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About Me

  1. Hello, I’m not sure who will see this as it’s my first time using this website (hope I’m posting this right), but I feel like I need an outside perspective on this. This may be long as I want to minimize the amount of unknown information to make this non one sided or biased. The main issue: my online boyfriend (age20) gets very moody when I (21) am not in the mood to do any sexual activity. context: we have been together for about a year now and since 2021 started I’ve noticed this issue coming up a lot. When he’s in the mood for sex (this is an online relationship so I’m talking about phone sex) and I’m not it’s like a switch goes off; he’ll become quiet and give me “yeah” “ok” type answers, gives me attitude, we’ll sit there for an hour saying nothing to each other, he used to even just leave the call saying he has something else to do. I’ve addressed this to him a few times and each time it’s a different answer: “when you say you’re not in the mood I think you mean you’re not in the mood for anything” “it’s an issue with the way I interpret things that I’m trying to work on” and something about how he used to behave in the past. Now I accept these answers but I’m seeing no improvement. I’ve also noticed that sometimes when he’s in the mood, it’s the only thing he’ll bring up; he’ll be distracted by something else (Netflix/video games) and every few minutes say “what you saying?” (That’s basically our way of asking if the other wants to have sex), he’ll ignore my comments, won’t make any conversation, just go back to his show then randomly ask again until I say yes or until he realizes he can’t convince me. Just tonight he did this all again. Gave me attitude and everything, I left the facetime only for him to call back later, still being quiet and giving “yeah” “ok” answers to me. It’s like this every single time, to the point where sometimes I just go along with it to save myself the headache. There will be times where we won’t have sex for max 2 weeks, and during those days he’s constantly moody. background information: we started off with a “friends with benefits” type of relationship. We would have sex everyday (no exaggeration) even once we started getting more serious, it was still an everyday thing. We were very rocky however during that point in our relationship; he was emotionally unavailable for a while and I was coming on to him very strong. So reading this it’s understandable to think “maybe I’m the one who’s changed and he’s not used to this.” My sex drive hasn’t necessarily changed, I’m just less infatuated and more in love, I enjoy a different type of intimacy now, the emotional kind. Before I would be ok with doing that everyday because my infatuation for him was strong and I would be fine doing anything so long as it was with him. Another thing I should mention is that I suffer from diagnosed Depression and Borderline Personality Disorder, so my mood and energy levels are never consistent. There’s times where I am in The mood to do that everyday and times where I don’t want to for weeks. Before he knew me he was a player; his relationship with women didn’t go past having sex (in person not online). He wasn’t serious about finding someone, and still strung up on his ex. He told me when he met me however, he was trying to move on from that lifestyle and settle down. Thank you to whoever took the time to read all of this. I think that’s everything (hoping I didn’t miss anything). Actually while writing that I thought maybe I should mention: we’re pretty serious, we talk about our future, we plan to visit each other once COVID isn’t a thing, I’ve met his friends/mom and he’s met mine. Despite all of this though, I don’t know what to do. In all honesty it makes me feel like ***. Like when I don’t want to have sex then there’s no point in conversation or anything anymore.. it hurts me a lot and he knows this, which makes it worse. I’m hoping that someone can at least help me understand more about his mindset or why he does this. Maybe I’m not seeing something..
  2. We are almost three years into our relationship. She was my first sexual partner whilst she had had multiple (but none long-term). The first 1.5 years or so were great sex-wise. After that her appetite gradually deteriorated to now being at a point where she has absolutely no appetite for sex in any form. When we have had sex, it’s very clear she’s not into it. And when we don’t, I get frustrated (and she can tell). I’d say my sex drive is pretty average, whatever that means (I masturbate maybe 3 times a week, and would be happy with sex once a week). Every other aspect of our relationship is basically perfect, but this is increasingly becoming a big issue. At first we tried making things a little more interesting in the bedroom which helped a bit in the short term. We talk about the issue, but it’s becoming hard to have a productive conversation when we are now so far apart in how we feel. And she is definitely fed up of the conversation (no doubt that talking about it is one thing that’s contributed to her lower libido). She insists it’s not about how attracted she is to me - she just doesn’t have any sexual desire anymore. She’s been to the doctors and there isn’t anything physical that’s likely to be the issue. And there’s nothing suggesting that she’s depressed. She’s been referred to a psycho-sexual therapist, but the waiting list for that is a few months - and as it stands it’s very possible we’ll have no sex at all for that time. I’m obviously willing to wait, but am worried about putting a lot of pressure on that process to fix things. We moved in together a few months ago, and her sexual appetite seemed to diminish more quickly after that. She’s recently started a busy new job, which I’m sure also hasn’t helped. But this was an issue before that as well, and even when we have a few days where she isn’t working, things aren’t any different. I’m all out of ideas and feeling pretty down about it all, and she’s sick of talking about it anyway. What can I/we/she do?
  3. I have recently been trying to come to terms with, and accept, that masturbation is normal in a relationship. Whenever I would hear my partner masturbating in the shower I would get upset. I realised (after internet research) that it was normal and even good for the relationship in some ways. So even though it still makes me feel uncomfortable when I hear it, I'm slowly starting to get used to it. I masturbate too, but I have a much higher libido than my partner. However, something that kicked me off the understanding band wagon happened this morning. My partner and I had just finished having sex (good, satisfying sex) and he orgasmed. He got up and had breakfast, and within 20 mins of us having had sex, he was masturbating in the shower again. This is not usual behaviour, hence my confusion. I just was curious as to why he would feel the need to do that so soon after sex? Help me understand the possible reasons. I would talk to him about it but he would deny it so theres no point :) I'm not angry that he did it, I accept it.. but just confused and feeling a little weird like I wasnt enough or something.
  4. Me and my boyfriend have been together for almost two years. We love each other a lot and want to be together but one thing we argue about almost once a month is our sex life. I have a low sex drive, I always have. It’s low enough that I thought I was asexual for a long time and had no interest in sex until I started dating at 20. My boyfriend on the other hand has a high sex drive and is almost always ready to go. Because of this he feels like I’m not attracted to him because we don’t have sex often and because I don’t get horny very often. I’ve told him many times it’s not him it’s me. Sometimes sex hurts for me or sometimes I get easily overwhelmed to the point where I’ve had to stop in the middle of sex cause I’m having a panic attack. I see where he’s coming from and I feel guilty everytime I say no but i don’t know what to do and neither does he. Neither one of us wants this to end our relationship. If anyone has any advice or if this has happened to you I’d greatly appreciate anything. I want to fix this.
  5. I`ve been with her for many years and we live together. In the beginning of our story, we used to have sex almost every time we met. I was in a bliss. Everything however started turning worse month by month, year by year.. She started wanting less and less sex, while my sex drive stayed the same. I wanted her every day, just like in the beginning, and could not understand what happened within her. Slowly this started to escalate into a number of issues for us, while everything else was still great, actually even better as our love had grown to something worth staying despite of everything. I have witnessed this same horrible, unlogical and most of all sad evolution of sexual desire in the woman I`m in a long term relationship with earlier in my life, two times. Everything goes on exactly the same way, every time, no matter how good a man I try to be. I don`t understand why it happens. Some say it`s inevitable course of nature, some say it ain`t. I belong to the group who thinks it definitely should not be so, and life like that is not worth living. I can`t understand people who choose a life where joy of sex is slowly forgotten. I acknowledged this risk before I decided to move in together with her because of my experience in life, and made sure she had the same sexual appetite as I did. We discussed this many times, and I told her that the relationship I can happily live in maintains the sex drive just as it`s for us now, at this very moment. I made sure she realized, that I have gone through pain in my previous relationships because of what happened to my partners sex drives, and don`t want to waste time if she loses her drive after 1-2 years or something like that. She convinced me that it can`t happen, because I`m everything she wants, and she likes sex. She is a very intelligent woman, and I know she processed this through before moving in with me, I`m certain of it. How could she not know herself better? I know myself as a human being, and what I can maintain in long run and what I can`t. I know what in my behaviour is based on initial attraction, and what is something I want to develop in the long run. I had very high hopes in our future, I thought this time everything would be different. I made sure I treated her with respect in every situation, I did atleast 50% of the household chores every week, I never let her be a housekeeper of any sort, I took care of our closeness on other levels as well, I had long discussions with her, took her to nice dates all the time up to this day, I made sure I did nothing that I had previously learned that could cause issues. We also used to do lots of kinky stuff, and now she only wants to have sex exactly same way every time, and refuses most of the special stuff we once enjoyed. When I confront her about all of this, the only two explanations she can give me are: - She does not perceive herself beautiful. - She does not think about sex, like none. Sex or sexuality has no place in her daily thoughts. These are facts for her, because I have confronted her many times and the explanations have stayed the same throughout the years. I can`t understand either of them. She is a beautiful woman, and she looks just the same as she did when we met. Every time we go out, I can see people looking at her, and she even gets pick up attempts regularly. That is not a good thing in my mind of course, but she is loyal and I think that kind of stuff should only keep her confidence high. The fact that sex has no place in her daily thoughts is just... wow. This is not the same woman I met. Something has definitely changed, but neither of us seems to know what. I have done a thorough research about her situation by asking certain questions also while we are not discussing this issue, and I`m positive she is not attracted to anyone else. She can`t name a single thing she would be missing in her life. She wants to be with me forever. She is not hiding anything. She feels like she can be her true self with me. There is no explanation. I`m just broken by this situation. I love her way more than I love sex, if I had to choose I would stick with her and never have sex again but then again I would most likely end myself at some point because of the depression caused by it. Still, I would not leave her. I love her so much. I know she loves me also, because she would not be with me anymore if she didn`t, this issue has raised so much hell for us.. It breaks me down when I approach her as gently as I can, trying to get her into the mood and she just kisses me quickly 1-3 times then turns away. Every time hurts more than previous, even though the amount of times this has happened is enormous. We still have sex though, but 10 times less than in the beginning, which was the amount of sex I want in my life. I also need the kinky stuff, it`s the salt for me. It has been ages since the last time she wanted stuff like that.. I don`t even remember how it felt anymore. Due to the constant distress I have been put by this situation, I have made a fool out of myself a great number of times. Unfortunately infront of her friends and family as well, as we have spent many alcohol infused nights together with everyone. I have no words to describe how bad it makes me feel. I have never been a jealous type of person, but this has just gone too far for me. Everytime I participate in a discussion where some other man gets to experience the kind of sex life I`m after, I can just feel the pressure exploding inside of me shouting out loud: Why am I treated so bad in my sexlife? This makes me say all kinds of idiotic sentences, no matter who is around.. And I just can`t help it. I tried a therapist two times because of the anger and frustration I felt, but it didn`t seem to go anywhere and I felt like I wasn`t understood. I have never cheated in my life, but as time goes by I`m beginning to lose the explanation for my loyalty. Back in days I used to be proud to be loyal and honest in a world where most people seem to cheat, but now I just feel like a fool doing so. I don`t know why I`m loyal anymore. I just wish there would be an answer to all of this, a right path to walk towards the kind of relationship I dream about, but I just can`t see it any better than I can see to the other side of our planet with naked eyes. Reaching it seems as impossible as escaping gravity without an engine of some kind. I have lost my reason to live.
  6. Greetings Enotaloners, It's been a little while since I sought advice here. In my usual style, this will likely be long and rambling. Also, a warning, this post is at times frank and explicit. My girlfriend and I moved in together two weeks ago after just shy of a year of dating. While it hasn't been the smoothest transition, with some pre-existing issues around communication being amplified in the process of moving and intergrating our lives, I believe we have settled down a bit and we are slowly getting into the groove. However, I am experiencing a sudden loss of sex drive following a discussion around sex and intimacy. A Brief History Our relationship is generally good, however sex and intimacy has been an issue at times. A brief history of these being: The first few times being intimate with each other after the first time, we had some issues with ED and self-lubrication. We worked through these and they have not been an issue since. Very early in the relationship, not long after we started being intimate, my girlfriend commented that her sister and mother both dislike sex, and they have separate bedrooms from their husbands. While I was understanding, I explained that I didn't want to be in a relationship without physical intimacy. I sought assurance that she did enjoy and want sex with me in our relationship, which she gave me. Prior to moving in together we usually only saw each on weekends (F,S,S nights) and would usually have sex one of these nights. We also sleep on separate single mattresses with separate linen, push together to make a queen size. We recently bought beds for our new apartment in the same style (her idea) At one point (around May), she commented that she sometimes felt I was pushing for sex when I was cuddling/kissing her. This was somewhat true, although it was not intentional per se, and I subsequently tried to tone it down while still being my naturally demonstrative self. I also reassured that I didn't expect physical intimacy to always lead to sex. Later, in a social setting with some close friends, we were all discussing sex in long term relationships, particularly frequency, where I commented that I would probably be a '3-times-a-week' kind of guy, to which she reacted positively. She has also expressed a similar sentiment at another time when it was just us. Also early in the relationship, she asked me to not be naked in front of her in non-sexual situations (i.e. changing clothes). I am something of a 'home-nudist', in that I sleep naked, and often will be naked after waking up or showering for an extended amount of time. After her request, I stopped doing this (I still sleep naked, but I keep pajamas on hand to put home before getting up). On a related note, she has commented on at least 3 occasions that she is not physically turned-on by male bodies. She says she can appreciate a good body, but it does not get her excited. By the way, I am by no means an Adonis. During a fight where sex was raised as an issue by me, she commented 'I never had this problem with my ex-boyfriend'. She immediately apologised, but I was obviously extremely hurt by this. In a separate conversation around sex, she has also disclosed that she engaged in some sexual activities with her ex which we have not (watching pornography together), which she referred to positively (on a side note, she said she was turned on by the female porn actresses). We have different sexual styles. I prefer extended foreplay and 'exploring', whereas she generally wants to get to penetrative sex quicker. She is also incapable of orgasm (her explanation), which has had a weird effect on me. I often feel pressure to 'finish', and more and more I actually don't (stopping sex with orgasm). Despite this, when we have sex, it is generally very good. There are two more more issues, which are entirely on my side: I have never felt she has been 100% up-front about her feelings around sex, possibly because I feel on some level she herself is not 100% honest with herself. This is fed by my own self-esteem issues and relationship insecurities around feeling attractive and wanted. I am not completely satisfied with our sex life, in that I would like to explore more sexually - different positions, locations (i.e. different rooms), toys. For me, this is linked to growing intimacy and trust. We have both expressed that we are in this relationship with the expectation of it going the distance (i.e. marriage), so she may be the only woman I sleep with for the rest of my life. I want to be 100% into each other and explore our sexual sides together. The Issue Last Sunday we had a rough day, with small fights throughout the day. This had been a pattern for the first week together and was getting to both of us. Since then, we have both been making a huge effort to improve our communication and I genuinely feel we had made big progress in the last 4-5 days. However, on Sunday evening after we had a big 'lay-it-all-out' type discussion to work through the issues, I raised our sex life. We had only had sex once since moving together, and while I was acutely aware that this was symptomatic of our fighting, I wanted to talk about her feelings around sex more generally. Note that I prefaced by expressing that I genuinely enjoy our sex life now. The question I specifically asked was: Do you feel that in the future you would want to explore more sexually, or would you be happy if it stayed exactly the same as now? She asked for specifics, and I replied: Well, for example, using toys one day... She replied that she wasn't interested in toys, and was happy with the way it was now and did not want more. She also commented that she did not want sex during the week, and that once a week was enough. She was initally quite categorical in her answer, however she clearly saw my face drop a little, because she followed up with "at the moment; maybe one day it will change." I told her not to hedge, I wanted her to be completely honest. She went on to talk about not being 'horny' frequently. After some clarification, my understanding of her feelings is that she cannot be 'turned on' by anything directly, and that sex is more of a physical thing (as opposed to part about trust, intimacy and connecting in the relationship). I heard her, and I completely accept her feelings around this. My feelings around sex are that it has two sides; physical (libido) and emotional (intimacy). I do feel she has finally been honest with me. However, since that discussion, my libido has completely and entirely vanished. Prior to this, I had fairly high libido, and would masturbate every 1-2 days on average, but I have not even had an erection for 4 days (apart from morning wood). She has also made some moves toward me to initiate sex, but I have not be aroused (in fact, I was a slightly repelled). On the intimacy side, I have been making a real effort to improve our relationship from my side (as has she from hers), and I genuinely feel it is working and feel closer to her than I did last week. However, last week I wanted her sexually, to be intimate with her. Now, I don't. I have tried watching pornography, however that too does not arouse me. I have also become overall less physically demonstrative (kisses, hugs). I worry that I am subconciously punishing her, although I am conciously adamant that I am not. I also worry that somehow a switch has gone off in my head. Oddly, I feel happier/better in almost every other regard (both personally and in the relationship), as I have been exercising more since moving and just had 2 days off to myself which has been great for recharging and getting things done. Has anyone else been through something like this? Should I just wait and see if my sex-drive returns in the coming days/weeks? Should I let her know, so she understands my rejection of her advances, or, because I am not sure of the cause or reasoning, should I keep it to myself until I understand? Thank you in advance for any insight and advice, T EDIT: One more relevant point that just occured to me: When I was single, I would periodically lose libido for short periods (a few weeks to a month). This would occur maybe once or twice a year, and generally when I would get into something new (hobby, work, etc.). Is it possible this has just occured with a life change and its nothing to worry about? This has not happened in a relationship before, however.
  7. As my title says,,,sexless marriages Do they work? Is anybody in one, if so how does this work for you? Is there absolutely zero sexual activity in your marriage?
  8. Hi, I`m going through a really hard phase in my relationship of about 3 years. Or actually, I have been in two 3-4 year long relationships before this one, making this my 3rd long term relationship where I have moved in together with someone and shared my whole life with. This hard phase though is something i`m drastically familiar with, and I can`t even really call it a phase anymore. It`s something else, it`s like an universal rule in my life it seems. It seems to be that for many others too, from what I read and hear from time to time. So what is this, and does it really have to be this way every time? At first all of the relationships have been like fire for the first year, making me sexually very happy. Then the women I`ve lived with at that point in all the cases have just slowly started shutting down in their sex drive, while there has been no changes in mine, resulting in unbalance. I have been wanting about 1000 times more sex on daily basis than they around 2 years in the relationship, facing constant rejections which have started to slowly shatter everything. Since it happened the first time, I thought I tried everything I know to make things better. Nothing helped though, and this was the sole reason I ended the relationship after suffering for about 2 years in sexually too limited relationship. I did some mistakes in the way also, and tried to learn from them. However I never realized what I should had done differently. In my second long term relationship the big picture was quite similar, however this time I got my ass dumped after everything had broken down the same way. Lack of her sexual desire started to be a problem after about 1,5 years and since that it was one major downfall. I had tried to learn from my past mistakes though, and gave my all this time. I tried to communicate with her, I tried to reason, I tried to figure out the solutions. She didn`t communicate back, the passion she had for me just faded away killing me inside. She seemed like a loving person to me at the same time she didn`t want sex during 1,5-3 years. I blamed her, because I had told her many times before we moved in together that I`m not looking for a relationship where sex drive decreases, as I know it would not make me happy. She was sure at that point that it would last. It didn`t. I wanted her till the very end just the same way I did when we had just met, but her desire faded away. After the break up I got really depressed, and started to live a life of unhealthy ways, being sad every day. Nothing really mattered to me anymore for the longest time. I started dating many women at the same time, without being in a relationship with anyone. At some point I had different date for every night of the week. I tried to kill my loneliness and depression for random sex. (Cheers tinder..) I swore to myself I would never start a relationship again during this time. Then the unexpected happened. I met someone who penetrated all of my defences. I just fell in love instantly, I felt like she was my soulmate. This was something I had never felt earlier in my life. She seemed to feel the same way too. Just thinking about her made me forget everything that made me sad in my earlier life. It started to feel great that the 2nd relationship had actually ended, because I had met her. Before moving in with her, I really made her think about my sexual needs. I was so scared to start a life again with someone, because I didn`t trust that I could be happy in a long term relationship. I discussed it with her thoroughly, I told her my history, and asked to think about this in long run. She believed that her sex-drive would never decrease. I decided that this time, I would try not to make any mistakes. I wanted her to have everything she needs, I really gave my all just to make her happy. I did this every day up to this point. I wanted her never to be unhappy about anything, this was my goal to appreciate having her in my life. I felt like maybe this was why I had failed in my previous relationships, as I had ultimately blamed myself for losing the spark in them. How come.. it didn`t go the way it was supposed to. Things developed just the same way as in my previous relationships. Somewhere during 1-2 years we started having the first fights because she kept on rejecting me. She tried though, I could sense that, and I tried to be good for her just the same way I had decided. The downfall had been written in the stars though, as she just didn`t want sex as much as she did initially. It kept on going, and now around 3 years into our relationship it`s even worse and it was an year ago. Everytime I try to talk with her, it just ends to her saying "I don`t know why". She doesn`t know why. She never does, no matter from what angle I try to approach the subject. This issue has spread on all the places of our relationship. Yet she claims she wants to spend the rest of her life with me, like this all would not matter to her. Yesterday we had a big fight about this subject, and now as I`m writing this I feel unwanted, alone, sexually deprived, worthless and depressed. I have put everything I have on the line, literally everything and still my soulmate has been constantly losing her interest in sex. I have read a lot about this subject, and I know I`m not alone. I have also talked with some people face to face who share the situation, but it seems that everyone has just the same lowly solution: Cheat. All the people who I have talked with, who have been with their partners for years, just occasionally cheat their way out of that loneliness keeping themselves sane, because they accept the fact that the sex-drive of their partner has been lowered for good and there is nothing to do about it, as they can still seemingly love their partners while doing it. It just makes me angry, if this is the world we live in. I have never cheated my partner, even though I have been cheated on back in days (No, I don`t see dating many people at the same time cheating if you make it clear for them that you are not looking for a relationship as I did). It just makes you low af. Kind of sad people see that as a solution. To admit that it`s just human after you accept such a thing, is even sadder. I can see that for people who accept such a thing, it might be an answer to those feelings that are left unsatisfied in their lives. I don`t know if this thread helps me or not. I quess this is my attempt to reach out if someone else is going through the same, or if someone has lost their desire towards their partner and has insight. I just feel so damn alone here. Why would you be in a relationship where you don`t crave your partner sexually? Where is the happiness in that kind of relationship? Why let the spark die with someone you had the greatest spark ever with, whats the point? Am I just living in a fantasy world, trying to carve a relationship of sexual heaven?
  9. Hey all! I have been dating a really nice guy for about 8 weeks now. We waited to have sex and became intimate on Valentine's Day. I have a question regarding libido. I am relatively inexperienced when it comes to dating- I've only ever had one long term relationship. That particular relationship became toxic...however, the sexual passion and excitement was so intense and the sex was amazing. Sex is very important to me and I would be the happiest having it at least once a day... or at least everytime I see the person I'm dating. It makes me feel connected to the other person and it is a big factor in how I develop feelings. This new guy seems to have a very mismatched libido compared to me. He does not initiate passionate kissing, touching, etc. When we have sex he is very quiet, and doesn't seem to enjoy the act as much as I do. Is this a deal breaker or should I give it more time? I am confident that as our bond grows I will feel comfortable communicating with him my need for sex... however, I like to feel desired and wanted. I'm beginning to put him in the friend zoned. Is this headed nowhere or should I wait it out. If I'm going to experience passion with someone, i usually find the attraction intense at the beginning. Im worried that if the passion is that lackluster during the honeymoon dating period, it will never happen! Thoughts???
  10. In the past couple of months my boyfriend of 2 years has stopped being interested in anything sex related. Whenever he thinks, sees or does anything sex related he feels physically sick and recently he has stopped even thinking about it. On top of that he now says that sex is boring and is something only for teenagers. I don’t have much of an idea about what is causing this and neither does he. We have still been having sex occasionally, But only when we haven’t seen eachother in a few days, our reunions always result in sex for a few days with him interested but then he loses interest after 2-3 days and we then go months without. It’s not just me as he doesn’t watch porn anymore but he used to love it. He also tells me that he’s wants to want to have sex with me but he simply doesn’t want to. The reason I have come for advice is because I’m struggling to come to terms with what is happening, I often feel as though he is not attracted to me anymore and this is some how my fault. At one point he told me that this is partly caused by me ‘stressing him out too much’ :/. I’m also struggling with the fact that we used to have a lot of sex and I still want that but he no longer does and I’m frustrated and wondering what I can do to stop that. I would like advice on what the problem might be and how to fix it. But if this is something that doesn’t need fixing or is permanent then I would like to know how to deal with it considering I am still very much interested in him, am I just going to have to accept that I’ll probably not get to have sex ever again?
  11. Hello, I had a post about this while I was pregnant. I thought our sexual life would get better after delivery, but boy i was wrong.. It has been 10 weeks since I gave birth and he only initiated sex once after a fight over lack of sexual intimacy at our relationship. This same person is around me all the time. He even almost follows me to the bathroom when I am not around. His hands are always on me, he wants to kiss and cuddle all the time. However, no kiss or touch ever leads to anything more. When I finally asked him he said my attitude turns him off. Well, he had been turned off for a year now. I thought i would have a regular sexual life when i got married, but I live in total disappointment. He used to be a lot better... And now I resent him so much about making me feel unwanted. I am starting to fall out of love and see him as a roommate. Moreover, I started to fantasize about other potential sexual partners I might have in the future, my second marriage... yeah i am married and am thinking about making a better marriage with someone else (totally hypothetical person) already. What do I need to do? Obviously I want to save my relationship, but i feel like we are in danger zone
  12. Hi everyone, I feel like I’m in a tough spot. I think I’m in love. Something I don’t experience often. I’m a guy nearing my 30s who is still uncertain about his sexuality. I think I could be classified as an asexual because I don’t have a desire for sex. Not with women. Not with men. Still, I’d like to think someday I will find a partner. I dream of having a partner, doing things together, living together, caring for one another and loving each other. Just without sex, but with lots of cuddling, snuggling and perhaps even kissing. The thing is, pretty much no one knows about my asexuality. Only two friends are aware of it. I’m sure my parents wouldn’t understand it. My father would downright deny its existence, and if I would end up with a guy, I’m pretty sure he would break contact. He despises gays and would see me as gay. My asexuality (combined with my insecurities) is probably also the reason why I’ve never been in a relationship. I’ve never really tried hard to get into a relationship. Yes, I’ve been in love before. 6 times even to varying degrees, but the problem is I only fall in love with people I’ve really grown close too. Usually as friends. But in the two cases I’ve found the courage to tell the other I love them, the feeling wasn’t reciprocated strengthening my insecurities. In both of the cases I’ve told them, my love interests were women. Now for the second time in my life, I’m in love with a guy. It really sucks. Because just like the first guy, I’m 99.9% sure he is a heterosexual guy. That’s how he identifies himself when we are talking. This guy is a great friend of my whom I’ve grown apart from after high school, but found again a year ago. We get along great, meet often and even went on a holiday together. During this holiday it confirmed my feelings towards him. He’s so nice, caring, a great listener, an intelligent and fun companion who’s hilarious. Someone I can argue with, but easily make up with again. He has also never had a relationship. He too doesn’t have any experience with sex. Due to family problems it wasn’t his priority to get in a relationship, but recently he wanted to start dating. My heart sank when he said that. He sometimes shows me the women he talks with on dating apps, but up until now it never ended up in a date. I notice I’m always so relieved when he says that. The thought of him finding a relationship, or even having sex or falling in love with someone else, is crushing me. I know I keep up a great poker face and support him when he’s chatting with a woman. Now I feel a desire to tell him how I feel. Tell him about how much I like him. How jealous I’m feeling when he’s interested in women. About my asexuality. I mainly want to tell because I dream about that 0.0001% that he would really like me as a partner as well. It would mean everything to me. I also fear that it might scare him off. He might feel uneasy with me if he knew I was no heterosexual male. I would really like him as my love, but I don’t want to lose him as my friend. I genuinely care about him and want him to be happy with someone. If it’s not with me, then with a nice woman. But it honestly would crush me too. Should I tell him about my sexuality and how I'm in love with him? I really want to tell him about being in love with him, but does that only hinder him? Would he feel weird about me? I would also really appreciate advice from heterosexual males; how would you react if a male friend is in love with you?
  13. I have been in a happy relationship/marriage for 5 years. We have a wonderful daughter and a great life. However my wife has openly said she isn’t interested in sex and wouldn’t be bothered if we never had it again. We had a very regular sex life that has stopped recently. She says she only ever had it because I wanted it. We are both 26. How can we move on from this? Am I expected to stay in a sexless marriage? Any advice is welcome
  14. I am married to a woman who I find gorgeous and wonderful. She has a fantastic body that, when I was younger, I would have loved to "be with" all the time. However, over the last 5 or so years, I have lost interest in sex, almost completely. I want to have sex with my wife, and do occasionally, but it's mostly for her. I am happy to just go to sleep. How do I desire to have sex again?
  15. Hello and thank you for letting me seek advice from you all. I appreciate any and all input I may receive regarding my situation. I'll try to keep this short and to the point. I have been in a relationship of one year with my gf. For the most part, we have got along great and never really fought, other than petty issues that every couple has. About 6 months into our relationship, my girlfriend started to lose interest in any form of sexual intimacy - basically we haven't had sex in over 6 months. I understand sex isn't the corner stone of a healthy relationship but I didn't realize how much a relationship can lack without it. In order to try and help my gf out, I began seeking out ways of naturally lowing my libido (taking supplements, no fap (which actually made urges worse), and a few other things that really messed with my emotions. I slowly realized that it's normal for a 25 yo male to have a healthy sex drive, and trying to lower that was damaging my body, so I quit ignoring my urges. Fast forward to the situation - I have made a grave mistake, an indiscretion that I do not think I can rectify for a long time. Over thanksgiving break, I decided to go out with some friends to drink and let loose for a little bit.. except I drank entirely too much (about 4/5 of a handle of liquor and half a bottle of wine) and I ended up cheating on my gf. The sexual release that I craved so much was not worth the emotionally agony once I had came to my sense and realized what I had done. I have violated the sanctity of my relationship and I am such a piece of and would never wish this kind of pain on my worse enemy. I messed up. There is no going back, only forward. I cannot believe I allowed myself to make such a vile decision, despite being pretty drunk and I cannot look myself in the mirror. I have been to counseling for this, and have more sessions (about once every week) to try to wrack my brain around this and take accountability for my actions. My girlfriend does not currently know but I owe it to tell her the truth and give her the option of continuing this relationship. I am hoping to eventually bring her to one of my sessions within the month so I can admit what I've done in a professional environment, with the hopes that she'll offer me a second chance if I demonstrate true remorse. I am truly remorseful, I have never been so disgusted for doing something ever in my entire life. I was wondering if anyone has ever heard of or experienced any success stories of getting a second chance after infidelity. I am truly a disgusting person but I don't necessarily believe in "once a cheater, always a cheater." I think I've been scared straight and I want to commit to being the best boyfriend towards my girlfriend for the rest of our relationship. I was also wondering if you think disclosing this information in a therapist's office is also a good idea? My therapist has told me that reconciliation is indeed possible if both partners want to work on what caused the cheating in the first place - make no mistake, I am no victim, my girlfriend is the victim in this circumstance. I just hope I have another shot at this relationship... I am truly sorry for my actions.
  16. hello, me and my partner have been together for 3 years now, we are getting along great. I have a very high sex drive but my partner doesnt really. She never likes me talking about sex much etc. It used to really get to me!! then just last night after a great night out She says to me "can i tell you something that i have never told anyone else" so i said sure!! "she told me she was raped a year before i met her!! This killed me (this was my babe telling me some horrible person did this to her!!) i was in shock and didnt know how to react! How should i react to this? what do i do? i have told her i am here and love her loads and will never hurt her! She said she wants to get things sorted but wont see a councilor! Can anyone give me advice on how to help the situation, i really would appreciate it
  17. im 22, and it seems like its getting harder and harder to keep my penis up, and usually i dont even last that long! it seems as if i dont have enough energy, i can never go for a second round unless i wait a half an hour or so to get it up again. so i was wondering, what nutrients should i take to improve my sex drive? what kind of food should i eat more? and just like body builders i know they have protein shakes and drinks to help them, i was wondering if there is something the same for my little problem? thanks.
  18. My problem: I have barely any interest in almost any kind of sexual activity. Cuddling and soft innocent kisses are much more appealing to me than heavy make-out sessions; in fact, I could do easily do without those make-out sessions, let alone anything more serious. In my previous relationship (which I'm now trying to get over), things worked out well because he wasn't very sexual either...we were happy just being there in each other's arms. (And it's not that I wasn't attracted to HIM sexually...the idea of sex just doesn't appeal to me in general). But not all people are like that...and I'm thinking that my low libido may cause problems in any future relationships, because the guys will not be as happy as I am just doing innocent things. So, question, for future reference...If a guy does not want to cuddle as much as I do/wants "more" more often than I do, does that mean that he's wrong for me? Or, conversely, will my libido magically increase if I'm with a guy who's truly right for me? (Meaning, could it be that my ex and I weren't very sexual because ultimately we weren't right for each other...then again, we did have our friskier times...) Or am I just making a mountain out of a molehill here?
  19. I have a little bit of a problem. When I was going through puberty my sex drive was through the roof! I am 20 now, and I have absolutely no desire to have sex. With any girl. I am not gay, and I am not self conscious. I don't even have a small penis. I just lost a girlfriend of 1.5 years, probably due to not having enough sex. I loved this girl to death, understand me. At the times that we did have sex, I would want it. I just don't want it as much as I hear guys should. During that relationship, we had sex about 12-15 times. Am I past my prime already? I have done research on medical conditions, and none seem to really apply. What is wrong with me?
  20. Curious if any women here have FSD (Female Sexual Dysfunction), if so what treatment path did you and your doctor go with and how effective was it. I believe my wife has FSD (very low libido, absense of sexual fantasies) and am curious about what treatments you used. Please folks, before you respond and say something witty, FSD is a real medical problem that many women face, while mild cases can very often be overcome with little romantic tricks, severe cases can be much more problematic and require medical help. Thanks for your input.
  21. thank goodness for this forum, now i can finally ask the questions ive been dying to ask for sometime now. ok, i cant help feeling a little awkward about this but here it goes, please dont laugh... -first and foremost, i want to increase my penis size by atleast an ince or two. -second, id like to improve my sex drive. -third, i been thinking of purchasing pills drugs for improvements but im only 22 and i really want something that i can get over the counter that is safe as can be with the least amount of side-effects. does anybody know any drug or maybe a method i can do? id really hate to ask my doc because its just to embarrassing. -fourth, 90% of the time after i nut i cant get hard again or im just not in the mood or my nuts are to num, id like to go on and on after another like an energizer bunny! my penis size is about 4.5 inches when erect and i last about 10 minutes with my girlfriend. she is so hot you have no idea and ive seen what you gals have written here and im afraid she might be thinking the same way. ive done 6 other girls and i seem to last fairly long, it ranges from 15minutes to 30minutes, but like i said, my girlfriend is just to hot for me that she makes me cum so fast. can anybody help? thanks.
  22. Hello all, I've been going out with a wonderful woman for the last 8 months. Shes 21, Im 24. Sex has been GREAT, everything else is awesome. We get along so well, and we are absolutely in love with each other .... Recently (2-3 weeks), shes been saying her libido is dying. We started looking for reasons, and couldnt find any. We communicate really well and she told me that its definitely not some emotional problem she has with me. Then it was time for her period, and she went off the pill (as usual) for those 4 days. Her sex drive came back ENTIRELY, and I was very happy with that. Once she started back on it though, after she was done with her period, she went back to having low libido. Shes really frustrated and so am I. Its sad to see something like that interfere with our otherwise wonderful relationship. By the way, she can still orgasm, and still gets wet. She just says she doesnt feel "horny", and theres no "tingle". She decided it might be her Birth Control, "Mircette", thats causing all these issues. So my question to all of you is: Has anyone experienced anything like this, or perhaps know someone that did? And if yes, pleeeassee shed some light on a solution for us troubled lovers. Thanks in advance! TheLostBird
  23. We've now passed the 20 years marriage milestone. We have a beautiful son who is 10, but our sex life has been a disaster from the beginning! The first five years why wife didn't want any sexual contact. After I started developing hypertension and stomach problems, ahe reluctantly decided to 'ease' my sexual tension and allow for some fun. Five years later our son was born. The sex up to then was lousy, 5 times a month in one week, and my hypertension did not go away. Yes, I loved my wife very much and thought that she would mature and start loving me back. For the last five years I have had to put up with solo sex, but have now decided that unless things change I will stray and even go for a separation. My hypertension has returned and so have my stomach problems. I'm completely frustrated and I don't see why I should suffer and have health problems. She knows that, but seems to have little interest or concern for this. I'm sure she wouldn't have been this tolerant if it had been me with no sex drive? I've bought her all the gear to stimulate her; she even suggested light bondage and kink. The interest very quickly disappeared. I've even suggested she try's having an affair (with either sex) to see if somebody else has more success. I would accept that, but she had no interest. I can't honestly say that I still love her anymore. Could it be she is simply asexual? I'm sure many of you will laugh and say, what a fool, why did you marry her?
  24. My boyfriend and i have an amazing relationship. However, there are certain times when I'm not in the mood to have sex. I know this is perfectly normal but I can't help but feeling like he's disappointed everytime I shy away from having sex with him. He always says it's fine but I can tell he was expecting it. He's even told me once that he can't help feeling that way even though he knows he shouldn't and he can't expect it all the time. I just don't want him to feel so disappointed if we don't have sex at every possible moment because that makes me feel like it's all my fault and I'm not being a good girlfriend or something. Is all this normal?? I know guys tend to have more of a sex drive but...
  25. im so mixed up this could be a long one. dont know if i need advice or just need to vent, ive been with my bf for 6 months but.. latley i just dont seem to be interested in the relationship, ive had a lot going on just moved swaped jobs and been unwell in and out of hospital in fact. Anyway back to the realationship part i just dont seem to wanna spend time with him, not interested in sex or anything. In some ways i think i should end it his a complete angel to me treats me so well with all that ive been through in the last few months his been there for me, but his also ready for so much more than i am he wants to move in & all tho he doesnt ask he does say constantly "when your ready babe" i feel i should talk to him but his so emotional he would get very upset if all i said was i need space. really just dont know how i feel i do enjoy being around him but i just cant see a future right now do you have to see a future, my last realationship was 3.5 years and he hurt me bad my sis thinks maybe im just scared to get hurt again but i dont know. anyway it was good to get this off my chest thanks to anyone who reads and replys
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