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About Me

Mod Notes

  1. I look on this forum a lot to see if there are any new stories about people getting back together with their ex's. I do it just so that I can have some hope, and I really hope someday I can post my story on here to give others confidence that having hope pays off. In the meantime, I am going to make a list of actual stories of people I know that broke up and got back together. Please post your stories here too and we can put a little bit of cheer into this forum. 1. My friend was dumped by his girlfriend of 4 years. They were broken up for a year and a half and he tried everything to get her back. One day he was with his friend talking about her and she called him right then to talk about something trivial, and he went over to her house. They got back together and now they are engaged. 2. My friend's sister and her husband broke up for four years and now they are married with 3 kids. 3. My friend broke up with her high school sweetheart when we were 19 and they got back together a few years later and have been together ever since. 4. My other friend broke up with her high school sweetheart when she was a sophomore in college and they just got back together and now they live together. 5. A friend of my ex's was so sad about a girl forever, talked about her all the time when we were out at the clubs, couldn't believe they broke up, etc....now they have been back together for over a year. 6. My friend and her boyfriend dated for a few years, broke up for 9 months, now they are engaged. She says their relationship is better than ever now they are back together. 7. My friend was hung up on this guy forever, he would go back and forth and never commit, now they are living together and she is going to have a baby. They are really happy and in the end it worked out great. That is just some of the stories I know off the top of my head. Please post any stories of reconciliation that you know of so that we can have some cheer in this forum.
  2. I will try to keep this as short as I can. My (ex)boyfriend broke up with me about four weeks ago after a six months relationship. The break up came out of a sudden and hit me hard. I have to mention: He suffers depression (but is in therapy and gets medical treatment and knows & accepts that he is not healthy mentally and wants to get better) and has a dismissive avoidant-attachment style. During the relationship I could really handle his disease and tried my best to be there for him and support him without smothering him and I told him that I am okay and that I love him and that I won't leave him because of this disease. I tried to give him the space he needs and as much space as I could offer. I knew how much he suffers, but it seemed like our relationship gave him much more than the disease demanded from him. That it was something really good for him. It was a beautiful relationship, it felt deep and I know that these feelings have been on both sides. The weeks before he broke up had been full of love and connection, he wanted to have me around, made plans, wanted me to meet his family, he was caring and loving. One week before he broke up he told me how much he loves me. We had a fight three days before the break up and after some days of silence ended our relationship. We do not have contact since then. We met each other at university when we started the same studies at the same time. Due to this we now share the same group of friends and fellow students and even have to work on the same projects together. As I said we do not speak to or text each other privately, but because of the group-project we work on together with two other fellow students/friends we have to maintain a certain kind of communication (via WhatsApp-/ Discord-groups and in online courses). During those courses and in online meetings with our group he even answers to me, speaks normally as if nothing happened and even laughs when I say something funny. Everything beside these situations is pure silence (except that he‘s still looking at my instagram stories, but well…). I am in a circle of being incredibly sad, missing him, feeling pure anger, wanting him back and at the same time working on myself and careing for my own needs – and enjoying it. I feel really good discovering a new me – or the me I really am and want to be. But still there is this me that does not want to give up on him and on us. I understand that he needs his space and I want to respect that – for him as well as for myself and my own healing and his healing. But I do believe that we could do better at a second turn. I reflected a lot, looked into myself and I know so much more now than months, even weeks ago and I really believe that it could be different. I am seeing a therapist myself now. I know now that while I tried to be there for him I forgot to be there for myself, too, and to work on my own issues. I know my boundaries now, what I want and need in a relationship and I am willing to find a way together to meet everyone‘s needs in the middle. I love him and feel deeply connected to him. I just want to talk to him to reconcile and get back together – or to get a final closure. But I also want to give him the space he needs. So far no contact worked well – he didn‘t contact me or anything, but I am working so much on myself and feel how I finally beginn to see my own value (don‘t get me wrong: This is an issue I am dealing with for a long long time now, nothing our relationship took from me). But now here‘s the problem: As I mentioned we share some same friends and projects. After four weeks of successful no contact our project group has decided to meet next week to discuss our project in person and have some drinks together. Well, I could just leave after we discussed the „professional“, project related part and skip the socializing, but I want to be honest: I am new in this city, I came here six months ago. I don‘t know many people and due to the lockdown meeting new peolpe or the few I met and got friends with wasn‘t really an option. My ex and his flatmate were like nearly the only people I saw during this time. I want to be around people, I want to meet my friends and get to know my fellow students. I want to have fun and I deserve to have fun and feel good. I do not see why I should be the one to step back now while my ex doesn‘t? Why should I always be the one to step back? Yes, I want to be with him, try again. (Or at least this one last conversation to get final closure). I want to keep no contact, I guess it is the best I can do now for me, him – and a maybe-second-try-relationship. But I want to enjoy life, too. I feel so good in my own self right now and I don‘t want to miss the joy life can have. So my question: Is it a bad idea to attend (small) social events (with mutual friends/fellow students) if I know my ex will be there, too, when I actually want to reconcile and get back together with him? Or at least get the chance of a last conversation (when he's ready) to get final closure?
  3. My ex-girlfriend and I broke up three months ago after five and the half years of relationship. We are both in our forties. She said she doesn't love me anymore and that she doesn’t have any feelings for me for a longer period of time. Our relationship wasn’t perfect, but there were a lot of beautiful moments as well. We share a lot of happy and nice memories. She had a lot of issues and I was always there for her to help her and support her, and moreover to love her in that moments. At the end of the relationship, I had issues and instead of getting the same support from her, she found another guy and dumped me. She forced me to move out from our mutual apartment. During this last three months, those beautiful moments we had were all over my mind, more or less every day, and I feel regret that she has left me. But I managed to move on and worked a lot to improve myself and I made a progress. But at the same time I kept calling her to come and visit me in my new apartment. And then, last Friday she came to my apartment, we had a good time and we had sex. She stayed overnight. Yesterday she came again and we had a really good and passionate sex. But all the time she was telling me that she is satisfied with the new guy and that she is going to stay in the new relationship. When I asked her for the reason, she said that he treats her good, he is funny and that she is in a way taking advantage of him (something like he is paying for all the food). When I told her that I’m seeing someone else too, she started to cry and she said that she likes me the way I am now and that she feels regret I was not like that before when we were together. I told her that she can leave him and that we can try something again, but she categorically refused that. She said that she wants to be with him and maybe one day in the future, who knows, we are going to be together again, but not now. I'm also sure that she came to me and cheated on him, because she doesn't care about him at all. But she said that is not the truth and that she fell in love with him. I was quite fine, but now I feel distressed almost like three months ago. So this just brought me harm. So why did she come to be with me? Does she really know what she wants? Who does she love?
  4. This is a crazy situation by I need to vent. My ex girlfriend was a very loving, caring, hard working woman and we planned our future together and I was going to propose to her MAY 05, but July 20, 2004, 2 days after we celebrated our 4 year anniversary we decided that we would step back so that she could get herself together and bring as much to the table as I was. Well the next day she was picked up by someone from my past that had disrespected me, like my girl and who my girl was attracted to. This person was someone that I was in a relationship for a year,but it didn't work and I broke up with her. It hurt me to know that all the time that I was trying to compromise as far as them being friends that my girl of 4 years probably was cheating on me. I found out after the break up that they were talking on the phone all day and at odd times of morning. My ex of four yrs has been spending the night, taking trips and having sex with her and I told her that there is no way that we will ever get back together b/c she played me w/ someone that I had been with. I have moved out and am buying a house and I have progressed in my career, I still see her out at the clubs and arm and arm with my previous ex but she plays it off like they are not in a relationship and that she just needed a break from being in a relationship but to me she's acting like she is in one. She's not the same woman that I once loved and she hurt me....I do miss her but I don't want to ever talk to her or see her again. She has told people that we will get back together. There are times when I want to understand why she did this and then there are times when I really don't care and I wish that Karma would come now. She wants to be friends and call me and talk to me but I figure that she has lied, cheated and disrespected me to be where she is so she needs to go ahead and leave me alone. I just don't understand why she won't just leave me alone and forget that I ever existed, it would make things alot easier. What is it that she is thinking? Or is she not thinking at all?
  5. well my ex and i broke up over 7 months ago. we had not been talking until about a month ago.. we were both transferring to a new university (the same one) and we were both a little nervous. i guess he needed me there for support because he contacted me and we started hanging out again.. things were going WONDERFULLY and we were seeing eachother a few times a week. we spent valentines day together (his idea) and i seriously thought we would get back together. well this past friday he got angry and pretty much told me to get lost because i got mad (not even really mad, just asked him not to use the word with me )when he jokingly called me a b*tch.. well he said we can't go on the way we had been, we need to be just friends because thats all we are, that he doesn't ever see us getting back together... the same old stuff he has been telling me all along. well thats not the bad part, i took that and i left. i didn't contact him all weekend and i was just feeling sort of like "whatever" about the situation. i was tired of being his friend when it was convenient for him, or when he NEEDED me in his life. he got comfortable with his new situation (living away from home) and no longer needed me.. whatever.. well, here is the kicker last night at 1 we get a call from my dad, he and my grandpa were out of town visiting my aunt and my grandpa had a heart attack and passed away. i am very upset by all of this, but still sort of in shock and it hasn't really sunk in. this morning i called my ex to let him know (they were close when we were together) he wasn't happy to be getting a call from me, he did sort of the "what" answer.. but he said he was sorry and if i needed to talk i could call him. well just about 30 minutes ago i was REALLY feeling down and i called him, like he said i could.. he said that he coulnd't really talk because it "costs him (well my mom) too much because i don't have a lost of mintues left.. if you want, i'll call you when i get home and give you the number at the appartment" i said "no, thats alright, i'll let you go. bye" and i hung up. i COULND"T believe it, i would spend ANY amount of my money/time if he EVER Needed to talk to me, about anything... i am just floored by his comment and can't believe it. its not like im just some stranger to him, i was with him for over 2 years. i spent days/nights talking to him when he was stressing about his MATH classes for goodness sakes. i stayed TWO hours after school so i could meet him after his class to hang out because was having a bad day, and he can't spend a few minutes using his presious money to comfort me a little bit when im going through this??? i just don't get it. do i really mean THAT little to him?????????????
  6. do you guys think that no contact really works? what are your thoughts? I have emailed my ex and txt once and he has replied both times. thats all the contact we have had and that was in the first few days. its now been 2 weeks. im doin very well. im doing the no contact for me and for him tho, for us to heal and give him his space. im just wondring though, do u guys really think that nc is what makes a person wnat u back? wouldnt it b that it makes them miss u n thereforeeee gives them the IEA they wont u back but then if u do get back together they will realise they arent happy again? or is it tha u have to do nc for them to realise they miss u, n that that does and will work? whats ur thoughts on nc? do it ornot and why? my bf n i broke up on good terms, have never fought. \
  7. 3 days ago my boyfriend of one year broke up with me. It was out of the blue. our relationship was perfect up until this last week then he broke up with me. I just moved from Durango (where he lives and I graduated from) to Colorado Springs. It is a 5 hour drive and he didnt want a long distance realtionship. I had to move to get a job and I asked him that if I would have gotten a job there would he still have broken up with me and he said maybe. I feel so alon. I really love him and I told him that and I asked him why he didnt care about me enough to make this work and he said it was because he knew from the start that it would end when I left so he didnt let himself fall for me. the thing is I know he cares about me. when I went to mexico for a week he had texted me the night before I came home " I miss you, I need you, I want to touch you and be with you. please get home soon so I can see you." he would text me and say this stuff to me all the time. everyone who met him told me how much they saw how much he cared about me. my dad thinks its becasue its no longer convienent for him. I think he still loves me but he can't admit it to me or himself. I think he is scared of me because our reltionship was actually really good and a;; his past realtionships were bad with tons of fighting. I know that if we were in the same town and I had a job we could be together and be really happy. both of us. someone please tell me how to get him back. I took some advise that was posted on here and I am not going to contact him for a while but I need some advice. I really think he is the one. please help
  8. Ok well I am going to post because I need to let some thing's out as of right now and vent and hoping someone out there can help me out,The other day I called my ex he told me to leave him alone that he dont want to talk to anyone that he dont need friends that he just dont want to talk to anyone until he get his head straight I understand and respect that but at the same time I love him and dont want that to be the last conversation we ever have... Another thing that bothers me is that I was just there lastweek,He called me ask me to come over to spend sometime with him,When I got there he told me that he missed me and asked me to stay tonight,He was the biggest sweetheart that I had ever seen to me,I ended up staying the night and we ended up sleeping together that is another reason why I do not understand why he is acting all mean towards me and dont want to talk to me now? I was with this man for 2 1/2 years broken up for about 11 months now and I know you might say move on and dont call get over him I realize this what I want to do is move on and then when we are both are better get back with eachother.That is my heart I cannot just walk away from the one person who made me happy.I know people might think im stupid for being there for him but I am very distant about it. I have not picked up the phone to call him since he said leave him alone but he has not called me either but that's normal for him,He is mean one minute and nice the next,He shows and tells me interests of getting back together in the future but does not treat me like the woman he wants to marry one day like he says,He is riskin our love our relationship and possibly our friendship and that is why I fight so hard for him because I dont want anything to jeoperdize none of the above..... What should I do now?Can someone give me some insight on what I can do and how I can deal with the fact that he just simply does not want to talk to me now because he is unhappy?He keeps telling me he is unhappy and that is the reason he is snappy also! I dont know sometimes I put so much into and put so much of me out there with him and dont get the same....Any advice on what I can do and how I should go about looking at this situation????This has been going on for 11 months now on and off but when it's on I love how it is!
  9. Hello all, I am new to this board and really needing some help/advice. Let me first tell my story as briefly as I can, but well enough to understand what the situation is. I am 31 years old and was in a relationship with a woman that I love with all my heart for about 6 and a half years. She is now 34 and we have a 5 year old daughter together and she has a son from a previous marriage. We first met online when I was in California and she was in Missouri. She came into a chat room I frequented,which had alot of people I hung out with in RL to shoot pool etc.. She came into the room because her father lived in the area I did and was planning on going there to stay with him for awhile. My ex and I chatted for 6 months online before she came to California. She then was able to get enough money to come out to California becasue her husband that she was trying to leave because of abuse, sold his truck and gave her part of the money. She told him she was going to Cali for awhile, but did not know how long she would be and he accepted this. She came to Cali. with her sone, who was 1 1/2 at the time. We met and things went from there. Things were great at first, but she also didn't want to be too serious at first. She always told me she loved me, but wanted to date other people and not rush into anything. I guess I should have watched the signs of potential trouble, but I loved her and as they say, I guess love is blind. Before she came out, she let me know that she had been talking to two other guys from the chat room and the same area I was in for awhile before me, but did not tell me about them until we had been chatting for some time. This really upset me becasue we had so much in common and I was already falling for her, even though we hadn't met in person yet. When we did meet the feelings kept growing for her and she was falling for me she would say. I feel I pushed her a little too much into wanting us to be in a commited relationship and for that, I was wrong. I knew I loved her and wanted no one else. Well, things continued on and she started chatting with a guy while she was with me and I saw things she said to this guy that was supposed to be only a "friend". It really upset me and made me have feelings of distrust, even though later she came to me and admitted that she was having feelings for him and felt guilty about it. I was upset and started talking to a woman I had a fling with a couple of times before my ex and I met. I started a fight with my GF one night and went out to meet this other woman I knew, but felt guilty and never met with her. I admitted what I was feeling and that I had considered cheating and how sorry I was for even thinking about it. We went on for nearly 6 months of struggling to get her to see it never actually happened, although I thought about it because of how my feelings were hurt for what she did. She finally gave up on this guy and she needed to go back to Missouri, so I came with her. She was already pregnant with our daughter by that time and I figured we could make a fresh start together in Missouri. We stayed with her mom for a little while and I went to work and soon got a place of our own, but things didn't get better. I know she was pregnant at the time, but she would not open up to me no matter how much I begged her to talk with me. This went on until 6 months after she had our daughter and had recovered from her c section. She would be very hateful and tell me to leave her alone and always stayed online chatting with her online friends, totally ignoring how much I yearned to have her company and affection instead of her giving her online friends all of her attention. I couldn't handle her not paying any attention to me, treating me like I was just her house boy to run her errands etc.. I met a girl online and had an affair and yes, this time I did go through with it. I felt horriblle for what I did because I knew there is no excuse for it, no matter how she made me feel and I still loved my GF. I just felt like she didn't love me anymore. Well, for two years from that time, I tried to do everything or at least what I thought at the time was everything I could do to show her how sorry I was and just wanted her and only her as I always really have. After fighting with all of my heart to regain her love and trust, I gave up. She kept telling me to move on and find someone new. I never cheated on her again, even though we almost never had sex anymore and no affection etc.. I just wanted to make everything right no matter what we had to do to get there. After two years of going through this and her telling me to move on, I finally decided to do so and met a girl and started dating her. As soon as I tried moving on, my ex suddenly breaks down, crying and telling me she loves me and has been too afraid to show me how she really feels. I knew I still loved her and wanted to be with her, but wasn't sure what to think. At this point I was feeling like I may just be a guy to fall back on because all the guys she tried to start a relationship with during that time period fell through. I did stop dating the girl I met and stayed with my ex, but we still had problems and did not get back together. She started claiming I cheated on her again with the girl I had started dating, but we were not together and I was doing what she wanted me to do, move on. We continued to live together and tried off and on to get back together but went about it all wrong, jumping right back into things before workign on our friendship first and resolving the issues. Well, now it has been about 3 years since then and after going through alot of difficult financial times etc., we are staying at her moms again. This time however, she is staying with her mom long term and wants me to move out and move on. I decided about two years ago that working on the friendship first was the right way to go about it and she supposedly felt the same way. During the last couple of years, she has made a new friend online that lives in Germany and she kept telling me he is just a "friend", but she does love him as a friend. We have had alot of problems over the years and it got to a point where she would come into the living room while I was watching TV and not bothering her and start yelling at me etc., putting all the blame for all of our problems on me. I couldn't handle it anymore and didn't know what to do, so I went back to California for two weeks, but couldn't stop thinking about her and my daughter. I came back to Missouri after talking to her alot on the phone. She continued telling me that this guy in Germany is just a friend and said I had nothing to worry about anyways, he couldn't come out here. I decided it was best to concentrate on our financial situation, rather than on anything with her until we got back on our feet. Things continued getting worse financially too. We ended up moving back in with her mom in October and still working on our situation. All this time I have been feeling that there is something more to this friendship with the guy in Germany, but she kept telling me that there wasn't and to work on us being friends and then see where it goes from there. Well, I finally got her to come out with the truth and she said she is in love with this guy and he plans to come here from Germany as soon as he can, which could be in a year up to 10 years from now. I know I have done alot to her and she has done alot to me, but I still love her with all my heart and want to make things right once and for all with her. I hurt her alot with the things I would say out of anger, the lies and cheating. I hate all the things I did to her and know that I'm not that person in my heart, but she doesn't seem to feel that way. She says she still wants to be my friend, but she is very hateful to me all the time, treats me like I am stupid etc.. I feel like I am her door mat, yet still love her and want her to see how sorry I am for all I did. She does not even admit that she has done much wrong. She feels like its all my fault and says its 80/20 rather than 50/50. She tells this guy in Germany and all her friends, co-workers etc., that I am a horrible person and many other things that are not true about me. Her friends choose to believe her and don't want to believe that she has done anything wrong in our relationship. I would do anything to show her I'm sorry and get her to want to try to make things right too, but I am out of ideas. I have started going to counseling and would like for her to as well, but she feels she doesn't need it. She feels this way, despite being diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder about 4 years ago. She says she is a woman that believes in complete honesty, yet she has lied to me about many things and has even lied to her new BF in Germany and even has asked me to not tell him the truth about he fact that I have been staying here with her and her mom. She says that she would lose his friendship if he knew the truth. What does that say about her and her new relationship with this guy? He is also 22 years old and she is 34. Please, any help or advice would be appreciated. I know it sounds all messed up, but I want her and to finally make things right. I know that we could be very happy together if we got help together. She says that she is just tired of everything between us and just wants to move on and for me to do the same, but she has never really given the relationship a chance and neither have I. I am open to any suggestions.
  10. Hey everyone. I'm a 23 year old guy who just had his heart broken by his now ex-girlfriend after a one year relationship. She broke up with me two weeks ago. She is 21 and has been in a four year relationship, and then the one year with me. She recently broke up with me because she "really needs to be alone right now." She always told me how much she loved me, and she wanted to move in together. But all of a sudden she drops me like a bad habit. I told her I understood why she needs to be alone. But she is handling this much better than I am. I've been trying to leave her alone, but I did text her once yesterday telling her how much I miss her, and I hope things are going well for her. She replied to my text by simply saying "Hey, thanx for the text. I hope things are going good for u." Don't get me wrong. I'm not a smothering, obsessive boyfriend (honestly). I have several questions that I need answered. 1) Will she come back? What can I do to get her back? 2) Is the "I need to be alone" excuse just another way of saying I want to be with other guys? 3) What did I do that would cause her to drop me so suddenly? I'm not going to contact her anymore. But I was thinking about giving it a few months and then emailing her to meet me for dinner. Is this a good way to go? Can anyone relate to what I'm feeling/talking about? Any help /suggestionswould be greatly appreciated.
  11. I'm certain you all remember me mentioning my girlfriend Ashlee a while back. I worshipped the gal. Recently, we broke up. She found another guy while I was sick last week and apologised to me after breaking up--she thought it was a stupid mistake. Being really hard to anger, I smiled and told her it wasnt stupid. She's young and shouldn't quite settle down with a steady boyfriend yet. The...conversation I had with her was a bit eccentric in itself. allow me to post an excerpt--screennames dubbed for security reasons. (About this, we live in the same town, but in different parts of the rural areas. It doesnt help that she's in middle school and I'm in high school, either. We were so close and yet so far apart lately.) Now to the advice part. I know she broke up with me--that's strikingly obvious. But we left each other tonight on rather good terms. She kinda left the future open. We decided to still be able to talk to each other--keep our numbers and screennames... What I want to know is...we still really love each other, we just grew apart. Do any of you think that there may be hope in the future for us getting back together? Don't get me wrong--I am upset about this. But I can't be mad at her--she's right, its hard when we hardly see each other anymore. And my friends think it's weird that I'm not mad at her for "cheating" on me. I put it this way--leaving her a few emssages after she left.
  12. I've been posting on the Ex-boyfriend/Ex-girlfriend forum. But maybe my situation fits this forum better... We broke up after five years. Things had gotten pretty bad and neither could seem to fix our problems despite both of us trying very hard. The break-up was mutual but was really more from her end. She had moved out of our apartment two months earlier. A week and a half after the breakup I told her that I didn't really want to break up and felt that the 10 days apart had really changed me. No dice. Then after a couple months of NC I realized that I'd never forgive myself if I didn't do absolutely everything in my power to get her back. I told her I wanted to get back together, but she still wanted time apart. Then I got it out of her that she'd been sleeping with this older guy since not very long after we broke up. But she said she still loved me, did not love the new guy, and wanted me to be in her life. She said that she could see herself with me in the future, but that she wanted didn't want a ramantic relationship in the immediate future. So after a couple weeks I asked her out to a concert with me. She happily accepted. We had a great time and talked a whole lot. The following week she called to see if I wanted to hang out so I invited her to lunch. The week after that she called to see if we were doing anything for my birthday. So I invited her to another concert on my b-day. Then I invited her to another concert the week after that. All of these concerts were on week nights incidentally. We had a great time at all of them. She really enjoyed herself and I was very confident and comfortable at all times. Then it was x-mas time and she called to make a date for exchanging gifts. We met and had a nice lunch and exchanged gifts. Then she broke down crying and started going on about all her problems and confusion. I didn't bring up my end of it. I just listened and tried to offer advice. We hung out for lunch or dinner a few more times in the next month. Talks got more serious, but we still didn't talk about "us". She said that we always have fun when we hang out. Then I ran into her downtown and met the guy she's been with. I was cool about it and told her, "Any friend of yours is a friend of mine." Then the next time I saw her, she totally broke down. She seemed very ashamed and felt really guilty about everything. I told her that I still wanted to get back together and she was pretty surprised. We talked for hours about where we both were and what we wanted. She was so upset and couldn't tell me one way or another. I didn't pressure her and said I wanted her to take her time and think about it. Two weeks later we went to another concert (this time with a couple that she's friends with) and had a good time. But she still hadn't left the other guy despite having only negative things to say about him and making it sound almost certain that she would dump him. So I decided I had to let go. It was the only way I was ever going to get my head clear enough to know that I definitely wanted to continue with this. Then the following week she called and was really confused and wanted to talk to me. She says that I'm the only person she can really talk to that isn't crazy, dillusional, or stupid. So we hung out and had some drinks. I felt really good afterwards because it was the first time she'd really called me specifically because she needed me and for no other reason. She needed me and no one else would do. That made me feel good. That was last week. I sent her a silly drawing I made in MS Paint along with a bag of twizzlers (whish she loves) for V-day. It just said, "Valentine's day is for lovers, but it's also for people who love each other. Happy V-day. Your friend, [universe]" Then on the night of V-day, she calls and wants to know if I want to get drinks. I met her a couple hours later and we met up. Once again we talked about her problems and her confusion. She says she's thinking of seeing a shrink. I agreed that it would be a good idea. Someone sent her a black pearl necklace anonymously for v-day. Ironically, I had bought her a black pearl necklace for x-mas a few years back. She thought it had been me, but I told her it wasn't. I suggested it was the guys she's been with and she said, "Maybe. But I don't think so because he would want to be there to take credit. Plus, he's cheap." So she had more bad things to say about him. But I didn't ask anymore. It certainly sounds like they're on the rocks and I don't want to press anymore. I was just happy that she wanted to hang out with me on v-day and not him. Soooo...What do you guys think? Is she coming back? Is there any significance to this v-day meeting? I plan to continue with NC at this point (as in - I don't initiate contact ever and try to let go). But I still want her back. Everytime we've hung out I feel myself falling more and more in love with her. It takes a serious concentrated effort to not jump on her when we're together. I know she's confused and needs time. But it's been exactly 5 months to the day of our officially breaking up. It's been almost a month since she broke down and started confiding in me and I told her that I still wanted to get back together. All of that is still up in the air. She hasn't told me no yet. She just stays confused and upset all the time. I really want to help her, but I know I'm a source of confusion for her. And yet, I'm also a rock of stability for her I think. I don't want to break NC. I need to make her miss me. But I also need her to get un-confused so that a new healhty relationship between us will be possible. It's just taking her a really long time. I need an outside perspective. Where do you guys think I stand with her? Is there anything I can do other than work on myself and my own issues and try to let go? Any advice would be appreciated.
  13. Here's the shortest way I can describe my situation. I dated a guy for 2 and a half years, a time that included 3 or 4 major break-ups. The last one was huge, and it was promised by him to be the last. That was back in June. Then in December, after months of no contact and what seemed like absolutely no chance of rekindling the relationship, he called me on my birthday and we started talking on the phone again. We proceeded to hang out on new years eve as well as new years day (the first time seeing each other in 6 months) and now it has gotten to the point where we hang out every weekend he is home from college and we act like a couple..cuddling, kissing very passionately, joking just like old times. THe only problem is that we haven't discussed where we stand relationship wise, and i just want to make sure we are both on the same level. I am more than excited at how things are going because I have wanted to get back together since the day that he left me, but at the same time I don't know how to bring up the subject of "getting back together" or our "relationship" without him feeling pressured or scaring him off. I am really happy with the way things are but I don't want to just be a friend with benefits to him but I don't want to mess things up either. Does anyone have any good advice as to what would be a good way to approach the topic in a way that won't scare him but will let it be known that I am not okay with just hooking up and that I want to move towards starting a relationship again? THanks in advance for your time. .. BTW...The reason I need help with this is because he asked me to come visit him at school this weekend which I know will lead to things happen physically between us. I don't want to leave not knowing where we stand because I feel like that is very violating to myself if we hook up but aren't together. It's weird because this weekend just happens to be what would of been our 3 year anniversary...
  14. Long post, but I would really appreciate some advice because I am hurting badly right now. I have been going out with my girlfriend for about 11 months. I met her at the beginning of my freshman year at college. She was my first with everything. I was never with a girl before. I didn't expect my first relationshup to be so intense, but we connected SO well. Emotionally we moved very fast, but we didn't do much more than make out for the first 2-3 months because she was still not totally over her old boyfriend and they hadn't really broken up yet, although they went to different schools and had agreed to see different people. After she broke it off completely with her old boyfriend, we really became close. We became inseperable. We were both in love and if you asked anyone who knew us, they would probably assume we would eventually get married. The year finally came to a close and now i would have to leave her for 3 months during the summer because I live in a different state. During that year, we basically couldn't live without each other. We weren't complete without each other. The first time she mentioned a break was almost a couple of months before the school year ended. It was with the intent of getting back together, but she just felt we smothered each other too much and that we needed other things to occupy our time. We didn't really follow through with the break because we had fallen into this cycle of being so dependent on one another. Over the summer, we talked all the time on the phone and it wasn't until about a month ago that her frequent calls stopped. I also noticed that she wouldn't say I love you unless I said it first and that she just didn't seem as excited to talk to me. This all started about 2-3 weeks before I came out to visit her. When I came out to visit, I thought everything would fall back into place. It seemed to be that way the fist day or two, but then I could tell she still wasn't the same. She wouldn't kiss or hug me unless I did it first. Finally, 3 days before I left to go back home, I asked what was going on. She said she needed a break. That she felt bruned out and needed her own space and did not want a boyfriend right now. I was deeply hurt because it seemed like her feelings for me had changed so drastically and quickly. I can understand her feelings, but she also said not to count on getting back together which I don't understand. I asked her if this was really just a breakup and the end of it, but she said that she knows she wants no boyfriend right now and may or may not want to be with me in the future and needs time to see how she feels. She also said another boyfriend is the last thing she wants right now, so it's not like she wants to date other guys. Since I got back from visiting her, I have called her once and she has called me once in a week. I am trying to respect her wishes of a break and stop a lot of the contact I had with her. She said she doesn't want it to be like we can't talk just because we're on this "break." I am really afraid of losing her and I don't want that because I really believe we have something special. Also, next year we will be in the same dorm and she live in the floor above me. Also, we have a class together and my two best friends which will be my roommates are also her two best friends! So obviously we will see each other a lot still. She also says that she will always love me and I will always be her best friend, but she has lost some of the romantic feelings for me. So she is not IN love with me I guess. Right now, it really seems like she doesn't want to get back together although she doesn't want to totally close the door yet. I really want to get her back. I am still in love with her and she's all I have right now. I am so confused and don't understand why this happened. We had so many good times together and only got into silly fights sometimes over dumb things. How is she just able to get on like this without me? I have given her my whole heart and treat her with love and respect. We are alike in so many ways and I feel she is the only one who has really understands me. I see her again in two weeks for the start of the next school year.
  15. Okay everyone - about a month and a week ago me and my girlfriend broke up after 2 years about 5 months of dating. This wasn't a hasty breakup at all.. the *only* reason we broke up is because neither one of us wanted to do long-distance anymore. I was in Atlanta for a year, and now I'm in Columbia away from her again. We still love eachother, just long distance was becoming too hard. A month or so went by and I was very close to getting over here, but then last week she came back to me and we got back together. She called me and said she didnt' want to live without me, and it seemed so for the first two days. Then after that she started changing - college is changing her. She usually tells me everything.. but something became weird. I'm not a jealous guy at all, but I checked her AOL info and she was speaking of some guy in there, saying how great it was to get to know him, and how she hoped it would get better (???).. then she got offline with me one time, and said she'd talk to me later because she was going over her friends house.. then she left another message for the guy to call over her friends house (???).. she also smoked weed with this guy (and another girl and guy) for the first time two days ago.. and I'm like.. what? That's something I could never see her doing.. but hrm. err, but whatever, I blew it off. Yesterday we broke up again, she says she thought it would be better this time, but it wasn't.. and how she couldn't see herself cheating on me.. and stuff like that. This got me to think that she'd rather break up than cheat on me, which is good. I respect that - or better yet I think she's confused right now. Like I said before, she's not the kind to just start smoking weed like this with people she's only known for 2 weeks.. and change all of a sudden.. so I think she has to get her mind together before any more relationships. This is long, I'm sorry.. but here's the thing, we were broken up for a month, I was almost over her, then we get back together for a week (we didnt' even see eachother) - and then break up again!! So now I kinda have to go through it all over again.. but not completely. This breakup didn't hurt anywhere near as much as it did a month and a week ago.* So - any advice on anything I said above? ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ *edit* also.. even when we broke up.. she still took all my pictures to her dorm and put them on her ceiling so I'd be the first thing she'd see when she got up.. and all on her walls. It's strange, she loves me.. and so do I, but both of us know that it just shouldn't be right now.*
  16. hello can anybody help me out. I am a Marine that was stationed in Okinawa for two years. In a prior relationship that i had before i went i met a great girl she told me that she loved me and wanted to be with for ever. She said that she wanted to marry me and have my children. I am in love with this girl so much i cant bear to lose her so i married her in july of 03 the hole time we were married i was away, when i came home she told me that she didnt want to be with me anymore because she has more funwith out me i love her so much i dont want to lose her how do i get her back how do i show her that the way i treated her before is over with that she is all i want to consintrate on that she make me whole any ideas because im tired and i need my companion back
  17. Perhaps this has been asked before, but I am curious for those out there how many have gone back to an ex and things worked out well? I know posing the question here probably will give skewed results since anyone who did have something like this work out would not post or read messages here anymore. For them, life is wonderful of course.... For those where it did not work out roughly how long did it take for you or the other person to realize that this was not a good idea? Did things seem to be different and what you wanted for a couple of months say after you got back together and then the old behavior/patterns came back? Or did this person or you really change to make the relationship what you wanted it to be for good? Just curious.....
  18. I've been threw a hell of alot for six months, I have recent posts on here about heartbreak and what to do but I was too stubborn to listen cause have how badly I wanted my ex back, I had to learn the hard way the very hard way about her not coming back. See we broke up then she went out with a new guy for 3 months who she said she loved and everything, well threw those 3 months I dreamt about having her back and unbelivable things like that. well the day finally came after all my friendliness and comforting and swallowing my pride, we got back together it was the best day of my life, but then two weeks ago she started talking to one of my friends on my messenger, and I got kinda mad cause they were gonna hang out, and she said "don't worry you know I love you" and I felt better, well they hung out one day, then the next, then the next, and are still hanging out everyday since they hung out the first time, now I got mad because after all I did in those 6 months was pointless and I did alot trust me. Now there dating and my stubborness only made it worse I should of realized from the beginning that even if we did go back out it wouldn't work out, and it's true. The only way to get over one is too find another and that's true aswell, now I know you think no one could ever take her place that's true cause everyones different. I had alot of girls like me the past 6 months but no one could take my mind off her however last week I finally met someone who is way better then my ex could ever be. So whatever you do don't take the road I did it'll only hurt more in the end, espeacially when the girl leads you on and gives you that little bit of hope, so my advice is find someone new I know it may take awhile like it did for me but it'll work out way better in the end, trust me.
  19. We both just started our talking etc and I mistakely proposed her in the beginning. our relationship was very young. She was a bit attracted to me.But after proposing, she told me she is not happy. I called her the day after and said sorry and I was not serious. She then told me she wanted some time but it was too late as I told her I was not serious(though iam serious, i just said it so our friendship does not break.) Now she does not talk to me. I am shattered , Please help me. How to overcome this problem and is there any way to get her back.
  20. My x and I have not spoken in 10 months, after a rocky 7 years. She seems to get cold feet all the time and the last time I said I was done, i would not wait or be around anymore, recently, my father suddenly died after a battle with a very short illness, diagnosed one day and 6 weeks later gone, she has no idea that he was sick or has passed away and I have been struggling whether I should call her or not, I hope I do not want to do it for alterior motives, but I know deep down, i cannot get back together with her, even if she wanted too. She is the only one who really know how much I loved my dad and the kind of relationship I had with him, my family and I are heartbroken. What was weird is that two weeks after he was diagnosed, she called me, i was not home and she did not leave a message but I saw here number on my caller id..many of my friends thought maybe she had heard my dad was sick but there was no way, and I mean no way should could have known. Any suggestions, from anyone would be helpful, I have a hard time doing anything because I miss her so much and she has hurt me more than once in non-intentional ways...never cheated on me or anything like that, just a lot of baggage...any suggestions, thank you.
  21. I broke off with my ex about a year and a half ago. He started seeing someone else 6 months ago. I've posted here before. I moved back into same apt. complex as him about a year ago and we are still friends. I told him I still love him and would like to get back with him but he said he is seeing someone else now and would be hard to date both of us at the same time. He obviously will not break it off with her and I dont expect him to. I am just asking for equal time as her so he can sort out his feelings and see which one of us he would rather be with. He said he is not in love with her but he cares about her alot. (What does THAT mean?) He said he still loves me and always will because we spent years together. He spends every weekend with her so I can't get to first base with him on the weekends. He said I can come over to watch a movie, dinner or whatever sometime during the week. (He doesn't see her at all during the week) but he said he cannot get involved with me as far as sex, kissing,etc because that would be cheating on the other one. Can I get an honest opinion from the guys out there as to why you wouldn't want to date two women at the same time? What would you do in my predicament? What is the best way to handle this?
  22. hello everyone. i dated my ex for 1.5 years. she left me about a month ago. it's the third time in about 4 months that she has broken up with me but in the past we communicated during the breakup and she has come back the first two times. i think we both just weren't clicking like we did in the first half of the relationship in college and were both holding onto the possibility our circumstances would get better out of the fact that we cared for each other and had great chemistry. it was the longest relationship she's ever had and she was definitely the greatest girl i ever met. not to sound cliche, but i felt so much that she made me a better guy and truly completed me. however, our last breakup was not smooth. i was so angry she was dumping me again and yelled on the phone with her about it. we hung up in bad spirits and have not spoken since (about a month). During this month i've sent her two separate text messages. the first toward the beginning of the breakup said "i miss talking to you" and last one a few days ago said "just wanted to say hi. thinkin of ya." i have not heard from her since our breakup and never got a reply to any message sent. dispite our breakups i miss her greatly and wonder if anyone thinks we'll get back together one day in the future and what i could do to help it. whether or not she is a great girl is debatable. what i do know is that she was a great girl for me. please, give me advice. i need hope and honesty.
  23. Hey everyone, VERY new to this whole concept of forums cos I usually just talk through stuff with friends but hey its worth a try! Please read my story and let me know what'all think. Thanks a million. background - im a 22 yr old student (James is my name) girl is 20 almost 21(student also-mary) - both from and living in Ireland. I met this girl(Mary) 11 months ago. It probably started off on the wrong foot as I cheated on my then girlfriend with Mary. I'll try and keep this story as brief as I can but still include what I deem necessary. After this inital time, Mary fell for me very heavily and even after realising that I had a girlfriend and indeed did cheat still was very interested. I subsequently broke up with my girlfriend as I didnt think we'd work out quite soon after meeting mary. Mary and I developed a phone relationship thereby ringing and texting eachother EVERYDAY! I know over-familiarity could have taken place but luckily didnt. We were at college and on a nite out I was a single man - mary was out - as far as i was concerned i wasnt getting anywhere so i moved on with the nite and scored some cheat who turned out to be in her class in front of her! I was unaware of this at the time. After that nite, mary went off me big time and up until this point (last november about 1 to 1+1/2 months of knowing her) i wasnt too interested in mary. Anyway come the christmas college party i was into mary again basically cos i couldnt have her(i thought). After a bit of c.ocky+funny approach i eventually won her over on the nite and we ended up together again. That nite i asked her to start something with me. She refused saying she didnt wanna even go on a date with me insisting she didnt want to go on a date because she would start to like me again too much and didnt want a relationship. I'll speed things on to april - meanwhile we're still scoring when we're out and ringing and texting but still can be with other people so there's no official relationship. I was vice president of my student union. The guy who's taking over from me next year is crazy about mary. I told her this and started to get paranoid when I saw her and him flirting with eachother on many occasions in college. A few of my friends said they thought they had even scored. Mary convinced me otherwise and although my intentions were good towards her i was pure jealous at the time and made a dick out of myself on two nights out over him. I made up for all the jealousy and paranoia (which i never usually have but i blame it on both the fact he was replacing me and wanted "my girl" and also my friends telling me she was with him when in fact she DEFINITELY wasnt) by buying her loads of presents and bringing her home and surprising her with all this stuff-it went down VERY well indeeed. She told me she wasnt with him and never wanted to be and i firmly believe her. We knew and still know everything about eachother. Right college broke up in june and we went on our first date! Woohoo! It went fantastically well. Couldnt have gone better. We started to meet up every week after that. We had our second date (both dinner by the way). Met eachothers families all went well. We still werent officially a couple but werent with anyone else either. I went up to her town and went out and had a great nite. She came down to my town and... we had a row. Up until then things have never gone better with us but this row about 6 weeks ago now has left me emailing a man i'll probably never meet looking for some desperately needed answers (no offence by the way!). Basically I text and rang her during the day and the day before to see if she was deffo coming down with her friends as she didnt know for sure. She never text or rang back. I went out and evertually toward the end of the nite she arrived to the club and barely said hello to me. 1 of her best friends(they met at christmas) never really liked me which i know is an uphill battle but she crabbed mary in front of me and said something to her about me and mary just walked on. Mary told me beforehand that her friend(ciara) hated when mary left her on her own and went off with me. Ok that was fine at the end of the nite i went over and spoke to them both. Ciara said to mary on the sly "wat about that guy for u-pointing to some guy near us" and mary said "uh no!". This as you can well imagine pissed me off but i let it slide. About 10 mins later I met mary and grabbed her on her own and we kissed. She immediately said she has to go outside to ciara, I said i'll be out in a minute. When i went out mary had her back facing me and ciara was looking at me - as i got closer ciara said loudly "sush sush". This made me super-paranoid. I asked mary to talk to me for a second. I said "wat the hell was that about?!" she said i was only telling her i was wit u and she didnt want u to think we were talkin about ya to give u a bighead. i said why wud u bother telling her that? wasnt assummed we would have kissed? I then said something bad which i duely apologised for saying what i felt at the time "you're the most ignorant girl i've ever met because im the one who almost has to beg to meet up" and some other fueldriven rubbish. she got pissed off a tear or two and said to her friends im not taking this anymore. i apologised and i kissed her again. we havent met up since... I rang her a couple of days later and we talked it out, she sent me a text message after that call reading the following: "I do think alot of you and i want things to go back to the way they were and just see what happens" After that nite i didnt know where either of us stood. i know i look bad but believe me she played me around so much that was just my breaking point. this "relationship" has been driven by control. i was in control at the start and now she is. i fatally shot myself in the foot by telling her i loved her which she never has recipricated. That week I told her i'd meet up or i could go out with some old friends i hadnt seen in a while along with that same ex i cheated on. During this week i told mary i wanted to know if we'd start something. long story short she basically said to go out with my friends. about 2 weeks later - just a few calls and texts everything slowed down, i rang her and told her there and then i wanted an answer on the fone were we or were we not gunna start something. she wouldnt answer me. i said right ok i had enough and i was ending it right then. i rang her about a week later and we had another row cos we were supposed to meet up but she never contacted me again. it turned out she was pissed off cos i drunkingly (im irish remember!) said i checked her voicemail to see if she has listened to my messages - i NEVER checked her voiceys and was insulted by this and said its grand we're just friends basically. she said she DIDNT want a relationship now... since then i rang her and tried to patch things up. I truly love this girl. the above are tiny fights in a 95% perfect semi-relationship. i know this girl really does like me very much. i'll do anything to get her back ANYTHING. right now she knows she can have me and theres no challenge in that. we were supposed to meet up as "friends" tonight but she made up an excuse of being sick (i found this out to be a lie through her mother by accident). i know if we were just officially going out things would be great and right. what can i do now? she doesnt text or ring me anymore at all. its like she is making herself move on. I was talking to a VERY close friend of hers last nite in a club and she told me she hasnt been talking to mary in over a month but way back when we met she was crazy about me, never into anyone as much as me but shes not so sure now. PLEASE PLEASE HELP ME! believe me when i say i KNOW she still has super strong feelings for me but she and her friends are making her move on. What can i do? Hard to get? Loads of contact? What?
  24. I have posted other topics about me n my ex breaking up 6 months ago. i was devestated & heartbroken. we were together for 5 years and were engaged for 2 of them! we broke up out of the blue cos she went to uni & we were arguing over her going out all the time. when we broke up i was badly depressed, i didnt want to do anything! but over the months i picked myself up and got back on track. 6 months down the line i started recieving txts from my ex asking how i was? telling me she missed me. i met up with her hoping to sort things out. i met her and she said she just wanted to be friends!!! i txt her and said i couldnt be her friend and left it at that. 3 weeks went by and she was txtn again asking how i was. i told her i was fine and we agreed to meet up. we did and we kissed and hugged. it was quite emotional cos of the time we'd been away from each other. we talked about getting back together but didnt come to any agreement. im happy but she booked a holiday a couple of days ago, knowing she was gona meet me and sort things out. i dont want her to go cos id like to sort things out n get back on track. it feels as if i want her back more than she wants me. what do you think! am i being ungrateful or unreasonable? any feedback would be really appreciated! at least give me 1 reply.
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