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disgruntledbaker

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  1. time to find a new best friend. theres no situation imaginable that would make it "ok" to pick up a friend's rebounding ex. thats completely bogus. seriously, over time if a relationship formed once the extreme emotions have cleared and you've truly made your peace with her then you couldn't really fault him, but this early it's criminal. if he were my friend he'd get a terrible beat down. and as for the ex... she's prone to making foolish choices now, but i find it curious that she should choose your "best friend" to make those foolish choices with. wandering sword is right, would the girl you fell for do this? she's gone. she may come back some day, possibly better than ever, but right now this person is a horrible and hurtful person that you shouldn't want in your life in any way. ditch them both, and if they're any sort of decent people they'll find their own ways back into your life. leave the band.
  2. so hard to wrap my head around the possibility of someone changing so much. and i don't know that i'll give up hope that our paths will cross again some day. i still carry small flames for all my old crushes, and if thats any indication of how long i can hold a crush then what the heck are my chances of moving on from love, especially for the girl i was set to propose to less than 3 months ago. (and the girl that told me over and over that if i asked, she would say "yes")
  3. nah, it all goes back to the devil that is known as myspace. my friends rarely talk about her when im around (and from what they tell me, they'd rather not talk about her when i'm not around either; the bulk of my friends are sort of turned off by her change in personality as well though they would never tell her that, apparently they'd rather pretend to like her). i rarely go on myspace anymore because its riddled with reminders of her and she makes a habit of regularly posting on my friends pages so i can't really talk to my friends without seeing her picture and what she has to say for herself. i avoid the whole thing often (and would consider deleting my account if it wouldn't feel like such a cowardly thing to do) just so i don't see her, but every week i check in to see what people are up to. today i found that within the last three days shes posted on every single one of my friends pages, people that (as i said earlier) she normally wouldn't even speak to, and had some really overtly flirtacious things to say. it's like shes baiting me for a reaction. i'm still not checking her page or aol or any of that junk. have no idea what shes up to. which is a huge load off my mind (sometimes). but when she seems to go out of her way to push herself into my mind it just feels cruel. i can't ask my friends to choose sides and ignore her for my sake, but honestly that keeps going through my mind and i get upset with myself for it. and just to clarify, i don't condone violence against women, so when i say "i want to shake some sense into her" im only trying to convey a sense of frustration and not literal physical abuse...
  4. i disagree. how he speaks of you with his friends is important. you can't have a relationship with someone thats only willing to overtly care about you when no one else is in earshot. it won't go anywhere.
  5. the short of it is this: my ex didn't have a lot of real friends before we started dating, because most of the people she associated with were friends of her ex from the previous relationship and she didn't really care for most of them... so she kind of took on all of my close friends while we dated. now, i know for a fact that she didn't care for some of my friends at all. in fact, there were plenty she just plain hated and others she never spoke with in her life. but now she seems to be going out of her way to talk to all of these people, and often in a flirtatious manner. i can't help but get the feeling she's picking a fight. just as a recap (and it should be obvious based on where it's being posted) i don't want to count out the idea of reconciliation some day. i love the girl, or at least the girl she used to be, and i don't take that lightly. shes changed into someone heartless and borderline evil, and i've moved past the stage where i want to throw myself at her feet so she can continue to step all over my heart... but i feel like i should just grab her and shake her until she snaps out of this. i guess this is the part where someone shakes me to my senses and tells me im reading into things and i should calm down. you know i even walked away from things like the phone and computer for a week to try and give myself time to ignore all that junk, and all that happened was i gave it all time to build up...
  6. good. i think thats the way to go. you should be hurt by it. i used to do the same thing, hang out with a girl that i enjoyed spending time with and then made her the butt of all my jokes with my friends so i would save face... when i was 16. then i grew up. and honestly, i would kick my own tuckus today if i ever caught myself doing that to another person. its just plain wrong. stay away!
  7. yeah mister echo, i think we all got played by the same woman i'll add to that list and say "all of the above were the opposite of what she used to be about until one day the switch flipped"
  8. i don't buy it. at least some part of him was curious to see how things would go. what he says and what he feels are two very different things... but that shouldn't give you hope, really. while what he says and what he feels are really two different things, if either of them are hurtful or disrespectful to you then kick him to the curb. he's not good enough for you or for anyone if thats how he treats people, even if all he did was say that to a mutual friend. those sorts of words are painful, and both the speaker and the listener know that. don't let your self esteem suffer, and definitely don't risk your heart again over him. sounds like bad news. it would take a hell of a lot of groveling on his part for me to consider giving him any sort of second chance at this point... like weeks of groveling.
  9. my ex and i broke up several times, and each had its own story... but each time there were definitely periods where she would come to me and say things like that. hell there was even a few times where we became intimate, and after sex she would say things like "we fit so perfectly together, theres no way it could be any more perfect" and then half an hour later say she made a mistake and i should sleep on the couch. even this last breakup, "the big one"... she called me a few weekends ago and said "i love you, i miss you, and i want you to be my husband." now you'd think that that was no uncertain terms, right? well i stayed on the line with her instead of hanging up like i should have, and we talked. the longer we talked, the more she changed her tone. she may have just been checking to see that her safety net was still here, she may truly be questioning whether shes better off without me, i dunno... but three hours later she changed to "i wish i could get over you so i could date other people." haven't spoken to her once since then. i needed to hear it to snap me out of wonderland where the happy endings are right around the corner, but beyond needing it to come to my senses it was the worst thing i've ever heard in my life. seriously. walk away. lay down your rules and then just leave. im not saying there is no possibility of a happy ending for the two of you, but that happy ending isn't around the corner. if you two got back together tomorrow, there would have been absolutely no growth at all. for there to be success where there is failure now, you both have to learn something. and that happens with time.
  10. shes taking advantage of you. completely. whether she realizes it or not. she may or may not still have feelings for you (probably does) but if shes going to respect you at all you need to draw the line. lay it all out there, tell her shes with you or she isn't, and if she isn't there are no more phone calls, late night ice cream runs, hugging, kissing, flirting, or anything. you won't stand by in the wings while she hangs out with other guys after laying your heart out on the line. if she isn't a complete witch, she'll see how much you really care about her and will want to be a part of that. she'll come back on no uncertain terms. if she still isn't grown up enough to do that, then you're better off on your own. it never ever feels that way right away, i know. its been over three months since i split with my ex after a 4 year relationship and i still don't completely believe im better off without her all the time, but 22 out of every 24 hours its painfully clear how much i was taken for granted and how i deserve just as much dedication as i showed her. cut her out. no more talk. action. and now. thats my two cents.
  11. i think it comes back to respect. or "power" in the relationship, if you want to look at it that way. in order for there to be a common or middle ground, both people involved have to be willing to come to that middle ground and work equally hard to maintain it. if its only the one of you doing all the working and the other reaping all the benefits... you may have done a lot of the leg work to get the relationship to where it is, and thats even more reason to let him make the next call or take the next step. make sense? and everyone else, correct me if im wrong...
  12. whoa whoa whoa while jayar is right and you shouldn't be running headlong into anything and playing it cool will definitely make you more attractive, careful about the whole pretending every last guy you were with was a stud. i don't wanna hear about ex's or former dates or lovers or any of that crap when im with someone. i don't share that stuff because its not important who i was with, only who im with now. i expect the same courtesy from the girl im with, because if she isn't i feel insulted. why would i want to be compared to the last beau? im the one thats here NOW. thats all thats important. getting the impression that a girl im spending time with still crushes for former guys or thinks they out perform me in the one way or another only makes me want to spend less time with that girl, not more time.
  13. the final words don't matter, even if they're what you want to hear. if she follows them up with "get your things out of here," then for right now at least, there is no hope. i say don't contact her unless you want to have your heart shattered all over again. if thats what its going to take for you to think of her differently (as it took for me) or at least for you to try to put her out of your mind, then go ahead. but be warned, and don't be surprised. if you're honestly just checking in in an attempt to be friends (and after 3 weeks i have a hard time believing that) then theres no reason not to unless she asked you to stay clear of her. then you've gotta respect her wishes
  14. i didn't really experience anything like this until recently. whats worse than the dreams is the more i grow to see how doomed things really were and how i'm probably far better off for not being with the ex, the more i am constantly reminded of her. where before i would just think about her constantly, now i try not to and hear that song or see that place. her birthday is on the 23rd and you would be amazed how often that number turns up. like how i always seem to glance at the clock 23 minutes after the turn of each hour, and sports... god... and now this new movie coming out. that might be why i dream of her now, i keep overanalyzing everything around me and finding hints that i should be thinking of her instead of forcing her outta my mind.
  15. i'm gonna guess the answer to that question is "yes, i've gone through a breakup within the last week."
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