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About Me

Mod Notes

  1. This past year has been the hardest of my life. I feel like the world is judging me, almost condemning me. I feel I am all wrong for the world. Sometimes even the responses here make me feel worried about myself, that I am too this or that....and that I destroy everything I touch. I have never had as much intense pain as I have experienced this year. There have been nights when I have thought so strongly about suicide that I started shaking and crying uncontrollably. I have gone to counsellors, doctors, am on medication, but it seems like my soul is crying out...and that no pills or doctors can tend to what is going on with me...on a soul-level. What it is seems so simple...to love and give love. I try to practise this daily. I wake up and send out love and blessings to everyone that has mattered to me. At work, I try to look at everyone and send them a blessing. I think about many things during my day....I long for the pain to cease...but it seems like such a part of my soul now. My chest hurts so much at night...I have never felt this way before, but the pain has caused my chest to constrict, and it hurts to breathe. I feel so warmly toward people, and I believe in romance, passion, love, honour, dignity....I love beautiful poems, art....I appreciate kind words...sometimes when a customer smiles at me or compliments me, I feel so grateful....this kind gesture means so much to me. But at home I feel so lonely....the apartment is so silent.......It seems I am so careful with people, not to hurt them or come on too strong...I am careful to be myself, to show my appreciation and love. I just pick the wrong ones...the ones that hurt me. I am mostly frightened that there will be no healing for me. I try to think positive daily, and I love to help others here on the forum. I am just not sure if my pain will ease in my life.....if there will be a miracle of healing for me. I would love to remember what it feels like to feel light again........ I just needed to write this....If anyone can understand and write back....thank you.....
  2. Right, nice and short, no details except basically she knows I like her alot, shes told me she likes me a hell of alot but said mates is how we shud be... Now, I have fallen head over heals for her, I think about her 24/7, dream about her every night, infact i'm obcessed by her (she doesnt know that tho and I wont let that show, no one wants that lol) Im having a real bad time at the mo, depressed about everything, including wanting to be with her but not being with her. The only time Im actually happy is when Im with her. I want to tell her how much she means to me, how she is everything I want and more, how she is everything I could ever wish for in a person, how Im falling madly in love with her BUT if I do that I will probably 1) scare her off completely and 2) get very hurt. So I dont have the guts to say it to her. But I have to cus it is getting me down. So, any idea how I could tell her that, how I could get talking to her about it? I can easily talk about it on MSN but I want to avoid that cus that cant show how I truly feel, I need to do it in person but how? Where? What to say?
  3. In time I have come to realize that it's hard to live like this, Wishing you had things that are not around things you really miss. It's hard to love another when they dont show the same love to you, With all of your heart and soul you try to make things work to. It's hard to love someone who seems to always be mad, Someone that says they love you but leaves you alone and sad. In time I have come to realize that there is nothing wrong with me, That all the love I gave to you it's your problem you could not see. All of the things I have been through that have got me where I am today, You learn to not believe everyone and believe the words they say. I have thought about you day and night about how much I love you so, But when it really comes down to this it's not my problem you dont know. All this time I have wanted you back and showed to you that I cared, All the times I felt this way really I was alone and scared. Do you think about what you did have you even opened your eyes to see, That this beautiful girl in front of you was giving you everything it could be. You may regret this and may not even have cared about the end, But all I need to do is heal my broken heart and let it mend. by me tell me what you think?
  4. I had posted in the Getting Back Together message board a few weeks ago that my ex dumped me about 5 months ago was asking all kinds of question regarding his personality right now, how I should act in our "friendship". I was comfortable chatting with him on the phone for a few weeks as "friends" but last Fri night I came to a realization that we need more no contact time. We I picked him up a few weeks ago to go hang out etc as "friends" and go to see a good friend for her b-day, we ended up spending the night at her place, because I didn't want to risk a DUI, so we ended up in her spare bedroom. I was intent on sleeping on the floor, but my ex wanted me to sleep and be close to him. Then the next morning we got ready and I was gonna take him back home. He kept asking me if I would spend the day with him and hang out more since we both had the day off. I didn't say yes or no the whole way to his house. He kept saying "I wish you would reconsider". And I kept saying I didn't feel that good and that I wanted to go home. Well by the time we got to his place I changed my mind and we hung out that day. He asked me later on that day if I would take him to a sex shop...I did and he bought a porno video with, get this...older guys (he's 20 and i'm 22)...didn't bother me since we're "friends" now, but I still thought it was weird. Fast forward to last Fri night...I came to the realization that we need a good bit of time more with no contact (I'm thinking 6 more months) although I may call him in 3 to check up briefly. He said he wants to date more and have a life, and get this, he said it doesn't matter if they're gorgeous or not. I didn't know what that was suppose to mean unless he wants a sugar daddy. Anyhow, after I told him this on the phone (he seemed quite shocked) and wrote him a letter Sat night and pretty much cleared everything up. I told him that I'll always love him and I will always remember the times we spent together fondly and I wish him safety and good health and all that. I didn't say to write me back or anything like that, so I guess I left that open...like he can write me back if he wants to. It seemed that I was getting along better in our no contact period. As soon as I started talking to him again after a month or so I felt like I started "waiting by the phone" again. Every telephone ring I checked the caller ID to see if it was him. 98% of the time it wasn't. I don't want to feel like that anymore. I don't want to always wonder exactly what he's doing or anything like that if he's not my bf. That's why I feel like I at least need until after christmas before I call him again...if I do...I feel like he should be the next one to call. We need to heal our wounds. Am I wrong as the dumpee, for feeling this way. It kills me inside but I have to keep at this
  5. Hi all, I just wanted everyone to know that there is hope.....and you WILL heal. I really did not think so just a few long weeks ago. For all of you that have been here for me I thank you. I have come through the hardest time of my life, but I feel like the worst is over and I could not have done it without you. I have not seen or heard from him in months so that has helped me alot. I do not think I could have ever moved on if I had any kind of contact with him at all. For all of you questioning the No Contact rule, do it. Try it for a week, it is for you and only you. You cannot move anywhere if you are still talking, Im, emailing or seeing the ex. It's impossible to get to the next stage of healing and you have to heal to find peace. I saw him a few weeks ago in his truck on the other side of the highway four lanes away and it threw me back a few steps. I cried a little for a few days, but today I feel much stronger. I know that I have survived one of the hardest emotional lessons (for want of a better word) that I will ever face and I pray to God I will never have to face it again. It hurt me and still does to some extent so very, very bad. I really do not know how I got through some days. I just wanted to sleep for years and wake up healed or not wake up at all, but of course it doesn't work that way. I still cannot and have not looked at our pics. I am not ready for that. I miss him some days more than others. I still think of him every single day and hope to hear from him. I have forgiven him and understand things better now. I have worked on myself so much so that I do not make the same mistakes in my next relationship. My spiritual life is better than it has been in years. I read tarot cards now, meditate, trying to practice the Law of Attraction (still having a little trouble with that one) and I am in such a different place now that he wouldn't even recognize me. And I am so very proud of myself. I came through this. I survived, I've actually even thrived in some areas. I will not ever go back to the clingy, needy, whiney creature he knew as me the last months we were together. Never again. I wish I could show him how different I am, but so far the opportunity has not presented itself. When I am ready and when he is ready it will happen. Until then I will move on but I will never contact him again. And if I never hear from him again I will still be ok because I AM ok anyhow. Something I forgot during the hell that was our relationship the last few months. I feel like there is hope now. I am becoming the woman he fell for once again. The strong, independent, loving woman I was that I thought I had lost. She wasn't lost, she just went into hiding trying to keep something that wasn't really her's to keep. What a hard lesson that was. I hate cliches but it's true "let it go, if it comes back, it's yours" because I was so very afraid he wasn't going to come back or I would lose him for good. And the very thing that you fear is what will happen because you hang on so tight that you choke off the love they feel for you and there is nothing left to keep them there. Let them go. And the mind games I played with myself. Sheesh. You just cannot think rationally when you need it the most. You can come up with so many reasons why you need to contact the ex. And they sound perfectly reasonable to you at the time. But when you are in that bad place believe me when I say it's not the best solution and do not trust your instincts on that. What sounds like the absolute best communication you have ever had will sound like whiney bullcrap to them. They are in a whole different universe and you have been left behind. There is no way to get past that until time has had it's way. But time will do her job and you and I will wake up and know that we've made it. I'm almost there and I hope that you guys are too, because there is no way I could have done it without all of you. The test will be my b'day coming up in a few weeks. Last year was the best one I've ever had, and I am dreading this one. But no matter what...... I WILL BE OK and guess what? You will too. Good luck to all of you in the bad place, it will get better, but you have to work at it. You have to concentrate on just you and remember that the ex is no longer with you in any way. It is all up to you now and you will do fine.
  6. My exboyfriend broke up with me a week ago because I was "complaining" about our relationship (when I was saying I missed not seeing him and talking to him... my bad for showing I MISSED someone) and he thought I couldn't handle the relationship (what have I been doing for the past semester?... Dealing). Every now and then I miss what we had and everything, but it's getting easier every day. I know I don't want to be with him again, and I think that's where he stands also. Anyway, early yesterday I was talking to him and he asked if I'm dating now. I told him the truth and said that I'm hanging out with some guys right now one-on-one, but mainly as friends as I'm really not ready for a real relationship. He seemed ok with it (not like it'd matter if he wasn't anymore), and I'm only doing what he told me to do which is get over him because there's no chance for us. I told him that I love him, but not like I used to, and I'll never be able to trust him again. Oddly, I talked to him late yesterday afternoon and he told me he was coming home from college this weekend (which he never does) to see me. I don't know if it's true that he's coming just to see me. Maybe he was planning on coming anyway, but just wanted to make it seem like he cares. But then he was like, "Well, you need a hug." I just told him that I didn't, because the last time I got a hug from him he was telling me he wanted to be with me forever. I really don't need anything from him. I've been doing so well with healing the broken heart he has caused me with out him. Could he just be coming for himself because now he's holding onto something that is so completely over? Is he trying to open up my old wounds so I'll get depressed over losing him, and I won't move on and hang out with these guys anymore? Also, do you think I should even let him come and see me, or is a week to early? Should I wait until I have healed more? Thanks!
  7. I'm writing this because one gripe I had about this site when I was on it everyday is that when people healed and moved on, we never got to hear their success stories. We never got to hear how someone finally got over it. So here goes. The circumstances of my breakup don't really matter; suffice it to say, it was probably similar to that of any one of you reading this. I had what I thought was a great relationship, then I got sat down on a park bench and told it wasn't working out -- that it was over. I spent more time than I care to admit completely heartbroken. I thought I found my soul mate, and that I'd never really love someone again. Today, I'm healed. I no longer have those feelings. I say this not to brag, but only offer proof that if I can do it, you can too. The standard things people tell you, (go to the gym, find new hobbies, make new friends) are all important, do them. More than that you need to grieve. It's ok that you're sitting alone in your room crying and feeling lonely. There's no shame in that, you have to do it. No one expects you to feel otherwise. The memories of your loved one and the times you spent together will haunt you until you grieve each memory separately. When that special memory of that time you went to the zoo together or walked in the park together or whatever else pops into your head, you have to grieve for that memory and let it die. After a while, those memories don't give you that pang anymore, because you already cried over it. When you get through every one, those memories won't have the same impact on you. It's like hearing a great song over and over again, eventually it's not so good anymore. After a lot of time, it's ok that you still feel lonely. It's not your fault. As long as you've spent quality time by yourself, and get out there and do new things, have new experiences, it's natural that you still miss that person. Even after I had long since stopped crying, I still thought about my ex; when I'd see a happy couple or watch a romantic movie I thought about him. It was the last time I was in love, so it's what I had to compare to. You're going to carry a little bit of a torch until you find your next serious love interest. And then, and only when you're ready, you will fall in love again. It's only then that you can really be healed. So today, I barely think about him anymore. Sure I do sometimes, but I don't feel abandoned or want to reach out to him in any way. My interests lay elsewhere. So don't beat yourselves up. I know you're counting the days since the last time you've spoken; I know you're wondering if you'll ever see each other again. When you think about such things, please know that you are NOT a loser. What you are going through right now is a uniquely human experience, one that we all must have to be fully realized individuals. This experience will make you a stronger, more mature person, no matter how many times this has happened to you before. Eventually, you will be better off for having had this experience. I know it's hard to believe now, but if there's anything I've learned from all this, it's that I've come to believe that our hearts are designed to heal themselves. It's how we were made. I hope any of this gives some of you some encouragement. Keep sharing on this site. These people give great advice and I couldn't have done it without their gentle support. Good luck everyone.
  8. Ok, in my case my girlfriend left me after 6 years for reasons of confusion and so on, Now, I know I should move on and try to heal but me knowing her so well and her really being a great person. I know she is just confused about life and me, and I know she will come out of it and choose wisely, since we had Almost 6 years of madly love for each other, so my question is, in this situation should I give her a chance to come back Or just go full throttle and leave her in the dust? thank you.
  9. My girlfriend broke up with me 3 weeks ago because I had been acting like a major jerk.. I ended up having a panic attack at work as we work together. Turns out I had been in a slowly escalating depression for about a month. I'm getting myself together but she's already moving on. I'm now haunted by thoughts of her sexual encounters with new men. It really makes me sick and i'm not sure how to deal with this. How do I a)get over her considering that the reason we broke up was because of my behavior in the midst of a depression that i was unaware of. And I'm getting counseling so I'm back to normal.. b) HOW DO I get these thoughts of her new sex life out of my head. They are vivid visions and they really mess me up.. It makes it harder for me to get over her.. next.. she decided to get in touch with me after we agreed not to speak for a few weeks.. she told me i'm the only one who really 'knows' her and she needed to share personal things with me regarding family stuff. it only made my progress go backwards.. i don't know what to feel..
  10. I'm not looking for the perfect man I want the perfect man for ME And my perfect man Can be deliciously flawed Guilty of arrogance Short tempered Vain Sometimes unreasonable With scars that he wears proudly Upon his face That tell a story Of past lovers Of pain and suffering Of a broken heart He will challenge me Use, and consume me Will need me But leave the door open To set me free He will hurt me But heal me He'll know the taste of my tears As intimately As the curves on my body Leave me to stand alone And stand behind me when I need him He will lay his mask at my feet And bare his heart My perfect man is whatever Shade he happens to come in He needs only to love me And accept me Without boundaries
  11. O.k- i'll keep it short & sweet (or at leat try!) When i was at school (2+ ys ago) there was this girl (there are quite a few, i know ). She was really shy, and extremely pretty (...i don't think she realized!). During lessons (inwhich she & I were in), i would always end up gazing into her beautiful dark brown eyes. She used to look at me quite alot also. Sometimes, we would gaze into each others eyes for what felt like an eternity- it felt like time just stood still (i don't know if anyone has ever had this experience, if you can call it that?!) We had quite a few ''drunken'' experiences (more than gazing into each otheres eyes ) with each other at parties and stuff. But we were both too shy to ever really get together as a couple afterwads. Anyway, left school and completely forgot about her. Then, one day, i was in a club sitting down with some mates. I was extremely drunk and this beautiful girl walked in. Next thing i know, she was sitting next to ME! trying to make conversation, but the music was too loud and i was too drunk to even understand, let alone hold a conversation! Then we made eye contact, and it was just like the times at school, her eyes just seem to get me in a state of hypnosis or something, i could get lost in them for days!! She put her head on my shoulder & gave me her driving license ! I thought she was a bit crazy (didn't realize who she was at them time) and i got up and left. (we were leaving anyway). It was not until the next day that i thought about the events & realized who she was (friends told me), and then everything clicked into place (her eyes, & why she gave me her i.d card etc). From that day on (about six months ago now) I have not been able to forget about her atall. At the time i was on the down & out, drinking way too much, smoking, smoking dope, very depressed, getting unfit (not like me atall) etc. Looking into her eyes made me realize who i was (brought memories back), and where i was now heading(down the wrong road). It was like i was lost, and she helped me to find myself again. weird, i know....and you may think this is all quite sad/strange but it totally changed my life. The next day (after i realized who she was)... i had a desire to get back to the old me, the fit, happy, popular me. I gave up drinking,smoking, everything that was killing me. I started to get fit again (running, weights etc). It felt like i had a reason. Six months down the road i am feeling alot better than then. I havn't touched a cigaratte/dope and i rarely drink.... i know it will take a long time to completely heal (i won't go into what i'm healing from here ). All i know is that i need to find this magical girl again (Kieri)... Any comments/ suggestions/ ideas on the above?!
  12. Hello everyone, Breaking up is very painful and moving on takes time. I just want to tell everyone that I do practice what I preach. I have kept myself busy and have gone on with my life these past few months. I am now being very actively persued by a new man. I don't know where this will go, but hey, getting there is half the fun ! I know that if I had shut down and just kept myself where I was I would not be healing well at all. Whatever happens now--I know that my future relationships will benefit from all that I have learned. Thanks to everyone. A
  13. I'm 36, so is my Ex-H, and we have a 15 y-o daughter. We have been together for 13 years. In Mid-january, he announced he was mixed up, bla bla, to make a long story short, in early May I moved out (Ex had another woman on his mind). Now we are mid-August, and he keeps sending me mixed signals, that he still isn't sure if we should get back together or not. Says he is still seeing Other woman, but she is only a friend at this point, says he realized he does not see a future with her. Whether he comes back or not, how the heck am I supposed to heal, when we have constant contact. He calls regularly for this and that, especially regarding our daughter. Can't really tell him I don't want to speak with him anymore, and we live close by. Can someone help me move on with my life despite the mixed signals, the hopes, the regular contact etc? How do I find happiness again? Peace of mind? The feeling that I'll be OK with or without him? I just want to stop missing him and be happy again. I am not mad at him, am not overly depressed, just sad, lonely, and I miss him still. Thanks..
  14. Ugh, I was doing so good, thinking I was getting stronger, then BAM! my ex calls. He called to tell me that he relapsed again last night, and that he is going back into rehab. I just said that i hope everything goes good this time, and i wished him luck. He went on about how he just wanted to see me...just for 5 minutes. I DIDN'T DO IT! I know i should of just hung up after i said that, but its hard for me to be mean. But I didn't go see him. I told him i couldn't and he went on to say, "why are you punishing me?" and I just told him that its not always about him, and that I couldn't do it, I couldn't see him because i am trying to heal myself and I don't want to see him. I think it will be good for him going into rehab, i mean if he actually stays he hasn't finished one 28 day program ever...so who knows...but with him being away and not being able to call, will give me the space that I really need. It's getting harder somedays now...I go back and read the list i made of all the bad things that he's done...but sometimes it doesn't help. Part of me still misses him. Which is normal I guess. But I need to really start seeing him for who he is now...and not the person I wanted him to be or the person he wishes he could be. Maybe someday he will become that person...but right now...he's not someone I could be with. I dont know if i will ever be able to be with again. Its just hard. I dont know I just needed to vent alittle...thanks for listening... I just wish i could press the reset button sometimes....
  15. I know some of you are probably so heartbroken that you're willing to try anything: anything to make life a little better right now, a little more hopeful. I really searched after my breakup for something that might do that. I found it: in just one week, energy healing has changed my life. I took a Shamballa class (you might want to look into Reiki since Shamballa practitioners can be hard to find). For those who doubt, it's worth a shot. You don't have to wonder whether it's working; it really works miracles, and in such a short time. I wish I had this after the breakup... You can heal yourself and others, physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually. You can send energy to situations and relationships (which might be good if you're still intent on getting back together with someone... but at the same time, it will heal your pain). I'm sure if I was reading this post a year ago I would have dismissed it... but if you've never heard of such a thing, do some research, see if this might be what you're looking for... Before today, I knew this was very good for me... but this morning, I realised that it was *really* purging and curing my emotional wounds... I was doing Shamballa to myself, for about an hour, while I was watching a movie (it's that simple). After a while, I started feeling quite relaxed, and even a bit euphoric, especially in my legs. I started to feel very light. As I relaxed with my hands over my heart chakra, I slowly started to feel a centre of pain -- not physical pain, but emotional pain -- coming out of my heart. It was the sort of feeling you get when you 'lose your stomach,' except it was in my heart. That centre of pain came from a point and started getting bigger, and bigger. There was a part of me that wanted to stop, but I kept going. That point continued to expand until it completely surrounded me. I became the emotion. I would describe it as extremely orgasmic, in its intensity, and in the way the emotions completely surrounded me. I felt incredible sadness and joy at the same time. The emotions were not about anything; that is, they weren't connected to anything I might feel joyful or sad about. They were just emotions. I felt like I could cry, and crying would have felt so beautiful, but I didn't. Now, it's over, and I'm not quite sure how I feel. I definitely feel relieved in some sense, and exhilarated. There's a sense of 'newness' but I don't quite know what that means. It feels as though I have shed my old skin. It feels like summer after finishing an incredibly stressful school year. I don't know what that was, but it was very amazing, and quite spiritual. I am lighter and free of all the junk that was clouding me after the breakup... so much baggage was healed in a matter of minutes. I've never felt anything like it before. I just... wow. Maybe we're most open-minded when we're desparate. Maybe this will encourage you to look into something like this... or at the very least, to keep searching...
  16. Just wondering from anyone who has had an experience like this to please share any ideas/ feelings about this topic. My husband has a daughter that he hasn't seen in years, not to his choice. But he pays child support and loves this girl very much and was a part of her early life. Now I have always had the school of thought where reconciling would heal a persons past wounds. Has anyone been in this situation? Could you please share your thoughts?
  17. I was reading some poetry by others here and i thought I might put up some of mine i wrote while healing after a breakup. the first one I wrote when it frist happened, and although others were written that I am not posting, the second was is like my answer to the first, after my healing time. i hope they're not too bad and don't shame me too much. I never thought life would be like this When alone is what I'd be I couldn't imagine how much I'd miss You being here with me But now you're gone, you need your space And I was just too close I only wish to wake up to your face God I need you most I know that we can still be together If you only give a chance Let's not run away from one another And stop with all the "cant's" So just come back to the one you know And end this heartache and pain Together we will continue to grow And live in eachother's name I know it's your choice, I can't make you But I hope the choice is clear You know it should always be us two Believe me forever dear Well all I can say no matter where you go And no matter what you do I will always love my baby, so, I'll always be here for you I waited all night for you to come back Praying for you all the time But it seems that my heart was simply off track Since you committed the crime You blinded my eyes and closed off my heart To all of those bitter lies I didn't know where I could start After you severed those ties I was hopelessly lost, out on my own Without you by my side But when I realized I was really alone I pushed myself and I tried I succeeded in healing my broken soul And now I'll never look back You were too much for me to control And keep you loving what I lacked I tried my best to save our life And bring us back to one But you chose to be our severing knife And now what's done is done So goodbye from my heart, goodbye from my eyes I no longer have space for you Good luck with your new love and hearing his lies Cause one day you'll be like this too
  18. Hee'all there, Hey. Like, it's not that I've not gotten advice, professional foot treatment, home-herb therapy, etc. for my foot. My foot has been healing, but still hurts and keeps me from doing the high-intensity aerobics I need to lose the 20 lbs I want to. (Hey, no laughing...I mean, I'm told that you can't tell I've gained 20 lbs, okay? ) Okay, okay. I'm doing light-impact aerobics, pilates, free weights, alternately. Anything other than recumbant bicycle hurts the d*** foot! Ouch! ..sorry Hey, does anyone have advice other than what I'm doing and have already tried? I don't want to go back to the podiatrist because he'll shoot my foot full of steroid and who needs this? Well, as last resort maybe. I'm doing Lobelia and Mullien decoction compresses, which are excellent in like reducing inflammation. So, anyone else have any more ideas? Gotta lose; gotta run; gotta go! Go! Go! Nerd #2, 11flower
  19. Hi to all of you out there who are practising NC. Just want to say- don't fall off that wagon! My B/F split with me 3 months ago citing the fact that in his opinion we were 'incompatible' and 'wanted different things out of life' . I was devastated. couldn't eat, sleep, function. We were together for 4 1/2 years how could he turn his emotions off like this. I would have done anything to get him back and made the mistake of trying to be 'best pals' wth him to try and make him see what a great catch he had thrown away. Big mistake. It brought me more hurt than ever especially when he then thought it was okay to tell me about girls he had been kissing etc. Every meeting was like a knife in the heart. Until i told myself that I really needed to get a grip for my own sanity. I was a 29 year old woman acting like a silly lovesick 13 year old!!So I employed NC, which I have been doing for 1 1/2 months now. In this time I met a great guy who I fancy rotten and get along great with. I know this relationship is based on lust and have no problem with that- i just want to have some fun. But here is the best bit. My ex has started texting and calling me ! And I feel totally ambivalent about it! Actually that is not strictly true- I am geting a bit of a buzz from it because it shows that now he has had time to think about what life is like without me around and I think it ain't all he thought it would be!And I am MOVING ON- when he called me a couple of days ago, I was upbeat and cheerful not because I felt I had to put on an act but because I felt GENUINELY happy at that time.I think it's driving him crazy. In some ways I want him to realise what a great gal he threw away and I want him to feel the hurt that I once felt. This feels like a real breakthrough for me and I am going to continue with this.He saw a friend of mine after the phonecall and he told her that he felt sad he couldnt call me every day but that he knows that won't be possible.Have decided that if he does start doing this, I will only answer say 1 in 5 of his calls, so that the NC continues to do its good work. Guys, it really is a healing mechanism .At first you may be dying for them to ring but after a while, because you can't see or hear them you begin to heal. Some people may get those old feelings back when they do eventually get in contact, so beware. Some may even have their relationships rekindled as a result of this. Either way IT WORKS!!! Keep at it!!
  20. I got home a little while ago and in the mail today I received the letter that I sent to my ex about 2 weeks ago, I sent it a few days after I told him on the phone that I couldn't do the friends thing right now, that I needed to heal. Basically the letter said a bunch of redundant emotional stuff as I'm reading it right now. Anyway I called him at work and was very aloof and all I asked was if I had the address right. I said I did and then he went on to say that he'd call me when he got home to make sure. I was like "no it's fine, I'll figure it out"- but nicely. Then I called back because I was looking on Mapquest and it even said that the address was right. He asked me how I was doing and I said great, he said "me too" and I was like "good"...all the while being very aloof yet polite. I'm stressing out because I broke the NC because of something stupid as a letter. But now he knows that I tried to mail him a letter and he'll never know what it says because I just threw it away. It's a waste of my time and I'm not stepping backwards anymore. I'm kinda confused right now...Please someone help me out...give me your thoughts.
  21. Hi guys, Just a lil background, me and my gf broke up about 3 months ago. i was totally devastated and heart broken. Sh was the love of my life. People said it will get better with time. its been 3 months and yea it has gotten 'somewhat' better, but that change has not been major. So what i want to ask all those who have healed after breakups is, Did u force urself to get over this person OR did u just leave it as it is and time faded things away?? Like i go to places, meet new people, keep myself busy, but there are always momets in life when u got nuttin to do like travelling, walking etc where u just cant help thinking about the other person!! What should i do about that? Also i just go out, cuz then i dont sit home and think bout her, but it doesent give me any pleasure. What should i do when my mind goes into "think bout her" mode? Also one part of me just doesent want to stop thinking bout her, is this normal? Like i wanna have a normal single life now, but her thoughts wont let me. Any advice appreciated.
  22. It feels as if my whole world is falling apart piece by piece minute by minute.I just feel its only a amount of time before something really bad happens to me. I do not want to seek help for my eating disorder. I am still in love with my ex, head over heals for him. My WOrld is just coming to an end. I think i should just go down.. i dont know. I have tried to much and i just give up....
  23. Its been raining here!!! haven't seen rain in 2 months since home. Thought I'd write some remembrance. Hope you like it. Smile With the Rain Its been a while It hasn't rained in my presense In some time. Drop Drop Exploding with splashes, Splash! They step And say "crap!" But when I step, I look down at my wet foot My soaked pant leg And smile. It feels like home. It feels like the days that were my worst, And for some reason I can smile now. I've been at the bottom of this puddle And it has yet to see the bottom of me. It rains a little harder. I take off my hood To let my hair understand what the rest of me feels. Look up Eyes closed Tongue out And my thirst is quenched. My burning tired eyes Heal from the chill of the water. As I walk inside, Wet And tired, I tell myself That today, Is a great day. ForAnother
  24. Just thought if anyone had a answer to the question of being healed after you break up with someone and it leads to divorce. I left my husband in March of this year. I know that a new relationship wasn't the best thing to get into after only being broken up for 5 months, but I have been with someone new and found REAL happiness since September of this year. I don't miss my ex, I just would like some opinions about knowing if there is ever a time that I will know if I am completely healded. Everyone in this world has said that we never are completely healed, but I'm wondering if anyone thinks it is possible. Any thoughts would be great.
  25. Hi. I haven't been on this board in a few months. My girlfriend dumped me last September (my original post is [link removed [/b] if you're curious), and I initiated NC shortly afterwards for my own sanity. I was definitely starting to feel better, in part thanks to this forum (which is also why I stopped visiting this forum). But then just tonight, I saw her with her new boyfriend. Now I remember how I felt those first couple of weeks, because I'm feeling it all over again! It's frustrating, and I know this feeling too will eventually pass, but I'm sad and anxious all over again. That's really it, I guess I'll just have to wait for time to heal this old wound that was just reopened Thanks for reading. -LP
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