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  1. I am freaking out. I (M29) just got back from a trip to California with my finace (F32) and I made a horrible mistake. Quick background: We've been dating for several years and have never had any infidelity issues between the two of us. Last year, we got engaged. I love her so much and still want to spend the rest of my life with her, but we started to have some bedroom issues. She began gaining weight and doesn't see herself as sexy right now which began to affect our intimacy. We went from having sex a few times a week, to maybe once or twice a month. I would try to console her and make her feel sexy in any way that I could (date nights, gifts, words of affirmation), but nothing seemed to work. I am very active with sports and working out (not a bodybuilder by any means, but athletic) and I find my libido might be naturally higher. Needless to say, this has caused some bumps in our communication as of late. In any event, we went to California seeking a romantic couples getaway, but our bedroom problems persisted. The last night of the trip (Saturday 3/19), I became frustrated and decided to go on a walk after she went to bed. I began striking up a conversation with a woman I met on the street and we decided to get a drink at the bar down the block. I had already had a few drinks and she was cute so I started talking with her. I figured I would at least gain some comfort speaking with someone else to get my mind off my fiance. This is where things go south. We had a few drinks and she suggested we walk on the beach. I agree. She suggests we go skinny dipping and I agree, still feeling the high of talking with someone else and flirting a little bit. We end up kissing. One things leads to another and she ends up giving me oral sex. At the end of the act, she stands up and I see a something hanging down there. Not only was I shocked, but also confused, angry, curious, and wildly drunk. I wanted to reciprocate the generosity and love someone for who they were so I began stimulating them as well. Shortly after I started, I stopped without finishing the job. I was horrified with myself. Not only did I cheat on my fiance, but with a transvestite. The crazy thing is that I'm 100% straight. I know that may sound strange given what occurred, but it's true. I have no desire to be with a man, but I think curiosity simply got the better of me. In my moment of weakness, I wanted to feel love and provide it as well. I walked back to my hotel room where my fiance was sleeping. She woke up. She asked where I was and lied by telling her I went for a casual walk to another bar. After some back and forth, we went to sleep. The last few days have been a living nightmare for me. Not only am I not eating, but I feel violated, dirty, and horrible that I have lied to her and myself. I'm throwing up in secret because of the stress. I don't recognize myself in the mirror, and have intense anxiety when I am around her (we live together). I have no idea what to do, or who to turn to. I can't confine in any of my close friends for fear of the social repercussions of my bi-curious actions. Part of me wants to come clean and tell her the truth from start to finish, but I am terrified of what she will do and who she will tell. She has said before that if I ever cheated, to be up front and tell her right away. She has been cheated on intensely before in past relationships, but has openly said it's better to tell her immediately if I cheat. In the same breath, she condones any sort of bi-curious interaction and said she would have to rethink our relationship if she ever found me doing something like that. To add fuel to the fire, I just received an STD test today to ensure I haven't made matters worse. My results will be in on Friday. Please please help me. I love with woman with all my heart and don't want to lose her. I am also guilt stricken and terrified of the fallout from being bi-curious. I have two issues. The cheating, and the bi-curious nature of the cheating. My options that I have come up with are: 1. Tell her nothing and live with the lie regardless of the personal stress to my body and mental health. She won't ever find out unless I tell her and our relationship will continue on. 2. Tell her part of the story, but not all of it. I cheated, but maybe it was with a girl instead of a transvestite. This is a half truth and I feel I won't truly feel satisfied with my confession, but it may save my relationship. 3. Tell her everything. I'll feel better about telling the truth, but the fallout could be immense. It's possible that we can work through this, but I think it's almost worse for me to confess and then say "you can't tell anyone about the bi-curious stuff or i'll be ruined". That doesn't seem fair to me. I'm feeling extremely scared and alone. Please help.
  2. Hello everyone. Ive been on this site for about 2 years now. Im now under a new name so that my fiance wont get curious and start reading my posts again. Since weve been engaged (December 06) I have stumbled accross several emails that she has written to her ex boyfriend and his daughter. She left her email open one night and when I sat down at the PC i read bits and pieces of an email sent back and forth from his daughter. The main point in it was that my fiance still has feelings for him. During their exchanges I read that the only reason they split was because my fiances son was too wild for him and he dont and cant deal with kids his age. They were still seeing each other but on the outs when i came into the picture. My problem with this now is that I realize that my finance loves me and wants to marry me, but now with this info Im reading from her, will she still be interested in his relationships, and possibly dart at her opportunity to be with him since she still has those feelings for this guy? Should I confront her about him at all not saying i know about it, just ask about him? Or should I leave it alone and hope that shes in this for the right reasons? Im torn as what to do and I know all of you have great advice to give. My prior nick was perseverance_rules if you look up my old profile, you can see that ive dealt with cheating women too much now to let this slide so easy and on the verge of getting married again. Thanks for all the help in advance, and I will try to stay positive with all the feedback. Thanks!
  3. Newly engaged, set to be married in like...three months and a few weeks. I just got home from an evening at the pub that I have been going to for like...six years with my girlfriend...(whom I do not see very often now that I am in a relationship) My fiance saw his mate early this week by himself..and...I was invited out by my friend. The problem is, I realize that from now on...I cannot just go out and have fun without being accountable to someone anymore. I need to call, check in...frankly...I do not know if I like it. I don't mean that I want to flirt, see anyone else...yadda yadda...I meant, just go out with my girlfriends and be silly. I feel like I am 15 years old again and I broke curfew. (he and I are not living together yet...but I did promist to call when I was on my way home..) It was later than expected. He did not seem too happy with me. Do I need to even try to explain myself or apologize? I am a bit confused.
  4. I want to thank the people who replied to my thread, your advice was helpful and guided my fiance and I to the beginning of the healing process. For those who got a chance to read the story, she did have an unexpected exacerbation of PTSD thought to be fully treated years ago. To she in the red shoes who offered only ridicule on other threads, I hope you find healing for your pain. There are good men out there. May you someday meet a man who will give you a reason to think positively about men. If you allow it to happen, it will.
  5. I was just reading another post about whether or not to live together before marriage, but I just wanted to ask about the topic specific to my situation. I'm newly engaged, and right now I'm finishing up my degree. Prior to returning to college I was living with my mom, which is a little over an hour away from where my fiancee lives. I will graduate December 2007, and we are probably planning a wedding for june or possible september 2008. I've always felt that I would like to save moving in together for after the wedding. Not because I believe its wrong, just because it seems like if you live together first, it's not as special... My problem is what to do when I graduate, live with my mom for a few months or with my fiance before I marry him... If I live with my mom then I'd be getting a job near where she lives, and when I get married I'd have to find a new job closer to where my fiance lives. I dont' really want to go through having to look for jobs twice, and I don't want an hour commute, as the main highway between cities gets closed too often due to truck accidents and such. I know I could just get a job near my fiance when I graduate and rent a place, but he thinks renting is a waste of money, and so do I. I'd rather live with him and use the money to pay off my student loans. I know this probably seems like a silly problem, but do I give up my "ideal" of not living together before marriage or do I deal with changing jobs after a such a short time?
  6. It never occurred to me until I came on this forum that some people become engaged without an actual proposal/ring, or concider it normal, and some just call each other boyfriend and girlfriend for the rest of their lifes because they don't commit through marriage but just through love. Well, what didn't occur to me is that it's not a weird thing to do, and that it is done quite more frequently than I thought. I'm mostly interested in proposing without a ring. I've been kind of in a funny place lately, and I guess I'm looking for some understanding or reassurance that I'm not an anomaly. My 'boyfriend' and I have been...well, you could say we have become engaged sometime ago. We've talked about it, seriously and in a less serious manner (more to: now you'll make me sandwhiches forever ), our families -as well- have really come to point where they can't ignore the fact that something is very special between us, and we've really crossed the line where it feels right to still call each other boyfriend and girlfriend -our lifestyle alone constitutes more wife and husband than anything (though it's funny since we technically don't live with each other). We are so much more than that, there's just so much more than what people (or at least people I know) understand for a boyfriend and a girlfriend to be. Whenever I present him as my boyfriend I amost feel like I need to add: but we're much more serious than that. Him too: on a few occasions (including an out of state family dinner...that would have been something lol) he caught himself wanting to present me as his fiance not a girlfriend. At the same time: presenting him as my fiance also feels awkward because he has the intention to propose, so I can't call him that now and then go: HE PROPOSED. I guess I just wanted to write this out somewhere and see if anyone has any feelings towards it, any understanding, advice, any opinions on what constitutes an engagement to you, etc. -Devchonka-
  7. I'm at a breaking point where I just don't know what to do, so I decided to come here desperate for some honest good advice. This will be a long post so please grab some snacks before hand. And I apologize but please PLEASE help me Over 3 years ago I met this guy*Ed who stole my heart. We started off as just buddies, but then it escalated into more but nothing serious. We would see eachother on and off with taking few breaks for couple months. After about two yrs I got back with my ex fiance because our breakup didn't leave any closure, and I wanted to see if there really wasn't any chance between us. My parents would pressure me to get married and well since he was my fiance, I thought it would be right to give one more chance to our relationship and try the serious thing. So I told *Ed that I have to get back with my ex fiance to try our relationship one last time for the sake of having closure and to make my family think more of me. *Ed was very supportive of me, but told me that he was beginning to fall for me. Silly me still went back with my ex fiance. My fiance and I lasted for six months. After few months of us being together, things went really sour, really fast. I put my heart and soul into that relationship to make it work, I literally put my whole heart into it in hopes of finally securing my future, but unfortunately it didnt happen that way. We fought ALL the time, he would talk down on me and totally ruined my self esteem. I felt like I got fooled for giving him one more chance. One day we got into a huge fight because I found out he lied to me about another female, it started of as a pity argument but it escalated into this huge thing. He broke up with me OVER AIM. no matter how much I begged for him to give us a chance, he refused, talked down on me again, made me feel like it was all my fault, and told me I should've never went back with him. After that I am not the same person I was before. I'm no longer ever happy, I get upset over the most insignificant things. I don't know why, my feelings for my ex fiance totally diminished, I no longer feel like I need him, nor do I want him to ever cross path with me again. In a way I actually think I have forgiven him for hurting me....but I do know that he changed me, and not in a good way. Its been over a year since me and him broke up, yet I'm still not the cheery, happy go lucky girl I used to be. ANd I do NOT wish to have him back, which is why I don't know why I'm such a different person (by the way I'm not the only one that thinks I changed, my family says the same thing). Back to *Ed, after my fiance and I broke up, Ed was there for me. He would take me out, show me a good time, give me lots of attention, was always there for me, was soo sweet to me, something I have not had for a long time. He is completely opposite of my ex fiance and I love it. He is what every girl wants her bf to be. Ed and I have been dating solid for a yr now, yes we have had our fights and arguments, but don't all couples? We talk about marriage, how we want babies and a house and all that corny stuff. Basically I'll say our relationship has been very serious. But I keep causing arguments between us because of my jelous insecure streak. I can't stop. I need attention all the time (I think its cuz of my previous relationship), I tried many times to be the confident gf who never gets jelous or anything but it just doesnt work. Last summer I met this guy name *Joe, our personalities are so alike which is why we get along great. I met him thru friends of mine and we would hang out once in a while. Yes I am attracted to Joe, yes I would IF I WAS SINGLE probably hope for more then a friendship from him, but nothing has ever happened between us besides maybe some flirtations. My bf found out thru our mutual friends about Joe, for some reason everyone around the town told him that me and Joe have more then friendship going on which is where my my current problem started. I stopped hanging out with Joe for the sake of my relationship, but I still kept somewhat in touch with him, just little conversations here and there online or something. Nothing big deal at all. My bf became very insecure about it, once in a while he would catch me chatting with Joe online and would get very angry, thinking that we have something going on when in fact we were just catching up on stupid conversations. About a week ago my bf and I got into a huge HUGE fight, he called me a name he shouldn't have ( W**re) and I got very VERY upset. I told him I need a break, I can't deal with this drama, I want some time to myself, to go out with my friends and not worry if my bf will get mad if I do that. We cried, we argued some more. Last wknd I saw Joe at a bar and we had an awsome time, nothing happened, we were just hanging out like old times. My bf found out about this and now he thinks that I wanted a break to hook up with Joe. No matter how much I deny it, it doesn't matter. He is convinced. I don't know how to fix this situation. Part of me wants to be back with my bf Ed, he is amazing, I always pictured my future with him. But there is another part of me that wants to hang out with Joe without any drama. I just want to have fun. I'm sooo confused. Why do I feel this way? Why am I always stuck between two ppl unintentionally. How do I fix it? How do I decide what I want? How do I get my relationship with Ed to what it was in the beginning-a very healthy, happy relationship? Someone Please tell me something to fix this, to guide me in the right direction. My mind tells me I should be single for a while, just to solve my wild oats, but my heart tells me I belong to Ed. I can't stop crying and thinking that I just ruined my life because of my selfish actions. I feel like a huge part of me is missing since Ed and I broke up. Literally I feel like I just tore my heart to pieces, it hurts. Please advice and thank you for reading this ridiculous long post but I just feel like I needed to let all my feelings out on this for the complete picture.
  8. Hi Guys, Newbie here. Just split with my fiance of 2 years, we were supposed to be getting married in June - but he decided he couldnt go through with it, as he doesnt feel like he has achieved what he needs to in life, and thereforeeee wont be a good husband. I am devasted, I came back to my parents last night and just dont know what to do with myself - I just love him so much. We never really had much money (and my parents are quite comfortable) so he said he feels i'll have a better life, and in a way I understand because he is a bit mixed up himself at the moment and doesnt know what he wants to do career wise etc etc, he calls himself a wanderer. I think i tried to cage a flying bird and failed. I just miss him so much, will it get better? In a way I dont want it too cos I just want him to still be with me. Don't know how im gonna cope not having him in my life. We are still talking and spoke a couple of times today - he seems to be taking it better than me even though he upset. Has anyone got any advice?? I've decided that im going to do something that i've always wanted to do and never thought i'd have the opportunity, which is to train as a teacher - this has made me feel more positive. I suppose I just want to know that things will get better? Anyone been through a similar thing? x
  9. Now, this is just something I'm curious about. My fiance told me a while ago, that there is no such thing as just a friendship between a guy and a girl. He says that one of them has feelings for the other, but it's just that they don't chose to act on it. He said this when we were discussing my friendships (most of which were with guys)... at the time we wern't engaged, and I told him that I got along better with guys and that they were just friends. He said they may just be friends to me, but that they secretly had feelings/wanted to get with me. Now, I can see where he's coming from.. alot of times friendships form from an immediate attraction but then it just settles into friendship... but is this true for ALL relationships like this?? I stoped all contact with most of my guy friends because I knew it made him uncomfortable and my fiance is the most important man in my life so I"m not asking for advice there, just more for opinions. Can a guy and a girl really be strictly friends and neither on of them have any feelings for each other?
  10. My Fiance' is always asking me to tell him about past sexual experiences. He gets turned on by hearing about intimate details. It's almost a daily occurrence. I'm beginning to think that is all that makes him aroused. Does anyone deal with similar situations? If so, please give some advice. Anyone else, please give an opinion - I'm not sure why he likes to hear it - is he not interested in our relationship? thanks to all....
  11. My fiance is in town for two weeks recovering from a car wreck (I'm sure alot of you have read my threads) well, for an update, I picked him up thursday and ended up taking him to the ER friday morning because of some road rash on his side that looked like it was getting infected. They ended up doing more surgury, but he's recovering well. I won't give you all the nasty details but he has a two inch whole in his side that has to heal from the inside out so they can't stitch it up or anything yet. We've been just hanging out and watching movies and spending time together. So, my roommate is getting an attitude with me now, I'm guessing because I'm never home. Is it wrong of me to want to spend as much time as possible with my fiance when he's only home for ten days? After he leaves I wont' get to see him until our wedding in december. If he was well, we'd be out and about, going out with her and her boyfriend and doing things, but most days he's just up for sitting around and watching tv or movies... should I be trying to make time for her? To me, it seems that he is the most important person to me right now, he's going to be my husband and should be my number 1 concern. I'd love to hear your guys' opinions on this.
  12. As alot of you know, my fiance just survived a horrible car accident. One he should not have walked (or should I say limped) away from. He's back home for recovery, and he has an issue being out in public. Most days, he feels well and good enough to go out. He sleeps all day and gets rest and then I go see him after I get off work, but he's having an issue being around people. He has this constant paranoia that people are judging him. He has a huge scar (about 30 stitches) accross the top of his head and going down the side and he is so self conscious that when we are in public sometimes he starts to have anxiety attacks and we have to leave. I tell him he looks good to me, give him all the compliments I can... but he just shoots them down. When I pick him up, I'll say "hey, you look good tonight!" and I'll mean it. I can tell he puts a conscious effort into dressing well and doing what he can to look good for me. He'll shoot down my compliments with "ya right, how can I look good with this gash in my head" he's self conscious because his sides are all swollen not only from a recent surgury but just from being banged around when he was thrown from teh car and he thinks it makes him look fat. His DR. gave him orders to be on a 3000 calorie a day diet but he dosen't want to eat becasue he thinks he'll get too fat since he can't do PT and work out like he normally does. What can I do to make him understand that he looks good to me and thats all that should matter? People do look at him when we're out, but I think it's more of a "aww poor guy, I wonder what happened to him" than a "eww gross, look at his head"... If I saw someone with his arm in a sling, foot in a cast (it's more of a walking boot type thing, he says it makes him look like Robo Cop, lol) and stiches in his head I'd probably do a double take too, but not in a bad way. Any suggestions on how I can make him feel better about this?
  13. me and my fiance are having serious issues over the fact that he does porn.I dont like it for certain reasons but he cant stop, and i dont know how to help him stop, our relationship is on the rocks bad to where i cry myself to sleep every night. i need help and fast.how can i make/help him stop?
  14. First time here, thought it might be a good place to get some third party advice, so here goes. I have been with my fiance for almost 5 years now. She has a 22 year old daughter, who, to put it lightly, is not on a good path with life. The daughter has 2 children, age 6 and 1. Anyway, the daughter is a "runner". Meaning, whenever her man or her situation pi$$es her off, she runs. She bounces from person to person, staying with whoever, until the situation calms down, or it gets bad where she is staying, then she's out the door again. Unfortunately, because of her actions and immaturity, no one will let her stay with them anymore, except for her mom. Here's how it works when she comes to stay with you. She takes over the house like it is hers. Nothing is off limits, or personal property. If she is there, it's hers to use no matter what. The TV's, phone, computers, pool, pool table, whatever. She is a screamer when she argues, so if she is on the phone with someone arguing, she does not take into consideration that there are her children, and ours listening to her scream and cuss. Not saying she is a bad mother, because she is not, but she would prefer someone else watch her kids, while she plays on the computer, talks on the phone, or sleeps, because she is tired, because she's been up on the phone all night long. My fiance and her daughter can only get along for so long, and then it goes south with them, and they are both "cop callers" as I call them. So every single time the daughter is with us, it ends up turning ugly and the cops get called on someone. No one has went to jail yet thankfully, but living in a small town, this is quite an embarrassment for me, and should be for my fiance as well. The household bills are doubled just about with her there, and she makes no offer to help, almost as if it is expected that we just deal with it. She will leave lights on, A/C running with the doors and windows open, and not even be in the room. I have turned all long distance off on the home telephone, so that isn't a problem anymore. The last time she stayed with us, she accused our 8 year old boy of inappropriately touching her 6 year old girl. The cops were called, a report filed with DSS (nothing ever came of it though, because I know the cops, and they know the daughter is looney). Her mama kicked her out, told her she couldn't stay there anymore, or ever again. This was about 3 months ago or so. I have always been against the daughter staying with us. I'm not mean, I don't mind helping people, if they are helping themselves, not just being irresponsible and using people. It causes my fiance and I to fight, which I don't like at all. So this is the background on what I'm about to go on to. Anyway, she was living with her husband and his parents, and something happened up there that wasn't to her liking, so she wanted to "come home", and my fiance let her move back in the other day, even after all the messes the last times she's been there. I tried to convince her that it wasn't a good idea, especially after the sexual accusations she made last time. That's when it happened (again, not the first time). I was made out to be the bad guy. My fiance told me it was her fault that those accusations were made, and that she should have been watching the kids better (BULL****). I was pretty much, in a nutshell, and almost verbatim, told that fine, the daughter didn't have to come, but my fiance was leaving me and moving out, so that she could have her own house, and her daughter could live with her. I was then told that I was the cause of all the stress when the daughter is there, because I'm not nice to her and I don't talk to her, and when she is living there, I come home and immediately retire to the bedroom all night, or to outside, then to bed. So it has all been made to be my fault, and I've been told that either I deal with it, or I am single. I love my fiance and our kids (step kids to me), and don't want to break up, but I am being totally disrespected in my own house, and pretty much told that my opinion doesn't matter, it's gonna be her way or the highway. Any thoughts on this? I'm considering looking for a place to live, but I hate giving up on us. (Not to mention, I have a lot of crap in a big house, that I won't be able to take with me) Just a little humor at the end, don't attack me for being material, because I am the least material person you probably will ever meet. Thanks for reading, I look forward to hearing your thoughts and ideas.
  15. Yesterday my fiance left for the Army. We've had a pretty normal relationships with ups and downs, but overall happiness with one another. We used to see each other every day, for the better part of the day. Now, we won't see each other until December, and only for two weeks... then he'll go back and be gone until February. We're planning to get married in December, and I will go to live with him at his permanent duty station in February, or possibly March, when he goes back. This is the hardest thing I've ever done.... I thought I could be strong, but everything I do reminds me of him, and there is no way I can see him until December. That breaks my heart, and I wish I could change it. He'll be able to write every day, and he'll probably get to use the phone once each week (hopefully). I need some advice on how to keep our relationship going, so we don't see each other in December and feel akward. I know we can make it through, it just hurts so much and all I want is the one thing I can't have. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.
  16. My fiance and i lived together for 1.5 years. Adjustment period came and 3 weeks ago, we had an argument and tempers flew. He was having issues with his brother, work, etc, couldnt handle it so he packed and left. Last thing he said was "I Love You". He couldve stayed in NY where his cousin is but he said he's returning to MD to be around me. Here's the thing. He couldnt decide if we're over or not. He said he needs to think about it and focus on cleaning up his life. Understood. Well 2 weeks ago he visited me and brought his brother to meet me. He said he came over becuase he misses me. What the heck?? Also when i stopped callng him, he started calling me at night and wanting to talk about what he's been doing, he still cries about the break-up, etc. Then he calls me "honey" and "sweety". He's also asking who i've been talkng to and where i'm at. OK men, tell me what the deal is with this person. WHAT DOES HE WANT?? If i cant get it out of him, can anyone provide me with some insight??
  17. Just thought I'd share this immature comment I received. My ex husband James and I have always been great friends after we separated 2 years ago, he moved to another state, we have one daughter. We always maintained good communication. Now my recently ex fiance (toxic relationship, he packed and left us) hated the fact that my ex hubby and I stillI get along - he doesnt understand that James calls only to speak to our daughter, and nothing else. Anyway I had my ex fiance's bills couriered yesterday to his work because I dont know where he moved to and he's not telling me - dont care really. I simply loaded a jiffy bag with his mail, no note, nothing (yes to NC!!). Typed his name on the envelope because handwriting it was too personal. Well he received it yesterday and he sent me a text last night: "I guess I'm not like James. Well thank you anyway." So immature that I balled laughing! Instead of being graceful and classy about the whole thing and simply say "thank you", he had to audacity to expect me to treat him like my ex husband. My response? "Huh?? Uh I think I know that. Pay your bills!" I know I somehow broke the NC challenge but it was too good to let it pass.
  18. My fiance packed and left a month ago. He was crying, said he still loves me, etc. I'm better now after getting closure from him. It's torture being dumped, but what do most dumpers go through? Same emotional distress? Worse? What goes through their heads?
  19. I need help. Im was engaged to this wonderful guy and I cheated on him in July. We had been together since December and I was his first love in every aspect. We started having problems because he was lazy and he was so feeble-minded and I didnt know if he could or would be able to take care of me. We were the closest anyone could ever be and then I cheated on him. I started developing feelings for the other guy but since I told my fiance that I cheated on him Ive started loathing the other guy and I admitted to my mistake and that I really want to make it work with my fiance. That was what we were going to do until 3 or 4 days ago when he broke up with me even though I told him 3weeks ago. Ive been trying to convince him that I'll never do it again and that I love him so much and he keeps telling me that he needs time but everytime its up to him to make a decision the answer comes back no especially if its for someone else's benefit. What do I do. I havent called him today but I think Im going to if I dont get some advice. I dont wanna give him time I just want us to be together now!
  20. I've never written on anything like this before, but I really don't know what else to do! I've been with my fiance on and off for two years, this time since Jaunary. He was the "man of my dreams." He had every trait I ever wanted in a guy and treated me like a princess. After a few months, he started the abuse. At first it was just names, it led to breaking my stuff, to full-fledged physical abuse. Every time, he's "sorry" and swears it will never happen again. He's called me every insult you can think of, broken tons of my stuff, and left up to 42 bruises on me at a time. I never know when I may say the wrong thing that brings this out. When he's not "angry," he admits he has a problem and he's getting help for it. He admits I do nothing wrong and he realizes that. But when he is pissed, everything's my fault-I'm psycho, I deserve what I get, etc. I've tried so freakin' hard to make this guy happy! I cook him three meals a day, clean our house, do his laundry, buy him whatever he wants, etc. And most of the time it's worth it and he treats me nicely. But I can't live like this anymore. Anyone who relates, please help-I just want my sweet fiance back all of the time.
  21. I found out yesturday my Fiance has to go into surgury again. The whole in his side healed fine, but there was a smaller whole inside the whole that was 7 inches deep, and that didn't heal right so they have to go in and make the whole bigger and keep him here another month and a half. It just seems like no matter what he does, he can't get a break. People keep messing up their jobs, and my fiance is the one that pays for it. This time, he didn't heal right becuase the nurses took the woundvac out when they shouldn't have. He's getting more and more frusterated with the situation.. he was supposed to get the WoundVac off this weekend, now he has to stay with it for another month... and it's getting harder and harder for me not to take his grumpiness personally. I know he loves me, but it's hard to deal with someone being grumpy with you when you're doing everything and anything you can to help them. I guess this really is for better or worse, huh? He also found out when he gets back he'll be on "dead man's watch" or something like that which means he can't do anything at all for 8 months to a year. After that they'll see if he can still do infantry but I think he'll have to reclass into something else. His lung will never be 100% again, neither will his shoulder, and he will never be able to run as fast as he could before. On top of all this, he had seizures when he was little, and the doctors said any trauma to the head could bring them back. Well, he's been seeing flashes of light while his eyes are closed (which was a sign when he was little that he was about to have a seizure) he hasn't had one yet but I am so worried for him, and we are both just getting so frusterated with the situation and each other! I need some help.. some encouragment... anything!
  22. Hello All and thanks for taking time out to read this and give advice.. Okay, my current Fiance and I are having some trust issues in our relationship. Let me start from the beginning... I was married before, and my ex-wife wanted out because after 5 years, she was going behind my back and talking to/hanging out with her ex boyfriend. I didn't sweat it when she talked to him as just a friend or whatever, but once it got to the piont where she was bad mouthing me to him and talking to him everyday, i forced her to either stop talking to him and stay with me or we divorce. For a few months she chose to stay with me, but then she decided that she wanted a divorce and I was more than willing to give it to her. Now my current Fiance is a great woman and I really honestly do feel that she is my soulmate. After we first met, she dumped me after a month and starting dating her ex-boyfriend. Not even a month passes, and she came back to me and said that she loved me. Time goes by and she goes from my girlfriend to my Fiance. One agreement that we made early on, since we have both had our share of heartbreak in the past, is that we will always tell each other if we talk to any ex-boyfriend or girlfriend. Recently, I found out that she has been talking to him on the phone. Further, he has a website on the popular link removed, and she visits his page to look at his picture every single Monday (that is her sole day off alone). We were talking about it a few weeks ago and she told me to my face that the day before, she thought about calling him but didn't out of respect to me. However I found out the truth and she called him that night but he didn't answer. She called him first thing in the mourning last Saturday on her way to school, left him a voicemail, and eventually called and talked to him for her break. Normally, during her break she calls or text messages me to tell me that she loves me, so I look forward to her calling me. Then, Tuesday night, since I have to work late she is at home alone, and she talks to him for a full hour. Now, she didn't willingly tell me any of this stuff. Since I have been feeling that something isn't right, I have been snooping around trying to find out what was going on. I try to talk to her about it, and she just claims that she should be able to talk to whoever she feels like talking to, and that I am not her father. She accuses me of being nosy and in her business. Honestly, I want to know am i justified in my snooping? She chose to break our agreement and go behind my back...I don't really think she's cheating on me in a sexual way, but I feel hurt and betrayed from my current Fiance. Besides this question of loyalty, she is everything I want in a future wife, but I need loyalty. Is this something I should just ignore, should I deliver her an ultimatum, or should I just get the hell out of this relationship before she crushes my heart? Has anyone else gone thru something similiar? Thanks for any assistance, T
  23. i wanted to break up with my fiance, and he got furious! i asked him to call me, so we both worked out on our issues since our families are involved. He said, yes he would call me but i have not gotten his call yet. Its been 2 weeks now. What does that mean?
  24. Well, if ya'll have been keeping up with my posts, my fiance was in a bad car wreck and had been in the hospital for the past week or so. They finally took his chest tube out and took him off oxygen sunday night and released him yesturday afternoon. I heard all of this from his Mom, because he didn't call me yesturday. So, I booked my hotel, my plane leaves thursday morning. I wanted to make sure he got to the base hospital ok, so I called the hospital on his base just to ask if he was settled in, and they said he was still at the city hospital. So I call that hospital and they said they released him! So... he's not anywhere. I called his friend that I've been keeping in touch with and getting updates from and he said he didn't even know he was released and had no idea where he was! I know it's hard for him to call because he lost his cell phone in the accident.. but I'm getting worried!! He should not just be sitting in the baricks by himself.. he's better but not completley and he still needs to be monitered! My parents keep calling me and are stressing me out even more asking why he hasn't called and where he's at... I don't have their answeres but they won't quit bugging me! I'm starting to get stressed and freak out. My flight leaves on thursday morning, but if they're sending him home since he's released from the hospital then theres no point in me going! I'm just freaking out and getting stressed out. What should I do?
  25. Hopefully someone can relate and give me some good advice... I have been with my boyfriend for three years now. We hooked up before he was divorced, but he was separated from her and not living with her. Basically they haven't been able to carry on a decend conversation with each other over the past three years because she wanted to fight about everything. They have a daughter together, and she wasted no time in using her as the pawn. Nothing that has happened over the past three years in either of their actions could prepare me for what happened last week. The ex wife sent him a text message last week telling him that she missed him and thinks about him all the time. He sent her one back saying he missed her too. GREAT!!! She had a fiance, but she just moved out this week. Now he's confused...says he has feelings for her...what the heck?! He has had nothing good to say about her at all, and she's been nothing but mean and nasty. He is justifying all of her actions over the years as her being hurt. I know they talk often, not sure if they've met yet. I'm just at a complete loss...I'm in shock...and I'm numb. So do I stay around until he makes up his mind, or do I just move out and let him figure it out on his own? I'm trying to give him his own space-I don't ask where he's going when he walks out the door or question him when he comes back; I don't go through his cell or ask who he's talking to; I'm going about business as usual. She is crossing the line by calling the house phone now, which leads me to believe he's encouraging her... Can someone please shed some light? I'm going crazy...
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