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  1. I have the most wonderful boyfriend in the world - the two of us have so much in common and are uncannilly linked in so many ways - however, we have this one nagging problem... When I first met him he told me about how he used to watch porn all the time which I figured was something all guys do from everything I've ever read on the subject. Not soon after we met and started being boyfriend/girlfriend did I notice something odd happening. First of all he lives in Canada, and I in the US, so when we aren't together we have "sex" on the webcam. Basically we masturbate for each other and it is a lot of fun and makes me feel better as I'm sure it does him. However, after we had been together for a few months, the frequency of these video escapades started to drop off. In the beginning it was every night or every other night, then it was more like every two-four nights. Now, from what he's told me time and again about the frequency of his desires, he needs to *take care of business* in some form or another every other day at least. If he's not doing this with me the only thing I can think is he's pleasuring himself to porn like the old days. He gets very upset and very defensive when I bring this up saying he never does that, that he saves himself for me. He basically turns the tables and starts blaming me for being untrusting. He says he doesn't do stuff by himself because he wouldn't want to "ruin things with us" by doing things on his own and then not being able to with me. I think this would be a very nice gesture, if it were really true. He also claims to have low testosterone levels even though he's never had them checked, and thinks he has some sort of erectile dysfunction stemming from stress or whatnot. He is perfectly healthy, and how much stress could someone like him have? He basically has no responsibilities, financial or otherwise! Please help me, I don't know what to do here. He will never admit looking at porn even if he did it all day long - I know this because I know how he is. I can't stand the fact that he may be lying to me. We want to get married someday in the not too distant future and I don't want a lying or maybe even *god forbid* cheating boyfriend grrrr. The guy I was with before him cheated on me numerous times with cyber sex relationships. If anyone has any advice or experience I'm all ears. - Frustrated in New York
  2. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year now, and he has admitted he has a porn addiction, but he doesn't want to get help. He told me watching porn and looking at women (Twitter, Instagram, onlyfans, reddit) is a comfort thing for him, and it isn't him seeking something he isn't getting at home. Which I don't understand. He said it doesn't turn him on all the time, it's just something he has been doing for years and it's hard for him to stop. This has been a conversation of ours for a few months now, when I found a second Twitter account where he was commenting on other women's pictures/videos, acting single. He deleted this account, and his onlyfans account. He told me he was going to try to stop, because he knew he shouldn't be doing that in a relationship. This happen in March, and since then we have had the same conversation twice. He told me since we started dating he doesn't watch it as much as he use to. Last night I had left the room to make dinner, and 5 mins later I returned to grab something and caught him looking at porn. This confirmed a few things for me 1.) He wasn't truthful when he said he doesn't watch it as much 2.) He looks at it whenever I have my back turned 3.) He isn't trying to stop because he doesn't want to. When we discussed this, I told him again how it makes me feel, and how I wish he was obsessed with me like he was with other women. When we first started dating, I wanted to watch porn together and record ourselves to add some spice to our relationship, but he always turned down the idea, so I stopped suggesting it. I asked him last night why he always said no, he said it was because he wanted something different with me and he didn't want our relationship and sex life to be like it is in porn. He hadn't been in a relationship in over 6 years before me.. I want to make it clear that he isn't a bad boyfriend at all. I am actually the happiest I have ever been with him than anyone else. The issue isn't with porn itself (I watch it myself occasionally), the issue is that he has the constant need to do it, no matter where he is. Is this a red flag that I should be worried about, or give it the time for him to make the change like he says he will?
  3. I have been active for about 3 1/2 years now. I have tried everything to get better in bed to please my boyfriend. I have went on web sites, bought magizine that give advice on sex, and went as far as going into a porn shop with my boyfriend and watching the pornos with him to try to get better. It seems like everything I do is just wrong. Can anyone help me? I dont want to live the rest of my life thinking about how men think I am bad in bed.
  4. I just need an opinion. Should I be concerned if my boyfriend has been downloading a private browsing app? Not for saving space on the phone or anything like that. Wouldn't it make sense just to use incognito tabs? I know some guys like to keep porn private from their girlfriends. And I do have a problem snooping through his phone once in a while (like I'm talking.. every couple months) for non-porn related things. But he knows I wouldn't care if he was watching porn. But he tells me he never watches porn even though I told him many times it wouldn't bother me. It's not just that he downloaded the app, it's that he installs it and uninstalls it every time. I won't even explain how I realized that because it just makes me sound even crazier than I already seem. We've had a problem with craigslist before so I'm more concerned about that and other things he knows I'm not okay with. If he downloaded the app and kept it on there and explained to me (if I confronted him) that it's there because he feels uncomfrtable with his porn habits in his browser history then I'd understand. Idk I feel like I'm being ridiculous. But when you have little trust and issues because of secrets (involving craigslist) it's hard not to jump to conclusions. I know he can't be meeting up with people because we spend most of our time together. We are about to move into an apt in a couple weeks and we've been together for (on/off) 7 years. Idk HOW to confront him. He never gets that mad if I ever confront him about anything I found cause he knows that he is in the wrong. And we haven't had an issue like this in about a year. Idk if I should let it go or give it time or what. I know there's a way I can find out if/around when he installs it again. But I feel like he's going a little far using an app (it's called Mirmay) just to browse privately.
  5. Hi everyone, This is my first post here and I feel like I'm just reaching for answers from someone, anyone. So a bit of background first: been with my partner for 6 years and we have a 1 year old together. We have a home and both have good jobs. We were extremely physical in the beginning of our relationship and couldn't keep our hands off eachother. The last 2 years have been a massive slump. Since I got pregnant he has hardly touched me (in fact twice in 2 years which I will mention later). When we were trying to conceive I suffered a few miscarriages and the last one before our full term pregnancy ended in me being incredibly ill in hospital and nearly dying. It's been a crazy few years. But we 're out the other side with our child and I am back to full health. The last 2 times we had sex I instigated it. 1 being when I was pregnant and waaaaay overdue and wanted to try anything to get the baby out - he wasn't impressed and didn't enjoy it. Second time being when we had a long discussion about how I felt unwanted and unloved and unsexy and we ended up talking ourselves into a quickie while the baby napped. Needless to say it wasn't very romantic. Now the other issue is he watches porn almost daily (I've seen his phone history as it's linked to my laptop and comes up with the searches - I wasn't snooping) and he has watched it regularly when I'm in the house. He doesn't come to bed with me at night and often falls asleep on the sofa. He's just not interested in me at all but always has an excuse as it why and it ends up in an argument if I bring it up. The ONLY time he tried to initiate sex was when our baby was 2 months old and I was still sore from giving birth and my family were on holiday with us. The least romantic scenario I could think of!! I didn't want our first time since the baby was born as a quickie when someone could walk in so I explained why and said no. I just wish he could understand why it offends me and why I'm worried. I'm really not sure what to do and to be honest it makes me not want to bother initiating sex because I feel so hurt. What should I do? Or do I just need to accept that this is our life now? Other people seem to be having weekly sex and I'm getting it yearly. What is going on?
  6. I'm 28 and after my 4 year relationship ended, I've felt lost. I was inattentive, but she was needy and had trust issues (whole story in my other post). Now she's pregnant to another man 4 months after we broke up. I know there are a lot of things I need to change, things that I want to change to better myself and for myself. I want to become fit and agile, I want to stop playing so many video games, I want to stop watching porn, I want to watch less TV, I want to become a better communicator, I want to be less frustrated and irritable, I want to learn new things, and I want to learn how to balance my time to include those I love and care for. Yes, this all stems from my previous relationship, but I am not doing it for my ex seeing that she has moved on and now has an unplanned pregnancy. I want to be a better, more well-rounded person for myself and the next relationship I go into. I don't know what i need to change exactly, i just know that I've never been the dumper and want to change something, if not many things about myself to be successful. However, I don't know where to start. I'm just tired of feeling like I'm missing out on a lot of things due to the way I decide to spend my time...
  7. So my boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years. We had a kid after one year of being together. I felt we were moving a bit fast but he seemed super excited about everything. It was all great. We’re not married, I would like to be. He’s a really great guy. But now that we’ve been together so long and there’s a kid now I feel like our passion and romance have pretty much been stamped out. There are times I look at him and know in my heart that he loves me and that I love him. But now we’re living together after he’s lived with his parents because of work for a while. (Which sometimes I feel like he was just escaping) because being a parent is hard and ever since my son turned one I’ve pretty much done it alone. Anyway. Now we’re living together again. I knew before that he watches porn. I used to have a big problem with it. But over time I’ve grown out of that. And come to accept that all guys watch porn. But now that we’re living together it bothers me more. For example: tonight after I put our son down to sleep. He went to the bathroom. I didn’t really think about it. Later when I want to get intimate with him, he’s tired. Mind you, earlier he was touting about how he hadn’t (chook chook) in two days. We call masturbating chook chook. But then why go do it while I’m putting our son to sleep??? Like don’t you think that I’d like to get close to you after a long day too? I’ve brought this up to him and he’s been sensitive about it. Luckily he hasn’t been a jerk like some guys I’ve read about. But it never changes! I’ll tell him how it makes me feel and that I think he’d rather chook chook than have sex with me. He just keeps doing it. I just don’t think he’s attracted to me anymore. I think he wants to f#%?the porn stars on his phone more than me. I’m just over it. I know that if I were to try and find another guy they would all just do the same stuff. What should I do? Sometimes I just feel like a friend or roommate rather than a partner or lover. I get the feeling I should just give up. And accept that I won’t ever feel that firey passion that we once had. That I am just a disgusting ball of nothing in a comfy hoodie. :’(
  8. I've been dating this guy for around 5 months now. He is my first serious relationship as I wasn't that interested in serious dating before. He is my only sexual partner I've had and I'm his fourth. We're both 19. Before we started dating he watched porn like any other person. I also watched it before dating him, but after becoming sexually active I didn't really need it and started to find it a bit gross. He still kept watching it which didn't make me happy but I didn't think it was a big deal. It however started to feel like a problem after a couple months dating and the fact that he hadn't reduced his porn usage at all. Also his social media was littered with porn, lewd pictures, etc. He was following hundreds of half-nude female cosplayers, models and some just straight up porn stars. I didn't think much of it at the start of our relationship but it started to bother me more later on. I didn't know any other guy that would have the need to watch half naked women constantly and so casually. Also those pictures kept creeping up on my discovery feed saying "liked by (insert his username here) and it just felt nasty. It felt bad seeing all the half-naked, photoshopped and over-the-top pictures of women and thinking "this is what he wants". Also him having constant feed of sexy girls made it feel like he would be so used to the naked body, that when we are intimate it wouldn't feel that special. I didn't want to feel insecure about it, but it also didn't feel normal. Talking to other people also confirmed it really wasn't. After talking to him about it a few times and explaining that he wouldn't like it either if I was constantly looking at half-naked guys on my Ig and liking their pictures, he started unfollowing some of them to reduce it. After that I started to feel a little bit better, but still a bit bothered by the fact that he even needed all that. After a few months we got a change to be by ourselves at my place for a week, as my parents were going away. We're both young and still live at our parents place so it was a perfect moment to freely explore new kinks and just have fun. We agreed to not use any porn that week and he said it was no problem and that he doesn't even need it. The first four days went well, we had fun and sex was good. At the end of the week we decided to try some new stuff like tying up, etc. so we could have the most of our alone time. When it was my time to tie him up it went well. Not going into details. When it was his turn the next day, it just didn't work. He teased me for a short time, and then before the actual intercourse he just went soft. And it wouldn't be the first time during the last days that this would happen. During the last three days he went soft 3 times and the 2 other times we tried to have sex, was extremely fast and no foreplay. Needless to say I was a bit sad and disappointed. Before, at the start of the week, or even normally he doesn't really go soft like that. And now he went soft multiple times in a row. I could think it was because it was too much sex, but we've had even more before so I doubt it. So once the week was over I was sort of annoyed at the lack of sex, or the lack of quality in sex we had. It felt like we wasted our alone time, and he didn't even seem exited about the whole tying up thing which I thought would be fun (he didn't seem that exited about sex in general). I just felt like a bad cum bag. What hurt me even more was the last day. We tried having morning sex, failed because he went soft. Then before he was going to leave we had a quick (like 3-4m) session with no foreplay or anything. He came and I went to have a shower. The next day I found out that at home later that evening he had jerked off to porn. Normally it wouldn't feel like such a big deal. Problem was that I wasn't happy with the sex we had had at the end of the week, even when I had tried to spice it up. (which he didn't seem that interested in) And him going soft in an unusual way multiple times, having sex twice that day and still needing the porn. I felt sexually unsatisfied and inferior to the porn he had to rely on, still on the same day. It felt like he couldn't keep up with the pace because he needed his usual dosage of porn, and when he didn't get it, it started to show. I've tried to research on porn addiction before and some of the symptoms of withdrawal would be difficulty getting/staying up and lack of libido. And those haven't been a problem before so it seemed like a natural answer; that he was simply addicted and it was a problem. He himself has admitted before to be somewhat addicted to it. After some more research and thinking I suggested we try the 90-day no porn challenge. Masturbating is allowed, just porn wasn't. He agreed, since we see each other almost everyday anyway, it shouldn't have been that big of a deal. It's been about 1 and a half weeks since that. He hasn't watched porn but he did admit to thinking about it a lot when he's by himself. He also admitted to still using doujins to masturbate. And for those who don't know doujins are basically hentai in manga form, made by unofficial authors. (like fanfictions basically but drawn) He had told me before a week ago that he reads them and asked if they're okay. I asked if he masturbated to them, he answered no so I gave an okay to it. But now he admitted to using them for masturbation and just said that I was okay with them before. Even though before he said that he didn't use them for that. So it just felt like he was lying. Last night we talked about it, trying to figure out what to do. He kept saying it was a problem and he needs to fix it, while also being very much visibly frustrated about the situation and restrictions. At this point I'm just growing tired of caring about it. I still don't like it, and still feel inferior to his porn, but I've just grown so tired of watching him struggle because of it. I don't even know if it's actually a problem or just me being insecure and overreacting. Our relationship is full of problems as it is. He's emotionally a lot more immature, which makes things very difficult. Especially talking about our problems is difficult. He also gets addicted to things easily; energy drinks, phone, games, porn, etc. I just need advice on this. Should his porn usage be restricted, or should I ask him to take a complete break from it (like the 90 day thing). Or should I just not care about it and try to come to terms with it? I'm just so tired of thinking about this. I feel like it does affect our sex life negatively and if it didn't, it obviously wouldn't be a problem. I also don't want him to get so used to the naked body, because it makes intimacy less interesting and important. I'm sorry if this rant is a mess, I just need to get this out of my system.
  9. Hello I am new here and have thought about going to see a counseller for my problems, but have decided to try online first and see other peoples point of view. My problems started last year when I became pregnant. I had been with my partner for 18 years and we never thought we could conceive, so were very excited about it. That was, until I had a miscarriage. This was the start of my problems. My partner had never really had a very big sex drive (once a year if I was lucky since he started his own business) and I put it down to stress of work. After the loss of the baby, I became very depressed and hormonal and he didn't know how to deal with, so confided in another woman (I only found this out later - the cause of a huge row). He had been texting her two or three times a day and I thought there was something going on. I confronted him about it and he said that she had relationship problems and was asking him about them. He said there was nothing going on and I should trust him. So I did. Their relationship seemed to fizzle out, but his business started going downhill and sometimes he works at the same building as her part time to bring some extra money in and I am eaten up inside thinking he is there with her. She has a boyfriend who (so he tells me) she is happy with and there is no relationship between them except for being friends. Now that would seem enough of a problem in itself (to me anyway - I felt betrayed that he was confiding in another woman about our relationship). He threatened to leave me about six weeks ago as he said I didn't trust him (and it had got to the point that I didn't feel that I could), but the shock of the potential break-up brought me to my senses and I battle with my feelings every day when he is working there, thinking they are laughing at me behind my back. Next thing I know, I find out that he has been looking at porn and downloading porn videos from the internet. I found this out quite by accident, but ever since, have been watching his activity online to see if it was a one-off (which it seemed to be). This was eight months ago. More recently I found a link to a porno site that he had accessed and then several more to other sites which he seems to look at on a regular basis after I have gone to work (I leave early and he doesn't start work until later, so has time at home on his own). I have confronted him about it and he seems to think I see him as some kind of deviant. I told him I feel that I am not enough for him (he is still not interested in a sexual relationship with me, although when I lost our baby, he had said we would try for another) and I feel that he is getting his gratification for looking at these graphic images on the internet. I don't know what to do or where to turn as I don't know if this is normal, but then why am I not enough for him? I feel like I want to break up the relationship over this as whenever I ask about it, he goes silent and moody and will not talk about it, full stop!! Sorry to burden people with so many problems, but I don't know where to turn or what to do and have felt suicidal over this as he has been such a huge part of my life for the past two decades. Confused, depressed and in need of help fast ...
  10. Okay, I am new here and just want to hear everyone's thoughts abou this... My husband dated this girl online 6 years ago. They never met. She actually turned out to be fake. He said he should have seen that all along, considering she sent him pictures, and all the pics she sent him were of DIFERENT people. He found several of the pics a few years later on a porn site. He says he was in denial. She also constantly asked him to send her money, which he never did. This was obviously before we met. The problem is, he still makes mention of her on his AOL profile, stating: "I have went into a dream I never want to wake up from." We have been together two years and I think it's about time he erased that. It's been SIX years since he had this cyber relationship. When I first moved in with him and he helped me set up an aol screen name, he updated his profile right in front of me. He explained that that line was about her, and he liked the quote so he was leaving it there. I didn't think too much of it then, I thought after so long of being with me he would change it out of respect if nothing else. Now almost two years later I have told him this bothers me, and he won't. He keeps saying "I don't update my profile that often." and stuff like that. I thinks thats a pretty dumb excuse. He also keeps telling me it's not that big a deal and I'm making a mountain out of a mole hill. I am very frusterated with this. What does everyone think. Do I have a right to be upset or am I just being silly? What do you think I should do? Comments please...
  11. Hey, on this thread, I want no comments about my age, ok. point blank, do girls masturbate? By girls i mean 18-. I only want to know because it seems that men see the world in more sexual terms than women, and at school, whenever the guys talk about porn or whatnot, the girls seem to disapprove. I only know one girl who masturbates, so i guess my question is, "When do girls start to thiink about sex as much as boys do?"
  12. Recently, I was on my boyfriend's computer when I found a HUGE stash of porn sites. It ws kind of surprising. I mean, I knew he watched porn or looked at it from time to time, but this just bothered me tremendously. Looking at it made me feel so inadequate to the point where I was almost in tears . I've always heard that porn is just a "guy thing" so I'm afraid to voice my opinion on how it's bothering me because I feel as if I'm expected to accept it and just be thankful that he's not cheating on me. I guess it just hurts me to know that he desires sooo many gorgeous women that I could never begin to compete with. I'm not really sure if this is something that I have a right to tell him not to do or watch or whatever, and I would never want to to overstep that boundary to be that controlling girlfriend, so I don't know what to do. It's a problem, because now, every time we're being intimate, I feel like he's thinking of or wishing he was with one of those perfect, gorgeous women. I know he loves me, but it terrifies me to think that he desires other women (whether accessible or not) and it makes me think that he would be likely to cheat on me since he's already desiring other women. Is this assumption completely unfounded? Please help.
  13. My friend spent the night at my house and we were just messing around all day having fun blah blah. We got home from basketball practice and played a game of charades with my parents and then they went to bed. Me and my friend stayed up and got on the computer and we looked at a little bit of porn but got bored with it.... so we made a deal that we would both go lay under the covers on a separate couch and masturbate without eachother seeing eachother. Then we were talking while doing it and we were wondering who had the biggest penis and I said I'd show him if he would, but he didn't want to show his (he wont take his shirt off or socks or anything so i didnt expect him to). he told me come over here and show me, and i set beside him and after about 5 minutes finally pulled it out and then I started masturbating in front of him and he watched me. He kept doing it to but he stayed under the covers. He touched my penis with his foot 2 times because I told him to, that i didnt care. I liked it and he was laughing about it. We talked about it later and he said it was cool and I could do it again, I wanted him to show to, I am not gay but I feel like I want to compare and masturbate with him, it seems like fun. I asked him if he wanted to do it any at all when I did and he said "yeah.. i wanted to really bad for a minute .. until i came" What do you all think? do you think he wil eventually do it in front of me If i keep doing it in front of him or what?
  14. Why are some men turned on by rape porn? Have you ever had any rape fantasies? My friends hubby will only watch that type of porn and it's really starting to irritate her. Also are these actual rapes,or just role play for the camera? Thanks
  15. okay i didnt even know what to title this because its different than my boyfriend just looking at porn. there is a site called myspace, that has plenty of dirty pictures on it but its not only used for porn. the site allows you to post pictures of yourself, make friends, and contact people you meet. recently i was looking through my boyfriends email, (he had left his house to pick up some things, and he always looks through mine so i was curious) unaware he even had an account with the website and found that he had messages waiting for him at the website. when i read the messages it was from girls with pornographic pictures on their page. he had sent them messages that said "i wana f*ck the hell outa you" and giving them his screenname... around that time my boyfriend, for no reason deleted ME out of his profile. his girlfriend for more then a year. the girls were not even good looking, they were mostly not in shape, had cellulite, i am very physically fit and i knwo for a fact that i am more attractive then these girls. whats the problem! why does he feel the need to talk to them. PLUS. are sex life is very healthy and he has pictures of me nude.
  16. I have some friends at my school. They are good kids, and I really like them, but sometimes they get into conversations about sex, attraction etc. I don't mind these conversations, but I have never looked at porn, seen a lady naked, or felt someone's boobs. They also have girlfriends; I don't, and they are always touching each other. So a lot of the time I feel very awkward in these situations. Am I wrong for not having seen nude photos or having touched a girl beyond hugging or shaking hands ? What should I do?
  17. First i'll give you a bit of backround info. My boyfriend and I have been happily in love about a year now. We have a pretty good sex life, i think, although lately i am not so sure. We have sex at least once on MOST days sometimes two or three times a day. It used to come much more naturally but lately i feel like i need to practically beg for it, and we only have sex if i initiate it myself, its next to never the other way around. We are very open with each other on most sexually related topics, and have tried alot of different things. The problem that i am having lately is that even though we have daily sex, i think he still masturbates at least a couple of times a week. Sometimes over porn (which i HATE) sometimes not. He'll lie about it too, deny it, but sometimes i will catch him red handed, and sometimes he'll admit it. It makes me feel like i can't satisfy him, or that our sex life is not good enough for him. I just can't get my head around why he needs to do it, when i know i certainly don't. We often use masturbation as part of foreplay, so its not like he doesn't get to touch himself. I'd understand if we weren't having so much sex, but as it stands now, surely its not normal to wank that much? The worst part is, that although we can talk about most things, he gets angry at me whenever i bring up the topic of masturbation. It's not really open for discussing with him most days, he'll just roll his eyes and walk away. A few months back, i even caught him masturbating at night, in bed with me, whilst i was sleeping. I didn't come right out and say i'd caught him in a nasty way, i kind of made a joke of it instead, and i haven't caught him since. But i also haven't been waking up at night as much lately so who really knows. I just hate the way it makes me feel to know that no matter how hard i try to please him sexually, he still finds he needs to please himself too. In recent attempts at discussing the issue, he says he does it most often after we have sex, because he's thinking about it as opposed to doing it if we had not had sex. That actually made me feel far worse, because surely the sex must be bad if he has to do his own thing afterwards. He says he's happy with our sex life, but is he lying and this is his way of getting the satisfaction i can't offer him? Is this a problem or some kind of addiction he has? Or am i just over reacting and beating myself up over something i shouldn't? Should i get help or should he? Confused!!
  18. Asking all guys out there… Could someone explain what is so appealing in checking out other women? And I mean women walking down the street, girls on TV, … mags… porn … everywhere… (Are there any difference between those?) Cause you guys do that, don't you? What I would like to know is what kind of pleasure you're getting from that, where's the kicks in it, what exactly do you feel and how does it affect the way you look at your girlfriend? What do you feel when checking out absolutely gorgeous women – who looks so much better than you girlfriend? Don't you wish your gf looked like that? And, how important is someone's appearance to you? (The fact that you're looking at girls regularly suggest that it is pretty important – is that true?) And please, don't take me wrong, I am not trying to criticize you, I'm just trying to understand it! My boyfriend really enjoys looking at other women – and I know he finds some of them more attractive than me, he told me so himself when I asked him. He doesn't see anything wrong with it. But it really bothers me. I, on the other hand, feel totally inadequate, ugly and unattractive because of him doing that. I know it might have something to do with my own insecurities, but please, help me to understand HIM better… Thanks heaps P.S. He always sais he adores the way I look and compliments me all the time! When other men look at me, he commets how they would like to have me and things like that. Does that mean that he wants all those women that he admires?
  19. OK. I am currently in a relationship coming up on four years. My boyfriend has stopped having sex with me, and keeps turning me down. However, he looks at porn and "pleases" himself whenever I go to bed, go to work, or anytime I leave the house. I think this might have something to do with him gaining a little weight, and not feeling good about the way he looks. I have tried to talk to him about this, but it only results in him getting mad. I always tell him, "It doesn't matter to me what you look like, I love you..." This has happened several other times during the relationship, but never this long of a time. He says he loves me, but I just don't know what to do...
  20. I have a problem with my boyfriend looking at porn, but... I think it... actually I pretty much KNOW it is because I have problems with my self esteem that are due to my bad sexual past and other issues dealing with my body image. It's not that it bothers me that he looks at it because I don't think looking at it is wrong, hell I look myself sometimes. But what hurts so much is that the second I find that he does look at it, I feel like I am not good enough, not pretty enough, not giving him enough and that he has to look elsewhere to find what's lacking with us. And I know this is not really the case! I don't know what to do to get over this because I have put pressure on him in the past and it has caused a riff and he hides it now which hurts much much more than him looking at it. I want to be one of those girls that doesn't sweat the small stuff like this. We have a great sex life, I am never lacking for it. I just don't want to feel like I am not good enough. Please, if anyone has any decent advice to give. How can I feel better about myself? My problems have never stemmed from not knowing what my problems are, they come from not knowing how to fix them. I want the trust back in our relationship. He is a good guy and he deserves to feel comfortable about looking at porn, it never hurts our relationship and he is far from being an addict. Help me please...
  21. Okay so I like porn with women only...sometimes men....I think women are so beautiful...when Im ya know, doin gmy thing, I think about another women being there with me..I think women bodys are beautiful..am i bi or is this just normal...
  22. My boyfriend and I have been together now for 10 months and approx. 2 months ago I moved into his apartment. I’ve known from the very beginning of our relationship that he looks at porn and we agreed that as long as it didn’t affect our relationship that there was nothing wrong with it. Shortly after I moved in with him I discovered a suitcase that was packed full of several hundred c.d.’s that he had burned off of the internet that included porn pictures and movies. He also hid several hundred porn pictures on his hard drive. We discussed this problem and he agreed not to download anything else and to destroy all that he had burned and downloaded. Just recently however, I discovered that hidden in his favorites were 30 or 40 porn sites that he has visited (including some teen sites). I confronted him about this because we have his 17-year-old son living with us and I didn’t feel that he needed to see what his dad was looking at. He got angry and accused me of snooping. Now the real problem here is that since the beginning of our relationship we only have sex approx. once a week, which is just not enough for me. He and I have discussed this issue on numerous occasions and he just always made excuses……too tired, too busy, low sex drive. Well recently this has become an issue AGAIN and this time he freely admitted that he looks at porn and masturbates very frequently, thereforeeeeee he feels this may be why he doesn’t want me on a regular basis. I had suspected this for a long time, however I guess I just tried to deny it hoping the problem would go away. Of course this news was somewhat of a relief, because I was thinking that there was something wrong with me but on the other hand it just really hurt me knowing that this has gone on for so long and knowing that he can get off looking at a computer screen when he has the real thing wanting him regularly. He said because he loves me so much and he doesn’t want to loose me that he would stop doing this. I’m afraid however, that he is addicted and that he won’t be able to stop. Should I insist on him getting counseling? Should I stay with him or end our relationship now? Is this something that he can stop doing on his own? I’ve noticed that other people on this site have had similar problems and would like to know what you all think?
  23. Hi, my name is Lucy and I am having extreme psychological issues after I found out my boyfriend looked at porn. I seem to not be thinking straight and seem to have an identity problem. I think i might be going crazy. Everything I feel is depression, sadness, and confusion. By identity problems meaning I think insane thoughts of being not me, but truly somebody unnattractive. Am I going crazy?
  24. the guy im dating is very effiminate. one would assume he is gay when they meet him. hes a pretty boy and the gay men love him! anyhow, i have recently learned that he enjoys watching gay porn. i know in the past he has fooled around with a guy, but says he didnt enjoy it. maybe just wrong person? anyhow, he also enjoys straight porn, and seems to enjoy sex. he has never been unable to maintain an erection, comes every time we have sex (not too fast, and not too slowly), and gives great head (i come every time!). now, i really doubt he is strictly "gay." if anything, id guess he was bi. but, maybe not? i mean, in nearly every porn there is, women get it on. and, though i am not bi or lesbian, it does make me arroused. same difference, right? but, still...given that there is such a stigma against gay sex, maybe its not quite the same...then again, maybe given the fact that he is effeminate, has had to get comfortable with this, has made him more comfortable with his sexuality, and makes him feel okay with enjoying the fact that in gay sex its total raw sex...no pretenses, no fake love...hard, heavy, and hot. okay...now its your turn. i need some input.
  25. I am 29 yo and I have been in a relationship with my fiance for just over 4 years, I am currently 6 months pregnant with our first child together and I have an 8yo daughter from a previous marriage. He is a wonderful caring father to my daughter and she adores him but he has been physically abusive to me in the past and we have had alot of up and downs in our relationship, we moved interstate 10 months ago and everything has been perfect since then, he is never abusive towards me anymore and he has been very caring and loving towards me. In the past I was constantly finding hard core porn magazines and videos that he has bought and hidden from me and I have even found phone calls to sex lines and chat lines on our phone bills (one bill even came to over $2000) the phone calls were rare but the magazines and videos have been constant for the past 3 years, whenever I confronted him about it he would always turn it into an argument and become violent and abusive towards me and then afterwards he would apologise and promise that he will stop buying them and even used to throw them all out, but a few months later I would always find he has snuck behind my back and stocked up on his collection yet again, even though he knows how much it hurts me. Ever since we moved and I have been pregnant things have been different and I thought that all this porn stuff had stopped but yesterday I found a new stash of magazines and videos. I have always been a very self conscious person and I find it so hurtful when I find that he sneaks behind my back and buys a secret stash of videos and magazines that he brings out when I am not around. I am a very open minded person, we have watched porn together in the past and we even have a large collection of "toys" that we have bought together, we have always had a very passionate sex life and we are both quiet adventurous and like the same things so I cannot understand why he needs all this porn when I give him everything he has ever desired in the bedroom. Before becoming pregnant I was a size 6 and I am now a size 14 so I am feeling even more self conscious at the moment, we never use to be able to go a day without having sex and now I am lucky if he wants it once a week and when I ask him why, he says he is tired or he is worried about hurting the baby. I really don't know what to do anymore in the past I have given him the choice between me and his porn and he always chooses me, so why does he continue to do it behind my back. I want to confront him about my recent find but I am scared of him reacting violent like he used to in the past, but also I am not willing to put up with these constant lies and broken promises and at the moment I don't even think I can trust him. What should I do?
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