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About Me

  1. So this is an interesting story. I went on a forum last year because I was struggling with loneliness and depression. I just expected to talk to people and help them with their problems. What I didn't expect was to find a true friend! We became buddies over the course of our messages and we genuinely care about each other. I've even met him on Zoom so I know he's legit. He's the kind of person I know I can depend on even though we live in totally different states. Originally, he found me attractive. While I was flattered because I had never gotten male attention like that before, I knew I didn't feel the same way in return so we've just stayed friends. That hasn't changed for me, but I want to know, do you have a friend that finds you attractive but you don't feel the same about them? Are you still friends? And how do you deal with not reciprocating the feelings? Sometimes, I feel a little guilty, especially because he's a great person and I think he'd make a great partner. But I'm also glad I don't because I wouldn't want to lose my friend if a romantic relationship didn't work out.
  2. I thought I would give a go at this journaling thing. My friends do not partake in online dating and I don't really get feedback from anyone that does. Mostly my friends shake their heads and ask `why?' I've been out of a relationship since May '14 and without rehashing all that has transpired I will say that online dating has changed considerably in the past 3 years. I've taken several breaks, mostly after meeting men looking for casual sex and men who are too afraid to put themselves out there and seem to put me in the drivers seat to pursue them and breath life into the situation. Neither of which I am comfortable with. I am a young (as so I am told) 50 something yr old professional with a rich social life, so I am definitely not lonely. If I sense there is no momentum in a man that I meet I am quick to let it go seeing that I don't have a lot of free time and being with my friends is often a much better option. After my last fail .. well I can't really call it a failed attempt, maybe a valuable lesson with dating someone I mentioned here in previous posts, that I had dated earlier this year and he made a return visit in Oct. He is clearly not ready for a relationship but I am very taken by him and we have amazing chemistry. With that being said he is dating others and at some point these things run their course and I opted out, not wanting to be part of the `rotation' and finding myself engaging in an intimate relationship with someone I did not have a commitment with. Mind you this is the first time in my life I tried to do this and much like I already knew I am not cut out for it. He still texts once in a while and says he misses me, but it messes with my emotions so the more distance I get the better. I wish things were different . . but it is what it is. To keep my sanity during that time I continued to date others (not intimately) and the pace was wearing on me and creating all sorts of unneeded anxiety. During the holidays I pulled my profile but continued to communicate with one person who's schedule is opposite of mine for the time being so meeting was a challenge. During my time off during the holidays we met for breakfast and as much as I really didn't want to go, I was pleasantly surprised. Now 3 dates later my current challenge is to see if this man can open up and let me in. Apparently I make him very nervous and at times he shuts down. I tried dating someone like him sometime ago and I thought in time he might let me in. After several weeks I realized it was never going to happen. What I do like about my new friend is that he has some old school values much like mine, maybe a little more conservative. He noticed I pulled my profile (only for a break) and pulled his as well saying he typically only dates on person at a time to see where it goes. It's nice to not have to interpret someone's intentions and refreshing to know I am not part of someone rotation. We haven't so much as held hands yet which builds up that anticipation part that seems to be so fun and he's a good `dater'. I have met so many men who don't know how to date. .funny as that sounds, but true. I am enjoying this. He is showing me that he does have sense of humor and enjoys giving me a hard time (playfully) I am optimistic that there is someone that I am able to connect with behind the shyness. He has assured me that he is typically not this way and has promised to open up. I still have another friend I will see tonight. T and I have been dating for about 3 months now and as much as I like and I am attracted to him I just don't think we are relationship material. He's gone most weekends to see his son 8 hours away. He's so sweet and endearing but not very active, pretty much a couch kinda guy, very Christian and not much of a social drinker. (my social circle is!) He has a very naïve almost immature quality to him but I feel safe and cared for with him. I often wish I could see him as someone more than a friend but that certain quality is lacking. I don't see him often and have opted out a couple times lately, but I am looking forward to catching up tonight. So this it. . at least for now. I see my shy friend this weekend. M has invited me for a day trip to the local mountains and I am looking forward to it. For now my profile is down . .tomorrow who knows!?
  3. Hello everyone. First of all, I hope I don't sound too crazy, I really need to at least write this somewhere as it has been a bit of a problem for me lately. I'm a 22 years old guy, and I have never been very social, I do enjoy my personal time a lot as I have enough hobbies and responsibilities to stay busy. However it has been around 4 years that I've Had someone I constantly socialize with, my aunt. I moved here a few Years back and the only family is my aunt (35) she's also busy a lot, and I've been living with her since I was around 18, we Basically Share expenses and stuff like that and live in the same apartment, this is so we have an easier time with life. My problem isn't really financial or anything, in fact we have a very friendly relationship and we often have long talks which are super fun. She's like my only friend and likes me for what I am, the problem is either she is too affectionate and nice and I'm Confusing this as something else, or she actually likes me. You see, she's very affectionate with me, she treats me like a very close person, I'm very introverted, so I almost never initiate anything, she's always Trying to initiate things then. She Calls me cute names or gives me hugs and compliments, obviously As a family member right? But I'm so confused, I analyze her and it seems she does it out of that character, she's very touchy feely, Way more than me. She writes me long texts and is very supportive towards me, I'd be lying If some of her texts aren't a bit too cute for our relationship. From some time now, I think I have developed feelings for her, like, I'm attracted to her in a boyfriend / girlfriend way but I haven't said anything, and to be honest, I may also be attracted in a sexual way, but I feel so bad for this, it's Kinda disgusting. We have a comfortable zone but sometimes she's a bit too comfy, I'm the complete opposite of her regarding That, for example she often uses very light clothing (hot weather) or even walks by in underwear, where as I'm ashamed to even show some skin like arms or even being seen without shirt makes me feel uncomfortable. I've accidentally seen her body because she's literally so careless, me walking to do something and stumbling across her, and I just say I'm sorry and rush to somewhere Else, she just shrugs It off as something "That just happens". I'm very sorry for this, but she even leaves used underwear around, probably from when she's in a rush. And I once had thoughts About sniffing that, but I wasn't able to bring myself to do that. I love her as a lovely friend, but sometimes my body or bad side if my brain tells me otherwise. If anyone has any ideas on how to deal with this it would Be hugely appreciated, as I do not like any of this, I want to remain a sane person. Thank you in advance.
  4. He had been following me on Instagram for a while and noticed I put up a story about a loved one and euthanasia and he reached out with a nice message and it went from there. Having been speaking for a few weeks, we ended up going out for dinner. Had very good chats, seems like a really lovely guy and nothing sexual. We also agreed on a lot things; he spoke about family and he said his sisters boyfriend never takes initiative, for example doesn't help out in the kitchen and we both agreed that if it was us, we would be doing that. The odd compliment, but in good taste. For example telling me that I looked beautiful in a particular dress on Instagram and him saying he wishes I wear that to his birthday. Some cute messages to each other, like him sending me photos of what he does for work and him telling me that he often thinks about me. He picked me up from my house and before he got to mine, he texted me saying would I like him to meet my parents or just pick me up. Nice offer. He paid for dinner and it went really well in terms of chats, felt like a really caring and respectful guy, talked about family and all those nice things. He dropped me home and did not indicate anything about going back to his which was good. When we got back to my house to drop me home, my mother was just coming home and he waited and said hello to her. He then said she was lovely. I could tell he wanted to kiss as he sort of just kept looking at me, I said something and then we kissed. Honestly was quite slow and passionate. He asked if I would like to see him again and said yes. He has offered breakfast and study dates before previously. He told me that an ex-girlfriend he had years ago was quite toxic and they argued a lot, I asked him in what way and he told me that they had different opinions on aborting a certain child for specific issues, I told him that I agreed with his point and that was good. He dropped me home and did not indicate anything about going back to his which was good. He asked if I would like to do this again and I said yes. When we got back to my house to drop me home, my mother was just coming home and he waited and said hello to her. He then said she was lovely. I could tell he wanted to kiss as he sort of just kept looking at me, I said something and then we kissed. He messaged me a few hours later thanking me, kept in on and off-contact for the week, he told me he was tired but good. He asked about my plans for the weekend and I did the same, he is very busy and works in the medical field. He hasn't mentioned anything about catching up again. Our date was last Sunday. Good signs? It does finally feel great to be with someone that you just feel you could be compatible with and see them as a long term partner, irrespective of how things pan out. Things also feel easy and relaxed. **TL;DR** nothing indicates that he doesn't want a relationship. Only concern is that we still communicate via Instagram DM (perhaps out of habit).
  5. Hello, I have been dating a guy (28 years old) for 3 months, he asked me to be his gf recently. He is treating me very well but he constantly follows new naked insta models. These girls are people that he cant meet obviously but the problem is I find the fact that he is following and constantly seeking out naked woman very disrespectful. Also, the fact that he told me he will only have eyes for me and I will see with time that I can trust him, but despite saying these, him following these accounts doesnt look good to me at all. I am conflicted. On one side: - I know that guys and girls can look at other people and find otehrs attractive while in relationship too. I follows celebrities and footballers that I find attractive. But I wouldnt follow D... pictures on social media especially when I was in a relationship. It would be disrespectful to my bf and I am sure he would be worried if he saw my social media activity following bunch of accounts with d... pics. I find him following naked insta models on insta totally disrespectful. And He appears as a thirsty guy in my eyes now, who is constantly seeking out naked woman (but again I dont know if this is normal for men). - Indeed, before meeting him i've always wondered how my friends or other girls put up with such disrespectful treatment. I always told myself I would never be with someone who disrespects me like that. (Plz correct me if I am being so harsh). - So, since it has been only 3 months, I am considering to end the relationship by saying something like "we are not compatible" and continue dating and choose to be with someone who wont do that. Because I think that if I try to talk to him about his social media activity, I might appear as a controling person. Also, I dont want to tell him what to do. If he is happy following these women, he should. I shouldnt be preventing him. It shouldnt be a forced decison, it should come naturally from him. Perhaps he is not done exploring? On the other hand: - I am thinking about keeping it very simple and telling him: "I know its normal for both man and woman to look at other man and woman and find others attractive but following these accounts and constantly seeking out naked woman is disrespectful." I will also tell him that I always told myself I would never put up with such activity in a relationship and see what he will say and take it from there. -- I dont know which option is better. I feel that this relationship has a potential if we could get past the insta issue. Also, the reason why I posted here is, I want to get more opinions. Perhaps, I am overreacting and being overly jealous? Perhaps I should change the way I think about the whole thing? For instance, some people might say he is a men and men are visual, so if he is loving and caring and making me feel beautiful, loved etc, I shouldnt worry about social media. But on the other hand, his social media activity is not making me feel respected. Also is it really healthy to lust over others when in a relationship with someone you claim you care about? I would appreciate your opinions, what should I do?
  6. I met a guy through an app not related to dating. It was just to make foreigner friends. We starting texting everyday on Instagram and later on whatsapp. We texted like four hours at least everyday. He is Indian and I am Spanish. I feel his values and morals are similar to mine, unlike most guys in Spain. We similar mindset about life about many things, although we may differ in certain things too of course. After like four months talking we confessed we liked each other although it was obvious before. When we had been seven months talking my cousin asked me if I wanted to do volunteering in India and I accepted cause I had always wanted to do volunteering abroad and also cause it was a good idea to meet him. We just met for three days and it was very good, we liked each other in person too and we kissed. As I thought it was normal the next step should be start relashionsip, but he said no, that I should wait cause he only wanted to take the commitment if he had job. 'So till when I will have to wait?', I asked, 'till November', he said. Some things I like about him is that he respect me a lot and he is not jelaous, he always try to please me if I tell him something bothered me, he also is very attentive. What I don't like it is that he has trouble to show his feelings and with this thing of making me wait, there is not way to change his mind and that is making me rethink everything. I wonder if I want a relationship with him or not, cause I feel a man who truly wants a relationship doesn't let external factors decide no? Maybe I am wrong. I am very confused. Other problem is I want to talk with him but I have to wait a couple of days cause he doesn't want to talk about this topic with his parents there. That's why I want to clear my mind, decide if I want to be in relationship with him or not before we speak on video. If anyone has advice I will be forever grateful.
  7. Been dating a great girl recently and things were going amazing. She would tell me how she was so glad she net someone like me all that stuff which has made the next part harder. A guy she used to date found out she was moving on and is constantly bombarding her with messages, she was getting confused, she wants to be with me but wants to sort her head out first before anything because she can't be happy while she's confused. I told her I understand and she should take some time for herself, she wants to be with me but needs time... She thanked me for understanding, I sent her a last message saying I'm here when she wants to talk and she didn't respond , which I didn't mind because I did tell her to take time. I know it sounds daft but last night after a day of not speaking she liked my Insta pic ( I feel like a kid for even bringing that up ) but I figured if she truly wanted me out her life for good she wouldn't have done? maybe I'm just being silly but I trust that she's being honest about needing time. I was wondering if anyone thinks messaging her again in a day or two just to say hi is a decent idea? Thing is the other guy will constantly be bombarding her stressing her out even more so I don't want to cause anymore stress... Typing it out I know it seems obvious to just give up but i would rather try than just leave it in the past since I like her a lot. Cheers guys
  8. My ex and I had been together for 10 months now. Early, he used to spend time with me, we used to talk often, laugh, have fun. He made me his world. After 4 months or so he started getting distant and stopped spending time with me. When I confronted him, he said that he thought I was using him and that his sister said I was using my past as a way to gain sympathy and love ( I had been through an abusive relationship a couple of years ago) He added he didn't fall for all that but due to cultural and religious differences he thought this was the best excuse to push me away. Drama happened we cried, talked things out and every thing went back to normal for a while. Again he started pulling back, being indifferent, preferring his friends over me. I had no idea why. But he said he was depressed and that I wasn't being supportive by complaining all the time that he wasn't as talkative and loving as before. I often felt hurt and started to get insecure about our relationship and I would get emotional over little things. He explicitly stated that his female friends held precedence over me especially one friend who he says he like a sister because he knows them longer than me. I felt upset and said that I was not his priority. He got all defensive that he didn't mean it like that. "Just because I prefer pizza over pancakes. Doesn't mean I hate pancakes." His blame shifted to me, that I am the reason he was getting indifferent because I wouldn't stop creating drama. His opinion was that I was making a mountain of a mole hill over petty issues. I don't think cancelling our date three times..or not being there for me when I have a bad day was too trivial. However considering that he was feeling overwhelmed and hurt by all the pressure I was seemingly putting on him. I promised I will try to change that. Later he asked for a break, but insisted he wanted to keep talking and hanging out with me. It was really strange that he was more at ease when on a break than otherwise. He stated that my expectations were high in this relationship and he can't keep up with them so he needs space to figure it out. He felt he was becoming numb. But we will be going on date on my birthday and that I was important to him. He still cares for me. My birthday came, he texted me a happy birthday. I asked if he would call. He simply said..no because I will get the wrong idea. I got a bit upset. I asked if the date was still on and he says "Its unlikely that will happen". I panicked and asked I wanted to talk what was going on. But he kept ignoring me the entire evening and went off to play video games. I got furious, I had held resentment from the past few months and I left a voicemail crying that I am tired of his indifference and lack of empathy. I felt unimportant and didn't hold much value in his life. And he doesn't message or talk to me again". At night he responds saying that I am only hurting myself in all this and making him responsible for hurting me. He broke up with me. After a few days we talked over the phone. He said he didn't know whether he wanted me in his life anymore. I created too much drama. I should have accepted the fact that he remembered my birthday and texted me. About the date, he said he "became " and forgot about it completely and that he was sorry, he doesn't us spending good time together. "You are not good enough"...that's what he exactly said. He was in fact paranoid and scared of meeting me. We decided to give each other space for a couple of weeks. His friend told how he had taken off a week from work since he was so upset. Later when I talked with my ex again, he stated he doesn't have feelings for me anymore. I proposed maybe we should talk things through and spend some time together and see how it goes. He repeated the same thing that he was sorry but he thinks he will never have feelings for me again. Then he said he wasn't good enough for me. Some things in the past turned him off. His reasons were that it was both his and my fault for him losing his feelings. He sarcastically added that I could have a second shot at the relationship if I could reverse time. He wants to be friends though. I told I had still feelings and can't be friends right now. And have gone NC since then. I just don't understand what did I do wrong? All I ever asked was to be treated with love and respect and suddenly that is "high expectations". I wanted us back together and work things out. But I guess I hurt him too much and he doesn't love me anymore. How can he just lose feelings, in a couple of weeks and say he can never have them again? I feel guilty and sad. I can't seem to concentrate on anything anymore. Any advice on this situation?
  9. Hey all, I'm writing so as to get some advice. I'll try to make this as short as possible. I met my "ex" (we didn't get to call ourselves bf/gf) about two years ago. We work together and it took us a while to hook up. She was in a relationship were she was being heavily manipulated and it took her a long while and a lot of therapy to finally get herself rid from her ex. Once this relationship was over, we started going out. We dated for around 6 months and everything was going perfect. Out of the blue, she told me she wanted to talk with me and explained that she liked everything about me but that she felt that after her previous relationship she didn't have time for herself. We discussed about what the best course of action could be, she mentioned she was not feeling right to be in a relationship with me but she wasn't sure that she wanted to break up either. I offered her to take some time apart but she didn't feel that was right since she would feel guilty if she felt I was waiting for her to give me some kind of feedback, as she wasn't exactly sure about how she was feeling. I suggested we break up and that was it. It was amicable and I went straight into LC (meaning I'll only talk work with her or discuss whatever topic is at hand whenever we have lunch with the team; we do have lunch together every weekday). After the break up I was devastated but pulled the little energy I had to make it seem in our lunches as if I was OK. The first few weeks she'd try to fight with me about anything and I would just divert the talking to anything else to avoid confrontation. When we broke up, she did mention I was no regular guy and that said she was doing everything so as to take care of the relationship we had; she didn't want to ruin it because of her doubts. Her attitude these first two weeks was very contradictory. Moving forward, the relationship got better and she stopped trying to pick fights with me. At around the 4th week mark, I called her and just asked how she was feeling about the whole break up thing and did mention that it had been a rough time for me as she had given me no clear reason to break up in first place. I did ask her to break my heart if she had to and be honest, be it she didn't like me anymore, had no more feelings or anything. She denied everything and mentioned that she did have feelings for me, she did like me and would have a great time with me, but that she felt that we were ready to be bf/gf and she was not yet ready for that, as her previous experience had been too rough and was just not ready to start a new relationship. I said it was OK and thanked her for the time to talk, went straight back to the same LC I previously mentioned. That was 2 weeks ago. Everything went on fine and I've started to feel better myself, I think it might actually be showing since I'm in a better mood generally speaking and doing fine. However, what's killing me right now is that for the past 3 days she's been trying really hard to avoid me. Not just that, she's trying to make me notice that she's avoiding me. We'll be in meeting rooms where there's just 3 of us and she will just rotate her chair and make me face her back. She is now trying to contradict what I say again and it's becoming a pain. I'm trying to keep everything as professional as possible as that's the right thing to do. While I'm focused in moving on, this is also a relationship I don't want to completely discard and make moves that might push her far away. I'm not exactly sure how to proceed. Shall I ignore her bad attitude as I'm doing and show indifference? Shall I confront her about it? Why might she be behaving in this way towards me? Just in case you even think about it, I did not beg, cry, became needy or anything. I've learnt this from my past relationship and refrained from doing anything of the sort even though my brain wanted me to do so.
  10. MY boyfriend and I are perfect. I have never felt so strongly about and so connected to someone like him. The first few months of us "talking", I knew he was talking to and hooking up with other people, as I, stayed loyal. Ever since we became boyfriend and girlfriend, almost a year now, he has treated me like I have never imagined. He would do absolutely anything in the world for me and would never hurt me- I can tell. But, we have this little problem that I cause... When I drink, I become so incredibly mean. In the beginning of our relationship, this never happened. But over the past few months, I turn into a monster when I become intoxicated. I say the cruelest things, and even get violent towards him. He will tell me the things I say to him, and I sit back and just think that there is no possible way I could ever say or feel those ways towards him. I have never felt resentment towards him, but when I drink something happens to me and I become such a hateful person towards him. Just want to hear what people think about this, what I should do, or if you even have the same problem as me. Thanks for listening.
  11. Hey Everyone...thanks for reading my post... Haven't been on here in a few months..Some of you might remember me.. Ok..here goes.... I met this girl 2 weeks ago and we have been on 3 dates so far...Each date has been great....we got along emotionally and physically extremely well. The first date we both knew we were physically attracted to each other in the fact that we had alot of touching and such and ended up making out for a long time and chatted for hours. The second date was the same...had a few drinks, ate some good food and enjoyed each other's company and by the end of the night we ended up sleeping with each other,,,,not once but twice...Anyways we had a great time...Then tonight was the same...hung out, ate dinner, listened to music and then we ended up having sex again which was great. Afterwards we did the usual cuddling and holding of hands and givinglittle kisses and such but then in the middle of all of that she ends up tellling me out of the blue that she is "Not girlfriend" material...??? I kinda didn't know what to say at that point but ended saying..." sure if that'show you feel ?..Mind you ...prior to that there was no relationship talk whatsoever between us we were basically new with each other at dating and going with the flow and BANG she says that.. Don't get me wrong...I'm not looking for anything serious really quickly but I actually ended up really liking this girl so far and the funny thing is that she is coming over to my house Saturday night because I am making her dinner and we are going to watch a movie and stuff... So the question is...should I pursue this any further with this girl if I know now that I kinda like her more than just "Friends" and she told me what she told me tonight ?... I'm wondering if she is serious or just scared of any type of relationship at the moment ? Any insight on this would be much appreciated.. thanks !
  12. On thursday last week I hooked up with a guy I have been flirting with for a while. I already knew he was not into a serious relationship and I was very aware of what I was doing. I have been single for over a year now, with no physical contact with anyone what so ever. I'm only 21 years old, and when I got the opportunity to sleep with him I just grabbet it, with full knowledge of what i got myself into. So when I got there, his and mine intentions was clear. We also talked about it abit before it happened. It was really nice, and I'm happy that I finally broke my over one year "break" from sex. He is also a guy I somewhat trust, that is why I did it with him. I do not want to sleep with anyone random. We have known eachother for half a year now, and will without a doubt meet eachother several times in the future. I know this because we work together (part time). And yes, I know what you think, you should NEVER sleep with someone you work with. But it's not that big of a deal, and I made a choise, so did he. And that's not a problem, in my opinion. Before we had sex we did not talk with eachother all the time, we did not have an instant connection emotionally. We had fun together and definivly had a physical attraction towards eachother. So I always knew that this is not someone I imagine forming a romantic relationship with. Yes, I do like him, but I know the differense between lust and love. And this is lust. So my point is.. I want to sleep with him again. I want to have a casual relationship with him, friends with benefits. But after we had sex I have heared almost nothing from him (I have sent a few snaps, but just casual). But then again, we did not talk all the time before either. It's only been a few days, but I don't know what to expect. I suspect he is scared that I have developed feelings for him, but I know I did not do anything wrong. I know it's typical for a guy to pull away when you have sex, and that most likely it has nothing to do with me. But I want to be with him again, I really had fun. And I know the risk - I know the feelings can develop, but then I will just end it. I'm young and I want to have fun. What should I do..? Should I just forget it and move on with my life? Should I just wait and see what happens? I really don't know because this is the first time for me. I have only been in a long serious relationship before. Sorry about the errors.
  13. Omg the same thing happened to me everything you said he blocked me and said he was done with me and all his friends told me as well then when he thought I had a new boyfriend he came back and said I’m a cheater and tell his grandma he was right about me then he apologized to me and he knew I was willing to do anything to be with him because I was so in love with him and he got my hopes up saying were together again and that he can’t break the promise just to see something then we fell asleep on the phone and he blocked me the next day and I was texting and calling from different number and he changed his number on me but his brother and friends didn’t really like me so I guess that had something to do with his and he was telling me I can’t do any thing sexual with anyone I have to wait for him even tho he literally blocked me and I don’t know I’m so confused hurt and damaged.
  14. Hi! I have the exact same thing happening, except my friend used to say all the time that he fancied her, even telling me he’s a dead end when I fancied him because she knew he liked her. We have been together for 6 months now too and I can’t help but feel like he still hasn’t found closure. Both of us skate so we saw her a lot and he would play around with her and not me. Again I know he loves me more than life and I do him but I get upset too, I don’t really know what to do either
  15. I don't understand. I am hurt, yes. Why do they do that? I don't understand men. I went and got involved emotionally. I have crushed on a man for awhile. It is a coworker. I know I sound like I'm 17. I'm not talking about overt flirting or anything. When we were in the office, I did catch a vibe, but I also got mixed signals...there seemed to be attraction, then not...I think all of us can relate to that. Things advanced. We started texting outside work. It turns out this "vibe" was accurate. I was pretty excited and happy about it. Yes, I know, work relationships are not the best idea. I have posted as much on many occasions on the board. I understand the risks. I think that given we are coworkers, I allowed myself to believe that this situation would not be a "player" situation and that crossing over that professional line meant this would be something that was more serious. It turned out to be about the same as many of my online dating experiences...lots of talk, not a lot of action. No meet, no text....I failed my own advice. I guess because I thought this situation was different. Why? Why do they do this? I am just so lost on this! Why do men pursue, make it seem like they want something serious, but they never have the time to actually meet? They talk a lot about meeting..."I can't wait until..." and the day never comes. Umm, a little hint, you actually have to meet in person if you want the kissing, touching, etc. He seemed interested in me genuinely. He seemed to want to pursue something serious, long-term. As we were texting, I couldn't nail him down on meeting. He accelerated to intimate discussion (nothing raunchy), and let's circle back to the above sentence -- we actually have to meet in person if we're going to kiss, touch, sex. The thing is, why pursue talking with me, pursue dating me, move into intimate discussions with me if you don't have the time and you are not available? WHY? Why?? What is going on? When I am interested in someone, I make the time. Maybe to a fault. I don't want to lose that momentum. These guys? They talk the talk and make it seem like they really like you, want to be with you, get to know you more...but they don't have the time. Too busy. Not available until "later", and when is "later?" "Later" never comes. Why do they do this? WHY?? Why do they actively pursue a relationship if they do not have time to actually pursue a relationship? Why aren't they more excited about getting together in person, like I am? So I'm hurt. I don't understand why this man actively pursued me, but he had no time. I don't understand why he moved into more intimate discussions when he didn't have the time to actually meet with me in person. I just don't get it. This post is a vent and not so much seeking advice, though I am happy hear your responses. I'm mostly kicking myself right now for not following my own advice and getting lost in the idea of a good relationship, thinking because we know each other in person, he wouldn't be a jerk. Maybe some men could chime in and tell me why you do this. Why do you pursue someone when you do not have the time?
  16. I have met a guy on a dating app and I felt that we really connected after our first date. I really liked him and I think he liked me. The next day I met him with another woman. it was awkward. We acted like we did not notice each other. I am not sure who she is. It probably just means he is not into me. Any advice? Should i just forget him and move on - I do not want to do it though. Should I act as nothing happened?
  17. Brief overview for context I was dating someone locally, going very, very slow because although I was curious, I wasn't smitten. He was though, right from the start. Then there was a fork in the road because mid pandemic he managed to secure a seat on a plane traveling back home and, reluctant to maybe never see him again without at least kissing I broke the touch barrier and that experience felt right in a way that, had he been staying local, I definitely would have wanted to date. We can't because of distance but we have stayed in touch and he has been consistent in expressing feelings for me, regular contact, sends me presents sometimes. He's used the word love in letters, I haven't/won't until we can be face to face again and I can be sure that's what I'm feeling. For those of you who recognise me from previous posts, yes, there is a definite possibility that this is just another way for me to avoid genuinely getting close to someone, that thought has crossed my mind. Its Schrodingers attraction, I won't know until we're face to face where I'm really at. Or him for that matter. Anyway, I wasn't very invested in the beginning because we had not really spent that much time together before he left. But lately I have been feeling a lot more so, a couple of particularly well chosen gifts on his part I think and regular contact. I'm starting to dream the same "could this be my forever person" dreams he's been dreaming. We normally talk at least once a day, a text, if not a phone call. But I haven't heard from him since Friday. I tell myself he must be pretty busy, or maybe something has come up, but the more days that elapse the harder I find it to tolerate the break down in communication. I like to think I have a bit of a handle on my (lousy) attachment style. Saturday I was, for sure, in a bit of a funk because I hadn't heard from him but I wouldn't act on that. Sunday I was starting to feel actually anxious. Today is no improvement. What if he found someone local and hit it off with them and suddenly the overseas girl isn't so attractive anymore. What if it was love bombing all along. What if something bad has happened to him. What if nothing bad has happened but he just doesn't feel drawn to maintain a line of communication with me anymore? I get being busy but 48 hours plus with no word? (And through the scourge of modern communication, read receipts. I can see he is at least receiving my messages on whatsapp, although sometimes they're going through to his PC and it doesn't mean he's read them. But even if I had sent no messages at all, it is out of character for him to not reach out to me either.) I know the best distress tolerance technique is to be so busy yourself that you don't even notice the person has not responded. Thanks to an uptick in community spread of the rona work is cancelled and socialising is ill advised. I have plenty of jobs to be getting on with at home but they are all the kind that does not induce a flow state and are much much much harder to do when something is eating away at you. So, tolerance techniques, throw them at me. I know this is my problem to fix. (Even if he has lost interest, which would very definitely be a disappointment but I want him to be happy right?! So I would accept that. But not knowing is worse). Also how do you divine what is unreasonable impatience regarding message replies (because I feel like my attachment style sees me reacting earlier than is reasonable. Which is why I spent the first two days talking myself down. But definitely past the 2 day mark it really starts to feel like this is more than being busy). You would think being long distance that my life would be as good as functionally fine being single, what is there even to miss?! Someone who I can't see? But nope, this is occupying a frustratingly large amount of my thoughts. Surely he will get in touch today when he wakes up right? Because my last contact explicitly stated that this is unusual silence and I am worried. When we are in touch again I will definitely be asking him how long he could go not hearing from me before it started to worry him.
  18. so me and mf have been together for almost a year , we met off of tinder and obviously it was physical at first , he always told me i had an amazing body but never really said anything abt my face , which was kind of a let down ( my bf is a model also lol) , ive noticed that he rarely compliments me and i mean rarely , but yet i compliment him all the time , he works out a lot so he often asks me how he looks pretty much like 10x a day NO JOKE , i take pictures of him , i hype him up , i make sure he feels very good abt himself psychically because he can get insecure but he never does that for me ? he never takes pictures of me , rarely tells me im pretty and when i bring it up to him he always like " you know i think youre attractive " but it never feels like it , it just makes me so sad , im not even on his social media at all he always posts his friends my never me , never on my birthday or valentines day or when we spent a weekend together or anything , i had to literally beg him to posts picture of us .im starting to feel, so sad , i dont even feel attractive anymore i used to feel so confident abt myself , and ive started posting pictures of myself online like fb and snap chat and just to feel better abt myself , never anything risque or anything , but is it too much to ask to feel beautiful ?
  19. My sister dated a boy for about 2 weeks(broke up because of mutual agreement) this was a year ago and me and my sister know each others friends because we are close in age I've closely started liking him and he had told me he likes me but I never agreed due to it being my sisters ex also I didn't meet him because they were dating but also before that FYI but I dont know what to do and they still talk they are friends/enemies and she know he likes me but never said if she was cool with it
  20. OK this is going to sound really pathetic but hear me out... I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years and in that time he has mentioned his ex twice... that’s it. I have never asked about her but obviously I have always been really intrigued about her and how I measure up etc...I have recently met one of his female friends and we get on really well and have been chatting a lot. We were sitting alone together and she was telling me about how much she likes me and how glad she is that my partner met me. She started talking about his ex and had nothing nice to say about her. She was saying she never get on with her, was never friends with her and didn’t understand my partners relationship with her. She then said ‘I never knew what he saw in her at all and you’re just so beautiful’... I was a bit taken aback and was embarrassed so I didn’t say anything else. But that line is playing on my mind... as shallow as this sounds does that mean I was more attractive that his ex?
  21. Profile 26 yo, African American Male, 5,10, Athletic Build, interfacial Relationship. Hello Everyone, I'll keep my name anonymous incase the post goes viral. Long story short I'm having some relationship issues. These issues derived in earlier this year with the lost of a Job. I had my own place, and my significant other still lives with her parents (which bums her out from time to time). With the lost of my job I had to give up my apartment, because COVID made unemployment impossible to receive. So, I ended up moving in with her and her parents. Now, initially I thought this all through and felt like this would put a huge strain on the relationship. Therefore, I made sure on several occasions if this would be ok with my partner, because I know how she likes her space. Plus now it would be both of us under her parents roof, which could make her feel trapped. All our conversations went well, and I was reassured over and over again that this would be an opportunity to grow and build while the pressure of bills are low. I moved in all excited, and remember so vividly one special moment when my girlfriend started tearing, and saying things like "I'm so happy you're here with me right now". I'm excited to plan out lives out together. NOW for me she just hit a hot button in my love language board. Now of course things were harder, I was out of work, and she was out of work. So we couldn't do the fun things that made our relationship so passionate. Skipping ahead a few weeks and everything completely changed. AND WE ALMOST BROKE UP. But we communicated out wants enough to make it out of that dark phase. She then finally professed just how much being at home with her parents kills her sexual drive. This stirred many feelings with in me that I'm still trying to process today. At first I was understanding, and started budgeting and forming a plan to get us out from under her parents house. I found work, and started slaving away. I made a savings plan that works and I'm well towards our way of getting out. Now the reason I made this post is because I feel sexually deprived in my relationship. I know for a fact that my girlfriend has lost attraction for me and it's killing me. What makes me more sick is the fact that no matter how much I research I can't seem to comprise of a plan to address this. I know exactly what I want out of this relationship. I want someone who's going to respect me, because I'm very respectful even to people who don't deserve it. I want words of affirmation, I've grown to realize that I sometimes crave attention. I feel like I try to be the best me that I can be for the sake of being mentioned. I want to be love respected and valued. Anyway moving on, yada yada. I love this girl right. And she implies that when we get out this house. Our relationship will be in a much healthier state. I trust my girlfriend, and truly believe my self that having our place will be beneficial for the both of us. I'm not grinding 56 hours a week and studying just to have sex more with my girlfriend no. But I also don't want to get to a point where I putting fourth all this effort for someone who doesn't even see's me as a romantic partner. I mean honestly we've ed with her Dad right above us no problem. But now all of a sudden it " turns you off?" Look I just want to know if I should A. Tell my girlfriend how I feel and see if we can compromise on something sexual. Maybe a hotel get away once a month or a spa thing. Maybe rent a car, and along side a beach. You know outside the house so if feels less...restricting. Or B. Just mirror her actions, you know pretend like I don't hear her. Or maybe say no the next time she asks me to rub her feet or her back. I can stop trying to make eye contact with her, seem less interested. My only concern with that is for one I'd have to be completely faking it because I LOVE THIS WOMAN TO DEATH, and OUUUUUUUUUU I wanna her so bad. I've experienced a time when I felt like she wanted it more than me. Now, maybe we get out of this and everything goes back to the way it is but even better, because we over came a predicament. I've read several things and I feel like I can do one or the other but not both. I honestly don't want to do either. For one my girlfriend hates talking about sex, and I feel like this would just push her away even more. The second one, I feel like I can just stop being a ing YES man all the time, and make her do everything for her self. But for one that would be drastic and would probably do more harm then good. Plus, she's insecure if I lost interest in her I feel like she's question her self and I don't want her to do that. To me she's the most gorgeous thing that graces this earth. So, why not treat her like that feel me? So yah, just let a playa know what I can do to get the woman I love to understand that if we had more sex, it wouldn't negatively impact out relationship.
  22. Hi guys A girl I use to date and have some history with over 6 years ago was recently single at the start of the year. She messaged me and we hung out a few times, nothing serious just catching up as we are still on good terms. I've had feelings for her in the past but she shut them down when I told her, basically a friendzone type set up. That was 4 years ago. Anyway we have been chatting on and off and hanging out for the past few months and it has been getting flirtier and flirtier, especially from her, I know she's been sleeping with other guys during which I don't care about as I don't have feelings for her anymore. She is now dating one of those guys and has been for a month or so. Out of respect I've basically cut off all communication because I don't wanna be the guy messaging someones girlfriend. She is still trying to message me despite having a boyfriend who she knows I am kinda friends with. Yesterday she messaged me and I didn't reply, then messaged me again asking why I didn't reply and getting upset because I'm not talking to her. She even messages me when she's with her boyfriend?! What does she want? I'm so confused. Ladies please explain
  23. Ok, I’ll make this as quick as possible: I used to like this guy a few years ago, we both liked each other for almost all of grade school, and then a fallout happened because he liked this other girl, that relationship didn’t last long. Us, being in the same friend group, pretty much nonverbally agreed to not make it awkward. Was it awkward at first? Yes. Did we get over it? Yes as well. Now we are friends. When I was dating another guy, my friends (mostly guys) would make inappropriate jokes about it, we were just ribbing each other, it’s what we do. He would tell guys to stop because it was too far. Could be friendly, could be not. When we hang out, we hang out in a group, and it’s a blast. When we text in the group chat, he responds to my texts a lot, sometimes laughing at them if it was funny. However, when we aren’t hanging out but nearby each other (like in marching band), he seems distant. He isn’t shy, he is an actor and has starred in musicals. Maybe it’s just because it’s not the right time to talk? I don’t know. Sometimes I catch him staring, but it might just be accidental or something. He just always seems nearby. He also asked to use my phone twice to call first our mutual friend to ask for homework, and then another call later for his dad to pick him up. Just so you know, I rarely text or call individually, usually it’s for homework or planning to hang out in a group. We haven’t hung out alone since our previous “relationship”, if you will. Okay, here’s the final question, thanks for reading: First off, is this guy flirting? I see all of these signs but I’m not sure because I might just be seeing what I want to see, I really have no idea. Second, if he does, how can persuade him to ask me out? I know gender roles are o ur the window and I could ask him out but last time I asked someone out it ended weirdly and I promised myself I wouldn’t ask him. If he likes me enough, I feel like he would ask me.
  24. So I received a friend request from basically my first love. He was my first boyfriend. We first met about 33 years ago. We were super young and ended up liking each other . I ended up moving away and we wrote letters and when I would come back to my hometown in the summers we would end up dating again. I finally moved back for good at age 17. We dated again. We were super attracted and passionate but didn't sleep with each other..It was leading up to that though.. Living on my own was tough..I couldn't manage my money. I was careless and really wasn't ready to have a relationship, my own apt., etc. I said and did some stupid things..Not cheating, but immature crap. We had our ups and downs and ended up not dating anymore. I haven't spoken to him in so many years. He recently friend requested me, to my surprise, and my heart jumped. I didn't accept right away. I had to think about it. I did search for him over the years on social media and was tempted to contact him but never did. I eventually accepted his request and said hello. Kept it light. He replied and asked how I was doing. I replied back and then asked how him and his family were doing. He hasn't responded. It's been almost a week. I see that he's read it and has been online. In general, when you end a message with questions, you usually get a response. I just think it's weird especially since he is the one who friend requested. I was hoping to catch up more. Maybe that would be too much? He now has kids and is in a serious relationship. Maybe I shouldn't have accepted the request?
  25. I know her for the past 15 years. We are now on our 30s. We were really close. Even after all these years we can talk for hours. It seems that we always had a connection and we deeply care and respect each other but no sexual attraction. She did not express any feelings, so I assume that we are very good friends on both ends. Also, many times that we were wingman for each other. She set me up with some of her girl-friends and I set her up for some of my guy-friends. The last two years we took our space as she moved on abroad for a year and then I was too invested in setting up my company. In these two years we kept contact mostly through texts, but we had less time together. We started different hobbies, found different circle of friends, different priorities career-wise. Whenever we were in the same country and we had the time we saw each other for a catch up. On May, we started spending more time together as we become again parts of a common social circle. She proposed to start a hobby together which I liked a lot. I have a lot of hobbies and always ready to try new things. This was something that we used to do together i the past. I felt really nice with this proposal as it reminded me all the good moments that we had together and it was a really good opportunity to keep/refresh the connection I had with her. After a while, i saw an increase in the text convos between us. I do not know how to explain it, but it felt like she always initiated them and always made questions i order to keep the conversations going. I do not mean that I felt pressured/annoyed, but it seemed that she made more effort. The last 15 days, I get some pictures from her. They are not naked, but I am not sure if they are innocent. The pictures display an object and some part of her body (thighs, belly, etc) on the background. For example, instead of answering that she is reading a book she would send me a picture with a book lying on her legs but with her thighs being extremely visible. Is she attracted or I misreading this. This was not the way we communicated before. Mostly we used to exchange a lot of texts.
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