hope123

i see what you are saying he never said he didnt want me there..i think the person i am with is the type where if he really truly didnt want me there..he wouldnt even suggest that as a solution. He mentioned it and i am willing to take him up on the offer. This may be hard to explain batya so i hope you can kind of understand me on this but i also feel like in a way--i need to tell him these things b/c he hasnt been in many serious relationships so i absoultely think he is just used to doing whatever he wants with certain things such as these trips without having to think what a g/f feels about it. Plenty of girls go with their b/f's or husbands on these things which i am sure he knows. And i think he is just used to the situation where he didnt have to or didnt have someone that serious where it should be or could be an option. Like in the beginning, he was ready to jump on a plane with his single friends and go to some singles area with the beach and clubs and bars without notice and without me(just randomly). I dont know if he was just testing his boundaries at that point. He said it so happily, carefree and without even saying what do you think. I thought that was completely rude and disrespectful and i said to him--i believe that is what you do when you are in a more casual relationship and if that is what you want, that is fine but thats not right in my opinion if you are serious about me and i dont agree with going to clubs in miami or wherever it was with your single friends who are obviously looking to get some action. He saw my view afterwards and agreed. I feel like i almost have to keep standing up for myself in a way and say--remember you are in a relationship, sometimes some places are just not ok with a g/f or you should be including in these types of situations. I hope you can get the idea of what i am trying to point out

we just have different views and this seems to be no longer asking for advice but defending how i feel. I think its completely unreasonable to NEVER be able to go on a trip like this with him. I can never picture myself married or in a relationship and just shutting my mouth every year with him saying ok see you in a week and never being able to see what a bike rally was like and yes of course after being there i would form my own opinion of it whether it be good or bad. What is wrong with that? If it was worse than i imagined and a complete orgy(which i am sure i am exaggerating the situation) I might be so disgusted by this that i would not be able to stay with someone who thought this was innocent fun and had this much of a different view of what fun is. If its not as bad or what i have seen on videos ,read or even seen on tv for that matter then i guess i was way off base. I never mentioned to him going as a solution. I laid out there that No, i dont like the idea of this, my feelings have not changed regarding it and why should i be completely ok with this. And his solution was to fly down. I didn't bring up going. I said i don't like this even after spending time thinking about, i am still not ok with it .

so if i was going out a few nights a week to bars or twice a week to bars and a singles scene type and he said he doesnt like this and as your b/f i feel i should be with you b/c you aren't single..i should feel he just wants to monitor my behavior? i wouldnt think so..i would think he feels its disrespectful seeing as though i am not completely single and thinks he should be able to come alone. I guess many people have different views on what ok, whats right, whats wrong. No one particular solution is going to work in the end.

never too late, i do hear what people are saying but i disagree with some of your points. I agree with some advice given but i dont agree with other parts. If i went with him, i wouldnt care if we spent an afternoon apart and i was with other people doing other things and we met up at night. And i have said a lot of times in my posts that i wouldnt stick to him like glue and that i would be happy that i am just there with him. Also, why would this have to be something he has to do without me every single year?You say i have no right to do anything about it but thats when i disagree and sometimes you don't just accept things. I used to go out drinking with friends more often when i was single at bars or wherever. Is that something to do constantly in a relationship? No, and if i did--he would probably say something at which point i would invite him along or cut back a lot. So i dont think you just accept things as they are. People do change when in a relationship. My friend said she used to go out constantly without her b/f in the beginning of their relationship but he did not like it and so she stopped and changed. Things that people would ask in these situations arent uncalled for. Even when married, a wife would have to continue to wonder what the place was like and can't say listen i'm going with you this year? Please..i really don't know any wife who would just sit back every year and not take part in this trip atleast once. You say i am going there to watch him like anything. I dont know if thats 100% true. I think apart of me would have a good time b/c i do like bars and to drink if its a vacation. I also think it is part curiosity which you think is wrong for me to want to see what this is like. And i guess thats where we disagree, so although i thank you for your advice, i cant help but feel the way about certain parts of it.

Most people associate a biker rally culture as bikes, drinking, girls. So yes--i think the women who work there, the woman there looking for attention is a big part of the scene and it may not be the complete reason he goes--but it doesnt hurt thats for sure. And i don't have to respect a b/f's decision to go to a place like this when it isnt a respectable place. How can it be compared to me shopping with a friend? This isnt a camping trip or a bike trip where he rides for a couple of hours, hangs out doing whatever, and then comes home. It can even be compared to a strip club to me b/c i hear women do get naked on the bars and they dance and they do pervocative things to one another..so to me--its just the same. And i wasn't comparing him to my father. i was simply saying people are different due to their families and what they have experienced. I also think that when a situation is happening to them, some might react differently to hear their b/f or husband wants to go this thing EVERY year. None of my friends said they would appreciate that or understand why it would have to happen ever year. Sure, there are things you do constantly when single but sometimes you need to change a little when in a relationship.

first of all, some things i am saying are taken way off base..when i said about the responsibility--i meant danger of being on the bike..it is dangerous to be on it for so many hours..1 2 or 3 may not be such a big deal but for a whole day(with breaks in btween) it might be a problem. I also didnt mean its just men who cant control themselves in these situations--i think it can be applied to women as well. Like i said.. i have read so many threads about people i love my b/f or g/f but i was drunk and it just got out of control, what now? I'm sure plenty of these people were trusted(some, maybe not) The other thing is, i feel differently than you do..and i also have friends who feel the same. One thinks he is being reasonable with the compromise but some also say--why does he have to go on a trip where he will be barhopping every night of the week. If he is in a relationship, why does he need to do that. They would not be ok with the situation and would feel uneasy about it as well. And i think the same applies when married..my father would never go away for a week to some place where scanily clad women are dressed and to be drinking all week..its just disrespectful. But i guess it depends on how a person grew up or the experiences they have been through which forms in their mind what is right or wrong. I also think sometimes when you are dating someone--sometimes they have more of a single mentality. I know some guys who would not go on a trip like this if there g/f was this uneasy about it or reverse the situation and see how they would feel. And people like my b.f, think its ok apparently. I think it may take people longer to get the point of if you are in a relationship its not ok to go bar hopping a few times a week, or to go to clubs constantly or to take singles vacations.I think if people do this, they arent as committed. Not meaning they are cheating but they just arent there yet where it comes to a serious committment.

i agree with some of what batya said but i dont agree on is him making the decision saying you wont have fun so you cant go(which he didnt do by the way) he never said i wouldnt have fun..he only said i dont belong going hours and hours on the back of the bike to get there b/c its too much responsibility. I do like riding on the back but not for hours and hours at a time. I have done a few. And plenty of people do things or take part in things they wouldnt normally if they werent with a person. So if i see this for myself, enjoy it and also see its not as bad as i thought, wouldnt that improve things?

i did not bring up going with him again..he brought it up this time too saying i already told you to get some cash and save for it. And i'm sorry--i think things have to do with more with just behaving and trusting him not to look to long or to touch..is it wrong for me to go to spring break in miami and go to the clubs every night i am there and tell my b/f--oh trust me..and i have been doing this for awhile so too bad if you don't like it, i need girl time. I think thats wrong. I think certain places you don't go if you are in a serious relationship out of respect or if you do, you bring you S/0 or your time their is limited and not a week of partying. I think even a person with the highest integrity and morals can slip up a little when they are placed in a situation like this and drinking almost every night and seeing what they are seeing. I just do think its a higher possibility of happening even though a person may go in there with the best of intentions...and from threads that i read about how "i was so drunk and things got out of contol but i really love my b/f or g/f, what should i do" proves it. Its not so cut and dry as will he touch or make out or sleep with someone else?

going to the bike rally will allow me to see whether the whole picture i have in my head is wrong. What's wrong with that? If i am wrong and some people who posted about the rally are right and i see its not all about the women--i completely overreacted to what i saw..b/c i dont understand how its "guy" time if i am not wrong..i wanna be with the girls--does that mean i'm gonna go to a place where guys are ripping off their clothes? And he isnt a true true biker-- such going to every single bike week and doesnt even look it..i only found out until almost over a year into the relationship

him not necessarily going to the bike week thing does make me feel better..do you think its a good compromise to not go to this bike week but him going to some place like florida or miami to ride bikes and go to bars? i know it wouldnt be as comparable to the biker week b/c these guys aren't 20 hitting clubs like college kids do on spring break in miami.

he also does not have anything planned but will have.

well the whole bike week atmosphere is what i have been worried about..girls constantly flashing, walking around naked, stripping at the bars, those pervocative contests. He said what if it wasnt a bike week..where they all went riding somewhere for a week but more than likely would be at bars at night also--whether it be florida or miami..he said its not bike week and if thats what i have a problem with, he should be able to do the other without me simply b/c the bike week is what i am worried about.

well i spoke to him. FINALLY. He said--if you want to see what its like at a bike week THIS TIME, i told you to save money and fly down. He said then what if it wasnt a bike he was going on. He knows a few guys going down to certain destinations like miami for example where they would fly the bikes down and ride there. He said yeah, we would probably be at bars at night buts its not at bike week so he would go without me. He said thats the best compromise he can give....

how is it chaperoning though when plenty of girls go with their guys...i know one of the wives doesnt ride and she flew down to meet him. Obviously this is more for the males and the girls are just eye candy...so dako, that means every year he goes--even if i am possibly engaged or married to him--i should never go to see this event and see whats going on? you dont think resentment would start to build up with me then?

But finding out that women fly down to meet their b/f or husband wasnt the greatest feeling. I am guessing this happens a lot where the boys ride down and the girls meet them there..whats wrong with me seeing what its like one year and then maybe i wont have a problem with it next year as i might see the cameras follow the crazy girls but its not a bad balance.