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About Me

Mod Notes

  1. Hi, eNotAlone. This is my first post on my first day here. I've spent all day trying to find a good enough forum with good enough people While some people may not see this as a problem, I certainly do. So please, if all you have to offer is banter, don't respond. Thanks. My fiance and I have been together for 5 years (friends for 8 ). For the first couple years together we kept things hot and heavy. Of course, through time, it slacked off and we began to grow together and truly love one another = not as much sex. Not that we don't enjoy it; it just is far from a priority. But recently I learned that she has always been in pain during our intercourse. Since day 1. The problem is due to my size. My penis is more than 9 inches erect. (A note to add: we haven't had sex in a year now due to the birthcontrol Depo Provera. The very longterm side effect of this has been incredibly low libido + serious drying of the vagina. Due to this issue, sex is even moreso out of the picture.) When we do/did have sex, I could never enter her fully due to her pain (and sometimes pain for me as I would hit her cervix[?]). No positions could ever be attempted as they all increase pain. Missionary is the only way and even then I cannot fully enter her. In the past, when I didn't know about the pain, she loved having me fully enter her hard and fast; only stopping when I would hit something inside which hurt me. I've been trying to find any procedure that can reduce the size of the penis without affecting its potence. Any medications or herbs. So far, I've found absolutely nothing. If anyone can respond with any advice on less painful sex due to size, helping increase libido in her despite the Depo issue, and/or any help with reducing penis size, please respond. Thanks in advance! We are both patiently awaiting any help.
  2. I am 26 and my husband is 35 he never wants to have sex we have been dealing with this ever since we got married. I have had him go to the Drs and there is nothing physically wrong with him. I am very unhappy about this situation and I feel that its so unfair of him to trap me in a marriage that has no intamcy. But we have 4 kids and I do love him and I know he loves me. Any advice would be good advice Thanks'
  3. In September, I will be married 25 years (if I last that long.) About 10 years ago, my husband could not perform sexually, and it took him 18 months before he went to a Dr. to find a solution to the problem. Unfortunately, it never "worked" right. He even got a prescription for Viagra, and after having the prescription for over a month (and knowing that he had a follow-up Dr's appt. the next day) decided that he might as well try it. Recently, it's been so bad, we haven't had sex in almost 3 years. He admits that he's depressed, but he's seeing another dr. and on medication. However, when he comes home from work, he runs to work on his computer all night, or sleeps, never interacting with me. He spends his weekends working as well - but I know that he's not working all the time and fooling around on his computer at least 1/2 the time. He promises to take me to movies or to dinner, but something else always comes up. We haven't been out to dinner alone or to a movie in about 2 years. I can't remember the last time he touched my face or held my hand or kissed me. It's a chore for him to go to a party at one of the neighbors, and I cry when I see how happy everyone else is. He always says he's sorry, and then three days later we're back to the same old story. Earlier this week, when I wanted him to talk to me/spend a bit of time with me, he decided to go to bed (it was only 9pm.) I blew up and said how it pains him to spend any time with me. Yesterday, as I was downstairs doing the wash and doing some chores (we both work, and my only time to get things done is early evening) he said he needed to work. In-between folding clothes and changing the wash, I sat and read or watched tv and tried not to disturb him as he said he had a deadline and lots to do. At 8:30pm I went upstairs to put some of the clothes away and found him in his office, with the lights out, the computer never on, sleeping on the sofa. I lost it. I DON'T want to be with him anymore. I have no one to turn to (friends, family, etc.) Our son is 20 and I can't burden him with his father. Joe comments on how his dad is turning into an old man like his grandfather (he is only 48.) I want to write a letter to his shrink and make him aware of the problems I have. It isn't normal not to have sex for three years. I have needs too and instead of having an affair (I am so tempted) I watch porn to satisfy myself. I work full time, cook, clean, do the wash, etc. His only responsibility in the house is yard work and feeding our cats and dogs. Am I the only one with problems like this? Sex was great before our marriage and then just ok for the first 15 years, and now totally non-existent. I know he saw a new dr. about 1 month ago, but the new medication he has just stay in the medicine chest. I've accused him of having an affair (he has to be getting it somewhere) but I have no proof. If someone else is going through the same thing, please give me a bit of advise. Thanks!
  4. I just got married 5 days ago. We have had sex on our wedding night once and that's it. My wife is never in the mood for sex. She likes to cuddle but nothing else. Every time I try to have sex with her, there's always an excuse... I have tried everything, from Rubbing feet To Cooking Dinner. Nothing ever gets her in the mood. She has told me that she doesn't know why Sex is so important to me. And I reply that I don't see why Sex is the least important thing to her. A strong Sex relationship is apart of a strong marriage. Is this normal or is there something wrong? Please Help!!! P.S. We have not been married before, and have no kids. She is 23 and I am 26.
  5. I really don't know where to start. I guess I will say that I am miserable right now due to my husband's low sex drive. He is perfectly fine having sex maybe once a week. It is driving me nuts. I have dealt with this problem for two years. He seemed to be more interested before. I have not changed my looks, weight, and many people find me very attractive. I have tried talking to him, begging, role playing, lingerie, bondage, candles, lotions, games, and any other thing that has come to mind. I am willing to do anything. The worst part is when we do have sex, it lasts 15 minutes. I have not orgasmed, and he just finishes. He says that I am not as nice as I used to be! Gee I wonder why? He has never really been interested in sex and I believe 99% that he is not cheating. I just can't come to find a way to make this marriage happy. I am definitely sticking with him. I am not a cheater, but sex never leaves my mind. I hope someone can help me. I am new to this website and would like help. I feel I have tried EVERYTHING. Men please give me some insight.
  6. hey theres somthing really stressing my at the moment, during sex i somtimes have problems keeping my erection up im 18 and i ve FINALLY met a girl who loves me back, during foreplay i have no problem what so ever. but sometimes it is like i have no sex drive at all. i masterbate usally daily could this be it? im not going to anymore see if it helps but its really stressful im only 18! and when i do get a sex drive i have no problems at all i can last as long as i wont. its really strange. any advice? thanks.
  7. HELP! I need to take 20 mg of prozac because my doctor says it's the only way to decrease my horrible PMS moods. Anyways, it totally kills my sex drive. to the point where I can't orgasm or when I do it takes FOREVER!!!!!! what should I do??? has does everyone else in the world deal with this???
  8. Hey guys, Noticed that through my 1yr+ relationship with my g/f my sex drive just isn't what it used to be. At first of course we were like bunny rabbits -- at least once a day -- now it's only every few days or twice a week. Problem is, almost always she's the one to initiate. Well, we broke up in November, then got back together in January and for a while we were rabbits again, but now it's back to the same. I wonder why that is with me. I should mention that when we do have sex, it's great. I've taken a hard look at how I am and how I feel about her. Physically she is GORGEOUS...absolutely everything I want physically in a woman, so no problems there. Problem is I wonder if I'm just turned off mentally and/or emotionally which is resulting in my diminishing libido. Unfortunately due to circumstances beyond my control, she is very needy & clingy and needs to constantly feel loved and needs a lot of reassurance. Frankly I'm smothered. I have also come to the realization that although she's gorgeous as well as a very deep abstract thinker & writer, she really doesn't stimulate me much intellectually...I can't really talk about the world around us outside of the most abstract, existential terms and even then not for any long period of time. So I wonder if the possibility of my libido waning is somehow connected to not being as "turned on" to her mentally as I hoped. Is there anything to this or am I just making excuses for myself? If so or otherwise, what can I do to increase my sexual desire for her...to wanna jump her bones just at the sight of her again? Thanks! T
  9. Hi =) I feel a bit akward writing about this, but I have almost no sex drive. I don't masturbate either. This is obviously affecting my current partner, which we've been on-off together for over a year. I've always had no sex drive, but I would have sex with my partner when he pleased... obviously that's not good enough for him because he doesn't feel I'm into it. And yes, it does seem more like a chore for me than anything else. I have zero-drive almost... exception here and there, especially when I drink. So I don't crave sex at all. I used to be able to reach orgasm each time before when we had sex... but now that's gone also and i just plainly don't feel anything when i'm having sex. It's starting to feel like a waste of time... I'm also not someone who fears intimacy, I love to kiss, makeout, hold hands, cuddle etc... just no desire for sex. I've been in a string of monogamous relationships since I was 16... and my first relationship was abusive and started having sex while I wasn't ready. I guess I've been having sex ever since out of "chore". I don't know if my age comes into play in this, I'm 21 and my partner is 25. So it's been something like 5.5 years of "chore sex". In general it seems somewhat hard to get some answers from my partner, and communication was never all that good. We're both very busy people / stressed. I'm going to try to get off the pill next month and increase my exercice and have a better diet to start with... I've been thinking of seeing the family doctor about this, but I'm not too sure it's the best first step. I guess I'm trying to get some advice on what I could do to boost my libido or be able to enjoy sex at all that it now has come to. I don't want to tell my partner that I don't care about his need, but I don't want to force myself into something I'm not.
  10. Hi all, I am completely perplexed. I've been dating my partner for a little over five years now. We met in college. We're both each other's "first" official girlfriends, although I'd dated a few men seriously before coming out and looking to date women. We are both 26 and we are best friends. She reads me better than anyone ever has. I love her family. I love her brain. I love being around her and working on projects with her. We can even put furniture together without too much stress! She proposed to me on Christmas day (we'd had rings made and ready at the jeweler's for over a year) and it was the most wonderful day of my life. So here's my trouble. I work A LOT and she works a lot, but I teach high school (she teaches elementary) and often have to bring grading home to work on... so it seems as if the work's never done. I've been on medication for clinical depression for several years (it runs in my family) although I switched to on that's not supposed to hamper your libido last winter when I was in a funk. I am a fourth year teacher, I am working toward my national board certification, and I am trying to find a new job for next year. We have had $$$ difficulties over the past year and a half after buying our condo and are both working side jobs to stay afloat. Things look to be improving on all fronts except for my sex drive. While I've always taken a bit longer than her as far as foreplay is concerned I remember us both initiating sex in the past. Now it seems as if she is the one initiating 95% of the time and I am often-times unable to get my thoughts to slow down enough in my head to truly focus on our being together. I love this woman but I am worried that my low sex drive is going to destroy our relationship and I don't want to break her heart or let her down. She and I have discussed my struggles and decided to work on creating a date night and making "plans" to be together in the hopes that I will feel more "in the mood" than I've been feeling lately. I had a few situations over the past few years where someone else caught my eye (never physical, but disturbing none-the-less) and although none of those situations ever materialized into anything more than a brief fixation that "rush" I experienced is something that I miss, especially since we used to have it between us. I don't even get those butterflies when around her anymore although she swears that I still have that effect on her. Is this normal for a five year relationship? I know that she's committed to me. I know that she loves me and is completely turned on by me. I know that we're a great pair and that we've overcome so many challenges together, so why am I so worried? I can see us being amazing parents together. I want her to be the mother of my children but I also want her to feel just as wanted as I do. I want to feel that drive to have sex again and right now it's missing. That's not to say that we don't have great sex, because when we do it's still amazing. But so often I just want to be close, cuddle, and catch up on my sleep rather than have sex. Sometimes I feel as if sex is another chore that I have to do and I know that she can tell when I feel that way and it tears her up. Do you have any advice or recommendations for me? Have any of you been in this type of situation before when in a long term relationship? Have you made it through or is this type of situation an indicator that our relationship is nearing the end of the line? We are planning to be married (not legally because that's an impossibility in our state) in June of 2008 but I don't want to walk down the isle with a sex drive that's so stifled. What can I do to fix it? Please help? I've been round and round in my head (I tend to worry a bit much about pretty much everything) and I just can't shake my anxiety over this (one) topic. Thanks!
  11. Hey, Just out of curiosity im a 21yo male, still in my prime and my girlfriend and i have sex maybe twice a month if im lucky for the last 4 months, she has absolutely no sex drive she is super clingy and get frustrated when we do something separate. We have been together for 1.5 years, and im getting the whip for trying just 2times a week for sex. I dont think its asking for much but maybe it is, What the feeling of Enotalone members ? Uriel
  12. So I have been dating this girl for about 3 months now and due to the fact we both have busy schedules and she has her daughter every other weekend we have only had sex 3 times. Of course this is bugging me a little; I thought early on she just was getting used to us as a couple, now I am starting to get that relationship anxiety because I feel something is wrong. All my X's seemed to enjoy sex as much as I do, this has never been an issue until this last GF. Of course she is the oldest I have dated yet, she’s 33 and I'm 30, she told me she had her first orgasm in her life only 2 years ago. And yes, each time we had sex I gave her one, unless she was faking of course. She has had a lot of bad relationships in regards to passive aggressive emotional abuse. She is herself very passive sharing her emotions. Our physical intimacy is somewhat the same, she rarely makes an attempt of physical contact except for a kiss or putting her hand on my leg once in a while, not like you would think starting out a new relationship. What I have noticed is if the stars align perfectly and she’s in a great mood, she can be very emotional and very physical. But I still have to instigate things for the most part. She did tell me about 3 weeks into the relationship her past BF's mentioned that she was not very affectionate. Her sexual energy is greatly affected by her stress levels and mood, I know this is more common for women, but she seems a bit extreme. I know without a doubt she is very different to say the least as I have dated enough women to know she’s a bit distant with her intimacy. It just very frustrating because the wonderful passion you get with a relationship in beginning, the stuff that fades over time, isn't really there for the most part. It's like we are past the stage, but we never got to enjoy it. Otherwise the relationship is great, we talk a lot, we go out when we have time, and her daughter is wonderful and always wants me around. My GF tells me how lucky she is to have me. Just curious on any thoughts.
  13. Title says it all. In my eyes, I have the perfect girlfriend/mate....but without the sex. -She's not into sex. It's not relgious, upbringing, etc. -She wasn't raped, molested, etc. Problem is...she doesn't let me perform oral on her, she doesn't give me oral, doesn't let me enter her with even my finger. It's basically missionary sex or nothing..and that happens once a month (tops). I've explained it to her this way: in terms of sex, the man is like a carpenter. If he is going to do his job (please the woman), he needs all of his tools (oral sex, fingering, different positions, etc.) She doesn't buy it. She just claims she has a low libido. We're 5 years into the relationship....and it's time to make the next step I believe. But what's holding me back is the lack of sex, and her stubbornness to try new things/see a doctor. I'm afraid (and sure) if we get engaged/married, I am basically telling her (without saying it) that her behavior over these 5 years has been acceptable, and I'm okay with it. thereforeeee, I'll get the same amount of sex as I've been getting (even less). When we first started having sex, it would be once/week. It's dwindled to once/month. What do I do here if she won't listen/talk about sex, gets upset when I ask for sex more than once/month, etc. Now it's not as if I'm "bad" at sex. All I get is missionary...and with previous girls, I have gotten them off.
  14. I seem to really have a high sex drive and always want sex. My girlfriend normally wants it max 2 times a week. The other times I don't get it I get frustrated and if I don't get it for a longer than a week I get really frustrated. So much so that I feel cursed to wanting it so much. After a week she notices that there is something wrong and I tell her what's wrong. We usually then have a massive fight about it because she says we've been through this so many times before. I ask her have we solved anything in the past? She says 'Yes' because we have sex and I have nothing to complain about. I then try to explain the problem and she bluntly refuses to talk about it and refuses to negotiate on anything or work on the problem because for her there is no problem. It's like sex means nothing to her and it's just some minor detail of the relationship. We got angaged a couple of months ago. (We did have regular sex a couple of times a week and there wasn't problems) - The whole thing it would seem started when we went on vacation and she didn't want to have sex becuase we were staying in some one else's house. (to me this was ridiculious and we had fights about that too because she said that I didn't understand her) This really upset me because I was paying for everything and was doing it especially for her. I didn't enjoy the holiday because for me instead of getting a thank you I got a kick in the behind. We are now engaged and the wedding invitations has been sent. I feel trapped and don't know how to work this out. Should I get out? This woman meets every other need I have 100% except for the sex issue - She truly is one of a kind and I love her. We get along extremely well. I respect her and she does me and I have never gotten along with anyone else like with her in my life. It seems we are not sexually compatible or she has little interest in it. This seems to really be causing a conflict in myself as I don't know what to do. I wish I could solve the sex issue or want it less. Also, at this time I feel we should be really having a lot of sex because we're engaged. I don't think when we get married that things will improve.
  15. I've been dating my girlfriend for over a year now, and we partnered up/moved in with e/o in July. Since she's been here, we have maybe had sex once a month, or two times if I'm lucky. I'm a highly sexual driven person, but not to the point of being addicted to sex. However, I am definitely a sexual person, and am not being fullfilled in that area. I'm trying so hard to stay focused on what is really important, the love. But lately, I have been feeling so alone when it comes to my sexuality. I have tried over and over again to push up on her, rub on her, talk to her. I really do love her so much, and she brings me so much satisfaction in other areas. She does so much for me, and really loves me. She tries so hard to make me happy, and so much so that I get overwhelmed knowing that someone loves me so much. I have been thinking about incorporating a man into my sex life. She has known that I am bisexual from the beginning, and I am a very faithful person, so I haven't wanted to have sex with anyone else. I'm not attracted to any other woman at all. I see so many beautiful women on a daily basis, but they don't turn me on. My girlfriend turns me on more than any other woman. If I do have sex with someone else, it will definitely be a man. I have been so down over the past couple of days and she wanted to know why, so today I talked to her and I told her that when I go up to LA this weekend, I might have sex with someone else. I don't want our relationship to end. It's just getting started, and it's so good. And I definitely don't want to hurt her, but trying to have sex with her is like beating a dead horse. We've talked about it many times, and she can't give me a reason. She comes up with many excuses, but I can always prove those excuses to be wrong. She says she's just not into sex that much, and doesn't have a high sex drive, but it kills me inside to know that I don't turn her on. I should turn her on and she should want to make love to me. I have even given her ideas, such as maybe just coming up to me and kissing me all over, then eating me out, or just laying on the bed with the strap on. All of these things turn me on, and even if she doesn't have a sex drive, at least she would be doing something to please me in that area. Anyways, I don't want to hurt her, and she is really down right now. I just need some advice. I don't know if I am going to actually have sex with someone else, but at least I forewarned her. I'm very committed, and from the beginning we agreed that if either one of us felt the need to have sex with someone outside of the relationship, we would tell eachother first. This would give us the chance to make a decision on what to do next. Well I feel that from this point on, she is either going to prove to me that she can satisfy me, and wants to continue this, or she will break up with me, or she will just accept that she can't satisfy me, and allow me to have a sexual relationship outside of what we have. Either way, she is my best friend, I love her, and I want her to be in my life for the long run. Thanks for reading, and I look forward to your advice. M
  16. Yeah, another one of these. It seems like some of the pills I've been taking have taken down my sex drive a notch, but thats not the big problem. I can get off to porn easy, but most of the time I can't even stay hard enough to go in her properly. I love her a ton and wouldn't even consider leaving her because of this, its just so embarrassing and kinda sucks. I actually went through 10 condoms in a few days, and only came once. And I still feel really horny and shes even my first to take away my 'innocence'. I want to pleasure her, and it'd be nice to get some pleasure too Any tips at all? I've noticed I try too hard, and I'm too focused on staying hard and not on whats happening. I really don't want her to feel like its her fault and I can't think of any more excuses thanks a lot.
  17. I'm 24. Ideal weight (maybe a little skinny). Excercise regularly. Decent diet: rarely eat fast food or junk food except for the occasional chocolate bar. Been with a girl for a while. We've maintained a pretty regular sex life. As far as I know I'm not depressed, nor do I have a bleak outlook on life. I'm not making as much money at my job as I would like, but honestly, who does? Job isn't stressful, in fact its one of the easier ones out there (easy enough I can take a few minutes to post this). The last few weeks my libido has diminished quite a bit. I did go through a slightly rough patch with my gf, but it was a little before that when it started. I'm not turned on by my gf as much, and I'm not turned on by women in general as much, if at all. I've had nothing to complain about in my sex life, yet it seems I have even less to get excited about lately. I thought it might be a seasonal thing, but its never been this bad before. Don't tell me I'm getting old already, I just got started. What else could cause a libido to wither?
  18. I'm already having a problem with b/f of 1 year with his unwilling to get intimate or have sex. As sick as it sounds in my mind, I imagine getting it somewhere else. I would never cheat but I keep imaging that. Then I also imagine telling him that I'm going to leave him for someone else if he doesn't give me enough of it. Seriously why would a guy all of the sudden for the past 4 months say that he feels bore and not really into it. Accordring to him he says it feels like a chore. So what happened to his libido, where did it all go? Seriously wouldn't you all feel rejected or not wanted if your partner decresed getting intimate with you and you being the one having to insist and yet he/she's bore all along. Why can it be like before where it would be everyday?
  19. I had been seeing a girl for over 3 years. I decided to break up with her in the summer, kind of a spur of the moment thing because, well I'm a moron, it was summer, and I wanted to be single (believe me, I'm paying for it now). It wasn't long after this that I realized that I missed her a lot. Every sunday, while we were broken up for the entire summer, we would meet up and have a lot of fun together. When fall came, our relationship became a long distance one, as it always was in the past because we go to different schools, I let her know that I wanted her back. She would say that she really just couldn't have a boyfriend right now, she was worried about where her future was and mine (we're both graduating very soon) and didn't want to be held down by a relationship. She started staying over at my house when she was home for the odd weekends, and eventually were having sex again, and doing everything a couple would do together, except, when I'd ask her about it she would say she really couldn't be in a relationship right now. Things kept getting more intense between us (in a good way), recently I was invited to go see her for a weekend. We had a good time together, but the morning before I left to head home, we started fooling around, and she brokedown crying (a serious ego boost for me ). She said the passion seemed to be gone. I felt it too, but I'm a guy, and she is beautifull, so I guess it never caused me to stop doing what I wanted to so. She said she loved me so much but she just felt like she wasn't interested in sex much. It's my understanding that most girls need that passion to have good sex. She was so upset, said she couldn't imagine me not in her life, but she doesn't feel like we can be romantic anymore, said she was worried about her self and her sex drive, because this happened to her and her ex after they had been together for a couple years. I'm confused, I thought that if someone can't be romantic with someone, then they can't be in love. Me, being lately a little self conscious because of the fact that I was totally into her and she was always hesitant, started getting paranoid about myself. I do know that it is not me, as in the way I look, the things I do in bed (I always try to make her happy and always succeed unless she says she doesn't want it). But I just felt like she needed someone new and maybe more excitement in her life. I would like more excitement too, but I have faith that I could have had this with her with a little bit of effort from both of us. We talked about what we were going to do(through emails), keep trying or call it quits, I think she just wanted me to linger around until she could figure things out. I got upset, told her that I'm done with this, I'm tired of chasing her(6 months), despite how much I love her. I was kind off harsh, because I really didn't want to be hoping for her calls and anxiously awaiting emails everyday from her, like I had been doing for the last 6 months. I kinda makes me feel week or pathetic. I said that we are done, there is nothing in the future for us. She responded late at night (which makes me feel terrible because I think she was up crying) saying she didn't want to email eachother because it is just too hard on her right now. Said it would be a while before we could just be friends. I feel like I abondoned her. I need to know, is this lack of passion a personal issue she has(low sex drive type thing) or does this mean we've just lost the connection and should move on? I do love her so much, I can't stand thinking about her crying, and just want her to be happy, I wouldn't mind being happy too , For me to be happy, I just need to know, should I call her and see if we should try and work at this(that is if she is even willing), or should I be moving on. I would like to know from other girls out there if they have ever felt what she has and what it means, I appreciate any advice from anyone though. thank you
  20. I have been living with my boyfriend for 5mths now (we have been together for yr and half), and generally things are going good, however his sex drive has been dwindling. I know he is physically attracted to me, and I have a high sex drive (i would be happy to do it every day) but he isnt interested, its gotten to be that we only do it when he is in the mood. I frequently make the first move but I get a "later" or worse an "i love you" which apparently is him reassuring me but telling me "no not tonight" ultimately. I tired of feelin like a nympho, I am a sexual person, I love the intimacy of being naked together. His grandmother died a few weeks ago ,and I know the shock and stress can affect things (yes it has definitely made things worse, he is less interested), but to be honest it had been dwindling before that happened. I am trying to be understanding but a girl has needs too! I have tried talking to him about it, I have tried seducing him, I am even not coming onto him now (he is very hot it is hard* to control my lust- *at least something is) in the hope that if I play hard to get it might tempt him. I have even told him that I cant take the rejection anymore so I am letting him make all the moves. A part of me worries that we are not sexually compatible since we need different amounts. We used to be at it all the time, he used to walk around turned on every time we were in the same room (hes a big guy not easy to hide it) , (we have only been together for a yr and a half) but the first yr we did it every day. now I am lucky to get it once a week. we dont have intimacy problems, we are very close, infact Im scared that we have just become best friends. I blame living together for it, he used to not be able to keep his hands off me. Now I can walk about naked and he doesnt flinch. What should I do? When I talk to him about it he gets defensive and takes it personally. But its not quality Im debating its whether or not he just has got bored with me? what guts me most of all is that he has the ability to have a high sex drive, during on of our hearts to heart about the past he told me the most times he has made love to some one is 8times in one day. Was she more attractive than me, he assures me she wasnt but... u cant blame me for wondering. He puts it down to hormones as a teen. Even at our best the most he made love to me was twice in one day. Please advise!
  21. Ok, I have never posted on a bulletin board anywhere online before, but I need to get someone's feedback on this, because it has been driving me crazy for all of my life, and I can't seem to shake this one on my own... For as long as I can remember - I have never been interested in sexual intercourse with a woman. I find women physically appealing and arousing to think about, however, the idea of sex has never meant much to me. I was only with a woman physically once in my life, and that was in college. She obviously had a much higher sexual drive than I did - because she wanted to mess around all the time, and I was more about being together, kissing, holding, etc. Needless to say, this became very hard for me to deal with when it came time to performing in bed. We basically only practiced oral sex, because it was the only form of sex that I actually enjoyed. We were both really good at what we did for each other, and at first, everything was okay. We used a lot of foreplay with each other, which was great too, but when it came to having intercourse, I would almost always lose the erection and become extremely frustrated with myself. The simplest I can put it... there is nothing about having intercourse that excited me, AT ALL. A little about my relationship I had. The girl I was with was not your average girl (I know, but then - who is average these days?). She was really good looking, and on the outside, appeared as innocent as any other girl. But once I got to know her, she was anything but. She was a cutter, for one - and frequently had scars on her body (upper thighs, back, hidden areas, etc.) which kinda freaked me out (not just physically, but emotionally because I really loved her and wanted to understand why she felt she needed to do this). She had just recently had an abortion, she slept with men rather easily until I met her and tried to offer her a different viewpoint on these matters. She was molested by her brother when she was a young girl, and had visited many older men in strange hotel rooms through her early teens for some reason to have sex with them... and who knows what else that she never got around to telling me about. So, you get the idea - the skeletons didn't just come out of her closet, they actually came out and started beating me on the head. So, long story short - I became frustrated from sexual failure and the fact that she couldn't devote herself to me and reciprocate a real relationship, and we broke it off towards the end of college, having never spoken again, even to this day. Since then, I have not been in a relationship of any kind. I'm an extremely independent person, so I'm not sure if it was a bad first experience that scared me out of it, or that I just all-together don't feel like I need someone else in my life to be happy. In any case, the thought of myself not 'being of the norm' bothers me from day to day. Society brings us up to believe that we're all the same in this regard, and it's hard to deal with the reality that you're something completely different. Masturbation is fine from time to time, but it only leaves me feeling more guilty about everything because it's mostly filled with fantasies of roll-playing and such (fantasies that are unrelated to intercourse, as well). There's nothing physically wrong with me either - I'm a tall, confident, good looking guy, in his early 20's that is well educated, well traveled, good family and close friends... so I can't figure out why I am like this. So anyways, this opener has been long enough now. Hopefully at least 1 or 2 of you actually made it through reading to this point. If anyone has any insight they'd like to throw my way - I'd certainly appreciate it.
  22. Curious if any women here have FSD (Female Sexual Dysfunction), if so what treatment path did you and your doctor go with and how effective was it. I believe my wife has FSD (very low libido, absense of sexual fantasies) and am curious about what treatments you used. Please folks, before you respond and say something witty, FSD is a real medical problem that many women face, while mild cases can very often be overcome with little romantic tricks, severe cases can be much more problematic and require medical help. Thanks for your input.
  23. Ok...so I've been feeling irritable, emotional and depressed that past few days. which leads me to think I will probably get my period in a week (like usual) anyways...my sex drive has been DEAD for the past few days. Me and my boyfriend are worried that it's us, but I think it may just be the hormones and PMS causing it. I love him but when we kiss or try to get intimate I am sooo not in the mood. Is this a symptom of PMS??? anyone else have this problem???
  24. I'm just wondering how people rate their first time (sex), and I've come up with this ingenious 1-10 scale. My experience was a massive disappointment, but then i didn't fancy her sadly and i had been fantasizing over lingerie models for five years. 1. Terrible. Really wish i hadn't done that. Hope i haven't caught anything. 2. Oh well, at least i killed 20 minutes, and my libido for a week or two. 3. I definitely came... and so did she i think. 4. Unpassionate but really quite satisfying. 5. Your good old regular Sunday morning screw...mmmmmm. 6. The same as before but with sexy underwear. 7. As above, but with more tongue action and lustful panting. 8. Added Multiple positions and much bed creaking. 9. Fabulous multiple orgasms all round, a delicious fusion of physical and emotional climax. 10. Perfection really. Probably the best sex you've ever had. Love, passion and physical desire all concentrated in one thrashing, moaning ball of human flesh, for what seems like hours. Followed by room service. This looks like the ramblings of a sex-obsessed int'net freak, and i guess it is really. but its just a bit of fun! Right, i'm off for a pork pie.
  25. Hey, About this time last year I was diagnosed with having vaginismus, which meant that my muscles in my vagina would involunterily contract whenever I tried penetration with my boyfriend, causing a LOT of pain - sometimes nearly enough to make me cry! Before this sex was great, and it wasn't brought on by anything psychological. Also, everytime we would have sex I would have cystitus for a few days afterward. I had treatment for a few months, which involved using different sized vaginal dilators for about a month at a time. Thinking back now, I think I hurried the treatment along as we couldn't have sex in the meantime and I wanted it to be over with and back to normal asap. So, a year on, sex is still painful and subsequently very rare, and so I'm starting the treatment again. Why I'm writing this is because I know seem to have lost interest in sex and anything sexual, and find myself always turning my boyfriend away when he tries anything that could lead to oral sex etc. This upsets me as before it all used to be great and we were very sexual (we've been together for 2 years), but now it all seems like an effort and i'm just not interested. I know this is very hard on him aswell, as hes not pushy at all but does get upset and frustrated when there's often no sexual contact for weeks. I don't want him to feel unloved or unwanted, but I just don't know how to fix this? If anyone could help me it would be great!! Em xxxxx
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