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About Me

  1. first of all thank you for your time and, my english may not be that good but im gonna try my best im a 15 year old girl and i have a 4 years older sister (19) who literally starts punching me on the face and pulling my hair whenever i ask her to, for example; move away when im sweeping the floor or when i ask her to clean the mess she made with food on MY bed... like im not even asking her to do me a favor she just refuses to act like a decent human being, she takes "dont tell me what to do" to a whoooooole new level.. she gets so easily offended by literally nothing and thats her biggest insecurity i once called her a snowflake and she almost broke my nose lmao i regret nothing. and because of what. because she pushed me away when i was sitting next to her holding the laptop, reading the news about the BTS meal, and i asked her to search for the price and she got offended thats why i called her a snowflake and she was TRIGGERED 🙂 when it comes to decent respect to family members or people in general, shes a complete a*hole. shes not participating in the chores (i always have to do her part of the chores) plus she always act like we owe her something; using my things without permission and throwing it on the floor when i want it back... and much more. our little sister is 12 and she never interacts with her cuz she knows how of a psychopath she is, and our older sister sometimes try to pick on her as usual but i often stand up for her because im the one who knows her weaknesses and i just cant let her win. this s**t didnt happen overnight, she used to abuse me physically and emotionally when we were kids and i learned how to use it all against her, shes just projecting her insecurities on others and i make sure shes always reminded of how weak she is to act like that.. sounds manipulative i know, shes one of the mostly people on earth that i have 0 empathy left for her, i would say that is my coping mechanism, i always win at argument, so her only comeback is the hitting and thats the only thing she wins at, but that doesnt affect me as much as it affects her, i dont really feel anything when she hits me it just gets old.. no f*cks left to give thats it, and i know how much words trigger her so i would never keep my mouth shut bcz i can 🙂 neither of us is mentally stable at this point, but i try as much as i can not to let people go through what ive gone through, something she does the complete opposite of, and i love making the people of her kind have a taste of their own medicine the most important part, are my parents paying attention to this? yes and no. i feel like theyre doubting themselves for her being like this, because... no need to sugar-coat this, child abuse is so normalized in our culture and my older sister was so mentally affected by which made her ego so fragile... are they doing anything to help? hear me out, when my sister and i get into a fight im "the only one who they can communicate with, safely" and i just need to ignore her because "im more mature"... like she always throws a tantrum like a f*cking 2 year old, crying and screaming whenever they try to discipline her saying that "they are the reason why she is like this" no b*tch stfu youre just a snowflake and you trying to make us feel bad while youre the one who always starts it off and tries to get away with it like a weak ass bi*ch like how can any parents expect and consider the victim who is also the youngest, to be more mature? how does that make you feel about yourself as a f*cking 19 year old? it bother me most when i see them not incharge of all of this, it makes me think: "when is she going to cmmit dead and leave us all in peace?" i even get death threats from her and i get bruises on my body and my scalp is hurting af its literally a miracle that she didnt break any bone in my body yet and MY PARENTS ARE NOT HELPING I SWEAR SOMEDAY IM GOING TO CALL THE POLICE
  2. I have the most wonderful boyfriend in the world - the two of us have so much in common and are uncannilly linked in so many ways - however, we have this one nagging problem... When I first met him he told me about how he used to watch porn all the time which I figured was something all guys do from everything I've ever read on the subject. Not soon after we met and started being boyfriend/girlfriend did I notice something odd happening. First of all he lives in Canada, and I in the US, so when we aren't together we have "sex" on the webcam. Basically we masturbate for each other and it is a lot of fun and makes me feel better as I'm sure it does him. However, after we had been together for a few months, the frequency of these video escapades started to drop off. In the beginning it was every night or every other night, then it was more like every two-four nights. Now, from what he's told me time and again about the frequency of his desires, he needs to *take care of business* in some form or another every other day at least. If he's not doing this with me the only thing I can think is he's pleasuring himself to porn like the old days. He gets very upset and very defensive when I bring this up saying he never does that, that he saves himself for me. He basically turns the tables and starts blaming me for being untrusting. He says he doesn't do stuff by himself because he wouldn't want to "ruin things with us" by doing things on his own and then not being able to with me. I think this would be a very nice gesture, if it were really true. He also claims to have low testosterone levels even though he's never had them checked, and thinks he has some sort of erectile dysfunction stemming from stress or whatnot. He is perfectly healthy, and how much stress could someone like him have? He basically has no responsibilities, financial or otherwise! Please help me, I don't know what to do here. He will never admit looking at porn even if he did it all day long - I know this because I know how he is. I can't stand the fact that he may be lying to me. We want to get married someday in the not too distant future and I don't want a lying or maybe even *god forbid* cheating boyfriend grrrr. The guy I was with before him cheated on me numerous times with cyber sex relationships. If anyone has any advice or experience I'm all ears. - Frustrated in New York
  3. Hello all, I'm trying to balance my mental health a little as I think my break up definitely wobbled it a little. I found out my ex was on a dating website, which now I have accepted as she is totally free to do as she wishes. I decided it may be good for me to do so to. I went on the same one as her, not to spy before anyone says! It just seemed it would be the best one for me in terms of opportunities and the fact it's free! It would appear she has hidden her profile as she didn't appear on the search for my town-a blessing in disguise as we won't stumble across each other - but when I clicked the "who viewed me" tab, it showed she had looked at my profile-this would have been few weeks back though as I did log on when I recieved an email telling me I had a message- It showed her as online but I have heard that sometimes these sites aren't fully accurate with the online status. I am assuming she has hidden her profile as at this stage, with lockdown, she may have seen it as a waste of time and will unhide it when things return to normal, this kind of gives me a little relief as deep down I would love to sort things with her. Alternatively she may be hidden and is now chatting to the people that messaged her before she made her profile hidden. Either way, I don't know how best to focus my mind as I think either thought process will cause me unwanted stress or anxiety
  4. Me & my significant other are currently going through some things that are veryyy complicated! .. to make it sort of simple.. We were having disagreements & arguments like no other for the past 2 weeks straight.. the arguments stems from him turning down my advances for sex .. again! at first it was the "I'm tired from work" "I'm to stressed out" to a blatent "I just don't want to" & him not wanting to do any bonding activities (it's fair season) so.. I can admit I have been giving him a hard time because I was frustrated. Things ended up getting physical. & I broke his windshield :( It was my fault , offered to pay for damages but he says "we're okay , I forgive you" sounds like good news right? (Under the circumstances) nope! so he then decided basically that since the relationship went left we can be friends until things get back right.. but the Break is not mutual.. & his reasoning for not wanting the relationship seems like things we can work on from within & he just doesn't agree.. I'm at a crossroads sort of because I love him so much but I feel as if he's trying to leave the door cracked open ya know? Or like you know how you can bond with a car but without the title it's pointless? That's how I feel.. I may be processing it wrong but what do you guys think ?
  5. i really have everything in life. i have really nice parents, two brothers who love me, the best and funniest friends in the world, i draw quite well for someone my age (15), and (used to) have good grades, but due to anxiety issues my grades dropped a little, from A to B- or C. I don't know why my mental health is so debilitated, i don't have any major trauma or anything like that. I started being anxious/depressed one year an a half ago, maybe because of stress from school, but there aren't many people who have the same problems as me at my class. I take lots of medicine, but those don't seem to work as well as i wanted to, it just prevents me from suiciding instantly, wich i've tried two times. i really wanted to take this out of my chest, thanks if you read it till here.
  6. Hi everyone, I’m not sure what kind for advice I’m looking for this time, I probably just need to vent. I’ve been down on my luck lately, I just feel as if nothing goes my way, I’ve been having issues with my bank, they keep blocking my debit card for no apparent reason (they apologize and then block my card again). My neighbor has been harassing me because he believes there’s a leak coming from my apartment even though two plumbers have confirmed there’s no leak. I am super busy at work too, I’m really stressed, feel like I might be sick soon, I wake up in the middle of the night thinking about these things. I also lost some weight, like rationally I know none of the above is super serious, it just seems my body is tired of this stress. My friends have been supportive, I just don’t want to complain too much as I am usually the one who cheers everyone up. Right now I feel like I need some support. I live in another country, my family is back home, I don’t tell the much about my life, I don’t want to complain, even if I do, their response is something like I’m grown up now and need to take care of my life. This totally makes sense, I just wish they’d be more supportive in a way. They believe I should be grateful I managed to move to Western Europe and don’t complain, but I just can’t be happy all the time. I’m tired of over-faking I’m alright and my life is perfect. My best friend is coming to visit this weekend and to be honest, I’m not even excited about her visiting, I don’t feel like doing sightseeing with her, I just want to sleep. I know I’ll overcome this when she’s here but is stresses me out too. I don’t want to sound spoiled, I know life is never perfect, I just feel right now I have little energy and patience left. As I said, I don’t know what kind of advice I’m expecting, thanks for reading this.
  7. I'm going to try and keep this short and to the point. My fiance and I have been together for 3 years. He recently took a job out of town which we thought would be a great opportunity since we've struggling financially. He's been gone barely 2 months. He's living with some friends of an old coworker. The problem is we barely talk. Like we chit chat on messenger throughout the day. But when he calls we talk for like 5 minutes and that's about it. He always messages and says he's off work, he's gonna go home and charge his phone and call me in a few. Well that turns into like 2 or 3 hours. He always call pretty much right before he goes to bed. Or always has some other excuse. Last week we were on the phone and he said his roommates had company over and he didn't want to be rude... Like I kind of get it. It sucks when you have to walk outside to have a conversation. But I'm his fiance. When I was away helping my parents with a bunch of stuff last year. I had to walk outside to talk to him and I didn't care if it was raining or cold or to hot. I took the time to have a conversation with him. Am I overreacting or over thinking? I've been trying to have a conversation with him about how this all makes me feel. But it's like pulling teeth to even stay on the phone with him. He's always got something going on with them or he's to tired and is going to bed. Plus I'm trying to not to add to the stress that we are already going through. since this job isn't working out the way we thought it would and we're broker than we've ever been. And I'm having surgery this friday and he won't even be here and I don't think he even tried to find out if he could come home for that... Sorry for the long post. I've got a lot of pent up stress and emotions.
  8. Hey all - to cut a long story short: seen this guy a few times, felt pretty intense pretty quick. Good connection etc. We are about 1.5 hours from each other so not the easiest to see one another and he is in a full time job. He said he’s very eager to see me and this week coming up would be good - however on friday he got a job interview offer (he’s currently switching jobs which is a great source of stress to him) but doesnt know when yet so couldnt commit to seeing me. Totally get it. So we talk every day. And today I said that I guessed he hadn’t heard back yet as to when his interview is, so would the week after work better for him? He left me on read lol. Great. Did I do anything wrong? He has left me on read before and then messaged back later so this isn’t totally out of the ordinary
  9. We were dating for a year, and I thought everything was going really well. I was doing my best to be open and communicative etc And believed he was being truthful and communicative with me. When I brought up the prospect of moving in together in the future and things got weird right after. I was broken up with, and told that I was more stress than I was worth, that he actually hadn't loved me for a while, that I have a different view of what a relationship is because I want to hang out more than he does and that it was really hard to love me because I was open about struggling with anxiety issues from time to time. Two days later he came back to me saying that he made a mistake and truly loved me and wanted to work on things. He assured me he just panicked and didn't mean any of what he said and that he thought that is just what you say during breakups. I took him back, and over the next two weeks he was extremely loving/overly nice telling me he loved me a ton, reassuring me this was true when we were intimate as I was super nervous to be intimate again after being broken up with the first time. He slept over one last time and we slept together in the morning, he told me he loved me multiple times when I dropped him off at home. The next night we were talking on the phone and I said, "just checking in, how are you feeling about things right now is there anything I can do to improve?" And he sprung it on me "Actually I need to break up with you". He came over, (it was about midnight at this time and he knew that I had 2 big shows to play the next day) and told me he mistook guilt for love and that he didn't love me at all, that I have large character flaws he can not deal with such as me not being confident enough on stage (I am a musician and get stage fright, but I still play a ton of shows and no one other than those closes to me would know I struggle with this) told me that he wished I played in more bands like I used to (I recently quit a few projects to focus on one I'm really passionate about, and had quit a band because I had been assaulted by a member in it and my partner continued playing shows with this person after despite me saying it hurt me) and told me he wishes I was more outgoing (I struggle with anxiety but I still find I am a very personable and outgoing person). He also told me he doesn't want to support me while going I go to counseling as it is more stress than its worth. He then accused me of begging and pleading him to be in a relationship with me ( I did not feel I was doing this as I was just trying to share my side of feelings and understand how a switch could flip overnight). I have truly never felt so disoriented to have someone change and act emotionless out of the blue. I understand that it is okay to breakup, I just felt absolutely crushed as he had never communicated any issues to me and I felt that my character was ripped apart and that the breakup was my fault when I genuinely would have been so open to communication and willing to work on any issues. Its been just over a month since everything happened and I have found it incredibly hard to move on. He refused to talk to me for 2 weeks right after he ended things and told me if I really wanted to talk we could meet in exactly two weeks. Despite me asking for sooner, I had to wait for 2 weeks (I can understand boundaries, I just felt like it was a way to control my response as I was really upset and he wasn’t taking any accountability =( ). I had asked for him to meet me in the middle at under two weeks so I could move forward, but got no response. When we met, I found myself apologizing for being emotional and hurt, and he stated that "good, you should be sorry” and that “He said some , but wouldn't have had to say any of it if I hadn't pressured him for reasons and he needed to say those things in order for me to know his decision was final" After all of this, I have been feeling really low on myself. I feel embarrassed that I reacted so emotionally and sent him texts going back and forth between being sorry, angry, and missing him. I also feel embarrassed that I ended up being the one to apologize/feel like I did something wrong when he was the one who dumped me suddenly and had essentially lied to me for months while continuing to have sex with me and tell me he loved me. How can I begin to move forward? I feel really lost and hurt. I feel I am longing for him to acknowledge that how he treated me at the end was incredibly hurtful instead of the "Breakups always suck, it would have been out of the blue no matter what, you are over reacting and not being pragmatic" responses that I have received
  10. Hi all, Lately I have found myself not coping well at work when the pressure is on. It is more the paperwork side of things. There have been instances when I have been loaded up with paperwork which affects my ability to put time into other aspects of my job. There is no control over the amount of paperwork you receive. I have sent some abrupt emails which I have been put on notice for. Just wondering how others deal with the stress. I find I go into work sometimes on my own time, not often, just to tidy up and catch up. This helps. I feel it is a bit of a character flaw of mine that I need to get in check. I need to have some way of not reacting this way. I like my job, it can be stressful at times that’s all. I used to work out a fair bit but have had an injury that prevents that at the moment. I probably need to see a physio about that too. Thanks.
  11. So mom and sister live 8 hours away and they never come to visit. My sister was surprising me and my boyfriend was acting stressed so I asked him why and I guessed it out of him. He says he's been really stressed and now he won't be able to relax. Im thrilled about them coming to visit and I try to be positive and tell him he'll be able to relax and I'll make sure of it, he gets upset and says no and is not happy with the whole thing. I tell him that im not going to refuse them a place to stay. He says they can sleep somewhere else the first night so he can relax since he's stressed. I don't agree and I want them to sleepover. My mom calls that night and hears him yelling in the background I tell her what's wrong and she couldn't believe it. They are only coming for The weekend to see us and he wants me to tell her to not come. I can't do it she's my mom!! I refuse and tell him that I can't do it, it's wrong. He gets even more mad. We fight for 3 days and they show up and I ask them to come in. They tell him that they are dissapointed since they never come to visit and their hurt that he doesn't want them to sleepover that night. He sees it as an attack so he starts yelling at them and tells them that he has the right to it, it's his house and they should listen to.his wants and needs. Im embarrassed, can't believe this is happening! Not really saying much since they're all fighting over this, I just want to have fun and enjoy the time that they have here. If he's stressed and tired he can go lay in the room and watch movies or go in the basement and play video games we'll just stay away. Instead he wants to be mad and yell in my mom's face and be angry. I take them and leave and rent a hotel room, I want to enjoy the time I have with them as much as I can. They leave the day after and go back home, I feel awful, they drove 8 hours away to come to all this. We fight some more because im so dissapointed but he sees it as me not caring about his wants and needs... I can't believe it more yelling at me and blaming me. Now months go by and I have this gross feeling inside me, im hurt and torn inside, I want my family to get along and respect eachother so we can all have a great life and have a great future together. I asked him to apologize to my mom the other day and he finally did, it wasn't a very sincere apology but he did it which was nice. It was a "im sorry but" but atleast he tried. He won't apologize to my sister because she yelled at him. I tell him today that im so hurt and im having a hard time continuing this relationship with all this pain. He tells me that he's hurt because I've been distant. I know I've been distant, I've been distant because you yell and you're mean to me when we fight and my family is hurt by you and thinks that you're a jerk for what happened. Can you please try to make things better with my family so that we can move on? No your sister needs to apologize to me first. And what about the fact that they hurt me? So now my mom and sister are still hurt and in shock with what happened. But to this day he still sees it as our fault and our problem because he was just asking for a night off. What do I do? Everybody has different opinions. I feel like what he did was way wrong but then again we're we wrong for not giving him what he wanted? It's hard in relationships because everybody has a different belief! Thanks everyone.
  12. I don’t know what to do in my current relationship or what more can I do. Normally I try to talk things out if there’s anything wrong so it doesn’t build up for either of us so.If I try to talk things out calmly to even giving him space or ignoring him I get yelled at and he’ll continue being angry as well as cold to me. I’ll admit I’m not perfect I’ve snapped once or twice for a split moment, out of hurt but instantly apologized after. That of course made him even more angry with me but I can’t seem to be able to talk to him, the only time he isn’t angry or yelling at me is whenever I act happy for him pretending I’m not hurt and everything is ok and whenever we do things his way without compromising. He expects me to be happy and okay whenever I wake up the next morning even if right before bed he is screaming at me, even on days that I’m sick, having a bad day im expected to look happy and just be myself. But I can’t exactly be myself, because some days I do feel sad, I feel sick, I feel stressed and if I show that I’m feeling sad sick, stressed etc hell just blow up at me some days but not always thankfully but I never know when I might say the wrong thing to set him off again. Other times he’ll just act like he could care less. I trying to keep all of those emotions locked away so he doesn’t see them except it’s hard to hide it whenever I’m sick but I do my best to take care of him still and do things around the house after work even if I’m sick.I’m scared to say the wrong word or things that might upset him. The only thing I’ve noticed that calms him down is whenever I give in or just say what he wants me to say or say it’s my fault. Which I find myself doing often is shutting down and giving in, putting on a smile and trying to please him again. He does come around and apologize for his actions along with saying he understands how I’m being made to feel but then either later on that day or few days after will go right back to it again. I want to believe his words but I have told him actions speak louder than words, not to say I didnt appreciate his apologize but I’ve heard it over and over the same thing. I got him to agree to couples therapy and he was seeing a therapist for 6 months but he recently stopped going saying he doesn’t need it anymore. Is there anything more that I can do to.
  13. So, my boyfriend of almost four years, me being 21 and him 22 are supposed to be saving for a house together. I am constantly saving putting hundreds away each month and he is supposed to be doing the same. However, he is constantly ‘lending’ money to his mum and she now owes him around 3000 pounds. The problem is his mum doesn’t work and I know for a fact that he will not get this money back. I have constantly told him to stop lending her money but I know it is difficult because it is his mum. He never has any money because she keeps having whatever he’s got. This means he can not afford to move out of the family home and subsequently means I’m not going to either. The other day I had a bit of a break down in front of him because it was getting me stressed because he had no money to buy Christmas presents because he had given £250 to his mum. This made me upset as I like to be organised especially for Christmas and it meant that other members of his family might not have a nice gift. I wouldn’t mind if she used the money for things she needed but instead is shopping every day buying things she doesn’t need. After having a cry in front of him he said he would try to stop but then I found out he leant her another £50 just days later. This made me slightly upset due to the fact he knew how stressed it was making me but still continued to give her money anyway. He doesn’t know how to say no. All I want is for us to get our own place but I feel like this is never going to happen. Am I being selfish because it’s his mother at the end of the day or does it make sense why I’m upset? I don’t know if I’m overreacting. Any help appreciated, thanks.
  14. I’m sure a lot of you can remember my 47 page thread about my guy a few weeks back. We have hit the 3 month mark. Since then, a couple weeks back I finally told him that I’m sensing things just aren’t the way they were and I feel like I’ve pretty much worn out my welcome. He was taken aback and seemed confused because to him, nothing was different. And he asked me what I thought was different. I basically told him I felt like the communication just wasn’t there and sometimes I just never knew if I would even hear from him or see him again if I wasn’t the one who reached out. He blamed it on the holidays, with several birthdays during the month including his daughter’s, the stresses of working nonstop and being a single dad, etc. I get it because I’m in the same situation, but our communication styles are different apparently. Since then, he has really stepped up, reaching out every day, and of course this made me feel confident enough that I could be the one to reach out as well. So my problem now, is I feel it was short lived and he is starting to get distracted again. We both had our kids over the weekend so I get the last thing he wants to do is text. Although, if it were someone I was dating, I can certainly shoot a quick “hi, hope you’re having a great weekend...” etc. it takes 2 seconds. I heard from him Friday night about some activities he had planned with his kids, nothing Saturday, nothing yesterday until I reached out in the evening after my kids were asleep to wish him a good night. His kids were already at the moms house at this point, but I thought I would’ve at least heard from him. He did response immediately and never took more than a couple of minutes to respond. He did mention he was busy cleaning up the house, the weekend was hectic and he still had so much to do today, including some last minute shopping. I understood he was stressed so I let him know I knew he was under a lot of pressure and had a lot on his plate but wanted to say hello and wish him a good night. He responded saying he really appreciated my text and wished he could give me a kiss right now, sweet dreams... All wonderful, right? Yes, but I’m just beginning to feel insecure, wondering if he’s starting to pull back again. I feel silly because he put forth effort into seeing me during the week last week, took me out during our lunch break. As we were saying our goodbyes, we briefly mentioned seeing each other again this coming weekend but I’m anxious and hoping he won’t back out due to the stress of the holidays. He’s never canceled before so I shouldn’t worry, but this shift is giving me anxiety again. Is it normal to hear less from someone during the holidays? Even if it would take 2 seconds on their part? Perhaps for some people, the last thing on their mind after all the preparations would be to retreat? I guess I’m just hoping it will normalize after Christmas, I certainly liked the way things were going the past couple of weeks, felt like things may have finally been going in the right direction.
  15. Hey everyone, I'm at a crossroads, I'm hoping you all can help me figure out the best decision. I'm going on about 4 years now at my current job. Earlier this year, our parent company chose to close down our location because of budget cuts like many businesses. If we wanted to keep our job, the employees now had to travel about another hour north to work out the main facility. My travel was about 25 miles 30 to 45 minutes one-way before, but now it's alittle more than double that distance and time on the road, ONE-WAY. I'm going on almost 5 months doing this drive now. I wasn't opposed to making the drive at first, because the benefits and pay is ok. Also, I didn't want to jump ship in case something good became of it. The company has been flexible with giving the employees the some ability to work remotely on a day or two. However, I don't think that's enough and some have started to agree, and even quit because of it. I've also been told that it is unlikely that my work would cover my mileage either, which makes sense. I have looked into moving closer to the job, but renting or paying down a house will be too much to afford in that area and personally I don't want to move for a job. I have tried staying in a hotel overnight to try and compensate for the distance, but that cost also adds up and I have to stay a lot of nights to get enough points to get free nights.I don't have a girlfriend or many friends anymore and not much of a social life, which doesn't help atleast balance some of it out. Either way, I have noticed that my work ethic has been starting to drop alittle, which is unlike me and I'm starting to stress out more and are getting more forgetful. I also struggle with a personality that makes it hard for me to let things go after I leave work. I've started thinking that maybe it's about time to start changing jobs to something closer and lessen the distance so the travel and stress doesn't drain me before I even start working. However, I've been unsure lately with the economy and what I have been seeing, that I feel like I'm stuck without years and years experience to apply for another. But, I can't keep going on like this, I'm either going to end up screwing up or getting burned out. Any suggestions or thoughts are appreciated. Thanks.
  16. So my SO and I are going through a rough patch atm and long story short, when we first started dating, everything was really intense, saw each other so much to the point i felt myself being so dependent on him with everything. If i went a day without talking to him id feel so lonely and it just wasn't healthy. & he started to feel a little trapped and he felt he was ignoring his friends and his hobbies for me to make me happy and i agree with him, i felt cos i depended on him so much, my whole life was revolved around him. (This is a fairly new relationship, 4 months) and we basically had a heart to heart to slow down on the relationship which i agree needed to be done. & to work on ourselves because he said he was getting a bad image of me being such a clingy gf and he doesnt particularly want someone that clingy. & I agree, its probs not particuarly a nice trait to be overly clingy so thats what we're doing atm. We're currently slowing down in our relationship and working on ourselves to come back better, its been about 3 weeks since this has happened. My worry atm is as soon as we had our heart to heart, he suddenly changed. He talks to me like a stranger and he said its cos he wants to work on himself more before going back into things? And he did admit he feels a little awkward after the chat we had. & that's fair enough but its been 3 weeks and I havent seen any changes whatsoever with our relationship. We still talk everyday but not as much as before. & He does message me first too and i sometimes message him first so thats been fairly balanced. I have voiced my worries to him last weekend and he said not to worry and that it just needs time before things can go back to normal. I just want some advice on the situation, I think part of me feels so insecure about this that its getting me stressed out. It's the way my SO is talking to me still, there is slight improvement , hes more chattier but its still not the same and im paranoid hes just not into me anymore or not interested in this relationship anymore, even tho he reassured me last week. I dont know if he's too scared to tell me the truth. Or perhaps I am being a typical girl by over thinking things. Perhaps I should take a step back and not message him as much so i can focus on finding myself again? Ive never been in this situation before so im just confused and lost.
  17. Hey everyone! It's been so long since I've been on here, for those of you who remember my previous posts roughly a year ago as I was going through a rough breakup. A year later I can happily say that I took months off for soul searching, healing, and learning to be 100% happy without a man. The best things happen when you least expect them, right? Flash forward to today, and I've been seeing this guy from my college for about a month. We talked over the summer via instagram after finding out we live near eachother and would be going to the same school. The first time we met in person, my heart screamed "oh sh*t" as soon as I saw him (in a good way). It was like something clicked, I don't know how else to describe it. Anyways, we basically started seeing each other a lot, but at the same time we're taking things slow. He waited almost two weeks to even kiss me which was refreshing. He would hangout with me every free minute he had, even if it was just to come over and take a nap with me. However, there are a few things that bother me and I've been keeping in the back of my mind. He has never had a girlfriend before so I don't think he quite knows how to act all of the time. For example, in private he acts like I'm his girlfriend, holding my hand, cuddling, kissing my forehead etc. However, whenever we hangout with friends I may as well just be a friend to him even though he sticks closest to my side. He also hasn't put much effort into getting to know my life outside of college. He doesn't show any interest in meeting my mom when she comes up this weekend which could also just be because of how soon it is. He also has trouble expressing his emotions with words. The last time I heard him say how he felt about me was almost a month ago when he told me he liked me. Since, then, the only reassurance has been through actions, up until two days ago. Suddenly as of Sunday the goodnight/good morning texts have stopped and he still talks to me throughout the day just not nearly as much as he had been and much less flirty. We've hardly hung out unless we run into each other out of luck at breakfast (he's always going alone though and sits with me once he sees me so it's not like he's just hanging with other people). I was freaking out that something had changed for him until last night he couldn't hangout and told me how stressed he is this week. It's midterm week and he has a 7 page paper to write by Sunday, 2 exams, a group project, on top of basketball practice, classes and 3 other clubs. I try to reassure him and make him feel better, I even do favors for him here and there like reminding him to print something and I'm lucky if I even get a thanks. I just wish he would make me feel a little more... appreciated? One thing that also bothered me was when I was really stressed last week about an exam, he wasn't the best at comforting me. He listened, but that was about it. When I ran into him at breakfast this morning and told him I did really well on the test, he didn't really say anything and I can't help but compare his response to previous guys in my life who would have hugged me (he's also not really a hugger) and told me they were proud of me and knew I could do it. I plan on talking to him this weekend once his stressful week is over, the last thing I want to do is push him away. I'm going to make it clear that I am not pressuring him to commit to a relationship right now, I just want to know where his head is at and if we're headed in that direction. And if we are headed in that direction, I want to talk about the things that are bothering me without coming off as needy and bossing him around/telling him what to do. I care about him a lot more than I expected to so soon. If I didn't know some of this behavior was just from how he handles stress, I would be much more concerned than I am. It's the little things he does that reassure me, like asking how my day was or slow dancing with me in his room to a song that came on while watching Me Before You, or kissing my forehead and playing with my hands when I'm "asleep". He's a great guy and has a lot of the basics down, but I think because he's never had a girlfriend before he needs to be "shown" how to do it properly and how talking to me is different than talking to one of his friends. Any advice??
  18. I had someone contact me via an online dating app. We actually matched online before, but I deleted the app before we really got to know each other and I wasn’t sure about him. This time he sent me a nice message, we matched, he was eager to meet, and we set up a meet for last Saturday. We had been communicating for about 1.5 weeks now. I had family matters surface Saturday morning, so I asked if we could reschedule for this upcoming weekend and he said he was okay with rescheduling. Prior to heading off to bed, he confirms that we have rescheduled for “next week”. Then yesterday he sent me a message asking how my week was and if I was working hard. My replies were short...maybe one or two words long because I was stressed. I just noticed now that he deleted me from the app. What’s interesting is that you’re automatically rematched with the same people you unmatch, and he’s already appeared in my matches after he deleted me. My concern is that he may think I wasn’t interested based on my rescheduling of our first meet and my short replies to him lately. He was also intiating the messages. At first I was on the fence about him, but with each message exchanged, my interest grew. I was tempted to send him a message saying “hey, what happened? Was looking forward to meeting you”. Good idea? Bad idea? He just seems like a super respectful guy and I can honestly see him providing me with some candid feedback if I did reach out. I’m just concerned that I’m once again coming across as cold, even though I don’t mean to. Based on what happened during one of my last meets with someone else, where we got caught up in texting and the in-person meet sucked, I didn’t want the same thing to happen here. I wanted messaging to be kept to a minimum. I was even telling my mom yesterday that I think I was meeting this nice guy on the weekend and was looking forward to it. I suck at online dating. Any ideas?
  19. In the last few months but particularly the last few weeks I have been experiencing high levels of stress. There are a few important contributing factors - feelings of grief, impossible workload with little managerial support, heartbreak and reaching 40 without kids and a partner. I am looking for some suggestions on how to handle it better. I have felt a variation of stressed, depressed but mostly overwhelmed. When I feel like this I end doing MORE rather than easing up. It's like a compulsion I struggle to control. I will end up listening to someone's problems even though I have little inner capacity. I will offer help even though I am running on empty. I will go to a gig or meet with a friend even though I should be staying in. I have taken some initial steps like not drink any alcohol at the moment. I have spoken to my manager which sadly was not fruitful as he lacks the skills and maturity to support me - I actually offer help to my manager. Suggestions such as exercise and eat well are things I can put into place in a couple of weeks from now as I have a family visit abroad coming up that feels daunting. I am looking for some suggestions to keep myself a bit more grounded and loved for the next 2 weeks, especially in an environment that will be stressful and unsupportive. I am also looking for some insight as to why I would be doing more when I already have little resources, what is that compulsion about? Thank you
  20. I am a heavy introvert and find large group settings draining. Whenever I have a party/clubbing event I try my best to fit in by talking a lot and acting extroverted. I don't like drinking and everybody knows this. The problem is I feel left out when others binge drink to get drunk around me and become loud and obnoxious. I see those people (who are my very good friends) as selfish and their behaviour as unhealthy. It puts me in a position of spite and I usually refuse drinks and become designated driver because of it. I assume my stress and judgement for these people is out of jealousy. But I have been drunk before and still feel the same way. My experiences haven't been great, but they haven't been negative either. My conscious thought-process follows a simple path. I see alcohol as a drug like any other drug. Drugs are the opposite to self-improvement and are self-destructive. If I see my friends taking shots, I will join in just to keep up. But I won't take any more than 1 or 2 just to ensure I am being responsible and taking care of myself. I will then mediate the rest of the night with some standard drinks so that I don't go overboard. When I see my friends excited to take shot 3, 4 and 5, I get angry and upset. I don't know why and I don't know how to think differently. I have an event tonight and don't want to go home feeling annoyed or upset. Please help me think differently.
  21. Looking for advice please ..my boyfriend of 6 months has just told me that he doesn’t want a relationship anymore and has to break up with me ..we met 6 months ago and from day 1 we had the best connection in every way we made each other happy had so much fun every time we met ..to this day we have never argued over anything .. 7 weeks ago he had an accident and broke his leg meaning he will not be able to work for about 5 months 😲 this has caused him tremendous stress as he is self employed and therefore not earning money he is finding it so hard as he is a very independent person and now everything is difficult for him I have been there for him and helped him with everything also trying to get him to keep positive and reminding him that it’s only temporary and soon he will be back on his feet .. he’s never been much of a texter whereas I am so he says that i e been putting too much pressure on him texting as he feels accountable to me and he doesent want to be ..I’ve tried to reassure him he’s not and sorry if he felt that way anyway yesterday he told me he doesent want a relationship and said how good we are together he had tears in his eyes as he was telling me 😢 I’m going to try and give him some space as I do feel it’s all of the stress got on top of him ..what should I do I really don’t want to lose him because it’s true we are so good together too good to lose ..sorry for the long post hope somebody can advise me x
  22. I started cutting when I was about 7 or 8, my older cousin was doing it and I was getting bullied so I tried. I'm now 15, and well I've been 'clean' per say since August. But anytime I get sad or stressed or anxious(I'm diagnosed with anxiety and depression, so all of the time bassically) I start to get what I can only describe as withdraw. I sweat heavily, I get cold and hot flashes, I get fevers and aches in my body. It feels like a tention migraine but it's in every single artery throbbing to the beat of my heart. It ends up being followed up by really bad thoughts and I ended up cutting and it fixed it. Am I addicted now? I've never thought this was cool I've tried so hard to stop but it seems to be the only thing that'll work or help.
  23. I'm stressed to the eyeballs. Really stressed and thinking i might be going through some sort of breakdown. i've been in a relationship for 11 years. i've wanted to have a baby for the past 6 years. my partner doesn't want children. we split up over it but then got back together and i decided to move on from it. But I cannot move on from it. It's something I really want. But I love him so much I don't want to lose him. He said if I got pregnant he wouldn't want it and that would be the end of us as a couple. I've stopped using the pill and I've been tampering with condoms. I've done this for about 6 months now, but no pregnancy has been forthcoming. I know I shouldn't be doing this. I want a baby. I don't want to lose my partner. I'm not sure if I'm just extra over-emotional or what's going on? I might have a pituary tumour (awaiting MRI results) so maybe this is contributing to how I feel.
  24. I’m new to this forum and could really use some advice about leaving my job. I’m feeling a lot of guilt for wanting to give up and would like to know everyone’s thoughts on my situation. I am in a situation now that many would envy: I've got more job security than I can handle. I started a new job over a year ago in sales with a very large, corporate home builder. Ever since I've started, it's been insane. I work about 60 hours a week with extremely rare exceptions. For the past year and a half, I have been a work machine. In an effort to prove myself at the new job and get ahead as quickly as possible (due to the plan of starting a family with my husband), I've worked long hours, took on extra projects, and generally kicked ass. I was actually the top producing sales agent this past year in our division. I suppose I should note here that I am an overachiever and a people-pleaser by nature, which has not always been the worst thing to be. Right now I feel as if my head is in a vise grip all the time, like my body is being ground down by a particularly coarse brand of sandpaper. Due to the heavy volume of sales that the community I’m responsible of is experiencing, things aren't getting done on time unless I’m willing to work until bedtime every night and work through my days off... which I do, and have been doing since we opened this new community in Aug. I took this job because it has was a wonderful career choice that most realtors would kill for. Plus the benefits are great, I have 401k and with the sales this year alone I have already made nearly 200k in commission! However, the great benefits come at a great price. Currently, all I do is apologize to people who are angry that things aren't getting done to their satisfaction. Which is to be expected having buyers on edge and difficult to deal with... they’re making a HUGE purchase and trusting us to build their “home”. However, after selling 60+ houses in such a short amount of time I’ve started to feel like a doctor who needs to stop accepting new patients. But my company is extremely numbers driven... we have quota we’re expected to meet each month, which means the buyers and their agents keep pilling up and with each sale I make, and each sale is more of my time that is going to be needed for the next 3-8 months while their house is being built! Not to mention after they move in, with my model home being right up the street the entire community thinks I’m their personal property manager to pop in on and complain to or at whenever they deem necessary. I have a raging flood of e-mail, calls and text from people wanting status updates and deadlines met all hours of the day, 7 days a week. And what my more demanding clients don’t understand is they’re not the only people who need something from me! But to be perfectly honest, I could probably manage the demanding work load and angry clients if I had the support of management. But they’re actually the biggest reason I’m ready to throw in the towel. Since I started making my way up to being our top producer, I was looking forward to making a positive impression on upper management. However, the harder I worked and the more I achieved, the more harassment I started receiving from my bosses. Our division has 2 area sales managers, and I’m only required to answer to the manager over my community. Yet, our other area manager has been in her position longer and appears to have seniority over mine. When my work load started increasing is when the other manger started butting into my sales when she had no idea what was even going on! It first started as a text that she received a call from a potential buyer who couldn’t reach me - she would tell me I needed to call them back immediately. Usually she came across very aggravated with me. However, every time this happened I was sitting with clients writing a contract or in the middle of negotiations! My phone rings off the hook and I would loose sales if I stopped to take every call while trying to explain a sales contract to a buyer and their agent. I asked MY manager to please defend me since she actually knew my schedule and how busy I was. And she tried... for awhile. Sadly, time has passed and I believe the corporate environment has taken its tole on her since she doesn’t appear to be trying anymore. It has now gotten so bad that ON MY DAYS OFF I am literally expected to report to them when I’m home trying to use the bathroom! God forbid I miss a call while I’m sitting on the toilet!! They constantly call me and force me to work on my days off. I have had 2 doctor appointments where the doctor sent me away before I was finished with my appointment because I was getting non stop phone calls during the appointment that I had to take from management. Wanting to know why I missed a call telling me “someone wants to write an offer on a house, when can you call them? We need you to get on this right now!” One afternoon I had a hair appointment, missed a call, within an hour they called my office and complained. By the time my manger called to yell at me I had already called the person back. And then was told they may need to see my CALL LOG for that day that I WAS OFF WORK to know exactly what I was doing all day so they could see if I was just dodging calls. I also had to get my cell replaced a few months back because my voicemail wasn’t working and my phone was dropping calls. I was told if I didn’t get my PERSONAL phone working properly I may get written up. I told my manager not to long ago it bothered me that they automatically assume I’m not doing my job, instead of trusting that If I didn’t answer a call it’s because there was a reason. What bothers me more is the rule actually is we must return all missed calls the same day if it’s our day off. Yet I’m getting in trouble for not returning calls within an hour. And this strict rule only applies to me... I spoke with other agents in my division and non of them are experiencing half the harassment that I am. I deal with this for 10 to 12 hours a day, eating lunch at my desk so I can try to keep up with the ocean of frustration that threatens to drown me. The onslaught is starting to break me down. My body hurts from being clenched all day. At night, all I want to do is drink myself to sleep. I’ve started loosing my hair or I’m pulling it out. Each week is like a never ending cycle since I don’t actually get days off to decompress. I used to enjoy outdoor activities, taking my dogs hiking, running or riding bikes with friends, and just spending time with my husband. I don't have time to do any of that anymore because of this damn job -- I don't have time or energy to do much of anything anymore but try to hold onto this punctured life raft of sanity in a hurricane. I’ve even lost a close friend because of this job. She recently had a baby and every time I promised to come see them, I had to blow them off last minute because there was ANOTHER emergency at work. The stress of this job caused me to have a mental breakdown earlier this year and I’m currently seeing a counselor for stress management. My husband loves my income but he’s ready for me to quite because he’s sick of seeing the abuse they put me through. And he knows I won’t be able to cope once we start trying to have a baby. I’m nearly sold out in my current community and will go through some down time soon before my next community opens later this year. So if there is ever a time to get out, the time is now. I had another hi stress job before this one that I quite because I was denied a raise after taking on the job responsibilities of 2 employees who quite. I was really getting taken advantage of and got sick of not having any income to show for all the extra work I was doing. So now I’m starting to feel like a “quitter” since I’m in yet another job I’m ready to give up on. Plus the people-pleaser side of me hates giving up and I’m really hard on myself for wanting to quite. Just that feeling alone is even giving me more anxiety. I want so bad to be able to cope with the stress, not let management get to me and keep this job that will more than be able to provide for our family in the future. I feel like leaving is the best thing I can do for myself and my marriage. I just wish I could feel at peace with my decision. Instead I have this fear that when I turn in my notice they'll probably just shrug and say something covertly insulting like they understand it's a high-pressure environment that's not for everybody. It’s true, I can’t handle their work load, and I hate myself for it. I don’t want to have a doubt about my decision to leave... my husband has a great paying job to support us. Plus I don’t plan to stay unemployed. I do want to go back to work after we have a baby. But what if I really just need to learn to cope with stress that any job is going to have? Would anyone else quite after only working there a year and a half? I really need advice on what to do...
  25. Hey all, been a while since I've been on here, but I find myself in a new spot: I've been with my girlfriend (24) for 1 year and 3 months. When we first started dating, she had a meh job at a bookstore on a college campus. After a couple months of being together, she found herself a job at a law firm which she was really excited about. She worked there for about 4 months before quitting due to discussing the feedback she would get from her equals and boss being abusive. The way she discussed things made it seem like they were just jerks who couldn't own up to their own mistakes, and took it out on her. She left that job and worked a bar tending gig for another 4 months while finding another job at a construction place as office personnel. She loved her job there, but saw it as a dead end since it was a corporate company dissolving, and all branches becoming private. She felt the lack of a corporate ladder would be a hindrance. So while she was working, she would job search on the clock... After finding her current gig, she left her bar tending gig, and submitted her 2 weeks to the construction place. She was caught job searching at that place, so that bridge has been burnt. She opted to take another job at the mall I work at, in a different store. But quit that because she didn't want to work that much (totally understood, but wasn't a fan of her just quitting) She's been with this new job for about 3 months, and it's similar to the law firm, similar complaints. But the issue here is that we have friends who work the same company, and their perspectives of the job are WILDLY different. So her selling it as some toxic environment where she is just bullied is tough to accept. This time it's even more difficult since she is now on a PDP after making copious amounts of mistakes. So when consoling her, I do my best to hear her perspective, but am having a difficult time confronting her view/influence on the circumstances she is being handed. She has opted to be distant to anyone who has given her any form of criticism that isn't positive..... And the fact that she can't realy argue she is doing what she should sounds far too similar to what happened at the law firm. All of this info aside, my concern boils down to this: I have confronted her by stating that she should focus more on what she can do to make the circumstances she lives within better, but not just count losses due to her first real doses of feedback from her new job. Also not assuming everyone hates her just because they are paid to be in charge and give her feedback/acknowledge their mistakes. I also haven't denied any possibility of a toxic environment, but stressed that I don't work there, so I have no true objective perspective on what she is dealing with from the other side. This puts my thoughts of her stressing moving in together, and myself working on getting promoted/finding a higher paying gig after just graduating. I make enough to live minimally while paying my debts off, but when I mention the fact that we shouldn't push for moving in together just because it's sought after, but wait until we are both in a decent place; she just brings up the possibility of rough patches in the future. I don't disagree with that, but I also would rather prepare than just hope for the best, and only make the move when we both are ready and able I apologize if this isn't the clearest of statements/posts, I'm still sorting out these thoughts. Any input/discussion would be greatly appreciated!
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