my sister is routing for you". " I have been thinking about a future with you"….."I love you"….But, come the holidays, she did not want me to go home with her (as we have several times). This caused me even more grief…she would no longer come to my parents and she did not want me to go to see hers?…what was I if we were still "dating?" Recently about two weeks ago when a college strike may have caused her not to get into the nursing program, she said she would have gotten back with me to work things out..Another carrot! By October 16 we broke up…..no more sexual relations…..by mid week we were talking again…I had given her a card that basically said that I will always be there for her while she is in Nursing school…..I still love her very much, and if I have a snowball's chance in hell with us getting back together, I want to know I was there for her when she needed it most… But, again as always seemed to be the case, I would drag her into conversations about us and future and frustrate her and myself. So, she said we needed to take a week and stop contact. We did and by Saturday, with the help of friends and family, I was doing great…on Sunday, she called and left a message…I did not call..trying to be strong…she called a second time and I did not answer…by Monday morning, she was calling at my work…she said she was worried about me and it was just weird I was not calling…So I shot her an email that I could not call and would not be able to have contact until maybe sometime in the new year….i informed her of the damage I was causing myself by sticking around in the relationship….she shot an email to my sister who called me and read it to me that Monday…she said in her email it was therapy to write her. She basically wrote to tell her how much she liked my family and missed them and sorry it did not work out….etc….by that evening….i got weak and decided to visit her at her new place…she let me in and told me how she was so upset with the email that she was vomiting and crying…we started talking again…still broken up though… After a series of great times together (no sex) and our monthly crap discussion about us that is set off by me due to something that triggered it, I recently had to take a stand and tell her I could not stay in her life as long as I continued to have strong feelings for her. She said fine and told me it would be easier this time…for her I am sure…. Currently, she has some of my things and visa versa….I have some things (baseballs signed) from her mom I am having authenticated and will sell on ebay…she has a rug, computer, microwave of mine…. come xmas…I hope to have a check for her mom and send Tori a gift for xmas through her sister….This will be the only form of contact until I am ready to try and have that friendship she seeks. I worry myself to death some days and others I am mostly ok……She will be done with the program in a year, should I wait until then to contact her? Do I stick with my word and help her while she is in nursing school (it will be tough in that school)..Do I call her back if she calls?….Do you think she is just using me for the things I offer her?…I really don't want to be out of her life 100% for good because I don't want to lose touch with her emotionally? What if she meets some other guy to connect with since I am not around? She is 26 and entering her first real career move with nursing school and it is very important to her to succeed with school and I more then understand that, because that is why I did my best to continue to be there with her and help her…I love her and due to all the carrots and possibilities she put out there that we may try again….One of the last things she said to me was never say never (I told her I was beginning to think we would never get back together)………and she said we are not going to get back together unless she feels it will work out…..(and with the stresses of school, she can't work on it now and I understand that)….but she does not want me to wait around for her she says…so confused!!!! There is one more issue here….we have about 99% the same friends. We will end up seeing each other out most likely….what to do and how to act. I love her so much and she has told me she is confused too…
  6. Hi everyone. So today I went to log on to my emails and realized that my boyfriend was still logged in to his account from when he was on my laptop at the weekend. I wasn't snooping through his mail but upon a glance at the screen I noticed an email notification from only fans informing him that a girl had sent him a message. For those of you who don't know what only fans is, it is an online platform where women can sell nude images and videos of themselves. Naturally this sparked my curiosity so I scrolled down a bit further to realize that he has been on this site since the start of October. He has subscribed to two girls on it and has spent 23 dollars so far. I don't think he has communicated much with them which is good. They seem to just be spam messages. I don't know how I should be feeling about this. We have been together almost 5 years and I thought that our relationship had been really good lately. I really love him and I know that he loves me too. I don't have an issue with him watching porn and I know this sounds like I am contradicting myself but the fact that he felt the need to sign up to this site and spend money on images of other women seems wrong to me. It seems more intimate to me and makes me feel really insecure when I know that I could give him what he is looking for. I don't want to make a huge deal out of it but i find this disrespectful and hurtful. I am going to bring it up at the weekend. Would you be happy if your partner was doing something similar? How would you react? Thanks for any answers. I really appreciate it.
  7. This is about a very good friend of mine. There's this guy in her circle that she's known and liked for ages (something like 20 years). They were both in relationships with other people when they met but they had common friends, so, they stayed in touch. About 3 years ago she broke up with her long-term bf and a year later this guy broke up with his gf, too (except she's still staying in his place 2 years after their break-up because she can't find a job or so he says). Anyway, 6 months ago this guy and my friend started sleeping together. They had decided not to tell their other friends (4-5 people they're very close with....I'm not in that circle although I've met everyone involved). That lasted for a couple of months and then there was a misunderstanding or something that led to them barely talking to each other (his choice according to my friend). I had told her she was better off without him as I found the fact that his ex gf still lived in his house very weird. That guy sent her a very lengthy email today...4 months after their ''breakup'' if we can call it that. She forwarded it to me asking for advice. It was a very disturbing email. Basically, he was telling her that it was all her fault they had stopped talking, he took no responsibility for anything (he apologized for some time he had called her names saying he had done it for her own good) and he said that unless she talks to him/meets him he's going to forward that email with details about their sexual relationship to all their friends and he added that if she planned on denying it, he had proof. He mentioned a bunch of other things, too...(not nice) things she had told him about their common friends when they were 'together'. What was more disturbing was that he presented all this as a ''gift'' to her. He gave her a time line, too....talk to me before Monday or I'm forwarding the email. I was shocked but I was even more shocked when I talked to her and I found out she was rather pleased with the email and acted like it wasn't a big deal and ''I don't care if he forwards it to the others'' but she did email him telling him not to do anything until they talk. This isn't a young girl, it's a woman in her '50s and I know it's her life but I can't help worrying about her. He sounds unstable, threatening and dangerous to me. I told her that I would not meet him and I would even talk to a lawyer. Surely, this email screams blackmail, doesn't it? I just want opinions on whether I have a reason to worry or am I overreacting.
  8. I have an old account that I cannot gain access to. Even after resetting the password, it’s still inaccessible. I honestly don’t even remember what the username is (it was created many years ago). Because of this, I created a new account. I then got an email stating I’ve broken a few rules by establishing another account. I don’t have the authority to reply to that message to ask for help. So, the question is, can the old account be deleted?
  9. Hello all, I'm trying to balance my mental health a little as I think my break up definitely wobbled it a little. I found out my ex was on a dating website, which now I have accepted as she is totally free to do as she wishes. I decided it may be good for me to do so to. I went on the same one as her, not to spy before anyone says! It just seemed it would be the best one for me in terms of opportunities and the fact it's free! It would appear she has hidden her profile as she didn't appear on the search for my town-a blessing in disguise as we won't stumble across each other - but when I clicked the "who viewed me" tab, it showed she had looked at my profile-this would have been few weeks back though as I did log on when I recieved an email telling me I had a message- It showed her as online but I have heard that sometimes these sites aren't fully accurate with the online status. I am assuming she has hidden her profile as at this stage, with lockdown, she may have seen it as a waste of time and will unhide it when things return to normal, this kind of gives me a little relief as deep down I would love to sort things with her. Alternatively she may be hidden and is now chatting to the people that messaged her before she made her profile hidden. Either way, I don't know how best to focus my mind as I think either thought process will cause me unwanted stress or anxiety
  10. I met a woman a week ago and we really hit it off. We have spent 5 nights together – all night. Our time together felt magical. We would send each other an e-mail in the morning, or she would call, and we felt connected. I could tell that she was really into me. Heck, she had asked me out. Three days ago I told her I was getting together with my neighbors last night and that we were going out. I invited her and she was happy about that. Well, this past Friday AM I sent her a quick e-mail to say “hi” and tell her I was thinking about her. No response. Later in the day I had a missed call from her, but there was no voicemail (I hate texting). To me, that’s a lukewarm attempt at contacting me. Last night I went out with my neighbors and I was a little bummed. I drank a lot and when I got home I sent her a quick e-mail that said “we missed you.” (It was my neighbor’s suggestion). Finally, I just received an e-mail from the woman: “I wish I would have known.” Wow. I am usually perceptive, but I am LOST with this. Any suggestions on what’s going on here?
  11. so please keep in mind that this was written at three am, it is an email draft i wanted to send to my friends but never got around to it as i realized how bad it seemed. please dont say how over dramatic it seems or that relationships like these are unbearable and i am truly trying, honestly i just want advie on learning to let go of things, people and emotions. there might be some switches to my mother language but 99% is in english (ps i did not want to edit it as i felt the message would have been heavily altered if id started modifying it now ) so guess whos back, annoying, kinda over-bearing, emotional at the moment because of a damn movie and just overall a mess. its almost three in the morning, on a tuesday? i dont know what day it is tbh havent checked my calendar in forever. look at me being all depressy and , this isnt a cute look for me but oh well. from the top, here I am, tuesday morning, watching cheesy romance movies, sending mass emails to my friends, probably scaring half of you into thinking Im about to kill myself and in the words of the wise Nikol: ika e njome, kto jan kasetat e mia. well, thats for another day, another time and another ocassion. sometimes i hate being alone, the air feels suffocating and the walls seem to be too close and other times..like now. i, the tough headed, sometimes smart mouthed, very obnoxious, me...need a friend. now if id have the balls to send this email youd be curious as to what damn movie could have me bawling my eyes out and writing weird ass emails at 3 am and howver out of character this may be for me, it was 5 feet apart. the classic teen romance movie yada yada a given white-hormonal-teen-girl-heartstringer. i mean it isnt wrong. maybe its the approach to death, the lack of contact which to us..or to me at least doesnt seem important or out of the ordinary during my day to day life. we all hug people we care about, kiss in greeting and in love, brush hands while passing on a pen and laugh without fear of being too close. we dont notice these things, dont give them importance. yet at the same time these insignificant gestures sometimes mean the world to us. one hug can feel like a thousand and one touching of hands gives the feeling of two souls colliding. yet...we dont value it. and for this i am sorry. for all the wasted small moments. for all the missed out bigger ones. for dragging you into the mess that is me. because truth be told, even if youll never say it to me. i am a mess. not a lot of good comes from me. im sick constantly, am failing almost all my classes, never seem to realize whats in front of me before it is far too late. maybe it was never there to begin with and my delusional self just tries seeing things, where they simply arent. so here i am, yet again, alone, cold, numb, crying over the loss of a best friend. the chase of a love that wasnt there. the undying desire to understand the line between jealousy and pride im treading on. and the uttermost destructive feeling of not being able to help. on one side its always been like this, one sided. cant have both parts of these relationships function at the same time, it just...never worked like that. whether that is me to you all as a group. me to you. amd simply me to..me. what if the point has come where i dont want to dissapoint anyone anymore. my mom and dad, they have been dealing with a disgrace for the past 17 years. least i could do for them was be good at school and take care of myself. i havent been doing either. i went from straight As to measly trying to pass and get this half assed diplomma. and health and self care wise? youve seen my arms, youve seen my eyes and youve now seen my words too. I havent taken my medication in 3 weeks. two pills in the morning, one at lunch and two in the evening. all of these continuously going down the sink. my mother has gone from screaming that for one point i could have full marks to crying tears of joy when i pass the 75% mark. it is so difficult. it is so difficult to see yourself try this hard and not reach anything. beiing surrounded by intelligent, amazing, brautiful people and then looking yourself in the mirror and despising everything you see in front of you. it is difficult looking at you in the eye and saying im so proud of you, for what youve done, what youre doing and everything you will do. because i am, i could cry thinking about how amazing you are, you all are. but i cant. because i also wanted that to be me. i wanted to finish first in class, go to my dream univeristy, find the right guy and manage to keep him, i wanted to be able to trust people without being scaed of them using things against me. and i wanted to say that i found my best friend and didnt do something to lose her. but i cant. because i did. and i dont know how too fix it. i cant tell that i have fallen in love, i cant say how sorry i am because i know that now it doesnt matter, i cant come accompany you to the airport when you leave because i wont be able to look at you in the eye, i wont go get the coffees with you because i dont want you to feel like im your burdain to carry, i wont tell you about the fresh cuts and the falling hair because i know that you have your own, and i wont come to you crying complaining about the latest issue in my life. youre so great, you deserve to be loved, cared for, understood and accompanied through your journeys. physical and emotional contact which i just cant offer. i cant be a good girlfiend if i cant help you through your issues, cant be there for you if you dont let me, cant solve your problems when you dont want them to be solved and cant kiss you unless i were 6 feet tall. i have proven that no matter how much i try, i cant seem to be a good friend either.i wasnt there when you were coughing up blood, i probably wouldnt know now either. i wasnt there when you were cryingon the bathroom stall, because i havent talked to you in months. i wasnt there for you when you got your heeartbroken, not once, but twice. i wasnt there for you after all the fights with your parents you didnt want to bother telling me about. this message took exactly the curve i was trying to swerve around. im not crying anymore...which is good. moral of the story the movie made me think. overthink. analyse all my memorie. and everything i did wrong. life is about bonds. ive made many, too many some might say. not enough has proven itself the case. there is never enough. we, as humans crave contact, we feed off of energy. and when we lack it? we go numb.love maybe isnt the force that makes the world go round, but at least it pumps our blood.it arouses our senses. it fullfills us. it makes us feel alive. and this love that we all chase and expect doesnt grow out of our pocket overnight, it isnt sent our way through a 24 snap story, and it most definitely doesnt come knocking on our door. it takes care, persistance, commitment and sometimes, a bit more persistance until they leave you on seen. its an emotion, like a flower. beautiful in nature, fragile in our hands. but with a little bit of attention it will grow through a full lifespan. Love, FromMyWindow
  12. I got myself into a bit of a weird situation. The company I work for is closing soon so I am avidly seeking new employment. I applied for a job that requires I have a driver license, which I do, just the beginner one, not the level of license they are looking for. Before I applied for this job, I had my G2 (license in Canada where you're allowed to drive on your own - the test is a road test) booked for a few weeks from now. I currently have my G1 learner permit class. It must have listed this requirement somewhere in the job posting, but I missed it as I was really excited about meeting almost all the requirements and applied right away. I had my first phone interview with the company yesterday where she asked me if I held this class of license. The interview was going so well, and I panicked and just said yes - I know I should have said I will be doing the road test in a few weeks. Today I had another phone interview and got an in person interview for next week. I will have my G2 license in 3 weeks, and I am sure the interview process would be well over by then. I don't know how to go about this. I don't know if I should e-mail the interviewer and tell her that I misspoke or something and will be getting this license. I know they would find out because I am sure they would ask to look at my license if I got hired as the job involves some regular driving. Any idea how I should let them know I will be getting this license, and do you think it will hurt my chances of continuing the interview process?
  13. I received an email from my ex boyfriend (7 years) during Thanksgiving and Christmas. He moved out when i returned from an overseas military deployment - he was supportive but grew very angry in my absence that I volunteered to deploy. His adult children, daughter especially, re-engaged with him during my absence and encouraged him to leave me. They were angry and mostly cut ties with him when he began a relationship with me (live-in). He became regretful after moving out but I was too shocked and hurt to respond to any attempts to see him and soon separated items. It was a very dignified and decent separation. I believe he has begun a new relationship with a female that lives out of the area (based on a comment made by a mutual friend a just gut feeling). It is likely a rebound relationship to fill the void - he suffered with loneliness while I was gone - more than I knew at the time. I began No Contact during thanksgiving after receiving a thanksgiving text but no respectful call. When I called him he did not answer and this was a change for me. For Christmas he sent: Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. My phone crashed, and I lost 75% of my contact information. That's why you didn't get a Merry Christmas earlier. Sorry. I hope you had a nice Christmas. How is George (my son-they were close)? Your mom? Mike My thoughts are his phone did NOT crash but rather he may have removed my number at the request of someone else. He HAD to contact me via email to be descrete. would you agree? I am in NC mainly for myself-so I can take time to assess me and move forward. I accept the breakup and have just a small hope of reconciling - if we were both better down the road.
  14. I am on a yearly contract and my job is dependent on funding. We normally get notified by nov/early dec if our contract is renewed for the following year. I have been at my workplace for over 7 years with the same boss. From Nov I have been asking my boss every week if my contract will be renewed. He said that we were still waiting to hear back. On my last day of work for the year my boss acted like we may still get funding and he was expecting me to come back in the new year if we get the funding. The next day I get an email from HR saying that my contract won’t be renewed as we are unlikely to get the funding and my skills are different to what is required for the position. I’m angry and annoyed. This is not how my boss should have treated me. I still have not received an email or anything from my boss. I feel like the least he could do is email me to let me know. I understand in this line of work that contracts may not be renewed. I was expecting my contract to not get renewed, as it has happened to many people I know. I don’t know what to do now. I feel like it’s awkward now. Can I use him as a referee if I apply for future jobs? Do I want to use him as a referee? Do I wait for him to contact me? Or do I be the bigger person and email him?
  15. Why is December always a month of tension? Yeah, I know there a lot of reasons. I just need to get this out there. I took on an Operations role 6 months ago in a totally new industry for me. I dove in enthusiastically, and I am being 100% honest when I say that I have worked harder (and done better work) in this position than I have ever done in any prior role. I've been through the ringer professionally, made a 180 a couple of years ago when I made the decision to leave my artistic/ performing aspirations and I haven't really looked back. After finding my footing in the Dutch workplace in an admin role I did well and excelled in, but didn't see as a longterm career path, I finally found this role with a start up, working directly with the boss and his business partner. My boss is the co-founder and CEO. He's incredibly smart and experienced, he's only 5 years older than I am and he built the company in the US before moving it to the Netherlands, so I feel at home in the workplace and get along with my colleagues well. I've been told on numerous occasions that I am an asset to the company, have been "vital" to the growth thus far, and about one month ago my boss sat me down to say that after I return from my maternity leave next summer (I am about 18 weeks pregnant), they want to do whatever possible to make me comfortable balancing motherhood with this role. I've been working on a number of recruitment projects to help build our staff, one of the roles eventually intended to be an assistant to me - so I'll ultimately (as far as I've been informed) be in a leadership position. All of this is great, I've been going head-first into projects and enjoy the role and even the most mundane duties. Therefore, I was really shocked when I received an email yesterday afternoon where my boss encouraged me to "take a day off for some extra rest" in the coming week. The tone of the email was very kind, but ultimately contained a list of mistakes I've made in the past month. I have always been 100% transparent with him if I felt I misstepped, and we would always discuss those moments positively - nothing he listed was detrimental to the company, and some of them were not even literal mistakes, but rather, questions I had asked for my own clarity that apparently indicated I am missing a beat. They were things I wanted to double check because I'm less used to doing those tasks and they are in regards to sensitive things like our finances, or a client set up. He listed these as "mistakes" but ultimately, I did not make a mistake. I asked for my own information and clarity before hitting the button. The overall email read as "Hey, you're normally really awesome at your job but you're making too many mistakes and we can't have that, so take a breather." (That is my paraphrase). I've shared it with two or three closest friends to get their take, and they said it reads as concern, but not a lack of trust. However, he did say at the end of the email that "We need things to be very careful because these kinds of slip-ups could impact payroll or other consequential things in the future." To me, that is a warning that they are less confident in my abilities. The email came as a shock after having just had multiple one:one meetings with him this past week where he seemed glowing and enthusiastic about work I was doing. I know that mistakes can be a drain on the company, but I feel like I don't know what to do about asking questions for my learning curve. 6 months is long enough to have made a good amount of growth, which I feel I have done, but it is not enough time to be 100% confident and never have to ask dumb questions now and again. Anyway, my main concern is that this could be a red flag that they are monitoring me and this is the first in the way of "documentation" that could eventually lead to termination. Particularly since this level of concern was NOT discussed in person just hours before the email was sent to me. I will naturally be careful, but given the amazing feedback I've had so far, I can't help but feel more than a little thrown off about what this means for my upcoming months and if I can really trust all the positive feedback. With a baby on the way, I really need to know that I can openly ask questions and feel confident there and not like my moves are being tracked and documented. Any thoughts out there are much appreciated.
  16. I’ve been dating a guy for 6 weeks now. We are both divorced, have children, full time jobs and live 50 miles from each other, yet, we manage to see each other once or twice a week when we don’t have our kids. I have completely fallen for him so now my emotions are involved and I feel hurt when I’m not with him because he just goes MIA. He was never the next texter, I’d get something maybe every 3 days, but at least when we have plans, I will get a random “good morning beautiful, only two more days :)”. Now, I just don’t get that anymore. What confuses me though, is that when we are on a date, he will already initiate seeing me again and make plans with me. So this leads me to believe he does have some level of interest. And while he can choose to see others closer to him, he puts in the effort to see me. I also visit him and usually these are overnight visits where he would take me to a nice dinner, we would maybe watch a game, talk for hours, etc. And he is extremely affectionate- hold my hand in public, kisses me, caresses me, holds me at night... He’s just amazing. Last weekend, I finally told him I enjoy him so much I don’t want to see others, and he said the same, that he enjoys his kids, his alone time, and being with me and he’s not looking for anything else as he is extremely content. I also mentioned the dating site we met through and asked if he was still active on it. He said no- even though he is still on it- and said he doesn’t interact or message anyone on there really. He basically just looks. After I opened up, I noticed he did a little too. He started showing me pictures of his parents and extended family. Then upon kissing me goodbye, he invited me to a game this weekend which would be the first time I would be introduced to his friends. Sounds interested right? Well the problem is that I feel like if I don’t reach out every couple of days, I’ll never really hear from him. I don’t receive any texts to give me any confidence that he’s even into me. If I text him, however, he responds immediately. What’s bothering me now is that a few days ago, I asked him if he wanted to meet for lunch- he’s literally in the suite next to mine about once a week. He said he wished but couldn’t because he was not going to be in the suites that day but would let me know how the week progresses because he knows he will be there towards the end of this week. Well two days ago, I was copied on an email (or companies sort of intertwine), and he mentioned to the guy he was emailing that he would be around tomorrow. Well... looks like he already knows he will be around, so why have I not heard from him? And tomorrow (Friday) will be the first weekend evening I won’t see him. He did not plan anything with me. He did plan something Saturday- the game-, but haven’t heard anything about that either so I’m wondering if that’s even going to happen. He seems into me when we’re together but I feel like there’s disconnect there when we’re not. Sounds like he’s not interested? I don’t know if it’s even worth bringing it up to him cause it may make me sound needy perhaps? And advice/suggestions would be greatly appreciated. This is the first guy I’ve really liked in years and I’ve fallen for him. It hurts feeling like he’s not feeling the same way.
  17. Letter To The One That Broke Me Dear You, Remember me from a year ago? Probably not. I remember you, the shy girl with the beautiful brown eyes. I remember sitting behind you in a marketing class. You were so cute in the way that you focused on your work. Then, we were paired together for a semester. I remember you being so shy around me. Then, you started “accidentally” bumping I go me in class. Before I knew it, we were talking regularly before class. In class, I noticed your arm touching mine and I thought I was crowding your space. Then you gave me your number for our project. Later, you started texting me questions, but I knew that you knew the answers. However, the party soon soured when the guy in class told me that you two talked about children and danced. I was destroyed. I was silent that day because I could not look at you without forcing back tears. A week later, a friend of ours walked into class after you walked in and he walked back out saying that you were all lovey dovey on the phone with someone. I felt sick. I wanted to ask you out, but I hesitated again. Then, we had a great conversation. You told me about how traveled to Geneva, Switzerland and that you loved it. You loved a the country that I loved and I felt like I was meeting my dream girl.However, I also asked you about yourself as a twelve year old and what you wanted to be. You only said that you were a tomboy. My dream girl was embarrassed about being a tomboy when I thought that she was beautiful just because she owned who she was. I remember the day when you got a cold. It was at that moment that I wanted to be yours. I had visions of me sitting next to you, bringing you water, kissing you on the forehead, and letting you rest. I fell in love because of a cold. I remember our first hug. It was my favorite day. You hugged me so tight and I wanted to plant a kiss on your forehead, but that would be moving too fast. Later that week, we talked online and you cried under stress. I knew what I had to do. I walked in that morning to correct your paper, but I had something to tell you. I did not know if you were taken or not, so I told you how I felt. I looked you right in the eyes, told you that I had feelings for you, and walked to class. That afternoon, I waited after class to ask you out to dinner or maybe my friend's wedding, but your friend talked to me. We talked and you became upset with me. So, I gave you the letter that told you my deepest feelings. I told you that I had never loved before, but you made me realize what it looks like. You perfect and my dream girl. When I read your email the following Monday morning, I cried. I lost you. You told me to let go of my dreams and desires. I guess you wanted me to let you go. I read that email ten times that morning. My mother and friends even said that I was not seen romantically. When I saw you that night, I stayed away. I felt like a creep. When you brushed along side me, I walked out. You told me to let go of my dreams and desires, yet you were standing right next to me. I cried in the bathroom and called a buddy. Upon my return, you said that you told your grandma that you did not want a relationship for another three years. I felt used. The last words you uttered to me were “Chris, what time is it?” and you walked out. The last time I saw you, you gave me a handshake in a parking garage after hugging everyone else. My expression of love was received like a plague. When I took up your offer of friendship, you said you never become friends with men. So, I not only lost a potential love, but my friend and favorite person as well before my graduation where I fantasized about giving you a hug and looking deep into your eyes. I decided to throw myself into something else, not love, but a passion. I hope you find the love that you want. I will not chase you. I will not badmouth. I will not hate. I will let you go. I forgive. Go after your heart’s desires. You deserve them. This is on my mind a year later because I still do not know what happened. When you called me at night in a panic over homework, I did not judge. When you asked for my help, I was there.I thought we were in love with each other, but it might have just been on my end. I just pray that I can move on in time. I hope somebody can feel as passionately about me as I felt about you. Until then, I literally need to keep my head in the clouds. I cannot go past that parking garage without thinking about your hand in front of me. I even cut up my alumni card. I can't go back. You should be there because our classmates loved you for you. With “love” and prayers, The Guy from the Past
  18. So my ex lived with me at one point and so we obviously changed his address to here. Well before I fully cut him off, I asked him for the confirmation number in the email USPS sent him when we changed it so then I could go back in and change it to his now new address. I asked him for the confirmation number and his new address so I could change it. He ignored me every time and would always change the subject. Now keep in mind, I do know where he lives, so it's not like he just doesn't want to give me the address. So now I am currently in no contact with him and today he sent me a screenshot of the email with the confirmation number but not his new address. I refuse to break no contact for any reason at all whatsoever but I do want his mail to stop coming here. So I was thinking of just messaging his brother for the address instead. (He lives with his brother.) Is that silly or should I just ask him again for the address or should I just do nothing at all? If I do nothing, he will never go in himself and change it and his mail will keep coming here. Please no negative replies. I have posted in here before and some people were really rude.
  19. I know most of you will tell me that I was foolish for meeting my ex-bf after what he put me through for the last 6 months. It was totally my fault for being the doormat. On Sunday morning, I received an email from the ex (since I blocked him on the phone). He said he wanted to meet up to apologize for his behavior for the past 6 months, and for dating others while trying to work things out with me. At first, I was apprehensive and thought meeting up would be a bad idea. But as the day went on, I thought to myself that I wanted/needed this apology so agreed to meet him for dinner. He started off with an apology immediately when he saw me. Then the dinner continued with a light and fun conversation. He then told me that he still loves me and that he would like to continue to see me. I told him that it was a bad idea. But he persisted and I just left it at that and went home. Now, 2 days later, I feel horrible. One because he hasn't reached out and two because I reopened old wounds. Why would he tell me that he still loves me and wants to continue seeing me but yet not reach out? I guess perhaps I wasn't ready to completely let go but I feel horrible because I should want to let go after all that has happened.
  20. Day 4 - (Still Raw) So yesterday was ok. Not terrible just ok. Helped my uncles kids light fireworks, etc. I couldn’t help but wish they were my own kids. O well. I had fun, kept it together, NC iniated by either side. I have my ex blocked on everything except email. Email is the only avenue of communication between us. It’s for emergencies and to notify me when the kids need something. I’m always very prompt to get the kids what they need. As another poster said, this time and space to heal is much needed. It’s not forever. I just need to get my head together. I’m doing more harm than good. I’m excited about the future. Finding someone new and putting this toxic relationship behind me so I can be the best dad to my kids! I’m also looking forward to the day when this hurt and confusion I feel is all over! I’ll be journaling twice a day for now on everyday. I’m curious to see my progression through this healing process! Well, I guess I’ll get back to work! Have a great day everyone:) Red88
  21. Hi, I am new to this site. My ex broke up with me last Friday. The craziest part of this breakup is that I didn't realize that we were a couple again. So here is the back story. About 16 months ago my ex broke up with me because he said we don't work as a couple. My world stop with those words. I was devastated. But he continue to talk to me every single day since the breakup. Making sure I was ok and stuff like that. But never made an attempt to give the relationship a second chance. We saw each other five times in 16 months. Some meetings were pleasant and other ended in me crying my eyes out. I waited patiently for him to tell me that he loved me and he wanted us to work things out. There were lots of communication gaps and confusion on my part. I was not sure how to act around him since we were not together. One day he will tell me I am beautiful and next day he will ask me to go have a fling with someone else. I was constantly up and down with emotions because I was in love and I was not sure what this arrangement was. So last Friday we hang out. I was having a bad day because I take care of my disabled brother and he was not doing well. So during our outing, I was crying about my family issues and I got drunk and said some stuff to him like you broke my heart and how could you do this. Now he send me an email telling me that I should move on and we don't work as a couple. I ask him were we a couple in this past 16 months. No answer from him. I am sending him email every single say since last Friday and no reply from him. Nothing. I got nothing. I was tossed aside like I am nothing. I put my heart and soul in this relationship of three years and in the end, he left after healing his own heart. Felt like he tricked me for 16 months. I am so lost. I am not even crying. Why am I not able to cry? What happened to my eyes!
  22. Oh, boy I'm really regretting this. :( My girlfriend of 3 years broke up with me in late June, due to religious reasons. She's a Christian, and I don't really follow any faith. We had issues about this at the start of our relationship and even broke up a few times because of it, but we got to a point where we were happy and fully committed. I was devastated when she broke up with me. I begged and pleaded but she was stuck on her decision. 1.5 months into the break she was still texting and calling me saying that she loved and missed me, but still did not want to get back together. This drove me crazy, and I told her that I had to block her on everything. She said that she understood and that she respected my decision. About 10 days into her being blocked, she somehow found my email address, and started contacting me that way. I kept ignoring, and she showed up at doorstep. She was crying and telling me that she didn't want to lose me. We spent the entire night together, kissed, hugged, had sex. I thought we were back together. I asked her what our time together meant, and she said that we should stay broken up and that I should probably block her on my email. I was so confused. However, her attitude was more open and loving towards me now (she was cold before). I told her to think about us getting back together. I gave her a week to decide, before I would block her on email. She then started sending me playful emails, but I was still hurt and honestly kind of had my walls up because I didn't want to get attached and have her break my heart again, so I ignored her. After a few days, she kind of got the hint and stopped emailing me. A day before she was supposed to make her decision, I emailed her saying that I think it's best for us to move on and that I would be blocking her on my email. She immediately sent me 5 emails begging me not to block her and asking to meet up with her one more time. I ignored them all and blocked her. It's now been a full week since I've blocked her, and I'm starting to regret blocking her, but mostly regret not keep the convo going when she started sending me playful emails. She hadn't acted like that since before the break up. Since blocking her, I've noticed that I'm starting to get over her, but it's making me kind of sad, because now it truly feels like this is coming to an end. Did I mess up?
  23. Thanks for taking the time to read this: My ex and I broke up 4 years ago -- We broke up because we both had deep seeded jealousy issues that were unfounded -- she was jealous of a plutonic female friend of mine and it became toxic. She had trust issues stemming from a past relationship. At the time It hurt like crazy, but I thought I would get over it fine. I think we've grown, emotionally from that time. We hung out a year later, we were both dating other people, and it was clear we both still had feeling for one another. We havent seen eachother or spoken in almost 3 years now. I think about her all the time. She's never far from my thoughts. She's the love of my life. This past year i've written about 10 emails that i've deleted, re-written and then trashed again. I can't bring myself to send it. Part of my is terrified to find out that she's married or has had kids. But there's a strong possibility of that. I guess I just need to know at this point. Last time we talked she'd moved across the country to be with her BF. I assume she's still there but I don't know. I have no idea. So i've written her an email, basically saying how some events recently have got me thinking about her, wondering how she's doing -- that she's on my mind a lot, etc. Should I drop the, you're the love of my life thing? or is that too much? it's the truth, and if this is the last time she hears from me I want her to hear it. What do you all think?
  24. Hi, I've been dating a guy over the past month, and so far I like him quite a bit and we seem compatible together. He told me on our first date that his divorce with his soon-to-be ex wouldn't be finalized for several more months. I appreciated he mentioned this, and I had no reason to think that his ex and him might still have unfinished business. Last Monday he left to go on a trip to Amsterdam. I never asked him who he was going with nor did he volunteer the information. For some reason it didn't really cross my mind as being something to ask, but in hindsight I wish I had done so now. My curiosity got the better of me a few days after he left and I went to check out his Facebook profile. We are not friends on Facebook either. I decided to scroll down his timeline and discovered a picture of him and his ex on their wedding day back in 2013. I didn't think too much about it, since he rarely seems to go on Facebook. I decided to click on her name and when it went to her profile page, lo and behold, she's in Amsterdam too. She had a few pictures up but none of them had him in it, nor had she tagged him in any of the pictures she had taken. I'm not quite sure what to make of it but nevertheless. I should put that out there.I I decided to send him an email after I slept on this, because it was bothering me quite a bit as you can imagine. My email wasn't harsh, I just told him I knew he was with her and perhaps the two of them still had unfinished business.. I also told him that it's not unusual to pine for somebody even after you break up with them or go through divorce proceedings. However, I told him that it probably would have been better for him to disclose this from the very beginning. When he replied, he said he was sorry and understood why I felt this way. He went on to say that this vacation was purchased over a year ago and they didn't want to waste the money and decided to travel together as friends because they still get along. He also mentioned they're staying in separate rooms. 'm not quite sure what to make of this story, because obviously it's not an organized tour. The only thing they would have had to get refunded for was there airplane ticket, and if they couldn't have gotten a refund for that, they would have gotten a credit for a future fight. I want to believe him, but I also have to trust my gut instinct as well. I would love to hear people's opinions on this so I know how to proceed. I don't feel mad, simply because I haven't known him for very long, but I am very disappointed and hurt. Please let me hear your thoughts, especially you men. :-)
  25. I had a falling out with my best friend of about 15 years. Very long story short, she had become judgmental and gossipy over the years, and I took the total coward’s route by not saying anything about it. Things came to a head when she told people I was bulimic - (I’m not, and I’m actually really proud of how hard I’ve worked to lose weight… or at least, I was.) And I finally wrote her a long email about why I had become distant, which mentioned the aforementioned gossip, negativity, and bulimia rumor. I thought it was a gentle and fair letter, and I even had my husband read it before I hit send to make sure it didn’t come across as mean and accusatory. I followed up with phone calls and emails after sending, but got total silence on her end. Flash forward a month or so. I told my husband that “Jane” wouldn’t talk to me at all, so I had no idea if she was angry, hurt, embarrassed or what. My money was on embarrassed, because I don't think she knew that I was aware of her rumors. My husband then tells me that she’s been IMing him this entire time about how awful I am, and what, specifically, is wrong with me. (Yep, this included that I was indeed bulimic, as well as the fact that I was mean, had turned into a horrible person, and was “spiraling out of control.” So, essentially, there was no problem with her or her actions at all – it was all just me becoming evil and insane.) He showed me one or two messages that she sent, but then took away his phone so I couldn’t see the whole conversation. Well, I am ashamed to say that I snooped. And I discovered that while she was repeatedly saying negative things about me, my husband was doing the same thing to a lesser extent. He told her that the letter I sent was indeed mean, (although he did not tell her that he read it and approved), and that she might have to be the bigger person, and if she just called me he was sure I would apologize profusely. The worst thing was that he said the reason I hadn’t apologized for being a was because I was “too busy kissing his ass” for a fight we recently had. I told him what I saw. He said I invaded his privacy, (which is true – I shouldn’t have snooped), and that he only said those things so that we could repair the friendship, and was essentially working as a mediator. He also said that we were both being dramatic and crazy, and that he wouldn’t talk about it anymore. This is bugging the hell out of me. I feel bad now about the email I sent to Jane, and my emotions have flipflopped between wanting to call and apologize, (should I? I doubt she'll answer my calls), while being relieved that the friendship is done. (I found out that after the now-infamous email, she told mutual friends and my parents that I was an insane bulimic.) I also feel awful that my husband was put in the middle of this, and feel guilty that I apparently caused both people who are or were very important to me a lot of hurt. But the entire drama-fueled mess, and especially my husband's narrative, bugs the heck out of me. I was never “dramatic” about the situation because I had no idea it was happening. I can’t understand why he would tell her the letter was mean and that she deserved an apology if he told me it was fine. Worst of all, I feel completely gaslit because somehow I ended up apologizing all over myself to him after these secret IMs came to light. (AKA, "I shouldn’t have snooped, you have every right to talk to Jane however and whenever you want," etc.) He doesn’t want to talk about it again, and I don’t know what to do. I know he’s not cheating on me with Jane, (he actually doesn’t like her at all), but I can’t shake this feeling that there is something very wrong here. Do I need to get over this? Is my marriage severely broken? I am constantly flip-flopping between whether I am in the wrong or not. I really need an outside perspective.
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