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About Me

  1. My beloved 14 yr old dog passed away 2 mos ago. :icon_sad For those of you who were dog owners, did you get a new dog after your previous dog passed away? If you did, when and why? If you decided against repeated dog ownership, what were your reasons? Do you have reasons from other dog owners such as your parents, in-laws, friends or acquaintances? Thank you for your opinion and stories. I appreciate it. There is sudden lonely freedom from losing "man's best friend." However, I don't miss the reality check of enormous commitment, responsibility and expense of taking care of "a toddler" for 14 years. Also, I can't experience another final good-bye and broken heart again. I am conflicted. Thank you for your input.
  2. Hello! First time posting on the pets section of this forum. I did some light reading first, and I think my topic is pretty popular: When it's time to say goodbye. For some history, I've had my dog for about 7 years now. He was approximately 5 when I got him. He was on the "kill" list for the city animal shelter and his time was almost out. Long story short - I saved his life. Fast forward to 2020. I have seen him get a lot older. He stopped playing with toys a while ago. I allow him on the couch, and one of his favorite things to do was to sit on the edge over the armrest. It became tough to jump on the couch, so he stopped trying entirely. In early April, (2 weeks after I lost my job due to covid) he became extremely ill and was diagnosed with diabetes. I know this isn't a death sentence, but it's expensive.. especially for someone whose not working. The diabetes hit him hard, and due in part to a lackluster vet (I have since switched doctors) we had a lot of trouble getting his blood glucose under control. About a month into the diagnosis, he went blind. I've done everything I could to assist. I've removed 2 dining room chairs and the coffee table. His food & water always remains in the same spot, but I put a mat underneath to help him recognize when he is there. He has not adjusted well to being blind. It's heartbreaking watching him slam his head into the (metal) leg of the table and other various things. I've tried to start a new word with him: "careful" ..and honestly sometimes it really works. I will say careful and he will stop or swerve away. Because of his diabetes, he is drinking a lot of water and therefore needing to pee lots. Because he is blind, he cannot go down the porch steps unattended, so I am bringing him outside and having to watch him countless times throughout the day. Night time is no different. I don't sleep anymore. I wake up once, sometimes twice during the night to let him outside to pee. There are nights when I do get to stay in bed the whole time, but then I will notice he is lying in a small pool of urine. Recently, he has been plagued with infection after infection. 3 months ago I noticed blood in his urine and we've been on a roundabout of about 4 more infections after that, plus one ear infection. These are not cheap to treat. Like, I know what the answer is, but it's just so hard for me to bring a dog who doesn't outwardly look ill to get euthanized. I of course have no idea what is going on internally with him. I feel like at worst, he is really struggling. And at best, he just existing. Just wondering if anyone out there has had to euthanize a pet who looks perfectly fine at first glance? I am dragging my feet on doing this, though I already know what the answer is. It's almost a blessing that I lost my job, because I have been able to be home and care for him... but at the same time, the only way I'll be able to move forward and start working again is when he is gone.
  3. I need advice on a situation that is really starting to bother me. First of all, I am an animal lover and have many pets. The problem here is my boyfriend's ill-trained dog. He bought this dog with his ex, obviously before I came on the scene. I have tried to speak calmly to my boyfriend about his dog's behaviour, but he won't listen and cuddles him loads. When we are preparing tea, his dog - let's call him Fido - stands close to the cooker watching every move my boyfriend makes, hoping to get scraps, which he usually does for the privilege of begging. I often find dog hairs in my food. I've told my bf the dog shouldn't be in the kitchen when food is being prepared and furthermore he shouldn't be begging or being rewarded. Once we're sitting down eating, Fido literally has his nose resting on my bf's legs. His face is so close to the food as my bf lifts the fork to his mouth, but my bf pretends he hasn't noticed. Fido used to do this to me (sometimes still does) but I've more-or-less stopped him. However, my bf won't tell him. Yet if the cat so much as jumps on the arm of the sofa during mealtimes my bf knocks him to the floor. My bf takes Fido everywhere with him - even on our dates; shops; pub, etc. I've asked him why it can't just simply be just the two of us, but my boyfriend says Fido is like his child. When I go to walk through the front door Fido rushes before my feet and tries to get out before me. I try to hold the door ajar to let him know he can't push in, but he gets his body into the smallest gap and forces the door from my grip. Likewise, if I try to enter the house he rests his huge body against the door so I struggle to get in. He constantly licks himself sore and lies at my side of the bed licking and snoring. He makes terrible noises. If my bf and I try to have fun Fido jumps up on the sofa and in between us and separates us. If I talk babyish to the other animals Fido jumps on my back to steer my attention towards him. He is so spoilt. After finishing a meal the other night, there was a little evidence of the potato scraps at the bottom of the disposable dish. As my bf gets up to take the dishes in the kitchen Fido, as usual, follows him. Now, instead of simply throwing the disposable cartons in the bin, my boyfriend chucks them outside. I became suspicious and followed my bf in a few seconds later to discover Fido wasn't there. I pretend I want to go out of the back door to check on our barn animals, but bf suspiciously blocks the way. I wriggle past and discover Fido is being rewarded for his greed. He's licking the disposable cartons. At that point I'm fuming. If greedy Fido has a treat then why didn't my bf offer the cat the same? It makes my blood boil although bf will deny Fido is his favourite. If the cat happens to leave his dinner Fido races to the bowl and eats his scraps. I've tried to persuade my bf to not let him do it but many a time I've walked into the kitchen and seen him watch Fido eat the cat's food (bf pretends he never noticed). He says he's only keeping the bowls clean and it's a little treat but if it's Fido's treat then why can't some be saved for the cat's treat? Now Fido knows by the looks I give him I won't take his bad behaviour. If it's only myself in the kitchen and I pour his food in his bowl, he sits back until I've finished. If my bf is in the room he will literally eat it as I'm pouring it and I stretch over as I'm pouring it. Although I'm careful now, if I've had snacks in my bag in the past, Fido has raided my bag. If we do happen to go to the shops without him, Fido will punish my bf by raiding the bin and anything else he can find. Within five minutes of being away, the hall, lounge, kitchen, etc., is littered with bin mess. I also think Fido has a skin condition - probably from eating all the unhealthy treats he's allowed to have. He does, or did, have fleas, also. My bf blamed the cat for giving Fido fleas, even though the cat rarely scratches. Back to preparing meals: if Fido gets under my bf's feet, my bf will say to him: excuse me babe. He speaks as though he's in Fido's way. In the car Fido will sit breathing his bad breath on my shoulder even though bf has opened a window on the opposite side at the back for him to get fresh air. I try to give Fido messages through my body language and if he's just with me he'll stay away. If my bf is with me Fido will scratch hard at my hands or try to nudge them with his nose to try and force me to pet him. Sometimes I have to sit on my hands. In bed he tramples all over me and my bf encourages him to sit on the sofa with us. Fido will wriggle at the back of us until we have to sit uncomfortably forward. Many a time I will stand up and watch TV in that position. Instead of cuddling me, my bf will sit and constantly stare at Fido when he happens to be sitting on his own chair. Yes, the dog has his own armchair that is part of the three-piece suite. My bf tells me not to sit there because it is Fido's chair. Even the cat gets moved if Fido wants to rest. Fido never goes for a walk unless I suggest it. He is so unruly on his lead. He constantly pulls and when we go to get out of the car he races to my door and tramples over me to get out first. When we're walking he constantly holds back then runs hard past my legs knocking me over. I then walk as close to the edge but he will squeeze past, even though there is a big gap my bf's side. I know dogs aren't as intelligent as humans, but I do think this dog is doing this to let me know he is further up the pack than me. My bf won't have it Fido needs proper training and I dread being in its company. I have told my bf I am uncomfortable with Fido's behaviour, but he says he's a good boy. By the way, this dog is big and overweight and it hurts when he jumps up. Any constructive advice is welcome.
  4. I have a two year old domestic short hair cat. She is an indoor cat, but always anxious to get outside any time she sees the opportunity. She rushes past me when I open the door and if my arms are full I cannot immediately stop her. So, a few times a week she ends up being outside for a short while until I can lure her back in. I have several toys in the house to keep her occupied, but it does not seem to replace her interest in the great outdoors. I let her sit in window ledges to look outside and get a whiff of the good outdoor smells, but she sees squirrels and chipmunks and runs to the door scratching at it like she wants me to let her out. Sometimes she stands at the door meowing. I will clarify that she is spayed, so I know she is not in heat. My concern is that when she does get out, she frequently finds things to chase like bugs, chipmunks or leaves, but lately she has taken a huge interest in the next door neighbor's cat who is mostly an outdoor cat. She seems to instigate a game of chase with this unsuspecting cat each time. I thought they might become friends, but just this morning she got out and ran over the neighbor's yard where the cat was grooming herself and chased her around a tree and into a corner where the two cats ended up rolling around. I ran over and grabbed my cat and brought her back inside. I can no longer assume my cat will not harm another, so am making extra effort to keep her indoors. Do I encourage my cat's aggression by allowing her outside? Do I encourage her aggression by playing with toys she chases?
  5. Opinions please: A couple days ago my gran came round to my house as she had some things to drop off here. I did not know she was coming and when I saw she arrived my main thought was to go and speak to her (2m apart). I left my phone inside as I wanted to focus on talking to her as I haven’t seen her much recently and before Covid-19 I would see her basically every day. We ended up speaking for half an hour, I know this as my boyfriend had sent me a message 31 mins ago. The first thing I said to him was “Sorry for the slow reply I was talking to my gran” as he thinks it’s rude to take longer than 10 mins to reply and if we are we should say. So I did as we agreed, telling him why I didn’t reply. But this wasn’t good enough and he was annoyed at me saying I should have messaged him. This really upset me as I didn’t think I’d done anything wrong, half an hour isn’t that long and I apologised and said what I was doing. 2 hours of arguing later and an hour of crying and we stopped talking for the rest of the day. The next day I’m still pissed but I let it go as I lm tired of arguing. My boyfriend works on a Saturday 8-6 and has his half an hour lunch break and 3:30. When he messaged I was on a walk and told him this and warned him that I would have slower replies. I still did my best and was messaging every 3/4 mins. We were right at the end of our walk and our neighbours were in their garden and started talking to us. This meant I had even slower replies as I didn’t want to be rude and go on my phone. I still did occasionally so I could message him and I told him why my messages were even slower. And then I get a message saying “if you didn’t want to talk to me you should have just said” like I’m sorry but I was doing my absolute best in the situation I was in. He said talking to my neighbours was a random thing (we’ve spoken to them at least 10-15 times since lockdown began Ive just never told him as it’s not normally that long a chat) and he said it felt like I started the conversation as I way to get out of talking to him. Anyone that knows me knows I’m the most shy person ever and would never do that so idk why he thought I did. He knew I was with my parents and so I really don’t understand why he thought I would have started it. Anyway this argument lead to us not talking for the rest of the day again. It’s like he expects me to not be doing anything at all when he’s got his lunch break, like surely I still get to live my life on a Saturday even if it means I’m not free when he is. Anyway these two arguments have made me feel so trapped like if I’m talking to anyone else that’s not him for longer than a few mins he gets annoyed. Surely I’m not being unreasonable thinking that’s not fair?! And then today I was still pissed at him and quite sad actually but I tried forgetting about it and tried to actually make normal convo with him. He was about to go out on a walk with his family and I asked him where his response was “past the hole in the ground” where I live there is no place with this known nickname. I said that explanation was very vague so I didn’t know where he meant. He then get angry with a response of “right ok” and he said how that was harsh. I have gone over it again and again and I just can’t see how this is harsh. If it is then I’ll happily apologise to him but I don’t see what I said so wrong. This has made me scared to talk to my own bf now incase I say something which I think is fine and he sees as harsh. This evening I went on our usual dog walk with my dog and our neighbours dog. On the way back we ended up talking to our neighbours again. I was 12 mins replying to his message and I said “sorry we were talking to our neighbours again and I didn’t start the conversation” like yeah I can see that sounds a bit harsh but I did this so he knew it wasn’t me not wanting to talk to him. And guess what he got annoyed. I don’t understand what I’m supposed to do now if I talk to my neighbours. If I just say I’m talking to them he thinks it’s me not wanting to talk to him but if I say it’s not me starting the convo then he’s annoyed like what do I do? This is 3 days in a row we’ve had major arguments. Each time he always says he was never annoyed. But surely if it’s caused 3 arguments it means he is? During the arguments he said that I never take responsibility for what I’ve done and always blame him. I am capable of admitting when I’m wrong but if I don’t believe I have done anything wrong I want to stand up for myself. This is the main reason I want other people’s opinions, am I in the wrong? And should I be saying sorry? I genuinely don’t see what I’ve done wrong in any of these situations, I tried my best at all times and yet that doesn’t seem good enough. If anyone does disagree with me and feels my bf is fair to be annoyed please let me know and I’ll own up that I was in the wrong. Whilst writing this we’ve still been arguing a bit. He just replied to something “you’ve been out twice and I was fine with that” I asked what he meant and he said I’ve been out driving twice. The first time I went driving was to charge the car as the battery was dead. I was 15 mins max. The second time was to drop some stuff off at my grans and I was half an hour. (Both times he knew what I was doing). Surely he has no right to get annoyed at that (I know he said he wasn’t but that shouldn’t even be a thing he uses to prove he doesn’t get annoyed at everything?). That’s just me living my life. Am I crazy or is this whole thing completely unfair?
  6. Typical subject line, amirite? Hey guys, I’ve been visiting this forum since 2014; I found it so helpful after a very sad breakup about 5 years ago. Anyway, in 2015 I met my current ex at my best friends wedding (he is related to her and I actually had a crush on him for a while but we never got to hang out until we were older). I was 25 and he was 27 when we reconnected at her wedding. Sparks flew. He was living in another state at the time. We began dating long distance for a little over a year until I finally graduated with my Masters degree and moved to his state. We had a great time living in an awesome city with two dogs for about 2.5 years, until we both finally decided to move back home to where both of our families were. We’ve been back for a little over 8 months, and the first 3 we spent at my moms until we saved enough money for a nice space with a yard for the pups. Fast forward to 2 days ago, where he dumped me after 4.5 years together and 3.5 years living together, out of nowhere. We had a small fight (nothing crazy), and he basically used that as fuel to end things. Now I have to move back to my moms with my dog and I am absolutely broken and embarrassed. I am 29 years old, have a great career, and consider myself to be a good catch. I had a great partner — he was a fantastic chef, super handy, smart, clean, and made good money. We had a great relationship. I really thought this was it for me! I’ve been in mainly LTR throughout my teens and young adult life, and although those breakups were very sad and hard, I never really imagined marriage with any of them (teens, early 20s...too young for that), especially because I like to take things slow. ere’s the kicker: I am currently studying for an exam to become certified (an extra step I’m willing to make to further advance my career even though I don’t necessarily NEED it), and the exam is a killer. I’ve been studying for a couple of months now, have been stressing about it for years, and now it’s finally close to exam day (2 months away) and I am so far behind in studying, can’t even imagine how I’m going to focus now. Having to go to work this week seems like a distant nightmare to me now as I deal with several patients per day and need to give my full emphatic, undivided attention. I can’t even attend to myself. I still have to go pick up my dog, my stuff. I’m terrified and devastated. Terrified for my future and devastated by the loss of a life partner and future together. He is sad and feels terrible for the hurt he’s caused but basically stated he “fell out of love somewhere along the way”. This means he’s known for a while and still allowed this move to a new house continue. I could’ve stayed with my mom 8 months ago when we moved back from another state and saved the heartbreaking move back now, while also given me time to heal so I can study for my exam. I am so angry, but mainly crushed. I know there’s NEVER a good time to end things, but damn I’m so shocked, and this is basically the worst timing. I won’t try to find a place now because I have to study and save money for my own spot with enough space for my big dog. Just broken. We had a good life, awesome house, big yard, so many friends around. We always had get togethers and events at our home. Everyone is shocked by this decision, especially my family who genuinely thought I had found the one. How can someone fake so many emotions? Just this past Valentine’s Day he was the most romantic and loving partner! I read this a lot though in this forum though, so I am aware of how unfortunately common these actions from the dumper are prior to a shocking breakup. I know I have to focus on myself now, break ups aren’t new to me, but this one hit hard. It’s difficult looking at my life now, 29 years old, back at my moms, with no idea if I’ll find someone as compatible again, having to go through the whole “getting to know someone again”, building a life and relationship and home with another person, feeling comfortable in my future with someone. So many awful thoughts going through my mind. What if I don’t find anyone as great? I thought breakups got easier as you get older but now I see how wrong that is — the older you get the more you realize there really isn’t enough time in the world. Sorry for the lengthy post, but typing it out was pretty cathartic.
  7. I met a guy who lives in a different city and we met when he was on work trip, and we hit it off very well. He was supposed to come back the following week. We met and it went very well. When we said goodbye, he said that he's coming back in March, but if I want I can visit him before he comes back but we can talk about it. The next week (last week), I asked him and he said that he have to check his calendar the next day which was fine. I didn't hear anything from him then he sends me selfie of himself. Later I sent a snap to see if he was going to give me the dates. He just replied with emojis, so I asked if he had checked the calander. He gave me the dates and the only weekend I could was the weekend that he wasn't sure but he would get back to me. He didn't get back to me if he could that weekend. Whenever I would try to start a conversation, he would not reply, send me a one word answer or just reply with emojis. I felt that he didn't want to get to know me but only replying to be kind. On Friday I sent a messag asking if he would like to get to know more because I didn't feel like that. He opened the message right away but didn't reply to me in four hours but I saw that he was active. I was already having a bad day, so I sent him a message saying that I got my answer and good luck (I know that I might have overreacted). He got angry and wrote that if it's how I feel that way there is nothing to do about it. I sent him that good luck and I hope that he finds what is looking for. One hour later, he sends me tons of messages on messenger. We talk and agreed to have a phone conversation on Sunday. We agreed to put the argument behind us and he was going to check if he was available that weekend. However, he said that he doesn't know what he wants during the conversation. I added him back on Snapchat and Facebook. He hasn't sent me one snap since I added him back. He told me that he couldn't that weekend. I said that it was fine. He replied to one of my snapchat stories today which was of my dog. He really wants to meet my dog 🤷♀️ I sent him a snap which waited an hour to open and he didn't reply and I can see that he's active.
  8. Hello, I need advice on how to handle a delicate situation without causing more stress in my life. Background: My mother was financial destitute and was nearing defaulting on everything. She had been unemployed for a number of years and had nearly completely emptied her 401k at age 55. Her mother/my grandmother passes away and sends her into a deep depression. Myself, my wife and 2 year old son were having minor trouble making ends meet, often living paycheck to paycheck. In order to help alleviate both of our problems and ensure my mother was not alone my wife and I offered up our unfinished basement to my mother. She sold her home and received nearly 200k in equity and finished our basement with a little over a 1/4 of her proceeds. She paid off a fraction of her 100k debt rather than pay it all off. Fast forward 6 months and she has lost most of the remaining proceeds to interest payments on that debt. Which has caused her to need a full time job just to keep up with the payments. The problem: When my mother moved in she brought with her a severely obese Australian shepherd and an oversized yellow lab, also 3 cats. During the 5 months of construction it became apparent that my wife has grown a more severe allergy to dogs. She's always been allergic to their spilt but now being inundated with hair and dander she can barely spend 5 minutes on our main level before succumbing to hives and itchy red eyes. Add on to that we are now expecting our second child. Assuming this was temporary she pushed through. After construction was completed the dogs were unable to make the climb down the stairs. I would have to carry them both up and down. Having hurt my back this stopped or some time, and thus the dogs began to live on the main level again. My mother agreed to maintain the dogs grooming and assist with the cleaning to keep the dog hair at bay. Fast forward to last week, so about 5 months. She had only groomed dogs twice, despite the weekly recommendation to keep the pet dander at bay. She has only vacuumed once. Seeing this as a something that could not continue my wife demanded that the dogs be relegated to the basement except when outside. My wife and I spend several days deep cleaning the main level including the couches. My mother protested saying she is unable to get them to the basement at 4am when she takes them outside. I told her I would leave my phone on loud, she would just need to call me. She refuses and just leaves the dogs on the main level where they cover the floor in dog hair and dander. My wife is nearly 9 months pregnant and extremely uncomfortable even before dealing with the allergy. What do I do?
  9. So, I’ve been with my bf for 3 years. We’ve been living at home and saving to move out. We have looked at a few places and know where the area we want to live in. The thing is— i feel stuck. I’m torn. Over the summer I mainly stayed at my parents to care for our ailing chocolate lab who passed away over the summer. I was fortune enough to have the summer off of work, and never would have been able to live with myself if I wasn’t there for our family dog. We have another family dog, she’s almost 12– she was affected by his passing too. They were best friends for 11 years. My brother has some mental health issues that are severely neglected, and my parents severely enable him. It’s made living here unbearable and I told my bf that I can’t live here anymore and we need to get a place now. He agreed. To be clear, I’ve been physically assaulted several times, had my life threatened, and don’t feel safe anymore. My parents refuse to do anything out of fear of my brother and I just honestly feel like it’s too much for them to deal with, so they don’t do anything. My mom has witnessed the physical assaults and does nothing. She says, “Oh. He didn’t mean to hit you. Stop crying. You’re ok.” Yeah, seriously. My parents know I was in an awful physically abusive relationship from 18-22. The thing is...I feel heartbroken even thinking about leaving Jane. She has anxiety and has bonded to me and I can do things and pick her up— and no one else has this relationship with her. I don’t want to leave her. If I could take her, I don’t know if she’d like it. We’d be living in a busy city and she’s been in a quiet, wooded suburb for her life. She’s my best friend. I want to be with her for however long she has left— she’s still very active. Thoughts?
  10. My boyfriend and I had a long serious relationship, lived together during this time. He recently moved leaving important stuff behind, the bills and our house in his name. After being gone for a month he started to act distant to telling me he wanted to break up. It has been a few months since this happened. . We have still talked some during this time. He finally told me he was trying to make a clean break from all this and no chance we will ever have a romantic relationship again. He wants to remain being friends. Last week he told me the break up and everything was all him, and realized the relationship was not healthy for me at all. He still calls me by the pet name he gave me. Will not even talk to me about exchanging back the sentimental items that were agreed to be returned if we broke up. What does all this mean?
  11. My ex and I broke up 5 years ago, on terms that weren't terrible but she seemed very upset and a bit angry. We had a shared cat which shared our lives for 4 years. I had to put the cat down 2 days ago (and I am shattered about it, he was 18 years old ). I was wondering if it would be a good idea to reach out to her in a gentle way (we haven't been in touch at all since we broke up) just to say hello and inform her of the cat's passing? Or should I just let it be since we have been out of touch for so long? I know this is in part due to my rollercoaster emotions and I may be desperate to reach out to everyone since that helps me cope. But I thought she deserves to know. Should I reach out or let sleeping dogs lie? Thanks for any advice.
  12. I'm in a long distance relationship, we plan to move together sometime in the future, they plan to move to my country (overseas) and the problem is that they have a hamster and a cat. They do not want to leave them behind of course and hamsters have no way of traveling via planes and cats are kept in a small kennel to themselves, in a 15 hour flight that wouldn't be ideal. I'm now scared that we'll never be able to see eachother and I'm feeling incredibly depressed about it.
  13. So basically, my dad's cancer has returned. He is going through chemo and is very unwell atm, even though he is 6 weeks into 6 months of chemo. They aren't young, my mum and dad. Dad is 73, mum 74 and mother is very dependent on my dad, as she has been severely mentally unwell since her 30's. She has had a lot of bad stuff happen in life. MY dad cooks, does garden and DIY. She can't even go to the shop by herself and only leaves the house once a week. I have declined a job opportunity and came home from abroad, to support my dad. However, my mum and her mental illness and stubbornness makes life hard for me and my siblings to be there for dad. She is snappy, grumpy, mean and will not really let my dad rest properly. She snaps at him and gets upset/angry with him. He needs to rest, but she has him cooking, cleaning and maing her cups of tea on demand. If i say I will make the tea, she gets moody. Its so bizzare. I thought my fathers diagnosis would snap her out of it, but it hasnt. One of the dogs is very barky and we have been trying to train the dog not to bark, but my mum will not follow suit. My poor dad cannot sleep properly and jumps when the dog barks and it has him on edge. We bought a training collar that sprays a mist when the dog barks, but causes no harm. If the dog wears it, she doesnt bark. Simples, however my mum wont put it on the dog, even when my dad is trying to rest. She is also like Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde with me, makes life very unpleasant for my siblings and I. She gets moody and grumpy and argues over nothing or trivial things. I don't know what to do, a lot of the time its emotionally abusive really, I moved abroad and travelled a lot but came home recently after planning to live abroad, to support my dad through this. However, I am sick of the toxicness from my mum. I am sick as are my siblings, of how things are for my dad. I am a yogi, practice most days for an hour and a halh...and meditate a lot and have a lot of empathy for my mother, however, you would think if she had bad upbringing etc... that she would be different. However, mental illness too ingrained. How to deal? I just don't get how she can still be like this with us/my dad. However, I think its too mentally engrained and she will not change. I know its right to be at home, I wish she could just be chill and make life pleasant. (BTW anything you suggest, for her to try, trust me as a family we have tried a million times, this is more a how to deal)
  14. Just interested more than anything to see what people think. So i broke up with my ex 3 months ago. I have accepted she has gone and has zero interest. She has ignored my last message to her and not even opened it to read. That was a month ago now and nothing. Previous to this I asked her to try again and she couldn't give me an answer of yes or no, however I posted on here and everyone said I was being let down gently. I have since tried to look forward and just get on. We are still connected on social media, I see no reason why we can't as we broke up amicably. I don know lately if I have been seeing signs of her trying to get my attention OR more that I am putting two and two together and getting the scenario I think in my head. A few things. I used to fix her car for her, a lot.....she put up a pic showing she has fixed it herself something pretty out of the ordinary to post something like that. A few Pics with gifts I bought her in the background. I posted about something and mentioning a color. Twice since she has posted and mentioned colors. I lost my dog (not come back) someone posted about finding their dog which she liked the post .... this dog is the exact same looking as mine. Also have been other things but I think I'm looking too much into this? Anyone have any thoughts?
  15. Hi Guys, I can't believe I'm even posting about this now, but what the hey. Can't hurt to get a few opinions on this; although I have a feeling I know what most of you, most likely, will say. :) So, when I moved to a large city 2.5 years ago, I'd walk the same route to work. At the end of my street is a cafe with an outdoor patio. After some time, I noticed this super attractive guy sitting outside on the patio, or walking into the cafe during the cooler months. He was either with his adorable dog, or an older gentleman, who, if I had to hazard a guess, is his father. After a while, I began to notice him staring and watching as I'd walk by when he was sitting outside - to the point where I felt a little uncomfortable. I'd wonder if I was seeing things at first, so I paid attention more (he couldn't see me looking because I had sunglasses on). I was still getting this strong vibe from him, as if there was an unspoken attraction (because I was beginning to really take notice of him too!). Does this sound nuts? Anyway, this would happen practically daily when the weather was nice and he was sitting outside, even when he was with this other gentleman, or when in the company of others. He would just stop talking and stare. And I'm thinking again, I must be imagining things! Why do I feel this way? There was even one day where he sat on the edge of the patio, beside the sidewalk where I would walk by, and when I looked up along the sidewalk from a distance, I could see him leaning to the side, facing me and smiling (but I don't know if he realized that he was doing this!). I remember feeling a bit giddy and blushing because I'm thinking, oh crap, I have to walk by this? Uh oh. I didn't feel this way because I didn't want to see him, I felt this way because I was nervous and did want to see him! So, once the weather cooled off, I wasn't seeing him as much. I'm thinking maybe he's a university prof, maybe? And has certain months off during the year. Who knows. And once my work arrangements changed, I just stopped seeing him altogether, which was disappointing. However, within the last month or so, I've bumped into him twice mid-day. One day a couple of weeks ago, I was walking back from the dentist and when I looked up (with my shades on), he was crossing with a huge crowd of people. He had this look of surprise on his face when he looked up and once again, staring ensued. Heck, I was looking too because I was surprised (but happy) to see him. And then today, I was heading home from an appointment and picking up groceries and low and behold, across the street from the cafe, there he was! His back was initially to me and he was with his dog talking to a group of people. I was super surprised to see him! There's a construction site close to this area and there was a big truck backing into the site, so we all had to stop on both sides of the street to let the truck pass before proceeding along the sidewalk. He turned around and once again, looked taken aback because, as I was surprised to see him, I think he MAYBE felt the same. He kinda looks like he wants to say something too sometimes, but can't get the words out. I know this may sound nutty, but I always feel like I'm being pulled-in by this guy, as if we really want to talk to each other, but it never happens. We just seem to stare at each other. I still think I could be making this all up in my mind, but then when I see him again, I feel the same way! Like a moth to a flame! And I can't explain it. Have any of you ever felt this way? Do I sound nuts here or do you think there's an attraction? I want to say something to him, but because I'm doubting what I'm thinking and feeling, and wondering if I'm imagining things, I don't know if I should. What do you guys think? Should I say anything (if I ever see him again) and if so, what should I say? I'm thinking we live along the same street, too, so here's hoping I do see him again. Thank you all for your input. I always appreciate the time and effort you all take to provide your feedback and insight! I rarely ever feel this way with people I meet and go out on dates with, never mind complete strangers, which is what makes this so, well...strange. p.s. I'm really hoping I don't sound nuts here, so if any of you can relate, feel free to share your stories. Lol. Thanks! *Edit* - Don't hold back. If you think this sounds nutty, just say so. I can handle it! :)
  16. I apologize for the lengthy post, but I figured the near-whole story is better than just the highlights. Some details: -I am a 24 year old graduate student working on my PhD in chemistry. -He is a 31 year old that has a couple of rotating jobs. -We have been together for over a year. -We live in a house we rent together. (lease ends in 6 months) -We have a dog together. (I have recently --secretly-- registered our dog on "American Kennel Club", and only listed myself as the owner) The first time he physically hurt me was about 2-3 months into the relationship. He slapped me across the face. After that, he has intermittently been abusing me until now. When he does, it consists of strangling, slapping, punching, kicking, or just the general pushing to the ground, etc. Although I don't think anything warrants physical abuse from a partner, in the beginning, I was definitely a little immature in the relationship. Even though that was over a year ago, I think I have matured a lot since then, and in general gotten used to our relationship and how he is as a person. I was definitely spiteful and immature in the beginning, which I think definitely sparked his abusive behaviors. In the beginning, each time it happened I would say I am done, the relationship was over. This would always result in more anger and fighting from him. Eventually it got so bad about 7-8 months in that we did end it. By that point we were living together, so I kicked him out (police were involved) and he was living in hotel rooms for a week, and then I caved and let him back in. He offered to buy me a puppy as a gift (dogs are my weak point), and I said yes. He gave me $2,500 to buy a golden retriever puppy from a breeder, and that is how we got Cooper. Cooper is 6 months old now. A little after we got Cooper, I honestly thought things were getting better. We still fought, but it was much more infrequent, and physically, I was starting to fight back. From month 10 in our relationship to month 13, things generally seemed pretty good. Like I said we still had intense fights a handful of times, but is was do-able. I think I learned that it is impossible to get angry at him. Which sucks. Even when he is annoying me, or has actually done something to piss me off, I can't make a fuss out of it, because if I do I know that I will be the one who will get physically hurt. So I have learned to not get mad or annoyed with him. I am now in month 14 of the relationship, and things are getting bad, possibly the worst it has been. We have already had 3 really bad fights and just in general had many nights that weren't necessarily fighting, but we did not go to bed on good terms. The most recent fight was yesterday: my boyfriend got mad at our dog (he barked once), and my boyfriend hates barking. --Side-note-- my boyfriend is not a dog person, but agreed to get a dog because he knew how much I love dogs. Anyways, my boyfriend got mad at the dog, and screamed, quite literally, at the top of his lungs to "Shut the up". He does this all of the time. He will get extremely mad at our dog for the most trivial of things. Now as I said before I have been in the relationship long enough to know that I cannot get mad at my boyfriend. However, when he treats my dog poorly, I cannot control my anger. My dog is defenseless, and if I don't stick up for him against my boyfriend, who will? Anyways, I got angry with my boyfriend for yelling at the dog and started yelling at him to "Leave him alone". This didn't bode well with my boyfriend. He grabbed my neck and punched me right in the nose. At first I thought I was crying because my face felt wet, and usually when he punches me or slaps me my eyes start to water. However, I started to taste blood and knew my nose was bleeding. He saw my face and instantly felt bad and started freaking out that he really did some damage. He immediately dropped all of his anger and was trying to wipe the blood away. I ran to the bathroom and I was covered in blood, and it was dripping everywhere. This is definitely the first time he has hit me hard enough where there is a large amount of blood. Anyways, he calmed down, got mad again, destroyed the WiFi router box, the Roomba, a potted plant, and a set of wine glasses. And then he calmed down for the night. That is typically how his outbursts go: he hurts me, calms down, destroys some things in the house, calms down. I think the blood is what really scared me. My relationship with him has been a ride of abusive firsts. The first time he slapped me, the first time he strangled me, the first time he spit in my face, the first time he kicked the dog... etc. And I notice a trend with this, if once it has happened once, he will 100% do it again. So now that he has punched me that hard so blood poured out and I can barely touch my nose today, I know he will know it is okay to do it again. I keep thinking about all of the other firsts that haven't happened but could happen: break a bone, send me to the ER, use a knife on me, possibly kill me. He is not mentally stable. If you are rolling your eyes at me scared he will kill me... he would if he was pushed to. When he gets angry, there is nothing stopping him. He will purposefully ruin his life if that's his train of thought when he is mad. Also, I have noticed either I am getting worse at fighting him back, or he is getting better. Just this month, every time I have gone to defend myself, it is a miserable fail. Now you are thinking: just leave him and be done. And I am going to give the cliché answer that I love him. But there are many other logistical reasons as to why I cannot leave him. And I will get to those. But I do love him. When things are good, we get along very well. But then I think to myself, I can get along with many guys, that aren't mentally unstable and abusive. I was thinking about it today, and I realized the only core things my boyfriend gives me that your average boyfriend wouldn't already give you is absolute commitment and can fix my jeep for free. When I say absolute commitment, I mean it. I have never had a boyfriend so committed to me before. He moved from Ohio to Virginia just to live with me. I am thinking of moving to Portland Oregon for law school sometime in the near future, and he said he was fine with that, and he will come too. He is completely committed to me. And honestly, that is something I haven't found in previous relationships. And the whole fixing my jeep for free is great too, because it seems to always have an issue. But logistically, it is also hard to break-up for several reasons. One: he is crazy and might try to kill me, the one time I broke up the relationship for a week, I had to call the police, and they were there to escort him away. Back then he moved into my apartment, and only I was on the lease, so I had a legal right to have him escorted away. We have since moved in together in a house. Two: We are currently both in a lease together on this house that doesn't end for another 6 months. We are both on the lease and therefore legally bound to pay the rent. And unfortunately I cannot afford two rents, so I will be staying in the house. And there is no way to kick him out. He has a legal right to stay in that house, and I can guarantee you, he will not leave. Three: Everything in the house is mostly owned between us. Pretty much all of the furniture we bought half/half... so I'm not sure how that would work logistically. Four: Our dog. Now: I have tried to make some precautionary measures with Cooper and had him registered only under my name. When dealing with the breeder, I bought him. My name is on all of the papers, all email correspondence was through me. The only thing is, the money came from my boyfriend. I really don't think my boyfriend would try and put up a fight and try and take Cooper if we were to break-up, because he really isn't a dog person. But I will never let him take Cooper. I'd rather spend the rest of my life with my boyfriend if that's what it means to get Cooper. Five: This is probably the worst excuse, but my pride would be shot to hell. I unfortunately have been one of those people on Facebook that has shared a decent amount of pictures of my boyfriend and I. I can just picture it... the horrible reactions of eye-rolls and "I told you so" from people on Facebook when they realize that I have removed the "In a relationship with..." Again, I know that is a horrible excuse to not break up... I shouldn't have even of typed it. Well obviously I can't paint the entire picture of our relationship, but I figure that's enough to get a general image. I can of course answer any questions or clear any confusions up. Any and all advice is accepted, I would even like hearing past similar experiences and how you dealt with them. Thank you. ❤️
  17. I will try to keep this short and to the point I have been with the same man for a little more than 2 years. He is Asian and I am Canadian. I have been in Asia for many years and this is his home country. He has also lived abroad and has had experience dating western women before. Early in the relationship he was in one city and I was in another. We saw each other on average, twice a month which worked out pretty well I thought. He had a good job working as a trader in a bank but always seemed stressed out about it. There were a couple of times he would change plans randomly sort of going back and forth about coming to visit. For example, he would make plans to come Friday and then change and say Saturday. After I would rearrange my weekend to accommodate the change, he would later text and say he changed his mind and was coming Friday. If I said I had already made plans, he would get angry but in a very passive aggressive way. It was one of those situations where you know the person is mad, but they turn it around and make you seem crazy for thinking that. I have to say, he did apologize one time and admitted to being a jerk. OK..moving forward. After dating for almost a year, he came to visit one weekend and was extremely distant. He would not sit near me, he was sleeping on the floor, acting just plain strange. At one point he started talking about how hot these women were on TV and then later blurted out if I would give him a BJ. It was odd and I just felt weird. Later on I confronted him. He said he just needed space. I told him FINE..why would you come all this way and insert yourself into MY SPACE and make me uncomfortable if YOU NEED SPACE??? He agreed and about 30 min. later told me he was quitting his job and moving to my city! I was blindsided. Moving on.. So, less than a week later he is here. I felt something was off but really wanted this to work. He decided he would trade on his own and that would be his source of income. He got his own place about a 15 min. drive from mine. I have to say, I have pretty good intuition and something felt off. I decided to investigate a bit and uncovered that he was previously married, divorced and had a son. He always told me he was never married before. Yeah, another blindside. I was shocked, hurt and devastated. But, I gave him the benefit of the doubt and decided to just love him unconditionally. Over the last year, his moods have been erratic. He loves me and cannot get enough of me one weekend but by the middle of the following week, he is distant and cold. Numerous times he shuts me up, tells me he doesn't want to talk, even if I simply ask if he has plans for the weekend. Logically, I know this is wrong and logically I know I am an idiot but I just get sucked in all the time. When we met, I had a dog. He was older and not very well. He fell in love with him immediately and five months later he passed away. This dog was my life, MY BEST FRIEND. I was not ready for another one but he sort of pressed the issue a lot. Finally I did it for him and got a puppy. He loves this dog as much as I do. Actually, I am wondering if he is sticking around just for the dog. Him loving my baby is amazing and it warms my heart but I also feel as if he is tolerating me just to maintain contact with my dog. Could be my imagination but who knows. We had one amazing weekend together. The next weekend he walked into my house, sat down, pulled out his phone and blurted out, I am moving (to another city). No eye contact, not explanation, just that. He then played with my dog, told my dog he loved him and left. The next day I was livid. I texted him....would have preferred a one on one but to be honest, I never wanted to see him again. I told him to get the hell out of my life and never come around again. He rapid called, texted....panic mode. He showed up at my place. I couldn't tolerate it so asked him to leave. He did. The next day, he shows up at lunch time with his laundry!!!! ??? I shut the door on him and told him to go away. He did....more rapid texting. Finally, I told him I am not intentionally punishing him, I need time away to process. SO....as this thing usually goes, I forgive and move on and hope everything will be ok We talked a lot. We spent Friday night together which was great. Just like old times. We had stopped spending nights together awhile back. The only time I saw him was when he was here with the dog. Then he would leave. He went back to his hometown to see his son. Returned Tuesday.....tells me his 10 year old son spent the night on his cell phone and he ended up telling his son he hated him, (oh, I forgot, he told me he hated me too....while we were talking.....) hit his son and smashed his cell phone. Now, we are into the weekend. Xmas party last night, he wouldn't go with me. I come home and as soon as I walk in he leaves. Hmmm.... I feel absolutely alone, angry, hurt and most of all pissed at myself for not being able to break this off. I am reading this and thinking is this really my life? Am I one of those women? By the way, I am 51 and he is 49. Please go easy on me....I know what the responses will be. I want to add, there is another side to him that is extremely generous and caring. I know he has a good heart. I have seen his compassion many times. I know he feels guilt. I know he is having money issues, although he has never once asked me for a dime. He has a lot of pride and would spend his last dollar on me rather than admit he is hurting financially. He has said he wants to go back to the bank to work. His love for my dog is sweet. He is always ready to help me if I need it. During the time I have met him, both my parents passed away and he was here for me 100 percent. is this relationship doomed? I do love him.
  18. Jellybean9

    Manuka Honey?

    Hi Amazing Pet Owners! Just wondering what everyone's thoughts are for using Manuka Honey on small wounds on cats and dogs? I did a veterinary related degree and spent a lot of time with work experience in practice. I have seen many vets push medicines for "money" instead or using alternative natural treatments. I know some vets and rescue centers use it as a valid treatment but very rare to find those that advise this. I am not crazy and would never ignore going to the vet for something serious. I read an interesting article about a women who was prosecuted for using it on her cat and banned for having pets for a year! She literally ignored her cat's condition which lead to amputation of his leg and subsequently had to be put down which was sad. All this could of been avoided if she seeked medical care for him. So it's given some negative light to using it as manuka honey as a treatment. Let me know if you have used it and how your pet has got on with it.
  19. I met a woman online and started messaging her there. She then gave me her phone number and we started chatting and texting. Things went well and we met for the first date. During the 1st date she repeatedly asked me how I was single for such a long time. I am 43 and never married, she is 38 and divorced. She also asked me other questions like if I smoke, drink, etc. Regardless, the date went well and we continued to talk. We again met for the 2nd date and this date also went well. She was just a few days away from going on a trip to India to meet her family. Couple of days later I asked her if I can drop her at the airport. She was very glad but said she has to drop her dog off at the care center and declined my offer. Then she brought up the fact that I don't have a pet and I won't feel comfortable with her dog around.. then she mentioned that she is vegetarian and I am non-vegetarian.. then she slowly started asking questions again - do you smoke, do you drink, when was your last serious relationship, why you didn't have a girlfriend for such a long time, etc. At one point I got frustrated and we got into a minor fight. She said we should end things as I don't feel comfortable answering her questions. I then called her and somehow patched up things and we decided to continue. For the next 2 days I texted her and she responded like how she usually does.. then I did not hear from her suddenly. I called and it went straight to her voicemail. I thought she must have started her trip to India already. I again texted her after her supposed return back to US but I did not get any responses. I first assumed that she may have postponed her return.. then I started to get very worried as it was now 1 month (her trip was only for 12 days). Yesterday I got very worried and called her.. it kept ringing for a while and then went to her voicemail. Today she texted me and said that she had actually blocked me for a few days. I was shocked and asked why she did that and she says that we should not be talking any more. She feels that it will not work out because she has a dog and I don't, she is vegetarian and I am not.. I feel very confused now and wondering what to do.. I also feel very hurt about her decision to block my number. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
  20. I have been with my boyfriend for a year now and in fact we live together and have two dogs with each other. So things are serious. We've talked about marriage, kids, and everything else. So you would think everything is perfect, right? WRONG. kinda. I think? I dont know I am so confused. I know he loves me and I DO love him. The biggest problem for me is the sex. I don't feel the connection between us when we do it and that's when we even do it. He would ideally like to do it everyday but we may do it once every six weeks because I just know that I'm not into it. I've talked about it with him but it doesn't go anywhere. I need foreplay and he just wants to stick it in which is actually painful. Therefore, i never want to do it. I've had better sex with past boyfriends and I KNOW I shouldn't compare but I can't help it. I know that it's not normal for me never to want to have sex and I feel bad for him that I am not pleasing him yet I tell him he can't just stick it in. Also, I occasionally think about how I would like to still date. Im 23. I have never and would never cheat. We've met each others family. my mom wants me to eventually marry him. I can't tell if he is the one. All my married friends say you just "know." But what happens if you don't "know." I Want him to be my soulmate. My mom says that just because I still think about dating and I don't know yet tells her that I am clearly not ready for marriage yet, which is probably right. But can someone give me advice? And then we have this whole fact of if we broke up where would I go, who would take the dogs, and thinking about breaking up actually tears me up. I think if the intimacy was better the love connection would be better. So I need help on what to do? Thank you. Yours Truly, the confused fifth grade teacher
  21. My senior cat, Shay ,needs to have all four canine teeth removed. He has stomatitis caused by an auto immune disease. Basically he is allergic to plaque that forms on teeth and his teeth themselves. It has a pretty hefty price tag of $2000. So in November is going to have all his four canines removed. 😢
  22. Hey guys I’ve been dating my boyfriend for almost a year. When we started dating we had a brief conversation about exes/how long we’d been single etc and he told me his last relationship had been a 7 year one in his home town (100 miles away). They’d bought a house together, adopted a dog - the whole works. I didn’t ask why they’d split up but he told me it was a friendly mutual break-up. He’d then moved with the dog to the city we met in. He’s mentioned a couple of times over a year that he’s still friendly with her, but I just found out that she lives in the same city as us. He has been going for regular dog walks with her but always told me “I’m meeting a friend and taking the dog out”. He never told me it was his ex or that she was even living in this city - from what he initially told me I had every reason to think she still lived in their home city as they were broken up when he moved here. He also told me she was surprised not to have been invited to his close friend’s wedding (he lived with the couple getting married up until a couple of months ago). This reaction makes me think there’s a possibility they’ve all been hanging out for her to feel surprised not to be invited! I don’t feel threatened by his ex and I trust him not to cheat but I feel he has lied to me by omission. For a whole year he has been going out for dog walks (that almost always end in dinner at a pub) with his serious ex and never told me. He has rushed off from spending time with me to go and meet this “friend” and now I feel uncomfortable knowing he was rushing from spending time with his current girlfriend to his old one. He may well see her just as a friend but I think it’s pretty important info to withhold. He’s hiding behind “well I take the dog for walks with lots of people” and “I told you it ended amicably” but to me that’s not the same thing! Interested to hear peoples thoughts on whether you would find this deceitful.
  23. I messed up. I have with the only person ever in my life to care about me for me, for the past 2 years. We have had a rocky relationship however, there were plent of good moments together. We also adotped a dog togehter about a year in (he is like both our child). She moved in with me almost instantly and we rent a house, along with my father. I have issues with drinking and smoking weed. I have not been there for her sexually like i should have been for a good while of the relationship, and admidlty could have been more affectionate. We had a 4 day seperation about 4 months ago because i couldnt get a handle on my drinking (as in doing it too much) . I told her how much a sober life with her ment to me (although i was still smoking and this never botherd her) and i got myself clean from drinking without AA like she though i would need, for 3 months. She turned 21 (im 27) and we mutually agreed on her birthday vacation if we go out to eat or wanna have a night out thats fine, drinking could be something we shared, since she couldnt enjoy bars with me before. Things were looking good for us, i got into model building as a healty way not to drink. But like drinking, that hobby also kinda consumed me and i wasnt there for her, because i was so fixed on myself and staying away from drinking, to make us both happy. And i was. But from lack of attention, she wasnt. I was still smoking weed at this point. Another huge issuse is moving out. My whole soul hungers to be able to settle down with her and my dog, and she wanted to move out too, but the issue was my father and where he would go, so i couldnt pull the trigger. This made so much tension. She broken up with me 3 days ago. The final straw was that i told her id take her out later that night, got caught up in some stuff, went back to her too late to go out, but still wanted to hang and spend time at home (albe it was late). She was pissed though, i just genuenlly didnt know how much that dinner ment to her and i 100% honest lost track of time. Next morning she sat me down and said she doesnt love me anymore and wants to leave. And it was just a bit to early before i could find the right balance between giving her attention and getting away from substances. Now, i need to show her i mean buisness. Part of why i wasnt showing her attention or sexual attention was simple i got rid of beer but i was alwayssss high and lazy. I was scared of that being taken away. So childish. Currently (3 days into breakup) my life goal is to show her how sorry i am for not being there like she was for me. Im currently doing the following - - i stopped smoking overnight - made a savings jar to put all my saved weed money into a fund for us to move into an appartment - have sex at least every other night (how can i show her this change will happen?) - start lifting weights (she always said she likes big arms) - and most important accept i do not want her back for me, i want to give her what she deserved by beliving in me for so long. I really let her down without even realizing because im always high... I dont even want her back right away. I dont want to hurt her or make her feel perssured. I just want her to give it some time, see how high i climb this obsticle, and re-evaluate. But i fear that ship has sailed once already. I really need advice. Ive been doing the no contact rule for 2 days now, but i dont know if its proper for my situation. And to anyone who read this whole thing, thank you.
  24. I met this woman on Tinder. We rushed into things very quickly in a few ways ;). I basically started living at her place right off the bat. After like 5 days she said she loved me while she was drunk. I responded I like her a lot too. She made me amazing food, we had really fun sex where we experimented with things we both are into but haven't done much, adventured in nature, everything in dating. However, there were red flags. She has this crazy ex who she has his dog. He guilt trips her about the dog and threatens to take the dog. She wants the dog as a companion to her dog. They were together 4 years by the way. So I comforted her and assured her she's keeping the dog. She was legitimately scared of him, she said he hit her once. The other red flag is she has a drinking problem. She has been an alcoholic for probably 5+ years. She told me the reason why she drinks is because she doesn't feel bad about eating when she's drunk. She definitely has low self esteem issues even though she is reeaally hot, like damn, how'd I snag this girl?! I played it cool until she said we should date. She didn't want to make it Fb official though... Fast forward a bit. She's communicating with her ex still. Seems like she is trying to keep the peace with him so she can keep the dog. Fast forward some more, they are communicating often. She tells me about how she can't get him out of her head. This is probably month 3 by then. Maybe late month 2. As time progressed she would get really drunk and then I'm not sure if she'd call him or he would but she would profess her love for him and how much she missed him. Background: their relationship ended when he pulled away from her drinking and so she felt lonely and cheated on him. He now guilt trips her and says how he had these plans to marry her. Anyways, she did this ed up on Valentines day as well. She had no composure about this stuff when she drinks. She'd treat me like crap during those times too. Somehow, we always made up. She'd say how she was stupid when she sobers up, that she wants to be with me, etc. Also, I'm not the first/only rebound since the broke up. She kinda slept around and dated a few guys for 6 months before meeting me. Fast forward to now, about 7 months later. She uber'd drunk to his house when she got invited over while I was with her at her house. It didn't go well for her and when she got back I left so that didn't go well for her also. The next day she apologized and said things were finally over, she seemed fed up, like he was stringing her along. I got the feeling they'd get close via texting and whenever she went to see him it went bad, then she'd come running back to me. Anyways, my last straw for was a few days after that "last straw of hers". I brought her to her first ren faire. When we got home she begged to drink. I was getting tired of her resenting me by saying no. I gave her the bottle I confiscated from a while ago. I drank with her but eventually stopped, I told her I'd like her to stop too but she didn't. I went to lye down for a while. Started wondering what she was doing. I go out and she's on the porch drunk crying on the ground professing her love and apologizing to her ex. I grabbed my stuff and left. I ghosted her for about 3 days while she begged for me back. She called me 31 times in two hours one night. I ended up, basically, telling her that I'm fed up with the head games and she can hit me up in a couple months if she figures out her as far as her ex and her drinking. 8 days of me loosing my mind go by. Is she bettering herself? If so for me or him? Is she seeing someone else to replace me as she pines for her ex? So that night I go to her house. She's home. I knock on the door. She's shocked I'm there. She's sober. I'm allowed in. She asks why I'm there. I told her I've been thinking and it wasn't until that day that I started thinking hey, I love you and you're an addict, so I should have said no to you drinking. She then said she still has intentions with her ex. I said I know. She let the dogs in, they love me by now and I missed them so much so I gave them attention. She then wanted attention. She was all over me. She told me how much she loves the way I hold her and pet her, all my loving attention, she doesn't get that from her ex. He's much more distant. She misses that when I'm not there or when she's with him. When she's with me she misses how he is more masculine/confident and in a better place (I have a degree but a lame job outside of what I studied [though pretty damn good pay for what it is], terrible with grammer/spelling, a gun owner, and still officially living at home with my mom and I'm 29 [she never asked me to move in]). We talked about other stuff like my nature trips I went on in the mountains while not talking to her and whatnot. The whole her throwing her all over me also got reciprocated back to her. We agreed not to have sex though. She wants to be friends. I told her that her ex would never let her see me. She agreed. I explained that by being long distance friends she's getting the worst of me (bad grammer/spelling which really bugs her because she's a grammer nazi) and that our friendship would just dwindle away. I told her to please not text me anymore (as she was when I was giving her radio silence) because it's messing with my head. She agreed. After more talking I invited her over the next three days since I'd have the house to myself since my mom is camping, she could see the horse whom she loves to ride, and we could bbq. She said maybe. She eventually said she needs to go to bed. Maybe 2 mins after I left she texted that she was super wet, that she doesn't know how I always do that to her, and that she was glad we got to say goodbye. Talking escalated into her saying things like she wants to try anal with me and also her wear this leather harness I ordered but didn't come till I stopped talking to her. She said maybe we can work something out (as far as sleeping together I'm guessing). So, by now you're probably like ?! Why didn't you leave after like week one?! Truuuuuuue. I don't know. You heard a lot of REALLY bad. It's hard to explain the good. I've been with a lot of women, probably not as much as players, but this girl is "different" type of deal. Things are so weird. I would have left a hell of a lot longer ago if it was someone else. Y'all probably think I'm an idiot, rightfully so. I'm loyal to my feelings and heart though, I'm loyal to her though I shouldn't, and I'm not fed up yet I guess. So here's the scoop. She likes my kinky/erotic sex and aftercare, face (he's fugly), holding hands in public, shopping together, and things like letting her lay on me. She likes I wake up early, that I've gotten into running with her, she is stupid for my mom's horse, she likes that I'll cook for her (though hers is wayyyyyyyyyyyyy better). What he has is ownership of the dog she's obsessed with keeping, 4 year relationship (comfort/security/know's he'll kiss her ass when she does ed up things drunk), guilt tripping her for cheating/ending a marriage to be, masculine (though he seems overly aggressive to me, also I actually have done car work for her while he says go to a shop lol), taller, flatter stomach, higher paying job, lives on his own in a nicer place than hers, nicer car, and apparently he's the life of the party type of guy. I've already been job searching, working out, trying to talk to other women (though that's going nowhere), and saving more money for a down payment for a house. I'm doing the typical better yourself stuff. That all takes time. Now, if your first response is "dude, run for the hills", please come up with something else that's more inline with my goal of getting her back/long run. I understand I should but I'm not going to leave, yet. So, what can I do more immediately? I'm afraid to ghost or radio silence again because when I came over last night she said that it was just starting to get easier for her. That tells me if I don't try then she'll forget about me while pining over her ex. If I stay in the picture then she stays conflicted, partially wanting me but him a little more. What do I do to change that balance in my favor? I'm so frustrated that at first he was all hostile to her, then he finds out we're dating, he changes his tune, they start being all friendly, then rekindling things. ing bull home breaker, where was my chance?! Sorry, venting. But yes, pleeeeeeease give me some golden advice to win her for good!
  25. My boyfriend of 9 years decided to end the relationship and I’m 7 months pregnant... Before I got pregnant, about a year ago, he had starting acting jealous and wanted me to share my location on my phone a few times when I went out without him. I thought he was just being paranoid and actually would get pretty pissed off because I was always honest about where I was going and who I was going with the odd time that I didn’t go out with friends. He then told me that one day when I asked him to give me a lift to an appointment very early in the morning, around 6:30am, he saw me go into another persons car instead of going into my doctors office. I told him that there was no way, and even showed him a confirmation of the appointment that I got by email and he said that he didn’t believe me and he knew what he saw and that I could have made up a confirmation by email. This was all crazy and we had a huge fight but eventually it died down and I thought he got over it and realized it was nuts. We had been trying to get pregnant for a while, and when I finally found out that I was, we were both so happy about it. He came to all the appointments and even cried at the ultrasounds. A few months ago he fell at home down the stairs and hurt his back really badly. He got time off work and this is when things started to get really bad. There were days when he would call me at work and yell at me saying that he saw me out somewhere with another guy. I would even call him from my desk phone to prove I was at work and he would tell me that I was forwarding calls to make it look like I was there when I wasn’t. His paranoia was getter worse and worse. He would leave the recorder on his phone on and leave the house to see if I was talking about him or if I had someone over. He even played somebody recordings of what he thought was me talking on the phone to someone when it was really just the tv on. He found someone on google maps, with face blurred out, that resembled me and said that was proof that I was in an area where he said he saw me, even though this person clearly was not me and was dressed on clothes I didn’t not own. He claimed that yes, I did have those clothes and that it was definitely me. The mental abuse was horrible and I didn’t know what to do. One day I asked out of frustration why he was acting like this and if he was on drugs. He said he was on speed because I asked too much of him and he needed to take it to have energy to do all the things I asked him to do. I was completely shocked and told him that it was obviously the drugs that was making him so paranoia and that he needed to stop this right away because we have a baby on the way. He yelled and screamed and told me that all of it was my fault, that I was a horrible person to be with and that for years he was unhappy in the relationship. He said he didn’t know if the baby was his because he believed I cheated on him with one of more people. I cried for what seems like forever and even told him that this was too much for me to handle being so pregnant and he said to just leave him alone then and not speak to him. Weeks passed with him still making accusations and calling me names like “the dumb*** who got pregnant” because he said he wanted to wait to have a kid because he knew he had the drug issue. This was not true because this was a planned pregnancy that he was very much excited for at the beginning. I should have kicked him out, but I was still hoping that he would stop the drugs and come back to normal. Stupid thinking, I know, but I am so emotional right now that I couldn’t handle not having my partner during this pregnancy. He was so great at the beginning. Then about a month ago he decided that he was breaking up the relationship but he didn’t want to leave the apartment. I told him he had to go because I was not leaving. He was not on the lease and never paid rent, it’s my moms building and it would be ridiculous for him to stay and me to leave. He told him to go to my moms (downstairs) and he would pack his things are leave within a week. I did that just to keep the peace and not put more stress on myself but the day he told me he was bringing his new girlfriend to help him pack, I lost it. I told him he had to get out immediately or else I’d call the police. He changed the locks on me that day and I couldn’t get in the apartment to get clothes or anything. I had to call the police to get him to leave, and although it took a few more days after that, he did eventually leave. He took so many things from the apartment that were both of ours, even took my dog. He broke my door, put a hole in the wall, and left garbage all over the place while I was staying with my mom. When he was gone, my family helped me get the place cleaned up. A few days after that he said he needed me to keep the dog for the weekend and I agreed because I missed my dog so much. He was calm dropping him off and picking him up, but then he mentioned that he wanted to know when my doctors appointments were but I said i didn’t know if I wanted him to attend. He said he wants to be in the baby’s life if he was the father. I definitely do not want him there after all this. I’m completely at a loss of what happened to my life. I’m having a horrible time coping with all this. Although I have friends and family support, I feel incredibly lonely.
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