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  1. I found out last month that my husband had a year long affair with a women in another state. I found out this information from her 21 yr old daughter, who has been seeing my husband for the last 10 months. The daughter and my husband both say there wasn't anything sexual about their realtionship. But my husband did lie to me spend everyother weekend in Dec with this child, as well as spend money on her and her 4yr old child. My husband of 14 years is an over the road truck driver. He took the mother out on the road with him at least 5 or 6 times, and as he says "had sex" with her too many times to remember. He has been talking to the daughter multiple times a day since this past May, and even had pictures of her on his cell phone. He told me that he even offered to let her sleep in his truck (the one I pay for) with him one night after they went to a bar and it was really late and she didn't want to get in trouble. She still lives with her mom. He has tried for the last several weeks not to run in the area where they live, but that hasn't been sucessful. He says he hasn't called them or texted them on his phone, but I won't know until the bill comes out. He says because I am asking for reassurance about his commitment and love to me that I am pushing him away. We have made the commitment to stay together, but how do I get the images of him touching,kissing, making love to out of my mind? This is driving me crazy, I can't sleep, I am doing my job poorly and the kids are sufferring. I am seeing a thearpist, but he isn't. Please someone give me some advice on how to get these images out of my head. I want to stay with my husband.
  2. PAdreamer

    WHY?

    It bothers me so much that sex has become recreational and rarely has anything to do with love or commitment anymore. I feel like the odd person out sometimes because it seems that everywhere I turn, all I hear is how someone's excited because they "got laid" by some girl whose name they didn't even catch, or some little girl lost her virginity to a guy that will probably walk out on her a week later. People brag about how many girls/guys they've cheated on their S/O with... Where is the romance? Where is the commitment? Why is sex so unimportant now?
  3. i was on the phone to my "boyfriend" last night and he came out with "will you be my lover?" now to me lover means sex with no commitment whenever he rolls into town. but i dont want that. i want commitment even though i am only 16 people say that i look and act older than i am. so please people you have to let me know. Catie xxx
  4. I'd like to hear some thoughts on this idea. How long is too long to wait for a real commitment in a relationship? Yesterday I had to say one of the most painful goodbyes to my long-distance boyfriend... I may not see him until September and seeing him off was absolutely horrible. We've been together for two and a half years, which have been mostly long distance. Until last August we were only 3 hours apart, now we are a 13-hour plane ride apart. Anyway, I digress. This painful goodbye got me thinking... how long is too long to wait for engagement or marriage? Don't get me wrong, I'm not thinking about breaking up with him or pushing the marriage issue. We're both still young and he's still in college so it's not an issue yet. But his sister just got married a few months ago. I've heard of couples being together for 10 years with no engagement plans or anything. I've also heard of people being engaged for 8 years... That's fine if that's what the couple wants, but it's not what I want, and I suspect that many others feel the same way. I'm not looking for answers to my situation here, I'd just like to hear your thoughts on this subject. So what do you think? How long would you wait for a long-term commitment such as engagement or marriage? Thanks for your thoughts!
  5. I am still on the process of convincing my self to go for an LDR. I really have so many fears.. One is not standing the feeling of longing.. I terribly miss him.. What I just did is remind my self that I still don't have a right to feel so since we're not committed yet. But just recently i've tried to be honest with my self and told him that i really feel bad whenever it took him long to contact me.. the result? he got worried.. i feel guilty then.. should i rather not tell him?
  6. I'm 33 and male. separated from my wife since January. I met a girl who is 30 and divorced and we started dating right after I split with my wife. Well I fell totally in love with her. And we hit it off great.. The best sex of my life and hers so she says. And that it was so much more than sex. We feel so comfortable together, like we have known each other for our whole lives. Theres no insecurity with each other and we were able to share all of our darkest and saddest thoughts and experiences. Time went on and I began to feel that she was hitting a boundary, and she agreed that she has walls up to keep her heart safe. So we went around this issue. Many times I decided to walk away but try as I did I was not able to do it. She would call or I would and ww would end up back in the same spot. Me with huge feelings and her being skeptical, etc. So we decided that we had moved so quick and that she just could not deal with me being in love with her as much as I am but that she wanted to keep it there because she feels something that she hasn't felt with anyone. So we did this. Now understand since my seperation and that i have filed for divorce I am fnacially wrecked. Moved in with my brother and am trying to find a new job.. So we agreed to slow down and we did. We spent quality time together on dates and she had changed.. She became much more affectionate and closer. Then I went away for a few weeks with the military and we were both so homesick. And we agreed that things were finally progressing the way they should be. So I got back a few weeks ago and we went out, spent a few nghts together, had some drinks and dinner with friends. All seemed well. The out of the blue she tells me that we cannot see each other anymore.. For a few months anyway. SO I see shes back at the whole boundary thing again and she starts to cry, so do I and i'm so devastated because shes not budgig on this. So we go round and round crying and talking and she says tyhat she is not ready to be in love and that she loves me but isn't in love with me and that it is because she has these walls up that she cannot control and that she needs me to give her time to sort all of this out alobe, away from any influence of me or us. And that she cannot live with herself knowing how much I love her and me giving that to her while she is back and forth with it for me. And she goes on how she doesn't want to be like this but she cannot help it and it scares her that she is gonna regret cutting me loose and hate sthat she and I will not be together, etc. But she says she just can't do it, she's not ready and needs time. So we agree to take some time off, away from each other. For me to get back into my life in a positive way and for her to try to resolve these commitment problems and find if she can fall in love with me. SO she asks me to let go, for her, and to wait a while, come back and find her again and see hwat happens and see if we can make a go of it. She cannot promise that this will pan ouyt but she wants to keep this a possibility. I have no choice but to agree. So it's been a couple weeks now and we have not spoken. I got an email last week saying how much this means to her that I am giving her this time and that it was the best thing I could have done for her. I have spoken with her best friend and asked for adfvice and she says that I should not give up hope but that i should understna that she cannot give a commitment. This girl went through a pretty rough marriage and divorce. She still tries to make excuses for things that had happened. I don't know what to do in regards to this time... Should I give up and never contact her? Wait the next 6 weeks or so and call like she wants? I love her and i have only been in love once before and it wasn't my wife. I do not want to lose this woman and feel so out of control now. I am ready to give up hope. I just don't know what to do. Some of my friends say she will come around as soon as she realizes that she's throwing away a good thing and gets past her commitment fears, others tell me to chalk it up as experience and move on, I just don't know...
  7. Now im not saying all but i mean the mean people who usually tend to get the relationships?Like i mean the people that just take advantage of their gf's and stuff.Like the people who put down others for not havings gf's/bf's like put them down for never kissing or having sex,etc.Its like i do not know how god works its just like nothing ever makes sense in this world.Like if things have been going bad in the world cant god do something to help it or what?I mean its like some guys who have no potential with long ranged relationships with women as in years get a whole ton of em.Kind of like my best friend who gets girlfriends all the time.He has no sense of commitment AT ALL with women.Hes like afraid of any sense of commitment with women and it pisses me off.He usually just treats it like a lil inmature kid cause he is immature.Its like guys such as me and other guys who get told by women that any women who get us are luckly but iono why they say that.Maybe its because im extremely nice and hold really high morals for myself.its like we sit in the corner lol watching everything going on day by day growing wiser and wiser about things such as these.yet we never get a chance at it ever.We just sit back and watch as other people do their own failings and screw up their lives sometimes.When we our people holding good things in us that we would probably use to make a relationship great if we have a girlfriend.But yet we just have to sit back and watch everything not getting one single chance at a relationship and it just doesnt seem fair.So many people who have relationships do not treat it the right way and i so want to correct that by making one i get in great but us guys never get one single chance and i will never know why.Maybe liek everybody says.Practically all women like the "bad boy" who usually ends up treating them like crap so ya thats definitely a gj there Remember sorry bout my posts but im stupid
  8. I have a question for the ladies, but everyone is welcome to answer if you like: When you lose interest in someone, and they don't get the message, and you slip into the friendship dilemma, do you realize how much you are hurting the guy by doing that? I have been talking to 3 different guys who are dealing with someone that they would like to know better, but for one reason or another the woman just will not commit to a relationship. What is that? Can anyone give me some insight into why you can't seem to tell a guy that you just want a friendship in the first place, and not lead them on so much! It is very confusing to me why we do this.
  9. Hi everyone. I've been dating a guy casually since about Labor Day & just this weekend we made it "official". Problem is that he's really shy. It took him about 5 times of us hanging out to get the guts to even kiss me! And it seems like even now if we're going to make out, I have to initiate it. Now, before you start to give me advice, let me first tell you that he's the one who's been asking for the commitment so I'm not worried that he doesn't like me or anything. Am I going to have to initiate EVERYTHING? If so, I wouldn;t even know where to begin. All the other guys I dated were horndogs......
  10. I have been dating this guy for about six months now who lives about 4 hours away. He never really tells me how he feels about me which I haven't figured out if this is just a guy thing. Anyway, he is trying to find a job in my city, not just because of me but he hates where he lives and loves my city but he recently got rejected after his interview down here. Well I feel like he has just given up on everything including on me since then. I want to be supportive but at the same time I know guys like to be left alone after an ego blow. Lately he hasn't really been calling me or even making plans to see me which is very heart breaking. We made tentative plans to hang out for this weekend by going to Disney but he just doesn't seem that excited about it and its not even a sure thing. More than anything I want to see him but I don't want to be too eager and too pushy about going. He has a lot going on right now and told me that he doesn't want to commit to a long distance relationship if he isn't going to be moving close to me soon, however he still calls me and we still make plans to see each other. Its just sending me mixed signals because I told him if he doesn't want to do this relationship then we should just end it but he never gives me a true answer so I don't really know what to think about it. I would love to give him space which I dont' really understand since I don't see him that much anyway but I am so crazy about him and I don't want things to end. I am pretty good about not being too needy and clingy and I want to send him cards and things like that but I don't know if this will freak him out. I really don't mind putting effort into it but at the same time I need to see some reciprocation. He does visit and call me so it confuses me when he says he doesn't want to commit to a long distance relationship. He isn't dating anyone else and I know more than anything he wants to move where I am. Should I wait for him or just move on? Confused!!
  11. I met the most unbelievable girl over the summer, we are a perfect match and everything about her is great except the fact that she lives 5 hours away. Ive gone to her house a few times but we have come to a point where the only way to further the relationship would be to start going out with each other. The problem is that we both love each other but we dont want to commit to each other, only to see each other once a month at most. I feel terrible about it and now we have hit a wall and we decided we cant be romantically involved over the distance and are now mere friends. Plz help me!!
  12. My ex and I dated for 3 years in college, but this summer we broke up because I messed up and cheated on him. The cheating (and telling) happened at the beginning of the summer but we didn't truly call it quits until mid-July, and now we're back at school together. When we first got back, he told me he was thinking of asking me to be his gf but after a couple of nights we spent together, he was aloof and pretty much went back to behaving weirdly (didn't call me as much and didn't want to spend the night together). a little distance, and he was back to being up my *ss again, asking "what's wrong? why don't you wanna hang out as much?" yada yada yada...anyway, this cycle has continued onto the beginning of october, with a few "meetings about feelings" instigated by me and talking about getting back together (again instigated by me). he told me he just wanted us to be friends and he wanted to be single for a little while, not be obligated to anyone. anyway, so i read this book which basic premise was "get a life, and act like getting him back isn't THAT important to you" and you'll succeed because, basically, anything you chase in life will run away from you. so i've been doing this for the past week and a half, and i've gotta say, it's working like a charm. although we spent much of the week together, he'll call often and sometimes i wont pick up or i'll say i have other plans (which many times i do, but you know...gotta fake em out). this drives him crazy, like he always wants to know where i am and if i'm with other guys. so this weekend was our fall break, and i'm at home while he's there. he called twice today, first to leave a message saying hey and the second to say he was going out of town for a cross country meet so if i called before 6:00 i would catch him. i never called back. anyway, also, the day i left (friday) he wanted us to hang out before i left to drive home (in the morning), he asked me to lunch, he kissed me goodbye twice, helped me bring my stuff to my car, plus burnt me a copy of a cd. also, a few days before that, while we were walking from the library together he called himself my boyfriend (i don't know if on accident or on purpose to get a reaction, but i completely ignored the comment). that same night, he and i watched a movie together and i spent the night in his room, where he told me he really wanted to cuddle then got completely naked and nuzzled me. i was tempted and also got naked, but nothing too serious happened (just a lot of hormones racin and lots of panting). it was an awesome hookup, even without the sex. anyway, my question (after this long tidbit) is how to get the commitment back from him. i think i'm going to just continue being available for only half the time and having a life outside of him (obviously a necessity). but is there anything i can do to speed up the process, because it seems like an eternity sometimes? any suggestions would be appreciate, and sorry for such a long post (just wanted to get all the facts in). thanks guys!!!!!!
  13. hey all. well some of you know im sort of back with my ex. basically we're just fooling around...once last week, once this week. chatting online and what not. and surprisingly im really happy with this arrangement. i mean it actually is perfect right now. the only thing is no matter what in the back of my mind i keep thinking like "omgg...is he just going to not like me all of a sudden again??!" because thats basically what happened after our 9 months together. given it was our first relationship and it was pretty good but its just it was a hard for me to move on (well begin to) and now im just scared about getting hurt again. however, right now im really content with this no commitment thing other then it being exclusive. what would you do? am i setting myself up??
  14. I have been dating this guy for a year now and the other day I went on his computer and went through his things I found in his picture folders that he had taken with his digital camera of two differnt girls in very naughty porno poses. I know these pictures were taken when we have been togther but I dont know how long ago. I confronted him and he assured me that it was a long time ago before we had ever committed, and that he would never do anything to hurt me,but I'm not sure if he is telling the truth cause I don't think those pictures are that old. I told him I need time to think about it. I dont know what to do. now I have these horrible images in my head. I did trust him but now I am not so sure.
  15. Ok, I've been out of the dating loop for a long time. (about 8 years now. long committed relationship) I finally mustered up the nerve to ask this woman out that I have been interested in for a while. It seemed like I caught her off guard when I asked her to lunch, but she said yes and gave me her number. So, by todays standards, how long should I wait to call her and set up the date?
  16. I have been in a relationship with a woman for nine months and this last weekend we decided that perhaps we don't have what it takes to make this a lifelong commitment. We love each other, we enjoy our time together, and have had great fun together. But her explanation was that she doesn't feel "it" with me. And in fact, even though she was previously married for several years, she said she didn't feel "it" with him either. She has told me that I have all the qualities she looks for in a man and thinks that I would make a great husband and father...but she doesn't feel "it". We do have some differences, mainly that I am an artist and she can't relate well to that. Also, she is originally from Russia and there are some cultural and language barriers that we have to overcome. She also has had only 3 relationships even though she is 30. But I am always optimistic and I love her and don't want the relationship to end even though I am abiding by her wishes. I think I know what she means by "it", but I would like to hear what that means for other women.........thanks.
  17. Ok..well...my boyfriend and I have been together for over a year now. Recently he has been talking a lot about getting engaged and married. He had a 'plan' about us moving in together and then getting engaged about 6 months after (although we wouldnt be moving in together until the spring of 2005) but we got talking and decided to scrap the plan because both of us want to speed things up and dont want to wait that long to make things official (HE was the one that said we should 'step up the plan'). Then he told me recently that he has a plan to ask me to marry him really soon and less then the number of months I could count on one hand. Anyway, then the other night I mentioned that I would rather be engaged to someone BEFORE I live with them...I want that commitment. I wouldnt want to move in and then have him not bothering to ask because we're already living together like a married couple. I was also raised to think that way as well. I was always told not to live with someone until the commitment is there. He said that he thought that was a weird idea and that he just thought we would live together before we got engaged. What confused me is that one minute he is saying lets 'step up the plan'...as in not waiting until we live together and so on and then the next minute he is saying that he finds the idea of us being engaged before living together to be odd. So what does he want? Why would he start talking about making these commitments (keep in mind that HE initiated these conversations) and get me all emotionally invested in all this stuff...just to seem as if he really didnt mean it about moving at a faster pace. How am I supposed to be anything but confused? Basically, I'm just starting to withdraw from the whole situation. I dont want to believe something is going to happen if it isnt at all. So now when he talks about stuff like that...I dont feel as enthusiatic or really believe he is 100% genuine. I've said time and time again that there is NO pressure and that he doesnt have to talk about all this stuff if he isnt ready. I would never want to force him to do something and I have never given him ultimatums like 'if you dont ask me to marry you in 2 months its over...'. I feel as if I have been nothing but supportive but inside I feel horrible...I dont know if I should trust his word on this particular topic. I love him and want to marry him but I just wonder if that is honestly going to happen or what. Advice PLEASE!! **Also, just as a side note...He is 28 and I'm 22. He is established in a career and I'll be graduating college in May of 2005...so we aren't 'kids'.
  18. the guy i broke up with my bf for has decided e does not want a gf. im fine with this except hes still at my house everyday, im going to his familys for christmas he talks to his ex still but doesent hang out with her. he saus he loves being with me, he could see him self with me. i feel like im getting played but i dont know i know he has strong feelings for me, he dpesent want the commitment. hes all over me all the time he only hangs out with me, he acts like im his gf he gets upset when other guys call. whats going on?
  19. Hi everyone, Well, here I am. I`ve chosen this particular forum because the main thing that gets me down is the loss of my brother 4 years ago (he committed suicide.) I`ve been clinically depressed for 10 years now, partly due to my upbringing and partly due to the fact that mental ill-health runs in the family (which may explain the upbringing, nature vs nurture and all that). I feel like I`m hitting breaking point, I feel like I`m a disappointment and a failure because I`m intelligent yet haven`t done any Further Education because I have agoraphobia and social phobia, very closely interlinked in my case. Anyway, basically, I really miss my brother, I worshipped him when he was alive because he was just so cool, and just amazing really, words don`t cut it. I`m not even sure why I`m posting here, I suppose it`s just helpful to have somewhere I can vent my spleen etc without worrying my friends. I have good days sometimes when I can remind myself that as long as he is in my memories then he is still alive in a sense, but really that`s nothing compared to the bad days (or weeks) when I simply can`t believe that I won`t hear him speak again, or see his big cheesy grin(!). I don`t ask for any replies but I`m thankful to anyone who reads this and I wish everyone here luck with whatever is troubling them. Thanks again, take care.
  20. my boyfriend of two years has joined the r.f.a on monday and before he left we broke the relationship off because we were both scared of getting hurt. he also didnt think it would be fair on me as he wouldnt be able to be there for me all the time ie .. calling me and sending letters and that he wanted to consontrate on hes work. but the thing is we made a commitment to each other that we would wait for one and other and that we would be together again.he has also said that this would be a good thing to find out if were ment to be together because this is our first love for both of us ....i miss him so much and so scared of loosing him to someone eles. xxxxx
  21. My girlfriend broke up with me , because i believe she was afraid of commitment. I also feel that she is very insecure about herself. Do these two traits commonly go together?
  22. I am confused just like evryone else here,so here it goes--My ex gf and I were hanging out and talking on the phone again after a few months of NC; this was about two months ago .She seemed to be really enjoying my company and was flirting and touching me.She was asking me out to movies and to go camping .When I ask her out she always has an excuse not to go, but it is always a legitimate excuse.I asked her out to a movie, but she said she couldnt and the next week she went to a movie alone. She has stopped calling me and when I do see her around she is very aloof.She acting like she did before I broke NC. I cant help it but thius is stressing me out. I am only trying to be her friend but,it seems like the closer I get the more distant she gets. I am not going to contact her anymore. ( well at least for a couple of weeks Any ideas about what going aon in this girls head?
  23. I have met a girl that oddly has the same name as my ex who I truly loved, its been two years since we've been broke up. The girl i'm dating now is awesome, I love everything about her, but its so hard to commit to her. Everytime I look at her, or talk to her, or I say her name it reminds me of my ex. So I guess i'm afraid since she is so similiar and has the same name that its going to end in the same way. I want to fall in love with this girl, but I just can't seem too... that link to my ex is still there. I was thinking about burning my ex's letters, maybe that might help a little, though that would be so hard for me to do. I'm just a big ball of confusion. Please offer me some advice, i'm scared to let the power of love take complete control again only to be broken hearted in the end. She seems very sincere, but people can change. Thanks in advance.
  24. Me and my ex boyfriend were together for almost 4 years! we were very close and very attached to one another emotionally. Throughout the relationship he cheated on me for reasons i still dont know he says it was because of my past. He was a virgin when i met him and i was his first everything! he had a hard time with the fact that he wasnt my first. He also throughout the relationship said he would move in with me and make a commitment to me and then would change his mind at the last minute. well i finally got fed up with all of it and told him if he wouldnt make some kind of commitment that it was over. I stayed with him after he cheated which was hard but i loved him. It seems like if he loved me he would make a commitment! anyways i have met someone new a great guy! but of course im still not over my ex and i dont know what to do! i dont want to lose this new guy because he is a great guy but i dont know what to tell him. It's hard to picture myself with anyone but my ex because we had such a strong connection. My ex still wants to remain talking but i dont see the point. I know he just isnt ready for a commitment and maybe its bad timing or maybe we just werent meant to be. when i ended it he refused to say goodbye and told me he just wanted to be in denial about it. He wouldnt even talk about the break-up! he is hurting but i didnt know what else to do!! i had to care about my own happiness if he didnt by making a commitment. Should i just tell the new guy that i want to take things slow? or should i break it off because im not over my ex?
  25. About a year ago, my girlfriend of 2.5 years dumped me out of the blue. She told me she didn't love me anymore and was interested in somebody else. I was crushed, and still am. I've been out on dates with girls, but I always end up pushing them I away because I feel I can't trust them, and can't commit to them. I don't know, part of me feels like the only person I could trust would be her (ironically) because shes the only one that knows everything about me. Any advice on trusting other people again? or any other experiences?
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