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About Me

  1. My husband was supposed to fly out today. They had to fly back here because the hydraulic line on the landing gear ruptured. Came back here for repair. Tried to take off again and had another snag . I hadn’t heard from him in hours so I just aimlessly drove around upset. Came home sat at the black TV screen not seeing anything. Then got word from him that their third attempt to take off is happening . Just sat here crying into my nachos .
  2. So with my husband we both struggle with addiction.😡 Due to are addiction we can't seem to get anywhere with each other it's completely ***ing frustrating. I feel like I've always pushed us to do better. I just don't know what to do anymore because any time I suggest something to him he will either agree and not do it or agree and do it when he feels like doing it basically. I need help on what you think I should do we are struggling badly with communicating, and with addiction he doesn't want to stop or he will and then boom it if no where he's right back to his addiction and we are right back where we have always been and I'm so tired of it idk how to get threw to him. What would you do if you were me?
  3. I've thought my husband has cheated before in our marriage.I knew I caught them in a compromising situation, but did not catch them in the act. They both lied about what had happened for 2 years. Then my husband contracted an STD. By lying I got my sister to tell the truth. My husband denied until he found out I had talked to my sister. He finally admitted it. His reason for lying was to save our marriage. How do you save a marriage where you know he cheated one but believes he's been cheating for years? I've been married for 13 years and can't imagine him not in my life. But I can't imagine ever trusting him again either. We're currently separated and I'm not sure what I should do. Please help.
  4. I don't know if I should bring it up to my family doctor or my therapist... I brought it up to my therapist in passing and we didn't expand on that, but I feel like I'm having physical effects from the memories of the past year in particular. I believe my husband is narcissistic and was emotionally abusive to me... I feel like I should feel relief during the divorce process, but I continue to have disturbed sleep, feeling like I'm back in the moments of being bullied, and extreme fear at even seeing his family members texting to check on me. Also, I lost about thirty pounds before leaving my husband. The last several days with him, and the first few days away from him, I couldn't keep food down. I have since put on some weight again, and I'm eating well again, but I lose my appetite at times when I get too deep into the thoughts. I also feel of two minds... one mind is thinking typical victim stuff, like guilt about my fear and confusion over how my husband could also have a good side. But the other side is on autopilot and is thankfully winning. It's strongly pushing me through the steps of getting a divorce and moving on, it's telling me that there are other people outside of him and a whole world to enjoy whenever I'm ready for it. My main concern is the possible PTSD. Is it even possible that I have it, and if so, should I be seeking any treatment? I speak to a therapist once a week, and my family doctor calls me once a week. I take an antidepressant which should start helping me soon, as it has helped me in the past. I also have a sleeping pill that I take as needed- I'm doing my best not to take it daily but I definitely struggle to sleep the nights I don't take it. What else can I be doing?
  5. I’m a bisexual female. I’ve always been more into women than men, but I am also a Christian and know based on the religion that it’s wrong. So I stopped acting on my feelings for women and decided to date men. I fell in love with a man and we are married and have a child together. The thing is...I have never enjoyed making out with my husband and the sex I have with him has never been as enjoyable as with a woman. I’ve spoken to him about my wants and desires in the bedroom but he does not change. I’ve asked him if it would be ok if I could have an opportunity to fool around with women. He could even watch. He turned that down. Idk what to do. I am going crazy and want to sleep with a woman to satisfy these urges. I have been thinking of cheating but don’t want to. It’s wrong because of my religion and because my husband disapproves. But that leaves me feeling sexually miserable. What should I do?
  6. So my husband I have been married for over 13 yrs, and we just finally finished growing our family (had the amount of kids we wanted), and now I think (?) it's finally time for me to think about the future, not that I haven't been, it's just that I've been so incredibly sleep deprived or wrapped up in parenting that it's kind of been on the back burner... literally the last thing on my mind. I just had our 4th baby almost 8 months ago, and with all the COVID stuff, it's been hard, but not undoable. I don't have any help with the baby or managing my kids, outside of my husband (and he does help!), but he also works and sometimes is required to work overtime... so there were literally days with 15 hours of me being with the kids all alone, not having any break. The sleep deprivation was unlike anything I've experienced before. It's been insanely hard, but thank God we've gotten through it ok. Baby still isn't sleeping through the night, sometimes will wake up as much as 5 times (!!) but it *should* get better, I mean he's our 4th so I know how this goes... it eventually gets a little easier. It's so hilarious to us that we wanted 4 so badly, and now that we've added that 4th baby, it actually feels like we suddenly have 10 kids! LOL We have moments where we look at each other and laugh and are like, "What the HELL were we thinking?!?!" It always seems like multiple kids are needing something done - ALL at the same time! And there's only two of us, so even when he IS here, it's just insane! I used to have an anxiety problem, and unfortunately even though it was gone for years due to just managing it well, it's come back full force with the post partum hormones plus trying to stay on top of everyone's needs. I don't really take care of myself as well, but it's kind of necessisary right now because kids' needs sometimes need to be met immediately (food/potty issues, diapers). I don't want to be put on meds for anxiety ... So it's kind of awful trying to see if I can self-manage again, and yet not having any help with the baby due to the COVID restrictions (even my parents are terrified because my husband is constantly potentially exposed). Self-managing anxiety when you're doing everything constantly is hard. It's hard to even write this journal and I've been interrupted several times LOL!!! If anyone has any ideas on trying to find a life balance with kids, after you've maybe lost yourself some (or a lot probably lol) that would be so appreciated. I do feel like I've lost myself a bit. But I barely even have time to go to the restroom (and showers are even harder to come by LOL). How can you find time for hobbies again, when I can barely even use the restroom Maybe I need to accept now just isnt the time?
  7. I'm really struggling right now with my husband. We're both 24, married for over a year. I feel as if he has lost interest in our marriage and myself. He says he hasn't, but I think differently. He doesn't want to talk much, he would rather play games on his phone or computer than do anything with me. He doesn't want to have sex, he just doesn't care. We have been seeing a therapist together, but that hasn't been overly helpful. These issues have been going on for months, before we got married, everything was great, we had been together for 5 years. A few weeks ago we went on vacation in hopes to help our relationship and it didn't help at all. We rented a house in different state with a private pool. He didn't want to go out and do anything, see anything, etc. He spent 95% of the time in the living area playing games on his tablet, or talking to his "gamer friends" on this chat thing. So while he was doing that, I was enjoying my time around and in the pool. He didn't once want to join me outside or in the pool. I also walked around the house completely nude and spent my time outside nude, and he didn't even blink an eye at that, no comments, no acknowledgment. NOTHING. I made a super nice dinner and ate outside nude, no compliments or anything. It was a disappointing trip. Now that has passed and I'm considering divorce, he doesn't think we have any issues, I'm just at a complete loss as to what to do. Any thoughts or suggestions would be appreciated.
  8. In the early 1990’s I became a 5th generation soldier and joined my younger brother and my fiancé ( now husband) in the military. It was a bad time to join the military it was really reviled in the popular cultural of that decade . Slurs would be shouted against you ,you could be spit on ....it was .... but I was determined to follow a family tradition . And I would be the first female family member in the military and still to this day the only female member of my family to have been in the military. While I was at home yesterday to visit my mom I had time to reminisce briefly with my brother . He mentioned, those were “ hard times, not easy for sure “. It is something my sibling and I can have comradery on that nobody else understands really. This will just be a disjointed collection of military memories. And it kind of gives insight into a bit of my personality as military training never leaves you. I remember attending my husband’s medal ceremony recently and they called the room to attention and I immediately shot to attention in my seat automatically. I left the military 16 years ago .
  9. I'm hoping someone here can offer a bit of advice. My husband and I have been married 4 years and things were going pretty well until a few months ago. We've always been quite "open" in our relationship and before we got married we occasionally saw other people for casual sex (in my case of both genders) and it was fine, it was kind of our mutual agreement that we would be honest about it rather than cheat. When we got engaged we made a vow to no longer have sex with other people, not because of any religious beliefs (we are both atheists) but because it felt right to make that promise to each other. We stuck to our resolve throughout our engagement, which lasted about a year, then for the first couple of years of marriage we were both content enough. I've always known he watched porn and masturbated but I was fine with that, I do it too. But from about two years ago, soon after we discovered we couldn't have kids and made the decision not to go down either the IVF or the adoption route, he started to spend more and more time by himself, masturbating pretty much every night (he never made any effort to cover his tracks and every morning I found the tissues at the top of the waste paper basket in his study - even without picking them up, the smell was always unmistakable - sorry about the detail!) In the end I decided to confront him about it. At first he was really defensive, but in the end he admitted that he was finding himself thinking more and more about other women. He didn't want to cheat on me, but at the same time he couldn't stop fantasising about doing things with certain women he knew. He told me one of his work colleagues had been flirting with him and he was finding it really hard not to return her attention. I should have been angry with him, but I wasn't - mainly because hearing him say these things made me realise I'd been doing the exact same thing. When I masturbated (which wasn't every day, but certainly often enough) I never thought about him, it was always about other people I knew, mainly guys but sometimes women too. It made me wonder if maybe we should try to be more like we used to be before we got married: give each other some freedom, which always seemed to make us appreciate each other more. On impulse, I asked him how he'd feel about giving each other a hall pass. "Just a one-off" I said, to spice things up a bit and bring some excitement back into our sex life. I thought he'd jump at the chance but in fact we was really reluctant. He kept saying he wasn't sure if he really wanted to see anyone else, but I thought he just didn't like the idea of me doing it with another guy. So I said "it's your birthday next month, how about we make this a present just for you? You get the pass, I don't. I don't really need it anyway". In the end he accepted and on his birthday I actually wrote him a proper pass on nice paper, giving him permission to go with anyone he wanted, just once. I was honestly fine about it, I felt a bit jealous at the thought but I pushed the feeling back and focused on the goal of having him back to his happy, caring self. In the end he went out with that tart from his office and they had a fairly disappointing one night stand, which he told me all about. He said once they were naked he felt really self-conscious, he managed to get it up but finished things in a real rush for fear of losing his erection, then just spent ages down on her to try and make up for his poor performance. I should have felt sorry for him but I was secretly delighted that he'd had such a crap time with her and that hopefully he'd never want to see her again (she certainly wouldn't want to see him!) Well, the whole arrangement worked really well because afterwards our sex life got much better. He lavished me with attention and stopped masturbating frantically, choosing instead to come to bed with me almost every night. We didn't always have sex, but we cuddled a lot and we sometimes masturbated next to each other, which we hadn't done since before marriage (it might sound weird but we both love it, we try to cum together and we kiss the whole time). Then my birthday came, and to my utter shock he wrote me a hall pass of his own. I genuinely hadn't expected it and I was even more surprised because things had been better between us and I didn't think he'd want to rock the boat. He said he hadn't felt right since he'd been with that girl from the office, he felt like things were uneven between us and the only way to make everything balanced and fair again was for me to have my own night of fun. I must confess, my mouth was saying "I really don't need it" and "Are you sure about this?" but inside I was more excited than I'd been in years. Even as I said to him "Well, I'll think about it" my mind was already racing, going "Who could I sleep with? That guy from work I've fancied for ages? My ex-girlfriend who's now single again and keeps asking me out for coffee? Maybe a complete stranger I pick up at a bar?" In the end, it just happened by itself. This was about a month after he gave me the pass. I was at a weekend retreat organised by my firm - I usually hate them but this time the place was actually gorgeous - and I ended up in that guy's room, emptying his minibar and then ordering room service. This had happened with him before, at the previous retreat, only when he'd tried to kiss me I'd pushed him away and I'd told him I wasn't "that kind of woman", whatever that means. Well, this time I had my hall pass and I very much became that kind of woman. To be brutally honest with myself, I'd known all along that this was going to happen and I'd gone away fully planning in my head to act out what had already happened countless times in my fantasies. My husband had actually reminded me of my hall pass before I left (as if I could have forgotten it!) and I told him "There won't be anyone there I fancy, but who knows?" I still don't know why I didn't just tell him I was planning on spending my pass with that guy. I guess I just wanted the excitement of doing something illicit, rather than something my husband was expecting. Anyway, the poor guy didn't know what hit him. I was a woman possessed! After returning his first kiss I threw him down, practically ripped his clothes off and proceeded to live out three years worth of sexual fantasies in about three hours. To his credit, he kept up with me, just about, but he told me afterwards (not straight afterwards, weeks later) that I'd kind of scared him with how ravenous I was. I slept in his bed and the next morning we did it again, then had to go to some stupid team-building activity. Half way through it I felt the irresistible urge to do it again, so like a naughty teenager I gave him a piece of paper with the message "meet me in my room in 5 min." and slipped out of the activity. He followed me 5 minutes later and we spend the rest of the day and most of the night in my room, having sex and ordering room service. By the end I didn't know if I was more drunk from the alcohol or from the sex, but I had the time of my life. As I drove back home to my husband the next day, I was terrified. I knew I had to tell him, but I was so scared that he would be able to tell just how much I'd enjoyed my pass. That he'd somehow smell it on me, even though I'd had the longest shower of my life before leaving the hotel. I decided the only way to make myself do it was to say something before I got there, so I stopped the car and I texted him the message "On my way home baby. I spent the pass btw. I'll tell you all about it when I get there. Love you loads x" It was so hard to press that send button, my heart was racing, but I managed to do it. From that moment on, I knew there was no going back. He was waiting for me at the door, we hugged and kissed and straight away he wanted to know all about what had happened. I must confess I didn't tell the whole story, I majorly played down how good the sex had been, also in view of the fact that his own pass had been such a disappointment. Plus I didn't want to sound like a total ... I only talked about the first night and never mentioned the morning, or the next evening. I also told him it had lasted about an hour, when in fact the first night had lasted nearly three. I didn't mention swallowing him, which I'd done both nights, nor was I honest about the intensity of the pleasure I'd felt, choosing instead to make fun of the guy's super-thin legs (which in fact aren't even that skinny). I thought I'd better mention the anal sex, in case something about my butt hole "gave it away", but I told him the guy had insisted on doing it and said I'd found it quite uncomfortable and made him stop straight away. In reality, I'd asked for it and loved every minute. Even with this heavily censored version of events, I could read the jealousy and pain in my husband's eyes, despite the fact that he kept trying to cover them up by saying things like "wow, that sounds amazing" and "good for you baby". We kissed again afterwards and he said "there you go, now we're even. And you know what? It just confirms what we already knew: that we are what's best for each other and there's no one else out there who's worth the trouble". I smiled and said "You're right" but inside my heart sank, because I didn't feel like I wanted it to end there. I wanted more passes... For weeks afterwards, I kept hoping things would settle again, that we'd go back into a normal routine. Then Covid happened, and "normal" went out of the window forever. We went into lockdown and ended up spending every hour of every day with each other, week after week. It should have been nice, but it wasn't. I kept thinking about the other guy and every other man and woman I now wanted to sleep with. I felt like I'd just rediscovered my sexuality and sex with my husband (though we still did it) just wasn't filling that void, quenching that thirst. So, when lockdown finally ended and I returned to work, I invited that guy out for coffee, then went back to his place and we had sex again. But this time I didn't tell my husband. I'd just become another cheating wife. And it hasn't stopped, I've slept with three other people since, two guys and one girl (not at the same time, I should point out!) I feel so disappointed with myself. I can't bring myself to confess because I know he'll hate me for it, not just for the sex but for hiding it from him. It's such a disgusting betrayal and he doesn't deserve it. But I'm finding myself needing these extra-marital experiences like I need air. I'm not sure what type of advice I'm looking for, but please don't tell me we need marriage counselling. The thought of sitting in front of a stranger and telling him all about our private life... it's just not for us, I know my husband would feel the same. What I'm asking myself is: do I really need to confess, or is it possible to learn to cope with the guilt and actually lead a fulfilled life as an unfaithful spouse? I know plenty of people who do, I just don't know if I can.
  10. Im looking for an honest opinion from women here. Do you ever compare how good your man is in bed with past sexual partners, flings, relationships, etc? My Fiance has been with more partners then myself, some of them ONS, others relationships. I guess i have an insecurity about how good her last partners or ONS' were in bed and I wonder if im as good or if she ever thinks of this. I know before we met she had a few ONS and one of the guys she saw for awhile, she had no interest in having a relationship with him, from some of the details or info I got, i get the impression that she was with him because he was good in bed and she was lonely at the time. Ive heard many women say they dont compare, but I wonder if this is really the truth. I wonder if she ever thinks: that guy was good in bed or he was better in bed then X. Does this ever cross your mind?
  11. Let's take a look at the other side of "the affair", the circumstances that lead up to it and the affects on the one who cheated. After many years of marriage ups and downs my husband and I find ourselves focused more on friends, family, work rather than each other. We both faced some personal struggles (death of a sibling, job demotion, empty nesting). A job demotion affected his self confidence so he spends more and more time at work, 12-14 hour days, continues to develop bad eating habits and puts on weight. Overweight leads to heavy snoring. Night after night I find myself heading to the spare bedroom so I can sleep. He refuses to leave the bed... his snoring is my problem. He has no interest in working out with me and after eating a healthy dinner I prepared (around 9:00 pm) he eats snacks until bedtime. I focus more on my job, begin earning a lot more money which only seems to threaten him. I developed a friendship with a man I contracted with on some business dealings. This involved meetings, follow up phone calls, etc. Over a couple years we began sharing more about our personal lives. After 3 years on no sex with my husband (we both just stopped initiating it) I became physically involved with this other man. He too was married no intimacy with his wife, slept in separate beds, etc. After a year into the affair my husband received an anonymous letter. He did not tell me. Instead he placed a recording device in my car and hired a PI. I didn't know about the recording device but I immediately knew about the PI (who never was able to obtain proof). Tensions are building in the house so I confront my husband about the tracking device I found in my trunk. He told me about the letter... he was confused and devastated. I admitted to a relationship but I denied any physical involvement and agreed to seek counseling. We met with a counselor together the first time. We determined very quickly that I was still holding on to resentment for an affair that my husband had very early in the marriage but never admitted to it. There's actually a name for that ... Zegiarnik affect. Then we were asked to meet individually. I was still denying any physical involvement. My friend and I had already agreed to end the relationship. It's never quite the same in broad daylight. I certainly didn't want my family, friends, colleagues to learn about and had no intentions of ending my marriage. Prior to my individual meeting my husband had retrieved the recording devices from my car and heard enough conversation that confirmed there was indeed a physical relationship but also that it was over. He shared that with the therapist unbeknownst to me. I meet with the therapist and still denied the physical affair and then we met again as a couple. It wasn't until after my third visit with the therapist that I was informed that they both knew I was lying. So during this 3 weeks period, I'm some how expected to be all in in the bedroom after 3 years of no affection and that's going to fix it all. I learn my husband and therapist were fine with humiliating me. I'm forbiddened to ever speak or engage in any more business with my friend and to avoid all situations where our paths may cross. Which basically meant I was forced to isolate myself from pretty much everyone I associated with in my field. No group business luncheons, after hour socials, office events. I even passed on a mutual friend's engagement party to comply with my husbands needs to help us through this. My husband did make changes in his work/home life balance and took control over his health and our marriage has improved over the last year. So here's the other side... no one ever asked me how I was doing with the loss of a friend and lover. How I'm coping with the isolation which has turned into loneliness. Seems the one who cheats is expected to bear the hurt and guilt for all people involved. To simply flip a switch and "poof" all feelings for the other person evaporate into thin air.
  12. I’m married to a incredible man however the 1 problem I have is his ex wife. I have tried to ask her to coffee to talk she refused. When he and I were dating she did everything she could from using my kids as emmo in arguments to stalking my daughters online and myself. I tried to see things through her eyes and again extended the invite to get to know her and vise versa she strongly declined. Now I’m married just had a misscarriage a month ago. And on top of that dealing with her crap. I made my husband aware I’m not content that even when he and I have the kids theirs no constant reason she’s texting him she text him from dawn till dusk. If the kids bring anything my kids give it’s negative criticism all the way a few weeks ago we allowed her to retrieve the last items she had at our home she decided to dump all my clothes on floor. I was hurt and felt violated I told my husband to bring it up to attorney instead he said it to her and she denied it of course. This week the kids made mention she yells at them after every visit with us and that she screams at the daughter to tell her stuff about me the poor girl was so scared to tell her mom she was excited we were getting married Bc she said her mother screams and screams at her if she doesn’t agree about her opinions on me. Yesterday my husband lost his phone and I guess a emergency occurred were the daughter needed to be picked up she cussed him out said he has time for my daughters and that she wants my information to be given to school so I can get off of my u know what and play the part. I told my husband I under no circumstances will take any direction from her I’m no in a relationship with her and I don’t need to abide to her demands. I told him he needs to set his foot down and put boundaries he indicated that he can’t because she will take away kids. I’m not asking to belittle her but place boundaries were she’s limited in contacting and for him to speak up for his kids whom are clearly going through verbal abuse with her. I’ve already made police reports Bc she’s not right in the head and has followed me stalked my daughter on social media . The straw that broke me today was I came home sick as ever and I see he’s been texting all day back and forth with her. I told him he may be married to me but he’s still with her and I don’t know if I can continue this toxic relationship with her in it I said I’m married to him but dominated by her And I just don’t see how this can be salvaged I love my husband he’s an amazing person friend confidant lover but I can’t live my life in her shadow and I see he fears her I just can’t Idk what to do I went to bed depressed today didn’t spend any time with kids or him just went to bed in guest room. I don’t want to be in the same room right now with him. I want to work out I truly do but idk anymore
  13. Hello Everyone I recently helped my husband with an issue with his instagram, which was linked to his facebook account. A while later, when I wanted to go into my own facebook I saw I was still logged into his and there was a message from a childhood friend he had recently reconnected with. The message was a call log of a video call that happened a few days before, past 3 am, and it was 21 minutes long. Naturally I wondered why they would be having this video call at that time. I didn't even know what this lady looked like yet and only saw her face for the first time from her profile picture that was attached to the message. I looked at this message a long time and then decided to ask my husband what the situation behind it was. Now, I didn't expect anything dodgy, so didn't even think to take a screen grab of it, but almost as soon as I sent him this message via whatsapp, the facebook message I was looking at disappeared. He denied having the video call and said he doesn't phone people at that hour. He is currently stuck working overseas because of the Corona lockdown. The lady lives in the same country as us, a short drive away. He also quickly changed his facebook password, in case it was hacked. I don't know what hacker would have a video call with the hacked person's friend, but okay. When I saw the message disappeared I was naturally concerned and we had an argument about it, to the extent where asked this lady to message me. I received a message from her assuring me that my husband has always just been like a big brother to her and that she loves her husband and kids very much. Both of them assumed that I was accusing them of an affair. The lady implied it and my husband out right said it. I think that is a natural assumption considering the circumstance. She said her facebook account was hacked recently and she has two accounts. I told her the about the profile pic that was attached the the message and she then confirmed that this was the original hacked one apparently. She also said that she is too tired from her treatments to stay up so late. She has cancer. And according to my husband, it is not very optimistic. This is what makes me feel so bad. This lady is sick, and could quite possibly die and I am concerned about this video call that mysteriously vanished. My husband says that sometimes technology glitches but this, to me, is way to specific to be an error in programming. Am I overreacting? Edit: Addition, Both of them said they use whatsap for messages and not facebook messenger. This lady was extremely friendly to me over the messages and said she really wanted to meet me before. She mentioned my wedding anniversary date, and a few things my husband has done recently so they definitely talk. Both of them said they didn't know anything about the video call and denied it as if it was just some facebook mistake.
  14. My husband and I have been together 2 1/2 years, we have a beautiful daughter together! I recently caught him pegging himself in our bathroom, which wasn't so surprising to me as he did tell me he did that when we started dating! anyways recently we been getting into arguments because I was being the bread winner when he was making mire money than I was! found out he was doing drugs and that did not sit well with me, we have a 18 month old daughter, and I have 2 boys from my previous marriage! He started segregating himself and locking himself away in the garage/mancave! I started getting suspicious and went through his phone, there were tonnes of gay porn, tranny porns on his devices! there was also gay apps to which he was trying to get hook ups with men! he told them he was a closeted bi looking tor FWB & PNP! I confronted him and he says he has never been with any other than me and that he would never cheat on me! technically he cheated when he started putting himself out there
  15. My husband got accepted as a Training and Development Officer effective July 15 this year!!
  16. Found out my husband relapsed and was chatting with other women again. No one knows about his addiction and I’m feeling super isolated and hopeless. I guess just looking for some support...
  17. Hello! My husband of almost 40 years died almost a year and a half ago. Does anybody else have feelings of guilt, for just being alive???
  18. Okay so this is new to me but getting desperate for anyone's advice... especially if you have been in a similar situation. My husband and I have been together for about 15 yrs and we have two young children. In the past 3-4 yrs my husband has almost become a completely different person. He is constantly angry, very small silly things will send him into a rage of yelling cursing sometimes resulting in breaking things( he has never put his hand on myself or my children). Although it has never gotten physical towards anyone I still find it very frightening and I usually jump up and run around trying to fix the problem. I feel like I am walking on egg shells 24/7 just waiting for another outburst. He is also very negative. It seems like no matter what we are talking about he finds the negative side of everything. It has become very draining to never have a positive conversation with him, I am at the point as soon as he starts talking I just stop listening because I just don't have it in me anymore. He is also very negative towards me , i can't seem to do anything right anymore literally nothing ! I have been called stupid many times and told to shut the **** up! Amongst many other things. I have tried talking to friends and family about it but he doesn't act like this in front of anyone else, they all see the nice kind person I fell in love with. I don't know what to do next I have tried many times to talk to him about it, he has went to counseling but nothing changed. I dont want to rip my family apart but everyday I feel smaller and smaller. Thanks for taking time to read, hopefully someone can relate.
  19. Ive been with my husband for 12 yrs, married for 9 months and we have a 3 month old baby. I've had a traumatic birth and have been diagnosed with postnatal depression. I know I haven't been easy to deal with since I gave birth, lots of mood swings and have let myself go. Today my husband left his phone in the kitchen so I decided to just look up some stuff on it (which I always do and he doesn't mind as I only usually just use his Facebook and look at photos) I stumbled upon a note pad and saw something he wrote on it last week which caught my attention. It prettt much says he's going to be fit and healthy and will f***k other chicks and that he'll be making a hit list of girls he's going to sleep with. He's already got someone on the list and it's an old friend of his. I don't know what to do or what to make of it. I'm really upset and trying really hard not to breakdown. What should I do?
  20. Hi all, Just wanted somewhere to talk as I don't know what to think anymore. My dad left an abusive relationship with my mum over a decade ago when I was a child. My mother didn't bother with us, didn't show much affection then cheated on my dad and is now married to that man (my stepdad). Since then, my dad re-married a woman he'd known for just a year and who seems a lot different to him; highly strung, incredibly religious (more on this later) and obsessive - almost OCD about things. I was surprised as he is none of these things. For the most part my stepmum and I are fine but there seems to be an undertone with her when I spend too much time with her and my dad. She can be overly nice (almost sickeningly so) or distant, rude and slips in snide comments now and then which totally throws me off. There is no consistency at all. I live with my husband but refers to her and my dads house as my 'home' which is there whenever I need it but she made me feel really on edge and unwelcome when I lived there...mostly through policing my every move, causing arguments with my dad over petty things (like where cutlery goes and in what order), and made it near impossible to have a life of my own with boyfriends/friends coming over rarely because the atmosphere when they did was so tense you could cut it with a knife. Now that I live away from them this behaviour can appear randomly. It seems whatever mood she's in sets the tone for the whole visit; if she's pissed off or upset about something YOUR life has to be hell too. My dad is always caught up in it. With the religion bit, she'll say god speaks to her and that she's had visions in front of me and my husband (we are aetheists) which makes me a bit uncomfortable. She made my dad get baptised before they married and had a fit when I refused to go because??? The latest incident is her kicking off in a restaurant with the waitress because she wouldn't accept a tip in cash. She went off the rails, saying repeatedly "I don't understand!" then when I try to explain what the waitress is saying, she throws her purse on the floor and my dad later tells me I was being rude?! He will never stick up for me or up to her. I don't know what to do because she helped us buy our home and has a really lovely streak but this inconsistency with her behaviour is driving a wedge between me and my dad. I could bring up other examples but there are too many to count. I go to therapy after living with her ruined my self esteem but I don't really feel like I get answers or advice there so thought to ask here. Thank you x
  21. Have you ever been close to divorce ? I would say we have been close twice. Once in our 30’s due to both of our mental states and my husband’s severe act of boundaries with female friends. And once in our 40’s due to my husband’s career lead to him being away 95% of the time from the time my son was 8 until he was 15. I would say we are pretty solid now but we had a lot of rough times.
  22. I left my husband almost 2 years ago. We were quite different but the trigger was me having a transplant in hospital over Christmas and he didn’t come visit. Not because he didn’t care but because he was working on the practicalities of moving house and looking after our son etc. However, at the time I needed him there and it summarised just how different we were- me being emotional and him being practical. So I left. I met my current partner 18 months ago and we are expecting our first baby at the end of May. But I can’t stop thinking about my husband. I’m overwhelmed with guilt. He is such a good man and an amazing father to our son. I know so many people would kill for a partner like him. I hate myself for hurting him and I can’t forgive myself for not working on the relationship. I love my current partner and we are a lot more compatible but every single day I hate myself for ruining my marriage. I don’t know how to move on and try forgive myself for my mistakes. Any advice would be appreciated!
  23. We've been married a bit over 4 years now. This hasn’t been an issue in the past, but it’s recently been becoming more and more of an issue every day. I’m very shy, not at all a people person. I’m civil and polite to others at all times but I will never go out of my way to strike up a conversation with a stranger. My husband is the exact opposite. When we were dating he’d tell me that he would go out to bars and clubs and make aggressive eye contact with strangers as way to make new friends. I admired that but, to me, that sounds horrifying. My husband had become a regular customer at a strip club near our house (I don’t have an issue with the club) and has been insisting that I tag along. I am not a “club” or “bar person”, the idea of hanging out with drunk horny men and half naked women literally makes me sick. I’ve told my husband numerous times that there is no way I’ll ever go to a strip club and he’s just not getting it. He’s bringing it multiple times a day now, saying things like “one day I’ll buy you a lap dance” and it just makes me want to cry. Today we got into a fight and the cliff notes of the fight are that my husband feels I need to be a more social person. Now, he’s not totally wrong. I am extremely un social. But, I feel like he’s taking it to an extreme here. I don’t feel like I should HAVE to go to a strip club with my husband in an effort to be more social. In fact, I don’t feel like I have to go to a strip club at all. Most importantly though, I feel like I’m taking crazy pills because my husband whole heartily disagrees with me and it’s becoming an issue in our marriage. I want to find a middle ground for us to both enjoy but it’s proving to be difficult and all options lead to me talking to people pretty much no matter what. I’m basically the bad guy in this situation and there’s nothing I can do about it. Any advice is appreciated. I mostly just want to get this off my chest as I have no desire to talk to other humans about this. Thank you in advance.
  24. I was in a relationship with a woman who has been with a man most of her adult life. She comes from a different country where abuse is common in the culture. I would like to talk with someone familiar with abuse who can help me understand better. I’m stuck and don’t know how to carry on. I care for her deeply still and always will but You can’t help someone whose not ready to see that it’s not love. I’ve done research and I know many times they go back... which she has since done. This has affected me greatly and I’m haunted daily. Thanks
  25. My husband and I just got married, though we've been together for 5 years. Every other part of our relationship is fine, but we have one major disagreement that we can't seem to settle ourselves. He feels that it's absolutely necessary to spend holidays together and take turns with whose parents we see each year. His parents live in Wisconsin and mine live in Oregon and we can't afford two trips. Family is more important to me than the actual holiday, I just want to be with my parents. I compromised this year and agreed to see his parents in Wisconsin and it's absolutely killing me that I missed out on my own parents. I'm lucky to have in-laws who love me, and his parents are very sweet, but that doesn't cover up the homesickness I feel for my own parents. Am I so crazy for suggesting that we spend a couple of weeks apart for the holidays so we each get to see our own parents? We are together constantly for the rest of the year. I just don't think a couple of weeks apart once a year is such a big deal.
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