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  1. I look on this forum a lot to see if there are any new stories about people getting back together with their ex's. I do it just so that I can have some hope, and I really hope someday I can post my story on here to give others confidence that having hope pays off. In the meantime, I am going to make a list of actual stories of people I know that broke up and got back together. Please post your stories here too and we can put a little bit of cheer into this forum. 1. My friend was dumped by his girlfriend of 4 years. They were broken up for a year and a half and he tried everything to get her back. One day he was with his friend talking about her and she called him right then to talk about something trivial, and he went over to her house. They got back together and now they are engaged. 2. My friend's sister and her husband broke up for four years and now they are married with 3 kids. 3. My friend broke up with her high school sweetheart when we were 19 and they got back together a few years later and have been together ever since. 4. My other friend broke up with her high school sweetheart when she was a sophomore in college and they just got back together and now they live together. 5. A friend of my ex's was so sad about a girl forever, talked about her all the time when we were out at the clubs, couldn't believe they broke up, etc....now they have been back together for over a year. 6. My friend and her boyfriend dated for a few years, broke up for 9 months, now they are engaged. She says their relationship is better than ever now they are back together. 7. My friend was hung up on this guy forever, he would go back and forth and never commit, now they are living together and she is going to have a baby. They are really happy and in the end it worked out great. That is just some of the stories I know off the top of my head. Please post any stories of reconciliation that you know of so that we can have some cheer in this forum.
  2. My boyfriend's mother died very suddenly and unexpectedly 5 months ago, leaving him an orphan at age 36. His mother had raised him by herself and his father had remarried but died just a few years ago. His stepmother and half-siblings stopped talking to him after his father died, so it was as if he suddenly had no family left at all. When his mother died, I was the first and only person he turned to, and I held him all night and listened to him talk. He had to fly to another state to take care of arrangements and I offered to go with him. He tried to book a flight for me but nothing was available, so he asked me to come in the future to help him pack up his mother's house and be at his side at the memorial service instead. I tried to be as supportive as possible over the phone while he was away. We were in frequent touch and he told me everything about what he was feeling and going through. But when he came home 10 days later, he was very distant and strange. He seemed confused and said he didn't know what he wanted. He abruptly said he needed to take a break from our relationship and asked me to leave his apartment. He said I had been the most wonderful and sweetest girlfriend and that he loved me but that he just couldn't be in a relationship with anyone during this time. But he also kept saying that he didn't want to make a rash decision and to give it some time. I knew I had to set my feelings aside and allow him whatever he needed, even though I was devastated. I tried to give him space but also still be there for him, so I'd occasionally (every couple of weeks or so) send a short and kind email or text message. I did speak to him by phone for about an hour a few weeks later and he told me that he felt like a basket case and couldn't sleep. I tried to go help him with his mother's house but he turned me back home after our flight landed. Finally, 2 months later, he sent me a very terse and cold email that simply said there was not a possibility of us getting back together and that he felt there needed to be considerable time and distance before we ever talked again. No explanation or any words of kindness whatsoever. He sounded so different from the person I once knew. I'm having trouble accepting that this could really be the end. I keep wondering if there was anything I could've done to prevent or save this - whether I wasn't there for him enough in the beginning, if I gave him too much space or not enough, if it was a terrible mistake to get on that flight to try to help him, etc. Everyone tells me that doing that was an amazing selfless act of love on my part and wasn't inappropriate, but it seems like he was upset and disturbed by my gesture, perhaps due to his mental state while grieving. I only had the best of intentions and it doesn't seem like it should be a reason to push someone you care about entirely away and just completely refuse to talk. It was as if I had wronged him deeply but I don't know what I did that was wrong. Over the months I've read so much about grief and tried to understand what he is going through, but I still can't understand how his feelings could have changed so drastically when we had a great relationship before and he always seemed so deeply in love and sure of our relationship. I know he had to deal with a harrowing and traumatic experience, but why would he turn away from my support and cut me out of his life without explanation when he can still treat everyone else in his life as normal? How can he not miss the life that we had together? We were in a serious relationship and the love we felt for each other should mean something and not just evaporate into thin air. Can anyone help me with insight as to why he might have done this and whether it's likely he'll ever come around with time?
  3. First of all its a long story and English is not my first language so sorry for any mistakes and please help me I am really confused and any advice would be appreciated. We were in a 2 year relationship and everything was going well before the covid lockdown. We used to fight and get into arguments but we never went to sleep without sorting it out. But we loved each other so much. We both had some bad habits like I was short-tempered and sometimes said hurtful things to her and she never shared her feelings or the things which were bothering her with me much, I had to ask her several times to know what has happened. Fast forward we had a fight in January 2021 because we were feeling some sort of distance between us, which turned into a fight lasted for about a week. We sort it out and after that fight we started having many little arguments in a month, like 2-3 arguments/ small fights in a month because she used to watch Netflix all day and never had time to talk (we talked for about 1 hour in a day roughly). Now on 19 May 2021 we had a small fight and she told me that my words hurt her sometimes and that she feels like I don't value her. I told her that if she wants then she can take a break to which she said NO, then the next day (20 May) she said that she wants to breakup. I tried to convince her and after 3 days (23 May) I finally somehow managed to convince her and then we talked for a week like normal friends and then after a week on May 30 she finally broke-up, she told me that she has lost feelings for me since April end. She wants us to remain friends as she says that I was one of her best friends and she don't want to be in a relationship with me. But I can't remain her friend as I still have strong feelings for her. I want her to give our relationship another chance and I know that if we both put efforts together then we can make this work but she is not willing to do so. Reasons I think she broke-up: First two are the main reason the others are just what I think might be the reasons. I am short tempered and sometimes I say things which hurt her but I don't do it on purpose or intentionally. There was a communication gap between us and mainly it was because of her habit of not sharing anything with anyone. I was getting a little bit jealous and insecure after our fight in January. Due to covid lockdown we were not able to spend time together, our only way of communication was texting. I think this can be a reason she lost interest in the relationship as it might be getting boring for her. I have fixed my attitude and my anger but how can I show her that I really have changed? Few points that are bugging me, First she was not ready to breakup, but then the next day she told me that she wants to breakup. When we talked about it she was furious with me and was telling me my mistakes but the next day when she broke-up, she took all the blame on herself that it's her who is at fault not me. While breaking up she told me that she lost feelings in April but after some days when I tried to talk to her she said that she didn't loved me and that she had lost feelings since January. I feel like she is hiding the real reasons and just trying to make up reasons to breakup. She has changed drastically in the last few days. I really love her and want us to be together and I know that if we both put a little more efforts then we can make this work. But I am confused whether I should talk to her after a few days [approx a month after our breakup](I will be meeting her with her sisters and friends) or after some months of no-contact. I am thinking that I should talk to her and first know the real reason of the breakup and what was bothering her for the last 5 months in which she lost feelings, maybe after that we can somehow make some changes and be back together. I just have a few questions: What should I do?? Should I move on or hope that by talking to her about all this we can get back together?? Or should I go no-contact for some months and then try again? Or should I give her some space and time to figure things on her own and until then I go no-contact?? Once the feelings are gone then can we do something about it... Like if feelings once lost can they come back too??
  4. I will try to keep this as short as I can. My (ex)boyfriend broke up with me about four weeks ago after a six months relationship. The break up came out of a sudden and hit me hard. I have to mention: He suffers depression (but is in therapy and gets medical treatment and knows & accepts that he is not healthy mentally and wants to get better) and has a dismissive avoidant-attachment style. During the relationship I could really handle his disease and tried my best to be there for him and support him without smothering him and I told him that I am okay and that I love him and that I won't leave him because of this disease. I tried to give him the space he needs and as much space as I could offer. I knew how much he suffers, but it seemed like our relationship gave him much more than the disease demanded from him. That it was something really good for him. It was a beautiful relationship, it felt deep and I know that these feelings have been on both sides. The weeks before he broke up had been full of love and connection, he wanted to have me around, made plans, wanted me to meet his family, he was caring and loving. One week before he broke up he told me how much he loves me. We had a fight three days before the break up and after some days of silence ended our relationship. We do not have contact since then. We met each other at university when we started the same studies at the same time. Due to this we now share the same group of friends and fellow students and even have to work on the same projects together. As I said we do not speak to or text each other privately, but because of the group-project we work on together with two other fellow students/friends we have to maintain a certain kind of communication (via WhatsApp-/ Discord-groups and in online courses). During those courses and in online meetings with our group he even answers to me, speaks normally as if nothing happened and even laughs when I say something funny. Everything beside these situations is pure silence (except that he‘s still looking at my instagram stories, but well…). I am in a circle of being incredibly sad, missing him, feeling pure anger, wanting him back and at the same time working on myself and careing for my own needs – and enjoying it. I feel really good discovering a new me – or the me I really am and want to be. But still there is this me that does not want to give up on him and on us. I understand that he needs his space and I want to respect that – for him as well as for myself and my own healing and his healing. But I do believe that we could do better at a second turn. I reflected a lot, looked into myself and I know so much more now than months, even weeks ago and I really believe that it could be different. I am seeing a therapist myself now. I know now that while I tried to be there for him I forgot to be there for myself, too, and to work on my own issues. I know my boundaries now, what I want and need in a relationship and I am willing to find a way together to meet everyone‘s needs in the middle. I love him and feel deeply connected to him. I just want to talk to him to reconcile and get back together – or to get a final closure. But I also want to give him the space he needs. So far no contact worked well – he didn‘t contact me or anything, but I am working so much on myself and feel how I finally beginn to see my own value (don‘t get me wrong: This is an issue I am dealing with for a long long time now, nothing our relationship took from me). But now here‘s the problem: As I mentioned we share some same friends and projects. After four weeks of successful no contact our project group has decided to meet next week to discuss our project in person and have some drinks together. Well, I could just leave after we discussed the „professional“, project related part and skip the socializing, but I want to be honest: I am new in this city, I came here six months ago. I don‘t know many people and due to the lockdown meeting new peolpe or the few I met and got friends with wasn‘t really an option. My ex and his flatmate were like nearly the only people I saw during this time. I want to be around people, I want to meet my friends and get to know my fellow students. I want to have fun and I deserve to have fun and feel good. I do not see why I should be the one to step back now while my ex doesn‘t? Why should I always be the one to step back? Yes, I want to be with him, try again. (Or at least this one last conversation to get final closure). I want to keep no contact, I guess it is the best I can do now for me, him – and a maybe-second-try-relationship. But I want to enjoy life, too. I feel so good in my own self right now and I don‘t want to miss the joy life can have. So my question: Is it a bad idea to attend (small) social events (with mutual friends/fellow students) if I know my ex will be there, too, when I actually want to reconcile and get back together with him? Or at least get the chance of a last conversation (when he's ready) to get final closure?
  5. My ex-girlfriend and I broke up three months ago after five and the half years of relationship. We are both in our forties. She said she doesn't love me anymore and that she doesn’t have any feelings for me for a longer period of time. Our relationship wasn’t perfect, but there were a lot of beautiful moments as well. We share a lot of happy and nice memories. She had a lot of issues and I was always there for her to help her and support her, and moreover to love her in that moments. At the end of the relationship, I had issues and instead of getting the same support from her, she found another guy and dumped me. She forced me to move out from our mutual apartment. During this last three months, those beautiful moments we had were all over my mind, more or less every day, and I feel regret that she has left me. But I managed to move on and worked a lot to improve myself and I made a progress. But at the same time I kept calling her to come and visit me in my new apartment. And then, last Friday she came to my apartment, we had a good time and we had sex. She stayed overnight. Yesterday she came again and we had a really good and passionate sex. But all the time she was telling me that she is satisfied with the new guy and that she is going to stay in the new relationship. When I asked her for the reason, she said that he treats her good, he is funny and that she is in a way taking advantage of him (something like he is paying for all the food). When I told her that I’m seeing someone else too, she started to cry and she said that she likes me the way I am now and that she feels regret I was not like that before when we were together. I told her that she can leave him and that we can try something again, but she categorically refused that. She said that she wants to be with him and maybe one day in the future, who knows, we are going to be together again, but not now. I'm also sure that she came to me and cheated on him, because she doesn't care about him at all. But she said that is not the truth and that she fell in love with him. I was quite fine, but now I feel distressed almost like three months ago. So this just brought me harm. So why did she come to be with me? Does she really know what she wants? Who does she love?
  6. A few years back, I posted a journal of my online dating experiences: A couple of relationships later, I was finally dumped in November and tried to get her back in March: That didn't work, so I went through some self-examination: Now I'm back in the singles game... so here's Round 2 of an online dating journal from a 42-yo guy in a big American city. I have accounts on POF & Match.com, but the former seems a bit sketchy and the latter has never yielded any results for me. So for now I'll be focusing on OKCupid, which has been pretty effective for me in the past and is how I met my last two girlfriends. Back in December 2012, I sent out about 50 messages on OKC which yielded 5 dates: JINA (29) - We went out twice, held hands on 2nd date, got along well but no real sparks. I halfheartedly asked for a 3rd date a week after our 2nd one, but she didn't accept and I didn't really care one way or the other. TISA ( 38 ) - Very professional type-A personality, talked about herself the entire dinner, messaged me later that she wasn't interested anyway, so that was it. ELLEN (42) - Had a nice 2-hour lunch but she wanted to be just friends; we're pals on FB now. IRINA (42) - We had a fun date, but I wasn't interested in pursuing further. A few months later she contacted me on FB because we had a mutual friend, and now we hang out every so often as each others' wingmen haha! Great friend now. WYNN (37) - We got along well from the first email, lots in common, communicated a lot, sex was great, we ended up dating every weekend for 5 weeks. But then I had strong reservations (some identifiable, others not) about getting too serious, plus I hadn't quite resolved feelings about my ex, so I called things off. I still think about her every day, though, and would seriously consider contacting her again if other options don't pan out. But admittedly she may not want to give me another chance, may be dating someone (after being on OKC this entire time, she took her profile down today) and I really need to play the field a bit right now before I'd feel comfortable going back with hat in hand. Then IRL, a very pretty longtime friend & former bandmate SASHA (31) drunkenly hinted very that she was interested in me when we saw each other at a club a few weeks ago. We've been friends awhile but she has boyfriend, so I took that with a grain of salt and just texted her a week later about meeting for a drink next time she's in town. She said she would, but I'm not holding my breath for a date, nor will I do anything past a hug until she breaks up with him. I just wanted to let her know the door was open. Since my last round of OKC dating in December, I have a new photo with short hair and I've edited down my profile to keep it briefer, and also to emphasize my more responsible traits that might appeal to women more serious about a LTR. I've sent out 90 messages, mostly to very attractive women so I've expected a lot of non-replies. I sent 3 of them just to have an activity partner for moviegoing (1 didn't reply; 1 agreed, we talked on the phone for an hour, but she ultimately flaked; 1 lives in another city but will be moving here soon, we're now FB friends). 11 messages were never opened. I got lukewarm replies from 2 women that didn't go anywhere. Then after a long drought of no replies at all, last week I received 4 (!) replies that showed clear interest, and here's the results after a bit of back & forth: JEANETTE (41) - Financial Analyst. We talked on the phone for 45 minutes this past Friday and have a date tomorrow (Tuesday) RAQUEL ( 38 ) - Graphic Designer. I plan on calling her tonight, but we have a concrete date for Wednesday regardless. NICOLA (33) - Not sure of her job, but she's nerdy in a good way. After some lengthy replies at first, her messages got briefer and less frequent, and though we have a date set for Thursday, the specifics aren't nailed down yet. I think there's a decent chance she'll flake. KATHY (41) - Psychologist. I've only gotten one reply so far, but it was enthusiastic, so I asked to chat on the phone this week. Still waiting on a reply. In between all these, I get around 3-7 messages a week from women I have absolutely no interest in. So 90 messages this go-around have yielded 3 dates for a success rate of 3%, down from from a 10% success rate in November. And to be honest, I'm not super excited about any of these four women yet, but I'll reserve judgment until I meet them IRL. At least I'm keeping busy this week.
  7. I am SO depressed. I know I am constantly repeating myself on ena, but I like to catch up new readers. It has been three months since he broke up with me, and I do not miss him any less. I just REALLY REALLY want him back. I miss my friend, I miss my escape, I miss my love, I miss him so much. I have begged, pleaded, put my dignity on the line for this man so he could possibly come back. I have had my friends to talk to him, I have had his friends to talk to him. I have called his mom and asked for advice, I have wrote him letters, I have gave him gifts with a card containing more "I'm sorry" letters in it. I have stalked him on a fake account on facebook. Every time I saw him I broke down in tears and begged him to take me back...EVERY TIME. Anytime I needed a ride to work it was always depressing, because I couldn't hold on to his arm like I wanted to. I couldn't kiss him like I wanted to, I couldn't get a response back when I said "I love you" and it killed me, it still does. I called over 100 times one night, and that is not exaggerating. He picked up infuriated at me. I told him that I have been fighting for him for two months, can't he see that I am miserable? He responded back to me that that should be a big enough hint to leave him alone. I cried so hard that night. Every day I would call him anyway hoping he would pick up, some days I would call and text more than others, and I would never get a response. It was torture! I gave up, and tried no contact and I was somewhat healing. It was hard but I felt better every day, but I still wanted him. He started contacting me first, and that was very rare after the break up. It sucked to ignore his calls and texts, and if I did answer I pretended like I was not interested "What do you want?" One night he called me more that 7 times over, I ignored it, he asked me to pick up on a voicemail. I sent him a simple text saying "text" to let him know to text me. I wasn't so clingy. One day he arrived at my house unexpectedly. I answered the door "What are you doing here?" He told me he was going to call be he was afraid I would reject him. I invited him in. He told me he missed me, and missed our times together. I told him that that was his fault and he made us like this. He was quiet and I had this hard attitude on and I asked him "Do you need anything else or are you just going to stand there?" He told me he would leave, and he did. I did not chase after him like I usually would. He came back 5 minutes later ( I left the door unlocked). I asked him "What do you want, you must really miss me or something" He responded "What if I said I do?" I immediately caved and told him how I felt. I told him I missed him and I thought of him everyday. I told him that I wanted us more than anything. We had sex, and the next day we went out he seemed miserable to be with me. Later that day he told me that maybe we should stop talking. I was shocked! I asked him why did he come over, he told me that he did not want us to have any problems. I do not get that, if we aren't talking we would practically strangers right? How would there possibly be any problems if I am not talking to him or about him and vice versa. I asked him why did he have sex with me? He told me it just happened, sex is just sex and I should get over it. I itched a scratch for him. I degraded myself once again and showed him that I did not have any respect for myself, and to make it worse. I begged for another chance. I told him I have learned my lesson, that I will never hurt him that way ever again. He said that I have BEEN saying that, what make this time any different. I told him that I have had months to think about my actions, that it is totally different because he actually broke up with me, that I know what is on the line now. I never thought he would leave but now I know. He agreed to give me a chance. I felt somewhat better. I went on my fake account and snooped again. I saw that he had just got off of work, and he was wondering if anyone wanted to hang out because he claimed to be bored. I called him and asked him what he was up to, I acted surprised to hear him say that he was off work. I asked if he wanted to hang out or something. He told me that he was tired and that he was going to stay in that night. On his facebook, an hour or two later, he was tagged at some place downtown, and took pictures with his friends. So basically he lied to me, but I can not confront him because that fake facebook account is not me, to him it is someone else. I blocked him from calling me and texting me out of frustration. I could not call or text either. I let a day go by before curiosity got the best of me. I snooped again, I really wish I never created this fake page in the first place. I saw that his mother was in the hospital. I was very close to his mother, so I unblocked him and called. He answered, my heart started beating hard, I love the sound of his voice when he answers the phone. I asked if everything was okay? I asked if he was alright and his mom as well. He told me everything was fine, but then asked how I knew his mother was in the hospital. I lied and said that a specific mutual friend told me. I knew he would cover for me if my ex had asked him. He then asked if I blocked him, and that he was frustrated because he tried to reach me. He wanted to tell me about some UFO in the sky (because we were into that type of thing) that he think he might've saw, and he told me no one would believe him but me. He asked me "Why talk about getting comfortable just to block me the next day? That's not cool." We had casual convo, I was happy. He asked to stop by, I said sure. He didn't come in, I got in the car with him. Another round of casual convo. He left, and I was content with things. The next day, I woke up early, cooked him some cinnamon rolls because he is crazy over them, went outside and picked a flower from the garden and made a home made card for him and told him to come over. He stopped by for literally a few minutes and received the card and the baked goods. Before he left, he told me that I could call his mom, check on how she is doing (when before he told me to don't even think about calling his mother again because I am no longer family anymore). I was overjoyed to hear him say that. He left, and another day I was happy. The next day I did not contact him first, around 2pm he did. He told me the cinnamon rolls were delicious and he thanked me. We text back and forth and we joked around. I thought that maybe I did it! Maybe I fixed things and I could finally start showing him how I have changed. The next two days we did not speak at all. I started reading relationship advice and blogs, forums etc.. Some of them told me that NC DOES NOT WORK! That what makes you think that a partner would keep interest in you if you are not in the picture, especially if I am the one at fault. I panicked and called the next day. I explained to him that I want to try to get more comfortable with each other, and that I wish to try a relationship with him only with time. He seemed okay to what I had to say. Every day I started the contact. We would talk, normally or so I thought. I always had this weird feeling going on that he didn't want to. But why respond if he did not want to? We texted, occasional talk every now and then. I rushed out and bought his mom a Mother's Day gift, I asked him first though. Then I posted this thread on ENA, and it discouraged me to no end It is titled I am tired of being an ex. I refuse to follow no contact. I thought that I had the right idea by trying to prove to him that I am a positive person and that I am not as negative as I used to be in our relationship. EVERYONE SHOT MY IDEAS DOWN. I was scared. So for the past 3 days it have been no contact, and that is where I am right now... on the third day of no contact, desperately typing out my feelings here. I snooped just about an hour ago on his page, it turns out he is going on vacation out of state. Do you not think that that is something that he should have told me if we were working on getting comfortable. Why agree to work on us if he doesn't even want to talk to me. If he wanted to, I wouldn't be the one initiating first contact all the time. Here is what I have learned, and here is also what scares me. Despite how negative the poster are on ENA, if 88 out of 90 posts are telling me to leave him alone, then I guess I should get the hint. As you said pushing him for responses, and texting him again when he does not text back is only pushing him away. I also found out that I am filling a void for him. I am helping him move on because he have the familiarity of texting me, getting my responses and it somewhat (for lack of a better word) "soothing" to him. I am somewhat in the friend zone. He has the comfort of texting me, while he has no strings attached to me what so ever. So basically he can text me, and the proceed to see another woman if he wanted to. He has the ball completely in his court. He can see another woman if I was talking to him or not, regardless of what I do. Now I understand that no contact is to heal and improve myself. It is not to get him back. I understand that. But the goal is to improve myself and possibly get him back. I just want him back to the point I will do any and everything. I think I messed up too much though. Maybe if I stuck to no contact in the beginning hope would be there. I seriously doubt that he would knock on my door again, or even say the things he did before. I am so freaking depressed over this whole thing please. Someone snap me out of this depressed stage please!! For some reason, I find it hard to picture him contacting me
  8. My ex and I separated a few months ago after a "temporary break" in which she got physical with someone else after we agreed not to see other people and her not feeling treated well. We broke up after that and she said that it was my responsibility to let her know when I could make things work again one day, and that she still wanted a future together. She recently got in touch after I deleted her on social media and was really sweet, saying she believed things could still work and had been looking up flights to see me. A few days later, I messaged her saying I really enjoyed talking but the best thing for me would be to keep moving on. I said it wasn't about resentment or not having feelings for her anymore, but that I just needed to focus on other things in my life and learn how to be happy independently again. She responded saying she never wanted to get back together because I was a "very negative part of her life" and that she just wanted to try talking. I responded saying I was confused about what she initially said about getting back together and immaturely pointed a finger about the cheating. I asked her to never contact me again. She responded right away, apologizing for her part in us separating, saying she loved me and wanted all the best for me. A few days later, I apologized for being so harsh and explained that I was also sorry for my part in us separating. I explained that I knew I also made mistakes and that I was sorry. We went back and forth for a while and the last thing she said was to never hesitate to contact her if I ever needed anything. I think that's a kind gesture but I don't really want to leave the door open for contacting each other in the future because I think it could make moving on more difficult for both of us. I'm confused about why she said that. Should I say nothing, the same likewise, or just "thank you"? Any advice is appreciated.
  9. Hello everyone I hope you're doing well, I'm currently a month into a breakup with a man who used to talk about our future and wanted to marry me. We met in high school and dated on and off up to college. The breakups before were initiated by me--most being from my insecurities and depression; the usual "he can do better than me". The last breakup I initiated I had felt unhappy in the relationship and broke up with him and dated a mutual friend of ours for one day before I didn't feel right. Within the week I had gone back to check up on him and he was doing awful. He was having self-identity issues and thinking about dying (though not trying to actively commit suicide or anything.) The dude I had left him for manipulated me and guilt tripped me for months along with other terrible things and I had a hard time cutting him out but I eventually did as my ex-boyfriend wanted. We got back together after a while of that and fast-forward two years to now. He ended it saying he didn't feel like he loved me anymore and that what had happened two years ago made him lose everything. I know I hurt him deeply and for the past two years I'd done all I can to help heal his hurt and trust. He said after a while that he did trust me and he believes me. During the breakup, he said I did nothing wrong and I did everything I could, but I disagree. Looking back on the last few months after the breakup I can say we definitely fell into complacency and negativity. The day before the breakup he sent me encouraging messages and told me how proud of me he was for getting over my past insecurities, how much he appreciated all the things I've done, and how I always tried my best in everything I put my mind to. We initially kept low contact for the first few weeks and met up twice to discuss the relationship (which was a no from him) and giving him his birthday presents I had gotten him before the breakup. When we discussed the relationship and breakup he said he felt unhappy that he couldn't feel anything for me anymore and it got to the point where he was drinking to try to feel anything. I agreed with him that it was unhealthy and I wished he had told me what was going on. I asked him if there would be a chance in the future, after he feels better with himself, for us to try again and gave me an "I don't know". He doesn't want a relationship right now and I understand and respect that. Currently, I'm trying to give him space and not contact him. He told me while he does not mind talking to me, he has no interest in doing so. Yet a few days ago he initiated contact by sending me a couple messages and pictures but the conversation wouldn't last too long and I left him alone after he stopped responding. As much as I hate the breakup, I understand why he did it--he was unhappy and that's all he really needs to make this decision. He's improving and finding hobbies to do and reaching out to old friends again (this was something I suggested while we were in the relationship, but he said he couldn't do it while in the relationship). He told me he would always put me first in the relationship and he did that to himself. That was never what I wanted and I told him that, that I wanted a relationship where we both focus on ourselves and each other. There's not much I can do other than focus on myself and my happiness and it's coming along. I'm finding the parts of me that I lost in the relationship: my self-confidence and independence. He told me in the end I was being really dependent on him and he's right. I'm sure that made it much more difficult for him during the relationship. I still think of him all the time and miss him dearly, but I know I can be happy with myself. I was happy with myself before but he filled my heart and after that left I felt so lost. I still have hope that there is a chance for us, as we've been through so much already and always came back together. However, I don't want to bank on that. Instead, I'm hopeful in the time we spend apart becoming better versions of ourselves. Anyways, this is terribly long but I was wondering if anyone has experienced a similar situation and how it turned out for you? What is the possibility that his unresolved issues from two years ago affected his feelings? Maybe he put up an emotional wall from it all? Advice would be greatly appreciated too. Thank you.
  10. Just wanted to share my story and get some insight from people here. My bf and I had to break up because of his family's disapproval. Unlike most other stories, the disapproval was not really personal to me. We had been dating many months now, and he's honestly the most compatible partner I have ever met in my life. We align in almost every single way, and in just the first few months, we had reached the sort of levels people usually reach after a year or 2. I've had several relationships in the past, but none of my other exes even come close in terms of compatibility and the love I felt for him. The family's disapproval stems from the fact that he had been cheated on in his past relationships, and they feel he isn't ready for a relationship, nor trust his judgment of character and anyone he meets. He's in his mid-20s mind you (I'm a little older), and very much an adult who should be able to make his own decisions about his life. But they objected so strongly to the fact that he's in a relationship they think he isn't ready for, that they threatened to disown him. Now his family isn't the greatest, they're stubborn and judgmental and have never been a tight nor supportive family unit. They usually don't give a crap about each other's lives, but this one time, they all decided to meddle. He doesn't live with the family btw, but very near to his bro. His bro came around when I was over one day, and he decided to tell the bro he was in a serious relationship and that's when the whole drama started and all other family members were brought in. It honestly pissed me off because they didn't even give us a chance. Not even a chance to try to get to know me before they decided. And the irony of it all is, I have a very strong stance on cheating and unfaithfulness, and I would never even think about cheating on him. He didn't have the mental strength to fight them, because the fear of getting disowned and not having family constantly got to him. Even if they were a crappy family, they were still his family. It did upset me and broke my heart that he didn't fight for even a chance with me, but at the same time, I understand how scary it can be when the threat of being disowned looms over the relationship. We've since decided to stay friends and still talk every day, just without the lovey dovey stuff, but it's been difficult when feelings are so strong. This was the only strategy we could think of to even have a chance of being together in the future. And it's only a chance since we don't know if the family will ever let him live his own life or allow us to get back together. It's only been a few days but I've been bouncing between heartache and apathy. It's not easy for him either, because he does want to be with me and if not for this, we would still be very happy together. I just hate that it's become so uncertain... will we ever be together again, and if not, will I ever meet or love another person so compatible with me? We've decided to wait it out together, as friends, and hope we can eventually be together again. But there seems to be no end in sight at the moment. If anyone has any similar stories to share, and how you coped, or any insight into this, feel free to share.
  11. She reached out, she didn't want to get back together, she married the other guy pretty soon after. So how the heck is this a happy ending??? Just thought you guys want to know what's it like on the other end of the tunnel, since not many who have moved on really come back to tell their stories. Now this is my experience, mind you, take what is useful, discard what's not. Soon after the faithful "reach out" that we all wait for, I was crushed. I thought I had done everything right from the No-Contact rule book. I didn't call her, text her, contact her, cyberstalk her whatsoever for about a half a year. Only to get the "I miss you, but I love the other guy, shpeal." It sucked, It sucked hard, (and not in a good way.) I think I spent the next couple months just bawling to be honest. Just self-indulging myself. I ate, slept, worked. I hung out with friends, tried to spruce up the style. Tried to date, but it's sort of hard when you're an empty shell. So what happened? One day working my job that I hated (albeit it was well paying) I was like it, I'm joining the Army. Now mind you I was over 30 at this point so this has gotta be the world's worse mid-life crisis 10 years too early. I went to my recruiter's office and tried to enlist. NOW, before you think I'm going to tell you to join the military (albeit, we need people right now) that is NOT what I'm suggesting. Especially if you think being in uniform will get your mate back. It won't. Furthermore if you go to basic training with that type of baggage, there's a good chance you'll probably wash out (We had one wash out because of her ex as well). For me, the military was always something I thought about and admired throughout my 20s, So I already had an interest, I just never acted on it. Buuuuuuut... My recruiter said I was too fat to join, especially if I was trying to be an officer. So after 4 cheeseburgers and a milk shake I hobbled down to a crossfit gym and started working out. Let's just say, it's not pretty going from a couch potato to a gym nut overnight. And the result were slow (I love food too much). Then my recruiter said I was too slow, so I ran 2 miles every day too to get my time down. For about one year I would hit the gym right after work, followed by a 2 mile run every night. I was motivated, I had a goal. For once, I was thinking about something else other than women, and my general loneliness. I still socialized on the weekend, partied, but not as hard, since alcohol and gains don't mix, not just in calories but also just how ty I'd feel on mondays. I also noted the ladies were getting friendlier, but at this point, I didn't care. All I wanted to do was enlist, and all my time was either spent working, or working out. Finally about a year of hard work, and about 20 pounds lost. My recruiter finally gave me a go to go to Fort Benning. He proudly shook my hand and said, "I honestly didn't think you'd do it, but if there's anyone I'd want as an officer, I'm glad you're going." I had a going away party before I left, and it was bittersweet. Then, about 10 weeks of Basic Training followed by 12 weeks of OCS. It sucked, I started realizing how good on the civilian side. Suddenly all that ing about being single and alone, and missing my ex felt stupid. You have a lot of come to Jesus moments when people are yelling at you and you're sleeping in dirt Fortunately I enlisted as a reservist so after 5 long months, I got to return home as a brand spanking new 2nd Lieutenant. My friends couldn't be happier. We had a celebration for my return. Now I didn't feel any different mind you, despite what everyone said, I will say I was more indifferent to a lot of BS. About two weeks from my return home, I made out with one of crushes. She was hesitant, for anything afterwards considering our age difference (I was in my 30s, she had just turned 21.) And just like in all those no-contact courses, I was like, "look, it's cool if you don't want to, just lemme know if you change your mind." Now at this point I meant it. The way I looked at it, I knew I was an amazing catch being financially well off, with a little warrior streak (hooah!) And gosh darn it people like me! Fast-forward, we've currently been dating for over a year at this point. I've never seen a girl so madly in love before. Sometimes I think I need to teach her about Craig Kenneth's attachment theory, cause she definitely is an anxious type. So in Summary what is this story trying to convey? Do the work, learn about relationships, your insecurities, and your triggers, learn how to cope, and self-soothe, it comes in handy. Seeing a counselor helps tremendously. But please oh please don't throw out too much cash for those breakup coaches. Find your purpose in your life, what gets you excited to get out of bed. If it's a career change do that. If it's a new hobby or traveling do that. Find something that defines your life that isn't romance. Romance comes as a reward to character, but like a bonus check it comes when you least expect it. Socialize. One of the biggest advantages I had, was I already had a decent community around me being a dancer for over 10 years. If you don't have something like that, now's the time to find something like that. Hobbies, do something new to fill in the space you feel like you're missing. Be the best version you can be, because ultimately that's the only way to really win in "no-contact." No I didn't get back together with my ex. She seems happily married from when I checked her Facebook a year ago. I'm honestly happy she's found what she wanted, just like I'm very happy with my current sweetie. And isn't that what it's all about? If you truly love someone, shouldn't they just be happy, regardless of whether they're with you or not? I hope this helps, feel free to PM if you have any questions. I don't spend too much time here nowadays, but I do visit time to time.
  12. Hi folks. I'm a newbie - here because I need some outside perspectives with something I'm finding really hard. I was married a few years ago.. no kids or anything, so when we split it was a very clean cut. He's out of my life permanently, and I stepped away from his family and some mutual friends in order to achieve this (which hurt, but it was the right thing for me). I'm free as a bird and although I had to make a few difficult choices along the way, I'm happy with my choices and the space it gives me to pursue something new. I've now met a really lovely man who I adore - but his circumstances are pretty much the exact opposite of mine. This man still lives with his ex - not for financial reasons, or because they can't get out of a lease, or anything like that... it's because they're close, enjoy living together, and have no plans to make any changes to their living arrangement ever. They broke up earlier this year, and his ex started seeing someone new (a female) straight after the split. There's no chance of them getting back together and he keeps reassuring me that I have nothing to worry about and he has no feelings for her... I believe him, but holy hell I'm finding his living arrangements hard to cope with. It's not just the living arrangements either... their lives are intertwined, so they still act like a couple. They'll go out shopping for the day together, looking for new clothes. When they go grocery shopping they do it together. They holiday together and share a tent. They'll meet other couple friends for dinner and sit there as a cozy foursome. She'll visit him at work and bring him a coffee. They still have the same social circle and everyone adores this girl, so there's no aspect of his life that she's not a part of. Half of their friends/family don't even know they've broken up. He gets weird about answering questions given the sensitivity around her now being with a woman - he feels like it's not his news to share, which I do on some level understand. It's just awkward AF when we bump into someone he knows who still thinks he's in a relationship and doesn't understand why he's alone with a different girl. He doesn't correct them, and I've received some pretty dirty looks as a result, which has been zero fun. On one hand I feel like I'm being immature and needy that this bothers me so much, given his assurance that they're never getting back together... but on the other hand this whole thing makes me feel sad and insecure, and like I don't fit anywhere. I feel like I'm his dirty side piece, even though I'm the one he's dating. I feel like there's zero chance of me being able to integrate into his life while things are like this, but I'd never ask him to make changes - it's the kind of decision he needs to make for himself, not for me. I can't challenge their dynamic, because he considers this girl family, when all of his other family are overseas. It makes me feel like a jerk for being so insecure about things. How can I stop feeling like this girl is sitting in my seat? He thinks it would help both her and me if we met, but honestly I think that will just make me feel so much worse. How would you guys feel? Am I being childish and petty and held back by my own insecurities, or is it fair to feel really really uncomfortable with these circumstances? I feel like I can't even ask him 'what did you get up to today?' without feeling hurt by the answer. He's the first person I've had feelings for in years and when it's just us things are really so wonderful... it's just everything outside of the 'us' that sucks. Would you stick with it, or would you run for the hills? Help. Please :(
  13. I'm after some advice, but guess I need to tell my story first. Thank you for anyone who makes it to the end. My ex and I met each other travelling around New Zealand, she's from Germany, I'm from the UK. It was such a magical time, this incredibly kind and special person falling in love with me, as we were both falling in love with our surroundings. I've never met someone so honest and pure, she cannot not lie and see's things so positively. She changed my whole perspective on the world, from eating chicken hearts because it was the cheapest meat at the supermarket, to going vegan over night. I changed her perspective on the world too, on what's important, to not listen to other people's instructions on life, but to do what you love and what you want to do so you have no regrets, hence why she stayed in New Zealand instead of going home 4 weeks after we met to study as her family expected/wanted, then to get a job, house etc. etc. We grew so much together for the year and half we were together, eventually going to Australia for 7 weeks before Covid ruined everything. We ended up flying back to my family home in the UK (on extremely over-priced plane tickets I'm still trying to pay back) to tide ourselves over until Covid disappeared so we could continue travelling.. obviously this didn't happen. Instead she went back to Germany for a while, then came back to the UK to visit, I then visited her for a few weeks too. But when I returned, she broke up with me. This wasn't completely unexpected though.. Sometimes it felt like we were on complete different pages, no matter how similar our morals or ways of life were. It was sometimes down to communication, which I blamed on the language barrier, but I don't think this is 100% true. She speaks incredible English, but naturally sometimes things translate differently so we can get our wires crossed. Neither of us are angry, selfish or unfair people, we had an incredibly deep relationship, we always said nobody else understood us the way we understood each other. She was my best friend. We broke up in Australia at the beginning of the year, about a year into our relationship, it was mutual but the most painful experience I've ever gone through. After the break up she went to meet up with her best friend who came over from Germany a few weeks prior. I felt abandoned, alone, I stayed in an outhouse for four days not eating a thing that whole time. I cried uncontrollably every 10/15 minutes for four days, the only thing that could stop was looking deep into my eyes in the mirror (I feel like it connects you to a human that way). I had many anxiety attacks which I had never experienced or ever thought I'd get as I always considered myself quite a mentally strong person. I've never properly over a breakup before. I used a forum similar to this but more about preventing suicide which didn't help too much, I was in pieces. Everything I looked at reminded me of her, we'd been through so much together and I didn't know where to turn. Speaking to family eventually on day 4 got me to eat, breathe and understand what I had to do. I had to fly to another part of Australia and start again. I told my ex that I needed my external hardrive she had before I could leave. She then had an emotional meltdown as she didn't think I'd actually leave, she thought we would eventually get back together she just wanted some time apart. She was truly hurt and her friend told me privately that she is totally in love with me and wants to get back together, but after everything I went through I was so confused. But of course, I was in love with this girl, so we got back together and things were back to normal soon enough. When I was visiting her in Germany after we came back to Europe we connected deeply on many topics, childhood, friend circles, understanding culture, exploring childhood towns, meeting family, it was great. But at the same time we had a couple of really bad times emotionally, nearly breaking up. We never shouted, it's more pain & feeling hurt. At the end of the trip to Germany, I felt like although we had some bad times, I felt a lot closer to her as I understood her motives and reasons behind some things I used to blame on other things. Unfortunately, she waited for a good time when I got back to the UK, and then called me to let me know we could no longer be together. She wanted me to get therapy, and to find myself again. She had recently started to go to therapy too, not just because of us, but other childhood things too. Of course, I was hurt, and memories of the four days in Australia came back, I reached those extreme points many times, but was in the comfort of my home and could meet friends so did not need any forums. She was also distraught, but she had a goal, and it was to find herself again, which I respected. After this, we decided a no contact rule to help us move on, which definitely helps! But of course, things happen, a show comes on, a bird sings, a song plays, a memory pops up, a phrase is said, an empty bed, the broken dreams we had together... etc etc. Over the next few weeks we both had weak points where we needed each other's voice to calm ourselves down. This really was a messy ending, because we wanted our relationship to work more than anything, it just wasn't. Eventually some weeks past, and I felt a lot more alive than before, I felt like I could see the light at the end of the tunnel. But then she contacted me again, but this time I told her that contacting isn't helping either of us. She told me she loved me, she told me she hears my voice, smells me, wants me etc. This is the girl that I still wanted grow old with, that I loved dearly, but I really tried listening to my head instead of my heart and did not say anything like that back to her, I knew it would help her in the long run if I stuck to my guns. Eventually she said "I could never imagine you with anyone else", to which I said "I can". This broke her heart, I felt it over the phone, gone, blocked, no contact. I felt bad after a day and emailed her saying I'm sorry for what I said, and that I didn't believe it, but I told her I couldn't agree to those things or it will make things worse. She never replied, still hasn't. Two months pass and I was looking at the blocked people I had on my Instagram. I saw her and got too tempted so pressed on her page and saw that she's moved to a town in the UK in her Instagram description?!? (I wish I never looked). She always said she loved the UK and hated Germany, so I'm not surprised she moved here just to be happy, but it's really screwed me up. Is she trying to be close to me again? Surely not? I no longer suppressed my emotions for her, and everything flooded back to the top. It's been two weeks since I looked at her Instagram bio, and I've written, rewritten and edited an email to her about 40 times. I finish work at 5pm, and sometimes end up sitting there still thinking about pressing send until 8/9pm. I've spent so many evenings thinking what to do. I'm ruining my evenings, my weekends, my free time. I've shed many tears these last two weeks, sometimes when I'm putting food in the oven, sometimes just after laughing at a funny video, sometimes going for a walk, I can't control it. I've been close to pressing send twice, but always think that it could completely destroy her, like it's doing to me. I wasn't meant to see that she's in the UK remember, I'm blocked from everything (although you can't block emails), so feel bad. I'm also not sure that it's the right thing to do, do I potentially start up a relationship that has already proven not to work? But it DID work, for so long, we have such a strong deep connection? I feel like I understand a lot more than I did before, but am I the right person for her? Is she the right person for me? I'm definitely still in love with her, but are we meant to be with each other? It's such a huge decision to make, but I want to decide now so I don't waste any more time. It's been 2 horrendous weeks. Christmas is coming up and I don't want to ruin it for either of us, so sending the email now will let things calm down well before then. I can't feel like this until the new year, so waiting until 2021 is not an option. I don't know what to do. Does anyone know some simple questions I can ask myself to make this easier? I do feel like no matter what, I will end up sending something to her :( If she was in Germany this would be so much easier, but she's on my Island! I could drive to her :( Everything i've read online basically says if you get broken up with, don't break the no contact rule. But our story isn't as simple as that, she was the last to confess her love for me. Gah this is so hard. Any advice? Or further things I could say that could help someone give me advice? Thanks for making it to the end if you did. I know people have a lot bigger problems to worry about, and a lot tougher relationships and breakups, so feel kind of guilty with my story, but I don't know where else to turn
  14. Hi All - keen to get some advice from you wise people. Like everyone else, there is a bit of a story so strap in. Background I am 38 years old and started dating X in August 2018, four months after I ended a four year emotionally abusive relationship. She is an amazing girl and while I knew it at the time, I wasn't ready for what she wanted. Over the next seven months, I broke up with her and got back together three times. I always saw potential with her and with us that I didn't want to let go of, which is why I kept coming back but I just felt emotionally blunt every time I went back and I couldn't give her what she wanted, needed and deserved. Ultimately, I hadn't yet completely processed my previous relationship enough to be ready for her. After that last break up I thought to myself that I just needed a bit more time and then I would be ready for her emotionally. I saw her 2 months later (May, 2019) at a friend's birthday and felt ready to open up to her and tell her I wanted to be 'all in' with her but she told me that she had just started dating someone a few weeks before. This of course made me want her even more - I had realised that I was on the verge of losing the most amazing woman I had ever met and was ready to fight for her. She was not over me either but she saw potential in the new guy too and didn't know what to do, especially as I had continuously let her down for the previous 9 months. There has always been incredible chemistry between us and over the next few months we hooked up a number of times (no sex) while she was still dating the other guy. I am not proud of my role in this and she is not the type of girl who would typically do anything like this to someone else either, but the chemistry was just too hard to ignore - we have always been drawn to each other. During this time, she also sent me intense letters and texts which told of her strong feelings for me and her confusion about how things had played out but she continued to date the other guy. While she was constantly on my mind and I had never wanted anything more, for the most part there was no contact between us between September 2019 and January 1, 2020 when she sent me a Happy New Year text message. Her boyfriend had turned out to be abusive and horrible and upon arriving back from a holiday with him in February 2020, she broke up with him. She said she couldn't stop thinking about me and on February 13 2020, she came to me and said she wanted to give us another shot. All the pain and sleepless nights of the previous nine months seemed to be worth it. Everything was incredible for two months and then out of the blue, she said that she wasn't sure about us. But she wasn't certain if the problem was because of where she was at in her life or if it was a problem between her and I. She broke up with me to try sort it out. Then two weeks later she dropped off a present for my birthday and didn't leave my apartment for four days. It was a truly incredible time and I was the happiest I have ever been. I told her though that I wouldn't take her back unless she was 'all in'. Still unsure, she left my apartment and things were again uncertain. A week later she organised a courier to drop off a massive box with all of my favourite things inside, with a note that expressed everything I had been wanting to hear from her - the most beautiful note about how much she loves me, with the heading "I'M ALL IN." Again, I was on top of the world and things were amazing for two months. I then asked her if she would meet my parents. This turned into a very unexpected, heated conversation which led to her saying that she wasn't ready to meet them and that "she loves me but she is not in love with me". That old chestnut. I was completely blindsided. She said that she thought her feelings should be stronger for me at this stage in her life - she is 31 and very concerned about her body clock. A bit hysterical about it actually. While she said that she didn't know "if we could come back from this conversation" I said to her that given what we had been through and that it had only been a few weeks since we got back together, she needed to give herself more time to explore this. And she agreed. At this point I decided to back off completely and not put any pressure on her. I did not want to be demanding because I thought that perhaps I had been too intense and that with time, she would eventually realise the incredible relationship we have and I wanted her to realise this organically. She was right though - in a self fulfilling prophecy way - we couldn't come back from that earlier conversation and two and half months later (August 31, 2020), she woke up on a Sunday and said again that she thinks her feelings should be stronger than what they are (more below) and she ended it again. I do not believe I was needy at all during these months. I feel that because of her body clock, she has put huge amounts of pressure on herself to "feel what she is supposed to feel" that she pressured herself out of the relationship and never let herself organically grow into the relationship. She went from the bells and whistles of saying she was "ALL IN" to not being sure in a matter of weeks. It's just very confusing to me. Meanwhile, I have never been more certain about anything in my life. What was said during the breakup She said to me that I was her best friend, that I tick all of the boxes and that I was the best boyfriend that she had ever had. But she said that it often felt platonic and at times she felt there was no chemistry. No chemistry!? This was truly alarming to hear because of the chemistry that we had always had and because I have always thought that we have had the best sex I have ever had with anyone (the sex never stopped up until the end). And we get along like a house on fire! We don't fight, provide support for each other and are incredibly compatible. To me everything makes sense and just falls into place. They say "when you know, you know" and after decades of dating the wrong women, I KNOW! We're on the same page about everything (except being together..), have similar interests and we have the same values. I just don't get it! I had noticed that she was not very affectionate in that last two and a half months nor was she vulnerable or open with her feelings but she has always had trouble opening up and I thought that she was just not as affectionate as me and that everything would come in time so I accepted it (and also didn't want to bring it up to rock the boat after our last chat....). On the day that we broke up, she couldn't keep her hands off me. She was crying hysterically, something that is also very out of character for her. And the eyes she looked at me with for that entire day - it was long break up - were definitely not platonic eyes. They were eyes that were full of pain and doubt. She said that she would like to keep in touch but I said very firmly that I didn't want contact if we weren't together and that I needed to move on. What has happened since. There has been no contact since this happened on 31 August. I am hopelessly in love with her and want to spend the rest of my life with her but I know what I am worth and I am not going to beg her to come back. I know of course that that begging wouldn't work anyway. I just feel that with time away from me without any contact, she will realise what she has lost. Given our history I just don't feel like this is over. It almost feels like this is the last leg in our journey. Am I delusional? I just don't understand what has happened and how she could have lost attraction for me. I wasn't needy, she agrees that I am the best boyfriend she has ever had and that I am her best friend. What is she looking for? Any advice and thought on if this is going to work out or not, would be really appreciated.
  15. keshi

    Help!

    Hello! Need advice, and dont know who to turn to. I dated my ex for almost two years. During the relationship, we broke up a few times, and had frequent fights. These fights 99% of the time pertained to one thing- other girls. He never cheated on me in the sense that he physically got intimate with other girls, but he would talk and hangout with them behind my back, and would tell his friends how hot they were and how much he wanted to f**ck them. When I saw this, I broke up with him last fall, but we got back together about a month later. Other than these fights, we had a really good relationship. We were best friends, did everything together, and we were genuinely inlove. He was always known as a guy with not much emotion, but everyone said he changed a lot after he started dating me, and I saw it too. I also think it might be important to share we are both sophomores in college (and 20-something guys are stupid). He goes to college in my hometown and I am here because of Covid. We were best friends since freshman year of highschool and started dating senior year of high school. I got very close with his family, and him with mine. When we broke up last fall, there was one girl that he was "friends" with who he spoke and hung-out with a lot. When we got back together, he had posted a picture for thanksgiving of us together. I commented "I love you" and this girl liked the comment. So....weird. This girl was working at a job he just got, and he hid that from me. When I found out, I obviously was very upset which turned into a huge argument. He then broke up with me, and said he knew he would never hear the end of it, and that he wasn't ready for a committed relationship anymore. He kept saying that he, "wasn't ready for marriage". This was around mid august. He blocked me on social media and my number. Eventually after a few weeks, he unblocked my number and my snapchat, but kept my instagram blocked. Since then, there have been a few text exchanges. The night he unblocked me, he drunk texted me and told me he missed me. A few days after that, I lost my cool and yelled at him and used very strong language over text after I saw all the girls (and some of my old friends) that he followed on instagram (I used a different account that he didn't block to look). A week or two after that, I sent a long message asking for an explanation as to why our relationship ended up the way it did, and he said he was happier now, and didn't want to commit to a relationship anymore. This is where the mixed signals come in. I still have him on spotify, and he has a new playlist thats filled with songs that are obviously about us breaking up, they're about heartbreak, losing the one you love, etc. Some of them, are a few of the songs we use to listen to together. I mean, it's OBVIOUSLY an "I miss my ex" kinda playlist. Along with this, he ALWAYS watches my snapchat stories 5-15 minutes after I post them. So, this has me confused. Why is he keeping tabs and being sad if he said he was happier without me?And what was with the drunk text a month ago? I work a few doors down from him, and he walks by atleast 3 times a day (he has to for work, its not voluntary to see me). Everytime he walks past, we make eye contact and he gives me a strange look. A look that says "I love you" but also not. I cant read his face, and I just have given up by now. If he missed me and wanted me back, I know he would text or do something about it. But he can be stubborn and maybe doesn't want to say anything at all in hopes he can move on. I dont want to text him first, because I want him to know Im not a puppy dog at his feet. I haven't said anything for a few weeks now, and I'v been posting me doing fun stuff on my snapchat, but that hasn't made him want me back yet. Or text me. Or try to talk to me. Its so frustrating! Why wont he text me? It's beginning to be a long time since our breakup, and I'm afraid he wont come back or want me again soon. I want him to text me, and tell me that he loves me and that he misses me. What should I do? Best, Keshi
  16. First of all, excuse me for any mistake in English, it is not my official language. Anyway, I would like to "receive" some advice. Well, I (20M) met a woman (24F) in the last year at college. And we understood each other very well, we were having something like a serious relationship, although not "officially". I liked her a lot. And she felt exactly the same. In other words, here it was a happy story (haha). But, because of some old relationships that I had, I acquired some "fears", like serious relationship phobia. Because of that, we only made things official at the beginning of this year. We always saw each other, but with COVID, I ended up coming to my hometown, and she to hers. We kept in touch, obviously, and everything was fine. On my birthday, she gave the idea of coming to my city, to see me, but as I am very stupid, I told her not to do that (I would never forgive myself if she got COVID because of me). Then, a month later, she just broke up (practically a year and a half of relationship). And with that, she exposed some things that I had never touched myself: that I had been selfish at times in the relationship, acted coldly, and so on. And, looking back, I agree. She always said that she doesn't keep in touch with any exes, just age as if they didn't exist. But for some reason, we kept in touch and kept talking. However, I was totally unsure about us and totally wrong (trying to get her back). So I ended up pushing her away and she ended up moving away from me. I started an NC to calm myself down (however, she deleted me from FB and stopped following me on Instagram. Here, whatsapp is quite "important", but in this app she didn't block me or anything). Continuing, after about three weeks, I contacted her (last week) to try to talk about things that we had never talked about since the end, but she was not very receptive, saying that "there is no turning back" and that the " cycle is over ", that we will not live together next year, nor will we talk any more. That the things I learned, I must use for the next people I will meet. Anyway, I love her. And I really wanted to try to get back with her again. And (a very strong trait of mine) I feel very guilty. And now, there's not much I can do (I believe). But, I don't know, I'm exposing it because I wanted to know what other people think about it, and also if there is any kind of hope. Next year, we'll see each other again, I read a lot about "it's about time", but, hahaha, it's horrible to want to talk to someone, see someone and not be able. But, for those who have read this far, excuse me for the long text (and the errors), there are more details, but I believe that is enough.
  17. Me and my partner were together on/off for 11 years ,we knew each other previous to that but he was married and i was in a long term relationship which when both ended we got together he moved in and it was good for a few years until i found out he was cheating with someone from work (he worked nights in a hotel) at that time, so he ended it and didnt talk to me for 6 months until one day i bumped into him near where i lived and he said the feelings were still there so we got back together eventually he moved back in but the trust on my part was shattered even though he tried to gain my trust certain things triggered it and we would argue plus we hardly went out and i never met his family or friends even though he met all of mine, outside of that we had a good connection and would talk constantly about anything but last year out of no where he ended it again saying its not going anywhere but this time we remained friends and eventually he started staying over even though we both agreed it would never work as a couple again but after a while i didnt feel good with this situation as i still had feelings plus we were arguing over silly things and 4 weeks ago he said its come to an end and theres no going back this time and throw his stuff away which was at my place and 5 days later he blocked me, he sent me an email a week later saying'' the reason i cut communication was for the best and lets see where we are in a few months and maybe be friends take care'' i do miss the conversations even though hes acted terrible for no apparent reason and the worst part is the blocking as it feels so final...
  18. Okay so me and the girl I thought I was going to marry broke up about 3 weeks ago. We were together about a year. She is 20 and I am 24. We met at church and we both have strong Christian values. We have never done anything sexual with each other and didn’t plan on doing so u til marraige. Things started off great. But this damn thing called Covid happened and I was basically out of work for 6 months. I was still getting paid but I was just bored. Long story short I basically became very needy and started for attention and validation. I didn’t have any relationship with my own family and I was living in a state with none of my family there. My ex is going to school full time, has her own t shirt business, and does little jobs on the side. Basically with my neediness I put a lot of emotional baggage on her. The relationship was still going good as I remember in June she told me her whole family thought we were going to stay together forever. We talk on the phone every night as well. In July I noticed her becoming very distant and hot/cold with her behavior. One minute she was great next minute she would show extreme frustration with me (and only me). Finally in August I asked her what was wrong. She told me that she had lost some romantic feels for me and she needed space. She told me not to worry about it though because she still saw a future between us. The Next two weeks were still kind of normal. I cut down my contact with her but she would still invite me over. She would even cook me dinner. We still went out on a date and we even went two a couple of her family functions together. Of coarse me being a dumb when she told me she lost feelings for me my anxiety kicked in and I became even more needy and clingy. I would basically tell her that I’m trying to change and begging her not to leave. Then one night she didn’t text me back and I flipped out. This added even more stress on her and she dumped me about 3 weeks later. Now I did the usual begging and pleading the day she broke up with me which made her very cold. She offered to stay as friends but I declined because my feelings are too strong. I went into no contact two days after the break up. After the first week of the breakup I wrote her an accountability letter saying that i take ownership of the things I did wrong (my neediness) I did not talk to her for 14 days I broke no contact and basically tried telling her that I’m trying to change. Which to my credit I am. I have lost 20 pounds, started therapy, begin reading the Bible to become a deacon in my church, back to work 6 days a week, and reconciled with my family. She basically said “I know you to well. You Will still be clingy if we got back together and there is no stoping that.” She then proceeded to tell me that she has moved on and wants to be alone for a while (I’m 90% positive when I say I believe she wants to stay single and not date other guys but hey I could be wrong). She said there was no chance in us getting back together. Now I think she was acting more out of anger because she is trying to drive the point for me to leave her alone Now I truly believe she still has feelings for me. I say this because: A) Three weeks before breaking up she said she saw a future B) Whenever I reach out she responds immediately(coldly) C) I believe she truly didn’t want the breakup but with my clingy and neediness, I basically forced her too. D) I had a very strong relationship with her family E) She was treating me very well even when she express her doubts Now I sincerely believe that I have a high chance of things working out. I know right now she is very stressed and I need to give her, her space. What do y’all think? Is th8/ relationship worth saving?
  19. I am asking for peoples opinion about what happened to my relationship to help me heal. Sorry for the grammar and its sorta a long story. I met a lovely lady on a dating app called plenty of fish in February. At the time i was living with my baby mamma because my name was on the lease and i knew she couldn't pay it herself, but there was no feelings there. so we met up hit it off on the first date like i knew her for a long time. since this was the time covid was going on we met at a park and within the same week we met again at her house. i knew she wanted to sleep with me but i am not the type of guy to want to do it right away i like to build something not sleep with strangers or one night stands. and it was weird i would have to go after 6pm after her dad was a sleep so she could sneak me off to the side. after a couple times seeing her we slept together and after that it was great we would spend every minute together and as time went on i would eventually sleep over and met her dad and she met my family. all was great till my lease was about to be up with the baby mamma and i decided to leave early and pay for the last month. and i got depressed as i didn't know what was gonna happen between me and my daughter. i was gonna go from seeing her everyday to every other week and didn't know what the future was gonna bring. and this lady amy i was seeing knew this i talked to her about it. i started getting distant not really sleeping over anymore and telling her because of my kid. I had the most idiotic idea in my life. i thought if i go back to my baby mamma i could see my kid everyday and i know what the future would bring as far as my kid goes. so i left amy told her we weren't compatible because wasn't man enough to tell her the truth. and got with my ex only for my kid but after 3 days i couldn't do it i couldn't string this women along not knowing if one day ill have feelings again. we split and left amy and my ex alone for a week and i started missing amy and all the memories we had and how well we got along. sure we had fights but who doesn't. so i contact amy and ask her to meet up with me and she agrees. we make plans to go eat sushi few days later and she asks me why i wanted to meet up and tell her i wanted to get back with her and told her why i left in the first place and she said she was mad at me and she had to do something that day and we went our ways at met up later and talked more and she told me she was seeing someone after we broke up. and that the guy knew a family friend who died recently. so she told me she needs to decide if she wants to be with me or not. so like 3 days go by and we meet up again to talk more about getting back together and it seemed like no matter what i said she would say something to make it seem like it was best for us not to get back together. I told her i would take it slowly as she wants. so we hug and make out and she leaves to her house and i go to mine and i send her a text like 20 mins later and she doesn't reply and i got a gut feeling that i knew from once before and could not shake. i decide to drive by her house and i see a truck that doesn't belong there. i know because i would sleep over and hang out with her during all my free time i knew what cars belong. it was parked where i would park.and a couple days before hand she told me she wanted to send me a text late at night saying to come over and cuddle with her but she didn't. so i decide to knock on her window because i didn't want to wake her dad up. and she comes out and i ask her if she wants to cuddle and she says no. and i ask her even for like 30 mins and she says no. no matter what i said she said no and told me to leave and she would text me the next day. so i let it be and she didn't contact me in this time she had me blocked on messenger for like 3 days then unblocked me and i couldn't stand seeing her icon on my messenger saying when she was on so i deleted my facebook. I didn't really use it anyway. so she sends me a long text saying that i scared her by knocking on the window and now she has nightmares of someone going through the window. i apologized and i her told her i knew she was with someone that night and she admitted it and told me it was a yes on getting back together and then after showing up to her house and catching her with someone else it was a no on getting back together. so i asked her what was the point on texting me and said there wasn't one and i asked her to leave me alone and she told me to leave her alone which i did she texted me. last message said " i wish things were different. i'd love to keep you in my life but i can't" and i wonder why not? She texted me all this in one day while still seeing the other guy. My problem is i can't just get over her. it was dumb for to think of going back to baby momma for my daughter even though there was no feelings there. i was just in a tough time going through change and thinking of what will happen in the future with my kid. doesn't help either that she moved on way to quick. i am not sure if it matters but before be she said she slept around a lot to help get over her first ex. It doesn't matter to me what she did when we split but when we started talking about getting back together and it was a yes and 10 mins later she sleeping with someone. confuses me and wont let me heal. its been about 3 weeks and i just can't seem to get any better some days i want to reach out to her. but i think of what happened and think i should let it be. I just want to hear your guys opinion as it helps me heal even if its the harsh truth.
  20. Hello, everyone. Well, as the title says, I was in a 6 year relationship with a woman I loved dearly. A couple of weeks ago, she ended things with me. Reason being, I have been unable to hold a steady job for very long and we both were still living with our families. She said she can't wait any longer for me. She said she is not going to reconsider getting back together unless I can show her, in a reasonable amount of time, that I can find steady employment and hold on to it, and also I can get a place on my own. I definitely begged and tried to convince her I know my feet are to the fire and I will do anything I can to make both of us happy but she wasn't trying to hear it. I then asked her not to kick me out of her life completely and suggested we stay in contact so I can keep her abreast of changes I'm making. She agreed. Since the breakup, we've had sex twice, and it was amazing both times. She began texting and calling regularly like normal for about a week, and I thought we were on the fast track to getting back together. A week ago, I was at her place and I tried to put my arms around her. She immediately took them off her and said "we're not together. I don't want to make you think we're working towards anything right now. I'm not changing my mind until you get your sh*t together". I noticed over the last few days the texts and calls had been drying up, so I called her and talked to her about it. She again reiterated that she is not changing her mind, and that she will still see me occasionally and she prefers to have sex with me rather than a total stranger, but again, until I can man up and move out, she will not consider getting back. So now I'm in a place where I am absolutely racing against the clock. I'm looking furiously for good paying full time work, and I am swearing to everyone in my family tree that I will bust my butt to keep that next job, no matter how much I hate it. I've lost 15 pounds over the last few weeks and I'm looking great, practically living in the gym now. But....you all know how it is..... I'm dying inside everyday. I can't text her when I want like I have been for the last 6 years. I can't call her because I don't want to pressure her. So I sit around and suffer in silence all day and night. I blame myself for being a complete loser and not giving us the life she wanted years ago. I'm terrified she will eventually lose all interest in reconciling even when I get it together, despite her being the realest, most honest woman I've ever known. If she says something, she means it. I mean, if she was 100% totally done, all lines of communication would be severed right? She wouldn't even leave the door open for a reunion like she has if she was truly willing to end it forever. I just need advice guys and girls. She's not a golddigger, but she's right. We're not getting any younger, and she needs stability. I figured because she came from a low income background, she would be okay with living average until I could find something that really made me happy. I'm stupid for thinking that. I'm just hurting really bad. She is a good woman, and she was faithful for all those years, as was I. I don't want to lose her forever.
  21. I’ll try to be quick and I apologize in advance for any typos since I am on my cell phone typing this out. My feelings are everywhere. I don’t know where to begin. Some of you know, I met a man at work who checked off all of my boxes. Dating him at first was unreal. He’s very mature and usually calm, cool and collected regardless of whatever situation he’s in. We broke up the first time because I was very insecure in our relationship. His ex would text him consistently and at all times of night and because I didn’t feel secure, we’d constantly bicker. I’d constantly ask for reassurance. I knew he didn’t love me as much as I loved him but dang it was I willing to wait for the opportunity to be loved by the man I love more than anything. One day we talked about the many notifications on my phone and how I have too many and he offered to help clean up my phone. He looked through all of my photos and deleted many texts. I never once flinched, I had nothing to hide.. However, one night I had is iPad in my hands for not even a moment and he snatched it away. Red flag.. but at the time i was quit about it, but it added to the insecurity. We were somewhat living together for a few months and I guess we just got burnt out. We had a terrible break up. I did not leave gracefully. I wish I did, but I couldn’t handle how cold he was being towards me. We yelled for hours. I poured out liquor and dumped cologne out. I’ll admit I acted out. There’s no excuse for my actions. It’s just this is the second person that I ever fell in love with in my life and to him, I couldn’t compare to his ex... I went completely no contact when we were broken up. I cried every day. Like a nutcase, I social media stalked his ex and saw their photos together and the memories they made with one another. It hurt me even more but I couldn’t stop myself. Then I discovered, through digging, that he actually dated me and his ex in the same month. He didn’t take the time to get over her. The moment they broke up he was with me.. and to be honest we moved pretty quickly so we had sex early on. I was kind of disgusted that he claimed to have loved this girl, was with her for 3 years and he could not take the time to heal from her. But still, I ached for him.. and as the time went by, I was still hurting. I wanted to move on but I was still in love. Then he started contacting me out of the blue. I acted distant at first, but I fell right in and couldn’t resist. One night after hours of talking on the phone the conversation turned sexual. I hadn’t had sex and I was so hot because I wanted him so bad. I drove over there in the middle of the night and had one of the hottest sexual nights in my life. No exaggeration, but I won’t go into those details. Of course confusion sprung amongst us and a few days after that he told me that he didn’t want to hurt me because I am more invested than he is. I still asked for a chance.. but it wasn’t until I mentioned that if we were to see other people during this time it’s not cheating because we’re not together (I wasn’t seeing anyone else at the time. Didn’t get with anyone else after we broke up), he automatically told me we were in fact together because we’ve seen each other and we had sex a couple of times. I was stunned that we didn’t talk about it. Just like that he reclaimed me again. I was happy but confused? But of course I went along with it because I really wanted him. Getting back together felt so amazing. To kiss him and hold him again. To run errands together and hold hands. To lay on his chest again, to get cuddled and held before I had fell asleep was everything I was missing. I’m still crazy over this man even now as I type this... then I see her text again. And I wince at her name on his phone. The thoughts of all of the pictures came up in memory again. But i didn’t want to argue or bicker. I mentioned it and how it made me feel and dropped it quickly. He assured me I had nothing to worry about. Then one day, he goes out with friends. He gave me the key the next day because he wished that I was in his bed waiting for him. I thought I felt good to get a key again, but it just seems like his reasons were sexually motivated. Not because he trusted me... I tried to talk to him about that but he seemed to be irritated and told me to “just be happy” and drop it... and so I did. One morning I was laying in bed with him, and I saw him turn over and put his passcode in. I was armed with dangerous information. He has two phones and he left that morning to go hand out with friends. I’ve never done this is any relationship in my life, but I snooped and I looked through his phone. Only the text messages and nothing else. He flirted pretty heavily with one of our coworkers even while with me. No big deal. I don’t like it but whatever. Then I saw messages between him and his ex. How they have nicknames for one another and they’re silly over text. Of course he was flirty with her as well. I didn’t find any cheating and I didn’t think I would... but I did see that the moment we broke up, he’s messaging her to go on a Whole Foods run not even a month later. Asking to see her, even she was surprised because she had not seen him in over a year. Why am I surprised? That hurt so I called him and took him away from his time spent with friends. He was irritated he knew I went through his phone and told me that obviously we do not trust each other so we don’t need to continue. I panicked. I didn’t eat, I threw up. I know I messed up. I insisted on seeing him that night he returned but he didn’t want to see me. I know it was wrong, I showed up at his house anyway. He didn’t want to let me in ( I left the key in his house before I left). He didn’t want me to sit in the car with him. He didn’t want to to hug or touch him. He just didn’t want me around. He was so cold towards me. I asked him why he was so venomous towards me but he was so kind to her. And his response was “she didn’t deserve it.” Which implies that I do.. I knew I should’ve walked away and left but with this guy, unlike any other relationship I’ve been in, I have acted impulsively because he just disregards my feelings and he acts like he doesn’t have any. Of course he broke up with me again... not even two months in. I’m noticing now that he’s a person who goes from one long term relationship to the next with very little time in between. He’s a serial monogamist which explains why he was such a good boyfriend. This isn’t his first rodeo. I’m behind on dating. I have a total of 5 relationships that I can count. 2 of them being in high school... and I’m about to turn 28. After my first love broke up with me I was devastated ( I was 19 at the time) and I cried for 3 years. I didn’t want to get close to anyone else so, I opted for designated sex partners than opposed to something real. I love my most recent ex more than anyone that I have ever been with. It was my most serious relationship. I never lived with a man before. I never felt so deeply for someone before and I wish I could’ve been that girlfriend who handled things gracefully... but my feelings ran so deep that I just couldn’t control how I handled things. I always felt like second best to this ex of his. They have a lot in common. He spoke highly of her, calling her the most rational girl he has ever dated. Going from her to me was like night and day and I’ve always been nervous about that. I blew it. I didn’t handle things well and this was a man I didn’t mind spending the rest of my life with. I tried so hard. And now, I’m sure he’s with his ex that he never stopped loving. I hate being so vulnerable. Because the moment you open yourself up to loving someone, you have a lot to lose... and often times they will walk away and leave you broken. I know that I’m going to be single for a while. And I’m going to be 30 soon. I feel like he’s going to go on to the next girl and establish a solid relationship and I’m just going to be by myself... I wish we let more time pass between us before getting back together. I am really hurting.. and I’m sure there is no 3rd chances. And even if there is... he doesn’t love me and I love him with every part of me. It just hurts
  22. Me and my ex dated for 16 months but within 2/3 days of him breaking up with me he’s got someone else, I think it’s a rebound but he’s saying I’m in denial and it’s serious. Now he keeps telling me about her and his plans to spend time with her, for example that he went shopping for clothes for their date, he then told me the whole date and the clothes he got for it, all without me asking. Do you think he’s doing it because he wants me to feel like he’s moved on or is he trying to make me jealous? I would want to get back with him, but I don’t know whether to do no contact or stay and show him what’s he’s missing. If you think no contact, could you give me some advice on what to do I.e. do I open his messages and leave on read or just not open, do I look on his social media like his snapchat story etc. Thanks for the help and advice. P.s. I’m 17 and he’s 18
  23. We broke up long ago. The narcissist first chased me , love bombed me , then strung me along for a long time. To where one day , I was dug in and stuck. I never dealt with such manipulation. It was all about him. But he talked me out of my doubt constantly. Then he was done , discarded me and sadly (not proud) I was chasing and begging. He was done , but He always engaged. He always answered. He always responded back and did this emotional dance with me. The longest I went at one point was 1 month no contact before breaking. At some point , we were no longer arguing then but talking calmly. Like friends. Happy, like when we first met. But , he had no interest in getting back together. Using the old “not looking for anything serious”. I had one weak emotional moment and told him I loved him. Then I said I was leaving to go away for the weekend and maybe we would talk when I returned . On a Sunday , there were texts , calls , he was asking if I had returned. Had I eaten ? I agreed to meet him in a park. We didn’t speak of the relationship. We even flirted at the end . I then said I had to leave and left. Of course , he kept sending texts . I guess he thought he was going to get me into bed. That wasn’t going to happen. Emotionally, I’m bankrupt. Bonded to “why wasn’t I enough” to a man I loved. It was only when I found out that he had this pattern even before me that I realized while my reactions were dramatic and awful, I didn’t cause it . He had . His treatment of me had. He ruined birthdays , etc. he has since apologized, but he had the nerve to say “he” can’t get past the past. Early on, I saw evidence he was still looking for other women. I know I should have left then. I know I was wrong. I pray all the time to be healed of this , but it consumes my thoughts every day. I did not respond to his last texts. If he were a real man , he would have ignored me to let me heal. He wouldn’t try and see if he could get me into bed. I have but only to assume that’s why he met me , being he told me he does not want to revisit the relationship. He told he did because he “enjoys my company” what a crock of . I know I gave this man way too much of my life. But why is trauma bond so strong and why does it exist ? I know I have abandonment issues from childhood. I do see a therapist. But it seems no matter what I do .... I’m stuck. How do I get unstuck ?
  24. About a month has past since me and my ex broke up. We dated for almost 2 years before we split. I still want to be with her and want to make things work. However, currently I am blocked on every social media and can only call or text. The last month we have had no contact. But today, we were able to have a nice conversation about what we were up to and how we have been etc. Were both at rock bottom for ourselves, and things are great for either of us. The conversation went well and she left. A few hours have passed and she is back home, do I text or call her about meeting again? Or should I wait until she texts me, or just wait until a few days passes or so? I don't want to move to fast and come on to strong to ruin anything between us. Thanks
  25. Hi all, For once I'm not actually posting about myself. I'm posting about concerns and advice for my mother who has been dating someone for the last few years. A little bit of a back story, my Mum was single for about 25 years, after my abusive father was kicked out of the house (never saw him again, and he died in 2013). She focused on raising me and her career. She is now in a quite highly paid job role, and has just gone from strength to strength. A few years ago, so started dating a work colleague (they were initially peers, but she's since become his superior albeit on different teams). He's a bit younger than her, but the age gap isn't really the issue. The main problem is he's separated from his wife, but still living with her - just on the top floor of the house. There is no love there, and it's basically a long drawn out divorce. Last year he broke it off with my Mum, citing needing to get his head sorted and finally out of the house. It broke my Mum's heart but they eventually kind of got back together again, despite nothing changing in his home life. He's been going hot and cold since really. Obviously with the lock-down, they've not seen each other and everything has been on hold. However my Mum has been getting paranoid about his friendship with another female colleague during this time. At the moment, he's not speaking to her outside of work, and my Mum has found evidence that he has been at the colleagues house a few times in the last couple of weeks. There is no evidence that he's having an affair, as to be honest, he's essentially cheating on his separated wife with my Mum, so you wouldn't do the same again with another colleague right? I've stated that because he feels guilt about being around my Mum whilst he's dealing with his difficult home life (work is also a massive stress factor), maybe he's going to this colleague's house as a bit of respite - away from the home and away from the kids. They all work from home by the way. She's convinced there's something else going on, and that they are just lying to her. Now the female colleague could be innocent in all this, supporting her friend by offering a place to chill out for a few hours and get some work done. But not mention it to anyone else in work, as that's how rumours and gossip starts. I've told my Mum this but she's just not listening. I have to see her cry and be depressed constantly and I don't know what to do to help her. Affair or not, he's clearly been messing her about too much and I know she should break it off completely. But she just wants the whole truth and almost a definitive answer that he's sleeping around with another colleague. What's everyone's opinion? Is there anything I can do? She's even talking about getting a tracking device on his car or something as she wants to know for sure, but I'm worried she will throw everything away over him. She's worked incredibly hard over the last 25 years, and I couldn't bare to watch her destroy over this man who doesn't deserve her in the first place.
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