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  1. I have a two year old domestic short hair cat. She is an indoor cat, but always anxious to get outside any time she sees the opportunity. She rushes past me when I open the door and if my arms are full I cannot immediately stop her. So, a few times a week she ends up being outside for a short while until I can lure her back in. I have several toys in the house to keep her occupied, but it does not seem to replace her interest in the great outdoors. I let her sit in window ledges to look outside and get a whiff of the good outdoor smells, but she sees squirrels and chipmunks and runs to the door scratching at it like she wants me to let her out. Sometimes she stands at the door meowing. I will clarify that she is spayed, so I know she is not in heat. My concern is that when she does get out, she frequently finds things to chase like bugs, chipmunks or leaves, but lately she has taken a huge interest in the next door neighbor's cat who is mostly an outdoor cat. She seems to instigate a game of chase with this unsuspecting cat each time. I thought they might become friends, but just this morning she got out and ran over the neighbor's yard where the cat was grooming herself and chased her around a tree and into a corner where the two cats ended up rolling around. I ran over and grabbed my cat and brought her back inside. I can no longer assume my cat will not harm another, so am making extra effort to keep her indoors. Do I encourage my cat's aggression by allowing her outside? Do I encourage her aggression by playing with toys she chases?
  2. Opinions please: A couple days ago my gran came round to my house as she had some things to drop off here. I did not know she was coming and when I saw she arrived my main thought was to go and speak to her (2m apart). I left my phone inside as I wanted to focus on talking to her as I haven’t seen her much recently and before Covid-19 I would see her basically every day. We ended up speaking for half an hour, I know this as my boyfriend had sent me a message 31 mins ago. The first thing I said to him was “Sorry for the slow reply I was talking to my gran” as he thinks it’s rude to take longer than 10 mins to reply and if we are we should say. So I did as we agreed, telling him why I didn’t reply. But this wasn’t good enough and he was annoyed at me saying I should have messaged him. This really upset me as I didn’t think I’d done anything wrong, half an hour isn’t that long and I apologised and said what I was doing. 2 hours of arguing later and an hour of crying and we stopped talking for the rest of the day. The next day I’m still pissed but I let it go as I lm tired of arguing. My boyfriend works on a Saturday 8-6 and has his half an hour lunch break and 3:30. When he messaged I was on a walk and told him this and warned him that I would have slower replies. I still did my best and was messaging every 3/4 mins. We were right at the end of our walk and our neighbours were in their garden and started talking to us. This meant I had even slower replies as I didn’t want to be rude and go on my phone. I still did occasionally so I could message him and I told him why my messages were even slower. And then I get a message saying “if you didn’t want to talk to me you should have just said” like I’m sorry but I was doing my absolute best in the situation I was in. He said talking to my neighbours was a random thing (we’ve spoken to them at least 10-15 times since lockdown began Ive just never told him as it’s not normally that long a chat) and he said it felt like I started the conversation as I way to get out of talking to him. Anyone that knows me knows I’m the most shy person ever and would never do that so idk why he thought I did. He knew I was with my parents and so I really don’t understand why he thought I would have started it. Anyway this argument lead to us not talking for the rest of the day again. It’s like he expects me to not be doing anything at all when he’s got his lunch break, like surely I still get to live my life on a Saturday even if it means I’m not free when he is. Anyway these two arguments have made me feel so trapped like if I’m talking to anyone else that’s not him for longer than a few mins he gets annoyed. Surely I’m not being unreasonable thinking that’s not fair?! And then today I was still pissed at him and quite sad actually but I tried forgetting about it and tried to actually make normal convo with him. He was about to go out on a walk with his family and I asked him where his response was “past the hole in the ground” where I live there is no place with this known nickname. I said that explanation was very vague so I didn’t know where he meant. He then get angry with a response of “right ok” and he said how that was harsh. I have gone over it again and again and I just can’t see how this is harsh. If it is then I’ll happily apologise to him but I don’t see what I said so wrong. This has made me scared to talk to my own bf now incase I say something which I think is fine and he sees as harsh. This evening I went on our usual dog walk with my dog and our neighbours dog. On the way back we ended up talking to our neighbours again. I was 12 mins replying to his message and I said “sorry we were talking to our neighbours again and I didn’t start the conversation” like yeah I can see that sounds a bit harsh but I did this so he knew it wasn’t me not wanting to talk to him. And guess what he got annoyed. I don’t understand what I’m supposed to do now if I talk to my neighbours. If I just say I’m talking to them he thinks it’s me not wanting to talk to him but if I say it’s not me starting the convo then he’s annoyed like what do I do? This is 3 days in a row we’ve had major arguments. Each time he always says he was never annoyed. But surely if it’s caused 3 arguments it means he is? During the arguments he said that I never take responsibility for what I’ve done and always blame him. I am capable of admitting when I’m wrong but if I don’t believe I have done anything wrong I want to stand up for myself. This is the main reason I want other people’s opinions, am I in the wrong? And should I be saying sorry? I genuinely don’t see what I’ve done wrong in any of these situations, I tried my best at all times and yet that doesn’t seem good enough. If anyone does disagree with me and feels my bf is fair to be annoyed please let me know and I’ll own up that I was in the wrong. Whilst writing this we’ve still been arguing a bit. He just replied to something “you’ve been out twice and I was fine with that” I asked what he meant and he said I’ve been out driving twice. The first time I went driving was to charge the car as the battery was dead. I was 15 mins max. The second time was to drop some stuff off at my grans and I was half an hour. (Both times he knew what I was doing). Surely he has no right to get annoyed at that (I know he said he wasn’t but that shouldn’t even be a thing he uses to prove he doesn’t get annoyed at everything?). That’s just me living my life. Am I crazy or is this whole thing completely unfair?
  3. Typical subject line, amirite? Hey guys, I’ve been visiting this forum since 2014; I found it so helpful after a very sad breakup about 5 years ago. Anyway, in 2015 I met my current ex at my best friends wedding (he is related to her and I actually had a crush on him for a while but we never got to hang out until we were older). I was 25 and he was 27 when we reconnected at her wedding. Sparks flew. He was living in another state at the time. We began dating long distance for a little over a year until I finally graduated with my Masters degree and moved to his state. We had a great time living in an awesome city with two dogs for about 2.5 years, until we both finally decided to move back home to where both of our families were. We’ve been back for a little over 8 months, and the first 3 we spent at my moms until we saved enough money for a nice space with a yard for the pups. Fast forward to 2 days ago, where he dumped me after 4.5 years together and 3.5 years living together, out of nowhere. We had a small fight (nothing crazy), and he basically used that as fuel to end things. Now I have to move back to my moms with my dog and I am absolutely broken and embarrassed. I am 29 years old, have a great career, and consider myself to be a good catch. I had a great partner — he was a fantastic chef, super handy, smart, clean, and made good money. We had a great relationship. I really thought this was it for me! I’ve been in mainly LTR throughout my teens and young adult life, and although those breakups were very sad and hard, I never really imagined marriage with any of them (teens, early 20s...too young for that), especially because I like to take things slow. ere’s the kicker: I am currently studying for an exam to become certified (an extra step I’m willing to make to further advance my career even though I don’t necessarily NEED it), and the exam is a killer. I’ve been studying for a couple of months now, have been stressing about it for years, and now it’s finally close to exam day (2 months away) and I am so far behind in studying, can’t even imagine how I’m going to focus now. Having to go to work this week seems like a distant nightmare to me now as I deal with several patients per day and need to give my full emphatic, undivided attention. I can’t even attend to myself. I still have to go pick up my dog, my stuff. I’m terrified and devastated. Terrified for my future and devastated by the loss of a life partner and future together. He is sad and feels terrible for the hurt he’s caused but basically stated he “fell out of love somewhere along the way”. This means he’s known for a while and still allowed this move to a new house continue. I could’ve stayed with my mom 8 months ago when we moved back from another state and saved the heartbreaking move back now, while also given me time to heal so I can study for my exam. I am so angry, but mainly crushed. I know there’s NEVER a good time to end things, but damn I’m so shocked, and this is basically the worst timing. I won’t try to find a place now because I have to study and save money for my own spot with enough space for my big dog. Just broken. We had a good life, awesome house, big yard, so many friends around. We always had get togethers and events at our home. Everyone is shocked by this decision, especially my family who genuinely thought I had found the one. How can someone fake so many emotions? Just this past Valentine’s Day he was the most romantic and loving partner! I read this a lot though in this forum though, so I am aware of how unfortunately common these actions from the dumper are prior to a shocking breakup. I know I have to focus on myself now, break ups aren’t new to me, but this one hit hard. It’s difficult looking at my life now, 29 years old, back at my moms, with no idea if I’ll find someone as compatible again, having to go through the whole “getting to know someone again”, building a life and relationship and home with another person, feeling comfortable in my future with someone. So many awful thoughts going through my mind. What if I don’t find anyone as great? I thought breakups got easier as you get older but now I see how wrong that is — the older you get the more you realize there really isn’t enough time in the world. Sorry for the lengthy post, but typing it out was pretty cathartic.
  4. I met a guy who lives in a different city and we met when he was on work trip, and we hit it off very well. He was supposed to come back the following week. We met and it went very well. When we said goodbye, he said that he's coming back in March, but if I want I can visit him before he comes back but we can talk about it. The next week (last week), I asked him and he said that he have to check his calendar the next day which was fine. I didn't hear anything from him then he sends me selfie of himself. Later I sent a snap to see if he was going to give me the dates. He just replied with emojis, so I asked if he had checked the calander. He gave me the dates and the only weekend I could was the weekend that he wasn't sure but he would get back to me. He didn't get back to me if he could that weekend. Whenever I would try to start a conversation, he would not reply, send me a one word answer or just reply with emojis. I felt that he didn't want to get to know me but only replying to be kind. On Friday I sent a messag asking if he would like to get to know more because I didn't feel like that. He opened the message right away but didn't reply to me in four hours but I saw that he was active. I was already having a bad day, so I sent him a message saying that I got my answer and good luck (I know that I might have overreacted). He got angry and wrote that if it's how I feel that way there is nothing to do about it. I sent him that good luck and I hope that he finds what is looking for. One hour later, he sends me tons of messages on messenger. We talk and agreed to have a phone conversation on Sunday. We agreed to put the argument behind us and he was going to check if he was available that weekend. However, he said that he doesn't know what he wants during the conversation. I added him back on Snapchat and Facebook. He hasn't sent me one snap since I added him back. He told me that he couldn't that weekend. I said that it was fine. He replied to one of my snapchat stories today which was of my dog. He really wants to meet my dog 🤷♀️ I sent him a snap which waited an hour to open and he didn't reply and I can see that he's active.
  5. Hello, I need advice on how to handle a delicate situation without causing more stress in my life. Background: My mother was financial destitute and was nearing defaulting on everything. She had been unemployed for a number of years and had nearly completely emptied her 401k at age 55. Her mother/my grandmother passes away and sends her into a deep depression. Myself, my wife and 2 year old son were having minor trouble making ends meet, often living paycheck to paycheck. In order to help alleviate both of our problems and ensure my mother was not alone my wife and I offered up our unfinished basement to my mother. She sold her home and received nearly 200k in equity and finished our basement with a little over a 1/4 of her proceeds. She paid off a fraction of her 100k debt rather than pay it all off. Fast forward 6 months and she has lost most of the remaining proceeds to interest payments on that debt. Which has caused her to need a full time job just to keep up with the payments. The problem: When my mother moved in she brought with her a severely obese Australian shepherd and an oversized yellow lab, also 3 cats. During the 5 months of construction it became apparent that my wife has grown a more severe allergy to dogs. She's always been allergic to their spilt but now being inundated with hair and dander she can barely spend 5 minutes on our main level before succumbing to hives and itchy red eyes. Add on to that we are now expecting our second child. Assuming this was temporary she pushed through. After construction was completed the dogs were unable to make the climb down the stairs. I would have to carry them both up and down. Having hurt my back this stopped or some time, and thus the dogs began to live on the main level again. My mother agreed to maintain the dogs grooming and assist with the cleaning to keep the dog hair at bay. Fast forward to last week, so about 5 months. She had only groomed dogs twice, despite the weekly recommendation to keep the pet dander at bay. She has only vacuumed once. Seeing this as a something that could not continue my wife demanded that the dogs be relegated to the basement except when outside. My wife and I spend several days deep cleaning the main level including the couches. My mother protested saying she is unable to get them to the basement at 4am when she takes them outside. I told her I would leave my phone on loud, she would just need to call me. She refuses and just leaves the dogs on the main level where they cover the floor in dog hair and dander. My wife is nearly 9 months pregnant and extremely uncomfortable even before dealing with the allergy. What do I do?
  6. So, I’ve been with my bf for 3 years. We’ve been living at home and saving to move out. We have looked at a few places and know where the area we want to live in. The thing is— i feel stuck. I’m torn. Over the summer I mainly stayed at my parents to care for our ailing chocolate lab who passed away over the summer. I was fortune enough to have the summer off of work, and never would have been able to live with myself if I wasn’t there for our family dog. We have another family dog, she’s almost 12– she was affected by his passing too. They were best friends for 11 years. My brother has some mental health issues that are severely neglected, and my parents severely enable him. It’s made living here unbearable and I told my bf that I can’t live here anymore and we need to get a place now. He agreed. To be clear, I’ve been physically assaulted several times, had my life threatened, and don’t feel safe anymore. My parents refuse to do anything out of fear of my brother and I just honestly feel like it’s too much for them to deal with, so they don’t do anything. My mom has witnessed the physical assaults and does nothing. She says, “Oh. He didn’t mean to hit you. Stop crying. You’re ok.” Yeah, seriously. My parents know I was in an awful physically abusive relationship from 18-22. The thing is...I feel heartbroken even thinking about leaving Jane. She has anxiety and has bonded to me and I can do things and pick her up— and no one else has this relationship with her. I don’t want to leave her. If I could take her, I don’t know if she’d like it. We’d be living in a busy city and she’s been in a quiet, wooded suburb for her life. She’s my best friend. I want to be with her for however long she has left— she’s still very active. Thoughts?
  7. My boyfriend and I had a long serious relationship, lived together during this time. He recently moved leaving important stuff behind, the bills and our house in his name. After being gone for a month he started to act distant to telling me he wanted to break up. It has been a few months since this happened. . We have still talked some during this time. He finally told me he was trying to make a clean break from all this and no chance we will ever have a romantic relationship again. He wants to remain being friends. Last week he told me the break up and everything was all him, and realized the relationship was not healthy for me at all. He still calls me by the pet name he gave me. Will not even talk to me about exchanging back the sentimental items that were agreed to be returned if we broke up. What does all this mean?
  8. My ex and I broke up 5 years ago, on terms that weren't terrible but she seemed very upset and a bit angry. We had a shared cat which shared our lives for 4 years. I had to put the cat down 2 days ago (and I am shattered about it, he was 18 years old ). I was wondering if it would be a good idea to reach out to her in a gentle way (we haven't been in touch at all since we broke up) just to say hello and inform her of the cat's passing? Or should I just let it be since we have been out of touch for so long? I know this is in part due to my rollercoaster emotions and I may be desperate to reach out to everyone since that helps me cope. But I thought she deserves to know. Should I reach out or let sleeping dogs lie? Thanks for any advice.
  9. I'm in a long distance relationship, we plan to move together sometime in the future, they plan to move to my country (overseas) and the problem is that they have a hamster and a cat. They do not want to leave them behind of course and hamsters have no way of traveling via planes and cats are kept in a small kennel to themselves, in a 15 hour flight that wouldn't be ideal. I'm now scared that we'll never be able to see eachother and I'm feeling incredibly depressed about it.
  10. So basically, my dad's cancer has returned. He is going through chemo and is very unwell atm, even though he is 6 weeks into 6 months of chemo. They aren't young, my mum and dad. Dad is 73, mum 74 and mother is very dependent on my dad, as she has been severely mentally unwell since her 30's. She has had a lot of bad stuff happen in life. MY dad cooks, does garden and DIY. She can't even go to the shop by herself and only leaves the house once a week. I have declined a job opportunity and came home from abroad, to support my dad. However, my mum and her mental illness and stubbornness makes life hard for me and my siblings to be there for dad. She is snappy, grumpy, mean and will not really let my dad rest properly. She snaps at him and gets upset/angry with him. He needs to rest, but she has him cooking, cleaning and maing her cups of tea on demand. If i say I will make the tea, she gets moody. Its so bizzare. I thought my fathers diagnosis would snap her out of it, but it hasnt. One of the dogs is very barky and we have been trying to train the dog not to bark, but my mum will not follow suit. My poor dad cannot sleep properly and jumps when the dog barks and it has him on edge. We bought a training collar that sprays a mist when the dog barks, but causes no harm. If the dog wears it, she doesnt bark. Simples, however my mum wont put it on the dog, even when my dad is trying to rest. She is also like Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde with me, makes life very unpleasant for my siblings and I. She gets moody and grumpy and argues over nothing or trivial things. I don't know what to do, a lot of the time its emotionally abusive really, I moved abroad and travelled a lot but came home recently after planning to live abroad, to support my dad through this. However, I am sick of the toxicness from my mum. I am sick as are my siblings, of how things are for my dad. I am a yogi, practice most days for an hour and a halh...and meditate a lot and have a lot of empathy for my mother, however, you would think if she had bad upbringing etc... that she would be different. However, mental illness too ingrained. How to deal? I just don't get how she can still be like this with us/my dad. However, I think its too mentally engrained and she will not change. I know its right to be at home, I wish she could just be chill and make life pleasant. (BTW anything you suggest, for her to try, trust me as a family we have tried a million times, this is more a how to deal)
  11. My Ex and I were together for 10 years. Apparently she got bored and wanted something different. Now that she's gone I occasionally speak with her. It really has to stop though. Even after weeks of No Contact at a time she still hasn't changed. Looks like weeks is not enough. So there are going to be drastic changes made in the next month. Plan on moving away. Not contacting her anymore and not even telling her where I am. But anyway.... I did call her the other night for one last shot at trying to salvage something out of what we once had. Didn't work though. As I later reflected on this conversation I started to think of all the things she has said during the past few months that totally contradict one another. It proves how confused she really is. Check this out. --- In May: I always want you in my life somehow even though we arn't together In August: I don't think I can be friends with you right now. --- In May: I Loved you, but was never "IN LOVE" with you In August: I'm just not "IN LOVE" with you anymore? *(I'm thinking how can she not be in love with me anymore when in May she told me that she never was to begin with?) hmmm -- In March: I've been referring to you as my Boyfriend so I must want to be back with you. In May: I just don't want this anymore. I've been having trouble even calling you my Boyfriend. --- In May: I can't do this anymore. I've been miserable with you for the past 6 years. In August. I was miserable with you for the last two years. *(She's been so miserable that she wanted to get back together with me in March) interesting. ----- In early August: I can't take all our Cats but I can take Cooper. I think he would get along great with my roommates Cats. In Late August.: I told you that I can't take any of the cats when you move. ------ One of my friends said it best. Ex's Love to rewrite history. My Ex is a perfect example of CONFUSION in progress. She obviously doesn't know what she wants right now. Even her younger sister told me the same thing. Midlife Crisis, just a phase or pure craziness. I no longer know for sure. All I know is that the only thing my Ex seems sure about is not wanting me in her life right now. I just wanted to let people know that my EX is just as confused as yours probably is. So don't feel alone! John
  12. Hiya all! I'd just like to thank everyone who replied to me last time about this issue, and a big THANK YOU in advance to anyone who takes a few minutes to say a few words here. I wouldn't post this unless I was going out of my mind, so I really appreciate any and all opinions! I live with my boyfriend and a male roommate. We've been living together, the three of us, since last July. Things have gotten to be pretty bad for me, and I know that I have to stick it out until this July when our lease is up, and he moves in with his girlfriend. Both myself and my boyfriend have made several attempts at being diplomatic with *Jack, but he is the type of guy who will always turn things around on you, get very defensive no matter how objective and positive you try to be about matters, or will completely deny that he is doing anything wrong. I feel like I am up against a brick wall with him, and am not sure how to endure the next several months living with him. Here are some of the things that I am finding it almost impossible to live with: - He has a dog, and assumes that we will take care of her whenever he is gone. He will leave us *a note* saying that he will be gone to stay with his girlfriend for a day or two, and say something like "can you guys feed and walk the dog at these times, for this long, etc.". He has been gone for up to 10 days, we've taken care of her and he rarely says "thank you". We love his dog to death, but what bothers me is that he never says a simple "thank you" and always just seems to expect that we exist to take care of her. I resent this. Sorry this is so long ... please bare with me! - He is unbelievably selfish. We buy all of the cleaning products, toilet paper/ paper towel, dishes, small appliances, computer accessories like paper and ink and software, decorative items, etc. This doesn't even bother me. What does bother me A LOT, is that he does buy things like this, but hoards them in his bedroom and only uses them for his own personal use. He has destroyed my set of pots and pans by scratching the teflon with steel spoons/ forks, yet has purchased a new set that he also hoards to himself in his bedroom. - He goes BALLISTIC if we go in his room when he's not here, even though the only reason we do go in there is to retrieve dirty dishes or grab something else that belongs to us. Yet, it's "okay" for him and his friends to come into our room, use our computers (including paper and ink which doesn't come cheap). - He takes/ uses whatever he wants from us (food, bathroom toilettries, condiments, stationary, alcohol, clothes, towels, etc.), which we NEVER complain about, yet even if we borrow a piece of bread or use some of his mustard, he will complain to no end about it. This is the worst part: He instigates regular arguments with me for absolutely no reason other than to get ATTENTION.. He will usually pick a subject that he knows I am passionate about, and attack it. My boyfriend has even said that he is tired of dealing with *Jack. But we are all tied into a lease together until July. I've accepted this. Now I am wondering how to keep my sanity until July. I hate to admit this, but I have absolutely no respect left for Jack, to the point that when I hear his key in the door, I feel on-edge and alienated. At this point, I feel the only way to deal with him is to play with him on his level; which means separating his kitchen items (a measuring cup and some cheap cutlery) from ours (everything else), as well as labelling everything in the fridge, keeping towels and toilet paper in our bedroom and requesting that he only use his own, as well as removing his privileges to use the printer and locking up our CD-Rs/ DVD-Rs (he uses these liberally as well without asking or replacing them). I know how immature this is, but I can't live with him anymore on his terms, and my boyfriend has done everything but beg me not to move out. Keep in mind that "talking" to him does not work. He always gets very defensive and storms out of the room or tries to switch the blame over to us. I'm worried that, one of these days, I am going to explode on him if I don't deal with this in some other way. The "last straw" for me was coming home last night, to find that he and his friends had drank a bottle of Cuban rum and broken one of my crystal champagne glases that I specifically requested that he NOT USE (sentimental value). I guess I am just tired of feeling like I have to "be nice" all the time when he just walks all over me. What would you do?
  13. Tess

    Pet Names

    Just wondering what others views are on pet names, i.e. honey, babe, sweetheart, sugar etc. I really like it when someone that I'm dating calls me this, but not over-used, just every now and then. I'm not the sort of person that calls every day people babe, or hun so it means a lot when I say it. I'm getting on well with my new man, so was thinking of just slipping the odd honey in to the convo. Whaddya reckon?
  14. Well my moms been going through a hard time with her diabetes and lately she was talking about getting a kitten. Well the first attempt in getting the kitten was I looked at it for her and they sold the one I was going to buy for her 30 min's before I got their. So I waited about 2 weeks and my local pet shelter had a very small kitten. Well I bought it for her and she loves it. Was it a good thing for me to do to help her out with her diabetes? Since it will be their when her diabetes is all messed up and have something to love. The kitten is about 4 inches long it fits in the palm of your hand its so small. Heres some pics of it. I could not get a direct picture because it would not stay still. image removed image removed image removed image removed
  15. My boyfriend had a previous relationship that was for almost 3 years. They broke up because the spark wasnt there and they were more like room-mates than lovers. Quick important info: He is from British Columbia (BC) and it was there that he had a relationship with this person. When he moved here, Alberta, He had some large or unimportant things he couldn't bring with him so he stored them at his parents house who also live in BC. He also had a dog that he left with his ex since she has also has a dog and he didnt have the means to bring his dog with him when he moved and he would pick it up a few months later once he got settled. So with this being said... We met here in alberta and moved in with eachother 6 months later and blahblahblah. His ex gf had emailed him to say hello shortly after we moved in with eachother and he told her that he had moved in with me. She was extremely displeased with this and let him know! I was a bit put off by her response and it looked a lot like she was jealous. I have been with him now for 2 years and she still emails him every other month. I wouldnt have a problem with that but she ends every one of her emails with "so, are you still with that girl?" I don't see how it is any of her business and it seems to me that the only reason she continuously asks is because she still has feelings for him. Some previous eyebrow raising things: When he told her that he wanted to pick up his dog, she suddenly turned around and said she didn't want to give him his dog because its friends with her dog and she doesnt want to split them up. He said fine and then she tunred around again and said that he should get his dog because its barking too much. The amount of times she ended up changing her mind was staggering and bordering on rediculous. It was almost like some weird doggy custody battle as an excuse to keep in contact with him. After a YEAR of this I got irritated and told him to either get his damn dog or let her keep it! He told her to keep it and she said ok and confirmed my suspicions by adding "i hope that we dont stop talking now that you're letting me keep your dog" At some point in there she had also emailed him and asked him to phone her so they could make arrangements for him to get his dog. I felt a little miffed that he chose to call her when I wasn't around and I got even more miffed when she called our house the next day under the lame pretense to tell him that some junk mail for him had been sent to her house. At this point I was fairly suspicious that she still had feelings for him but I kept my worries to myself since he never reacted to her moronic attempts. She had also emailed him and told him that she had to catch a flight to see her folks for x-mas and that she would drive 18 hours down here to drop the dog off and then catch her flight from here. He asked me if it was ok if she spent a night our place. HELL NO! Upon telling her that she suddenly didn't feel the gusto to drive up here and drop of his dog. A little over a year into the relationship I found a picture of her and an old love letter in his wallet. Even though I was extremely put off by it, I did not ask him to throw them away or imply that I wanted him to. Own his own accord he said "oh, i didnt know i still had those! these are garbage" and tossed them on the floor in a pile with other unwanted wallet debris. This secretly made me happy lol. In the morning I had a strange urge to see if they were still in the pile and they weren't! Not only was i angry that he had snuck them back, but he had made it look like HE didnt want them just so he wouldnt have to admit he wanted them. I confronted him about it and he said he kept them because they are momentos and remind him of good times with her. WTF!? I was MAD and could barely believe my ears. I asked him if he still had feelings for her and he swore up and down that he didn't. He ended up tearing them up and throwing them away. (which i dont think he really wanted to do but did it because he thought it would appease me) I one again asked him if he still had feelings for her and he said no. I told him that I thought she is still interested in him and made me feel silly for even suggesting it. At some point we talked about her emails and he said that in retrospect, it does seem that she's interested and trying to worm her foot in the door but i have nothing to worry about. I wasn't worrid, I just want her to get lost! lol At the beggining of November we broke up and I moved out. just to get back together 3 weeks later (I'm still moved out tho) She had emailed him while we were broken up and asked him if he was going to be in BC for x-mas because he has her bikerack stored at his parents and she wants it back. and of course "are you still with that girl?" he told her we broke up and that she could stop by to pick up her bikerack since he was going to be there. she mailed him back and said "oh that sucks that you broke up but i think its probably better" and suggested that they hang out while he was there. Since we are now back together I have a real issue with that! Her crappily disguised intentions towards him are beyond friendly in nature and i dont feel it is appropriate to hang out with someone that has romantic intentions towards you when you are in a relationship. I told him this and he said i had nothing to worry about, that nothing will happen. He missed the point that he shouldnt even put himself in the situation where something could possibly happen (hey, i know how persistent a girl can be, especially if theyve pumped a gallon of booze into a guy *L*) and pulled that "you dont trust me!" card out. I mentioned it again and he said "would it make you feel better if i didnt do something with her?" and I flat out said yes. I was surprised that he sounded angry by my answer and he told me he had to go. For the sake of avoiding a fight, I called him back and said that it was fine if he hungout with her even though it isnt. He asked me if i meant it and i was honest, I said "no, but i dont want to be the bad guy have you angry with me because you can't hangout with your ex. You yourself and even said that you think she is still interested, so why would you want to meet someone that has feelings for you?" He denied ever saying that he agreed she has feelings for him which pissed me off because it seemed a bit suspicious. I know it sounds silly, but I feel totally threatened by a girl that doesnt even live in the same province as us! It bothers me that this girl just doesn't know when to cut the cord and tho my boyfriend has never been anything but friendly to her, seems oblivious to what i think are obvious signals. I'm trying not to let my imagination get the best of me and let paranoia rear its ugly head, but its getting harder as x-mas approaches Was I out of line in requesting him not to meet up with an ex he hasnt seen in 2 years but has constantly made it known that is she still interested in him? Also, should I be suspicious that he wants to meet up with her knowing full well what her intentions are and that he was angry when I asked him not to? Am I being insecure or do I have valid reasons to be concerened?
  16. this guy really likes me - he keeps telling me how pretty i am- i think hes going to take the next step of kissing me- I HAVE NO CLUE HOW TO KISS- I AM SOO NERVOUS- how do u do it?? my mouth gets dry and i feel as though i kiss like a dog... imnot even sure i like the guy - some1 any tips would be appreciated for any guy that comes along in the future!!!
  17. I'm falling apart... this is going to be hard to write without using swears... This week so far and it's following 2 days have been packed with homework for me, my new seasonal job employers have been screwing me around giving me my hours, not to mention my general disarray with getting somewhere socially at school (community college). Then I get a call from my grandmother tonight that my dog died. He was almost 12. Well, he was more my mom's dog, but I grew up with him. She's in hysterics, and I'd have to be the one to pick him up and move him and all that. I go to their house, I have to console my mother and make sure she doesn't get heart failure or something from her crying, and have to take the dog and wrap him up and all that. When I returned to my house, I had to ask my dad if they could borrow $200 for the cremation. I did ALL of this without showing sadness, because I knew I had to stay calm to keep my mother calm. Even I noted afterwards how chilling I was, considering my history of emotion. I'm pretty sure it'll hit reality in the morning. But I still have a tonload of homework to do by tomorrow, and even more by Thursday. I've got pretty sympathetic teachers... so I'm considering asking for the class off and facing the late penalties (comm. college is soooo more like high school rather than university). But I feel bad too because not only do I not really have anybody to talk to about it besides an internet chat forum, a couple AIM friends, and a therapist I weaned myself off of, I don't even really feel like being 'consoled'. I just want some rl friends to talk to... which is another long and winding story entirely. Gar. (Anybody remember that?) RIP Brownie 1993-2004 [i]link removed[/i]
  18. So I've known this girl online for about 9 months now. We've met twice in person, but that was a while ago. As time went on we became really good friends. One day she just started calling me names like sweetie and hun. At the time I didn't think much of it, but recently I've found I have really strong feelings for her, and I thought one way to express that would be to call her similar names, but I really can't think of any I like other than the ones she calls me. Any ideas on some good names?
  19. Hi everyone My boyfriend (25 yrs old) and I (24 yrs old) have been together for almost a year, and he asked me to move in with him a couple of months ago. We are madly in love with eachother and enjoy almost every moment together... but I told him that I don't believe in sharing a place before marriage. He respects my wishes and has done nothing to try to change my mind, but he's been talking about the kind of house he dreams of us living in, asked me what kind of dog we should get, etc ever since that conversation. I get the feeling that he intends to marry me based on these clues and because he said he can't wait to share everything with me, but I need him to clearly state that he wants to marry me, and give me some sort of time frame. I'm going to graduate college this December, and he'll be getting his doctorate four months after that, so I need some sense of permanence in the relationship to justify not moving out of state or pursuing a steady career until he graduates (so that we can make decisions together.) I know that it would be best for me to just ask him what he wants and be specific, but that's so hard to do and I don't know how to approach him. I wish I could just tell him that I want to marry him once we both graduate, and that I don't care about a fancy engagement ring (that he can't afford right now) so he shouldn't worry about waiting and saving up for one...but I don't want to pressure him or be unromantic. What should I do?
  20. Is this normal? Let me run you by the whole story. My girlfriend and I (well, ex-girlfriend since we broke up again last night) have been dating for over a year now. We are very close as we live together. I love her and she loves me, actually I am the one that wants to break up every time that we have a problem. I used to have such a happy, illustrious and flexible lifestyle. Ever since I broke up with a girlfriend of a long-distance relationship (I knew that that would never work out for me), I met Angie and we have been dating ever since. This was about a year and a half ago. We moved in with each other from the very first week and have never been separated on more than 3 occasions for more than 3 days at a time. What are your thoughts on this? It's a litte suffocating for me as I am 21 years old, going on 22. She is 23. The main problem is I guess, that I don't know how to communicate my emotions, and I get easily annoyed. I think that its easier to just give up than to fix things, because fixing things like relationship problems tend to cost a lot of effort and time, Angie keeps telling me. We also have a dog, and I love him very, very much and I would hate to see him go. The only problem is, if I break up with Angie I will have to leave my dog also because I will adopt a very independent lifestyle. It appears that I do not know what I want deep down inside, but I have the feeling that breaking up would be the best for me. I feel as if I am missing out on life. Is there anything that anyone can suggest that would mean salvaging what I have here with Angie? Or do you think that I am making the right decision - based on the facts that I have given? Sincerely, `Mishima San`
  21. My ex wrote me what do you think of her email. I need the female perspective. I was really moved by her words. Evan, I am glad to hear that you are doing so well, I was a little worried about you for a minute. I can't believe that you guys already sold the business, that's great! So what will you be doing and where will you be working now? That is after you go and play iin South America. That will be such an amazing experience, how long are you going for and who are you going with? You will have to tell me all about it, I am so jealous- as I will be starting yet another hellish term at school. I am really sorry to hear that your Mom may move to Florida, that must be hard considering you two are so close. At least she will be moving to be with the rest of her family, I am sure she finds comfort in having them close by. Have you and your Dad made amends now? You haven't said much about it since last spring. So you and Justin are getting a place, what happened to Kate? Did they break up or are they just not living together anymore? It's probably old news, but I haven't talked to you much. Seems a lot of people are breaking up lately, Cecily and my brother broke up about a month ago and she moved out of their house. What are you doing for New Years? Any big plans? I don't know if I even want to go out, my girls are all going to be with their boyfriends or have moved out of state- and I am not so sure that I want to spend it with the guy I am currently dating- I am just not into the whole bar scene anymore. I don't know if I want to spend $100 to go out and have a mediocre time. I may just stay in with the cats and dogs, or I might go out with my brother to some house parties he is dj-ing. I know it's off the subject, but it seems that this past year that you have grown up a whole lot and come into your own. You are and have been the single most ambitious person I know, and what I really admire is that you don't just talk big, but you make things happen. It's funny, but that is the characteristic that I look for most in people that I have relationships with. But out of everyone, you have been my biggest motivator. Even though we stopped talking for a while, your words have stuck with me and made me push myself to do my best. I don't know why or how you did it, but you influenced me when no one else could. I guess I am just trying to say thank you for being such an amazing person. I truly feel blessed to have someone like you be a part of my life. I am so proud of all that you have accomplished and I know there is much more to come. I hope that this next year will out-do the last, and that you have a wonderful holiday season. Say hello to everyone for me - and tell Jeremy that I love him Hopefully next year we will be able to find the time to see one another and catch up. Love always, Lindsy
  22. Hi. I really need some assistance and if anyone could help I would whole heartedly appreciate it. My girlfriend of 3 years has recently broken up with me in December 2003. Her reasons for doing this were that she was not sure that she loved me enough to go further. Also things came up about my children and if she was ready to accept that type of commitment, and so on... I felt this was very strange behavior for her, and had an intuition that someone else had come into the picture. During this whole period she talked to me on the phone while i tried to convince her of how "right" we are together... A little while later I confirmed that her married boss was in the picture........ She admitted it, and said that she thinks she went to that in order to get her mind off of breaking up with me. After I found out she says she has broken it off with her boss. I do believe that she has. When all this happened, I think she changed her mind about some things, that night she came to my house, gave me a symbollic key to her heart but a note attached to it that said it was the key to her heart but she is not ready for me to use it yet. she also stayed abit that night and we ended up in bed. After that she has called me at least once per day with small talk, I have called her but only a few times. Whenever I bring up "us" she says she needs to figure everything out and that I shouldn't pressure her. we went out to dinner last friday night, went back to my house and again ended up in bed. She is going through alot right now, in process of moving this weekend (which she asked me to help her move) she also asked me to keep her dog for a few months until her residency situation is stable. She also has problems with her teenage daughter, and her son just turned 18 this month. She tells me that she does love me but only after I tell her, she wont offer it up so to speak. She is talking about us going on a cruise in March and that she thinks it would be good for us. but she still says that we are not "together". What is going on ? I am so lost without her !!! I truly do love her. She even admits to me that she won't find anyone that will even come close to the fun, compatibility, good times, etc that we had together. but she still insists she needs to figure things out. I am lost confused and always wondering what is going on in her mind. I did ask if she would ever be able to make a commitment to me and she replied "I haven't ruled out the possibility"... Oh God I just want her back !! What is going on with her ? What do I do ? Do i just let her make all the contact ? Or do I call her to tell her that I love her ? Do i watch the dog ? Do i help her move ? Do i hang around for god knows how long waiting for her to make up her mind ? I have no intention of seeing anyone else as I am too wrapped up in her, but I dont want to wait forever either. This woman truly is the best relationship i have ever had, the fun, the compatibility, the love, it was just right....... I need some guidance please !!
  23. Do you think it is a good idea to give a Valentines day gift, to a girl, dissreguarding it's a little late...before you say yes (or) no, think about this...I bought the gift, and wanted to give it too her on V-day, but she didn't show up at the Club that night, even thow she had said she was going to be there...the week before, So on V-day i bought this Stuffed animal, It's Big red dog, has a bow around it's neck, and looks really cute. *even to me* So i grabbed it off the shelf, without thinking twice about who it was for. BACKGROUND Iv 'e known the girl for about 3-4 weeks, we always dance together, and have deep conversations about anything really..Also the week before V-day she had told me to kiss her on the cheek, this may of been b/c she had a lot to drink that night, I walked her out to her car, and told her friend and her-->(driving) to make sure that they both made it home safely that night, She said that was so thoughtful of me...I have already determined she is attracted to me, we both can say that for sure ...We constantly *verbal* flirt..but nothing intimate besides the cheek kiss she asked for 2 weeks ago..So I'm still sitting on this red Dog, and i'm wondering if it's a good idea to give it to her tonight, or just to keep it for myself?
  24. My woman has to be a virgin. My woman has to be a neat freak who can't stand a dirty home. My woman has to be physically fit. She can't drink alcoholic beverages or caffeine. She can't be a smoker or a drug user. She has to be a woman who wakes up no later than 5:00 a.m. She has to be a woman who eats and drinks on the kitchen table Not in the car! No eating on the run! No eating in bedrooms or living room. My woman has to hate cats and dogs. No pets allowed! I will not have our home turned into a sh*t hole. My woman has to not care about material things such as vases, statues, paintings, lamps. I will not have our home turned into a storage room or a museum. All the lights in our home will be installed in the ceiling. My woman has to like spending a lot of money on clothes and dressing up. My woman has to hate watching television My woman has to like sex and want do it with me every morning and every night. My woman and I will spend all our time, energy and money on each other. My woman has to want children and understand that once we have children, it's not about us anymore. Their health and education is the most important thing. When our children wake up every morning the only people they will see in their home are their parents. No grandparents sleeping over and no aunts or uncles sleeping on the floor or on the couch in the living room. Man, wife and child! That's the home! My woman has to have at least a Master's Degree. Our children will have parents who go to work and earn money; not parents who go to school and study. If she has brothers or sisters, they better have their own careers and their own money and homes because they are not living with me. They better have lives. If I think of any other things I'll post them later.
  25. My situation has been thoroughly explained in the "My Broken Heart" thread. Please refer to it first. I got a letter from my ex tonight that stated, well I will just type it out for you: By the way, we live in Texas. It goes: I know you have alot of unanswered questions that hopefully I will clear up for you now. I have had a great nine years with you. I would never want to change that part of my life. We have shared so many things together that I feel like I am losing too much. I always want to be a part of your life. I am so happy that you are still talking to me, but I feel that is temporary because you want me to come home. I hope that is not the case. I know that I love you and I always will but I feel we had alot of things missing from our relationship. It was my fault too. We treated each other like friends more than being in a relationship. We were hardly loving towards each other. I never wanted to have sex because we were not romantic or spontaneous with each other. On my part, I should have wanted to come home and cook for you and gave you a hug and kiss everyday. I felt I was always grouchy with you and i know that I did'nt want that for the rest of my life. We should'nt have to work towards being loving towards each other, it should be natural. You already know that I needed little things like massages and neck rubs and I hated even asking because I knew your answer would be no. I love affection but we did not separate affection and sex. Sometimes I just wanted you to hold me and not play with my boobs or grab on me. I just know how I want someone to treat me and we did'nt have that. This has been so hard for me, seeing you hurt, being alone, not having a home, not being with my pets, and the list goes on. I don't know what else to say but thank you for being a part of my life and loving me. You are such a great person and I wish I could take all of your pain away. Last night you asked me to tell you if I was talking to someone. Well I wanted to tell you this from me. When we went to New Orleans (a month ago or more), Saturday night at Cats Tabetha was hitting on a fireman. Anyway, we went to Razoos & Tabetha switched men & I was standing there talking to the fireman. He told me what he did & where he was from and I told him that I had a marketing project w/ burns & firemen and I was having trouble finding sources & he told me that he had some info that might help (web sites etc). If I needed them. Well after we broke up I called him to get the websites and we were just chatting and I told him what happened. I was just to the point I did'nt want to talk to anyone that would judge me on the situation. I have gotten so much crap from alot of people that do not even care about my happiness. Anyway, we have been talking on the phone and I wanted you to be aware of that. I don't want to feel like I have to keep my business a secret. I know you are probably panicking at this point and I don't want to make you feel that way. Probably questions you are going to ask me is where is he from? New York. Do you plan on seeing him? My answer is yes. I am not trying to shock you or hurt you. I enjoy talking to him on the phone and we have talked about visiting one another. What you do now is none of my business. Yes it will hurt me deeply when I see you with someone, but if you are happy and we are friends that is all I care about. I did'nt tell you this to hurt you, but I wanted you to know and not find out from anyone else but me. I did not break up with you because of him nor was I unfaithful to you. I hope that you will not feel uncomfortable around me or feel like you don't want anything to do with me. I want you to think long and hard before you call me and say something hateful that you can't take back. I am sorry that I am causing so much pain. I don't want that. My heart is not w/ our relationship, not because of someone else (has absolutely nothing to do with that) but because we were not happy and we lacked alot of things. No matter how you feel about me now I will always be here for you and I will always love you. The end. I got this tonight and read it and immediately went to her sisters house to give my rebuttal. I stated that things were not perfect. Our flaws were fundamental shortcomings that after the shock of all this can be fixed. I am not the same guy she knew when we broke up. I will no longer be detrimental in a relationship, I will strive to never feel this hurt again. I told her we could work it out and give it another try weeks, months down the road. I spilled my guts. Then I got tough and said well if this is it I need to space myself from you to heal. That means no sharing the dog, I cannot let her take him and canoodle with him when that is exactly what I want to be doing with her. She said well if you take the dog away from me it is gonna get ugly, he is like a child to me. My response was that he is a part of my household which she chose to leave. It would be awkward if I am with my next girlfriend and she is still coming around to pick up the dog. I guess our friendship is over now due to that. I basically cut all ties for now. At that point she went back inside, probably to cry about the dog. Help me please. What on earth do I do now?
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