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  1. I have the most wonderful boyfriend in the world - the two of us have so much in common and are uncannilly linked in so many ways - however, we have this one nagging problem... When I first met him he told me about how he used to watch porn all the time which I figured was something all guys do from everything I've ever read on the subject. Not soon after we met and started being boyfriend/girlfriend did I notice something odd happening. First of all he lives in Canada, and I in the US, so when we aren't together we have "sex" on the webcam. Basically we masturbate for each other and it is a lot of fun and makes me feel better as I'm sure it does him. However, after we had been together for a few months, the frequency of these video escapades started to drop off. In the beginning it was every night or every other night, then it was more like every two-four nights. Now, from what he's told me time and again about the frequency of his desires, he needs to *take care of business* in some form or another every other day at least. If he's not doing this with me the only thing I can think is he's pleasuring himself to porn like the old days. He gets very upset and very defensive when I bring this up saying he never does that, that he saves himself for me. He basically turns the tables and starts blaming me for being untrusting. He says he doesn't do stuff by himself because he wouldn't want to "ruin things with us" by doing things on his own and then not being able to with me. I think this would be a very nice gesture, if it were really true. He also claims to have low testosterone levels even though he's never had them checked, and thinks he has some sort of erectile dysfunction stemming from stress or whatnot. He is perfectly healthy, and how much stress could someone like him have? He basically has no responsibilities, financial or otherwise! Please help me, I don't know what to do here. He will never admit looking at porn even if he did it all day long - I know this because I know how he is. I can't stand the fact that he may be lying to me. We want to get married someday in the not too distant future and I don't want a lying or maybe even *god forbid* cheating boyfriend grrrr. The guy I was with before him cheated on me numerous times with cyber sex relationships. If anyone has any advice or experience I'm all ears. - Frustrated in New York
  2. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year now, and he has admitted he has a porn addiction, but he doesn't want to get help. He told me watching porn and looking at women (Twitter, Instagram, onlyfans, reddit) is a comfort thing for him, and it isn't him seeking something he isn't getting at home. Which I don't understand. He said it doesn't turn him on all the time, it's just something he has been doing for years and it's hard for him to stop. This has been a conversation of ours for a few months now, when I found a second Twitter account where he was commenting on other women's pictures/videos, acting single. He deleted this account, and his onlyfans account. He told me he was going to try to stop, because he knew he shouldn't be doing that in a relationship. This happen in March, and since then we have had the same conversation twice. He told me since we started dating he doesn't watch it as much as he use to. Last night I had left the room to make dinner, and 5 mins later I returned to grab something and caught him looking at porn. This confirmed a few things for me 1.) He wasn't truthful when he said he doesn't watch it as much 2.) He looks at it whenever I have my back turned 3.) He isn't trying to stop because he doesn't want to. When we discussed this, I told him again how it makes me feel, and how I wish he was obsessed with me like he was with other women. When we first started dating, I wanted to watch porn together and record ourselves to add some spice to our relationship, but he always turned down the idea, so I stopped suggesting it. I asked him last night why he always said no, he said it was because he wanted something different with me and he didn't want our relationship and sex life to be like it is in porn. He hadn't been in a relationship in over 6 years before me.. I want to make it clear that he isn't a bad boyfriend at all. I am actually the happiest I have ever been with him than anyone else. The issue isn't with porn itself (I watch it myself occasionally), the issue is that he has the constant need to do it, no matter where he is. Is this a red flag that I should be worried about, or give it the time for him to make the change like he says he will?
  3. I have been active for about 3 1/2 years now. I have tried everything to get better in bed to please my boyfriend. I have went on web sites, bought magizine that give advice on sex, and went as far as going into a porn shop with my boyfriend and watching the pornos with him to try to get better. It seems like everything I do is just wrong. Can anyone help me? I dont want to live the rest of my life thinking about how men think I am bad in bed.
  4. I just need an opinion. Should I be concerned if my boyfriend has been downloading a private browsing app? Not for saving space on the phone or anything like that. Wouldn't it make sense just to use incognito tabs? I know some guys like to keep porn private from their girlfriends. And I do have a problem snooping through his phone once in a while (like I'm talking.. every couple months) for non-porn related things. But he knows I wouldn't care if he was watching porn. But he tells me he never watches porn even though I told him many times it wouldn't bother me. It's not just that he downloaded the app, it's that he installs it and uninstalls it every time. I won't even explain how I realized that because it just makes me sound even crazier than I already seem. We've had a problem with craigslist before so I'm more concerned about that and other things he knows I'm not okay with. If he downloaded the app and kept it on there and explained to me (if I confronted him) that it's there because he feels uncomfrtable with his porn habits in his browser history then I'd understand. Idk I feel like I'm being ridiculous. But when you have little trust and issues because of secrets (involving craigslist) it's hard not to jump to conclusions. I know he can't be meeting up with people because we spend most of our time together. We are about to move into an apt in a couple weeks and we've been together for (on/off) 7 years. Idk HOW to confront him. He never gets that mad if I ever confront him about anything I found cause he knows that he is in the wrong. And we haven't had an issue like this in about a year. Idk if I should let it go or give it time or what. I know there's a way I can find out if/around when he installs it again. But I feel like he's going a little far using an app (it's called Mirmay) just to browse privately.
  5. So I've found out that my boyfriend watches porn and it made me feel really upset and angry and hurt. It makes me feel like I'm not enough to make him happy, it makes me feel like he fantasizes about these other women and he would rather be with them than me. It makes me feel like I can't live up to it... ultimately slashing my self esteem and making me feel really down and rubbish about myself. I've talked to him about it and he tried explaining that it's not like that, he doesn't know or care about these people it's just visual stuff and it's no big deal and he was only watching it because he's away working in London 5 days a week and he gets frustrated. In which I replied that just because he's not around at home doesn't mean I go off looking at other guys... why can't he just be happy with what he's got. And he said he is it's just what all guys do and testosterone etc etc. Even though he's sat down and explained it to me I still just don't get it and I can't help feeling this way. If I put 200% into a relationship I want 200% back. That includes no wandering eyes... I don't feel the need to look at other men because I'm perfectly happy. Anyway this chat went on for a while and ended up as I'm over-reacting and that I need to get over it fast. That's what he said... I tried explaining that I know some women are fine for their boyfriends and husbands to watch stuff and look at other girls as long as they don't take it too far like you know the whole "look but don't touch" thing. But then I also know a lot of women aren't comfortable with it... I spoke to a few of my friends about it yesterday and they all said they wouldn't feel comfortable and it would make them a little insecure too... so I can't just be making this up. I don't know what to do. I love him, he says he loves me. I know he would never cheat on me... I just can't shift these negative feelings I'm having about it. I've got confidence and self esteem issues as it is, he knows this. It's really difficult for me to not compare myself to others and get out of this way of thinking. Any advice would be highly appreciated because I do just want to get over it and make it work...
  6. Hi, here it is: my boyfriend masturbates every day in front of porn when I am right next to him, for some reason it deeply hurts me. I am cool with the fact that he masturbate or watch porn on his own time. But when I am around it hurts. When he start to watch porn and masturbate I sometimes try to participate or have sex with him. But he imediately turns the screen of his computer away so that the content of what he is watching is out of my sight and asks me to turn around. What hurts the most is that he chooses porn over having sex with me ( I am a 25 yo attractive girl). I talked to him about it. He said that I was not open minded enough. That sometimes he just wants to masturbate, that masturbation and sex are two different thing that you cannot compare. That by masturbating and watching porn next to me he was just trying to be himself and that I should not try to change him. What should I do?
  7. Hi, My 24 yo daughter is in porn. I found her pseudonym online last night. She has posted hundreds of EXPLICIT shots of herself in the "act". I also found her pseudonym's twitter account where she posts daily about her "shoots" and how excited she is. According to her first post, she's been doing this for 2 years. Over those 2 years my husband and I have tried to give her a part time job with us which she flaked on constantly. Working with us she had learned advanced excel and office skills that I hoped she could apply to other more lucrative work. In the meantime I paid her rent and supplemented her food. I had tried to get her interested in nursing school again [she flaked out twice before] but she flaked out a 3rd time stealing my tuition money in the process. She's smart, scores well on tests and is extremely personable. All this and she claimed she couldn't find other work blaming the economy. Yet her cousins - between the ages of 19 and 25 also can not find jobs "in their field" but they are all employed delivering pizza, waiting tables and even dressing up in squirrel costume at an amusement park. She became angry with me for not giving her more money and for not visiting her after she moved out of town 3 months prior "for a job" unleashing a barrage on me when I asked why her job wasn't paying her bills. I told her to give me a break - at the time she chose to take off, I'd recently 'adopted' my adult disabled brother, relocated him and at the same time became trustee in my recently deceased step-father's messy estate which took a lot of work. Her move, my brother, the death of my stepfather and taking on the trustee tasks all happened within one month. When she left it was on good terms. I thought she understood that the new mess I was embroiled in was a disruption in my life that would take time to smooth out. She has to take care of no one but herself. I also work full time and began suffering mild depression. Her response to me "YOU GO GIRL," then began mocking me til I told her I wanted her in my life but not like this. before she moved I'd given her $3000 in hopes she put it toward something useful. I don't know what to do or how to go on with this in my head. To be honest, by the time she left, she had become a torrent of heartache and to see her just made me unhappy. I could have gone to see her... but I didn't want to! She was so awful to me. blaming me for everything that's gone wrong in her life. Full of lies, stealing. all that came out of her mouth was deceit. All this sounds like strange behavior. I've asked her to get herself seen and offered to pay for therapy. Nothing. Last night I wrote her after 3 months of silence between us. I told her I was still angry about before but that I still loved her. Asked her to stop what she was doing because it is dangerous. I am worried for her safety but the hardest part is facing the fact that I dread seeing her again.
  8. Hi everyone, This is my first post here and I feel like I'm just reaching for answers from someone, anyone. So a bit of background first: been with my partner for 6 years and we have a 1 year old together. We have a home and both have good jobs. We were extremely physical in the beginning of our relationship and couldn't keep our hands off eachother. The last 2 years have been a massive slump. Since I got pregnant he has hardly touched me (in fact twice in 2 years which I will mention later). When we were trying to conceive I suffered a few miscarriages and the last one before our full term pregnancy ended in me being incredibly ill in hospital and nearly dying. It's been a crazy few years. But we 're out the other side with our child and I am back to full health. The last 2 times we had sex I instigated it. 1 being when I was pregnant and waaaaay overdue and wanted to try anything to get the baby out - he wasn't impressed and didn't enjoy it. Second time being when we had a long discussion about how I felt unwanted and unloved and unsexy and we ended up talking ourselves into a quickie while the baby napped. Needless to say it wasn't very romantic. Now the other issue is he watches porn almost daily (I've seen his phone history as it's linked to my laptop and comes up with the searches - I wasn't snooping) and he has watched it regularly when I'm in the house. He doesn't come to bed with me at night and often falls asleep on the sofa. He's just not interested in me at all but always has an excuse as it why and it ends up in an argument if I bring it up. The ONLY time he tried to initiate sex was when our baby was 2 months old and I was still sore from giving birth and my family were on holiday with us. The least romantic scenario I could think of!! I didn't want our first time since the baby was born as a quickie when someone could walk in so I explained why and said no. I just wish he could understand why it offends me and why I'm worried. I'm really not sure what to do and to be honest it makes me not want to bother initiating sex because I feel so hurt. What should I do? Or do I just need to accept that this is our life now? Other people seem to be having weekly sex and I'm getting it yearly. What is going on?
  9. I'm 28 and after my 4 year relationship ended, I've felt lost. I was inattentive, but she was needy and had trust issues (whole story in my other post). Now she's pregnant to another man 4 months after we broke up. I know there are a lot of things I need to change, things that I want to change to better myself and for myself. I want to become fit and agile, I want to stop playing so many video games, I want to stop watching porn, I want to watch less TV, I want to become a better communicator, I want to be less frustrated and irritable, I want to learn new things, and I want to learn how to balance my time to include those I love and care for. Yes, this all stems from my previous relationship, but I am not doing it for my ex seeing that she has moved on and now has an unplanned pregnancy. I want to be a better, more well-rounded person for myself and the next relationship I go into. I don't know what i need to change exactly, i just know that I've never been the dumper and want to change something, if not many things about myself to be successful. However, I don't know where to start. I'm just tired of feeling like I'm missing out on a lot of things due to the way I decide to spend my time...
  10. So my boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years. We had a kid after one year of being together. I felt we were moving a bit fast but he seemed super excited about everything. It was all great. We’re not married, I would like to be. He’s a really great guy. But now that we’ve been together so long and there’s a kid now I feel like our passion and romance have pretty much been stamped out. There are times I look at him and know in my heart that he loves me and that I love him. But now we’re living together after he’s lived with his parents because of work for a while. (Which sometimes I feel like he was just escaping) because being a parent is hard and ever since my son turned one I’ve pretty much done it alone. Anyway. Now we’re living together again. I knew before that he watches porn. I used to have a big problem with it. But over time I’ve grown out of that. And come to accept that all guys watch porn. But now that we’re living together it bothers me more. For example: tonight after I put our son down to sleep. He went to the bathroom. I didn’t really think about it. Later when I want to get intimate with him, he’s tired. Mind you, earlier he was touting about how he hadn’t (chook chook) in two days. We call masturbating chook chook. But then why go do it while I’m putting our son to sleep??? Like don’t you think that I’d like to get close to you after a long day too? I’ve brought this up to him and he’s been sensitive about it. Luckily he hasn’t been a jerk like some guys I’ve read about. But it never changes! I’ll tell him how it makes me feel and that I think he’d rather chook chook than have sex with me. He just keeps doing it. I just don’t think he’s attracted to me anymore. I think he wants to f#%?the porn stars on his phone more than me. I’m just over it. I know that if I were to try and find another guy they would all just do the same stuff. What should I do? Sometimes I just feel like a friend or roommate rather than a partner or lover. I get the feeling I should just give up. And accept that I won’t ever feel that firey passion that we once had. That I am just a disgusting ball of nothing in a comfy hoodie. :’(
  11. I've been dating this guy for around 5 months now. He is my first serious relationship as I wasn't that interested in serious dating before. He is my only sexual partner I've had and I'm his fourth. We're both 19. Before we started dating he watched porn like any other person. I also watched it before dating him, but after becoming sexually active I didn't really need it and started to find it a bit gross. He still kept watching it which didn't make me happy but I didn't think it was a big deal. It however started to feel like a problem after a couple months dating and the fact that he hadn't reduced his porn usage at all. Also his social media was littered with porn, lewd pictures, etc. He was following hundreds of half-nude female cosplayers, models and some just straight up porn stars. I didn't think much of it at the start of our relationship but it started to bother me more later on. I didn't know any other guy that would have the need to watch half naked women constantly and so casually. Also those pictures kept creeping up on my discovery feed saying "liked by (insert his username here) and it just felt nasty. It felt bad seeing all the half-naked, photoshopped and over-the-top pictures of women and thinking "this is what he wants". Also him having constant feed of sexy girls made it feel like he would be so used to the naked body, that when we are intimate it wouldn't feel that special. I didn't want to feel insecure about it, but it also didn't feel normal. Talking to other people also confirmed it really wasn't. After talking to him about it a few times and explaining that he wouldn't like it either if I was constantly looking at half-naked guys on my Ig and liking their pictures, he started unfollowing some of them to reduce it. After that I started to feel a little bit better, but still a bit bothered by the fact that he even needed all that. After a few months we got a change to be by ourselves at my place for a week, as my parents were going away. We're both young and still live at our parents place so it was a perfect moment to freely explore new kinks and just have fun. We agreed to not use any porn that week and he said it was no problem and that he doesn't even need it. The first four days went well, we had fun and sex was good. At the end of the week we decided to try some new stuff like tying up, etc. so we could have the most of our alone time. When it was my time to tie him up it went well. Not going into details. When it was his turn the next day, it just didn't work. He teased me for a short time, and then before the actual intercourse he just went soft. And it wouldn't be the first time during the last days that this would happen. During the last three days he went soft 3 times and the 2 other times we tried to have sex, was extremely fast and no foreplay. Needless to say I was a bit sad and disappointed. Before, at the start of the week, or even normally he doesn't really go soft like that. And now he went soft multiple times in a row. I could think it was because it was too much sex, but we've had even more before so I doubt it. So once the week was over I was sort of annoyed at the lack of sex, or the lack of quality in sex we had. It felt like we wasted our alone time, and he didn't even seem exited about the whole tying up thing which I thought would be fun (he didn't seem that exited about sex in general). I just felt like a bad cum bag. What hurt me even more was the last day. We tried having morning sex, failed because he went soft. Then before he was going to leave we had a quick (like 3-4m) session with no foreplay or anything. He came and I went to have a shower. The next day I found out that at home later that evening he had jerked off to porn. Normally it wouldn't feel like such a big deal. Problem was that I wasn't happy with the sex we had had at the end of the week, even when I had tried to spice it up. (which he didn't seem that interested in) And him going soft in an unusual way multiple times, having sex twice that day and still needing the porn. I felt sexually unsatisfied and inferior to the porn he had to rely on, still on the same day. It felt like he couldn't keep up with the pace because he needed his usual dosage of porn, and when he didn't get it, it started to show. I've tried to research on porn addiction before and some of the symptoms of withdrawal would be difficulty getting/staying up and lack of libido. And those haven't been a problem before so it seemed like a natural answer; that he was simply addicted and it was a problem. He himself has admitted before to be somewhat addicted to it. After some more research and thinking I suggested we try the 90-day no porn challenge. Masturbating is allowed, just porn wasn't. He agreed, since we see each other almost everyday anyway, it shouldn't have been that big of a deal. It's been about 1 and a half weeks since that. He hasn't watched porn but he did admit to thinking about it a lot when he's by himself. He also admitted to still using doujins to masturbate. And for those who don't know doujins are basically hentai in manga form, made by unofficial authors. (like fanfictions basically but drawn) He had told me before a week ago that he reads them and asked if they're okay. I asked if he masturbated to them, he answered no so I gave an okay to it. But now he admitted to using them for masturbation and just said that I was okay with them before. Even though before he said that he didn't use them for that. So it just felt like he was lying. Last night we talked about it, trying to figure out what to do. He kept saying it was a problem and he needs to fix it, while also being very much visibly frustrated about the situation and restrictions. At this point I'm just growing tired of caring about it. I still don't like it, and still feel inferior to his porn, but I've just grown so tired of watching him struggle because of it. I don't even know if it's actually a problem or just me being insecure and overreacting. Our relationship is full of problems as it is. He's emotionally a lot more immature, which makes things very difficult. Especially talking about our problems is difficult. He also gets addicted to things easily; energy drinks, phone, games, porn, etc. I just need advice on this. Should his porn usage be restricted, or should I ask him to take a complete break from it (like the 90 day thing). Or should I just not care about it and try to come to terms with it? I'm just so tired of thinking about this. I feel like it does affect our sex life negatively and if it didn't, it obviously wouldn't be a problem. I also don't want him to get so used to the naked body, because it makes intimacy less interesting and important. I'm sorry if this rant is a mess, I just need to get this out of my system.
  12. Hello, English isn't my first language, but I'll try to explain. I (22f) and my boyfriend (22) were dating from 5 years ago. I recently know that he likes to see hentai, and both of us likes Anime so I thought that was OK, I mean he's a man. But, he goes to the bathroom and jerk off everyday watching his phone. I know this because now we live together and the bathroom's door doesn't close well. And looking for something in the historial of the pc, I discovered that he watch porn as well. My problem is... that hurt me, we live together, and I can't no start thinking that maybe I'm not enough for him. Why he need to do that? Why not telling me he likes that? Also he likes playing games and all his characters are women, like erotic women and also he plays hentai games... I overreacting? I feel hurt about this. Can you please tell me what can I do? Even if I tell him that I have problems with my appearance and that it hurt me see how much he likes perfect and sexy characters, he forgets what I said and I feel like he doesn't care, but he still loves me? so I don't know what to do and ended here.
  13. Hello I been married for about a year and me and my husband been together for about 3 years. We have some bumps but he loves me and I love him the same. Here is my question. When we started dating we had sex a lot. Like every day or night whenever we could. And it’s been slowing down which i understand. He is a huge gamer and I go to sleep before him. And sometimes he wakes me up and we have sex. About twice a week. Well I miss the old him but I understand when I asked him that why you don’t want me like you used to? And he said my testosterone went down or I go to sleep before him. Of course we have kids so I needs to go to sleep can’t stay up til 2 am... or later. But I know for a fact he watches porn almost everyday. He takes long shower and I even cought him couple of times... and I do know that’s guys thing. And I don’t like it but some stuff I need to let go.right? As long as we are sexually active( even tho I want old him back) . Recently he took me out so we could have me and his time alone. He booked a hotel and took me out to nice restaurant. Went to comedy show. Like I really had a good time. And of course we had good sex. Next day we woke up and return to home. He went to shower for a long time I was wondering if he is ok. And I was gonna check on him and I hear the porn. I was kinda shocked. Like we had good sex last night like couple of hours ago now he needs porn? I feel like I don’t satisfy him sexually. I’m willing to try whatever.and another thing he love bbw porn. ( seen from his history) and I’m not skinny I’m curvy but not size 18. At all. All he watches is big women’s porn. So maybe he isn’t attracted to me? Or idk. How can I get over with this? Or what do I need to do? Because other than that I’m satisfied. He is a good husband and father. But this just bothers me. Thank you
  14. I'm in a long distance relationship and I'm aware of my boyfriend watching porn when he needs to get off. I originally had a lot of problems with the idea but after him explaining why he uses it, I can start to accept the fact a bit. We had some serious talks about this topic several times and I really don't want to talk about the same thing again. I'm afraid that as much as it's bothering me, if I bring this up again he will get tired of me and eventually will break up with me. I also noticed that the reason why I felt bad about him watching porn is because I was always insecure about my own sexual attractiveness. I've never thought someone would think I'm sexy because my body type isn't close to what the media shows. However, even after realizing my insecurities and my boyfriend reassuring that porn means nothing to him, I still feel bad about myself because he doesn't feel comfortable jerking off to me doing sexy video calls. Sometimes I do some crazy video chats to keep things spicy but he will never touch himself when I'm on the cam. He told me that it feels wrong to him because he's already been with me in person and it feels too weird to jerk off to me on video chat like I'm some kind of a cam girl. I asked him wouldn't he find my live video chat more hotter than random porn since he's clearly attracted to me but he said my video chat and porn is two completely different things that can't be compared to each other. I kind of get where he's coming from but at the same time I can't stop myself but to think that maybe I'm not attractive or sexy enough for him to actually do it. I'm not sure if the way I view this topic is wrong or not. I've always thought it's normal to masturbate to your partner's sexy video chat, especially if the partner is already doing it. We don't have any problems when we are actually together in person. I only start to get worried about this when I'm away from him. I'm working on my insecurities and starting to accept that porn is just visual help for a lot of guys. I don't want to keep feel bad about myself but I also don't want to talk about this with him again. I'm worried that since I already talked about this a lot, he might be already tired of me and feels disconnected with me. Everything else is going great so I really don't want something like this to ruin the relationship. I want to know some general opinions of my situation and advice on how I can improve my self confidence with my body. Thank you.
  15. Last night, my boyfriend (24M) watching porn while I was in the other room doing my hair. He was supposed to be studying for his 2 tests that he had the next day, so I thought it was a perfect time to dye my roots and allow him to focus. I went into the other room to show him my progress, and walked into to him browsing a bunch of porn videos. He quickly closed the tab and acted like nothing was wrong. I asked him what he was watching and he said YouTube videos. I blatantly saw that his screen was filled with naked people. so I walked right back into the other room. I told him that I wanted to be alone for a while because I was extremely hurt. We have been together for 2 1/2 years, living together for 1 1/2. About a year ago I talked about how I don’t like porn and that I don’t think he should be getting off while looking at other women. If he wouldn’t do it in person, he shouldn’t be doing it on the computer, in my opinion. I don’t look up naked guys to look at, because they don’t interest me in the slightest. I am only interested in my own man. During this conversation he said that it makes sense and he wouldn’t do it again. So I am very hurt that he lied to me and has continued to watch porn. I specifically told him how offensive it is to me to be in a committed relationship but watch other naked women. It doesn’t make sense to me. I have sent him hundreds of nude pictures of myself and we have around 20 intimate videos of us together. If he was so horny why wouldn’t he watch those? And why wouldn’t he want to have sex with ME when I was literally in the other room? You don’t need to be looking at naked strangers to get off. I was deeply upset last night, and I still am today. He did talk to me about it and apologize, but he says that all guys do it so it’s okay. He wasn’t understanding my point that it’s not okay to look at other women like that! I told him that it is a huge deal to me, and that it is not okay in a relationship. Our sex life is not bad, we have sex 3-5 times a week. So I do not understand why he is turning to porn when I am basically always down for it. When I told him that it is not acceptable and that I would not want to continue a relationship if he continued to watch it, he said that he can’t change who he is. He said that he would rather not be with me than to change his ways. Obviously, I am completely heartbroken to hear that. I am hurt that he would rather look at other women when I am naked basically whenever I am at home. I am hurt that he lied to me. I am hurt that my trust in him has been broken. I already have had trust issues from the way our relationship started, and have gotten way better. But this is a step back for me. The fact that he is doing it in secret when he told me he wouldn’t really hurts. Am I overreacting? I wouldn’t even think to look at another guy besides him, because he is all I want. My heart hurts that that is not the same for him. Please help.
  16. I need some insight on an issue I'm having with my relationship. For some background info my boyfriend and I have been together for almost 4 years. We have a 3 month old together. We also have a very healthy sex life normally have it everyday even now with a baby. We do not live together permanently we live together at his dad's most of the time because he has a large house and we cannot afford a mortgage right now. But some times I go back to my parents in another city for a eek or so with the babe because I am lonely at his dad's and want to see my family. During these times I am gone I know he is watching porn every day. He will make jokes to me when we text that he's going to watch it. I see video on video on his laptop. I know he only does it when I am not there but it kind of makes me feel.. Grossed out? Unhappy? Jealous even that he is looking at all this. I also seen on his Instagram he saves pictures of porn stars and women with their ass out etc so he clearly is looking up all this stuff. It definitely bugs me. He is loyal to me and always makes me feel attractive but I just can't shake this feeling that I don't like him staring at all these girls when I am gone for a few days or a week whatever. I don't remember him being this horny in past years. I also watch porn but I do not save pics of naked men etc... Anyway I know I should get over it and I try not to let it bug me but it still does and I resent him a bit for it for whatever reason :/ especially because we Do have such a healthy sexual relationship and I know he loves sex with me etc
  17. My wife let me know yesterday that she wakes up angry every morning because of me and what I've done or failed to do. She has social anxiety and is bipolar. She has been off her medication for months now so we can try to have a child (She is 39 and time is running out - but she is so unhappy with me we can almost never do the act). We have been married for just over a year, and we had a miscarriage about 8 months ago. She has told me that I seem to be oblivious, that I'm not present when we are together and that I don't care to support her in her struggles. She asked me to move out today, that she can't take it anymore, that she hates the person I make her become; she knows she treats me like and she doesn't like it any more than I do. It feels like it's only when she is really angry and yells that I actually take notice and try. When things are going well, I just coast and fall into my bad habit. That bad habit is watching pornography. I have been addicted since at least grade 8 and have been trying to stop for about 8 years now (I am 33). I have recently joined SA in late December and my sponsor and the members there have encouraged me to focus on just working the program - I am currently on Step 1. I recognize that I am selfish and I am getting what I deserve. We had a great time together early on in our relationship 3 years ago - but after I said and did some very hurtful things and continued to do them (especially big things like not planning celebrations or time together, not proposing, etc..) and it's caused her a lot of pain. I love my wife and am comitted to this relationship. I have come to realization that almost everything my wife has said is true. Yes, I know I am not perfect, I have ADD and I'm not as smart as her - she can over-react sometimes, but the fact is that I have been oblvious and lazy - especially when I have 'ingested' my drug, I don't care about others. The only reason I ever started to look for a girlfriend was to eventually get married and have an "outlet" so that I wouldn't watch porn or lust. Which is totally and utterly selfish and wrong of me. But now that I am married, I want to do right by her. I had been sober for over a month early on in our relationship but stress from our relationship has been a big trigger for me - and if I act out and look at porn, without fail we have a fight the next day or two because I become clueless about others and only see myself. She's never caught me using it, and I haven't told her exactly what I've done recently (though very early in our relationship I told her I was fighting it and she said she could never be in a relationship with someone who wasn't) - and now she hates if I mention "recovery" and considers I am just using it as an excuse to keep being as I am. I had my last slip over a day ago. I want to stay sober and I want to be there for my wife and stop hurting her. Do you all have any suggestions of what I should do to show my care and love every day for her starting from today? I already do the laundry, garbage, pickup or cook almost all meals, I try to give her little gifts though she doesn't like useless stuff (and we are low on money) and she hates me giving her candy because she's overweight. I try to be present and attentive when we spend time together, but I say or do something wrong almost every day because I am oblvious to her needs. She says I just "do" - but that I am emotionally absent and heartless. I don't want to lose her. Please help. Patrick
  18. Well I should always listen to my gut feeling. I went out on a date with her it was fun and nice. we chatted a lot all day all night for almost a week. we made plans for the next date and talking more romantically. I thought things was going great. Then like a car door slammed in my face, I started noticing patterns with guys on her page (847 Friends on facebook, 700+ Guys) It seemed that she needed or wants a lot of attention from the guys. To me that is a turn off, then she starts telling me about guys messaging her and hitting on her, Sending her porn, Penis pics, Etc and I mentioned that maybe there are things some guys just don't wanna know. She kept talking about it and then showed me a screen shot of this one guy that was hitting on her, Small world it was someone I knew and not that he knew me and her was dating so no foul but he is married and I know his wife. I mentioned to her this and her response "Not my issue" agreed but certain morals. I decided then to just end it. I am not interested in a woman like that, that also needs that kind of attention and fishing for likes and compliments. I get it we was not in a relationship but I find it difficult that if it turned into one those 700 guys would stop Hitting on sending pics etc. What the hell is wrong with people nowadays. I have met 3 women so far in the dating world 2 before we even met sent nudes, which in turn told me no self respect and I cancelled plans and moved on. this one the things mentioned above. Is this what the dating world is now? Really, if that's the case I may just stay single until I find someone like minded. But I am 3 and done for now. I am not interested in hooking up I am in my 40's I have had my share of casual sex when I was in highschool and College.
  19. I feel like people are either okay with it and even watch it together or they think it's cheating. I guess I can see both standpoints. Boys will be boys and are sexual creatures, but then again how is it different if they watched two people having sex (live)? Or even if someone recorded themselves having sex with someone else, for them. What are your guys opinions?
  20. Ok I will start by saying I love this man. He is my best friend. I seen myself growing old with him. We are so goofy and fun together. We have been together for four years and recently got engaged. Within the first week of engagement signs were everywhere. He told me he had I virus on his phone and I went to fix it. I went to clear web pages out and seen he has been watching porn and I mean lots of it with weird off the wall titles that shocked me. The good woman that I am I asked him if he had a addiction and if so we will seek help and work through it. He said no. Then days later i found out that he has been searching and watching a old friend of mines porn videos which happens to be the mother of his friends kids by the way. I was so upset that I wanted to call his friend and tell him. After that I seen he was on back page looking at ads for women near his job. First he said he did not know how it got there. Then he owned up to it and said he did not do anything and was just looking. We have no kids together but my younger two kids thinks that he is their dad because their biological father abandoned them where they were babies.Men what can you say about this situation and ladies what should I do? Should I run as fast as I can? Please help.
  21. I had a strange feeling that my partner was hiding something from me. He would spend long times on his cellphone and would put it down as soon as I approached him. Because of this I looked through his phone one night and found that he has a porn profile with intimate pics of me. He used images that he would take of me naked, sometimes without my consent, and images form my FB profile to upload them to a porn website pretending to be me. He also had another account where he uploaded videos of his ex getting naked. She sent these to him while they were dating, way before he met me. I confronted him about it and he admitted that he has a porn problem. He asked for forgiveness and he said that he wants to solve his porn issue but doesn’t know where to seek help. He said that regardless if we stay together or not he will solve his problems because he knows he has a problem and he wants to overcome it. He deleted all the content he had on that porn profile in front of me. He also affirmed me that aside from his porn problem he never cheated on my with anyone because he truly and genuinely loves me . I don’t know what to do. Should I forgive him? Should I walk away? I thought our relationship was going well. I know he loves me and I love him too. But I just don’t know if I should forgive him. He broke my trust, he shamed me in front of thousands of online users, he didn’t think or care about the consequences this may bring to me later in my life. Before we started our relationship, I always had doubts about wanting to be with him. He’s not exactly everything that I want in a partner. But I know he is a person of good and honest feelings. I just don’t know how to deal with his porn problem. Should I stick around and work with him through this together? Should I walk away?
  22. It's my first time ever doing this so bare with me.. going to make it as short as concise as possible but Im a writer so we'll see! I was sexually abused as a child so I've always had a weird relationship with porn- it makes me feel totally uncomfortable and gross. I have tried to get better about this as I have gotten older and have kept that fact private in all my relationships until recently. I have had numerous long term relationships where I have bent over backwards for a person but all have ended in me getting cheated on. After my last relationship ended awfully (found out he cheated on me when in contracted an STD) I ended up meeting Joe. He was everything I ever wanted and was trustworthy and genuine. My family loved him and we shared many of the same interests. I truly felt like Joe was THE ONE. I still do, kind of. Joe was close with his ex from out of state and had been for years so I was trying to put my fears of being cheated on aside and accept their friendship. 3 months in I saw texts between him and her which were innapropriate and I broke up with Joe (for a night). He assured me that I was the only one that he wanted and that it was just a comfortability thing after she had lost her mom tragically. After that he blocked her on his phone. In August i met up with Joe and his friends at a bar and he was really drunk. I can't remember why but when we got home (we live together now) I asked him for his phone password. I looked at his email and he had been emailing people and sending shirtless pictures on Craigslist under "personal ads" the emails would stop when someone asked to meet up so I know it never got physical. Regardless I broke up with him and moved out. He tried to talk to me numerous times but I ignored him. About a month later Joe came and spoke to me explaining that it was just a porn thing for him and he realizes it was cheating for me and he is so sorry. He agreed to make numerous life changes with me which we have done for the most part. He spoke to my dad and older brothers individually explaining how sorry he was and gained their trust back (which is veryyyyyy hard to do). I forgave him and moved back in. Things have been good overall. Joe feels like family to me. Since then I have felt uncomfortable with Joe watching porn and I have shared that with him. Not only do I have my past that already makes me uneasy about it- but I also now have this awareness that he took "porn" too far in the past and it truly hurt me soo deeply as he was the first man I ever truly trusted. I asked him not to watch porn while we get through all of this and he agreed. I also told him that mistakes happen and if he does mess up and watch it, please tell me before I accidentally find it. I've now caught him 3 times watching it, confronted him, and been promised it won't happen again. Most recently tonight I found some and I felt that his response wasn't genuine or appropriate for the gravity of what we have been through recently. He said "sorry I get horney sometimes". I feel that he is valuing his temporary satisfaction above my comfortability in this relationship and isn't truly valuing me forgiving him for the pain he has caused me by blatantly partaking in the problem that was the source of our issue in the first place. I will say that our sex life isn't great since all of this which is something we have communicated on numerous times- me explaining to him that it's hard for me to be intimate without trust and as it builds I will be more open sexually. He seems to be understanding of that- we have sex about 1 time a week- sometimes more. Not sure where to go from here... I don't want to break up, we've been together 2 years and live together and have pets together and feel like family. But I don't feel that I'm getting the respect i deserve and I hate having to fear going on the computer or wondering what a text coming to my bfs phone says. I really don't know what to do
  23. My boyfriend and I have been together almost a year and just moved in together. He’s 29 and I’m 27. The question that I have today is about sex. We have sex about 3-4 times a week, and it’s really good sex. He is quite happy with this amount, however I would definitely like it to be more. He does know this. He has made jokes in the past about how he knows that I “want much more sex than he is probably ever able to give me”. Despite this, it seems as if often when he’s left in the house alone, he watches porn and “rubs one out”. The reason I know this is because he’s not very good at deleting his search history on our shared computer. I know he’s not addicted as probably only watches it 2-3 times a week, and I only ever see one video in the history – so it’s not like he’s watching multiple videos and making a big session out of it – he’s literally picked one video, done his business & moved on. I also watch porn and masturbate, but only because I am not getting enough to satisfy my needs. I would much rather have my needs satisfied by actual sex, however I’m only getting that every few days and it seems like the days in between sex with each other, we are both having solo sex. I think that a lot of this probably comes down to laziness on his part. He’s often very tired when he returns from work as he works hard labour, and I know it’s easier to pop into the bathroom for 3 minutes to “get the poison out” than it is to have physical sex with his partner (me). I understand this, however I guess I just don’t know how normal it really is. In my previous relationship, we didn’t really talk about masturbation at all. I didn’t really do it and I was a bit naive to think he didn’t either. But in this relationship, he’s quite open about it. He doesn’t usually tell me when he has/is going to masturbate, but he has told me before (like if he lasts longer than usual, he’ll tell me that’s because he had a wank this morning, for example). He has rejected me a few times when I’ve tried to initiate and he often feels bad about that, so sometimes he’ll bring it up by saying, “Can we have sex in the morning instead of tonight? I’m so tired I just can’t be bothered” before I’ve even mentioned it. Sometimes he’s already masturbated that afternoon, sometimes he hasn’t. When we’ve discussed it, he refers to masturbating as “having time to himself” which I find odd. I guess that it wouldn’t bother me if my sex drive was lower, but because it’s not, I’m not really entirely satisfied with the amount of sex we’re having and knowing that he’s getting off alone is quite frustrating for me. Am I expecting too much here? Is it that sometimes men don’t exactly want to have sex, but they just want to have an orgasm? To men, is masturbation & sex two different things? I'm trying not to feel threatened as I'm sure his masturbation has nothing to do with me - but it feels personal?
  24. Hi everyone. This is a really great site with a lot of different opinions considering this issue...one that I am actually trying to cope with as well. However, my problem is somewhat different. My boyfriend also watches porn on a regular basis and it feels on more than a few occasions that we don't have sex because he's already gotten off that day. I am 19 and he's 17. I thought (maybe I'm mistaken) that guys that age would LOVE having sex. We've been going out for almost two years and I wouldn't say that our sex life is boring. My boyfriend is an incredibly honest person, and he's told me that sometimes it feels like routine (which I don't take offense to because it's a reality) but for the most part it feels great because we don't see each other that much. I have found porn on his computer. I wasn't snooping, I just stumbled upon it and it triggered off a inhumane rage in me. I freaked me out . Then I found it a couple more times and soon there was a reoccurring pattern: he didn't have sex with me on the days he already pleased himself. He admitted to me not too long ago that he thought he had a problem being addicted, however, it was NOT a porn addiction; it was a SEX addicition and porn was just made the sexual fantasy better. He told me he was exposed to this at a long age due to the unrestricted boundaries of the internet. When he told me this, I felt a much deeper understanding of him and his addiction and I have tried to cope with it and even tried to help him. He's made me put up firewalls on his computer and administrative passwords so he can't access porn, but he's always found a way to beat these barriers and find a way to porn. He wouldn't tell me when he beat the barriers, partly because, I think, he wanted the presense of porn which really makes me question if he wants to beat this. He told me about his addiction months ago, but he continues to get off to porn alot. I have told him how much it bothers and hurts me and how it completely drains my self-esteem. Even though I go out and guys constantly compliment my attractiveness, HE is the only one I care about and I feel unattractive to him. I feel he's way more turned on about the things he sees on screen rather than in flesh. He told me (and we're not fighting when we talk, we actually embrace each other) that it's a form of procrastination because school really stresses him out and it just happens to effect me. Every time he looks at porn, he feels guilty and like complete crap. When I did confront him again about looking at porn on his computer he freaked out on me and turned the issue against me. Porn disgusts me because I feel that so much of society is infiltrated with thoughts of sex, and porn worsens it. Erotica is different, but porn is...dirty (for lack of a better word). I felt so insulted that he turned the issue against me, that I threatened to break up with him and he was devastated. I know this makes me sound like a complete * * * * *, but I believe that someone in this thread said that actions speak louder than words. (For example, on one special occasion when we planned to have sex and make it special because we hadn't been with each for a while due to school, he got off that day and I was left just standing there completely rejected. He seemed to have wanted the porn more than real sex). I just hate feeling like I need to compete with his hand to be intimate with him. He's admitted his sex obbession to me. He says it's ingrained into his mind and how there's apparently no cure, but only control. He seems willing most of the time to overcome this, but at other times he feels he's so hopeless. I want to help him but when we talk about it, we talk about it for like 30 minutes, and then forget about it (though its still on my mind) and maybe after a week the whole problem arises again. I dont want this issue to be the focus of our lives but its on my mind alot. Has anyone been to counselling, and if so, has it helped alot or a little, or at all? I'm not selfish. I want his life to operate normally without having to feel so bad about himself, and I admit, I want a normal sex life. I dont want either of us to feel like we have to book a date with each other on a day he hasnt jacked off so we can be intimate. It feels so planned. Any words of advice would be nice. Criticisms would be nice too. Thanks ;-)
  25. Something I have noticed and have wondered about. I notice alot of guys including my ex have high regard and admiration for Porn Stars such as Jenna Jameson, Tera Petrick, etc. These women have countless sex on film with anyone and will do anything sexual like gang bangs with 20+ men. Yet I hear guys have talk about them with alot of respect for these women and see them as godesses, alot of guys in entertainment date and marry them.. Yet the same men will call a regular girl who sleeps the worst names,, the S and W word etc and would never date them and look down on them and make fun of their sexual looseness. So can someone please explain this to me?
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