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  1. And what really makes me angry is that she knew my dad was in the hospital five days ago and she couldn’t friggin call me ??????? Five friggin days ago you knew this Marilyn and you thought you would tell me Friday right before my holiday . You’re a . Feel like calling her right now because she’s going on holidays today and telling her what her nice fabulous brother did. Do you want to know that your other brother is a rapist and a child molester I hope you have a good holiday .
  2. In the early 1990’s I became a 5th generation soldier and joined my younger brother and my fiancé ( now husband) in the military. It was a bad time to join the military it was really reviled in the popular cultural of that decade . Slurs would be shouted against you ,you could be spit on ....it was .... but I was determined to follow a family tradition . And I would be the first female family member in the military and still to this day the only female member of my family to have been in the military. While I was at home yesterday to visit my mom I had time to reminisce briefly with my brother . He mentioned, those were “ hard times, not easy for sure “. It is something my sibling and I can have comradery on that nobody else understands really. This will just be a disjointed collection of military memories. And it kind of gives insight into a bit of my personality as military training never leaves you. I remember attending my husband’s medal ceremony recently and they called the room to attention and I immediately shot to attention in my seat automatically. I left the military 16 years ago .
  3. I had sex with my male friend we were fwb for awhile then he got a gf now he is my bestfriend but later I added his brother as a facebook friend and I don't know how it happened we started sexting then we slept together that same night while my friend his brother was in the next room sleeping I don't feel guilty but should I? My friend said he would never sleep with me but he was more than happy too so was it a bad thing to do?
  4. A bit long, sorry, but I need help from you guys on this. I've been with my boyfriend for over 6 years. We always get along, we are together everyday and we argue about minimal stuff like anyone else. He has an older brother who is egotistical, he only thinks of himself, always does what he likes, is awkward sometimes and once was about to get physical with me because I was cheering for another fighter in the UFC than him (who his fighter lost). If it wasn't for my boyfriend stepping in who knows what he would've done. The last straw though was at a bbq, one summer day, he refused to let me help with the bbq when I asked nicely saying: "my girlfriend is coming, I want to impress her", when you're offering help. I was sad at first but then got mad at him for being so rude and said it infront of everyone to let him have it (he deserved it imo) and left. He always does this when she is involved, he needs to put on a show. He's a fake pos, he has nothing to his name at 27, barely can do school, and he thinks he can boss others around. He has even told my boyfriend many times: "this isn't your house, you don't live here anymore" when he doesn't either, and it's his families' house. This is a brief summary, there is much more, point to say he's an asshole. We confronted him once about this and he said he back talked us to everyone and wasn't even sorry for how he behaved. So we cut him out and didnt speak to him. In the present, we wanted to be at his house for holidays but he might've been there too so I told my boyfriend the best way is we go when he's not there to avoid trouble. He's stubborn and thinks we should still confront this guy, who won't change, because "avoiding isn't a long term solution, so now we sabbotage our free will to come on the chance he will be there?" He thinks we should confront him again. I believe people like this don't change, and you don't keep them in your life, they are toxic. We have our own place and don't need to be here at all even, other than to see his younger bro and his parents. I really need people's opinions on this, do you agree with me that if you've confronted someone and they refuse to change no point in keeping a narcissist like that in your lives? My boyfriend doesn't talk to him or like him but he has naiveness with people (he thinks he's not). I've been screwed over by people like this and know better. Today I left their house because his mom, who is geniunely a psycho, never discplined her kids and will defend them even if they are wrong said to me: "just forgive him its the moral thing to do" and him nearly hitting me as "an incident". I literally started off polite with her then lost it when she kept saying this crap. She's the type of person who interjects in others problems. The day it happened she had the nerve to tell me to stay at an event I was insulted at. I am livid and honestly I'm going crazy about this feeling like I'm alone in this... My boyfriend hates him fyi but idk what it is, he's naive or what, he can't see confronting again won't do anything. He says "I'm not going to do this not talking thing". Idk what to do... I've spent hours explaining and debating why with him and he agrees on everything exept how to deal with him. What would you do in my shoes? Thanks guys for anyone who answers honestly. My dad said no matter what happened the fact he didn't come with me was a really rude thing to do, to leave you're SO alone on new years (and with covid you cant go anywhere)...
  5. My ex and I just broke up a week ago. I found out he was with his ex on his birthday. When I went to his house and confronted him that same day, he kept lying and saying he wasn’t with her. Finally after saying I had proof, he then switched his story and lied again. When I asked him why he didn’t tell me he wanted to be with her instead of me he goes “I don’t have feelings for her, I only see her as a friend”. To make a very long story short, when I met him a year and a half ago, he said his ex and him were broke up for a year, didn’t have any bad feelings towards her. We dated for a year before he decided to make it official. The entire time and up until his birthday, he has been great. Very consistent. Calls me a lot. Makes conscious efforts to change things he knows bothered me. Spent a lot of quality time together every week. Met some of his family. Go out on dates. Work out together, etc. Our communication has always been pretty good, sex was always great. Very passionate. Talked about wanting to build with me. You can see where I’m going with this... Now the first time I saw he was in contact with her I asked him what was going on, he said they were just friends, he was never in love with her, doesn’t have any feelings. I made sure to tell him that if he did then it was totally fine and he could try to work things out with her and we could still be friends. He said no, I’m who he wanted. Now I’m between that time, we were still good. If anything, we were a little more affectionate with each other. Second time I see her name pop up on his phone I almost left. He BEGGED me not to. Started to tear up saying it was nothing and he swears he’s not doing anything. Proceeded to say that she was only asking him about his brother because her brother and his brother are best friends. Pretty big argument that day but he lied so well I believed him. Now fast forward to his birthday. I will say that I had a bad feeling. But I had no proof. Until later on that night when I saw from a friend that she posted a picture her with him. So that night when I confronted him I messaged her and told her I was at his house and there was a huge blow up as she ended up coming over. She had no idea who I was. She didn’t even know I had been to his place a million times. I was shocked at all of this. Since then we talked once and he apologized to me saying that he was torn between the both of us and let things get too far. I explained that the issue wasn’t who he wanted to be with, it was the lack of respect and wasting of my time. He also knew I was previously engaged and cheated on. He talked about his other ex cheating on him and not being able to trust people and I’m sitting here like, well YOU can’t be trusted! Lol I TOLD him to follow his heart and he lied about wanting to be with her numerous times. I still don’t believe I know the whole story but I’m over it. What I do want to know is If he ever actually had real feelings for me or was he using me. I no longer want him but I am interested in understanding more about the male mind when it comes to these things. I cut all contact with him as well and wished him and her the best of luck. I know now Inwas most likely a rebound but how can you juggle both women like that and be torn?? Any insight would be very much appreciated.
  6. My brother and I have always had a pretty good relationship despite living in a turbulent household (parents always arguing and dad, cheating). We're both in our twenties and I'm his older sister by 5 years. In our culture, we stay with our parents until marriage, and family is everything. So despite all the turmoil between our parents, we've all always tried to work things out to keep our family together. I've always been a mega nerd, scoring high marks and basically just dedicating my life to academics. My brother's always been extremely social and has gotten into trouble over the years (getting arrested, stealing money from our parents, partying day and night, getting kicked out of university). Basically, although we've gotten along well, we're obviously different people. Everything was fine, and then he moved to Australia for a year. I cried at the airport. Despite the move, we still had a great relationship, and talked on the phone for hours at a time. He moved back a few week ago, which I was so excited about. However, he's come back a monster. He started going on rants about how he truly understands what life is about now, and that we're just doing everything wrong as a family. He said he's going to "fix" everyone. He started by screaming at dad in front of construction workers about his cheating behaviours, even though we were all embarrassed and told him to stop making this a public problem. He continued by going to dad's workplace and arguing with various workers about what their exact role is and what they accomplished that day. He grabbed dad's phone at various times mid-call and would ask questions to the person on the other end, to make sure he wasn't cheating. He then attacked mom about how she takes pain medication (recovering from shingles) because that's "poison" to her body and that she should instead do weed. My mom is conservative and very straight-edge so she'd never do that, but he continued on about how she's closed minded. He got into fights with her over some other things too and called her two-faced and a liar. He then attacked one of the twins, who broke up with his girlfriend early this year. He accused him of still talking to the girl. Twin showed his phone and everything, but our brother still went on a rampage about how he knows he's still totally talking to her. He yelled a bunch at the other twin too which resulted in the twin crying, even though the twins are 19. Then came my turn! For some background info, I tried out anxiety medication (Zoloft) at the end of 2018 and had a severe reaction. Right away I became incredibly lactose-intolerant and extremely sensitive to all kinds of foods, resulting in severe diarrhea or throwing up. My doctor disagreed that the Zoloft caused this, but the specialist I saw told me it definitely could have been a rare but severe side effect from this psychiatric drug which is known to be harsh on the stomach. He gave me a simple diet to follow and expected me to build up a tolerance against these reactions. Regardless, what was important was that either way, I was not well. I followed his instructions though and my reactions lessened, but haven't fully gone away yet. So, back to my brother. He randomly confronted me in the kitchen, asking me to tell him what's "really" going on. Honestly, I had no clue what he was talking about. He started glaring at me and telling me to tell him the truth. Turns out, he thinks I'm just pretending to have these reactions so that I have an excuse to not have to study (I'm trying to get into law, and was waitlisted twice due to a low lsat score). He even confronted the twins about how it's suspicious that I was waitlisted in a row, that he doesn't think I even wrote the lsat, which thankfully the twins saw and had the emails of. But that didn't stop my brother from continuing his rampage. He claimed I'm just pressured to go into law (untrue, it's very much so my own choice) and so I'm totally faking all this. I was pretty shocked, and told him that this is all real, that he could take a look at my previous blood test if he wanted. Unfortunately, while looking for it in my binder, I remembered that I had thrown it out as it didn't show anything substantial. This triggered my brother into a craze as he started ranting about how he's "catching the lies" and that I should fess up right now. At least my parents and the twins all know this is all real, and told him to stop acting like this, but he doesn't listen to anyone. Finally, I was discussing how upsetting this was to my mom. That's when my brother came barging in and started accusing me all over again. He said I maybe even secretly do drugs (ridiculous). I asked him why he even thinks all this nonsense, and he said, "I'm just saying that you should really tell me the truth because it's going to be so awkward for you when the truth comes out at the doctor's". He believes the doctor will let us know that this is all a fake ruse or that I'm doing drugs which cause these reactions. I got so upset that I got teary, and then he said that if I was being honest, that I wouldn't cry. That made me even more upset, and then he accused me of fake crying to garner sympathy from mom. He also accused me of lying about the anxiety medication, saying that first I called it Zoloft, and then I called it Sertraline (which is just its drug class, my god). He says everything I say is suspicious and so interesting, as he puts it. Every single day he rants about how I'm a liar. He yells, "my sister has been lying to all of us for 3 years! She's basically 30 and she's going no where!" Not only am I not at all 30, but it hasn't even been a full 2 years since I got these reactions. Further, these reactions happen about once a week to once a month, if even, when I accidentally consume dairy or something greasy/upsetting. It doesn't stop me from studying or living an otherwise normal life. My mom wants me to take him along to my next doctor's appointment, and while I can't stand him, I'll do it just so he shuts the hell up about me. However, even if he apologizes later to me, I don't think I can ever see him the same way again. My academic accomplishments define so much of my life. My wall is covered with my awards and scholarships over the years as school has always been the one thing I'm good at. It's the only thing I'm so proud of. I worked my ass off and even helped my brother to graduate from high school, which he always credits me with. And so for him to accuse me of being a fake actor, feigning an illness for 2 years just so I can avoid studies, is so insulting and hurtful to me. I have a bachelor's, double minors, and double certifications. My life has revolved around my education and my family knows that. He told my mom he'll accomplish double what I have by the time he's my age though, and that I'm wasting away my life, pretending it away and lying to everyone. My next appointment is with a stomach specialist (gastroenterologist) and so it'll be a long wait, but the time between now and then is killing me, hearing him yell out accusations day after day. I've totally had enough of this. I feel so distressed and angry when I even hear his voice. He's supposed to be my brother, acting like family and supporting me, not discouraging me, doubting me and accusing me. Our last argument happened when he burst into my room, yelling out accusations again but this time I exploded on him. My hands began to shake in anger, and once again he said if I was innocent then I wouldn't even get angry. I have NO idea why he's gone insane like this since he's gotten back from his trip, but he's completely destroyed our relationship and I want nothing to do with him. I can't even believe this is really my brother, who I loved so deeply and cared so much about ever since we were little. It's like something has come over him in the worst way. I feel very picked on and bullied. Not even my worst enemies have spoken to me in the way my brother is. He claims he's doing all this because he cares for me and wants the truth to come out. Just crazy. Obviously, this is all still happening and I'm very angry and heated still, but I really do believe I don't have love for him anymore in my heart. In fact, I can't stand him. If I never saw him again, I'm confident I'd be just fine. In my heart, he's no longer a brother of mine. I do recognize he's young/not the most mature, but I still feel this way, especially since I know I'd never do this someone at any age. Am I overreacting?
  7. I am worried my boyfriend and my Sister in law have a thing for each other. They are both flirts. My sister in law drinks wine and she gets all lovey dovey and schmoozy after a couple glasses of wine and everytime i have a new boyfriend she gets flirty with them and its getting to the point that its making me very mad. Its gotten to the point with my most recent boyfriend that i am avoiding visitation with my own brother just to avoid this situation. My boyfriend who is also a flirt even w/o drinking but give him a couple drinks and he crosses my boundaries when it comes to flirting. So we kind of avoid drinking in public. When we are at my bro and SIL's house she won't leave my boyfriend's sight and one day recently she asked for my boyfriend's phone number and out of the corner of my eye i caught them giving each other the eye stare. Then when we are leaving she wraps her arms around my boyfriend's neck and kisses him on the cheek near his mouth i think only because i was standing near him saying goodbye to my brother. I used to really like her but now she is making me sick. How can she be so disrespectful to my brother and undermine thier relationship. My brother acts aloof but i just bet given the chance she would jump at the chance to bed my boyfriend. I dont trust neither one. I am trying to rebuild trust in my boyfriend after he did something to break my trust and this surely doesn't help. Just a couple days i caught my boyfriend eyeballing a pretty lady at a store. I know his body language . He moved in real close to her as we were walking out ( i was behind him) and slowed down as we were walking past her desk. Its as if he wants to be acknowledged just to see if she was interested. She looked up at him and smiled and said goodbye. This makes me feel so insignificant. We had an all out argument over it and i told him how this makes me mad when he does stuff like that & how it makes me feel.. i have no desire to do anything like that to him. I only have eyes for him so this makes me wonder just how much he loves me if he keeps chasing someone elses tail. So, now that we have a somewhat close relationship with my brother i dont know how to react or how to intervene because i have a temper and i m afraid when i blow its going to end my relationship with my brother. I want to see my brother but i cant stand my b/f & my SIL flirting with each other. It really bothers me and make my visit with my brother very uncomfortable. How can i approach this situation without coming right out with accusations and making things ugly? I feel like my feelings are always getting challenged. I know i do have problems with insecurities and i'm trying to work on them but things like this doesn't help. 😔
  8. Relationship ended with the woman I thought I was going to marry about 2 years ago. She moved on with someone else quick, I have dated here and there but nothing has stuck. I started going back to the gym a few months ago, and at 4am in the morning....my ex and the guy walked in. She turned away from me, acting as though she didn't know me. Thoughts on this? She doesn't seem to be able to look me in the face. A couple of weeks ago, I was outside my house and she drove by. Nothing creepy, I live on a major traffic road.....and her brother lives near me. She made a motion with her arm, wasn't a wave. Perhaps out of frustration that I saw her. Does any of this mean anything? Sorry for the length, trying to be as descriptive as I can.
  9. Hello all, i am new to this site and the first time i have asked for help regarding my relationship. If anyone can help me with advice and pure honestly i would really appreciate it. I have been with my now fianće for 8 years. We got engaged 6 months ago. When we first meet it was amazing apart from a few things that bothered me. My partner was overly jealous. She didn't like me walking to the shops, going out anywhere without her, talking to friends on the phone for to long. Even going to a restaurant had its difficulties as she would constantly accuse me of looking at other woman, even if they were sitting behind me. If im honest i accepted it because i love her so much. The real problems started two years into the relationship when families got involved. I come from a large very close family. I love and adore my parents and my siblings. At first my partner showed alot of effort with them and it meant the world to me. After a short while my mother, younger brother and younger sister would visit a couple of times a week and my partner would show less effort with them and basically start to show her discomfort by acting moody. Of course my mother and brother noticed this. I have made many excuses for my partner as i wouldnt want to upset my family. I have spoken to my partner 100s of times about this but nothing has changed. In her defence, she comes from a family that are not very close. She speaks to her mother once a week if that. She has no true friends which i find odd also. Another important note to make which is most shocking is that i am not welcome to her mothers house. We dont have any problems. We get on very well but for some reason they do not have visitors to there home. My mother on the other hand invites us as a family for dinner regularly but my partner makes excuses and does not attend 99% of the time. After several arguments about this situation she has now started coming up with the most ridiculous reasons for not liking my mother and my younger sister who is 5 years old by the way. Here are a few of her reasons Your younger brother kept asking for chrisps when they visited. Your sister is makes a mess and your mother does not clean up her mess before she leaves (the mess being a few toys) Your mother asked your older brother to cut her grass. You speak to your mother to many times a week I dont know if the problem here is that my siblings and i help our mother as much as we can and it makes her jealous or is it something else. Yes we are close as a family and yes we help our mother when ever she needs us. Our father died a few years back and it has been hard on us all. Is it so bad that we are helpful. Is it so bad that we all love each other and would do anything to make each other happy. Would this get better. Do i just hope she will realise she has a good man by her side. I have dedicated myself to her. I show her and her family love and respect. I do everything and anything to make her happy. Why am i not getting the same. Am i doing something wrong. Do i leave her.
  10. I'm in love with another man. I've loved him since I was 12, he was my sister's friend from school, his family weren't the nicest and they ended up kicking him out. My mum having a heart of gold took him in, he came to live with us for years and I was smitten with him ever since. We had such a close bond, he was kind and lovely. I never acted on my feelings at the time because he was 16. So the best I could do was call him brother, I always figured nothing would come of it so I took what I could get a settled for it. He has seen me through some bad decisions as a teenager, rescued me from some bad situations, divorce, the loss of my mum, supported me whenever I've needed him. I'm now 25 and about 6 months ago we had a conversation and it turns out he has felt the same for many years but never did anything because of the age and because we used to refer to each other as siblings he always assumed I only thought of him as a brother. We've kissed and stuff but never gone beyond that because we're both in relationships. When I found out I was pregnant to my partner I just drifted off and I haven't spoken much to him since. I now have 2 children and am currently in a relationship with a man I despise, he's been to prison so many times, I'm terrified of him and I genuinely have no love for him anymore, he was a rebound that never left. And yet I feel powerless to leave. And despite having a baby and trying to let us get on with our lives I still can't stop thinking about him. Everyday. I can't stop. I've been in love with him for years, before I even knew what the word meant. Despite my relationships, despite having kids I still find myself sitting here thinking about him. I used to be able to cope but since I found out he felt the same it's been so much stronger, I don't know what to do. It sounds so cliché, you know, the one that got away but is still very much around the corner. I don't even know what the point of this is, I just need to get it out, has anyone else ever experienced anything like this? Am I a bad person? What would you do?
  11. I am not sure what's going on with them, but there appears to be a sickness in the air. My parents and brothers have stopped giving a about their health. My brother stays in bed all day and expects miracles overnight and then eats like crap. I am physically and mentally fragile but I am doing my best to fix myself and turn this nasty situation around this is by being a better person but it seems that people don't want that. I can't move out either because the situation I am in. My entire life savings were stolen by a criminal broker.
  12. i really have everything in life. i have really nice parents, two brothers who love me, the best and funniest friends in the world, i draw quite well for someone my age (15), and (used to) have good grades, but due to anxiety issues my grades dropped a little, from A to B- or C. I don't know why my mental health is so debilitated, i don't have any major trauma or anything like that. I started being anxious/depressed one year an a half ago, maybe because of stress from school, but there aren't many people who have the same problems as me at my class. I take lots of medicine, but those don't seem to work as well as i wanted to, it just prevents me from suiciding instantly, wich i've tried two times. i really wanted to take this out of my chest, thanks if you read it till here.
  13. So, I’ve been with my bf for 3 years. We’ve been living at home and saving to move out. We have looked at a few places and know where the area we want to live in. The thing is— i feel stuck. I’m torn. Over the summer I mainly stayed at my parents to care for our ailing chocolate lab who passed away over the summer. I was fortune enough to have the summer off of work, and never would have been able to live with myself if I wasn’t there for our family dog. We have another family dog, she’s almost 12– she was affected by his passing too. They were best friends for 11 years. My brother has some mental health issues that are severely neglected, and my parents severely enable him. It’s made living here unbearable and I told my bf that I can’t live here anymore and we need to get a place now. He agreed. To be clear, I’ve been physically assaulted several times, had my life threatened, and don’t feel safe anymore. My parents refuse to do anything out of fear of my brother and I just honestly feel like it’s too much for them to deal with, so they don’t do anything. My mom has witnessed the physical assaults and does nothing. She says, “Oh. He didn’t mean to hit you. Stop crying. You’re ok.” Yeah, seriously. My parents know I was in an awful physically abusive relationship from 18-22. The thing is...I feel heartbroken even thinking about leaving Jane. She has anxiety and has bonded to me and I can do things and pick her up— and no one else has this relationship with her. I don’t want to leave her. If I could take her, I don’t know if she’d like it. We’d be living in a busy city and she’s been in a quiet, wooded suburb for her life. She’s my best friend. I want to be with her for however long she has left— she’s still very active. Thoughts?
  14. My partner and I met in London just after we finished uni there, but we moved down to the south of England where my family is (not really either of our choices, but my parents offered to build us a self contained flat for very cheap rent which sold us on the idea!) However, her family is from the north of England, just under 400 miles away and a sometimes 7 and a half hour drive. She, obviously wants to be closer, which I have no issue with. However, agreeing on somewhere to live, has caused so many issues to our otherwise brilliant relationship. We left London due to money and also my partner hating London. I loved it, but wouldn't want her to stay somewhere that made her so unhappy. It doesn't matter where we visit or where I suggest, its never good enough. I feel like she is waiting for me to turn around and suggest moving to her families home town. I feel like she thinks I owe it to her because we've lived in my families home town, but it wasn't something I ever wanted to do and to be honest was already a compromise because she was so desperate to leave London. I don't want to live in the far North of England, as I have a brother and sister under the age of 10 and would miss them growing up. I have no issue being half way, but we just can't find a place to live. I've thought about us breaking up, but we are so good together, except for this. It's such a frustrating circumstance!
  15. Hey guys, as many of you know, I lost both my parents in 2014. My dad fell, and died from a blood clot in his brain and my mom from lung cancer, or so I thought. A few days ago, my brother told me that my mom's death was not actually due to cancer. Oh she was terminal, in the hospital and it was only a matter of tme, but what happenrd was she told the doctors to disconnect her feeding tube (which was her choice) and she died of starvation. She had told my brother she was in so much pain, did not want to live like that, in so much pain knowing it will only result in death anyway, so asked the doctors to disconnect the tube. She also wanted to be with her sister, my aunt, who had died five years earlier, from cancer. After they disconnected the feeding tube, my dear mum died around a week later. I'm tearing now writing this, I'm not sure how to process this. Would this be considered a form of suicide? I just feel so bad learning this now, almost five years later, my brother assumed I already knew. My mom and I had our issues, but now I just want to give her a big hug and tell her I'm sorry she was in so much pain (physical and emotional) and tell her I love her; tbh I did not do much of that while she was alive. I often feel like dying myself sometimes hoping to embrace both my mom and dad again. Any words of support would be helpful, thnx for listening. :)
  16. So, long story short, Me, oldest of 5, living on my own, might be hosting my younger brother (22) who was living with our mom. Middle (28) and youngest sister (17) also lives there with mom. There was an incident the other weekend with one of his friends who is in the military and was visiting. Military friend was caught trying to kiss our youngest sister and when brother saw this he flipped out (which I can't say I necessarily blame him for). Things got heated, words were said (by all parties), and point is that there was an environment where he felt that the best decision was to leave the house and stay with a friend (different friend from military friend). He had an outburst and said some things that he probably will regret down the road, but that's an issue to tackle another day. He's currently with said friend for now but this won't last too long. Ideal next choice is for him to stay with me for a few days, possibly more, and then help him make his next move, which I have offered. He's been dealing with a few emotional issues and needs help getting set in the right direction so he can get his life going, so him being at the house with mom and sisters was never going to work out as it is, but it's just unfortunate it manifested itself in this way. Either way, what was done (and said) was done and here we are. As the older brother, and as someone who has some room available (albeit not much in my 1 bedroom apt) I have the capacity to host him for a short period until he is ready to get back on his feet and hopefully get an apt with his friend who is ready to move in with him once he has a job and some footing. So, my question: While I'm hosting my younger brother, and playing this role of helper and host, what are some ground rules I can set while he's here? As mentioned, its only a 1 bedroom apt, so space is limited. He's stayed over before and slept on the couch etc, so I don't see the sleeping arrangement as being a huge issue. I guess my main concern will be when I'm at work and, inevitably, he's here in my place just sort of doing his own thing. Now, that being said, I do have a plan as far as helping him get a job, get emotionally stable, and eventually getting on good terms with the family again...but those are all things that will take some time. For the right here and now, we need to establish a baseline. How can I best do this? I love him, and will do what I can to help him, but I also am trying to get my life going in a certain direction and having my own place without disturbances is a big part of that. Has anyone else dealt with this kind of situation where you host family for a short period of time while they get back on their feet? How did it play out? Thanks in advance!
  17. I have been with my husband for over 4 years. We have two kids. I love him but lately his family is so bad I'm starting to feel lost and zoned out when i'm with him. My husbands Brother has married a very conniving woman. This woman has been evil and a snake to me since the first day I met her. I have the type of energy that when I meet someone I sadly can see their intentions before they even speak. I feel she has some kind of intuitive energy as well and didn't like me reading her. For those of you who don't believe in that type of gift/curse take that with a grain of salt. The moment I came on the scene this evil girl used to throw herself at my husband and I caught on to it. The moment she knew I was on to her, she began going to my husbands family (A family of 7 women) all his aunts, and telling them I'm crazy and I'm making her uncomfortable. She said I don't speak to her and that my husband doesn't speak to her much anymore. I didn't catch it than but I see it now, she was very clever in this accusation. She tied up any loose ends. So even though I knew she was not only flashing her underwear at one point in his direction (I know insane but 100% accurate) I finally brought it to his attention after years of dealing with it. She has lied to me so much and on me so much it makes me sick to even write this. I have confronted her over 3 times asking her what her issue Is with me and she literally told me "I don't know it was just a vibe I got!". A Vibe!! Is this lunatic serious? So all of these rumors and lies on me over a "Vibe?". His Mother is possibly the rudest, sneakiest, lying, master manipulator and user I have ever met. She literally would go behind me in my trash can and complain that I didn't break boxes down. She pretended to befriend me once upon a time and like an idiot I thought I could trust her, so I would vent to her about said sister in law wearing see through clothing and that she was bending over in front of my now husband. The Mother laughed it off like it was funny. I found out a year and half later the Mother in law was running back to this girl and telling her every single insecurity or fear I had. Than it was another Aunt who got involved and all of these women protecting this lying little snake while making me feel completely out casted. It got so bad me and her almost went to blows many years back because I had enough of her mouth. I don't understand why they can't see that I'm a good person and she is a lying snake. Has anyone ever dealt with this? This feels so bad. And anytime I come around and try to be nice you can feel the tension. They hate my guts. Somehow they like the floosy who tries to play "Legends of the fall" and sleeps with all the brothers but the loyal hard working woman who has literally no ill intent is treated like crap. I only want to know if anyone has ever dealt with this. I feel so alone. I feel so misunderstood and I feel this is all about how I married the man she wanted but couldn't get. She is a very deep toned female and I'm lighter. She has made comments about my color and my age on numerous occasions. She is so odd. She will text me and when I respond she wont respond for hours. The same day if she text him and he responds she responds immediately. I know in my soul she is obsessed with me and my husband and wishes me all evil. Why is she so jealous? I know I'll get cold responses about "Why do you care". Let me tell you something, if any of you ever dealt with this, you would lose your mind. I don't care how strong you think you are. This type of bullying and sabotage would eat away at your soul. If I was evil I don't think I would care, but i'm not built that way . I've fallen on my face and prayed for God to remove any feeling I have and to not allow this to hurt me. No dice. She told me that she thinks I'm "fake" . What I found really interesting about that is I barely speak to her. I avoid her at all cost because her energy makes me sick. She in 4 years has barely spoken 100 sentences. I also wear my emotions on my sleeve and my face. Fake? I think she can't find much to go with so she chose the only thing her simple mind could make up. p.s. Others have also seen how she flirts with my husband and the other brothers as well. Another wife who married the youngest brother also feels shes weird. She and her don't get along either. Just thought i'd toss this out there to anyone thinking "maybe its you". Its not me. It seems to be anyone the family finds any fault with almost as if its for sport. I'm tired of seeing these people at family functions. I don't want to be near them. P.S.S. I notice anyone who is white or Hispanic or decent looking she seems to have an issue with them and starts on her smear campaign . Its easy in his family to be ganged up on. Its sick. I hate it.
  18. Hello guys, so recently I been doing really good. I don’t cry anymore and I actually been feeling better about everything. I’m going to start school really soon, which is exciting. So yesterday my brother got married and I invited my friends to come and celebrate with us at a bar and they were excited about it. So, when we got there they called me and told me they didn’t like the music so they went to another bar and just told me to have fun. I felt a little upset but do I really have a reason to be. I don’t know why I put myself into this funk and just think everybody is just going to walk out my life. I been feeling like being alone is the best option because I don’t want to feel pain anymore. What do y’all think? I’m I thinking wrong ?
  19. Hello all! I am new here. I am really rattled and angry because my supposed friend totally crapped on me for no reason I can think of. I was dating her brother for four years, her brother is an alcoholic and recently relapsed. She was ALWAYS telling me I could do better, he's an abuser, he's messed up, etc. She was never on his side. Well she hit a rough patch where she had to get an abortion (that's a long story) but only she and I knew about it because her family is very pro-life, so she felt that she could only turn to me. My LIPS were SEALED. I kept her secret, but her brother, the guy I was dating knew about it because she was ok with telling him too. She already has two children and it really scarred her and messed her up. I was SO worried about her and checked on her everyday and kept reinforcing to get therapy, so she can not feel this horrible. It totally messed her up. I can imagine! Which is why I was making her laugh everyday by saying funny stuff and trying to help her. Then the guy I was dating (her bro) relapsed and I broke up with him. He went to go live with her. I vented to her about how much it bothered me that he was messing around after only 3 days of our breakup with her ex's (baby daddy) twin sister. Which my friend Samantha has told me her ex's sister betrayed her and she didn't like her, but had to put up with her because she has children, and that's their aunt. She never replied to me. It seemed like she was ignoring me and I thought "maybe she is pulled between me and her brother, I will give her space because he is probably driving her nuts and can't deal with everything." So I texted her nicely saying "Hi Samantha! I am not going to bother you anymore because I know you are probably being pulled. I won't put you in that position, so best wishes and hopefully I will hear from you soon." She never replied and I wasn't thinking twice about it. I was really hurt by my ex going for the lowest scum on the earth and going for his sister's baby daddy's sister, like really? How disgusting and this woman is like literal dirt, she is disgusting! So it hurt me that he threw away a diamond for dirt. I was hurt and needed someone to vent to. My so called friends were ignoring me and yet they always said "I am here ANYTIME LIV!" But anytime when it's about them or they need something they are there, but if it's about me, forget it! So I made a a Facebook post saying "I hope everyone got their use out of me because I am done being there for people. You act like you are my friend when it's something you need. A bunch of fakes! I am so done and never talking to these so called friends of mine ever again!" All of a sudden Samantha texts me. Samantha: I am not feeding into your mind games But since you wanna be indirect and say on FB...if you wanna address me say it directly to ME! I don't put my business out there for the whole world to see. You know where I live B I T C H! AND I WILL BE HOME AFTER 11 IF YOU WANNA BE DIRECT THEN BE DIRECT B I TC H!!! Otherwise shut the about me! I am not getting involved in yours and jake's mess. So leave me the out of it! I don't argue over texts so if you wanna come argue then come argue! If not I better not see one more post about me. Handle your business in private Don't air on the internet for the whole world to see how much of a ed up person YOU ARE! ME: WOAH! SAMANTHA! What are you even talking about? That post was clearly not about you! I don't know why you thought it was? I made it clear to you that I wasn't going to bother you anymore! That post was about these so called friends I have that always say they are there for me, but they aren't. I understood your position, wow! You couldn't just ask me? You had to spout off and act like a child and want me to come to you so we can get physical? GROW UP! And this "ed up" person kept your secret, bought you stuff, and looked at you as a sister, I kept your secret about your abortion and never told a soul. Yet, I am ed up? Wow I can't believe you spouted off on something that isn't even about you. Samantha: Oh woooow! You are one of those low blow es! on my kids life I will come to your house and it will take the county police department to get me off you! Call the police call whoever you want, I am coming to see you! You are going to be beaten up ! Me: Stop threatening me! We are both 25 years old! Act like it Samantha! I was NOT throwing any low blows about your Abortion. I was defending my loyalty because you called me a "ed person" when I have been nothing but good to you and held your secret which is your abortion. That is not a low blow that is a fact, what is wrong you? I checked on you everyday and made sure to see if you were ok. How dare you threaten me and come at me like that. I didn't throw any low blows, you are literally making an ass out of yourself over literally nothing. Samantha: You mentioned abortion that shows what a piece of you really are. Me: OH MY GOD! Was it that you don't get that I was making the point I kept your secret because you insulted me by saying I was a ed up person! I was defending myself and not throwing low blows. I knew that abortion hurt you, I would never do such a thing. Stop insulting me and threatening me. You are messed up to be kicking me when I am down like this and it's for literally no reason. That post wasn't about you, otherwise I would have told you myself. Get a grip and grow up! This isn't middle school. This is why you lose people, I did nothing to you and you are hurting me more! She never responded and so I let things calm down for a week, her brother went to rehab so he is no longer in her house. My mom messaged her because I had her children gifts here and my mom asked her about it, and if she would talk to me to at least understand each other and not be so distant. She tried lying to my mom and saying "I thought Liv was a great friend and I loved her but she threw low blows and sputed off about my abortion when I was being pulled by Jake and her. Jake is driving me literally insane. I had so much anxiety between the two of them. I was trying to be a good sister and a good friend." My mom said "I saw the texts and Liv did not throw low blows, which is why you should talk it out with her, so you both have a better understanding of each other and your positions at the moment. Liv understood which is why she sent that text saying she was going to leave you alone." She said "I need space. Jake really stressed me out. If I was Liv I would never look back, she doesn't deserve being treated like crap from him. He clearly doesn't know what he wants and he is still just going to keep messing with her head." My mom said "I agree and he slept with your ex's sister which I am sure got you angry because she betrayed you and he had her over at your house. It is very grueling and toxic, but Liv is ok with the breakup, yes she is upset but she is moving forward. She is more upset and hurt about what went down between you two. You two were very close. I hope you can talk in the future. And get therapy on the whole abortion because you shouldn't have to live with that pain Samantha." "I am not ready to open about it yet to a therapist, but I hope Liv truly moves on because she was a good girlfriend to him, he wasn't good to her. I agree!!! We'll be in touch. xoxo." What hurt me is that she said all of that and is basically not on his side, yet she won't talk to me? That makes no sense? And SHE needs space? When she caused this on her own head, and tried lying that I spouted off? I didn't "spout off". I texted her telling her how hurt I am and I felt like we were sisters and were always going to be close. I said I was crying non stop and just want to talk to resolve things, even if it means we'll never be friends again but at least have an understanding and have a good ending. She never replied. I feel like she doesn't care, because if your friend texted you saying how upset she was, are you really going to ignore her? That shows right there, I was never a "friend" and it hurts. I feel like she is being rude and unreasonable, and abusive, and I have so much rage and anger. I don't know if she took it out on me because her brother was at her place? I don't know because it's weird that she is saying how much she is basically on my side to my mother, yet won't talk to me at all. I am so hurt and angry by her that she kicked me when I was down and didn't even bother to figure the situation out like an adult. Why is she avoiding me like this when she caused this on her own head? Is she maybe embarassed? She doesn't care? She's a total wreck? Or she doesn't want to own up that she is wrong because his family never does that? She even said when me and Jake first broke up "Please don't be out of my children's life and mine because of him. We are such great friends!" I said "I wouldn't because he doesn't define our friendship." So, she is saying that, but yet won't talk to me at all after she made an ass out of herself? Also I wanted to ask how she felt about Her ex's sister being over at her house and being with her brother because that would really show her truly colors if she didn't care. I have so many questions to ask and she is just like LIKE "Screw off" basically and won't talk to me. I can't wrap my head around this, any insight would help. Thank you very much.
  20. So my ex lived with me at one point and so we obviously changed his address to here. Well before I fully cut him off, I asked him for the confirmation number in the email USPS sent him when we changed it so then I could go back in and change it to his now new address. I asked him for the confirmation number and his new address so I could change it. He ignored me every time and would always change the subject. Now keep in mind, I do know where he lives, so it's not like he just doesn't want to give me the address. So now I am currently in no contact with him and today he sent me a screenshot of the email with the confirmation number but not his new address. I refuse to break no contact for any reason at all whatsoever but I do want his mail to stop coming here. So I was thinking of just messaging his brother for the address instead. (He lives with his brother.) Is that silly or should I just ask him again for the address or should I just do nothing at all? If I do nothing, he will never go in himself and change it and his mail will keep coming here. Please no negative replies. I have posted in here before and some people were really rude.
  21. Hello, I thought I would post on here because I feel I can't talk to any of my friends about some of the things that have been going on and been feeling very isolated and been losing my confidence. I moved back home from university in June and in late June I received some bad news that made me feel horrendous. Living with my family has been difficult. There is a drama every other day- yesterday we had to pick up my brother from the police station because he had assaulted someone alongside other things. Every other day we are dealing with him and his constant issues. I am the youngest of 6 and feel like my personality is fading away in that house. I am too embarassed to tell freinds because I'm scared they would think what the hell? That family is crazy- they have come from well-do do stable families and hence I can't feel like I can be myself anymore with them if they hear anything that is going on at home. The other siblings-brother, sisters etc always just tell me all their problems and issues all the time and I just feel like I am here to absorb everyone's problems and I am a walking counsellor. I feel like unless I don't play that role me and them wouldn't have much to talk about at all. My mum is pretty religious and believes that god will be our saviour and tells me everything will be fine again. I feel like I am losing my identity, motivation and passion for life and feel like an empty shell inside. It's really horrible. Any advice or support would be welcome as I feel very alone right now.
  22. I’ve been really struggling lately in one of the most stable and rewarding relationships I’ve ever been in. I met an intriguing bartender at one of my favourite bars and after months of going there just to see him we finally started dating. He’s a little older than I am (by 10 years) but I’ve received a lot of support from my family and friends given the circumstances, and the fact that he’s a charming guy that shares a lot of my interests and treats me very well. We’ve now been together for 3 months and it’s gone amazing, he’s been an absolute gentleman and we get along so well it’s truly uncanny. We’ve grown really close and comfortable with eachother and he does make me really happy. But. Yes there’s a but, I can’t believe it either. I had an experience just a few months before meeting my current boyfriend with my best friends brother. Now hold on, I know what you’re thinking. “How could this possibly be a good idea” but she knows and has been very understanding, our families have been really close since we were kids so I have known her and her brother for about 14 years now, and I have had a crush on him since elementary. So before my current bf and I got together my friends brother and I shared a couple really intimate moments (were both musicians so we wrote some really romantic songs and then may have kissed a couple times) but nothing came of it at the time. I believe it had a lot to do with the fact that it might be a weird situation for our families. Now I’m getting to the point in my current relationship where things are getting serious and could potentially be really long term, but I can’t get the thought of this other guy out of my head. I see him constantly because we live near eachother and our families like to get together and there’s constantly tension that I’m sure has not gone unnoticed. This other guy and me are also very compatible, and I’ve always been really intrigued by him but I feel as though I never got to persue the feelings I had with him then, and it’s really impacting my relationship now. All in all, It really hurts to think that I could possibly have found my perfect person but I’m constantly being reminded and tempted by this other guy. Do I have to find out what would happen with him before being able to fully commit to my current relationship and risk losing it entirely? Or do I just stay where I am and continue wondering if my best friends brother would have actually been the better choice for me? This has been weighing so heavily on me and I’ve had no one to talk about it with so I thought I might as well come here and ask for some kind of advice. Thanks for reading.
  23. So my brother is definitely not the nice person i grew up with. He has turned into a violent, abusive, hard drinking, angry person whom i want nothing to do with. He neglects and starves his kid, he condescends my parents, he blows up about the most trivial things. All he cares about is getting rich and ironically is in so much debt pretending to be rich. I just can't bring myself to sit in the same room as a child abuser (yes social services have already been to his house). But my parents keep pretending like nothing is wrong and tell me to do the same. As i get older i am making a point to eliminate the crappy people from my life. So why should he be an exception. I haven't spoken to him in a year and now i am 'obligated' to go to my mother's retirement/bday party with the whole family at his house! He will be there which is stressing me out for weeks now. His wife is racist towards my filipino wife and hates kids just as much as he does. I really despise these two and don't see why i have to make an appearance just to satisfy status quo. Please help
  24. Hello everyone , I’m in a bind with some friend regarding a girls trip. I have these two friends . I’m closer to one, the other isn’t really a friend , more of an acquaintance and she doesn’t seem to like me much . I feel she just tolerates me because of her kid. Sometimes she would make disparaging remarks about me, to my face . For example, when I was up for promotion, without knowing my CV or achievements or anything she says to me that I’ll get it just because I’m a woman. Said similar things about some award I got etc. I chalked that up as her being bitter about her own choices (stayed at home ). Her kid is a bit of an outcast , everyone rejects him, always had some issues at school with teachers and kids , he would act out and everyone is distancing from him . My son and the other friend’s son aren’t really his friends but treat him nice and they are taking cello lessons together as a trio. That’s background . We the moms go for coffee during the kids music lessons . At some point we discussed having a girls trip to some specific beach place. All good until we got to the actual planning. We are three and we couldn’t find rooms to accommodate three without one sleeping on the pullout couch. I’m pushing 50 and don’t want to sleep on a pull out couch. The other two women also brought strong health reasons as to why they can’t sleep on the couch either . So we discuss bringing the 4th woman. I ask each if they have any friends who would come and they both think but come out empty handed . I think and I come with an option . I go ahead and invite the 4th woman , who agrees and is excited to go since her husband recently died and needs some relaxing time and friends . I message them and tell them my friend agreed and now they two can share a room and me and the 4th person will share a room. To which , my not really friend, responds the following: “ I will share a room with my brother on this trip. He has work burn out and was in the hospital and I will do whatever I can to help him. And don’t worry, he’s gay “ No apologies or softening the blow. Basically I don’t care what you do me and my brother share a room and you go to hell. Now I’m left with two options, besides the fact that it’s not a girls trip anymore , her brother being gay doesn’t make him a woman : 1. Disinvite my other friend, the 4th person 2. End up sleeping on the couch anyway 3. Cancelling the trip. I would like to cancel the trip. My non friend can go with her brother. If they have family difficulties , they should spend time together and not in a group with us. The situation got even more complicated because the non friend got diagnosed with breast cancer a couple of months ago, after we agreed to do a trip but before we actually started planning it. Would it be bad of me if I cancel and tell her to go with her brother? My other friend feels the same as me but doesn’t have the courage to say anything.
  25. I have two nephews and one niece. My niece is the daughter of my husband's sister while my nephews are my brothers' sons. I feel much closer to my brothers' families - their wives and children. I get more excited about seeing them, I seem to naturally care more about choosing gifts for the nephews, seeing them, and talking to their moms who are married to my brothers. I was never as close to my sister-in-law. She is younger than my husband and she was in high school when we dated, and was very immature and not easy to get close to. Since then, she has grown up and it's easier to talk to her but I'm still not as close. When I found out she was having a baby, I wasn't nearly as excited as I was when I found out my brothers' wives were pregnant. About a day after we found out, I said something like "Hey, I'm sorry I was so ambivalent about the news about your sister. That's really exciting!" And my husband, who had apparently noticed my initial lack of excitement over the news, said something like "Yeah, I was a little annoyed you didn't respond more." I've noticed this discrepancy before and I don't think it's fair so I've made an effort to think more of his sister's family as my own, and to encourage us both to visit them as much as we visit my brothers, and to spend as much time and money on the niece. I just wondered, is this normal to naturally feel more of a connection to your siblings' families than your in-laws? I love kids, and I love our niece. But I have this annoying tendency, which I try to avoid acting on or revealing, in which I think of her as my husband's niece, while my nephews are more important to me. I don't like that I do this. I want to embrace his family as my own. In our marriage, we've had some tension - not outright fights just tension - over fair distribution of our time with each others' families over the holidays. In the beginning years, I used to be more pushy about spending more time with my family and I would whine that I didn't get to see them enough, and he felt like it was too one-sided, so I've been better about that for a long time now. Can other people speak of your own experiences with in-laws and extended families with your spouse, and your feelings as compared to your own extended family?
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