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  1. Looking for advice but also needing to vent and let out some of the hurt. My bf and I are going on 3 years together, we're both 30. We haven't been truly intimate in almost a year. I'm open with him about how it hurts me and how I don't feel like he's still attracted to me even though he says he is. I try to initiate intimacy but it gets met with changing the subject, moving away from me, putting focus on something in the room like the TV or the dog, making jokes. I've lost track of how many times we've fought over it and I end up depressed, feeling worse while he makes empty promises that he'll make an effort to try more. But he never does. Then yesterday he told me he has a p**n addiction and he thinks it's easier to handle himself that way than to actually involve me in it. Ouch. I don't have an issue with him watching it, hell, I watch it, but my heart hurts that he would rather do that than to make an effort with me. And he didn't seem bothered to tell me. (I'd also like to point out that during past intimate moments I'm very involved so it's not like I'm asking for an arm or a leg). He tells me often that I'm his soul mate and he would do anything for me but this issue is still so prevalent and no action actually gets taken to work on it. It's like all the effort that gets put into avoiding it could be put into actually working on it...ugh. I hate to admit it but I consider cheating on him a lot, but I know that I just want the feeling of being wanted by someone and it wouldn't be anything of substance... but I really want that feeling again... Idk I feel like I'm losing it and wanting to throw in the towel. Intimacy isn't everything in a relationship and I understand that but it's one of the ways I enjoy connecting with my partner and I thought he did too and it wasn't an issue before. I know addiction isn't personal but I can't help but feel self conscious... is it my body? My hair? Do I smell bad? Is my conversation a turn off? Really does have me looking in the mirror different... thanks cardi. Any advice for this hurting person? Anyone been through something similar? 💔😔
  2. First of all i think I'll have to give a warning because this might be a heavy subject for someone. Hello everyone! Me and my bf are dating for one year (long distance) , everything was fine until yesterday. He came to my hometown to see me and everytime we see each other we have sexual intercourse. Yesterday I wasn't really feeling it, he gave me the signal that he wants to do something and I said "I'm not im the mood today" he said "okay" and after 5-10 minutes he started touching me even when i clearly stated that i didn't want to do anything sexual with him. He was grabbing me inappropriately and I just froze and didn't say anything at that very moment (that was my fault). He didn't go any further than that but it still felt wrong. After he went back home he started texting me and "joking" about how I didn't give him what he wanted, even if it really was a joke I was offended (he's that kind of guy that almost jokes about everything) I confronted him about it and told him that what he did was wrong. He told me that he didn't know that I felt that way and said that he was very sorry that he hurt me in that way, and that he'll never do that ever again. One part of me wants to forgive him because I still love him but the other part is still confused about the situation that happened. I really don't know how to feel right now, if anyone has advice i would be very happy to hear about it.
  3. Me and my boyfriend have been dating for over a year and a half now. He’s a really sweet guy, and he’s never done anything wrong. But over the course of our relationship he’s seemed to stop being as verbally and physically affectionate to the point where I don’t think he’s ever complimented me or initiated a hug/kiss in 1 year. He also is extremely busy with work and his education so we talk a lot less now. I’ve been giving him a lot of space as he’s someone who likes his alone times. But It’s getting to a point where I am not as satisfied with my relationship. I’ve brought this up with him and he took it well the first couple of times. However he doesn’t really do anything to change. I ask him to initiate a hug or kiss - even plan a date night once in a while (since I plan everything) but he’s never. After bringing it up again he’s started to get more irritated and now we don’t see eye to eye. All I want is increased intimacy and some more romance in our relationship. I don’t think I’m asking for much. But he doesn’t think he needs to tell me I look beautiful or that he likes me because I should just know. Is it normal for me to be feeling frustrated over this? I’ve been going back and forth with him for over a year now and it’s draining me. I love him to bits and I know he’s a good guy but these things are important to me and even with a compromise he still doesn’t meet my needs.
  4. This is more of rant/acceptance of my relationship situation. I been in a toxic relationship for a while, and I was kind of aware of it, but too stubborn and afraid to walk out of it. I (F, 30s) been married for 5 years, this was the first serious relationship I had and we have known each other for a long time. The mistake was I went into this marriage without really knowing what I want, I did it because of love. I have childhood trauma, a bit of low self esteem and an introvert, but I didn't want any of those to impact me. I'm generally a positive person, I guess that's what attracted my husband to me, that I was laid back and deeply care about others. My husband was an affectionate person, has a good heart when it comes to others. But he suffers from extreme low self esteem, even self hatred sometimes. And he's very vulnerable to other toxic people, alot of times he takes pity and go out of his way for them but they end up taking advantage of it. I been his support for alot of things, I wanted him to be happy. But we do have our differences, like I care about finance and planning for the future, he prioritize happiness at the moment. As the years go by, certain problems created tension in our relationship, like his financial support towards his sudden dependent family members in another county, his drinking problems, stress from his work, my lack of intimacy, etc. There were many times I wanted out, because there were abuse. I always tried to be the bigger person, hoping that whatever happens, we'll both be in the best situation in the end. When he was at the low points of his life, I couldn't abandon him, and that created many unhealthy patterns. He doesn’t really have anyone close for emotional support. I’m trying to work more on myself now, and taking care of myself. We’re both very busy, his work hours can be long and his boss can be very unreasonable, but he held onto that job anyways because it pays decent. Besides my work, I also study for the CPA, so that’s my priority. I know when it comes to intimacy, I can be lacking, because I have to feel very comfortable. I also blamed it a bit on his general lack of self care, he had put on a lot of weight, he doesn’t dress nicely anymore, he always says he doesn’t have time. He has a trip coming up to visit his family in his home country for 2 weeks and will be leaving in the next few days. Last week I stumbled across some chat logs with random strangers he forgot to close, it was in his native language, but I was able to figure out he might have intentions to cheat on me when he gets there. I didn’t confront him immediately, because I wanted to know for sure. The next day he was talking to someone in Skype very late in the night. When I asked, he said he was talking to his mom planning for the trip, my ears being sharp the person on the other did not sound like her. The next day I asked again, he said he was talking to his sister. I was able to guess his password into his Skype and started logging evidence. He was also using a webcam service, paying people for private shows, again I was able to hack it and see the activities and how much he might be spending. It really breaks my heart he’s doing this behind my back instead of really trying to address the issue. Honestly some of the chats were just sad, he was asking one of them if she wants to be his wife and that he’s thinking of leaving me because there is no intimacy, I don’t know if he was being serious or not because she was in a different country. He got shut down of course. I do plan to speak to a therapist because I know I need it, and find a temporary place to stay while he’s gone. I want to confront him when he comes back, and for us to both go to therapy. But ultimately I don’t think this marriage is salvageable, and I have to have the courage to ask for a divorce.
  5. Greetings Enotaloners, It's been a little while since I sought advice here. In my usual style, this will likely be long and rambling. Also, a warning, this post is at times frank and explicit. My girlfriend and I moved in together two weeks ago after just shy of a year of dating. While it hasn't been the smoothest transition, with some pre-existing issues around communication being amplified in the process of moving and intergrating our lives, I believe we have settled down a bit and we are slowly getting into the groove. However, I am experiencing a sudden loss of sex drive following a discussion around sex and intimacy. A Brief History Our relationship is generally good, however sex and intimacy has been an issue at times. A brief history of these being: The first few times being intimate with each other after the first time, we had some issues with ED and self-lubrication. We worked through these and they have not been an issue since. Very early in the relationship, not long after we started being intimate, my girlfriend commented that her sister and mother both dislike sex, and they have separate bedrooms from their husbands. While I was understanding, I explained that I didn't want to be in a relationship without physical intimacy. I sought assurance that she did enjoy and want sex with me in our relationship, which she gave me. Prior to moving in together we usually only saw each on weekends (F,S,S nights) and would usually have sex one of these nights. We also sleep on separate single mattresses with separate linen, push together to make a queen size. We recently bought beds for our new apartment in the same style (her idea) At one point (around May), she commented that she sometimes felt I was pushing for sex when I was cuddling/kissing her. This was somewhat true, although it was not intentional per se, and I subsequently tried to tone it down while still being my naturally demonstrative self. I also reassured that I didn't expect physical intimacy to always lead to sex. Later, in a social setting with some close friends, we were all discussing sex in long term relationships, particularly frequency, where I commented that I would probably be a '3-times-a-week' kind of guy, to which she reacted positively. She has also expressed a similar sentiment at another time when it was just us. Also early in the relationship, she asked me to not be naked in front of her in non-sexual situations (i.e. changing clothes). I am something of a 'home-nudist', in that I sleep naked, and often will be naked after waking up or showering for an extended amount of time. After her request, I stopped doing this (I still sleep naked, but I keep pajamas on hand to put home before getting up). On a related note, she has commented on at least 3 occasions that she is not physically turned-on by male bodies. She says she can appreciate a good body, but it does not get her excited. By the way, I am by no means an Adonis. During a fight where sex was raised as an issue by me, she commented 'I never had this problem with my ex-boyfriend'. She immediately apologised, but I was obviously extremely hurt by this. In a separate conversation around sex, she has also disclosed that she engaged in some sexual activities with her ex which we have not (watching pornography together), which she referred to positively (on a side note, she said she was turned on by the female porn actresses). We have different sexual styles. I prefer extended foreplay and 'exploring', whereas she generally wants to get to penetrative sex quicker. She is also incapable of orgasm (her explanation), which has had a weird effect on me. I often feel pressure to 'finish', and more and more I actually don't (stopping sex with orgasm). Despite this, when we have sex, it is generally very good. There are two more more issues, which are entirely on my side: I have never felt she has been 100% up-front about her feelings around sex, possibly because I feel on some level she herself is not 100% honest with herself. This is fed by my own self-esteem issues and relationship insecurities around feeling attractive and wanted. I am not completely satisfied with our sex life, in that I would like to explore more sexually - different positions, locations (i.e. different rooms), toys. For me, this is linked to growing intimacy and trust. We have both expressed that we are in this relationship with the expectation of it going the distance (i.e. marriage), so she may be the only woman I sleep with for the rest of my life. I want to be 100% into each other and explore our sexual sides together. The Issue Last Sunday we had a rough day, with small fights throughout the day. This had been a pattern for the first week together and was getting to both of us. Since then, we have both been making a huge effort to improve our communication and I genuinely feel we had made big progress in the last 4-5 days. However, on Sunday evening after we had a big 'lay-it-all-out' type discussion to work through the issues, I raised our sex life. We had only had sex once since moving together, and while I was acutely aware that this was symptomatic of our fighting, I wanted to talk about her feelings around sex more generally. Note that I prefaced by expressing that I genuinely enjoy our sex life now. The question I specifically asked was: Do you feel that in the future you would want to explore more sexually, or would you be happy if it stayed exactly the same as now? She asked for specifics, and I replied: Well, for example, using toys one day... She replied that she wasn't interested in toys, and was happy with the way it was now and did not want more. She also commented that she did not want sex during the week, and that once a week was enough. She was initally quite categorical in her answer, however she clearly saw my face drop a little, because she followed up with "at the moment; maybe one day it will change." I told her not to hedge, I wanted her to be completely honest. She went on to talk about not being 'horny' frequently. After some clarification, my understanding of her feelings is that she cannot be 'turned on' by anything directly, and that sex is more of a physical thing (as opposed to part about trust, intimacy and connecting in the relationship). I heard her, and I completely accept her feelings around this. My feelings around sex are that it has two sides; physical (libido) and emotional (intimacy). I do feel she has finally been honest with me. However, since that discussion, my libido has completely and entirely vanished. Prior to this, I had fairly high libido, and would masturbate every 1-2 days on average, but I have not even had an erection for 4 days (apart from morning wood). She has also made some moves toward me to initiate sex, but I have not be aroused (in fact, I was a slightly repelled). On the intimacy side, I have been making a real effort to improve our relationship from my side (as has she from hers), and I genuinely feel it is working and feel closer to her than I did last week. However, last week I wanted her sexually, to be intimate with her. Now, I don't. I have tried watching pornography, however that too does not arouse me. I have also become overall less physically demonstrative (kisses, hugs). I worry that I am subconciously punishing her, although I am conciously adamant that I am not. I also worry that somehow a switch has gone off in my head. Oddly, I feel happier/better in almost every other regard (both personally and in the relationship), as I have been exercising more since moving and just had 2 days off to myself which has been great for recharging and getting things done. Has anyone else been through something like this? Should I just wait and see if my sex-drive returns in the coming days/weeks? Should I let her know, so she understands my rejection of her advances, or, because I am not sure of the cause or reasoning, should I keep it to myself until I understand? Thank you in advance for any insight and advice, T EDIT: One more relevant point that just occured to me: When I was single, I would periodically lose libido for short periods (a few weeks to a month). This would occur maybe once or twice a year, and generally when I would get into something new (hobby, work, etc.). Is it possible this has just occured with a life change and its nothing to worry about? This has not happened in a relationship before, however.
  6. I ended a 3yr relationship a week ago. This was a huge and heavy decision on my part. It took guts to do it for my heart screamed for me to stop and reconsider. What brought on my change of heart was I began to sit and observe that he could only do things for me that dovetailed with his own needs or desires. He was incapable of doing even the most simplest thing simply because he loved me. He has kept me on eggshells demanding I change to accommodate his expectations and if I failed he'd end the relationship. Like a carrot dangled in front of a mule he'd taunt me. I found I made all the compromises and sacrafices while his greatest sensitivity was to him self. Im intelligent and bright so this made me angry that I have put up with this for so long. I have felt great shame that I have settled for such a partner who has neglectrd me. His emotional blackmail has been cleverly disguised behind critism, threats of rejection, with holding affection, and no intimacy. Perhaps my own desire for marriage and love blinded me so that would explain why its taken me 3yrs to finally end this relationship. For months now its been on life support and going no where. I simply just pulled the plug. How do you move on with life when your mind tells you he never loved you to begin with and your heart weeps for your loss and wants him. I failed to take notice that the one thing I was most quilty of doing was seeing him as the man he could become, but failed to see the man he had became.
  7. Pls. help!!! My friends girlfriend made a pass at me...I'm attracted to her and so I responded. There has been some intimacy btwn. us and the feelings have become very strong, we have exchanged "i love yous" many times. This has been going on for months now. The more time I spend with her or around her the more intense the feelings become. I am affraid my emotions are getting to intense. I feel awful about the way i'm feeling, but CAN'T help the chemistry btwn. us. What do I do?
  8. To be honest i really do want a boyfriend, i meen as a sohpmore it seems like everyone is dating and i just feel kind of left out. Thing is i've come to realize that the people that do have meaningful relationships with guys or are just dating, although maybe not that gorgeous, are really comfortabe with themselves and honestly wouldn't mind being single. So, basically i want to know how i can learn to be happy by myself. I really want that intimacy with a guy ( emotional not physical) but i feel like before i can have that i have to be willing to be by myself and accept/love myself. How do i go about doing this?
  9. Hello everyone, Today I was having a conversation with one of my very good friends when the topic of intimacy and sex came up. She has only been seeing her boyfriend for 4 weeks and has already had intercourse with him, which I must admit concernced me. When I asked her about it she said it was because she wanted to feel closer to him. Now in my opinion people don't need to have sex in order to be intimate, but I know a few people who think otherwise, the majority of these people being males. It seems to me that "becoming more intimate" is just a reason that people try to use in order to have sex, as I have often encountered couples who aren't sexually active that are much closer than couples who are. Intimacy (to me) can be achieved through a variety of ways, even a walk in the park, a candlelit dinner, a picnic at the beach! I'd like to know what other people think though, do you believe that in order to be intimate with someone in a relationship you have to have sex?
  10. My boyfriend Michael recently moved back home with his parents. (He's been my boyfriend for about a year and my best friend for 4 years. We're in our mid 20s.) For the last several months, I was constantly over his place and slept over on many occasions. We had a great deal of fun and one-on-one time together. An amazing relationship! The problem is that now that he's moving back home, my time with him will be limited. I live at home, too. His parents ultra-conservative so no more sleepovers much less laying in the same bed. No kissing or hugging at his place either! His parents are always home and believe that shows of affection should happen after marriage. Spending time with them makes me very uncomfortable. Since I live about 1.5 hours away from him and even farther away from Michael's work, I am expected to do most of my hanging-out at his house. This makes sense since previously I would hang out at his place mostly. Thus, I feel like a kid in a candy store who just had the candy store taken away from her. No more sweets! Previously, while there was physical intimacy between us, now it will happen seldom if ever. While previously I had a great deal of one-on-one time with him, now that time has to be split with his parents or any other friends that hang out with us. I feel the intimacy of our relationship has ended, and in its place is a relationship which more closely resembles the kind that I had while we were only best friends. Although we haven't broken up, it feels a lot like it.
  11. Please do not take any of this seriously or anything. I just need to let out some of my corrupted thoughts... We are all trapped in our own unique cages. Each one of us is a product of society. Some claim that we each have a body, soul, and spirit. Some claim that each of us must contain God. How can we contain something that we cannot see, touch, hear, or even smell? It must be wonderful for those who really believe with all of their heart that He exists. I felt that feeling one time. I remember all too well. One week I began to have so many doubts and all of the sudden my spirit was destroyed. Now I am just another weak human who wonders around this planet thinking that they are the best and wanting intimacy in their life. Now I am just another weak 'soul' who will most likely be miserable for the rest of their life. Miserable because I have this mindset that I must find out what life really is. I must find out the reality of it all. But I get the feeling that I will never figure it all out. That I will ponder these kind of things and never go out and get a girlfriend or make new friends. These thoughts have taken over me for the last few months. I know inside that I still need help. I have no idea who to turn to. I have no idea who to even listen to. Because people in general are willing to be deceptive. But what I love the most, what I cherish most. Is that I know what the reality of me. I am safe inside my head. I will never have to ponder anything about myself other than my role on this planet. I have a conscious to cherish. How wonderful is that? Who is God? Did he make that? How? Why?
  12. Hey All, Thanks for looking at my post, and hopefully, thanks for posting a reply with advice. I just recently got married, however, we've been together for many years. We just started marriage counseling, because we were having some issues. One that came up in our session yesterday was the fact that when we are intimate, kissing, making love, fondling, whatever, she feels as though I'm her father molesting her. Thus, she feels very dirty, and doesn't ever want to have sex. She just recently moved out of our house to have some time to think things through. During our marriage counseling session yesterday - she did say that she was NEVER molested. However, there was an instance where there was some inappropriate gestures, comments by her music teacher in high school. Things such as playing with her hair, hand on her thigh, etc. If anyone has gone through something similar to this in the bedroom, please help. My wife is my life, and my soul mate, and I will do anything for her, and to save our love, and marriage. Sex is a HUGE part of a relationship, and we've never had issues up until about the past year. The first 4+ years were perfect. Thanks.
  13. no, i'm not talking about my girlfriend, well i don't have one... talking about my ex... me and her are so close, way closer than we were when we were together, just not we don't have that intimacy... which is kinda obvious... well, she's one grade above me, same school... i have felt we were drifting apart a bit during the last few months... and i don't really know why... and she will be going to another school at the beginning of the next school year, so when that time comes, i still wanna have the same relationship we have now... i don't want to lose her, and see her as a good friend from my past, you know? any advice - thanks a bunch.
  14. I have just picked up the book entitled: The Intimate Connection by James B Nelson. It says that the male's pressure to keep his emotions to himself are killing him. These pressures keep men from getting professional help from counselors and doctors, until the problems he faces are out of control. Men die at a higher rate than women, and the 10 most likely ways of dying are all associated with masculine behaviors. The inability to deal with emotions is directly linked to the higher incidence of major diseases. Men also wish for genuine equality in relationships. However this is put off by centuries of male dominated societies. So men find themselves ill-prepared for true intimacy--revealing deeper emotions. Up until a year ago, I truly believed that men only felt 2 emotions: love and hate.
  15. Well you seem to have followed my story the most. She came back to me. I promised myself that I would not make it easy. I took her back somewhat but I didnot make it as hard on her as I shoud have. I gotta say the heartbreak is gone but now I find myself wondering if I even want her. There is so much broken trust. I know that people work through these things however. My issue is that 2 days ago I was the last thing on her mind. She was off with her ex because she believed she had feelings for him. She spent one day with him and realized that there were none and came right back to me. There was no intimacy whatsoever and she realized that it was not him but the group of friends that she missed. How should I feel about this. Is she no good? I gotta wonder if she had feelings for him than I would not be a thought in her mind right now. The fact that she put me through this ordeal...well..I just dont know what to think. I need advise from anyone who has gone through something like this. Thank you.
  16. Hi all And I can understand why you are thinking “YES PHONE SEX IS CHEATING” But hear me out I have been in a long distance relationship for 7 years, I have been loyal to the core to my boyfriend now fiancé. I don’t club, or go to bars or even have many guys friends I never put myself in situations where I flirt or do anything to harm the sanctity of our relationship However my fiancé has never been emotionally or physically present, or available to my needs. Not once in our 7 years has he given me any physical pleasure in the bedroom and I haven’t complained once about it- yet he knows how much intimacy in the bedroom means to me If we have sex or when ive done my bit and made him... you know what... at night sometimes I go off to the living room, and have an orgasm and fall asleep on the couch by myself Sometimes I get so frustrated I resent him I’m afraid too that because I shut down on him so much like this he may give up wanting to be with me eventually and the break up in our relationship may be inevitable I’ve come to a point now that I can’t even sexually fantasise about him, last time I saw him and got intimate with him.... I felt nothing and I felt disgusted in myself But he’s so lovely in orther ways and I do love him so much which confuses me. He supports my education even though I am miles away, he is always encouraging me and motivating me to be the best I can be and always has my best interest in mind. He gives me advice and comforts me through his words or texts. We used to skype so often in the first two or three years now I don’t even know where Skype is on my laptop - it’s been YEARS I don’t even get as much as a phone call anymore. Whenever we do meet up after months of being away, I look out to other couples around us and long to be having as much fun as they are. I ask him if he’s okay and like routine he says he is tired every single time we have met up, after months of not seeing each other. He is tired. When I’ve been waiting for this moment to see him and be held for months but I get a brief peck and we move on with our date. I wish his hand would be on the small of my back, that he would hold my hand in a restaurant. I always take initiative and reach out for him and hold him but he shrugs me off. I just wish... That we would hug me and kiss me because HE himself wanted to So coming back to phone sex.... I was on a forum and I became acquainted with someone online we exchanged numbers -making it very clear that we are just friends and have the same interests in gaming And just on our third phone call and adding each other on social media He said he would love to date me and the conversation turned very sexual leading to phone sex He wanted to meet in person and he was very much from the sounds of it a giver in the bedroom, and he had figured out that in the past no one had ever pleased me and he was sorry for it. Yet I closed it down after the FIRST, and LAST “phone sex” encounter because my guilt didn’t even let me sleep that night and for some strange reason I hated myself and felt sick to my core. I cried myself to sleep at 5 am. I told the other guy that I’m sorry and we couldn’t continue like this and it’s best we just stop speaking because I am in a relationship. And I truly do love my fiancé We know each other like nobody else And I can’t picture being with another man in real life physically, I just could never do it in real life Another man touching me kinda creeps me out and I can only feel comfortable around my lovely fiancé. But I don’t know why or how I did it over the phone..? Do I tell him about what has happened? What do I do next? And how do I address my problems with intimacy without hurting his feelings or making him feel less than I really don’t think he will understand my point of view and I’m aftaid many of you will not either. But as a woman I believe intimacy is just as important to us and should be reciprocated even though I’ve been letting it go for so long...
  17. Hi folks. I have been "dating" a man from high school for 6 months. I'm in my mid-fifties. In that time we have spent ALOT of time together because we have similar interests. I have grown to love him and I tell him often. He tells me that he loves me too. The relationship is progressing at a very slow pace which is ok but he seldom shows any affection towards me. I want to kiss him he pulls away. If I touch him in a way that could lead to intimacy he questions my motives and pulls away. He won't let me touch him! He seldom touches me. When I question him about it he twists things in such a way that I feel like a . Wanting to be intimate with someone you love after 6 months is normal and human. I'm ready to end this situation but want to know what you all think.
  18. I’ve been in a relationship for 9 months now but I still don’t feel like I’m in love or falling in love with my boyfriend. Our conversations don’t go very deep it’s usually just about family and friends and their lives. I love having deep conversations and I want to be able to talk to the person until the cows come home. The thing is the guy is such a decent guy and he will do anything for me. He even took me to Paris for my birthday, he holds the car door open for me and is such a gentleman but I just can’t bring myself to love him. Our relationship also lacks intimacy..I don’t want to hurt him but I don’t want to be stuck in a loveless relationship and marry someone I don’t love. But I am terrified if I let him go I won’t find someone that cares for me just as much or find anyone at all.
  19. Hi all, I’m 25(M) and she is 24(F). To cut to the chase, I dated a girl for about 13 months. During this time, we developed a deep love and care for each other, but ultimately ended things *somewhat* mutually (I initiated it) predominately due to the fact that she refused to open up with me and connect as she was afraid to (both because of her holding on to and amplifying our past conflicts, in addition to her overall announcing that she has commitment issues). She still cares for me very much, and vice versa as does her whole family. I have ALWAYS blocked my exes on everything, but in this case, the thought of losing her in my life completely is far worse than losing her intimacy (she didn’t express any for a long time anyway). Should I still block her?
  20. I have been in contact with a girl for around 6 months and met her 1 month ago as friends. It's incredible how many things we have in common and how well we get along, although we come from two different worlds. So far we have spent 10 full days together traveling (including nights in separate rooms). We now speak to each other almost every day and she finds time to hang out with me almost every chance she gets, while also going out of her way to create these sometimes. I'm infatuated with her, but have trouble identifying if she is interested in me due to the points below. Since I have never been in a relationship before (Yes! and I'm 29), I am no expert in this field. This is why I need your help. Thanks to anyone who responds to this post! 1. Avoids touch. We don't greet when meeting or leaving in any sort of way. I have never offered a hug, and she hasn't either. I have offered my hand many times at difficult spots when climbing, but she has declined 9 out of 10 times. Once, I grabbed her by the shoulder to push away from a dangerous situation, and I felt that she cringed a bit (maybe reacting to the situation). She almost always sits about 1 feet from me and sometimes prefers to sit beside and close to me at restaurants rather than in front (about half the time). Keeps long eye contact, smiles a lot around me, acts playful / jokes, but never touched me to even poke after making fun of me, except the accidental hand touches. I am afraid to touch her since most of the time we're out of nowhere and don't want to make her uncomfortable and feel pressured. Should I start giving hugs when she's leaving from now on to see how she reacts? 2. Doesn't talk about past relationships or relationships in general, but talks about marriage and having a family with future Mr. X (no one at the moment) quite a lot. I have brought this subject up lightly in relation to others (my friends), but she showed no interest in the topic. 3. Makes herself vulnerable around me, but shuts off somewhat early at night (around 9pm). I assume most relationships start with physical intimacy, perhaps within 2-10 dates and I'm afraid that we may pass this point soon and just settle for a friendship or make intimacy even more awkward to come by. I have acted as being open to this by inviting her to my space (while traveling) twice at night for menial reasons, but she declined (maybe to my specific offers, or to the idea of invading my space, or ultimately to show no interest in me beyond a friendship). She also had a reason to share a room with me once, but she didn't bring up that idea and pretends that's not an option. She is okay having a drink with me though. Her personality is that she wants me to take control of everything, as well as make the decisions. But, I am afraid to put her in a very uncomfortable situation at a time she doesn't expect, especially since there were no signs from no. 1 and 2 points above.
  21. Hello! I am 21 right now, soon turning 22. I have been dating this guy almost a year, but things have been bad lately. What I mean by lately–almost 6 months. At the beginning it was great as always, I was madly in love, he treated me and cared for me. Made breakfast, cuddled with me in the mornings, also he was very happy and positive. But now, I don't even recognize him. Our relationship is night and day when comparing to the beginning. He is being mean to me, criticizing almost everything I do. He never cuddles with me, instead he is on his phone the whole morning. Also, I feel that he's really selfish when it comes to intimacy. Whenever I'm in need of a comforting hug or when I'm in the mood for sex, he turns me down. He says that he don't want it, but when he wants it, he always gets it, because I feel, I have to take every chance of intimacy, cause there ain't a lot. I don't feel like I am his priority anymore. He doesn't take me on dates, and would rather spend time with his family. I have been constantly telling him that I don't like when he is being mean to me or not giving me any affection. He says that I need too much attention, but he rarely gives me any. Also he says, that I take his comments too seriously and that he jokes. But I'm more afraid that he is just manipulating me. Our relationship is like a rollercoaster and I'm constantly crying, because he is hurting me. But he doesn't even care when I'm crying. I have to state that I know he's not cheating so that's out here. What has happened? I really love and care for this man, but I can't take this anymore. Please help me, what to do?
  22. So me and my girlfriend have been dating for a year now and we get along pretty well, but she’s been getting these sadness streaks and when I ask her about them she says it’s because we don’t have enough intimacy in our relationship. While I’ve tried to fix this problem she’s right and we do have a intimacy problem. Well the other night she got a new phone and she left her old one on the dresser and I saw it going off with a message from a man she works with. While I wouldn’t normally pry it was around 1 am and that bothered me. So I pick up her phone and look at the message and the previous messages to see things like “ can’t wait for us to cuddle again “, nothing but hearts and kissing faces, telling eachother how much they miss eachother, and him sending her a pic of him with a caption of your beautiful. So naturally I freak out and wake her up throwing her phone at her she wakes up in a panic and says that they look bad but he is just that “Guy” that sends that stuff to every girl in his phone and they hang out with everyone else from work including his wife and all cuddle together. I’m not sure what to do we just moved in together and she may be right but it looks bad and i don’t know what to do any advice? Sorry for the big wall of text and terrible grammar thank you
  23. Hello all, I am a 29-year-old girl currently living in Italy. I have been dating this guy for more than 2 months and he invited to a family lunch with parents and grandparent in his city which was very far from ours. He is so nice and all but the problem is I think he is going so fast and I can't keep up with his pace. I have this feeling if he gets tired of me soon and I have some intimacy issue because of my constant fear of getting dumped, as a result, I am always the first one who breaks up and this time is the same. but he looks so nice and charming. despite all these facts, I have heard tons of bad stories about Italian men and their short-lasting love. I don't know what to do now. should I break up with him? I live alone in this country and after getting dumped by him I will collapse I know myself. Thanks for your help and sorry for my broken English :)
  24. My live in boyfriend and I have been together for four years. We have two boys together ages 3 and 1.5 who both have special needs. My bf and I used to be so in love with each other. He was my best friend. Over time things have changed and we now live two very separate lives with lots of secrets. We’ve broken up more times than I can count with the longest being two weeks. I truly do love him but I also recognize that he’s not the person I fell in love with and I can’t stop longing for the person he once was. He has told me on numerous occasions that that person is gone and never coming back. I do believe him when he says this. It just seems that since neither of us is willing to move on that I need to figure out a way to cope with the feelings of loneliness and wishing things could be different. Is it actually possible to let go of my idea of an ideal relationship and find happiness in the one I’ve got?
  25. Hi! I feel really pig-headed for even writing this, but its been getting me down now so I need to do something. I've been with an absolutely amazing girl in school for just over three weeks. Not long I know, but I really do like her and I want to stay with her. However it's a fact of life as a 16 year old male I do want some extent of sexual satisfaction, and this is the acknowledged stumbling block we're having. She has no interest in anything intimate beyond a simple kiss, and once in our three weeks she tried tongue and has shown no interest in doing it again. Against my better judgment I mentioned my feelings on it to her, and although she was very kind about it, it confirmed what I thought – she just doesn't have an interest in things intimate. It gets me down and I really want to stay with her, but temptation is so great, and when I spend time with her it's like spending time with a friend – just normal. Any suggestions, thoughts or actions? Ta for reading… Doc
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