Jump to content

Search the Community

Showing results for tags 'stress'.

  • Search By Tags

    Type tags separated by commas.
  • Search By Author

Content Type


Forums

  • Relationships
    • Dating Advice
    • Relationship Advice
    • Infidelity
    • Online Dating
    • Friendship and Friends
    • Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender
    • Abuse and Violence
    • Long-Distance Relationships
    • Age Gap Relationships
    • Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend Relationships
    • Trust and Relationships
    • Marriage/Long Term Relationships
  • Breaking up and Divorce
    • Breaking Up Advice
    • Divorce Advice
    • Getting Back Together
    • Healing After Break Up or Divorce
  • Personal Growth
    • Personal Growth
    • Career, Money and Education
    • Grief Loss and Bereavement
  • Families
    • Parenting and Families
    • Pets
  • Health: Body, Mind and Spirit
    • Health: Body, Mind and Spirit
    • Suicide & Self-Harm
  • Sex and Romance
    • Sex and Romance
    • Pregnancy
  • Emotions and Feelings
    • Emotions and Feelings
    • Jealousy
  • General Forums
    • Forum Assistance
  • Journals's Journals
  • Journals's Private Journals
  • Off Topic's Topics
  • Book Talk's Topics
  • Travel and Culture's Topics
  • Poetry, Prose, Art & Photography's Topics

Blogs

  • Articles
  • Youtube
  • News

Find results in...

Find results that contain...


Date Created

  • Start

    End


Last Updated

  • Start

    End


Filter by number of...

Joined

  • Start

    End


Group


About Me


Mod Notes

  1. And it's not the first time. He was never once faithful to her. That's how me and my sister have grown up. Watching a broken family act as though we are alright and happy. My mum says she's fine with it as long as we are grown up and keeps reassuring that it doesn't affect her now, but I can tell it does. She just doesn't want to bring in the matter of divorce due to various reasons. But I'm tired of pretending. I feel like this is going to be my whole life. A home that has no real emotions to express. We can't even say it to him that we know since he becomes more careful and just hides it better. I feel like I'm carrying this huge burden on my shoulders. I can't even tell any of my friends, cause guess what? I haven't made any friendships close or strong or long enough to share such thoughts. I don't have friends who would care if I did share. They'd probably just throw some pity and move on. I have an exam in two days. And I can't even focus that well. I must be crazy, right?
  2. I recently met a guy and the first night we actually met up in person, we'd talked on the phone alot before hand.. the first time we hooked up we were so into each other that we ended up sleeping together. We talked about it before and after it happened but now I 'm a lillte worried that he won't ever be able to be serious about me. He assured me he'd done it the other way too many times and lost the girl anyhow. He was kind and caring afterwards and asked to see me again. Do you think he could really be into me or are all guys the same and just want sex? He genuinely seems keen, maybe its too early to tell.? I do tend to read too much into things...any suggestions on how to not stress and just ride with it..
  3. I am really stressed the past few days. (by the way I get stressed easily) I am a high school freshman. I will become a sophomore next year. I feel that I am not taking enough AP courses ( advanced placement). I think only in United States they call that AP. Anyway, can anyone give me some suggestions? By the way anyone know any good summer programs?Preferably in Massachusetts. I want to improve my math so I will feel confident to take AP math in my junior year. Thank you in advance.
  4. okay... for those of you that have read my previous post, you know whats going on... a few days ago, she said she's falling in love with me... i dont know whether to believe her or not, i trust her, but idk now... i love her, alot... but im just confused on what she wants... first she's to busy, then we get together for the night we spent together, then she's to busy, then she's falling in love with me... and guess what, now she's too busy... and the way she talks to me, idk if its because of stress, or what... but t seems like she's just pissed off at the world... the tone she uses at least... please help, i dont want to mess up again, she could be the one, but i think she's afraid to find out or something... i am sorry i am not very good with words, but yeah... its... bringing me to my knees, i just dont know what to do or say to her anymore. and we havent seen or talked to eachother much lately... is there a mixed signal de-coder ring? please help, if she's the one for me, i cant let her slip through my fingers like my other family members have done in previous relationships... help.
  5. I have a job which is full of stress, and have been struggling with the torrible pain in my back -for 3 months now- which hurts whenever I sit. The problem is this does not stop, I have gone to a series of doctors, all of which said a different thing, some said do not do any sports and some gave me some small exercise. So I began to do exercises, but whenever I get down, the terrible pain begins, than I began to get more depressed, and then comes the vicious circle!! I have realized that my mental situation affects my body immediately but I don't know how to get out of this circle? Any advice on how to reduce stress? or how to cure this pain is welcome, and let me add that I am not that kind of a person who enjoys going to a club, a sports activity or stg. like that, in other words I really don't know very well to make myself feel relaxed..I only like to have a walk on my own, but I am not sure whether it is good for my back? or makes it worse? Please help, I am starting to think that I am like those old old people who alwys speak of their pain!!
  6. My ex boyfriend's birthday is coming up at the end of next week and I really need your help! We broke up about 4.5 months ago and since then have had little contact, I think mainly because we couldn't move to friendship which was never firmly established. Also, I'm not sure if we are both over it enough to just move on. His birthday is next friday, and i am planning to send him a friendly card. I know this doesn;t seem like a big deal, but I just want to mess things up by doing this. My plan is to send a card with no mushy words, and without any indications that I think we should rethink our breakup. this is not my reason to sendit to him at all. I just want it to be a nice birthday touch. Am I mistaken in thinking that this is ok to do? Will he take it the wrong way. If you can, please help me think this over!! Thank you so much for taking the time to post. I kno I shouldn't stress over this so much, but I think that if a couple of you will answer, it will help me put the stress away. One last thing to keep in mind is that I have never sent him birthday card before, so this will be the first one I will ever give to him. Does this change a lot? Thanx
  7. My girlfriend and I have been together for a year and we live together. She is 21 and I am 19. She has been diagnosed with a thyroid problem so she has a low sex drive and a very low energy level. I am very sympathetic to this and I try to take care of her the best I can. I am almost always stressed over money. She doesn't work and easily could, even a part time job would make a big difference. Whenever I bring up the idea of her getting a job, she immediately goes off like a rocket and won't even talk to me about it. She hardly ever wants sex and this is very hard for me at my age, especially being as stressed as I am. I am very very attracted to her and always have been, but I am starting to feel like she is not attracted to me at all. She doesn't even want to kiss me sometimes. I love her more than anything in the world. She is really all I have. Last night she caught me masturbating to some internet porn. She got very very angry with me and now she is saying she wants to leave me or stay with me but have sex with someone else on the side... she says it is up to me. I know what I did was wrong and I did not want to hurt her feelings. I wasn't thinking clearly at the time. Things haven't always been this way. I want it to be like it was before. What should I do?
  8. ok bottom line school is starting tomorro, unneeded stress im afraid ill go back into cutting what should i do -stitches aka The Antihero
  9. SO i've called and begged, pleaded, whined, threatened (not in a scarey way). I've met up with him a few times (a month later) and lost weight got brown and managed not to get blasted and tearfull and made him laugh. I've even had sex with someone else. Still he is in my thoughts every waking hour of every day and I want him back so bad it makes me feel physically sick. We'd been rowing a bit before we broke up- I,ve got a new job and was stressed. So he calls me up and says he needs to concentrate on his career and be selfish for a while which makes me wanna wring his neck as I really needed his support. Help.
  10. Okay I'm just gonna kind of ramble here, so I apologize if this turns into something really long! Over the holidays I got engaged. Some of you know my situation: Long distance relationship and all that. It's been really amazing and we are EXTREMELY excited! But I don't know... for some reason in my mind I thought that this was going to be easy. There's so much! I've been engaged for two weeks, and already we've started planning, even though the wedding isn't for... what? 18 and a half months? We already have so much done! It's crazy! I'm not stressed about the wedding, really. I think my stress lies in the fact that I'm using it as an escape. Focusing on the planning is what is keeping my mind busy. It's keeping me from thinking about the fact that, once again, we're separated by thousands of miles. I haven't dealt with it like I should. He cried twice the day he left! And he isn't an overly emotional guy! I haven't cried at all. While I'm not STRESSED about the actual planning, there's also a lot to be done, and so much of it has to get put on the back burner until I get a new job so I have money! We have a lot of details nailed down, but there's a lot of work still to be done. Which is fine because we have so much time, I know. I guess I'm kind of freaked out that, even though we have 18 months, we have so much to do that we need to start doing things NOW. That, in itself, is overwhelming. The good thing is that we went in a totally different direction with the ceremony than I thought we would. All my life I've envisioned the classic wedding: big hall, huge dress, and everyone in the world that we know attending. And of course it would cost an arm and a leg. That would have taken a lot of planning and there would have been a ton of tiny details to figure out. But now we're going with a very small ceremony- a themed wedding, actually. And the venue is sort of all-inclusive, in a way. And while I know that should take a load off as far as details go, in a way it makes it more difficult. I've spent my whole life deciding how I would handle those little details, and now they aren't there. Having that "unknown" adds stress more than it relieves it. I won't have the familiar around. The wedding is in his city, 2,800 miles from where I live. It's at an annual Renaissance Festival that he has attended many times but I have never been to. We are making the outfits for almost the entire wedding party, including my fiance and his three attendants, all of whom live there in Pittsburgh, making it hard to get a proper fit for their clothes..... I love this idea for our wedding, don't get me wrong! It's very unique and it will be incredibly memorable. I just have no clue how to handle a wedding! LOL! I truly believe that all of this just comes with the territory of being a bride-to-be. I just have no idea how to handle it all in stride. I guess I just need encouragement... Advice... ANYTHING anyone can offer to help me survive! ..... okay... I'm done venting now.
  11. Okay, the guy I've been with for the past month, is going through a lot of stress right now. He is always stressed out, and the problem is that I don't really know what I can do. I try to be as nice as possible and offer him encouragement and support, but sometimes I just don't know if it is enough. I get so frustrated, sometimes he complains a lot about being stressed but doesn't really talk a whole lot about whats bothering him. One time, I asked him straight out what I can do, and he said , well there isn't a whole lot, u are way on the other side of the city and i am way too tired to drive over there and see you. Part of me wants to forget about this stuff. I know its so bad, but I wanna just get on with my life, and continue working on everything i been working on. And just let him come around when he wants to, you know? But then again, he was with me through some very hard times and he stuck it out for me - its really hard. I just don't know what I can do for him... and I just wanna see him happy and relaxed.
  12. Here's the story ... I met my ex in a grad class. Even though I initially approached him, I was totally uncertain about him, since I had been hurt before, and didn't want to deal with it again; however, the more he talked to me, the more I wanted to talk to him. He created such a comfortable environment that I totally fell for him. After 2 months of spending 4 - 5 nights a week with him, I really feel like he is the one for me. We are so similar, yet so different, that I feel like he is the perfect match for me. Since we were both finishing up grad school, during the time of our relationship, we both came under a lot of stress. Also, I was really insecure of myself sometimes, since, as I mentioned, I have been hurt before. thereforeeee, sometimes, we would agrue over small things. However, we would make up, and that would be the end of it. I wouldn't think twice about the agruments. One Friday night, we spent the night together, and everything was fine. Then, Sunday night, he calls me to tell me that he thinks we are too different to live with each other forever, and he think we should end this now before it goes too far and we are both hurt too much. Right now, he is in a different state for work-related training for 12 weeks (gone 4 weeks now). Last week, I told him that I wouldn't call him, and he could call me whenever he felt he needed to talk to me or missed me, and left it at that. Haven't heard from him in 9 days. He is from India, and that he has never had a girlfriend (he is 24 and i am 23) -- I am Indian American. I think his perception of "love" is all roses and wine ... and when arguments came up, he thought them as "irrepairable differences". I know I am doing the right thing by establishing a NC rule for myself, but just wanted some positive stories and support out there. Can a man be uncertain about things and then revert back? In the meantime, everyone enjoy their weekends ... I'll be trying my hardest to enjoy mine! Thanks for "listening" (reading)! Blue
  13. Alright, Wed. night I went out w/ a girl that is quite a bit younger than me (always the case. me - 31, her - 19) She has a b/f who she is moving out of state with on this tuesday. I thought we would just have a couple drinks and hang and talk. Stuff happened. It was marathon run. About 5 hours of some of the best sex ever. Afterwards we slept and cuddled. She kept saying how glad she was that we went out, how much fun she had, and how she was happy things happened between us. When I dropped her off, she kissed me goodbye. Like a real kiss. Now let me stress this fact....I was NOT expecting any kind of relationship to come out of this, and I definitley don't want one with her for numerous and obvious reasons.....I just wanted to get that clear. She said she wanted to hang again before she left town and that I should call her. The following day was her last day at work. I was off that day, and slept about 14 hours, not calling her or seeing her. On friday, I had to call her for work-related reasons, abd she told me to call her when I got off. I called her at midnight, and there was no answer on her house phone. She did not return my call today. Now here is when I am going to sound like a typical guy....I must say that I enjoyed her company, even if we didn't have sex, but I really want to hook it up at least one more time! Now as I said, she never returned my call today, so i didn't call her. Im thinking about calling her tomorrow night and trying to make plans, but I don't want to look like im desperate or all into her or anything creepy. Its just that the clocking is ticing and she will be leaving soon, and as I said, I want to have another one of those nights! Im also kind of shocked that she hasn't called on her own, or returned my call. What do you think, would it be weird if I called her again tomorrow or should I just let it go. Again, I want to stress, there is no emotional level at all outside that I thought she would make a cool buddy.
  14. I ahve a friend in the freshman class I emt at the beginning of the year named Kayliegh. She's a sweet girl, moved in from Pennsylvania, and had recently broken up with a friend of mine (they were dating a few weeks before school started.) For a while, I was her shoulder to cry on, and mainly someone to protect her. For a while, she seemed appreciative. After homecomign week, she started to break away from my aide, which was fine. She etched a certain phrase into my mind, however... "You're like a big brother to me. I don't care how this was meant, I took it to heart. It meant alot to me. Recently, I tried striking up a conversation with her after not speakign together for a lengthy period of time. She was very open with me online, as always, but when I saw her at school that Monday and tried tos trike up a conversation, I felt...disregarded. To the younger ladies out there, assist me please. What do you think makes her attitude toward me in person different?
  15. Ok guys, this frum has been a major help before ad hopefully it still is... I've been with this guy for about 8 months, mainly long distance, but with some periods of 1-2 months living together. We've had great time sexually, as friends, travelling, talking, getting to know each others lives and friends etc. For stress at work from his side and some other problems from my side our sex life has been almost inexistent recently - last time we spent together for 10 days we just couldn't find the time or the mood to have sex at all. There is still tenderness and I honestly think we love each other a lot. But this stress and lack of sex and living long distance is just getting to us, and the longer we struggle in this vicious circle, the more it's affecting us. I want to move to his place, he might have wanted that too, but recently he has started to hesitate and prefers me moving closer (I want to move) but in a different flat just in case. I feel like s**t. I don't want to lose him or give up, but is there any chance of us finding each ther again and forgetting about the "bad times"? Nw we're breaking up and it HURTS!!! Please help. Princesa
  16. Well, I'm not sure if anyone out there has any advice on this but here goes. My girlfriend is not out, and this has caused a lot of stress on our relationship. The other day she said that she doesn't know if she will ever be able to come out, and she feels she is waisting my time and hers by continuing the relationship. I told her that I love her and I will wait for her to come out, but she says that the stress is just too much. Her family is from another country and very Catholic, and I do know that they would disown her if she did come out. However, she has not even told her friends about us, and we have been together for over two years. Most of her friends live out of town so she really only hangs out with me and my friends (who do know about us). I'm very devistated right now, and I'm trying to understand where she is coming from. She is in her early 30's, and I think her biological clock is ticking. I've asked her to seek counseling, but she refuses saying she knows what she needs to do but just is not sure she can ever do it. As of now we are "separated" and I'm so confused. I love her so much, but I don't know what to do for her. I'm just giving her space, and I'm trying to not bring up anything. Does anyone have any advice on what I should do? Or are there any online groups that help people who are not out?
  17. Omg I cannot deal with this,I just recently put up a post about me and my ex once again,Since then things are not going how I thought they would be and we are hardly talking again because we did not meet up that day,I have so many things going through my mind right now and im so sick of it all,I am currently having trouble with my car which means I might have to give it up and I just spent all my money in the bank 8 months ago to fix it up and get it on the road,I have friends who say they are my friends and act like it from time to time but only a few I am talking about here are starting to pluck me because I feel that they are not true friends for some reason and I was just thinking about that tonight I feel as if though everyone that gets a chance walks all over me,Not because I let them do it I am just so nice and very genuine when it comes to others,I am having my depression come back because all I want to do is cry right now and bust a hole in the wall because I am so angry at myself for letting me get back to this situation again,If I dont have a car I dont get out as much as I have been which makes things worse,I know people might say that I have done this to myself but they dont understand that I did not purposley do it I dont know what is going on with me all I know is that right now I am stressed and very very very stressed so I need some opinions on what I can do to get out of this cycle?I find myself getting like this after talking to my ex thinking things get better and everytime it fails for some reason,I am so mad right now.I also dont want to go out again because I my as well stop it now before I have to give up my car,I have not felt this bad in awhile I was doing so good I was going out going out and having a great time but now I dont want to go out I just want to give up on everything,I feel that I have tryed with everything the best that I could and nothing works for me so I am giving up,Sometimes I wonder why I am even here on this earth because nothing ever goes right for me and I just dont get it,My ex,My car,Bills,Depression and I dont want ppl to feel sorry for me that is the last thing I want,I am just looking for opinions on how to get out of this mess,I did not think that it would come back and at that come back this bad,No I just want to let this all out because I think I need to.My ex tells me one thing and acts a whole diff way until the next time we talk and things happen all over.I dont know does anyone have any advice or opinions for me because I am really angry and upset and I just cannot handle anymore of this or I am going to seriously have a break down
  18. I use to be the type of person where I could walk in a room and the people around didn't bother me. I could walk into stores and my stomach wouldn't turn wondering, "What will they be saying when I walk off." Now, I don't like going in stores if I know there are a lot of people in them. Today I had a doctor's appointment and I thought I was going to have to go by myself and I was so nervous. I repeated the steps over and over in my head. I just don't like being around people. I want to overcome this. I'm trying to become a new person, change my outlook on life, but I have to be able to face people. I have to be able to talk to people and not be scared of going into places on my own. I thought I could do it on my own, I didn't think I would have to post about it. But, I do need input because I don't know what to do. I think I have developed stomach problems because of the stress and anxiety of this. The way my stomach tightens, so I do need to over come this. I want to. I'm ready to. I just need help, and ways to. Thanks for any input. under*
  19. Im new here so dont be to harsh on me. I have been married for almost 3 years. My wife never worked. I bought her a new car every 6 months or so and everything to go with it. Im not rich but I work hard. I was opening a new business in August and leaving the company I worked for very soon after. I was stressed. I just bought her a new home and stress stress stress. Then she had an affair. I was home each night and was in most eyes perfect. She went to this guy for advice. He worked for her mom. Then he played on her and got her in bed. But she got him off of her and that is suppose to be the end. But she talked on her cell phone to him for hours. Then when I caught on she put it to an end face to face with him. I was there. Problem being I was in front of tons of kids and coundnt do much to him. then for 3 months she tried to be perfect. I mean perfect. But I was a prick. I called her names and put her down real bad. I lived day for day and she felt like she didnt know if divorce was coming from day to day. then one day she had enough. She filled. The other guy has a girl frined living with him now and works with him so I dont think that is the deal. but she filled but her mother is paying for her side of it. Her mother told her infront of me that if she pays the money she is going through with it no matter what. Period. she moved out 1 month ago. I tried real hard to get her back. Then we went to court for the temp hearing. I got my vette and truck and house and land and everything but her car. She is living with her parents again. She has very little money and calls all the time to complain about the money she doesnt have. She is working as a waitress for her mom. She now does with out and works 12 hours aday. After our hearing this past tuesday she called and wanted to meet for dinner. We got along great but she tried to make me jealous. then she came over wednesday of this week and took a shower and then wanted sex. I gave in. but then she was mad for some reason the next morning. So I gave up. I didnt call or talke to her for 2 days. She then calls to ask about income tax forms. I told her I had to go since I was going out. I know to not argue, not defend things to argue. I am dating a lady but with out sex. My choice. My wife thinks im dating but no proof. Last thing. She talks about going on vacations, living together or dating after the divorce. Talks about things may be better after the divorce and a little time. Sorry so long but I am so confused on this whole deal. I love her but.... Im ok now but I do love her. Please help if possible.
  20. A few days ago, my friend (who i posted about before and have feelings for) confided in me said she might pregnant. She's 17. Here's the story - she's over 2 months late, which is around the time she had sex with her boyfriend. Apparently the condom fell off. She hasn't taken a pregnancy test yet, but i'm going to help her and make her take it very soon. I've heard that stress and nerves can delay a womans period. So, could worrying about being pregnant cause her to miss it? Or does it sound like she's pregnant for sure? I know we won't know until she takes the test, but i was just curious. I can try to give more info if needed. I'm sure i'll be posting about this situation again very soon. Thanks.
  21. Hello, This is going to start off like a ton of the posts on here but here it is. My girlfriend and I are very worried right now about her being pregnant. She is 12 days late as of today. I have been looking around and have been seeing that stress can play a big factor in a woman's period being late. But how late can it really cause it to be? And now she is REALLY worried about being pregnant so that is probably really throwing her off. But can it really cause it to be this late?
  22. My girlfriend keeps receiving flirty text messages from another guy and while I know she is not cheating on me - it is bothering me. It's been happening since we first got together, which was 3 months ago. He sends her texts like "hey hunny, can I see you today?" and things like that. She doesn't seem to encourage these texts (neither does she discourage them), but she does reply to each of them - which I guess encourages him to text back again. It got to the point where everytime she checks her phone (which seems to be more and more often) I'm becoming paranoid - so I asked her to either tell him to get lost or I would for her. At which point she told me to calm down and get some rest as I was stressed out about it. She said she wished she hadn't been honest about it with me and then refused to see me for a couple of days. Am I in the wrong here? And what should I do? I don't really want to give her an ultimatum because I really, really like her.
  23. Ok, I'm about to open the vault right open and help clarify a lot of what goes on when people break up and why the efforts are done typically in vain. So first off I just wanna let you all know that I was together with my ex for the period of around 2 and a half years. Love was there right from the beginning and we went to extreme lengths for each other. It was like a storytale fantasy really, I was a 'wuss' and waited around for her until I got my chance. Of course it was more like "it was fate! sounds like a hollywood movie!" as her friends would say. She was floored and loved it. We had an amazing relationship until I smothered her so much that she tried just getting to know other people. Of course I was so into her that I would get jealous and upset. Fast forward to the break up, I found out she was going to break up with me and date another guy. At the time I was COMPLETELY devastated as I loved this girl. I finally was getting my life together and she did this! I felt unloved, uncared, unwanted and most importantly betrayed. I thought it wasn't fair and I couldn't get her out of my head. I phoned her, e-mailed her, messaged her and did ALL sorts of contact trying to get her to change her mind. I couldn't stop THINKING about her. Day and night, the same thing. Dreamed about her, sat and moped and just thought and thought and analyzed and ANALYZED until I would lose myself. Everytime I talked to her about it, the same thing was said over and over "i just don't have those feelings anymore." and everytime I asked her how long she felt this way, it conveniently changed to longer and longer times. First it was a month, then 2 months, then it went back as far as almost 2 years when she was originally going to break up. I didn't understand this WHATSOEVER. So I was forced to go through this by myself and as a guy COMPLETELY lost, confused and alone. I had no idea what to do, how to handle myself and HOW to get back what I wanted and had. So I came here, got advice and insight and found out I wasn't the only one in this situation. Now, on to the meat of this post. Ok first things first, the number ONE destroying thing of good advice, is that people refuse to believe their situation is similar or the same as others. "My love for her/him is MORE than it was with you." (of course they won't say this, but it's made obvious that this is the implication) and they'll also bring up references and past experiences to prove this. Now this isn't trying to make it out like you didn't have anything special or that it was all a sham, but I am trying to point out that WE are holding ourselves back by being arrogant about our situations in thinking we're so different. Sorry guys and girls. Why the need for NC? Simple answer is that you two are broken up. The more complex answer is that NC allows the chance for people to separate themselves from the relationship. To give them air to breathe so they can think things through and wonder if they did in fact make the right choice. If a girl or guy dumps the person they're dating to date someone else OR because they lost the love for the other person. Sometimes what happens is that the dumpee was too clingy, needy or desperate and may have been on some level placing the other person on a kind of pedestal. Now this is where the problem lies. If you are that person who is clingy, desperate, needy or placing the other on a pedestal, then that only ADDS to the stress levels of the other person. People have enough stress and don't need added stress from their loved ones. Point two, when someone is totally involved with the other person, they can end up suffocating that person. That person will feel the other has no life and that THEY are their only life. Outside of that, they wonder what they'd do. Often people like being in the company of others who have a life and are doing things and are involved. It keeps things interesting. This is key to understand where some may go wrong. Lastly it's good to keep in mind that NC isn't a technique to get them back, it isn't a sure fire way of anything other than to be used for YOURSELF. NC is something one SHOULD be doing regardless! Why? Because you SHOULD already believe that it's over. I mean isn't it afterall? Are you two not broken up? So why stay in contact? Doing contact makes it worse because when they break up they either want to forget about you and move on or just break away so they can get some breathing room and relieve themselves of the guilt. Any pestering, persistance or general contact in any way shape or form can kill whatever remaining chance you have. People are afraid that by not calling and not staying in contact, that the ex will move on, but really it's our typical grovelling, pleading and obsessive behaviour that pushes them away. Why NC does not work if you're not doing it NATURALLY! NC DOES NOT WORK if you are NOT a person who knows the concept of or reason behind it. If you do it because others told you to and you do it successfully, ONLY to have them take off when you get BACK into contact, will be left wondering "wtf?". Sound familiar? Well it's like this, if you're ALREADY not a person involved with your life or doing other things and doing NC HAPPENS naturally, then when they come back you'll go from 0-60 and they'll go "wtf?". So understand this, when you DO NC make sure it's because you DON'T have free time to talk to them. Create a busy schedule by going out and DOING things for yourself. Take care of yourself and do things you enjoy. If you get busy, eventually you won't think of them as much AND you'll naturally be doing NC. Now another point of NC is to understand this. It's to give them room and time to THINK about you. Wonder what's going on and wonder if what's happening with you. Now what ruins this is when they call and you keep talking to them until THEY get rid of you. OR, when they e-mail, you quickly e-mail them back. They text you, you text them back. Etc. So it works like this, reserve control of yourself. Be sure to not deny them, but don't give them the feeling that you are available for them or readily there when they need you to be. If they think you are never busy and are waiting around for them, it's gonna get them thinking you have nothing better to do than to contact them when they contact you. Why Independence helps get you USED to being alone and DAMN GOOD AT IT! People always say to get yourself out there and INVOLVED with the world. Find clubs to go hang out at and pick up new hobbies. Now the problem that arises with this is that it's not EASY to figure out what exactly you WANT to do for one and second, it's so new it's going to seem silly or pointless at first. A general "man i am not cut out for this" attitude may linger for quite a while until you see the actual benefits of doing these things. There are SO MANY things one can do for fun, it's just a matter of researching them and GOING OUT and doing it. The Failure in the relationship, what happened? Ok on to the failure of the relationship. So why did it fail? You smothered them? Got upset with them when they didn't wanna hang out with you? Were needy? Clingy? Desperate for attention? Didn't give them space? They couldn't hang out with their friends because you hogged all their free time? Did you call all the time? So what were some of those things you were doing that may have turned them off COMPLETELY? It's good to figure those out and then try to figure out how to CORRECT those things from happening in the future. If they felt you were smothering them or were needy and clingy, then that GENERALLY translates to "this person is a loser, because I'm their life and outside of that they have nothing." Now that sounds really harsh and it IS, generally they don't think that evil BUT that's a very straight-forward to the point statement. It gets to the core of WHY it's best to have a life outside of theirs. Now I'm not saying put them below everything else, BUT if you have passion and excitement for your independent life, then who you are with SHOULD respect and understand this. No one should be so selfish as to force you to give up your life for them, so don't do it voluntarily by any means. Why we should be number one! Because we're damn worth it! If YOU don't believe it, they won't. You keep saying "I don't deserve you" then eventually they'll say "yeah, you're right. You don't." If they don't look at you as the one THEY WANT to keep then it's only a matter of time before they go to someone else. Or cheat on you. So please please please people, try to remember the important thing of looking after YOU. They're not the only guy/girl in this world. There are TONS of great people out there, EVEN IF THEY DON'T match what you're looking for. It's ALL about experience and getting yourself familiar with the opposite sex AND of relationships. Once you learn how to control yourself and how to act and interact, then you're already out on top. Analyzing something out of your control is not only pointless, it's TIRING. It leads you no where except down the frustration path. Focus on things you can control: yourself, your relationship with others, your attitude, your approach, your look, your communication, etc. Your life is yours for the taking and is influenced by YOU and shouldn't be influenced by others. Try being nice to yourSELF and do things YOU enjoy and believe in. Not what you think you should do in order to win others approval. Now I know this is all "wow that's great and all, but I'm just gonna start thinking about them again!" or whatever other thing will happen when u read this and go well that was great but it wasn't enough for me. The problem, is that it'll never be enough unless you DO something about it. The problem then may be that you just don't want to HAVE to put in the effort or energy, in that case I say enjoy your life of self-pitty and regret. Just remember this last thing. When you take steps to do these things, keep the idea in your mind that you will EVENTUALLY get this dealt with and figured out. Don't put yourself in a position where it's an all or nothing. Remember that you have to want to actively pursue this OR it won't work. It took X amount of months/years to become who you are, it's going to take a SIGNIFICANT amount of time to change. Hope this post was helpful and I apologize for it's length.
  24. I'm a new member (just joined today) and have been going crazy over my ex. Heres some history for you: My ex and I met in school and from the very beginning there was chemistry. We became friends first and after a school trip to New York we realized we both had feelings for each other. Well we dated for 9 months and during those months we never once fought or yelled at each other. There were times when our feelings got hurt by one another but that isnt unusual. Well about 4 weeks ago he broke up with me. He said that "it just wasn't fun anymore" for him. Lately he had been becoming more stressed out. However what i failed to mention is that he recently got a job in November and ever since then our relationship lost something. I personally think it was the stress from his job and school that caused him to doubt our relationship. Im writing this post though because he is quitting his job sunday and after i am predicting that he will be less occupied and stressed. Do you think there is a chance? He told me after we broke up that he still thought i was beautiful and attractive and that we would remain best friends and that we may get back together again in the future but then.... fast forward to this week. This week he seems exceptionally moody (i suspect it has to do with college issues) and he isnt as happy as he once was. Should i give him space? We have a class together and i usually wait for him outside, should i just walk alone? I still have very strong feelings for him and i know deep down that the feelings arent completely gone from his end either. Im supposing work brought on a sort of disenchantment with the relationship but prior to his getting a job our relationship was picture perfect Do you think this relationship will make a comeback? Any advice is greatly appreciated[/b]
  25. Hi, I nagged at my boyfriend on the phone about something we've been kinda arguing about for awhile now. He took on a job and has very little time for me, but I don't like how he handles setting time for me. He doesn't want to set anything in advance because we had this incident where he had to cancel on me at the last minute three times in a row. Time with me is very expendable compared to everything else, and that's been our problem but I've never expressed it that way to him. Anyway, I found out he was on the phone infront of his dad (they were at a game together), so I asked him to PLEASE call me back later that night so we could talk this thing through. That was Friday night, and he never called. I got worried and called him that night but no answer. Later on Saturday I IMed him saying "Useless fact, I'm in Georgetown" and he put up an away message that said "Useless fact, I'm mowing a lawn and don't want to talk to you" I freaked out, and didn't know what to do. I left a message on his cell phone (it was turned off) and said that I'll respect that he doesn't want to talk to me, but when he wants to talk I'll be around. It's Sunday, and I'm still freaked out. Do ya'll think he's going to dump me? We've never been in this big an argument EVER in the 17 months we've been dating. We've been very serious about the relationship, but he's been really stressed and I'm afraid that he's just gonna give up on the relationship because of all the stress he's had. HELP!
×
×
  • Create New...