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About Me

  1. I thought I would give a go at this journaling thing. My friends do not partake in online dating and I don't really get feedback from anyone that does. Mostly my friends shake their heads and ask `why?' I've been out of a relationship since May '14 and without rehashing all that has transpired I will say that online dating has changed considerably in the past 3 years. I've taken several breaks, mostly after meeting men looking for casual sex and men who are too afraid to put themselves out there and seem to put me in the drivers seat to pursue them and breath life into the situation. Neither of which I am comfortable with. I am a young (as so I am told) 50 something yr old professional with a rich social life, so I am definitely not lonely. If I sense there is no momentum in a man that I meet I am quick to let it go seeing that I don't have a lot of free time and being with my friends is often a much better option. After my last fail .. well I can't really call it a failed attempt, maybe a valuable lesson with dating someone I mentioned here in previous posts, that I had dated earlier this year and he made a return visit in Oct. He is clearly not ready for a relationship but I am very taken by him and we have amazing chemistry. With that being said he is dating others and at some point these things run their course and I opted out, not wanting to be part of the `rotation' and finding myself engaging in an intimate relationship with someone I did not have a commitment with. Mind you this is the first time in my life I tried to do this and much like I already knew I am not cut out for it. He still texts once in a while and says he misses me, but it messes with my emotions so the more distance I get the better. I wish things were different . . but it is what it is. To keep my sanity during that time I continued to date others (not intimately) and the pace was wearing on me and creating all sorts of unneeded anxiety. During the holidays I pulled my profile but continued to communicate with one person who's schedule is opposite of mine for the time being so meeting was a challenge. During my time off during the holidays we met for breakfast and as much as I really didn't want to go, I was pleasantly surprised. Now 3 dates later my current challenge is to see if this man can open up and let me in. Apparently I make him very nervous and at times he shuts down. I tried dating someone like him sometime ago and I thought in time he might let me in. After several weeks I realized it was never going to happen. What I do like about my new friend is that he has some old school values much like mine, maybe a little more conservative. He noticed I pulled my profile (only for a break) and pulled his as well saying he typically only dates on person at a time to see where it goes. It's nice to not have to interpret someone's intentions and refreshing to know I am not part of someone rotation. We haven't so much as held hands yet which builds up that anticipation part that seems to be so fun and he's a good `dater'. I have met so many men who don't know how to date. .funny as that sounds, but true. I am enjoying this. He is showing me that he does have sense of humor and enjoys giving me a hard time (playfully) I am optimistic that there is someone that I am able to connect with behind the shyness. He has assured me that he is typically not this way and has promised to open up. I still have another friend I will see tonight. T and I have been dating for about 3 months now and as much as I like and I am attracted to him I just don't think we are relationship material. He's gone most weekends to see his son 8 hours away. He's so sweet and endearing but not very active, pretty much a couch kinda guy, very Christian and not much of a social drinker. (my social circle is!) He has a very naïve almost immature quality to him but I feel safe and cared for with him. I often wish I could see him as someone more than a friend but that certain quality is lacking. I don't see him often and have opted out a couple times lately, but I am looking forward to catching up tonight. So this it. . at least for now. I see my shy friend this weekend. M has invited me for a day trip to the local mountains and I am looking forward to it. For now my profile is down . .tomorrow who knows!?
  2. Hello, I have been dating a guy (28 years old) for 3 months, he asked me to be his gf recently. He is treating me very well but he constantly follows new naked insta models. These girls are people that he cant meet obviously but the problem is I find the fact that he is following and constantly seeking out naked woman very disrespectful. Also, the fact that he told me he will only have eyes for me and I will see with time that I can trust him, but despite saying these, him following these accounts doesnt look good to me at all. I am conflicted. On one side: - I know that guys and girls can look at other people and find otehrs attractive while in relationship too. I follows celebrities and footballers that I find attractive. But I wouldnt follow D... pictures on social media especially when I was in a relationship. It would be disrespectful to my bf and I am sure he would be worried if he saw my social media activity following bunch of accounts with d... pics. I find him following naked insta models on insta totally disrespectful. And He appears as a thirsty guy in my eyes now, who is constantly seeking out naked woman (but again I dont know if this is normal for men). - Indeed, before meeting him i've always wondered how my friends or other girls put up with such disrespectful treatment. I always told myself I would never be with someone who disrespects me like that. (Plz correct me if I am being so harsh). - So, since it has been only 3 months, I am considering to end the relationship by saying something like "we are not compatible" and continue dating and choose to be with someone who wont do that. Because I think that if I try to talk to him about his social media activity, I might appear as a controling person. Also, I dont want to tell him what to do. If he is happy following these women, he should. I shouldnt be preventing him. It shouldnt be a forced decison, it should come naturally from him. Perhaps he is not done exploring? On the other hand: - I am thinking about keeping it very simple and telling him: "I know its normal for both man and woman to look at other man and woman and find others attractive but following these accounts and constantly seeking out naked woman is disrespectful." I will also tell him that I always told myself I would never put up with such activity in a relationship and see what he will say and take it from there. -- I dont know which option is better. I feel that this relationship has a potential if we could get past the insta issue. Also, the reason why I posted here is, I want to get more opinions. Perhaps, I am overreacting and being overly jealous? Perhaps I should change the way I think about the whole thing? For instance, some people might say he is a men and men are visual, so if he is loving and caring and making me feel beautiful, loved etc, I shouldnt worry about social media. But on the other hand, his social media activity is not making me feel respected. Also is it really healthy to lust over others when in a relationship with someone you claim you care about? I would appreciate your opinions, what should I do?
  3. I met a guy through an app not related to dating. It was just to make foreigner friends. We starting texting everyday on Instagram and later on whatsapp. We texted like four hours at least everyday. He is Indian and I am Spanish. I feel his values and morals are similar to mine, unlike most guys in Spain. We similar mindset about life about many things, although we may differ in certain things too of course. After like four months talking we confessed we liked each other although it was obvious before. When we had been seven months talking my cousin asked me if I wanted to do volunteering in India and I accepted cause I had always wanted to do volunteering abroad and also cause it was a good idea to meet him. We just met for three days and it was very good, we liked each other in person too and we kissed. As I thought it was normal the next step should be start relashionsip, but he said no, that I should wait cause he only wanted to take the commitment if he had job. 'So till when I will have to wait?', I asked, 'till November', he said. Some things I like about him is that he respect me a lot and he is not jelaous, he always try to please me if I tell him something bothered me, he also is very attentive. What I don't like it is that he has trouble to show his feelings and with this thing of making me wait, there is not way to change his mind and that is making me rethink everything. I wonder if I want a relationship with him or not, cause I feel a man who truly wants a relationship doesn't let external factors decide no? Maybe I am wrong. I am very confused. Other problem is I want to talk with him but I have to wait a couple of days cause he doesn't want to talk about this topic with his parents there. That's why I want to clear my mind, decide if I want to be in relationship with him or not before we speak on video. If anyone has advice I will be forever grateful.
  4. Been dating a great girl recently and things were going amazing. She would tell me how she was so glad she net someone like me all that stuff which has made the next part harder. A guy she used to date found out she was moving on and is constantly bombarding her with messages, she was getting confused, she wants to be with me but wants to sort her head out first before anything because she can't be happy while she's confused. I told her I understand and she should take some time for herself, she wants to be with me but needs time... She thanked me for understanding, I sent her a last message saying I'm here when she wants to talk and she didn't respond , which I didn't mind because I did tell her to take time. I know it sounds daft but last night after a day of not speaking she liked my Insta pic ( I feel like a kid for even bringing that up ) but I figured if she truly wanted me out her life for good she wouldn't have done? maybe I'm just being silly but I trust that she's being honest about needing time. I was wondering if anyone thinks messaging her again in a day or two just to say hi is a decent idea? Thing is the other guy will constantly be bombarding her stressing her out even more so I don't want to cause anymore stress... Typing it out I know it seems obvious to just give up but i would rather try than just leave it in the past since I like her a lot. Cheers guys
  5. My ex and I had been together for 10 months now. Early, he used to spend time with me, we used to talk often, laugh, have fun. He made me his world. After 4 months or so he started getting distant and stopped spending time with me. When I confronted him, he said that he thought I was using him and that his sister said I was using my past as a way to gain sympathy and love ( I had been through an abusive relationship a couple of years ago) He added he didn't fall for all that but due to cultural and religious differences he thought this was the best excuse to push me away. Drama happened we cried, talked things out and every thing went back to normal for a while. Again he started pulling back, being indifferent, preferring his friends over me. I had no idea why. But he said he was depressed and that I wasn't being supportive by complaining all the time that he wasn't as talkative and loving as before. I often felt hurt and started to get insecure about our relationship and I would get emotional over little things. He explicitly stated that his female friends held precedence over me especially one friend who he says he like a sister because he knows them longer than me. I felt upset and said that I was not his priority. He got all defensive that he didn't mean it like that. "Just because I prefer pizza over pancakes. Doesn't mean I hate pancakes." His blame shifted to me, that I am the reason he was getting indifferent because I wouldn't stop creating drama. His opinion was that I was making a mountain of a mole hill over petty issues. I don't think cancelling our date three times..or not being there for me when I have a bad day was too trivial. However considering that he was feeling overwhelmed and hurt by all the pressure I was seemingly putting on him. I promised I will try to change that. Later he asked for a break, but insisted he wanted to keep talking and hanging out with me. It was really strange that he was more at ease when on a break than otherwise. He stated that my expectations were high in this relationship and he can't keep up with them so he needs space to figure it out. He felt he was becoming numb. But we will be going on date on my birthday and that I was important to him. He still cares for me. My birthday came, he texted me a happy birthday. I asked if he would call. He simply said..no because I will get the wrong idea. I got a bit upset. I asked if the date was still on and he says "Its unlikely that will happen". I panicked and asked I wanted to talk what was going on. But he kept ignoring me the entire evening and went off to play video games. I got furious, I had held resentment from the past few months and I left a voicemail crying that I am tired of his indifference and lack of empathy. I felt unimportant and didn't hold much value in his life. And he doesn't message or talk to me again". At night he responds saying that I am only hurting myself in all this and making him responsible for hurting me. He broke up with me. After a few days we talked over the phone. He said he didn't know whether he wanted me in his life anymore. I created too much drama. I should have accepted the fact that he remembered my birthday and texted me. About the date, he said he "became " and forgot about it completely and that he was sorry, he doesn't us spending good time together. "You are not good enough"...that's what he exactly said. He was in fact paranoid and scared of meeting me. We decided to give each other space for a couple of weeks. His friend told how he had taken off a week from work since he was so upset. Later when I talked with my ex again, he stated he doesn't have feelings for me anymore. I proposed maybe we should talk things through and spend some time together and see how it goes. He repeated the same thing that he was sorry but he thinks he will never have feelings for me again. Then he said he wasn't good enough for me. Some things in the past turned him off. His reasons were that it was both his and my fault for him losing his feelings. He sarcastically added that I could have a second shot at the relationship if I could reverse time. He wants to be friends though. I told I had still feelings and can't be friends right now. And have gone NC since then. I just don't understand what did I do wrong? All I ever asked was to be treated with love and respect and suddenly that is "high expectations". I wanted us back together and work things out. But I guess I hurt him too much and he doesn't love me anymore. How can he just lose feelings, in a couple of weeks and say he can never have them again? I feel guilty and sad. I can't seem to concentrate on anything anymore. Any advice on this situation?
  6. Hey all, I'm writing so as to get some advice. I'll try to make this as short as possible. I met my "ex" (we didn't get to call ourselves bf/gf) about two years ago. We work together and it took us a while to hook up. She was in a relationship were she was being heavily manipulated and it took her a long while and a lot of therapy to finally get herself rid from her ex. Once this relationship was over, we started going out. We dated for around 6 months and everything was going perfect. Out of the blue, she told me she wanted to talk with me and explained that she liked everything about me but that she felt that after her previous relationship she didn't have time for herself. We discussed about what the best course of action could be, she mentioned she was not feeling right to be in a relationship with me but she wasn't sure that she wanted to break up either. I offered her to take some time apart but she didn't feel that was right since she would feel guilty if she felt I was waiting for her to give me some kind of feedback, as she wasn't exactly sure about how she was feeling. I suggested we break up and that was it. It was amicable and I went straight into LC (meaning I'll only talk work with her or discuss whatever topic is at hand whenever we have lunch with the team; we do have lunch together every weekday). After the break up I was devastated but pulled the little energy I had to make it seem in our lunches as if I was OK. The first few weeks she'd try to fight with me about anything and I would just divert the talking to anything else to avoid confrontation. When we broke up, she did mention I was no regular guy and that said she was doing everything so as to take care of the relationship we had; she didn't want to ruin it because of her doubts. Her attitude these first two weeks was very contradictory. Moving forward, the relationship got better and she stopped trying to pick fights with me. At around the 4th week mark, I called her and just asked how she was feeling about the whole break up thing and did mention that it had been a rough time for me as she had given me no clear reason to break up in first place. I did ask her to break my heart if she had to and be honest, be it she didn't like me anymore, had no more feelings or anything. She denied everything and mentioned that she did have feelings for me, she did like me and would have a great time with me, but that she felt that we were ready to be bf/gf and she was not yet ready for that, as her previous experience had been too rough and was just not ready to start a new relationship. I said it was OK and thanked her for the time to talk, went straight back to the same LC I previously mentioned. That was 2 weeks ago. Everything went on fine and I've started to feel better myself, I think it might actually be showing since I'm in a better mood generally speaking and doing fine. However, what's killing me right now is that for the past 3 days she's been trying really hard to avoid me. Not just that, she's trying to make me notice that she's avoiding me. We'll be in meeting rooms where there's just 3 of us and she will just rotate her chair and make me face her back. She is now trying to contradict what I say again and it's becoming a pain. I'm trying to keep everything as professional as possible as that's the right thing to do. While I'm focused in moving on, this is also a relationship I don't want to completely discard and make moves that might push her far away. I'm not exactly sure how to proceed. Shall I ignore her bad attitude as I'm doing and show indifference? Shall I confront her about it? Why might she be behaving in this way towards me? Just in case you even think about it, I did not beg, cry, became needy or anything. I've learnt this from my past relationship and refrained from doing anything of the sort even though my brain wanted me to do so.
  7. MY boyfriend and I are perfect. I have never felt so strongly about and so connected to someone like him. The first few months of us "talking", I knew he was talking to and hooking up with other people, as I, stayed loyal. Ever since we became boyfriend and girlfriend, almost a year now, he has treated me like I have never imagined. He would do absolutely anything in the world for me and would never hurt me- I can tell. But, we have this little problem that I cause... When I drink, I become so incredibly mean. In the beginning of our relationship, this never happened. But over the past few months, I turn into a monster when I become intoxicated. I say the cruelest things, and even get violent towards him. He will tell me the things I say to him, and I sit back and just think that there is no possible way I could ever say or feel those ways towards him. I have never felt resentment towards him, but when I drink something happens to me and I become such a hateful person towards him. Just want to hear what people think about this, what I should do, or if you even have the same problem as me. Thanks for listening.
  8. Hey Everyone...thanks for reading my post... Haven't been on here in a few months..Some of you might remember me.. Ok..here goes.... I met this girl 2 weeks ago and we have been on 3 dates so far...Each date has been great....we got along emotionally and physically extremely well. The first date we both knew we were physically attracted to each other in the fact that we had alot of touching and such and ended up making out for a long time and chatted for hours. The second date was the same...had a few drinks, ate some good food and enjoyed each other's company and by the end of the night we ended up sleeping with each other,,,,not once but twice...Anyways we had a great time...Then tonight was the same...hung out, ate dinner, listened to music and then we ended up having sex again which was great. Afterwards we did the usual cuddling and holding of hands and givinglittle kisses and such but then in the middle of all of that she ends up tellling me out of the blue that she is "Not girlfriend" material...??? I kinda didn't know what to say at that point but ended saying..." sure if that'show you feel ?..Mind you ...prior to that there was no relationship talk whatsoever between us we were basically new with each other at dating and going with the flow and BANG she says that.. Don't get me wrong...I'm not looking for anything serious really quickly but I actually ended up really liking this girl so far and the funny thing is that she is coming over to my house Saturday night because I am making her dinner and we are going to watch a movie and stuff... So the question is...should I pursue this any further with this girl if I know now that I kinda like her more than just "Friends" and she told me what she told me tonight ?... I'm wondering if she is serious or just scared of any type of relationship at the moment ? Any insight on this would be much appreciated.. thanks !
  9. On thursday last week I hooked up with a guy I have been flirting with for a while. I already knew he was not into a serious relationship and I was very aware of what I was doing. I have been single for over a year now, with no physical contact with anyone what so ever. I'm only 21 years old, and when I got the opportunity to sleep with him I just grabbet it, with full knowledge of what i got myself into. So when I got there, his and mine intentions was clear. We also talked about it abit before it happened. It was really nice, and I'm happy that I finally broke my over one year "break" from sex. He is also a guy I somewhat trust, that is why I did it with him. I do not want to sleep with anyone random. We have known eachother for half a year now, and will without a doubt meet eachother several times in the future. I know this because we work together (part time). And yes, I know what you think, you should NEVER sleep with someone you work with. But it's not that big of a deal, and I made a choise, so did he. And that's not a problem, in my opinion. Before we had sex we did not talk with eachother all the time, we did not have an instant connection emotionally. We had fun together and definivly had a physical attraction towards eachother. So I always knew that this is not someone I imagine forming a romantic relationship with. Yes, I do like him, but I know the differense between lust and love. And this is lust. So my point is.. I want to sleep with him again. I want to have a casual relationship with him, friends with benefits. But after we had sex I have heared almost nothing from him (I have sent a few snaps, but just casual). But then again, we did not talk all the time before either. It's only been a few days, but I don't know what to expect. I suspect he is scared that I have developed feelings for him, but I know I did not do anything wrong. I know it's typical for a guy to pull away when you have sex, and that most likely it has nothing to do with me. But I want to be with him again, I really had fun. And I know the risk - I know the feelings can develop, but then I will just end it. I'm young and I want to have fun. What should I do..? Should I just forget it and move on with my life? Should I just wait and see what happens? I really don't know because this is the first time for me. I have only been in a long serious relationship before. Sorry about the errors.
  10. Omg the same thing happened to me everything you said he blocked me and said he was done with me and all his friends told me as well then when he thought I had a new boyfriend he came back and said I’m a cheater and tell his grandma he was right about me then he apologized to me and he knew I was willing to do anything to be with him because I was so in love with him and he got my hopes up saying were together again and that he can’t break the promise just to see something then we fell asleep on the phone and he blocked me the next day and I was texting and calling from different number and he changed his number on me but his brother and friends didn’t really like me so I guess that had something to do with his and he was telling me I can’t do any thing sexual with anyone I have to wait for him even tho he literally blocked me and I don’t know I’m so confused hurt and damaged.
  11. Hi! I have the exact same thing happening, except my friend used to say all the time that he fancied her, even telling me he’s a dead end when I fancied him because she knew he liked her. We have been together for 6 months now too and I can’t help but feel like he still hasn’t found closure. Both of us skate so we saw her a lot and he would play around with her and not me. Again I know he loves me more than life and I do him but I get upset too, I don’t really know what to do either
  12. Hi everyone, I have a situation that I really need some advice with. So there is this girl whom I met after she introduced herself to me at school. I talked with her briefly and she dropped out and lost all contact with her until about a month ago. We became good friends incredibly quick, went out to a bar the first time we hung out and wound up stayin up till 6am. We have so much in common and generally was the first time I had ever felt so comfertable with a girl after just meeting them. From that night on we have been talking, texting or hanging out every single day since. She let on right away that she had some "unfinished business" and had been dating on and off again with a guy for a year or 2. Which didnt bother me at first, but over the past couple weeks I've been developing feelings for her. We've gone out quite a few times since and we've both been very flirty with each other. However as of late her guy and her have seemed to gotten back together. Even though she has told me this she still keeps in constant contact with me, and I do truly enjoy talking and seeing her. We've hung out numerous times since but she won't actually admit that she is back in a relationship, and everytime the guy is brought up it is never anything positive yet she says she loves him. I played cool for awhile but eventually she said she knew I liked her, but that she already has someone else, yet she calls me everyday after she gets out of work, we stay out late togther when we hang out and shes invited me back to her place on more than one occasion though nothing happened besides laying down with each other. From someone who maybe has been in this before, is this girl attracted to me? I told her my feelings for her the other night, she didn't respond back but the next day she called me and we went out later in the evening, we've casually talked about it but it seems as if she is still expressing interest in me, she remembers things that are goin on in my life, we generally connect as if we've known each other for years. I don't know where to go from here I told her I would respect her relationship but that I do care about her and like her as more than a friend. I would have figured that she would have made an attempt to see or contact me less if she was truly commited to her guy, but I cant figure this out. Is she just that cool of a person to where it doesnt bother her, or does she actually seem like she feels the same way as I do based on her actions? I am curious if anyone has an opinion or advice to give me, I don't want to barge in on a relationship, but I do care about her and could see myself with her and becoming serious. Should I pull away alittle bit, express my feelings to her again in hopes she might tell me how she really feels? or just attempt to remain friends?
  13. Hello, I am a 23 year old male, introvert, going to school, working, had hobbies ect. Ive noticed that when I get into a relationship, i start to lose my want and determination to life, which then goes to me looking insecure and looking like someone who just doesnt have his life together. It only happens when I get into a commited relationship. Mayhbe 3-4 months down the line. I start finding everything my partner does as "annoying" and childish. I lose my motivation to go to the gym, to work on my car, to play my guitar, ect.. I mainly just go to work (which i find boring at this point.. and dont want to do that either) and come home and eat snacks and sleep. And hang out with my significant other and do activities that I find boring. To clarify this last part i just said, in the beginning of the relationship I feel like doing everything, such as taking them traveling with me, hiking, eating out, going to the gym ect. All these activities i enjoy doing with them. And that is what initially attracts the girl to me in my opinion. I have so much fun and a great time. But down the line, 5 months out, i dont want to do anything. I dont want to drive there, i dont want to pick her up anymore, i dont want to go out.. ect. I just want to stay in my little town and if she wants, she can come here. She lives about 20 mins from me, which isnt a problem at all. I just dont put in the effort like i used to. I am in a relationship now and am starting to feel this way. And i have now noticed that this happens in every relationship. Its annoying and makes my partner like me less. Which is completely understandable. I havent gone to the gym in over a month and have gained about 10 pounds from sitting around. Im not motivated to do anything. She has tried new things out like buy lingerie, take me to new places, ect. But im just bored. Dont want to do anything. Is there a cure for this or is this normal? Does this happen to you guys sometimes? Why does it happen? Im just confused.
  14. Hi guys, the title tells pretty much what's going on with me. Okay, long story short, I hired this trainer in one of the biggest gyms in here 2 months ago, who I did not find attractive at first. All I wanted from him was his advice on working out. But then, after a few weeks, I started to have feelings for him, partly because of his physical attributes and his adorable personality. I tried my best to keep my feeling inside me and not to show anything in front of him, because I want to keep our relationship professional. However, he did sent me some signals at times, like, he would help me stretch or lift weight in a way that involve body touch (i.e. putting his legs on my lap or sticking his chests on my back), at one time, we had eye contact for a few seconds, although he turned around embarrassedly. He always look at me with a caring smile on his face and put his hand on my shoulder (in a friendly way) etc.... Maybe I misinterpret things (yes, I saw him checked out other girls), or maybe somehow he know that I am gay, so he used my vulnerability to keep me as his client... All I know is, I have this huge crush on him and couldn't get him out of my head. Should I just let him know and get this over with or should I keep hiding it from him? Please help!!
  15. Hi! This is my first post in here, a friend of mine recommended this site so I'm still figuring things out but okay here it goes: TLDR = the guy I'm seeing is likely in a depressive spiral and pushing me away and I'm not sure what to do. The read I started dating this guy in late September who is amazing! Like a breath of fresh air. Conversations flow naturally, he's someone I always want to be around. I really like him and I think we have a great connection. He has said he really likes me, too. It could really go somewhere and for the first time in a long time, it's not something I want to give up on and I don't feel like he does either. We've had conversations about being on the same page, and we both felt good about things without the pressure of advancing our relationship at a pace we're not comfortable with (we're in that limbo of uncertainty on "relationship status" but he's had me meet some of his friends and he's met a few of mine). We've also had conversations about our mental health and he struggles with depression. About 2 weeks ago, I noticed a change in him. He became way less responsive in a matter of a day. I'm not one to really care about the timestamp on replying but it was out of character enough to be concerning so I tried to talk to him about it, he admitted not being in the best place. I told him I was here for him and he appreciated it but he's thrown himself into distractions and he is still not very responsive to me. He's mentioned he hasn't felt joy from usual things, but it feels like he is suddenly uninterested and pushing me away. I brought it up again and he has said he has felt weird about things but isn't sure why. I'm not afraid to be here for him and help in anyway I can. I want to make it work but I know I can't make him have feelings for me if they aren't there. We're going to talk in person because we both agreed our conversations are more productive when we're physically together. I'm aware I could also be totally wrong and he could have lost interest. I'm not sure how this conversation is going to go. Anyway, if you've dated/are dating someone struggling with depression, does this sound like a spiral? if so, what are some helpful ways to communicate what to do when you feel pushed away?? I'm willing to put the effort into making this work, I want him to know that he's not his depression and that's an obstacle he doesn't have to face alone. Or maybe just give it to me bluntly, does it sound like he's about to break things off instead?
  16. Alrighty. Heres my deal ...Ive felt like something has been going on with my boyfriend and his one girlfriend for awhile now. Well my "feelings" are always right . So I read some messages written between the two of them . And they were planning on hanging out ..without me knowing about it . It wasnt for him to cheat . She told him to tell me ..and he said no because I would flip out . Well he ended up hanging out with her behind my back . So finally I couldnt take it anymore . And I asked him what was going on . I asked him if he liked her and he said yes . My boyfriend "loves " me and likes another woman . Well that just broke my heart because I have done nothing to deserve something like this . So I asked him if he wanted to be with her and he said no . And I Said well do you love her . and he said no . But he clearly has a crush on her . It just kills me because I know that the more you talk to somebody the more you get to like them . So I told him either he doesnt talk to her or its over . I know it probaly wasnt the right thing to do but I dont want to lose him . And I Know that if they didnt talk then theres no way he could like her more and more . Well I told him to tell her how he feels about her and why I am so upset about them hanging out . He ended up telling her . So then they were not talking . And then I ended up getting into a pretty bad car accident on the 3rd of febuary , and I had to go stay with my father for a few weeks while my boyfriend was here alone at our apartment . Well while i was gone ..they started talking agian . After I told him how much it hurt me What I want to know is..Is it possible to love me fully but have crushy feelings towards somebody else ? I typed this in a hurry if you want to know more about the situation just let me know Please help me out ..Im stressing out so much im making myself sick
  17. I've been in a relationship with this girl for over a year and half now and things have been good. I get along with her and care about her very much. In the beginning I was also strongly attracted to her, but especially after moving in with her my attraction towards her has been decreasing. The thing is she has all things needed to look good, but she just doesn't want to put any effort to her clothing, hair or makeup and doesn't want to work out. I have tried to give her hints and ask her if she could do some things for me, but it seems the topic is very sensitive for her and this leads to her getting very defensive and hurt very quickly. Part of the reason our relationship has been so comfortable is that we both care about each other and can be ourselves without the fear of other one leaving for someone a bit more attractive. When a girl is not crazy about fashion, opinions of other people and traditional gender roles, living with her can be so much easier than with some teenage "princess" diva, but the downside is that she is not as attractive as she could be. However I don't think that putting some effort to appearance means "selling out" and "not being myself" - I'm ready to do all kinds of stuff that she would stay attracted to me! I love her, and want to be attracted to her and know that with right clothing and little effort she can look really stunning, but attraction is not a choice. I want to feel attracted to her, but because she doesn't even try, I can't feel but be attracted to other women who do take care of themselves. Am I wrong to ask these things of her? Do I have a right to ask them or am I forcing her to be something she feels is not a part of her? I certainly don't want to leave her, but then again I don't want to spend the rest of my life with someone that I am losing attraction for.
  18. Have you ever had a strong gut, or heart-felt, feeling that you were "meant" to be with someone? Maybe not at that exact moment in time, but someday. If so, how did that turn out for you? I would love to hear stories on these types of situations. I am currently going through a similar situation. I am a (almost) 22-year-old female. I met a guy at work a few months ago, and we quickly became friends - lunches (we typically always had the same lunch hour) and talking at work, or off work, led to this friendship. However, I found myself developing feelings for him beyond a friendship as well. Initially, I had a physical attraction to him; eventually, it led attraction mentally, emotionally, and spiritually, as well. Admittedly, he shares the same feelings for me. Honestly, I have been in long-term relationships before, and I have loved before; however, something seems different this time around. Something tells me that we will be together one day, but not anytime soon - there are too many obstacles in our way right now: 1. He has a girlfriend. 2. Even if he were single, I have too many things I have to work on before I can even attempt to try making another human being happy. If I were to try loving somebody right now, it might end up a failure or disaster: I have to work on me first. This guy is currently gone. I haven't talked to him in a month (I opted against it while he was gone away - I figured we both needed some "space" from each other to really think things over, given the situation) and he will not be back until summertime. Over the past few months, I have had several people tell me that I only like or want this guy because I cannot have him, due to his girlfriend. This past month, with complete space from him, has proven that's not the case at all. Anyways, I would love to hear any success and/or failed stories in situations like this. I don't have "high hopes" for us - I am a strong reality-based girl - but I do have those gut instincts, and I do know what I feel. I just won't act on them until an appropriate time.
  19. I've been googling this topic and I've been reading mixed thoughts, from men and from women, so I thought hey why not just make my own thread and hear some more thoughts. What does it mean when a woman who's had quite a bit to drink says "I love you" to you? Someone you know, not some random stranger. Would she just blurt that out and say it to any guy? Or is she just feeling the effects of the alcohol? Would you say that to guys you weren't interested in or attracted to?
  20. My sister dated a boy for about 2 weeks(broke up because of mutual agreement) this was a year ago and me and my sister know each others friends because we are close in age I've closely started liking him and he had told me he likes me but I never agreed due to it being my sisters ex also I didn't meet him because they were dating but also before that FYI but I dont know what to do and they still talk they are friends/enemies and she know he likes me but never said if she was cool with it
  21. Seriously. For so long, I wasn't meeting anyone. Now, I AM meeting people, but there always, ALWAYS seems to be something in the way preventing anything from happening. Think I'm exaggerating? Here's the jist of my love life for the past two years: - Fall back in love with ex-boyfriend. He says he only wants something casual with me. - I ask a guy I've liked for ages out on date and tell him that I like him, he freezes up and literally says NOTHING. - My best friend falls hopelessly in love with me. I feel nothing for him whatsoever. - I meet someone AMAZING, who I am crazy about, and who feels the same way about me, but he is in a different country, and long-distance is not an option. - I develop a crush on a guy at work, who likes me also. He says nothing can happen because he doesn't want to hurt his friend, who is the aforementioned person who is in love with me. - A crazy girl in college sabotages my chance with a nice guy who likes me, because she hates seeing any other girl in the class get any attention from guys. Literally, that's it. There's always SOMETHING out of my control that prevents me from getting into a steady relationship. I've been single for nearly three years now, and it#s getting me down. I don't know what I'm doing wrong, and I'm honestly beginning to believe there is a curse on this area of my life, that someone up there doesn't want this to happen for me
  22. I don't understand. I am hurt, yes. Why do they do that? I don't understand men. I went and got involved emotionally. I have crushed on a man for awhile. It is a coworker. I know I sound like I'm 17. I'm not talking about overt flirting or anything. When we were in the office, I did catch a vibe, but I also got mixed signals...there seemed to be attraction, then not...I think all of us can relate to that. Things advanced. We started texting outside work. It turns out this "vibe" was accurate. I was pretty excited and happy about it. Yes, I know, work relationships are not the best idea. I have posted as much on many occasions on the board. I understand the risks. I think that given we are coworkers, I allowed myself to believe that this situation would not be a "player" situation and that crossing over that professional line meant this would be something that was more serious. It turned out to be about the same as many of my online dating experiences...lots of talk, not a lot of action. No meet, no text....I failed my own advice. I guess because I thought this situation was different. Why? Why do they do this? I am just so lost on this! Why do men pursue, make it seem like they want something serious, but they never have the time to actually meet? They talk a lot about meeting..."I can't wait until..." and the day never comes. Umm, a little hint, you actually have to meet in person if you want the kissing, touching, etc. He seemed interested in me genuinely. He seemed to want to pursue something serious, long-term. As we were texting, I couldn't nail him down on meeting. He accelerated to intimate discussion (nothing raunchy), and let's circle back to the above sentence -- we actually have to meet in person if we're going to kiss, touch, sex. The thing is, why pursue talking with me, pursue dating me, move into intimate discussions with me if you don't have the time and you are not available? WHY? Why?? What is going on? When I am interested in someone, I make the time. Maybe to a fault. I don't want to lose that momentum. These guys? They talk the talk and make it seem like they really like you, want to be with you, get to know you more...but they don't have the time. Too busy. Not available until "later", and when is "later?" "Later" never comes. Why do they do this? WHY?? Why do they actively pursue a relationship if they do not have time to actually pursue a relationship? Why aren't they more excited about getting together in person, like I am? So I'm hurt. I don't understand why this man actively pursued me, but he had no time. I don't understand why he moved into more intimate discussions when he didn't have the time to actually meet with me in person. I just don't get it. This post is a vent and not so much seeking advice, though I am happy hear your responses. I'm mostly kicking myself right now for not following my own advice and getting lost in the idea of a good relationship, thinking because we know each other in person, he wouldn't be a jerk. Maybe some men could chime in and tell me why you do this. Why do you pursue someone when you do not have the time?
  23. I have met a guy on a dating app and I felt that we really connected after our first date. I really liked him and I think he liked me. The next day I met him with another woman. it was awkward. We acted like we did not notice each other. I am not sure who she is. It probably just means he is not into me. Any advice? Should i just forget him and move on - I do not want to do it though. Should I act as nothing happened?
  24. Brief overview for context I was dating someone locally, going very, very slow because although I was curious, I wasn't smitten. He was though, right from the start. Then there was a fork in the road because mid pandemic he managed to secure a seat on a plane traveling back home and, reluctant to maybe never see him again without at least kissing I broke the touch barrier and that experience felt right in a way that, had he been staying local, I definitely would have wanted to date. We can't because of distance but we have stayed in touch and he has been consistent in expressing feelings for me, regular contact, sends me presents sometimes. He's used the word love in letters, I haven't/won't until we can be face to face again and I can be sure that's what I'm feeling. For those of you who recognise me from previous posts, yes, there is a definite possibility that this is just another way for me to avoid genuinely getting close to someone, that thought has crossed my mind. Its Schrodingers attraction, I won't know until we're face to face where I'm really at. Or him for that matter. Anyway, I wasn't very invested in the beginning because we had not really spent that much time together before he left. But lately I have been feeling a lot more so, a couple of particularly well chosen gifts on his part I think and regular contact. I'm starting to dream the same "could this be my forever person" dreams he's been dreaming. We normally talk at least once a day, a text, if not a phone call. But I haven't heard from him since Friday. I tell myself he must be pretty busy, or maybe something has come up, but the more days that elapse the harder I find it to tolerate the break down in communication. I like to think I have a bit of a handle on my (lousy) attachment style. Saturday I was, for sure, in a bit of a funk because I hadn't heard from him but I wouldn't act on that. Sunday I was starting to feel actually anxious. Today is no improvement. What if he found someone local and hit it off with them and suddenly the overseas girl isn't so attractive anymore. What if it was love bombing all along. What if something bad has happened to him. What if nothing bad has happened but he just doesn't feel drawn to maintain a line of communication with me anymore? I get being busy but 48 hours plus with no word? (And through the scourge of modern communication, read receipts. I can see he is at least receiving my messages on whatsapp, although sometimes they're going through to his PC and it doesn't mean he's read them. But even if I had sent no messages at all, it is out of character for him to not reach out to me either.) I know the best distress tolerance technique is to be so busy yourself that you don't even notice the person has not responded. Thanks to an uptick in community spread of the rona work is cancelled and socialising is ill advised. I have plenty of jobs to be getting on with at home but they are all the kind that does not induce a flow state and are much much much harder to do when something is eating away at you. So, tolerance techniques, throw them at me. I know this is my problem to fix. (Even if he has lost interest, which would very definitely be a disappointment but I want him to be happy right?! So I would accept that. But not knowing is worse). Also how do you divine what is unreasonable impatience regarding message replies (because I feel like my attachment style sees me reacting earlier than is reasonable. Which is why I spent the first two days talking myself down. But definitely past the 2 day mark it really starts to feel like this is more than being busy). You would think being long distance that my life would be as good as functionally fine being single, what is there even to miss?! Someone who I can't see? But nope, this is occupying a frustratingly large amount of my thoughts. Surely he will get in touch today when he wakes up right? Because my last contact explicitly stated that this is unusual silence and I am worried. When we are in touch again I will definitely be asking him how long he could go not hearing from me before it started to worry him.
  25. so me and mf have been together for almost a year , we met off of tinder and obviously it was physical at first , he always told me i had an amazing body but never really said anything abt my face , which was kind of a let down ( my bf is a model also lol) , ive noticed that he rarely compliments me and i mean rarely , but yet i compliment him all the time , he works out a lot so he often asks me how he looks pretty much like 10x a day NO JOKE , i take pictures of him , i hype him up , i make sure he feels very good abt himself psychically because he can get insecure but he never does that for me ? he never takes pictures of me , rarely tells me im pretty and when i bring it up to him he always like " you know i think youre attractive " but it never feels like it , it just makes me so sad , im not even on his social media at all he always posts his friends my never me , never on my birthday or valentines day or when we spent a weekend together or anything , i had to literally beg him to posts picture of us .im starting to feel, so sad , i dont even feel attractive anymore i used to feel so confident abt myself , and ive started posting pictures of myself online like fb and snap chat and just to feel better abt myself , never anything risque or anything , but is it too much to ask to feel beautiful ?
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