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  1. Last night I found a picture of a naked woman in my husband's cell. It makes me feel very unappreciated. Actually, it really hurts me a lot. I told him earlier in our relationship how offensive that kind of behavior from a man is to me. It's not like he doesn't know this already! He has a topless photo of me. Yet, he has a photo of some woman he doesn't know. I know that men look at other women, but I think it's crossing the line a bit when they have photos of women when they are in a relationship. We've only been married for 6 months Why is he doing this? I don't know what to do. Desiree'
  2. I don't know if I should bring it up to my family doctor or my therapist... I brought it up to my therapist in passing and we didn't expand on that, but I feel like I'm having physical effects from the memories of the past year in particular. I believe my husband is narcissistic and was emotionally abusive to me... I feel like I should feel relief during the divorce process, but I continue to have disturbed sleep, feeling like I'm back in the moments of being bullied, and extreme fear at even seeing his family members texting to check on me. Also, I lost about thirty pounds before leaving my husband. The last several days with him, and the first few days away from him, I couldn't keep food down. I have since put on some weight again, and I'm eating well again, but I lose my appetite at times when I get too deep into the thoughts. I also feel of two minds... one mind is thinking typical victim stuff, like guilt about my fear and confusion over how my husband could also have a good side. But the other side is on autopilot and is thankfully winning. It's strongly pushing me through the steps of getting a divorce and moving on, it's telling me that there are other people outside of him and a whole world to enjoy whenever I'm ready for it. My main concern is the possible PTSD. Is it even possible that I have it, and if so, should I be seeking any treatment? I speak to a therapist once a week, and my family doctor calls me once a week. I take an antidepressant which should start helping me soon, as it has helped me in the past. I also have a sleeping pill that I take as needed- I'm doing my best not to take it daily but I definitely struggle to sleep the nights I don't take it. What else can I be doing?
  3. I found out last month that my husband had a year long affair with a women in another state. I found out this information from her 21 yr old daughter, who has been seeing my husband for the last 10 months. The daughter and my husband both say there wasn't anything sexual about their realtionship. But my husband did lie to me spend everyother weekend in Dec with this child, as well as spend money on her and her 4yr old child. My husband of 14 years is an over the road truck driver. He took the mother out on the road with him at least 5 or 6 times, and as he says "had sex" with her too many times to remember. He has been talking to the daughter multiple times a day since this past May, and even had pictures of her on his cell phone. He told me that he even offered to let her sleep in his truck (the one I pay for) with him one night after they went to a bar and it was really late and she didn't want to get in trouble. She still lives with her mom. He has tried for the last several weeks not to run in the area where they live, but that hasn't been sucessful. He says he hasn't called them or texted them on his phone, but I won't know until the bill comes out. He says because I am asking for reassurance about his commitment and love to me that I am pushing him away. We have made the commitment to stay together, but how do I get the images of him touching,kissing, making love to out of my mind? This is driving me crazy, I can't sleep, I am doing my job poorly and the kids are sufferring. I am seeing a thearpist, but he isn't. Please someone give me some advice on how to get these images out of my head. I want to stay with my husband.
  4. After 10 years of marriage, we split. We had an agruement over my daughter's boyfriend using the computer. Things got out of hand my husband pushed my daughter, I slapped him, her boyfriend told him to stop pushing the women, my husband pushed me, my daughter's boyfriend tackled him, my husband tried to get a knife, and I ran out with the kids and stayed in a hotel with them for 2 days before returning to the house. After this, my husband says that sooner or later he would move in with a women because life is to hard living by yourself. It turns out that he cann't rent an efficiency b/c he doesn't have the money to do so, and he told me he is renting with a guy and his sister, after much fighting I get him to admit that he was seeing this women for appx 4 months now. He said they started hot and heavy, she ended the relationship b/c he was married, and he said he kept calling her. Although I want to believe what he says, I know I cann't and I know he is lying. He said he finds peace in that house and that there is no fighting. He says he loves me but is afraid to move back in to have the fight begin again, to have me mistrust him and then have to move back out. He comes to the house to see my other daughter and some of the times he hugs me and keeps saying that this relationship he has is not going to last. The last time he was over, he was hugging and kissing me and if I didn't stop it, it would of progressed to much worse. He says that he didn't feel that I loved him or cared for him, and that we hardly had sex any more. This is true, but I have found a note in his pockets w/a women's phone on it before. I always felt he was out there looking for someone. One time he was arrested for soliciting oral sex from a prostitute. He would treat me badly and tell me I was fat, ugly and old. I did let my daughter sleep in the bed with me, I guess I needed comfort that I wasn't getting from him. I did ask him to help me wean her from the habit, but he didn't. I got fat, I continued to smoke although I knew it was a turnoff for him. I am trying to make sense of this situation, and outsider who can look in and tell me their thoughts on the situation. I am feeling responsible for the breakup, I am feeling no self-esteem, and I am hurt and cann't think straight. Someone please write to me.
  5. 3 months ago I found out that my husband had been interchanging calls with her female co-workers.The day I found out was 3 days after I had a baby.I was home coming from hospital and that women called,they talked for like 30 minutes.She started asking him about computer problems because h e is a computer technician;and then she kept talking about their job,so they ended up talking for about 30 minutes.The job they do, is to train retarded people ( people who have retarded mind).They teach them how to work and how to take care of themselves.They were working together one day for 13 hours a day.The place they were working in, they were with other people in builidings for 6 hours and then they would stay in builiding themselves with those retarded people for 6 hours,and they would drive together themselves at the end of work during night. After I heard him talking to her I asked him about her and he said that she was talking about what happened at work with their clients since she was covering his shift,while he was with me in hospital.Those clients have issues most of the time about their behaviors ,so that's what she was talking about.What I could hear from my husband was really,shirt,she should be fired no other comments.I got upset I entered the other room and then when I come back he had hanged off the phone.I told him that I don't want those calls from women,and he said he was gonna ask her to do not call him anymore. 3 weeks after I caugh a multimedia message to him from her which was a greeting of a pappy surrounded by flowers,kind of saying I miss U,but it didn't have any words on it.When I asked him about it he said that he doesn't know why she sent it.I got too upset and I told him that I want to meet both of them at theirwork and hear him telling her to stop calling him and sending messages,since I didn't bebieve he ever told her to do not call him anymore.He refuse saying that he doesn't want to loose his job.So he picked up the phone and he called her.He said"don't call my cell phone anymore because it is putting me in trouble,it is making my wife upset,and I don't want it to happen again,and don't send any messages".He hanged off and he told me that she said she would not do it again.After that she told their manager that me and my husband harassed her.Their manager separated them from working together.Since then they didn't work together until now.And few days later she accused him at their boss that my husband wasn't doing his job well.I heard all that from him. I went though the bills and I found out that there were several calls between them.I found that at the end of November and calls were for 3 months.Most of them were less than 10 minutes ,the long 0ne was 36 minutes,and few of them were between 10 and 20 minutes.There were few days when they called each other up to 4 times a day. When I asked him what the calls are about he said they were talking about job ,nothing else.He aplogized admitting that he made a mistake ,because he even called her few times after I sked him to stop.He said that the calls are long because the lady talks a lot. Well this is to confusing to me.I am very deppressed about it!It has been 3 months ,it can't get out of my mind.I am always asking him if he cheated on me,he says, no I didn't do that.He say that calls were just about job.However the calls are a lot ,it is hard to believe it!This drive me crazy ,I need to know the truth!In those days I saw some changes about him Which I don't remember very well.Iwas about to give birth.I am sorry this is a long story,I need help .What do you think ?Do you think this was an affair or I am just deppressing myself for nothing?I talked to one of his friends and he told me that one time my husband mentioned to him that, that womn was telling him about her sexual relationship with her boyfriend,and he told him that if he wasn't married he could do whatever he wants with her, because of the behaviors she was showing him.What do you think about this? What do you think was going on?Please help. I
  6. Hi, I am a 45 year old mom of 2 great teenagers. My husband was diagnosed with advanced cancer 2 years ago, but is still doing okay right now, though still undergoing treatment. My mom was also diagnosed with advanced cancer withing 4 months of him. If things are just going along fine, I do alright, but even the slightest change noe totally throws me. I sonetimes even think I do not want to be alive anymore. I think I just cannot handle it anymore because everyone needs me for something. I have nothing left to give. I don't know how I am going to get through the next few years, with my husband and mom declining at the same time, with 2 kids that also need my support. Anybody been through something similar and get through it? Please, any help appreciated.
  7. We have been married for 5 years, together for 7. We have a 3year old daughter who is my whole life. My husband loves us both with all his heart. Where the problem lies is I dont love him. I dont really know if I ever loved him. I have always gone from 1 relationship to the next and none ever lasted more than 2 years. When I got to that point with my husband I married him thinking that it was just me not being able to commit to a longer repationship and that the love would come back. It never has even after having my beautiful daughter. Long story short. I dont think I have ever really been in love. I feel lost , empty, scared, selfish, and alone. I dont really have anyone I feel comfortable talking with. I know I have to leave for myself but I cant do it to my husband and daughter. He knows how I feel and for the past 2 weeks has been doing everything to get my love back. He gives me cards and letters that only make me want to leave more because I long to feel that way about someone and have them feel the same. He thinks that I will take my daughter with me if I leave but what he doesn't know is that I couldnt do it to him. That is the only reason I am still with him. I cant bear the thought of being away from my precious little girl. She is here asking me why I am crying. Sorry to ramble I just need a little advice?
  8. I wasn't positive where this should go, but this is close enough. There was a girl I used to work with, let's call her Ruth, who I CANNOT stop thinking about! We worked together for about 10 months. We hit it off right away when she started there, I was there before she was. We would talk all the time. We worked in a call center, so we could sit right next to each other. She is married, I'm going through a divorce. When I first met her is when my soon to be ex and I decided to get a divorce. Ruth has been through this and always cheered me up when I was sad. I would follow Ruth around and act like a puppy dog, ignoring all my other buddies there. We ate luches and took breaks together every day. I even told her I loved her a couple of times. She has a wonderful smile that just lights up the world! I know we were just friends, but somewhere in all those lunches and breaks I fell in love. I would say things that a friend just would say, like that I would never get tired of her. I even met her hubby once before she left that job. I didn't have any ill will towards him at all. As my soon to be ex got further along in our divorce I would cling to Ruth more and more. When she left there it was the saddest day of my life, sadder than my divorce! I've come to believe I never had any true feelings for anyone till Ruth. I still talk to her and her hubby online, and I've visited them a couple of times. I had a fantasy not to long ago where he was dead and I swept her off her feet. I know you all think I am a terrible person for this, but it's true! I still see her smile everytime I go to work and it's just killing me!! I want so bad to tell someone... I know her hubby has never done anything to hurt her, he and I have become friends as well. But in the back of my mind I want desparately to be where he is! I've got a draft of an email where I tell all my feelings for her, this email will never get sent! I can't help but wonder if it's only her happiness, good maraige, and smile I want since my marriage is over. I really think it's something more, why can't I stop thinking about her? Why do I keep dreaming about her? People have told me I'm in love with Ruth. But noone has a clue how to make it stop! I want to try and remain frineds with both of them, they are helping me with my divorce, my life, my well-being, they even helped me by a new pc which I am on now!
  9. latonia

    Am I Crazy

    I need an objective opinion about my situation right now. I have been married for over 13 years. About 3 years ago, my husband had sex with another woman in our home while I was at work (and videotaped it!) He moved out and after a 1 year separation, we decided to give it another try. About one year later, I discovered domination e-mail messages on his phone and in his e-mail. When I confronted him, he claimed that he was sending those e-mail messages to himself because he was afraid that I might be checking his e-mail and phone. Somehow we were able to get through that period. About one year later, I discovered more suggestive instant messages on his phone. He had been instant messaging domination type messages to a close friend of his who had relocated to another state. In addition to the domination info., he told her that he loved and missed her and she did the same. I confronted both of them. My husband stated that he felt that he did not deserve anything good in his life and needed to send these messages to release these feelings. He said that the friend agreed to play this domination role to help him. Due to a job change, we have now relocated to the same city where the "friend" lives. My husband is very playful with the friend (who happens to be married to another close friend). He claims that the friend and husband are like the family that he never had. Am I crazy to stay in this relationship and for believing all of this information? I just need some feedback. L.
  10. My husband and I have been married for 18 years. All this time I thought things were great. We have always communicated with each other, have the same goals etc. Until this passed weekend, he told me he that he feels he needs to leave because he doesn't think he loves me or has ever loved me. He says he wants to go to counseling to make sure that the feelings he is having are real and that he is just wired wrong in the head. There has been no telling signs that he wants out until now. Our friends are shocked as I am. I have often wondered through the years if my husband may have mood disorders or something because of various ways he can act, but the mood never lasts long and then things are back to normal. Should I fight for him or just let him go.
  11. Hi all, Im a 26 year old. I got married 6 months ago to a man I met online. We've had a good marriage until early this week. I logged onto his yahoo chat (I know this is wrong) pretending I was him. (He's addicted to the internet and I had a feeling something was up) This girl he used to date came on and said she will wait for his call to come over so she could give him a back massage, I eventually told her I was his wife and not him, I called him and told him what I knew. He said he would talk to me about it at home. When he got there he acted as if nothing was wrong, until I started asking him why. He said he never planned to go and he only told her so she would stop asking him to come over, I do not believe this, I want to but I dont. He says it is my fault and I've caused my own pain. My husband has been married two other times, he doesnt have the greates track record. According to this woman, she said he loves me, he always told her that, he told her we were trying to have a baby (which we are) So I dont know, I love him and I really want this to work. He promised he would no longer talk to x-girlfriends on the internet, Im sure he'll stop now but not in the future. I need some advice - PLEASE
  12. I posted here about six months ago with my situation. My situation has been very difficult, and I find that I simply can't come to terms with it properly. I'm a single guy who has been involved with a married woman. We work together, and we connected during a business trip. Seven months have passed and our connection has grown. When we found that we were falling in love, she approached her husband and entered a counseling program. He was very cold to her, and there were issues that she had a responsibility to try and fix before leaving him. During that period, I told her I would be there for her, but we also agreed that she had to make a decision about one of us at the end of the counseling period. The counseling ended in October, and her husband has changed. She often says that he has become everything she wanted him to be. But despite that, she says she cannot forget me. She cannot stop trying to keep the affair going with me. Before this affair, I gave friends the following advice. The same advice was thrown back at me when I fell into the trap myself: If someone is not prepared to be with you completely, even if she says she feels the same, then it is no good. You cannot live your life as a half measure. The easiest route for the married person is to balance both people without having to make a big decision. It is clear that she loves me, but it is also clear that she would rather balance both of us, taking the stability from her husband and the rest from me. I cannot allow myself to fall into these mediocre ways. If we are all in improper alignment - that is, if she should rightfully be with me, and her husband should, thereforeeee, be with someone else, it is her responsibility to make things right, one way or the other. She is the decisionmaker. Since that counseling period ended, there has been a marked difference in our interaction. We have backed off considerably. Make no mistake though, this marked difference has been initiated and maintained by me. I told her exactly what I said in the preceding paragraphs - I will not live life as a half measure. I told her that she knows how I feel about her, and she knows where to find me, but I will only be available to her if something happens in her marriage. Despite our pacts (attempts to end contact), we always wind up cracking and talking to each other again. When we violate our pacts, the floodgates open. We go over how miserable we've been, and show each other the little things we've done to keep the feeling alive in the interim period. But I find that I am not breaking these pacts initially. She always does. For the most part, I'm following my own advice. I haven't been perfect b/c I still feel something for her, but I'm trying. If we do crack, the most she can expect from me is a conversation about where we are in our lives, and with our feelings. After that conversation, I move right back into the pact. But even though my actions are somewhat principled, in my heart, I'm a tornado. I can't stop thinking about her 24/7. I feel terrible. The only thing that keeps me going is the knowledge that I am trying my best to follow the same advice I would give to someone else in my situation. That knowledge is powerful, but it doesn't help when you're missing someone that you care about. Will this ever get any easier? What helps here? If I'm doing the right thing by trying to go cold turkey, why do I feel like total crap?
  13. I'm sitting here crying as I type this. I have been with my husband for what will be 6 years in June. We have been married 3 years and we have a beautiful 2 year old daughter. When I met my husband he was everything I could ever dream of. True he and I were quite opposite in many ways but we seemed to compliment each other wonderfully and it was never an issue. The change seemed to come after we were married and even more so after we had our daughter. Our daughter has never been an easy baby. She had colic for 5 months and she has speech issues now. She takes a lot of our energy with her temper tantrums and stubborness. She's a very high maintanence child. My husband seems to have come to the conclusion that now that we are married with a child he does not have to work at our relationship anymore. He is always complaining he is too tired to go out with me alone, with other couples or as a family with our daughter. He says he doesn't care if we have any friends. He complains I am sociable and he is not and I knew that when I married him. Well no I did not because before our daughter came along we did a lot of socializing and at the places he wanted to do it. When he is home he complains he doesn't like to be cooped up in the house so he makes excuses that there are things he needs to do outside in his garage and he leaves me inside with our daughter. I am a stay at home mom so I am home with her all day on top of that. My husband is a construction worker who is self employed on a 2 man team so we don't have health insurance, our daughter does but it's through the state. I can't get a full time job because we don't have any family members who can watch our daughter and we can't afford daycare on the pay I would be making. I do not have enough skills at the moment to get more than a minimum wage job. I was going to go back to college but when my daughter was born I had to put those plans on hold. I would like to get a part time job but because of my husband's schedule which is based on the weather and also varies from day to day and job to job, I cannot commit to an actual starting time of a shift because my husband comes home at different times every night. My husband does not call to say when he'll be late and there are times he is home 2 hours befoe I even know it because he goes into his garage which is behind the house via another driveway. My husband also cannot go a day without at least 4 beers and while this doesn't bother me because he does not get drunk and he claims it's his way to relax what does bother me is that if we go to a function or on a visit to someone's house where there is no beer available my husband is miserable the entire time we are there. Our sex life is almost non-existant and when we do get time it only lasts 5 minutes. I have told my husband that I am not happy with our life. I love him dearly and I have no doubts he loves me but I can't live like this anymore. I don't want to hurt him but I am thinking divorce. I am very scared because being a stay at home mom I have nothing to my name. When I mention divorce he gets upset and tells me he loves me and he doesn't want to be without me. My family says if I leave I will be wrecking everyone's lives, including theirs. They think I should try to change my husband and "teach" him to be a more social, emotional person. He wasn't raised that way. His parent's marriage is even more dysfunctional than ours. My parent's marriage is very, very healthy. I can't live like this anymore but I can't bear the thought of hurting my husband. I love him but I don't love our life! Is there anyone out there who can lend some advice? Anyone else out there who has been through a similar situation?
  14. Okay, I am new here and just want to hear everyone's thoughts abou this... My husband dated this girl online 6 years ago. They never met. She actually turned out to be fake. He said he should have seen that all along, considering she sent him pictures, and all the pics she sent him were of DIFERENT people. He found several of the pics a few years later on a porn site. He says he was in denial. She also constantly asked him to send her money, which he never did. This was obviously before we met. The problem is, he still makes mention of her on his AOL profile, stating: "I have went into a dream I never want to wake up from." We have been together two years and I think it's about time he erased that. It's been SIX years since he had this cyber relationship. When I first moved in with him and he helped me set up an aol screen name, he updated his profile right in front of me. He explained that that line was about her, and he liked the quote so he was leaving it there. I didn't think too much of it then, I thought after so long of being with me he would change it out of respect if nothing else. Now almost two years later I have told him this bothers me, and he won't. He keeps saying "I don't update my profile that often." and stuff like that. I thinks thats a pretty dumb excuse. He also keeps telling me it's not that big a deal and I'm making a mountain out of a mole hill. I am very frusterated with this. What does everyone think. Do I have a right to be upset or am I just being silly? What do you think I should do? Comments please...
  15. I apologize for the length of this post. I met my girlfriend, maybe ex girlfriend, in an online game about 4-5 months ago. We fell in love pretty quickly there were only a few problems, not only was she an older woman -_- but she was married. Now I know entering into a relationship like that is the equivalent of playing with fire. Her husband also played said game, and I got to know the both of them before revealing any feelings I had. He was an okay guy, but kind of narrow minded, I came to find that she had never loved him she only liked him as a friend but married him as a way out of an abusive household. He had been aware of the fact that she didnt love him for as long as she had known, more then half of the time they had been married. She didnt leave simply for the fact that she didnt know what it meant to love someone, and if you dont know love why leave a comfortable life? Well in due time we became more then just friends, he was aware of this. As I got to know her I learned that he was sometimes abusive to her, not in the sense of violent beatings, but holding her still or slapping her at times. He'd become angry and break things in his fit, she'd leave the house and sleep in Walmart parking lots for the night *not the safest thing*. This all took place before and after my involvement. Needless to say I wasnt feeling as bad about being with her, we made plans to be together, she'd come here and get an apartment, we'd both get jobs to pay our expenses including a debt she carried. But first and foremost we had to meet, and we did. It was wonderful, we were both so nervous but at the same time very comfortable, I even ended up staying the night with her at her hotel *no, no sex we just watched TV and went to sleep*. I had no greater joy then waking up beside her. From there we were almost inseperable, we would have fun doing anything or nothing. The experience only reinforced our belief in love. Towards the end of the first week she started feeling homesickness, and she was afraid of money issues, her husband was telling she needed to pay for her truck and credit card debts, which was only fair. Though I think the numbers he was giving her were exhaggerated to scare her into coming home. You see, he and his mother are overbearing bible thumpers, who think if the marriage ends we all go to hell >_ In any case, we worked through the concerns and progressed nicely to making our new lives. We got the apartment and I had helped her arrange a great job for whenever she was ready. Every problem was all but solved. As time went on she became more and more homesick, understandable since we hadnt moved into the aparment yet, technically she had no home here, so its only natural to miss the only one she knows. Although I would try to argue her home is simply being with me. We talked it out a few times and a number of problems to follow, clearly she was having mood swings and confused about what she was feeling. Well she got so homesick missing her pets and lifestyle that she ended up running back to Kansas, where her husband lives. She swore up and down that she loves me and only me, still. That she has no feelings for her husband and was simply having cold feet. I could have gotten her to return *she was driving back* so we could go about resolving this in a more appropriate way, and wouldnt you know, her cellphone dies before I get a chance and off she goes. By the time she gets it recharged shes already hours from home and decides to go through with things, I told her that it wouldnt be the same but she was too determined to be disuade. Of course the next day she tells me its not the same, and she doesnt like being there anymore, she misses me. Despite this she doesnt return here, I try to be patient but I feel betrayed by this situation. My calls are only returned late at night even though she tells me she'll speak to me during the day, ive even had her husband answer a call, which is strange considering she always has her cellphone and he tells me shes not there. Yet night comes and she has an excuse and still claims to love me and miss me, god knows it doesnt show. I suppose I cant expect more then commentary on this situation, I want her to return here, considering its what both of us want it makes perfect sense to me -_-. Soon the plans we had made her will be void, the apartment and the job gone, both of which we desperatly need. Not to mention ive been pretty miserable alone.
  16. So I have been married for over 4 years, and I am starting to wonder if I made a huge mistake. Now I am not the type of person that will leave at a whim, and I know I have very important responsibilities as I am also the mother of two little girls. But a few situations have happened that I have no way to grasp my emotions. Let me explain... Six years ago I met my husband and I was a thin little thing. I got pregnant and gained almost 100lb. My husband never said anything bad about my weight...just that he loved me, but if I got to 300lbs he would divorce me. Well he met me thin, married me fat, and I thought that it meant he really loved me for me. Well after my second child was born I was 260lb. I decided to lose weight and I got down to 128lb. My husband all of a sudden started getting jealous. I told him he had nothing to worry about and that his jealousy hurt me and made me want to do things to make him jealous…I said that to make him stop. Things evened out…..we bought a beautiful new home, a brand new car things were going good. All of a sudden my husband decided to leave the military against my advisement....see he had no back up job lined up, and really no formal schooling. The Military was a wonderful place for him. Well while on terminal leave, then on unemployment, he went into a huge depression. Only his feelings mattered and I felt alone and I started drinking more wine than I would normally drink. He finally got a job with the state, that didn't pay very well….if it paid at all, and he worked grave yard and did a lot of overtime. If I saw my husband it was his face in a pillow. I was doing everything at home by myself. Well finances were getting very tight and we could no longer afford our mortgage. Brandon decided we would move to Oklahoma as he felt we could get more help from his family than we could get from mine. I really did not have a choice, I felt at the time as I had to be with my husband. My only other choice to make was divorce….and there was no real reason for it. So as my husband continued to work…..I painted our house inside and out. Finished little projects that had been started and never finished and I prepared our house to be put on the market…by myself. I sold our house almost a year to the date we bought it. I was leaving my life that I had known my entire life and moved from the Seattle area to a little town in Oklahoma. It took a while for B ( B for short as I am tired of spelling out husband) to get a job, but we were living rent free at his family's lake house. ( A place I know his late father used to manufacture meth in and it was not a place I wanted my kids in). I am very isolated, my kids have no friends, so I decided to go to work, at the first place that offered me a job (at B's work as his boss's personal assistant) and I placed my kids in daycare so that they could socialize. B gets only $500 a week take home and is paid on a salary basis. He spends 50-75 hours at work a week with no compensation. He comes home from work just to head right back out there (no he is not cheating, I know he is really working) but he is never home. B is the plant manager and one of his employees made some very inappropriate comments to me over and over again.. I told B and my boss and I was told by my boss that I deserved them….as he can see how I talk to guys. I ask for it. B's response was…..I see his point. Well I am a smart $%#….always have. No guys ever mistook me being a smart &*^# when I weighed almost 300lbs. Now I feel like I cannot even have fun at work anymore. I have my boss and my husband judging me. (and trust me if I was going to flirt….it would not be with any guy at work….especially the one that makes me uncomfortable as he is old and nasty and has hair coming out of his ears) I would at least flirt with someone with an education (I work in a box plant where most employees only have a GED, are ex felons, or have no teeth) and ha a chance to go something with their life. I am hurt he would even think I would have suck low standards for myself and that basically I deserve to have an old man touch me and tell me how blanking hot I am. When my grandfather passed away right after Christmas I wanted to go home. B acted like he was upset about the money that I almost didn't go. My boss saw how upset he was and paid for my airline ticket. I would of never of made b feel bad about going home to his father's funeral….and we were financially in a bind then. Now I have met a couple of girls here in town and I am starting to get a little bit of a social life….I mean I have met no friends I can just call to call….but a few co-workers, and my new hair dresser really kicked it off (because I am a licensed cosmetologist also and she wants me to work with her…but have to transfer license) Brandon does not want me to go out with them, even though I encourage him to go out with his friends….friends he has had since childhood. He checks my e-mails like I am doing something I should not be doing. When I first found out about this site from a friend, he came in and was trying to read what the site was about. I asked him if he was going to read over my shoulder. And he replied…well if it pertains to me and you pertain to me I deserve to know. Am I over reacting? I worry that because I am homesick and everything is new I might be. Please set me straight. I will stop now as I could fill up page after page of rants. Just typing this out helps. I need direction. Safi2
  17. I am confused right now. I'm 28 and been married 4.5 years. I'm hispanic and married to an american. My husband hasn't been fulfilling me emotionally and in many other ways. A month and a half ago I even considered leaving him. We talked and agreed to see a counselor but have not gone yet. I had told him about me calling to make an appointment but he told me to look around for some other counselor we could go to. I kind of slacked of on this because I had surgery and took several weeks to recover. During this time he seemed to be a little more considerate towards me. We had been thinking of starting to try to get pregnant some time after this. Then, here is my dilemma. I just spent a few days at a 10 year high school reunion. My husband did not attend. When there, I spent a lot of time with a good friend whom I had very strong feelings back in my college days before I met my husband. At the reunion, we flirted, danced closed together, and held each other at times. The last evening there, he walked me to my car. We hugged real tight for a while and then he kissed me twice and then parted from each other. I didn't expect such an attraction towards him, but I did not refuse it. Now, I constantly think about him and the way he made me feel. I even wished we had done more. I've never been with another except my husband, yet I know I'm not getting at least good sex. My husband is not very attentive, I feel that he only sees me as a housewife and errand-runner, etc. He's not touchy feely, romantic, and we don't go out much either. He doesn't give me compliments. These are just a few things. I have been the one to work and invest in our relationship more that he has up to this point. I have not told anyone about what had happened and when I came home, I asked my husband about going to counseling before we continue to try for a baby. He just got upset and said what does that have to do with having a child?! I feel that we had not sorted things out. Should I tell him about what I did? or not? Now I even feel more strong about leaving him because of my experience. What should I do?
  18. Hi, Real quick synopsis: Went out with and lived with ex for two years. He moved out on March 15th. Started NC over Memorial Day weekend and pretty much have stuck to it since. Slowly starting to recover and move on. So, Went out on date Sunday with an awesome guy from New Zealand. He too just broke up with his live in girlfriend about 3 months ago. We met through a colleaque of mine. Had an amazing date. Went to eat Italian. He paid for it (which my ex could never do). Ended the night with a walk by the ocean. He walked me to my car and we had a passionate kiss. He asked if we would see eachother again and I said yes, all he needed to do was just give me a "shout." Here's the problem: Had such a great time on the date. and I thought he did too. I emailed to thank him the next day as well as tell him that I had just ironically found out that another colleaque of mine knew him because her husband played in his band. He emailed me back saying thank you for my email, acknowledging that indeed my colleaque's husband was in his band and that he was going to their house for their son's birthday on Saturday (which I was also invited to). He finished his email with small miscellaneous banter, and that was it. He didn't ask me out again. Didn't ask if I would be at the birthday party. Nothing. I understand that we only just had our first date on Sunday. But he seemed so adamant to ask me out the first time. I'm just confused. I understand that we both need to take it slow because we just got out of serious relationships, but I just don't want to play any games. Help! Give me advice!
  19. Help! I don't know how long I can last in this so called marriage. My husband and I have been married for two and a half years. I knew him for three and a half years before we got married. Over the last six years we have been together, he has only apologized to me once. I know we have both done things that hurt each other unintentionally. But my husband always insists that he is never wrong. I once asked him what did he think he could have done better in his previous marriage, he replied, 'Nothing.' He blamed the failure of his first marriage on his getting married at a young age. He insisted that there was nothing wrong with him. I should have known because I have noticed for a long time that my husband likes to misrepresent himself. I was foolish enough to think that he would change one day. My husband likes people to think that he is perfect. (or maybe he really thinks he is perfect). So when I say anythings that makes him think that I don't think he's perfect, he get upset. He also thinks he is a perfect dad. He thinks his parenting skills are impeccable (eventhough he hardly ever talks to his son). When I asks him to spend more time with his son, he will give me lame excuses on how his son doesn't have anything remotely interesting to say, or he is too tired. It's never his fault. If I ever complain about anything, than I am 'whinning,' and he has no patience for that. I am very tired of always being the first person to patch things up. I am really tired.
  20. Hello. I am new to the forum. I am posting my problem because I see a lot of helpful advise here. Here goes: Around six months or so ago, I noticed my husband spending every available hour on the computer playing Gamesville Games. Not only does he play the games but spends all of his time chatting. It has gotten so bad, that when either I or our daughter would talk to him or interrupt him, he would be really snappish or snotty. We work two different shifts he works third and I work first. I started to feel like there was something not right going on. I installed a Keylogger on our computer to find out what exactly was going on. Everything was benign for about two weeks. Then one night I was checking the logs and I found several conversations that made me physically sick to my ill. One conversation he was having w/ a girl from PA (we live on the NY/PA Border) They were trading pictures and he stated that he had to delete his because his wife was nosey then he asked her if she was still cheating. Next he was going into his hours of work and how he was available between 6 - 10 pm. Then he stated to me that our marriage was not going well. She said something and he stated not her fault. (This was one) The next one he was talking to the same girl. He ended their conversation with "I need some Warm, Passionate and Inviting Flesh" I also checked his Yahoo email account and found that this girl sent him a thanksgiving card. He replied back to her that "It was a beautiful card and poem" In the 10 years that we have been married HE has NEVER said anything like this to me. I printed them, and I confronted him about it and a huge fight broke out. He denied that he was being unfaithful and that the conversations were just general chatting. I dropped the subject and left the keylogger on the computer (A different one so that he would not find this one) He has sworn up and down that he is not playing on Gamesville but the logs show that he is playing when I am at work. Two days ago, I viewed a log where he was having a conversation with a girl (I assume) He asked her if she has a boyfriend, if she wanted a boyfriend. Then she said something but his reply was "I might". Then he stated his age 30 m (he is 33) and that he was married. She made a comment and he stated that "She was in the room with him heeee heeee" I knew he was on Gamesville this time because I was in the living room reading while he was on. I am so confused about what I am seeing here. I feel that I am borderline paranoid. Does anyone have any advice on what I should do? Am I being paranoid? I have lost all my faith and trust in him. I am finding myself doubting anything he says anymore. (Such as when he does get called into work, my I get a sick feeling in my get. But I can listen to the scanner and hear his voice (He is a 911 Dispatcher). I hate being so untrusting. But I don't know what to do. Thank you for just listening.
  21. Here is another update. This is for myself more in order to admit how idiotic the mistakes and choices I made and just the whole thing was. I heard from the guy I was infatuated with, and thought I fell in love with. No, I don't think I actually was after all. I'd never even met him in person, and he wasn't my type if we had met. He can be cruel if he wants to. Why he can, who knows. This will sound crazy to some of you. Through all the dumb mistakes, I have had a wonderful man for a husband, who talked me through and helped me to see clearly about this man, my choices, life and situation very patiently. We've had too many ups and downs and still do, but I'm liking him more everyday especially in light of such people as this other ex so-called "friend". How did I ever....? Many of you responded with genuine concern, some shock, but still that was genuine concern for what's right. I know this and I don't disagree with any of you. Anyway, this other guy now accuses me of trying to slander him on this forum, which I am not interested in doing. If that's what he thinks, I can't change that. I explained as I needed to about someone you know nothing about, which makes this a safe place to vent hurts we have from others. I came to this forum to vent, which is what I have done. I'm not interested in ruining people's lives. I realise that I was a fool to choose to even spend time on the net chatting with the other guy and he's truly someone I wish I'd not wasted my time with because it distracted me from important endeavors. Yet I was stupid enough to choose and allow this to happen, not to mention other idiotic mistakes in contacting him after the fact. I won't go much into detail, but he out and out lied to me about himself and what he had said, which doesn't need explanation at this point. Sheesh what a manipulator. He says he doesn't read this forum, but obviously his girlfriend does, apparently. So maybe he *has* been reading this forum. Who cares? Back to it, I apologized for some stupidity on my part. I hate some of the mistakes I've made, but at least it's never too late to keep learning from them. Have you ever just wondered why you end up doing the stupidest things and can be deterred and detracted from more important things in life when you're not looking for what you need in the right place? Still the guy is a jerk and I'm grateful to move forward from this. But how could I have ended up making choices to even go *near* there? 11Flower
  22. Well I am a 25 year old female. I have been married for 7 going on 8 years and have a 3 year old child. My husband is leaving me, because a year ago I had an affair with another man from work. And I have been keeping this a secret and hoping this will stay a secret that will never come back to hunt me, because it was not love at all. I stop the relationship with him and decided to come back and focus on my life with my husband and child, who I truly love more than anything in this world. For many years I have been very unhappy with my marriage because I feel my husband is not fullfilling my needs as: spending time with me, telling me he loves me, helping me with everyday life. He is also a good husband and father though. I think he just didn't know how to be a good man to me. And so all these anger that I have inside of me drove me to make the biggest mistake of my life and the worst of all he just found out about it from a friend of his. I confess to it and now he told me he is going to leave me, because he can not live with the thought that I slept with another man. I just relieze how much he loves me and how hurt he is. I have begged him on my knees and cried my eyes out for another chance, but he told me he made up his mind and he's never turning back. What can I do? I am sooo scared of loosing my husband because I also relieze how much he means to me. What can I do to change his mind????? I am going insane....
  23. Okay, this just is so uncomforatable. I left my husband officially six months ago becuase of his chemical dependency/alchohol issues. We have been married for over 23 years, together for 26 years (since I was a teenager). I raised four children with (from him) while he partied. I begged him, pleaded with him, asked him, to stop partying and become the father and husband our family needed. Instead, when under the influence, he insulted me, made me feel bad about myself. We stopped sleeping together two years ago. When our last child moved out I told him I couldn't take it anymore. I told him if things didn't change I was leaving him. He didn't take me serious and finally I left. After being gone five months my husband decided that I was serious, and went and got assessed and began CD treatment. He's in his third week and says its the best thing that ever happened to him. He has admitted to being under the influence literally for the past 36 years of his life! He has admitted to me that he hid alcohol in the garage so he could continue to drink and I wouldnt know. He has lied to me, time and time again, for 26 years about his drug use and his alcohol use. And now, he asks me if I have been faithful to him. Since I left I must admit I haven't been. After I left I got involved in an emotional affair that will, I know in the long run, lead to nowhere. I have had physcial contact a few times early on in the relationship with this man, but now just basically sleep (yes, just sleep) over at his house from time to time and talk to him daily. It fills a loneliness in my life. Am I horrible? I did break our vow but I think it was broken long before when he vowed to love, honor and cherish me all of our days. All of the lies, all of the disappointments that he gave me, weren't those breaking our vows? As an aside, he is in his third week of treatment and is planning a huge halloween party at our house on halloween. Does this even make sense? He thinks he is going to be just fine having a party like this...he ASSURES me he isn't going to drink -- and wants me there. To be in the house that I pay half for and pretend that I am just peachy with everything. And, of course, that I am honoring him and not breaking our vows. Help me! I am going crazy over this!
  24. [Hi this my first time but i am in desperate need of advice. I have been married for two years and have two kids.I have been with my hubby for 10 years and just recently after a big row i told that i had slept with someone else about 7 years ago. He has accepted this and doesn't want us to slipt up but he is hurting so bad and i don't know how to help him. Any advice would be great.
  25. I had an extra martital affair with my ex bf which lasted for about 1 month but I quitted before anything disaster happened. I repent on what I had done and thought I could move on to re-build the relationship with my husband. However, Thing turn out quite out of control now. My ex bf called me one day and started asking for money but I reluctant to give him any. He turns out quite nasty and started calling my home and messaged to my mobile phone those recorded intimate conversations we once made. I m worry cos I do not know what he is up to and definitely dont want my husband to know. I am dead worry now as I really don't want to have anything to do with him anymore and I want to focus on providing for my family. I thought I had paid for my mistake as the guilt and fear of losing my family almost ate me up. I was never spiritual but now I started to pray and crying for help from God, as I am really desperate. Pls help.
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