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About Me

  1. Hi, I am 24 years old and my boyfriend is 26 years old. I worked as a digital marketing salary is only 462$ per month. And he worked as a sea farer 1000$ salary per month., Last year 2019, he have spent all his money and he borrowed to me a total of 625$ to buy his ticket plane and allowance for him to work again. And I ddnt even think twice, I lend him immediately. And he paid me just this month and year 2021,. Rightnow, I'm the one in need. My family and I is only renting a home to stay (and the owner of the land wanted us to move) and so, I want to help finish the construction of the house to new lot (me and my brother currently paying for installment of the lot.) So we can have a place to move. I only have 1,485$ in my savings, and I asked him if I could borrow 400$ just to add up. And will pay him 20% everymonth coz I'm also the one paying all the bills in my family home while my brother is paying the food.. :( and He said that he will not lend me even a small penny because it's not his problem and it's my family's problem. I blocked him in facebook after an argument and planning a break up for he was being selfish. Am I wrong ?
  2. Title of this thread is the same as my blog... except the after dark part. I added After Dark because I most likely will write about things here that I don't write about in my Blog. Here I am anonymous... there I'm not. So, now it's time to work my nerves a bit... To M... Posting on facebook that you started your rag... Really? While your at it why don't you just post pics of some used tampons for all our enjoyment. To B... The things you do that used to annoy me so much are starting to annoy me less and less. But, it's not that I've had a change of heart and see the error of my ways or anything... It's just that I CARE less and less. Also to B... While you are sitting on your ass talking/typing about all the things you want to do, I am actually out doing the things I want to do. But you continue to criticize me. To AZ, Would you be my friend at all if I didn't make good money? I love hanging out with you, but anymore every time I see you you expect me to spend it on you. To A... this isn't working my nerves. But I still want to say it. Thank you for making me feel the way you have these last couple days.
  3. In this journal I will write about my daily life and some general thoughts. I like to write down my thoughts so a journal on ENA would be the ideal place. I will keep practicing my English too. Funny how easy is to forget something if you don’t practice it . I got a good job as web developer the previous week .It’s my first serious job and it will affect my whole career as I am going to be in the IT field for the rest of my life. So, a new chapter is beginning. I haven’t been placed in a team yet but this will happen next week. Probably as a front end developer but it’s inevitable to work in the back end as well . The good thing about web development compared to other parts of the IT field is that you can create something alone from scratch and you can actually “see” what you develop . A guy at work told me about grails which is a really cool “tool” for web development because it’s very easy to connect the pages with the databases . But what we actually do at work is not web development. We just use a platform called ATG (created by Oracle) to make an online store (e-commerce) . Anyway enough with the these stuff . I got accepted for a MSc in Finance at Kent and Reading universities but I don’t think I will go now that I found this job as work experience is way more important than studies plus it’s 40k-50k pounds .Pretty hefty fiscal burden for my parents. It would have been a nice experience though… I have been told Kent is really beautiful . I would have taken some cool photos haha . Ok enough for today . I am tired …
  4. Hi everyone, I need help with my current situation in life. I need to change my personal life. I love my family very much but I’m feeling held back and it’s stifling. I would like to start learning web development to work on a new platform idea. My problem is I live at home and I’m already 51 years old. I don’t have savings but will find a way to pay for the classes. I don’t even know where to begin explaining. I have many questions but most importantly is do you think it’s too late to start over at my age? I don’t feel confident but I will start over somehow. Please ask me questions and give me your ideas. I would greatly appreciate any of your views. Thank you, Starflowers
  5. hi guys. i'm seriously lost on what i should do right now. my boyfriend keeps insulting me on things i'm super insecure about and he knows that it hurts me and makes me cry when he does (most notably my school and my teeth and how i don't have too many friends). i'm going to community college to save money for graduate school and transferring to a university out of state close to where he's going, while he's probably going to a university better than mine since his parents are college professors and he thinks he's immune from getting rejected from the fancy school he has a legacy in. i won't get into too much detail about what happened but he made a really condescending joke about community colleges after i told him not to at least 10 times in the past. it's always the same joke format when he insults something i'm sensitive about, where he's not being upfront/mean enough to make him take accountability because he will always deny it and lie about what he really meant. i'm sensitive about this because he knows NOTHING about community college and he thinks that because i'm going there i won't have a good job in the future, when in reality i'm just doing it so i can afford to go to college out of state to be near him and he knows this. what should i do to make him stop because me talking to him about it and expressing how much it hurts is simply not working. thanks everyone
  6. Today, me and my girlfriend had an argument, that is keep happening, and we couldn’t settle for what is the root for this problem, or who plays a bigger part in creating this problem in the first beginning. I am going to describe our last argument now so you can get a clearer picture regarding what I am talking about.( I emphasize that this pattern of arguments is keep happening ). So we were both sitting on the balcony watching the view, when she showed me her feet that had a small bruise on it.( that bruise was caused by us playing two days before; more specific, she sat on my back while I was on the floor, and because I moved she lost her balance and fell. I told her I am sorry at that moment and hugged her to make her feel better). When she showed it to me, I moved her ankle around to see if something got broken, she didn’t make any hurt sound while I did that so I told her: “You don’t have to worry, is just a bruise, nothing is broken, is gonna go away soon.” After this she got angry and said : “Why don’t you say you are sorry, you think I don’t know is not broken ?”. I told her that I already told her that I am sorry, and that by saying to her “not to worry” I meant to comfort her, not to tell her that I don’t care. She got more angry and said that is not true, and that I don’t care about her. I told her that she shouldn’t pick so hard on this small things all the time because they will happen from time to time and is not healthy like this. Two different people, I think, will inevitably behave, at some points, in a way that the other one doesn’t totally agree with. After I said this, she, still angry, start saying she will leave me and started swearing on me. When she did this I told her that I won’t talk to her anymore if she is talking like this to me, I told her that this is a teenage girl way of behaving( we are in our mid 20’s). At that point she got more angry and throw her hairbrush at me, hitting me with it. The hairbrush broke in half after this. I told her again that swearing and hitting is not ok and it is not how a mature woman should behave. At that point she wanted to call one of my friends to tell them what happened and for him to decide who is wrong here. I said friends or family shouldn’t get involved in this kind of things, and that we should post it on a anonymous group to see what other people say, she didn’t want to, but I still did it, and that’s how this got here. Now, to sum this up, and for you to make a better idea about me, I don’t always behave perfect( but I never swear or be violent), sometimes I forget small things, and I don’t manage everything perfectly, but I try my best to improve and to do good. I also am the type of man that wants prosperity from life, so aside from my day to day job, that is a stable, higher studies, medium income job, I also learn programming so that I can make more money so we can afford anything we want in this life. Again, I said this just so you can have a better picture about me and what kind of person I am. I think is normal for everyone to do small mistakes every day and a life partner shouldn’t point it out every time when it happens, is not healthy in my opinion. She says that this is how women are, and is normal for women to pick on this kind of things every time they happen, and that this is her way of expressing her anger, through swearing and hitting. I say this is how teenage high school girls behave, not mature women. By writing this post I am trying to maybe find the root of this problems and fix them. So what do you think about this situation?
  7. Ok, during this quarantine my fiancé and I have been talking a lot about our future and I’ve been thinking daily on our next move. To the point it’s driving me crazy. We live in the US, but I’m from Europe. We have a daughter who was born here, we both have good jobs we enjoy and lots of friends in our city. We’re renting though and have been saving for a house. We’re ready to take that next step in the near-ish future. Now the thing is we’ve been talking about moving to my home country. I just want to be close to family again, because I miss them and they are missing out on lots of time with our daughter. I also don’t want to sever ties to this country and our life in this city. Now this might sound a bit nuts, but I’ve been considering buying two homes, one in each country. I’m talking old cheap houses that are big but need a lot of work. We couldn’t afford two modern homes, but I honestly dig the idea of having some old country home. Does anyone have experiences doing that and did you regret your decision? How I see it is the repairs will cost a lot of money, but there’s no rush to get it all done all at once and can be spaced out, unlike a pretty high mortgage. I need to add that we could easily work from home long term. We have been and it’s working great. The only thing to take into consideration is the 7 hour time difference to my country, but that is doable as well. We just wouldn’t have conventional work days most of the time, which I’m cool with. Has anyone been in this situation? Having two homes? Have you bought an old house and regretted your decision? Anything is helpful at this point. Thanks!
  8. This is going to be long-winded, I'm sorry. I'll try to make it as easy as possible. Please be kind with responses. I am 31 and my bf is 42. We met working at the same place when he was a new hire. He was unhappily married and I was lonely and really liked him but I told him I wouldn't be involved unless he left her. He did and he also found a new job so we could be together without issue. He has been with me since, for 1.5 years. He also lives with me atm, which is what makes it so hard. Bf is a good man. Works hard, loyal, friendly, romantic. Incredibly well-mannered and respectful from being a Marine. He has untreated issues from serving overseas twice and permanent injuries because of being hit by a drunk driver off-base. He was in a coma for a week. He is deaf in one ear, has short term memory loss and scars all over his body from skin grafts. He suffered a lot. He is also very "passive" in life, meaning he has goals but he doesn't really know how to and doesn't work towards them. He has no ambition and will just sit inside all the time unless I bug him to go out. He has absolutely no-self confidence. None. It's actually quite sad because he's a good guy but he's been beaten down all his life. But he is just so immature and it's getting to me. He doesn't know how to control his finances, he doesn't know how to plan or save for anything. He's been in Canada since 2015 (moved here after his honorable discharge) for his ex and has nothing. No home, no permanent job (he has had four jobs since I met him). He hasn't been able to afford getting divorced yet. He just bought a car that is way outside his means, he just jumped in. He does pay rent and all bills but then he goes $250 into overdraft every month on takeout, energy drinks, coffee shop stops, junk food while he games. He is behind on his cell phone bill and who knows how many others because he doesn't know how to prioritize. I have to make budgets. I have to make decisions. If we need to research something like insurance rates (for his car), I have to write down a list of places for him to call. I literally have to leave him lists of things to do or he'll just forget and won't do it. If we're trying to save for something, he literally has to transfer money to me so I can put it in my savings account for him. It's almost like having a child - and that is something I have never wanted. Things started getting rocky a few weeks ago and I asked for a break. He broke down of course. He has no emotional capacity and doesn't know how to deal with feelings. He shuts down and beats himself up for everything. He found a place to go - and it was well outside his means because he doesn't understand what he can afford - so I took pity and let him stay with me. I knew he was about to jump into another thing he couldn't afford. We talked and because he still has the appointments to get help and he started helping out more, I agreed to give it another try. Things were actually going really well. We sat down and had a talk about how he has to 100% keep seeing his doctor and therapist. He is on meds for depression now. Financials are still horrible. We were really getting along great, no worries... and then today he got suspended from work with no pay for an entire week because he rudely snapped at a customer (which is very much not like him). They said he isn't fired but they aren't sure what to really do because it isn't like him at all. I love this man. I envisioned a future with him but since he came to Canada his luck has been horrible and he can't seem to get ahead. He has the best intentions and he tries so hard but nothing seems to work out. He has no friends, his family is all in New York. I'm wondering if maybe it's best for him to go back to the States for a while, but I don't know. I'm so confused. I'm torn because of my feelings for him but I know deep down that he isn't going to change and it sucks because he has so much potential. I'm currently saving up for a house, I'm getting a new puppy in a month, I'm getting my beginner's license as soon as things open up again. I'm thinking about going back to school in a year or two. I have goals, things I'm working towards but I spend so much time focusing on his life that I'm barely focusing on my own. Bf is just so mentally unstable that I'm honestly afraid to ask him to leave. I don't think that he can take care of himself, which is why I feel so damn trapped. I care about him and don't want anything bad to happen to him.
  9. Long story short, I had a beautiful romance with a wonderful woman who treats me great, but she is a single mom with 5 kids. I found out about the kids early on, and should have bolted right then and there, but she was so sweet and beautiful and sexy and I'd never gotten along so perfectly with any woman in my life. She saved me from terrible depression and we had great times together for 2 years, but now it's commitment time. She is financially strapped and I have been feeling bad about that since the beginning, and have helped her financially (and was happy to do so; she NEVER asked for help. I offered it unprompted.) But her being so poor really bothers me because I want her and her kids to have a safe place to live. Recently I started spending time with her kids (2 of whom are 4 and 5 yrs old and they adore me). I generally love kids and get on well with them, and her children are no exception; the problem is they're getting attached to me now, and I don't want to hurt them. She's talking about moving in together and I feel dread. Her ex-husband is a POS and I want nothing to do with him, but if I jump into this thing, I'll have to deal with this guy, share the kids with him, and basically give him power over my life. He can make trouble in many ways for us. I don't have an aversion to raising someone else's kids. That's not really the issue here. What I DO have a problem with is the size of this commitment (4 of these kids are still at home) and the uncertainty of dealing with the ex and whatever hassles he can send our way (which he will, I'm sure, as he'll always be angry at her for leaving him). This is not the life I envisioned for myself. So despite the fact that this woman is fantastic in every way aside from her baggage, I find myself feeling horrible dread over the prospect of moving her and her kids into my place. This woman loves me unreservedly and has told me many times that I'm the love of her life and if this doesn't work out, she's done looking for Mr Right and will remain single the rest of her life (she's 45). I'm not taking that literally, and she's beautiful so there's always going to be some man interested in her, but I feel incredibly guilty thinking about leaving because I know she'll be devastated, and knowing I really could give her and her kids a better life. The problem is, I'd be improving their lives quite possibly at the expense of my own. I don't have a lot of good years left (I'm 48) and I'm just recovering from my own divorce 3 years ago. This was my first relationship post-divorce, and it sucked me in and took me on a roller coaster ride. It's been wonderful up to this point. What kills me is I adore this woman, and I actually do like her kids, especially the 2 little ones who are so cute and lovable and full of fun. I never had kids of my own (low sperm count), but this is not the life I wanted. It's just too much. I'm overwhelmed. My head tells me to bail, but my heart tortures me with guilt. Horrible, overwhelming guilt that robs me of my sleep and leaves me unable to even concentrate on anything during the day. I feel trapped when I should be feeling positive. I know, logically that many of my concerns are overstated. I would "only" be directly caring for 2 kids (not 5) but I still have deep misgivings about the whole thing. This could be very sweet domestic bliss or it could all go south easily. Should a person always listen to their "gut", or can the gut lead you astray? Any advice welcome!
  10. Hi I feel in such a dark place right now about a week ago me and my boyfriend split up, we had been together for 2 years and there had been a lot of ups and downs if I'm being honest mostly downs he cheated very early on and then he lied about texting another girl so there were serious trust issues but I'd never experienced a loving relationship before and I knew he loved me so we had a fresh start put everything behind us he was honest with me but other things happened when he moved in he got lazy I did everything i mean everything paid for everything but instead of talking about it I bottled it up and then I just exploded called him every name under the sun and told him to leave and that it was over, we haven't spoken but I miss him I miss being loved by him I just cant believe it's over and I'm finding it hard to function everything feels hard and exhausting I dont understand why I know it was for the best I'm trying not to think about just the good times but I miss him so much even though I dont think he was the right person for me but I'm scared I'll never feel that way again and its just devastated me
  11. I just found out my dad is paying my sister’s rent for her to live with my mom. My sister is 35 and a full time school teacher. She has been a moocher her whole life and will do anything to use someone else’s money. I feel so annoyed and aggravated. My sister has rarely ever lived on her own. She says she is saving for a house, but lots of people are. We are polar opposites. I have lived in a different state than my family since I went to college. I have never had my parents help to pay rent or bills. My sister has made it seem like I am a bad child because I live in another state and “do nothing for them”. My parents are getting older but my sister does very little for them and what she does do, she doesn’t do out of the goodness of her heart. She has already tried to get me written out of my dad’s will and went behind my back when my dad was sick and got him to sign a POA and other documents naming only her. I sort of just let her fail on her own, knowing my sister would not handle the things she said she would- for example she moved in with him to take care of him... it turned into him caring for her. I ended up having to call elder abuse on her because she hit him and refused to leave. She was a joint tenant on the lease. I got her to leave and that’s when she went to live with my mom. I recently learned she convinced my dad to pay her rent as “he is the reason she has to pay rent now.” I feel like she is taking advantage of him. She is already getting more in the will. She gets 55 percent and I get 45 percent. She also made me agree to not take a percent as excutor of the will. I agreed only because I don’t trust her and before under the will my sister made him sign, she was the executor. I am the attorney. My dad asked me to take over as executor of my uncle’s will when he passed away. My sister to this day- complains how I was able to get a percent from managing it and she wasn’t given a chance to do it- mind you she never even asked to do it when it came up. I feel like she is already getting more as she does a little more for him. She takes him to the grocery store, appointments, the bank... mind you she got him to sign over his car to her for $1 when he was sick and not competent. He told her since that she can keep the car provided she brings him to the appointments. He eventually signed updated documents making both of us POA. His attorney recommended removing my sister, but he won’t as I am not there- although I can do a lot and do stuff online for him or by mail. I am pissed my sister is getting my dad to pay her rent to live with my mom. She doesn’t clean for him- me calling elder abuse hooked him up with services to help him with cleaning. I don’t trust her. I have basically no relationship with her. I hate visiting because I hate dealing with her. Both my parents have enabled her forever. I want my dad to stick up for himself and tell her no- but he is scared she will not give him rides. When I am home- she vanishes and I do everything for him. She is a teacher- has summers off. I get only a few weeks and my job is a lot more stressful. I don’t want to visit if it means I am stuck working. I have offered to find someone to help clean out the house- he is a hoarder... and I can’t go on there as it smells very bad and I am very sensitive to smells. With my dad’s rent, and him paying my sister’s rent, his money is quickly draining. Hopefully eventually he will let us clear out the house and sell it. That is another sore issue as he seems to have offered to give it to my sister, and she can use his money to fix it up.. that way his stuff can stay in the basement... I don’t really care if he did that as he has made it clear that I would still get 50 percent of the house when he dies- he always says 50 percent even though I know I’ll only get 45 with the way the will is drafted. I know I could likely sue my sister and get 50-50 if I wanted but I am not looking to one up her or drain my dad’s money... I am okay with her getting a little more, since I know she has done some stuff for him, and I have a job and will still be all right... I know my sister is still fighting my dad to get a higher percent... and using threats. over his head. My dad talked about moving back into his house with her and I had to remind him that he can’t live with her. She is abusive and he really doesn’t have the money to give my sister his house and buy a condo for himself. She should be buying her own house. My mom doesn’t seem to care. She seems to think my dad is playing both of us- and he is sorta. He never told me about the money he was paying for rent until my sister wanted me to call him because he was going back on our agreement as to when we would have someone clear out the house. I like my life away from them. I can’t do the drama. Part of why I will never return is that I was emotionally abuse by my dad as a child while he physically abuse my mom. I was a lot more in involved than my sister... having even called the police once when my mom told me to during one of their incidents after he pushed me for trying to protect my mom. My family refuses to see that they are part of the reason I left where they live and I created my own life. My sister is a lot like my dad. It was ironic in the way listening to my dad say how abused he was by her and thinking... this is how you made mom and me feel. I doubt I’ll ever have a relationship with my sister. Part of me just wants to say hell with it- I am done with all of you- do whatever you want and never talk to any of them again. I know I won’t do that, but I am so tired of seeing my sister take advantage of everyone. I have offered for my dad to move to where I live... at one point he even seemed to consider it. The sad thing is I wouldn’t want more. I just want 50-50 as we are both his kids. I had offered to buy two houses next door to each other and he turned me down. Maybe I am wrong. Maybe I should be greatful my sister drives him to appoinments and take him to the store... it just seems like me any child should do those things without needing to get more for it. I asked my dad- well how long are you going to have to pay her rent for... he didn’t know the answer. He just said that she told him that he needs to pay his rent since he was living for free with my dad- and blames him for her not living there. It’s her fault. If she hadn’t left I would have been forced to call the police and get an order of protection. She takes no responsibility. She blames the victim. Idk if I should call elder abuse on her again since she is making him feel like he has no choice. I likely won’t... but I am so sick of her taking advantage. She makes enough to pay for her own rent. She makes enough to pay for her own car. She makes enough to pay for her own food. The only reason she was living with my dad rent free was because she was supposed to care for him- which she didn’t do. She never cooked or cleaned for him. I think it’s scary that a 35 year old lives in someone else bedroom and owns like nothing... she has no tv, no furniture... everything in that room except for her clothing is my mother’s.
  12. I've been seeing musicians streaming their music on facebook for free, or with tip jars. And as a patron I am really starting to miss going to gigs (different genres to what the ones inclined to live stream play). I'm a sound tech by trade too, so wrangling together some bands and the equipment to make a high fidelity mix to broadcast is certainly within my means (frankly I would rather include a lighting show too if the market supports it). So my mind wanders to trying to activate venues that are currently closed for closed to the public/live streamed concerts. But I would want to pay a hire fee, and I'd want to pay the bands, and I'd want to pay myself. Which makes me wonder if people would be willing to pay for a ticket (like $10 same as a live show would cost). But then you are still gambling on them feeling like attending on the day, so then i wonder if maybe actually crowd funding would be a good format for making such a live stream manifest? So I put this question out there into the universe. Did you used to go to gigs or would you like to go to gigs? Do you miss seeing bands play enough to participate in crowd funding live streamed shows? (Still I would think pretty cheap, $10 buy in) I think I would like the live stream to be something that could also host a chat function so the people watching can interact and those who can't make it during the live broadcast should be able to access the video after the fact.
  13. Hello. I am a 21 year old male who has been suffering from severe acne for the past 9 years. Here you can see pictures from different parts of my body affected by acne: ibb.co/album/exJ7GF This thing has affected me pretty bad and I am in a tough spot. I have been on accutane and doxycicline but they only worked while I was on them. I took them in more cicles of a few months eqch. I am about to end my last year of bachelor. This thing has ruined my life so far. I feel really low because it makes me feel very inferior. Naturally, I am quite a shy and introverted person and this thing has made things a lot worse. Something that has been on my mind alot is that the acne makes me feel totally unattractive which is fair considering how bad I look. But it just frustrates me a lot that I am not able to become my best version because this thing not only affects my love life but other aspects of my life. I have totally given up on the thought of having a relationship because acne makes me feel very repulsed towards myself which is normal when you look how bad it looks. There is no way I will feel comfortable next to someone looking the way I look right now. Considering that it didn't go away until now it will probably last more years and then I will also have other scars which look worse than normal acne. All I want right now is to be able to obtain a good living and just be alone but this affected my mindfulness also, I find it difficult to focus on studies and work. I never feel fully relaxed or at peace. When I saw that Accutane didn't work I just totally gave up, I will never go to dermatologists again, they just want to rip you off. I just want to know how to deal with this so I can start focusing on other things like money, success because it's clear that the relationships parts is over for me. Even if I will finally get cured in like 10-15 years from now on I have swore to myself that I will never date because I have already been ripped off the most beautiful period of a person's life which is youth. Please don't start telling me that I'm wrong and acne is a small issue or other bull. I'd like to hear some advice on how to cope with it in order to focus on studies and work even if it will be hard.
  14. Hi guys, a delicate situation I'd like to hear your thoughts. Me and my BF both work full time,decent jobs. I own my apartment (paid off) and he rents his apartment. We decided to move in together as our relationship progressed, but still try to be independent financial wise at this stage (no joint account). Initially we planned to rent a new place and share the rent and all other costs, meanwhile I rent out my place and make some extra income. For me, this extra income will cover my part of rent. For him,his rent will reduce. So the whole moving together thing happened to financially benefit both of us too. Few weeks ago his lease was up, but we decided to just move me into his current place instead. My place is too small for two people. So he renewed the lease. The agreement regarding rent is pretty much still the same. I also found a tenant for my place. All seemed good. Then the coronavirus came, my tenant pulled out unexpectedly. All of a sudden all the restrictions came and it seems to have impacted the rental market. So im not sure if i can find tenants anytime soon. Now here is the issue. I thought since I'm moving in with him, he has been paying the same rent all these years so he doesnt need my money, I want to start paying rent to him after I find a tenant. Otherwise, I feel like he's making a gain out of my loss. Because I didnt have to pay any rent. But he thinks we are renting this place together and I should pay half rent regardless I make extra income or not. Essentially I'm paying to the landlord, not him. If I was outta job now and had no income, he'd help me and cover my rent. However since I am earning salary, I dont need financial help. If I insist, he'll think about maybe reduce my rent. But he feels being taken advantage of if I want rent free till I find a tenant. I dont really know how to feel..money mixed with emotions is always complicated . What do you guys think should be done? P.S. I will keep finding new tenants for the time being instead of moving back straight away. Who knows i may find someone next month.For practical reasons moving back and forth within just a few weeks/month is quite a waste of money and energy. I do plan to move back if I have no luck after 2-3 months.
  15. Hi All, First off, I want to take the time to thank anyone who is willing to over me some advice. Okay, so to start my ex-boyfriend and I were in a strong and committed relationship for a bit over 4.5 years. We recently broke up on March 27th of this year due to something I did, an active of extreme impulses. We are both in our 20s, him 23 and me going on 21 in a few months. This particular incident began when I called him to see if he’d be able to send me a few dollars to order UberEats around noon. With the pandemic going on, I lost my job working at an elementary school and have been low on funds. I live with my grand currently and also attend college. Anyways, he sent me the money because our kitchen sink was broken at the time. My grandparents felt that if the sink was broken, the whole kitchen was too, lol. After that discussion and him sending the money, he asked if I wanted to go to the mall. I explained to him that it was closed due to the lockdown and perhaps we could grab food instead. He shared that he’d think about it and let me know later. I never bought food because around 3 pm, my grandma cooked after my grandpa temporarily fixed the sink. Anyway, he called around 5:30 pm to see if I was still interested in spending time with him, and I agreed. Around 6 pm, I was heading to his place to pick him up and on the way had informed him that I ate earlier, but wouldn’t mind a bit of snacking. About 5-10 after saying that, he began to think about what I said and changed his mind after I arrived. He instead wanted to just go to the gas station and head home. I have been going to therapy twice a week for two months now, but still have a minor issue with my extreme reactions. So, I got more upset that necessary and called him out of his name and yelled. I apologized immediately, and headed to the gas station. I was still a bit upset at him and asked for him to remove the pump from my car since it was on the passenger side. He said no multiple times, and I kicked him out of my car. He only walked half a block before I gave him a ride, but he told me later that evening that it was too late, and he was done. I have been around way too many toxic relationships and traumatic experiences, and unfortunately, took things out on him. He is very strong, a wonderful man, and I so much want him in my life for good. I’ve made those kind of mistakes throughout our relationship, but just recently seemed therapy and psychiatry. I had trust issues that stemmed from unhealthy marriages throughout my family and an abusive mother. I wasn’t always dependent upon him to make me happy, but I did a bit towards the end of our relationship. He has given me so many changes, and just recently I have been working positively and hard to better myself. We have broken up some times before, not nearly as long, but I would always beg and plead for his return. He would always love me just as much too. I believe that he is the right person that came at the wrong time. I was physically, verbally and emotionally abused by my mother for years and he would always comfort me. I was there for him a lot too. He is an excellent compliment in my life. Currently I have been doing no contact for about 3-4 days, not much, but he doesn’t have me blocked on anything. I jus want to know that as I continue to better myself and let go of the trauma and other people’s experiences, is there a chance that we could get back together and make it work the right way? We have the same life end goals, support each other and have loved each other hard. We never cheated or anything to that extreme. I love him very much, and I do pray for his return. What should I continue to do? Thank you all.
  16. My emotionally and physically abusive ex, through extensive research I've personally diagnosed him with some sort of narcissism and psychopathy, decided it was time for the grand hoover a couple of months back. Skip to the last paragraphs if this is too long of a read. I moved out of our shared home last May. He came back into my life in October. My boundaries were good at first, then my emotional side took over, still slightly awake in the whole process, I decided to go along for the ride. He, of course, told me everything I wanted to hear, making huge promises of change, ahhhh why am I telling you. You know the cycle. I ended it shortly after, and went no contact. (everyone recommends it and swears by it... I don't know if I completely agree after what happened next....) So two weeks of me, leaving him in blocked, he decides to show up at my house late one Saturday evening. Just randomly, I checked my blocked messages and phone calls later, he had made none that day, not even a text saying he would stop by. He acts like everything is 'normal'. One of my room mates let him in, and he appears in the kitchen where I am sitting with two other friends. Doesn't even greet me, and eats his take away sushi on my kitchen counter (he had only bought sushi for himself, none the less) - in an awkward silence. Then proceeds to inform us he will go visit mutual aquantances that live a few houses down. The next day, while I'm not home. He bursts into my house looking for me, my roommates are kinda like , she's not home. He didn't even ring the doorbell. Then when I come home the next morning. He has apparently snuck into my house again. (we used to leave our front door unlocked..) and left flowers on my bed. The next day, flowers outside my house. So I decide to go next door where he is crashing on the couch, to tell him this is not cool, and he can't continue doing this. I agree to meet him later in the week to talk. We are over at my house the following Friday, with some mutual friends. At some point he disappeared. He went to sleep in my bed. (?!). He was not feeling well, he said. So I was like, fine. We had agreed to hang out that weekend, so I let it slip. He wakes up the next morning, says he's going out to get breakfast. Two hours later, he's still not back. I call him. He's at the neighbours house and just finished eating. I'm mad as hell. Refuse his invitation to hang out. He shows up at my door again later that night with ingredients to cook dinner. Stupidly, I let him in. He spends the night. I tell him the next day that he can't come and sleep over anymore. I borrow his car that night to go to work, I call him in the morning after my shift to see where I should leave the keys. He tells me he'll stop by and collect them later. Leaving them outside was too risky apparently. Forgot to lock the house again. Suddenly I feel him crawling into my bed when he arrives back from his night shift at noon. Too tired to get into an argument, I stupidly let it slide. When we are both awake. We end up fighting again, as I am trying to reestablish my boundaries and he is, as usual, not respecting them. I tell him this is over. Fast forward a couple of days. I found out he had recently cheated on me with a girl I was close friends with a couple of years ago. (the timing of when this happened, the conversations she screenshot to me, etc) I had asked him about it a couple weeks prior, he denied. Denied my intuition again, telling me he wanted me, wanted to marry me, have kids etc.(don't be too judgemental on me, I didn't believe him either..) This was the drop that made my cup overflow. And I ended up doing something way out of my character, in a moment of utter insanity. Sick of his endless lies, cheating, manipulation, abuse, and now stalking. I go over to the neighbours house in rage, with a bottle in my hand. Throw it in the wall behind him. Four people were sitting there. I missed his ugly face. So I leave. Then on the way out. I break two of the windows to his car. (I finally gave him ammunition for calling me the crazy one..) Anyways, I run back to my house, in total adrenaline and panic, and then guilt for what I had done. My friend who is visiting is about to leave for work, I was going to go with her. On our way out, I see him coming towards our front door. I manage to run to the basement. Scared as . He manages to push my friend away from the door. Screaming and yelling and punching the walls. He proceeds to go to my room, steal all my jewellery, my speaker, my old phone and some other less meaningful stuff. This is more than 4 weeks ago. I called the police, they didn't have the resources to stop by, I had to come to the station. He should have just accepted two broken windows and we could've been over, but the fact that he broke into my house and stole my things after all the he has done, was the last straw. So I finally reported him for domestic violence. (also told them I broke his car windows) Under the last month I've had no contact with him. He attempts to taint my name to whomever will listen, I refuse to hear their stories. And just reply believe what you want. The truth will always come out. He has been trying to blackmail me by being threatening He recently told a mutual friend that he will give me my stuff back. (he Could easily leave them on my doorstep or give them to a mutual friend to bring to me). Yet he insists I come over (ohhh yeah, by the way, he decided to eventually move into a vacant room in the neighbouring house, even though he had other options..). I have not given him a response. Neither have I given our mutual friend a reply. I do not know how to proceed. Do I ask a third person to accompany me over to his house? Do I ask a third person to stay with me and invite him to my door with my stuff? Do I just continue my silence, and wait for the police (whom I have not heard back from in a month, they couldn't even give me a restraining order given the reason the case was under investigation) to finally do their job? (I know he will be vile in his speech, I know he will accuse me of things I have not done, I know he will attempt to press every button he can, I know he will want me to pay a ridiculous amount of money for the broken car windows, without showing me the original receipt, I know he will threaten me by keeping my things hostage, he has got word of my police report so he will probably comment on this..) I know the right thing is to pay him back for the windows, but fuuuuuck it. He freaking deserved it after three years dragging me through hell. I don't want to. So I was thinking of telling him, if that is the case, to suck it up and pay for the windows out of his own pocket, as that will be cheaper for him than losing his job. (oh yeah, he's currently driving a truck without a valid license. His license was suspended a few months back after another low blood sugar incident - 3rd one in a year, third time I save his freaking life - that brought him to the hospital. Thinking I will sink so low as to blackmail him right back. Anyways, I would like my things back. Especially my collection of jewelry from over the years. However, I am willing to let go, and also just receive the insurance money instead and replace some items. So back to the point, how should I proceed from here?
  17. Good morning. So many thoughts today, just thought I'd rant, so either turn away now or allow me to thank you for your indulgence, lol. I ended a two year relationship about 2 & 1/2 months ago and I feel like since that happened there has been a chain of unfortunate events that just keep hitting me. First one was my job cut my hours the week following the breakup. I was still very fresh from the split and my emotions were running high. Just to be called into the HR office to be told they were streamlining because of some big accounts that were recently lost or put on hold and as a result they would be reducing my hours. It could have been worse. Two people were laid off (but two more have since been hired back on) and the hours I lost were all overtime, so I'm still a full time employee with benefits, so that's a plus. Then about two and a half weeks ago my mother fell and broke her hip. I've been visiting her twice a day everyday and seemed to be doing okay until a couple days ago when she started developing severe breathing difficulties. She is still in a skilled nursing facility and the initial prognosis was that she'd be there 3 to 4 weeks. She's 83 and her breathing problems are chronic and she has struggled with them for many years now. But since she's been unable to get out of bed I think it is exacerbating her problem. The SNF is going to call me today with a status on her condition and what the current prognosis is. She also has an infection on her breast that they wanted to treat and she has refused treatment. She is also refusing treatment for her breathing difficulty. I think her unwillingness to accept treatment is going to cause her to be released from the SNF, which would be very unfortunate. I'm going to try and talk some sense into her on my visit today after I finish the phone call with her case worker. I also had a cruise that I booked almost a year ago on the Seine river going from Paris to Normandy. That's obviously called off now. But the cruise line is refunding my money I found out today, so that's a silver lining, I suppose. Which brings me to all this coronavirus crap that's got everyone running around like scared little monkeys. I understand why people are reacting this way, but I don't think it's the correct reaction. Yes, it's a time for vigilance and caution. But not one for fear and worry and the reaction of the general public seems to be the latter as evidenced by the store shelves in my neighborhood. I mean, life is a zero sum game. You're born, you live, you die. Everyone gets the same exact deal, no exceptions. The only thing that actually matters is what you do while you're still breathing and then once that ends not even that matters anymore. History is full of literally billions of people that no one knows ever existed. But our egos tell us that somehow our individual lives are more important than everyone else who's been here before us as well as all of those who will be here after us and that we don't deserve to die. Well, deserve it or not, you're going to. So be happy and spread love while you have the chance, because that's all there really is to life. That or misery and despair. Your choice. I guess it's a bit easier for me to have this fleet footed view of the big picture in life because I have really no worldly attachments. They've simply never interested me. I have no kids, no debt and at the moment no significant other. So if I disappear, no one's going to be the worse for it. Except for maybe myself and I'll get over it, lol. So. Alrighty then. I guess that just about spills it all. If you've read this far you're a trooper, I appreciate your tenacity as well as your interest and as Bartles (or was it Jaymes?) used to say, I thank you for your support.
  18. I don’t know what to do anymore, but lately the suicidal thoughts don’t stop. They’re more frequent. They come daily. I was arrested for a theft misdeameanor 5 years ago. I had a withhold of adjudication, but can’t seal or expunge due to another charge I had previously sealed. I messed up badly, I had two lapses of judgement but one that is seemingly haunting me forever. After the case I went to impulse therapy, I volunteered for a year and a half mentoring and teaching children, teaching English, mentoring, and to various non profits, and I did a lot of personal growth. I truly feel I have paid my debt to society and since then I work even harder than anyone I know, because I know I have to prove myself now. But I keep getting denied jobs and I’m scared to apply to promotions at my job due to the possibility of an updated background check which some promotions need, and if I do apply I could get fired because my job which I’ve had for the last 5 years doesn’t know about it. I feel so stuck, I feel like I limit my own self from becoming successful because when I do try I get told no. I’m tainted for life. What’s the point of living anymore? My parents bring it up any time they can, I can literally feel their disappointment like a planet on my shoulders. I’m 25 and feel like my life has no more purpose. It doesn’t matter how much volunteer I do and experience I get without pay by volunteering. It feels like I will always have this debt to society no matter what I do. I’ve never felt this hopeless in my life
  19. First post- super long... Sorry! I was in a relationship with my ex for 3 years and had a son together (now 2.5yrs). We met in ME which is where I'm from, and where he was going to school. I got pregnant very soon afterus getting together and decided to try and make the relationship work for the sake of our son. Fast forward two years- ex's (very wealthy) parents offer to purchase us a house in TN where ex is from and where ex inlaws lived. They offered to buy a house, buy me a car, and pay for our son's fancy Montessori preschool. We were struggling in ME at the time and they knew that, so we felt they were being extremely generous and immediately took the offer. Very soon after moving into "our" home, it became apparent to be that the home and car were not mine. They didn't put my name on the car, or on the mortgage, and ex's mother would frequently invite herself into our home uninvited. Along with this discomfort, my ex and I were having our own issues. I got to a point where I just couldn't take it anymore- the constant arguments, the laziness (never picked up after himself or our son, always playing video games, etc), slamming doors in my face and getting physical with me on a few occasions. I felt isolated and missed my family and friends terribly. I slowly began to realize that I had put up with so much from this man, including 2 relapses (he is an addict). Now I had to deal with the our own dysfunctional relationship AND his dysfunctional mother who has 0 boundaries. I decided we needed to take a break and booked myself and my son roundtrip tickets to ME to see our family whom we hadn't seen in 7 months. During the entire trip I was constantly receiving angry texts/phone calls from ex's mother telling me that she needed to facetime my son and that she wasn't seeing him enough, yadayadayada. I told ex and also asked him if he could extend our tickets a couple extra days so that I could celebrate my best friend's 21st birthday with her. He agreed. The days passed and I didn't hear from him. He never extended the ticket and stop trying to contact myself or our son. I assumed this meant he was over the relationship, so I just decided to stay in ME. A couple months go by with no contact with ex (he always had access to his son, he chose not to call him either). One day I randomly receive a summons in the mail from my ex suing me for primary custody of our son. Keep in mind that ex has NO money, his car and home are both owned by his parents. He can't hold a job, and is unemployed at the time. He did not pay for the big fancy attorney who signed her name at the bottom of the petition. I felt very scared, because I knew neither I nor my family had the funds to fight these people. Reluctantly, I decided to give my son back to his father during an over-the-phone mediation in which I was without representation. I spent a month working and saving money in ME in order to prepare myself to move back to TN. That month without my son was the hardest time of my life. I was fortunate enough to reconnect with a friend living in TN who allowed me to move in with her during this whole court process, but it is still a struggle. I sleep on a couch every night, I'm no broke after spending every dime I had on a great attorney, I'm lonely and missing my family, and I'm just overall stressed and sad. I worked my butt off to move back here to be close to my son and his father hardly lets me see him. It's sad because his dad hardly sees him either, he has recently relapsed and our son spends almost every night with his grandmother. It hurts that she has him and not me. I'm not unfit, he is my son, not hers. I feel broken and lost, and that I ruined my life as well as my sons. I feel like I should have just sucked it up and stayed in the relationship with my ex. Then I wouldn't have to go through this whole court process. I'd have a home again. My son wouldn't have to be shuffled between two households. I guess my big question from all of this is: How do I move on?? How do I get used to this new life? Any advice/comments would be greatly appreciated. TIA
  20. Hi everyone, I (25F) have been dating a really kind and loving guy (28M) for 3 years. He's a real-estate agent and when I first met him, I instantly love his vibe, how he talks to people and the way he treats others. He has never failed me these 3 years, he's consistent and responsible in his affection and would do anything to make me happy. Even though he doesn't come from a rich family, I love him and my family and all people around me and even strangers praised him for his friendly attitude, patience, and hardworking nature. I believe in his potential and the man he'll become. But the thing that bugs me is his parents and family. 1. His Dad Lazy, unemployed, likes to lend money to others, causing misery and leaving my boyfriend to pay for his debt. 2. His Mom Stubborn, a hoarder, bad health (yet isn't willing to listen to others for health advice), who would cancel doctor's appointments even though my boyfriend forced to bring her to hospital, would beg people (even my auntie's family) for money and airs her dirty laundry to my relatives. She would rely on my boyfriend to run her errands as she's unwilling to learn to use internet and be independent in this modern world. 3. His brother is okay, it's just he has clinical depression and I can't blame him for it. 4. His sister just doesn't care and can't wait to get out of their family. Their family has no: 1. Life insurance 2. Savings 3. Assets/inheritance They're: 1. Renting a house, all bills paid by my boyfriend. 2. Barely working and earning any income Recently, my boyfriend made his first mistake, a mistake so huge it reveals deeper issues within his family. My parents referred my boyfriend an important client (my auntie), hoping that it will open more doors for him in the future. Long story short, my boyfriend made a mistake of involving his mother (who's also an agent) in this deal and committed some kind of fraud (his mother's idea). This event scarred me so greatly and made my whole family distrustful of his true nature and why he let this happen in the first place. Yet the mom called my auntie, blaming and cursing her, and hang up the phone. A few days later, she still asked my auntie for recommendation in the future (what a shameless human being). Later I found out that my boyfriend did it because his dad is in another debt and that his mom wanted to start some herb business. It's a tough situation and he's helpless as he has to help his parents. I also found out that his mother only has $10 in her bank account and my boyfriend has to pay $10.000 for her business and another $10.000 for his dad's debt. I felt upset since from this event, my boyfriend clearly didn't know how to set boundaries between him and his toxic family. His career is not doing well and he's not someone who earns lots of money yet he still has to pay for his parents' sins before he's able to rise up. I have a lot of dreams and goals for the future. I expect him to earn a higher income yet I know that he won't be able to succeed with these parents beside him. I know it's not right but I wish his parents would stop sticking to him like parasites. I wish...I wish he would just disown them. My love towards my boyfriend can't mask the stress I felt if I were to continue this relationship. He will have to pay for his dad's debt and his mother's operation bills in the future (as she's unwilling to keep a healthy lifestyle and is unwilling to visit doctor). It's affecting my mental health and hope for a brighter future. Should I break up with this wonderful guy who just happened to be born into this horrible family? Is it time to let it go and be kinder to myself?
  21. I know that when people date in their later 60s they have to be very cautious of a potential partner who may want to be taken care of either financially and or due to any health condition. I met somebody several months ago online who on the outside appears to be very compatible with me. In particular, we are both professionals, have our own homes, all of our kids are grown and out of the house and we share some interests. My last relationship ended because of money discrepancies between us. In particular, I had substantially more money and assets than my ex and in fact he had no assets and only a modest income to support himself with no retirement funds even though he’s close to 70 years old. It seemed that no matter what I did what I said the ex never really understood how this created a great amount of stress on me and eventually on the relationship because he had an attitude of instant gratification and spending his money on things that were completely unnecessary because he felt he “deserved it”. So now I’m with this new guy who doesn’t appear to have this type of situation but clearly has less than me. Sometimes I just feel like he either doesn’t care or doesn’t want to share the financial burden of shared expenses. By that I mean trips and some of the things that we’ve been talking about I get a strong sense that he is relying on me to essentially bank roll the whole thing. He is been he has been thoughtful in terms of gifts for me and my kids and bringing things to my house when he visits as far as you know food. He says he wants me forever and loves me. It’s just very awkward because I feel that if he really wanted to offer and share in the some of these other expenses he would’ve already said something. When I talk to my boyfriend about whether he’s comfortable sharing some trip costs but ihe ignores contributing am I supposed to just call it off? I said earlier he we do have a lot in common and it’s been very very hard for me to find somebody someone compatible with me plus the fact I’m also in my 60s so time is not on my side. Does anybody have any thoughts?
  22. Hello, this is my first time doing this but I am in need of some advice, I dont feel like asking for advice from friends or family because i dont want them to feel or better to know how my relationship is going. Let me tell you a bit more about this relationship: I meet my "fiancé" through a dating app, when i met him he was going through very rough issues, including a complete self-destroying state, he was drinking all day all night, he was getting in trouble and saying irrational things in social media he was baker act twice to control him, he was punishing his family and everyone for the downfall on his life, he was smoking juuls and it was just a mess. All the time i thought he was just going through something and that he need it someone to help him see the "light" so i stayed with him to try to help him plus i saw deep down he was a sensitive guy and loving. Well he was getting worst and worst and at some point i couldnt stand being with him every time he drank he would leave me voicemails or text me horrible things like "YOU DONT DESERVE ME", "YOU ARE NOT EVEN GOOD IN BED" or things like "SCREW THIS IM DONE" specially when i was trying to help him on something, he lost everything.... everything his apartment his money his business everything to a point i was helping him out.. by the end he kinda woke up from his dark moments and realized in the hole he was and stArted to look for a job and trying to get his life in order which is good... but now i feel like our relationship is just a lie or a facade.. i feel like he is using me and whatever we are living. He proposed to me after he broke up with me in one of his drunk adventures without anything just seating next to me he said would you marry me... i never thought this was going to Last but it did... Now we live together in another city we both have good jobs he is trying to straighten his life out financially and also is trying to apologized to everyone he hurt.. but i feel like he is still using me.. he need it me to find a place to live, he needed me to be able to afford what we have now and then after living together for two months he never wants to be intimate with me.. and when he does i feel like im asking too much of him... he says he loves me and that he is lucky to have me but i dont fee like that.. i feel used and in love with a person that probably is with me for convenience more than love... he always mentions he likes blondes woman.. all his past relationships are blond blue eyes girls... his past relationship the one he loved the most was russian... and he always talks about her... I feel im not his type at all and above all i dont feel happy.. some nights i just go to sleep on the other room or on the sofa because i dont like pretending that we are okay that we are happy because im not.. i dont want to marry someone that doesn't love me or bring kids into the world in a relationship that is not satisfying for me... i dont know what to do..
  23. I’m having second thoughts about my separation with my husband of 11 years but I’m afraid it’s for the wrong reasons and I’m just going to end up hurting him worse in the long run. So my husband and I got married very young after only dating for a short time. We have been together a total of 11 years. Both of us stayed in college and I went to pharmacy school and we both ended up with our degrees. I’m a pharmacist and make good money and he is an engineer but has struggled for years to find a job with his degree (we live in a small town with very few opportunities). He eventually settled for a job, not even using his degree. The pay isn’t very good but we both agreed I made enough and we weren’t willing to leave the area due to our families both living here and his parents having some health problems. We always said maybe in the future we would leave this area and go somewhere that we could do better. Everything was fine between us even though he kind of struggled with the fact that I made more money than him. Then 8 months ago I had our twins. Things were super stressful after that and the tension between us only got worse. I knew financially I couldn’t be off work for long after having them but I also didn’t want to put my 8 week old babies at the time in a daycare. We made the decision he would stay home with them and I would go back to work. This caused some resentment to build up because I felt like I should be getting this time with them instead of working 10 hours a day and missing out on so many firsts. He did an amazing job keeping the house clean, the babies taken care of and even had dinner cooked most nights. I just couldn’t get over there feeling that I should be the one home with my babies while he worked and supported me. Maybe I was selfish or wrong to think that way but it caused a lot of fights between us. Finally I told him I wanted him to leave. I understand this doesn’t solve the issue of me not getting to stay home with our children but the arguing had gotten to a point that I dreaded coming home to him. Financially I didn’t need him and mentally I was just done with feeling the way I was starting to feel towards him. We decided that he would go stay with his mom and we made an arrangement on who would have the kids what days. This happened last Saturday and I kept the kids up until this morning( which forced me into taking them to a daycare while I worked). He picked them up this morning and I’m a complete wreck right now. I don’t like being away from my kids and they’ve never spent a night away from me in 8 months. They’re in a daycare now which is something I said I wouldn’t do until they were older even though they have a dad that loves them that could be with them but I just had to ruin that because I hate how the whole situation makes me feel. I know if I take him back and let things go back to the way they were the resentment will come back and I can’t help how I feel about it. It’s never been an issue to me that I made more money but I can’t get past the fact that he can stay home with them and I can’t because I have no choice now than to support us. I honestly have no idea what to do because this has been the hardest week of my life. Twins are hard. Working 50 hours a week while trying to take care of twins is HARD. But most of all being without them this weekend is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Not only that but all of the feelings about my failing marriage are hitting me hard for the first time tonight. I’ve been so wrapped up in taking care of them that I didn’t even stop to think about me and how I’m losing the person I’ve loved for 11 years right now and it seems to be all my fault (he was definitely not wanting to separate). Someone just tell me if my feelings are even valid right now. Should I just let him come home and try to work through my resentment or am I doing the right thing? I never wanted my children to grow up being pulled back and forth from place to place but I can’t just resolve things just for them and secretly be unhappy forever.
  24. Hello, I need advice on how to handle a delicate situation without causing more stress in my life. Background: My mother was financial destitute and was nearing defaulting on everything. She had been unemployed for a number of years and had nearly completely emptied her 401k at age 55. Her mother/my grandmother passes away and sends her into a deep depression. Myself, my wife and 2 year old son were having minor trouble making ends meet, often living paycheck to paycheck. In order to help alleviate both of our problems and ensure my mother was not alone my wife and I offered up our unfinished basement to my mother. She sold her home and received nearly 200k in equity and finished our basement with a little over a 1/4 of her proceeds. She paid off a fraction of her 100k debt rather than pay it all off. Fast forward 6 months and she has lost most of the remaining proceeds to interest payments on that debt. Which has caused her to need a full time job just to keep up with the payments. The problem: When my mother moved in she brought with her a severely obese Australian shepherd and an oversized yellow lab, also 3 cats. During the 5 months of construction it became apparent that my wife has grown a more severe allergy to dogs. She's always been allergic to their spilt but now being inundated with hair and dander she can barely spend 5 minutes on our main level before succumbing to hives and itchy red eyes. Add on to that we are now expecting our second child. Assuming this was temporary she pushed through. After construction was completed the dogs were unable to make the climb down the stairs. I would have to carry them both up and down. Having hurt my back this stopped or some time, and thus the dogs began to live on the main level again. My mother agreed to maintain the dogs grooming and assist with the cleaning to keep the dog hair at bay. Fast forward to last week, so about 5 months. She had only groomed dogs twice, despite the weekly recommendation to keep the pet dander at bay. She has only vacuumed once. Seeing this as a something that could not continue my wife demanded that the dogs be relegated to the basement except when outside. My wife and I spend several days deep cleaning the main level including the couches. My mother protested saying she is unable to get them to the basement at 4am when she takes them outside. I told her I would leave my phone on loud, she would just need to call me. She refuses and just leaves the dogs on the main level where they cover the floor in dog hair and dander. My wife is nearly 9 months pregnant and extremely uncomfortable even before dealing with the allergy. What do I do?
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