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About Me

  1. Oct 23 /2019 I was diagnosed with diabetes. And before that with hypertension. I still have time to turn this around. Right now my A1C is 6.9. And on meds my blood pressure is 105/75. Monday night I am joining a diet support group. I want to lose 50 pounds by next Christmas.
  2. So I went to the hospital at 2:30 AM. They gave me a 30mg shot of Toradol. That only reduced it a bit. They sent me home. I took 2 Tylenol 1 and got in bed at 5:45. I woke up before 7:30 screaming in pain. My husband took me back to the hospital. This time it was another dr. He said he is sure I have Trigeminal Neuralgia and gave me another shot of Toradol 60mg. He gave me 200 mg of carbamazepine . I have to take 400 mg a day. It is an anti seizure medication that will relax the nerve. And he have me hydromorhone 2 mg for pain. They have me lined up to see a specialist. Sorry I am not making much sense I am taking 2 medications which make you very very sleepy and confused.
  3. I guess the premis is to track the number of days that I do have migraines, symptoms and severity and a search to find things that bring relief. Day one. I woke this morning with one. Once again always left sided. The left side of my head and face are numb. The sinus on my left side is in agony as well as my jaw and nose and under my eye. I am pretty unmotivated as a result even when I have a ton of stuff to do. I guess on a scale of 1 to 10, ten being the worst, the pain is about 7 so I can still deal with it. My neck and back muscles are also killing me. Only on my left side mind you.
  4. So I’ve been doing research into how to improve my self esteem. I came across a “celebrity therapist” and hypnotherapist named Marisa Peer. She has a lot of videos on YouTube and has done Ted talks etc. Her theories seem to make so much sense but I’m struggling with her claim that she has transformed severely ill patients after a few sessions by treating the 3 core causes of their issues, rather than the symptoms of their depression etc. I have been trying out one of her practices for the last few days and I’ve got to say, I do feel a lot better and that’s making me consider purchasing one of her courses (she has free short ones I could trial I think). I can’t find much evidence of her being a therapist etc as google searches come up with mostly her videos and website but her courses etc have been reviewed with high ratings on blogs etc. So I’m wondering if anyone here has tried her courses etc and could vouch for her or say actually she’s a self inflated phony? I know the few reviews I’ve found on blogs are good but I’m skeptical, they could have been given it for free and felt obligated to give it a good review. Thanks
  5. Hello! I have a new female friend but I kinda can't call her a friend. We have been "friends" for about a year and it was going good and she is so nice. But she doesn't respond to my messages. Sometimes she'll not respond at all or sometimes days later. It's really annoying. For instance she messaged me last night and asked how I was (i've had minor surgery so can't leave my house). She msg me before the surgery and I said I will need visitors as I can't go anywhere. Then I didn't hear from her for over a week until last night. Then I respond enthusiastically to her message she was updating me on her life saying I've inspired her to do videos etc. (we voice message mostly) and I give her info about me saying - It's so hard not being able to go out and congratulate her on how good her video was. AND NO RESPONSE! I would have thought there would be back and forth. This seems to happen every time! A couple of times in the past she's said "lets catch up on the weekend, I'll let you know what day"... the weekend comes and goes and she doesn't contact me. She doesn't address it. It just comes and goes. She doesn't keep her word. BUT SHE'S NICE ENOUGH! Basically I don't want her as a friend but she keeps contacting me occasionally. And I don't want to be rude so each time I let it slide. As she's a new friend I don't feel like it's my place to confront her about it. But I don't want her to keep messaging me because each time I get disappointed. I'm 38 and I have changed a lot so I don't have a lot of friends. I'd love it if she was a good friend. It's so frustrating. I feel like I am so responsive to strangers even. I've never experienced this kind of communication before it's really weird. What do I do? Or have you experienced this before?
  6. I am 64 and have been in menopause since I turned 50. I experience hot flashes, mood swings, vaginal tears and dryness. I was taking bio-identical hormones (plant based) and they were compounded for me. I took Bi-est, progesterone and testosterone. My doctor took me off of them, he thought they compromised my immune system. Now, all my symptoms are returned. I am now reconsidering going back on them, but I am not sure if they truly are safer than the synthetic kind. I am interested in a vaginal cream. I am low in estrogen. There's got to be something for women like myself that can get relief and not have to worry about the risks. Your thoughts please.
  7. My brother and I have always had a pretty good relationship despite living in a turbulent household (parents always arguing and dad, cheating). We're both in our twenties and I'm his older sister by 5 years. In our culture, we stay with our parents until marriage, and family is everything. So despite all the turmoil between our parents, we've all always tried to work things out to keep our family together. I've always been a mega nerd, scoring high marks and basically just dedicating my life to academics. My brother's always been extremely social and has gotten into trouble over the years (getting arrested, stealing money from our parents, partying day and night, getting kicked out of university). Basically, although we've gotten along well, we're obviously different people. Everything was fine, and then he moved to Australia for a year. I cried at the airport. Despite the move, we still had a great relationship, and talked on the phone for hours at a time. He moved back a few week ago, which I was so excited about. However, he's come back a monster. He started going on rants about how he truly understands what life is about now, and that we're just doing everything wrong as a family. He said he's going to "fix" everyone. He started by screaming at dad in front of construction workers about his cheating behaviours, even though we were all embarrassed and told him to stop making this a public problem. He continued by going to dad's workplace and arguing with various workers about what their exact role is and what they accomplished that day. He grabbed dad's phone at various times mid-call and would ask questions to the person on the other end, to make sure he wasn't cheating. He then attacked mom about how she takes pain medication (recovering from shingles) because that's "poison" to her body and that she should instead do weed. My mom is conservative and very straight-edge so she'd never do that, but he continued on about how she's closed minded. He got into fights with her over some other things too and called her two-faced and a liar. He then attacked one of the twins, who broke up with his girlfriend early this year. He accused him of still talking to the girl. Twin showed his phone and everything, but our brother still went on a rampage about how he knows he's still totally talking to her. He yelled a bunch at the other twin too which resulted in the twin crying, even though the twins are 19. Then came my turn! For some background info, I tried out anxiety medication (Zoloft) at the end of 2018 and had a severe reaction. Right away I became incredibly lactose-intolerant and extremely sensitive to all kinds of foods, resulting in severe diarrhea or throwing up. My doctor disagreed that the Zoloft caused this, but the specialist I saw told me it definitely could have been a rare but severe side effect from this psychiatric drug which is known to be harsh on the stomach. He gave me a simple diet to follow and expected me to build up a tolerance against these reactions. Regardless, what was important was that either way, I was not well. I followed his instructions though and my reactions lessened, but haven't fully gone away yet. So, back to my brother. He randomly confronted me in the kitchen, asking me to tell him what's "really" going on. Honestly, I had no clue what he was talking about. He started glaring at me and telling me to tell him the truth. Turns out, he thinks I'm just pretending to have these reactions so that I have an excuse to not have to study (I'm trying to get into law, and was waitlisted twice due to a low lsat score). He even confronted the twins about how it's suspicious that I was waitlisted in a row, that he doesn't think I even wrote the lsat, which thankfully the twins saw and had the emails of. But that didn't stop my brother from continuing his rampage. He claimed I'm just pressured to go into law (untrue, it's very much so my own choice) and so I'm totally faking all this. I was pretty shocked, and told him that this is all real, that he could take a look at my previous blood test if he wanted. Unfortunately, while looking for it in my binder, I remembered that I had thrown it out as it didn't show anything substantial. This triggered my brother into a craze as he started ranting about how he's "catching the lies" and that I should fess up right now. At least my parents and the twins all know this is all real, and told him to stop acting like this, but he doesn't listen to anyone. Finally, I was discussing how upsetting this was to my mom. That's when my brother came barging in and started accusing me all over again. He said I maybe even secretly do drugs (ridiculous). I asked him why he even thinks all this nonsense, and he said, "I'm just saying that you should really tell me the truth because it's going to be so awkward for you when the truth comes out at the doctor's". He believes the doctor will let us know that this is all a fake ruse or that I'm doing drugs which cause these reactions. I got so upset that I got teary, and then he said that if I was being honest, that I wouldn't cry. That made me even more upset, and then he accused me of fake crying to garner sympathy from mom. He also accused me of lying about the anxiety medication, saying that first I called it Zoloft, and then I called it Sertraline (which is just its drug class, my god). He says everything I say is suspicious and so interesting, as he puts it. Every single day he rants about how I'm a liar. He yells, "my sister has been lying to all of us for 3 years! She's basically 30 and she's going no where!" Not only am I not at all 30, but it hasn't even been a full 2 years since I got these reactions. Further, these reactions happen about once a week to once a month, if even, when I accidentally consume dairy or something greasy/upsetting. It doesn't stop me from studying or living an otherwise normal life. My mom wants me to take him along to my next doctor's appointment, and while I can't stand him, I'll do it just so he shuts the hell up about me. However, even if he apologizes later to me, I don't think I can ever see him the same way again. My academic accomplishments define so much of my life. My wall is covered with my awards and scholarships over the years as school has always been the one thing I'm good at. It's the only thing I'm so proud of. I worked my ass off and even helped my brother to graduate from high school, which he always credits me with. And so for him to accuse me of being a fake actor, feigning an illness for 2 years just so I can avoid studies, is so insulting and hurtful to me. I have a bachelor's, double minors, and double certifications. My life has revolved around my education and my family knows that. He told my mom he'll accomplish double what I have by the time he's my age though, and that I'm wasting away my life, pretending it away and lying to everyone. My next appointment is with a stomach specialist (gastroenterologist) and so it'll be a long wait, but the time between now and then is killing me, hearing him yell out accusations day after day. I've totally had enough of this. I feel so distressed and angry when I even hear his voice. He's supposed to be my brother, acting like family and supporting me, not discouraging me, doubting me and accusing me. Our last argument happened when he burst into my room, yelling out accusations again but this time I exploded on him. My hands began to shake in anger, and once again he said if I was innocent then I wouldn't even get angry. I have NO idea why he's gone insane like this since he's gotten back from his trip, but he's completely destroyed our relationship and I want nothing to do with him. I can't even believe this is really my brother, who I loved so deeply and cared so much about ever since we were little. It's like something has come over him in the worst way. I feel very picked on and bullied. Not even my worst enemies have spoken to me in the way my brother is. He claims he's doing all this because he cares for me and wants the truth to come out. Just crazy. Obviously, this is all still happening and I'm very angry and heated still, but I really do believe I don't have love for him anymore in my heart. In fact, I can't stand him. If I never saw him again, I'm confident I'd be just fine. In my heart, he's no longer a brother of mine. I do recognize he's young/not the most mature, but I still feel this way, especially since I know I'd never do this someone at any age. Am I overreacting?
  8. On the weekend of mother's day, we went shopping for his mom's gift for when we would see her on Mother's day. We had a great time at her place. As we were leaving, she hugged each of us and told us she loved us. She told him he looked like he was doing better than ever. I had the same thought, about our relationship, that in this point in time we were doing better than we ever had. Didn't know it'd all change in a few short days. Spent Monday telling each other happy we were. Tuesday was spent talking about our goals and plans for the future, all involving bettering ourselves. We were seemingly on the same page with everything. And then Wednesday morning.. We both work from home for the same company. Some days are slow for him, and he spent that day cleaning...doing things outside in the yard...and I was working when he walked in the room looking worried, like he had something to say but couldn't. I joked with him and told him to spit it out, he could tell me anything. He almost looked like he wanted to cry and then he told me he'd been talking to his ex girlfriend from 7 years ago. They dated a little over a year. When they broke up, we spent 3 years casually seeing each other (while he healed himself from the fallout of that relationship) and then we made things official. Would have been 4 years living together this October. I looked at him with tears in my eyes and asked if he told her about us. No. So I said I have to focus on work, let's talk about it later. Later comes and he shows me his phone history logs. I notice only one number he was texting at odd hours of the night and ask if that was her. He said yes. Later found out, it was not, it's his mom's number. Then he says he maybe didn't even msg her and was just tripping and read her name. So with his blessing, I messaged her directly..she's in a happy relationship and hasn't spoken to him in years according to her. I try to brush it off and we enjoy the rest of our afternoon and evening alright. We talk about starting a garden and go look at supplies. He's extra lovey and passionate. I think to myself we can maybe work past this.. But as the night comes on, things get really weird.. We spend most the night laying in bed together. He's holding me, kissing me, saying everything about how much he loves me and doesn't want to lose me. We talk about our plans to marry in the next couple years. And then I have a moment of hesitation (thinking about earlier) and pull away. He notices. And things shift. He says how can I act like I love him and then act so cold. I explain I'm just in my head and hurt. He walks away and I follow. He tells me I need to leave and asks how can I do that? I asked what? What did I do? And he insists that I know. I explain that I do not. And he says that I put a hit out on him. WHAT? I grab my phone and walk down the street. Call my mom. Concerned, not sure where this is coming from or what to do about it. Also unsure of his state of mind at this point. I finally come back, still talking to her and my step dad. My ex comes in the room I'm in and I end the convo. They call back and he answers. My stepdad tells him to give me my phone. Things calm back down...we go back into the bedroom and he's back to being loving for a while. Then he switches again and tells me he loves his ex 50 and me 50. He says her body is perfect but my mind is WOW. I apologize for not being good enough. He tells me I am pretty and says he maybe he needs to just learn that he doesn't need to everything that looks good. I ask if he things we are meant to be together and he says he knows we are. Then he tells me how we are experiencing two different realities. Not really sure what he's thinking but this is the point I really start to think he's on something. He starts talking about he's trying to save my dad and boss. Next minute, he's offering me an edible and when I decline, he begins accusing me of trying to poison him. Next, he's in the hallway, laying on the floor with his unloaded gun. Bullets laying all around him..building snot and spitting everywhere. Comes back to the room, and spits at me. Tells me he his pants. I leave the room...and he follows, Then says he is an A.I. that I (Elon Musk) has created. That's it, before he grabs his car keys and our ferret and leaves the house. He comes back a few minutes later and as I hear him pull up, I go outside to hopefully stop him from leaving again, or at least grab the ferret. He sees me and flies into reverse, leaving again. I'm scared for them both at this point. I start walking down the road, hoping to see them. I see his car parked and walk over. They're both gone. I search around the area and nowhere to be seen. I go back to the car and to my surprise it's unlocked, keys inside. I get in and drive around town searching. Nothing. I pull over and call his sister and explain what's happened before driving home, hoping to see them there. Instead, a cop car. I pull into my driveway and two cops come up to me. Ask me if I live there and my relation to him. Explain that he's claiming to be on shrooms, that he also claimed to give the ferret shrooms. Claimed he was saying the government was out for him and he threw the ferret like a rag doll at them. They asked me whether I knew if he was under the influence of any drugs. I said I suspected it but had not seen him take anything. They then tell me the ferret was with animal control and my ex was sent to the hospital for evaluation. He also told them the car was stolen and he was supposed to meet someone there...not sure who that person would have been. One of his sisters stop by and we go get the ferret first and then go to the hospital. Due to covid, we were not allowed in to see him but answered their questions. He was there for a day or two before being transferred to have his heart evaluated. During his time at the hospital, I tried many times to speak with him but any time I tried, he would either hang up or tell them he didn't want to talk to me. I couldn't get any updates from the hospital so I was pretty much at his family's mercy. His mom was awesome...let me know all going on, and even let me come over once. We were all a wreck. When he was finally released, I expected to see him or at least hear from him. It didn't happen, and his mom told me he wanted to be with her for a week and wanted to be left alone. I said I respected that and gave him his space. Couple days later he called. Conversation went terrible..he spent 30 minutes accusing me of everything under the sun...asking why I didn't sound like myself, asking why I was breathing heavy, what had I been doing, had I been cleaning? How much had I been driving his car? Had I been doing drugs? Where was his phone and how could I leave him stranded at the hospital without it? I explained I didn't know where it was but offered to look if he wanted. I found it and he asked me to leave it with his wallet, which he had also left behind. Couple days later, he messaged me from a texting app and asked if we could chat. I said sure. Conversation went much better, mostly positive but not relationship talk at all. He said hearing from me was the highlight of his week and reminded me I am amazing and he's lucky I'm in his life. I again thought maybe we could get past all this. Two days later, Friday, I'm hoping he'll be back for the weekend and I get a call asking.me to leave the door unlocked so he can come get some stuff. Devastated me..when he walker through the door, sick of waiting around, I demanded some sort of answer. He doesn't want to talk. I say just answer me three questions...did you ever love me? Yes. Do you love me? No. Are we done? Yes. I tell him that I need to leave then, he has his family supporting him but I have no one there. He doesn't like that and tells me I should stay, to use his car and move my sister out there (she lives in Arkansae, with a daughter and a job). I explain that's just not logical and not going to work and I'd be calling my mom. His only response is he has a doctor's appt Tuesday and maybe we can talk then and he'd maybe text me before then. He does not text me over the weekend and Sunday morning, I leave with my mom. I let him know where the spare key is to the house and lock everything up. Never hear from him til I'm over halfway into the drive. His question then is if I actually left. I said yes. And he states that I need to help him with my half of everything. I am open to it, but we get into it a bit. Things calm down and he tells me he will call me Tuesday when things are calmer and we can talk about it then. Tuesday comes and goes and I never hear from him. Wednesday morning, I shoot him a text and he responds that he doesn't want my help and he'd handle it himself. I reach out a few times after that, offering to help.. Never hear anything back. And to date, now over a month later, that's the last I've heard from him. Well, last Monday after work, I hear from his sister on fb. She's asking me for our landlords number. I give her what info I have. Little bit later, she's asking me if I have any idea who he's continued to talk to or where he might be. He's missing again. Long story shortened, hes found a couple days later about 4 hours from home. Mental break down and possible drugs. He's sent to the hospital and held there again. Been out a few days now, and I've not heard anything from him despite my numerous (pathetic) attempts. I've literally never experienced anything like this in my life. I remember it so vividly and I've replayed it hundreds of times since then and can't make any sense of it. I don't know what happened. How do things go from so good to totally lost? How does he love me and then totally ghost me without a second thought? How can he put his family through this too? I don't know how to even being to heal without closure, but none of it makes sense and I'm starting to feel like I'll never get the answers to my questions...
  9. 2019 wasn't the best of my life, alone and at peace today, doing my own stuff for quite some months. This is a 6 months update on how am coping with anxiety, getting things right with my life. A relationship which i felt was going to be best for me & her turned out to be a very bad mistake. It was a never to be a relationship in the end, something i really shouldn't have put myself into without verifying facts and knowing well the person am getting involved with. Boundaries were crossed, i lost respect for myself in the end. While getting through it i started developing lot of self pity, lost my self esteem, self worth, confidence, always looked down upon myself, ashamed of my behaviour, developed very bad anxiety issues, caused truck loads of other health issues. there wasn't a day where i wouldn't wake up, look in the mirror, feel sorry and sick of the person i had become. I wished for the day to end soon but another day was waiting with everything repeating , an infinite loop. Spoke a lot about it in the forums, many good souls here really helped me look at it from a different perspective, still something was keeping me hooked on to the pain and memories. And then one day the therapist happened. To be continued...:)
  10. I've been seeing a guy for some time. We've both told each other that we really like each other, and we've talked a lot about a future together. However, my guy suffers from crippling anxiety. He told me he didn't used to have it, and thinks he's gotten better over time. I wonder if he's really just adapting to it. I think it's worse than he believes. He can't go to certain places or do certain things, for fear of having an anxiety attack. At times, he says he "can't handle" people and shuts down. He has a "comfort zone" of about 60 miles in radius, which he can't leave. He can go to the grocery or work, but I think he has to stick to a slight routine. It's frustrating that his doctor just prescribes him pills. I don't think his doctor ever suggests he sees a therapist or support group. I've tried to gently suggest therapy, but he has no interest in going. In the end, I drop it and don't push it. The problem is I don't feel like I can always talk to him. I try to be understanding about his anxiety, but how much is too much? I start to wonder if he's actually just taking me for granted...or maybe even playing games. I don't know what to think at this point. Whenever I try to state what I need out of this relationship or we begin to disagree on something, I think it starts to trigger an anxiety attack in him. He will either verbally lash out and abruptly end things, only to come back a few days later...or he will just shut down and push me away for some time. I try to give him space and wait until he reaches out. When we end up talking again, he usually brings up what happened and wants to talk about it. Yet, he never fully apologizes unless I directly tell him how much he hurt me. He also reassures me that he doesn't want me to feel like I can't speak freely; he wants me to tell him whenever something is bothering me. It's very annoying when I hear him say that. I don't know what to do, because whenever I do try to state what's bothering me, he gets triggered all over again. I know it's not healthy, and it's really hurtful. I realize I can't and shouldn't continue a relationship with him, unless he's willing to go to therapy. It's starting to affect my self-esteem and mental health a lot. But I don't know how to say this, without him getting defensive. I want to be understanding and supportive. I want to give him space when he needs it. I just can't keep going on with the way things are. It's tearing me apart. If anything, I'd like to be a friend to him. My friends aren't helpful in advice. One says I should just let it go and give him space when he needs it, because it's probably very hard for him. The other says I should dump him. Right now, my guy and I aren't speaking again. I've written down a few things that I want to say to him, but I'm not sure which is the right step to take. 1. Should I just give him space and wait for him to reach out again? 2. Do I contact him and ask if we can talk? 3. Do I send a text saying that I can't do this anymore and can only be friends? I would really like to remain friends, if that's all we can do. I enjoy talking to him and spending time with him. We have a lot of fun together. I don't want to have to say goodbye. :( I hope I can hear some replies from people who have had or do suffer from a similar form of anxiety. Even if you don't, I'd like to hear your perspective. Thank you.
  11. I am very frustrated. I have been with my wife for 12 years, and in that time she refuses to eat healthy. She will reluctantly eat a little healthier, but not healthy. As a result, I end up eating lots of bad foods. My weight went up to higher then it has ever been. I have gone on diets and done well for while, but ultimately fall off because she brings bad foods into the house, cooks bad food (I cook also and cook healthy options). She will barely eat what I cook, even though a normal person would find it delicious (grilled chicken with sauteed onions, for example). I am foodie and always have been, so having bad foods around is like bringing alcohol into an alcoholics house. I may be able to resist for a while, but in the end, the food wins out. Currently, I have lost 30 lbs on my way to a 80 lbs weight loss goal and have flattened out on the diet, no longer losing. Every meal she makes is breaded, fried, pasta, lots of starches and so forth. I have tried to discuss this with her and she just gets mad, and says that "she is so tired of everyone getting on her about her eating". She will not eat any vegetables, ever. We are not young, her having just turned 40 and we had our first child 5 months ago. She is classified as obese, and I have never gotten on her about that, only my own weight. However, we are older first time parents and I want to ensure we are both here as long as possible for our son and hopefully future children. Her diet aided in a very difficult time in getting pregnant which ended up taking years. She simply will not change and I am beyond frustrated as I want to be healthy. I am tired of feeling like crap, and realize a part of this is on myself, as I have to refrain from eating the crap she brings in, but its difficult when there are few healthy options in the house when she does the shopping, or my own will power waning when she brings in unhealthy stuff after I do the shopping. I thought with our son here now, she would jump on board and be all about getting as healthy as possible, but unfortunately she has not altered her eating in any way. I just don't know what to do anymore as I find myself feeling angry a lot, whenever she prepares a meal or comes home with groceries.
  12. So back in the middle of October I took a trip with my Boyfriend. I ended up wetting the bed, I was also bloated, stomach cramping and gaining weight fast. I saw the Urologist when I got back who blew me off. So I got a second opinion. The second urologist did imaging and saw I had a large mass in my bladder. She just went off the Ct Scan, she didn’t order any further imaging. I had a Cystoscope in November and she saw my bladder looks really good and healthy took a sample to biopsy. The only odd thing was she told me I had a large protrusion inside the bladder. But she said to follow up with obgyn. In January I end up in ER with horrible stomach cramping feeling like I’m dying. They order another CT scan which I’m not happy about. This one shows the mass more on the pelvic side then bladder side. I see her again, she says I must have tissue from the bladder protruding into the pelvic region and orders a ct guided biopsy. I go see my Gynecologist and he says not to do the biopsy. He sends me too Urogynecologist. I just saw her today and now I’m even more confused. She is sending me to an Oncologist Gynecologist who I got in STAT to see next Thursday. She’s top in her field and books always off in advance so to get in this quick is rare. The Urogynecologist went over all my procedure notes from what the Urologist did and found then through the Ct imaging. She told me I need to have different kinds of imaging. What’s being seen is this weird annexal structure with moderate amounts of blood flow that is in the right pelvic area. She told me it must have confused the urologist thinking it was in the bladder. Because it’s large and the ct scan was unclear. She told me it’s a right ovarian mass that’s probably been there since the Urologist went looking in the wrong area. So basically I’ve had this thing since the Cystoscope back in November and even farther back. It’s just unfortunately the Urologist accidentally over looked it. So my head is spinning because this confused me even more. She said that’s why the Oncologist Gynecologist will order an ultrasound and MRI to get better imaging on this thing. Unfortunately it’s not something she does in her field. I feel like an alien, what the heck is this thing on my Right Ovary that’s confusing every doctor? I’m bloated, I have back pain, it feels like I have endometriosis back. I asked, it’s not Endometriosis. I guess it doesn’t fit the look on the ct images for it to be endometriosis. I’m still leaking to where I’ve worn depends since October. I’m getting frustrated! I’m having a hard time losing weight because I’m so bloated. So I’ve just maintained. I’m on WW. Each different doctor has a different theory of what their looking at. They all do however agree on one thing, and it scares me! They think this may be a malignant growth of some sort based on its characteristics. Also the fact Ovarian and Breast Cancer run rapid in my family history. I’m 38, I don’t smoke, I don’t drink nor do I do drugs. I’m healthy in that regard. I had a hysterectomy five years ago due to endometriosis. The doctor took out everything but my right ovary for estrogen purposes. Lucky me! 😂 I see the oncologist gynecologist and I hope she has a better idea of the next steps forward. Sorry I wrote a novel. It’s been hard going through the run around. I needed to vent.
  13. My partner (we are a lesbian couple) is 5'7" and 170lbs, used to be an athletic US Marine. She is very self-conscious about her weight gain the past couple years. I tell her I do not care what the scale says, and I am being genuine. I love her just the way she is and just want her to be happy. She frequently talks about wanting to go on a diet and exercise plan, but implies in order for her to go through with it, I have to do it with her. Issue is, I am 5'3" and 108 lbs and don't have much weight to lose. My metabolism is just higher than hers. I have no issue picking up my exercise game because I have been meaning to do that for awhile anyway, but I feel like it is a little unfair to feel pressured into going on a diet with her that I don't necessarily need/might not be good for an already borderline underweight person. But I also want to be as supportive as possible. What should I do? Am I being selfish?
  14. I am not sure what's going on with them, but there appears to be a sickness in the air. My parents and brothers have stopped giving a about their health. My brother stays in bed all day and expects miracles overnight and then eats like crap. I am physically and mentally fragile but I am doing my best to fix myself and turn this nasty situation around this is by being a better person but it seems that people don't want that. I can't move out either because the situation I am in. My entire life savings were stolen by a criminal broker.
  15. Hi all, I just wanted to post because I'm feeling a bit off. I've been having issues with my current friendship group lately. I have had a really busy year this year. I'm 27 at the moment I have a degree and worked in the field for a while, but I've found another career I actually want to pursue so I've been pretty much studying full time and working 4 days a week on top of this for the whole year. Because of this I haven't really spent much time with my friends or almost anyone to be honest. I'm now on holidays from studies for 2 months so my friends have been inviting me out more and I've been able to see them. The only problem is all they want to do is go partying and drink. Like constantly. Last weekend I went out and saw them after finishing my last assessment, I was pretty exhausted and didn't feel like drinking and didn't want to stay out late. So I was just kind of sitting there talking with everyone but every 5 minutes someone asks me "where's your drink?" "why aren't you drinking?" etc and it makes me feel as if I'm being a party pooper by not drinking even though I'm still there and trying to talk to everyone. I don't know I just feel like I'm getting really over all of this stuff. I've had health issues in the past because of having so much alcohol and junk food in my early 20s and I just want to take care of my health now and sleep and have a routine. I just want to do things during the day and not have conversations where everyone is being loud and off their face all the time. I'm really interested in what I'm studying at the moment but if I try to talk to anyone about it in this group it's like "why are we talking about work related things?" I don't know, I still like these friends but I feel lately like I always have to act like someone I'm not when I'm with them and it doesn't feel good anymore. I don't have many other friends though at the moment. Most of my other friends have been in long term relationships/married/getting married and I'm still single so I often feel like a 3rd or 5th wheel with them. I guess all this stuff is pretty normal, but has anyone experienced this before? Did you ditch your friends or limit your time with them? Am I just being boring and I should get over it? I don't want to lose my friends by I really don't want to go back to that kind of lifestyle so just wondering what to do :/
  16. I have never slept so good in my life except when I was on anti-seizure meds. One of the side effects of one of my blood pressure meds is feeling tired. I am a write off by 8:30. However, true I wake up at 5:30 AM. Most nights I am unconscious by close to 930. And I sleep rock solid till 530. I have never been like that in my life.
  17. I can't believe I'm writing to the internet about this, but I feel so alone right now. I am in a 11-12 year age gap relationship with my boyfriend. He's starting to experience symptoms of low T or maybe even mild ED. It's deeply affecting our sex life and my happiness in the relationship, but I know it's out of his control. He's made a doctors appointment, but I don't know how to cope with this. Not something I envisioned dealing with as a sophomore in college.. advice? Also, I struggle a lot feeling like I missed out on his "golden years." We both met at a rave when I was 18, we've been together for 2 years, and i always hear his friends bring up their EDC or wild rave experiences from 2012-2015ish. How the music was so much better, and how raving/edm isn't the same. I see it in his face that he agrees even though he tells me he doesn't. He doesn't care to rave as much now that he's older. I feel like all his best memories happened before me and he lived his fun, wild life and now he just doesn't care for much. We still have so much in common, but I constantly feel like I've been left behind. I hate feeling like I wish I had a time machine so I could have been there all those years ago.. How do you get over these things being in a big age gap with someone you love? This is honestly more than I could have ever expected, and it feels like it just keeps getting harder. By no means, is breaking up an options, but if anyone has been in a similar position, any advice would be greatly appreciated. It's not really possible for me to get any advice or understanding from my fellow college peers..
  18. I'm dating someone casually, and this is what I need right now. We've started dating this summer. He's a very wise and self-aware person but God help me his cold logic attitude can be hard to bear. We agreed to date without expectations. We've also talked about getting pregnant scenario - he said multiple times he's against having children now and would support me only in decision of abortion. We've jokingly called him "a fan of abortion". I'm not "a fan" myself and I'm 31 (but not in hurry to have a family if I ever want that), so in case of unwanted pregnancy I would strongly think about keeping it, because I don't know when I will my future husband anyway (if I will). So we've talked about this and I told him it would be only my decision but I assured him I wouldn't want anything from him including money. I'm a very sincere person, heart on the sleeve, and he never had reason to doubt my words in any matter. This month I started taking pills as they're a statistically more safe contraception method than condoms (and would give us more fun). I'm ok with him using condoms as an additional method if that makes him feel more safe. But this week we had first "normal" sex without condoms and with a normal finish. The whole evening we were emotionally close and it all made me very happy. The sex was amazing too. The next day I had a visit with my gynecologist, took a new prescription and asked some questions about pills. I've been taking them every day after breakfast, so on weekends it's about 2-3 hours later. My doctor told me I should be taking them at the same hour for better efficiency. So I decided to take them at the same hour for the future. I had a tough day at work and while he was on his way to me, I told my bf that on text about the visit, and I jokingly wrote that "I hope your dreams about abortion won't come true", to lighten up the subject, which I realize now sounded a bit insensitive though we've joked in this exact manner before. We've also both read before that no additional method is needed if the pill is taken within 6 hours. He came to my place and got angry at me for writing that, that I shouldn't be joking about this. That maybe he didn't make himself clear about where he stands with the topic of unwanted pregnancy. That he's going to remind me more strongly and more often about it (he does that too often already..) and maybe it will make me discourage him from coming inside me rather than encourage him. And he said that I'm being childish with all of it. It pissed me off cause I've been approaching it all in responsible manner, taking pills every morning, clearing out my questions with the doctor on the first occasion and I didn't feel I deserved to be called "childish". But, having a tough day, I didn't have energy to tell him that, I just started crying. Like most guys, he said something mean when I started crying. So I couldn't talk for some time or react to his words, I just lied on bed and calmed myself down. He said to me if I act this way after what he said, I must have been lying to him before that I acknowledge his position on the matters of pregnancy/abortion. He asked again if I've been taking pills every day (I told him a few times this month already that I have), thinking I have some reason like that to cry. So when I calmed down we discussed things in constructive manner. I told him I won't stand being called a liar, that I've been doing everything right, and that I gave him no reason not to trust me. That I won't be called childish as well. But I'm sorry for the joke of course, since I didn't know this time it will go wrong. He said it's not that he doesn't trust me, he doesn't trust anyone. But I don't see a point in meeting someone you don't trust 100% with telling the truth... He thinks he's been only saying his cold truth, but I told him he's been just showering me with accusations made up in his head before just asking if they're true. That yes, I'm ok with his position as I said, but he was being an a*hole to me, with how he talked to me. He didn't apologize but acknowledge that. We've calmed down and while we need some space before being intimate again (with double protection for now I guess?), he's been assuring me we're ok, hugging me and being sweet to me as always. I feel frozen and depressed all day. I like him just as before, but I don't know how I will have sex to him again after he's been so mean to me about it. How to let him in emotionally again. I don't know if his fear of closeness or something makes him sabotage things just after we get emotionally intimate like a couple... or maybe I psychoanalyze too much out of it for now. I'm ok whatever way it will work out with us, if we will fall for each other at some point or find somebody else, but I want to enjoy things for now. I can normally enjoy sex only if it's emotionally intimate, not the physical act itself. I don't know how to emotionally "let him in" again during intimate situations, for fear of being punished later for that... I feel I should talk to him about how I feel, not to guilt trip him since generally I respect his views, but to tell him my needs, so I wouldn't cry after sex or something. Unfortunately I don't know what I feel now. And why I feel this way. Can you help me to understand myself better here?
  19. Hi fellas. Got a favor to ask. I'm looking for a cheaper alternative to regular CVS stores since some of my medication isn't covered by health insurance. Yes, those are non-prescription drugs and I've been thinking about some sort of a cheaper alternative like online drug stores. I've heard that Canadian ones are a lot cheaper than US-based. And judging by the news about their health system I don't think this theory is far fetched. Anyway, I need any feedback regarding real life experience of dealing with online drug stores. Any pitfalls etc. Will appreciate any kind of info regarding this issue. For instance: delivery times, payment methods, customs office issues and scammers. Anyway, I would appreciate any kind of feedback on your online medication sellers. Which are more reliable, which ones deal with prescription drugs (if it's legal to do so). I have never tried it online, so I'd like to get as much info as possible. Thanks.
  20. Dear all, I am seeing a guy for over 2,5 years. We had a relationship label for about 6 months but it made him so anxious that we officially broke up but kept seeing each other and were exclusive still. I know, very strange. We finally really broke up a few months ago, we haven’t seen each other for a month until he came back again. We are not exclusive now but we do see each other a lot, we hang out with mutual friends etc. He had a really rough youth, his father was murdered and he has contact with his mother even though it’s not a normal mom-son bond. It is clear he has a lot of unresolved issues and I see that most of the time he cannot help him self, his system is just as it is because he literally doesn’t know how to do different. He treats me really bad a lot of the times, he starts fights with me easily, yells at me about nothing in front of his friends, even though I am the sweetest and most loyal person he has even known. Sometimes he sits down with me and tells me how much he loves me, that I have every reason to leave him forever and how it is possible that I am still here for him after all he has done. I am too understanding, I see so much trauma in him and I don’t take the way he is treating me personal but that is wrong. I am not being sweet to myself by allowing him to cross my boundaries every time. We fight like we are in a relationship even though we are officially not because he is too scared. I had an abortion last week. He came with me to the procedure and I counted on him being there for me that day. He told me he wanted to go to a festival afterwards, I became upset and told him that I needed him afterwards. He started yelling at me that everything always has to go my way, that I cannot force him to stay with me and that I always make so much drama. I started crying, I was about to have an abortion and here he was yelling at me that he wanted to go to a festival. I never did this ever before and I scared myself, but I was felt so misunderstood and so lonely that I slapped him in his face. How dare he talk about wanting to go to a festival and yelling at me before having an abortion. Slapping him is not okay, I know that. It did make him calm down though and he stayed, he sold his ticked. After the procedure I was in pain and felt incredibly sad and all I wanted was a hug from him. I came out the clinic and he was waiting for me. He asked how I was doing and a few minutes later he said if it was possible I would go to my mom because he felt forced to stay with me for the rest of the day. At that point, I was still feeling a bit dizzy from the anesthesia and I was still in pain from the procedure. I felt so overwhelmed by everything, I was still processing the abortion and him telling me he felt forced to take care of me trying to ship me off to my mom broke me. I was extremely upset, I couldn’t even stand anymore and I sat down crying hysterically in the middle of the side walk because I felt so incredibly sad, hurt and lonely. He said I needed to act normal and pulled me up. We did go to his house but I still needed to go to the pharmacy on my scooter to get antibiotics. I did not feel well to drive my scooter but I had to, to get my medication. He took the subway. I got the medication and when I came back to his place he did not say a word to me. He did not ask how I was feeling, he did not ask if he could get me something to drink. I told him if it was possible for him to show me some affection but he got very angry. He said that I should be happy that I could stay with him, that he was being way too sweet to me, that I forced him into staying with me and that I was exaggerating about my physical and emotional pain about the abortion. We got into a huge fight again but it became so much, I just couldn’t fight anymore so at one point I became quit until he started hugging me again. We spend a few hours together which were nice. In the evening he suddenly became angry again without no apparent reason, he just suddenly told me that he felt really unhappy today about how everything went and that I treated him poorly and unfairly. He basically kicked me out of his apartment and slammed the door in my face and afterword’s we shortly spoke on the phone that he needed me to back off, that this was too much for him and that he doesn’t want any contact for a while. I told him how sorry I was for slapping him, I sent him flowers with a card and an apology but he said that it was too much and that I need to distance myself from him. (Apparantly he feels suffocated? I was only trying to show him my regret for slapping him – I felt like an apology with flowers was the right thing to do). I am completely at loss, I just had an abortion which I still need to process and he suddenly doesn't want to speak to me anymore. Did I really act horrible? What do you think I should do?
  21. Ok so I'm sure some of you have read my post in the relationship thread about my fiance working out of town and us barely talking and so on. Basically what this boils down to is I'm unhappy. I have been extremely stressed due to the fact that he still has not been able to contribute to the Bill's at all. Except maybe $50. Now granted I can see where some of you would say he shouldn't have to pay for any of the bills here, if he's not currently here which I understand. but he's not even trying to help pay our cellphone bill. His solution to the fact that our phones are going to be shutoff is to just forget about it and go get a prepaid phone. Now I've had the same cellphone company for 7 years. Not to mention I've been working on rebuilding my credit after filing bankruptcy last year. So when he said that I was infuriated. I did calmly tell him that that is not an option nor the way i handle things. It's been harder because I had surgery 3 weeks ago and I missed a little over a week of work, on top of I'm part time and now they've cut hours so I don't even get what used to be the minimum of 25 hours a week. And I have considered getting another part time job, but on also trying to overextend myself and screw my shoulder recovery because I've also just started school. I've not had to worry so much because my veterans disability does cover the rent for the apartment. but there's still about $900 in bills that have to be paid every month. Which he used to atleast help me pay the electricity and the phone bill. I always of course covered my car and insurance. but now I'm basically scrambling to cover for everything. It has boiled down to the fact that I'm now having to move in with friends because I can no longer afford all the bills. His response was I'm sorry baby but thats a good idea and basically that was it. Mind you, it did take a bit for me to realize the only bill he has where he's at is rent to the people he's living with. Thats only 250. And he sends $50 child support every week for his daughter. I know he has child support taken out for his son. but he gets paid every week, where I only get paid every 2 weeks. And I'm lucky now if its $150 And he's currently making a good bit more than me. He goes to the gym every day on his dime and he buys protein powder and pre-workout supplements as well. But says he can't send anymore money. Is it wrong of me to be fed up? I've been thinking about ending things and just getting a fresh start. Especially since at 33 I'm having to move in with friends to get my together. on top of now I'm going to school and still recovering from shoulder surgery. Am I being stupid or what?
  22. I’m not exactly sure if this is the best place to ask for advice, but It’s one of the only places I know so I’ll just go for it. So to start off, I’m an 18 YO guy and I just started going to the gym about a month ago. At the moment, I’m pretty skinny and still figuring out the gym. While I was doing an exercise, a man who appeared to be about 40ish cane up to me and asked if he could show me a better one. I said of course and he even showed me a few more. He mentioned he could lift more back when he was serving in the army, with my dad being a vet, I decided to ask him a few more questions and he said that he is now working for the FBI. so he seems like a pretty trustworthy cool guy. After he finishes showing me some new workouts, he asked what I was doing at the gym the next day. I told him I planned on doing legs and he said he had some good leg exercises that we should go together. I figured why not so he asked for my number so he could tell me when he was heading out and I thought nothing of it. So today we went, had a very good leg workout and kind of planned a workout for tomorrow. At this point I kinda wanted to back out as he does a more vigorous style of workout than I like so I was already trying to get out of working out with him. Later on though, he texted me “my legs are jello. Gonna go lay out at my friends pool. Wanna come tan.” Should I be alarmed that a middle aged man is asking me to come tan at his friends pool when I met him yesterday? Or am I overthinking it. Do I block the number and leave the gym(I only have 2 weeks before I leave for school) or do I try to go at a different time to dodge him? Any advice is welcome thanks
  23. ok. at the moment. i am overwhelmed with so many different feelings that i want to just run. run until my legs give out. if any of you have read my past postings, you would know that i am meeting my biological mother in whom i have not heard from since i was 5. (adopted) so its been really hard preparing myself for this situation. im afraid that when i see/talk to her that memories will come flooding back to me. i don't know how to react or how not to react. im actually thinking of "leaving" on that day. which is a very negative thought because i have been trying to face my problems, and not run away from them. so... already. ive got pressure. i can't talk about it with my parents because they don't know she is coming. and i don't know what they will do. so yes, its hard. but we all know life isn't easy. last night was the hardest night. i haven't cried like that in a long time. a very long time. i also have testing going on right now. every morning for 3 hours for the next 4 days. so there is pressure. i have to pass in order to graduate. no problem, but yes... im stressing over that too. and lastly... today's issue. i almost burst into tears in my biology class when i found out. i held everything back, all i wanted to do was run out of there and just curl up in a ball because it just keeps getting worse. i found out that one of my good friends is in the hospital because she slit her wrists last night. i don't know how bad it is. she doesn't even know i know. and im afraid. im so afraid. i don't know what to do anymore. she hasn't done anything like this that i know of since last year. as far as i knew, we were both doing better, for the first time in awhile. i know that yesterday she was upset over her ex. i tried to be there for her but she said she didn't want to talk about it because she would freak out again. i know this sounds selfish towards her feelings but this is not what i need right now. This makes me feel like i am not being a good enough friend, it makes me feel lower than low. its all so overwhelming. she has done this before, but not near hospitilization. and she knows that i will freak out. i am freaking out. so im meeting my mother, i have a billion tests to take and my friend wants to die. i don't know how to deal with all of this. she has been so good to me lately. listening to my problems. and i have tried to be there for her, and we do talk about her stuff, its just that i usually have to drag it out of her and i don't want to feel like im pulling teeth. this sux. im getting a headache thinking of all of this again.
  24. Hey everyone! I know there is no perfect way to lose weight...and what I have done is just started eating better. I have not counted calories or fat grams...and I WILL NOT lower good carbs (IE whole grain bread). Pretty much my take is, getting lots of fiber and I have completely eliminated fast food and junk. I have been staying away from foods that are processed as well. So far, I have lost 40 pounds. With my body type...I have gone down 4 dress sizes. What I want to do now is start exercising more. I have tried going to the gym...and it is really out of the way for me, and I find it really boring. So after doing some checking around I have found an indoor pool that would be pretty easy to access...and since I picked up another job while in school, the price shouldn't be a problem. I think I can squeeze in 2-3 times a week...for about an hour and a half to two and a half hours at a time. Obviously any exercise is better than none...but will that be enough to lose more weight? I chose swimming because I greatly enjoy it, I find it soothing and relaxing....and find it far more enjoyable than the gym. It is easier on my joints (I have tendonitus in my wrists and elbows), and I get a cardio workout while toning. So...any info anyone? Thanks for your help!
  25. This past year has been the hardest of my life. I feel like the world is judging me, almost condemning me. I feel I am all wrong for the world. Sometimes even the responses here make me feel worried about myself, that I am too this or that....and that I destroy everything I touch. I have never had as much intense pain as I have experienced this year. There have been nights when I have thought so strongly about suicide that I started shaking and crying uncontrollably. I have gone to counsellors, doctors, am on medication, but it seems like my soul is crying out...and that no pills or doctors can tend to what is going on with me...on a soul-level. What it is seems so simple...to love and give love. I try to practise this daily. I wake up and send out love and blessings to everyone that has mattered to me. At work, I try to look at everyone and send them a blessing. I think about many things during my day....I long for the pain to cease...but it seems like such a part of my soul now. My chest hurts so much at night...I have never felt this way before, but the pain has caused my chest to constrict, and it hurts to breathe. I feel so warmly toward people, and I believe in romance, passion, love, honour, dignity....I love beautiful poems, art....I appreciate kind words...sometimes when a customer smiles at me or compliments me, I feel so grateful....this kind gesture means so much to me. But at home I feel so lonely....the apartment is so silent.......It seems I am so careful with people, not to hurt them or come on too strong...I am careful to be myself, to show my appreciation and love. I just pick the wrong ones...the ones that hurt me. I am mostly frightened that there will be no healing for me. I try to think positive daily, and I love to help others here on the forum. I am just not sure if my pain will ease in my life.....if there will be a miracle of healing for me. I would love to remember what it feels like to feel light again........ I just needed to write this....If anyone can understand and write back....thank you.....
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