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  1. Okay - question time: I have tried to rekindle things with my ex. It's been rocky to say the least. He reached out to me after being dumped by his girlfriend late Jan 2020 (I had been in NC since October 30th). I determined I wouldn't make the same mistakes as before - given that we're long distance - I committed to actually seeing him in person. I succeeded in visiting him twice. Both times - they were rough. We had our differences. I had difficulties dealing with his hot and cold behaviours. It was really hard on me. He admitted that he was being mean to me - and felt bad about it. However, I understood that he has trust issues with me - so I tried my best to find all the patience in the world to deal with his behaviours. We even fooled around a bit. He has admitted that I've become a lot better in dealing with 'difficult' conversations. Whatever requests he wants - I try my best to fulfill. He says I can't say certain words to him 'ex: the words never or always' - as they are trigger words for him and he'll hang up the phone or yell at me. I correct my language around him so as to diminish his triggers and not upset him. I don't yell, scream etc at disagreements. I practice a lot of my work that I've done in therapy = I listen, try to hear him and HONOR his narratives. Anyways - fast forward to now. I have the opportunity to stay with him for an extended amount of time to continue working on things = rare opportunity! He was open to the idea, then not, then open again - then shut it down. He didn't really respond to my phone calls. Then after I sent a few lengthy messages about being excited to work on things etc - his only response "I need space until October 9th" (He said he's got a major work commitment and doesn't have the mental energy to deal with working on a relationship etc) I have given him his space. It's been over a week of not talking to him (and we'd talk every day). Is he seeing someone else? Is it over? He told me in a convo RIGHT BEFORE he asked for space that I should remain hopeful and optimistic about us working on things. Now this? It's so hot and cold. I don't know WHAT I DID to change his behaviour within 1 day from being excited to work on things to not wanting to see me at all. So - what do you folks think? I'm really hurt and confused. However - I'm honouring his wishes and not bothering him. If he contacts me, that's great. If not - I guess I move on? I just want some perspectives on here - why even bother saying he needs space? Why not just straight up say - I'm done. Good luck. Don't contact me again?
  2. So here's the situation; I and my boyfriend have been together for 2 years now. This year is our 3rd. Here's what transpired: My boyfriend has a private Instagram account. So evidently sometime last year around the summer, he followed or she requested to follow him. I'm not certain who followed who But I noticed that they had messaged each other. I need to provide more context first my boyfriend has a past, He used to be promiscuous with women, some case would have multiple girlfriends simultaneously. He used so many dating apps and in fact he followed a bunch of them on social media and has them on a messaging app. ( some of them he had s*x with or intended to.) and collected images with them and of them nude, Explained to me his goal used to be to try have intercourse with as many women as he could. He was transparent about a lot of his past but probably he may have not told me everything. He explains to me how natural he feels around me & how much he's changed and that he realized how immature & narcissistic he used to be. I want to believe him and he assures me who he is today isn't who he was back then and how grateful he was that he that wasn't the version of him I met. So far, he has demonstrated that in some respects & We are a devoted and joyful relationship and live together, I know he isn't sleeping around anymore. however, the thing that makes it troubling is he still hasn't deleted any of these women on social media or any messaging apps including an old long-time ex who still attempts to communicate with him and is clearly still attached to him. She apparently made some judgmental remarks on me and does this with every girl he's dated after her. He claims she has moved on but her actions speak otherwise. He ignores her now & If he has deleted any of these previous women it's a very small amount but I have yet to see that he has. He insists it's because there's so many or that he's lazy. I admit that I have really bad social anxiety which does affect my relationships sometimes. Despite that, it's in no way comparable to when I was significantly younger. Looking at how much I've grown I'm confident concerning who I am and how much I have changed. I'm trying to remain calm and not always assume the worst. Some of the roots I believe may about my past and the experiences I've had. So it's mostly for this reason that I am very hard to trust people. But I have begun to trust him after a certain point in our 1st year. There is an issue, however, for a while, my boyfriend frequently requests me to change certain ways about my look. For instance, he would keep suggesting me to dye my hair red due to the fact that he's into gingers. I told him that the shade he wanted didn't go well with my skin tone and that I didn't like it. Or keep nagging me to lift weights. Also by no means am I not unhealthy or unattractive physically. I'm a really skinny 4-foot girl with C-cup breasts. I try to walk and move around and we eat plenty of veggies and fruits. but nowadays, I've been busy studying lately and it's not been a priority or an interest to lift weights or have a strict workout routine but if I do it it'll be my choice in the future and I've told him this on a few occasions. To be entirely honest, him annoying me about it is making me lose any possible motivation to try it. He insists it's for my health but I don't believe that's the full reasoning behind it. I see him make commentary about women who work out and lift weights. As an example, he will say that a girl has a nice ass, and then if I ask him about my ass he'll say it's cute. Sounds to me like he's saying it to avoid hurting my feelings. Therefore, I am inclined to think he doesn't see me as good enough when he does all that. Surely, if the change is for the better & I'll consider it but I also want to feel the personal motivation and have the time to do these sorts of things. Not just to satisfy someone else. I strive to be my best self but I also wish he could understand my perspective on why I don't desire either right now. So this girl's account is private so I made an anonymous account, followed her, and I looked and saw he had liked 2 photos from her account. One is of her in a tight dress. Her ass is facing the camera and you can see her boobs which are huge. The other is of her doing squats. I don't want to be irrational but this did hurt me and I don't know how to process this. For some time now he hasn't been liking any women's photos but he then he liked hers all of a sudden. I didn't wanna bring it up and make a big deal about it. So just to see what exactly was going on. I'll admit I looked at his DMs She messaged him first. At approximately 8 at night The messages went something along these lines; Her: Hello Him : Heyy how are you feeling? Her: very well and you? Him: I feel good(says something about a book he's reading) she likes this message Her: Oh that's cool He then ask if she's in a certain branch and the military and she confirms that she is. She then asks his profession and he tells her. Her: Aww that's nice Him : Yes where do you live? She tells him she lives in a city in our state about 2-3 hours from us. Her: Where do you live? Him: (Our city name) We're not that far She says that they aren't very far but tells him that she has been away from home awhile Her: Though coming back to the states anytime soon. Him : Oh where are you now? She then tells him that's she's in some foreign country in the middle east. Now he didn't say anything else after this. I again noted that a lot of time had passed and nothing came of it. Though I didn't feel it appeared platonic based on the photos he had liked and how flirty he came across with the emojis and such. On Instagram, we send each other cute animals, so one day we were cuddling in bed and when he opened his DMs I saw it again. I asked who she was and his immediate response was that he ignored her. But It's clear he didn't and was becoming really defensive. I asked him to look me in eyes & please tell me the truth but he couldn't keep a straight face every time I asked. He said he was grinning cause he thought it was ridiculous. His reaction of course made me feel anxious and skeptical. Afterward, I discovered he deleted the messages. So my questions are 1. Why do you think he deleted them? 2. Do you believe I have any justification to feel suspicious about this situation? They don't know each other and the probable hood of them meeting may not happen but I can't help but at least be uncomfortable with him following and messaging girls like this. Especially if he's going to be checking them out like that. 3. How do I resolve the situation? I understand it may seem difficult to believe but I trust that he won't genuinely cheat on me. but girls hit on him all the time, So much that it began to truly get on my nerves after it occurred so frequently. They don't know me or anything. Though, He makes our relationship public and has photos of me and him everywhere. Most of them know we are together but don't comprehend nor care about boundaries. Plus these remarks he makes about my appearance don't help much either. I don't want to feel like this. I love him, He's a wonderful boyfriend. I don't imagine he isn't attracted to me but I want to discover a way to communicate that even though yes he is with me and I don't feel threatened, his comments and comparing me to other girls or repeatedly attempting to persuade me to do these things doesn't boost my self esteem nor my ability to believe he's fully satisfied with me. This is all especially hard given some of his interactions with women. I attempted to reflect and examine if I'm a hypocrite and do this too. But I never compare him like this to other men, I always tell him how handsome he looks. I don't try to pressure him to change his appearance to satisfy me, I may make a suggestion here and there like a shirt or something I think he'd like. But I don't make a big deal or constantly bring it up like him. I also receive messages sometimes that are flirty, I normally block them, ignore them or instruct them to get lost and that's the end of it. I showed him I have removed these sorts of men from my past and present that may be problematic and I don't have any exes still around. So I don't comprehend why he does and doesn't any of this. Any advice would be helpful, I think we may just need to communicate and I need to understand what he is thinking and feeling. How maybe it is from his perspective.
  3. I was with my ex for 4 years, we split up 9 months ago. For the past 9 months we have been meeting and sleeping with each other. He knew I wanted him back and still loved him but he didnt want a relationship. He started to go cold on me a couple of weeks ago not taking hours to message back not really commiting to any meet ups saying he was busy. I did go round his house and found another girl there. I did lose the plot and screamed a lot. He said she was just a friend he was helping. I asked him to never contact me again and was heartbroken. I have since spoke asking if we can work things out and apologised for if I got the situation wrong, he now says my behaiour has ruined our friendship. To add to this he said I had betrayed his trust as I had confided in his sister for help in this situation. He refuses to speak to me and says he wants nothing more to do with me. Just feeling very lost and confused :(
  4. Long story short, I had a beautiful romance with a wonderful woman who treats me great, but she is a single mom with 5 kids. I found out about the kids early on, and should have bolted right then and there, but she was so sweet and beautiful and sexy and I'd never gotten along so perfectly with any woman in my life. She saved me from terrible depression and we had great times together for 2 years, but now it's commitment time. She is financially strapped and I have been feeling bad about that since the beginning, and have helped her financially (and was happy to do so; she NEVER asked for help. I offered it unprompted.) But her being so poor really bothers me because I want her and her kids to have a safe place to live. Recently I started spending time with her kids (2 of whom are 4 and 5 yrs old and they adore me). I generally love kids and get on well with them, and her children are no exception; the problem is they're getting attached to me now, and I don't want to hurt them. She's talking about moving in together and I feel dread. Her ex-husband is a POS and I want nothing to do with him, but if I jump into this thing, I'll have to deal with this guy, share the kids with him, and basically give him power over my life. He can make trouble in many ways for us. I don't have an aversion to raising someone else's kids. That's not really the issue here. What I DO have a problem with is the size of this commitment (4 of these kids are still at home) and the uncertainty of dealing with the ex and whatever hassles he can send our way (which he will, I'm sure, as he'll always be angry at her for leaving him). This is not the life I envisioned for myself. So despite the fact that this woman is fantastic in every way aside from her baggage, I find myself feeling horrible dread over the prospect of moving her and her kids into my place. This woman loves me unreservedly and has told me many times that I'm the love of her life and if this doesn't work out, she's done looking for Mr Right and will remain single the rest of her life (she's 45). I'm not taking that literally, and she's beautiful so there's always going to be some man interested in her, but I feel incredibly guilty thinking about leaving because I know she'll be devastated, and knowing I really could give her and her kids a better life. The problem is, I'd be improving their lives quite possibly at the expense of my own. I don't have a lot of good years left (I'm 48) and I'm just recovering from my own divorce 3 years ago. This was my first relationship post-divorce, and it sucked me in and took me on a roller coaster ride. It's been wonderful up to this point. What kills me is I adore this woman, and I actually do like her kids, especially the 2 little ones who are so cute and lovable and full of fun. I never had kids of my own (low sperm count), but this is not the life I wanted. It's just too much. I'm overwhelmed. My head tells me to bail, but my heart tortures me with guilt. Horrible, overwhelming guilt that robs me of my sleep and leaves me unable to even concentrate on anything during the day. I feel trapped when I should be feeling positive. I know, logically that many of my concerns are overstated. I would "only" be directly caring for 2 kids (not 5) but I still have deep misgivings about the whole thing. This could be very sweet domestic bliss or it could all go south easily. Should a person always listen to their "gut", or can the gut lead you astray? Any advice welcome!
  5. We split 10 month ago officially after 8 long years and a 4 year old baby girl. She ended it because I was unfaithful. To many lies from me, I needed to grow up tbh. I hit rock bottom, and built myself back up. I feel like I’m a man after that experience. We just got back from a day out with the daughter. We don’t do this often but when Our days off during the week merge, I’ll always see if she would like to take our girl out. Well, it was fantastic. Everything felt natural, and that’s because I’m over the breakup for the most of it. I made her belly laugh, and snort. Not seen that for a long time. And also some physical contact. I carried her over obstacles, we collided into each other down slides and ended up on top of each other a few times. I’d call this flirting, at least from my side. And it felt good. Like, she wanted me to chase her sometimes. Felt like being kids again it was so refreshing. Trouble is...she’s in a committed relationship. Has been for around 8 month now. She loves him, and I believe her. And I know they talk marriage and kids and moving on together, all that normal stuff. The guy is cool, and is very involved with my daughter now. Which I’m happy about now. She made a joke on the way home. He walked to her house (doesn’t drive) and it’s like at 30 minute walk at least in pouring rain and snow. Very committed I said. She said it’s a little excessive of him. First time I’ve ever really heard her mock him even if it was gentle. I joked back about how he’s storming to her house now, knowing we’ve all been together for the day and thinking frantically about how he can get one up on me when he’s got time with her tonight. She laughed, like real hard. I feel like attraction is building between us, that’s what I believe this is. Possibly because I’ve let go now. And it took so long to get over the breakup. I will add...I do love this girl. She’s important to me and I will always take care of her. Seeing us together having fun brings back fond memories, we haven’t laughed together like that for years. It was nice to be apart of it. For the record. I’m moving on with my life, as is she. I actually am enjoying my life now. I’ve changed so much. What do people think is going on here?
  6. I dated a woman for almost exactly one year. In the beginning she had committment issues and we broke up twice due to her not being ready to commit. She came back both times and finally committed and things were overall going well. Her family loved me and we had a great time together. Fast forward to this past weekend...were at her moms house and we had a great time. Once her mom went to bed we go downstairs and my ex made some rude remark about a shirt i had and i asked her "what is your deal?" She then immediately took her stuff and went to another bedroom. I followed to ask her what's going on and she pushed me. I instinctively reacted by grabbing her arm. I immediately let go and said some terrible things to her about how her bitterness from her divorce has been an ongoing issue in this relationship. I then packed my stuff, left, and broke up with her. I texted her family goodbye and they were very supportive saying I worked really hard to make this work and they are sad I'm gone. The next day I texted her to apologize for my contribution to the issue only to find out she had blocked me on everything except instagram. I then messaged her on instagram only to have her read it and block me. This is the first time I have broken up with her and I took her back the 2 times she broke up with me amd came back. This was a massive fight and break up but has anyone had something like this where they came back or things were fixable? At the very least I'd love to sit down with her and have a conversation about what went wrong. We've had some issues but a lot of our issues were slowly improving as the relationship progressed. If anyone has been in this position, I'd like to hear what happened for you?
  7. I'm not exactly sure what to do. I've been dating a girl now for a few months. Things went well at first but then she grew to be distant. Long story short at first we both wanted something serious but later on she told me she just wanted things to be casual. I asked her if she is still interested in me romantically and she said yes but that she wants no commitment or expectations right now and potentially in the future things could be different. She just wants things to play out as they will. She has been acting nice but distant, the vibe is totally off from where it was before. I'm really into this girl and it's been very hard on me. I'm wondering if I should just drop this girl or hang on and keep hoping things will potentially change. I know what I wrote is quite vague but I didn't want to bother anyone with a long essay. Any insight would be appreciated. Thank you very much.
  8. Hi, So I recently started officially dating my boyfriend. He's a really nice guy who genuinely cares about me and my feelings and I think he's hilarious. However I find myself one day being really excited about dating him and the next being so worried about it and not wanting it to be a thing, but then wanting him in my life the next day and then not again. I am thinking this is because of commitment issues and I'm also wondering if I am not actually as interested as I think I am. I also kind of get embarrassed by him in social settings with my friends and his because he is loud and kind of silly. However this I believe is because I am self conscious and worried what every one thinks. It's really stressing me out and I would love to hear from others if this is something you have experienced and if so how did you deal with it? Even if you haven't I would just like some advice. Thanks in advance :)
  9. Hey! New to the site and wanted to share a bit about myself and my recent experiences. I’m in my early to mid-30s and really only started dating in the last year. I dove right in, and have been able to maintain a positive attitude giving the guys I’ve dated a lot of grace perhaps out of my own desire for compassion. Honestly, they’ve all treated me less than great and I’ve stayed in “situationships” far too long, taking (excusing??) every phase as a much-needed learning lesson. After a year of dating, I am actually grateful I have yet to be in a relationship although I still want a relationship. I’m not one of those women with a long list of traits who is holding out for Mr. Right. I’m more interested in developing better communication skills and learning how to navigate relationships (romantic and otherwise) while seeking something that is in alignment with my values and standards. I desire someone who supports my self-growth and development, someone who treats me right, someone who is committed to building a healthy relationship. Anyways, that’s what brings me to this forum. Because dating is hard and I’m feeling discouraged. I’m hurting and wishing sometimes things played out differently... not necessarily resulting in a relationship, but simply handled with more respect and care. And I’m feeling a bit lonely in all of this... it hasn’t been easy discovering my patterns, pitfalls, and imperfections all while hoping you come across someone who celebrates you for you... when that’s something you’ve never even experienced!! All the while learning to let go... especially when you’re testing out vulnerability, learning to communicate boundaries, and having to constantly reset your practice of self care, self love, self worth, self acceptance... all the “selves”. Yeah, I could really use some encouragement! Relationships are not easy! And support isn’t always readily available. I know I am on the right track, but this is no cake walk!
  10. Dear all, I am seeing a guy for over 2,5 years. We had a relationship label for about 6 months but it made him so anxious that we officially broke up but kept seeing each other and were exclusive still. I know, very strange. We finally really broke up a few months ago, we haven’t seen each other for a month until he came back again. We are not exclusive now but we do see each other a lot, we hang out with mutual friends etc. He had a really rough youth, his father was murdered and he has contact with his mother even though it’s not a normal mom-son bond. It is clear he has a lot of unresolved issues and I see that most of the time he cannot help him self, his system is just as it is because he literally doesn’t know how to do different. He treats me really bad a lot of the times, he starts fights with me easily, yells at me about nothing in front of his friends, even though I am the sweetest and most loyal person he has even known. Sometimes he sits down with me and tells me how much he loves me, that I have every reason to leave him forever and how it is possible that I am still here for him after all he has done. I am too understanding, I see so much trauma in him and I don’t take the way he is treating me personal but that is wrong. I am not being sweet to myself by allowing him to cross my boundaries every time. We fight like we are in a relationship even though we are officially not because he is too scared. I had an abortion last week. He came with me to the procedure and I counted on him being there for me that day. He told me he wanted to go to a festival afterwards, I became upset and told him that I needed him afterwards. He started yelling at me that everything always has to go my way, that I cannot force him to stay with me and that I always make so much drama. I started crying, I was about to have an abortion and here he was yelling at me that he wanted to go to a festival. I never did this ever before and I scared myself, but I was felt so misunderstood and so lonely that I slapped him in his face. How dare he talk about wanting to go to a festival and yelling at me before having an abortion. Slapping him is not okay, I know that. It did make him calm down though and he stayed, he sold his ticked. After the procedure I was in pain and felt incredibly sad and all I wanted was a hug from him. I came out the clinic and he was waiting for me. He asked how I was doing and a few minutes later he said if it was possible I would go to my mom because he felt forced to stay with me for the rest of the day. At that point, I was still feeling a bit dizzy from the anesthesia and I was still in pain from the procedure. I felt so overwhelmed by everything, I was still processing the abortion and him telling me he felt forced to take care of me trying to ship me off to my mom broke me. I was extremely upset, I couldn’t even stand anymore and I sat down crying hysterically in the middle of the side walk because I felt so incredibly sad, hurt and lonely. He said I needed to act normal and pulled me up. We did go to his house but I still needed to go to the pharmacy on my scooter to get antibiotics. I did not feel well to drive my scooter but I had to, to get my medication. He took the subway. I got the medication and when I came back to his place he did not say a word to me. He did not ask how I was feeling, he did not ask if he could get me something to drink. I told him if it was possible for him to show me some affection but he got very angry. He said that I should be happy that I could stay with him, that he was being way too sweet to me, that I forced him into staying with me and that I was exaggerating about my physical and emotional pain about the abortion. We got into a huge fight again but it became so much, I just couldn’t fight anymore so at one point I became quit until he started hugging me again. We spend a few hours together which were nice. In the evening he suddenly became angry again without no apparent reason, he just suddenly told me that he felt really unhappy today about how everything went and that I treated him poorly and unfairly. He basically kicked me out of his apartment and slammed the door in my face and afterword’s we shortly spoke on the phone that he needed me to back off, that this was too much for him and that he doesn’t want any contact for a while. I told him how sorry I was for slapping him, I sent him flowers with a card and an apology but he said that it was too much and that I need to distance myself from him. (Apparantly he feels suffocated? I was only trying to show him my regret for slapping him – I felt like an apology with flowers was the right thing to do). I am completely at loss, I just had an abortion which I still need to process and he suddenly doesn't want to speak to me anymore. Did I really act horrible? What do you think I should do?
  11. Hey all - to cut a long story short: seen this guy a few times, felt pretty intense pretty quick. Good connection etc. We are about 1.5 hours from each other so not the easiest to see one another and he is in a full time job. He said he’s very eager to see me and this week coming up would be good - however on friday he got a job interview offer (he’s currently switching jobs which is a great source of stress to him) but doesnt know when yet so couldnt commit to seeing me. Totally get it. So we talk every day. And today I said that I guessed he hadn’t heard back yet as to when his interview is, so would the week after work better for him? He left me on read lol. Great. Did I do anything wrong? He has left me on read before and then messaged back later so this isn’t totally out of the ordinary
  12. I found out last month that my husband had a year long affair with a women in another state. I found out this information from her 21 yr old daughter, who has been seeing my husband for the last 10 months. The daughter and my husband both say there wasn't anything sexual about their realtionship. But my husband did lie to me spend everyother weekend in Dec with this child, as well as spend money on her and her 4yr old child. My husband of 14 years is an over the road truck driver. He took the mother out on the road with him at least 5 or 6 times, and as he says "had sex" with her too many times to remember. He has been talking to the daughter multiple times a day since this past May, and even had pictures of her on his cell phone. He told me that he even offered to let her sleep in his truck (the one I pay for) with him one night after they went to a bar and it was really late and she didn't want to get in trouble. She still lives with her mom. He has tried for the last several weeks not to run in the area where they live, but that hasn't been sucessful. He says he hasn't called them or texted them on his phone, but I won't know until the bill comes out. He says because I am asking for reassurance about his commitment and love to me that I am pushing him away. We have made the commitment to stay together, but how do I get the images of him touching,kissing, making love to out of my mind? This is driving me crazy, I can't sleep, I am doing my job poorly and the kids are sufferring. I am seeing a thearpist, but he isn't. Please someone give me some advice on how to get these images out of my head. I want to stay with my husband.
  13. PAdreamer

    WHY?

    It bothers me so much that sex has become recreational and rarely has anything to do with love or commitment anymore. I feel like the odd person out sometimes because it seems that everywhere I turn, all I hear is how someone's excited because they "got laid" by some girl whose name they didn't even catch, or some little girl lost her virginity to a guy that will probably walk out on her a week later. People brag about how many girls/guys they've cheated on their S/O with... Where is the romance? Where is the commitment? Why is sex so unimportant now?
  14. i was on the phone to my "boyfriend" last night and he came out with "will you be my lover?" now to me lover means sex with no commitment whenever he rolls into town. but i dont want that. i want commitment even though i am only 16 people say that i look and act older than i am. so please people you have to let me know. Catie xxx
  15. I'd like to hear some thoughts on this idea. How long is too long to wait for a real commitment in a relationship? Yesterday I had to say one of the most painful goodbyes to my long-distance boyfriend... I may not see him until September and seeing him off was absolutely horrible. We've been together for two and a half years, which have been mostly long distance. Until last August we were only 3 hours apart, now we are a 13-hour plane ride apart. Anyway, I digress. This painful goodbye got me thinking... how long is too long to wait for engagement or marriage? Don't get me wrong, I'm not thinking about breaking up with him or pushing the marriage issue. We're both still young and he's still in college so it's not an issue yet. But his sister just got married a few months ago. I've heard of couples being together for 10 years with no engagement plans or anything. I've also heard of people being engaged for 8 years... That's fine if that's what the couple wants, but it's not what I want, and I suspect that many others feel the same way. I'm not looking for answers to my situation here, I'd just like to hear your thoughts on this subject. So what do you think? How long would you wait for a long-term commitment such as engagement or marriage? Thanks for your thoughts!
  16. I am still on the process of convincing my self to go for an LDR. I really have so many fears.. One is not standing the feeling of longing.. I terribly miss him.. What I just did is remind my self that I still don't have a right to feel so since we're not committed yet. But just recently i've tried to be honest with my self and told him that i really feel bad whenever it took him long to contact me.. the result? he got worried.. i feel guilty then.. should i rather not tell him?
  17. I'm 33 and male. separated from my wife since January. I met a girl who is 30 and divorced and we started dating right after I split with my wife. Well I fell totally in love with her. And we hit it off great.. The best sex of my life and hers so she says. And that it was so much more than sex. We feel so comfortable together, like we have known each other for our whole lives. Theres no insecurity with each other and we were able to share all of our darkest and saddest thoughts and experiences. Time went on and I began to feel that she was hitting a boundary, and she agreed that she has walls up to keep her heart safe. So we went around this issue. Many times I decided to walk away but try as I did I was not able to do it. She would call or I would and ww would end up back in the same spot. Me with huge feelings and her being skeptical, etc. So we decided that we had moved so quick and that she just could not deal with me being in love with her as much as I am but that she wanted to keep it there because she feels something that she hasn't felt with anyone. So we did this. Now understand since my seperation and that i have filed for divorce I am fnacially wrecked. Moved in with my brother and am trying to find a new job.. So we agreed to slow down and we did. We spent quality time together on dates and she had changed.. She became much more affectionate and closer. Then I went away for a few weeks with the military and we were both so homesick. And we agreed that things were finally progressing the way they should be. So I got back a few weeks ago and we went out, spent a few nghts together, had some drinks and dinner with friends. All seemed well. The out of the blue she tells me that we cannot see each other anymore.. For a few months anyway. SO I see shes back at the whole boundary thing again and she starts to cry, so do I and i'm so devastated because shes not budgig on this. So we go round and round crying and talking and she says tyhat she is not ready to be in love and that she loves me but isn't in love with me and that it is because she has these walls up that she cannot control and that she needs me to give her time to sort all of this out alobe, away from any influence of me or us. And that she cannot live with herself knowing how much I love her and me giving that to her while she is back and forth with it for me. And she goes on how she doesn't want to be like this but she cannot help it and it scares her that she is gonna regret cutting me loose and hate sthat she and I will not be together, etc. But she says she just can't do it, she's not ready and needs time. So we agree to take some time off, away from each other. For me to get back into my life in a positive way and for her to try to resolve these commitment problems and find if she can fall in love with me. SO she asks me to let go, for her, and to wait a while, come back and find her again and see hwat happens and see if we can make a go of it. She cannot promise that this will pan ouyt but she wants to keep this a possibility. I have no choice but to agree. So it's been a couple weeks now and we have not spoken. I got an email last week saying how much this means to her that I am giving her this time and that it was the best thing I could have done for her. I have spoken with her best friend and asked for adfvice and she says that I should not give up hope but that i should understna that she cannot give a commitment. This girl went through a pretty rough marriage and divorce. She still tries to make excuses for things that had happened. I don't know what to do in regards to this time... Should I give up and never contact her? Wait the next 6 weeks or so and call like she wants? I love her and i have only been in love once before and it wasn't my wife. I do not want to lose this woman and feel so out of control now. I am ready to give up hope. I just don't know what to do. Some of my friends say she will come around as soon as she realizes that she's throwing away a good thing and gets past her commitment fears, others tell me to chalk it up as experience and move on, I just don't know...
  18. Now im not saying all but i mean the mean people who usually tend to get the relationships?Like i mean the people that just take advantage of their gf's and stuff.Like the people who put down others for not havings gf's/bf's like put them down for never kissing or having sex,etc.Its like i do not know how god works its just like nothing ever makes sense in this world.Like if things have been going bad in the world cant god do something to help it or what?I mean its like some guys who have no potential with long ranged relationships with women as in years get a whole ton of em.Kind of like my best friend who gets girlfriends all the time.He has no sense of commitment AT ALL with women.Hes like afraid of any sense of commitment with women and it pisses me off.He usually just treats it like a lil inmature kid cause he is immature.Its like guys such as me and other guys who get told by women that any women who get us are luckly but iono why they say that.Maybe its because im extremely nice and hold really high morals for myself.its like we sit in the corner lol watching everything going on day by day growing wiser and wiser about things such as these.yet we never get a chance at it ever.We just sit back and watch as other people do their own failings and screw up their lives sometimes.When we our people holding good things in us that we would probably use to make a relationship great if we have a girlfriend.But yet we just have to sit back and watch everything not getting one single chance at a relationship and it just doesnt seem fair.So many people who have relationships do not treat it the right way and i so want to correct that by making one i get in great but us guys never get one single chance and i will never know why.Maybe liek everybody says.Practically all women like the "bad boy" who usually ends up treating them like crap so ya thats definitely a gj there Remember sorry bout my posts but im stupid
  19. I have a question for the ladies, but everyone is welcome to answer if you like: When you lose interest in someone, and they don't get the message, and you slip into the friendship dilemma, do you realize how much you are hurting the guy by doing that? I have been talking to 3 different guys who are dealing with someone that they would like to know better, but for one reason or another the woman just will not commit to a relationship. What is that? Can anyone give me some insight into why you can't seem to tell a guy that you just want a friendship in the first place, and not lead them on so much! It is very confusing to me why we do this.
  20. Hi everyone. I've been dating a guy casually since about Labor Day & just this weekend we made it "official". Problem is that he's really shy. It took him about 5 times of us hanging out to get the guts to even kiss me! And it seems like even now if we're going to make out, I have to initiate it. Now, before you start to give me advice, let me first tell you that he's the one who's been asking for the commitment so I'm not worried that he doesn't like me or anything. Am I going to have to initiate EVERYTHING? If so, I wouldn;t even know where to begin. All the other guys I dated were horndogs......
  21. I have been dating this guy for about six months now who lives about 4 hours away. He never really tells me how he feels about me which I haven't figured out if this is just a guy thing. Anyway, he is trying to find a job in my city, not just because of me but he hates where he lives and loves my city but he recently got rejected after his interview down here. Well I feel like he has just given up on everything including on me since then. I want to be supportive but at the same time I know guys like to be left alone after an ego blow. Lately he hasn't really been calling me or even making plans to see me which is very heart breaking. We made tentative plans to hang out for this weekend by going to Disney but he just doesn't seem that excited about it and its not even a sure thing. More than anything I want to see him but I don't want to be too eager and too pushy about going. He has a lot going on right now and told me that he doesn't want to commit to a long distance relationship if he isn't going to be moving close to me soon, however he still calls me and we still make plans to see each other. Its just sending me mixed signals because I told him if he doesn't want to do this relationship then we should just end it but he never gives me a true answer so I don't really know what to think about it. I would love to give him space which I dont' really understand since I don't see him that much anyway but I am so crazy about him and I don't want things to end. I am pretty good about not being too needy and clingy and I want to send him cards and things like that but I don't know if this will freak him out. I really don't mind putting effort into it but at the same time I need to see some reciprocation. He does visit and call me so it confuses me when he says he doesn't want to commit to a long distance relationship. He isn't dating anyone else and I know more than anything he wants to move where I am. Should I wait for him or just move on? Confused!!
  22. I met the most unbelievable girl over the summer, we are a perfect match and everything about her is great except the fact that she lives 5 hours away. Ive gone to her house a few times but we have come to a point where the only way to further the relationship would be to start going out with each other. The problem is that we both love each other but we dont want to commit to each other, only to see each other once a month at most. I feel terrible about it and now we have hit a wall and we decided we cant be romantically involved over the distance and are now mere friends. Plz help me!!
  23. My ex and I dated for 3 years in college, but this summer we broke up because I messed up and cheated on him. The cheating (and telling) happened at the beginning of the summer but we didn't truly call it quits until mid-July, and now we're back at school together. When we first got back, he told me he was thinking of asking me to be his gf but after a couple of nights we spent together, he was aloof and pretty much went back to behaving weirdly (didn't call me as much and didn't want to spend the night together). a little distance, and he was back to being up my *ss again, asking "what's wrong? why don't you wanna hang out as much?" yada yada yada...anyway, this cycle has continued onto the beginning of october, with a few "meetings about feelings" instigated by me and talking about getting back together (again instigated by me). he told me he just wanted us to be friends and he wanted to be single for a little while, not be obligated to anyone. anyway, so i read this book which basic premise was "get a life, and act like getting him back isn't THAT important to you" and you'll succeed because, basically, anything you chase in life will run away from you. so i've been doing this for the past week and a half, and i've gotta say, it's working like a charm. although we spent much of the week together, he'll call often and sometimes i wont pick up or i'll say i have other plans (which many times i do, but you know...gotta fake em out). this drives him crazy, like he always wants to know where i am and if i'm with other guys. so this weekend was our fall break, and i'm at home while he's there. he called twice today, first to leave a message saying hey and the second to say he was going out of town for a cross country meet so if i called before 6:00 i would catch him. i never called back. anyway, also, the day i left (friday) he wanted us to hang out before i left to drive home (in the morning), he asked me to lunch, he kissed me goodbye twice, helped me bring my stuff to my car, plus burnt me a copy of a cd. also, a few days before that, while we were walking from the library together he called himself my boyfriend (i don't know if on accident or on purpose to get a reaction, but i completely ignored the comment). that same night, he and i watched a movie together and i spent the night in his room, where he told me he really wanted to cuddle then got completely naked and nuzzled me. i was tempted and also got naked, but nothing too serious happened (just a lot of hormones racin and lots of panting). it was an awesome hookup, even without the sex. anyway, my question (after this long tidbit) is how to get the commitment back from him. i think i'm going to just continue being available for only half the time and having a life outside of him (obviously a necessity). but is there anything i can do to speed up the process, because it seems like an eternity sometimes? any suggestions would be appreciate, and sorry for such a long post (just wanted to get all the facts in). thanks guys!!!!!!
  24. hey all. well some of you know im sort of back with my ex. basically we're just fooling around...once last week, once this week. chatting online and what not. and surprisingly im really happy with this arrangement. i mean it actually is perfect right now. the only thing is no matter what in the back of my mind i keep thinking like "omgg...is he just going to not like me all of a sudden again??!" because thats basically what happened after our 9 months together. given it was our first relationship and it was pretty good but its just it was a hard for me to move on (well begin to) and now im just scared about getting hurt again. however, right now im really content with this no commitment thing other then it being exclusive. what would you do? am i setting myself up??
  25. I have been dating this guy for a year now and the other day I went on his computer and went through his things I found in his picture folders that he had taken with his digital camera of two differnt girls in very naughty porno poses. I know these pictures were taken when we have been togther but I dont know how long ago. I confronted him and he assured me that it was a long time ago before we had ever committed, and that he would never do anything to hurt me,but I'm not sure if he is telling the truth cause I don't think those pictures are that old. I told him I need time to think about it. I dont know what to do. now I have these horrible images in my head. I did trust him but now I am not so sure.
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